1 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to You Need Therapy Podcast. My 2 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:14,920 Speaker 1: name is kat I am the host. I am a 3 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:19,560 Speaker 1: licensed therapist that lives and works and breathes in Nashville. 4 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: And before we get going, quick disclaimer, Yes I just 5 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,799 Speaker 1: said I'm a therapist. This podcast can't and doesn't serve 6 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,920 Speaker 1: as therapy, but I do hope that it helps you 7 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 1: live deeper in whatever parts of your life you are 8 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:35,559 Speaker 1: wanting to live deeper in. And who knows, it might 9 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,280 Speaker 1: encourage you to go to therapy or talk about something 10 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: new or specific in therapy if you're currently already in it. 11 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 1: So this week is a special week because it is 12 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,599 Speaker 1: ned A week and NITA week is National Eating Disorder 13 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: Awareness Week, and this week is special in near and 14 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 1: dear to my heart because I actually specialize in eating disorders. 15 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: It is what I've done the most post graduate training in, 16 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: and for a large part of my career it was 17 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,319 Speaker 1: basically all I worked with. And I love Awareness Weeks 18 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,479 Speaker 1: not because I love eating disorders, because I don't love them. 19 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: I do love talking about them because when we talk 20 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: about them, it helps reduce the stigma. And when we 21 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 1: can help reduce the stigma, more people can get more help. 22 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: So today's episode is not going to be about eating disorders, 23 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,040 Speaker 1: but I did want to mention that because Wednesday's Couch 24 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 1: Talks will be about eating disorders, body image, exercise addiction. 25 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:32,240 Speaker 1: I'll be doing a Q and A based on questions 26 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,039 Speaker 1: that you have about all those things, so look out 27 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,840 Speaker 1: for that, And that episode will also end up linking 28 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:41,559 Speaker 1: some older episodes that I've done on eating disorders, body image, 29 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 1: exercise addiction, so you can revisit those this week because 30 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 1: but better week, or maybe you want to share them 31 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 1: with friends or family, or you know some random person 32 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 1: you met on the street. And I do want to say, 33 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: even though we're not this is not what the episode 34 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: this week is on, I do want to say that, Um, 35 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,559 Speaker 1: I think there's this misconception about eating disorders out there. 36 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 1: And and maybe you don't feel this because you're somebody 37 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:08,000 Speaker 1: who's been really engaged in the content that I've been 38 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 1: putting out over the past couple of years about them, 39 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: or maybe you found your own journey in that. But 40 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 1: I think that there's a misconception that eating disorders are 41 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:21,239 Speaker 1: like vain or just about looks or and all of that. 42 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:25,080 Speaker 1: And what I don't think people realize is that eating 43 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 1: disorders are really, really, really scary and dangerous and a 44 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,520 Speaker 1: lot of times they have nothing to do with what 45 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 1: people look like. So, you know, we talk about things 46 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: like the opioid epidemic, and you know, I've been hot 47 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 1: on the show and book Dope Sick lately, which I'm 48 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,240 Speaker 1: still working on doing some content talking about that, because 49 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: oh my god, if you haven't watched it, you I 50 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 1: highly recommend watching it, although trigger warning because it's hard 51 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 1: to watch. But you know, we talked about that, but 52 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 1: we don't talk about is like the eating disorder epidemic 53 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: because surprisingly, to a lot of people, eating disorders have 54 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 1: the as mortality rate of any mental health disorder, like 55 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:07,919 Speaker 1: over opioid addiction. Even so, it's pretty serious, and um, 56 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 1: that's one of the reasons I will never stop talking 57 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: about them. So look out for that episode on Wednesday. 58 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 1: And uh, let's talk about this week's episode, shall we? Today, 59 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 1: I have an awesome episode for you guys. I'm very 60 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,640 Speaker 1: excited about it. I'm excited to put this out so 61 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 1: you guys can hear it because I lift this conversation already. 62 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,240 Speaker 1: Although this is probably one that I will actually listen 63 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: to again. My guest name is Scott Ericson, and he 64 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: is so great. I literally met him right before we 65 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 1: started recording, so I didn't know him or have any 66 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 1: rapport with him at all. He was one of those 67 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 1: people who was just so easy to talk to and 68 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: one of those people that just make it easy to 69 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: be comfortable. Scott is a painter, a performing artist, and 70 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,520 Speaker 1: an author and he recently came out with this amazing 71 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: book called Say Yes. I'm gonna link that for y'all, 72 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,120 Speaker 1: highly recommend this book. But we got to chat about 73 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 1: this book and in the passion and the and the 74 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: reasoning for writing it, and I got to ask him 75 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 1: all my burning questions that I had um after I 76 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 1: read at least well, I had only read half of 77 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: the book at this point, but I already had so 78 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 1: many questions for him. Also, I want to give a 79 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:18,200 Speaker 1: little disclaimer. You will hear some at some points alarming noises, 80 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,920 Speaker 1: and we talk about it. But Scott had his toddler 81 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 1: with him because you know life, so you might hear 82 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 1: like a screaming in the background at one point, and 83 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 1: he mentioned it's not a ghost, it's a child, So 84 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 1: do do not be alarmed. If you hear a strange sound, 85 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,760 Speaker 1: but I was grateful that with the chaos of life, 86 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,159 Speaker 1: Scott made time and made an effort to have this 87 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 1: conversation with me. So if you want to find him, 88 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna link all the ways to find him in 89 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 1: the notes. But I'm want to also shout out his Instagram. 90 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 1: It's at Scott the Painter. Uh. He has an awesome 91 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: page and it's full of illustrations and they're really cool. 92 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: So this conversation has been very important to me and 93 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: it was so helpful for me, and I hope it 94 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,039 Speaker 1: resonates for you in some way as well. So let's 95 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 1: get into it. Here's my conversation with Scott. Okay, guys 96 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: I have with me. I'm gonna go ahead and call 97 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: you a new friend even though I met you two 98 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:16,840 Speaker 1: seconds ago. I love it. Let's be friends. I have 99 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: a new friend, Scott Ericson, who was like kind of 100 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 1: a jack of all trades, Like I kind of want 101 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:25,040 Speaker 1: to call you that. How does that feel? I would 102 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 1: like to keep Scott of all trades, but I appreciate that. Yeah, so, dad, husband, human, 103 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: you are a teacher at one point, you're an artist, 104 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 1: You're a performer, you're an author, so all of the things. Yeah, 105 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: isn't it weird to hear that back? Oh? Yeah, because 106 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 1: when you live in your own life, it's it just 107 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,280 Speaker 1: feels very humble and yeah, you know, kind of mundane. 108 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,520 Speaker 1: But yes, Well I tell people I'm a professional artist, 109 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,839 Speaker 1: and then they look at me with a quizzical look 110 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: and I go, I'm I do a lot of little 111 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 1: things to make something. So I do a number of 112 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:02,919 Speaker 1: things to make a little something. So yes, when you 113 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,080 Speaker 1: listed all those things, it's like, oh, yeah, those have 114 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 1: been small accumulations of working on different projects throughout the years. 115 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: But yeah, it's great. No, I love the I love 116 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,119 Speaker 1: the variety for sure. I was just telling Scott before 117 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 1: we hit record that a lot of times I think 118 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: of my listeners and how I can help sounds so bad, 119 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 1: but how I can help people with the conversations that 120 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,599 Speaker 1: I'm bringing to you guys. But I was reading your 121 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 1: new book say yes, and it is one. I'm just 122 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,800 Speaker 1: going to go ahead and say it's very good. And 123 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 1: I don't really like to read. I really don't, so 124 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 1: that's a great caveat. And I was reading it and 125 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 1: I literally have like, I don't know if I can 126 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: even show you this, but I have bad handwriting, so 127 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,480 Speaker 1: you probably can't read it. But like I have all 128 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 1: this writing in it, and this like I wrote down, 129 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: like I feel, this is like what I like. I'm 130 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 1: just relating to so much of it. And there's some 131 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,360 Speaker 1: of it some things that I want to talk about, 132 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: specifically you in your book. But before we go into that, 133 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: and before I become very selfish, can you talk about, 134 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 1: like just what made you even want to write this book? Well, 135 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 1: it started if you hear noises in the background, it's 136 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: a toddler, not a ghost. There might be some size 137 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 1: and stuff. Well, I had an experience that something happened 138 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: to me, meaning I put my kids to bed one night, 139 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: and I walked out of their bedroom and I noticed 140 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,119 Speaker 1: I was crying, not because we had had like a 141 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: magical bedtime story time together, and just something was happening 142 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: to me. And I couldn't stop myself from crying. And 143 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: I made my way to our only bathrooms, a little 144 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: bathroom in our house, and I just I sat on 145 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 1: the toilet and I just wept and wept for like 146 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 1: an hour. Like my wife found me, She's like, are 147 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 1: you okay? And I was like I don't know, and 148 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: she's like, do you want to talk about it? And 149 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: and I responded my tears army talking about it, like 150 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: I I don't know what's happening to me. And with 151 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,400 Speaker 1: some time in reflection, I realized what was going on 152 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: is that there was a dream dying in me, that 153 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,160 Speaker 1: somehow I had had this dream for a long time, 154 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: and somehow physiologically and psychologically my body knew that it 155 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 1: wasn't going to come true. And so I was it 156 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 1: was grieving the loss and death of a dream. And 157 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: my dream was very specific, and I guess, you know, 158 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 1: the book takes some time at the beginning to go 159 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 1: what's a dream? Is? Like a cherished desire? Is what 160 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 1: the what the definition of it is? And and I 161 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: had some idea of what I wanted my life to 162 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 1: look like or where I wanted to be for me, actually, 163 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I started figuring out who I 164 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:38,080 Speaker 1: wanted to be in the world. And it took me like, hopefully, 165 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,560 Speaker 1: hopefully this is half my life. But it took me 166 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: like half my life, you know, up until now to 167 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 1: figure that out. And I feel like I've just been like, uh, 168 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 1: you know, falling down some stairs my whole life in 169 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 1: the present day, and I and I had like this, 170 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:52,199 Speaker 1: I wish I would I wish I knew because I 171 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: would have gone back in time or I would have 172 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: done things differently, and I was like grieving the loss 173 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: of that. I was starting to figure out who I 174 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,480 Speaker 1: want it to be in the world, and I felt 175 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: far from that. And the question in that moment was, well, 176 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: I guess I start now. And I had this overwhelming 177 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 1: like voice inside of me that was like nobody you know, 178 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: it was just like keeping me from thinking about doing that. 179 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: So I had to develop these kind of counter arguments, 180 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:23,880 Speaker 1: these counter practices pivots to like the voice of giving 181 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: up inside of me, and I found that they really 182 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 1: work and I still do them every day. They're kind 183 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,560 Speaker 1: of a way of a practice of living um to 184 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: help me keep going towards the things that I deeply desire. 185 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,440 Speaker 1: I I believe that the difference between a dream and 186 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 1: a desire is I would say, a desire is this 187 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: like deep, deep invitation that you have about the path 188 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: you'd like to walk in your life. And I know 189 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,000 Speaker 1: we're getting a little semantic e here. What I started 190 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:55,439 Speaker 1: to understand is like a dream is a version of 191 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 1: your life that has no vulnerabilities. Whenever you've imagined a 192 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 1: dream scenario, you've never imagined the weaknesses or limitations that 193 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: you would have in that scenario. You've always imagined it 194 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,239 Speaker 1: that it would be perfect. It's an image of perfection. 195 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,439 Speaker 1: And so a dream has to die because there's this 196 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 1: false idea of how you can be in the world. 197 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: But underlying that is this deep desire, Like you have 198 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 1: a dream for a specific thing because there's something in 199 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:27,200 Speaker 1: you that's leading me forward. And and like even this 200 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,959 Speaker 1: like vulnerability isn't necessarily your weaknesses or limitations, it's your 201 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,719 Speaker 1: relationship with them. How do you feel about having weaknesses 202 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,200 Speaker 1: and limitations? Like I'm I'm a professional artist and speaker 203 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 1: and author and stuff, but I have children and there 204 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:43,880 Speaker 1: are you know, limitations and weaknesses and vulnerabilities I experienced 205 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 1: by trying, you know, trying to do everything perfect or 206 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,160 Speaker 1: accomplish everything. It's like, I just have to learn to 207 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,200 Speaker 1: deal with it because this is this is the life 208 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,200 Speaker 1: that I'm I'm offered. And so I knew I wanted 209 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 1: to progress in something that I wanted to do, but 210 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,320 Speaker 1: I had to start where I was forty doing it. 211 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 1: I'm a part of a family dynamic and that's going 212 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 1: to cause a certain kind of restrictions or just I 213 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,680 Speaker 1: think there's a gift of children. For sure, I would 214 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 1: get more accomplished if I didn't have kids, But like 215 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,439 Speaker 1: I would say, the gift of having kids for me, 216 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,840 Speaker 1: it has been like I have to get really specific 217 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 1: on like just the few things I can do, and 218 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 1: that is a real tremendous gift because often we can 219 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 1: get overwhelmed by all the possible choices and we don't 220 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: know to start, and I only have like a little 221 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 1: amount of time, and so I have to constantly practice 222 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,640 Speaker 1: about like what's the deepest thing in me that I 223 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: really want to do and everything else just kind of 224 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,680 Speaker 1: let it, let it go, you know, elsa frozen stuff. Anyways, 225 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: the I started practicing this stuff, and you know, when 226 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,679 Speaker 1: you make content for a living, I was like, this 227 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: really works. I should monetize this. And then I was like, 228 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,080 Speaker 1: don't be a jerk, make sure it works, and so 229 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: I did, yeah, yeah, yeah for a couple of years 230 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,839 Speaker 1: and I and I found this stuff really worked for me, 231 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: and then I started I felt the mus tell me 232 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 1: to start talking about I started talking about it just 233 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,680 Speaker 1: like in some talks and stuff. And then I talked 234 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 1: about some of this content at a or this these 235 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,280 Speaker 1: things at an arts conference in Boise, Idaho, and it 236 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 1: went over really well. But then, um, that was the 237 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,440 Speaker 1: day we all found out Anthony Bourdain killed himself, a 238 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: celebrity chef, Anthony Bourdain. And look, Anthony Bourdain was a 239 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 1: complicated guy, and I don't necessarily want his career, but 240 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,880 Speaker 1: he represented what I think a lot of us makers want, 241 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 1: which is like, we're unabashedly ourselves and that brings about 242 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: some success and opportunities. And and I know it's more 243 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: complicated than this, but for him to say I don't 244 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,839 Speaker 1: even want to be in my own life really confronted 245 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 1: something in me, which was like, what do you think 246 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 1: all of this success or whatever is gonna what lack 247 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 1: do you think it's gonna fill? Oh? I wrote this 248 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 1: down that I was like, I definitely want to talk 249 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 1: about this where I'm paraphrasing this a little bit, but 250 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 1: there's a part in your book where you said, we 251 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,640 Speaker 1: are told that desires point to something that we lack. 252 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: The solution for the desire has been put on the thing, 253 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: be that whatever thing it is, success and your career whatever. 254 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,199 Speaker 1: But we know this doesn't work because when we get 255 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,600 Speaker 1: that thing, we still feel to lack. So that's what 256 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: you're talking about literally right now, Like we can go 257 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: and oh my gosh, I feel like I mean, I 258 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: do this all the time. We go after all this stuff, 259 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 1: stuff literally stuff, and then we get the stuff and 260 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,280 Speaker 1: it's either like, oh there's more stuff I want or 261 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 1: like that stuff, I don't actually want this stuff. And 262 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:29,120 Speaker 1: then you you said later, I think it wasn't that 263 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 1: same part of your book where you said when we're 264 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 1: talking about like our dreams which then essentially lead to 265 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,079 Speaker 1: our desires, that what we can really have, we're talking 266 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 1: about attaining a tunement to our lives rather than just 267 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,920 Speaker 1: like the stuff we want to tunement to our lives. 268 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 1: So I want to talk about that because that to me, 269 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,960 Speaker 1: I sat there and I thought about it for like 270 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 1: probably fifteen minutes before I kept reading. Yeah, I I 271 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,320 Speaker 1: think that when we talk about our dreams, were not 272 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 1: necessarily talking about a thing or an object or like 273 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:02,000 Speaker 1: a place to be, like a destination, vacation. I think 274 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 1: what we're speaking about is we're speaking about we want 275 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 1: to be the kind of person that can get that object, 276 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 1: have that thing, go to that destination. And when I 277 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 1: I I give three images because I'm an image I 278 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 1: think about images and I'm an image maker. So the 279 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 1: three images I gave for a dream. One of them 280 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 1: was a tuning fork, and it was saying like when 281 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: we imagine a dream scenario, what we're saying is we'd 282 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 1: like everything that we have to be in harmony like 283 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,880 Speaker 1: a symphony, like a symphony. Uh. And then the other 284 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 1: one was a feeling suit, like we want to feel 285 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 1: good in our own skin. And then the other one 286 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: was like a vehicle of destiny, meaning like we want 287 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: to feel like our life is headed somewhere, like we 288 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 1: have some kind of destination we're headed towards. Those can't 289 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 1: be associated with an object, although we try so much. 290 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 1: You know, like we've all met people way more obsessed 291 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: with their cars than maybe they should be. Or I 292 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,680 Speaker 1: talk a little bit about it, like I've had the 293 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 1: weird experience of like a book coming out and then 294 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 1: you're like depressed about it. And that's a real common 295 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,840 Speaker 1: thing for authors, is like and musicians it's album day blues, 296 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 1: book released, day Blues, Like you're excited, but there's a 297 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 1: bit of it where it's like this didn't do everything 298 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,800 Speaker 1: I hoped it would, not necessarily in the world, but 299 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 1: just like I hope this would have like completed me, 300 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 1: and it didn't. Because what submit is that it's never 301 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: gonna be about the finished goal or object. It's going 302 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 1: to be about the experience of being alive while you're 303 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 1: working on something or contributing or saying yes to your 304 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 1: life or you know, enjoying existence. And this is what 305 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,760 Speaker 1: with Anthony Bourdain, I was like, like, I'm still a 306 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 1: driven person, Like I still want to accomplish things and 307 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 1: do things in the world. I very clearly from his 308 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 1: suicide because I've I've had conversations with suicide and depression, 309 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,760 Speaker 1: and I know that to be a really hard conversation. 310 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: But like I was like, it's not gonna fill you either. 311 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: So if you want to get to like where he gets, 312 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: let's just I'm just I don't say this in the book, 313 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,720 Speaker 1: but like, if you're trying to get to where he 314 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,360 Speaker 1: gets in your own way and you don't want to 315 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: kill yourself when you get there, you have to come 316 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 1: up with some other different groundwork, foundation, practices, expectations, narratives, 317 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 1: you tell yourself ways that you enjoy your life. That's 318 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 1: kind of where this talk show and now a book 319 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: is dealing about all those things. And then in that 320 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: I think that's a real spiritual conversation because it's like 321 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,800 Speaker 1: it can be you could be like, great, I want 322 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: to do all these things, but also like am I 323 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 1: alone in the world? Like is providence, is benevolence working 324 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 1: alongside me? Is it all up to me? And I 325 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 1: give some stories in there about like people who like 326 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,480 Speaker 1: J J I have this. I heard this podcast interview 327 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 1: with j. J Abrams. In the interview, he was like, 328 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 1: now that you've done a Star Wars film, do you 329 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 1: feel different? And J. J Abrams, who's a very successful producer, 330 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: rector writer, is just like, I've never felt different because 331 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:07,120 Speaker 1: of any of my accomplishments. He's like, nothing ever made 332 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:11,480 Speaker 1: me feel different, but I learned to enjoy the act 333 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: of making it. And that's my greatest joy in that. Okay, 334 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 1: I like this because what you're talking about is like 335 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: switching literally your mindset from like focusing on like you 336 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 1: still have goals, like well we'll take that, so the goals, 337 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,879 Speaker 1: but we're switching our mindset from like the attainment of 338 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: that goal is the end all be all to the 339 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,800 Speaker 1: experience of who you become as you're attempting to attain 340 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 1: that goal. And and I, over and over and over 341 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:41,119 Speaker 1: and over again have conversations in my office as a 342 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:45,680 Speaker 1: therapist with so many people ages from literally eighteen people 343 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,080 Speaker 1: are saying this, which I blows my mind to like 344 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 1: in their sixties, where they have this dream in their 345 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,440 Speaker 1: head of like this is what I want my life 346 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: to look like. And then there I guess I don't 347 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 1: and correct me if I'm wrong of this wording fits 348 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: like their desires are really like these different career paths 349 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 1: that they wish they would have taken or all of that. 350 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,640 Speaker 1: And over and over I hear people say like it's 351 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,959 Speaker 1: either too late for me to do that, or I 352 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 1: don't think I can, like I don't think I can 353 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 1: do that, or what makes me think that I could 354 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 1: do that? And and I get the feedback because what 355 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,439 Speaker 1: I am is a I call myself a dreamer. I 356 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,440 Speaker 1: have a lot of ideas in my head of things 357 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 1: that I want to do so many and I try 358 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 1: a lot of them, and I think people they see 359 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: me trying different things and they think, well, how this 360 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,199 Speaker 1: question asked me before, how do you go and just 361 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: do that? How did you just get the courage to 362 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 1: start that career, open that or start a podcast not 363 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,199 Speaker 1: knowing how to even like work a computer? How are 364 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,679 Speaker 1: you able to do that? And there's two things that 365 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 1: I think about and this book has made me reframe 366 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,880 Speaker 1: some of this. I love what you're saying. I totally 367 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,640 Speaker 1: I hear I hear this a lot too. And I've 368 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 1: said a lot of these things too well. I used 369 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 1: to answer that of like, oh, I just don't this 370 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,959 Speaker 1: is me being vulnerable because this true. I used to say, like, well, 371 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: I don't really think about the outcome, Like I just 372 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,560 Speaker 1: try things, to try things that I'm not tied to success. 373 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,640 Speaker 1: And I do believe that, like I'm not of course 374 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,200 Speaker 1: I want things to go well, but when things don't 375 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,800 Speaker 1: go well, I'm not. I'm not afraid of rejection the 376 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:19,400 Speaker 1: way I used to be. But now I'm also As 377 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,360 Speaker 1: I was reading this, I was like, m, maybe there's 378 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,760 Speaker 1: another side to this that like people are only asking 379 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,399 Speaker 1: me about the things that they see me trying. People 380 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 1: aren't asking me about the things that I'm scared to 381 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 1: try because I have those. There are so many things, 382 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: there are so many things in my head that I'm 383 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,119 Speaker 1: like I could, so I relate to a lot of 384 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: what I used to not think I related to. And 385 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,160 Speaker 1: you talk in the book about the voice of giving up. 386 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,000 Speaker 1: I give up before I try sometimes. Does that make sense? 387 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 1: Like I have a thought in my head, a thing 388 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 1: I want, and before I even try it and then 389 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 1: maybe fail, I just give up on it because I 390 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:58,600 Speaker 1: also say those same things. So I tried things, But 391 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 1: I keep myself in a box too of things that 392 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 1: I like, either wouldn't care about if I failed because 393 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,399 Speaker 1: like I don't know. I don't want to say they 394 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 1: don't mean that much because some of them do, or 395 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 1: that I know that I could, like somewhat gain what 396 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 1: I'm looking for. And so I say all of this, 397 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,160 Speaker 1: it is a very very long winded way to say, like, 398 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,440 Speaker 1: I want to work on personally filtering through that that 399 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,879 Speaker 1: voice of giving up that you talk about and figuring 400 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 1: out if that voice is really trying to Oh my gosh, 401 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 1: I loved when you talked about fear because I'm all 402 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 1: on board with it. Is that voice really trying to 403 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 1: keep me safe? Or is that voice trying to keep 404 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 1: me from feeling vulnerability and shame? Or whatever sadness. I 405 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,360 Speaker 1: guess my question is how do I differentiate between the 406 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 1: fear being trying to this is going to kill you 407 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 1: and this is just going to make you feel uncomfortable. 408 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,640 Speaker 1: Going back a little bit, we have lots of thoughts 409 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,920 Speaker 1: all of time about lots of things, like we live 410 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 1: in a marketplace. Society were constantly inundated with images of like, 411 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 1: look at these people, look at these lives, look at 412 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,399 Speaker 1: what these people are doing, and so we see all 413 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,640 Speaker 1: that stuff. What impacts us the most is people that 414 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,320 Speaker 1: have lives that resonate with us, that call out to 415 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,199 Speaker 1: a thing in us. I think, I don't know if 416 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,280 Speaker 1: you got to the expanders part, this idea of expanders, 417 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,479 Speaker 1: people who go, oh, that's a possibility of life that 418 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 1: really resonates with So there is a bit of discernment 419 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 1: that needs to happen, which is like, you know, you 420 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 1: have to get to the why behind the thing behind 421 00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:39,480 Speaker 1: the thing, which is like you see a house, you 422 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,920 Speaker 1: know I love to live in that house. It's like, well, 423 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,640 Speaker 1: why what would that do for you? Would that solve 424 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:50,159 Speaker 1: your misery with that? With that change the trauma of 425 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 1: how your parents treated you when you're a kid, like 426 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 1: the thing is never the thing. It's always about something 427 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 1: underneath there. Because you could live in a really modest, 428 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,919 Speaker 1: simple home and deeply of it and never won't want 429 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 1: anything else. But if you think like a big house 430 00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:04,920 Speaker 1: is going to do all the things, it's like, why 431 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,720 Speaker 1: what's there? Because there are plenty of people in big 432 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 1: houses who are miserable. There are plenty of people who 433 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: have taken their own lives in their big houses. The 434 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 1: big houses doesn't solve that what is the thing behind 435 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 1: the thing behind the thing that we got to get to? 436 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 1: So there's there's that kind of thing which is like, 437 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,399 Speaker 1: you have a lot of thoughts you really need to 438 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,560 Speaker 1: take the time to filter and to be like, well 439 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,159 Speaker 1: where are these coming from? And like what what is 440 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,879 Speaker 1: the thing I really want? What is the emotion or 441 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 1: the feeling that I think that thing will give me? 442 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: But what I'm pointing to about, and we'll get to 443 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,280 Speaker 1: fear in a second, is about the desire. Is like, 444 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: there are some things that you want to do in 445 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,399 Speaker 1: your life you really have to ask and it's the 446 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 1: hardest question ever, and it doesn't get answered in a day. 447 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: It might take a week, it might take a month, 448 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,840 Speaker 1: it might take a year, but is what do you 449 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,200 Speaker 1: want to do? What do you want to do? And 450 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: I think that that path of desire that's been put 451 00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,920 Speaker 1: in you two walk is a divine path, but it's 452 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:03,560 Speaker 1: one that you have to really discern. And the way 453 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,680 Speaker 1: that I most easily access that as I reverse engineer 454 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,480 Speaker 1: my life by going, I'm going to die at any moment, 455 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,679 Speaker 1: but hopefully you know a few more decades if you 456 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:17,160 Speaker 1: really look. And I used this woman Brawny Ware, who 457 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: wrote this blog post the Five Regrets of the Dying, 458 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,640 Speaker 1: and she was a hospice care worker for nine years 459 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,919 Speaker 1: and helped to under people passed with dignity. But she 460 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,120 Speaker 1: said people have the same regrets when they die. They 461 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 1: say the same thing. And those regrets she listened from 462 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,480 Speaker 1: five to one are I wish I would have let 463 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,320 Speaker 1: myself be happier. I wish I would have stayed in 464 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,400 Speaker 1: touch with my friends. I wish I would have had 465 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,400 Speaker 1: the courage to express how I felt about my life. 466 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 1: I wish I would have not worked so hard. And 467 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,159 Speaker 1: the number one thing is I wish I would have 468 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 1: had the courage to be the person I knew I 469 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,480 Speaker 1: was instead of the person everybody else wanted me. To be. 470 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: That's the number one regret of people who are dying, 471 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 1: according to Brawny Ware. But what she's saying is, like, 472 00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 1: the thing I heard the most when human beings die. 473 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: So you and me and everybody listening here, most likely 474 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 1: the thing will say the most is I wish I 475 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,199 Speaker 1: would have had the courage to be the person I 476 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,480 Speaker 1: knew I was instead of the person everybody else wanted 477 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 1: me to be. That's when you die, that's what you 478 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,359 Speaker 1: would have wished you would have done with your life. 479 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,919 Speaker 1: And so I think the path of desire is saying 480 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 1: yes to that person and you want the courage to 481 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 1: be that person. And so you have to get in 482 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,840 Speaker 1: touch with that about like what is the person you 483 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,000 Speaker 1: want to be? And I'm not saying that's an easy question. 484 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,159 Speaker 1: I think that's one that goes on. So there's the 485 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 1: book is filled with tools about how to kinda get 486 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,960 Speaker 1: in touch with that. But I would say, so, then 487 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,399 Speaker 1: how do we enter into that well. One in my 488 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:44,160 Speaker 1: first pivot is I'm on my way, right, and I'm 489 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,600 Speaker 1: on my way in the face of nothing's going to 490 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,439 Speaker 1: change or I'm never going to be I'm on my 491 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,919 Speaker 1: way is a graceful way of saying I'm gonna I 492 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,200 Speaker 1: need to expand my timeline of how I think I'm 493 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 1: going to get there and when I'm going to get there. 494 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,320 Speaker 1: You're not going to get there in six months, but 495 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: if you gave your self six years, you might make 496 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,800 Speaker 1: some progress, you know. And then on my on, on 497 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,000 Speaker 1: my way also means like everything is a learned skill. 498 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,680 Speaker 1: I don't know how to podcast, Well you can learn. 499 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:14,040 Speaker 1: I'm sure there's plenty of videos. You're doing it. It's 500 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,400 Speaker 1: not other people have done it. It's possible. But then 501 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,680 Speaker 1: when you get into you want a podcast, the harder 502 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 1: thing is, well, what are you going to talk about? 503 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,760 Speaker 1: What do you care about? What do you want to 504 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: be a contribution in? And so like the second practices, 505 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 1: I'm a contribution? How can I be a contribution? And 506 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 1: then that's really tapping into your gratitude, what you love 507 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:36,640 Speaker 1: and why being a conduit of something, being a convergence 508 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,400 Speaker 1: of like your own experiences and stuff like that. So 509 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 1: these are the ways that we like begin to build 510 00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 1: on like how to be a contribution, We expand the timeline, 511 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 1: we use ourselves as the juxtaposition of a lot of things, 512 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,639 Speaker 1: and we and then we can offer something interesting and 513 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,199 Speaker 1: so yes, it's in that moment talking to you in 514 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,640 Speaker 1: your room and being like I can't. It's like, Okay, 515 00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,680 Speaker 1: in this moment, it feels impossible. But let's let's give 516 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 1: ourselves a longer timeline. Let's get in touch with like 517 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 1: what we really want to do. I don't know what 518 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,560 Speaker 1: I want to do, Okay, Well, let's start looking at 519 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 1: the people you really resonate with and asking why. For me, 520 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 1: I was like, so, my big conclusion that I came 521 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:15,920 Speaker 1: to was like, oh, I think I'm a lot more 522 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 1: of a performing artist than I am just a studio artist. 523 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 1: I'm an illustrator and a painter, but I deeply resonate 524 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,560 Speaker 1: with like the storytellers and stuff like that. And I 525 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,919 Speaker 1: was like, oh, I want to be that. That's what 526 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: I've been wanting to do, and I haven't given myself 527 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:33,240 Speaker 1: permission until now. And I'm forty and it feels like 528 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,800 Speaker 1: I'm too far behind. But I looked around. I found 529 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,760 Speaker 1: there's lots of people who started to do amazing things 530 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,640 Speaker 1: in their forties. Rodney Dangerfield became a comedian in his forties, 531 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,880 Speaker 1: Like he didn't start doing it until then. Anyways, There's 532 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 1: lots of people who have done things later on. So 533 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:49,480 Speaker 1: I just started saying, Okay, well I want to start 534 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:53,080 Speaker 1: doing this stuff. And look, I for sure did shows 535 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 1: in front of five people, in front of four people 536 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,679 Speaker 1: in their living room. Well, I think that's important for 537 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,600 Speaker 1: you to say, because I am sitting here thinking as 538 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,800 Speaker 1: you're speaking about, like even the idea of like we 539 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,840 Speaker 1: can keep on the track of like starting a podcast. 540 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,800 Speaker 1: It's like, well, in that moment when I first had 541 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,760 Speaker 1: the thought and I was like, oh this is on that, well, 542 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 1: I don't know how to do it. I really don't. 543 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,960 Speaker 1: And if I put one on the internet, nobody would 544 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: listen to it. We have these thoughts and we're like, Okay, well, 545 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,720 Speaker 1: if I want to be a public speaker, then I 546 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 1: need to be tomorrow. I need to be able to 547 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:27,320 Speaker 1: be successful in it, versus you're saying like, no, you 548 00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: can do those things, but we're talking about the experience 549 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 1: of doing them and getting there versus tomorrow you're just 550 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,360 Speaker 1: gonna have it. Who would you become in the process 551 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: of doing that? Yes, yeah, that is the infinitely greater drive. 552 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,639 Speaker 1: And maybe I think I do talk about this in 553 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,640 Speaker 1: the book. I was just with some artist friends last 554 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,159 Speaker 1: night and I was like, this happens to me all 555 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 1: the time because I make stuff. People are like, hey, 556 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,680 Speaker 1: we're doing this non we're doing this fundraiser. Do you 557 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:55,879 Speaker 1: have any art laying around? And I'm like, I have 558 00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,160 Speaker 1: nothing laying around because once something's done, I don't want 559 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,000 Speaker 1: to keep it. I'm not like artists aren't like, gosh, 560 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:04,520 Speaker 1: I want to make all this stuff and then hoard 561 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:08,360 Speaker 1: it in my house. No, it's the process of making it, 562 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,719 Speaker 1: which is the joy, and then when you're done, you're like, 563 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,920 Speaker 1: now it's going somewhere. I don't want it. Film directors, 564 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,359 Speaker 1: they get done with a film and they're like, immediately 565 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,120 Speaker 1: the next day onto the next film they're making. They 566 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,840 Speaker 1: just have to show up for the red carpet opening, 567 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,600 Speaker 1: but they've already they've already moved on because it's not 568 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 1: about the finish. And then be like, does everybody love me? 569 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,320 Speaker 1: I mean we could get into a conversation about fame 570 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:33,400 Speaker 1: and celebrity and a lot of people I just want 571 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 1: to be famous. It's like, really, it's just like I 572 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:36,600 Speaker 1: just want to be loved or I don't want to 573 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,760 Speaker 1: feel like I'm not seeing in a universe of so 574 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:42,320 Speaker 1: many things and I feel empty. That's a that's and 575 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 1: we have to talk about those things. But being on 576 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 1: a camera won't fill that up for you. That's the thing. 577 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:51,760 Speaker 1: Being all the likes in the world won't fill that 578 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: for you. That is an internal like we have to 579 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 1: come to terms with we were given the miracle of 580 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,920 Speaker 1: our existence and you could see it as a curse 581 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: or you can see it as a gift. And when 582 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: you start saying yes to it as a gift, then 583 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,360 Speaker 1: it's like, well, what journey do you want to go 584 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,880 Speaker 1: on with this gift? What would you like to explore? 585 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 1: What would you like to learn? Like the way that 586 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,720 Speaker 1: I think about being an artist is like, what transformational 587 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 1: journey do I want to go on? And that is 588 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,400 Speaker 1: something that I have to do, and then my artwork 589 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:23,479 Speaker 1: from that is the artifacts of that journey that I 590 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:26,600 Speaker 1: went on. So yeah, podcasting, it's like it's like I 591 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:29,280 Speaker 1: want to have a well, listen to podcast? Why because 592 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,920 Speaker 1: then I'll feel special? I don't know, But it's like podcasting, 593 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,000 Speaker 1: what kind of conversations do you want to have? What 594 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:35,880 Speaker 1: kind of things do you want to explore? There's all 595 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 1: kinds of things you can do on a podcast. You 596 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 1: could it could be like going and interviewing people like 597 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,239 Speaker 1: we're doing here, and then there's other people who are 598 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,360 Speaker 1: reporting on things, and there's other people who are like 599 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,920 Speaker 1: how to stuff, And then maybe you don't know how 600 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:49,360 Speaker 1: to how to, but then you could go on the 601 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 1: journey of learning how to and then translating that. Like 602 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: with my Instagram, I am an image maker and often 603 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 1: I'm just going like I have quotes and stuff from 604 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,600 Speaker 1: like Okay, how would I image that quote? And then 605 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,560 Speaker 1: I go through the process of doing that and then 606 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,360 Speaker 1: I share it. You know, it's like, what's the journey 607 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,600 Speaker 1: you want to go on? That's your deepest desire? Is 608 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 1: you want to go on? Because the famous mythologist Joseph Campbell, 609 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,320 Speaker 1: and I'm going to butcher his quote, but he said, 610 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,600 Speaker 1: I don't He's like, I think people think what they 611 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,000 Speaker 1: want to know is what's the meaning of life? And 612 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 1: he's like, I actually don't think that's what people really 613 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 1: want to know. I think what people want is the 614 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:29,240 Speaker 1: rapturous experience of being alive. You want to be alive. 615 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,720 Speaker 1: You don't want to know why you're alive. I mean 616 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,680 Speaker 1: maybe if the answer is like just because you are 617 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,280 Speaker 1: doesn't do anything. Having that answer doesn't do anything but 618 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,360 Speaker 1: the life that you love the most. The moments of 619 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 1: life is when you were being alive, when you were 620 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,600 Speaker 1: loving somebody, when you were enjoying something, where you and 621 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 1: you were noticing something, when you tried hard and you failed. 622 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,040 Speaker 1: One of my favorite moments in my life is when 623 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 1: my little league team lost the championship and I cried 624 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,920 Speaker 1: with these other boys because we had tried so hard 625 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:07,200 Speaker 1: and we were so heartbroken and it felt so sad 626 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:09,800 Speaker 1: to lose. But we I don't know, but there was 627 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,120 Speaker 1: a moment, but we lost together and we just shared 628 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,040 Speaker 1: in that, like people are less connected because of their 629 00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:20,040 Speaker 1: accomplishments and more connected because of their pain, and like 630 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,000 Speaker 1: that was a moment. And so that's I think this. 631 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:27,000 Speaker 1: It's like the deep existential question is below kind of 632 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:30,320 Speaker 1: just I want to make a podcast. It's because that's 633 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,480 Speaker 1: not going to sustain you. Unless you're like I'm in 634 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 1: a transformational journey that I love to be on, then 635 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,480 Speaker 1: you'll you'll show up every day for it. Yeah, because 636 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: what you're saying is going back to what you said 637 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 1: about the book. It's like having like the release day blues. 638 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,800 Speaker 1: It's like when a podcast episode comes out, I usually 639 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:49,640 Speaker 1: want I don't listen to it because I've already lived it, 640 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,320 Speaker 1: but so like I don't get anything out of that, 641 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,760 Speaker 1: Like it just it's out into the world. But having 642 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,880 Speaker 1: a podcast, to me, is this like sitting here having 643 00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 1: a conversation with somebody I never would have met, but 644 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,960 Speaker 1: for like getting access to a book that I don't 645 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,320 Speaker 1: know I would have had access to if I if 646 00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,280 Speaker 1: I hadn't met you in this way and been connected 647 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,600 Speaker 1: to certain people. And and that's the point of it 648 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,880 Speaker 1: and me being challenged in like how do I have 649 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:17,400 Speaker 1: interviews or how do I upload audience? Like that's the 650 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,720 Speaker 1: experience and that's the point for me. And I think 651 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:24,040 Speaker 1: I've learned that through experiencing it. I don't know if 652 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,200 Speaker 1: that's why I started it in the first place. It 653 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 1: probably was more aligned to what you're saying. It probably 654 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,560 Speaker 1: was if I had to really sit and think about 655 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 1: and be honest. And I think I'm now wondering, like 656 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:38,960 Speaker 1: why is it so hard because I've heard this in 657 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,640 Speaker 1: a certain language before, right, Like those things won't make 658 00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,160 Speaker 1: you happy. Going to that school won't make you happy, 659 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,840 Speaker 1: Buying that house won't make you happy. Getting married at 660 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,000 Speaker 1: that age won't make you happy, Like I've heard that, 661 00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: like let's just say absolute happiness, Like it might be 662 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 1: a myriad of things, like we learned that from the 663 00:32:56,320 --> 00:33:00,120 Speaker 1: movie Inside Out, Like emotions come now all complex, Like 664 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 1: releasing a book is exciting and relieving and depressing and 665 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,680 Speaker 1: kind of sad all at the same time. I remember 666 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:11,440 Speaker 1: when I was getting married on stage, I was like, 667 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,400 Speaker 1: this is amazing and maybe this is a horrible decision, 668 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 1: like and I felt those things at the same time 669 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:19,640 Speaker 1: because I'm reciting my vows, but I was like, let's 670 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,160 Speaker 1: just let's do it, don't bail now, because I was 671 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 1: confronted with the fear of vulnerability and unknownness and not 672 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:30,200 Speaker 1: being in control. When we embark on something, there's so 673 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 1: much that we're not in control of, and that's what 674 00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:36,440 Speaker 1: fear is trying to keep us from. Is like, don't 675 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,720 Speaker 1: enter into the not being in control, don't enter into 676 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,840 Speaker 1: the unknown nous. Just stay in this, just stay inside, 677 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:47,000 Speaker 1: never go outside, and just always control everything. And it's 678 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 1: helpful to imagine yourself in a place like when I 679 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,160 Speaker 1: started developing myself as a speaker, I would sit and 680 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:58,120 Speaker 1: think about me being on stage and the feeling of 681 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 1: communicating to an audience, and I would allow myself to go. 682 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,640 Speaker 1: You deserve to be there too. We have to just 683 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:09,120 Speaker 1: come to terms with that. We're innately worthy. We don't 684 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: have to earn worthiness. Now I have to learn how 685 00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 1: to develop a skill for that, and I can get 686 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,200 Speaker 1: better and better. And so I had to imagine my 687 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 1: worthiness of being in that in that situation. So I 688 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:23,000 Speaker 1: it's helpful to imagine and set those goals, but it's 689 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,160 Speaker 1: it's limiting when you go, that's what it has to 690 00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 1: look like, or it's not successful because what happens in 691 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: the journey of your life is the vulnerabilities you have, 692 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:36,200 Speaker 1: your certain weaknesses and limitations, and who you are is 693 00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:40,680 Speaker 1: going to uniquely affect the manifestation of that journey. You'll 694 00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,360 Speaker 1: never be like the person you saw on that stage 695 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,839 Speaker 1: because you can't be them. You can only be you. 696 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 1: So how you and then we'll just take a stage 697 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 1: or a podcast. How your podcast turns out. How your 698 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:56,400 Speaker 1: journey to becoming a performer turns out hasn't been seen yet, 699 00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,359 Speaker 1: and you don't know what it's going to look like 700 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:02,160 Speaker 1: because you can only walk through your unique vulnerabilities into 701 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:06,400 Speaker 1: that situation. Does that make sense? So like having concrete 702 00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,920 Speaker 1: outcomes can be limiting. It's helpful to go. I'd like 703 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,200 Speaker 1: to go there, and then how do you get there? 704 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:12,920 Speaker 1: And then you can learn how to get there. Like 705 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,120 Speaker 1: for me, I have a goal which is I want 706 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,680 Speaker 1: to eventually do a show at the Fringe Festival, which 707 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,120 Speaker 1: is the largest theater comedy festival in the world in Edinburgh, Scotland. 708 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 1: And I've set that as a goal for myself. And 709 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:29,439 Speaker 1: it's not that hard to like book shows there, but 710 00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,080 Speaker 1: what is hard is developing a thing and then getting there. 711 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,200 Speaker 1: And but I'm like, that sounds like an interesting journey 712 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,040 Speaker 1: to get on. I have no idea how will turn out. 713 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:38,919 Speaker 1: I don't even know if people will like me there. 714 00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,839 Speaker 1: Lynn Manuel Miranda and his rap group early on in 715 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,080 Speaker 1: his career went and did stuff there and they got 716 00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:50,279 Speaker 1: bad reviews, like should he have not kept going? But 717 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,200 Speaker 1: it's for me, it's like I want to go on 718 00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: a transformational journey. Now, you can't go on every transformational journey, 719 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,040 Speaker 1: so you have to get really specific about the ones 720 00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,840 Speaker 1: that will that. Like in this where the death practice happens, 721 00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:04,040 Speaker 1: when I say death practice of just spending some time 722 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,520 Speaker 1: realizing you're gonna die and you're gonna have to let 723 00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:08,840 Speaker 1: go of the life you've been given, everything you've been given. 724 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:11,600 Speaker 1: And when you do that, it's like if I thought 725 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,520 Speaker 1: about I was I only had like a year left 726 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:15,759 Speaker 1: to live. I just like, what what I wanted to 727 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,120 Speaker 1: do the most? You know? And I know people are 728 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,360 Speaker 1: like I want to travel and eat everything and stuff, 729 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,560 Speaker 1: and I get that, but it's like, yeah, but in like, 730 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,719 Speaker 1: how would you want to spend your time and like 731 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:27,919 Speaker 1: what things would you what was the last things you'd 732 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 1: like to do. That helps me get in touch with like, 733 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,440 Speaker 1: here's what's in me the most, and then I can 734 00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:37,040 Speaker 1: spend time doing that, and part of me is like, oh, well, 735 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,240 Speaker 1: why is it? How did we get to this place 736 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,000 Speaker 1: where like we have to imagine ourselves dying to then 737 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:46,120 Speaker 1: realize that we we deserve to go after certain things. 738 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:48,000 Speaker 1: I like kind of hate that, but at the same 739 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:51,880 Speaker 1: time it to me it's like working like currently, it's like, yeah, 740 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,520 Speaker 1: I'm also going to die, and I don't want to 741 00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,919 Speaker 1: sit there think be thinking about I'm going to die. 742 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,200 Speaker 1: And I never let myself try this thing because as 743 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,440 Speaker 1: you were speaking, I was thinking about one of the 744 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,399 Speaker 1: thoughts that pops in my head when I think about 745 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,480 Speaker 1: things I want is I'll never be able to do 746 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:10,279 Speaker 1: it like them, or I'll never be able to do 747 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,120 Speaker 1: it as good as them, or all of that, and 748 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,320 Speaker 1: then I get flooded with and you talked about this 749 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,319 Speaker 1: in the book, which I loved, We've talked about it 750 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,600 Speaker 1: on the podcast before. It's imposter syndrome. I'm like, who 751 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,280 Speaker 1: am I to think that I could have a podcast 752 00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:25,359 Speaker 1: when look at how many podcasts there are that are 753 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,879 Speaker 1: very successful, or who am I to think that I 754 00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,160 Speaker 1: could talk on this subject because there's people that know 755 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:36,520 Speaker 1: it better than me. And I would hate with every 756 00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:40,400 Speaker 1: fiber of my being to be sitting somewhere thinking and 757 00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 1: knowing I'm about to die and have not tried to 758 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,719 Speaker 1: do some of those things. That is just like in 759 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:56,920 Speaker 1: real time lighting a fire. Every faith tradition has this 760 00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,560 Speaker 1: practice in it, which is if you can die before 761 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,239 Speaker 1: you die, then you can really live. It means like 762 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:08,200 Speaker 1: because there's a wisdom, there's a wisdom at death's door 763 00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:12,439 Speaker 1: which puts everything in priorities and it does this thing 764 00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,040 Speaker 1: where like if you've ever been in a car accident 765 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:17,680 Speaker 1: or you had to be put under for surgery, like 766 00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,759 Speaker 1: I almost drowned one time surfing, and when I got 767 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,399 Speaker 1: out of the water, I wasn't like, man, I gotta 768 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:25,640 Speaker 1: get better at surfing. I was like, I gotta rethink 769 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 1: my whole life, because like what happened under the water 770 00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:32,520 Speaker 1: was I came really close to the conversation with my 771 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,920 Speaker 1: eventual disappearance, as the poet David White says, like I 772 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,080 Speaker 1: came really close to like I was like, this is 773 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,520 Speaker 1: when I die and uh, and then I thankfully made 774 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,080 Speaker 1: it to the surface and got a breath of air 775 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:46,440 Speaker 1: before I blacked out. And what happens in that moment 776 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:50,040 Speaker 1: is like, you go, what's the most important thing about living? 777 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,319 Speaker 1: Is that's what happens in that moment because it's like 778 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:56,920 Speaker 1: paper cuts. It's death by paper cuts in our society, 779 00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,240 Speaker 1: which is like you're like, this is what's so important? 780 00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:04,280 Speaker 1: And then it's like advertising, advertising, advertising, social media, comparison, comparison, comparison, comparison, 781 00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:09,560 Speaker 1: and then you're like, yeah, my butt should look better. Yeah, Okay. 782 00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,480 Speaker 1: That answers a question that I don't even know if 783 00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:12,879 Speaker 1: I asked. I think I asked it in my head. 784 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,160 Speaker 1: But that answers the question of like why is it 785 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,400 Speaker 1: so hard for us because in this conversation, it's not 786 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:22,080 Speaker 1: so hard for me to realize that each individual like 787 00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,680 Speaker 1: thing that I might want or think I want isn't 788 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,919 Speaker 1: the thing that's going to create full satisfaction with my life. 789 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:33,120 Speaker 1: It's the journey of who I become as I go 790 00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,359 Speaker 1: towards the things that I desire or dream of. It's 791 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,920 Speaker 1: easy for me to understand that in this conversation. But 792 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,560 Speaker 1: as soon as I closed my computer and I turn 793 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,200 Speaker 1: go outside, get my car, turn on my radio, look 794 00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:48,960 Speaker 1: at the billboards, whatever, I am flooded with things that 795 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,759 Speaker 1: are saying, get this, have this, do this, It'll make 796 00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:56,160 Speaker 1: you happy. Totally, totally gosh if anything, I think, like 797 00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,680 Speaker 1: the main point of the book is like what we 798 00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:01,839 Speaker 1: know now from sta Ats is like, because of our 799 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,239 Speaker 1: phones and our technology and all of our stuff, it's 800 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,959 Speaker 1: making us miserable. It's been great to connect. I'm glad 801 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,920 Speaker 1: we're doing this right now, but I'm like, we live 802 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,160 Speaker 1: in a more than any other human beings ever. We 803 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:16,480 Speaker 1: live in a massive culture of comparison. So we need defenses, 804 00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:20,360 Speaker 1: We need pivots, practices re narrating our lives in the 805 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:23,760 Speaker 1: midst of all the narration that's coming at us. Because 806 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:28,239 Speaker 1: unless we're gonna fight city councils and be like, I 807 00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:30,560 Speaker 1: don't want these billboards in our state anymore. We're not 808 00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:32,600 Speaker 1: gonna win that battle, so we're gonna have to live 809 00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:35,399 Speaker 1: with it or move away from it. So that's where 810 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,560 Speaker 1: I was like, I need practices to keep me going 811 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,279 Speaker 1: and like so in comparison, my pivot is, I can 812 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:44,160 Speaker 1: be a contribution. I can be a contribution today. I'm 813 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:46,680 Speaker 1: every day I feel like, oh man, they're doing it, 814 00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:49,040 Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. And then I just go, well, 815 00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,360 Speaker 1: I can be a contribution. I can How can I 816 00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,279 Speaker 1: be a contribution today? And that brings me back to 817 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,880 Speaker 1: receiving the gift of my life and and owning the 818 00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:01,279 Speaker 1: like uniqueness of my who I am and then being 819 00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,520 Speaker 1: able to offer something in that and and and then 820 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,480 Speaker 1: with I'm on my way giving myself a longer timeline 821 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,360 Speaker 1: because often you're not seeing all the small steps that 822 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,520 Speaker 1: person took to get there. But it just depends on 823 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,400 Speaker 1: what the thing you want to do, Like you have 824 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,239 Speaker 1: to come up with like the way that you want 825 00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,480 Speaker 1: to walk in the world, and then looking at others 826 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,880 Speaker 1: who have done that, and then finding your own unique way. 827 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,000 Speaker 1: My wife is a really successful food blogger and her 828 00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:28,800 Speaker 1: first cookbook comes out this year. You know, my publishers like, 829 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,320 Speaker 1: we'll get some Facebook ads and we'll do some podcasts 830 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,440 Speaker 1: and stuff. Her publishers like, well, you're gonna be on 831 00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,080 Speaker 1: Good Morning America and you're gonna be on the It's 832 00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:40,080 Speaker 1: like very different. And she's worked really hard for ten 833 00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:43,120 Speaker 1: years to get to where they're at now, and they 834 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,680 Speaker 1: might be like, all of a sudden, it might be 835 00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:48,880 Speaker 1: like a huge explosion, people like, oh my god, how 836 00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,000 Speaker 1: did you do that? I could never do that. It's like, 837 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:55,160 Speaker 1: have you worked ten years on something? If you worked 838 00:41:55,160 --> 00:42:00,120 Speaker 1: ten years on something, you will get better. That's that's it. 839 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:02,680 Speaker 1: Like even let's talk about painting. You know, people just 840 00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:04,759 Speaker 1: think that painters like walking to their studios, I'm gonna 841 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:05,840 Speaker 1: roll my eyes in the back of my head and 842 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:09,120 Speaker 1: then be like, I made a painting. It just came 843 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,680 Speaker 1: through me. Oh my gosh. It's like no, no, no, no. 844 00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,279 Speaker 1: Often you don't know that. Like when I talked to 845 00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,440 Speaker 1: young artists and they'll make something and I'll be like, 846 00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:19,759 Speaker 1: I think you're onto something. Here, do this painting four 847 00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:23,279 Speaker 1: more times, and I think on the fifth time, you'll 848 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,960 Speaker 1: get to something. Have you ever thought about making up 849 00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,759 Speaker 1: the same painting five times. No, and as as a 850 00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:32,920 Speaker 1: not artist in that way, I never thought about this. 851 00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:34,879 Speaker 1: I thought I thought that you did the thing that 852 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:38,120 Speaker 1: you just so many great artists they'll have practice paintings 853 00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:41,080 Speaker 1: before they did the paintings. You'll see practice sketches do 854 00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,680 Speaker 1: I'm like gonna work on a painting and I'm doing 855 00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:47,000 Speaker 1: all work using my iPad pro because I have that technology. 856 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,600 Speaker 1: I'm doing like practice paintings before I do that painting. 857 00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:54,359 Speaker 1: It's absurd to think like you just would enter into 858 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:56,319 Speaker 1: your life without ever trying it out. It's like you're 859 00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:59,880 Speaker 1: gonna start building on things. You're gonna start trying seeing 860 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,000 Speaker 1: it works, what doesn't work, what you like, what you 861 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,960 Speaker 1: don't like, and if you don't like that journey, I'm 862 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,239 Speaker 1: sorry to tell you that's the journey. So find the 863 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,000 Speaker 1: thing that you don't mind trying things out and stuff like, 864 00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,080 Speaker 1: it's not bad being a cook and trying like that 865 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,600 Speaker 1: didn't work. Well, you're still eating yummy food, you know. 866 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,319 Speaker 1: I don't know, it's it's all those things. Yeah, But 867 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,640 Speaker 1: I like I heard that in a different way. I think, 868 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:22,439 Speaker 1: I mean you said it earlier, but when you said 869 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:25,920 Speaker 1: that I'm a contribution thing, especially for like, let's say 870 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:27,880 Speaker 1: there are people that want to start a food blog 871 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,120 Speaker 1: like and they're like, well, if people have already done it, 872 00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,080 Speaker 1: she's successful, and that's what's the it's like. But you 873 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:38,080 Speaker 1: can still be a contribution even though you aren't seeing 874 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:43,799 Speaker 1: what this person is seeing from their work yet absolutely, absolutely, 875 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:47,800 Speaker 1: for sure, there's a billion food blogs. There's so many, 876 00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:50,120 Speaker 1: So it's not gonna be like I've posted something and 877 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,520 Speaker 1: then millions of people looked at it. No, but yeah, 878 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:57,200 Speaker 1: and this is laid out in contribution, which is gratitude. Convergence, 879 00:43:57,200 --> 00:44:02,279 Speaker 1: and conduit are the three areas of contribution. Practicing gratitude. 880 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,080 Speaker 1: If you make gratitude journals and lists of stuff you're 881 00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,520 Speaker 1: grateful for, eventually you'd be like, well, is it just 882 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:10,080 Speaker 1: about making lists? And it's not. It's about learning to 883 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:12,759 Speaker 1: live in a state of gratitude. And I would say 884 00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:16,680 Speaker 1: that a state of gratitude embodies this prayer, which is 885 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,440 Speaker 1: I will be given everything I need to accomplish what 886 00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,279 Speaker 1: I've been asked to do. And in that is a 887 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:26,040 Speaker 1: bit of like mystical spiritual stuff like providence and benevolence 888 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,560 Speaker 1: will work with you because like you don't know what 889 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,359 Speaker 1: kind of cosmic strategies are starting to take place when 890 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,440 Speaker 1: you and your bed whisper at night. I'd like my 891 00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:36,399 Speaker 1: life to be meaningful. I'd like I'd like to live 892 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:40,000 Speaker 1: a meaningful life. Is that did that just go into 893 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,160 Speaker 1: the void or did something here and begin to work 894 00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,680 Speaker 1: things out? You'd be surprised when you whisper what you 895 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:48,479 Speaker 1: really want how things work. Um, But gratitude is going 896 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:54,360 Speaker 1: like maybe everything I need is already here. The process 897 00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:56,000 Speaker 1: is learning how to take all of those things that 898 00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,440 Speaker 1: put it together. I use the metaphor of the show mcgever, 899 00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,160 Speaker 1: which you don't need to watch, but that was a 900 00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,719 Speaker 1: show that I watched. His whole thing was like the 901 00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:05,759 Speaker 1: whole show was like mcgiver would find himself in a 902 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:09,560 Speaker 1: situation and he'd be like bleach bottled duct tape, pose 903 00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:12,080 Speaker 1: wheel and then you make a helicopter and you get 904 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,759 Speaker 1: out of a situation. But the show was based on 905 00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:17,600 Speaker 1: the premise of like everything we already need is here. 906 00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,399 Speaker 1: How can I have eyes to see that? Maybe it's 907 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,800 Speaker 1: locked in a person. Here's some things we have to 908 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:24,680 Speaker 1: get over. Is like sometimes we have to go I 909 00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:26,680 Speaker 1: don't have it, but maybe they do Maybe I need 910 00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:29,160 Speaker 1: to ask for help, Maybe I need to ask for 911 00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:32,120 Speaker 1: a partnership. Oh why is that vulnerable? Here we go 912 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,560 Speaker 1: living a life through your vulnerabilities, looking at the community 913 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,279 Speaker 1: around you. So there's like living from that state of 914 00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:42,359 Speaker 1: gratitude then convergence. It's like, you have to know a 915 00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:44,800 Speaker 1: lot of things to do something in the world today. 916 00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:47,400 Speaker 1: There was a time not too long ago, even just 917 00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,120 Speaker 1: like forty years where you could know one thing and 918 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,960 Speaker 1: build a career off that. Like you you're like, you're 919 00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:56,360 Speaker 1: a psychologist, a therapist, but I relate hard to what 920 00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:59,600 Speaker 1: you're about to say. A therapist, but you're also podcasting 921 00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,799 Speaker 1: and doing all these things. So it feels like we're 922 00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,560 Speaker 1: never going to become the master of anything. And that's 923 00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:06,879 Speaker 1: true because what we become the master of is how 924 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:11,719 Speaker 1: all of those things uniquely converge together. That's what we 925 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:15,120 Speaker 1: become the master of, our own unique convergence of all 926 00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:18,520 Speaker 1: the things we do and we love. Like, so I 927 00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,040 Speaker 1: have to be I have to know a bit of 928 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:23,120 Speaker 1: stuff to run a website and then make images and 929 00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,640 Speaker 1: then be a speaker and write things and emails and 930 00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:28,280 Speaker 1: all of that stuff. But what I become a master 931 00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:31,000 Speaker 1: of is how my loves and my interest, my abilities 932 00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:34,239 Speaker 1: uniquely come together in my stage show, in my art form, 933 00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:36,759 Speaker 1: in those things. When I love that you just said that, 934 00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:39,440 Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with that. Oh, it's so helpful. It changed 935 00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,040 Speaker 1: my life when somebody, Uh, I read it in this 936 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,719 Speaker 1: book by Jeff Goin's. I don't think it's his real 937 00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:47,919 Speaker 1: original idea, but like he called it a portfolio life. 938 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:50,480 Speaker 1: But when that made so much sense to me because 939 00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:52,359 Speaker 1: I was like, because I'm I don't have a lot 940 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,239 Speaker 1: of examples about what I'm trying to do. I have 941 00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:56,840 Speaker 1: certain people who represent things I'd like to do, but 942 00:46:57,160 --> 00:47:01,040 Speaker 1: not the unique juxtaposition of all those things. Elizabeth Gilbert 943 00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:04,040 Speaker 1: had a super soul. Yeah, so she had the super 944 00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,520 Speaker 1: soul conversation about the humming birds and the jackhammers. Have 945 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:09,520 Speaker 1: you heard of this? I can't find it on the 946 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:11,200 Speaker 1: internet anymore. I feel like I got taken down. But 947 00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:13,520 Speaker 1: I talked about it on an episode on here and 948 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,200 Speaker 1: talked about how like there's some there's certain people that 949 00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:19,640 Speaker 1: have this one deep passion or like mastery that they 950 00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:22,719 Speaker 1: do this one thing expert is ish at and that's 951 00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,960 Speaker 1: their thing. But then there's also all these people who 952 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,160 Speaker 1: do a little bit of a lot of things, and 953 00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,720 Speaker 1: that gets to be just as meaningful. And I feel 954 00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:32,520 Speaker 1: that because I do not think I'm never going to 955 00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:36,919 Speaker 1: be the smartest therapist or know the most about attachment theory, 956 00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:39,799 Speaker 1: the most about eating disorders or no, I'm not going 957 00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,480 Speaker 1: to be that. But I know a lot about a 958 00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:45,080 Speaker 1: lot of things, and then I know a lot about 959 00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:47,560 Speaker 1: I can run a website, or I can run a 960 00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:50,920 Speaker 1: Instagram page where I can I also teach fitness classes 961 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,240 Speaker 1: and I can, and all of those things come together 962 00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:59,120 Speaker 1: to make something unique and that gets to be worthy invaluable. Yeah, absolutely, 963 00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:02,680 Speaker 1: and you you're on your way. You can also learn 964 00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:05,080 Speaker 1: grow into the things you don't know as well. But 965 00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:08,080 Speaker 1: the last way of contribution is being open to being 966 00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:10,640 Speaker 1: a conduit of and this is this is where it 967 00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:13,440 Speaker 1: gets a bit more spiritual of. Just like one of 968 00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:17,359 Speaker 1: my favorite teachers is a Franciscan friar named Richard Rore, 969 00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:19,879 Speaker 1: and I got a chance to be with a small 970 00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:23,520 Speaker 1: group with him, and he's written like twentysomething books, like 971 00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:26,719 Speaker 1: a crazy amount. And somebody was like, how have you 972 00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:30,280 Speaker 1: just written so many books? It's really crazy, and he 973 00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,239 Speaker 1: he said this, like I have it on my wall 974 00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:35,040 Speaker 1: right here, he said. When I realized I didn't need 975 00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:38,760 Speaker 1: to be the creator of content, but the conduit of content, 976 00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:42,560 Speaker 1: things became a lot easier. And this maybe is my 977 00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,600 Speaker 1: own haunting as an artist, But like what I've learned 978 00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,120 Speaker 1: as a creative is that, and and Liz Gilbert speaks 979 00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:50,080 Speaker 1: to this too, is that there's something that would like 980 00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,000 Speaker 1: to come through me. Mostly I think love, which we 981 00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,920 Speaker 1: could say God or you know, anevalence and all of 982 00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:58,480 Speaker 1: that stuff. Love wants to come through me, and it's 983 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:02,239 Speaker 1: looking for ple to be that conduit. When you make 984 00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:06,520 Speaker 1: yourself available for something to come into the world, you 985 00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,479 Speaker 1: will be given gifts, You will be given what you need, 986 00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,600 Speaker 1: but you have to make yourself available to that. You 987 00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:14,680 Speaker 1: have to say I want to do this. If you 988 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:18,600 Speaker 1: keep saying no at prom you'll never get to dance, 989 00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:21,560 Speaker 1: you know, like you have to say yes to dancing 990 00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:25,000 Speaker 1: in order to experience the joy of being a dancer 991 00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,600 Speaker 1: or in that dance and stuff. So it's when we 992 00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:30,080 Speaker 1: start saying yes to being like I'm allowing myself to 993 00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,200 Speaker 1: be a conduit of something that comes into the world. 994 00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:36,520 Speaker 1: Then this is where this like whole other magic side 995 00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:39,520 Speaker 1: of life happens. I really think there's also which we 996 00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:41,959 Speaker 1: don't have time for this. I wish we did. There's 997 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,720 Speaker 1: also a whole conversation that popped into my head around 998 00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:49,400 Speaker 1: humility with that idea, Oh absolutely, And if we can't 999 00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:52,520 Speaker 1: live with humility, then for me, if I can't, if 1000 00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,920 Speaker 1: I can't access humility, I'm not going to try anything. 1001 00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,520 Speaker 1: I'm not really saying yes to anything unless I know 1002 00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:01,080 Speaker 1: for a fact how it's going to turn out in 1003 00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:03,320 Speaker 1: the end. So I wish we could get into that 1004 00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:06,080 Speaker 1: because that is like heavy in my brain right now. 1005 00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,920 Speaker 1: But I think with all of this, there's not a 1006 00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:13,040 Speaker 1: way to wrap this conversation because I feel like I 1007 00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,560 Speaker 1: could go on for so much longer. But I think 1008 00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:19,960 Speaker 1: the point of this is there's so much goodness and 1009 00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:23,879 Speaker 1: value in what you have created with this book. There 1010 00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:26,520 Speaker 1: really is. And to me, it's like, there's this book 1011 00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:29,120 Speaker 1: that you created, it's this thing, but what it's going 1012 00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:33,480 Speaker 1: to help people access and create is like far greater 1013 00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:37,560 Speaker 1: than the book. And and I'm I'm saying this from 1014 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,440 Speaker 1: the person that I said earlier, I do not enjoy reading. 1015 00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:44,759 Speaker 1: That's a great compliment. I wanted to make something that 1016 00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:46,719 Speaker 1: felt like it wasn't a burden, but it was like 1017 00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:49,399 Speaker 1: a joy to go through. That's why there's a hundred illustrations. 1018 00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:52,200 Speaker 1: The pictures are I mean everything in there. I'm like, 1019 00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:55,279 Speaker 1: this feels good to me. I like really enjoyed it 1020 00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:57,680 Speaker 1: and it and it it's something that I think it's 1021 00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:00,400 Speaker 1: going to help me and help transform them of my thoughts. 1022 00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:03,400 Speaker 1: But I mean the effect outside of that is going 1023 00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:06,120 Speaker 1: to be huge. And so I have a lot of 1024 00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:09,839 Speaker 1: gratitude for the part of your life that influenced this, 1025 00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:13,600 Speaker 1: because it wasn't it wasn't an easy thing for you, 1026 00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,200 Speaker 1: and to be able to use that to create something 1027 00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:17,800 Speaker 1: like this is very meaningful to me, and I appreciate 1028 00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:20,120 Speaker 1: that a lot. This is a way of me saying 1029 00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:24,680 Speaker 1: you guys need to read this. If you're enjoying this conversation, 1030 00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,279 Speaker 1: if there's things popping into your head and your heart 1031 00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,160 Speaker 1: that are like ohh like they are even for me 1032 00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:33,280 Speaker 1: right now, I fully encourage you to read this and 1033 00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:36,920 Speaker 1: and even read it alongside friends. I think it's something 1034 00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:38,880 Speaker 1: that I think would be very helpful. This would be 1035 00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,120 Speaker 1: a great like clearly I'm not like in a book club, 1036 00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,480 Speaker 1: but if you are, hey, Oprah, like, let's just give 1037 00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:52,000 Speaker 1: this a shot so on that. Thank you and thank 1038 00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:55,600 Speaker 1: you for this conversation and for your human nous in it. 1039 00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,320 Speaker 1: I always say I have a really hard time relating 1040 00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:02,360 Speaker 1: to people who don't show vulnerability because I don't know 1041 00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:05,480 Speaker 1: what to I'm like, like, I want to see people's humanness, 1042 00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:10,880 Speaker 1: and that's easy to see and feel talking to you. Yeah, 1043 00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:12,919 Speaker 1: we have lots a few minutes over here. Is there 1044 00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:16,120 Speaker 1: any way that's easy for people to access this book 1045 00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,919 Speaker 1: or you that you want to shout out? Yeah, I'm 1046 00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:22,799 Speaker 1: Scott the painter on all socials and I surprisingly I 1047 00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:26,560 Speaker 1: respond to everything, so I'm most active on Instagram. So 1048 00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,680 Speaker 1: if you DM me there, I'll answer your questions. Uh, 1049 00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:32,280 Speaker 1: if you just type in say yes Scott, you'll find 1050 00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:36,160 Speaker 1: this book. I'm also doing one last year of touring 1051 00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,200 Speaker 1: of the show. The show was a lot of this stuff, 1052 00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:41,920 Speaker 1: but in a different kind of formats, very crowd oriented. 1053 00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:45,279 Speaker 1: And you were just in Franklin, Tennessee, weren't you. I 1054 00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,000 Speaker 1: was you know what? I didn't say this earlier, but 1055 00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:54,240 Speaker 1: I already in Nashville, so I want to come back. Okay, 1056 00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:57,840 Speaker 1: because I originally when I was talking about scheduling booking you, 1057 00:52:58,160 --> 00:52:59,960 Speaker 1: it was going to be in person because you were coming. 1058 00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:03,759 Speaker 1: But yeah, I forgot that I was going on a 1059 00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:07,560 Speaker 1: trip to Disney World with my nieces and then and 1060 00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:09,560 Speaker 1: I love it. In your book you talk about going 1061 00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:14,399 Speaker 1: to Disneyland with your kids, and I truly related so 1062 00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,520 Speaker 1: hard when you're like, if you've been to disney World 1063 00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,719 Speaker 1: or Disneyland as an adult without kids, you'd have to 1064 00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:24,560 Speaker 1: go again because seeing two little kids that I like, no, 1065 00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:28,680 Speaker 1: intimately at Disney World, I mean, I could cry thinking 1066 00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:32,600 Speaker 1: about it. It was the coolest experience. It's really fun, magic, 1067 00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:35,799 Speaker 1: really fun. It really is. It is, yeah, because it's 1068 00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:38,960 Speaker 1: like them meeting their friends because they've been given video 1069 00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:41,760 Speaker 1: after movie after thing, and then all of a sudden, 1070 00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,120 Speaker 1: it's like they're going over to their friends house. I mean, 1071 00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:45,880 Speaker 1: and and it's a roller coaster in a pri and 1072 00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:49,480 Speaker 1: it's the greatest amusement park there is. They do such 1073 00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:53,160 Speaker 1: a good job with it. It can be overwhelming, and yeah, inexpensive, 1074 00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:56,880 Speaker 1: very expensive. Ye, but I think if you just appreciate, 1075 00:53:57,239 --> 00:53:59,959 Speaker 1: like just me and my friends who also have kids, 1076 00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:03,400 Speaker 1: it we just as artists were always like, it's so immersive, 1077 00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:07,200 Speaker 1: it's unbelievable. How good of a job they do of 1078 00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,680 Speaker 1: making it immersive like I have gone. Look and it's 1079 00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:13,040 Speaker 1: probably a little bit of privilege, but I've definitely gone 1080 00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:15,759 Speaker 1: for like four or five days in a row, which 1081 00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:19,440 Speaker 1: is tremendously too long. Like day four, you're like, I 1082 00:54:19,520 --> 00:54:22,000 Speaker 1: need I need reality. If you can go over like 1083 00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:25,160 Speaker 1: a day or two, it's a wonderful experience and so 1084 00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:28,520 Speaker 1: much fun. And there's songs just happening in the middle 1085 00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:30,920 Speaker 1: of the street, and there's music and they're like, look 1086 00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:33,160 Speaker 1: at this art show. We're gonna do this theater thing. 1087 00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:36,240 Speaker 1: Go get yourself pumped with adrenaline on this roller coaster 1088 00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:38,959 Speaker 1: and then have some sugar. It's just like it's so much. 1089 00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:43,120 Speaker 1: It was incredible, So I was when I read that, 1090 00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:45,000 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, I feel this all on. 1091 00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:47,680 Speaker 1: That's set. Thank you so much for having this conversation 1092 00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,440 Speaker 1: with me, Scott. I'm so excited for everybody to hear it. 1093 00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:53,880 Speaker 1: And I'm going to link your Instagram and all the 1094 00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,960 Speaker 1: ways people can find you in the show notes. But 1095 00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:57,839 Speaker 1: I just want to say again, thank you so much 1096 00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,959 Speaker 1: for this conversation and thank you for writing this book. 1097 00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:12,760 Speaker 1: Are talking. Bye. Hold On, buddy, what I'm so sorry. 1098 00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:18,960 Speaker 1: Hold On, I gotta unlock a door. You gotta go, 1099 00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:23,399 Speaker 1: y well, when you gotta go, you gotta go. You're 1100 00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:33,560 Speaker 1: what you're hungry? Oh my gosh. Okay, okay, we don't 1101 00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:38,359 Speaker 1: have any chocolate chip bars. I know. I'm so sorry. Here, 1102 00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,200 Speaker 1: can me? Can we give me your tablet? Can we 1103 00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:44,080 Speaker 1: give it to me? Go take it over there? Living 1104 00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:48,880 Speaker 1: in the vulnerabilies today, Um usually get up. I usually 1105 00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:51,400 Speaker 1: get up early and make some kind of baked goods 1106 00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,719 Speaker 1: for everybody. And I didn't because I stayed up late 1107 00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:55,680 Speaker 1: with some friends and I was gonna say, why don't 1108 00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:58,239 Speaker 1: you have chocolate chip muffins? I say they ran out. 1109 00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:01,759 Speaker 1: He left him out and they got all hard and 1110 00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:05,880 Speaker 1: I was, yeah, anyways, my wife just taking him. Okay, 1111 00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:12,279 Speaker 1: go with mom. Mom, I'll miss you, miss you,