Speaker 1: Amy and TJ presents Aubrey O day covering the Ditty Trial.
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I am so excited to be back with you.
Speaker 1: I am covering the Didty Trial.
Speaker 2: This is TJ and Amy presents me Aubrey O day
Speaker 2: covering the Didty Trial. I have with me today Doctor
Speaker 2: Vivianna Coles, who has dedicated her career to helping couples
Speaker 2: and individuals navigate emotional and physical intimacy challenges since two
Speaker 2: thousand and three. Now, Viviana, I don't want to come
Speaker 2: off to psychotic here, but I am a Vivstan I
Speaker 2: am the biggest fan of Married at First Sight, and
Speaker 2: I know you are on for six seasons sharing the
Speaker 2: wealth of information that you have in regards to how
Speaker 2: to create successful positive relationships. Specifically, why I really wanted
Speaker 2: to have you here with me today is this headline
Speaker 2: making phrase. The freakofs has become a world wide discussed
Speaker 2: and mostly I notice made fun of topic because likely
Speaker 2: a lot of people don't fully understand what they are,
Speaker 2: what they look like, what they mean, what they mean
Speaker 2: in positive experiences versus negative environments. I kind of want
Speaker 2: to just really get inside the freak off no pun
Speaker 2: intended and start to actually discuss.
Speaker 1: What all of the elements are.
Speaker 2: And so just to kind of start us out, I'm
Speaker 2: a sex positive human.
Speaker 1: I know you are as well.
Speaker 2: And for people that don't necessarily understand the exact definition,
Speaker 2: it's basically just someone who supports and affirms people's sexual interests, kinks, fetishes,
Speaker 2: whatever their interests are, with no judgment and of course
Speaker 2: with consent.
Speaker 1: That's the big one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yes, And with that being said, I want
Speaker 2: to ask you before we get into breaking down situations
Speaker 2: in the trial, let's do myth versus reality quick shots
Speaker 2: real quick, just so we can kind of establish a
Speaker 2: norm for the audience in regards to some of the
Speaker 2: behaviors that they're hearing during this trial.
Speaker 3: So yeah, just so everybody knows, I'm not professionally or
Speaker 3: personally associated with any of the parties involved in the trial.
Speaker 3: But all the information I'm going to be sharing today
Speaker 3: is from my twenty plus years of working with couples
Speaker 3: and individuals as a licensed marriage and family therapist and
Speaker 3: a certified sex therapist. And yes, like Aubrey, I'm definitely
Speaker 3: sex positive. So we'll be talking about it in that way.
Speaker 3: But first and foremost, we have to know about sexual
Speaker 3: experiences being consensual and they need to be safe and sane.
Speaker 3: So that's where we're coming from, at least from my standpoint.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so, actually, let's go into miss versus reality just
Speaker 2: a little bit before we get into the details of
Speaker 2: the trial. Is it true or not that people who
Speaker 2: enjoy orgies are traumatized?
Speaker 3: That is false. There are many many, very you know,
Speaker 3: functional people who like to explore with others sexual pleasure,
Speaker 3: sexual desire, and all sorts of kinks in a very
Speaker 3: safe way that has nothing to do with trauma.
Speaker 2: Does group sex mean your excitement about group sex or
Speaker 2: participation and it mean that you lack morals?
Speaker 3: Absolutely not. That is false. For a lot of people
Speaker 3: who are trying to stay connected with their partners, they
Speaker 3: want to experience other people in a way that will
Speaker 3: not mess with their own connection, and having group sex
Speaker 3: can be one way that they explore that as long
Speaker 3: as there's lots of conversations going on in a very
Speaker 3: safe way.
Speaker 2: Is kink a result kink or fetish a result of
Speaker 2: sexual damage or psychological damage as well?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it can be. It can always be something that
Speaker 3: you've adapted from psychological damage. But that is not always
Speaker 3: the case, so I would say it's.
Speaker 2: A maybe okay, and is having different different things we're
Speaker 2: about to discuss non traditional sex.
Speaker 1: Is it emotionally harmful?
Speaker 3: It can be emotionally harmful. I wish I could say
Speaker 3: yes or no, but it can be depending on the
Speaker 3: actual circumstances for each of the partners. But for most people,
Speaker 3: exploring in different ways using all sorts of accessories and
Speaker 3: tools and fantasies can be very healthy.
Speaker 2: Okay, So let's actually just dive right into the trial
Speaker 2: now that we've established some myths versus realities. A lot
Speaker 2: of people don't necessarily understand the layout of a lot
Speaker 2: of the freak offs that have been discussed in trials.
Speaker 2: So what I want you to first kind of explain
Speaker 2: to people is the difference of voyeurism, or even just
Speaker 2: I think it could be under the guise of voyeurism,
Speaker 2: cuck holding.
Speaker 1: Can you explain to the audience what cuck hoolding is?
Speaker 3: Yes, So, cuck holding is a term that refers to
Speaker 3: when a partner and enjoys and get sexual gratification from
Speaker 3: watching or knowing that their partner is experiencing a sexual
Speaker 3: behavior or sexual pleasure. With someone else outside of their
Speaker 3: own sexual experience. So they may be in the room,
Speaker 3: they may be across the country, they may just be
Speaker 3: getting information via text in between kisses, whatever it is.
Speaker 2: And two of those things that you just named actually
Speaker 2: were what was happening in Diddy's case in regards to
Speaker 2: being in the realm masturbating during those scenes that he
Speaker 2: was dictating. Then there also was when he was put
Speaker 2: on FaceTime. It was discussed in trial to watch or
Speaker 2: observe something. Now, because you've discussed cuck holding in a
Speaker 2: sex positive way, I'd like to address it in a coercive,
Speaker 2: abusive way. When does cuck holding become something that is criminal?
Speaker 3: I would say anytime that someone is doing something against
Speaker 3: their will for fear of harm to themselves or even
Speaker 3: being threatened their life being threatened, if they feel like
Speaker 3: there's retaliation that might happen, whether that's real or imagined,
Speaker 3: those are things that I think. I'm not an attorney,
Speaker 3: so I don't know if it's criminal, but I think
Speaker 3: it's very unhealthy and dysfunctional at the least to want
Speaker 3: to make someone do something that they don't want to do,
Speaker 3: especially in a vulnerable and sensitive place like sex.
Speaker 2: And all of those things that you have established as
Speaker 2: part of coercive abuse have been established in this trial
Speaker 2: through testimony of various people that had sexual experiences with Diddy.
Speaker 1: You know, they've alleged that those things have all occurred.
Speaker 2: Another term that we've heard discussed, and it's kind of
Speaker 2: a hot topic, one is I first learned it as
Speaker 2: golden showers. We're hearing it as urinating. You know, the
Speaker 2: escorts were told to urinate in Cassie's mouth and at
Speaker 2: times even for her.
Speaker 1: To choke on it.
Speaker 2: I do want to kind of point out for people
Speaker 2: that had such outrage or visceral reactions or even humor
Speaker 2: humorous reactions to that This is not the first time
Speaker 2: we have been introduced to this idea. It was talked
Speaker 2: about during the Tiger Woods cheating scandal. It was talked
Speaker 2: about during President Trump's alleged encounters in Russia.
Speaker 1: It has been talked about on Sex and the City.
Speaker 2: I think in like two thousand when the guy from
Speaker 2: mad Men came on and wanted.
Speaker 1: To do it with Carrie, with.
Speaker 2: The politician, and she was like loved him, and she
Speaker 2: thought he were you know, this could be this could
Speaker 2: be everything. She wanted, but he just had that one
Speaker 2: little fetish sho kink of wanting to have a golden shower.
Speaker 1: I think it was on that episode in the Shower.
Speaker 2: As a sex positive person myself, I will I can
Speaker 2: actually discuss with my inside information from being a bad
Speaker 2: boy that this. This was a conversation that was had
Speaker 2: amongst many of the key players that bad Boy, many
Speaker 2: people that were in positions of authority over me, with
Speaker 2: a lot of the artists. It was discussed in a
Speaker 2: sexy way. It was discussed as like after I, you know,
Speaker 2: potentially get fillatio, I like to men like to then urinate,
Speaker 2: and if I can do all of the above on
Speaker 2: the girl, it's like so hot because I it's this.
Speaker 2: It's the dynamic that sometimes is very necessary in sexual relationships,
Speaker 2: the power dynamics, right, Like you know, I know women
Speaker 2: that like soft, gentle love. I'm hard and aggressive in
Speaker 2: work every day. When I get into bed, I like
Speaker 2: to be a little dominated and I like to be
Speaker 2: handled in a consensual, non coercive way. But I like
Speaker 2: to be spanked and I like a little choking sometimes.
Speaker 2: I have dabbled in the golden shower area, just simply
Speaker 2: because of hearing all the men and bad Boy discussing
Speaker 2: it being something that was so hot, and there were
Speaker 2: some did it with their wives, some did it with
Speaker 2: the women, they cheated on their wives with whatever. Everybody
Speaker 2: kind of got into this discussion. It was the first
Speaker 2: time I remember really actually hearing the male perspective that
Speaker 2: it was kind of exciting and interesting and something that's
Speaker 2: like personal, that's like this secret that seems like not
Speaker 2: normal that you share with somebody that only you two
Speaker 2: have together. And I'd like you to kind of get
Speaker 2: into when it's a sexually positive.
Speaker 1: Thing potentially, and when it's a criminal thing.
Speaker 3: So it depends on if you're negotiating, whether you're the
Speaker 3: one that's urinating on your partner or they're urinating on you.
Speaker 3: Either way, I think it's so important to be able
Speaker 3: to really reflect on why it is that this is
Speaker 3: important to you. For some people, and I think this
Speaker 3: is probably more likely and under these scenarios that you
Speaker 3: talking about, it's a sign of dominance. It's a sign
Speaker 3: of almost like ownership or establishing you're my partner and
Speaker 3: your mind. And so for a lot of people, that
Speaker 3: is a really erotic thought to have that sense of
Speaker 3: dominance and of connection in that way. For some people,
Speaker 3: you know, they do that with blood bonding with others.
Speaker 3: There is you know, their species involved with others.
Speaker 1: Scat play, Isn't that what that's called.
Speaker 2: I have a friend that does it, so I got
Speaker 2: to learn all about that world. That one's a little
Speaker 2: much for me. But again, I'm sex positive, so no judgment.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, and I think for a lot of people
Speaker 3: who are doing these things as part of their non
Speaker 3: traditional but more routine sexual play, they've done a lot
Speaker 3: of the research of how to do these things in
Speaker 3: a way that isn't going to make somebody extremely ill,
Speaker 3: and they know how to stop when someone says no,
Speaker 3: or if even in the middle of playing, if the
Speaker 3: person says no, it means no and all things need
Speaker 3: to end. And unfortunately, with these very random, stranger experiences
Speaker 3: that some people are experiencing, they can't really trust each
Speaker 3: other enough to know that they're they're in safe hands.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or in like Cassie's case, she's young, she is groomed.
Speaker 2: And there's a part of the dialogue that I think
Speaker 2: a lot of people miss that I noticed in the
Speaker 2: testimony where she said in the beginning days when she
Speaker 2: would entertain this that when he when he shared with
Speaker 2: her that he was into this behavior that is, you know,
Speaker 2: maybe abnormal to most people. She said, when she was
Speaker 2: first entertaining it, you know that she she wasn't enjoying it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like much or ever she was.
Speaker 2: She I think she learned to express enjoyment for it
Speaker 2: in order to get attention and reaction from the person
Speaker 2: that she loved. But there was an exchange where she said,
Speaker 2: I didn't want to push back and tell him I
Speaker 2: didn't like something because I didn't want him to think
Speaker 2: he was like weird or I was judging something that
Speaker 2: he likes shared with me than that he likes doing.
Speaker 4: That's very personal, and that's very common practice in any
Speaker 4: sexual relationship.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's like people see these isolated stories as oh,
Speaker 2: this is they see it as all so dark. But
Speaker 2: imagine being in your bed with somebody that you're falling
Speaker 2: in love with and they tell you something potentially happened
Speaker 2: in childhood.
Speaker 1: It could have been triggered from any things.
Speaker 2: That could just be something fully positive, not rooted in
Speaker 2: anything traumatic. But either way, the sharing of something so
Speaker 2: personal from somebody that is so powerful and nobody really
Speaker 2: knows personally like that. I mean it always there's this
Speaker 2: through line with Cassie that she's always wanting to just
Speaker 2: be closer, to just be with him, to just be
Speaker 2: in his presence, to just get to have more time
Speaker 2: with him.
Speaker 1: And it seems like a lot of his victims share that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of people in sexual relationships, as they're
Speaker 3: getting to know each other, as they're getting to understand
Speaker 3: what feels good and feels pleasurable in healthy relationships, especially
Speaker 3: in long term, established relationships, they can grow with each
Speaker 3: other and they can almost initiate different things, and maybe
Speaker 3: for most long term couples they don't. The way that
Speaker 3: their sex life looked at the very beginning is very
Speaker 3: different than twenty thirty years in.
Speaker 2: Sure, And there's a through line with him that always
Speaker 2: exerted extreme power. There's a humiliation tactic behind a lot
Speaker 2: of his fetishes. Within the testimony that I'm noticing, bodily control, degradation,
Speaker 2: life threatening fear. There was like the choking element, let's
Speaker 2: just go to that specifically, that shows a desire to
Speaker 2: exert control over a life and death moment. In sexual dominance,
Speaker 2: if you could choke on something you could die. That's
Speaker 2: a life or death moment. It should be taken seriously
Speaker 2: as that. I know that it sounds a bit dramatic
Speaker 2: or extreme suggest that, but if you choke for too long,
Speaker 2: you're gone.
Speaker 3: Well, and people who are in the BDSM community and
Speaker 3: who are really researched on these things they do they
Speaker 3: do like rehearsals. They have communication that makes it to
Speaker 3: where you're not actually at risk typically for real, real danger.
Speaker 3: That is not what gets a lot of these people off.
Speaker 3: It's more about the pleasure that's derived from being vulnerable
Speaker 3: with someone. And so the idea of it just being
Speaker 3: something that you do spontaneously is very reckless for a
Speaker 3: lot of people to try that in their own bedrooms.
Speaker 3: Even with something as more commonplace as anal sex, I'm
Speaker 3: always telling my clients you need to prepare your body
Speaker 3: for that or you can risk some severe and serious
Speaker 3: physical harm and potential trauma. So if we're talking about
Speaker 3: even more.
Speaker 2: Which is why I wanted us to have this conversation,
Speaker 2: because when need to start discussing things like anal sex,
Speaker 2: like urinating on somebody, these things are kinks.
Speaker 1: They're fetishes.
Speaker 2: If you're a sex positive person and you're able to
Speaker 2: be able to have access to information and understand all
Speaker 2: the ways to properly prepare yourself.
Speaker 1: If both you.
Speaker 2: And your the people or person that you're engaging in
Speaker 2: sexual behavior with are all consenting, then understanding how to
Speaker 2: prep your body and prep the setting enough to understand
Speaker 2: where everyone feels safe and good about themselves. Now, with
Speaker 2: that being said, I wonder on the flip side, because
Speaker 2: it's obvious that force, coercion, and many other things were
Speaker 2: being exerted during most of the sexual experiences that the
Speaker 2: people testifying against Didty are alleging in regards to the
Speaker 2: coin being flipped and looking at Ditty, now, we obviously
Speaker 2: have not seen him his side, present his story, or
Speaker 2: given us any understanding other than they have suggested that
Speaker 2: he is a swinger and that these types of behaviors
Speaker 2: are like how it is in the celebrity world, and
Speaker 2: it's just an elevated lifestyle and everyone kind of knows
Speaker 2: what it is. I would suggest that I absolutely disagree
Speaker 2: with that, and I am somebody who was in that
Speaker 2: world and came from the regular quote regular world and
Speaker 2: lived in that very extreme world. But beyond that, I
Speaker 2: wonder almost even puff who was once just a regular
Speaker 2: human like everybody else, and then became as he likes
Speaker 2: to allegedly be by many people that testified be known
Speaker 2: as the.
Speaker 1: King, the god amongst men.
Speaker 2: Did he at some point start potentially in is it possible.
Speaker 2: Did he started in a sexually positive place, or maybe
Speaker 2: he was exposed to things in his childhood that made
Speaker 2: him understand sex in.
Speaker 1: A more.
Speaker 2: Forward way, but that at some point he just loved
Speaker 2: the plot.
Speaker 3: You know, I can't really speak to that because I
Speaker 3: don't know anything about him or his childhood, but I
Speaker 3: can tell you that for a lot of people who
Speaker 3: are struggling to find healthy ways to express their sexuality
Speaker 3: in consensual ways, I think the piece that is missing
Speaker 3: for a lot of them is understanding true empathy and
Speaker 3: being able to understand what it's like to be the
Speaker 3: recipient of some of these actions and caring about their experience. So,
Speaker 3: if you're out there and you're in a sexual relationship
Speaker 3: and all you're about is how it feels to you
Speaker 3: and what works to you, chances are you're not in
Speaker 3: a very healthy sexual relationship.
Speaker 4: And I think the.
Speaker 3: Piece that's missing for a lot of people in relationships
Speaker 3: where they're experiencing repeated coerced, and you know, the piece
Speaker 3: that's missing is not having the access to education, the planning,
Speaker 3: the choice and decision making that every sexual experience should
Speaker 3: have in order to truly be healthy and bonding.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you.
Speaker 2: Our Diddy's proclivities a little bit more common than people realize,
Speaker 2: because I at one point was invited in it, just
Speaker 2: living in LA to a celebrity sex party and we
Speaker 2: had to dress up and were mass Obviously, I had
Speaker 2: no desire or intention to have sex there, but I
Speaker 2: definitely wanted to go assess the scene so I could
Speaker 2: tell everybody about it later.
Speaker 3: Well, shame on you, Aubrey.
Speaker 4: That is no.
Speaker 2: Viv You just said, we have to give information to
Speaker 2: the people. They need to know what it looks like
Speaker 2: and how to keep themselves safe if they choose.
Speaker 1: To be in the environment.
Speaker 2: So as somebody I signed an NDA, I'm not naming names,
Speaker 2: but I will say that everybody was consensual.
Speaker 1: It was very performative.
Speaker 2: There was an actual performance that occurred prior to them
Speaker 2: opening up the rooms up stairs, and kind of when
Speaker 2: I observed all of it, I would I've just felt
Speaker 2: like I didn't understand it, and it didn't make sense
Speaker 2: to me because I didn't see love in any of it,
Speaker 2: and I didn't see that any of them knew each
Speaker 2: other well enough that they had a respect for someone
Speaker 2: that they were allowing inside of them. I just it
Speaker 2: couldn't I couldn't lock into it. And you can't observe
Speaker 2: for too long in the rooms, they kick you out.
Speaker 2: They think you're being a little bit strange if you're
Speaker 2: just watching. Watching was fascinating, but almost fascinating in a
Speaker 2: way where my soul just felt like hurt, but not judgmental,
Speaker 2: just hurt that I wish. I wonder why there's something
Speaker 2: in me that can't just look at sex as sex
Speaker 2: and just that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think to answer your question, I think it
Speaker 3: is a very common thing to have sex parties all
Speaker 3: over the US and all over the world. The difference
Speaker 3: is that there are there are rules that people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and specifically in regards to this trial, you can't
Speaker 2: pay for prostitutes to come have sexual experiences across state lines.
Speaker 2: These are part of the charges. You cannot pay for
Speaker 2: any of that. You cannot bring people across state lines.
Speaker 2: You cannot have situations that are at all even seemingly
Speaker 2: not consensual. No force or coercion can ever be used
Speaker 2: in any of those types of situations. Those are all
Speaker 2: unhealthy and if it proven criminal.
Speaker 3: And sometimes they won't allow any excessive use of drugs
Speaker 3: or alcohol. They don't want anyone being able to forfeit
Speaker 3: their ability to consent even halfway through the party. Certainly
Speaker 3: there are no phones filming recordings involved.
Speaker 2: You think in origin is as much fun without a drink?
Speaker 2: I think if I had a margarita would be more
Speaker 2: fun than sober.
Speaker 1: Have you ever had one?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 1: You do you mind saying if you.
Speaker 2: Have or not?
Speaker 1: Or you're not going there with it. I'm so curious.
Speaker 1: I'm such a fan of you. I just want to
Speaker 1: know how you get down viv.
Speaker 3: Well, like, let me tell you. I think it's I
Speaker 3: think the way that I've heard that some of these
Speaker 3: parties go down, the attention to detail and the care
Speaker 3: that the organizers put into it for everyone to have
Speaker 3: a really positive experience. I can see why people really
Speaker 3: enjoy these parties. And I will or will not confirm
Speaker 3: or deny if I've ever been to one or seen one.
Speaker 2: Oh man, you've definitely seen one. I can read it
Speaker 2: from your face. For those that you can't see this
Speaker 2: beautiful face in front of me, She's definitely seen what
Speaker 2: I'm calling it right now, allegedly. Okay, so potentially, I
Speaker 2: guess I think the best place we can leave this
Speaker 2: off at is it's kind of ingrained in women, at
Speaker 2: least in my experience, that potentially, in order to keep
Speaker 2: a man happy in long term relationships, especially with very
Speaker 2: powerful men that I've access to anything and everything. I've
Speaker 2: dated a few of those, a good amount of those
Speaker 2: in my life, there is maybe potentially this feeling that
Speaker 2: you have to up the ante. I'm sure it happens
Speaker 2: just in everyday life and everyday relationships that aren't living
Speaker 2: at such extremes like in the celebrity world, but.
Speaker 1: This idea that you kind of have to up the anti.
Speaker 2: I mean, I was told by my mom at a
Speaker 2: very young age, learn how to give a good blowjob.
Speaker 2: If you ever want a husband, you're not gonna get
Speaker 2: one if you don't give them head. A lot of
Speaker 2: men just really prefer head over having sex, and so
Speaker 2: I try to tell girls all the time when they're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I don't give blowjobs, I don't like it. I sometimes
Speaker 2: like have this little fear in my heart, like, baby girl,
Speaker 2: learn how to like it, or your man's gonna potentially
Speaker 2: want it from somewhere else. And I ask a lot
Speaker 2: of men in my life, do you guys prefer sex
Speaker 2: or blowjobs? I hear blowjobs more than sex a good
Speaker 2: amount of the time.
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of women feel the same way.
Speaker 3: Where they love to you know, they prefer being each
Speaker 3: now you go down on them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, is there a pressure to up the anti when
Speaker 2: you're in situations like as a.
Speaker 1: Woman, if you're wanting to keep your man.
Speaker 2: I think we should definitely establish this for all women
Speaker 2: out there. What is a reason why upping the anti
Speaker 2: would not be a way to keep the man?
Speaker 3: So, anytime you're in a long term relationship and you
Speaker 3: want it to be sexually satisfying for the long term,
Speaker 3: you really want to have a lot of chicks up
Speaker 3: your sleeve. But none of those have to be extremely painful,
Speaker 3: physically uncomfortable, potentially morally disgusting to you.
Speaker 4: Or humiliating or humiliating, or something that you feel like
Speaker 4: you have to really kind of disassociate in order to
Speaker 4: be a part of.
Speaker 3: These are all signs that it's not the right thing
Speaker 3: for you, and it could be that it's not the
Speaker 3: right relationship for you. But being able to say and
Speaker 3: know what you want and being able to communicate what
Speaker 3: you do want and what you don't want is always
Speaker 3: going to be a great skill across the board in
Speaker 3: any of dynamic And if you're thinking that you keep
Speaker 3: having to up the anti at the anti, it might
Speaker 3: be time for you to see a sex therapist that
Speaker 3: can help you with the relationship stuff, because dissatisfaction in
Speaker 3: the bedroom can obviously lead to lots of issues outside
Speaker 3: of the bedroom. But when it can come to a
Speaker 3: place where you're feeling like you might be being used,
Speaker 3: being abused, being coerced, being even just harmed in any way,
Speaker 3: it's not a good sign. It's a sign that something
Speaker 3: is really wrong and you should listen to your gut.
Speaker 3: You know, there's people out there that call it fem
Speaker 3: tuition and you should definitely be listening to that.
Speaker 2: And also just to clarify as well, you know, this
Speaker 2: is not just for women. This is also for men.
Speaker 2: There are relationships across the board in every category where
Speaker 2: there is consent and coercive situations occurring, and most of all,
Speaker 2: you should in my opinion, and I've been somebody who
Speaker 2: hasn't hasn't utilized my.
Speaker 1: Sexual toolbox to.
Speaker 2: Attract more love my way from somebody that I wanted
Speaker 2: or did love. It doesn't age well. I don't suggest it,
Speaker 2: and if you've done it, don't beat yourself up about it.
Speaker 1: Let it go.
Speaker 2: But understand what part of you desired that behavior and
Speaker 2: correct it and throw it out. Get into therapy right
Speaker 2: now if you don't know how to do that. If
Speaker 2: therapy isn't available, we have such great access to people
Speaker 2: like viv.
Speaker 1: The Internet, this podcast in general.
Speaker 2: I mean, you can listen to many different things that
Speaker 2: are for free, that cost you nothing, that can help
Speaker 2: advise you as to what may be going on in
Speaker 2: regards to why you're wanting to utilize those parts of yourself.
Speaker 2: But sex is fun. Being sex positive is great. It
Speaker 2: doesn't always have to imply any type of trauma or
Speaker 2: any type of instability. It can come from it. It
Speaker 2: doesn't have to come from it. It's a place that
Speaker 2: is healthy and even can be driven in those spaces excitement, ecstasy, happiness.
Speaker 1: Without drugs, and all of the above.
Speaker 2: But if you're ever in any of those situations and
Speaker 2: you don't want them, or you're only there because you
Speaker 2: think that as as somebody that's wanting to attract someone else.
Speaker 1: You're needing to up the ante.
Speaker 2: You got to get out of that, and you got
Speaker 2: to get away from that because there is no anti
Speaker 2: you will ever be able to up that will give
Speaker 2: them enough happiness to stay with you. As we have
Speaker 2: seen with Cassie and many people that have taken the
Speaker 2: stand and alleged abuse, this man didn't seem to be
Speaker 2: happy with any of them in any long term situation.
Speaker 1: It is an endless road.
Speaker 2: It does not lead you anywhere good, and you would
Speaker 2: be better off at stopping jumping off and hitchhike yourself
Speaker 2: back to a place where you can start over and
Speaker 2: create the proper boundaries in your sexual life and your
Speaker 2: sexual thoughts and mentality, which can be as freaky as
Speaker 2: you want, but just make sure that it's consensual and
Speaker 2: not just consensual with the partner, but consensual with yourself,
Speaker 2: your mind, your boundaries, your alignment for yourself. Make sure
Speaker 2: that all parts of you, your soul, your mind, your
Speaker 2: spirit are consenting in the behaviors that you participate in
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been Pete on, Viv, just say it
Speaker 1: yes or no, click fire.
Speaker 3: My husband and nice shower together sometimes, so yeah, it happens.
Speaker 1: Exactly in the shower. It's not that crazy. I just
Speaker 1: I was like, this is cool. Whatever I like it,
Speaker 1: if you like it, And it was. We shared a moment,
Speaker 1: we laughed about it. It was great. The gag is
Speaker 1: who it was.
Speaker 2: But we won't get into that because I don't want
Speaker 2: to take down any more powerful big men.
Speaker 1: But Viv, you are so amazing.
Speaker 2: Literally, it's been my dream in life to go on
Speaker 2: married at First Sight when I've done with whatever this
Speaker 2: stupid fame world is that I exist in.
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to just be.
Speaker 2: A regular person that goes to my local office and
Speaker 2: applies for married at First Site, so that a group
Speaker 2: of very capable therapists could find somebody that could handle
Speaker 2: the crazyness that is me. But I appreciate how many
Speaker 2: relationships that you've helped, how positive you are about about
Speaker 2: sexual behavior and consenting relationships, and how much work you
Speaker 2: put into bringing people together and teaching people how to
Speaker 2: connect in positive ways. So thank you so much for
Speaker 2: spending this time with me today.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Abrey. I love the insights that
Speaker 3: you're sharing and I hope that they connect with the
Speaker 3: people who need to hear them. And for all of
Speaker 3: you survivors out there, just no I've seen firsthand in
Speaker 3: the work that I do with people they can get
Speaker 3: to a much better and healthier place when it comes
Speaker 3: to both relationships and sexuality.
Speaker 1: So you've got that, Thank you, doctor Bavianna Amy and
Speaker 1: TJ presents Aubrey O Day ring that did he trial