WEBVTT - Ask HTM - Supporting a Financially Struggling Friend, Ditching and Upgrading a Car, & Purchasing Long Term Care Insurance #895 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.000 Welcome to Had of Money. I'm Joel, I'm Matt, and 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:05.040 today we're answering your listener questions. 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:26.560 That's right, buddy, We've got listener questions to get to. 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:30.640 This Monday. We've got a relational money question that I'm 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:33.680 actually really looking forward. It's not the best situation, but 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:35.159 I am looking forward to it because we don't talk 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:37.720 about relationship kind of stuff as opposed to like the 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:39.680 nuts and bolts, which is typically what we talk about 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:40.199 here on the show. 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:41.800 All right, so let's talk about this. Should you marry 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:44.400 rich Matt? Should you marry for money? That's going to 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:45.920 be the question that we get to. That's what actually 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:47.920 Emily always tells me if you were to die, I 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:49.600 would only marry for money the next time around. 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:52.640 Really, yeah, she's like one hundred percent. Serio. 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:54.440 I don't think she means it, Okay, I mean she 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:57.600 says it a lot, so maybe she does. I think 0:00:57.600 --> 0:00:59.920 it was just trying to say. What she means is 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:02.120 I love you. I could never love someone else like you. 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:05.480 So for just the bank accounts, see, that's how you 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:06.040 interpret it. 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:07.880 But I feel like there are more layers to this 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:11.200 financial onion to appeal. But no we will get to 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:13.920 that relational mini question. We've got somebody else who's trying 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:16.280 to figure out when to ditch his car, when to 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:19.480 replace it. Another listener is looking for different ways or 0:01:19.480 --> 0:01:21.160 I guess he's trying to figure out how to afford 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:24.920 long term care insurance, which isn't something we often talk 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:26.039 about on the show. 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:28.560 So wants to know whether even needs it to Yeah, yeah. 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:30.120 Yeah, So we've got a great show lined up for 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:30.600 y'all today. 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:32.200 All right, let's do a frugal cheap we haven't done 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:34.320 one in a second. This one Matt someone the other 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:39.119 day My two thousand and five accurate SUV still running fine, nice, 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:41.560 and it's it's been a good car. I've had it 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:44.160 for a year and a half now. Bought it super 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:47.160 duper used for cheap. But when I bought it, there 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:49.760 was a crack in the passenger side of the windshield. 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:52.520 And I remember the first time Emily got into it 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:53.800 and she was like, what. 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:56.280 Are you doing? Man? Like, why did you buy this thing? 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:58.360 I was like, because what kind of hoop do you? 0:01:58.680 --> 0:01:58.840 Right? 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:00.440 Has parked in my driveway. 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:02.160 Because I can see just find out on my side. 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:04.360 I don't care if you can see or not, and 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:06.840 so I could see how it'd be more distracting from 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:09.079 the passenger. The passenger that's way on the other side 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:09.799 of the car, who cares? 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:10.400 Are you so? 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:12.240 And then I had someone that that they say, when 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:13.960 are you going to replace your windshield? 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:14.239 Man? 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:16.160 I was like, this is a four thousand dollars car. 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:18.720 I'm not planning on putting in a four hundred dollars windshield. 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:21.239 Like it's not interested. I bought this knowing this. I 0:02:21.320 --> 0:02:22.840 knew I could see out of it. Not willing to 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:25.400 pay ten percent of the overall cost of the vehicle 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.840 just to have a clear windshield. I know in some 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:31.560 states they actually either one they forced insurance to pay. 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:33.080 For it or zero deductible states. 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:35.400 Yeah, or they force you to do this because there 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:37.840 are safety checks every year from the state. But in 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:40.079 Georgia that's not the case. So I can keep rolling 0:02:40.160 --> 0:02:43.280 with this Florida busted windshield, New York, Arizona. I think 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:46.320 those are all states that have the zero deductible. Essentially, 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:49.120 it's like cracked windshield, boom, you get a replace for free. 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:49.400 Yeah. 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:51.560 I think it was in Virginia. I remember my friend 0:02:51.600 --> 0:02:53.280 lived there for a while and I think they had 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:56.040 those safety checks and so if there was a crack 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:58.400 or something, even just a nick, they might be like, hey, 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:01.800 you gotta fix that thing. And so okay, am I 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:02.560 frugal or cheap? 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:03.400 Is it? Uh? 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:03.639 Well? 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:06.600 Has it gotten worse or the same? It's bad, It's 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:10.440 been bad. What's funny is I've written obviously I've ridden 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:13.560 in the vehicle. I can't really picture it. It's pretty 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:15.519 big crack, is it really? Oh yeah, it's that's so funny. 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:17.480 It's going up and down like three quarters of the windshield. 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.919 Okay, I would say if you didn't have the ability 0:03:20.919 --> 0:03:23.519 to see through your windshield clearly, sure it's appos dumb 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:26.480 and dumber style looking out the side. Yes, like have 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:29.040 you obviously you've you've driven it in the rain? 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:29.400 Right? 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:31.560 Does the crack impact the ability of your wipers to 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:32.200 clear the windshield? 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:32.320 No? 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:35.000 Okay. I think if you, let's say you were a 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:37.400 realtor where you did business out of your vehicle, you know, 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:39.440 like if you had a sales like job or you 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:41.800 had clients in your car, of course that would be 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:44.680 cheap because that could hinder the potential sale. 0:03:44.720 --> 0:03:46.560 That would be a cheap move. I'm trying to impress 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:47.040 no one though. 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:52.040 You are a podcaster, so the visuals don't really matter 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:54.400 so much, especially when it comes to our vehicle. So, dude, 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:56.520 I'm with you, one hundred percent frugal, Okay, keep the 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:58.040 crack windshield all right, and feel free. 0:03:58.040 --> 0:03:59.640 If you are out there listening and you're like, that's 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:01.760 so dump you should totally replace it, let me know why. 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:04.520 Feel free to emails how to moneypod at gmail dot com. 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:06.800 I always love hearing from you guys and hearing what 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:08.720 I bet in some people's minds. 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:09.680 Matt, that is cheap. 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:12.160 It's not frugal, but I knew it buying it. It's 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:14.920 got this crack, but to me, it's just it's basically 0:04:15.160 --> 0:04:15.720 what do you call it? 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:16.599 Cosmetic? That's it. 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:20.359 Yeah, And so because of that, I was down to 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:22.760 buy it and to not replace that, and to hold 0:04:22.760 --> 0:04:23.880 on to this thing as long as I can. 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:25.839 I'm with you, okay, So I guess on a somewhat 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:29.039 related note, quick question, another frugal or cheap though, The 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:31.719 side mirrors on our van are twenty twelve hundred Odyssey. 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:35.120 It's made of plastic, and the plastic is like or 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:37.600 the paint. It's like a covering or something. It's coming off, 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:40.880 you know, you go through the high powered car washes, 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:43.520 and bottom line, it looks like it's it looks pretty ratty. 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:46.279 Do you think I should take the pressure washer and 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:48.719 just blast it off completely and like spray it with 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:52.000 some like black shiny spray paint to make it liquid 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:54.320 or should I not even worry about that? This is 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:56.479 similar because this, I would even say, is maybe even 0:04:56.480 --> 0:04:58.240 more visible because when people see our van, they know 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:00.320 it's us because I don't know what it is. But 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:02.680 it's like the it's almost like a vinyl covering that's 0:05:02.720 --> 0:05:05.400 getting that's that's peeling. Have you noticed it? 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:05.600 No? 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:08.320 I haven't, And honestly, clearly we are pointing out the 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:10.760 fact that we don't care at all about what our 0:05:10.920 --> 0:05:12.960 vehicles look like. Yeah, I don't. I think that's true. 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:14.800 That'd be like a that would come in about our 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:16.240 bottle of spray paint or something. 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:18.120 Yeah, exactly, that's so much cheaper, and that would come 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.560 down I think more less about oh what am I 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:22.640 projecting to other people as opposed to what do I 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:23.800 care about in the car that I'm driving? 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:26.360 Yeah, it's about like trying to keep our ride looking fresh. 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:27.719 So like my dad. 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:29.320 He scraped the side of our van when he was 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:32.880 driving it, like like last year, and I didn't even 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:34.440 bother getting it fixed that He was like, oh, no, 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:35.960 I'll pay for it. I'm not gonna make my dad 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:38.000 pay for that, Like come on, yeah, that to me, 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:40.680 that would be that'd be cheap, not frugal. So I'm like, no, Dad, 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:42.520 let's just leave it. That's the story about it. The 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:44.599 beauty of driving old cars is that I care less 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:46.760 about those cosmetic things and dents. 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:48.560 But if you had pulled the trigger and you had 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:51.839 a one to two year old Rivian and he did 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:52.679 that in that case. 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:53.960 That's part of the reason I don't want to one. 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:55.880 In some ways, I'm like, because I'll freak out more 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:57.200 about it, and I don't want to because I don't 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.200 want to care about cars. Yeah, all right, let's mention 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:01.120 the beer we're having on this episode, Matt. This one's 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:06.000 called Ube Macapuno Delight. It's by Brewyard Beer Company. This 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:08.400 one was given to us by our friend Joel, and 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:10.360 we'll give our thoughts on this one at the end. 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:10.839 Of the episode. 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:13.520 Great job on the pronunciation there. We'll also reveal what 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:15.320 ube means y o you had to look it up. 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:18.160 So we both looked it up because because I didn't 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:20.840 know either. Well, yeah, we'll talk about that later. But 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.599 all right, let's get to listener questions. If you have 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:26.400 a money question for us, we would love to take it. 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:27.920 We'd love to hear it. You can just go to 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:31.280 howtimoney dot com slash ask for simple directions on how 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:33.520 to record your voice memo and send it our way. 0:06:34.000 --> 0:06:35.159 But really that's all it is. 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:37.120 It's recording a voice membo on your phone, emailing it 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:38.880 over to us, and hopefully we can take it next 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:41.320 week on the show. Matt, It's time now to get 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:43.560 to a money question that has a lot of relational 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:44.880 dynamics infused into it. 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:49.039 Hey, y'all, this is Amanda from San Antonio. I have 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:52.279 a bit of a doozy for you. My best friend 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:55.440 in the whole world is in about twenty thousand dollars 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:59.520 of credit card debt with interest rates ranging from twenty 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:03.560 five to thirty percent as I understand it, and her 0:07:03.640 --> 0:07:08.400 husband's car was just repossessed for the second time in 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:13.760 four years. She is a stable W two job. He 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:17.920 works a job that is unstable and unreliable and also 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:21.680 an hour and a half from their home, and now 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:25.120 he can no longer commute to it. They are living 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:28.000 outside of their means. I don't have all the details, 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:32.880 but from what I've gathered, they're going further into credit 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:35.000 card debt month by month, and now they have this, 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:39.120 you know, car repossession emergency. I've done all the things 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:43.400 I've you know, suggested he get a job that's walkable, 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:47.200 and they get an emergency fund under them, and everything 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:50.000 you guys would recommend, I think I've recommended to them. 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:52.440 So what I'm asking about is how to navigate this. 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:56.440 I want to be a good friend, and I have 0:07:56.960 --> 0:08:00.760 the money to help, but I also want to hold 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:03.680 a boundary and I do not want to enable the 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:08.000 behavior that got them into this position. Man. That's That's 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:09.920 what I'm dealing with right now. I hope you guys 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:11.320 can help. I love the show. 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:15.480 Thank you, guys, joel Man. This is tough to hear, 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:17.840 like you can literally hear it in her voice, just 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:21.000 how like this the situation that Amanda's friend is in 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:22.880 is how it pains her aially. 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:24.880 I mean, it's tough to see your friends struggle, and 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:27.440 it's tough to see your friends kind of especially when 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:30.720 you know better, and it's tough to see them just 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:32.439 continually put themselves behind me. 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:34.600 All like them. Yeah, as they continue to make some 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.320 of these decisions that you know, continue to dig them 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:39.600 into a deeper hole. It sounds like a lot of 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:43.960 things need to change for your friend though and her husband, Amanda, Like, 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:45.840 you know, they got the job issue, You've got the 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:48.400 I think if there is just like one Cary possession, 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:49.840 I mean, yeah, there's the car repo which has hit 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:51.680 me of things, the second one that's happened now. I 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.640 think if they if this was a situation where they 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.440 were kind of cruising along and everything, you know, maybe 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.640 what you would call typical or normal, but then all 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:01.960 of a sudden something came up out of nowhere. Like 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:04.560 I could totally see that being a situation where you 0:09:04.640 --> 0:09:08.440 might step in from a financial standpoint, But because of 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:11.720 the fact that this seems to be ongoing behavior, I 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:13.960 think the way that you are thinking about this is 0:09:14.240 --> 0:09:16.760 the complete right way of doing it, where you don't 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:19.800 want to enable the behavior that has gotten them into 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:20.920 this situation. 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:23.960 I think it can feel like the empathetic thing to 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:27.400 do to step in and help make the fix, But 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:29.840 I think then you could end up putting yourself in harmsuoy, 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:31.760 you can put your relationship in harms. Way, it's you 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:32.559 have to be really careful. 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:32.880 Amandon. 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:35.160 You mentioned the term boundaries, and I think that's a 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:38.000 really good term to use. I think that's often necessary 0:09:38.000 --> 0:09:40.200 when we're talking about relationships, Like you have to have 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:43.240 healthy boundaries so you can remain friends and be a 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:45.400 positive influence in the ways that you can, and then 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:48.160 realize the ways in which you maybe can't have an 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:50.280 impact and don't try on those levels. 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:50.600 Yeah. 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:52.520 So, like, for instance, match you mentioned, Hey, I've got 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:55.600 the money to help, but if you give your friends money, 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.160 that's money you don't have in your bank account anymore, 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:00.559 and you might not be enough to make any sort 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:03.000 of real meaningful tents in their situation depending on how 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:05.800 much you have. That is true, right, So, Yeah, over 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:09.120 twenty thousand dollars in yeah, in credit card credit card debts, 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:10.960 that's a lot of money. Yeah, I mean to get 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:13.800 that car Loan back in good graces all of the 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:17.520 things that need to happen. Amanda might not have enough 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:19.320 to actually fix all this stuff, and even if she did, 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:21.000 it might not be the best thing for her or 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:23.640 for them, And so I guess I would suggest that 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:26.800 the biggest thing, Amanda, you can offer is a sympathetic here, 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:30.400 some light guidance, preferably in a way that doesn't involve shaming, 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:33.000 which doesn't sound like is something you would do anyway. 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.960 Shame obviously it creates the opposite instinct, right, Like it 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:40.280 makes us want to stop sharing and hide our flaws. 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:42.160 And that can happen with your friend where she's like, now, 0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:44.560 this isn't a safe place to talk to Amanda anymore, 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:46.199 because every time I talk to her, she makes me 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:47.839 feel bad about my choices, like, you don't want to 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:50.839 do that. It can perpetuate negative feelings, and it can 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:53.800 lead to more unwise behavior, which is what got them 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:55.480 here in the first place in so many ways. So 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:57.920 one way to avoid that dynamic, I think, is to 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:00.400 share some of your own mistakes with them. I think 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:03.360 that can make them feel more comfortable learning from you. 0:11:03.400 --> 0:11:05.800 And when you do have advice, they're like, oh, Amanda's 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:08.320 been here, she's been through hard stuff too, so she's 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:09.400 a person worth listening to. 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:12.400 That's true. Yeah, it sounds like you have shared with 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:15.440 them a lot of good advice, and so maybe that's 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:17.880 not the tact that you should take. So maybe switching 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:20.080 things up where you are not their main source of 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:22.719 financial information might be the way to go. But that 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:24.800 doesn't mean that you need to leave them high and dry. 0:11:24.920 --> 0:11:26.280 Like what I would do in this case would be 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:28.199 to connect them with a helpful resource. 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:29.440 Oh, I thought you were going to say, put had 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:30.800 a money podcast onto the background. 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:34.319 Ford, that's also good. How do you think something that's 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:36.959 a whole other question. Do you think somebody hearing their 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:39.640 situation being described on a podcast would make them more 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:43.079 or less inclined to then want to turn things around? 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:44.880 I don't know that depends, Amanda is gonna be up 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:46.679 to you as to whether or not you share this 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:48.800 episode with them. But what I was gonna say, though, 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:51.280 is to get them hooked up with someone like NFCC, 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:57.040 the National Foundation for Credit Counseling or MMI Money Management International. 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:00.360 They're a professional who has seen plenty of folks in 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:02.439 a position just like your bestie there is going to 0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:04.760 be able to take the reins and help them out significantly. 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:07.960 And even if you, Amanda, have been listening like for 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:09.640 the show, to the show for a really long time. 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:12.040 Let's say like since episode one, you might have a 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.120 whole lot of knowledge, but I think trying to be 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:17.679 their their budget counselor that could actually do lasting damage 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:19.880 to your relationship. And considering you said that this is 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:22.959 like your best friend, this is something that I think 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:25.400 I would want to risk. So instead, just help them 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:27.800 to find someone else who can fill that role, and 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:31.079 then you can just be more of like a supporter type, right, 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:33.240 Like you can encourage your friend, you can be there 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:35.480 for them. Who can you know, chime in with some 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:38.560 money wisdom from time to time, But your ability to 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:42.560 be like the sole provider of the information, Like like 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:44.640 if you are at the center of this whole plan, 0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:47.120 I personally I feel like it things can get really 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:47.920 messy really quickly. 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:50.920 Yeah, there's some saying, man, I've heard that be the 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:53.160 wall that holds them up, not the roof over their head, right, 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.000 And maybe that's Hey, I'm going to be one of 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:57.000 the support pillars in their lives, but I can't be 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:59.000 the whole thing to them. I think you're right, Like, 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:02.040 there are great organizations out there doing good work, and 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:03.760 there are awesome people who work there, and it's not 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:05.080 going to call them an arm and a leg if 0:13:05.120 --> 0:13:07.280 you go to one of these not for profit places 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:10.160 that you mentioned, and with all of the issues you've described, man, 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:11.920 it's kind of a litany of things going on. This 0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:15.000 situation could get worse before it gets better, and there's 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:18.200 a chance that bankruptcy might be necessary. But the folks 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:21.000 at these nonprofit organizations can help determine that by digging 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:23.600 into their numbers and looking at the specifics, and they 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:25.880 should not only be able to help with budgeting, but 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.600 also in creating basically a triage list of which money 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:31.080 moves they need to make and in what order. They're 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:33.360 also going to have access to working with some of 0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:35.600 the companies, some of the credit card companies in particular 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:38.920 that they on their own or you helping them won't 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:40.800 have access too, So I think that's an important thing 0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:43.280 to mention also. And then once they have their marching 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:47.600 orders from one of these non nonprofit debt counseling centers, 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:49.800 your encouragement, your insights are going to come in handy 0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:51.320 because they're going to be making progress, they're going to 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:53.319 be bouncing things off of you. They're probably going to 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:55.520 have lots of questions, and it's going to be really 0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:58.320 nice to have someone they trust deeply, who knows their 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:00.439 stuff on the money front, who they can bounce those 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:01.160 questions off of. 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:03.920 Yeah, and I mean remember too that turning this around, 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:06.079 I think is going to take a long time. It's 0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:08.120 taken them a long time to get into the mess 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:10.319 that they are currently finding themselves in, and so I 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:11.680 think it's going to take a while for them to 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:14.240 get out as well. You are a good friend, you 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:16.760 can continue to be one there who is helping them, 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:19.080 But just know that you aren't going to be again 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:21.240 like at the center of their universe as they're turning 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:23.760 their financial lives around. That doesn't mean you don't check 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:27.480 in with them, certainly do that talk about it. You know, Joe, 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:29.880 you mentioned a shame there earlier that can easily take over, 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:32.600 meaning that your friend might even just go silent for 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:34.520 a while. And a good friend knows that that can 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:37.440 be a tendency, and so reach out see if she's 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:40.040 willing to or wanting to talk about that. And by 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:41.960 the way, if you actually if you do feel compelled 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.960 to financially help in order to help your friend to 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:48.040 accelerate their progress as they are making changes, as you've seen, 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:52.800 you know, positive movements in the right direction. Essentially, I 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:55.760 would avoid loaning the money instead see it purely as 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:58.840 a gift, something that they don't have to return, just 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:01.720 again because of the relation dynamics and how messy things 0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:04.560 could get. But I think if I were in your situation, though, 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.640 I would find different ways to be present as a friend, 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:11.480 to demonstrate that you are willing to give in a 0:15:11.520 --> 0:15:15.000 way but specifically that invests in your friendship together. And 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:17.560 so practically speaking, what that means is like if y'all 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:20.160 go out to get some Mexican food or something like that, 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:22.080 like picking up the tab, or like if you're gonna 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:24.280 go grab coffee, paying for it, because it shows that, Hey, 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:26.720 it's not that I'm not willing to put forth some 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:30.240 of my financial resources towards us. It's just that this 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:34.000 particular problem seems like it's something that that y'all keep 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:36.640 finding yourselves in. And so I think what that demonstrates, though, 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:40.440 is that you are there for your friend no matter what, 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:43.960 in this case, for richer or for poor. Yeah, it's 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:45.920 not like you you didn't take any vals. It's not 0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:47.640 like y'all got married or anything. But like, that's what 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:49.600 a good friend is is someone who sticks with you 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:54.080 through this hard phase in life, which also begs the question, Joel, 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:56.960 do you think do you think it ever would get 0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:00.440 to a point to where Amanda shouldn't maintain the friendship 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:02.440 with her friends, Like, because what I hear in her voice, 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:04.240 like kind of going back to the beginning we're talking 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:07.960 about how exasperated she sounds, is that like almost it 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:09.440 almost seems like she's at the end of her row. 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.360 That's a good question. I guess I'm pointing to Amanda's 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:12.840 mental health. 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:14.520 I think you don't abandon your friends when they're when 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:16.280 when they're in a hard situation. Yeah, I think that's 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:18.960 what that's that's my gut reaction and totally I guess 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.760 if your friends are like, we love the lifestyle we're living, 0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:24.880 that's jeopardizing everything we've worked for. I don't know that 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:26.720 that might be a different conversation than that's sure, but 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:28.760 I think if they're trying, and they and they actually 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:31.720