WEBVTT - Order Inside the Freak Offs! 0:00:01.200 --> 0:00:05.040 Amy and TJ presents Aubrey O day covering the Ditty Trial. 0:00:06.120 --> 0:00:09.400 Hey everyone, I am so excited to be back with you. 0:00:09.600 --> 0:00:11.119 I am covering the Didty Trial. 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:14.680 This is TJ and Amy presents me Aubrey O day 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:18.280 covering the Didty Trial. I have with me today Doctor 0:00:18.360 --> 0:00:22.080 Vivianna Coles, who has dedicated her career to helping couples 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:27.160 and individuals navigate emotional and physical intimacy challenges since two 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:31.000 thousand and three. Now, Viviana, I don't want to come 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:35.239 off to psychotic here, but I am a Vivstan I 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:37.680 am the biggest fan of Married at First Sight, and 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:40.519 I know you are on for six seasons sharing the 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:43.960 wealth of information that you have in regards to how 0:00:44.000 --> 0:00:50.680 to create successful positive relationships. Specifically, why I really wanted 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:54.680 to have you here with me today is this headline 0:00:54.920 --> 0:01:01.920 making phrase. The freakofs has become a world wide discussed 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:07.240 and mostly I notice made fun of topic because likely 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:09.600 a lot of people don't fully understand what they are, 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:13.000 what they look like, what they mean, what they mean 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:18.120 in positive experiences versus negative environments. I kind of want 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:20.319 to just really get inside the freak off no pun 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:24.160 intended and start to actually discuss. 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:25.839 What all of the elements are. 0:01:25.959 --> 0:01:28.440 And so just to kind of start us out, I'm 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:29.720 a sex positive human. 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:31.240 I know you are as well. 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:34.680 And for people that don't necessarily understand the exact definition, 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:40.959 it's basically just someone who supports and affirms people's sexual interests, kinks, fetishes, 0:01:41.240 --> 0:01:44.720 whatever their interests are, with no judgment and of course 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:45.600 with consent. 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:47.040 That's the big one. 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:49.640 Yeah, yeah, yes, And with that being said, I want 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:53.560 to ask you before we get into breaking down situations 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:56.480 in the trial, let's do myth versus reality quick shots 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:58.800 real quick, just so we can kind of establish a 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:02.000 norm for the audience in regards to some of the 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:04.120 behaviors that they're hearing during this trial. 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:07.960 So yeah, just so everybody knows, I'm not professionally or 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:11.519 personally associated with any of the parties involved in the trial. 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:13.600 But all the information I'm going to be sharing today 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:16.560 is from my twenty plus years of working with couples 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:19.120 and individuals as a licensed marriage and family therapist and 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:22.560 a certified sex therapist. And yes, like Aubrey, I'm definitely 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:25.840 sex positive. So we'll be talking about it in that way. 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:30.080 But first and foremost, we have to know about sexual 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:34.680 experiences being consensual and they need to be safe and sane. 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:39.040 So that's where we're coming from, at least from my standpoint. 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:42.760 Yeah, so, actually, let's go into miss versus reality just 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:44.760 a little bit before we get into the details of 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:48.160 the trial. Is it true or not that people who 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:50.560 enjoy orgies are traumatized? 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:56.280 That is false. There are many many, very you know, 0:02:56.560 --> 0:03:01.720 functional people who like to explore with others sexual pleasure, 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:04.919 sexual desire, and all sorts of kinks in a very 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:07.560 safe way that has nothing to do with trauma. 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:12.079 Does group sex mean your excitement about group sex or 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:15.520 participation and it mean that you lack morals? 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:18.800 Absolutely not. That is false. For a lot of people 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:22.239 who are trying to stay connected with their partners, they 0:03:22.280 --> 0:03:26.200 want to experience other people in a way that will 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:29.640 not mess with their own connection, and having group sex 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:32.240 can be one way that they explore that as long 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:34.440 as there's lots of conversations going on in a very 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:34.960 safe way. 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:39.280 Is kink a result kink or fetish a result of 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:42.600 sexual damage or psychological damage as well? 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:46.160 Yeah, it can be. It can always be something that 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:52.000 you've adapted from psychological damage. But that is not always 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:54.200 the case, so I would say it's. 0:03:54.000 --> 0:04:00.760 A maybe okay, and is having different different things we're 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:02.720 about to discuss non traditional sex. 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:05.160 Is it emotionally harmful? 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:08.600 It can be emotionally harmful. I wish I could say 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.520 yes or no, but it can be depending on the 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:16.920 actual circumstances for each of the partners. But for most people, 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:21.520 exploring in different ways using all sorts of accessories and 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:24.200 tools and fantasies can be very healthy. 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:26.919 Okay, So let's actually just dive right into the trial 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:31.080 now that we've established some myths versus realities. A lot 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:35.000 of people don't necessarily understand the layout of a lot 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:37.719 of the freak offs that have been discussed in trials. 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:40.480 So what I want you to first kind of explain 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:44.599 to people is the difference of voyeurism, or even just 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:47.440 I think it could be under the guise of voyeurism, 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:48.240 cuck holding. 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.560 Can you explain to the audience what cuck hoolding is? 0:04:51.640 --> 0:04:54.200 Yes, So, cuck holding is a term that refers to 0:04:55.279 --> 0:05:01.119 when a partner and enjoys and get sexual gratification from 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:06.160 watching or knowing that their partner is experiencing a sexual 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:10.880 behavior or sexual pleasure. With someone else outside of their 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:14.080 own sexual experience. So they may be in the room, 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:16.680 they may be across the country, they may just be 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:20.920 getting information via text in between kisses, whatever it is. 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:23.560 And two of those things that you just named actually 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:26.359 were what was happening in Diddy's case in regards to 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:30.080 being in the realm masturbating during those scenes that he 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:33.680 was dictating. Then there also was when he was put 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:36.640 on FaceTime. It was discussed in trial to watch or 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:41.000 observe something. Now, because you've discussed cuck holding in a 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:45.719 sex positive way, I'd like to address it in a coercive, 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:50.200 abusive way. When does cuck holding become something that is criminal? 0:05:50.640 --> 0:05:55.080 I would say anytime that someone is doing something against 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:59.599 their will for fear of harm to themselves or even 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:03.760 being threatened their life being threatened, if they feel like 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:07.680 there's retaliation that might happen, whether that's real or imagined, 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:11.239 those are things that I think. I'm not an attorney, 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:12.920 so I don't know if it's criminal, but I think 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:16.480 it's very unhealthy and dysfunctional at the least to want 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:19.080 to make someone do something that they don't want to do, 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:22.640 especially in a vulnerable and sensitive place like sex. 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.400 And all of those things that you have established as 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:28.920 part of coercive abuse have been established in this trial 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:33.400 through testimony of various people that had sexual experiences with Diddy. 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:36.400 You know, they've alleged that those things have all occurred. 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:50.680 Another term that we've heard discussed, and it's kind of 0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:53.960 a hot topic, one is I first learned it as 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:58.159 golden showers. We're hearing it as urinating. You know, the 0:06:58.320 --> 0:07:02.080 escorts were told to urinate in Cassie's mouth and at 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:03.599 times even for her. 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:04.280 To choke on it. 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:06.880 I do want to kind of point out for people 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:12.720 that had such outrage or visceral reactions or even humor 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:17.600 humorous reactions to that This is not the first time 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:20.600 we have been introduced to this idea. It was talked 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:23.800 about during the Tiger Woods cheating scandal. It was talked 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:28.520 about during President Trump's alleged encounters in Russia. 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:31.559 It has been talked about on Sex and the City. 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:35.080 I think in like two thousand when the guy from 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.360 mad Men came on and wanted. 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:39.320 To do it with Carrie, with. 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:41.320 The politician, and she was like loved him, and she 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:43.080 thought he were you know, this could be this could 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:45.280 be everything. She wanted, but he just had that one 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:49.840 little fetish sho kink of wanting to have a golden shower. 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:52.000 I think it was on that episode in the Shower. 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:55.840 As a sex positive person myself, I will I can 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:59.360 actually discuss with my inside information from being a bad 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:01.520 boy that this. This was a conversation that was had 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:06.560 amongst many of the key players that bad Boy, many 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:11.640 people that were in positions of authority over me, with 0:08:11.800 --> 0:08:14.680 a lot of the artists. It was discussed in a 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:19.840 sexy way. It was discussed as like after I, you know, 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:25.440 potentially get fillatio, I like to men like to then urinate, 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:27.520 and if I can do all of the above on 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:31.200 the girl, it's like so hot because I it's this. 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:35.520 It's the dynamic that sometimes is very necessary in sexual relationships, 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:39.000 the power dynamics, right, Like you know, I know women 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:43.360 that like soft, gentle love. I'm hard and aggressive in 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:45.600 work every day. When I get into bed, I like 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:47.400 to be a little dominated and I like to be 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:52.880 handled in a consensual, non coercive way. But I like 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:55.959 to be spanked and I like a little choking sometimes. 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:59.720 I have dabbled in the golden shower area, just simply 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:02.120 because of hearing all the men and bad Boy discussing 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:05.280 it being something that was so hot, and there were 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:07.079 some did it with their wives, some did it with 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:10.359 the women, they cheated on their wives with whatever. Everybody 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:12.680 kind of got into this discussion. It was the first 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:15.720 time I remember really actually hearing the male perspective that 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:21.080 it was kind of exciting and interesting and something that's 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:25.080 like personal, that's like this secret that seems like not 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:28.640 normal that you share with somebody that only you two 0:09:28.800 --> 0:09:32.680 have together. And I'd like you to kind of get 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:37.679 into when it's a sexually positive. 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:39.160 Thing potentially, and when it's a criminal thing. 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:43.840 So it depends on if you're negotiating, whether you're the 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:47.040 one that's urinating on your partner or they're urinating on you. 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:50.160 Either way, I think it's so important to be able 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:52.800 to really reflect on why it is that this is 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:55.959 important to you. For some people, and I think this 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.920 is probably more likely and under these scenarios that you 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:04.280 talking about, it's a sign of dominance. It's a sign 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:11.559 of almost like ownership or establishing you're my partner and 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.760 your mind. And so for a lot of people, that 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:18.920 is a really erotic thought to have that sense of 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:23.480 dominance and of connection in that way. For some people, 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:26.240 you know, they do that with blood bonding with others. 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:29.440 There is you know, their species involved with others. 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:31.640 Scat play, Isn't that what that's called. 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:33.719 I have a friend that does it, so I got 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:35.840 to learn all about that world. That one's a little 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.680 much for me. But again, I'm sex positive, so no judgment. 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:41.200 Yeah. Well, and I think for a lot of people 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:45.280 who are doing these things as part of their non 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:49.000 traditional but more routine sexual play, they've done a lot 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.320 of the research of how to do these things in 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:54.280 a way that isn't going to make somebody extremely ill, 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:58.000 and they know how to stop when someone says no, 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:00.960 or if even in the middle of playing, if the 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:04.040 person says no, it means no and all things need 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:10.280 to end. And unfortunately, with these very random, stranger experiences 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:14.920 that some people are experiencing, they can't really trust each 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:18.040 other enough to know that they're they're in safe hands. 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:21.760 Yeah, or in like Cassie's case, she's young, she is groomed. 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.400 And there's a part of the dialogue that I think 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:26.440 a lot of people miss that I noticed in the 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:29.880 testimony where she said in the beginning days when she 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:33.920 would entertain this that when he when he shared with 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:37.679 her that he was into this behavior that is, you know, 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:41.960 maybe abnormal to most people. She said, when she was 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:46.480 first entertaining it, you know that she she wasn't enjoying it. 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:49.200 It doesn't seem like much or ever she was. 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:52.319 She I think she learned to express enjoyment for it 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:55.960 in order to get attention and reaction from the person 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:59.360 that she loved. But there was an exchange where she said, 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:02.080 I didn't want to push back and tell him I 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:05.280 didn't like something because I didn't want him to think 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:08.040 he was like weird or I was judging something that 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.200 he likes shared with me than that he likes doing. 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:13.880 That's very personal, and that's very common practice in any 0:12:14.120 --> 0:12:15.280 sexual relationship. 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:19.040 Yes, it's like people see these isolated stories as oh, 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:21.240 this is they see it as all so dark. But 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.680 imagine being in your bed with somebody that you're falling 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:27.800 in love with and they tell you something potentially happened 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:28.480 in childhood. 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:29.920 It could have been triggered from any things. 0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:32.600 That could just be something fully positive, not rooted in 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:36.760 anything traumatic. But either way, the sharing of something so 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:40.640 personal from somebody that is so powerful and nobody really 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:43.559 knows personally like that. I mean it always there's this 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:47.120 through line with Cassie that she's always wanting to just 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:49.720 be closer, to just be with him, to just be 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:52.040 in his presence, to just get to have more time 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:52.520 with him. 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.440 And it seems like a lot of his victims share that. 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:59.920 Yeah, a lot of people in sexual relationships, as they're 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:02.400 getting to know each other, as they're getting to understand 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:06.760 what feels good and feels pleasurable in healthy relationships, especially 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:11.160 in long term, established relationships, they can grow with each 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:16.120 other and they can almost initiate different things, and maybe 0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:19.360 for most long term couples they don't. The way that 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:21.679 their sex life looked at the very beginning is very 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:23.240 different than twenty thirty years in. 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.920 Sure, And there's a through line with him that always 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:29.959 exerted extreme power. There's a humiliation tactic behind a lot 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:36.040 of his fetishes. Within the testimony that I'm noticing, bodily control, degradation, 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:42.320 life threatening fear. There was like the choking element, let's 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:45.360 just go to that specifically, that shows a desire to 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:49.880 exert control over a life and death moment. In sexual dominance, 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:52.120 if you could choke on something you could die. That's 0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:56.120 a life or death moment. It should be taken seriously 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:59.240 as that. I know that it sounds a bit dramatic 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:02.720 or extreme suggest that, but if you choke for too long, 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:03.559 you're gone. 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:08.320 Well, and people who are in the BDSM community and 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:12.760 who are really researched on these things they do they 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:17.280 do like rehearsals. They have communication that makes it to 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:23.400 where you're not actually at risk typically for real, real danger. 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:26.200 That is not what gets a lot of these people off. 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:30.840 It's more about the pleasure that's derived from being vulnerable 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:34.720 with someone. And so the idea of it just being 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:38.560 something that you do spontaneously is very reckless for a 0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:40.880 lot of people to try that in their own bedrooms. 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:44.800 Even with something as more commonplace as anal sex, I'm 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:48.520 always telling my clients you need to prepare your body 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:52.680 for that or you can risk some severe and serious 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:56.880 physical harm and potential trauma. So if we're talking about 0:14:56.920 --> 0:14:57.680 even more. 0:14:57.720 --> 0:14:59.560 Which is why I wanted us to have this conversation, 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:02.560 because when need to start discussing things like anal sex, 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:06.200 like urinating on somebody, these things are kinks. 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:06.680 They're fetishes. 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:09.200 If you're a sex positive person and you're able to 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:12.760 be able to have access to information and understand all 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:14.400 the ways to properly prepare yourself. 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:15.520 If both you. 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:18.480 And your the people or person that you're engaging in 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:22.000 sexual behavior with are all consenting, then understanding how to 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:26.200 prep your body and prep the setting enough to understand 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:28.560 where everyone feels safe and good about themselves. Now, with 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:32.680 that being said, I wonder on the flip side, because 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:36.840 it's obvious that force, coercion, and many other things were 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:40.800 being exerted during most of the sexual experiences that the 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:47.680 people testifying against Didty are alleging in regards to the 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:52.000 coin being flipped and looking at Ditty, now, we obviously 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:55.720 have not seen him his side, present his story, or 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:59.000 given us any understanding other than they have suggested that 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:02.040 he is a swinger and that these types of behaviors 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:04.440 are like how it is in the celebrity world, and 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:07.280 it's just an elevated lifestyle and everyone kind of knows 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:11.600 what it is. I would suggest that I absolutely disagree 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:13.440 with that, and I am somebody who was in that 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:17.440 world and came from the regular quote regular world and 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:21.840 lived in that very extreme world. But beyond that, I 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:26.280 wonder almost even puff who was once just a regular 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.560 human like everybody else, and then became as he likes 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:35.000 to allegedly be by many people that testified be known 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:35.440 as the. 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:38.840 King, the god amongst men. 0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:44.680 Did he at some point start potentially in is it possible. 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:48.800 Did he started in a sexually positive place, or maybe 0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:51.720 he was exposed to things in his childhood that made 0:16:51.760 --> 0:16:53.480 him understand sex in. 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:54.080 A more. 0:16:55.880 --> 0:17:00.000 Forward way, but that at some point he just loved 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:01.080 the plot. 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.480 You know, I can't really speak to that because I 0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:07.280 don't know anything about him or his childhood, but I 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.280 can tell you that for a lot of people who 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:14.560 are struggling to find healthy ways to express their sexuality 0:17:14.800 --> 0:17:20.360 in consensual ways, I think the piece that is missing 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:24.080 for a lot of them is understanding true empathy and 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:26.919 being able to understand what it's like to be the 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:31.560 recipient of some of these actions and caring about their experience. So, 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:34.280 if you're out there and you're in a sexual relationship 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:36.640 and all you're about is how it feels to you 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:39.399 and what works to you, chances are you're not in 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:41.520 a very healthy sexual relationship. 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:42.400 And I think the. 0:17:42.400 --> 0:17:45.720 Piece that's missing for a lot of people in relationships 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:51.520 where they're experiencing repeated coerced, and you know, the piece 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:56.919 that's missing is not having the access to education, the planning, 0:17:57.520 --> 0:18:02.240 the choice and decision making that every sexual experience should 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:05.120 have in order to truly be healthy and bonding. 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:15.600 I have a question for you. 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:19.440 Our Diddy's proclivities a little bit more common than people realize, 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:22.719 because I at one point was invited in it, just 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:26.439 living in LA to a celebrity sex party and we 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:28.600 had to dress up and were mass Obviously, I had 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:32.000 no desire or intention to have sex there, but I 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:35.120 definitely wanted to go assess the scene so I could 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:36.520 tell everybody about it later. 0:18:36.840 --> 0:18:38.280 Well, shame on you, Aubrey. 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:39.160 That is no. 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:41.919 Viv You just said, we have to give information to 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:43.760 the people. They need to know what it looks like 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:47.040 and how to keep themselves safe if they choose. 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:47.720 To be in the environment. 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:50.399 So as somebody I signed an NDA, I'm not naming names, 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:54.680 but I will say that everybody was consensual. 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:56.000 It was very performative. 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:58.840 There was an actual performance that occurred prior to them 0:18:58.880 --> 0:19:01.800 opening up the rooms up stairs, and kind of when 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:05.760 I observed all of it, I would I've just felt 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:09.359 like I didn't understand it, and it didn't make sense 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:12.600 to me because I didn't see love in any of it, 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:15.520 and I didn't see that any of them knew each 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:18.639 other well enough that they had a respect for someone 0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:21.600 that they were allowing inside of them. I just it 0:19:21.600 --> 0:19:24.520 couldn't I couldn't lock into it. And you can't observe 0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:26.320 for too long in the rooms, they kick you out. 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:28.520 They think you're being a little bit strange if you're 0:19:28.560 --> 0:19:32.399 just watching. Watching was fascinating, but almost fascinating in a 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:38.160 way where my soul just felt like hurt, but not judgmental, 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:42.399 just hurt that I wish. I wonder why there's something 0:19:42.440 --> 0:19:45.560 in me that can't just look at sex as sex 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:47.600 and just that. 0:19:48.480 --> 0:19:50.879 Yeah, I think to answer your question, I think it 0:19:50.960 --> 0:19:53.960 is a very common thing to have sex parties all 0:19:53.960 --> 0:19:56.960 over the US and all over the world. The difference 0:19:57.040 --> 0:19:59.800 is that there are there are rules that people. 0:20:00.800 --> 0:20:03.639 Yeah, and specifically in regards to this trial, you can't 0:20:03.760 --> 0:20:09.400 pay for prostitutes to come have sexual experiences across state lines. 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:13.359 These are part of the charges. You cannot pay for 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:16.960 any of that. You cannot bring people across state lines. 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:21.840 You cannot have situations that are at all even seemingly 0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:25.920 not consensual. No force or coercion can ever be used 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:28.639 in any of those types of situations. Those are all 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:32.840 unhealthy and if it proven criminal. 0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:36.840 And sometimes they won't allow any excessive use of drugs 0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:39.720 or alcohol. They don't want anyone being able to forfeit 0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:45.040 their ability to consent even halfway through the party. Certainly 0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:48.960 there are no phones filming recordings involved. 0:20:49.119 --> 0:20:51.640 You think in origin is as much fun without a drink? 0:20:51.680 --> 0:20:53.159 I think if I had a margarita would be more 0:20:53.200 --> 0:20:53.960 fun than sober. 0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:54.920 Have you ever had one? 0:20:54.920 --> 0:20:55.080 Well? 0:20:55.119 --> 0:20:56.160 You do you mind saying if you. 0:20:56.119 --> 0:20:56.399 Have or not? 0:20:56.520 --> 0:20:58.440 Or you're not going there with it. I'm so curious. 0:20:58.480 --> 0:20:59.720 I'm such a fan of you. I just want to 0:20:59.720 --> 0:21:00.800 know how you get down viv. 0:21:02.560 --> 0:21:06.080 Well, like, let me tell you. I think it's I 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:08.800 think the way that I've heard that some of these 0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:14.640 parties go down, the attention to detail and the care 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:17.440 that the organizers put into it for everyone to have 0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:22.000 a really positive experience. I can see why people really 0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:27.199 enjoy these parties. And I will or will not confirm 0:21:27.280 --> 0:21:29.120 or deny if I've ever been to one or seen one. 0:21:29.520 --> 0:21:32.280 Oh man, you've definitely seen one. I can read it 0:21:32.320 --> 0:21:33.840 from your face. For those that you can't see this 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:36.159 beautiful face in front of me, She's definitely seen what 0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:41.240 I'm calling it right now, allegedly. Okay, so potentially, I 0:21:41.280 --> 0:21:44.520 guess I think the best place we can leave this 0:21:44.600 --> 0:21:50.280 off at is it's kind of ingrained in women, at 0:21:50.359 --> 0:21:54.680 least in my experience, that potentially, in order to keep 0:21:54.680 --> 0:21:58.920 a man happy in long term relationships, especially with very 0:21:58.960 --> 0:22:02.240 powerful men that I've access to anything and everything. I've 0:22:02.320 --> 0:22:04.960 dated a few of those, a good amount of those 0:22:05.000 --> 0:22:10.040 in my life, there is maybe potentially this feeling that 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:12.560 you have to up the ante. I'm sure it happens 0:22:12.600 --> 0:22:16.200 just in everyday life and everyday relationships that aren't living 0:22:16.200 --> 0:22:19.080 at such extremes like in the celebrity world, but. 0:22:19.640 --> 0:22:21.760 This idea that you kind of have to up the anti. 0:22:21.880 --> 0:22:24.080 I mean, I was told by my mom at a 0:22:24.240 --> 0:22:26.720 very young age, learn how to give a good blowjob. 0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:29.200 If you ever want a husband, you're not gonna get 0:22:29.200 --> 0:22:30.680 one if you don't give them head. A lot of 0:22:30.720 --> 0:22:33.800 men just really prefer head over having sex, and so 0:22:34.480 --> 0:22:36.640