1
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:06,360
Speaker 1: You've reached the ballot of Billy bulls. Leave a brief

2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:13,840
Speaker 1: message after the town. Okay, it was worth it just

3
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:17,120
Speaker 1: to call to hear that. That was awesome. I just

4
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:21,200
Speaker 1: want to thank you for um an incredible podcast and

5
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:25,040
Speaker 1: the ending did not disappoint. So often ending suck, and

6
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:29,000
Speaker 1: you nailed it. You thought we were done, but today

7
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:30,880
Speaker 1: we're going to take a listen to some of the

8
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:34,760
Speaker 1: messages that you left on our voicemail. After our final episode,

9
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:38,280
Speaker 1: the calls flooded in. If you haven't listened to the

10
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:41,080
Speaker 1: whole show, go back and do it. There's gonna be

11
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,040
Speaker 1: spoilers in here. Nothing better than Redemption. I lovely of

12
00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:46,960
Speaker 1: the surrender part. So powerful, man, I love it. This

13
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:49,800
Speaker 1: is Craig. I'm in Memphis, Tennessee. Thank you for this.

14
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,680
Speaker 1: Hey iiO. This is Wendy Miller from Hike County, Alabama.

15
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:02,200
Speaker 1: This is Katie Escovel from Albuquerque in Mexico. Hello. This

16
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,240
Speaker 1: is Paul Ivan and Nelson calling from Holland from Argo,

17
00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:09,440
Speaker 1: North Dakota. It's from Nigeria, from Toronto, Canada. I just

18
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,800
Speaker 1: wanted to thank you for the incredible work you did.

19
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:15,080
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,

20
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:18,920
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, and happy for the July. I

21
00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:25,080
Speaker 1: hope everybody gains independence because of this podcast. My name's Will.

22
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,680
Speaker 1: I'm from Wilmington, Delaware. I'm a forty seven year o

23
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:32,200
Speaker 1: construction worker. I cried like a baby in this last episode.

24
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:39,080
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you, crying in my toothbrush. Okay, I

25
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,399
Speaker 1: have to pull myself together. I'm not crying. You're crying.

26
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:49,600
Speaker 1: Thank crying. It really brought me to tears. You did

27
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,160
Speaker 1: the right thing. Sometimes the truth than does it matter.

28
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,680
Speaker 1: I hope very connected to you. I have a very

29
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,600
Speaker 1: so much similar story with my mother. In the end,

30
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,880
Speaker 1: I did the same thing as you. I had the truth.

31
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,360
Speaker 1: I wanted to confront her, but it didn't matter. The

32
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,760
Speaker 1: truth didn't matter because I still loved her and I

33
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,639
Speaker 1: knew she loved me. What mattered is that I had

34
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,560
Speaker 1: a mom and I was gonna love her no matter what.

35
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,840
Speaker 1: So thank you, thank you for making me not feel

36
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:35,680
Speaker 1: so alone and making that choice. From Crimetown. I'm io

37
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:39,480
Speaker 1: till it right. And this is a special bonus episode

38
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:53,520
Speaker 1: of the Ballad of Billy Balls. I just wanted to

39
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,560
Speaker 1: say thank you for giving me into a light asylum.

40
00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:02,399
Speaker 1: They're really fucking good. Oh my gosh your theme song.

41
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,960
Speaker 1: I'm driving through town like Batman, fighting crime like you

42
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:14,520
Speaker 1: guys are. The Light Asylum band is off, Bob. I

43
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,880
Speaker 1: am so pumped to have found them through this podcast.

44
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:31,560
Speaker 1: We've been jamming. Epilogue one. Leave a message, Hio. My

45
00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:35,720
Speaker 1: name is Roy. I'm a truck driver from top of Chicago,

46
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,640
Speaker 1: and I want to tell you how your podcast has

47
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,720
Speaker 1: been amazing. You did a great job to turn yourself

48
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:48,440
Speaker 1: into a detective. Keep on trucking. Unsurprisingly, many of you

49
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:54,640
Speaker 1: who called in we're driving you got k Balls here,

50
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:59,560
Speaker 1: a Ka Ralph Tillman, a k cooking Kimball. I've been

51
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,680
Speaker 1: in a can roll business. Try driver rock and roll

52
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:09,560
Speaker 1: bus in your podcasts filled many many miles of joy.

53
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:16,839
Speaker 1: I've laughed, I've cried, question my whole fucking reality. Keep

54
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:28,479
Speaker 1: up the good work party home. Yeah, I'm working falling

55
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:32,320
Speaker 1: this chicken truck ride now feathers everywhere, and I've been

56
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:38,520
Speaker 1: thinking a student games that type of shit. No events

57
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:44,200
Speaker 1: to mister Balls, sloppy. You never bring anybody to your house.

58
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:50,520
Speaker 1: Always work under an alias. And my grandpa says, it's

59
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:54,839
Speaker 1: two people you trust. One arms me and the other

60
00:04:54,920 --> 00:05:00,240
Speaker 1: one ain't you so my midnight alter you go is

61
00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:19,359
Speaker 1: like Hama from Alabama, few Peece, Okay, the Ballad of

62
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:25,839
Speaker 1: Billy Balls. What the fuck? This is such a good podcast.

63
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,400
Speaker 1: This is such a good podcast that I had to

64
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:33,160
Speaker 1: stop driving. I'm on episode six, is in a grocery

65
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:38,120
Speaker 1: store parking lot, like just sitting here listening because I'm

66
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:43,479
Speaker 1: so enthralled. This is the best fucking podcast. I mean,

67
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,720
Speaker 1: I don't want to say that, because it's people's lives,

68
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,040
Speaker 1: you know, So there's something with that saying like, oh,

69
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,360
Speaker 1: entertainment through someone else's, you know, life or the pain

70
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:58,839
Speaker 1: that they've gone through. Hio, Rebecca, Billy, if you're up there,

71
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,040
Speaker 1: I'm banda all you guys, you're the fucking real heroes.

72
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,359
Speaker 1: I'm driving through New York City right now after listening

73
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:16,000
Speaker 1: to the most recent ones about the police report, and

74
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,120
Speaker 1: it kind of makes me think about the way we

75
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,880
Speaker 1: look at New York City, especially in the past and

76
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:25,640
Speaker 1: an ages in the seventies, throughties, rose tinted shades city

77
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:32,120
Speaker 1: GEVs and the recklessness of it anarchy. But there's a

78
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:38,919
Speaker 1: real dirty reality underneath all that. The way that you

79
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,719
Speaker 1: guys have described New York City at this time is

80
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,520
Speaker 1: the reminder that even when history shows us that New

81
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,479
Speaker 1: York City can have a dark past, it can still

82
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,400
Speaker 1: be so beautiful to so many people. And your mother

83
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:58,960
Speaker 1: is a great reminder of that. This is for Robata

84
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:06,440
Speaker 1: who blows right angle cartoons, dialogue, Bubble appears that sweat

85
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,679
Speaker 1: down and drench us in the stew of New York sweat.

86
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:17,920
Speaker 1: I'm properly secondhand stun high from sipping on Billy's breast.

87
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:23,680
Speaker 1: What a medium, a spiritual sister or a Patty Swift?

88
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:28,720
Speaker 1: Miss She never a condescend to anything but perpetual motion

89
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:38,880
Speaker 1: and her punk rolls of cycling. Helloha, you opened the

90
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:43,000
Speaker 1: sonic time window in my head back of the nineties seventies,

91
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:48,360
Speaker 1: Weld and everyone, I mean a total phonic trip with

92
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:52,080
Speaker 1: your mum an angelic punk Virgil as she leads it

93
00:07:52,200 --> 00:08:01,720
Speaker 1: into Dante's inferno of her own mind. My mom, she

94
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:06,800
Speaker 1: and my father were CBHD kids, and I asked them

95
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,600
Speaker 1: if they had ever heard of a piano player named

96
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,960
Speaker 1: Billy Balls, and my mom said, oh, you mean Billy Piano,

97
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:20,600
Speaker 1: a punk guy. I lived in East Village for a

98
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:25,480
Speaker 1: very long time, and it's bringing back so many memories

99
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,000
Speaker 1: and your mom feels like somebody I would know. Um,

100
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:52,439
Speaker 1: I think Billy's music is amazing. Hey, this is the

101
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,080
Speaker 1: gul from the Something about podcasts. This is such an

102
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,360
Speaker 1: interesting story to me because you can hear from the

103
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,240
Speaker 1: clips that Billy had some now he had a great ward,

104
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,240
Speaker 1: I mean, prepared to a lot of these ship orders

105
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,640
Speaker 1: that out there. Now it sounds like you really could

106
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,240
Speaker 1: have done something with his music. It just sucks that

107
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:10,520
Speaker 1: this is the way it had to end, and it

108
00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,680
Speaker 1: makes you think about how many people out there with

109
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:18,839
Speaker 1: talent such as Billy Billy Boles has not made it

110
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,920
Speaker 1: or can get out of the situation that they're in,

111
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:34,960
Speaker 1: and at least they tried to get like this. Billy

112
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,160
Speaker 1: was unmistakably talented. We have a bunch of real to

113
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,720
Speaker 1: real tapes from the seventies that he recorded during his rehearsals.

114
00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:47,360
Speaker 1: You've heard some of it in the show, but there's

115
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:52,400
Speaker 1: a lot more. He did covers like Nowhere to Run

116
00:09:52,520 --> 00:10:05,760
Speaker 1: by Martha and the Van Della's. There are also a

117
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,440
Speaker 1: lot of what we think our originals, and his array

118
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:27,880
Speaker 1: of musical styles is impressive. We got funk and this

119
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:35,640
Speaker 1: one's some legit rock and roll. I'm just gonna let

120
00:10:35,640 --> 00:11:12,600
Speaker 1: this play for a bit. Hey, yo, Io Austin. First

121
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,800
Speaker 1: of all, I'm a podcast junkie and this is hands

122
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:20,320
Speaker 1: down one of my absolute favorites. I think you both both,

123
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,480
Speaker 1: Austin and Io just do. You're a great team. So

124
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,000
Speaker 1: keep up the amazing work. It's been an incredible season.

125
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:30,240
Speaker 1: I recommend to everyone I love you both, sending goodvibes away.

126
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:36,240
Speaker 1: Thanks Henning Piece, Thank you a named friend. Austin and

127
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,920
Speaker 1: I have spent a lot of time together in the

128
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,600
Speaker 1: studio and otherwise, and I'm going to take this opportunity

129
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,040
Speaker 1: to peel back the curtain for a minute to show

130
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,400
Speaker 1: you how we and the whole team work together to

131
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,640
Speaker 1: take something from its first idea to what you hear

132
00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:54,560
Speaker 1: in your headphones. You know, even the cbgbies like I

133
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,120
Speaker 1: really hated the smell in the place and people. This

134
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,120
Speaker 1: is someone we called Natasha, who you met in chapter four.

135
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,120
Speaker 1: After our interview with her, Austin worked with producers Ryan

136
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,679
Speaker 1: Swigert and Kevin Shephard to put together what's called an assembly,

137
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,800
Speaker 1: a rough cut of the best moments from the interview.

138
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,880
Speaker 1: Natasha talked about this great orgy scene, so we knew

139
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:20,280
Speaker 1: that we'd probably include that I was asked to get

140
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:26,000
Speaker 1: dope for a very wealthy politician. This person was a

141
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:32,680
Speaker 1: very heavy partier and would have this really big extravagant orgies. Well,

142
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:39,720
Speaker 1: first of all, it was sort of like Caligula. Then

143
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,880
Speaker 1: we put together a draft of an episode with narration

144
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:48,560
Speaker 1: astin Austin and I go into the studio making me

145
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,920
Speaker 1: uncomfortable and record it. Then she took the drugs to

146
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,840
Speaker 1: the politician who actually wanted them for an orgy. He

147
00:12:55,920 --> 00:13:01,440
Speaker 1: was throwing overseas. It's ridiculous. Just make sure there's a

148
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,120
Speaker 1: clean space after politician, because I'm going to slot in

149
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,760
Speaker 1: a line there from her. Then she took the drugs

150
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:10,600
Speaker 1: to the politician who actually wanted them for an orgy.

151
00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:14,240
Speaker 1: He was throwing overseas, and do that but hit orgy.

152
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,680
Speaker 1: Then she took the drugs to the politician who actually

153
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:24,360
Speaker 1: wanted them for an orgy. He was throwing overseas. That

154
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,839
Speaker 1: goes into a new version. Then she took the drugs

155
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,600
Speaker 1: to the politician this person was a very heavy partier

156
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:36,880
Speaker 1: and would have these really big extravagant orgies, who actually

157
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:42,440
Speaker 1: wanted them for an orgy. He was throwing overseas. It

158
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:48,360
Speaker 1: was sort of like Caligula. Um. Then we have an

159
00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:51,240
Speaker 1: edit session. Do you want to go over the scrip? Yeah?

160
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,520
Speaker 1: I just want to start going through some stuff. Zach,

161
00:13:53,600 --> 00:14:00,199
Speaker 1: our editor, guides the process. Do you think your pride way,

162
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,599
Speaker 1: you talk to your Instagram anything a little bit? This

163
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,000
Speaker 1: feel very formal? Yeah, yeah, in a way. So another

164
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,800
Speaker 1: line gets added to the next draft, and Natasha says,

165
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:14,600
Speaker 1: when you get invited to an international orgy, you go.

166
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,000
Speaker 1: You can do it even a question, when you get

167
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:21,960
Speaker 1: invited to an international orgy, you go. I have to

168
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,920
Speaker 1: make the face you're making. You don't have to do

169
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,080
Speaker 1: it that way, but I want you to have more

170
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,400
Speaker 1: fun with it. And Natasha says, when you get invited

171
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:35,400
Speaker 1: to an international orgy, you go. We repeat this process

172
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:40,160
Speaker 1: until the episode's working. Our fact checker, Jenny Blackman, make

173
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,080
Speaker 1: sure we don't screw anything up or say anything untrue.

174
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:46,120
Speaker 1: Find that note. Jenny had a note about it, which

175
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,880
Speaker 1: is why I took it out. Hold on if you

176
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,920
Speaker 1: ever heard this, Jenny, and we love you. Thank you

177
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,520
Speaker 1: for all of your work. Eventually, the final tracking is

178
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,920
Speaker 1: recorded and we move on to finishing planning an international orgy,

179
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:03,480
Speaker 1: tweaking music, and Natasha says, when you get invited to

180
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:08,640
Speaker 1: an international orgy, you go adding sound design. It was

181
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 1: sort of like Caligula people having sucked, which is perfected

182
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:21,680
Speaker 1: by one of our engineers, Kenny Qcac, until he's got

183
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:27,440
Speaker 1: ever just the right balance. Another one of our engineers,

184
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:31,320
Speaker 1: Sam Bear, cleans the tape, He balances the levels, and

185
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:38,600
Speaker 1: he makes sure that the episode is sounding sweet. A

186
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,040
Speaker 1: lot of people work together to make the magic happen,

187
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,920
Speaker 1: but there's also a lot of time in between the magic.

188
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:50,880
Speaker 1: We should do a blooper reel. Oh yeah, definitely, yeah,

189
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,640
Speaker 1: just just us farting for like a minute in the

190
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,120
Speaker 1: studio until we shot our pants first. Wanted to shop

191
00:15:56,160 --> 00:16:00,680
Speaker 1: their pants loses? Am I allowed to swear this podcast?

192
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:06,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, Well fuck the fuck you fucking fucking fuck.

193
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,760
Speaker 1: We'll see like this old man weeze that I've developed

194
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:21,920
Speaker 1: or I'm just like I thought it was on light

195
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:27,600
Speaker 1: sci fi dot com. It's Lester c lightsY Funeral Home. Wow,

196
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:32,480
Speaker 1: nowhere near, not even close. I do want my obituary

197
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,200
Speaker 1: to be published on the sci fi website. That definitely

198
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 1: we believe he was from Earth. You know, that's a

199
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:42,360
Speaker 1: great name. Cheetah Crome, Cheetah crome. It just sounds cool,

200
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,360
Speaker 1: you know, Yeah, I want to be like like Rhino Bronze.

201
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:59,080
Speaker 1: It's actually got bad. A single page forensic report says

202
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:03,280
Speaker 1: that the gun the O o O of her. Amanda

203
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:08,080
Speaker 1: maybe the only one who can access Billy record. What

204
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 1: about the fact that what about the fact that the

205
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,680
Speaker 1: what about the I just drank a mate, so I'm

206
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:19,160
Speaker 1: at just let's just finish this this one thought. Austin

207
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,879
Speaker 1: drinks a lot of coffee, but I broke up with it,

208
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,840
Speaker 1: and I prefer your bamte. There is a drink in Germany.

209
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 1: It's called Club WHOA got another one of those? I'm

210
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,439
Speaker 1: just trying to get to the level of year on.

211
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:38,800
Speaker 1: After drinking two coffees and with all that drinking comes

212
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,120
Speaker 1: I have to pee really really really bad. Sorry, so

213
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:45,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pee. Can you wait for me to pay?

214
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,320
Speaker 1: I had a team? Is there anything else you'd like

215
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:55,359
Speaker 1: to talk about right now? Okay, you had another pea break.

216
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:06,720
Speaker 1: Let's go to commercial, shall we. You've reached the ballot

217
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 1: of Billy Bulls. Leave a brief message after the tone.

218
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:22,400
Speaker 1: IO have a very awesome, complicated relationship with my mom,

219
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:28,200
Speaker 1: and you've helped me untack so many amazing things, challenging

220
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:34,520
Speaker 1: and rewarding, and thank you for giving this story to

221
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,679
Speaker 1: all of us who have a lot of fucked up

222
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:42,639
Speaker 1: yet amazing shit in our life too. So many of

223
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,960
Speaker 1: you have called in to tell us about your own

224
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:48,400
Speaker 1: family stories and how this show has connected with you.

225
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,600
Speaker 1: And I'm going to play some of those messages now

226
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:56,440
Speaker 1: because they're beautiful, but things do get a little heavy.

227
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 1: There will be mentions of mental health issues and suicide,

228
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:08,800
Speaker 1: so please just take care in listening. Hi. Yo, my

229
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,560
Speaker 1: name is dude, and I just wanted to tell you

230
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,320
Speaker 1: that I've really enjoyed your podcast, and I also really

231
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,480
Speaker 1: love the fact that you're a trans person doing a

232
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:22,119
Speaker 1: story about something other than your gender identity, even though

233
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,680
Speaker 1: it's super important as a trans person. It's just really

234
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,680
Speaker 1: really good to see talented people out there doing things

235
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 1: that don't you know what I mean, that's it's just

236
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:36,439
Speaker 1: that we're real people and that I'm just I'm just

237
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:44,880
Speaker 1: really enjoying what you're doing. I'm Hi. The reason why

238
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:49,720
Speaker 1: I wanted to call is because I had a brother

239
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 1: who was murdered by a police officer in Los Angeles

240
00:19:54,960 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 1: in two and twelves and after listening to this episode

241
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:04,679
Speaker 1: today with you connecting with the officer, it just, I

242
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 1: don't know, I felt like it was super healing for myself.

243
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 1: Made me think, like, you know, if I had all

244
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,919
Speaker 1: of the facts, if I had the records, if I

245
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,640
Speaker 1: had it all, would I feel different about how things happened?

246
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:26,800
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, this guy cared, even if

247
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:31,159
Speaker 1: that's not how it is in my brother's story, it

248
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 1: did shed some sense of humanity on these police shootings

249
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 1: that are unfortunately far too common. And yeah, thank you,

250
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:57,159
Speaker 1: hey Io. When you said that you decided not to

251
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:01,440
Speaker 1: kill yourself, you said I was going to choose the

252
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: blue pill. I chose the red pill. That really stuck

253
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:12,480
Speaker 1: with me. Days later, I was thinking about that, about

254
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 1: how I've been so focused on hating my my dad,

255
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 1: which would be the blue pill. I guess um that

256
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 1: I needed to choose the red pill for my own

257
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 1: peace of mind and to understand why he is who

258
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,720
Speaker 1: he is. And it's honestly, it's it's helped me and

259
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:43,639
Speaker 1: I've already had some many epiphanies on that. So I

260
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 1: just wanted to thank you. I know how it is

261
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 1: to grow up kind of being the parent of a

262
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,399
Speaker 1: parent I was from the age of five, so about

263
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,440
Speaker 1: eight years ago from my father, who suffered from bipolar

264
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 1: and he sort of had the philosophy, who needs a

265
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 1: shrink when you have an eight year old to talk to?

266
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 1: So I find myself at times getting frustrated with your mom,

267
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 1: and I think it's just because it really brings up

268
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 1: feelings about my father. And in January twenty seventeen, my

269
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,960
Speaker 1: father took a revolver and put it in his mouth,

270
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 1: pulls the trigger. Prior to that, he and I have

271
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 1: been a strange for about six years. I don't know

272
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 1: what made him hate me and cut me out of

273
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 1: his life, and I have not read his suicide note.

274
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever will. And there's a

275
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 1: lot of aspects to him that are a mystery. So

276
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,199
Speaker 1: I don't know why I felt like telling you, but

277
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 1: uh yeah, I don't know. Kind of felt good to

278
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 1: get this off my chest, and uh yeah, thanks a lot.

279
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 1: Your episode about revealing or suicide attempt or almost a

280
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 1: suicide attempt was touching to me. My dad and my

281
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 1: brother committed suicide in my mom attempted recently, and I

282
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:25,479
Speaker 1: get to the point where I wanted to do the same,

283
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: and I decided to go to the psych hospital and

284
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:34,199
Speaker 1: get some real help. And I just really appreciate you

285
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: coming out with that story because there's so much stigma

286
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 1: with mental health and there shouldn't be. It's just like

287
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 1: going to a doctor for a cold or for a

288
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 1: chronic illness. And I'm just really glad that you're pushing

289
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 1: this narrative, and I just want to give you a

290
00:23:54,520 --> 00:24:03,360
Speaker 1: big hug. My mother had a really hard childhood. She

291
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: grew up without a dad and had to help her

292
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 1: mom raise her five siblings at a very young age.

293
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 1: So I feel like, in the same way, I always

294
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 1: try to put her first and I try to give

295
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 1: her what she didn't have, and it's really hard, but

296
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 1: I wanted to give her more than I could, and

297
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 1: I live really far away from her, so I don't

298
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 1: even get to see her very much. So I feel like,

299
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 1: in a way, my love for her is very guilt driven.

300
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,439
Speaker 1: You know, everything is based on guilt because I can't

301
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:43,640
Speaker 1: make it happen. It's very complicated sometimes, but I think

302
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,159
Speaker 1: that's why it resonated with me when you say that

303
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,879
Speaker 1: it's complicated. It's hard, but that's what makes it beautiful,

304
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 1: and I just want to thank you for the show.

305
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 1: It resonates with me on very many level. You probably

306
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 1: don't even know, so thank you and best of look

307
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 1: to you by I wanted to tell you Io that

308
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 1: I grew up in a similar condition with neglect and

309
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 1: substance abuse in my home, and I really related to

310
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 1: the last episode when you were talking with a therapist

311
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 1: about how you can't heal yourself by fixing your mom.

312
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 1: This is part of my journey too, and I wanted

313
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 1: to let you know that you're not alone in this.

314
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm calling and leaving this message. I

315
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,399
Speaker 1: was one. I listened all the way to the end

316
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 1: of the credits of this last episode. I know I

317
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: couldn't figure out why I was so connected to this podcast.

318
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: There was something you said in this last episode about

319
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 1: how you need this, You have this desire to understand

320
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 1: and comprehend why things are happening, And that's when it

321
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:04,400
Speaker 1: hit me because I had that I want to understand. See,

322
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,880
Speaker 1: I grew up in a home, in a family riddled

323
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 1: with generations of alcoholism, and even though maybe my personal

324
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 1: journey wasn't quite the same, I've recognized my journey in

325
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: your story, and you know, maybe it'll somewhere in there

326
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 1: all get some peace myself when you were talking to

327
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: that counselor and told him that if you can get

328
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 1: a why that you can comprehend, it gets the person

329
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 1: who has wronged you off the hook. And the counselor

330
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 1: said to you in response, you can forgive even if

331
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 1: you don't understand. I had a bit of a breakthrough moment.

332
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 1: I lost my father over twenty years ago, and I've

333
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,479
Speaker 1: tried to make sense of his behavior and why he

334
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,160
Speaker 1: did the things he did, and I guess I felt

335
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,439
Speaker 1: like I couldn't move on until I understood it. And

336
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 1: now I think maybe I don't have to understand, and

337
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 1: maybe I won't ever anyway, and maybe I can jest

338
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 1: love him despite the stuff that I can't make sense.

339
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:17,479
Speaker 1: So thank you for the podcast, and thank you for

340
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:29,199
Speaker 1: that little moment of realization that you provided. Hey, Io,

341
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 1: you really turned me onto my own reality, and that

342
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: is I was adopted. I was raped when I was seventeen.

343
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: I gave a child up for adoption, and later on

344
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 1: I couldn't have babies anymore, so I adopted a baby

345
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 1: and that's all affected me heavy. But now I'm going

346
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 1: to do either a book or a podcast about my

347
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:58,960
Speaker 1: bio because of you. Thank you, Io PS. The first

348
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 1: boyfriend I ever had look just like you. Now, do

349
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:11,920
Speaker 1: you remember when we met? Yeah? God, bless you guys,

350
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 1: Love you. I love you, all of you who've listened,

351
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: and especially those of you who've called in to share

352
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 1: your story. If you or someone you know is having

353
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: suicidal ideations, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at

354
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: one eight hundred two seven three eight two five five.

355
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: If you're queer and want specific support, you can call

356
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 1: the Trevor Project at one eight six six four eight

357
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: eight seven three eight six. If you've enjoyed the show,

358
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: please leave us a review it goes so far, and

359
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 1: tell your friends they can binge the whole thing. They

360
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: don't even need to suffer through those two week breaks.

361
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 1: Black Handily, we have to wait to fucking meet What

362
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 1: the fuck, io, you're killing it. I can't wait two weeks,

363
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 1: two week get Thanks for sticking with us, and guess

364
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: what I'll see you next week. Crimetown is Zach Stewart

365
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: Pontier and Mark Smirling. The Ballad of Billy Balls is

366
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: hosted by me Io till it Wright and Maiden partnership

367
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: with Caden's thirteen Come find Me on the Internet and

368
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 1: Io loves you on Everything And if you want to

369
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 1: know more about my story, pick up my memoir Darling Days.

370
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 1: If you'd like to leave us your own voicemail, please

371
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: do give us a call at five seven zero three

372
00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 1: nine two nine six six zero. I'm gonna call some

373
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 1: of you back next week, so call in and tell

374
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 1: me why I should call you. This episode was produced

375
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: by Me and Kevin Shephard. Our senior producer is my

376
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 1: Boy Austin Mitchell, editing by Zach Stewart Pontier and Mark Smirling.

377
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 1: This episode was mixed by Sam Baer, music by Kenny Quciak.

378
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 1: Our sick title track is Dark Allies by Light Asylum.

379
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: Special thanks to Sweet Kevin for manning the voicemails. Thanks

380
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 1: to Daniella, Ariah Rachel, Lee Wright, Emily Wiedemann, Green Card Pictures,

381
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:46,239
Speaker 1: Alessandro Sentro, Bill Clegg, Ben Davis, Orn Rosenbaum and the

382
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 1: team at Cadence thirteen, and of course, always my Mom,

383
00:30:52,040 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: without whom none of this would be possible. Wait for You,

384
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 1: Troll