Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanta way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim and give us time and a
Speaker 2: Turmanol and gage.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off instead, you wanna welcome
Speaker 3: you back home?
Speaker 4: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine? Now?
Speaker 3: Porn?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need ride.
Speaker 5: With Karen and Chris? Welcome? Do you need a ride?
Speaker 5: This is Chris.
Speaker 1: Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgaroff.
Speaker 6: We are so excited to be recording this episode.
Speaker 1: Hello, we're back.
Speaker 5: We are back. We had a bit of a hiatus,
Speaker 5: more than a month.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we lost people lost faith in our ability to podcast,
Speaker 4: which is understandable.
Speaker 5: Yes, we had we had personal things going on. We
Speaker 5: had the holidays, we had work on the road. I
Speaker 5: had work on the road.
Speaker 1: I had a death in my family.
Speaker 5: Karen had a death in her family.
Speaker 4: And but but ultimately, perhaps sadder is we recorded an
Speaker 4: episode that.
Speaker 1: We then lost.
Speaker 6: We recorded what I think maybe it's the it's like
Speaker 6: the Twilight Zone. We recorded the best episode ever. Their
Speaker 6: tears were shed, the laughter was had. It was the
Speaker 6: best of all emotions happening at once. It was a
Speaker 6: great podcast with Tigntaro, and we were so open and
Speaker 6: so personal, and so many poignant things were said. I
Speaker 6: thought during the middle of it, I'm like, this is
Speaker 6: the episode that will change the world. This is the one.
Speaker 1: I was like, we're gonna get nominated for a Peabody.
Speaker 7: We are going or at least a Casti or whatever.
Speaker 7: The I think they have the castle a poddle. Oh,
Speaker 7: it was the British poddles. We all would love to
Speaker 7: win a Poddle. But I get home among us, no
Speaker 7: one I know is that esteemed. I get home, I
Speaker 7: pull the cart out.
Speaker 6: It's just empty. It's it's blank. That's never happened.
Speaker 1: You help their friend.
Speaker 5: Come on, friend, you got it. You've got a Mazda
Speaker 5: that needs to be moving. So I was very sad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was That was insanely disappointing.
Speaker 4: And then also the irony that people were like, we
Speaker 4: need an episode and it's like we do too.
Speaker 1: Like we've it was.
Speaker 4: Such a heartbreaker to lose it when we got our
Speaker 4: homework done and we didn't get any credit for it,
Speaker 4: and we got Basically it was an A plus piece of.
Speaker 5: Homework, and we could tell that Tig was proud of
Speaker 5: it and excited for it to come out. I haven't
Speaker 5: broken it to her. I haven't told her we've met.
Speaker 1: There there's a chance we might.
Speaker 5: Find Andrew Solomson.
Speaker 6: If you're listening and I haven't already contacted you, please,
Speaker 6: I know you you are a wizard when it comes
Speaker 6: to finding lost files, or I'm.
Speaker 5: Hoping you are.
Speaker 1: We think you might be able to help us.
Speaker 5: Andrews.
Speaker 6: I hope you have some device that you have in
Speaker 6: a handmade leather holster that that you've had that has
Speaker 6: saved people's podcasts.
Speaker 4: Maybe there's a there's a red toolkit that you keep
Speaker 4: down in the bottom drawer of your.
Speaker 1: Desk that you only pull out. Yeah, in very special.
Speaker 5: Amount after your situation type in a security code would
Speaker 5: turn one two three four.
Speaker 1: You should change that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, that's really I mean, that's not it.
Speaker 6: You always think no one's going to guess one two
Speaker 6: three four, But that is the first thing I would guess.
Speaker 1: That's the first I mean, yeah, that's where you start.
Speaker 5: So I hopefully we can retrieve it.
Speaker 6: If not, we will just have another episode with take
Speaker 6: because uh, it's magic on the mic.
Speaker 1: But we're just glad to be back.
Speaker 6: With the sound quality, I assure you was so good.
Speaker 6: I spent time with the levels, and.
Speaker 4: Not only was Chris the sound guy, but he was
Speaker 4: also the driver in that episode, so there was we
Speaker 4: were capturing a magic and an energy. Yes, it doesn't
Speaker 4: usually happen.
Speaker 5: It was a special episode. I thought you were gonna say,
Speaker 5: because I was driving, that's why we lost the five.
Speaker 5: I thought, I'm so sensitive about this.
Speaker 6: Chris was driving, so there's a good chance that's why
Speaker 6: he wasn't paying attention to the right lights. Everything I
Speaker 6: looked down at while I was driving, which is dangerous,
Speaker 6: but it was important, more important than our lives.
Speaker 1: We were just on bit was big with you, and it.
Speaker 5: Just was recording. Everything seemed fine.
Speaker 1: Then you've done it before. You're good at being the
Speaker 1: soundman and driver.
Speaker 5: I think I'm okay at it.
Speaker 1: It's not ideal for you.
Speaker 5: It's not what I'll be getting a podcast.
Speaker 4: The award for your poddle will not come for an
Speaker 4: engineering I just had to pass aggressley correct you. It
Speaker 4: won't be an engineering poddle.
Speaker 6: No, but certainly we've already established and one of the
Speaker 6: more handsome men in podcasting.
Speaker 5: That's or that's my little thing. I don't usually that's
Speaker 5: it seems weird coming out, and I'm going.
Speaker 1: To retroact it. No, no, no, don't retract it. But it's
Speaker 1: already out there, Christian, even if you didn't say it,
Speaker 1: people know it.
Speaker 5: My age is coming up on me and my face
Speaker 5: has sworn. I've been drinking too much. It's the holidays.
Speaker 1: I just that all looks good on men, though it
Speaker 1: took women love.
Speaker 5: A small I guess.
Speaker 6: I do remember one summer at a big sky Bible camp,
Speaker 6: I got stung in the face by bees, and girls
Speaker 6: were hitting on me left and right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, They're like, why are your cheeks so full? You're
Speaker 5: so adorable.
Speaker 1: The Lord told me to talk to you this afternoon.
Speaker 5: It's a god, what a horrifying camp that was. Do
Speaker 5: I tell you that?
Speaker 6: They told me my parents were going to help unless
Speaker 6: I converted them.
Speaker 5: So when my dad.
Speaker 6: Picked me up in the Volkswagen bus, I was crying
Speaker 6: and he said, why are you crying? We're driving, And
Speaker 6: then finally he asked, well, we're all going down this road.
Speaker 5: Why why are you so upset, and I'm like, well,
Speaker 5: they told me you were going to help.
Speaker 6: And my dad turned around and drove back and yelled
Speaker 6: at the head past her. From a distance, I saw
Speaker 6: him screaming at him. Yes, and the guy was just trembling.
Speaker 6: He knew, he knew he sucked up. Wait now, but
Speaker 6: who sent you to that Bible camp? Did your parents
Speaker 6: just think it was like a day camp.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: They sent me to a lot of camps when I
Speaker 6: was young, and the house my sister went to it.
Speaker 5: She was a little older. She's seven years older, so
Speaker 5: I think time she spent there was first being interested
Speaker 5: in boys and being at a camp. She was older,
Speaker 5: so it's like, oh, I made out with a boy
Speaker 5: or something.
Speaker 6: She had fun, She had regular camp fun, and I
Speaker 6: guess didn't hear the voices of children drowning when she
Speaker 6: was trying to sleep. I thought that there was ghosts.
Speaker 6: I thought I was being possessed at a Bible camp.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, they're putting things in your head.
Speaker 5: Everyone's snoring.
Speaker 6: I remember, It's all You're in a bunk room with
Speaker 6: a bunch of kids, and everyone was snoring, and everyone
Speaker 6: snoring in unison. I had convinced myself was people crying
Speaker 6: and screaming out in the lake and I was like
Speaker 6: felt like the room was closing in on me.
Speaker 5: It was a very traumatic.
Speaker 1: So it was it was a sleep boy camp.
Speaker 6: It was yeah, for a long time, and you'd have
Speaker 6: archery yep, and then you'd go to the chapel and
Speaker 6: have these competitive who can look up first Corinthians and
Speaker 6: everyone whips through and you hold up the book when
Speaker 6: you have it. No, and I didn't know that. I'd
Speaker 6: never opened a bike. I didn't grow up with a
Speaker 6: Bible in my house.
Speaker 1: That's it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, church stuff is so culty when you're from the outside.
Speaker 4: You know what's so funny is our next door neighbor
Speaker 4: and Andy Willington came with me to church one time
Speaker 4: and I was probably like twelve and he was raised
Speaker 4: with no religion whatsoever. And he I was laughing so
Speaker 4: hard because it was like I finally saw, like a Catholic.
Speaker 1: Mass is the most ritualistic bizarre.
Speaker 4: You're kneeling, you're standing, you're kneeling, you're it's like call
Speaker 4: and response. Yeah, And I'd never seen it from like
Speaker 4: an outsider's perspective before, how bizarre it is. But when
Speaker 4: you're raised in it. It's just church on Sunday. It's
Speaker 4: you're you're.
Speaker 1: So used to it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I went to It was that way. I went
Speaker 5: to Catholic church once because when my sister's been married
Speaker 5: to her husband, Mike for a long time, but when
Speaker 5: she met him, he was Catholic, and so I remember
Speaker 5: once we went before he had am and woke up
Speaker 5: and said, oh, this is all kind of bullshit. I
Speaker 5: think that's how I don't.
Speaker 6: Know, but we went and it was a lot of
Speaker 6: people reciting things, standing up and down and everything, everyone
Speaker 6: looking over and noticing that you don't know what you're doing,
Speaker 6: and feeling very excluded, not welcomed.
Speaker 5: Right, And then someone put dirt on my forehead as
Speaker 5: I recall.
Speaker 4: Oh you went there fresh Wednesday, that was right before Easter.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, yeah, yeah, ask me anything I can tell
Speaker 4: you all.
Speaker 5: About that's okay.
Speaker 6: The little wafers, the Eucharist, yes, that.
Speaker 5: That is supposed to be Jesus's flesh, right.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's the body of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Speaker 5: And then the wine, even though you can see his
Speaker 5: wine with a label on, it is blood.
Speaker 1: It's blood, and that is.
Speaker 5: And that is just something that everyone there takes pretty
Speaker 5: seriously or is it just like.
Speaker 4: That that's some point of the whole mass is going
Speaker 4: to get that And basically you're taking in the Savior
Speaker 4: and you're remembering him in his sacrifice for you by
Speaker 4: eating his body and drinking his blood. And I mean
Speaker 4: it couldn't. I mean clearly it's old. Yeah, it's from
Speaker 4: It's from times where stuff like that would have been,
Speaker 4: you know, pretty normal.
Speaker 6: Do you think there's ever been someone in history that
Speaker 6: like drank themselves to death with red wine thinking that
Speaker 6: it was bringing them closer to God.
Speaker 1: I mean, that was my rationale when I still drank.
Speaker 4: It was just like, let's do this thing, Jesus, let's
Speaker 4: improve this situation.
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's all so crazy.
Speaker 4: Also, you know that like the one you described too,
Speaker 4: When I was in college, I was in the drama
Speaker 4: department and there was a guy that was like new
Speaker 4: to the drama department that made a big splash and
Speaker 4: was super cute. He's a great actor, and he started
Speaker 4: hanging out with me in my two roommates and we
Speaker 4: were like this group of like five people that would
Speaker 4: go to Denny's after play rehearsal and shit, and we
Speaker 4: were having we were all having the best time. It
Speaker 4: was like it was kind of like early comic hangouts,
Speaker 4: like riffing whatever. And eventually, so I liked him, but
Speaker 4: I never thought he would like me back.
Speaker 1: So I just kind of like didn't even care and whatever.
Speaker 4: I thought I had no chance with him because he
Speaker 4: was he looked, he was really good looking, and I
Speaker 4: thought he would like one roommate I knew my other
Speaker 4: roommate had a huge crush on him, and so it
Speaker 4: ended up that he liked me.
Speaker 1: He came in was like I made a big pronouncement. Wow,
Speaker 1: So it was this big coup, right, like I got
Speaker 1: the guy.
Speaker 4: And then like a week later he starts talking about
Speaker 4: the thing is I just really need you to say these.
Speaker 1: Seven words because I don't want you to burn an hell.
Speaker 4: And he basically was a secret born again Christian who
Speaker 4: went to this crazy Culty church and Sacramento and was
Speaker 4: just what didn't actually like me, was trying to get
Speaker 4: me to go.
Speaker 1: To his church.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it was one of the most fucked up
Speaker 4: thing that's ever happened to me because his whole spiel
Speaker 4: was if you don't say these seven words, you automatically
Speaker 4: go to hell no matter what, you have to accept
Speaker 4: Jesus Christ as your personal savior. And literally, in my
Speaker 4: mind this was right when I think I just on
Speaker 4: comedy once, or maybe I just met Andy Kandler.
Speaker 1: For the first time before I started stand up.
Speaker 4: But in my head, I thought, you can't tell me
Speaker 4: Andy Kandler's going to hell, right.
Speaker 1: That disproves anything you're saying to me.
Speaker 5: I'm so happy to hear that.
Speaker 1: I think I may have told him.
Speaker 4: But essentially, though, I lost all of my faith in
Speaker 4: that whole exchange, because I realized religion is just.
Speaker 1: A thing a lot of people use.
Speaker 4: It's like a weird power tool people use to manipulate
Speaker 4: people to get them to do what they want and
Speaker 4: to scare them into thinking. I mean, these people were
Speaker 4: like ta. I heard a couple people preach about like they.
Speaker 1: Die and you know, odd on drugs, and while they
Speaker 1: were out, while they were.
Speaker 4: Dead on the table, they went into this land where
Speaker 4: they were in limbo, and it was like all this
Speaker 4: kind of stuff where by the.
Speaker 1: Time you leave your scared shit list that you're going
Speaker 1: to die and then end up in this place.
Speaker 6: That was one of the ceremonies at this camp. They
Speaker 6: were like, you have to well sit around this campfire.
Speaker 6: You take a log, put it on the fire, announced
Speaker 6: that the Lord's your savior, or that you accept them
Speaker 6: in your heart or whatever. If you've done this before,
Speaker 6: don't do it a second time. That would be a
Speaker 6: big mistake. And then I'm here, I'm like, have I.
Speaker 5: Done this before? What if I did it in a dream?
Speaker 1: And out?
Speaker 5: Remember?
Speaker 6: Boy, people are driving amazingly tonight. It's a full Oh
Speaker 6: that's everyone's driving like teen wolf.
Speaker 5: What is that guy doing surfing on an ice cream truck?
Speaker 5: And everyone crazy?
Speaker 6: Everyone Before they put a log on the fire, they
Speaker 6: set the I uh accepted the Lord in the back
Speaker 6: of a cop car one after I had robbed some people.
Speaker 6: Everyone was admitting all these things that created voids in
Speaker 6: them that they needed to fill, and I was like,
Speaker 6: I don't really have one. I don't have a story.
Speaker 6: Do you have to make one up?
Speaker 1: I was like, twelve twelve sanity? Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 6: And then one kid he said, Uh, my name is Ian,
Speaker 6: I'm from North Dakota. And I was hilarious, So I said, oh,
Speaker 6: are you in North Dakota?
Speaker 5: Ian?
Speaker 6: And he just walked away from the fire and punched
Speaker 6: me in the stomach and I was in a relaxed position.
Speaker 5: That's how Houdini died. I mean, this guy obviously knew
Speaker 5: nothing about Whodini.
Speaker 1: Wait, this wasn't the kid who you pulled on his brades,
Speaker 1: was it?
Speaker 5: No? No, that was Joel. He broke my arm. I
Speaker 5: was at Kawanis camp.
Speaker 6: Every every bad thing that ever happened to me happened
Speaker 6: at a camp.
Speaker 5: Yeah, one time I ate some.
Speaker 3: With some peas.
Speaker 5: There's a pod pea pods on this hedge.
Speaker 1: It was pea pods off ahead.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, oh cool peas. I put them in
Speaker 5: my mouth. I'm like, delicious. They taste. I can't believe
Speaker 5: in Missoula, Montana you can just find peas.
Speaker 6: Poison control was called. Someone tried to dig it out
Speaker 6: of my throat.
Speaker 5: This woman who read.
Speaker 6: Was reading a Playgirl magazine was pulling it out. Am
Speaker 6: I trying to pull out? There's peas for my throat
Speaker 6: And they were basically saying, Oh, you're gonna die.
Speaker 5: You've been poisoned. That's how they reacted. So many bad
Speaker 5: experiences at camp.
Speaker 1: How old were you on that one?
Speaker 5: When you ate peas I was a bit younger. I
Speaker 5: was a bit younger. That was pre Big Sky Bible Camp.
Speaker 4: Okay, good, Well, you know it's also the first experience
Speaker 4: of like being away from home, and I remember going
Speaker 4: the first year I went to camp. On day two,
Speaker 4: my mom I got a card from home from my
Speaker 4: mom and I think I was the first year we went.
Speaker 4: I was probably nine, and I took the card and
Speaker 4: went and sat down and opened it and it was
Speaker 4: like my mom running like, hi, Sissy, we missed you.
Speaker 1: And did it da?
Speaker 4: And I just started bawling. It was like I was
Speaker 4: only there for seven days and I was on day two.
Speaker 4: It wasn't like and it was, you know, perfectly fine camp.
Speaker 4: Nothing bad was happening. But it's that thing.
Speaker 1: When you're little and you're not used to being away.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it feels good for some people, I think in
Speaker 5: there's situations after that both and those were church related
Speaker 5: to even in high school.
Speaker 6: It was like, Hey, on Wednesdays, do you want to
Speaker 6: know where all the popular girls at school are and
Speaker 6: you can eat for free on Wednesdays? I'm it's at church.
Speaker 6: And so I went because of that, and I was
Speaker 6: openly with the that pastor guy who's out of the
Speaker 6: game now.
Speaker 5: I saw him in Oregon. He's like a fan marriage counselor.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah yeah. But I knew he didn't care. I
Speaker 6: knew he didn't care. I'm like, I'm not really into
Speaker 6: the Bible. He's like, I don't care. People like you
Speaker 6: and uh, and you can go these work camps and
Speaker 6: we would travel. We went to Mexico and built a wall.
Speaker 6: We did things and soup kitchens of prisoners at these
Speaker 6: halfway camps and it was really it was cool because
Speaker 6: you like felt like you're making a difference. That's where
Speaker 6: I like church stuff. I think it's cool to have
Speaker 6: that experience.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the service part.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, But you know what that's really on that
Speaker 4: it's a little creepy when he's like, I don't care
Speaker 4: that you don't believe because you're popular, Like it.
Speaker 1: Is such a it's it's a.
Speaker 4: I just find really that there's certain aspects of organized
Speaker 4: religion that are so creepy and calculating and political.
Speaker 5: Right, because it's like you have influence.
Speaker 1: Yes, and you'll draw the other children in.
Speaker 5: But he wasn't that.
Speaker 6: He also gave me like handyman work, like he's like, oh,
Speaker 6: I'm working on my house. Want to help demolish this
Speaker 6: wall in my house? And I'm like, that'll be great.
Speaker 6: And I remember he hit his thumb with a ham
Speaker 6: and said fuck really loud, and I'm like, oh, you're
Speaker 6: just a dude, You're just a guy. And so then
Speaker 6: I felt comfortable around that the pastor man and uh, yeah,
Speaker 6: it was good experiences.
Speaker 1: And you did not get molested by that pass.
Speaker 5: No, no, no, no, this was Presbyterian. Yeah. See church
Speaker 5: from a river runs through it and so you just
Speaker 5: can't pull that chair.
Speaker 1: It was it fish church.
Speaker 6: It was like fishing all the time, just where there
Speaker 6: was a crucifer where Jesus was on the crucifix.
Speaker 5: Above where his podium was. They actually had a billy.
Speaker 1: Bass with some songs.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yes, there was one year at Christmas where one
Speaker 4: of my dad's friends bought him. It was like the
Speaker 4: muskrat or squirrel equivalent of billy bass.
Speaker 1: It was like a singing squirrel, I think it.
Speaker 5: But it's supposed to look like taxidermy.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's supposed to look real and dead, but it's singing.
Speaker 5: Favorite form of we put.
Speaker 1: When we turned it on, we would all laugh like
Speaker 1: lunatic dipshit people. It was one of them. It was
Speaker 1: one of the funniest things, just like do it again.
Speaker 1: I think it was a muskrat that was singing muskrat love.
Speaker 1: It must have been that.
Speaker 5: Oh it has to be.
Speaker 4: It simply must be. So what else have you been doing, Chris?
Speaker 6: I have been hosting that show with April Richardson, and
Speaker 6: it's getting better and it's fun, grace, it's enjoyable, and
Speaker 6: they they got some new writers and I'm excited about
Speaker 6: that and I'm letting me have more input on our
Speaker 6: host copy great and so that's all fun. That's been enjoyable.
Speaker 6: I love doing stand up. I've been enjoying stand up
Speaker 6: more than ever. I've been doing lots of shows and
Speaker 6: feeling good about the shows.
Speaker 1: Amazing. Wait where was your last show?
Speaker 6: My last show, I guess was at the Ice House.
Speaker 6: You love your Pasadena. You know, it's like it's the
Speaker 6: only place in La or it's not in La passiting As. Actually,
Speaker 6: every time I drive there, I'm reminded, Wow, this is
Speaker 6: another city. It takes me an hour to get there,
Speaker 6: but it's it's like being on the road. It's just
Speaker 6: normal people wanting entertainment, and you have to remember that
Speaker 6: you're not just at some bar show in LA. You're
Speaker 6: entertaining regular people, which me as a you know, you
Speaker 6: know me, I'm just alternative as the dickens.
Speaker 1: It's you are wearing a tiny hat right now.
Speaker 6: I am, yeah, And if I could grow one, i'd
Speaker 6: have a beard, but I can't. It comes in all
Speaker 6: patchy because I am apache uh huh.
Speaker 5: I don't know what kind I am. I think that
Speaker 5: it's a native.
Speaker 6: Blood that makes it to where the side of my
Speaker 6: my face hair doesn't grow in. That's what I've decided.
Speaker 4: You're making that joke makes me kind of empathize with
Speaker 4: Ian from North Dakotia.
Speaker 5: You're gonna puts me in the stumby damn it.
Speaker 6: Well, that's I mean, I understand a lot of people
Speaker 6: are wrapped the wrong way by ponds.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really.
Speaker 5: Don't like it.
Speaker 1: Now, what do you think the difference is in your
Speaker 1: in the performing?
Speaker 5: Is it?
Speaker 1: Is?
Speaker 5: It?
Speaker 1: Is it just a cycle?
Speaker 4: Do you think it's just like you're out of the
Speaker 4: bad patch, right and it's only temporary Because I've been
Speaker 4: out of the bad patch before, and then I have
Speaker 4: a shitty show and I'm like, oh, yeah.
Speaker 5: Let's never get you never figure this out right?
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, the variables change every show.
Speaker 5: It's it's uh.
Speaker 6: But lately I've felt like I kind of learned how
Speaker 6: to deal with when I can see it going south. Yeah,
Speaker 6: And it's just I think it's about being more open
Speaker 6: on stage, being open and being uh.
Speaker 5: I've been working on my confidence.
Speaker 1: Karen, how Yes, what do you do I need? I
Speaker 1: need to know.
Speaker 5: I pretend that I'm confident.
Speaker 1: That's something saying that's how you have to.
Speaker 5: Do it, and it's infectious. Your brain will be like
Speaker 5: maybe we are for a minute, but then I just
Speaker 5: get that bad show.
Speaker 6: For instance, we all have a few comics. Went drove
Speaker 6: up to San Francisco for a taping something called Ciso,
Speaker 6: which is like a Hulu for comedy. Yeah, and it's NBC. Yeah,
Speaker 6: and so they have a lot of NBC shows on there.
Speaker 5: And then I guess they're.
Speaker 6: Gonna have a lot of original other than Brian Reagan's special.
Speaker 6: I guess the first streaming live comedy special was what
Speaker 6: I did.
Speaker 5: And man, it seemed like, oh man, no one's gonna
Speaker 5: edit this, Like I felt like it could have gone
Speaker 5: a lot better. And so after that, my fake confidence,
Speaker 5: I was like, where's that feeling? It went away?
Speaker 1: It's tough.
Speaker 5: I wish it didn't go badly. It just didn't go great.
Speaker 6: I wanted it to go great because you know, they
Speaker 6: had a camera and a crane thing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there was a guy with some Dolly tracks.
Speaker 4: You had a jib and you had a uh well
Speaker 4: that's a Dolly Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know that.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I know a lot of.
Speaker 1: The I wanted to pretend like I was the one.
Speaker 1: I knew the terminology. You know it.
Speaker 5: You know I'm Union No, I'm a Union gaffer's best boy.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 4: I just I think that's an interesting thing to talk
Speaker 4: about though, because the confidence I was thinking of it like,
Speaker 4: I've done a couple of shows at the Improv Lab.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've done that really yet.
Speaker 5: I'm doing it tonight.
Speaker 1: Are you really very loungey feeling? Yeah? I love it.
Speaker 1: Have you done it before?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 4: Yes, I was so surprised I was asked to do it.
Speaker 1: I think it's Meghan Keister show.
Speaker 4: And the day, of course, an hour before I wanted
Speaker 4: to flake out and not show up because that's what
Speaker 4: I always do and what my brain tells me you're
Speaker 4: unsafe to stay home.
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't go out, don't risk anything.
Speaker 4: Which is bad for comedy, which is definitely for all create.
Speaker 1: It's it's awful. So I knew that if I didn't.
Speaker 4: Go and do that one set, even though I had
Speaker 4: no material, I would stop doing stand up comedy. It
Speaker 4: was that it felt that dire, right, And so I
Speaker 4: went that night with truly with these one liners that
Speaker 4: I've been doing and just kind of like pieces of
Speaker 4: ideas and.
Speaker 5: No songs, no songs.
Speaker 1: Now I'm trying.
Speaker 4: I'm only talking comedy for twenty sixteen. I mean, like
Speaker 4: I'll do songs with drennand but for my own individual
Speaker 4: stand up, I'm going back to regular time.
Speaker 5: I'm excited to hear that. And I love your songs,
Speaker 5: but I thank you.
Speaker 6: I I'm excited to see you do joke after joke
Speaker 6: that'll think great.
Speaker 4: You know what it is? I realized while I was
Speaker 4: standing up there. First of all, I realized it doesn't
Speaker 4: I'm not There's a long time where you absolutely have
Speaker 4: to have jokes.
Speaker 1: You have to you have to know what you're going
Speaker 1: to end on.
Speaker 4: You have to have all of your kind of like
Speaker 4: your map out in front of you so that you
Speaker 4: can navigate your set with confidence.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I'm just.
Speaker 5: Now learning that. But yes, yes everyone knows well.
Speaker 4: But then there's a point time where you don't need
Speaker 4: that anymore because it does because you start to realize
Speaker 4: it doesn't matter what you're saying, it matters how you
Speaker 4: feel when you're standing there. So when I was standing there,
Speaker 4: I was like at this improv lab show, I just kind.
Speaker 1: Of didn't care.
Speaker 4: I knew I had these one liners that would get
Speaker 4: hard laughs, right, But other than that, I was excited
Speaker 4: to be experimenting again like that.
Speaker 1: I feel like the last time I did it was like.
Speaker 4: Old Largo, right wow, where I used to get to
Speaker 4: do it all the time and it was just the
Speaker 4: coolest feeling. And it didn't it wasn't it wasn't amazing.
Speaker 4: I certainly didn't like destroy the room or win or
Speaker 4: all the things I usually want to do when I
Speaker 4: do stand up. I just did fine and had a
Speaker 4: great time.
Speaker 1: Right, And then that was what I just realized, that's
Speaker 1: what I want.
Speaker 6: I think that that's what I mean when I say
Speaker 6: a manufacturing confidence, I'm just I just mean that state
Speaker 6: where you are forcing yourself to be in a state
Speaker 6: of mind where it's like this is fun. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 6: going to enjoy what I'm doing, and here it's a
Speaker 6: things that I'm excited to do in the set that I.
Speaker 5: Can look forward to. Usually that just means a new
Speaker 5: joke or too right, and then and then you have
Speaker 5: a great time and the best it's the best feeling.
Speaker 1: It's such a good feeling.
Speaker 5: And sometimes it just for whatever reason because you should
Speaker 5: have stayed home.
Speaker 1: But it's never true. It's it's I feel like it's
Speaker 1: never true.
Speaker 4: And like the weird thing to me is that I
Speaker 4: used to be really brave. I think it was correspondent
Speaker 4: to what I used to drink. I used to I
Speaker 4: would be like, I don't care, I'll get up there
Speaker 4: and do it ill. I would do anything right and
Speaker 4: try new things all the time and stuff. And I
Speaker 4: think it's that getting back to that, Like it's it
Speaker 4: doesn't make sense to me in my own mind, how
Speaker 4: what a lack of confidence I can have in certain
Speaker 4: situations when I've done some of the scariest things you
Speaker 4: could possibly do, I actually have proof that I've done
Speaker 4: those things, and it just seems like sometimes that doesn't On.
Speaker 5: Stage or like you used to be a coal miner.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, I'm just stand up improvising things TV stuff
Speaker 4: that is very intimidating.
Speaker 1: I've done it.
Speaker 4: So it then the idea that I'm letting, like, you know,
Speaker 4: a downstairs Thursday night show intimidate me to the point
Speaker 4: where I won't leave my house is I mean, I
Speaker 4: guess like what I'm saying is that's the level of
Speaker 4: insanity I'm dealing with.
Speaker 6: Well, it's also when you do those fun things and
Speaker 6: those tapings and at a certain level, and then and
Speaker 6: then you're doing a show for four other comics that
Speaker 6: is a booked thing that you didn't get all the
Speaker 6: information on, and then you show up and no one's there,
Speaker 6: which might very well happen for me tonight.
Speaker 5: I have to learn how to have fun at those
Speaker 5: two yes, and be like, Okay, what can I learn
Speaker 5: from just hearing my voice say these things?
Speaker 1: And what can you add? Like that writing on stage
Speaker 1: thing I hadn't done in so long.
Speaker 4: And both of the improv lap shows I've done lately
Speaker 4: I've done, I've figured things out like things weren't going
Speaker 4: not just not doing well, just no response. It was
Speaker 4: just like, oh, I thought this was funny. It's quiet,
Speaker 4: and then instead of my usual thing, which is get
Speaker 4: super embarrassed and then super angry and then lash out
Speaker 4: and then kind of shut it all down.
Speaker 5: I still do that. It's okay.
Speaker 1: I think we all do. I mean, I think that's
Speaker 1: kind of the natural reaction.
Speaker 4: But instead just hang out, Like I just have had
Speaker 4: the opportunity to hang out a little while longer and
Speaker 4: then actually here hear the connection and bring it back around.
Speaker 4: Just not panicking before that part happened, right, which is
Speaker 4: you know Easier.
Speaker 6: Said yeah, yeah, just realizing it's happening before it doesn't
Speaker 6: dealing with it better.
Speaker 5: That's what this all is.
Speaker 4: Because also it's the people are watching you because they
Speaker 4: want to see you be confident. They don't want to
Speaker 4: watch you have a nervous breakdown or blame them or
Speaker 4: get angry. They truly just want to see a person
Speaker 4: brave enough to have fun and be funny on stage.
Speaker 6: Weird, and when I first started, I think my whole
Speaker 6: style worked against that, this whole stammering, I'm not confident books,
Speaker 6: I messed up. Let me comment on that joke not working.
Speaker 6: Like I built this character that I did for years
Speaker 6: based on someone that maybe wasn't confident or maybe you
Speaker 6: don't know I'm messing up or not messing up.
Speaker 5: Why would messing up the way I talk be a
Speaker 5: thing that I would do?
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's natural to you, though, yeah it's not.
Speaker 6: Here was a product of me always saying Chambers kunkie
Speaker 6: or a.
Speaker 5: Character or whatever, I really do do that.
Speaker 6: So I'm like, well, that got a laugh when I
Speaker 6: dealt with it, so let me do it again. So
Speaker 6: now I'm lying and pretending to make mistakes. But then
Speaker 6: if you keep it loose like that, then you can
Speaker 6: be improvising and say I thought it was freeing. But
Speaker 6: then I'd always have these bad shows where the audience
Speaker 6: is like that guy's not.
Speaker 5: Even comfortable talking on stage.
Speaker 6: Yeah, he's not confident or it, And so I still
Speaker 6: am trying.
Speaker 5: I'm like, that has be something I need to remind
Speaker 5: myself to do. Be confident, and.
Speaker 4: Also remind yourself that the voice you give the audience
Speaker 4: of how they're judging you is not accurate.
Speaker 1: That's just your mind, right, It's it's just thinking.
Speaker 4: It's just that thing of like, oh you've decided this
Speaker 4: is what the audience is thinking.
Speaker 1: About you, like, are you serious?
Speaker 5: Good lord, I hate I hate you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's too late. Go ninety five miles now, dick.
Speaker 4: Of course, it's a range range rover, of course in
Speaker 4: Beverly Hills, a classic.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Sorry, you never know.
Speaker 5: When you're gonna run into a bunch of piles of dirt.
Speaker 5: You'll need that hint that wench on front.
Speaker 1: Careful, there's a Gazelle range rover.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, thank god you're wearing. You're driving a car
Speaker 5: specific to African hunting.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Important. Here near the Beverly Center in line, they
Speaker 1: have one.
Speaker 5: Of those hard tan hats with a fan on it,
Speaker 5: a pit helmet. Yes, have held it. Thank you all.
Speaker 1: Well, I think you're gonna I mean, you've done it already.
Speaker 4: But I feel like there's always people in that improv
Speaker 4: lab room, and there's always a really good combination of
Speaker 4: people who are super supportive and people who are like,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do the next show and I want to
Speaker 4: see who this like. Kind of the competitive energy of
Speaker 4: comics in the back.
Speaker 1: It feels good and you can win them over.
Speaker 6: Do you feel like it's a small version of what
Speaker 6: the old Largo room felt like?
Speaker 5: Just yeah, maybe because there's curtains and luge situations. Yes,
Speaker 5: like tables and god, there's tonight is extra distracting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's full it's full moon. I fully believe it.
Speaker 6: I agree even the cops. Even the cops have turned
Speaker 6: to wear wolves.
Speaker 1: Where is it coming from? Oh there it is?
Speaker 5: Oh wow. Oh and he's going he's really going for it.
Speaker 6: Oh good, Oh my god, that's seemingly coming right at us.
Speaker 1: That.
Speaker 5: Oh if you could you get the sounds. But I
Speaker 5: wish you could get this.
Speaker 1: Guys.
Speaker 4: That was an LA cop changing sides of the road
Speaker 4: so that he wouldn't have to stop in traffic.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah too, I love that.
Speaker 6: Last night there was about it was going to get
Speaker 6: a burger and it was late and about twelve cop
Speaker 6: cars all racing each other going one hundred miles an
Speaker 6: hour down my street with their lights on but the
Speaker 6: siren's off, which means they don't want the people where
Speaker 6: they're going to know they're gonna be.
Speaker 5: And so I'm like, well, it's a hostage situation. Then yeah,
Speaker 5: that's what that means.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's bad news. I know we're coming, or like
Speaker 1: a break in like a burglar.
Speaker 6: So I should I should have looked it up this morning.
Speaker 6: I love finding out. Do you ever find out or
Speaker 6: even in an article, even while I'm watching Making a
Speaker 6: Murderer and all those shows when you find someone that's
Speaker 6: committed to crime or just find it on the news online.
Speaker 5: I find them on Facebook.
Speaker 6: For there'll be a window a time where they still
Speaker 6: have a Facebook account, and I'll just look at pictures
Speaker 6: of them.
Speaker 5: That's her, and look at him with his dog, and
Speaker 5: he'll have a cousin. Usually they don't have kids, and
Speaker 5: there's a couple of pictures where they're grumpy, and then
Speaker 5: you can still have this option. It's harder to find,
Speaker 5: but I like to poke them. Not I did once.
Speaker 1: You poked a murderer?
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, just to say I did that.
Speaker 1: That's like ever heard.
Speaker 6: It's one of those things where it's like, Wow, they
Speaker 6: have a profile, they picked out a photo, and they
Speaker 6: work at this place and they bought that shirt. But
Speaker 6: that guy killed his neighbor.
Speaker 4: I mean like, yeah, clearly the plan was that they
Speaker 4: were going to be normal like everybody else to be
Speaker 4: on Facebook.
Speaker 6: It's so yeah, and then they snapped and that's all
Speaker 6: anyone knows about them.
Speaker 5: But I like to go to their Facebook see what
Speaker 5: shows they liked.
Speaker 1: Did you ever throw up the thoughts and prayers onto
Speaker 1: their wall?
Speaker 5: You know, I never wanted them to focus on me
Speaker 5: if they don't end up in the big house.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah I could.
Speaker 5: That's I don't want to fully interact. I only did
Speaker 5: that poking thing once.
Speaker 6: But it's just I used to think about it a
Speaker 6: lot when I was a kid, too, Like when I
Speaker 6: go to the store and try on shoes, you know,
Speaker 6: you put on shoes and you walk around and the
Speaker 6: guy pinches your toe, and.
Speaker 5: You're like, well, I think it fits.
Speaker 6: I always, for some reason, thought of murderers. There's people
Speaker 6: out there that kill people or have bodies in their
Speaker 6: yard or something, and they still go shoe shopping and
Speaker 6: try on shoes and walk around, and they're like, I
Speaker 6: like these shoes.
Speaker 5: They look good and they make me feel confident. I
Speaker 5: think later, I'm going to kill my neighbor while wearing
Speaker 5: these shoes.
Speaker 6: M h, I should probably change into my old shoes
Speaker 6: just because these ones are new.
Speaker 5: They don't say that out loud, of co.
Speaker 4: The person a designer shoe warehouse has to call the police.
Speaker 4: I overheard a man planning something in.
Speaker 6: The sandal in the middle of telling them he had
Speaker 6: a narrow foot, and then he said, butch, my neighbor
Speaker 6: is gonna get it. And I don't think he met
Speaker 6: a pair of a pair of shoes and he was fine.
Speaker 1: Because of the hues making that hacking knife ees.
Speaker 5: Gesture, yeah, if you know what I mean, and then
Speaker 5: he came at me with it.
Speaker 1: It usually goes with a sound.
Speaker 5: But yeah, it's murderers, man, they're everywhere.
Speaker 1: Well, true crime is very hot right now, very hot.
Speaker 6: And it's changing my daily thoughts. I don't want to
Speaker 6: think about it.
Speaker 1: I know, well, you don't have to. You can.
Speaker 5: There's plenty of stuff I can worry about.
Speaker 4: There's so many other things to worry about. If you
Speaker 4: maybe joined green Peace.
Speaker 5: Or uh, I'd like to worry about, Oh there's a
Speaker 5: pain in my leg or what let me get online
Speaker 5: and look it up. What I have these things?
Speaker 1: Do you have rickets guaranteed?
Speaker 5: Maybe? I uh, maybe I should? Maybe I should? I would,
Speaker 5: I should get involved with green pieace.
Speaker 4: I actually I'm interested in keeping plastic out of the ocean.
Speaker 1: Okay, I support it.
Speaker 4: And you would have loved my grandmother because she used
Speaker 4: to My grandma Ann used to take the you know,
Speaker 4: the plastic things that hold soda cans together.
Speaker 1: Yes, she always cut those up.
Speaker 5: Oh so do I still yeah.
Speaker 4: And she'd say, taught me to do that because birds choke,
Speaker 4: right that, she would say.
Speaker 1: The first time I saw her do it, I said, Grandma,
Speaker 1: what are you doing it?
Speaker 5: She said, it's for the boards.
Speaker 4: Oh, that's yeah, they're in the same Irish ac Boards
Speaker 4: is a really good word to get Irish people.
Speaker 5: Which is for you. How the phrase it's for the
Speaker 5: birds first came.
Speaker 1: Amount with from my grandma cutting us cutting up plastic? Yeah, uh,
Speaker 1: what about the island of.
Speaker 4: Plastic that's floating out It's the Pacific that's like so humongous.
Speaker 5: There's five of them. They're called gyres.
Speaker 1: What.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're the slow whirlpools where all the all the
Speaker 5: garbage collects. Sometimes it's multiple tons, and ninety eight percent
Speaker 5: of that garbage is plastic. That's the statistic that I
Speaker 5: learned when I did a private event for the five
Speaker 5: Gyres group. And they do go out on these green
Speaker 5: piece like boats and and pick up this garbage and
Speaker 5: they come back with tons of it. And the guy
Speaker 5: when I was done, it was a very difficult show.
Speaker 5: I had to like pretend to post this game show
Speaker 5: who wants to.
Speaker 1: Be a gyronare.
Speaker 5: A giant air? And it was it was. It was
Speaker 5: not the funnest gig. But my friend is part of
Speaker 5: this group. And they gave me a bag of plastic
Speaker 5: that was found inside birds and fish. There was just
Speaker 5: a full afro pick.
Speaker 1: I don't know how big some of these fish.
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, you know those pels. No, there was an
Speaker 5: afro pick.
Speaker 1: There was.
Speaker 5: There was so many things.
Speaker 6: There was something a piece of plastic that looked like
Speaker 6: a Yamaica And that was the only joke I made.
Speaker 6: It's like, well, at least we can all get together
Speaker 6: and know that no matter what race you are, we
Speaker 6: still are all affecting the ocean negatively that if we
Speaker 6: can't get together on that because there was a ok
Speaker 6: and they didn't you know you the way your response
Speaker 6: to that.
Speaker 5: Joke did better than that night.
Speaker 4: There was something else that Sorry, they gave you a
Speaker 4: bag of garbage and said, like riff on this and
Speaker 4: like use this in your act.
Speaker 6: No, honestly, it was at the end the guy gave
Speaker 6: it to me and said, if you can ever do
Speaker 6: something with this or show it to people, since you're
Speaker 6: a person that's a public speaker. Please here is a
Speaker 6: bag of and I still have it. I can't, of course,
Speaker 6: bring myself to throw it away.
Speaker 1: Would you throw it exactly?
Speaker 5: I had this giant bag of plastic, So it's my
Speaker 5: little problem. It's in a little red bag with an
Speaker 5: American flag on it, and it is but it is scary.
Speaker 5: It's a lot of straws, and it's a lot of
Speaker 5: just apparently plastic.
Speaker 6: Once it's in the ocean, so it breaks down into
Speaker 6: tiny chips of plastic, like a plastic bottle will eventually
Speaker 6: just become these tiny which makes them dangerous.
Speaker 5: Because then they're bite sized.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and fish are just eating little teeny pieces of plastic.
Speaker 4: Like plankton, and then they're ingesting plastic and carcinogens, and
Speaker 4: then we're eating sushi that the fish that's.
Speaker 1: A plastic fish. Basically, it's we're killing ourselves.
Speaker 5: It is.
Speaker 6: And I don't want to sound like a big old hippie,
Speaker 6: but I have glass straws. There's its people called simply straws,
Speaker 6: and there it's just a glass straw and I bring
Speaker 6: it with me. I'm always afraid it's gonna shatter and
Speaker 6: poke a hole in my leg or something.
Speaker 5: And just so when I go to Starbucks and get
Speaker 5: something in a giant plastic cup, at least I'm not
Speaker 5: using the straw because I you know, there's a video
Speaker 5: of them pulling a straw out of a turtle's nostril
Speaker 5: and it is not a fun like the.
Speaker 4: Old Field magic, sad but also cute because it's a
Speaker 4: giant turtle and they have them in a boat and
Speaker 4: he's wincing.
Speaker 6: He's like he's making little noises. Who knew that turtles
Speaker 6: make little noises? And his eyes are so tight and
Speaker 6: he's fell a little nosebleed and they're trying to pull
Speaker 6: out the straw out it's nostril, and they finally get
Speaker 6: it out, and he has this look of relief and
Speaker 6: he like looks at the people. It is a if
Speaker 6: you can find turtle with straw and his nostra. It's
Speaker 6: very sad and hard to watch.
Speaker 5: Every time someone gives me a straw, I'm like, I
Speaker 5: don't want this. Stop giving me straws.
Speaker 1: I love straws. I buy them, I have them in
Speaker 1: my house. I had no idea they were that bad.
Speaker 4: I truly like love to throw some Yeah, I love
Speaker 4: to throw a straw and make a beverage.
Speaker 5: Not a lot, I do. I we're in a drought.
Speaker 6: I still flush every time I pee, but I do,
Speaker 6: I do try to not use straws at least it's something.
Speaker 5: I mean, I'm not preaching here.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 5: Look, you can get paper ones.
Speaker 1: Yeah, ones, just do. We can all do what we can.
Speaker 5: And they suck the paper one suck. You're halfway through
Speaker 5: your beverage. It SAgs in the middle and then rips. Right,
Speaker 5: that's like a straw made of paper.
Speaker 1: But it's retro. That's how it used to be when
Speaker 1: they first started doing right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that's how it was for the pilgrims.
Speaker 1: So too bad.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so there's so many things, but then statistically you
Speaker 5: look at how little impact you can make as a human,
Speaker 5: and then you get discouraged and then you forget. But
Speaker 5: I do know the boy this is I'm such an
Speaker 5: environmentalist all of a sudden, I know, I don't know,
Speaker 5: know not.
Speaker 6: But when I moved here in three there were hummers
Speaker 6: and SUVs everywhere, excursions, they're just everyone that was. That
Speaker 6: was the thing in like early two thousands that everyone
Speaker 6: had a big ass car. And I've always lived in Venice.
Speaker 6: I never, you know, as I drive into Hollywood ever
Speaker 6: was able to see the Hollywood Sign. And that's what
Speaker 6: they tell you never could see it. I can see
Speaker 6: it all the time now. Yes, that's the one thing
Speaker 6: where I know maybe a bigger problem is all the
Speaker 6: couch farting out. I heard that the methane they give
Speaker 6: out with their farts is where than all the cars.
Speaker 5: In LA combined.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I bet I bet so.
Speaker 5: And it's it's weird when you drive by.
Speaker 6: I think they call it Cowshwitz because it's so yep,
Speaker 6: horrifying how many cows are just in this, just for
Speaker 6: acres and acres and acres. But you can smell their
Speaker 6: farts and it doesn't smell like cowshit. It smells like
Speaker 6: exhaust from a car. Yes, it smells like a car exhausted.
Speaker 4: It smells like if a cow was a car, and
Speaker 4: what that exhaust would smell like because there is still
Speaker 4: a little bit of they buy the you know, organic
Speaker 4: element to it that is like shit. It's like shit
Speaker 4: in hay and then gasoline. Essentially, that's a rough I
Speaker 4: just I drove the five coming home from my parents
Speaker 4: this past Oh yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm on that freeway quite a bit.
Speaker 5: And did you have a good time with your family
Speaker 5: with it?
Speaker 1: Like I had a really good time.
Speaker 4: So for people who might not know my mom finally
Speaker 4: passed away after suffering and for.
Speaker 6: Twelve years, and the word finally with me, it's so
Speaker 6: hard for people to relate to hearing that. Yeah, but
Speaker 6: you know I feel the same, and I've been you know,
Speaker 6: our moms are just trapped in this shell of who
Speaker 6: they used to be and and you want it to end.
Speaker 5: You can tell they're not happy, you want.
Speaker 1: It to end.
Speaker 5: Once it finally does, there's no way of me knowing
Speaker 5: how I'm really going to feel.
Speaker 4: It's pretty it's just weird. It's just kind of a
Speaker 4: shocking experience. And it's because the whole thing is so
Speaker 4: traumatizing in and of itself that that getting a phone
Speaker 4: call to say she finally passed away, it was like,
Speaker 4: it's too good to be true, and that in and
Speaker 4: of itself has all this. It's just a lot of
Speaker 4: conflict and a lot of guilt. But the good part
Speaker 4: about it, so driving up there, I was like dreading it,
Speaker 4: thinking it was going to be really sad.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see my father be emotional. Kid,
Speaker 1: he's the most.
Speaker 4: Repressed Irish Catholic person in the world, and he does
Speaker 4: not cry and is never weak and is never anything
Speaker 4: but either fun or yelling, and so.
Speaker 1: All of that I was.
Speaker 4: Dreading, and instead it turned out to be beautiful and
Speaker 4: all of my family and extended family were kind of together.
Speaker 4: It was my niece's birthday, so we got to have
Speaker 4: a fun party. And it's the unspoken and spoken, like
Speaker 4: my sister and I talked to each other about it,
Speaker 4: but the unspoken thing is this is better, this is
Speaker 4: what this is what we wanted, and it's good that
Speaker 4: we wanted it because it's what she wanted. And everyone's
Speaker 4: really making an effort to talk about the fact that
Speaker 4: it's better, and so that nobody feels guilty for having
Speaker 4: that feeling.
Speaker 6: Yes, and I've been feeling that also for a decade,
Speaker 6: and that is how I will feel.
Speaker 5: I think, and I know that it's so much.
Speaker 6: That's why I'm so sad when a friend will lose
Speaker 6: someone or I've lost friends lately where it's tragic and
Speaker 6: it shouldn't have happened and it was or.
Speaker 5: It's a stupid ass cancer or and there there was more.
Speaker 5: Had that one thing not happened, there would have been more.
Speaker 5: That's just different. That to me is more tragic.
Speaker 6: People Also it stretched out for a long time, so
Speaker 6: the grieving is like how long is this gonna slowly end?
Speaker 6: So that's I think makes a lot of people uncomfortable.
Speaker 6: But I still think it's worse when not that. It's
Speaker 6: a contest what's the worst way to be gone? But
Speaker 6: you know, someone my friend's dad fell off a roof
Speaker 6: and died, and he gives a roofer. Guy, that was
Speaker 6: the worst. Yeah, it was the saddest. It was so tragic,
Speaker 6: it was sudden, it was so traumatic for him. It
Speaker 6: changed his personality in a lot of ways.
Speaker 4: It's I think, you know, well, I mean, anyone that
Speaker 4: would come in with any kind of judgment about how
Speaker 4: you feel about the death of your own parent, it's yeah,
Speaker 4: but who cares, like to me that person you just
Speaker 4: put and disqualified yourself. And also to me, I bet
Speaker 4: you most of the time, those kind of people have
Speaker 4: never had it happened to them. It's so easy to
Speaker 4: talk about the way it should be or how you're
Speaker 4: supposed to do it correctly. But you don't know until
Speaker 4: you go through it, and it's a very.
Speaker 1: It's a very distinct experience.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's not you and I both are Like
Speaker 5: something triggers in me when someone says, I know what,
Speaker 5: it's like.
Speaker 6: My grandma, and I'm like, Grandma, Yeah, it's not the same.
Speaker 6: Not Some people are so close with their grandma's that
Speaker 6: I can't relate. But I think a lot of people
Speaker 6: come at you with like you're wrong to feel this
Speaker 6: because they're thinking about when they did lose someone in
Speaker 6: a more tragic win, how terrible it was.
Speaker 5: So they're like, how could you dare right?
Speaker 6: Like they finally yeah, when talking about the loss your mom,
Speaker 6: I lost my mom to the you know, grenade, shrapnel
Speaker 6: or whatever, whenever, studden tragic thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I mean that's stupid. That's that's your problem.
Speaker 4: I mean, here's because here's my thing is that it
Speaker 4: was bad enough already. The last thing I need is
Speaker 4: to feel guilt about natural feeling forgot.
Speaker 1: I've already gotten her so much guilt. Yeah, fuck it.
Speaker 4: And also anybody, I mean it, just anyone that's ever
Speaker 4: coming at you about what you should be doing is
Speaker 4: talking about themselves.
Speaker 1: So that's that's.
Speaker 4: All I ever hear it as anyway where it's just like, oh,
Speaker 4: you know, finally or whatever, where it's like my mother
Speaker 4: looked like a mummy from Raiders of the Lost Star.
Speaker 5: My mom looks like a Iowa scarecrow.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's not them, and it's like watching someone linger.
Speaker 4: She my mother would have one hundred percent had doctor
Speaker 4: Kovorkian kill her.
Speaker 1: When she knew she got this.
Speaker 5: My mom used to say it.
Speaker 1: My mom used to say it too.
Speaker 6: If I get all time, she was predicting and getting it. Yeah,
Speaker 6: so said like, if I ever get it.
Speaker 5: Don't ever put me.
Speaker 6: I just want to take a pill and be gone.
Speaker 6: But unfortunately she wasn't you know, she isn't mentally able
Speaker 6: to make that decision because.
Speaker 5: Now we also think that it's bad as awful and weird.
Speaker 6: It was when she would say that kind of thing
Speaker 6: when I was young, I'm like, uh, maybe we should
Speaker 6: have got it in writing.
Speaker 1: Well, but it doesn't work that way. I mean like
Speaker 1: it's it's a it's a nice idea, but that at
Speaker 1: the end of the day.
Speaker 4: The shitty thing about Alzheimer's is you have to go
Speaker 4: through it, and they have to go through it and
Speaker 4: and it would be amazing if there could be a
Speaker 4: shortcut or just all right, then then we're done. But
Speaker 4: that's the kind of hideous part about it is you
Speaker 4: just have to go through it for years and years
Speaker 4: and years.
Speaker 6: Well, then people, the people that would tell you how
Speaker 6: you should feel will not want to hear me say
Speaker 6: I'm sort of jealous. I'm sure your mom past. Yeah,
Speaker 6: isn't that a weird thing?
Speaker 1: It's not at all.
Speaker 6: The first thing I thought when you told me, wait,
Speaker 6: what of course I don't mind still alive?
Speaker 4: That would have been that would have been my reaction
Speaker 4: if you told me, I would have been like, when
Speaker 4: the fuck is do I get to have this?
Speaker 6: And then we That was the day before we podcasted
Speaker 6: with Tig, and I know that you you were emotional
Speaker 6: but didn't know where to put the emotions. And just again, Tig,
Speaker 6: I hope that we can resurrect that recording. We did,
Speaker 6: But she was so the things she was saying about
Speaker 6: her wedding and what it meant to her and the
Speaker 6: people in her town being so supportive when she thought
Speaker 6: they were going to be picketing.
Speaker 5: It was so special and uh, and you.
Speaker 6: Got emotional and it was very it was such a
Speaker 6: good podcast and such a good moment and.
Speaker 4: Well, hopefully we can find it. But if not that
Speaker 4: it was meant to be, I suppose.
Speaker 1: What can we do and more great ones to come? Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: that's what we'll do.
Speaker 4: And you know, ultimately, if we said tig it, you.
Speaker 1: Know it didn't Cord. She'll do it again.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I didn't know.
Speaker 6: During it, she said why haven't you guys asked me yet?
Speaker 6: And I was like, oh, I didn't think that maybe
Speaker 6: that would be her stance. I was just happy that
Speaker 6: she wanted us to pick her up.
Speaker 5: I know, but I was, and I was glad that
Speaker 5: I got to I don't know if we record again,
Speaker 5: I'll be able to say it to us. I'll just
Speaker 5: repeat it. I sow.
Speaker 6: It's such a hang up about not having gone to
Speaker 6: her wedding.
Speaker 5: She invited me, and I didn't.
Speaker 6: Go because I chose somewhere, and while I was doing
Speaker 6: the shows, I was like, oh my god, I just
Speaker 6: made a really big mistake.
Speaker 5: I should have been there.
Speaker 6: It was important, and I didn't go because of money
Speaker 6: and because of.
Speaker 5: Shows that I had, And I was glad I was
Speaker 5: able to.
Speaker 6: Apologize to her personally, so she already heard it, so
Speaker 6: now I'm I guess re stating it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, also a thing like that too.
Speaker 4: I think those are those kinds of decision you can't know,
Speaker 4: like now you know that, now you know when you're
Speaker 4: worried about money, your you know, life is the way
Speaker 4: it is where you have to cover, you have to
Speaker 4: cover yourself and you have to earn, and when you
Speaker 4: come up with these decisions like that, you're turned right,
Speaker 4: You're think, I think when you're coming up with decisions
Speaker 4: like that, basically you're just trying to do the thing
Speaker 4: that you have to do right. And so that lesson
Speaker 4: even though I know it was really hard for you
Speaker 4: to go through and a huge regret. Also, it's like, well,
Speaker 4: now you know, like you, I wouldn't beat yourself up
Speaker 4: any more than you already have for that because now
Speaker 4: you know, I.
Speaker 1: Mean like it was.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I think it was a combination of having that regret
Speaker 6: and then shortly after being a my friend's memorial, when
Speaker 6: I knew other people weren't going to my friend's ex
Speaker 6: memorial because they have they're like, oh, I don't like death,
Speaker 6: O don't like funerals.
Speaker 5: Yeah, no one does. You just go.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: And then when I was there, I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 5: it's so important that we're all here. And like you said,
Speaker 5: it was a great time.
Speaker 6: It was everyone together having a great time and laughing
Speaker 6: and having a party. Yeah, and that's it's so important
Speaker 6: to go those things. And I yes, I learned a lesson.
Speaker 5: I will. I will be at your wedding and your funeral.
Speaker 1: Karen, thank you well.
Speaker 4: Also, here's another lesson I learned that I don't think
Speaker 4: you can know until you have a loss, like this
Speaker 4: is you if someone died.
Speaker 1: That's like a friend of yours, family member died and
Speaker 1: you don't know what to say.
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter. You can call them and say I
Speaker 4: don't know what to say, I'm thinking of you.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Any way you extend yourself to people when they're in
Speaker 4: that situation is the perfect thing to say, Like, don't
Speaker 4: get caught up in being like a weird perfectionist. It's
Speaker 4: not about your message. It's about letting the person know
Speaker 4: that you're thinking about them. Because I got so many
Speaker 4: lovely messages, like, I was kind of hesitated putting it
Speaker 4: on Twitter. I didn't want to be like, I didn't
Speaker 4: want to seem like I was somehow trying to get sympathy.
Speaker 4: I just wanted I wanted to raise money for Alzheimer's
Speaker 4: by posting it, right, and to.
Speaker 5: Me to do show Alzheimer's show is, Karen, how do
Speaker 5: we do?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah we can.
Speaker 4: I mean I don't know about him, but I think
Speaker 4: we can do it. Well.
Speaker 5: He had does all these comedy for Alzheimer's.
Speaker 1: I know it's already a thing, but yeah, but I
Speaker 1: mean he's not does he even do stand up?
Speaker 5: I don't know what he does. I think a little bit.
Speaker 5: I'm sure he has some jokes.
Speaker 1: I'm sure we could figure something out to do a benefit.
Speaker 5: I want to Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's do it.
Speaker 5: It's important, it's very important.
Speaker 6: And yes, say even if it's going to come out
Speaker 6: awkward and make people feel weird, say something.
Speaker 1: You can just tell people you love them.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: And friends of mine that lost their parents in high
Speaker 6: school when you're a kid and you really don't know
Speaker 6: what to say. Later in life, I've said like, hey,
Speaker 6: I'm sorry I never said anything to you, and then
Speaker 6: they're like, thank you, I noticed that you didn't say anything.
Speaker 5: To me, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I even remember avoiding friends because I didn't know what
Speaker 6: to say. So instead, in high school they get shunned
Speaker 6: and avoided because they've lost their mom. Yes, that's awful,
Speaker 6: it is, so say it and say it awkward and
Speaker 6: because it's not about.
Speaker 4: You, it's not about you, and and you don't know
Speaker 4: how strangely helpful it could be when you even if
Speaker 4: you don't. Like a couple friends who weren't talking to
Speaker 4: me about death, they were just texting me a lot
Speaker 4: more than they normally would.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I could just tell.
Speaker 4: It was just purely of like, here's something so you
Speaker 4: don't have to think about or be in a bad place.
Speaker 1: And I just it's it's lovely.
Speaker 4: And it's it made me realize how few times I
Speaker 4: hope to be like that more in the future, is
Speaker 4: basically my point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's.
Speaker 5: Uh, I'm going to be. Also, let's make a deal.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, well, I mean also, that's just like experience.
Speaker 1: That's life experience.
Speaker 4: That's just growing up essentially, which we haven't had to
Speaker 4: do that much of because of our our specific life choices.
Speaker 5: Yes, the calm and the drinking and.
Speaker 1: The driving, the driving and the hats.
Speaker 6: Like a kid, I don't have time to grow up.
Speaker 6: I got road trips, I got.
Speaker 1: I gotta smoke cigarettes in an alley. Yeah, that's my thing.
Speaker 5: Oh, I'm we're here at a Pearl Richardson's. You're going
Speaker 5: to go eat with her? Right?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm going to go to the improv. I'm glad
Speaker 6: that we did another episode. I think it was a
Speaker 6: good one. I'm going to try and doctor that one
Speaker 6: out of that missing I will see and what if.
Speaker 1: You find other missing episodes?
Speaker 5: Oh with other people that we don't even know ghost casts?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's Richard Pryor is on here.
Speaker 5: Thank you, we're back. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: Thank you for tweeting and saying you missed us.
Speaker 5: It's very lovely, very sweet, even though it made me nervous,
Speaker 5: but I needed to hear it. Thank you for complaining
Speaker 5: because it means you like the podcast.
Speaker 6: Yeah, good to iTunes and do rate it. I guess
Speaker 6: that's an important And.
Speaker 1: Yeah, rating it and subscribing is.
Speaker 4: Yes or yes yes if you yes please and recommending
Speaker 4: yes yeah.
Speaker 6: Tell your friends, you know when you're in those podcast
Speaker 6: conversations that people have mine uh names Chris.
Speaker 4: Oh, and I also started another podcast with Georgia hartstart
Speaker 4: that one.
Speaker 1: We started it called My Favorite.
Speaker 5: Murder, My Favorite Murder.
Speaker 4: It's on Farrell Audio. My Favorite Murder. It's just me
Speaker 4: and my friend Georgia talking about murders. That sounds great,
Speaker 4: it's pretty fun.
Speaker 5: So listen to that. Thank you for listening to Do
Speaker 5: you need a ride? D Y n A?
Speaker 1: I leave then I want to way back.
Speaker 2: Either way we want to be there. Doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you give us. Time and day German, I'll engage.
Speaker 1: We want to send you us in.
Speaker 2: Leanna, welcome you back home.
Speaker 4: Tell us all about every scared her?
Speaker 1: Was it fine?
Speaker 6: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need ride? Do
Speaker 1: you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 5: With Karen and Chris