WEBVTT - Dad's New Girlfriend with Tiffani Thiessen 0:00:00.840 --> 0:00:02.679 Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. 0:00:02.840 --> 0:00:03.320 How are you. 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:08.760 I'm good. I'm good. I'm here, I'm queer. Get used 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:09.080 to it. 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:11.799 You are heading to Whistler very shortly. 0:00:12.080 --> 0:00:12.360 I am. 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:14.360 I'm about to go on a road trip with the dogs, 0:00:14.480 --> 0:00:16.759 and I'm scared a little bit, but I'm also looking 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:18.360 forward to it. I'm gonna listen to a book on tape. 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:19.640 I just have to figure out which book. 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:21.120 Do you have any suggestions? 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:24.119 You know what I do. So I just watched the 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:26.640 movie of this. Leave the World Behind is a new 0:00:26.960 --> 0:00:28.880 movie that came out on Netflix. It's got like Julia 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:32.720 Roberts and stuff, and it's about not post apocalyptic, but 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:37.120 like the apocalypse basically starting. There's some like race elements 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:40.640 in it. It's very interesting called Leave the World Behind. 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:43.159 Oh yeah, I've heard about this. Somebody else mentioned that. 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:44.839 Yes, I read the book a couple of years ago 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:47.040 and I loved it. It's really good and I loved 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:49.800 the movie too. So yeah, that's what I would recommend, 0:00:50.800 --> 0:00:54.520 Leave the World Behind, Leave the World Behind. Okay, Chelsea, 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:57.680 you've got some new dates in you know, Australia. 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:00.680 Yes, yes, we just announced dates and Australia and New 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:04.640 Zealand so I'm coming in July to Australia, so yes, 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:07.880 get your dates there, Chelseahandler dot com. And I still 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:10.200 have all my Canadian dates this winter. I had more 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:13.679 dates coming in the fall for America, North America Chelsea 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:16.880 Handler America, which is the lower forty eight, even though 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:17.720 I'm half Canadian. 0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:20.679 At this point, I mean, your tour goes right on 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:23.240 through the rest of next year, right. 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:25.600 Yes, there's no end in sight as of now, so 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:26.680 I don't know. 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:29.039 Honestly, I feel like it's a really good holiday gift 0:01:29.240 --> 0:01:31.559 because they can get themselves a ticket and their best 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:33.760 friend a ticket or spouse or whatever, but then they 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:34.440 also get. 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:34.800 To go see you. 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:37.480 It is a good holiday ticket. And this show is 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:39.800 so fun. Yeah, I mean it's always fun, but this 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:41.000 is one is really stupid. 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:41.760 You know. 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:43.920 This one is so stupid because it's so not political, 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:46.759 because we're so all exhausted from politics and all that, 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:50.240 so this one is really There's nothing quite like getting 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:52.640 to masturbate on stage. 0:01:52.240 --> 0:01:53.920 In front of thousands of people to show. 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:55.200 People what I was up to when I was nine 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:55.720 years old. 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:58.600 Excellent, Should we welcome our guest? 0:01:58.920 --> 0:01:59.080 Oh? 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:01.760 Yes, today we have one of my childhood idols Tiffany 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:03.760 Amber Theeson, even though we were with the same age. 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:06.920 Probably I was obsessed with her growing up because I 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:08.800 was always wanted to be a brunette, even though I 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:12.440 was dyeing my hair. Yes, she's on today, So I 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:14.280 ran into her the other night and I was like, oh, yeah, 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:15.960 you should come on the podcast. She came to one 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:19.040 of my shows, so let's yes, let's say hello, Okay, 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:21.080 I'm here with Tiffany Theson And didn't it used to 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:24.320 first of all, Tiffany Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi, welcome, Welcome 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:24.880 to the show. 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:27.200 What happened to Amber? Where is she? 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:30.520 So it's still there legally, Like on my driver's license 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:32.880 it says Tiffany Amber Smith now because I did take 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:35.240 my husband's name, but it's just my middle name. It 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:38.440 was hyphenated when I started this crazy business because they 0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:39.960 thought it was cool. I guess it was kind of 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:42.440 It was popular back then to have a hyphenated name. 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:44.320 They call that in you know, in the UK, they 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:46.360 call that like a double barrel name when you have 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:48.960 like well, I mean it's two last names, but they 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:51.760 used it's like a last name for your middle name, 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:53.040 so it sounds a little bit more. 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:56.240 They fascinated, but it wasn't legally hyphenated. It was never 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:59.160 legally hyphened same hyphen I don't know if they don't 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:00.560 know if they did, but I'm just on my like 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:03.880 resume and on my all my headshots, they hyphenated it 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:06.120 to make it Tiffany Amber, which was weird. 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:06.480 I don't know. 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:08.799 Yeah, some agent told me to do it, and then 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:09.280 I was like. 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:11.239 Okay, yeah, you know what a guy told me he 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:11.760 wants to do. 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:13.480 He told me to put a bird on my fucking 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:15.919 shoulder to do stand up because he thought I wouldn't. 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:18.799 This is what Jamie Massada from We Do And from 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:20.680 the laugh Actory once told me, put a bird on 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:23.079 your shoulder so you can separate yourself from the other girls. 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:26.280 He goes, because you're too pretty. I was like, and 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:29.680 he goes, a bird distracting that people wouldn't be able 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:30.960 to pay attention to what I'm saying. 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:32.160 So he said a bird would help. 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:34.040 Yeah, and I was like, well, obviously I'm never going 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.200 to fucking do that. And I still tell him the 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:38.320 story anytime I pop into the laugh Actory, which is 0:03:38.440 --> 0:03:39.000 very seldom. 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:39.800 Is he still working there? 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:41.720 Yeah, he still owns it runs. 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:44.280 Yeah, what was it like for you when you started 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:46.360 out in this business, because that was before anybody had 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:47.800 any rules about how to treat women. 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:50.320 That's true, That is very true. I have to say 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:54.880 I think I was pretty lucky. I had moments, one 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:57.240 specific one I do remember when I was shooting nine 0:03:57.240 --> 0:03:58.720 to two and O and which is nice. We act 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:01.280 can talk about this shit now. Yeah, yeah, for sure, 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:03.040 I know it was not crazy. But yeah, no, I 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:06.160 was actually pretty lucky to not have a lot of 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:09.560 horrible stories. I've had a couple, but not for as 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:11.240 long as I've been doing this business. You would think 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:13.080 I would have a ship ton of them, but I don't. 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:16.080 Yeah, you know, it's funny. Yeah you hear how prevalent 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:17.760 and and you know I had. 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:20.280 Totally grab me in the middle of a scene and 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:22.000 he thought it was okay because he was in character, 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:23.960 and I was like, fuck you, this has nothing to 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:25.279 do with being in character. 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:28.359 Grabbed you in the peaka complete completely oh stopped production. 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:31.320 I was pissed. I was mad. I was really mad, 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:32.760 and I embarrassed the shit out of him in front 0:04:32.760 --> 0:04:34.240 of my home because it was my show. I was 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:36.120 on nine O two one it was my show. He 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:39.720 was a guest star, like a reoccurring older gentleman. Piece 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:42.880 of shit, total piece of shit. And uh I stopped 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:44.920 production and everything we were shooting in Mexico too. 0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:45.720 Oh good for you. 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:48.800 I'm sure someone will figure out who it was. I 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:49.719 gave him a lot of clues. 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:53.560 Yeah, how was it working with the girls on nine 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:58.080 oh two? And that was probably because my experience, my experience, 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:02.080 I was I had more trouble women in powerful positions, 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:03.880 and because you guys were all I think women. 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:06.479 I have a teenage daughter. I think women are ten 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:09.359 times harder. I know, they're total little you know what. 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:11.520 I know that's I mean, I think because they're just 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:14.599 so emotional and they get insecure and of course, you know, 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:16.800 like my husband always says, guys would just beat it out, 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:19.040 they'd hit each other and you'd move on. Like girls 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:21.480 are like manipulative. It's all mental, you know. So I 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:23.040 think it's sort of the same. Yeah, they were cruel, 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:25.040 they were horrible. Yeah, I've been very open about it. 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.039 I talked about it on Howards certain that, like, I'm 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:30.200 very open about it. They all know it was terrible. 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:31.120 They made me feel like shit. 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:32.599 Well because you were a newcomer. 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:34.719 I was a newcomer. I was coming on replacing Shannon 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:35.680 Dorney on the show. 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:37.680 Oh right, right, so that must have been it. Well, 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:39.880 they and they didn't get along before that, so. 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:41.880 They were having I guess issues with her in the beginning, 0:05:41.920 --> 0:05:43.840 and then I was coming on, but I was coming 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:46.800 from another popular show. Who knows what the reason was, 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:49.480 but yeah, it was. It was bad at the beginning, 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:51.760 and then you know, I think they finally realized I 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:53.599 was kind of a nice girl. It wasn't like mean 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:55.440 or anything. So and then they came around. 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:56.239 Yeah. 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.719 Yeah, so I saw you recently. You were at my show. Yeah, outrageous, 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:01.960 l A, thank you. It was such a nice surprise 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:02.359 to see you. 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:03.599 It was fun, it was awesome. 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:04.120 Yeah. 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:06.760 So tell me about your life now, Tell me about 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:08.160 your marriage, Tell me about being a mother. 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:10.520 I want to know how, I really want to know. 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:11.000 I do. 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:13.839 I'm curious because I'm never going to do it, so 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:15.560 I'm always fascinated by it. 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:19.120 I have quite a few friends who are very adamant 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:21.039 and very sure that they do not want to have kids, 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:23.440 and I appreciate that because I appreciate people who know 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:27.239 what they want for whatever reason, career, life choice, marriage, 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:29.440 not marriage, kids or whatever. I appreciate people who know 0:06:29.480 --> 0:06:31.880 what they want. And I also appreciate we have a 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:34.480 lot of people on this planet, like for people who 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:37.160 not who don't want to procreate. Good for you, Thank. 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:45.080 You, I know, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate welcome. That's true. 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:47.440 Though I wanted to have a couple, I had one 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:48.839 of each. I was lucky and that I'm done. 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:52.599 You know, I'm done, and it's at And what is 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:54.200 the best part about it? 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:55.880 I think. 0:06:57.320 --> 0:06:58.880 I think a little bit of the like when they 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:00.800 do something good, you're like, oh, that's me, you know, 0:07:00.920 --> 0:07:03.120 like a little braggy. It's a little braggy, a little 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:04.880 braggy at times, you know, in a good way. I 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:08.800 guess the unconditional love is quite nice. You know, you 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:10.760 don't have to work at it as hard like marriage 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:15.480 is hard. I feel like the unconditional part of having 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:19.000 a child is a little easier because it's a piece 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:21.040 of you. Maybe I don't know, I don't know why. 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:23.520 You're not trying to cultivate a front a relationship with them. 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.480 It's a natural shape. Yeah, it's a natural thing. As 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:28.160 much as you know, there's moments where I want to 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:28.800 kill them. 0:07:28.680 --> 0:07:31.160 Because I was reading this book and it really got 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:33.440 me thinking about you know how when you're a child, 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:36.440 you're so consumed as a being with being a child, right, 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:40.040 you're not considering your parents' existence. Even you're not considering 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:42.400 your dad's or your mom's job or the stress that 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:45.960 they may be, and certainly not their history. You're not 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:48.200 thinking like, I wonder what mom, my mom? What where 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:50.680 your child was like I didn't, I didn't wonder. I 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:53.160 was like, ah, it wasn't. 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:54.040 It wasn't until later. 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:56.680 It's so funny because you know, you're a child and 0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:58.840 you think you're the most important thing in the universe, 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:00.800 and your parents are the most important things in the 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:02.880 universe as well, but you're not as interested in their 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:04.760 like complexity or nuance. 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:05.880 And then or story. 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:09.800 And then you become a parent and the roles completely 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:12.200 flipped because all you care about is your child, but 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:13.840 it's not all you care about because. 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:15.280 But then you also have the other flip sides. So 0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:18.600 now I have aging parents too, right, So I have 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:21.760 taking care of my children because I started a little later, 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.280 and then I have the taking care of my parents. 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:28.360 So it's it's this really interesting sort of dual other side, ye, 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:32.120 taking care of people that you really care about, right. 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:34.000 The Sandwich generation, that's. 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:35.960 The same, right, Yeah, And that's kind of where I 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:37.840 am right now. It's like both sides. 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:39.160 And are your parents still together? 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:41.480 They are, They're still together, still married. My dad's a 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:43.600 lot older than my mom by seven years, so we 0:08:43.679 --> 0:08:45.679 see the age difference now as they're getting older and 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:47.840 my mom's still doing awesome and my dad's you know, 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:49.880 definitely aging a little faster, right. 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:54.160 Yeah, So speak to me about that aspect of things, like, 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:58.160 because I find it curious and compelling, Like, I'm very 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.959 interested in how do you shift from what your your 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:03.280 own needs are to what your child's needs are? Like 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:05.400 when do you know that you like that has to 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:08.600 be a priority, you know, regardless of being like sick 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:11.079 or an emergency situation. 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:13.120 How do you know how to balance what you want 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:13.960 to do with your I. 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:16.960 Think it's an everyday thing. It's there. There is no 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:19.440 rhyme or reason. I do believe now that my children 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:21.320 are a little bit older, I feel like it can 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:24.280 have a little more selfish moments, you know, And I've 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:26.480 talked about this pretty openly I'm going to be fifty, 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:27.920 and I'm like, you know, I feel pretty good where 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:31.640 I've been able to kind of almost breathe a little 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:34.240 bit more with my kids now that they're older, because 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:36.360 they're not babies, they're not infants where that is like 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:37.720 twenty four fucking seven. 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:40.160 Yeah, I mean nothing. They can even sit up when 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:40.600 they're born. 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:43.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, so, like I feel 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:45.959 a little bit better. But now it's a it's a 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:48.800 different difficult right, It's it's there. I have a teenager now, 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:50.720 so I'm dealing with making sure like boys stay away 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.360 from her, and she understands, like, you could ruin your 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:55.360 life if you know, if you do anything like that, 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:57.600 you know, right now at thirteen, and like trying to 0:09:57.640 --> 0:09:59.800 get her to understand how bad social media is and 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:01.000 not have that right now. 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:01.720 Does she not have? 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:02.800 No, she does not have it. 0:10:02.880 --> 0:10:04.000 Oh is she pissed about that? 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:04.199 Oh? 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:07.600 Yeah, of course she's. Yeah, she's she's she's asked for 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:09.880 so long the last like year and a half that 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:11.959 I think she's tired of asking. So she's gotten a 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:13.959 little bit better about it. And she'll just kind of 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:15.760 come over and check my nod every now and then. 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:18.760 But yeah, I mean it's I feel like this might 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:21.480 be the moment in time where we all just I know, 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:24.199 I'm not on social media nearly as much as I 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:26.480 was before this whole thing has started in the Middle East. 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:29.439 I can't even look because it's so ugly, it's so 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:32.400 nasty that I had to set a timer. I had 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:35.839 my girlfriend because I'm technologically not equipped. I had my 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:38.839 girlfriend set a timer, a time limit on right for 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:41.040 you and so. But but it gives you the option 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:42.880 do you want your forty five minutes are up? Do 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:44.360 you want to stay on or you would you like. 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:46.439 To ignore this for an hour? Or do you want 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:47.360 to ignore this for the day. 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:49.920 And I'm like, uh, but I had that timer hasn't 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:51.839 come up once in the last six the whole thing. 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:53.840 I know that, So back in the day, we weren't 0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:55.440 meant to see all that kind of stuff. As much 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:57.400 as I know we're we should and we should be 0:10:57.440 --> 0:10:59.600 aware of what's happening in our in our world. But 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:02.400 it's a lot for the psyche, a lot. 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:03.800 Yeah, I can really bring it. 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:05.480 And I think for a thirteen year old girl, I 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:08.000 was like, oh, no, way, no, that happened. 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:08.800 Like they're not dealing with enough. 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:10.560 But I mean I remember they were already dealing with 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:11.640 shit at school. 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:14.760 I remember getting left out of stuff in like elementary school. 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:16.520 Like my girlfriends would all get together, and the reason 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:18.440 I found out was because like one of the mean 0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:21.040 girls would say, we're all getting together without you, and 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:22.280 I would just like destroy me. 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:24.760 Can you imagine you find evidence? It's just all in. 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:27.920 Fact, instant, Yeah, that instant, And then they all talk 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:29.640 about it, and then they share photos and this whole 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:30.680 snapchat thing and. 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:33.599 Like, oh, and does your daughter have a pretty healthy attitude? 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:36.120 Like how would you describe her state of being with 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:37.480 sch She's. 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.200 Pretty good, but she's also thirteen. She's in middle school, 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:42.640 and middle school sucks. I mean, I don't know anybody 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:44.920 who said middle school was the best years of their life. 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:46.160 Wasn't mine? 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:49.520 No, I mean certainly not high school. High school was brutal. 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:51.320 Middle school was more brutal too. 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:53.000 I think middle school was more brutal for me. 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.280 High school I just checked out. I had an older boyfriend, 0:11:55.280 --> 0:11:56.360 and I was like, fuck this sho. 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:57.920 I had an older boyfriend too. I was like, I 0:11:57.920 --> 0:11:58.400 don't need you. 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:00.079 I mean, it was it was illegal for sure or 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:02.200 what I was doing, but I mean. 0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:05.880 Whatever, we don't talk about that, Chelsea, because I have 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:07.920 a thirteen year old daughter and you know nothing about. 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:09.720 That, that's right, And I don't know what the statute 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.400 of limitations is on that, So we'll just keep everybody 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:16.440 protected here. And you're into food, and you're into like 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:17.640 I know you're into cooking. 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:19.160 You love your cook I love food. 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:20.880 He has a new cookbook at what's the name of it, 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:23.240 Here we Go Again? Okay, it's called here we Go Again. 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.120 I need a fucking cookbook because I have a brand 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:26.760 new house with this gorgeous kitchen and I don't know 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:27.520 whether I don't know what to do. 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:28.560 I'll come over and I'll help you. 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:29.200 I would love that. 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:31.200 I'm also really good organizing too, so I can help 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:32.120 you put your kitchen away. 0:12:32.480 --> 0:12:36.280 And also you're like very into clean food, right, and 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:38.160 like you recite like. 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:40.880 Not wasting, yes, wasting, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:42.320 was gonna say clean food. No, I'll have a good 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:46.160 Mayo sandwich with some meat and bacon and all that. Yeah. No, no, no, 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:48.160 I'm not going with cultural I understand it, and I 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:50.360 try to eat as clean as possible during the weekend. 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:52.080 Then I have a little fun on the weekends. But no, 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.200 I love food. I love all types of food. But no, 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:57.080 I I the book that I This is my second cookbook. 0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:58.640 My first one was called Pull Up a Chair, and 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:00.400 this one's called Here we Go Again. And I really 0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:03.400 wanted to do a book this time around about food 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:05.560 waste because I believe it truly is one of the 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:09.120 biggest contributores to climate change. Now. Granted, you know, corporations 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:11.320 are really the biggest issue right we have right now, 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:13.120 but it really can start at least a little bit 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:15.120 at home. And so I've been trying to teach my 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:18.120 kids about, you know, you know, recycling food in a 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:19.800 way where I'm like, don't throw that out, We'll make 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:22.120 them into like, you know, enchiladas tomorrow or whatever. Like 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:24.000 that kind of thing started, And then it got me 0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:26.599 thinking I was raised that way. I was raised in 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:29.560 a house where, you know, my dad worked two jobs 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:31.400 to allow my mom to stay home and raise kids, 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:33.280 and and we didn't have a ton of money. So 0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:35.360 my mom was kind of doing this as I grew up, 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:37.120 and I was like, my mom's really like the queen 0:13:37.120 --> 0:13:39.640 of leftovers. Really, like that was how I learned how 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:41.920 to like upcycle food so I was like, I've never 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:43.920 seen a cobook like that. So that's what I That's 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:45.679 what I did during COVID. I was like, Oh, this 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:46.720 sounds like a good idea. 0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:50.160 Let's try I like upcycle food cycle. I like that. 0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:51.199 That's good. Yeah. 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.200 So anyways, and it's really trying to, like, you know, 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:55.840 teach my kids to be better, because the kids are 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:58.079 the worst. I feel like the kids are the worst 0:13:58.120 --> 0:13:58.760 about wasting. 0:13:58.920 --> 0:13:59.120 I know. 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:01.800 It's like they need to have a class in school 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:04.360 about climate change, like totally dedicated to that. 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:07.560 I feel like they're starting to hitting a little more. I 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:11.080 think they're also like high in anxiety, like really like 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.880 having some anxiety issues understanding like the issues that we're 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:16.120 having in our world about climate change and all that. 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:18.400 But I do believe I think they are teaching at 0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:20.480 least my kids school. They're starting to teach it. So 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:22.280 I don't know, we'll see, let's hope. 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:24.080 So tell me about your husband. How did you guys 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:24.520 hook up? 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:29.040 We are together twenty years married eighteen, which in Hollywood 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:30.840 is a fucking lifetime. We were set up on a 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:33.640 blain date really not crazy A were you nervous to 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:35.280 go on a blind date. No, I had been on 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:38.160 a couple before, and he was supposedly a serial date 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:40.840 or two. So I think we were okay, like we were, 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:42.600 but he was like a Texas boy. I didn't know 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:45.120 anything about him. He had never seen any show that 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.040 I had been on, so that was kind of fun. Yeah, 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:49.280 I had no clue, right, it sort of had a clue, 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:51.600 but like his college buddies knew who I was, but 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:53.560 he wasn't really like I didn't watch any of those shows. 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:57.200 So and completely hit it off, Like first date five 0:14:57.240 --> 0:14:58.880 hours long, and here we are. 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:00.920 Oh my god, whoever set you up must have been 0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:02.640 crackety celebrated. They must think. 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:06.240 I mean, yes, I guess so she probably feels that way. 0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:10.280 We don't talk anymore. But there were some issues with 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:11.480 that too, so don't worry. 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:14.120 I have plenty of those. Yeah, A loud and clear 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:14.960 aladin clear. 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:16.880 I think she wasn't happening in her life. 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:20.800 So yeah, that's usually how it goes. Yeah, yeah, absolutely so. 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:22.720 But you've been together for twenty years or twenty and 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:24.080 see he's not in the business. 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:26.400 He is in the business. That's what I'm saying. It's crazy. 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:28.960 So he's an actor. He's kind of made a shift 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:32.120 and he's mostly now he's an artist as well, a painter, 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:35.040 graphic graphic artist, and so now he's doing kids books 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:35.760 and graphic novels. 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:38.440 And does he do the the artwork for your illustration 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:39.720 or any artwork. 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:40.760 Now in your books? Actually he doesn't. 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:42.720 I should make him do it, but yeah, it seems 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:44.280 like that would be a nice co lib, you think. 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:46.000 So we did one children's book together, but now he 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:48.360 does them all on his own, because I mean, I don't. 0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:50.240 I don't draw. And do you like being married? 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:53.080 I do like being married. I mean, you know, let's 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:54.600 be honest. There's days where I'm like, I could do 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:57.840 this by myself so much easier. But no, it's it's 0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:02.840 nice having someone to you help, right, to take to 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:06.320 parent together, not to have to make all the decisions, 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:08.440 even though I feel like I make a lot of them. 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.960 But no, I'm being totally I'm kidding, but you're not 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:14.520 times but I'm not. 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:17.240 I mean, it's very I mean, it's a very typical 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:18.520 female male dynamic. 0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:19.120 It is. 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:21.000 I mean, I look at my parents and they're kind 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:23.200 of the same way. His parents are still married. Who 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:25.600 I'm very close to my in laws. We come from 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:28.760 very similar stocks, so it was an easy relationship from 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:29.200 the beginning. 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:30.920 It really was. That's nice. 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:32.920 It's not. I know, it's not always like that. I know. 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:36.000 I mean, you have a pretty cush legs and everything 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:37.040 is really cool. 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:40.920 Yeah, I mean like, I'm pretty fortunate. He's not. You know, 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:43.320 he's like a pretty normal guy. I like it. 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:46.680 Yeah, pretty normal too. I feel like I'm pretty normal. 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.160 You don't feel like you've got any major issues that 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:50.120 are jumping. 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:51.600 Out, at least not now. Maybe later. 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:54.080 I'm gonna by the end of the episode, I'll do 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:58.920 a full analysis, would you. No problem, We're going to 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.480 take a quick break and we will be right back, 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:06.720 and we're back. 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:07.320 We're back. 0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:09.480 Sorry. I have never worn a hat while we're doing 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:11.480 this podcast. I cannot want to take it off. 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.080 Yeah, but it still works. You still see your eye. 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:16.520 Bruce Springsteen hat that he signed for me, So. 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:18.320 I I didn't even see that. 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:20.800 My friends are like, you have to put that in 0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:23.680 a collector's whatever, a glass. I'm like, no, I don't. 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:25.400 I'm gonna wear the shit out of this fucking hat. 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:26.960 Are you kidding me? Bruce Springsteen? 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:27.359 Oh? 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:29.280 My god, that's awesome, Tiffany. 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:31.040 You might not have any major issues, but hopefully you 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:33.440 can help some folks that have major issues. 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:36.200 Hey, I'm always up to discussing anything. 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:36.960 Yeah. 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:39.639 So confusingly, we have two Kylie's today. 0:17:39.960 --> 0:17:45.080 Oh so we both of them are Actually it's one 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:47.040 set of lips and then the other set of lips 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:47.680 back to back. 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:52.600 Our first caller, Kylie is calling in from Las Vegas. 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:56.160 She says, Dear Chelsea, one of my closest friends got 0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:58.280 married a few years ago, and I showed the fuck 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:02.480 up in every way bride's maid's, bachelorette party, etc. When 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:06.200 she had a baby a few years later, same thing. Basically, 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:08.280 I've been there for every major life event for her, 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:10.000 and of course I would be because I love her. 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:12.520 So when I got engaged and was planning a wedding, 0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:15.000 obviously I invited her. Then she told me she was 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:17.760 pregnant with her second child do a few months before 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:20.080 my wedding. Our wedding was in Italy, which is a 0:18:20.160 --> 0:18:23.520 humongous ask, and I kept reassuring her if she couldn't come. 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:24.520 It's totally okay. 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:28.160 Weeks before the wedding and well after the RSVP date. 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:31.240 She finally said she couldn't make it, which is completely valid. 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.679 The weekend before my wedding, however, I'm in bed with 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:38.200 my then fiance and he showed me his Instagram said 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:41.879 friend was at another wedding in a different state. I 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:44.159 then went to my Instagram and she had blocked me 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:46.919 so I wouldn't see. She explained that she blocked me 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:49.720 because she was quote protecting me and quote didn't want 0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:52.840 to hurt my feelings. I feel at a total loss here. 0:18:53.160 --> 0:18:55.800 My twenties are defined by this girl and the friendship 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.280 we had, and never once have I had bad blood 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:00.400 with her. But the fact that she can't even put 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:02.400 pen to paper and write me a note or call 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:06.000 me I found so incredibly disappointing. I feel sick over this, 0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:07.960 but I also don't know if I can forgive her. 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:10.840 This was all so messy and so unnecessary, and it 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:12.800 kills me that someone I thought was a real one 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:15.480 could act this way again. This has zero to do 0:19:15.600 --> 0:19:17.760 with her not physically being at my nuptials, but has 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:20.000 everything to do with showing me the same love I've 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:21.359 given her over the years. 0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:22.680 What should I do? 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:26.160 Kylie, Hi, Kylie, You're cute? 0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:28.800 All the callers are cute, are they? They are? 0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:30.080 They're so cute of the prereconisent. 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:31.919 Yeah, you have to be cute to call it. 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:33.080 She's super cute. 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:33.840 Hello. 0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:36.800 This is Tiffany Theason, our special guest today. 0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:38.120 Hi, Kylie, Hi. 0:19:38.880 --> 0:19:40.119 I'm good. How are you guys? 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:41.000 We're good great. 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:43.720 I just heard your letter about your wedding. When is 0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:44.960 your wedding? Has it happened yet? 0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:48.280 No? Yes, it was in September. You know, we both 0:19:48.359 --> 0:19:50.200 lived in the same area in New York City. We 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:52.360 were like thickest thieves for years. 0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:53.200 She got married. 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:58.200 I was everywhere for her bachelor repp party, weddings, baby showers, 0:19:58.280 --> 0:19:59.760 the whole nine yards. 0:19:59.800 --> 0:20:01.879 And would you consider her your best friend? Was she 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:02.639 your best friend? 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:04.360 Oh? For years? For sure? 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:06.679 Yeah, for years. And you know, I get you know, 0:20:06.960 --> 0:20:09.920 I moved to Las Vegas. I met my now husband 0:20:10.080 --> 0:20:11.720 when I came out here to party for a weekend, 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:14.200 and now I live here. 0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:16.200 That's a whole nother story. 0:20:16.320 --> 0:20:19.240 Yeah, oh it's great. And I know, I know she 0:20:19.320 --> 0:20:22.000 moved to Atlanta, and I knew we were never going 0:20:22.040 --> 0:20:23.959 to be as close, But there's no reason for us 0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:26.240 to have a falling out. Yeah, we used to say 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:29.880 that it was destiny that we met each other, and 0:20:30.680 --> 0:20:34.120 for her to act like this and just completely. 0:20:33.960 --> 0:20:35.280 I can tell you're really hurt. 0:20:35.400 --> 0:20:37.720 Yeah, Oh my god, I've been and I feel like 0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:38.200 a child. 0:20:38.440 --> 0:20:40.960 I'm thirty three years old, and I feel like I 0:20:41.000 --> 0:20:42.560 like keep waking up in the middle of the night 0:20:42.600 --> 0:20:45.000 and then rereading our text messages, and I'm like, I 0:20:45.600 --> 0:20:49.320 did tell her a hundred times if she couldn't make 0:20:49.359 --> 0:20:53.439 the wedding, it's fine, Like, it's totally cool. I do 0:20:53.600 --> 0:20:56.199 not I don't care. I mean, I know, you got 0:20:56.240 --> 0:20:58.000 another life, you got kids, you got babies. 0:20:58.160 --> 0:20:59.840 I get it. I'm not going to hold it. 0:20:59.840 --> 0:21:00.000 Aga. 0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:01.960 Do you think she felt guilty? 0:21:02.280 --> 0:21:02.480 Is that? 0:21:02.520 --> 0:21:04.240 Where do you think this comes from? Is that she 0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:07.480 felt guilty about telling you or being honest? 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:08.360 I don't know. 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:11.840 I really don't know. But what I'm struggling with now 0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:14.760 is moving forward. I just don't know how to move forward. 0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:17.720 What was the same Where did she go from what 0:21:17.800 --> 0:21:19.280 state to what state to the wedding or. 0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:20.760 The other wedding that she didn't tell you about. 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:24.240 She said it was close by, so she lives in Atlanta. 0:21:23.920 --> 0:21:26.000 Because you said it was another state that she went 0:21:26.040 --> 0:21:29.359 to yes, right, because I was thinking like, oh, Italy 0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:31.520 obviously too far or whatever, but this wasn't out of 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:34.040 state wedding, so I'm like, M not exactly the same. 0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:35.760 Thing, but it depends it could have been a dry 0:21:35.840 --> 0:21:37.800 I mean right, she could have driven. 0:21:37.880 --> 0:21:39.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. 0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:41.679 I think it's just more. Probably what hurts you the 0:21:41.680 --> 0:21:44.080 most is the dishonesty, which that would bother me the 0:21:44.080 --> 0:21:46.760 most as well, because I don't believe in dishonesty. I 0:21:46.760 --> 0:21:48.520 don't care how hard it is to swallow or not, 0:21:48.960 --> 0:21:52.560 especially if you're that close. Exactly, Yeah, what. 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:54.280 Was your last exchange with her? When you saw that 0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:55.560 she did go to this other wedding? 0:21:56.119 --> 0:21:59.919 So I messaged her. I was like, are you kidding me? Like, 0:22:00.400 --> 0:22:03.040 you completely block me on Instagram? 0:22:03.520 --> 0:22:06.320 My husband sees it and all my other friends who 0:22:06.359 --> 0:22:09.360 know her see it as well, and I go, why did? 0:22:09.440 --> 0:22:11.320 I don't understand why you had? Why I had to 0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:14.600 get this bad, this messy for no reason? And she 0:22:14.720 --> 0:22:16.600 kind of turned it around on me and was like, 0:22:16.680 --> 0:22:18.560 you know, this is who I am, and if you 0:22:18.600 --> 0:22:20.360 have a problem with that. 0:22:19.920 --> 0:22:21.959 That's who I am. That I'm not honest. 0:22:22.480 --> 0:22:24.120 Yeah, She's like, I don't know how many more times 0:22:24.119 --> 0:22:25.439 I can apologize, you know? 0:22:25.560 --> 0:22:28.960 I but did she apologize? She kind of apologized, but 0:22:29.040 --> 0:22:30.600 after the fact, because she wasn't honest. 0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:34.240 She apologized when she didn't RSVP ever months and months 0:22:34.240 --> 0:22:37.560 and months and like only texted me. She sent me 0:22:37.680 --> 0:22:40.760 like an ungrown plant that was supposed to grow into 0:22:40.800 --> 0:22:42.800 an olive tree. I'm like, whatever, and. 0:22:42.720 --> 0:22:45.640 Then you should put that in your bathtub and see 0:22:45.680 --> 0:22:49.240 what happens. I'm grown plant. So annoying when people sent 0:22:49.280 --> 0:22:49.880 shit like that. 0:22:50.600 --> 0:22:52.560 I'm like an ungrown plan. I'm like, what am I 0:22:52.600 --> 0:22:53.480 supposed to do with a twig? 0:22:53.480 --> 0:22:57.040 And you know whatever. So yeah, and I was just, 0:22:57.119 --> 0:22:58.800 you know, I was getting excited for wedding. 0:22:58.960 --> 0:23:01.360 I'm moving on. It's fine, it is what it is. 0:23:02.000 --> 0:23:04.600 And then you know, I'm packing and I see that 0:23:05.119 --> 0:23:07.760 this is happening. She blocked me. I was like, I 0:23:07.800 --> 0:23:09.960 was ready to kind of move on. I was ready 0:23:09.960 --> 0:23:11.520 to just like put this in the past, and then 0:23:11.560 --> 0:23:15.719 you block me. So when I called her out for that, 0:23:15.800 --> 0:23:17.639 she she kind of turned it around to me. She's like, 0:23:17.680 --> 0:23:19.840 this is my life, Like this is how I am. 0:23:20.119 --> 0:23:22.439 You know, if you have a problem, then like have 0:23:22.480 --> 0:23:24.680 a great wedding and blah blah blah. 0:23:24.720 --> 0:23:27.800 She got defensive. Yeah, that's usually what happens. 0:23:27.840 --> 0:23:29.640 Well, that's usually what happens when you know you're wrong. 0:23:29.840 --> 0:23:31.560 Yep, that's exactly. 0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:33.520 Right, because it's like, if the need to be right 0:23:33.640 --> 0:23:36.320 is so fierce you're wrong, like, you don't if you're 0:23:36.359 --> 0:23:38.240 really right, you don't put that kind of you don't know, 0:23:38.640 --> 0:23:39.639 defensive about anything. 0:23:39.760 --> 0:23:41.520 You also don't need to lie. That's the thing. I've 0:23:41.560 --> 0:23:43.880 always said that. And here's the thing I'm going to say. 0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:45.400 This is going to be a really simple thing because 0:23:45.400 --> 0:23:47.359 I've had a couple of relationships and I had one 0:23:47.400 --> 0:23:51.600 that was best friend, longtime relationship. We had an issue, 0:23:51.680 --> 0:23:55.480 had a falling out, and another friend of mine said, 0:23:56.080 --> 0:24:02.320 you know, not all relationships last. Sometimes relationships and friendships 0:24:02.400 --> 0:24:04.560 last for a period of time in your lifetime, for 0:24:04.680 --> 0:24:07.200 that period of time that you need them. You may 0:24:07.200 --> 0:24:08.480 not need her anymore. 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:09.000 I know. 0:24:09.160 --> 0:24:12.439 But that, like I you know, when your phone, you know, 0:24:12.480 --> 0:24:14.440 you wake up in the morning and your phone will 0:24:14.440 --> 0:24:17.240 show you pictures that you have on your reel and 0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:20.240 it will remind you of memories. I have so many 0:24:20.280 --> 0:24:23.080 pictures of her that it will just make a video 0:24:23.240 --> 0:24:24.800 montage of her face I. 0:24:24.800 --> 0:24:26.600 Know, so did I. I mean I didn't have This 0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:28.320 was a while ago, so I didn't have that phone 0:24:28.320 --> 0:24:32.080 that could do that back then. But I'm just saying, like, yes, 0:24:32.160 --> 0:24:36.000 I have those memories, and they're great memories, but their memories, right, 0:24:36.080 --> 0:24:38.639 And so you take that part of your section of 0:24:38.680 --> 0:24:40.959 your life that you had with her and appreciate what 0:24:40.960 --> 0:24:44.040 she brought to your life during that time. Apparently she 0:24:44.080 --> 0:24:46.760 can't give that to you right now. Wish her well, 0:24:47.240 --> 0:24:49.480 thank her for what she gave you, and know that 0:24:49.760 --> 0:24:52.000 it'll open the door for somebody else, hopefully to come 0:24:52.000 --> 0:24:53.800 in and give you what you need at that moment 0:24:53.840 --> 0:24:55.639 in the next chunk in your life. I like that. 0:24:56.119 --> 0:24:57.320 And another analogy. 0:24:57.400 --> 0:25:01.120 Let's use a plant, because you have one and I'm 0:25:01.160 --> 0:25:03.359 sure it hasn't grown yet. Like, think about a plant 0:25:03.400 --> 0:25:05.560 being watered every day, right, and I think about the 0:25:05.640 --> 0:25:08.159 duration of a plant's life, Like, however long that a 0:25:08.200 --> 0:25:09.520 lifespan is for a plant? 0:25:10.240 --> 0:25:11.240 For six years? 0:25:11.280 --> 0:25:15.040 Say you got watered by one person and then after 0:25:15.080 --> 0:25:17.919 that someone else started watering you. 0:25:17.920 --> 0:25:19.359 You're still healthy because of it. 0:25:19.440 --> 0:25:22.040 You still have memories, you're still lively, you still have 0:25:22.200 --> 0:25:24.080 vibrancy because someone was watering you. 0:25:24.119 --> 0:25:25.800 It's just going to be a different person that's doing 0:25:25.880 --> 0:25:26.879 the watering from now on. 0:25:27.480 --> 0:25:29.760 I agree completely with what Tiffany said, like you can't 0:25:29.760 --> 0:25:31.919 hold on to anger. The biggest thing you could do 0:25:32.040 --> 0:25:34.240 is be like, okay, you know, if you want to 0:25:34.240 --> 0:25:36.440 write her one last thing, then that would be fine too, 0:25:36.520 --> 0:25:38.280 to be like, listen, I don't think that's what you need, 0:25:38.400 --> 0:25:40.439 you know, for a closure, Like it was really upsetting 0:25:40.440 --> 0:25:42.520 for you to respond like that blocking me on Instagram. 0:25:42.720 --> 0:25:45.200 It was childish. There's just really no other way around 0:25:45.200 --> 0:25:47.879 it than that. That was childish. I've never put pressure 0:25:47.920 --> 0:25:49.439 on you to come to my wedding. In fact, I 0:25:49.480 --> 0:25:52.200 gave you out many many times. So if you're mad 0:25:52.240 --> 0:25:54.800 at me, like you should really question about who you're 0:25:54.880 --> 0:25:57.320 upset with and why, because it shouldn't be me. I 0:25:57.359 --> 0:25:59.560 haven't done anything except called you out when you blocked 0:25:59.560 --> 0:26:01.200 me on instad when you went to another wedding. 0:26:01.400 --> 0:26:03.200 Of course, you're allowed to go to weddings. 0:26:02.920 --> 0:26:04.720 You know, but make it short and sweet and loving 0:26:04.840 --> 0:26:07.520 and be like, you know, it's really sad that this 0:26:07.600 --> 0:26:10.879 feels like our relationship's over, and you know, I just 0:26:10.920 --> 0:26:12.800 want to let you know thanks for all the good memories. 0:26:12.840 --> 0:26:14.679 They pop up on my phone all the time, and 0:26:14.720 --> 0:26:17.679 blah blah blah. I don't think you should try to. 0:26:18.400 --> 0:26:22.240 There's no reason in matching her level of anger, defensiveness 0:26:22.359 --> 0:26:25.440 or like not being forth right. You know, I think 0:26:25.480 --> 0:26:27.600 you can kind of like I think when someone demonstrates 0:26:27.640 --> 0:26:29.840 that behavior to you, it's an opportunity for you to 0:26:29.880 --> 0:26:34.160 demonstrate the opposite behavior because whether or not it heals 0:26:34.200 --> 0:26:36.480 now or she's open to hearing it now, it's just 0:26:36.520 --> 0:26:38.639 good to put that vibe out there in terms of 0:26:38.680 --> 0:26:40.720 your energy and the people that you're going to want 0:26:40.720 --> 0:26:43.680 to attract moving forward. That to keep your head high 0:26:43.720 --> 0:26:46.959 and be generous of spirit and be like, Okay, I 0:26:47.000 --> 0:26:49.200 got it. You know, I just want to let you know, 0:26:49.320 --> 0:26:51.359 like I'll think fondly of you. 0:26:51.840 --> 0:26:52.480 Yeah. 0:26:52.560 --> 0:26:56.560 I think just what struggled for me because I didn't 0:26:56.600 --> 0:26:59.000 move far away from all the people that I know 0:26:59.080 --> 0:27:02.200 and love my whole life, and I just feel like 0:27:02.240 --> 0:27:04.760 I've just had to like slowly trim the fat off 0:27:04.840 --> 0:27:08.280 because my time when I'm home is very precious and 0:27:08.320 --> 0:27:10.520 I really want to spend time with people that really 0:27:10.560 --> 0:27:14.040 bring me joy. And I just feel like through the 0:27:14.119 --> 0:27:15.840 years since I've moved here, I've now lived here for 0:27:15.880 --> 0:27:19.600 five years, like each year like someone kind of is 0:27:19.720 --> 0:27:20.440 trimmed off. 0:27:20.840 --> 0:27:21.080 Yep. 0:27:21.400 --> 0:27:23.520 And it's going to get trimmer and trimmer as you 0:27:23.560 --> 0:27:26.000 get older, I promise you. But that's kind of a 0:27:26.040 --> 0:27:29.280 good thing because honestly, your time is so precious and 0:27:29.320 --> 0:27:33.639 as you get older that it's okay, because having forty 0:27:33.640 --> 0:27:37.120 billion friends doesn't cut it. You're too fucking tired, first 0:27:37.119 --> 0:27:37.920 of all, as you get older. 0:27:38.200 --> 0:27:41.360 I agree, I agree with that I'm tired. But this 0:27:41.400 --> 0:27:44.880 one just felt like I had this I realizing it. 0:27:45.000 --> 0:27:46.800 This one, just this one just sucks. 0:27:47.040 --> 0:27:48.480 Yeah, No, it's okay. 0:27:48.640 --> 0:27:50.400 I've been through one of those too. Me too. 0:27:50.640 --> 0:27:53.199 It's a long, long term girlfriend, and for it was 0:27:53.240 --> 0:27:56.320 like our break. Our relationship was fractuaring for like three 0:27:56.440 --> 0:27:59.320 years before we made a break, three years. I was like, 0:27:59.680 --> 0:28:01.320 let me try and do this, let me try and 0:28:01.359 --> 0:28:03.520 do this, let me include her in this, let me 0:28:03.560 --> 0:28:06.440 do and it just every time I was reminded that 0:28:06.520 --> 0:28:08.680 we no longer had the friendship that we used to have. 0:28:08.800 --> 0:28:11.119 But we we have different paths. I mean, you have 0:28:11.160 --> 0:28:13.600 to remember, like we really as people were all so 0:28:13.840 --> 0:28:17.200 different and sometimes when we come together like you guys did, 0:28:17.560 --> 0:28:19.800 was an awesome time. You learn from each other, You 0:28:19.800 --> 0:28:22.639 supported each other whatever you guys needed, But that doesn't 0:28:22.680 --> 0:28:25.000 mean you're going to continue doing that. So it sounds 0:28:25.000 --> 0:28:27.359 like you're at a place right now where that relationship 0:28:27.800 --> 0:28:29.879 is kind of run its course, and that's okay. 0:28:30.600 --> 0:28:31.920 Yeah, I get it. 0:28:31.920 --> 0:28:34.800 It's just such a morning for me because the other 0:28:34.800 --> 0:28:36.960 ones that I have, like I saw the ones that 0:28:37.000 --> 0:28:37.800 were running their course. 0:28:37.880 --> 0:28:39.360 I was like, you know what, let's leave those. 0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:39.760 In the past. 0:28:39.960 --> 0:28:42.640 Yeah, it's just like it's waking me up at night. 0:28:42.760 --> 0:28:45.120 I had one that did the same thing I did. 0:28:45.200 --> 0:28:45.560 I did. 0:28:45.840 --> 0:28:48.840 You need to really just send good vibes her way 0:28:49.000 --> 0:28:52.200 as a way to like release your holding onto it, 0:28:52.280 --> 0:28:55.920 because you need to move into the idea of we 0:28:55.960 --> 0:28:58.600 need to move into acceptance rather than resistance, because you 0:28:58.600 --> 0:28:59.720 know right now you're resisting it. 0:29:00.480 --> 0:29:01.720 I can't believe you're still upset. 0:29:01.720 --> 0:29:04.440 You're going on to the hurt and it's okay to grieve, 0:29:04.480 --> 0:29:07.080 but you have to understand this is just not the 0:29:07.120 --> 0:29:08.840 time in your life that she's going to be in it, 0:29:08.920 --> 0:29:11.400 you know, and unless she comes to you and she 0:29:11.560 --> 0:29:14.360 just like does a whole one eighty or three sixty 0:29:14.480 --> 0:29:17.320 or whatever, the fucking degree circle train it is and 0:29:17.440 --> 0:29:18.880 comes and says I'm so sorry. 0:29:18.880 --> 0:29:21.720 I'm so sorry. Then you would forgive her because you're 0:29:21.720 --> 0:29:24.240 being reasonable about all of this, but. 0:29:24.240 --> 0:29:26.800 Also don't expect it. No, please don't expect. 0:29:26.560 --> 0:29:28.480 Me, I know, and you know we're down the street 0:29:28.520 --> 0:29:32.360 through you know my other friends is that she's apparently 0:29:32.400 --> 0:29:35.560 written me a letter. But apparently that letter was written 0:29:35.760 --> 0:29:38.800 like during my wedding weekend, but that. 0:29:39.280 --> 0:29:42.640 Now it's November thirteenth, there's still no letter. 0:29:43.200 --> 0:29:45.680 You may never see it. And that's okay too, That's 0:29:45.720 --> 0:29:48.400 okay too, you know what I mean. Truly, I know 0:29:48.480 --> 0:29:50.280 it's hard because I can tell, like you, you've been 0:29:50.320 --> 0:29:52.400 through a lot of big moments with her, and I 0:29:52.400 --> 0:29:54.040 feel like you were waiting for her to do that 0:29:54.120 --> 0:29:56.640 for you. But that's part of friendships. You want to 0:29:56.680 --> 0:29:59.120 you want to be able to share kind of similar things, right, 0:29:59.160 --> 0:30:01.840 And that's exactly how what happened. My best friend had gone, 0:30:02.200 --> 0:30:04.080 you know, she was actually her second marriage, but then 0:30:04.160 --> 0:30:05.880 you know, had babies and all that, you know, and 0:30:05.920 --> 0:30:07.560 I was there for all of it, and I hadn't 0:30:07.560 --> 0:30:09.280 done any of that yet, you know what I mean. 0:30:09.320 --> 0:30:11.720 So by the time it came around for me, it 0:30:11.880 --> 0:30:14.160 just she wasn't the person that needed to be there 0:30:14.160 --> 0:30:17.000 for me for that and it was hard. But it's okay. 0:30:17.200 --> 0:30:18.800 Do you have some other friends that you hang out 0:30:18.800 --> 0:30:19.160 with now? 0:30:19.560 --> 0:30:20.120 Vegas? 0:30:20.400 --> 0:30:21.280 I love different. 0:30:21.400 --> 0:30:23.720 It is a really tough place to meet people. 0:30:25.240 --> 0:30:25.480 You know. 0:30:25.680 --> 0:30:27.240 I moved here five years ago. 0:30:27.240 --> 0:30:30.720 We were of long distance for almost two years, and 0:30:31.080 --> 0:30:33.000 my job at the time let me move out here. 0:30:33.120 --> 0:30:35.640 It was like it was just a great, you know situation. 0:30:36.440 --> 0:30:38.680 But yeah, I mean in New York, I would just 0:30:38.840 --> 0:30:40.760 walk out my door and just. 0:30:40.840 --> 0:30:44.240 Meet That's a very different place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Vegas. 0:30:44.280 --> 0:30:45.800 It's going to be it like, is that where you 0:30:45.800 --> 0:30:47.800 guys are going to stay you think? Or no? 0:30:47.800 --> 0:30:50.640 No, I mean I told him I wouldn't marry him 0:30:50.720 --> 0:30:54.080 unless we were getting out of here. 0:30:54.520 --> 0:30:58.560 That's a rough spot. I don't think that's helping. 0:31:00.480 --> 0:31:03.360 The backdrop of Vegas is not an uplifting, you know, 0:31:03.680 --> 0:31:05.200 spirited kind of place. 0:31:05.360 --> 0:31:05.880 Yeah. 0:31:05.920 --> 0:31:08.240 So you do not seem like a Vegas girl either. 0:31:08.360 --> 0:31:09.400 And I don't know you well, but. 0:31:11.600 --> 0:31:14.800 You know, I've found my weird little places here. You know, 0:31:14.840 --> 0:31:17.400 there is some great things about this place, but you 0:31:17.520 --> 0:31:18.680 just really got. 0:31:18.440 --> 0:31:18.920 To find them. 0:31:19.120 --> 0:31:22.680 It's like such a dig. But I think that's also heightened. 0:31:22.720 --> 0:31:25.479 Why I feel so sensitive about this topic is because 0:31:25.480 --> 0:31:27.880 I don't really have like a friend outlet as much here. 0:31:28.200 --> 0:31:30.880 I think you're right, yes, And I think that's very 0:31:30.920 --> 0:31:32.800 smart to recognize that, because that's going to help you 0:31:32.880 --> 0:31:33.360 move on too. 0:31:33.960 --> 0:31:36.600 Oh yeah, my poor husband, he's like, I don't want 0:31:36.600 --> 0:31:38.400 to hear about this anymore. 0:31:40.160 --> 0:31:41.120 Do you have a therapist? 0:31:41.440 --> 0:31:44.480 I do, Well, that's the outlet for it, you know 0:31:44.520 --> 0:31:46.360 what I mean, because at a certain point you don't 0:31:46.360 --> 0:31:49.240 want to keep belaboring it either, not to your husband. 0:31:49.400 --> 0:31:51.960 You're just putting out that energy when you're constantly talking 0:31:52.000 --> 0:31:54.800 about it when you're in the thing with like the therapist. 0:31:54.880 --> 0:31:57.480 And obviously this is a good place to talk about 0:31:57.480 --> 0:31:59.520 it because that's why you called in. But when you're 0:31:59.520 --> 0:32:03.000 in under the umbrella of therapy with another professional, then 0:32:03.000 --> 0:32:04.960 that's the place to really get into it. I know 0:32:05.040 --> 0:32:06.680 that was really helpful for me when I was dealing 0:32:06.680 --> 0:32:08.560 with this girlfriend that I was talking about, because he 0:32:08.640 --> 0:32:10.680 was like, this doesn't sound like your friend, and I'm like, 0:32:11.040 --> 0:32:13.680 I know, but she wasn't like this before. I'm like, 0:32:13.720 --> 0:32:15.720 she's never been like this, and he's like, well, you know, 0:32:15.800 --> 0:32:18.200 you're changing and that she probably doesn't like that, she's 0:32:18.240 --> 0:32:20.560 not on board with that, and that's exactly what was true, 0:32:20.600 --> 0:32:21.160 and it was a. 0:32:21.200 --> 0:32:22.840 Very very hard pill to swallow. 0:32:23.240 --> 0:32:26.480 But you have to understand, like everything does pass, you 0:32:26.520 --> 0:32:30.040 know what I mean, this too will pass, Like everything 0:32:30.240 --> 0:32:32.680 just needs a little bit of time, and then it 0:32:32.720 --> 0:32:35.480 doesn't feel as acute as you're feeling right now, and 0:32:35.560 --> 0:32:38.120 you should really just start, like just start a meditation 0:32:38.240 --> 0:32:41.160 practice where you are sending her. It's like called loving 0:32:41.240 --> 0:32:45.320 Kindness meditation, and you send her and then people, you know, 0:32:45.360 --> 0:32:46.840 you go down a whole list of people. We've talked 0:32:46.840 --> 0:32:49.040 about it on this podcast many times, but you can 0:32:49.040 --> 0:32:50.960 look it up Loving Kindness Meditation, and then there's a 0:32:50.960 --> 0:32:53.680 bunch of other ones. Just to get yourself like in 0:32:53.760 --> 0:32:56.280 a like a higher vibrancy so that that doesn't kind 0:32:56.320 --> 0:32:59.440 of take you down, like a gift to yourself, you know, like, 0:32:59.520 --> 0:33:00.960 this is what I want to attract. I want to 0:33:00.960 --> 0:33:02.440 attract people I want to hang out with. I want 0:33:02.440 --> 0:33:04.680 to attract whatever your hobbies or if you want to 0:33:04.680 --> 0:33:07.960 add hobbies or interesting books to read, Like anytime you 0:33:08.000 --> 0:33:11.880 can take yourself out of yourself, you're reminded that it's 0:33:11.920 --> 0:33:15.640 one person in this mass universe of billions of people, 0:33:16.240 --> 0:33:18.720 and she's not going to define how you think about 0:33:18.760 --> 0:33:20.720 yourself or feel about yourself. 0:33:21.000 --> 0:33:21.880 Yeah, you're right. 0:33:22.040 --> 0:33:25.080 I think Also it's interesting now in the world that 0:33:25.120 --> 0:33:27.440 we live in that you kind of are able to 0:33:27.480 --> 0:33:29.920 hold onto things a little longer because of social media. 0:33:30.120 --> 0:33:32.320 Like back in the day, you were just like, Okay, 0:33:32.360 --> 0:33:34.920 I'm done with this person, Like whatever, goodbye. I don't 0:33:34.960 --> 0:33:38.200 need to see your face. So I'm friends with all 0:33:38.200 --> 0:33:39.520 her friends. She's frends with all my friends. 0:33:39.560 --> 0:33:39.760 You know. 0:33:39.840 --> 0:33:43.920 It's like it's so intertwined the world and I'm not there, 0:33:44.200 --> 0:33:47.000 and it's just I just see it and I just 0:33:47.120 --> 0:33:49.680 don't That's what makes it harder to let go. And 0:33:49.720 --> 0:33:53.480 I've been taking serious social media breaks. 0:33:53.360 --> 0:33:55.640 Because of this. Yeah that's a good thing because like 0:33:55.680 --> 0:33:56.320 I can't see it. 0:33:56.360 --> 0:33:58.480 That's not a bad thing. That's not a bad thing. 0:33:58.920 --> 0:34:01.520 I don't hate her, but I'm just so disappointed, and 0:34:02.000 --> 0:34:03.760 I think I need to start taking this step up. 0:34:04.240 --> 0:34:05.160 It just it hurts. 0:34:05.240 --> 0:34:07.640 I just feel hurt, and I hate that it stems 0:34:07.640 --> 0:34:10.480 from a wedding like that makes me one of THEUS. 0:34:10.520 --> 0:34:11.680 I hear you, I hear you. 0:34:11.880 --> 0:34:15.880 Yeah, but just start giving yourself medicine in different ways, meditation, 0:34:16.520 --> 0:34:18.800 things that are just going to like lift your spirit 0:34:18.840 --> 0:34:20.799 a little bit more because that's what it does, you know, 0:34:20.960 --> 0:34:24.040 meditating every single day, even for five minutes, it gives 0:34:24.040 --> 0:34:26.319 you a little boost. And then you're like, oh my god, 0:34:26.360 --> 0:34:28.160 why was I worried about that? And why was I 0:34:28.239 --> 0:34:30.439 worried about this? And yeah, I would stay off social 0:34:30.520 --> 0:34:32.440 media as much as you possibly can. You're not fucking 0:34:32.440 --> 0:34:33.080 missing anything. 0:34:33.160 --> 0:34:33.840 Oh you're not. 0:34:34.480 --> 0:34:38.279 Exactly, and you may find like as the sting sort 0:34:38.320 --> 0:34:42.160 of dissipates, you find yourself able to throw a heart 0:34:42.160 --> 0:34:45.080 on her posts or send her like good vibes and 0:34:45.080 --> 0:34:47.240 be like, oh, those are like her cute kids. 0:34:47.000 --> 0:34:48.680 In there, whatever Halloween costumes. 0:34:48.880 --> 0:34:50.759 I have a friend a situation just like this where 0:34:50.760 --> 0:34:53.120 it's like I still love her, but at the same time, 0:34:53.160 --> 0:34:55.240 like she's not the person I prioritize when I'm visiting 0:34:55.280 --> 0:34:57.839 home because she showed me that's not where she's at 0:34:57.840 --> 0:34:58.799 with me, you know what I mean. 0:34:59.840 --> 0:35:01.719 He a mind, So just you know, you don't have to, 0:35:05.000 --> 0:35:07.200 you know, you wish them well, I still wish that, 0:35:07.280 --> 0:35:08.080 but it's always. 0:35:08.080 --> 0:35:11.399 To just put good output out there. It's good. 0:35:11.520 --> 0:35:14.960 I actually I wrote my exit letter, but I wrote 0:35:14.960 --> 0:35:16.719 it knowing that I was not going to give it 0:35:16.719 --> 0:35:20.560 to her, and that helped me because I put it penned, 0:35:20.680 --> 0:35:23.359 you know, like thought thought to pen right, and I 0:35:23.400 --> 0:35:25.080 wrote it and maybe that's what she did to you, 0:35:25.120 --> 0:35:26.880 and she's not going to give it to you, but whatever, 0:35:27.280 --> 0:35:30.480 this is about you. So I did that and I 0:35:30.520 --> 0:35:32.680 folded it up and I just literally put it in 0:35:32.680 --> 0:35:34.080 my drawer and I never gave it to her, but 0:35:34.120 --> 0:35:36.560 it was helpful to just get all my thoughts out 0:35:37.040 --> 0:35:39.480 again not giving it to my at that time fiance 0:35:40.000 --> 0:35:41.920 now husband, because it was it was too much, it 0:35:41.920 --> 0:35:43.560 was getting I was just like I was so upset, 0:35:43.600 --> 0:35:46.680 I was hurt, I was pissed, and it helped me 0:35:46.680 --> 0:35:47.440 move on a little bit. 0:35:47.560 --> 0:35:49.160 And there is something about writing it down that like 0:35:49.200 --> 0:35:51.600 you get out of rumination mode because your brain is 0:35:51.600 --> 0:35:53.640 constantly trying to think of like the ideas and remember 0:35:53.680 --> 0:35:55.040 the things that you would say. But if you get 0:35:55.080 --> 0:35:58.720 it physically out of the body totally, yeah. 0:35:58.320 --> 0:35:59.600 Well that's why I originally did. I. 0:35:59.760 --> 0:36:02.160 I do that in my notes section and then I 0:36:02.200 --> 0:36:05.120 was like in my car, just marinating. I parked in 0:36:05.120 --> 0:36:07.000 my garage, just like sitting there and I was like, 0:36:07.040 --> 0:36:12.920 you know what, I'm gonna send this to dear and 0:36:12.960 --> 0:36:15.279 then I just edited it for you guys, and I 0:36:15.320 --> 0:36:17.239 was like yeah, and then I was it's out in 0:36:17.239 --> 0:36:17.520 the world. 0:36:17.560 --> 0:36:19.879 I'm going to send it and here we are. 0:36:20.000 --> 0:36:23.359 Okay, Kylie, Well, do a loving kindness meditation, and I 0:36:23.360 --> 0:36:25.440 think maybe, like in thirty days, will you check in 0:36:25.480 --> 0:36:26.680 with us and tell us. 0:36:26.560 --> 0:36:27.600 Where you're at with it? 0:36:27.960 --> 0:36:30.760 Yeah, because you have to take some steps actively between 0:36:30.760 --> 0:36:33.799 now and then to start filling yourself back up and 0:36:33.840 --> 0:36:34.600 getting rid of. 0:36:34.560 --> 0:36:36.600 The like kind of pain that you're holding onto. 0:36:37.080 --> 0:36:39.319 This is that good for you, So that's you're going 0:36:39.400 --> 0:36:41.600 to do it in the effort, like you're giving yourself medicine. 0:36:41.760 --> 0:36:42.840 Okay, you got it. 0:36:42.920 --> 0:36:44.840 Yeah, And get back to us in thirty days and 0:36:44.880 --> 0:36:47.280 tell us how your mood is okay, Okay. 0:36:47.360 --> 0:36:49.320 I will just so much. 0:36:49.400 --> 0:36:52.040 And when you're feeling inclined to go on, you know, 0:36:52.160 --> 0:36:54.440 in moments of weakness to like look at the friends 0:36:54.480 --> 0:36:57.279 Instagram or do that stuff like scroll, I think you 0:36:57.280 --> 0:36:59.600 should really go try to read a book or treat 0:37:00.400 --> 0:37:03.160 to do something else so that you're just giving yourself 0:37:03.239 --> 0:37:04.880 a little bit more space away from. 0:37:04.680 --> 0:37:07.040 It, especially if you're looking at it feeling a little weak. 0:37:07.160 --> 0:37:09.160 Don't ever look at it when you're feeling like you're 0:37:09.280 --> 0:37:11.000 searching for that specific thing. 0:37:11.280 --> 0:37:13.799 Don't go on it, and don't comment snarky things. No 0:37:13.920 --> 0:37:16.560 snark no, no you want to do that? 0:37:16.760 --> 0:37:17.000 No? 0:37:17.280 --> 0:37:19.520 All right, Kylie, thank you for calling in. 0:37:20.719 --> 0:37:22.480 It was nice talking with you guys. Thank you for 0:37:22.520 --> 0:37:23.120 having me on. 0:37:23.280 --> 0:37:25.800 Bye Kylie, good back bye. 0:37:27.080 --> 0:37:29.200 I mean living in Vegas was the worst part about 0:37:29.239 --> 0:37:30.720 that story. 0:37:30.000 --> 0:37:34.160 I just can't or I think she so doesn't look 0:37:34.200 --> 0:37:36.120 like someone that you would like. I mean, from New 0:37:36.200 --> 0:37:38.560 York to Vegas, that's pretty rudle. 0:37:38.640 --> 0:37:40.279 I had a boyfriend that lived in Vegas, and I 0:37:40.320 --> 0:37:42.240 was like, what are you doing with this house? 0:37:42.280 --> 0:37:44.719 Get rid of it immediately? But didn't really live there, 0:37:44.719 --> 0:37:45.160 but he had. 0:37:45.080 --> 0:37:48.000 A house there, and I'm like, no, what, who knows? 0:37:48.440 --> 0:37:52.160 I'm like, Vegas is not for living, Yeah, because it's 0:37:52.160 --> 0:37:52.920 for visiting. 0:37:53.440 --> 0:37:55.560 Just to throw a loving kindness meditation in there for 0:37:55.600 --> 0:37:58.000 anybody who's listening. I found this one actually a couple 0:37:58.000 --> 0:37:59.960 weeks ago, and I made a note of it because 0:38:00.040 --> 0:38:02.520 knew it would come up again. May you be comfortable, 0:38:02.960 --> 0:38:06.160 May you be nourished, May you be appreciated. May you 0:38:06.239 --> 0:38:08.960 be loved and they can think that about like maybe 0:38:08.960 --> 0:38:11.120 someone you're who you're really close with, and then someone 0:38:11.160 --> 0:38:13.560 you're last close with, and then this person you're having 0:38:13.840 --> 0:38:14.600 an issue with. 0:38:14.920 --> 0:38:16.720 So yeah, yea, yeah, that's a good one. 0:38:16.960 --> 0:38:19.640 I use that, right, Is that nice? I like it? Yeah? 0:38:19.680 --> 0:38:23.080 I used it for like sixty days after I don't remember, 0:38:23.080 --> 0:38:24.160 after I broke up with someone. 0:38:24.320 --> 0:38:31.319 Yeah, are you ready for Kylie Number two? 0:38:31.600 --> 0:38:33.480 Yeah? 0:38:33.600 --> 0:38:35.239 In Vegas where he's from. 0:38:35.760 --> 0:38:37.120 She's in Pacific Northwest. 0:38:37.160 --> 0:38:42.040 She's up north Okay, Kylie number two, says dear Chelsea. 0:38:42.440 --> 0:38:45.600 The holidays are quickly approaching, and I'm in a predicament. 0:38:46.080 --> 0:38:48.920 My mom passed away in January, and it was indeed 0:38:48.960 --> 0:38:51.000 one of the hardest moments we faced as a family. 0:38:51.760 --> 0:38:54.359 About five months after her passing, my dad let us 0:38:54.400 --> 0:38:56.759 know he was seeing someone. My parents had been married 0:38:56.760 --> 0:38:58.879 almost thirty years, so to hear of a partner so 0:38:58.880 --> 0:39:01.560 soon was gut wrenching men And then she did the 0:39:01.560 --> 0:39:05.480 Ayrol emoji. Since then, he's asked me and my sisters 0:39:05.560 --> 0:39:07.680 if we'd be willing to meet with her. Both of 0:39:07.719 --> 0:39:10.279 my sisters are against it and totally refuse, and I 0:39:10.280 --> 0:39:13.440 simply told them I'm not ready. He was understanding, but 0:39:13.480 --> 0:39:15.879 you could see it crushed him. He mentions her from 0:39:15.880 --> 0:39:17.759 time to time and even asked if he could take 0:39:17.760 --> 0:39:19.960 my three and one year old to see her again. 0:39:20.040 --> 0:39:23.560 My response is not yet. Now it's time for the holidays, 0:39:23.640 --> 0:39:26.440 and my grandma, my dad's mom, wants my dad and 0:39:26.480 --> 0:39:29.680 his girlfriend to host. My heart is broken to think 0:39:29.719 --> 0:39:31.840 that not only will I be grieving the first holidays 0:39:31.840 --> 0:39:34.120 without my mom, but I also won't be spending it 0:39:34.120 --> 0:39:37.240 with my family. I'm fortunate to have an amazing support 0:39:37.239 --> 0:39:39.799 system and my husband's family during this time, and maybe 0:39:39.840 --> 0:39:41.760 it will just be a pill I eventually have to swallow. 0:39:42.040 --> 0:39:43.839 But I'm just not ready yet, and I'm afraid I'll 0:39:43.840 --> 0:39:46.359 spend the holiday crying and make everyone feel uncomfortable. 0:39:46.760 --> 0:39:48.799 How do I handle this? Kylie? 0:39:49.320 --> 0:39:49.560 Hi? 0:39:49.960 --> 0:39:53.680 Hi, Kylie. This is Tiffany Thason, our special guest today. 0:39:53.840 --> 0:39:54.279 She's here. 0:39:55.440 --> 0:39:57.440 I'm so sorry about your loss. 0:39:58.200 --> 0:39:59.480 Thank you so much. 0:40:00.200 --> 0:40:03.080 When did your mom die January of this year. 0:40:03.400 --> 0:40:05.040 And you cared for her for a little while before 0:40:05.080 --> 0:40:05.480 she passed? 0:40:05.520 --> 0:40:05.880 Correct? 0:40:06.480 --> 0:40:08.399 Oh yeah, yeah, she came and looked with us. 0:40:08.560 --> 0:40:12.360 Yeah yeah, yeah, So I think it's completely reasonable, And 0:40:12.400 --> 0:40:14.800 you said it in your letter, like it's too soon 0:40:14.960 --> 0:40:17.600 for you to have not yet is a very gracious 0:40:17.640 --> 0:40:20.600 way to say, I'm getting there, but I'm not there yet, 0:40:20.640 --> 0:40:22.359 you know, or I know I have to get here, 0:40:22.840 --> 0:40:25.319 but I'm not there yet. And it's totally reasonable for 0:40:25.360 --> 0:40:27.319 you to tell your father what it is like. I 0:40:27.360 --> 0:40:29.759 know this is a you know, disappointing to you, but 0:40:29.840 --> 0:40:32.120 I have to honor my feelings and I'm not ready. 0:40:32.280 --> 0:40:33.880 I'm not ready to meet your new girlfriend. 0:40:33.920 --> 0:40:36.759 I'm not done mourning my mother, and it's hard for 0:40:36.800 --> 0:40:38.880 me to even think of you with someone else. So 0:40:38.920 --> 0:40:41.800 I really need you to respect my wishes during this time. 0:40:42.120 --> 0:40:44.920 I love you. I understand that you don't want to 0:40:44.920 --> 0:40:47.400 be alone and that you found someone, but that's not 0:40:47.960 --> 0:40:49.800 part of what I'm ready to deal with yet. 0:40:50.080 --> 0:40:52.719 It's not like it's been five years. It's been not 0:40:52.840 --> 0:40:53.600 even a full year. 0:40:53.760 --> 0:40:56.640 Yeah, yeah, so I think it's totally fine and you 0:40:56.640 --> 0:40:57.600 can put I would put that. 0:40:57.560 --> 0:40:58.080 In a letter. 0:40:58.800 --> 0:41:02.120 I love that idea. I'm not very good verbally talking 0:41:02.160 --> 0:41:04.200 about it with him, so a letter sounds like a 0:41:04.239 --> 0:41:05.000 really good idea. 0:41:05.400 --> 0:41:05.760 Yeah. 0:41:05.800 --> 0:41:07.839 And you can see your other sisters and make sure 0:41:07.880 --> 0:41:09.319 everyone has eyes on it, you know. 0:41:10.000 --> 0:41:12.720 Yeah, yeah, and your sisters feel the same way. 0:41:13.000 --> 0:41:16.840 My sisters are more passionate about never meeting a person. 0:41:17.440 --> 0:41:19.799 Oh okay, are they younger? Are they younger than you? 0:41:20.160 --> 0:41:21.720 I'm the middle, I'm the middle. 0:41:21.800 --> 0:41:23.360 I was the middle. Yes, okay. 0:41:23.680 --> 0:41:25.799 Is there any particular reason that they don't want to 0:41:25.800 --> 0:41:27.600 meet her ever? Like, is it someone that you guys 0:41:27.680 --> 0:41:29.359 knew already or just. 0:41:29.360 --> 0:41:32.800 Your relationship wise, there are our whole lives sped rocky 0:41:32.840 --> 0:41:36.080 with our parents, but I think I chose to forgive 0:41:36.200 --> 0:41:38.160 and they're still and the healing. 0:41:38.360 --> 0:41:41.120 Okay, so there's some backstory then I feel like, so 0:41:41.440 --> 0:41:44.560 your parents' relationship was rocky, or your relationship with your 0:41:44.560 --> 0:41:45.759 parents was rocky. 0:41:46.040 --> 0:41:47.040 Both all of it. 0:41:47.120 --> 0:41:51.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So I think I feel like 0:41:52.239 --> 0:41:55.120 I want him to be happy, and us not meeting 0:41:55.160 --> 0:41:58.879 him is stopping that happiness, or meeting her, I should say, 0:41:59.080 --> 0:42:01.279 is is kind of stopping that happiness. 0:42:01.360 --> 0:42:04.400 But no, it's not stop stopping his happiness. 0:42:04.400 --> 0:42:07.560 He's he's probably happy when he's with her, but he's 0:42:07.719 --> 0:42:10.520 just not getting a full he's not getting everything he wants. 0:42:10.640 --> 0:42:13.719 That doesn't mean okay too, not everybody gets that, you know. 0:42:13.840 --> 0:42:15.960 Can you elaborate a little bit on the rockiness, Like 0:42:16.320 --> 0:42:18.080 what was the dynamic that made it rocky? 0:42:18.120 --> 0:42:19.040 Their relationship? 0:42:19.360 --> 0:42:22.040 Yeah, their relationship for sure. I mean they loved each 0:42:22.080 --> 0:42:26.440 other so much. But one two I don't want to 0:42:26.480 --> 0:42:30.640 like say, narcissists, but very self absorbed people create humans. 0:42:31.040 --> 0:42:32.600 It causes a lot of disruption. 0:42:33.280 --> 0:42:35.600 Yeah, yeah, you might want to leave that part out 0:42:35.640 --> 0:42:38.000 of the letter, but I get it. 0:42:39.040 --> 0:42:39.680 I get it. 0:42:39.760 --> 0:42:42.200 I'm like, which is but what's better? One narcissist is 0:42:42.200 --> 0:42:44.279 a parent, or two I don't know. 0:42:46.480 --> 0:42:49.640 Each other. So it's like, shit, No, I think you 0:42:49.640 --> 0:42:52.040 can write it in your very sweet way that you are. 0:42:52.160 --> 0:42:53.800 You can tell that, I can tell the house what 0:42:53.960 --> 0:42:56.239 you are and and just be honest and that's it. 0:42:56.280 --> 0:42:57.680 You don't owe him anything. 0:42:57.719 --> 0:43:00.440 And I think it sounds like you have too already, 0:43:00.480 --> 0:43:02.440 like you've had a little bit of this conversation with him, 0:43:02.480 --> 0:43:03.760 right Yeah. 0:43:03.840 --> 0:43:05.839 Yeah, I kind of shut it down now because I'm 0:43:06.000 --> 0:43:08.840 very emotional when I speak, wellieven things, and I just 0:43:08.920 --> 0:43:10.280 didn't want that to come across. 0:43:11.120 --> 0:43:13.280 Yes, yeah, And so a letter's perfect. 0:43:13.320 --> 0:43:15.279 So write a letter and just say it all and 0:43:15.440 --> 0:43:17.360 you don't have to see see your girl, your sisters 0:43:17.680 --> 0:43:18.759 or do whatever you. 0:43:18.719 --> 0:43:19.279 Think is right. 0:43:19.600 --> 0:43:22.759 Well, because this is about you. They can handle themselves, 0:43:22.800 --> 0:43:25.600 and this is really your relationship with your dad and 0:43:25.600 --> 0:43:27.719 what you feel right now, not about them. 0:43:28.200 --> 0:43:28.279 Now. 0:43:28.400 --> 0:43:31.080 Sure does the girlfriend have like adult kids or anything 0:43:31.239 --> 0:43:32.200 or family nearby? 0:43:33.080 --> 0:43:38.160 She unfortunately has lost both of her kids. 0:43:36.480 --> 0:43:40.080 Yeah, Oh they've died. 0:43:40.760 --> 0:43:42.920 Yeah, that's a lot of loss. 0:43:43.600 --> 0:43:45.959 Well, it's a lot of trauma, Bondie and I feel 0:43:46.000 --> 0:43:47.880 in that in that relationship. 0:43:47.360 --> 0:43:50.320 And you know that's very common. Actually, it's very common 0:43:50.320 --> 0:43:51.600 in a lot of relationships. 0:43:51.640 --> 0:43:54.239 So and are just so disappointing. It's like you should 0:43:54.280 --> 0:43:58.239 be alone for a year. I really Can's so pathetic. 0:43:58.400 --> 0:43:59.320 No, they can't. 0:44:01.560 --> 0:44:04.080 And I'm so glad you have somewhere else wonderful to 0:44:04.120 --> 0:44:06.600 go for the holidays with your husband or your boyfriend 0:44:06.680 --> 0:44:07.440 and his family. 0:44:07.960 --> 0:44:10.279 That's awesome, Like, thankfully you have something you. 0:44:10.239 --> 0:44:12.239 Have that you Yeah, you have kids, don't you. You 0:44:12.239 --> 0:44:13.160 said you had kids. 0:44:13.000 --> 0:44:16.279 Yes, yeah, So just trying to keep it special for them. 0:44:16.200 --> 0:44:18.879 I guess absolutely put all your energy into those I'm 0:44:18.880 --> 0:44:21.360 telling you, that's where that's where you put your energy, babe. 0:44:21.920 --> 0:44:24.280 One thing you could do sort of to honor her 0:44:24.920 --> 0:44:27.040 would be, you know, if there was a special tradition 0:44:27.160 --> 0:44:29.279 that she loved to do, or a special dish she 0:44:29.360 --> 0:44:32.120 loved to make. You could make that and bring it 0:44:32.160 --> 0:44:36.799 to your husband's holiday party. And I think if that 0:44:36.880 --> 0:44:39.920 doesn't feel right, another option is to just do something 0:44:40.040 --> 0:44:44.160 that feels completely unlike anything you've done before. For example, 0:44:44.200 --> 0:44:47.520 a friend of mine after her divorce, for Mother's Day, 0:44:47.719 --> 0:44:50.080 you know, instead of doing the thing at home with 0:44:50.120 --> 0:44:52.239 the gifts and the breakfast and all of that, she 0:44:52.320 --> 0:44:54.960 took her kids to six Flags and you know, they 0:44:55.080 --> 0:44:57.359 just ride roller coasters together and like, have a great 0:44:57.400 --> 0:45:01.200 time and eat your ros. So yeah, I think there 0:45:01.239 --> 0:45:02.759 are a couple of ways you can honor your mom 0:45:02.880 --> 0:45:05.360 and make sure you carve out a special moment from. 0:45:05.200 --> 0:45:06.960 Do you normally go to your parents' house? 0:45:07.960 --> 0:45:11.200 To my grandparents, but my grandma's really pushing my dad 0:45:11.280 --> 0:45:12.680 doing it with his new partner. 0:45:12.920 --> 0:45:17.440 So yeah, do your grandparents understand where you're coming from? 0:45:17.480 --> 0:45:18.760 No old school? 0:45:19.280 --> 0:45:20.800 Yeah? 0:45:20.200 --> 0:45:22.640 Yeah, Well, I just don't know how you could say 0:45:22.640 --> 0:45:25.560 anything like that and have anybody like keep going with 0:45:25.600 --> 0:45:26.160 an argument. 0:45:26.239 --> 0:45:27.680 I would be like, I got it, you got it. 0:45:27.800 --> 0:45:29.839 Yeah, You're coming from such an honest place you can 0:45:29.880 --> 0:45:31.440 you can hear it and see it in your face. 0:45:31.640 --> 0:45:34.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think if you're just honest with him, 0:45:34.800 --> 0:45:37.279 this hurts too much at this point. But I love 0:45:37.360 --> 0:45:41.080 you all the good things and give your kids and 0:45:41.080 --> 0:45:42.399 your husband an extra squeeze too. 0:45:42.520 --> 0:45:46.560 Well. Look at next year, maybe we'll see yeah yeah right, 0:45:46.760 --> 0:45:49.120 I mean there's always next to your dad maybe. 0:45:51.040 --> 0:45:51.239 Yeah. 0:45:51.760 --> 0:45:52.440 Yeah. 0:45:52.480 --> 0:45:53.919 Well, thank you ladies, so much. 0:45:54.040 --> 0:45:56.200 Is so great, nice to meet. 0:45:56.719 --> 0:46:00.000 Lots of love, sweetheart, lots of love, Thank you. 0:46:00.320 --> 0:46:00.640 Bye. 0:46:01.880 --> 0:46:05.560 I remember when my mom passed away my father. I 0:46:05.560 --> 0:46:08.239 wrote this story one of my books. My brother Roy 0:46:08.360 --> 0:46:10.960 was at my dad's house. He walked in and his 0:46:11.200 --> 0:46:15.040 housekeeper was in the kitchen naked, cleaning with no pants 0:46:15.120 --> 0:46:17.040 or top on, and my father was on the couch 0:46:17.200 --> 0:46:19.399 watching in his box or shorts. This was a week 0:46:19.440 --> 0:46:23.040 after my mother's funeral, and Roy sent our whole brother 0:46:23.120 --> 0:46:25.759 and sister thread and texts being like, I have an 0:46:25.840 --> 0:46:28.400 update for everybody who's. 0:46:28.160 --> 0:46:29.480 Wondering what dad's been up to. 0:46:30.080 --> 0:46:34.040 This is it, And we were like, oh my god, 0:46:34.640 --> 0:46:35.280 men are funny. 0:46:35.680 --> 0:46:37.520 Something is wrong with everyone. 0:46:37.920 --> 0:46:39.880 Men are funny. I have a very good friend. You 0:46:39.960 --> 0:46:43.200 found out his dad has been spending their life savings 0:46:43.239 --> 0:46:46.680 going to those massage places every day. Oh my major 0:46:46.719 --> 0:46:48.200 bills when his wife was at home. 0:46:48.280 --> 0:46:49.920 How many massages can you get in. 0:46:49.840 --> 0:46:51.680 When I think he was doing like four a as. 0:46:51.800 --> 0:46:54.359 Oh wow, I didn't even know that was not. 0:46:54.280 --> 0:46:55.160 A spring chicken. 0:46:55.239 --> 0:46:56.040 That's your retirement. 0:46:56.120 --> 0:46:58.760 Fine, but well I think all the money like gone. 0:46:58.840 --> 0:47:01.359 Yeah, because at a certain age, men probably can't perform right, 0:47:01.400 --> 0:47:02.800 so they'd rather just watch a woman. 0:47:03.239 --> 0:47:04.239 I don't know. 0:47:06.280 --> 0:47:08.080 Okay, we'll take a quick break and then we'll come 0:47:08.080 --> 0:47:10.400 back and wrap it up with Tiffany Theson. 0:47:14.560 --> 0:47:17.600 Ed We're back. We're back, Catherine. 0:47:17.200 --> 0:47:20.720 We are back. Well, our last caller today all callers 0:47:20.719 --> 0:47:22.280 today is Rob. 0:47:22.520 --> 0:47:25.239 He's finally not a Kylie and he is in New 0:47:25.360 --> 0:47:27.560 York City and he's got a bit of a career 0:47:27.680 --> 0:47:28.920 transition questions. 0:47:29.040 --> 0:47:30.600 I thought both of you would be great to help 0:47:30.600 --> 0:47:31.040 answer that. 0:47:32.280 --> 0:47:34.680 Dear Chelsea, first off, I have to tell you how 0:47:34.760 --> 0:47:36.960 much I love and appreciate the podcast. I listen to 0:47:37.040 --> 0:47:39.000 every single episode and feel like I learn a little 0:47:39.000 --> 0:47:42.560 bit more about myself with each story that's shared. Recently, 0:47:42.600 --> 0:47:44.799 I've been feeling super trapped in life and in my 0:47:44.880 --> 0:47:45.680 career choice. 0:47:45.760 --> 0:47:48.360 I'm a hairstylist and have just never been super passionate 0:47:48.360 --> 0:47:49.920 about it. I thought I would be. 0:47:50.000 --> 0:47:51.719 I thought it would be a super easy job and 0:47:51.760 --> 0:47:53.839 the money would just roll in, but it's fucking hard 0:47:53.880 --> 0:47:57.360 and people are exhausting. I have been brainstorming for years 0:47:57.360 --> 0:47:58.919 on what to do with my life, and I haven't 0:47:58.960 --> 0:48:01.279 really figured out what would make me happy. I even 0:48:01.320 --> 0:48:03.799 tried college three times and have no degree to show 0:48:03.800 --> 0:48:07.320 for it. As a child, I dreamed of being a writer, 0:48:07.719 --> 0:48:09.680 but never had the confidence to just go for it. 0:48:10.000 --> 0:48:11.640 I never thought that people would want to hear what 0:48:11.680 --> 0:48:13.600 I have to say, and I've felt for a long 0:48:13.640 --> 0:48:15.719 time that most of my clients come to me to 0:48:15.760 --> 0:48:18.120 hear stories about my hot mess of a dating life. 0:48:18.480 --> 0:48:20.600 I also feel like I have a pretty wild imagination, 0:48:20.800 --> 0:48:23.400 so why not write a book about my shenanigans. I 0:48:23.440 --> 0:48:25.920 find that sometimes I'm super confident in this becoming a 0:48:25.960 --> 0:48:27.920 great book that will give people a laugh, and then 0:48:27.920 --> 0:48:29.760 I go to a negative place and think my writing 0:48:29.800 --> 0:48:31.680 is shit and no one will care that I'm not 0:48:31.719 --> 0:48:34.040 smart enough to write any advice on how to get 0:48:34.080 --> 0:48:36.319 past this. I dream that one day I'll be done 0:48:36.360 --> 0:48:37.719 and I'll be a guest on your show and not 0:48:37.800 --> 0:48:39.800 just asking for advice, just trying to manifest. 0:48:39.800 --> 0:48:42.120 Here Rob and He's going to join. 0:48:43.280 --> 0:48:46.759 Hi, Rob, I'm good. 0:48:46.800 --> 0:48:48.080 How are you? Hi? 0:48:48.160 --> 0:48:48.680 God? 0:48:48.719 --> 0:48:52.080 Oh my god, it's hi. 0:48:53.440 --> 0:48:56.200 I have a thought a little bit about thinking of 0:48:56.239 --> 0:48:57.880 it as like I have to write a book or 0:48:57.880 --> 0:49:00.840 I have to like have a compendium of all my experiences. 0:49:00.880 --> 0:49:02.760 And I wonder if there is like a smaller piece 0:49:02.760 --> 0:49:05.200 that you can break this down into, whether it's like 0:49:05.280 --> 0:49:07.399 I'm going to write an essay about this funny thing 0:49:07.400 --> 0:49:10.320 that happened, or like I'm going to do a TikTok 0:49:10.400 --> 0:49:12.680 like I don't know, funny dating stories like that feels 0:49:12.680 --> 0:49:15.480 TikTok to me, and like doing something that feels a 0:49:15.560 --> 0:49:18.560 little more manageable and a little bit easier, and or 0:49:18.600 --> 0:49:21.160 a blog like soon enough you'll have several things that 0:49:21.200 --> 0:49:22.400 like maybe could become a book. 0:49:22.760 --> 0:49:25.240 Have you actually started writing it all? Because it sounded 0:49:25.280 --> 0:49:26.000 like you started. 0:49:26.360 --> 0:49:30.319 Oh okay, Yes, I've started writing. I had about like 0:49:30.360 --> 0:49:34.160 a good hundred pages going on. Wow, I've been on 0:49:34.200 --> 0:49:34.400 the go. 0:49:34.840 --> 0:49:35.520 Well that's good. 0:49:35.760 --> 0:49:38.120 I just get too much in my head sometimes and 0:49:39.239 --> 0:49:42.040 then I don't even know who could read this for 0:49:42.200 --> 0:49:44.399 me to give me a little bit more advice, or 0:49:44.880 --> 0:49:46.960 if I wanted to publish it someday, how would I 0:49:46.960 --> 0:49:47.920 even go about that. 0:49:48.520 --> 0:49:50.440 But why would you, in my opinion, why think of 0:49:50.440 --> 0:49:51.000 that right now? 0:49:51.440 --> 0:49:54.239 Exactly? I know I'm like thinking like ways. 0:49:53.920 --> 0:49:56.359 So far right, Like I think what she was kind 0:49:56.360 --> 0:49:59.320 of saying, Catherine is saying, like, maybe take it smaller, 0:50:00.080 --> 0:50:02.200 take it, take it a little bit smaller. Instead of 0:50:02.200 --> 0:50:04.640 looking at like who knows how far in the future, 0:50:05.320 --> 0:50:07.399 take it where you are right now and say let's 0:50:07.400 --> 0:50:10.560 finish this chapter or this many pages or whatever. You know. 0:50:11.239 --> 0:50:13.520 Sometimes buying off something you can chew a little bit 0:50:13.560 --> 0:50:16.320 easier than like a huge meal or a huge banquet 0:50:16.440 --> 0:50:17.280 is a lot easier. 0:50:17.960 --> 0:50:20.120 I try to give myself like I say, oh, I'm 0:50:20.120 --> 0:50:21.640 going to get up in the morning, and maybe I'll 0:50:21.719 --> 0:50:24.160 sit for like a half hour, for an hour, and 0:50:24.200 --> 0:50:27.440 then if I go past that rate, and if I don't, 0:50:27.480 --> 0:50:29.279 it's okay. We could put it down for a little 0:50:29.280 --> 0:50:30.200 bit and just step away. 0:50:30.600 --> 0:50:33.160 You should pick up this book called Daily Rituals. It's 0:50:33.160 --> 0:50:36.600 about all these artists and philosophers and like painters and 0:50:36.840 --> 0:50:40.000 writers basically like what their work ethic is and like 0:50:40.040 --> 0:50:43.480 what their hours of productivity are. And you'll see a 0:50:43.600 --> 0:50:45.680 very common theme, which is, like, you know, first thing 0:50:45.680 --> 0:50:47.400 in the morning, I know this is true for myself 0:50:47.560 --> 0:50:49.600 when I write, and I'm writing a book right now too, 0:50:50.040 --> 0:50:52.600 and it's completely overwhelming, and I know where it's going 0:50:52.640 --> 0:50:54.200 and I know when it's going to be published, and 0:50:54.840 --> 0:50:58.759 everything that has that you're talking about, you know, is 0:50:58.880 --> 0:51:01.720 still applic bol to anyone who even has a plan. 0:51:02.000 --> 0:51:04.640 So like, you do have to take it one day 0:51:04.680 --> 0:51:06.960 at a time. But what's cool about this book is 0:51:07.000 --> 0:51:09.080 it says like the early morning hours are your most 0:51:09.280 --> 0:51:11.200 you know, where you're the most clear of mind and 0:51:11.239 --> 0:51:13.960 you have the most hours of productivity. And then a 0:51:13.960 --> 0:51:15.879 lot of people take breaks in the afternoon and then 0:51:16.000 --> 0:51:18.960 let's do something physical, or many of them just start 0:51:19.040 --> 0:51:22.000 drinking and then then they come back to like an. 0:51:21.920 --> 0:51:24.640 Afternoon session and do that. 0:51:24.680 --> 0:51:26.879 But I know for me, like I write, I write 0:51:26.920 --> 0:51:29.160 an hour, two hours, sometimes three hours if I'm really 0:51:29.200 --> 0:51:32.399 really feeling it in the morning, and you know, you're 0:51:32.520 --> 0:51:34.800 you're coming back and you're editing and you're losing stuff 0:51:34.840 --> 0:51:37.040 and you're adding stuff all the time. That is the 0:51:37.040 --> 0:51:39.799 process of writing. So it's not important that what you 0:51:39.840 --> 0:51:43.320 write is perfect. It's like, Okay, sometimes I take fragments 0:51:43.320 --> 0:51:45.479 of a sentence and put it in a completely different 0:51:45.560 --> 0:51:48.120 chapter because I'm like, wait, this is, this is applies 0:51:48.160 --> 0:51:52.520 to that. And so it's constantly reorganizing, constantly editing, and 0:51:53.000 --> 0:51:55.520 you have to get into that rhythm where you're just 0:51:55.600 --> 0:51:57.520 doing it all the time, Like you have to give 0:51:57.560 --> 0:51:59.799 yourself one hour every morning. Let's make it one hour, 0:52:00.120 --> 0:52:02.239 a half hour, one hour every morning. And if you 0:52:02.239 --> 0:52:04.839 go beyond that, great, But then you're on, like you know, 0:52:04.960 --> 0:52:07.560 then you start to feel like you have a pattern 0:52:07.680 --> 0:52:09.880 and you have kind of almost a system in place, 0:52:10.400 --> 0:52:13.719 so because that will breed more and more creativity. 0:52:13.719 --> 0:52:16.000 And the more you write, the more you write, you know. 0:52:16.000 --> 0:52:17.520 What I mean, The more you sit down and say 0:52:17.560 --> 0:52:18.960 I have to write, the more you're just going to 0:52:19.000 --> 0:52:21.000 start writing it. Some of it may be crap, and 0:52:21.040 --> 0:52:23.160 some of it you may throughout the window, but there's 0:52:23.160 --> 0:52:25.520 gonna be slivers of greatness in there, like we all 0:52:25.560 --> 0:52:28.560 have important things to say, and you don't have to 0:52:28.560 --> 0:52:30.479 worry about anyone seeing it until you're out a place 0:52:30.480 --> 0:52:32.480 where you think this is ready to show another person. 0:52:32.680 --> 0:52:34.600 And it's usually not when you think it is. 0:52:35.360 --> 0:52:36.440 I know from experience. 0:52:36.560 --> 0:52:39.280 I send in chapters way too early then, and I'm like, wait, 0:52:39.320 --> 0:52:40.359 I'm not even done with those. 0:52:40.400 --> 0:52:42.880 I'm just trying to show them I'm doing something. So 0:52:43.120 --> 0:52:45.279 the longer you can have without anyone looking at it, 0:52:45.320 --> 0:52:46.760 the better off it's going to be. Anyway. 0:52:47.200 --> 0:52:51.359 Yeah, I figured I shouldn't always be looking for other 0:52:51.440 --> 0:52:54.200 people's feedback to validate myself. 0:52:54.480 --> 0:52:56.640 Yeah, so take the pressure off, and also just write 0:52:56.640 --> 0:52:58.319 a list of the way you want to be every day, 0:52:58.400 --> 0:53:00.839 like you right, say, every day, I right from you know, 0:53:00.960 --> 0:53:03.640 nine to ten or whatever your hour is after that. 0:53:03.760 --> 0:53:05.160 You know, you don't have to make a whole list 0:53:05.160 --> 0:53:06.880 of things. But like, however, you're going to fit your 0:53:06.880 --> 0:53:09.319 writing in throughout the day. You know, I'm always writing 0:53:09.360 --> 0:53:10.919 notes in my note section and then I go through 0:53:10.960 --> 0:53:13.280 that and I implement them into the chapters and stuff. 0:53:13.520 --> 0:53:17.279 But don't start worrying about shit that doesn't apply to 0:53:17.320 --> 0:53:19.719 your situation. It's just a waste of your energy and 0:53:19.760 --> 0:53:20.560 a waste of your. 0:53:20.400 --> 0:53:22.320 Time, and that energy you can put into your writing. 0:53:22.400 --> 0:53:24.439 And every time you yeah, every time you do start 0:53:24.440 --> 0:53:26.680 worrying about it, go back to writing. Anytime you're like, 0:53:26.719 --> 0:53:27.920 who am I going to show this to you? How 0:53:27.960 --> 0:53:29.319 am I going to get this sold? Just go back 0:53:29.360 --> 0:53:31.279 to writing. Go and be like, oh, I have to 0:53:31.280 --> 0:53:33.920 go right now for forty minutes for letting those thoughts you. 0:53:33.960 --> 0:53:35.239 Know, control me. 0:53:35.960 --> 0:53:38.960 Punishment, you know, like it's a good way to just 0:53:39.000 --> 0:53:41.000 like get back in the game. And the more productive 0:53:41.000 --> 0:53:42.680 you are, the better and more confident you're going to 0:53:42.719 --> 0:53:46.080 feel about it as time goes on. So just consistency 0:53:46.120 --> 0:53:47.359 is key with anything like this. 0:53:47.680 --> 0:53:50.520 Yeah, yeah, I just have to be more disciplined without 0:53:50.719 --> 0:53:51.799 beating myself. 0:53:51.520 --> 0:53:51.800 Up with that. 0:53:52.080 --> 0:53:54.160 Yeah, then then use this call as your wake up 0:53:54.200 --> 0:53:55.480 call to become more disciplined. 0:53:56.000 --> 0:53:56.960 Yeah, I won't. 0:53:57.160 --> 0:53:57.920 I write a. 0:53:57.840 --> 0:54:00.000 Big like put a piece of paper next to your desk, 0:54:00.120 --> 0:54:03.200 next to your computer that says Chelsea and Tiffany say 0:54:03.640 --> 0:54:05.200 these and then the following things. 0:54:05.280 --> 0:54:06.839 Every morning I write for one hour. 0:54:07.000 --> 0:54:09.319 Yeah, put your phone down, put the alarm on so 0:54:09.440 --> 0:54:10.840 you know when an hour's up, and you are not 0:54:10.840 --> 0:54:12.799 allowed to look at your phone. 0:54:12.239 --> 0:54:14.680 Absolutely. Yeah, it's the worst. 0:54:14.800 --> 0:54:14.960 Yeah. 0:54:15.000 --> 0:54:16.800 I would like to leave my phone in my bedroom 0:54:16.880 --> 0:54:18.439 or something. I'll like throw it to the side. 0:54:18.480 --> 0:54:19.400 That's yeah. 0:54:19.520 --> 0:54:21.520 And I live alone, so it's a lot easier to 0:54:21.760 --> 0:54:22.919 have quiet time. 0:54:23.160 --> 0:54:26.240 Yeah, for suah, And then give you yourself a reward. 0:54:26.360 --> 0:54:28.880 You can go masturbate or go take a walk whatever. 0:54:31.719 --> 0:54:33.680 I always masturbate after I write. 0:54:34.640 --> 0:54:40.799 That's not a bad idea. Actually, I recently felt like 0:54:40.880 --> 0:54:44.320 I was abusing smoking a little too much, so I've 0:54:44.440 --> 0:54:46.400 given it up. It's probably been about three weeks now, 0:54:46.400 --> 0:54:49.120 and I definitely feel like I'm thinking clearer. 0:54:49.840 --> 0:54:53.000 Yeah for sure, good for you. Yeah, don't fucking smoke. 0:54:53.200 --> 0:54:56.080 I am terrible everyone. A couple of months, I'm like, 0:54:56.120 --> 0:54:57.840 I could have a cigarette, and then I'm like, no, 0:54:57.960 --> 0:54:58.440 I can't. 0:54:58.920 --> 0:55:00.839 Why can I have a sing cigarette? Oh? 0:55:00.840 --> 0:55:01.000 Oh? 0:55:01.040 --> 0:55:04.799 Smoking weed? Oh yeah, no, that'll fuck your mind up too. Yeah, yeah, 0:55:04.840 --> 0:55:07.080 I can't. I can't write when i'm smoking weed. Only 0:55:07.080 --> 0:55:10.160 when i'm polishing. Then I can go when something's almost done. 0:55:10.360 --> 0:55:11.400 Then I go back and I'm. 0:55:11.480 --> 0:55:12.280 Use it as a polisher. 0:55:12.320 --> 0:55:14.040 Yeah, I use it as like to, you know, put 0:55:14.080 --> 0:55:15.200 in some more humor. 0:55:17.880 --> 0:55:20.040 You And then when it does get published, I would 0:55:20.080 --> 0:55:21.840 like to have a little bit of a you know, 0:55:21.960 --> 0:55:27.160 little blurb, ledge, just a little just a sign, tiny 0:55:27.239 --> 0:55:29.160 little one okay or. 0:55:29.360 --> 0:55:32.480 Yeah, or our names can be in the title. You decide. 0:55:35.400 --> 0:55:37.640 Awesome things wrong, good luck? 0:55:40.120 --> 0:55:40.400 Okay. 0:55:40.400 --> 0:55:43.400 So anybody you can pick up Tiffany's new cookbook, She 0:55:43.800 --> 0:55:46.600 Don't Forget. She's the host of MTV's deliciousness, and you 0:55:46.640 --> 0:55:49.600 could pick up her newest cookbook which is called Here 0:55:49.640 --> 0:55:54.920 We Go Again, Recipes and Inspiration to level up your leftovers, 0:55:54.960 --> 0:55:57.480 and her previous cookbook is called Pull Up a Chair, 0:55:57.520 --> 0:55:59.800 so you can get both both holiday gifts. 0:56:00.080 --> 0:56:05.080 Yea, thank you, Tiffany, thank you. Oh yeah, thank you. 0:56:06.560 --> 0:56:09.000 Chelsea. Do you have some new dates for us? 0:56:09.239 --> 0:56:09.479 Oh? 0:56:09.560 --> 0:56:10.239 You know, I do? 0:56:10.600 --> 0:56:10.880 You know? 0:56:11.000 --> 0:56:11.359 I do? 0:56:11.680 --> 0:56:14.239 I have a lot of We added lots of. 0:56:14.200 --> 0:56:17.200 Canadian cities, Canadians, I'm coming. 0:56:18.320 --> 0:56:22.720 We added about fifteen new tour dates. 0:56:23.000 --> 0:56:28.200 I'm coming to Denver again, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, 0:56:28.360 --> 0:56:33.520 Santa Rosa, California, Gary and Diana, Baltimore, Rowna, New York 0:56:34.200 --> 0:56:38.600 and about seven dates in Canada. So go to Chelseahandler 0:56:38.640 --> 0:56:41.480 dot com. I am performing everywhere. I will be on 0:56:41.560 --> 0:56:44.719 tour all for the rest of the year through December, 0:56:45.320 --> 0:56:47.479 and then next year I'm going to be touring all year. 0:56:48.280 --> 0:56:49.920 So come and get it, you guys. 0:56:50.080 --> 0:56:53.360 It's good times and it's a very much needed reprieve 0:56:53.400 --> 0:56:55.720 from all the fucking madness that's going on in this world. 0:56:57.040 --> 0:56:59.440 So I'm here to bring joy and sunshine. 0:57:00.040 --> 0:57:02.360 If you'd like advice from Chelsea. Shoot us an email 0:57:02.400 --> 0:57:05.239 at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be 0:57:05.280 --> 0:57:08.320 sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited 0:57:08.320 --> 0:57:11.960 and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and 0:57:12.040 --> 0:57:14.480 be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot 0:57:14.480 --> 0:57:17.280 com