WEBVTT - How Men Think with Clayton Echard 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:03.880 We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.720 is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Everyone, 0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:10.719 I'm Clayton A Grid and you may know me from 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:13.840 season eighteen of The Bachelrette and season twenty six of 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:16.920 The Bachelor. I am so happy to be a guest 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:20.560 hosting How Men Think. I'm gonna answer all your questions 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:24.200 and try to help you understand how men think. But first, 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:27.400 this is eleven questions with Clayton, So let's get into it. 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:34.160 So first, question number one, what am I known for? Well, 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:36.400 I guess it really depends on who you ask. If 0:00:36.440 --> 0:00:39.360 you would ask the public, then what I just told 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:41.919 you from my intro would be how most people know me, 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:46.040 at least the majority from a number standpoint, but those 0:00:46.159 --> 0:00:48.879 closest to me, my family and friends, would describe me 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:54.280 as someone who's goofy, hard working, and passionate about creating 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:59.720 change and others lives. Question two, who are you and 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:06.360 your personal life? For me? Personally, I'm an avid wellness advocates, 0:01:06.480 --> 0:01:12.000 so fitness, nutrition, mental health. I really just like to 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:14.319 wake up every day and find a way that I 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:18.320 cannot only better my mental health, but better those um 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:22.000 mental health and states. Mental health states of people around me. 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:25.959 Um and being able to learn and then also provide 0:01:25.959 --> 0:01:29.840 what I've learned to others as well. I love going 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.400 to the gym. I just try to be as active 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:36.200 as I can. Uh, and I'm somewhat of a nerd. 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:41.840 I now see knowledge is power. Knowledge enthusiasts. I love 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:46.679 to listen to podcasts. I love to watch documentaries from 0:01:46.680 --> 0:01:49.920 time and time, and really just any way that I 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:52.400 can pick up on a new piece of knowledge. One 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:54.520 thing a day is what I challenge myself to learn. 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:57.600 At least it helps me better understand the world around 0:01:57.600 --> 0:02:00.280 me because there is a lot of commonalities. There are 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:03.840 a lot out there. Um. Three shows that I've been 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:08.280 binge watching. I do not watch a lot of television 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:12.079 or shows, but I will say that I still from 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:15.359 time to time will turn something on. Uh. Susie and 0:02:15.400 --> 0:02:18.200 I right now we are watching the Men Tai Tail documentary, 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:21.720 which was very, very fascinating. I definitely recommend people go 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:25.640 watch that if you know who he is. I think 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.400 that there was a lot that I was unaware of 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:30.160 until now, so it's really great to see the other 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:32.919 side because I formed a lot of judgments on him 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:36.120 without knowing the full story, so we've been watching that 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:39.720 and then also, uh, Susie and I just finished I 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:43.000 think there was two Seasons of Love on the Spectrum 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:45.240 and that was an incredible show as well. It just 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:49.040 was very wholesome and so awesome to watch genuine love 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:53.280 stories occur on that show. So that was just the two. 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:55.959 I don't have a full three to share with y'all. 0:02:56.840 --> 0:03:00.720 My favorite food should be no surprise to any buddy 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:03.959 because I talk about it every third word that comes 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:07.840 out of my mouth. Essentially, it's to play, but I 0:03:07.880 --> 0:03:11.280 also will put some other contenders in there. Pizza is 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:13.480 another one most people to know as well that I'm 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:16.920 big into, and thie food. Tie food is actually something 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:19.240 in the last year that I have been very, very 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:27.160 big into talking about my career. Question number five, well, 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:31.320 I hate to just use the word entrepreneur, but I 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:33.760 do a little bit of everything right now is I 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:36.600 guess the best way to put it. For one, I'm 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:39.480 a mental health speaker, and so I'm really trying to 0:03:39.520 --> 0:03:43.440 effectively target the youth demographic right now, uh, to just 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:47.880 destigmatize the conversations around mental health. I really want to 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:51.920 change the framework of how our youth views mental health 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:55.760 not as something that is embarrassing to speak about, but 0:03:55.840 --> 0:03:58.600 something that can be empowering and hopefully be able to 0:03:58.640 --> 0:04:01.560 help them get a better grasp on it so that 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:05.360 they can view life in a more positive manner and 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:09.520 so that we don't see um, stress, anxiety and depression 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.520 continue to be to have a hole on our youth. 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:15.840 So UM, big and passionate about that and hoping to 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:21.240 continue that and see where I can impact the most 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:23.960 individuals in that realm. I also am going to be 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:27.799 uh an author here eventually UM working on a book 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:30.279 for mental health, again tailored to that audience as well. 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.120 So I'm currently writing a book, and then I also 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:37.960 am working on all right to do online wellness coaching. 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:40.440 When fitness and nutrition training, I do one on one 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:44.920 coaching with clients, so um, pouring into those avenues and 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:47.640 and then just other few other things on the side 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:49.920 that will just see where they go. I like to 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:54.479 always challenge myself to do more in every area of 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:59.880 my life. My biggest fear in life, UM, that's what 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:02.960 that's a great question. Uh. I would say, it's not 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:06.840 living up to my potential um and kind of parlaying 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:09.960 into that as well, it's it's falling into a place 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:13.920 of complacency. I've been there before, but also not losing 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:16.960 confidence in myself. I've struggled with confidence for a great 0:05:16.960 --> 0:05:20.360 deal in my life, and now that I have really 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:24.560 seemingly become much more confident in who I am, I 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.360 just want to make sure that I never lose sight 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:30.800 of that. And if I weren't able to be the 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:32.720 person that I think I could be, I think if 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:34.400 I look back at it at the end of it all, 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:37.120 that would that would be really scary. I think that 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:39.080 would be a definition of hell is if I could 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:42.440 see my ultimate, full potential self standing in front of 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:44.680 me that and I never made it to that point, 0:05:44.760 --> 0:05:46.719 that would be my own true health. So that's my 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:51.080 biggest fear in life by far. Um my biggest pet 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:58.000 peeve would probably be closed minded individuals that just yeah, 0:05:58.040 --> 0:06:02.880 aren't willing to see things another perspective or viewpoint. I 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:06.440 will also caveat that by saying that I was very close, 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:08.960 much more close minded of an individual than I am now, 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:13.080 so that I've learned over the last half year or 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:16.359 so to see things from the other side. Uh, And 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:18.920 that willingness, I think will open people up and help 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:21.280 them have a better understanding of the world around them 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:24.520 and lead them to being a happier person. So, um, 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:26.599 you know, I I give people leeway if they're still 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:29.520 close minded. Um, I just hope that they'll at least 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:33.719 be willing to have the conversations just to hopefully change 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:38.600 their perspective. What makes me the most happy our relationships 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:42.320 to my friends and family and Susie in particular as well. Um, 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:46.359 Without them, my life has a purpose. But they're the 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:49.040 ones that keep me going through through it Allso I 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:52.279 couldn't imagine a life without those people in my corner. 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:55.800 They have pushed me through the darkest of times, and 0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:58.360 just the thought of them brings me so much joy 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:00.880 to know that I have such a strong support system 0:07:00.920 --> 0:07:06.400 that has guided me through a lot of darkness. What's 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:11.160 my ideal Saturday morning? Well, when when weeks are hectic 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:13.360 and I'm on my computer ten hours a day, or 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:16.720 traveling and doing these events and such, Uh, then my 0:07:16.800 --> 0:07:20.280 ideal Saturday morning would really just be being able to 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:23.000 wake up without my alarm going off at five thirty 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:25.680 in the morning like it always does. Uh. Not being 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:28.960 able to set that timer or that alarm and just 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:32.840 waking up and not really having anything on the agenda. 0:07:33.080 --> 0:07:37.000 It's a really great time for me to decompress and relax. 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:39.600 And I like to sit in a place of nothingness 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:43.320 at least for the morning, uh and and just take 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:46.680 that time to focus on myself and kind of clearing 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.720 the hard drive in my head and clearing space for 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:54.080 the upcoming week. But I also love sometimes to be 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:56.080 on the road and traveling, so waking up in a 0:07:56.080 --> 0:07:59.280 new city experiencing a new culture with Susie that's also 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.480 an ideal SAT any morning. So it always always depends. 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:07.520 Um Am, I'm more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback. 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:12.320 I would say I'm still an athlete. I just actually 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:14.120 was at a basketball term at three on three over 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:17.880 the weekend. Granted I was the worst player on the 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:21.200 team of the four individuals that we had, but the 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:23.640 other three one was a former NBA player and another 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:26.960 two or former D one college basketball players. So I'll 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:29.080 give myself some lee when I played some good defense. 0:08:29.240 --> 0:08:31.040 I'm twenty nine years old. I'm not that old, so 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:34.920 I still think I have some ability in me. What 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:39.600 keeps me motivated? The final question, question eleven, such a 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:43.280 great one. To ask. Uh. For me, what keeps you 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:47.400 motivated is the thought of, or the fear I should say, 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:49.840 of not being able to provide for my future family. 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:53.840 So with everything that I've ever done, I've always kept 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:58.880 in mind wanting to establish a sense of financial stability 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:01.520 uh and in a sense that I would be able 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:03.520 to provide for my family so that they would be 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:05.640 able to have a life similar to what I had 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:07.559 growing on. My parents did a great job of that. 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:10.840 But at the end of the day, UM, I know 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:12.680 that I will be able to provide that. I think 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:15.160 fear is can actually be a very positive thing to 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:17.040 drive us. It's it's so as long as we don't 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:20.480 dwell on it and let it over um overwhelmed us. 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:23.040 But for me, that fear keeps me going, and that's 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:26.160 what keeps me motivated to do it. Also, there was 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:29.440 a lengthy eleven questions. Everyone that knows me knows I 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:32.960 love to talk. So we made it through. But stick around. 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:45.320 We'll be right back after the short break. All right, everybody, 0:09:45.320 --> 0:09:47.960 welcome back to how men think we are at these 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:50.680 segments where we will now take some live callers. So 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:53.679 without further ado, let's bring them in and answer these 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:57.360 questions the best of our ability. Hey, Cindy, how's it 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:02.280 going today? Hey it's going okay, okay, okay, Well we'll 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.920 start with okay, if I can ask you, Yeah, what's uh? 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:07.400 You have a question for me today? So go ahead 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:09.439 and dive right in and let's ask away and let's 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:13.560 let's talk talk about it. Okay, thanks so much. Um. So, 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.480 I guess my question is I tend to travel a 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:18.800 lot for work, and I have, um, well a lot 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:24.280 of times. Um, I travel with the same male coworker. Okay, 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:26.600 I spend a lot of time with this guy, so 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:30.040 naturally he comes up in conversations a lot, just inevitably. 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:35.400 But my boyfriend now claims to not like him, and 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:40.040 he thinks that he may have bad intentions. So, um, 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:43.440 how do I reassure my boyfriend that it's strictly a 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:48.440 working relationship and there's nothing more going on. Oh yeah, 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:50.480 that's a that's a really great question, And I think 0:10:50.840 --> 0:10:53.280 I think the biggest thing My first question is is 0:10:53.400 --> 0:10:56.440 has has he in your eyes? Has there ever been 0:10:56.440 --> 0:10:58.120 a moment where he may be crossed the line or 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:00.680 something that you brought to your boyfriend and that might 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:05.400 have started to Foster started to foster the idea of 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:08.800 this guy possibly crossing the line and not being someone 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:11.600 that he wants you to be around. Has there been 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:14.679 an instance where you've felt that and maybe shared with him, 0:11:14.880 --> 0:11:17.920 or has this just kind of come out of left field? 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:21.960 I mean, I think it There's not been an instance 0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:26.200 like that, But it's more I think that I I 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:28.360 just talked about him maybe more than I should, just 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:31.520 because he's there for these travels that I'm doing. So 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.800 when I'm updating my boyfriend on what's going on and 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:40.240 what I'm doing when I'm out of town, he's there. Yeah. Absolutely, 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:43.400 And I think, um, when it comes to like coworkers 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.319 are going to be there and they're gonna be there 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:47.560 a part of your life. But I think the big 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:50.839 thing that's important to always distinguish is that yeah, there 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:55.040 isn't There isn't anything there more than just that working relationship. 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:57.520 And maybe you guys are friends in that matter, and 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:00.840 that should be okay. I think there is sometimes the 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:04.000 insecurity of having you know your significant other to be 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:07.000 around people of the opposite sex, and that could be seen, 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:10.000 uh to be scary to that individual. I think the 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:14.160 best thing that we can do is just reassure our partners, 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:16.360 let them know that, hey, listen, you have nothing to 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.439 worry about. Um, you know, we're just we're just coworkers. 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:21.920 Like he obviously is around me, but like he's never 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:24.559 he's never crossed the line. If he ever did, I 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:26.760 would certainly let you know. And I put my foot down. 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:32.320 I think reassuring your partner that you're there's nothing to 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:36.200 worry about, but also acknowledging as well, um, you know, 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:39.120 they're concerns. I think it's always important that we validate 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:43.880 because their concerns are important to them, whether or not 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:45.719 we agree with them as a separate matter. But one 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:49.320 thing that I've definitely learned is that it's important to them. Nonetheless, 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:51.720 it's a fear of theirs, and if we love that individual, 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:54.040 if we care about them, then we have to really 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:57.959 like give that fear weight. We have to hold it 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:02.640 and be mindful of it and and just let them know, like, hey, 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:05.920 I you know, I understand that you're um concerned about this. 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:08.120 I can promise you no lines have been crossed. I 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:10.880 love you to death, um, And if ever that were 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:12.559 to be the case, then I would let you know. 0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:15.400 But maybe also too I don't know if it's possible, 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:18.760 but maybe you know, y'all could all meet at some point, 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:21.079 whether it just like if it just happens casually, I'm 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:23.760 not if you have the ability to do so. Um, 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:28.720 I think him just meeting him possibly and and being 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:31.720 less of an unknown. The unknown scares us, I think 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:35.000 as individuals, so the more that we know about a situation, 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:38.280 the more comfortable we are with it. So I think 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:40.600 that could also be an avenue to explore as well. 0:13:40.840 --> 0:13:43.480 Is uh just being able to kind of all three 0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:46.080 meet up at some point it's a work event and 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:48.320 you're just like, hey, I'm gonna bring my boyfriend along. 0:13:49.280 --> 0:13:51.800 That might be a really great way to just break 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:54.720 that ice, to kind of casually to soften the fear 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:56.440 and say, okay, hey, listen, like this is who it 0:13:56.520 --> 0:13:58.040 is like you guys get to know each other, and 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:01.800 then the better understanding as of this coworker that he 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:04.319 maybe doesn't know, well, the more he knows, I think, 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:07.640 the more comfortable it will be. M Yeah, that totally 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:12.800 makes sense. Thank you. Absolutely. Hey MICHAELA, how's it going. 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:17.240 I'm okay. How are you I'm doing I'm doing well. 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:21.680 I'm excited to hopefully provide a little insight for your question, 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:23.800 but but laid on me. I'm curious what's what you 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:28.160 got for me today? Okay, So my husband and I 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:32.240 we've been married for like two issue years, and uh, 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:35.920 one of like the main arguments we always have is 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.880 how much he's always on his phone. Like he's just 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:43.120 like NonStop on his phone, playing video games, group chats 0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:47.680 with his bros. You know, constant like social media scrolling. 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:51.440 He's like totally addicted, and like I've told him before 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.520 how much it bothers me because it happens during dinner, 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:56.680 on trips, you know, like when we're in the middle 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:59.360 of a conversation. So I just want to know, like, 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:03.960 can I get my point across about my feelings about 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:06.520 how much it bothers me so that he like gets it? 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:11.640 You know. Yeah, great question. And I think, gosh, if 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:14.560 this one hits home because I had a very similar 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:20.840 conversation with Susie. Um, I think that two things. One, Uh, 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:24.440 with any conversation that we have or think something that 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:26.920 we want to get across to our partner, I think 0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:28.640 we always need to be able to bring it in 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:31.560 a way where it never seems like it's an attack. 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:35.200 So going in being calm as we entered the discussion 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:36.920 and say, you know, hey, listen, I just want to 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:38.240 sit down and talk with you for a second. You 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:41.080 got a moment, uh, and then say, you know, I 0:15:41.080 --> 0:15:42.840 just want to bring something up to you that's been 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:45.920 bothering me. Uh. And and it sounds like you've expressed 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:49.400 it prior. Um, but I think against I can't speak 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:53.520 on all uh men. Um. I never like to use 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:57.720 absolutes and say everybody's this way. Um. But he maybe 0:15:57.720 --> 0:15:59.880 you know this is he? Uh? Is he a rash 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.240 no thinker? As he kind of a he's looking to 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:05.080 always solve a problem? I mean, is that kind of 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:09.560 how he typically is when you bring him, uh, you know, problems. 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:12.920 Is he always looking to find an answer? Or is 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:16.360 that typically how it goes? I'm just curious. Yeah, I 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:20.400 mean yeah, most of the time he's pretty setural, Okay. Yeah. 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:23.000 And so that's good for me to know because that's 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:25.440 that's similar to how I operate. And something that I 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:29.520 learned through with Susie is that oftentimes she doesn't want 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:33.760 a solution to her problem, she just wants support. And 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.720 so but we sometimes as men, at least some men 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:40.960 will um look to find a solution to the problem. So, UM, 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:44.480 I think keeping that in mind if I were in 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:48.440 your spot issues is to understand that perspective that Okay, 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:50.800 if that's bothering you, he may be in his head 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:53.600 thinking well, how can I how can we solve this? 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:57.480 So um, Yeah, that's where I think it's a it's 0:16:57.480 --> 0:16:59.280 a matter of how can we get to that point? 0:16:59.440 --> 0:17:02.000 So when you talk with him, it's about not seeming 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:05.600 accusatories are are coming after him and raising our tone, 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:08.359 but staying calm the entire time, and then just saying, hey, listen, 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:10.639 like this is something that's been bothering me. Um, you know, 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:13.680 but I'd like to find a solution to this problem, 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:16.679 like do you and what would that look like? And 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:21.440 I think just having that discussion, um, and keeping it 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:24.320 open and honest and just maybe I don't know what 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:26.520 that looks like for you all. Um. Susie and I 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:30.399 tried to set aside two hours every night where we 0:17:30.440 --> 0:17:32.400 put our phones down and we didn't pick them back up, 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:35.119 and so we would put our phones in another room 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:37.840 and it worked actually fairly well for us. UM. But 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:40.119 I think it's a matter of kind of from a 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:42.080 guy's perspective, it's like, okay, if here's if this is 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:43.920 a problem, how do we find a solution. So I 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:47.080 think that's the way that he might be viewing it. 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:51.400 And uh, if you're just if you go to him 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:53.479 in that nature and say, hey, listen, like I just 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:55.679 want to fix I'm looking to find kind of this 0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:57.760 an answer to this because like I wanted to be happy. 0:17:57.800 --> 0:18:00.280 I don't want this to be something that or there 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:03.400 puts you know, distance between us um and I think 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:07.560 saying it that way will respect him as well, and 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:09.359 it won't seem like an attack like I want you 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:11.520 to get off your phone and stop talking to your friends. 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.359 Because those things that he's doing, you know, he's placing 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.439 value in um and and with the group chat with 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:20.720 the boys. You know, that's that to him brings him happiness. 0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:23.480 So he obviously doesn't want to maybe rid himself completely 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:25.879 of it, but there's a way to find balance, and 0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:27.600 I think that's just where it's a matter of like 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:29.960 let's sit down and have a conversation and try to 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:34.439 figure out where that balance is. Does that hopefully help? Yeah? No, 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:40.560 that's great, thank you, Okay, perfect. Hey Katie, it's Layton 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:44.920 how you doing? Hey? Good? How are you good? I'm 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:47.080 doing great? What do you got for me? I gotta 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:49.160 these questions are coming in hot right now, so hopefully 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:51.719 I uh, I'll give you my my my best answer. 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:54.280 But um yeah, shoot shoot, let's let's see what you 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:58.160 got for a question. Okay, UM, thank you so much. 0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:02.000 This is really way I'm going me so. UM. My 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:05.440 boyfriend of three years and I moved in together probably 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:10.959 a year ago. Um, but he just got this incredible 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:16.400 job opportunity in another state. Okay, and I can't leave 0:19:16.640 --> 0:19:20.520 our current state because of my job. And I really 0:19:20.520 --> 0:19:25.720 like my job. But I worry that if he moves like, 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:30.160 our relationship isn't going to survive the move. And so 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:34.480 I'm really worried about that. I have two questions, Um, 0:19:34.920 --> 0:19:37.600 how do we make long distance work if he takes 0:19:37.640 --> 0:19:42.000 the job? I hear so many things about that. Um 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:46.000 and to um, is there a time limit that we 0:19:46.080 --> 0:19:49.439 should put on it to either live together again or 0:19:49.520 --> 0:19:52.240 break up? Because I don't want to waste my time. 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:56.800 I don't want to waste his time. Yeah, absolutely so. 0:19:56.840 --> 0:19:59.760 I think for one, I just wanted to acknowledge that 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:03.119 think that your fear and concern is is very valid 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:06.600 because that is a question that everybody does. A lot 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:09.280 of people have when a long distance becomes a part 0:20:09.320 --> 0:20:13.240 of the equation, especially when you're together and then you 0:20:13.320 --> 0:20:17.840 separate for a portion of time. UM I currently again, 0:20:17.920 --> 0:20:20.520 this one hits home as well. UM, in my in 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:22.360 my day to day right now, Susie and I are 0:20:22.400 --> 0:20:24.400 going to be living separately just for a short period 0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:27.240 of time while um, I look for a house, but 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:32.120 I think and then she'll move back in. But with that, um, 0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:34.439 we had that same fear right we talked about it 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:37.240 like what if this ends up being something that ends 0:20:37.280 --> 0:20:39.719 up being a negative outcome for us and and breaks 0:20:39.720 --> 0:20:43.320 this up. And I think the big thing that we 0:20:43.400 --> 0:20:47.560 realized or told ourselves is let's not let that fear 0:20:47.600 --> 0:20:51.439 overtake us until it becomes a concern. We both are. 0:20:51.800 --> 0:20:54.200 We both are in the position where like we're conscious 0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:57.640 of it, but we're chasing our dreams, are aspirations, were 0:20:57.640 --> 0:21:01.480 taking this time to separate for this the short period 0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:03.719 time that will be a part. But yes, I do 0:21:03.960 --> 0:21:07.000 believe that it is great to put to like put 0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:10.359 in a marker or a point where you're like, okay, 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:14.080 we will end up living together here if whether it's 0:21:14.119 --> 0:21:17.679 a month away, three months away, a year, but having 0:21:17.720 --> 0:21:19.600 a plan, I think it's so important that you have 0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:23.200 a plan in place because just establishing a plan will 0:21:23.240 --> 0:21:25.840 start to quell some of that fear instead of just thinking, well, 0:21:26.040 --> 0:21:28.880 we just moved to different states and um, I don't 0:21:28.880 --> 0:21:30.880 even know what we're going to do a month from now. 0:21:31.359 --> 0:21:34.040 So if you establish that plan, that will help, I 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:38.160 think keep the concern at bay. Long distance does work. 0:21:38.640 --> 0:21:41.960 I mean there's there's examples of people successful marriages that 0:21:42.080 --> 0:21:45.560 did long distance for years. UM, so it is doable. Uh. 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:49.240 And I think also having that action plan in place. 0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:51.679 But if you're going to do a long distance I 0:21:51.720 --> 0:21:56.920 do still think you can't replace being in an environment 0:21:56.920 --> 0:22:00.359 with somebody physically. So UM, I think as I was 0:22:00.359 --> 0:22:03.080 in one of my past relationships, I did long distance 0:22:03.160 --> 0:22:06.800 and what worked was we found time to fly out 0:22:06.800 --> 0:22:10.080 and see each other. Uh. And so taking that time 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:12.920 to budget, what's that look like if we fly out 0:22:13.000 --> 0:22:14.919 once a month, do we set that up on the 0:22:14.920 --> 0:22:18.399