Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
Speaker 1: is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Everyone,
Speaker 1: I'm Clayton A Grid and you may know me from
Speaker 1: season eighteen of The Bachelrette and season twenty six of
Speaker 1: The Bachelor. I am so happy to be a guest
Speaker 1: hosting How Men Think. I'm gonna answer all your questions
Speaker 1: and try to help you understand how men think. But first,
Speaker 1: this is eleven questions with Clayton, So let's get into it.
Speaker 1: So first, question number one, what am I known for? Well,
Speaker 1: I guess it really depends on who you ask. If
Speaker 1: you would ask the public, then what I just told
Speaker 1: you from my intro would be how most people know me,
Speaker 1: at least the majority from a number standpoint, but those
Speaker 1: closest to me, my family and friends, would describe me
Speaker 1: as someone who's goofy, hard working, and passionate about creating
Speaker 1: change and others lives. Question two, who are you and
Speaker 1: your personal life? For me? Personally, I'm an avid wellness advocates,
Speaker 1: so fitness, nutrition, mental health. I really just like to
Speaker 1: wake up every day and find a way that I
Speaker 1: cannot only better my mental health, but better those um
Speaker 1: mental health and states. Mental health states of people around me.
Speaker 1: Um and being able to learn and then also provide
Speaker 1: what I've learned to others as well. I love going
Speaker 1: to the gym. I just try to be as active
Speaker 1: as I can. Uh, and I'm somewhat of a nerd.
Speaker 1: I now see knowledge is power. Knowledge enthusiasts. I love
Speaker 1: to listen to podcasts. I love to watch documentaries from
Speaker 1: time and time, and really just any way that I
Speaker 1: can pick up on a new piece of knowledge. One
Speaker 1: thing a day is what I challenge myself to learn.
Speaker 1: At least it helps me better understand the world around
Speaker 1: me because there is a lot of commonalities. There are
Speaker 1: a lot out there. Um. Three shows that I've been
Speaker 1: binge watching. I do not watch a lot of television
Speaker 1: or shows, but I will say that I still from
Speaker 1: time to time will turn something on. Uh. Susie and
Speaker 1: I right now we are watching the Men Tai Tail documentary,
Speaker 1: which was very, very fascinating. I definitely recommend people go
Speaker 1: watch that if you know who he is. I think
Speaker 1: that there was a lot that I was unaware of
Speaker 1: until now, so it's really great to see the other
Speaker 1: side because I formed a lot of judgments on him
Speaker 1: without knowing the full story, so we've been watching that
Speaker 1: and then also, uh, Susie and I just finished I
Speaker 1: think there was two Seasons of Love on the Spectrum
Speaker 1: and that was an incredible show as well. It just
Speaker 1: was very wholesome and so awesome to watch genuine love
Speaker 1: stories occur on that show. So that was just the two.
Speaker 1: I don't have a full three to share with y'all.
Speaker 1: My favorite food should be no surprise to any buddy
Speaker 1: because I talk about it every third word that comes
Speaker 1: out of my mouth. Essentially, it's to play, but I
Speaker 1: also will put some other contenders in there. Pizza is
Speaker 1: another one most people to know as well that I'm
Speaker 1: big into, and thie food. Tie food is actually something
Speaker 1: in the last year that I have been very, very
Speaker 1: big into talking about my career. Question number five, well,
Speaker 1: I hate to just use the word entrepreneur, but I
Speaker 1: do a little bit of everything right now is I
Speaker 1: guess the best way to put it. For one, I'm
Speaker 1: a mental health speaker, and so I'm really trying to
Speaker 1: effectively target the youth demographic right now, uh, to just
Speaker 1: destigmatize the conversations around mental health. I really want to
Speaker 1: change the framework of how our youth views mental health
Speaker 1: not as something that is embarrassing to speak about, but
Speaker 1: something that can be empowering and hopefully be able to
Speaker 1: help them get a better grasp on it so that
Speaker 1: they can view life in a more positive manner and
Speaker 1: so that we don't see um, stress, anxiety and depression
Speaker 1: continue to be to have a hole on our youth.
Speaker 1: So UM, big and passionate about that and hoping to
Speaker 1: continue that and see where I can impact the most
Speaker 1: individuals in that realm. I also am going to be
Speaker 1: uh an author here eventually UM working on a book
Speaker 1: for mental health, again tailored to that audience as well.
Speaker 1: So I'm currently writing a book, and then I also
Speaker 1: am working on all right to do online wellness coaching.
Speaker 1: When fitness and nutrition training, I do one on one
Speaker 1: coaching with clients, so um, pouring into those avenues and
Speaker 1: and then just other few other things on the side
Speaker 1: that will just see where they go. I like to
Speaker 1: always challenge myself to do more in every area of
Speaker 1: my life. My biggest fear in life, UM, that's what
Speaker 1: that's a great question. Uh. I would say, it's not
Speaker 1: living up to my potential um and kind of parlaying
Speaker 1: into that as well, it's it's falling into a place
Speaker 1: of complacency. I've been there before, but also not losing
Speaker 1: confidence in myself. I've struggled with confidence for a great
Speaker 1: deal in my life, and now that I have really
Speaker 1: seemingly become much more confident in who I am, I
Speaker 1: just want to make sure that I never lose sight
Speaker 1: of that. And if I weren't able to be the
Speaker 1: person that I think I could be, I think if
Speaker 1: I look back at it at the end of it all,
Speaker 1: that would that would be really scary. I think that
Speaker 1: would be a definition of hell is if I could
Speaker 1: see my ultimate, full potential self standing in front of
Speaker 1: me that and I never made it to that point,
Speaker 1: that would be my own true health. So that's my
Speaker 1: biggest fear in life by far. Um my biggest pet
Speaker 1: peeve would probably be closed minded individuals that just yeah,
Speaker 1: aren't willing to see things another perspective or viewpoint. I
Speaker 1: will also caveat that by saying that I was very close,
Speaker 1: much more close minded of an individual than I am now,
Speaker 1: so that I've learned over the last half year or
Speaker 1: so to see things from the other side. Uh, And
Speaker 1: that willingness, I think will open people up and help
Speaker 1: them have a better understanding of the world around them
Speaker 1: and lead them to being a happier person. So, um,
Speaker 1: you know, I I give people leeway if they're still
Speaker 1: close minded. Um, I just hope that they'll at least
Speaker 1: be willing to have the conversations just to hopefully change
Speaker 1: their perspective. What makes me the most happy our relationships
Speaker 1: to my friends and family and Susie in particular as well. Um,
Speaker 1: Without them, my life has a purpose. But they're the
Speaker 1: ones that keep me going through through it Allso I
Speaker 1: couldn't imagine a life without those people in my corner.
Speaker 1: They have pushed me through the darkest of times, and
Speaker 1: just the thought of them brings me so much joy
Speaker 1: to know that I have such a strong support system
Speaker 1: that has guided me through a lot of darkness. What's
Speaker 1: my ideal Saturday morning? Well, when when weeks are hectic
Speaker 1: and I'm on my computer ten hours a day, or
Speaker 1: traveling and doing these events and such, Uh, then my
Speaker 1: ideal Saturday morning would really just be being able to
Speaker 1: wake up without my alarm going off at five thirty
Speaker 1: in the morning like it always does. Uh. Not being
Speaker 1: able to set that timer or that alarm and just
Speaker 1: waking up and not really having anything on the agenda.
Speaker 1: It's a really great time for me to decompress and relax.
Speaker 1: And I like to sit in a place of nothingness
Speaker 1: at least for the morning, uh and and just take
Speaker 1: that time to focus on myself and kind of clearing
Speaker 1: the hard drive in my head and clearing space for
Speaker 1: the upcoming week. But I also love sometimes to be
Speaker 1: on the road and traveling, so waking up in a
Speaker 1: new city experiencing a new culture with Susie that's also
Speaker 1: an ideal SAT any morning. So it always always depends.
Speaker 1: Um Am, I'm more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback.
Speaker 1: I would say I'm still an athlete. I just actually
Speaker 1: was at a basketball term at three on three over
Speaker 1: the weekend. Granted I was the worst player on the
Speaker 1: team of the four individuals that we had, but the
Speaker 1: other three one was a former NBA player and another
Speaker 1: two or former D one college basketball players. So I'll
Speaker 1: give myself some lee when I played some good defense.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty nine years old. I'm not that old, so
Speaker 1: I still think I have some ability in me. What
Speaker 1: keeps me motivated? The final question, question eleven, such a
Speaker 1: great one. To ask. Uh. For me, what keeps you
Speaker 1: motivated is the thought of, or the fear I should say,
Speaker 1: of not being able to provide for my future family.
Speaker 1: So with everything that I've ever done, I've always kept
Speaker 1: in mind wanting to establish a sense of financial stability
Speaker 1: uh and in a sense that I would be able
Speaker 1: to provide for my family so that they would be
Speaker 1: able to have a life similar to what I had
Speaker 1: growing on. My parents did a great job of that.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, UM, I know
Speaker 1: that I will be able to provide that. I think
Speaker 1: fear is can actually be a very positive thing to
Speaker 1: drive us. It's it's so as long as we don't
Speaker 1: dwell on it and let it over um overwhelmed us.
Speaker 1: But for me, that fear keeps me going, and that's
Speaker 1: what keeps me motivated to do it. Also, there was
Speaker 1: a lengthy eleven questions. Everyone that knows me knows I
Speaker 1: love to talk. So we made it through. But stick around.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after the short break. All right, everybody,
Speaker 1: welcome back to how men think we are at these
Speaker 1: segments where we will now take some live callers. So
Speaker 1: without further ado, let's bring them in and answer these
Speaker 1: questions the best of our ability. Hey, Cindy, how's it
Speaker 1: going today? Hey it's going okay, okay, okay, Well we'll
Speaker 1: start with okay, if I can ask you, Yeah, what's uh?
Speaker 1: You have a question for me today? So go ahead
Speaker 1: and dive right in and let's ask away and let's
Speaker 1: let's talk talk about it. Okay, thanks so much. Um. So,
Speaker 1: I guess my question is I tend to travel a
Speaker 1: lot for work, and I have, um, well a lot
Speaker 1: of times. Um, I travel with the same male coworker. Okay,
Speaker 1: I spend a lot of time with this guy, so
Speaker 1: naturally he comes up in conversations a lot, just inevitably.
Speaker 1: But my boyfriend now claims to not like him, and
Speaker 1: he thinks that he may have bad intentions. So, um,
Speaker 1: how do I reassure my boyfriend that it's strictly a
Speaker 1: working relationship and there's nothing more going on. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a that's a really great question, And I think
Speaker 1: I think the biggest thing My first question is is
Speaker 1: has has he in your eyes? Has there ever been
Speaker 1: a moment where he may be crossed the line or
Speaker 1: something that you brought to your boyfriend and that might
Speaker 1: have started to Foster started to foster the idea of
Speaker 1: this guy possibly crossing the line and not being someone
Speaker 1: that he wants you to be around. Has there been
Speaker 1: an instance where you've felt that and maybe shared with him,
Speaker 1: or has this just kind of come out of left field?
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it There's not been an instance
Speaker 1: like that, But it's more I think that I I
Speaker 1: just talked about him maybe more than I should, just
Speaker 1: because he's there for these travels that I'm doing. So
Speaker 1: when I'm updating my boyfriend on what's going on and
Speaker 1: what I'm doing when I'm out of town, he's there. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And I think, um, when it comes to like coworkers
Speaker 1: are going to be there and they're gonna be there
Speaker 1: a part of your life. But I think the big
Speaker 1: thing that's important to always distinguish is that yeah, there
Speaker 1: isn't There isn't anything there more than just that working relationship.
Speaker 1: And maybe you guys are friends in that matter, and
Speaker 1: that should be okay. I think there is sometimes the
Speaker 1: insecurity of having you know your significant other to be
Speaker 1: around people of the opposite sex, and that could be seen,
Speaker 1: uh to be scary to that individual. I think the
Speaker 1: best thing that we can do is just reassure our partners,
Speaker 1: let them know that, hey, listen, you have nothing to
Speaker 1: worry about. Um, you know, we're just we're just coworkers.
Speaker 1: Like he obviously is around me, but like he's never
Speaker 1: he's never crossed the line. If he ever did, I
Speaker 1: would certainly let you know. And I put my foot down.
Speaker 1: I think reassuring your partner that you're there's nothing to
Speaker 1: worry about, but also acknowledging as well, um, you know,
Speaker 1: they're concerns. I think it's always important that we validate
Speaker 1: because their concerns are important to them, whether or not
Speaker 1: we agree with them as a separate matter. But one
Speaker 1: thing that I've definitely learned is that it's important to them. Nonetheless,
Speaker 1: it's a fear of theirs, and if we love that individual,
Speaker 1: if we care about them, then we have to really
Speaker 1: like give that fear weight. We have to hold it
Speaker 1: and be mindful of it and and just let them know, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I you know, I understand that you're um concerned about this.
Speaker 1: I can promise you no lines have been crossed. I
Speaker 1: love you to death, um, And if ever that were
Speaker 1: to be the case, then I would let you know.
Speaker 1: But maybe also too I don't know if it's possible,
Speaker 1: but maybe you know, y'all could all meet at some point,
Speaker 1: whether it just like if it just happens casually, I'm
Speaker 1: not if you have the ability to do so. Um,
Speaker 1: I think him just meeting him possibly and and being
Speaker 1: less of an unknown. The unknown scares us, I think
Speaker 1: as individuals, so the more that we know about a situation,
Speaker 1: the more comfortable we are with it. So I think
Speaker 1: that could also be an avenue to explore as well.
Speaker 1: Is uh just being able to kind of all three
Speaker 1: meet up at some point it's a work event and
Speaker 1: you're just like, hey, I'm gonna bring my boyfriend along.
Speaker 1: That might be a really great way to just break
Speaker 1: that ice, to kind of casually to soften the fear
Speaker 1: and say, okay, hey, listen, like this is who it
Speaker 1: is like you guys get to know each other, and
Speaker 1: then the better understanding as of this coworker that he
Speaker 1: maybe doesn't know, well, the more he knows, I think,
Speaker 1: the more comfortable it will be. M Yeah, that totally
Speaker 1: makes sense. Thank you. Absolutely. Hey MICHAELA, how's it going.
Speaker 1: I'm okay. How are you I'm doing I'm doing well.
Speaker 1: I'm excited to hopefully provide a little insight for your question,
Speaker 1: but but laid on me. I'm curious what's what you
Speaker 1: got for me today? Okay, So my husband and I
Speaker 1: we've been married for like two issue years, and uh,
Speaker 1: one of like the main arguments we always have is
Speaker 1: how much he's always on his phone. Like he's just
Speaker 1: like NonStop on his phone, playing video games, group chats
Speaker 1: with his bros. You know, constant like social media scrolling.
Speaker 1: He's like totally addicted, and like I've told him before
Speaker 1: how much it bothers me because it happens during dinner,
Speaker 1: on trips, you know, like when we're in the middle
Speaker 1: of a conversation. So I just want to know, like,
Speaker 1: can I get my point across about my feelings about
Speaker 1: how much it bothers me so that he like gets it?
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, great question. And I think, gosh, if
Speaker 1: this one hits home because I had a very similar
Speaker 1: conversation with Susie. Um, I think that two things. One, Uh,
Speaker 1: with any conversation that we have or think something that
Speaker 1: we want to get across to our partner, I think
Speaker 1: we always need to be able to bring it in
Speaker 1: a way where it never seems like it's an attack.
Speaker 1: So going in being calm as we entered the discussion
Speaker 1: and say, you know, hey, listen, I just want to
Speaker 1: sit down and talk with you for a second. You
Speaker 1: got a moment, uh, and then say, you know, I
Speaker 1: just want to bring something up to you that's been
Speaker 1: bothering me. Uh. And and it sounds like you've expressed
Speaker 1: it prior. Um, but I think against I can't speak
Speaker 1: on all uh men. Um. I never like to use
Speaker 1: absolutes and say everybody's this way. Um. But he maybe
Speaker 1: you know this is he? Uh? Is he a rash
Speaker 1: no thinker? As he kind of a he's looking to
Speaker 1: always solve a problem? I mean, is that kind of
Speaker 1: how he typically is when you bring him, uh, you know, problems.
Speaker 1: Is he always looking to find an answer? Or is
Speaker 1: that typically how it goes? I'm just curious. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, most of the time he's pretty setural, Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And so that's good for me to know because that's
Speaker 1: that's similar to how I operate. And something that I
Speaker 1: learned through with Susie is that oftentimes she doesn't want
Speaker 1: a solution to her problem, she just wants support. And
Speaker 1: so but we sometimes as men, at least some men
Speaker 1: will um look to find a solution to the problem. So, UM,
Speaker 1: I think keeping that in mind if I were in
Speaker 1: your spot issues is to understand that perspective that Okay,
Speaker 1: if that's bothering you, he may be in his head
Speaker 1: thinking well, how can I how can we solve this?
Speaker 1: So um, Yeah, that's where I think it's a it's
Speaker 1: a matter of how can we get to that point?
Speaker 1: So when you talk with him, it's about not seeming
Speaker 1: accusatories are are coming after him and raising our tone,
Speaker 1: but staying calm the entire time, and then just saying, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: like this is something that's been bothering me. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: but I'd like to find a solution to this problem,
Speaker 1: like do you and what would that look like? And
Speaker 1: I think just having that discussion, um, and keeping it
Speaker 1: open and honest and just maybe I don't know what
Speaker 1: that looks like for you all. Um. Susie and I
Speaker 1: tried to set aside two hours every night where we
Speaker 1: put our phones down and we didn't pick them back up,
Speaker 1: and so we would put our phones in another room
Speaker 1: and it worked actually fairly well for us. UM. But
Speaker 1: I think it's a matter of kind of from a
Speaker 1: guy's perspective, it's like, okay, if here's if this is
Speaker 1: a problem, how do we find a solution. So I
Speaker 1: think that's the way that he might be viewing it.
Speaker 1: And uh, if you're just if you go to him
Speaker 1: in that nature and say, hey, listen, like I just
Speaker 1: want to fix I'm looking to find kind of this
Speaker 1: an answer to this because like I wanted to be happy.
Speaker 1: I don't want this to be something that or there
Speaker 1: puts you know, distance between us um and I think
Speaker 1: saying it that way will respect him as well, and
Speaker 1: it won't seem like an attack like I want you
Speaker 1: to get off your phone and stop talking to your friends.
Speaker 1: Because those things that he's doing, you know, he's placing
Speaker 1: value in um and and with the group chat with
Speaker 1: the boys. You know, that's that to him brings him happiness.
Speaker 1: So he obviously doesn't want to maybe rid himself completely
Speaker 1: of it, but there's a way to find balance, and
Speaker 1: I think that's just where it's a matter of like
Speaker 1: let's sit down and have a conversation and try to
Speaker 1: figure out where that balance is. Does that hopefully help? Yeah? No,
Speaker 1: that's great, thank you, Okay, perfect. Hey Katie, it's Layton
Speaker 1: how you doing? Hey? Good? How are you good? I'm
Speaker 1: doing great? What do you got for me? I gotta
Speaker 1: these questions are coming in hot right now, so hopefully
Speaker 1: I uh, I'll give you my my my best answer.
Speaker 1: But um yeah, shoot shoot, let's let's see what you
Speaker 1: got for a question. Okay, UM, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: This is really way I'm going me so. UM. My
Speaker 1: boyfriend of three years and I moved in together probably
Speaker 1: a year ago. Um, but he just got this incredible
Speaker 1: job opportunity in another state. Okay, and I can't leave
Speaker 1: our current state because of my job. And I really
Speaker 1: like my job. But I worry that if he moves like,
Speaker 1: our relationship isn't going to survive the move. And so
Speaker 1: I'm really worried about that. I have two questions, Um,
Speaker 1: how do we make long distance work if he takes
Speaker 1: the job? I hear so many things about that. Um
Speaker 1: and to um, is there a time limit that we
Speaker 1: should put on it to either live together again or
Speaker 1: break up? Because I don't want to waste my time.
Speaker 1: I don't want to waste his time. Yeah, absolutely so.
Speaker 1: I think for one, I just wanted to acknowledge that
Speaker 1: think that your fear and concern is is very valid
Speaker 1: because that is a question that everybody does. A lot
Speaker 1: of people have when a long distance becomes a part
Speaker 1: of the equation, especially when you're together and then you
Speaker 1: separate for a portion of time. UM I currently again,
Speaker 1: this one hits home as well. UM, in my in
Speaker 1: my day to day right now, Susie and I are
Speaker 1: going to be living separately just for a short period
Speaker 1: of time while um, I look for a house, but
Speaker 1: I think and then she'll move back in. But with that, um,
Speaker 1: we had that same fear right we talked about it
Speaker 1: like what if this ends up being something that ends
Speaker 1: up being a negative outcome for us and and breaks
Speaker 1: this up. And I think the big thing that we
Speaker 1: realized or told ourselves is let's not let that fear
Speaker 1: overtake us until it becomes a concern. We both are.
Speaker 1: We both are in the position where like we're conscious
Speaker 1: of it, but we're chasing our dreams, are aspirations, were
Speaker 1: taking this time to separate for this the short period
Speaker 1: time that will be a part. But yes, I do
Speaker 1: believe that it is great to put to like put
Speaker 1: in a marker or a point where you're like, okay,
Speaker 1: we will end up living together here if whether it's
Speaker 1: a month away, three months away, a year, but having
Speaker 1: a plan, I think it's so important that you have
Speaker 1: a plan in place because just establishing a plan will
Speaker 1: start to quell some of that fear instead of just thinking, well,
Speaker 1: we just moved to different states and um, I don't
Speaker 1: even know what we're going to do a month from now.
Speaker 1: So if you establish that plan, that will help, I
Speaker 1: think keep the concern at bay. Long distance does work.
Speaker 1: I mean there's there's examples of people successful marriages that
Speaker 1: did long distance for years. UM, so it is doable. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I think also having that action plan in place.
Speaker 1: But if you're going to do a long distance I
Speaker 1: do still think you can't replace being in an environment
Speaker 1: with somebody physically. So UM, I think as I was
Speaker 1: in one of my past relationships, I did long distance
Speaker 1: and what worked was we found time to fly out
Speaker 1: and see each other. Uh. And so taking that time
Speaker 1: to budget, what's that look like if we fly out
Speaker 1: once a month, do we set that up on the
Speaker 1: schedule right away? Do we plan weeks in advance? So
Speaker 1: when we go our separate ways, um and live separately,
Speaker 1: we already know that in the next two months every
Speaker 1: two weeks there's already a flight scheduled to to see
Speaker 1: each other. UM. I think establishing a plan and doing
Speaker 1: that will well. Again, I think that's what I would
Speaker 1: suggest you all do, UM, because it's taking the initiative
Speaker 1: to continue to nurture that relationship. I think it's great
Speaker 1: that you guys both have incredible jobs and that you
Speaker 1: right now you to see it as well. We don't
Speaker 1: want to not take our dream job because of someone else. UM.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing again, I think it's again just
Speaker 1: being mindful working together through devising a plan of how
Speaker 1: can we make this work? And then if it ever
Speaker 1: gets to the point where one of you realizes that
Speaker 1: it's either the job or the relationship, then I think
Speaker 1: someone has to compromise. And sometimes that is just the
Speaker 1: point in our lives where we have to say, well,
Speaker 1: what's more important to us this job or our partner, um,
Speaker 1: And if it's meant to be, if if that person special,
Speaker 1: then ultimately you'll choose that partner. But again that's down
Speaker 1: the road. I think right now there's a lot of
Speaker 1: what ifs, UM, and we can't be dwelling in the
Speaker 1: what is. What we can do though, is established a
Speaker 1: plan so that we can give ourselves the best chance
Speaker 1: at bake at making both realities exist. Does that help
Speaker 1: so much? Thank you so much? Yea that other people
Speaker 1: are going through it, so I'm right there with you.
Speaker 1: So yeah, absolutely, I wish you nothing but the best.
Speaker 1: And thank you for the question. Thanks Clayton. Hey, Michelle's Clayton.
Speaker 1: Not great? How you doing? Hi? I'm good. How are
Speaker 1: you good? I'm doing great. I don't know why I
Speaker 1: just told you my last name, but I'll try to.
Speaker 1: I'll try to make it a bit less and uh
Speaker 1: less formal here going forward. So thank you, thank you
Speaker 1: for having on here today. And yeah, I go ahead
Speaker 1: and shoot shoot with the question. I'm curious what you
Speaker 1: got for me? Sure? Yeah. So, Um, I've been the
Speaker 1: best kind of best friends, I would say, with this
Speaker 1: guy for about nine years and I um, I've never
Speaker 1: had feelings for him before, but I would say in
Speaker 1: the last like two months or so, I've just started
Speaker 1: to feel kind of jealous. Um, when he'll call me
Speaker 1: and just tell me about the dates that he's been
Speaker 1: going on or whatever. Um. Mostly it's because I think
Speaker 1: he's found this one girl and he really likes her
Speaker 1: and so they've been going on dates. They've been dating
Speaker 1: for around two months essentially, so I guess it's probably
Speaker 1: just this one woman who has been wrong. Um, but
Speaker 1: I just worry if I tell him about my feelings,
Speaker 1: like about how I feel about being not okay with
Speaker 1: him telling me about this person, that it will ruin
Speaker 1: the great friendship that we do have, right Like, um,
Speaker 1: and I don't I don't know, because like I'm really torn.
Speaker 1: I also don't want to be wondering like if I
Speaker 1: don't tell him, what if he does feel something for
Speaker 1: me and like we should take it to the next
Speaker 1: level or I don't know. I just I don't know
Speaker 1: if I should keep the feelings to myself, like let
Speaker 1: this play out a little bit more with this woman
Speaker 1: he's been seeing for two months, or um, if I
Speaker 1: should say something. Yeah, oh man, that is quite the predicament.
Speaker 1: And I think it's it's challenging, right I without knowing y'alls.
Speaker 1: I mean again, you said nine years correct that you
Speaker 1: guys have been friends. Yeah, we start we worked together,
Speaker 1: um for about four years at the same uh location,
Speaker 1: you know company, and then um, we stopped working together
Speaker 1: the last five years, but we've remained friends. Okay, Well
Speaker 1: I'm curious what why in the pass did you all
Speaker 1: never explore, um, you know, a connection between you two
Speaker 1: past just friends and was did you ever did you
Speaker 1: all ever date other individuals and that time frame or
Speaker 1: is this is this the first time that he's finally
Speaker 1: talked like talking to somebody, um and you've felt these
Speaker 1: feelings or what is it about the time? Um? You know?
Speaker 1: I think I I was dating somebody, um and probably
Speaker 1: wasn't really ready to date again. Um. And then I
Speaker 1: think and that probably, I mean I was dating somebody
Speaker 1: when we worked at the same place, and then once
Speaker 1: we we left, I probably I've not been dating that
Speaker 1: person for like the last three to four years. Um.
Speaker 1: And so it just naturally moved into talking about each
Speaker 1: other's dates at that time. And I wasn't seriously considering anything,
Speaker 1: right because I was like just gotten out of a
Speaker 1: six year relationship, Like I definitely wanted it was nice
Speaker 1: to have a guy buddy to like shoot, you know,
Speaker 1: just to talk about dates with, you know, and just
Speaker 1: to be to have somebody who you can talk to
Speaker 1: about that stuff, who has who comes from a from
Speaker 1: the male perspective, you know, and isn't just my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: So I was enjoying that, um probably for the last
Speaker 1: two years, and that I don't know, I guess maybe uh,
Speaker 1: he hadn't really had anybody serious before, and neither had
Speaker 1: I for the last two or three years. So I
Speaker 1: think it's the fact that this chick is like, it's
Speaker 1: a long it's long term, right, and he's starting to
Speaker 1: tell me about like connections that they're having on their dates,
Speaker 1: and it's and now I'm realizing that bothers me. Do
Speaker 1: you are you fearful that do you see you now
Speaker 1: see him wanting to potentially be a potential future partner?
Speaker 1: Are you concerned that she may take away from your friendship?
Speaker 1: I just kind of want to distinguish between those two.
Speaker 1: I'm curious, so do I, Clayton, I would like to
Speaker 1: wish between those two as well. That's kind of my issue, right,
Speaker 1: I like, I really don't want to ruin our friendship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I am interested to see if we have a chance
Speaker 1: to do a thing, but I really don't want to
Speaker 1: ruin our friendship. Yeah, absolutely, Okay, Yeah, so I think again,
Speaker 1: I will say my thought as honesty is almost always
Speaker 1: the best policy, I'm not I don't like to speak
Speaker 1: in absolute because I think there's an exception to every rule. UM.
Speaker 1: But I think with a friendship that you all have
Speaker 1: in the longevity of it, I think that it warrants
Speaker 1: a potential conversation. I think again, though, it's all about
Speaker 1: prefacing it, so asking him if he has the time
Speaker 1: to speak, saying letting him know that you want to
Speaker 1: respect him in the relationship that he has. UM. But
Speaker 1: I think I think it's fair two to let him know, like, hey,
Speaker 1: like this is something that you know, I want you
Speaker 1: to know. UM, And I just want to know if
Speaker 1: like there's a potential here and if there's not, UM,
Speaker 1: that's totally cool. Uh. You know, I I want to
Speaker 1: respect you again the relationship that you have and so
Speaker 1: UM and I still want to be obviously a great friend,
Speaker 1: but like, is you know what do you think there's
Speaker 1: a chance that this could ever be something? UM. It's
Speaker 1: really tough because again I I don't you don't want
Speaker 1: to overstep and make it seem like you're potentially interfering
Speaker 1: in this relationship of his that may bring him happiness. UM.
Speaker 1: But I guess the alternative is that you don't say anything,
Speaker 1: and then it builds up these feelings and then you
Speaker 1: start to create distance, uh, and and separate yourself. And
Speaker 1: if you have you have you all have a strong friendship.
Speaker 1: I think that that will end up coming up inevitably.
Speaker 1: So if it's two months in and you hold off,
Speaker 1: then it becomes six months in, and the timing really
Speaker 1: never is right. UM. Yeah, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 1: I think that it just my fear is that it
Speaker 1: would build up and you would still harbor these feelings
Speaker 1: and then distance would start to be put put in
Speaker 1: between y'all, and then you would say, well, now it's
Speaker 1: a six month in relationship. I'm just gonna go ahead
Speaker 1: and I can't even like associate talk with them. Is
Speaker 1: It just upsets me. So I'm just gonna create this
Speaker 1: distance and then that relationship, that friendship is lost. UM.
Speaker 1: I just think you have to be very respectful if
Speaker 1: you go into the conversation and say, I only just
Speaker 1: want to bring this up once. UM, I don't want
Speaker 1: to be a big thing, but you know, I do
Speaker 1: want to be honest with you. And UM, you know,
Speaker 1: do you think that do you feel any any of
Speaker 1: these feelings? And if not, that's okay, I will I
Speaker 1: will rightfully Um, you know I want to support you
Speaker 1: and your happiness. You're my friend and so ultimately I
Speaker 1: want what's best for you. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate
Speaker 1: that advice very much. Absolutely, thank you so much for asking. Hey,
Speaker 1: al Rad's Clayton. How you doing Hi, I'm good, Thank you?
Speaker 1: How are you? I am doing good. I'm getting hit
Speaker 1: with some hard questions right now about relationships. So I
Speaker 1: I'm thinking you might have one too for me, and
Speaker 1: I'm curious to know what it is. But we can.
Speaker 1: We can dive in if you got if you got
Speaker 1: the top of mind right now? Yeah, I do. Okay, cool,
Speaker 1: here we go. Um, So, I've been single for five
Speaker 1: years now and all of my friends are married and
Speaker 1: starting to have kids. I've been on a few different
Speaker 1: dating apps, but I'm not getting any matches. So I
Speaker 1: want to know what I can add or do to
Speaker 1: my online dating profile to catch the attention of more men. Okay,
Speaker 1: fair question. I used to be on the dating apps myself,
Speaker 1: and so, uh, you always heard about the things you
Speaker 1: should and shouldn't do for guys. It's like, oh everyone
Speaker 1: he's got a fish pick um And there was like
Speaker 1: the dudes and don't of navigating the apps. But here's
Speaker 1: my best bit of advice is you're gonna want to
Speaker 1: put on your profile what is authentically you, uh, and
Speaker 1: so what you feel most comfortable with. It's not about Yes,
Speaker 1: you could post a provocative photo um and and maybe
Speaker 1: get some more people you know that are going to
Speaker 1: start in boxing you, But ultimately is that really the
Speaker 1: image that you're wanting to portray. Um. I understand the
Speaker 1: frustration with seemingly not getting enough matches and thinking, well,
Speaker 1: I have to change something about myself. But if you
Speaker 1: do that, you're going against who you really are and
Speaker 1: truthfully are, and I think, uh, you don't that might
Speaker 1: attract somebody that then when they find out who you
Speaker 1: know there really you is, um, you run the risk
Speaker 1: of like, well I posted this, but that's not fully
Speaker 1: who I am. Like I just did that to kind
Speaker 1: of maybe attract or or or get more you know,
Speaker 1: likes on a you know, on a dating app. So um,
Speaker 1: I would my advice would be just continue to push
Speaker 1: what you think is most authentically you. Actually, here's an example.
Speaker 1: I I'm not a big drinker, and when I was
Speaker 1: on the apps, I at first said that I did
Speaker 1: drink because I thought that people would look at that
Speaker 1: and be like, I don't want to date a guy
Speaker 1: that doesn't drink every he sounds like a boar um.
Speaker 1: But then what happened was is I went out on
Speaker 1: dates and when I wasn't drinking, they were kind of like, well,
Speaker 1: you said you drank all the time. I was like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't, like, just on special occasions. So I realized
Speaker 1: that I was trying to cater to an audience, but
Speaker 1: I wasn't fully truthfully being myself on the profile and
Speaker 1: saying like, hey, I should just put no, and then
Speaker 1: someone's like, why don't you drink? Well, I you on
Speaker 1: special occasions, right, So the expectations if we are who
Speaker 1: we are and we put that on our profile, then
Speaker 1: we attract what we want to attract. So I would
Speaker 1: just say, honestly, UM, just continue to post what you
Speaker 1: want to post on there, uh and eventually like you're
Speaker 1: gonna find that person that's going to see that like wow,
Speaker 1: this girl is exactly what I want and exactly what
Speaker 1: I've been looking for. Um, Because I would I would
Speaker 1: hate for you to to swap something out and then
Speaker 1: you never know when that person that's you know, sifting
Speaker 1: through the photos sees one picture and you took down
Speaker 1: a picture that you thought nobody was gonna be interested in,
Speaker 1: and that might have been the one um that ended up,
Speaker 1: you know, making them be like, yeah, I'm gonna swipe
Speaker 1: right or whatever direction it is. Nowadays, I assume it's
Speaker 1: still right. But um, that'd be my advice. Just keep
Speaker 1: being you, authentically you, and and it'll it'll come around.
Speaker 1: It only had two relationships, Seriously, It's just relationships my
Speaker 1: entire life. I'm twenty nine, so, UM, I know timing
Speaker 1: isn't doesn't seem to always be on our sides. But
Speaker 1: if you're a good person, you care, and you and
Speaker 1: you do all and you just you're a genuinely good person,
Speaker 1: then I do believe that, like, you'll find your person,
Speaker 1: I mean should I. I am now in a happy relationship,
Speaker 1: but prior to that point, I was just like you.
Speaker 1: All my friends were engaged and married, and I was
Speaker 1: starting to wonder if my time is ever going to come?
Speaker 1: And here we are, so I think I would just say,
Speaker 1: just keep being you and that person will come around.
Speaker 1: That help. It's kind of long winded, but hopefully that
Speaker 1: helps a little. No, No, it's good it's good context.
Speaker 1: It's it's really kind of scary to do that. But
Speaker 1: I see your point and why that makes a lot
Speaker 1: of sense. Yeah, it is, and it is scary. I absolutely, Um.
Speaker 1: I think you're very valid. It's very understanding for you
Speaker 1: to to feel that way. Um, But I think it's
Speaker 1: also scary to think that, Well, if you aren't yourself,
Speaker 1: then what happens if you miss that person that was
Speaker 1: looking for who you really are and if you convey
Speaker 1: yourself in a different light? So um, I would Yeah,
Speaker 1: I understand your fear, and I think it's it's really
Speaker 1: hard to say, like there's I don't think there's any
Speaker 1: certain particular pick that's gonna post that's gonna do well
Speaker 1: and and resonate most. I think authenticity reads at the
Speaker 1: end of the day. So hopefully that helps. And I
Speaker 1: wish enough but the best I think, I think your
Speaker 1: your person is kind and trust me, I do believe it, um,
Speaker 1: and and I believe it will come away. And I
Speaker 1: think you should just keep being yourself, which that's my opinion,
Speaker 1: I hope. So thank you, Yeah, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for the question, right right, all right, So we're gonna
Speaker 1: go ahead and take a break. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for all the questions. There were some tough ones, but
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people are going through those
Speaker 1: two kind of questions they have them, so so very
Speaker 1: awesome to be able to answer a few. And we
Speaker 1: will be right back. All right, Welcome back, everybody. We
Speaker 1: are at the official point of Q and A, so
Speaker 1: we're gonna dive in here. There's some pretty juicy questions
Speaker 1: and as long winded as I am, I'm going to
Speaker 1: try to be as clear and concise as possible. So
Speaker 1: here we go. Question number one. At the end of
Speaker 1: The Bachelor, you found yourself in love with three women.
Speaker 1: How did you finally figure out that Susie was the
Speaker 1: one for you? Oh? Man, I mean that is a
Speaker 1: tough question. Um. Yeah, And on the show, I don't
Speaker 1: think I and we talked about the Susie and I
Speaker 1: don't think we really knew if we were each other's person. Um.
Speaker 1: I went with where my heart was leading me, and
Speaker 1: unfortunately it was an a disastrous manner that I navigated
Speaker 1: through it all, Um, and I caused a lot of pain,
Speaker 1: and I learned a lot of lessons that I needed
Speaker 1: to learn. I was immature and and I did a
Speaker 1: lot of things I wish I would have done differently. Um,
Speaker 1: but I just in that moment, I went with my gut.
Speaker 1: I just I felt that when I needed to go
Speaker 1: after her and I needed to let the other two women,
Speaker 1: um go and then on their own journeys. And so
Speaker 1: it was really really tough and challenging to navigate that environment. Um,
Speaker 1: but I didn't really figure out that Susie was the
Speaker 1: one for me until after the show, and tell Susie
Speaker 1: and I got to spend more time with each other, uh,
Speaker 1: in the in the real world, so that I would
Speaker 1: say we figured that out after the show. Going okay,
Speaker 1: question two, going through what you did on TV and
Speaker 1: having Batchel Nation fans way in with their opinion, did
Speaker 1: that affect your relationship then and how did you get
Speaker 1: through it? Oh? My gosh, yes, gosh. Unfortunately Bachelor Nation
Speaker 1: their opinions and there constant commentary online, UH can start
Speaker 1: to really leak into the minds of those of of
Speaker 1: the um the leads in the and then the women
Speaker 1: or the men on the show, depending on what season
Speaker 1: it is. But yes, uh, those opinions can resonate and unfortunately, UM,
Speaker 1: what was in my inbox versus what was in Susie's
Speaker 1: inbox were two different things. We both had support in
Speaker 1: our inbox saying that we understand why you did what
Speaker 1: you did, and then she had the same thing going
Speaker 1: on in her inbox, uh, and what that actually end
Speaker 1: up doing and we had to catch it, thankfully we
Speaker 1: did before end up creating more damage. But it was
Speaker 1: almost causing a divide between the two of us because
Speaker 1: I was getting a ton of support in my d M,
Speaker 1: she was getting a ton of support on her DM.
Speaker 1: So it's strengthened our viewpoints and it made it a
Speaker 1: lot harder for us to see the other side. So
Speaker 1: what we ultimately had to do was shut it off.
Speaker 1: That third party, the Bachelor Nation. We had to cut
Speaker 1: it off and say, we are not going to allow
Speaker 1: anybody else to dictate our relationship or tell us how
Speaker 1: our relationship should be. And we sat down, we went
Speaker 1: to therapy, UH, and we dove into it and really
Speaker 1: found got to the root of the issue, which was
Speaker 1: that she wasn't feeling understood and either was I. And
Speaker 1: so we started to see each other's perspective and we
Speaker 1: knew that even our loved ones, they have opinions, but
Speaker 1: they don't know the full story. Uh So we had
Speaker 1: to just say listen, if we're gonna make this work,
Speaker 1: it comes down to the two of us and only
Speaker 1: our opinions matter when it comes to our relationship. Question three,
Speaker 1: how is your students relationship today? I'm happy to say
Speaker 1: it's better than ever. Even though people are freaking out
Speaker 1: that they're about to separate eight, we're only doing it temporarily.
Speaker 1: I want people to understand that she doesn't want to
Speaker 1: live in a cooped up a little apartment with me
Speaker 1: and my middle brother, rightfully. So it's a small, tiny apartment.
Speaker 1: She's been there once before. She's gonna go to l
Speaker 1: A and spend some time there while I buy a
Speaker 1: house in Scottsdale. And the plan is once I buy
Speaker 1: the house in a couple of months, she will move
Speaker 1: out and live with me. With all of that, we're
Speaker 1: still going to see each other most of the weekends.
Speaker 1: We're planning out what weekends already. We can buy plane
Speaker 1: tickets to see each other. It's a fifty minute flight,
Speaker 1: no concern whatsoever. We are an incredibly great spot. So
Speaker 1: the next question, what am I worried about the most?
Speaker 1: And being in a long distance relationship. While one of
Speaker 1: the uh, one of the callers earlier just brought it up.
Speaker 1: We talked touched on this, but I think again when
Speaker 1: it comes to me, um, this is a breakdown and communication.
Speaker 1: But I don't see that really happening between Susie and I.
Speaker 1: But when there's distance between individuals, sometimes, uh, the intention
Speaker 1: of your actions can get lost because you're not there
Speaker 1: physically with that person to be able to read body language,
Speaker 1: to read tone text messaging can be misinterpreted. Um. And
Speaker 1: distance can make the heart grow fonder, but sometimes distance
Speaker 1: uh can cause you if you're not putting the effort
Speaker 1: into see each other, it can create distance, not from
Speaker 1: a physical standpoint, but then it starts to create distance
Speaker 1: emotionally because you're not around that person, you're not nurturing
Speaker 1: that relationship. So uh, my worry would always be if
Speaker 1: not feeling like the effort is going to be put
Speaker 1: in and that physical distance starts to turn into emotional distance.
Speaker 1: But I'm mindful of that and so is Susie, So
Speaker 1: I don't see that being an issue. UM. Next question,
Speaker 1: do I have any regrets from my season being the Bachelor? Yes? Many, UM,
Speaker 1: But I will say that with those regrets. I wish
Speaker 1: I would have done things differently, but I didn't. And
Speaker 1: I also do believe that everything does happen for a reason.
Speaker 1: So I think I was meant to make a fool
Speaker 1: out of myself. I think I was meant to do
Speaker 1: make take the decisions that I did in order for
Speaker 1: me to have my weaknesses and insecurities be exposed and
Speaker 1: come to light so that I could then see them
Speaker 1: for what they were, acknowledge them, and then work on
Speaker 1: strengthening those weaknesses and turning them into strength. So, UM,
Speaker 1: I regret a lot of the things that I did
Speaker 1: on the show, but i'm I do. I am thankful
Speaker 1: that they were all brought to light my insecurities because
Speaker 1: I've now addressed them and still I addressing them to
Speaker 1: be a better human being, and I think I've become
Speaker 1: that from the show. Next question, are we am I
Speaker 1: watching Gabby and Rachel's season in the bat Streat? I've
Speaker 1: watched a few episodes, Um, not all of them. Uh,
Speaker 1: and that's just because Susie and I we last night
Speaker 1: when the episode was airing. We were with our family.
Speaker 1: So UM, if we have, if we happen to be home,
Speaker 1: we will turn and on. UM. But if we're working again,
Speaker 1: we have our own aspirations right now that we're working
Speaker 1: towards UM. You know, the show takes two hours some nights. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's two hours long, and we sometimes don't have that time,
Speaker 1: or we decided to um do something else instead of
Speaker 1: watch the show. So we're both very much in support
Speaker 1: of those two finding their happiness. We both know those
Speaker 1: two women and wish them nothing but the best. Uh.
Speaker 1: And so at the end of the day, UM, We're
Speaker 1: just our lives are busy at times and we're not
Speaker 1: always able to watch. Okay, hondes some dating relationships questions
Speaker 1: how long should you message someone before you meet in person? Now,
Speaker 1: I will say again, I gotta go back to the
Speaker 1: times when I used to be on the apps dating apps,
Speaker 1: and gosh, I mean it felt like it was all
Speaker 1: a matter of a game of I can't respond back
Speaker 1: too quickly and we have to re talk for a
Speaker 1: week before we can meet up. My personal opinion, again,
Speaker 1: this is just me. I am who I am and
Speaker 1: nobody else is who I am. So but my thought
Speaker 1: is this, you should message as long as it takes
Speaker 1: to become comfortable with meeting that person. So if you're
Speaker 1: somebody like me who I could meet up right away
Speaker 1: because to me, strangers I can have conversations with right
Speaker 1: out the gate um, then so be it like then
Speaker 1: then you can meet up the same day that you
Speaker 1: message that person. Again, I think it depends on the
Speaker 1: gender of the individual. Obviously, if you're meeting up with
Speaker 1: a stranger, I know that from a female perspective, you
Speaker 1: want to be in a safe environment, populated environment at
Speaker 1: a bar or whatever it might be. Some of those
Speaker 1: a lot of people, so just obviously be smart about that.
Speaker 1: But I don't think there's any amount of time. It's
Speaker 1: it's until you feel comfortable. Right at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, you should be comfortable with meeting up with
Speaker 1: that person. Some people it takes a little longer to
Speaker 1: get become comfortable with. So that would be my answer
Speaker 1: that however long it takes to become comfortable. Um, So okay,
Speaker 1: last question here today, what are some things you can
Speaker 1: do to make time for your spouse when you're dealing
Speaker 1: with busy schedules. So I think one of the best
Speaker 1: things you can do is schedule time to sit down
Speaker 1: with your partner when it fits with both your schedules,
Speaker 1: because I refuse to believe that you're twenty four hours
Speaker 1: for the next week are completely taken up. Um, you
Speaker 1: can always find time, even if it's a long distance
Speaker 1: and you're not physically together. You can schedule a zoom
Speaker 1: call and I guarantee you have fifteen minutes. I do
Speaker 1: not believe anybody everyone it's not there's there's not a
Speaker 1: single person out that it does not have fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1: So schedule time, be mindful, take the initiative to sit
Speaker 1: down talk with your partner. And then when you do that,
Speaker 1: as far as making time for them, set a schedule,
Speaker 1: put it in your physical phones calendar. I do that.
Speaker 1: I and then once you put it in there in there,
Speaker 1: you're more likely to follow through. You can set reminders
Speaker 1: that okay, hey, in thirty minutes, a mind is going
Speaker 1: to go off, that you have a conversation coming up,
Speaker 1: or time that you're gonna spend with your partner. But
Speaker 1: when you take the initiative and place it in your
Speaker 1: calendar physically, you're more likely to do it. That would
Speaker 1: be my advice. So I believe that is all the
Speaker 1: time that we have for questions today. Thank you all
Speaker 1: so much. For tuning in to how men think. This
Speaker 1: is so much fun and if you all are interested
Speaker 1: in keeping up to date with me and what's my
Speaker 1: next steps in life entail, then you can find me
Speaker 1: on social media at Clayton Eckard first and last name
Speaker 1: on inscareum really easy, It's easy to get in contact
Speaker 1: with me there. You can shoot me a d M,
Speaker 1: you can shoot me an email, whatever you want in
Speaker 1: the comments of my pictures. That's where you'll find me.
Speaker 1: It's where I'm most active and I will keep you
Speaker 1: all updated as far as what's next all through the app.
Speaker 1: So that's where you can find me, that hiding and all.
Speaker 1: And thank you once again for taking the time out
Speaker 1: of your day to sit here with me and hopefully
Speaker 1: learn a thing or two. This is how men think.
Speaker 1: An I Heart Radio London Audio Production listen each Thursday
Speaker 1: on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you
Speaker 1: get your podcasts.