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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's trying to break a Guinness

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Speaker 1: World record, but he needs a willing surgeon to do

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Speaker 1: it because he wants to achieve the world's first ever

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Speaker 1: zipline circumcision.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what that means.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure if the doctor's on the zip line

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Speaker 1: with a scalpel and flies by, or if they're both

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Speaker 1: on it together at the same time.

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Speaker 3: Either way, Okay, keep your eye out and your pants

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Speaker 3: up for laser stories. No, I just hope there's harnesses

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Speaker 3: reading weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone

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Speaker 3: else does, except we've got.

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Speaker 1: A laser and those other zippy snips just don't. This

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Speaker 1: first laser story is out of Colorado. A thirty two

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Speaker 1: year old's grocery store worker named Stephen Masalta got busted

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Speaker 1: last month after allegedly getting frisky all the way with

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Speaker 1: and cover your ears if you don't want to hear

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Speaker 1: this with some produce at the store that he worked at.

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Speaker 1: My god, we're talking fruits, vegetables, and yes, even some

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Speaker 1: baked goods too.

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Speaker 3: Did they go back on the shelf or they get

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Speaker 3: thrown away?

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Speaker 2: Do I want to know?

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Speaker 1: Maybe you don't want to know the answer to Some

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Speaker 1: might say that it's disgusting because these items weren't sealed.

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Speaker 2: Aw and this was happening.

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Speaker 3: Is it just like in the middle of the day

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Speaker 3: breaking in there after hours?

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Speaker 1: You want to know how to do it too, How

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Speaker 1: you can go figure it out?

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Speaker 2: Go talk to him.

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Speaker 1: But unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, he was not caught in

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Speaker 1: the act of doing it. The police nabbed him after

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Speaker 1: he was seen pleasuring himself outside of quote numerous coffee

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Speaker 1: shops and businesses, and that led them to searching his home,

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Speaker 1: where they found video evidence of his supermarket desecrations.

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Speaker 2: He kept video of it. I supposed to love your job,

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Speaker 2: but not literally. What the heck?

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Speaker 1: What happens between him and his bushel of girlfriends should

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Speaker 1: be his own business. Let's go to your next laser

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Speaker 1: story out of the sports world.

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Speaker 2: Bring me somewhere else, Jeff.

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Speaker 1: If you are a Philadelphia Phillies fan, the best night

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Speaker 1: for games is always dollar.

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Speaker 2: Hot Dog Night. That is awesome.

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Speaker 1: The team's been doing him for more than a quarter century,

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Speaker 1: but unfortunately the Wiener fun has officially ended, and it's

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Speaker 1: all because of fans unruly hot dog behavior.

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Speaker 2: People ruin everything, don't I know we do.

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Speaker 1: The organization cited last year's April eleventh game, when Philly

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Speaker 1: fans turned the stadium into a full blown food fight.

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Speaker 2: Tossing.

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Speaker 1: They were tossing their franks as far as they could

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Speaker 1: across the stadium. Yes, that squirts the mustard, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: the people were being pelted with flying wieners, causing multiple

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Speaker 1: fan evictions. The Phillies also say the demand for the

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Speaker 1: dollar dogs led to clogged lanes on the concourse, which

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Speaker 1: caused security and safety concerns.

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Speaker 4: Oh come on, Yeah, well, they don't want the fans

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Speaker 4: to be too upset because they are replacing dollar hot

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Speaker 4: Dog Night with a one for two deal by one

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Speaker 4: hot dog, get two buns, because.

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Speaker 2: The buns are lighter to throw and they don't hurt people,

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Speaker 2: so you can toss. I bet the sequels will be happy.

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Speaker 1: And the grocery store worker from the last story knows

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Speaker 1: exactly what to do with this. This next Lazer story

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Speaker 1: is out of the South Poles board of your old

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Speaker 1: office job, or looking for some excitement in your life,

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Speaker 1: look no further than a recent job posting as a

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Speaker 1: penguin counter in Antarctica.

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Speaker 2: Do you have to be a scientist? To do that,

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Speaker 2: not for this one.

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Speaker 1: The Antarctic Heritage Truss is looking for five individuals to

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Speaker 1: engage in a once in a lifetime opportunity counting penguins

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Speaker 1: and sorting mail at the world's southernmost post office.

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Speaker 3: Okay, is it be the worst job for Jose, Like

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Speaker 3: you would get so distracted, like where.

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Speaker 2: Was I was there twenty two? Yeah, well there's another

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Speaker 2: baby penguin. Yeah, you look just like the other baby

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Speaker 2: peng Yeah, this would be so rough.

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Speaker 1: I can give you someone to talk to you though,

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Speaker 1: for an extended period of time.

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Speaker 2: That might be nice.

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Speaker 1: While it sounds like an exceedingly lonely gig, some seven

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Speaker 1: hundred nautical miles south of the tip of Argentina, it

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Speaker 1: is visited by thousands of cruise ships a year, So

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Speaker 1: maybe you'll be able to wave to another person who's

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Speaker 1: on the boat just passing by.

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Speaker 2: Yil, sir, I want your Wi Fi signal. There they go.

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Speaker 1: That was your one human to human interaction for the

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Speaker 1: next two months.

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Speaker 3: The humid penguins, Well, maybe you'll have time to actually

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Speaker 3: teach the penguins how to tap dance, and you could

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Speaker 3: do like a.

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Speaker 1: If you want to. Applicants have until today to apply.

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Speaker 2: That's not much time. Better get cracking this.

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Speaker 1: Next layser stories out of Senior Citizen News headquarters. There

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Speaker 1: are some emojis that no one understands. But do you

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Speaker 1: have a parent or a grandparent who can't process even

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Speaker 1: the most simple ones.

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Speaker 3: Yes, my mom was sending me sensual lips for a while.

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Speaker 2: Think so, mom.

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Speaker 1: A new study on emojis found that older folks are

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Speaker 1: less likely to use emojis than younger adults, which makes

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Speaker 1: sense since they've only been around for about a decade.

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Speaker 2: I think it's also like they can't see them.

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Speaker 3: You see them hold their phone out further and further away.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of like this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, an old man looking at a.

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Speaker 2: Phone looks like Alan Winterbot.

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Speaker 1: So they haven't been around for very long, and their

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Speaker 1: ascent has been really fast.

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Speaker 2: That's why we need to cut grandma some slacks.

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Speaker 3: I am tired, Grandma.

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Speaker 1: They tested people's understanding of eight different emojis, just the

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Speaker 1: face ones, three happy, including the grinning face, too sad

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Speaker 1: including the crying face, too surprised including the screaming face,

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Speaker 1: and one angry one, and they found this simple the

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Speaker 1: one that older folks were least comfortable understanding was the

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Speaker 1: surprised face with wide eyes and blushed cheeks.

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Speaker 2: Why they just didn't understand what that meant.

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Speaker 1: Happiness was the next most difficult to interpret, which is

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Speaker 1: strange and kind of a little bit sad.

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Speaker 3: Maybe their life is so long they're not shocked by

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Speaker 3: anything very happy about stuff.

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Speaker 2: Well, there is good news.

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Speaker 1: Authors of the study report that older folks do have

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Speaker 1: the desire to learn more about emojis and become more

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Speaker 1: comfortable using them. They just need somebody to come and

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Speaker 1: show them the ropes. And that's why we're going to

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Speaker 1: be sending this guy out as a representative to all of.

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Speaker 2: The assisted living facilities.

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Speaker 1: He's got his egg plant in peach emoji already for

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Speaker 1: show and town at the senior home.

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Speaker 2: I've heard those places meet that.

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Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, that's how means plays and shroys has come

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Speaker 1: to an end for the day.

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Speaker 2: We'll do it again the same time on Friday. Brooke

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Speaker 2: and Jeffrey in the morning,