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Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This

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Speaker 1: is how Men Think and I heart radio podcast. Everyone.

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Speaker 2: I'm Clayton Agreed, and you may know me from season

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Speaker 2: eighteen of The Bachelorette and season twenty six of The Bachelor.

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Speaker 2: I am so happy to be a guest hosting Howman Think.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to answer all your questions and try to

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Speaker 2: help you understand how men think. But first, this is

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Speaker 2: eleven questions with Clayton, So let's get into it. So first,

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Speaker 2: question number one, what am I known for? Well, I

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Speaker 2: guess it really depends on who you ask. If you

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Speaker 2: were to asked the public, then what I just told

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Speaker 2: you for my intro would be how most people know me,

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Speaker 2: at least the majority from a number standpoint, but those

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Speaker 2: closest to me, my family and friends, would describe me

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Speaker 2: as someone who's goofy, hardworking, and passionate about creating change

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Speaker 2: in others' lives. Question two, who are you and your

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Speaker 2: personal life?

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Speaker 1: For me?

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Speaker 2: Personally, I'm an avid wellness advocate, so fitness, nutrition, mental health.

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Speaker 2: I really just like to wake up every day and

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Speaker 2: find a way that I cannot only better my mental health,

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Speaker 2: but better those mental health and states mental health states

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Speaker 2: of people around me, and being able to learn and

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Speaker 2: then also provide what I've learned to others as well.

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Speaker 2: I love going to the gym. I try to be

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Speaker 2: as active as I can, and I'm somewhat.

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Speaker 1: Of a nerd.

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Speaker 2: I now see knowledge as power. I'm a knowledge enthusiast.

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Speaker 2: I love to listen to podcasts. I love to watch

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Speaker 2: documentaries from time and time, and really just any way

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Speaker 2: that I can pick up on a new piece of knowledge.

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Speaker 2: One thing a day is what I challenge myself to learn.

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Speaker 2: At least it helps me better understand the world around

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Speaker 2: me because there is a lot of commonalities. There are

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Speaker 2: a lot out there. Three shows that I've been binge watching.

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Speaker 2: I do not watch a lot of television or shows,

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Speaker 2: but I will say that I still from time to

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Speaker 2: time will turn something on.

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Speaker 1: Susie and I.

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Speaker 2: Right now we are watching The man ti Tale documentary,

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Speaker 2: which was very, very fascinating. I definitely recommend people go

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Speaker 2: watch that if you know who he is. I think

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Speaker 2: that there was a lot that I was unaware of

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Speaker 2: until now, so it's really great to see the other

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Speaker 2: side because I formed a lot of judgments on him

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Speaker 2: without knowing the full story, So we've been watching that,

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Speaker 2: and then also Susie and I just finished I think

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Speaker 2: there was two Seasons of Love on the Spectrum and

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Speaker 2: that was an incredible show as well. It just was

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Speaker 2: very wholesome and so awesome to watch genuine love stories

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Speaker 2: occur on that show.

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Speaker 1: So those are just the two. I don't have a

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Speaker 1: full three to share with y'all.

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Speaker 2: My favorite food should be no surprise to any buddy

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Speaker 2: because I talk about it every third word that comes

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Speaker 2: out of my mouth. Essentially, it's to play, but I

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Speaker 2: also will put some other contenders in there. Pizza is

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Speaker 2: another one most people know as well that I'm big

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Speaker 2: into and food tie food is actually something in the

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Speaker 2: last year that I have been very, very.

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Speaker 1: Big into talking about my career.

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Speaker 2: Question number five, well, I hate to just use the

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Speaker 2: word entrepreneur, but I do a little bit of everything

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Speaker 2: right now, is I guess the best way to put it.

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Speaker 2: For one, I'm a mental health speaker, and so I'm

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Speaker 2: really trying to effectively target the youth demographic right now

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Speaker 2: to just destigmatize the conversations around mental health. I really

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Speaker 2: want to change the framework of how our youth views

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Speaker 2: mental health not as something that is embarrassing to speak about,

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Speaker 2: but something that can be empowering and hopefully be able

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Speaker 2: to help them get a better grasp on it so

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Speaker 2: that they can view life in a more positive manner

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Speaker 2: and so that we don't see stress, anxiety, and depression

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Speaker 2: continue to be to have a hole on our youth,

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Speaker 2: so big and passionate about that and hoping to continue

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Speaker 2: that and see where I can impact the most individuals

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Speaker 2: in that realm. I also am going to be an

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Speaker 2: author here eventually working on a book for mental health,

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Speaker 2: again tailored to that audience as well. So I'm currently

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Speaker 2: writing a book, and then I also am working on

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Speaker 2: a right to do online wellness coaching. When fitness and

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Speaker 2: nutrition training, I do one on one coaching with clients,

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Speaker 2: so pouring into those avenues and then there's other few

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Speaker 2: other things on the side that we'll just see where

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Speaker 2: they go. I like to always challenge myself to do

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Speaker 2: more in every area of my life. My biggest fear

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Speaker 2: in life, that's that's a great question. I would say,

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Speaker 2: it's not living up to my potential and kind of

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Speaker 2: parlaying into that as well, it's falling into a place

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Speaker 2: of complacency. I've been there before, but also not losing

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Speaker 2: confidence in myself. I've struggled with confidence for a great

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Speaker 2: deal in my life, and now that I have really

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Speaker 2: seemingly become much more confident in who I am, I

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Speaker 2: just want to make sure that I never lose sight

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Speaker 2: of that. And if I weren't able to be the

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Speaker 2: person that I think I could be, I think if

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Speaker 2: I look back at it at the end of it all,

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Speaker 2: that would be really scary. I think that would be

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Speaker 2: a definition of hell is if I could see my ultimate,

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Speaker 2: full potential self standing in front of me that and

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Speaker 2: I never made it to that point, that would be

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Speaker 2: my own true health. So that's my biggest fear in life.

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Speaker 1: By far. My biggest pet.

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Speaker 2: Peeve would probably be closed minded individuals that just yeah,

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Speaker 2: aren't willing to see things from another perspective or viewpoint.

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Speaker 2: I will also caveat that by saying that I was

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Speaker 2: very close a much more close minded of an individual

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Speaker 2: than I am now, so that I've learned over the

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Speaker 2: last half year or so to see things from the

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Speaker 2: other side, and that willingness, I think will open people

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Speaker 2: up and help them have a better understanding of the

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Speaker 2: world around them and lead them to being a happier person.

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Speaker 2: So you know, I give people leeway if they're still

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Speaker 2: close minded. I just hope that they'll at least be

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Speaker 2: willing to have the conversations to hopefully change their perspective.

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Speaker 2: What makes me the most happy our relationships to my

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Speaker 2: friends and family, Susie in particular as well. Without them,

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Speaker 2: my life has a purpose, but they're the ones that

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Speaker 2: keep me going through through it all. So I couldn't

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Speaker 2: imagine a life without those people in my corner. They

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Speaker 2: have pushed me through the darkest of times, and just

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Speaker 2: the thought of them brings me so much joy to

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Speaker 2: know that I have such a strong support system that

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Speaker 2: has guided me through a lot of darkness.

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Speaker 1: What's my ideal Saturday morning?

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Speaker 2: Well, when weeks are hectic and I'm on my computer

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Speaker 2: ten hours a day, or traveling and doing these events

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Speaker 2: and such, then my ideal Saturday morning would really just

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Speaker 2: be being able to wake up without my alarm going

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Speaker 2: off at five point thirty in the morning like it

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Speaker 2: always does, not being able to set that timer or

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Speaker 2: that alarm, and just waking up and not really having

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Speaker 2: anything on the agenda. It's a really great time for

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Speaker 2: me to decompress and relax, and I like to sit

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Speaker 2: in a place of nothingness at least for the morning,

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Speaker 2: and just yeah, take that time to focus on myself

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Speaker 2: and kind of clearing the hard drive in my head

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Speaker 2: and clearing space for the upcoming week. But I also

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Speaker 2: love sometimes to be on the road and traveling. So

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Speaker 2: waking up in a new city experiencing a new culture

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Speaker 2: with SUSI, that's also an ideal morning. So it always

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Speaker 2: always depends. Am I more of an athlete or an

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Speaker 2: armchair quarterback? I would say I'm still an athlete. I

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Speaker 2: just actually was at a basketball term at three on

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Speaker 2: three over the weekend.

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Speaker 1: Granted, I was the.

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Speaker 2: Worst player on the team of the four individuals that

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Speaker 2: we had, but the other three one was a former

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Speaker 2: NBA player and another two were former D one college

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Speaker 2: basketball players. So I'll give myself some lee when I

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Speaker 2: played some good defense. I'm twenty nine years old. I'm

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Speaker 2: not that old, so I still think I have some

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Speaker 2: ability in me. What keeps me motivated? The final question

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Speaker 2: question eleven such a great one ask.

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Speaker 1: For me? What keeps me.

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Speaker 2: Motivated is the thought of, or the fear I should say,

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Speaker 2: of not being able to provide for my future family?

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Speaker 2: So with everything that I've ever done, I've always kept

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Speaker 2: in mind wanting to establish a sense of financial stability,

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Speaker 2: in a sense that I would be able to provide

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Speaker 2: for my family so that they would be able to

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Speaker 2: have a life similar to what I had growing up.

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Speaker 1: My parents did a great.

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Speaker 2: Job of that, but at the end of the day,

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Speaker 2: I know that I will be able to provide that.

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Speaker 2: I think fears can actually be a very positive thing

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Speaker 2: to drive US's so as long as we don't dwell

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Speaker 2: in it and let it over overwhelm us. But for me,

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Speaker 2: that fear keeps me going, and that's what keeps me

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Speaker 2: motivated to do it. Also, there was a lengthy eleven questions.

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Speaker 2: Everyone that knows me knows I love to talk. So

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Speaker 2: we made it through. But stick around.

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Speaker 1: We'll be right back after the short break.

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Speaker 2: All right, everybody, welcome back to how men think. We

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Speaker 2: are at the segments where we will now take some

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Speaker 2: live callers. So, without further ado, let's bring them in

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Speaker 2: and answer these questions the best of our ability.

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Speaker 1: Hey, Sydney, how's it going today?

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Speaker 3: Hey it's going okay.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay.

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Speaker 2: We'll start with okay, if I can ask you, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: what's Uh, you have a question for me today, So

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Speaker 2: go ahead and dive right in, and let's ask away,

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Speaker 2: and let's let's talk and talk about it.

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Speaker 3: Okay, thanks so much. So I guess my question is

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Speaker 3: I tend to travel a lot for work, and I

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Speaker 3: have well a lot of times I travel with the

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Speaker 3: same male co worker. Okay, I spend a lot of

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Speaker 3: time with this guy, so naturally he comes up in

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Speaker 3: conversations a lot, just inevitably. But my boyfriend now claims

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Speaker 3: to not like him, and he thinks that he may

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Speaker 3: have bad intentions.

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Speaker 4: So how do I.

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Speaker 3: Reassure my boyfriend that it's strictly a working relationship and

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Speaker 3: there's nothing more going on.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's a that's a really great question, And

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Speaker 2: I think I think the biggest thing My first question

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Speaker 2: is is has there has he in your eyes? Has

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Speaker 2: there ever been a moment where he maybe crossed the

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Speaker 2: line or something that you brought to your boyfriend and

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Speaker 2: that might have started to foster or started to foster

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Speaker 2: the idea of this guy possibly crossing the line and

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Speaker 2: not being someone.

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Speaker 1: That he wants you to be around.

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Speaker 2: Has there been an instance where you've felt that and

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Speaker 2: maybe shared with him, or is this just kind of

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Speaker 2: come out of left field.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think it.

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Speaker 3: There's not been an instance like that, but it's more

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Speaker 3: I think that I just talk about him maybe more

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Speaker 3: than I should, just because he's there for these travels

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Speaker 3: that I'm doing. So when I'm updating my boyfriend on

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Speaker 3: what's going on and what I'm doing when I'm out

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Speaker 3: of town, he's there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I think when it comes to like, coworkers

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Speaker 2: are going to be there, and they're going to be

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Speaker 2: they're a part of your life. But I think the

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Speaker 2: big thing that's important to always distinguish is that yeah,

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Speaker 2: there is there isn't anything there more than just that

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Speaker 2: working relationship. And maybe you guys are friends in that matter,

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Speaker 2: and that should be okay. I think there is sometimes

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Speaker 2: the insecurity of having you know, your significant other be

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Speaker 2: around people of the opposite sex, and that could be

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Speaker 2: seen to be scary to that individual. I think the

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Speaker 2: best thing that we can do is just reassure our partners,

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Speaker 2: let them know that, hey, listen, you have nothing to

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Speaker 2: worry about. You know, we're just we're just coworkers. Like

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Speaker 2: he obviously is around me, but like he's never he's

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Speaker 2: never crossed the line. If he ever did, I would

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Speaker 2: certainly let you know, and I'd put my foot down,

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Speaker 2: I think, reassuring your partner that you're there's nothing to

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Speaker 2: worry about, but also acknowledging as well, you know, their concerns.

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Speaker 2: I think it's always important that we validate because their

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Speaker 2: concerns are important to them, whether or not we agree

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Speaker 2: with them as a separate matter. But one thing that

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Speaker 2: I've definitely learned is that it's important to them. Nonetheless,

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Speaker 2: it's a fear of theirs, and if we love that individual,

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Speaker 2: if we care about them, then we have to really

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Speaker 2: like give that fear weight. We have to hold it

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Speaker 2: and be mindful of it and just let him know, like, hey,

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Speaker 2: you know, I understand that you're concerned about this. I

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Speaker 2: can promise you no lines have been crossed. I love

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Speaker 2: you to death, and if ever that were to be

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Speaker 2: the case, then I would let you know. But maybe

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Speaker 2: also too, I don't know if it's possible, but maybe

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Speaker 2: you know, y'all could all meet at some point, whether

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Speaker 2: it just like if it just happens casually, I'm not

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Speaker 2: if you have the ability to do so.

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Speaker 1: I think him just meeting him possibly and being.

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Speaker 2: Less of an unknown. The unknown scares us, I think

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Speaker 2: as individuals, so the more that we know about a situation,

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Speaker 2: the more comfortable we are with it. So I think

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Speaker 2: that could also be an avenue to explore as well

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Speaker 2: as uh, just being able to kind of all three

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Speaker 2: meet up at some point. If it's a work event

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Speaker 2: and you just like, hey, I'm gonna bring my boyfriend along,

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Speaker 2: that might be a really great way to just break

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Speaker 2: that ice, to kind of casually just soften the fear

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Speaker 2: and say, Okay, hey, listen, like this is who it is.

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Speaker 2: Like you guys get to know each other, and then

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Speaker 2: the better understanding of this coworker that he maybe doesn't

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Speaker 2: know well, the more he knows, I think, the more

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Speaker 2: comfortable will be.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that totally makes sense.

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Speaker 1: Thank you absolutely. Hey Mikayla, how's it going.

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Speaker 4: I'm okay. How are you I'm.

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Speaker 1: Doing I'm doing well.

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Speaker 2: I'm excited to hopefully provide a little insight for your question,

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Speaker 2: but but lay it on me.

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Speaker 1: I'm curious what you got for me today.

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Speaker 4: Okay. So, my husband and I we've been married for

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Speaker 4: like two issues, and one of the main arguments we

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Speaker 4: always have is how much he's always on his phone,

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Speaker 4: like he's just like NonStop on his phone playing video games,

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Speaker 4: group chats with his bros. You know, constant like social

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Speaker 4: media scrolling. He's like totally addicted. And like I've told

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Speaker 4: him before how much it bothers me because it happens

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Speaker 4: during dinner, on trips, you know, like when we're in

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Speaker 4: the middle of a conversation. So I just want to know, like,

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Speaker 4: how can I get my point across about my feelings

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Speaker 4: about how much it bothers me so that he like

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Speaker 4: gets it.

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Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, great question.

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Speaker 2: And I think, gosh, if this one hits home because

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Speaker 2: I had a very similar conversation with Susie.

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Speaker 1: I think that two things.

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Speaker 2: One, with any conversation that we have or think something

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Speaker 2: that we want to get across to our partner, I

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Speaker 2: think we always need to be able to bring it

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Speaker 2: in a way where it never seems like it's an attack.

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Speaker 2: So going in being calm as we enter the discussion

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Speaker 2: and say, you know, hey, listen, I just want to

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Speaker 2: sit down and talk with you for a second. You

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Speaker 2: got a moment, and then say, you know, I just

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Speaker 2: want to bring something up to you that's been bothering me,

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Speaker 2: and it sounds like you've expressed it prior. But I

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Speaker 2: think again, I can't speak on all men. I never

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Speaker 2: like to use absolutes and say everybody's this way. But

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Speaker 2: he maybe you know this is he is he a

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Speaker 2: rash thinker, as he kind of he's looking to always

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Speaker 2: solve a problem. I mean, is that kind of how

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Speaker 2: he typically is when you bring him, you know, problems.

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Speaker 2: Is he always looking to find an answer or is

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Speaker 2: that typically how it goes?

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Speaker 1: I'm just curious.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean yeah, most of the time he's pretty natural.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, And so that's good for me to know

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Speaker 2: because that's that's similar to how I operate. And something

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Speaker 2: that I learned food with Susie is that oftentimes she

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Speaker 2: doesn't want a solution her problem. She just wants support.

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Speaker 2: And so but we sometimes as men, at least some men,

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Speaker 2: will look to find a solution to the problem. So

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Speaker 2: I think keeping that in mind if I were in

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Speaker 2: your spot shoes, is to understand that perspective that, Okay,

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Speaker 2: if that's bothering you, he may be in his head thinking, well,

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Speaker 2: how can I how can we solve this? So that's

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Speaker 2: where I think it's it's a matter of how can

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Speaker 2: we get to that point? So when you talk with him,

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Speaker 2: it's about not seeming accusatorious or coming after him and

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Speaker 2: raising our tone, but staying calm the entire time and

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Speaker 2: then just say, hey, listen, like, this is something that's

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Speaker 2: been bothering me, you know, but I'd like to find

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Speaker 2: a solution to this problem, like do you And what

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Speaker 2: would that look like? And I think just having that

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Speaker 2: discussion and keeping it open and honest and just maybe

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Speaker 2: I don't know what that looks like for you all.

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Speaker 2: Susane and I tried to set aside two hours every

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Speaker 2: night where we put our phones down and we didn't

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Speaker 2: pick them back up, and so we would put our

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Speaker 2: phones in another room and it worked actually fairly well

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Speaker 2: for us. But I think it's a matter of kind

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Speaker 2: of from a guy's perspective, it's to go, okay, if

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Speaker 2: here's if this is a problem, how do we find

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Speaker 2: a solution? So I think that's the way that he

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Speaker 2: might be viewing it. And if you're just if you

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Speaker 2: go to him and that nature and say, hey, listen,

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Speaker 2: like I just want to fix I'm looking to find

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Speaker 2: kind of this an answer to this because I want

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Speaker 2: us to be happy. I don't want this to be

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Speaker 2: something that orther puts, you know, distance between us, and

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Speaker 2: I think saying it that way will respect him as well,

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Speaker 2: and it won't seem like an attack like I want

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Speaker 2: you to get off your phone and stop talking to

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Speaker 2: your friends. Because those things that he's doing, you know,

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Speaker 2: he's placing value in and and with the group chat

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Speaker 2: with the boys. You know, that's that to him brings

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Speaker 2: him happiness. So he obviously doesn't want to maybe rid

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Speaker 2: himself completely of it, but there's a way to.

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Speaker 1: Find balance, and I think that's just where it's a

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Speaker 1: matter of like let's sit down and have a conversation

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Speaker 1: and try to figure out where that balance is. Does

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Speaker 1: that hopefully help?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: No, that's great, Thank you?

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Speaker 1: Okay, perfect? Hey Kaye, it's Clayton. How you doing.

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Speaker 4: Hey good? How are you good?

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Speaker 1: And I'm doing great? What do you got for me?

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Speaker 2: I got these questions are coming in hot right now,

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Speaker 2: so hopefully I I'll give you my my my best answer.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, shoot, shoot, let's let's hear what you got

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Speaker 2: for a question.

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Speaker 6: Okay, thank you so much. This is really way I'm

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Speaker 6: going on me. So, my boyfriend of three years and

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Speaker 6: I moved in together probably a year ago. But he

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Speaker 6: just got this incredible job opportunity in another state, okay,

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Speaker 6: and I can't leave our current state because of my job.

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Speaker 6: And I really like my job. But I worry that

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Speaker 6: if he moves like our relationship isn't going to survive

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Speaker 6: the move. And so I'm really worried about that. I

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Speaker 6: have two questions, how do we make long distance work

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Speaker 6: if he takes the job?

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Speaker 4: I hear so.

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Speaker 6: Many things about that. And two, is there a time

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Speaker 6: limit that we should put on it to either live

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Speaker 6: together again or break up? Because I don't want to

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Speaker 6: waste my time don't want to waste his time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Absolutely so, I think For one, I just wanted to.

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Speaker 2: Acknowledge that think that your your fear and concern is

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Speaker 2: very valid because that is a question that everybody does.

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Speaker 2: A lot of people have when a long distance becomes

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Speaker 2: a part of the equation, especially when you're together and

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Speaker 2: then you separate for a portion of time. I currently, again,

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Speaker 2: this one hits home as well in my in my

385
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Speaker 2: day to day. Right now, Susie and I are going

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Speaker 2: to be living separately just for a short period of

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Speaker 2: time while I look for a house. But I think

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Speaker 2: and then she'll move back in but with that we

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Speaker 2: had that same fear. Right we talked about it, like

390
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Speaker 2: what if this ends up being something that ends up

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Speaker 2: being a negative outcome for us and breaks us up.

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Speaker 2: And I think the big thing that we realized or

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Speaker 2: told ourselves is let's not let that fear overtake us

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Speaker 2: and tell it becomes a concern we both are. We

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Speaker 2: both are in the position where like we're conscious of it,

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Speaker 2: but we're chasing our dreams, our aspirations. We're taking this

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Speaker 2: time to separate for the short period of time that

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Speaker 2: will be apart. But yes, I do believe that it

399
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 2: is great to put to like put in a marker

400
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Speaker 2: or a point where you're like, okay, we will end

401
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Speaker 2: up living together here, whether it's a month.

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Speaker 1: Away, three months away, a year.

403
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Speaker 2: But having a plan, I think it's so important that

404
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,399
Speaker 2: you have a plan in place, because just establishing a

405
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Speaker 2: plan will start to quell some of that fear instead

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Speaker 2: of just thinking, well, we just moved to different states

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Speaker 2: and I don't even.

408
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Speaker 1: Know what we're going to do a month from now.

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Speaker 2: So if you establish that plan, that will help I

410
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Speaker 2: think keep the concern at bay.

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Speaker 1: Long distance does work.

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Speaker 2: I mean, there's examples of people successful marriages that did

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Speaker 2: long distance for years, so it is doable, and I

414
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Speaker 2: think also having that action plan in place.

415
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Speaker 1: But if you're going to do the.

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Speaker 2: Long distance, I do still think you can't replace being

417
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Speaker 2: in an environment with somebody physically. So I think as

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Speaker 2: I was in one of my past relationships, I did

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Speaker 2: long distance and what worked was we found time to

420
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Speaker 2: fly out and see each other. And so taking that

421
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Speaker 2: time to budget. What's that look like if we fly

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Speaker 2: out once a month, do we set that up on

423
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Speaker 2: the schedule right away? Do we plan weeks in advance,

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Speaker 2: so when we go our separate ways and live separately,

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Speaker 2: we already know that in the next two months, every

426
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 2: two weeks there's already a flight scheduled to see each other.

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Speaker 2: I think establishing a plan and doing that well again,

428
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Speaker 2: I think that's what I would suggest you all do

429
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Speaker 2: because it's taking the initiative to continue to nurture that relationship.

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Speaker 2: I think it's great that you guys both have incredible

431
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Speaker 2: jobs and that right now you too see it as well.

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Speaker 2: We don't want to not take our dream job because

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Speaker 2: of someone else.

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Speaker 1: But here's the.

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Speaker 2: Thing again, I think think it's again just being mindful

436
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Speaker 2: working together through devising a plan of how can we

437
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Speaker 2: make this work? And then if it ever gets to

438
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Speaker 2: the point where one of you realizes that it's either

439
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 2: the job or the relationship, then I think someone has

440
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:14,800
Speaker 2: to compromise. And sometimes that is just the point in

441
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 2: our lives where we have to say, well, what's more

442
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,959
Speaker 2: important to us this job or our partner, and if

443
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 2: it's meant to be, if that person's special, then ultimately

444
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 2: you'll choose that partner. But again that's down the road.

445
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 2: I think right now, there's a lot of what ifs,

446
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,679
Speaker 2: and we can't be dwelling in the what if. What

447
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 2: we can do, though, is establish a plan so that

448
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,120
Speaker 2: we can give ourselves the best chance at bake at

449
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 2: making both realities exist.

450
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 6: Does that help so much?

451
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 4: Thank you so much.

452
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's good to know that other people are going

453
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:44,199
Speaker 6: through it, so.

454
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 1: Gad I'm right there with you. So yeah. Absolutely. I

455
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 1: wish you nothing but the best and thank you for

456
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: the question.

457
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 6: Thanks Clayton.

458
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,679
Speaker 1: Hey, Michelle, it's Clayton a great. How you doing Hi?

459
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 1: I'm good. How are you good? I'm doing great.

460
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 2: I don't know why I just told you my last name,

461
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 2: but I'll try to make it a bit less and

462
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 2: uh less formal here going forward. So okay, thank you,

463
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 2: thank you for hoping on here today, and yeah.

464
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 1: I go ahead and shoot shoot with the question. I'm

465
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,640
Speaker 1: curious what you got for me? Sure. Yeah.

466
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 5: So I've been best kind of best friends, I would say,

467
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 5: with this guy for about nine.

468
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:24,400
Speaker 7: Years, and I I've never had feelings for him before,

469
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 7: but I would say in the last like two months

470
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 7: or so, I've just started to feel kind.

471
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 5: Of jealous when he'll call me and just tell me

472
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 5: about the dates that he's been going on or whatever.

473
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 5: Mostly it's because I think he's found this one girl

474
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,639
Speaker 5: and he really likes her, and so they've been going

475
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,840
Speaker 5: on dates. They've been dating for around two months essentially,

476
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 5: So I guess it's probably just this one woman who's

477
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 5: been back. But I just worry if I tell him

478
00:24:53,920 --> 00:25:00,439
Speaker 5: about my feelings, like about how I feel about being

479
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 5: not okay with him telling me about this person, that

480
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 5: it'll ruin the great friendship that we do have, right, like,

481
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 5: and I don't I don't know, because like I'm really torn.

482
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 5: I also don't want to be wondering like if I

483
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,679
Speaker 5: don't tell him, what if he does feel something for me?

484
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,120
Speaker 5: And like we should take it to the next level, or.

485
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 1: I don't know.

486
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 5: I just I don't know if I should keep the

487
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 5: feelings to myself, like let this play out a little

488
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,560
Speaker 5: bit more with this woman he's been seeing for two months,

489
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,159
Speaker 5: or if I should say something.

490
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh man, that is quite the predicament, and I

491
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 2: think it's it's challenging, right I without knowing y'all's I

492
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,680
Speaker 2: mean again, you said nine years, correct that you guys.

493
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 1: Have been friends.

494
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,679
Speaker 5: Yeah, we started We worked together for about four years

495
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 5: at the same uh location, you know company, and then

496
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 5: we stopped working together the last five years, but we've

497
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 5: remained friends.

498
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I'm curious what why in the past did

499
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:06,119
Speaker 2: you all never explore, you know, a connection between you

500
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 2: two past just friends? And was did you ever did

501
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 2: y'all ever date other individuals and that time frame or

502
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,359
Speaker 2: is this is this the first time that he's finally

503
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 2: taught like talking to somebody and you've felt these feelings,

504
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 2: or what is it about the time?

505
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:24,679
Speaker 8: You know?

506
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 5: I think I I was dating somebody and probably wasn't

507
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 5: really ready to date again. And then I think and

508
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 5: that probably I mean I was dating somebody when we

509
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 5: worked at the same place, and then once we left,

510
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 5: I probably I have not been dating that person for

511
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:47,119
Speaker 5: like the last three to four years, and so it

512
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:52,120
Speaker 5: just naturally moved into talking about each other's dates at

513
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,360
Speaker 5: that time. And I wasn't seriously considering anything, right because

514
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 5: I was like just gotten out of a six year relationship,

515
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 5: Like I definitely wanted it was nice to have a

516
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 5: guy buddy to like shoot, you know, just to talk

517
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 5: about dates with, you know, and just to be to

518
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 5: have somebody who you can talk to about that stuff,

519
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 5: who has who comes from a from the male perspective,

520
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,439
Speaker 5: you know, and isn't just my girlfriends. So I was

521
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 5: enjoying that probably for the last two years. And I

522
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 5: don't know, I guess maybe uh he hadn't really had

523
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 5: anybody serious before, and neither had I for the last

524
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 5: two or three years. So I think it's the fact

525
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 5: that this chick is like it's a lot, it's long term, right,

526
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 5: And he's starting to tell me about like connections that

527
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 5: they're having on their dates, and it's and now I'm

528
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:39,679
Speaker 5: realizing that bothers me.

529
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:45,959
Speaker 2: Do you are you fearful that do you see you

530
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,479
Speaker 2: now see him wanting to potentially be a potential future

531
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 2: partner or are you concerned that she may take away

532
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,959
Speaker 2: from your friendship. I just kind of want to distinguish

533
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 2: between those two. Curious, so do I.

534
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 5: Clayton, I would like to wrish between those two as well.

535
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 5: That's kind of my issue, right, I like, I really

536
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 5: don't want to ruin our friendship. I am interested to

537
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 5: see if we have a chance to do a thing,

538
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 5: but I really don't want to ruin our friendship.

539
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:19,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, Okay, Yeah, so I think again, I will

540
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 2: say my thought is honesty is almost always the best policy.

541
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 2: I'm not I don't like to speak in absolutes because

542
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 2: I think there's an exception to every rule. But I

543
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 2: think with a friendship that you all have and the

544
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 2: longevity of it, I think that it warrants a potential conversation.

545
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 2: I think again, though, it's all about prefacing it, so

546
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 2: asking him if he has the time to speak, saying

547
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 2: letting him know that you want to respect him and

548
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 2: the right relationship that he has. But I think I

549
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 2: think it's fair to let him know, like, hey, like

550
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 2: this is something that you know, I want you to know,

551
00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 2: and I just want to know if like there's a

552
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 2: potential and if there's not that's totally cool.

553
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 1: Uh, you know I I.

554
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 2: Want to respect you again the relationship that you have

555
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 2: and so and I still want to be obviously a

556
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 2: great friend. But like, is you know, do you think

557
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 2: there's a chance that this could ever be something? It's

558
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 2: really tough because again I I don't you don't want

559
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 2: to overstep and make it seem like you're potentially interfering

560
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 2: in this relationship of his that may bring him happiness.

561
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 2: But I guess the alternative is that you don't say anything,

562
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 2: and then it builds up these feelings and then you

563
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 2: start to create distance, uh and separate yourself. And if

564
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 2: you have you you all have a strong friendship. I

565
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 2: think that that will end up coming up inevitably. So

566
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:48,479
Speaker 2: if it's two months in and you hold off, then

567
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 2: it becomes six months in, and the timing really never

568
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 2: is right.

569
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, I see what you're saying.

570
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 2: I think that it just my fear is that it

571
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 2: would build up and you would still harbor these feelings

572
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 2: and then distance would start to be put in between

573
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,440
Speaker 2: y'all and then you would say, well, now it's six

574
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 2: month in relationship, I'm just going to go ahead. And

575
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 2: I can't even like associate talk with themcause it just

576
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 2: upsets me. So I'm just going to create this distance

577
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 2: and then that relationship, that friendship is lost. I just

578
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 2: think you have to be very respectful if you go

579
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 2: into the conversation and say, I only just want to

580
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 2: bring this up once.

581
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to.

582
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 2: Be a big thing, but you know, I do want

583
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 2: to be honest with you. And you know, do you

584
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 2: think that do you feel any any of these feelings?

585
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 2: And if not, that's okay, I will, I will rightfully.

586
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 2: You know, I want to support you and your happiness.

587
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 2: You're my friend and so ultimately I want what's best

588
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 2: for you.

589
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.

590
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 5: I appreciate that advice very much.

591
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 1: Absolutely, thank you so much for asking. Hey all Raids Clayton.

592
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: How you doing Hi? I'm good, Thank you?

593
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 4: How are you?

594
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: I am doing good.

595
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 2: I'm getting hit with some hard questions right now about relationships.

596
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 2: So I'm thinking you might have one too for me,

597
00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 2: and I'm curious to know what it is.

598
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 1: But we can, we can dive in. You got if

599
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 1: you got it top of mind right now?

600
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 2: Yeah?

601
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,479
Speaker 4: I do? Okay, Cool, here we go.

602
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 8: So I've been single for five years now and all

603
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 8: of my friends are married and starting to have kids.

604
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 8: I've been on a few different dating apps, but I'm

605
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 8: not getting any matches, So I want to know what

606
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 8: I can add or do to my online dating profile

607
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 8: to catch the attention of more men.

608
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 2: Okay, fair question. I used to be on the dating

609
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 2: apps myself, and so you always heard about the things

610
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 2: you should and shouldn't do for guys. It's like, oh, everyone,

611
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 2: he's got a fish pick, And there was like the

612
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 2: dos and don'ts of navigating the apps. But here's my

613
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 2: best bit of advice is you're gonna want to put

614
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 2: on your profile what is authentically you, uh, and so

615
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 2: what you feel most comfortable with. It's not about yes,

616
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 2: you could post a provocative photo and maybe get some

617
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,239
Speaker 2: more people you know that are going to start inboxing you,

618
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 2: But ultimately, is that really the image that you're wanting

619
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 2: to portray. I understand the frustration with seemingly not getting

620
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 2: enough matches and thinking, well, I have to change something

621
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 2: about myself. But if you do that, you're going against

622
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 2: who you really are and truthfully are, and I think

623
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 2: you don't that might attract somebody that then when they

624
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 2: find out who you know, the real you is, you

625
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 2: run the risk of like, well, I posted this, but

626
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 2: that's not fully who I am. Like I just did

627
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 2: that to kind of maybe attract or or get more

628
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 2: you know, likes on a you know, on a dating app.

629
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 2: So I would my advice would be just continue to

630
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 2: push what you think is most authentically you.

631
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 1: Actually, here's an example.

632
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 2: I I'm not a big drinker, and when I was

633
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 2: on the apps, I at first said that I did

634
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 2: drink because I thought that people would look at that

635
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 2: and like, I don't want to date a guy that

636
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 2: doesn't drink it, right, he sounds like a bore. But

637
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 2: then what happened was is I went out on dates

638
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 2: and when I wasn't drinking, they were kind of like, well,

639
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 2: you said you drink all the time. I was like, no,

640
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 2: I don't, like, just on special occasions. So I realized

641
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 2: that I was trying to cater to an audience, but

642
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 2: I wasn't fully truthfully being myself on the profile and

643
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 2: saying like, hey, I should just put no, And then

644
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 2: someone's like, why don't you drink?

645
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: Why do you on special occasions? Right?

646
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 2: So the expectations if we are who we are and

647
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 2: we put that on our profile, then we attract what

648
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 2: we want to attract. So I would just say, honestly,

649
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 2: just continue to post what you want to post on

650
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 2: there and eventually, like you're going to find that person

651
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 2: that's going to see that, like Wow, this girl is

652
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 2: exactly what I want and exactly what I've been looking for,

653
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 2: because I would hate for you to swap something out

654
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 2: and then you never know when that person that's you know,

655
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 2: sifting through the photos, sees one picture and you took

656
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 2: down a picture that you thought nobody was gonna be

657
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 2: interested in, and that might have been the one that

658
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 2: ended up, you know, making them be like yeah, I'm

659
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 2: gonna swipe right, yeah, or whatever direction it is nowadays,

660
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 2: I assume it's still right, but that'd be my advice.

661
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:13,439
Speaker 2: Just keep being you, authentically you, and it'll it'll come around.

662
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 2: I've only had two relationships, seriously, it's just relationships my

663
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 2: entire life. I'm twenty nine, So I know timing isn't

664
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,399
Speaker 2: doesn't seem to always be on our sides. But if

665
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 2: you're a good person, you care, you and you do

666
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 2: all and you just you're a genuinely good person, then

667
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 2: I do believe that, like you'll find your person.

668
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 1: I mean shrute.

669
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 2: I am now in a happy relationship, but prior to

670
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 2: that point, I was just like you. All my friends

671
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 2: were engaged and married, and I was starting to wonder

672
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 2: if my time is ever going to come, And here

673
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 2: we are, so I think I would just say, just

674
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 2: keep being you and that person will come around.

675
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,240
Speaker 1: Does that help it all? It's kind of long winded,

676
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:52,760
Speaker 1: but hopefully that helps a little.

677
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 5: No, No, it's good. It's good context.

678
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 4: It's it's really kind of scary to do that. But

679
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 4: I see your point and why that makes a lot

680
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 4: of sense.

681
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is, and it is scary. I absolutely. I

682
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:06,799
Speaker 1: think you're very valid.

683
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 2: It's very understanding for you to feel that way. But

684
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 2: I think it's also scary to think that, Well, if

685
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 2: you aren't yourself, then what happens if you missed that

686
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 2: person that was looking for who you really are and

687
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 2: and if you convey yourself.

688
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: In a different light.

689
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:28,279
Speaker 2: So I would, Yeah, I understand your fear, and I

690
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 2: think it's it's really hard to say, like there's I

691
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 2: don't think there's any certain particular pick that's gonna post

692
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 2: that's going to do well and resonate most. I think

693
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 2: authenticity reads at the end of the day, So hopefully

694
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 2: that helps.

695
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 1: And I wish you but the best. I think.

696
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 2: I think you're your person's come and trust me, I

697
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 2: do believe it and and and I believe it will

698
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:50,240
Speaker 2: come away.

699
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 1: And I think you should just keep being yourself. That's

700
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 1: my opinion, I hope.

701
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 4: So thank you, Thank you.

702
00:35:56,120 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 1: So much for the question, Rye, Rye. All right, so

703
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: we're gonna go ahead and take a break. Thank you

704
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 1: so much for all the questions.

705
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 2: There were some tough ones, but I think a lot

706
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 2: of people are going through those kind of questions. They

707
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 2: have them, so it's so very awesome to be able

708
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,439
Speaker 2: to answer a few. And we will be right back.

709
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,760
Speaker 2: All right, Welcome back, everybody. We are at the official

710
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,359
Speaker 2: point of Q and A, so we're going to dive

711
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 2: in here. There's some pretty juicy questions and as long

712
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 2: winded as I am, I'm going to try to be

713
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 2: as clear and concise as possible.

714
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 1: So here we go.

715
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 2: Question number one. At the end of The Bachelor, you

716
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 2: found yourself in love with three women. How did you

717
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 2: finally figure out that Susie was the one for you?

718
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 1: Oh? Man, I mean that is a tough question.

719
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:58,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, And on the show, I don't think, and we

720
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 2: talked about the Susie and I, I don't think we

721
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 2: really knew if we were each other's person.

722
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 1: I went with where my heart was leading me, and

723
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 1: unfortunately it.

724
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 2: Was in a disastrous manner that I navigated through it all,

725
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,200
Speaker 2: and I caused a lot of pain and I learned

726
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:16,319
Speaker 2: a lot of lessons that I needed to learn. I

727
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 2: was immature, and I did a lot of things I

728
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,399
Speaker 2: wish I would have done differently, But.

729
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 1: I just in that moment, I went with my gut.

730
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 2: I just I felt that when I needed to go

731
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:30,479
Speaker 2: after her and I needed to let the other two

732
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 2: women go and then on their own journeys. And so

733
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 2: it was really really tough and challenging to navigate that environment.

734
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 2: But I didn't really figure out that Susie was the

735
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 2: one for me until after the show, and tell Susie

736
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 2: and I got to spend more time with each other

737
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 2: in the real world, so that I would say we

738
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 2: figured that out after the show. Going okay, Question two,

739
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 2: going through what you did on TV and having Batter

740
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 2: Nation fans way in with their opinions, did that affect

741
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 2: your relationship then and how did you get through it?

742
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:06,919
Speaker 1: Oh? My gosh, yes, gosh.

743
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:14,719
Speaker 2: Unfortunately Bachelor Nation, their opinions and their constant commentary online

744
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 2: can start to really leak into the minds of those

745
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 2: of the leads and then the women or the men

746
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 2: on the show, depending on what season it is.

747
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 1: But yes, those opinions can resonate.

748
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:36,480
Speaker 2: And unfortunately, what was in my inbox versus what was

749
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 2: in Susie's inbox were two different things. We both had

750
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:43,840
Speaker 2: support in our inbox saying that we understand why you

751
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 2: did what you did, and then she had the same

752
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 2: thing going on in her inbox and what that actually

753
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 2: ended up doing, and we had to catch it. Thankfully

754
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 2: we did before I ended up creating more damage. But

755
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 2: it was almost causing a divide between the two of

756
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 2: us because I was getting a ton of support in

757
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 2: my DMS, she was getting a ton of support on

758
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 2: her DM, So it strengthened our viewpoints and it made

759
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 2: it a lot harder for us to see the other side.

760
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 2: So what we ultimately had to do was shut it

761
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 2: off that third party, the Bachelor Nation. We had to

762
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 2: cut it off and say we are not going to

763
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 2: allow anybody else to dictate our relationship or tell us

764
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,600
Speaker 2: how our relationship should be, and we sat down, we

765
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:27,399
Speaker 2: went to therapy, and we dove into it and really

766
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 2: found and got to the root of the issue, which

767
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 2: was that she wasn't feeling understood and either was I,

768
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 2: and so we started to see each other's perspective, and

769
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,800
Speaker 2: we knew that even our loved ones, they have opinions,

770
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 2: but they don't know the full story. So we had

771
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:43,479
Speaker 2: to just say, listen, if we're going to make this work,

772
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 2: it comes down to the two of us and only

773
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:51,439
Speaker 2: our opinions matter when it comes to our relationship. Question three,

774
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:55,360
Speaker 2: How is your and study's relationship today? I'm happy to

775
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:58,280
Speaker 2: say it's better than ever. Even though people are freaking

776
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 2: out they're about to separate, we're only doing it temporarily.

777
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 2: I want people to understand that she doesn't want to

778
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 2: live in a cooped up little apartment with me and

779
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 2: my middle brother, rightfully.

780
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,840
Speaker 1: So it's a small, tiny apartment. She's been there once before.

781
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 2: She's going to go to la and spend some time

782
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 2: there while I buy a house in Scottsdale, And the

783
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,720
Speaker 2: plan is once I buy the house in a couple months,

784
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 2: she will move out and live with me. With all that,

785
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 2: we're still going to see each other most of the weekends.

786
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 2: We're planning out what weekends already. We can buy plane

787
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 2: tickets to see each other. It's a fifty minute flight,

788
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:33,239
Speaker 2: no concern whatsoever. We are in an incredibly great spots.

789
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 2: So the next question, what am I worried about the

790
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,919
Speaker 2: most and being in a long distance relationship.

791
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: While the one of the callers earlier just.

792
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 2: Brought it up, we talked touched on this, but I

793
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,879
Speaker 2: think again, when it comes to me, just a break

794
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 2: down and communication. But I don't see that really happening

795
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:57,760
Speaker 2: between Susie and I. But when there's distance between individuals,

796
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:03,240
Speaker 2: sometimes the intention of your actions can get lost because

797
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 2: you're not there physically with that person to be able

798
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,920
Speaker 2: to read body language, to read tone, text, messaging can

799
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 2: be misinterpreted, and distance can make the heart go fonder.

800
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:18,240
Speaker 2: But sometimes distance can cause you if you're not putting

801
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,320
Speaker 2: the effort in to see each other, it can create distance,

802
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 2: not from a physical standpoint, but then it starts to

803
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 2: create distance emotionally because you're not around that person, you're

804
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 2: not nurturing that relationship. So my worry would always be

805
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 2: if not feeling like the effort is going to be

806
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 2: put in and that physical distance starts to turn into

807
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 2: emotional distance. But I'm mindful of that and so as Susie,

808
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 2: so I don't see.

809
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:45,919
Speaker 1: That being an issue. Next question, Do I have any

810
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 1: regrets for my season being the Bachelor? Yes?

811
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 2: Many, but I will say that with those regrets, I

812
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 2: wish I would have done things differently, but I didn't.

813
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 2: And I also do believe that everything does happen for

814
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 2: a reason. So I think I was meant to make

815
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:02,959
Speaker 2: a fool out of myself. I think I was meant

816
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:06,400
Speaker 2: to do make take the decisions that I did in

817
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 2: order for me to have my weaknesses and insecurities be

818
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,279
Speaker 2: exposed and come to light so that I could then

819
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 2: see them for what they were, acknowledge them, and then

820
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:20,720
Speaker 2: work on strengthening those weaknesses and turning them into strength.

821
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 2: So I regret a lot of the things that I

822
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 2: did on the show, but I do I am thankful

823
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 2: that they were all brought to light my insecurities because

824
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 2: I've now addressed them and still am addressing them to

825
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 2: be a better human being, and I think I've become

826
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:42,840
Speaker 2: that from the show. Next question, am I watching Gabby

827
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 2: and Rachel's season of The bat Threat I've watched a

828
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 2: few episodes, not all of them, and that's just because

829
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:54,800
Speaker 2: Susie and I last night when the episode was airing,

830
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 2: we were with her family. So if we happen to

831
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 2: be home, we will turn and on. But if we're

832
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 2: working again, we have our own aspirations right now that

833
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 2: we're working towards. You know, the show takes two hours.

834
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 2: Some nights it's two hours long, and we sometimes don't

835
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,799
Speaker 2: have that time or we decide to do something else

836
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,439
Speaker 2: instead of watch the show. So we're both very much

837
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 2: in support of those two finding their happiness. We both

838
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 2: know those two women and wish them nothing but the best.

839
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 2: And so at the end of the day, we're just

840
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 2: our lives are busy at times and we're.

841
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 1: Not always able to watch.

842
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 2: Okay, honted some dating relationship questions. How long should you

843
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:40,879
Speaker 2: message someone before you meet in person? Now, I will

844
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 2: say again, I got to go back to the times

845
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 2: when I used to be on the apps dating apps,

846
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 2: and gosh, I mean, it felt like it was all

847
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 2: a matter of a game of I can't respond back

848
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,439
Speaker 2: to quickly and we have to talk for a week

849
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 2: before we can meet up. My personal opinion, again, this

850
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 2: is just me I am who I am and nobody

851
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 2: else is who I am. So but my thought is this,

852
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 2: you should message as long as it takes to become

853
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 2: comfortable with meeting that person. So if you're somebody like

854
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 2: me who I could meet up right away because to me,

855
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 2: strangers I can have conversations with right out the gate,

856
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 2: then so be it like then then you can meet

857
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 2: up the same day that you message that person.

858
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 1: Again, I think it depends on the gender of the individual.

859
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:30,359
Speaker 2: Obviously, if you're meeting up with a stranger, I know

860
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 2: that from a female's perspective, you want to be in

861
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 2: the safe environment, populated environment at a bar, whatever it

862
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 2: might be, somewhere there's a lot of people, so just

863
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:39,919
Speaker 2: obviously be smart about that. But I don't think there's

864
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 2: any amount of time. It's it's until you feel comfortable.

865
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:44,759
Speaker 2: Right at the end of the day, you should be

866
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 2: comfortable with meeting up with that person. Some people it

867
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 2: takes a little longer to become comfortable with, so that

868
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 2: would be my answer. However long it takes to become comfortable.

869
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 2: So okay, last question here today, what are some things

870
00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,839
Speaker 2: you can do to make time for your spouse when

871
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 2: you're dealing with busy schedules. So I think one of

872
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:09,839
Speaker 2: the best things you can do is schedule time to

873
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 2: sit down with your partner when it fits with the

874
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:16,080
Speaker 2: both of your schedules. Because I refuse to believe that

875
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,320
Speaker 2: your twenty four hours for the next week are completely

876
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 2: taken up. You can always find time, even if it's

877
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 2: a long distance and you're not physically together. You can

878
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 2: schedule a zoom call and I guarantee you have fifteen minutes.

879
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 2: I do not believe anybody everyone, There's not a single

880
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,439
Speaker 2: person out that it does not have fifteen minutes. So

881
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 2: schedule time. Be mindful, take the initiative to sit down

882
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 2: talk with your partner, and then when you do that,

883
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,880
Speaker 2: as far as making time for them, set a schedule,

884
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 2: put it in your physical phones calendar. I do that,

885
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 2: and then once you put it in there, you're more

886
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 2: likely to follow through. You can set reminders that, okay, hey,

887
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 2: in thirty minutes, mind who's going to go off, that

888
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 2: you have a conversation coming up, or time that you're

889
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 2: going to spend with your partner. But when you take

890
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:09,359
Speaker 2: the initiative and place it in your calendar physically, you're

891
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:11,640
Speaker 2: more likely to do it. That would be my advice.

892
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 2: So I believe that is all the time that we

893
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 2: have for questions today. Thank you all so much for

894
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 2: tuning in to how men think. This is so much

895
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 2: fun and if y'all are interested in keeping up to

896
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 2: date with me and what's my next steps in life entail,

897
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 2: then you can find me on social media at Clayton

898
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 2: eckerd first and last name on Instacram.

899
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 1: Really easy, It's easy to get in contact with me there.

900
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 2: You can shoot me a DM, you can shoot me

901
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,960
Speaker 2: an email, whatever you want in the comments of my pictures.

902
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: That's where you'll find me.

903
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,440
Speaker 2: It's where I'm most active and I will keep you

904
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 2: all updated as far as what's next, all through the app.

905
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,479
Speaker 1: So that's where you can find me, Matt Hiding and all.

906
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 2: And thank you once again for taking the time out

907
00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 2: of your day to sit here with me and hopefully

908
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 2: learn a thing or two.

909
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 5: This is how men think. An iHeartRadio London Audio Production

910
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 5: listen each Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or

911
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:11,760
Speaker 5: wherever you get your podcasts.