Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
Speaker 1: is how Men Think and I heart radio podcast. Everyone.
Speaker 2: I'm Clayton Agreed, and you may know me from season
Speaker 2: eighteen of The Bachelorette and season twenty six of The Bachelor.
Speaker 2: I am so happy to be a guest hosting Howman Think.
Speaker 2: I'm going to answer all your questions and try to
Speaker 2: help you understand how men think. But first, this is
Speaker 2: eleven questions with Clayton, So let's get into it. So first,
Speaker 2: question number one, what am I known for? Well, I
Speaker 2: guess it really depends on who you ask. If you
Speaker 2: were to asked the public, then what I just told
Speaker 2: you for my intro would be how most people know me,
Speaker 2: at least the majority from a number standpoint, but those
Speaker 2: closest to me, my family and friends, would describe me
Speaker 2: as someone who's goofy, hardworking, and passionate about creating change
Speaker 2: in others' lives. Question two, who are you and your
Speaker 2: personal life?
Speaker 1: For me?
Speaker 2: Personally, I'm an avid wellness advocate, so fitness, nutrition, mental health.
Speaker 2: I really just like to wake up every day and
Speaker 2: find a way that I cannot only better my mental health,
Speaker 2: but better those mental health and states mental health states
Speaker 2: of people around me, and being able to learn and
Speaker 2: then also provide what I've learned to others as well.
Speaker 2: I love going to the gym. I try to be
Speaker 2: as active as I can, and I'm somewhat.
Speaker 1: Of a nerd.
Speaker 2: I now see knowledge as power. I'm a knowledge enthusiast.
Speaker 2: I love to listen to podcasts. I love to watch
Speaker 2: documentaries from time and time, and really just any way
Speaker 2: that I can pick up on a new piece of knowledge.
Speaker 2: One thing a day is what I challenge myself to learn.
Speaker 2: At least it helps me better understand the world around
Speaker 2: me because there is a lot of commonalities. There are
Speaker 2: a lot out there. Three shows that I've been binge watching.
Speaker 2: I do not watch a lot of television or shows,
Speaker 2: but I will say that I still from time to
Speaker 2: time will turn something on.
Speaker 1: Susie and I.
Speaker 2: Right now we are watching The man ti Tale documentary,
Speaker 2: which was very, very fascinating. I definitely recommend people go
Speaker 2: watch that if you know who he is. I think
Speaker 2: that there was a lot that I was unaware of
Speaker 2: until now, so it's really great to see the other
Speaker 2: side because I formed a lot of judgments on him
Speaker 2: without knowing the full story, So we've been watching that,
Speaker 2: and then also Susie and I just finished I think
Speaker 2: there was two Seasons of Love on the Spectrum and
Speaker 2: that was an incredible show as well. It just was
Speaker 2: very wholesome and so awesome to watch genuine love stories
Speaker 2: occur on that show.
Speaker 1: So those are just the two. I don't have a
Speaker 1: full three to share with y'all.
Speaker 2: My favorite food should be no surprise to any buddy
Speaker 2: because I talk about it every third word that comes
Speaker 2: out of my mouth. Essentially, it's to play, but I
Speaker 2: also will put some other contenders in there. Pizza is
Speaker 2: another one most people know as well that I'm big
Speaker 2: into and food tie food is actually something in the
Speaker 2: last year that I have been very, very.
Speaker 1: Big into talking about my career.
Speaker 2: Question number five, well, I hate to just use the
Speaker 2: word entrepreneur, but I do a little bit of everything
Speaker 2: right now, is I guess the best way to put it.
Speaker 2: For one, I'm a mental health speaker, and so I'm
Speaker 2: really trying to effectively target the youth demographic right now
Speaker 2: to just destigmatize the conversations around mental health. I really
Speaker 2: want to change the framework of how our youth views
Speaker 2: mental health not as something that is embarrassing to speak about,
Speaker 2: but something that can be empowering and hopefully be able
Speaker 2: to help them get a better grasp on it so
Speaker 2: that they can view life in a more positive manner
Speaker 2: and so that we don't see stress, anxiety, and depression
Speaker 2: continue to be to have a hole on our youth,
Speaker 2: so big and passionate about that and hoping to continue
Speaker 2: that and see where I can impact the most individuals
Speaker 2: in that realm. I also am going to be an
Speaker 2: author here eventually working on a book for mental health,
Speaker 2: again tailored to that audience as well. So I'm currently
Speaker 2: writing a book, and then I also am working on
Speaker 2: a right to do online wellness coaching. When fitness and
Speaker 2: nutrition training, I do one on one coaching with clients,
Speaker 2: so pouring into those avenues and then there's other few
Speaker 2: other things on the side that we'll just see where
Speaker 2: they go. I like to always challenge myself to do
Speaker 2: more in every area of my life. My biggest fear
Speaker 2: in life, that's that's a great question. I would say,
Speaker 2: it's not living up to my potential and kind of
Speaker 2: parlaying into that as well, it's falling into a place
Speaker 2: of complacency. I've been there before, but also not losing
Speaker 2: confidence in myself. I've struggled with confidence for a great
Speaker 2: deal in my life, and now that I have really
Speaker 2: seemingly become much more confident in who I am, I
Speaker 2: just want to make sure that I never lose sight
Speaker 2: of that. And if I weren't able to be the
Speaker 2: person that I think I could be, I think if
Speaker 2: I look back at it at the end of it all,
Speaker 2: that would be really scary. I think that would be
Speaker 2: a definition of hell is if I could see my ultimate,
Speaker 2: full potential self standing in front of me that and
Speaker 2: I never made it to that point, that would be
Speaker 2: my own true health. So that's my biggest fear in life.
Speaker 1: By far. My biggest pet.
Speaker 2: Peeve would probably be closed minded individuals that just yeah,
Speaker 2: aren't willing to see things from another perspective or viewpoint.
Speaker 2: I will also caveat that by saying that I was
Speaker 2: very close a much more close minded of an individual
Speaker 2: than I am now, so that I've learned over the
Speaker 2: last half year or so to see things from the
Speaker 2: other side, and that willingness, I think will open people
Speaker 2: up and help them have a better understanding of the
Speaker 2: world around them and lead them to being a happier person.
Speaker 2: So you know, I give people leeway if they're still
Speaker 2: close minded. I just hope that they'll at least be
Speaker 2: willing to have the conversations to hopefully change their perspective.
Speaker 2: What makes me the most happy our relationships to my
Speaker 2: friends and family, Susie in particular as well. Without them,
Speaker 2: my life has a purpose, but they're the ones that
Speaker 2: keep me going through through it all. So I couldn't
Speaker 2: imagine a life without those people in my corner. They
Speaker 2: have pushed me through the darkest of times, and just
Speaker 2: the thought of them brings me so much joy to
Speaker 2: know that I have such a strong support system that
Speaker 2: has guided me through a lot of darkness.
Speaker 1: What's my ideal Saturday morning?
Speaker 2: Well, when weeks are hectic and I'm on my computer
Speaker 2: ten hours a day, or traveling and doing these events
Speaker 2: and such, then my ideal Saturday morning would really just
Speaker 2: be being able to wake up without my alarm going
Speaker 2: off at five point thirty in the morning like it
Speaker 2: always does, not being able to set that timer or
Speaker 2: that alarm, and just waking up and not really having
Speaker 2: anything on the agenda. It's a really great time for
Speaker 2: me to decompress and relax, and I like to sit
Speaker 2: in a place of nothingness at least for the morning,
Speaker 2: and just yeah, take that time to focus on myself
Speaker 2: and kind of clearing the hard drive in my head
Speaker 2: and clearing space for the upcoming week. But I also
Speaker 2: love sometimes to be on the road and traveling. So
Speaker 2: waking up in a new city experiencing a new culture
Speaker 2: with SUSI, that's also an ideal morning. So it always
Speaker 2: always depends. Am I more of an athlete or an
Speaker 2: armchair quarterback? I would say I'm still an athlete. I
Speaker 2: just actually was at a basketball term at three on
Speaker 2: three over the weekend.
Speaker 1: Granted, I was the.
Speaker 2: Worst player on the team of the four individuals that
Speaker 2: we had, but the other three one was a former
Speaker 2: NBA player and another two were former D one college
Speaker 2: basketball players. So I'll give myself some lee when I
Speaker 2: played some good defense. I'm twenty nine years old. I'm
Speaker 2: not that old, so I still think I have some
Speaker 2: ability in me. What keeps me motivated? The final question
Speaker 2: question eleven such a great one ask.
Speaker 1: For me? What keeps me.
Speaker 2: Motivated is the thought of, or the fear I should say,
Speaker 2: of not being able to provide for my future family?
Speaker 2: So with everything that I've ever done, I've always kept
Speaker 2: in mind wanting to establish a sense of financial stability,
Speaker 2: in a sense that I would be able to provide
Speaker 2: for my family so that they would be able to
Speaker 2: have a life similar to what I had growing up.
Speaker 1: My parents did a great.
Speaker 2: Job of that, but at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: I know that I will be able to provide that.
Speaker 2: I think fears can actually be a very positive thing
Speaker 2: to drive US's so as long as we don't dwell
Speaker 2: in it and let it over overwhelm us. But for me,
Speaker 2: that fear keeps me going, and that's what keeps me
Speaker 2: motivated to do it. Also, there was a lengthy eleven questions.
Speaker 2: Everyone that knows me knows I love to talk. So
Speaker 2: we made it through. But stick around.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after the short break.
Speaker 2: All right, everybody, welcome back to how men think. We
Speaker 2: are at the segments where we will now take some
Speaker 2: live callers. So, without further ado, let's bring them in
Speaker 2: and answer these questions the best of our ability.
Speaker 1: Hey, Sydney, how's it going today?
Speaker 3: Hey it's going okay.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay.
Speaker 2: We'll start with okay, if I can ask you, Yeah,
Speaker 2: what's Uh, you have a question for me today, So
Speaker 2: go ahead and dive right in, and let's ask away,
Speaker 2: and let's let's talk and talk about it.
Speaker 3: Okay, thanks so much. So I guess my question is
Speaker 3: I tend to travel a lot for work, and I
Speaker 3: have well a lot of times I travel with the
Speaker 3: same male co worker. Okay, I spend a lot of
Speaker 3: time with this guy, so naturally he comes up in
Speaker 3: conversations a lot, just inevitably. But my boyfriend now claims
Speaker 3: to not like him, and he thinks that he may
Speaker 3: have bad intentions.
Speaker 4: So how do I.
Speaker 3: Reassure my boyfriend that it's strictly a working relationship and
Speaker 3: there's nothing more going on.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's a that's a really great question, And
Speaker 2: I think I think the biggest thing My first question
Speaker 2: is is has there has he in your eyes? Has
Speaker 2: there ever been a moment where he maybe crossed the
Speaker 2: line or something that you brought to your boyfriend and
Speaker 2: that might have started to foster or started to foster
Speaker 2: the idea of this guy possibly crossing the line and
Speaker 2: not being someone.
Speaker 1: That he wants you to be around.
Speaker 2: Has there been an instance where you've felt that and
Speaker 2: maybe shared with him, or is this just kind of
Speaker 2: come out of left field.
Speaker 4: I mean, I think it.
Speaker 3: There's not been an instance like that, but it's more
Speaker 3: I think that I just talk about him maybe more
Speaker 3: than I should, just because he's there for these travels
Speaker 3: that I'm doing. So when I'm updating my boyfriend on
Speaker 3: what's going on and what I'm doing when I'm out
Speaker 3: of town, he's there.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I think when it comes to like, coworkers
Speaker 2: are going to be there, and they're going to be
Speaker 2: they're a part of your life. But I think the
Speaker 2: big thing that's important to always distinguish is that yeah,
Speaker 2: there is there isn't anything there more than just that
Speaker 2: working relationship. And maybe you guys are friends in that matter,
Speaker 2: and that should be okay. I think there is sometimes
Speaker 2: the insecurity of having you know, your significant other be
Speaker 2: around people of the opposite sex, and that could be
Speaker 2: seen to be scary to that individual. I think the
Speaker 2: best thing that we can do is just reassure our partners,
Speaker 2: let them know that, hey, listen, you have nothing to
Speaker 2: worry about. You know, we're just we're just coworkers. Like
Speaker 2: he obviously is around me, but like he's never he's
Speaker 2: never crossed the line. If he ever did, I would
Speaker 2: certainly let you know, and I'd put my foot down,
Speaker 2: I think, reassuring your partner that you're there's nothing to
Speaker 2: worry about, but also acknowledging as well, you know, their concerns.
Speaker 2: I think it's always important that we validate because their
Speaker 2: concerns are important to them, whether or not we agree
Speaker 2: with them as a separate matter. But one thing that
Speaker 2: I've definitely learned is that it's important to them. Nonetheless,
Speaker 2: it's a fear of theirs, and if we love that individual,
Speaker 2: if we care about them, then we have to really
Speaker 2: like give that fear weight. We have to hold it
Speaker 2: and be mindful of it and just let him know, like, hey,
Speaker 2: you know, I understand that you're concerned about this. I
Speaker 2: can promise you no lines have been crossed. I love
Speaker 2: you to death, and if ever that were to be
Speaker 2: the case, then I would let you know. But maybe
Speaker 2: also too, I don't know if it's possible, but maybe
Speaker 2: you know, y'all could all meet at some point, whether
Speaker 2: it just like if it just happens casually, I'm not
Speaker 2: if you have the ability to do so.
Speaker 1: I think him just meeting him possibly and being.
Speaker 2: Less of an unknown. The unknown scares us, I think
Speaker 2: as individuals, so the more that we know about a situation,
Speaker 2: the more comfortable we are with it. So I think
Speaker 2: that could also be an avenue to explore as well
Speaker 2: as uh, just being able to kind of all three
Speaker 2: meet up at some point. If it's a work event
Speaker 2: and you just like, hey, I'm gonna bring my boyfriend along,
Speaker 2: that might be a really great way to just break
Speaker 2: that ice, to kind of casually just soften the fear
Speaker 2: and say, Okay, hey, listen, like this is who it is.
Speaker 2: Like you guys get to know each other, and then
Speaker 2: the better understanding of this coworker that he maybe doesn't
Speaker 2: know well, the more he knows, I think, the more
Speaker 2: comfortable will be.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that totally makes sense.
Speaker 1: Thank you absolutely. Hey Mikayla, how's it going.
Speaker 4: I'm okay. How are you I'm.
Speaker 1: Doing I'm doing well.
Speaker 2: I'm excited to hopefully provide a little insight for your question,
Speaker 2: but but lay it on me.
Speaker 1: I'm curious what you got for me today.
Speaker 4: Okay. So, my husband and I we've been married for
Speaker 4: like two issues, and one of the main arguments we
Speaker 4: always have is how much he's always on his phone,
Speaker 4: like he's just like NonStop on his phone playing video games,
Speaker 4: group chats with his bros. You know, constant like social
Speaker 4: media scrolling. He's like totally addicted. And like I've told
Speaker 4: him before how much it bothers me because it happens
Speaker 4: during dinner, on trips, you know, like when we're in
Speaker 4: the middle of a conversation. So I just want to know, like,
Speaker 4: how can I get my point across about my feelings
Speaker 4: about how much it bothers me so that he like
Speaker 4: gets it.
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, great question.
Speaker 2: And I think, gosh, if this one hits home because
Speaker 2: I had a very similar conversation with Susie.
Speaker 1: I think that two things.
Speaker 2: One, with any conversation that we have or think something
Speaker 2: that we want to get across to our partner, I
Speaker 2: think we always need to be able to bring it
Speaker 2: in a way where it never seems like it's an attack.
Speaker 2: So going in being calm as we enter the discussion
Speaker 2: and say, you know, hey, listen, I just want to
Speaker 2: sit down and talk with you for a second. You
Speaker 2: got a moment, and then say, you know, I just
Speaker 2: want to bring something up to you that's been bothering me,
Speaker 2: and it sounds like you've expressed it prior. But I
Speaker 2: think again, I can't speak on all men. I never
Speaker 2: like to use absolutes and say everybody's this way. But
Speaker 2: he maybe you know this is he is he a
Speaker 2: rash thinker, as he kind of he's looking to always
Speaker 2: solve a problem. I mean, is that kind of how
Speaker 2: he typically is when you bring him, you know, problems.
Speaker 2: Is he always looking to find an answer or is
Speaker 2: that typically how it goes?
Speaker 1: I'm just curious.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean yeah, most of the time he's pretty natural.
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, And so that's good for me to know
Speaker 2: because that's that's similar to how I operate. And something
Speaker 2: that I learned food with Susie is that oftentimes she
Speaker 2: doesn't want a solution her problem. She just wants support.
Speaker 2: And so but we sometimes as men, at least some men,
Speaker 2: will look to find a solution to the problem. So
Speaker 2: I think keeping that in mind if I were in
Speaker 2: your spot shoes, is to understand that perspective that, Okay,
Speaker 2: if that's bothering you, he may be in his head thinking, well,
Speaker 2: how can I how can we solve this? So that's
Speaker 2: where I think it's it's a matter of how can
Speaker 2: we get to that point? So when you talk with him,
Speaker 2: it's about not seeming accusatorious or coming after him and
Speaker 2: raising our tone, but staying calm the entire time and
Speaker 2: then just say, hey, listen, like, this is something that's
Speaker 2: been bothering me, you know, but I'd like to find
Speaker 2: a solution to this problem, like do you And what
Speaker 2: would that look like? And I think just having that
Speaker 2: discussion and keeping it open and honest and just maybe
Speaker 2: I don't know what that looks like for you all.
Speaker 2: Susane and I tried to set aside two hours every
Speaker 2: night where we put our phones down and we didn't
Speaker 2: pick them back up, and so we would put our
Speaker 2: phones in another room and it worked actually fairly well
Speaker 2: for us. But I think it's a matter of kind
Speaker 2: of from a guy's perspective, it's to go, okay, if
Speaker 2: here's if this is a problem, how do we find
Speaker 2: a solution? So I think that's the way that he
Speaker 2: might be viewing it. And if you're just if you
Speaker 2: go to him and that nature and say, hey, listen,
Speaker 2: like I just want to fix I'm looking to find
Speaker 2: kind of this an answer to this because I want
Speaker 2: us to be happy. I don't want this to be
Speaker 2: something that orther puts, you know, distance between us, and
Speaker 2: I think saying it that way will respect him as well,
Speaker 2: and it won't seem like an attack like I want
Speaker 2: you to get off your phone and stop talking to
Speaker 2: your friends. Because those things that he's doing, you know,
Speaker 2: he's placing value in and and with the group chat
Speaker 2: with the boys. You know, that's that to him brings
Speaker 2: him happiness. So he obviously doesn't want to maybe rid
Speaker 2: himself completely of it, but there's a way to.
Speaker 1: Find balance, and I think that's just where it's a
Speaker 1: matter of like let's sit down and have a conversation
Speaker 1: and try to figure out where that balance is. Does
Speaker 1: that hopefully help?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 4: No, that's great, Thank you?
Speaker 1: Okay, perfect? Hey Kaye, it's Clayton. How you doing.
Speaker 4: Hey good? How are you good?
Speaker 1: And I'm doing great? What do you got for me?
Speaker 2: I got these questions are coming in hot right now,
Speaker 2: so hopefully I I'll give you my my my best answer.
Speaker 2: But yeah, shoot, shoot, let's let's hear what you got
Speaker 2: for a question.
Speaker 6: Okay, thank you so much. This is really way I'm
Speaker 6: going on me. So, my boyfriend of three years and
Speaker 6: I moved in together probably a year ago. But he
Speaker 6: just got this incredible job opportunity in another state, okay,
Speaker 6: and I can't leave our current state because of my job.
Speaker 6: And I really like my job. But I worry that
Speaker 6: if he moves like our relationship isn't going to survive
Speaker 6: the move. And so I'm really worried about that. I
Speaker 6: have two questions, how do we make long distance work
Speaker 6: if he takes the job?
Speaker 4: I hear so.
Speaker 6: Many things about that. And two, is there a time
Speaker 6: limit that we should put on it to either live
Speaker 6: together again or break up? Because I don't want to
Speaker 6: waste my time don't want to waste his time.
Speaker 1: Yeah? Absolutely so, I think For one, I just wanted to.
Speaker 2: Acknowledge that think that your your fear and concern is
Speaker 2: very valid because that is a question that everybody does.
Speaker 2: A lot of people have when a long distance becomes
Speaker 2: a part of the equation, especially when you're together and
Speaker 2: then you separate for a portion of time. I currently, again,
Speaker 2: this one hits home as well in my in my
Speaker 2: day to day. Right now, Susie and I are going
Speaker 2: to be living separately just for a short period of
Speaker 2: time while I look for a house. But I think
Speaker 2: and then she'll move back in but with that we
Speaker 2: had that same fear. Right we talked about it, like
Speaker 2: what if this ends up being something that ends up
Speaker 2: being a negative outcome for us and breaks us up.
Speaker 2: And I think the big thing that we realized or
Speaker 2: told ourselves is let's not let that fear overtake us
Speaker 2: and tell it becomes a concern we both are. We
Speaker 2: both are in the position where like we're conscious of it,
Speaker 2: but we're chasing our dreams, our aspirations. We're taking this
Speaker 2: time to separate for the short period of time that
Speaker 2: will be apart. But yes, I do believe that it
Speaker 2: is great to put to like put in a marker
Speaker 2: or a point where you're like, okay, we will end
Speaker 2: up living together here, whether it's a month.
Speaker 1: Away, three months away, a year.
Speaker 2: But having a plan, I think it's so important that
Speaker 2: you have a plan in place, because just establishing a
Speaker 2: plan will start to quell some of that fear instead
Speaker 2: of just thinking, well, we just moved to different states
Speaker 2: and I don't even.
Speaker 1: Know what we're going to do a month from now.
Speaker 2: So if you establish that plan, that will help I
Speaker 2: think keep the concern at bay.
Speaker 1: Long distance does work.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's examples of people successful marriages that did
Speaker 2: long distance for years, so it is doable, and I
Speaker 2: think also having that action plan in place.
Speaker 1: But if you're going to do the.
Speaker 2: Long distance, I do still think you can't replace being
Speaker 2: in an environment with somebody physically. So I think as
Speaker 2: I was in one of my past relationships, I did
Speaker 2: long distance and what worked was we found time to
Speaker 2: fly out and see each other. And so taking that
Speaker 2: time to budget. What's that look like if we fly
Speaker 2: out once a month, do we set that up on
Speaker 2: the schedule right away? Do we plan weeks in advance,
Speaker 2: so when we go our separate ways and live separately,
Speaker 2: we already know that in the next two months, every
Speaker 2: two weeks there's already a flight scheduled to see each other.
Speaker 2: I think establishing a plan and doing that well again,
Speaker 2: I think that's what I would suggest you all do
Speaker 2: because it's taking the initiative to continue to nurture that relationship.
Speaker 2: I think it's great that you guys both have incredible
Speaker 2: jobs and that right now you too see it as well.
Speaker 2: We don't want to not take our dream job because
Speaker 2: of someone else.
Speaker 1: But here's the.
Speaker 2: Thing again, I think think it's again just being mindful
Speaker 2: working together through devising a plan of how can we
Speaker 2: make this work? And then if it ever gets to
Speaker 2: the point where one of you realizes that it's either
Speaker 2: the job or the relationship, then I think someone has
Speaker 2: to compromise. And sometimes that is just the point in
Speaker 2: our lives where we have to say, well, what's more
Speaker 2: important to us this job or our partner, and if
Speaker 2: it's meant to be, if that person's special, then ultimately
Speaker 2: you'll choose that partner. But again that's down the road.
Speaker 2: I think right now, there's a lot of what ifs,
Speaker 2: and we can't be dwelling in the what if. What
Speaker 2: we can do, though, is establish a plan so that
Speaker 2: we can give ourselves the best chance at bake at
Speaker 2: making both realities exist.
Speaker 6: Does that help so much?
Speaker 4: Thank you so much.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's good to know that other people are going
Speaker 6: through it, so.
Speaker 1: Gad I'm right there with you. So yeah. Absolutely. I
Speaker 1: wish you nothing but the best and thank you for
Speaker 1: the question.
Speaker 6: Thanks Clayton.
Speaker 1: Hey, Michelle, it's Clayton a great. How you doing Hi?
Speaker 1: I'm good. How are you good? I'm doing great.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I just told you my last name,
Speaker 2: but I'll try to make it a bit less and
Speaker 2: uh less formal here going forward. So okay, thank you,
Speaker 2: thank you for hoping on here today, and yeah.
Speaker 1: I go ahead and shoot shoot with the question. I'm
Speaker 1: curious what you got for me? Sure. Yeah.
Speaker 5: So I've been best kind of best friends, I would say,
Speaker 5: with this guy for about nine.
Speaker 7: Years, and I I've never had feelings for him before,
Speaker 7: but I would say in the last like two months
Speaker 7: or so, I've just started to feel kind.
Speaker 5: Of jealous when he'll call me and just tell me
Speaker 5: about the dates that he's been going on or whatever.
Speaker 5: Mostly it's because I think he's found this one girl
Speaker 5: and he really likes her, and so they've been going
Speaker 5: on dates. They've been dating for around two months essentially,
Speaker 5: So I guess it's probably just this one woman who's
Speaker 5: been back. But I just worry if I tell him
Speaker 5: about my feelings, like about how I feel about being
Speaker 5: not okay with him telling me about this person, that
Speaker 5: it'll ruin the great friendship that we do have, right, like,
Speaker 5: and I don't I don't know, because like I'm really torn.
Speaker 5: I also don't want to be wondering like if I
Speaker 5: don't tell him, what if he does feel something for me?
Speaker 5: And like we should take it to the next level, or.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 5: I just I don't know if I should keep the
Speaker 5: feelings to myself, like let this play out a little
Speaker 5: bit more with this woman he's been seeing for two months,
Speaker 5: or if I should say something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh man, that is quite the predicament, and I
Speaker 2: think it's it's challenging, right I without knowing y'all's I
Speaker 2: mean again, you said nine years, correct that you guys.
Speaker 1: Have been friends.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we started We worked together for about four years
Speaker 5: at the same uh location, you know company, and then
Speaker 5: we stopped working together the last five years, but we've
Speaker 5: remained friends.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I'm curious what why in the past did
Speaker 2: you all never explore, you know, a connection between you
Speaker 2: two past just friends? And was did you ever did
Speaker 2: y'all ever date other individuals and that time frame or
Speaker 2: is this is this the first time that he's finally
Speaker 2: taught like talking to somebody and you've felt these feelings,
Speaker 2: or what is it about the time?
Speaker 8: You know?
Speaker 5: I think I I was dating somebody and probably wasn't
Speaker 5: really ready to date again. And then I think and
Speaker 5: that probably I mean I was dating somebody when we
Speaker 5: worked at the same place, and then once we left,
Speaker 5: I probably I have not been dating that person for
Speaker 5: like the last three to four years, and so it
Speaker 5: just naturally moved into talking about each other's dates at
Speaker 5: that time. And I wasn't seriously considering anything, right because
Speaker 5: I was like just gotten out of a six year relationship,
Speaker 5: Like I definitely wanted it was nice to have a
Speaker 5: guy buddy to like shoot, you know, just to talk
Speaker 5: about dates with, you know, and just to be to
Speaker 5: have somebody who you can talk to about that stuff,
Speaker 5: who has who comes from a from the male perspective,
Speaker 5: you know, and isn't just my girlfriends. So I was
Speaker 5: enjoying that probably for the last two years. And I
Speaker 5: don't know, I guess maybe uh he hadn't really had
Speaker 5: anybody serious before, and neither had I for the last
Speaker 5: two or three years. So I think it's the fact
Speaker 5: that this chick is like it's a lot, it's long term, right,
Speaker 5: And he's starting to tell me about like connections that
Speaker 5: they're having on their dates, and it's and now I'm
Speaker 5: realizing that bothers me.
Speaker 2: Do you are you fearful that do you see you
Speaker 2: now see him wanting to potentially be a potential future
Speaker 2: partner or are you concerned that she may take away
Speaker 2: from your friendship. I just kind of want to distinguish
Speaker 2: between those two. Curious, so do I.
Speaker 5: Clayton, I would like to wrish between those two as well.
Speaker 5: That's kind of my issue, right, I like, I really
Speaker 5: don't want to ruin our friendship. I am interested to
Speaker 5: see if we have a chance to do a thing,
Speaker 5: but I really don't want to ruin our friendship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, Okay, Yeah, so I think again, I will
Speaker 2: say my thought is honesty is almost always the best policy.
Speaker 2: I'm not I don't like to speak in absolutes because
Speaker 2: I think there's an exception to every rule. But I
Speaker 2: think with a friendship that you all have and the
Speaker 2: longevity of it, I think that it warrants a potential conversation.
Speaker 2: I think again, though, it's all about prefacing it, so
Speaker 2: asking him if he has the time to speak, saying
Speaker 2: letting him know that you want to respect him and
Speaker 2: the right relationship that he has. But I think I
Speaker 2: think it's fair to let him know, like, hey, like
Speaker 2: this is something that you know, I want you to know,
Speaker 2: and I just want to know if like there's a
Speaker 2: potential and if there's not that's totally cool.
Speaker 1: Uh, you know I I.
Speaker 2: Want to respect you again the relationship that you have
Speaker 2: and so and I still want to be obviously a
Speaker 2: great friend. But like, is you know, do you think
Speaker 2: there's a chance that this could ever be something? It's
Speaker 2: really tough because again I I don't you don't want
Speaker 2: to overstep and make it seem like you're potentially interfering
Speaker 2: in this relationship of his that may bring him happiness.
Speaker 2: But I guess the alternative is that you don't say anything,
Speaker 2: and then it builds up these feelings and then you
Speaker 2: start to create distance, uh and separate yourself. And if
Speaker 2: you have you you all have a strong friendship. I
Speaker 2: think that that will end up coming up inevitably. So
Speaker 2: if it's two months in and you hold off, then
Speaker 2: it becomes six months in, and the timing really never
Speaker 2: is right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 2: I think that it just my fear is that it
Speaker 2: would build up and you would still harbor these feelings
Speaker 2: and then distance would start to be put in between
Speaker 2: y'all and then you would say, well, now it's six
Speaker 2: month in relationship, I'm just going to go ahead. And
Speaker 2: I can't even like associate talk with themcause it just
Speaker 2: upsets me. So I'm just going to create this distance
Speaker 2: and then that relationship, that friendship is lost. I just
Speaker 2: think you have to be very respectful if you go
Speaker 2: into the conversation and say, I only just want to
Speaker 2: bring this up once.
Speaker 1: I don't want to.
Speaker 2: Be a big thing, but you know, I do want
Speaker 2: to be honest with you. And you know, do you
Speaker 2: think that do you feel any any of these feelings?
Speaker 2: And if not, that's okay, I will, I will rightfully.
Speaker 2: You know, I want to support you and your happiness.
Speaker 2: You're my friend and so ultimately I want what's best
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 5: I appreciate that advice very much.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, thank you so much for asking. Hey all Raids Clayton.
Speaker 1: How you doing Hi? I'm good, Thank you?
Speaker 4: How are you?
Speaker 1: I am doing good.
Speaker 2: I'm getting hit with some hard questions right now about relationships.
Speaker 2: So I'm thinking you might have one too for me,
Speaker 2: and I'm curious to know what it is.
Speaker 1: But we can, we can dive in. You got if
Speaker 1: you got it top of mind right now?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I do? Okay, Cool, here we go.
Speaker 8: So I've been single for five years now and all
Speaker 8: of my friends are married and starting to have kids.
Speaker 8: I've been on a few different dating apps, but I'm
Speaker 8: not getting any matches, So I want to know what
Speaker 8: I can add or do to my online dating profile
Speaker 8: to catch the attention of more men.
Speaker 2: Okay, fair question. I used to be on the dating
Speaker 2: apps myself, and so you always heard about the things
Speaker 2: you should and shouldn't do for guys. It's like, oh, everyone,
Speaker 2: he's got a fish pick, And there was like the
Speaker 2: dos and don'ts of navigating the apps. But here's my
Speaker 2: best bit of advice is you're gonna want to put
Speaker 2: on your profile what is authentically you, uh, and so
Speaker 2: what you feel most comfortable with. It's not about yes,
Speaker 2: you could post a provocative photo and maybe get some
Speaker 2: more people you know that are going to start inboxing you,
Speaker 2: But ultimately, is that really the image that you're wanting
Speaker 2: to portray. I understand the frustration with seemingly not getting
Speaker 2: enough matches and thinking, well, I have to change something
Speaker 2: about myself. But if you do that, you're going against
Speaker 2: who you really are and truthfully are, and I think
Speaker 2: you don't that might attract somebody that then when they
Speaker 2: find out who you know, the real you is, you
Speaker 2: run the risk of like, well, I posted this, but
Speaker 2: that's not fully who I am. Like I just did
Speaker 2: that to kind of maybe attract or or get more
Speaker 2: you know, likes on a you know, on a dating app.
Speaker 2: So I would my advice would be just continue to
Speaker 2: push what you think is most authentically you.
Speaker 1: Actually, here's an example.
Speaker 2: I I'm not a big drinker, and when I was
Speaker 2: on the apps, I at first said that I did
Speaker 2: drink because I thought that people would look at that
Speaker 2: and like, I don't want to date a guy that
Speaker 2: doesn't drink it, right, he sounds like a bore. But
Speaker 2: then what happened was is I went out on dates
Speaker 2: and when I wasn't drinking, they were kind of like, well,
Speaker 2: you said you drink all the time. I was like, no,
Speaker 2: I don't, like, just on special occasions. So I realized
Speaker 2: that I was trying to cater to an audience, but
Speaker 2: I wasn't fully truthfully being myself on the profile and
Speaker 2: saying like, hey, I should just put no, And then
Speaker 2: someone's like, why don't you drink?
Speaker 1: Why do you on special occasions? Right?
Speaker 2: So the expectations if we are who we are and
Speaker 2: we put that on our profile, then we attract what
Speaker 2: we want to attract. So I would just say, honestly,
Speaker 2: just continue to post what you want to post on
Speaker 2: there and eventually, like you're going to find that person
Speaker 2: that's going to see that, like Wow, this girl is
Speaker 2: exactly what I want and exactly what I've been looking for,
Speaker 2: because I would hate for you to swap something out
Speaker 2: and then you never know when that person that's you know,
Speaker 2: sifting through the photos, sees one picture and you took
Speaker 2: down a picture that you thought nobody was gonna be
Speaker 2: interested in, and that might have been the one that
Speaker 2: ended up, you know, making them be like yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna swipe right, yeah, or whatever direction it is nowadays,
Speaker 2: I assume it's still right, but that'd be my advice.
Speaker 2: Just keep being you, authentically you, and it'll it'll come around.
Speaker 2: I've only had two relationships, seriously, it's just relationships my
Speaker 2: entire life. I'm twenty nine, So I know timing isn't
Speaker 2: doesn't seem to always be on our sides. But if
Speaker 2: you're a good person, you care, you and you do
Speaker 2: all and you just you're a genuinely good person, then
Speaker 2: I do believe that, like you'll find your person.
Speaker 1: I mean shrute.
Speaker 2: I am now in a happy relationship, but prior to
Speaker 2: that point, I was just like you. All my friends
Speaker 2: were engaged and married, and I was starting to wonder
Speaker 2: if my time is ever going to come, And here
Speaker 2: we are, so I think I would just say, just
Speaker 2: keep being you and that person will come around.
Speaker 1: Does that help it all? It's kind of long winded,
Speaker 1: but hopefully that helps a little.
Speaker 5: No, No, it's good. It's good context.
Speaker 4: It's it's really kind of scary to do that. But
Speaker 4: I see your point and why that makes a lot
Speaker 4: of sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is, and it is scary. I absolutely. I
Speaker 1: think you're very valid.
Speaker 2: It's very understanding for you to feel that way. But
Speaker 2: I think it's also scary to think that, Well, if
Speaker 2: you aren't yourself, then what happens if you missed that
Speaker 2: person that was looking for who you really are and
Speaker 2: and if you convey yourself.
Speaker 1: In a different light.
Speaker 2: So I would, Yeah, I understand your fear, and I
Speaker 2: think it's it's really hard to say, like there's I
Speaker 2: don't think there's any certain particular pick that's gonna post
Speaker 2: that's going to do well and resonate most. I think
Speaker 2: authenticity reads at the end of the day, So hopefully
Speaker 2: that helps.
Speaker 1: And I wish you but the best. I think.
Speaker 2: I think you're your person's come and trust me, I
Speaker 2: do believe it and and and I believe it will
Speaker 2: come away.
Speaker 1: And I think you should just keep being yourself. That's
Speaker 1: my opinion, I hope.
Speaker 4: So thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 1: So much for the question, Rye, Rye. All right, so
Speaker 1: we're gonna go ahead and take a break. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for all the questions.
Speaker 2: There were some tough ones, but I think a lot
Speaker 2: of people are going through those kind of questions. They
Speaker 2: have them, so it's so very awesome to be able
Speaker 2: to answer a few. And we will be right back.
Speaker 2: All right, Welcome back, everybody. We are at the official
Speaker 2: point of Q and A, so we're going to dive
Speaker 2: in here. There's some pretty juicy questions and as long
Speaker 2: winded as I am, I'm going to try to be
Speaker 2: as clear and concise as possible.
Speaker 1: So here we go.
Speaker 2: Question number one. At the end of The Bachelor, you
Speaker 2: found yourself in love with three women. How did you
Speaker 2: finally figure out that Susie was the one for you?
Speaker 1: Oh? Man, I mean that is a tough question.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And on the show, I don't think, and we
Speaker 2: talked about the Susie and I, I don't think we
Speaker 2: really knew if we were each other's person.
Speaker 1: I went with where my heart was leading me, and
Speaker 1: unfortunately it.
Speaker 2: Was in a disastrous manner that I navigated through it all,
Speaker 2: and I caused a lot of pain and I learned
Speaker 2: a lot of lessons that I needed to learn. I
Speaker 2: was immature, and I did a lot of things I
Speaker 2: wish I would have done differently, But.
Speaker 1: I just in that moment, I went with my gut.
Speaker 2: I just I felt that when I needed to go
Speaker 2: after her and I needed to let the other two
Speaker 2: women go and then on their own journeys. And so
Speaker 2: it was really really tough and challenging to navigate that environment.
Speaker 2: But I didn't really figure out that Susie was the
Speaker 2: one for me until after the show, and tell Susie
Speaker 2: and I got to spend more time with each other
Speaker 2: in the real world, so that I would say we
Speaker 2: figured that out after the show. Going okay, Question two,
Speaker 2: going through what you did on TV and having Batter
Speaker 2: Nation fans way in with their opinions, did that affect
Speaker 2: your relationship then and how did you get through it?
Speaker 1: Oh? My gosh, yes, gosh.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately Bachelor Nation, their opinions and their constant commentary online
Speaker 2: can start to really leak into the minds of those
Speaker 2: of the leads and then the women or the men
Speaker 2: on the show, depending on what season it is.
Speaker 1: But yes, those opinions can resonate.
Speaker 2: And unfortunately, what was in my inbox versus what was
Speaker 2: in Susie's inbox were two different things. We both had
Speaker 2: support in our inbox saying that we understand why you
Speaker 2: did what you did, and then she had the same
Speaker 2: thing going on in her inbox and what that actually
Speaker 2: ended up doing, and we had to catch it. Thankfully
Speaker 2: we did before I ended up creating more damage. But
Speaker 2: it was almost causing a divide between the two of
Speaker 2: us because I was getting a ton of support in
Speaker 2: my DMS, she was getting a ton of support on
Speaker 2: her DM, So it strengthened our viewpoints and it made
Speaker 2: it a lot harder for us to see the other side.
Speaker 2: So what we ultimately had to do was shut it
Speaker 2: off that third party, the Bachelor Nation. We had to
Speaker 2: cut it off and say we are not going to
Speaker 2: allow anybody else to dictate our relationship or tell us
Speaker 2: how our relationship should be, and we sat down, we
Speaker 2: went to therapy, and we dove into it and really
Speaker 2: found and got to the root of the issue, which
Speaker 2: was that she wasn't feeling understood and either was I,
Speaker 2: and so we started to see each other's perspective, and
Speaker 2: we knew that even our loved ones, they have opinions,
Speaker 2: but they don't know the full story. So we had
Speaker 2: to just say, listen, if we're going to make this work,
Speaker 2: it comes down to the two of us and only
Speaker 2: our opinions matter when it comes to our relationship. Question three,
Speaker 2: How is your and study's relationship today? I'm happy to
Speaker 2: say it's better than ever. Even though people are freaking
Speaker 2: out they're about to separate, we're only doing it temporarily.
Speaker 2: I want people to understand that she doesn't want to
Speaker 2: live in a cooped up little apartment with me and
Speaker 2: my middle brother, rightfully.
Speaker 1: So it's a small, tiny apartment. She's been there once before.
Speaker 2: She's going to go to la and spend some time
Speaker 2: there while I buy a house in Scottsdale, And the
Speaker 2: plan is once I buy the house in a couple months,
Speaker 2: she will move out and live with me. With all that,
Speaker 2: we're still going to see each other most of the weekends.
Speaker 2: We're planning out what weekends already. We can buy plane
Speaker 2: tickets to see each other. It's a fifty minute flight,
Speaker 2: no concern whatsoever. We are in an incredibly great spots.
Speaker 2: So the next question, what am I worried about the
Speaker 2: most and being in a long distance relationship.
Speaker 1: While the one of the callers earlier just.
Speaker 2: Brought it up, we talked touched on this, but I
Speaker 2: think again, when it comes to me, just a break
Speaker 2: down and communication. But I don't see that really happening
Speaker 2: between Susie and I. But when there's distance between individuals,
Speaker 2: sometimes the intention of your actions can get lost because
Speaker 2: you're not there physically with that person to be able
Speaker 2: to read body language, to read tone, text, messaging can
Speaker 2: be misinterpreted, and distance can make the heart go fonder.
Speaker 2: But sometimes distance can cause you if you're not putting
Speaker 2: the effort in to see each other, it can create distance,
Speaker 2: not from a physical standpoint, but then it starts to
Speaker 2: create distance emotionally because you're not around that person, you're
Speaker 2: not nurturing that relationship. So my worry would always be
Speaker 2: if not feeling like the effort is going to be
Speaker 2: put in and that physical distance starts to turn into
Speaker 2: emotional distance. But I'm mindful of that and so as Susie,
Speaker 2: so I don't see.
Speaker 1: That being an issue. Next question, Do I have any
Speaker 1: regrets for my season being the Bachelor? Yes?
Speaker 2: Many, but I will say that with those regrets, I
Speaker 2: wish I would have done things differently, but I didn't.
Speaker 2: And I also do believe that everything does happen for
Speaker 2: a reason. So I think I was meant to make
Speaker 2: a fool out of myself. I think I was meant
Speaker 2: to do make take the decisions that I did in
Speaker 2: order for me to have my weaknesses and insecurities be
Speaker 2: exposed and come to light so that I could then
Speaker 2: see them for what they were, acknowledge them, and then
Speaker 2: work on strengthening those weaknesses and turning them into strength.
Speaker 2: So I regret a lot of the things that I
Speaker 2: did on the show, but I do I am thankful
Speaker 2: that they were all brought to light my insecurities because
Speaker 2: I've now addressed them and still am addressing them to
Speaker 2: be a better human being, and I think I've become
Speaker 2: that from the show. Next question, am I watching Gabby
Speaker 2: and Rachel's season of The bat Threat I've watched a
Speaker 2: few episodes, not all of them, and that's just because
Speaker 2: Susie and I last night when the episode was airing,
Speaker 2: we were with her family. So if we happen to
Speaker 2: be home, we will turn and on. But if we're
Speaker 2: working again, we have our own aspirations right now that
Speaker 2: we're working towards. You know, the show takes two hours.
Speaker 2: Some nights it's two hours long, and we sometimes don't
Speaker 2: have that time or we decide to do something else
Speaker 2: instead of watch the show. So we're both very much
Speaker 2: in support of those two finding their happiness. We both
Speaker 2: know those two women and wish them nothing but the best.
Speaker 2: And so at the end of the day, we're just
Speaker 2: our lives are busy at times and we're.
Speaker 1: Not always able to watch.
Speaker 2: Okay, honted some dating relationship questions. How long should you
Speaker 2: message someone before you meet in person? Now, I will
Speaker 2: say again, I got to go back to the times
Speaker 2: when I used to be on the apps dating apps,
Speaker 2: and gosh, I mean, it felt like it was all
Speaker 2: a matter of a game of I can't respond back
Speaker 2: to quickly and we have to talk for a week
Speaker 2: before we can meet up. My personal opinion, again, this
Speaker 2: is just me I am who I am and nobody
Speaker 2: else is who I am. So but my thought is this,
Speaker 2: you should message as long as it takes to become
Speaker 2: comfortable with meeting that person. So if you're somebody like
Speaker 2: me who I could meet up right away because to me,
Speaker 2: strangers I can have conversations with right out the gate,
Speaker 2: then so be it like then then you can meet
Speaker 2: up the same day that you message that person.
Speaker 1: Again, I think it depends on the gender of the individual.
Speaker 2: Obviously, if you're meeting up with a stranger, I know
Speaker 2: that from a female's perspective, you want to be in
Speaker 2: the safe environment, populated environment at a bar, whatever it
Speaker 2: might be, somewhere there's a lot of people, so just
Speaker 2: obviously be smart about that. But I don't think there's
Speaker 2: any amount of time. It's it's until you feel comfortable.
Speaker 2: Right at the end of the day, you should be
Speaker 2: comfortable with meeting up with that person. Some people it
Speaker 2: takes a little longer to become comfortable with, so that
Speaker 2: would be my answer. However long it takes to become comfortable.
Speaker 2: So okay, last question here today, what are some things
Speaker 2: you can do to make time for your spouse when
Speaker 2: you're dealing with busy schedules. So I think one of
Speaker 2: the best things you can do is schedule time to
Speaker 2: sit down with your partner when it fits with the
Speaker 2: both of your schedules. Because I refuse to believe that
Speaker 2: your twenty four hours for the next week are completely
Speaker 2: taken up. You can always find time, even if it's
Speaker 2: a long distance and you're not physically together. You can
Speaker 2: schedule a zoom call and I guarantee you have fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2: I do not believe anybody everyone, There's not a single
Speaker 2: person out that it does not have fifteen minutes. So
Speaker 2: schedule time. Be mindful, take the initiative to sit down
Speaker 2: talk with your partner, and then when you do that,
Speaker 2: as far as making time for them, set a schedule,
Speaker 2: put it in your physical phones calendar. I do that,
Speaker 2: and then once you put it in there, you're more
Speaker 2: likely to follow through. You can set reminders that, okay, hey,
Speaker 2: in thirty minutes, mind who's going to go off, that
Speaker 2: you have a conversation coming up, or time that you're
Speaker 2: going to spend with your partner. But when you take
Speaker 2: the initiative and place it in your calendar physically, you're
Speaker 2: more likely to do it. That would be my advice.
Speaker 2: So I believe that is all the time that we
Speaker 2: have for questions today. Thank you all so much for
Speaker 2: tuning in to how men think. This is so much
Speaker 2: fun and if y'all are interested in keeping up to
Speaker 2: date with me and what's my next steps in life entail,
Speaker 2: then you can find me on social media at Clayton
Speaker 2: eckerd first and last name on Instacram.
Speaker 1: Really easy, It's easy to get in contact with me there.
Speaker 2: You can shoot me a DM, you can shoot me
Speaker 2: an email, whatever you want in the comments of my pictures.
Speaker 1: That's where you'll find me.
Speaker 2: It's where I'm most active and I will keep you
Speaker 2: all updated as far as what's next, all through the app.
Speaker 1: So that's where you can find me, Matt Hiding and all.
Speaker 2: And thank you once again for taking the time out
Speaker 2: of your day to sit here with me and hopefully
Speaker 2: learn a thing or two.
Speaker 5: This is how men think. An iHeartRadio London Audio Production
Speaker 5: listen each Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or
Speaker 5: wherever you get your podcasts.