1 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: Amy and TJ presents Aubrey O day covering the Ditty Trial. 2 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,400 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I am so excited to be back with you. 3 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,119 Speaker 1: I am covering the Didty Trial. 4 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:14,680 Speaker 2: This is TJ and Amy presents me Aubrey O day 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:18,280 Speaker 2: covering the Didty Trial. I have with me today Doctor 6 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:22,080 Speaker 2: Vivianna Coles, who has dedicated her career to helping couples 7 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:27,160 Speaker 2: and individuals navigate emotional and physical intimacy challenges since two 8 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 2: thousand and three. Now, Viviana, I don't want to come 9 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:35,239 Speaker 2: off to psychotic here, but I am a Vivstan I 10 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 2: am the biggest fan of Married at First Sight, and 11 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,519 Speaker 2: I know you are on for six seasons sharing the 12 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,960 Speaker 2: wealth of information that you have in regards to how 13 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 2: to create successful positive relationships. Specifically, why I really wanted 14 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 2: to have you here with me today is this headline 15 00:00:54,920 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 2: making phrase. The freakofs has become a world wide discussed 16 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 2: and mostly I notice made fun of topic because likely 17 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 2: a lot of people don't fully understand what they are, 18 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 2: what they look like, what they mean, what they mean 19 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:18,120 Speaker 2: in positive experiences versus negative environments. I kind of want 20 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 2: to just really get inside the freak off no pun 21 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 2: intended and start to actually discuss. 22 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,839 Speaker 1: What all of the elements are. 23 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 2: And so just to kind of start us out, I'm 24 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 2: a sex positive human. 25 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 1: I know you are as well. 26 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,680 Speaker 2: And for people that don't necessarily understand the exact definition, 27 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:40,959 Speaker 2: it's basically just someone who supports and affirms people's sexual interests, kinks, fetishes, 28 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,720 Speaker 2: whatever their interests are, with no judgment and of course 29 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 2: with consent. 30 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,040 Speaker 1: That's the big one. 31 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yes, And with that being said, I want 32 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 2: to ask you before we get into breaking down situations 33 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 2: in the trial, let's do myth versus reality quick shots 34 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 2: real quick, just so we can kind of establish a 35 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 2: norm for the audience in regards to some of the 36 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 2: behaviors that they're hearing during this trial. 37 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 3: So yeah, just so everybody knows, I'm not professionally or 38 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,519 Speaker 3: personally associated with any of the parties involved in the trial. 39 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 3: But all the information I'm going to be sharing today 40 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,560 Speaker 3: is from my twenty plus years of working with couples 41 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 3: and individuals as a licensed marriage and family therapist and 42 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 3: a certified sex therapist. And yes, like Aubrey, I'm definitely 43 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 3: sex positive. So we'll be talking about it in that way. 44 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 3: But first and foremost, we have to know about sexual 45 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 3: experiences being consensual and they need to be safe and sane. 46 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 3: So that's where we're coming from, at least from my standpoint. 47 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, so, actually, let's go into miss versus reality just 48 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 2: a little bit before we get into the details of 49 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,160 Speaker 2: the trial. Is it true or not that people who 50 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 2: enjoy orgies are traumatized? 51 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 3: That is false. There are many many, very you know, 52 00:02:56,560 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 3: functional people who like to explore with others sexual pleasure, 53 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,919 Speaker 3: sexual desire, and all sorts of kinks in a very 54 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 3: safe way that has nothing to do with trauma. 55 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:12,079 Speaker 2: Does group sex mean your excitement about group sex or 56 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 2: participation and it mean that you lack morals? 57 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 3: Absolutely not. That is false. For a lot of people 58 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:22,239 Speaker 3: who are trying to stay connected with their partners, they 59 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 3: want to experience other people in a way that will 60 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,640 Speaker 3: not mess with their own connection, and having group sex 61 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 3: can be one way that they explore that as long 62 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 3: as there's lots of conversations going on in a very 63 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 3: safe way. 64 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 2: Is kink a result kink or fetish a result of 65 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,600 Speaker 2: sexual damage or psychological damage as well? 66 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, it can be. It can always be something that 67 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:52,000 Speaker 3: you've adapted from psychological damage. But that is not always 68 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,200 Speaker 3: the case, so I would say it's. 69 00:03:54,000 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 2: A maybe okay, and is having different different things we're 70 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 2: about to discuss non traditional sex. 71 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: Is it emotionally harmful? 72 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 3: It can be emotionally harmful. I wish I could say 73 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 3: yes or no, but it can be depending on the 74 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 3: actual circumstances for each of the partners. But for most people, 75 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 3: exploring in different ways using all sorts of accessories and 76 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 3: tools and fantasies can be very healthy. 77 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,919 Speaker 2: Okay, So let's actually just dive right into the trial 78 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 2: now that we've established some myths versus realities. A lot 79 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 2: of people don't necessarily understand the layout of a lot 80 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,719 Speaker 2: of the freak offs that have been discussed in trials. 81 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:40,480 Speaker 2: So what I want you to first kind of explain 82 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:44,599 Speaker 2: to people is the difference of voyeurism, or even just 83 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 2: I think it could be under the guise of voyeurism, 84 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 2: cuck holding. 85 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: Can you explain to the audience what cuck hoolding is? 86 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 3: Yes, So, cuck holding is a term that refers to 87 00:04:55,279 --> 00:05:01,119 Speaker 3: when a partner and enjoys and get sexual gratification from 88 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:06,160 Speaker 3: watching or knowing that their partner is experiencing a sexual 89 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 3: behavior or sexual pleasure. With someone else outside of their 90 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 3: own sexual experience. So they may be in the room, 91 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 3: they may be across the country, they may just be 92 00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:20,920 Speaker 3: getting information via text in between kisses, whatever it is. 93 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 2: And two of those things that you just named actually 94 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 2: were what was happening in Diddy's case in regards to 95 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 2: being in the realm masturbating during those scenes that he 96 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 2: was dictating. Then there also was when he was put 97 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 2: on FaceTime. It was discussed in trial to watch or 98 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 2: observe something. Now, because you've discussed cuck holding in a 99 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 2: sex positive way, I'd like to address it in a coercive, 100 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 2: abusive way. When does cuck holding become something that is criminal? 101 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:55,080 Speaker 3: I would say anytime that someone is doing something against 102 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:59,599 Speaker 3: their will for fear of harm to themselves or even 103 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 3: being threatened their life being threatened, if they feel like 104 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 3: there's retaliation that might happen, whether that's real or imagined, 105 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,239 Speaker 3: those are things that I think. I'm not an attorney, 106 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:12,920 Speaker 3: so I don't know if it's criminal, but I think 107 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 3: it's very unhealthy and dysfunctional at the least to want 108 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 3: to make someone do something that they don't want to do, 109 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 3: especially in a vulnerable and sensitive place like sex. 110 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 2: And all of those things that you have established as 111 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 2: part of coercive abuse have been established in this trial 112 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 2: through testimony of various people that had sexual experiences with Diddy. 113 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: You know, they've alleged that those things have all occurred. 114 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 2: Another term that we've heard discussed, and it's kind of 115 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 2: a hot topic, one is I first learned it as 116 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:58,159 Speaker 2: golden showers. We're hearing it as urinating. You know, the 117 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 2: escorts were told to urinate in Cassie's mouth and at 118 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,599 Speaker 2: times even for her. 119 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: To choke on it. 120 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 2: I do want to kind of point out for people 121 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 2: that had such outrage or visceral reactions or even humor 122 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 2: humorous reactions to that This is not the first time 123 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 2: we have been introduced to this idea. It was talked 124 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 2: about during the Tiger Woods cheating scandal. It was talked 125 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 2: about during President Trump's alleged encounters in Russia. 126 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,559 Speaker 1: It has been talked about on Sex and the City. 127 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 2: I think in like two thousand when the guy from 128 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 2: mad Men came on and wanted. 129 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,320 Speaker 1: To do it with Carrie, with. 130 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 2: The politician, and she was like loved him, and she 131 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 2: thought he were you know, this could be this could 132 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 2: be everything. She wanted, but he just had that one 133 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 2: little fetish sho kink of wanting to have a golden shower. 134 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: I think it was on that episode in the Shower. 135 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 2: As a sex positive person myself, I will I can 136 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 2: actually discuss with my inside information from being a bad 137 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,520 Speaker 2: boy that this. This was a conversation that was had 138 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 2: amongst many of the key players that bad Boy, many 139 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 2: people that were in positions of authority over me, with 140 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 2: a lot of the artists. It was discussed in a 141 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 2: sexy way. It was discussed as like after I, you know, 142 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 2: potentially get fillatio, I like to men like to then urinate, 143 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,520 Speaker 2: and if I can do all of the above on 144 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 2: the girl, it's like so hot because I it's this. 145 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:35,520 Speaker 2: It's the dynamic that sometimes is very necessary in sexual relationships, 146 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:39,000 Speaker 2: the power dynamics, right, Like you know, I know women 147 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 2: that like soft, gentle love. I'm hard and aggressive in 148 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 2: work every day. When I get into bed, I like 149 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 2: to be a little dominated and I like to be 150 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 2: handled in a consensual, non coercive way. But I like 151 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,959 Speaker 2: to be spanked and I like a little choking sometimes. 152 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 2: I have dabbled in the golden shower area, just simply 153 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 2: because of hearing all the men and bad Boy discussing 154 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 2: it being something that was so hot, and there were 155 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,079 Speaker 2: some did it with their wives, some did it with 156 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,359 Speaker 2: the women, they cheated on their wives with whatever. Everybody 157 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 2: kind of got into this discussion. It was the first 158 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,720 Speaker 2: time I remember really actually hearing the male perspective that 159 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:21,080 Speaker 2: it was kind of exciting and interesting and something that's 160 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 2: like personal, that's like this secret that seems like not 161 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 2: normal that you share with somebody that only you two 162 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 2: have together. And I'd like you to kind of get 163 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:37,679 Speaker 2: into when it's a sexually positive. 164 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 1: Thing potentially, and when it's a criminal thing. 165 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 3: So it depends on if you're negotiating, whether you're the 166 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 3: one that's urinating on your partner or they're urinating on you. 167 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 3: Either way, I think it's so important to be able 168 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 3: to really reflect on why it is that this is 169 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,959 Speaker 3: important to you. For some people, and I think this 170 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 3: is probably more likely and under these scenarios that you 171 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:04,280 Speaker 3: talking about, it's a sign of dominance. It's a sign 172 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:11,559 Speaker 3: of almost like ownership or establishing you're my partner and 173 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,760 Speaker 3: your mind. And so for a lot of people, that 174 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 3: is a really erotic thought to have that sense of 175 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 3: dominance and of connection in that way. For some people, 176 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 3: you know, they do that with blood bonding with others. 177 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,440 Speaker 3: There is you know, their species involved with others. 178 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: Scat play, Isn't that what that's called. 179 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:33,719 Speaker 2: I have a friend that does it, so I got 180 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 2: to learn all about that world. That one's a little 181 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,680 Speaker 2: much for me. But again, I'm sex positive, so no judgment. 182 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,200 Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, and I think for a lot of people 183 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:45,280 Speaker 3: who are doing these things as part of their non 184 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 3: traditional but more routine sexual play, they've done a lot 185 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,320 Speaker 3: of the research of how to do these things in 186 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 3: a way that isn't going to make somebody extremely ill, 187 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 3: and they know how to stop when someone says no, 188 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,960 Speaker 3: or if even in the middle of playing, if the 189 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 3: person says no, it means no and all things need 190 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 3: to end. And unfortunately, with these very random, stranger experiences 191 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 3: that some people are experiencing, they can't really trust each 192 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 3: other enough to know that they're they're in safe hands. 193 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, or in like Cassie's case, she's young, she is groomed. 194 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 2: And there's a part of the dialogue that I think 195 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 2: a lot of people miss that I noticed in the 196 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 2: testimony where she said in the beginning days when she 197 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 2: would entertain this that when he when he shared with 198 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,679 Speaker 2: her that he was into this behavior that is, you know, 199 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,960 Speaker 2: maybe abnormal to most people. She said, when she was 200 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 2: first entertaining it, you know that she she wasn't enjoying it. 201 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like much or ever she was. 202 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,319 Speaker 2: She I think she learned to express enjoyment for it 203 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 2: in order to get attention and reaction from the person 204 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 2: that she loved. But there was an exchange where she said, 205 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,080 Speaker 2: I didn't want to push back and tell him I 206 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 2: didn't like something because I didn't want him to think 207 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 2: he was like weird or I was judging something that 208 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,200 Speaker 2: he likes shared with me than that he likes doing. 209 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,880 Speaker 4: That's very personal, and that's very common practice in any 210 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 4: sexual relationship. 211 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 2: Yes, it's like people see these isolated stories as oh, 212 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 2: this is they see it as all so dark. But 213 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,680 Speaker 2: imagine being in your bed with somebody that you're falling 214 00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 2: in love with and they tell you something potentially happened 215 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 2: in childhood. 216 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 1: It could have been triggered from any things. 217 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 2: That could just be something fully positive, not rooted in 218 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:36,760 Speaker 2: anything traumatic. But either way, the sharing of something so 219 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,640 Speaker 2: personal from somebody that is so powerful and nobody really 220 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:43,559 Speaker 2: knows personally like that. I mean it always there's this 221 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 2: through line with Cassie that she's always wanting to just 222 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 2: be closer, to just be with him, to just be 223 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,040 Speaker 2: in his presence, to just get to have more time 224 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 2: with him. 225 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 1: And it seems like a lot of his victims share that. 226 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of people in sexual relationships, as they're 227 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 3: getting to know each other, as they're getting to understand 228 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 3: what feels good and feels pleasurable in healthy relationships, especially 229 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 3: in long term, established relationships, they can grow with each 230 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 3: other and they can almost initiate different things, and maybe 231 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 3: for most long term couples they don't. The way that 232 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 3: their sex life looked at the very beginning is very 233 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 3: different than twenty thirty years in. 234 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 2: Sure, And there's a through line with him that always 235 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,959 Speaker 2: exerted extreme power. There's a humiliation tactic behind a lot 236 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 2: of his fetishes. Within the testimony that I'm noticing, bodily control, degradation, 237 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:42,320 Speaker 2: life threatening fear. There was like the choking element, let's 238 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 2: just go to that specifically, that shows a desire to 239 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 2: exert control over a life and death moment. In sexual dominance, 240 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 2: if you could choke on something you could die. That's 241 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 2: a life or death moment. It should be taken seriously 242 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 2: as that. I know that it sounds a bit dramatic 243 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 2: or extreme suggest that, but if you choke for too long, 244 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,559 Speaker 2: you're gone. 245 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 3: Well, and people who are in the BDSM community and 246 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 3: who are really researched on these things they do they 247 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:17,280 Speaker 3: do like rehearsals. They have communication that makes it to 248 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 3: where you're not actually at risk typically for real, real danger. 249 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,200 Speaker 3: That is not what gets a lot of these people off. 250 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 3: It's more about the pleasure that's derived from being vulnerable 251 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 3: with someone. And so the idea of it just being 252 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 3: something that you do spontaneously is very reckless for a 253 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 3: lot of people to try that in their own bedrooms. 254 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:44,800 Speaker 3: Even with something as more commonplace as anal sex, I'm 255 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 3: always telling my clients you need to prepare your body 256 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,680 Speaker 3: for that or you can risk some severe and serious 257 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 3: physical harm and potential trauma. So if we're talking about 258 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:57,680 Speaker 3: even more. 259 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 2: Which is why I wanted us to have this conversation, 260 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 2: because when need to start discussing things like anal sex, 261 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 2: like urinating on somebody, these things are kinks. 262 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 1: They're fetishes. 263 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 2: If you're a sex positive person and you're able to 264 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,760 Speaker 2: be able to have access to information and understand all 265 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,400 Speaker 2: the ways to properly prepare yourself. 266 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 1: If both you. 267 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 2: And your the people or person that you're engaging in 268 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:22,000 Speaker 2: sexual behavior with are all consenting, then understanding how to 269 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 2: prep your body and prep the setting enough to understand 270 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 2: where everyone feels safe and good about themselves. Now, with 271 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 2: that being said, I wonder on the flip side, because 272 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 2: it's obvious that force, coercion, and many other things were 273 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 2: being exerted during most of the sexual experiences that the 274 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 2: people testifying against Didty are alleging in regards to the 275 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 2: coin being flipped and looking at Ditty, now, we obviously 276 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:55,720 Speaker 2: have not seen him his side, present his story, or 277 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 2: given us any understanding other than they have suggested that 278 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 2: he is a swinger and that these types of behaviors 279 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 2: are like how it is in the celebrity world, and 280 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 2: it's just an elevated lifestyle and everyone kind of knows 281 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 2: what it is. I would suggest that I absolutely disagree 282 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,440 Speaker 2: with that, and I am somebody who was in that 283 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,440 Speaker 2: world and came from the regular quote regular world and 284 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 2: lived in that very extreme world. But beyond that, I 285 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 2: wonder almost even puff who was once just a regular 286 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 2: human like everybody else, and then became as he likes 287 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 2: to allegedly be by many people that testified be known 288 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 2: as the. 289 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 1: King, the god amongst men. 290 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:44,680 Speaker 2: Did he at some point start potentially in is it possible. 291 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 2: Did he started in a sexually positive place, or maybe 292 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 2: he was exposed to things in his childhood that made 293 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 2: him understand sex in. 294 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: A more. 295 00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 2: Forward way, but that at some point he just loved 296 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 2: the plot. 297 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,480 Speaker 3: You know, I can't really speak to that because I 298 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 3: don't know anything about him or his childhood, but I 299 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 3: can tell you that for a lot of people who 300 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 3: are struggling to find healthy ways to express their sexuality 301 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:20,360 Speaker 3: in consensual ways, I think the piece that is missing 302 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 3: for a lot of them is understanding true empathy and 303 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 3: being able to understand what it's like to be the 304 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 3: recipient of some of these actions and caring about their experience. So, 305 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 3: if you're out there and you're in a sexual relationship 306 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,640 Speaker 3: and all you're about is how it feels to you 307 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,399 Speaker 3: and what works to you, chances are you're not in 308 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 3: a very healthy sexual relationship. 309 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 4: And I think the. 310 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 3: Piece that's missing for a lot of people in relationships 311 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 3: where they're experiencing repeated coerced, and you know, the piece 312 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:56,919 Speaker 3: that's missing is not having the access to education, the planning, 313 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:02,240 Speaker 3: the choice and decision making that every sexual experience should 314 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,120 Speaker 3: have in order to truly be healthy and bonding. 315 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 1: I have a question for you. 316 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:19,440 Speaker 2: Our Diddy's proclivities a little bit more common than people realize, 317 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,719 Speaker 2: because I at one point was invited in it, just 318 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,439 Speaker 2: living in LA to a celebrity sex party and we 319 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 2: had to dress up and were mass Obviously, I had 320 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 2: no desire or intention to have sex there, but I 321 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,120 Speaker 2: definitely wanted to go assess the scene so I could 322 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 2: tell everybody about it later. 323 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,280 Speaker 3: Well, shame on you, Aubrey. 324 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:39,160 Speaker 4: That is no. 325 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,919 Speaker 2: Viv You just said, we have to give information to 326 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 2: the people. They need to know what it looks like 327 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 2: and how to keep themselves safe if they choose. 328 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 1: To be in the environment. 329 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,399 Speaker 2: So as somebody I signed an NDA, I'm not naming names, 330 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,680 Speaker 2: but I will say that everybody was consensual. 331 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 1: It was very performative. 332 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 2: There was an actual performance that occurred prior to them 333 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 2: opening up the rooms up stairs, and kind of when 334 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 2: I observed all of it, I would I've just felt 335 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 2: like I didn't understand it, and it didn't make sense 336 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 2: to me because I didn't see love in any of it, 337 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,520 Speaker 2: and I didn't see that any of them knew each 338 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,639 Speaker 2: other well enough that they had a respect for someone 339 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 2: that they were allowing inside of them. I just it 340 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 2: couldn't I couldn't lock into it. And you can't observe 341 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,320 Speaker 2: for too long in the rooms, they kick you out. 342 00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:28,520 Speaker 2: They think you're being a little bit strange if you're 343 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:32,399 Speaker 2: just watching. Watching was fascinating, but almost fascinating in a 344 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:38,160 Speaker 2: way where my soul just felt like hurt, but not judgmental, 345 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:42,399 Speaker 2: just hurt that I wish. I wonder why there's something 346 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,560 Speaker 2: in me that can't just look at sex as sex 347 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 2: and just that. 348 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,879 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think to answer your question, I think it 349 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 3: is a very common thing to have sex parties all 350 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,960 Speaker 3: over the US and all over the world. The difference 351 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 3: is that there are there are rules that people. 352 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 2: Yeah, and specifically in regards to this trial, you can't 353 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:09,400 Speaker 2: pay for prostitutes to come have sexual experiences across state lines. 354 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,359 Speaker 2: These are part of the charges. You cannot pay for 355 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 2: any of that. You cannot bring people across state lines. 356 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: You cannot have situations that are at all even seemingly 357 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,920 Speaker 2: not consensual. No force or coercion can ever be used 358 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,639 Speaker 2: in any of those types of situations. Those are all 359 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 2: unhealthy and if it proven criminal. 360 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 3: And sometimes they won't allow any excessive use of drugs 361 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 3: or alcohol. They don't want anyone being able to forfeit 362 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 3: their ability to consent even halfway through the party. Certainly 363 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,960 Speaker 3: there are no phones filming recordings involved. 364 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:51,640 Speaker 2: You think in origin is as much fun without a drink? 365 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,159 Speaker 2: I think if I had a margarita would be more 366 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 2: fun than sober. 367 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:54,920 Speaker 1: Have you ever had one? 368 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,080 Speaker 3: Well? 369 00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:56,160 Speaker 1: You do you mind saying if you. 370 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:56,399 Speaker 2: Have or not? 371 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 1: Or you're not going there with it. I'm so curious. 372 00:20:58,480 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 1: I'm such a fan of you. I just want to 373 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: know how you get down viv. 374 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 3: Well, like, let me tell you. I think it's I 375 00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 3: think the way that I've heard that some of these 376 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:14,640 Speaker 3: parties go down, the attention to detail and the care 377 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,440 Speaker 3: that the organizers put into it for everyone to have 378 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:22,000 Speaker 3: a really positive experience. I can see why people really 379 00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:27,199 Speaker 3: enjoy these parties. And I will or will not confirm 380 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,120 Speaker 3: or deny if I've ever been to one or seen one. 381 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,280 Speaker 2: Oh man, you've definitely seen one. I can read it 382 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 2: from your face. For those that you can't see this 383 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,159 Speaker 2: beautiful face in front of me, She's definitely seen what 384 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:41,240 Speaker 2: I'm calling it right now, allegedly. Okay, so potentially, I 385 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,520 Speaker 2: guess I think the best place we can leave this 386 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:50,280 Speaker 2: off at is it's kind of ingrained in women, at 387 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:54,680 Speaker 2: least in my experience, that potentially, in order to keep 388 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:58,920 Speaker 2: a man happy in long term relationships, especially with very 389 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,240 Speaker 2: powerful men that I've access to anything and everything. I've 390 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,960 Speaker 2: dated a few of those, a good amount of those 391 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 2: in my life, there is maybe potentially this feeling that 392 00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 2: you have to up the ante. I'm sure it happens 393 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,200 Speaker 2: just in everyday life and everyday relationships that aren't living 394 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 2: at such extremes like in the celebrity world, but. 395 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,760 Speaker 1: This idea that you kind of have to up the anti. 396 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,080 Speaker 2: I mean, I was told by my mom at a 397 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,720 Speaker 2: very young age, learn how to give a good blowjob. 398 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 2: If you ever want a husband, you're not gonna get 399 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,680 Speaker 2: one if you don't give them head. A lot of 400 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 2: men just really prefer head over having sex, and so 401 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 2: I try to tell girls all the time when they're like, oh, 402 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,760 Speaker 2: I don't give blowjobs, I don't like it. I sometimes 403 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,960 Speaker 2: like have this little fear in my heart, like, baby girl, 404 00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,080 Speaker 2: learn how to like it, or your man's gonna potentially 405 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,199 Speaker 2: want it from somewhere else. And I ask a lot 406 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 2: of men in my life, do you guys prefer sex 407 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,760 Speaker 2: or blowjobs? I hear blowjobs more than sex a good 408 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:52,600 Speaker 2: amount of the time. 409 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,160 Speaker 3: And I think a lot of women feel the same way. 410 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:59,040 Speaker 3: Where they love to you know, they prefer being each 411 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:00,359 Speaker 3: now you go down on them. 412 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, is there a pressure to up the anti when 413 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 2: you're in situations like as a. 414 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,360 Speaker 1: Woman, if you're wanting to keep your man. 415 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,800 Speaker 2: I think we should definitely establish this for all women 416 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,879 Speaker 2: out there. What is a reason why upping the anti 417 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,880 Speaker 2: would not be a way to keep the man? 418 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 3: So, anytime you're in a long term relationship and you 419 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 3: want it to be sexually satisfying for the long term, 420 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 3: you really want to have a lot of chicks up 421 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:27,919 Speaker 3: your sleeve. But none of those have to be extremely painful, 422 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:34,639 Speaker 3: physically uncomfortable, potentially morally disgusting to you. 423 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,760 Speaker 4: Or humiliating or humiliating, or something that you feel like 424 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 4: you have to really kind of disassociate in order to 425 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 4: be a part of. 426 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 3: These are all signs that it's not the right thing 427 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,920 Speaker 3: for you, and it could be that it's not the 428 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 3: right relationship for you. But being able to say and 429 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 3: know what you want and being able to communicate what 430 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,439 Speaker 3: you do want and what you don't want is always 431 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 3: going to be a great skill across the board in 432 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,680 Speaker 3: any of dynamic And if you're thinking that you keep 433 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:04,800 Speaker 3: having to up the anti at the anti, it might 434 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,159 Speaker 3: be time for you to see a sex therapist that 435 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 3: can help you with the relationship stuff, because dissatisfaction in 436 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,440 Speaker 3: the bedroom can obviously lead to lots of issues outside 437 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,439 Speaker 3: of the bedroom. But when it can come to a 438 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,960 Speaker 3: place where you're feeling like you might be being used, 439 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:23,600 Speaker 3: being abused, being coerced, being even just harmed in any way, 440 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,280 Speaker 3: it's not a good sign. It's a sign that something 441 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 3: is really wrong and you should listen to your gut. 442 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 3: You know, there's people out there that call it fem 443 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,920 Speaker 3: tuition and you should definitely be listening to that. 444 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 2: And also just to clarify as well, you know, this 445 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 2: is not just for women. This is also for men. 446 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 2: There are relationships across the board in every category where 447 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 2: there is consent and coercive situations occurring, and most of all, 448 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:54,600 Speaker 2: you should in my opinion, and I've been somebody who 449 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 2: hasn't hasn't utilized my. 450 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,560 Speaker 1: Sexual toolbox to. 451 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 2: Attract more love my way from somebody that I wanted 452 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 2: or did love. It doesn't age well. I don't suggest it, 453 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,000 Speaker 2: and if you've done it, don't beat yourself up about it. 454 00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:13,600 Speaker 1: Let it go. 455 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,640 Speaker 2: But understand what part of you desired that behavior and 456 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 2: correct it and throw it out. Get into therapy right 457 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,440 Speaker 2: now if you don't know how to do that. If 458 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,439 Speaker 2: therapy isn't available, we have such great access to people 459 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:28,600 Speaker 2: like viv. 460 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 1: The Internet, this podcast in general. 461 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,159 Speaker 2: I mean, you can listen to many different things that 462 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,600 Speaker 2: are for free, that cost you nothing, that can help 463 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:39,520 Speaker 2: advise you as to what may be going on in 464 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 2: regards to why you're wanting to utilize those parts of yourself. 465 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:48,959 Speaker 2: But sex is fun. Being sex positive is great. It 466 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 2: doesn't always have to imply any type of trauma or 467 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 2: any type of instability. It can come from it. It 468 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,800 Speaker 2: doesn't have to come from it. It's a place that 469 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 2: is healthy and even can be driven in those spaces excitement, ecstasy, happiness. 470 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:06,720 Speaker 1: Without drugs, and all of the above. 471 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:11,000 Speaker 2: But if you're ever in any of those situations and 472 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 2: you don't want them, or you're only there because you 473 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:19,639 Speaker 2: think that as as somebody that's wanting to attract someone else. 474 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 1: You're needing to up the ante. 475 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,280 Speaker 2: You got to get out of that, and you got 476 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,359 Speaker 2: to get away from that because there is no anti 477 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 2: you will ever be able to up that will give 478 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,159 Speaker 2: them enough happiness to stay with you. As we have 479 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 2: seen with Cassie and many people that have taken the 480 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:38,480 Speaker 2: stand and alleged abuse, this man didn't seem to be 481 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,960 Speaker 2: happy with any of them in any long term situation. 482 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,320 Speaker 1: It is an endless road. 483 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,040 Speaker 2: It does not lead you anywhere good, and you would 484 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:52,080 Speaker 2: be better off at stopping jumping off and hitchhike yourself 485 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,760 Speaker 2: back to a place where you can start over and 486 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,679 Speaker 2: create the proper boundaries in your sexual life and your 487 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:03,480 Speaker 2: sexual thoughts and mentality, which can be as freaky as 488 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:08,159 Speaker 2: you want, but just make sure that it's consensual and 489 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,240 Speaker 2: not just consensual with the partner, but consensual with yourself, 490 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:16,000 Speaker 2: your mind, your boundaries, your alignment for yourself. Make sure 491 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 2: that all parts of you, your soul, your mind, your 492 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:22,439 Speaker 2: spirit are consenting in the behaviors that you participate in 493 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:22,920 Speaker 2: as well. 494 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,480 Speaker 1: Have you ever been Pete on, Viv, just say it 495 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:26,720 Speaker 1: yes or no, click fire. 496 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:31,640 Speaker 3: My husband and nice shower together sometimes, so yeah, it happens. 497 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:35,879 Speaker 1: Exactly in the shower. It's not that crazy. I just 498 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,119 Speaker 1: I was like, this is cool. Whatever I like it, 499 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,600 Speaker 1: if you like it, And it was. We shared a moment, 500 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,840 Speaker 1: we laughed about it. It was great. The gag is 501 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:43,480 Speaker 1: who it was. 502 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,720 Speaker 2: But we won't get into that because I don't want 503 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,760 Speaker 2: to take down any more powerful big men. 504 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,080 Speaker 1: But Viv, you are so amazing. 505 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,680 Speaker 2: Literally, it's been my dream in life to go on 506 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,359 Speaker 2: married at First Sight when I've done with whatever this 507 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 2: stupid fame world is that I exist in. 508 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,360 Speaker 1: I've always wanted to just be. 509 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,760 Speaker 2: A regular person that goes to my local office and 510 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,840 Speaker 2: applies for married at First Site, so that a group 511 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:10,959 Speaker 2: of very capable therapists could find somebody that could handle 512 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,520 Speaker 2: the crazyness that is me. But I appreciate how many 513 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 2: relationships that you've helped, how positive you are about about 514 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:27,840 Speaker 2: sexual behavior and consenting relationships, and how much work you 515 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:31,320 Speaker 2: put into bringing people together and teaching people how to 516 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,439 Speaker 2: connect in positive ways. So thank you so much for 517 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,040 Speaker 2: spending this time with me today. 518 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,239 Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Abrey. I love the insights that 519 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,480 Speaker 3: you're sharing and I hope that they connect with the 520 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,320 Speaker 3: people who need to hear them. And for all of 521 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 3: you survivors out there, just no I've seen firsthand in 522 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,280 Speaker 3: the work that I do with people they can get 523 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,600 Speaker 3: to a much better and healthier place when it comes 524 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,920 Speaker 3: to both relationships and sexuality. 525 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:57,480 Speaker 1: So you've got that, Thank you, doctor Bavianna Amy and 526 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,880 Speaker 1: TJ presents Aubrey O Day ring that did he trial