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Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This

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Speaker 1: is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Everyone,

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Speaker 1: I'm Clayton A Grid and you may know me from

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Speaker 1: season eighteen of The Bachelrette and season twenty six of

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Speaker 1: The Bachelor. I am so happy to be a guest

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Speaker 1: hosting How Men Think. I'm gonna answer all your questions

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Speaker 1: and try to help you understand how men think. But first,

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Speaker 1: this is eleven questions with Clayton, So let's get into it.

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Speaker 1: So first, question number one, what am I known for? Well,

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Speaker 1: I guess it really depends on who you ask. If

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Speaker 1: you would ask the public, then what I just told

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Speaker 1: you from my intro would be how most people know me,

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Speaker 1: at least the majority from a number standpoint, but those

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Speaker 1: closest to me, my family and friends, would describe me

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Speaker 1: as someone who's goofy, hard working, and passionate about creating

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Speaker 1: change and others lives. Question two, who are you and

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Speaker 1: your personal life? For me? Personally, I'm an avid wellness advocates,

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Speaker 1: so fitness, nutrition, mental health. I really just like to

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Speaker 1: wake up every day and find a way that I

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Speaker 1: cannot only better my mental health, but better those um

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Speaker 1: mental health and states. Mental health states of people around me.

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Speaker 1: Um and being able to learn and then also provide

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Speaker 1: what I've learned to others as well. I love going

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Speaker 1: to the gym. I just try to be as active

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Speaker 1: as I can. Uh, and I'm somewhat of a nerd.

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Speaker 1: I now see knowledge is power. Knowledge enthusiasts. I love

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Speaker 1: to listen to podcasts. I love to watch documentaries from

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Speaker 1: time and time, and really just any way that I

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Speaker 1: can pick up on a new piece of knowledge. One

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Speaker 1: thing a day is what I challenge myself to learn.

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Speaker 1: At least it helps me better understand the world around

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Speaker 1: me because there is a lot of commonalities. There are

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Speaker 1: a lot out there. Um. Three shows that I've been

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Speaker 1: binge watching. I do not watch a lot of television

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Speaker 1: or shows, but I will say that I still from

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Speaker 1: time to time will turn something on. Uh. Susie and

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Speaker 1: I right now we are watching the Men Tai Tail documentary,

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Speaker 1: which was very, very fascinating. I definitely recommend people go

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Speaker 1: watch that if you know who he is. I think

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Speaker 1: that there was a lot that I was unaware of

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Speaker 1: until now, so it's really great to see the other

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Speaker 1: side because I formed a lot of judgments on him

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Speaker 1: without knowing the full story, so we've been watching that

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Speaker 1: and then also, uh, Susie and I just finished I

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Speaker 1: think there was two Seasons of Love on the Spectrum

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Speaker 1: and that was an incredible show as well. It just

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Speaker 1: was very wholesome and so awesome to watch genuine love

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Speaker 1: stories occur on that show. So that was just the two.

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Speaker 1: I don't have a full three to share with y'all.

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Speaker 1: My favorite food should be no surprise to any buddy

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Speaker 1: because I talk about it every third word that comes

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Speaker 1: out of my mouth. Essentially, it's to play, but I

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Speaker 1: also will put some other contenders in there. Pizza is

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Speaker 1: another one most people to know as well that I'm

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Speaker 1: big into, and thie food. Tie food is actually something

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Speaker 1: in the last year that I have been very, very

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Speaker 1: big into talking about my career. Question number five, well,

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Speaker 1: I hate to just use the word entrepreneur, but I

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Speaker 1: do a little bit of everything right now is I

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Speaker 1: guess the best way to put it. For one, I'm

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Speaker 1: a mental health speaker, and so I'm really trying to

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Speaker 1: effectively target the youth demographic right now, uh, to just

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Speaker 1: destigmatize the conversations around mental health. I really want to

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Speaker 1: change the framework of how our youth views mental health

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Speaker 1: not as something that is embarrassing to speak about, but

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Speaker 1: something that can be empowering and hopefully be able to

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Speaker 1: help them get a better grasp on it so that

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Speaker 1: they can view life in a more positive manner and

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Speaker 1: so that we don't see um, stress, anxiety and depression

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Speaker 1: continue to be to have a hole on our youth.

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Speaker 1: So UM, big and passionate about that and hoping to

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Speaker 1: continue that and see where I can impact the most

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Speaker 1: individuals in that realm. I also am going to be

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Speaker 1: uh an author here eventually UM working on a book

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Speaker 1: for mental health, again tailored to that audience as well.

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Speaker 1: So I'm currently writing a book, and then I also

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Speaker 1: am working on all right to do online wellness coaching.

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Speaker 1: When fitness and nutrition training, I do one on one

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Speaker 1: coaching with clients, so um, pouring into those avenues and

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Speaker 1: and then just other few other things on the side

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Speaker 1: that will just see where they go. I like to

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Speaker 1: always challenge myself to do more in every area of

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Speaker 1: my life. My biggest fear in life, UM, that's what

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Speaker 1: that's a great question. Uh. I would say, it's not

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Speaker 1: living up to my potential um and kind of parlaying

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Speaker 1: into that as well, it's it's falling into a place

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Speaker 1: of complacency. I've been there before, but also not losing

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Speaker 1: confidence in myself. I've struggled with confidence for a great

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Speaker 1: deal in my life, and now that I have really

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Speaker 1: seemingly become much more confident in who I am, I

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Speaker 1: just want to make sure that I never lose sight

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Speaker 1: of that. And if I weren't able to be the

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Speaker 1: person that I think I could be, I think if

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Speaker 1: I look back at it at the end of it all,

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Speaker 1: that would that would be really scary. I think that

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Speaker 1: would be a definition of hell is if I could

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Speaker 1: see my ultimate, full potential self standing in front of

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Speaker 1: me that and I never made it to that point,

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Speaker 1: that would be my own true health. So that's my

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Speaker 1: biggest fear in life by far. Um my biggest pet

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Speaker 1: peeve would probably be closed minded individuals that just yeah,

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Speaker 1: aren't willing to see things another perspective or viewpoint. I

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Speaker 1: will also caveat that by saying that I was very close,

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Speaker 1: much more close minded of an individual than I am now,

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Speaker 1: so that I've learned over the last half year or

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Speaker 1: so to see things from the other side. Uh, And

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Speaker 1: that willingness, I think will open people up and help

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Speaker 1: them have a better understanding of the world around them

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Speaker 1: and lead them to being a happier person. So, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, I I give people leeway if they're still

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Speaker 1: close minded. Um, I just hope that they'll at least

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Speaker 1: be willing to have the conversations just to hopefully change

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Speaker 1: their perspective. What makes me the most happy our relationships

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Speaker 1: to my friends and family and Susie in particular as well. Um,

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Speaker 1: Without them, my life has a purpose. But they're the

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Speaker 1: ones that keep me going through through it Allso I

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Speaker 1: couldn't imagine a life without those people in my corner.

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Speaker 1: They have pushed me through the darkest of times, and

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Speaker 1: just the thought of them brings me so much joy

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Speaker 1: to know that I have such a strong support system

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Speaker 1: that has guided me through a lot of darkness. What's

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Speaker 1: my ideal Saturday morning? Well, when when weeks are hectic

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Speaker 1: and I'm on my computer ten hours a day, or

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Speaker 1: traveling and doing these events and such, Uh, then my

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Speaker 1: ideal Saturday morning would really just be being able to

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Speaker 1: wake up without my alarm going off at five thirty

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Speaker 1: in the morning like it always does. Uh. Not being

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Speaker 1: able to set that timer or that alarm and just

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Speaker 1: waking up and not really having anything on the agenda.

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Speaker 1: It's a really great time for me to decompress and relax.

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Speaker 1: And I like to sit in a place of nothingness

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Speaker 1: at least for the morning, uh and and just take

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Speaker 1: that time to focus on myself and kind of clearing

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Speaker 1: the hard drive in my head and clearing space for

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Speaker 1: the upcoming week. But I also love sometimes to be

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Speaker 1: on the road and traveling, so waking up in a

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Speaker 1: new city experiencing a new culture with Susie that's also

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Speaker 1: an ideal SAT any morning. So it always always depends.

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Speaker 1: Um Am, I'm more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback.

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Speaker 1: I would say I'm still an athlete. I just actually

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Speaker 1: was at a basketball term at three on three over

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Speaker 1: the weekend. Granted I was the worst player on the

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Speaker 1: team of the four individuals that we had, but the

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Speaker 1: other three one was a former NBA player and another

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Speaker 1: two or former D one college basketball players. So I'll

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Speaker 1: give myself some lee when I played some good defense.

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Speaker 1: I'm twenty nine years old. I'm not that old, so

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Speaker 1: I still think I have some ability in me. What

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Speaker 1: keeps me motivated? The final question, question eleven, such a

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Speaker 1: great one. To ask. Uh. For me, what keeps you

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Speaker 1: motivated is the thought of, or the fear I should say,

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Speaker 1: of not being able to provide for my future family.

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Speaker 1: So with everything that I've ever done, I've always kept

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Speaker 1: in mind wanting to establish a sense of financial stability

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Speaker 1: uh and in a sense that I would be able

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Speaker 1: to provide for my family so that they would be

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Speaker 1: able to have a life similar to what I had

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Speaker 1: growing on. My parents did a great job of that.

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Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, UM, I know

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Speaker 1: that I will be able to provide that. I think

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Speaker 1: fear is can actually be a very positive thing to

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Speaker 1: drive us. It's it's so as long as we don't

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Speaker 1: dwell on it and let it over um overwhelmed us.

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Speaker 1: But for me, that fear keeps me going, and that's

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Speaker 1: what keeps me motivated to do it. Also, there was

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Speaker 1: a lengthy eleven questions. Everyone that knows me knows I

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Speaker 1: love to talk. So we made it through. But stick around.

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Speaker 1: We'll be right back after the short break. All right, everybody,

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Speaker 1: welcome back to how men think we are at these

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Speaker 1: segments where we will now take some live callers. So

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Speaker 1: without further ado, let's bring them in and answer these

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Speaker 1: questions the best of our ability. Hey, Cindy, how's it

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Speaker 1: going today? Hey it's going okay, okay, okay, Well we'll

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Speaker 1: start with okay, if I can ask you, Yeah, what's uh?

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Speaker 1: You have a question for me today? So go ahead

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Speaker 1: and dive right in and let's ask away and let's

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Speaker 1: let's talk talk about it. Okay, thanks so much. Um. So,

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Speaker 1: I guess my question is I tend to travel a

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Speaker 1: lot for work, and I have, um, well a lot

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Speaker 1: of times. Um, I travel with the same male coworker. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I spend a lot of time with this guy, so

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Speaker 1: naturally he comes up in conversations a lot, just inevitably.

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Speaker 1: But my boyfriend now claims to not like him, and

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Speaker 1: he thinks that he may have bad intentions. So, um,

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Speaker 1: how do I reassure my boyfriend that it's strictly a

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Speaker 1: working relationship and there's nothing more going on. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a that's a really great question, And I think

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Speaker 1: I think the biggest thing My first question is is

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Speaker 1: has has he in your eyes? Has there ever been

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Speaker 1: a moment where he may be crossed the line or

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Speaker 1: something that you brought to your boyfriend and that might

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Speaker 1: have started to Foster started to foster the idea of

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Speaker 1: this guy possibly crossing the line and not being someone

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Speaker 1: that he wants you to be around. Has there been

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Speaker 1: an instance where you've felt that and maybe shared with him,

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Speaker 1: or has this just kind of come out of left field?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think it There's not been an instance

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Speaker 1: like that, But it's more I think that I I

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Speaker 1: just talked about him maybe more than I should, just

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Speaker 1: because he's there for these travels that I'm doing. So

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Speaker 1: when I'm updating my boyfriend on what's going on and

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Speaker 1: what I'm doing when I'm out of town, he's there. Yeah. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And I think, um, when it comes to like coworkers

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Speaker 1: are going to be there and they're gonna be there

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Speaker 1: a part of your life. But I think the big

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Speaker 1: thing that's important to always distinguish is that yeah, there

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Speaker 1: isn't There isn't anything there more than just that working relationship.

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Speaker 1: And maybe you guys are friends in that matter, and

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Speaker 1: that should be okay. I think there is sometimes the

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Speaker 1: insecurity of having you know your significant other to be

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Speaker 1: around people of the opposite sex, and that could be seen,

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Speaker 1: uh to be scary to that individual. I think the

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Speaker 1: best thing that we can do is just reassure our partners,

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Speaker 1: let them know that, hey, listen, you have nothing to

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Speaker 1: worry about. Um, you know, we're just we're just coworkers.

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Speaker 1: Like he obviously is around me, but like he's never

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Speaker 1: he's never crossed the line. If he ever did, I

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Speaker 1: would certainly let you know. And I put my foot down.

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Speaker 1: I think reassuring your partner that you're there's nothing to

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Speaker 1: worry about, but also acknowledging as well, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: they're concerns. I think it's always important that we validate

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Speaker 1: because their concerns are important to them, whether or not

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Speaker 1: we agree with them as a separate matter. But one

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Speaker 1: thing that I've definitely learned is that it's important to them. Nonetheless,

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Speaker 1: it's a fear of theirs, and if we love that individual,

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Speaker 1: if we care about them, then we have to really

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Speaker 1: like give that fear weight. We have to hold it

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Speaker 1: and be mindful of it and and just let them know, like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I you know, I understand that you're um concerned about this.

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Speaker 1: I can promise you no lines have been crossed. I

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Speaker 1: love you to death, um, And if ever that were

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Speaker 1: to be the case, then I would let you know.

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Speaker 1: But maybe also too I don't know if it's possible,

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Speaker 1: but maybe you know, y'all could all meet at some point,

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Speaker 1: whether it just like if it just happens casually, I'm

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Speaker 1: not if you have the ability to do so. Um,

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Speaker 1: I think him just meeting him possibly and and being

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Speaker 1: less of an unknown. The unknown scares us, I think

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Speaker 1: as individuals, so the more that we know about a situation,

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Speaker 1: the more comfortable we are with it. So I think

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Speaker 1: that could also be an avenue to explore as well.

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Speaker 1: Is uh just being able to kind of all three

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Speaker 1: meet up at some point it's a work event and

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Speaker 1: you're just like, hey, I'm gonna bring my boyfriend along.

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Speaker 1: That might be a really great way to just break

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Speaker 1: that ice, to kind of casually to soften the fear

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Speaker 1: and say, okay, hey, listen, like this is who it

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Speaker 1: is like you guys get to know each other, and

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Speaker 1: then the better understanding as of this coworker that he

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Speaker 1: maybe doesn't know, well, the more he knows, I think,

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Speaker 1: the more comfortable it will be. M Yeah, that totally

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Speaker 1: makes sense. Thank you. Absolutely. Hey MICHAELA, how's it going.

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Speaker 1: I'm okay. How are you I'm doing I'm doing well.

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Speaker 1: I'm excited to hopefully provide a little insight for your question,

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Speaker 1: but but laid on me. I'm curious what's what you

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Speaker 1: got for me today? Okay, So my husband and I

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Speaker 1: we've been married for like two issue years, and uh,

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Speaker 1: one of like the main arguments we always have is

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Speaker 1: how much he's always on his phone. Like he's just

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Speaker 1: like NonStop on his phone, playing video games, group chats

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Speaker 1: with his bros. You know, constant like social media scrolling.

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Speaker 1: He's like totally addicted, and like I've told him before

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Speaker 1: how much it bothers me because it happens during dinner,

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Speaker 1: on trips, you know, like when we're in the middle

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Speaker 1: of a conversation. So I just want to know, like,

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Speaker 1: can I get my point across about my feelings about

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Speaker 1: how much it bothers me so that he like gets it?

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Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, great question. And I think, gosh, if

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Speaker 1: this one hits home because I had a very similar

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Speaker 1: conversation with Susie. Um, I think that two things. One, Uh,

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Speaker 1: with any conversation that we have or think something that

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Speaker 1: we want to get across to our partner, I think

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Speaker 1: we always need to be able to bring it in

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Speaker 1: a way where it never seems like it's an attack.

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Speaker 1: So going in being calm as we entered the discussion

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Speaker 1: and say, you know, hey, listen, I just want to

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Speaker 1: sit down and talk with you for a second. You

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Speaker 1: got a moment, uh, and then say, you know, I

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Speaker 1: just want to bring something up to you that's been

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Speaker 1: bothering me. Uh. And and it sounds like you've expressed

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Speaker 1: it prior. Um, but I think against I can't speak

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Speaker 1: on all uh men. Um. I never like to use

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Speaker 1: absolutes and say everybody's this way. Um. But he maybe

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Speaker 1: you know this is he? Uh? Is he a rash

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Speaker 1: no thinker? As he kind of a he's looking to

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Speaker 1: always solve a problem? I mean, is that kind of

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Speaker 1: how he typically is when you bring him, uh, you know, problems.

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Speaker 1: Is he always looking to find an answer? Or is

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Speaker 1: that typically how it goes? I'm just curious. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: mean yeah, most of the time he's pretty setural, Okay. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And so that's good for me to know because that's

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Speaker 1: that's similar to how I operate. And something that I

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Speaker 1: learned through with Susie is that oftentimes she doesn't want

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Speaker 1: a solution to her problem, she just wants support. And

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Speaker 1: so but we sometimes as men, at least some men

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Speaker 1: will um look to find a solution to the problem. So, UM,

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Speaker 1: I think keeping that in mind if I were in

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Speaker 1: your spot issues is to understand that perspective that Okay,

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Speaker 1: if that's bothering you, he may be in his head

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Speaker 1: thinking well, how can I how can we solve this?

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Speaker 1: So um, Yeah, that's where I think it's a it's

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Speaker 1: a matter of how can we get to that point?

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Speaker 1: So when you talk with him, it's about not seeming

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Speaker 1: accusatories are are coming after him and raising our tone,

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Speaker 1: but staying calm the entire time, and then just saying, hey, listen,

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Speaker 1: like this is something that's been bothering me. Um, you know,

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Speaker 1: but I'd like to find a solution to this problem,

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Speaker 1: like do you and what would that look like? And

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Speaker 1: I think just having that discussion, um, and keeping it

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Speaker 1: open and honest and just maybe I don't know what

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Speaker 1: that looks like for you all. Um. Susie and I

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Speaker 1: tried to set aside two hours every night where we

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Speaker 1: put our phones down and we didn't pick them back up,

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Speaker 1: and so we would put our phones in another room

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Speaker 1: and it worked actually fairly well for us. UM. But

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Speaker 1: I think it's a matter of kind of from a

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Speaker 1: guy's perspective, it's like, okay, if here's if this is

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Speaker 1: a problem, how do we find a solution. So I

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Speaker 1: think that's the way that he might be viewing it.

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Speaker 1: And uh, if you're just if you go to him

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Speaker 1: in that nature and say, hey, listen, like I just

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Speaker 1: want to fix I'm looking to find kind of this

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Speaker 1: an answer to this because like I wanted to be happy.

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Speaker 1: I don't want this to be something that or there

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Speaker 1: puts you know, distance between us um and I think

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Speaker 1: saying it that way will respect him as well, and

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Speaker 1: it won't seem like an attack like I want you

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Speaker 1: to get off your phone and stop talking to your friends.

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Speaker 1: Because those things that he's doing, you know, he's placing

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Speaker 1: value in um and and with the group chat with

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Speaker 1: the boys. You know, that's that to him brings him happiness.

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Speaker 1: So he obviously doesn't want to maybe rid himself completely

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Speaker 1: of it, but there's a way to find balance, and

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Speaker 1: I think that's just where it's a matter of like

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Speaker 1: let's sit down and have a conversation and try to

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Speaker 1: figure out where that balance is. Does that hopefully help? Yeah? No,

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Speaker 1: that's great, thank you, Okay, perfect. Hey Katie, it's Layton

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Speaker 1: how you doing? Hey? Good? How are you good? I'm

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Speaker 1: doing great? What do you got for me? I gotta

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Speaker 1: these questions are coming in hot right now, so hopefully

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Speaker 1: I uh, I'll give you my my my best answer.

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Speaker 1: But um yeah, shoot shoot, let's let's see what you

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Speaker 1: got for a question. Okay, UM, thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: This is really way I'm going me so. UM. My

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Speaker 1: boyfriend of three years and I moved in together probably

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Speaker 1: a year ago. Um, but he just got this incredible

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Speaker 1: job opportunity in another state. Okay, and I can't leave

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Speaker 1: our current state because of my job. And I really

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Speaker 1: like my job. But I worry that if he moves like,

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Speaker 1: our relationship isn't going to survive the move. And so

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Speaker 1: I'm really worried about that. I have two questions, Um,

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Speaker 1: how do we make long distance work if he takes

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Speaker 1: the job? I hear so many things about that. Um

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Speaker 1: and to um, is there a time limit that we

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Speaker 1: should put on it to either live together again or

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Speaker 1: break up? Because I don't want to waste my time.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to waste his time. Yeah, absolutely so.

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Speaker 1: I think for one, I just wanted to acknowledge that

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Speaker 1: think that your fear and concern is is very valid

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Speaker 1: because that is a question that everybody does. A lot

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Speaker 1: of people have when a long distance becomes a part

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Speaker 1: of the equation, especially when you're together and then you

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Speaker 1: separate for a portion of time. UM I currently again,

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Speaker 1: this one hits home as well. UM, in my in

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Speaker 1: my day to day right now, Susie and I are

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Speaker 1: going to be living separately just for a short period

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Speaker 1: of time while um, I look for a house, but

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Speaker 1: I think and then she'll move back in. But with that, um,

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Speaker 1: we had that same fear right we talked about it

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Speaker 1: like what if this ends up being something that ends

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Speaker 1: up being a negative outcome for us and and breaks

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Speaker 1: this up. And I think the big thing that we

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Speaker 1: realized or told ourselves is let's not let that fear

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Speaker 1: overtake us until it becomes a concern. We both are.

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Speaker 1: We both are in the position where like we're conscious

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Speaker 1: of it, but we're chasing our dreams, are aspirations, were

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Speaker 1: taking this time to separate for this the short period

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Speaker 1: time that will be a part. But yes, I do

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Speaker 1: believe that it is great to put to like put

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Speaker 1: in a marker or a point where you're like, okay,

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Speaker 1: we will end up living together here if whether it's

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Speaker 1: a month away, three months away, a year, but having

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Speaker 1: a plan, I think it's so important that you have

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Speaker 1: a plan in place because just establishing a plan will

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Speaker 1: start to quell some of that fear instead of just thinking, well,

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Speaker 1: we just moved to different states and um, I don't

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Speaker 1: even know what we're going to do a month from now.

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Speaker 1: So if you establish that plan, that will help, I

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Speaker 1: think keep the concern at bay. Long distance does work.

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Speaker 1: I mean there's there's examples of people successful marriages that

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Speaker 1: did long distance for years. UM, so it is doable. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And I think also having that action plan in place.

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Speaker 1: But if you're going to do a long distance I

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Speaker 1: do still think you can't replace being in an environment

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Speaker 1: with somebody physically. So UM, I think as I was

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Speaker 1: in one of my past relationships, I did long distance

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Speaker 1: and what worked was we found time to fly out

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Speaker 1: and see each other. Uh. And so taking that time

399
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Speaker 1: to budget, what's that look like if we fly out

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Speaker 1: once a month, do we set that up on the

401
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Speaker 1: schedule right away? Do we plan weeks in advance? So

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Speaker 1: when we go our separate ways, um and live separately,

403
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Speaker 1: we already know that in the next two months every

404
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Speaker 1: two weeks there's already a flight scheduled to to see

405
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Speaker 1: each other. UM. I think establishing a plan and doing

406
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Speaker 1: that will well. Again, I think that's what I would

407
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Speaker 1: suggest you all do, UM, because it's taking the initiative

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Speaker 1: to continue to nurture that relationship. I think it's great

409
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Speaker 1: that you guys both have incredible jobs and that you

410
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Speaker 1: right now you to see it as well. We don't

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Speaker 1: want to not take our dream job because of someone else. UM.

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Speaker 1: But here's the thing again, I think it's again just

413
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Speaker 1: being mindful working together through devising a plan of how

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Speaker 1: can we make this work? And then if it ever

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Speaker 1: gets to the point where one of you realizes that

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Speaker 1: it's either the job or the relationship, then I think

417
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Speaker 1: someone has to compromise. And sometimes that is just the

418
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Speaker 1: point in our lives where we have to say, well,

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Speaker 1: what's more important to us this job or our partner, um,

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Speaker 1: And if it's meant to be, if if that person special,

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Speaker 1: then ultimately you'll choose that partner. But again that's down

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Speaker 1: the road. I think right now there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: what ifs, UM, and we can't be dwelling in the

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Speaker 1: what is. What we can do though, is established a

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Speaker 1: plan so that we can give ourselves the best chance

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Speaker 1: at bake at making both realities exist. Does that help

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Speaker 1: so much? Thank you so much? Yea that other people

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Speaker 1: are going through it, so I'm right there with you.

429
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 1: So yeah, absolutely, I wish you nothing but the best.

430
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 1: And thank you for the question. Thanks Clayton. Hey, Michelle's Clayton.

431
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,439
Speaker 1: Not great? How you doing? Hi? I'm good. How are

432
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 1: you good? I'm doing great. I don't know why I

433
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 1: just told you my last name, but I'll try to.

434
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 1: I'll try to make it a bit less and uh

435
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 1: less formal here going forward. So thank you, thank you

436
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 1: for having on here today. And yeah, I go ahead

437
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 1: and shoot shoot with the question. I'm curious what you

438
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 1: got for me? Sure? Yeah. So, Um, I've been the

439
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 1: best kind of best friends, I would say, with this

440
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 1: guy for about nine years and I um, I've never

441
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:26,679
Speaker 1: had feelings for him before, but I would say in

442
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: the last like two months or so, I've just started

443
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:31,880
Speaker 1: to feel kind of jealous. Um, when he'll call me

444
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 1: and just tell me about the dates that he's been

445
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 1: going on or whatever. Um. Mostly it's because I think

446
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 1: he's found this one girl and he really likes her

447
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 1: and so they've been going on dates. They've been dating

448
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: for around two months essentially, so I guess it's probably

449
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: just this one woman who has been wrong. Um, but

450
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 1: I just worry if I tell him about my feelings,

451
00:24:56,240 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 1: like about how I feel about being not okay with

452
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: him telling me about this person, that it will ruin

453
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:09,440
Speaker 1: the great friendship that we do have, right Like, um,

454
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 1: and I don't I don't know, because like I'm really torn.

455
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 1: I also don't want to be wondering like if I

456
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 1: don't tell him, what if he does feel something for

457
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,360
Speaker 1: me and like we should take it to the next

458
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 1: level or I don't know. I just I don't know

459
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: if I should keep the feelings to myself, like let

460
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 1: this play out a little bit more with this woman

461
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 1: he's been seeing for two months, or um, if I

462
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 1: should say something. Yeah, oh man, that is quite the predicament.

463
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 1: And I think it's it's challenging, right I without knowing y'alls.

464
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 1: I mean again, you said nine years correct that you

465
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,360
Speaker 1: guys have been friends. Yeah, we start we worked together,

466
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: um for about four years at the same uh location,

467
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 1: you know company, and then um, we stopped working together

468
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 1: the last five years, but we've remained friends. Okay, Well

469
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,159
Speaker 1: I'm curious what why in the pass did you all

470
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: never explore, um, you know, a connection between you two

471
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:10,119
Speaker 1: past just friends and was did you ever did you

472
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: all ever date other individuals and that time frame or

473
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: is this is this the first time that he's finally

474
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 1: talked like talking to somebody, um and you've felt these

475
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:24,719
Speaker 1: feelings or what is it about the time? Um? You know?

476
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 1: I think I I was dating somebody, um and probably

477
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: wasn't really ready to date again. Um. And then I

478
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: think and that probably, I mean I was dating somebody

479
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 1: when we worked at the same place, and then once

480
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: we we left, I probably I've not been dating that

481
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 1: person for like the last three to four years. Um.

482
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 1: And so it just naturally moved into talking about each

483
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 1: other's dates at that time. And I wasn't seriously considering anything,

484
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:56,879
Speaker 1: right because I was like just gotten out of a

485
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 1: six year relationship, Like I definitely wanted it was nice

486
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: to have a guy buddy to like shoot, you know,

487
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,640
Speaker 1: just to talk about dates with, you know, and just

488
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,879
Speaker 1: to be to have somebody who you can talk to

489
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 1: about that stuff, who has who comes from a from

490
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 1: the male perspective, you know, and isn't just my girlfriend.

491
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 1: So I was enjoying that, um probably for the last

492
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 1: two years, and that I don't know, I guess maybe uh,

493
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: he hadn't really had anybody serious before, and neither had

494
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 1: I for the last two or three years. So I

495
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: think it's the fact that this chick is like, it's

496
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: a long it's long term, right, and he's starting to

497
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,440
Speaker 1: tell me about like connections that they're having on their dates,

498
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:41,639
Speaker 1: and it's and now I'm realizing that bothers me. Do

499
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 1: you are you fearful that do you see you now

500
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 1: see him wanting to potentially be a potential future partner?

501
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: Are you concerned that she may take away from your friendship?

502
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 1: I just kind of want to distinguish between those two.

503
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: I'm curious, so do I, Clayton, I would like to

504
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 1: wish between those two as well. That's kind of my issue, right,

505
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 1: I like, I really don't want to ruin our friendship. Yeah,

506
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 1: I am interested to see if we have a chance

507
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: to do a thing, but I really don't want to

508
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 1: ruin our friendship. Yeah, absolutely, Okay, Yeah, so I think again,

509
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: I will say my thought as honesty is almost always

510
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 1: the best policy, I'm not I don't like to speak

511
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: in absolute because I think there's an exception to every rule. UM.

512
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,359
Speaker 1: But I think with a friendship that you all have

513
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:34,160
Speaker 1: in the longevity of it, I think that it warrants

514
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 1: a potential conversation. I think again, though, it's all about

515
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: prefacing it, so asking him if he has the time

516
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: to speak, saying letting him know that you want to

517
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 1: respect him in the relationship that he has. UM. But

518
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 1: I think I think it's fair two to let him know, like, hey,

519
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 1: like this is something that you know, I want you

520
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 1: to know. UM, And I just want to know if

521
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: like there's a potential here and if there's not, UM,

522
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: that's totally cool. Uh. You know, I I want to

523
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 1: respect you again the relationship that you have and so

524
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 1: UM and I still want to be obviously a great friend,

525
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: but like, is you know what do you think there's

526
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: a chance that this could ever be something? UM. It's

527
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: really tough because again I I don't you don't want

528
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 1: to overstep and make it seem like you're potentially interfering

529
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 1: in this relationship of his that may bring him happiness. UM.

530
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 1: But I guess the alternative is that you don't say anything,

531
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: and then it builds up these feelings and then you

532
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: start to create distance, uh, and and separate yourself. And

533
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: if you have you have you all have a strong friendship.

534
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: I think that that will end up coming up inevitably.

535
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 1: So if it's two months in and you hold off,

536
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: then it becomes six months in, and the timing really

537
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 1: never is right. UM. Yeah, I see what you're saying.

538
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 1: I think that it just my fear is that it

539
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 1: would build up and you would still harbor these feelings

540
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 1: and then distance would start to be put put in

541
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 1: between y'all, and then you would say, well, now it's

542
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,080
Speaker 1: a six month in relationship. I'm just gonna go ahead

543
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: and I can't even like associate talk with them. Is

544
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 1: It just upsets me. So I'm just gonna create this

545
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 1: distance and then that relationship, that friendship is lost. UM.

546
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 1: I just think you have to be very respectful if

547
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 1: you go into the conversation and say, I only just

548
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: want to bring this up once. UM, I don't want

549
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 1: to be a big thing, but you know, I do

550
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,479
Speaker 1: want to be honest with you. And UM, you know,

551
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 1: do you think that do you feel any any of

552
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,240
Speaker 1: these feelings? And if not, that's okay, I will I

553
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 1: will rightfully Um, you know I want to support you

554
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 1: and your happiness. You're my friend and so ultimately I

555
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 1: want what's best for you. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate

556
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 1: that advice very much. Absolutely, thank you so much for asking. Hey,

557
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 1: al Rad's Clayton. How you doing Hi, I'm good, Thank you?

558
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: How are you? I am doing good. I'm getting hit

559
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 1: with some hard questions right now about relationships. So I

560
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: I'm thinking you might have one too for me, and

561
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 1: I'm curious to know what it is. But we can.

562
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: We can dive in if you got if you got

563
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 1: the top of mind right now? Yeah, I do. Okay, cool,

564
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 1: here we go. Um, So, I've been single for five

565
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 1: years now and all of my friends are married and

566
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 1: starting to have kids. I've been on a few different

567
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 1: dating apps, but I'm not getting any matches. So I

568
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: want to know what I can add or do to

569
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 1: my online dating profile to catch the attention of more men. Okay,

570
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,600
Speaker 1: fair question. I used to be on the dating apps myself,

571
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 1: and so, uh, you always heard about the things you

572
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 1: should and shouldn't do for guys. It's like, oh everyone

573
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: he's got a fish pick um And there was like

574
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 1: the dudes and don't of navigating the apps. But here's

575
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 1: my best bit of advice is you're gonna want to

576
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 1: put on your profile what is authentically you, uh, and

577
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 1: so what you feel most comfortable with. It's not about Yes,

578
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: you could post a provocative photo um and and maybe

579
00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 1: get some more people you know that are going to

580
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: start in boxing you, But ultimately is that really the

581
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 1: image that you're wanting to portray. Um. I understand the

582
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: frustration with seemingly not getting enough matches and thinking, well,

583
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 1: I have to change something about myself. But if you

584
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 1: do that, you're going against who you really are and

585
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: truthfully are, and I think, uh, you don't that might

586
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: attract somebody that then when they find out who you

587
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 1: know there really you is, um, you run the risk

588
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 1: of like, well I posted this, but that's not fully

589
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 1: who I am. Like I just did that to kind

590
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 1: of maybe attract or or or get more you know,

591
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 1: likes on a you know, on a dating app. So um,

592
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 1: I would my advice would be just continue to push

593
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 1: what you think is most authentically you. Actually, here's an example.

594
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: I I'm not a big drinker, and when I was

595
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 1: on the apps, I at first said that I did

596
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 1: drink because I thought that people would look at that

597
00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 1: and be like, I don't want to date a guy

598
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 1: that doesn't drink every he sounds like a boar um.

599
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 1: But then what happened was is I went out on

600
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 1: dates and when I wasn't drinking, they were kind of like, well,

601
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:08,480
Speaker 1: you said you drank all the time. I was like, no,

602
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 1: I don't, like, just on special occasions. So I realized

603
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: that I was trying to cater to an audience, but

604
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: I wasn't fully truthfully being myself on the profile and

605
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: saying like, hey, I should just put no, and then

606
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 1: someone's like, why don't you drink? Well, I you on

607
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 1: special occasions, right, So the expectations if we are who

608
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 1: we are and we put that on our profile, then

609
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 1: we attract what we want to attract. So I would

610
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: just say, honestly, UM, just continue to post what you

611
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: want to post on there, uh and eventually like you're

612
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 1: gonna find that person that's going to see that like wow,

613
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: this girl is exactly what I want and exactly what

614
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 1: I've been looking for. Um, Because I would I would

615
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 1: hate for you to to swap something out and then

616
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 1: you never know when that person that's you know, sifting

617
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 1: through the photos sees one picture and you took down

618
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 1: a picture that you thought nobody was gonna be interested in,

619
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 1: and that might have been the one um that ended up,

620
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 1: you know, making them be like, yeah, I'm gonna swipe

621
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 1: right or whatever direction it is. Nowadays, I assume it's

622
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 1: still right. But um, that'd be my advice. Just keep

623
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,439
Speaker 1: being you, authentically you, and and it'll it'll come around.

624
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 1: It only had two relationships, Seriously, It's just relationships my

625
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 1: entire life. I'm twenty nine, so, UM, I know timing

626
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,120
Speaker 1: isn't doesn't seem to always be on our sides. But

627
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 1: if you're a good person, you care, and you and

628
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 1: you do all and you just you're a genuinely good person,

629
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 1: then I do believe that, like, you'll find your person,

630
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 1: I mean should I. I am now in a happy relationship,

631
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 1: but prior to that point, I was just like you.

632
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 1: All my friends were engaged and married, and I was

633
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 1: starting to wonder if my time is ever going to come?

634
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,840
Speaker 1: And here we are, so I think I would just say,

635
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,400
Speaker 1: just keep being you and that person will come around.

636
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 1: That help. It's kind of long winded, but hopefully that

637
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 1: helps a little. No, No, it's good it's good context.

638
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 1: It's it's really kind of scary to do that. But

639
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 1: I see your point and why that makes a lot

640
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:05,760
Speaker 1: of sense. Yeah, it is, and it is scary. I absolutely, Um.

641
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,440
Speaker 1: I think you're very valid. It's very understanding for you

642
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:12,839
Speaker 1: to to feel that way. Um, But I think it's

643
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 1: also scary to think that, Well, if you aren't yourself,

644
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 1: then what happens if you miss that person that was

645
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 1: looking for who you really are and if you convey

646
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:26,359
Speaker 1: yourself in a different light? So um, I would Yeah,

647
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 1: I understand your fear, and I think it's it's really

648
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 1: hard to say, like there's I don't think there's any

649
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: certain particular pick that's gonna post that's gonna do well

650
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 1: and and resonate most. I think authenticity reads at the

651
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: end of the day. So hopefully that helps. And I

652
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 1: wish enough but the best I think, I think your

653
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 1: your person is kind and trust me, I do believe it, um,

654
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 1: and and I believe it will come away. And I

655
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 1: think you should just keep being yourself, which that's my opinion,

656
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,399
Speaker 1: I hope. So thank you, Yeah, thank you so much

657
00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 1: for the question, right right, all right, So we're gonna

658
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 1: go ahead and take a break. Thank you so much

659
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 1: for all the questions. There were some tough ones, but

660
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people are going through those

661
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 1: two kind of questions they have them, so so very

662
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: awesome to be able to answer a few. And we

663
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 1: will be right back. All right, Welcome back, everybody. We

664
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 1: are at the official point of Q and A, so

665
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: we're gonna dive in here. There's some pretty juicy questions

666
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 1: and as long winded as I am, I'm going to

667
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 1: try to be as clear and concise as possible. So

668
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 1: here we go. Question number one. At the end of

669
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,240
Speaker 1: The Bachelor, you found yourself in love with three women.

670
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: How did you finally figure out that Susie was the

671
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 1: one for you? Oh? Man, I mean that is a

672
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: tough question. Um. Yeah, And on the show, I don't

673
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 1: think I and we talked about the Susie and I

674
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 1: don't think we really knew if we were each other's person. Um.

675
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 1: I went with where my heart was leading me, and

676
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: unfortunately it was an a disastrous manner that I navigated

677
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 1: through it all, Um, and I caused a lot of pain,

678
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,439
Speaker 1: and I learned a lot of lessons that I needed

679
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 1: to learn. I was immature and and I did a

680
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: lot of things I wish I would have done differently. Um,

681
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 1: but I just in that moment, I went with my gut.

682
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 1: I just I felt that when I needed to go

683
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,800
Speaker 1: after her and I needed to let the other two women,

684
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 1: um go and then on their own journeys. And so

685
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 1: it was really really tough and challenging to navigate that environment. Um,

686
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 1: but I didn't really figure out that Susie was the

687
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 1: one for me until after the show, and tell Susie

688
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: and I got to spend more time with each other, uh,

689
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,799
Speaker 1: in the in the real world, so that I would

690
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 1: say we figured that out after the show. Going okay,

691
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:57,359
Speaker 1: question two, going through what you did on TV and

692
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,879
Speaker 1: having Batchel Nation fans way in with their opinion, did

693
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 1: that affect your relationship then and how did you get

694
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 1: through it? Oh? My gosh, yes, gosh. Unfortunately Bachelor Nation

695
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 1: their opinions and there constant commentary online, UH can start

696
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 1: to really leak into the minds of those of of

697
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 1: the um the leads in the and then the women

698
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 1: or the men on the show, depending on what season

699
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 1: it is. But yes, uh, those opinions can resonate and unfortunately, UM,

700
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 1: what was in my inbox versus what was in Susie's

701
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 1: inbox were two different things. We both had support in

702
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: our inbox saying that we understand why you did what

703
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 1: you did, and then she had the same thing going

704
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 1: on in her inbox, uh, and what that actually end

705
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 1: up doing and we had to catch it, thankfully we

706
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 1: did before end up creating more damage. But it was

707
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,240
Speaker 1: almost causing a divide between the two of us because

708
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 1: I was getting a ton of support in my d M,

709
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 1: she was getting a ton of support on her DM.

710
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 1: So it's strengthened our viewpoints and it made it a

711
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 1: lot harder for us to see the other side. So

712
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 1: what we ultimately had to do was shut it off.

713
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 1: That third party, the Bachelor Nation. We had to cut

714
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 1: it off and say, we are not going to allow

715
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 1: anybody else to dictate our relationship or tell us how

716
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 1: our relationship should be. And we sat down, we went

717
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 1: to therapy, UH, and we dove into it and really

718
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,400
Speaker 1: found got to the root of the issue, which was

719
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: that she wasn't feeling understood and either was I. And

720
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 1: so we started to see each other's perspective and we

721
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:38,840
Speaker 1: knew that even our loved ones, they have opinions, but

722
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: they don't know the full story. Uh So we had

723
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:43,439
Speaker 1: to just say listen, if we're gonna make this work,

724
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 1: it comes down to the two of us and only

725
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 1: our opinions matter when it comes to our relationship. Question three,

726
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: how is your students relationship today? I'm happy to say

727
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 1: it's better than ever. Even though people are freaking out

728
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 1: that they're about to separate eight, we're only doing it temporarily.

729
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 1: I want people to understand that she doesn't want to

730
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: live in a cooped up a little apartment with me

731
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 1: and my middle brother, rightfully. So it's a small, tiny apartment.

732
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,279
Speaker 1: She's been there once before. She's gonna go to l

733
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: A and spend some time there while I buy a

734
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,279
Speaker 1: house in Scottsdale. And the plan is once I buy

735
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,800
Speaker 1: the house in a couple of months, she will move

736
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 1: out and live with me. With all of that, we're

737
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: still going to see each other most of the weekends.

738
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 1: We're planning out what weekends already. We can buy plane

739
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 1: tickets to see each other. It's a fifty minute flight,

740
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:34,160
Speaker 1: no concern whatsoever. We are an incredibly great spot. So

741
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 1: the next question, what am I worried about the most?

742
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 1: And being in a long distance relationship. While one of

743
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 1: the uh, one of the callers earlier just brought it up.

744
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 1: We talked touched on this, but I think again when

745
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 1: it comes to me, um, this is a breakdown and communication.

746
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: But I don't see that really happening between Susie and I.

747
00:40:54,760 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 1: But when there's distance between individuals, sometimes, uh, the intention

748
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:03,879
Speaker 1: of your actions can get lost because you're not there

749
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,760
Speaker 1: physically with that person to be able to read body language,

750
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 1: to read tone text messaging can be misinterpreted. Um. And

751
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:14,760
Speaker 1: distance can make the heart grow fonder, but sometimes distance

752
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 1: uh can cause you if you're not putting the effort

753
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 1: into see each other, it can create distance, not from

754
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 1: a physical standpoint, but then it starts to create distance

755
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,280
Speaker 1: emotionally because you're not around that person, you're not nurturing

756
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 1: that relationship. So uh, my worry would always be if

757
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 1: not feeling like the effort is going to be put

758
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,800
Speaker 1: in and that physical distance starts to turn into emotional distance.

759
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 1: But I'm mindful of that and so is Susie, So

760
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 1: I don't see that being an issue. UM. Next question,

761
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 1: do I have any regrets from my season being the Bachelor? Yes? Many, UM,

762
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:54,719
Speaker 1: But I will say that with those regrets. I wish

763
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: I would have done things differently, but I didn't. And

764
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 1: I also do believe that everything does happen for a reason.

765
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:01,439
Speaker 1: So I think I was meant to make a fool

766
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 1: out of myself. I think I was meant to do

767
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 1: make take the decisions that I did in order for

768
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 1: me to have my weaknesses and insecurities be exposed and

769
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,560
Speaker 1: come to light so that I could then see them

770
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,279
Speaker 1: for what they were, acknowledge them, and then work on

771
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,880
Speaker 1: strengthening those weaknesses and turning them into strength. So, UM,

772
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:23,399
Speaker 1: I regret a lot of the things that I did

773
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 1: on the show, but i'm I do. I am thankful

774
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 1: that they were all brought to light my insecurities because

775
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 1: I've now addressed them and still I addressing them to

776
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 1: be a better human being, and I think I've become

777
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 1: that from the show. Next question, are we am I

778
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 1: watching Gabby and Rachel's season in the bat Streat? I've

779
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 1: watched a few episodes, Um, not all of them. Uh,

780
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 1: and that's just because Susie and I we last night

781
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,760
Speaker 1: when the episode was airing. We were with our family.

782
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 1: So UM, if we have, if we happen to be home,

783
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 1: we will turn and on. UM. But if we're working again,

784
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 1: we have our own aspirations right now that we're working

785
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 1: towards UM. You know, the show takes two hours some nights. Uh,

786
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,000
Speaker 1: it's two hours long, and we sometimes don't have that time,

787
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: or we decided to um do something else instead of

788
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,880
Speaker 1: watch the show. So we're both very much in support

789
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:20,359
Speaker 1: of those two finding their happiness. We both know those

790
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: two women and wish them nothing but the best. Uh.

791
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,839
Speaker 1: And so at the end of the day, UM, We're

792
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 1: just our lives are busy at times and we're not

793
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 1: always able to watch. Okay, hondes some dating relationships questions

794
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 1: how long should you message someone before you meet in person? Now,

795
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 1: I will say again, I gotta go back to the

796
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 1: times when I used to be on the apps dating apps,

797
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,720
Speaker 1: and gosh, I mean it felt like it was all

798
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 1: a matter of a game of I can't respond back

799
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 1: too quickly and we have to re talk for a

800
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 1: week before we can meet up. My personal opinion, again,

801
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 1: this is just me. I am who I am and

802
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:03,399
Speaker 1: nobody else is who I am. So but my thought

803
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:07,840
Speaker 1: is this, you should message as long as it takes

804
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 1: to become comfortable with meeting that person. So if you're

805
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 1: somebody like me who I could meet up right away

806
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: because to me, strangers I can have conversations with right

807
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,480
Speaker 1: out the gate um, then so be it like then

808
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: then you can meet up the same day that you

809
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 1: message that person. Again, I think it depends on the

810
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 1: gender of the individual. Obviously, if you're meeting up with

811
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 1: a stranger, I know that from a female perspective, you

812
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 1: want to be in a safe environment, populated environment at

813
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 1: a bar or whatever it might be. Some of those

814
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:38,839
Speaker 1: a lot of people, so just obviously be smart about that.

815
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,879
Speaker 1: But I don't think there's any amount of time. It's

816
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: it's until you feel comfortable. Right at the end of

817
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 1: the day, you should be comfortable with meeting up with

818
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 1: that person. Some people it takes a little longer to

819
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:51,280
Speaker 1: get become comfortable with. So that would be my answer

820
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:55,240
Speaker 1: that however long it takes to become comfortable. Um, So okay,

821
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 1: last question here today, what are some things you can

822
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,440
Speaker 1: do to make time for your spouse when you're dealing

823
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: with busy schedules. So I think one of the best

824
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 1: things you can do is schedule time to sit down

825
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 1: with your partner when it fits with both your schedules,

826
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 1: because I refuse to believe that you're twenty four hours

827
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 1: for the next week are completely taken up. Um, you

828
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 1: can always find time, even if it's a long distance

829
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:27,800
Speaker 1: and you're not physically together. You can schedule a zoom

830
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 1: call and I guarantee you have fifteen minutes. I do

831
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:33,799
Speaker 1: not believe anybody everyone it's not there's there's not a

832
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:35,800
Speaker 1: single person out that it does not have fifteen minutes.

833
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:40,719
Speaker 1: So schedule time, be mindful, take the initiative to sit

834
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 1: down talk with your partner. And then when you do that,

835
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 1: as far as making time for them, set a schedule,

836
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 1: put it in your physical phones calendar. I do that.

837
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:54,439
Speaker 1: I and then once you put it in there in there,

838
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 1: you're more likely to follow through. You can set reminders

839
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 1: that okay, hey, in thirty minutes, a mind is going

840
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,319
Speaker 1: to go off, that you have a conversation coming up,

841
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: or time that you're gonna spend with your partner. But

842
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 1: when you take the initiative and place it in your

843
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: calendar physically, you're more likely to do it. That would

844
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 1: be my advice. So I believe that is all the

845
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 1: time that we have for questions today. Thank you all

846
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 1: so much. For tuning in to how men think. This

847
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 1: is so much fun and if you all are interested

848
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 1: in keeping up to date with me and what's my

849
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,400
Speaker 1: next steps in life entail, then you can find me

850
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:34,399
Speaker 1: on social media at Clayton Eckard first and last name

851
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:37,120
Speaker 1: on inscareum really easy, It's easy to get in contact

852
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:38,840
Speaker 1: with me there. You can shoot me a d M,

853
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: you can shoot me an email, whatever you want in

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00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: the comments of my pictures. That's where you'll find me.

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00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 1: It's where I'm most active and I will keep you

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00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 1: all updated as far as what's next all through the app.

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00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 1: So that's where you can find me, that hiding and all.

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00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 1: And thank you once again for taking the time out

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00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:00,720
Speaker 1: of your day to sit here with me and hopefully

860
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 1: learn a thing or two. This is how men think.

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Speaker 1: An I Heart Radio London Audio Production listen each Thursday

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00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 1: on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you

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00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 1: get your podcasts.