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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Shure, and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say it out of you. This week we're gonna

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Speaker 1: be talking about breakups, but not any kind of breakup,

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Speaker 1: particularly the kind where you live together and then you don't.

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Speaker 1: And I've been through several different types of breakups, but

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Speaker 1: I can tell you without a doubt that this type

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Speaker 1: is obviously the most inconvenient. But there's just so many

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Speaker 1: things that you don't realize you're going to have to

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Speaker 1: deal with when this happens. So with a normal breakup,

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Speaker 1: you know, you might go through the motions after which

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Speaker 1: are like deleting their number, on following them on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: you know, talking ship to your friends and just trying

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Speaker 1: to put some distance between yourself and the other person.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes when you break up with someone, you don't

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Speaker 1: go the same place, says, you don't have the same

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Speaker 1: friend groups and you really don't have to see them again,

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Speaker 1: and that's great and you can kind of just like

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Speaker 1: put them away in a box and not have to

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Speaker 1: think about it. Then there's the breakups where your lives

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Speaker 1: are are really entwined. Maybe you work together, maybe you

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Speaker 1: go to school together, maybe you have all the same

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Speaker 1: friends and you have to kind of plan who's going

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Speaker 1: to go to the birthday party and who's not. And

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Speaker 1: this is all under the assumption that these are messy breakups,

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Speaker 1: not like the ones where you can like go get

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Speaker 1: a coffee after and check in on them. I don't

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Speaker 1: know a whole lot about those ones. So those pose

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Speaker 1: a different type of risk because you know you're seeing

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Speaker 1: them and that it's hard because it's kind of reopening

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Speaker 1: the wound at all times, and you know they may

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Speaker 1: have left some things in your closet. You may find

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Speaker 1: a sweatshirt, etcetera, etcetera. But then when you lived together,

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Speaker 1: it's a whole different thing. So it's not like necessarily

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Speaker 1: a divorce, but it's sure shares a lot of similarities.

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Speaker 1: And when I was going through the move out of

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Speaker 1: the breakup, it's like you're dividing everything, and obviously, like

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Speaker 1: you know, you're dividing the obvious things, like you know, um, okay,

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Speaker 1: you can take the TV in the living room and

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Speaker 1: I'll take the TV in the bedroom, or okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: those are your pots and pans. All take these ones,

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Speaker 1: and like you know, after six years, who remembers who

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Speaker 1: bought one anymore? I mean there were so many things

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Speaker 1: we bought together, and you know, there's furniture, but then

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Speaker 1: they were like super super random things like Christmas ornaments.

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Speaker 1: And I wasn't thinking about that at first because we

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Speaker 1: broke up in May, and as like you know, the

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Speaker 1: the year goes on, I'm finding more stuff and I'm like, fun,

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Speaker 1: he's probably gonna want this, And you know, sometimes I

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Speaker 1: would find something that like I found a book from

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Speaker 1: one of our friends who had passed away, and there's

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Speaker 1: really really lovely letter to my ex boyfriend written in it,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, hmm, he's probably gonna want this,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not excited to go talk to him, but

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Speaker 1: like I'm an asshole if I don't give him this

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Speaker 1: thing that's super super important. And that was like, I

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Speaker 1: feel like a year after the breakup too. So it

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Speaker 1: was just I was kept finding these things and reasons

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Speaker 1: to talk to him. And I remember, like the week

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Speaker 1: after we broke up, I was like, you can get

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Speaker 1: off my cell phone pool and I was so pissed,

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Speaker 1: Like this was a very messy breakup. So all of

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Speaker 1: this was like ten times harder than it should have been.

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Speaker 1: There's just no such thing as a clean break in

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Speaker 1: a breakup period, but especially in one like this. I

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Speaker 1: had to get new car insurance, and you know, he

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Speaker 1: had to move out and find another place to live,

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Speaker 1: and I took the apartment, but there were just so

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Speaker 1: many things everywhere reminding me of him, and I felt

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Speaker 1: like my house was a mine field of things to

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Speaker 1: stumble across, and like it was super weird because he

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Speaker 1: didn't move out everything all at once. And I remember

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Speaker 1: the first time I had another guy over after we

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Speaker 1: broke up, I still had some of his clothes hanging

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Speaker 1: in my closet and I felt so fucking weird about

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Speaker 1: that and totally ruined it. And And I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not ready to get back out there. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I cut things off with that guy, but it was

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Speaker 1: just his ghost, his energy, his ship was all still

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Speaker 1: in there, and it just felt like the breakup was

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Speaker 1: even more recent than it was. And it felt like

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Speaker 1: that for a really, really long time. And I mean

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Speaker 1: I still I just moved into a new place, like

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Speaker 1: right before quarantine happened, and thank god, I like, I

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Speaker 1: used to live by myself obviously after my ex moved out,

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Speaker 1: and now I have roommates and that's like totally saved

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Speaker 1: me during the whole COVID thing because I'm such an extrovert.

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Speaker 1: It would have been really really hard to live by myself.

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Speaker 1: But I was moving and I like found a bunch

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Speaker 1: of stuff that I didn't even know I had, and

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Speaker 1: it was just like hiding in boxes and like I

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Speaker 1: found letters and pictures, and I was just like, and

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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily like I want to throw everything away,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't want to hang onto it so I

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Speaker 1: can still feel it, but it's like I want to

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Speaker 1: keep those six years of my life some how. So

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Speaker 1: I just shoved everything in a box and put it

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Speaker 1: in my storage in it and I don't really think

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Speaker 1: I'm going to look at it. But it's also like

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Speaker 1: I don't want to erase a six year period of

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Speaker 1: my life. Like if I had gone through a best

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Speaker 1: friend breakup like I talked about on last week's episode,

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Speaker 1: I would have kept like the pictures and I would

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Speaker 1: have kept the presence they gave me and stuff, and

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Speaker 1: maybe I wouldn't have looked at them all the time,

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Speaker 1: but I still would have held onto them. So I

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Speaker 1: kind of saw this as the same thing. And they're

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Speaker 1: just in a box with his name on it. Shoved

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Speaker 1: under some you know, Halloween decorations in my storage in it,

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Speaker 1: but I kept them, and I think after the move,

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Speaker 1: it was so good for me to get out of

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Speaker 1: the apartment that we used to live in and get

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Speaker 1: into a completely new space and be able to go

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Speaker 1: through everything I owned and like purge everything that made

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Speaker 1: me think of him. But there were so many things

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Speaker 1: I had to get rid of in order to do

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Speaker 1: that that I didn't necessarily want to get rid of.

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Speaker 1: One of those things was bed he had built for me.

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Speaker 1: And he built me this really big, king size bed

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Speaker 1: frame and it was stained gray and it was really cool,

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Speaker 1: and you know, it was exactly what I wanted, and

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Speaker 1: he'd made that for me, and I had it for

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Speaker 1: a really long time because king bed frames are really expensive.

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Speaker 1: I really liked this one, and I had him make

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Speaker 1: me one like that for a reason. But it was

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Speaker 1: really fucking weird to have that bed frame and you know,

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Speaker 1: have a male guest over in the bed that my

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Speaker 1: ex boyfriend built for me. It was really weird. And

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Speaker 1: that was one of the last things I got rid

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Speaker 1: of because I just I liked the bed, but it

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Speaker 1: eventually ended up being too much and I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to do this at all. So my

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Speaker 1: roommate actually bought it off of me, so now it's

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Speaker 1: in her room. I'm like, you can do whatever you

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Speaker 1: want with that bed because you have no emotional ties

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Speaker 1: to it. Then there was the Nintendo Switch, which is

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Speaker 1: like I'm still very very salty about. So back when

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Speaker 1: they first came out and they were sold out everywhere,

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Speaker 1: it was Christmas or his birthday, I forgot which one,

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Speaker 1: and I got him a Nintendo Switch. But because they

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Speaker 1: were sold out everywhere, I think I paid like double four,

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Speaker 1: Like I paid like six d and something dollars for

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Speaker 1: this Nintendo Switch, which in retrospect I realized was a

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Speaker 1: little stupid, but you know, it made him really happy.

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Speaker 1: It was a great gift. Whatever. And I got so

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Speaker 1: obsessed with Zelda Breath of the Wild, like so obsessed.

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Speaker 1: So I had beat all four of the Divine Beasts

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Speaker 1: and those are like really hard to do, and I

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Speaker 1: learned so much about Zelda and I got really into it.

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Speaker 1: And it was during the winter and so I just

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Speaker 1: didn't have a lot going on, and I was just

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Speaker 1: sitting on my couch playing Breath of the Wild for

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Speaker 1: hours at a time, which, like maybe me losing the

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Speaker 1: Nintendo switch was necessary because of how much time I

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Speaker 1: was spending on it. But I really really liked that game,

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Speaker 1: and so I had purposely beat all four of the

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Speaker 1: Divine Beasts and so I could go into the final

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Speaker 1: thing and beat Gannon, who's like the the Evil Overlord

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Speaker 1: would've but I wanted to play it and and do

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Speaker 1: every single thing and beat like all twenty shrines or

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Speaker 1: whatever there were. If you guys have not played Zelda,

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Speaker 1: I know I'm just like, this is gibberish, but just

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Speaker 1: bear with me. So that was very important to me

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Speaker 1: that I played the game like that, and it wasn't

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Speaker 1: easy to get to that point and to get all

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Speaker 1: the resources and like, you know, do the damn thing.

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Speaker 1: And so when we broke up, I was still in

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Speaker 1: the process of beating this game. Fuck me, I'm so

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Speaker 1: mad because he took it when we broke up, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know how that works, because it was a

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Speaker 1: gift I gave him, but we used it equally, and

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Speaker 1: I paid a literal arm and a leg for it

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Speaker 1: just for him to cheat on me and suck my friends.

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Speaker 1: So I'm definitely still a little salty and I could

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Speaker 1: go buy a new Nintendo Switch. Actually I probably couldn't

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Speaker 1: because you know, I don't really have a job right now. Um,

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Speaker 1: but when I have money again, I could go buy

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Speaker 1: a Nintendo Switch. But I'm kind of like, maybe I

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Speaker 1: need to just leave that in my past. No matter

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Speaker 1: how much I loved Breath of the Wild, I need

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Speaker 1: to let it go. Then there were things like books

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Speaker 1: and records and you know, all the poetic things that

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Speaker 1: you hear about in the Keith Therapist. Only take your records,

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Speaker 1: take your feet, don't take You'll know. Actually I will

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Speaker 1: take the records, thank you very much. I'll take the

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Speaker 1: record player funk off. So the things I got in

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Speaker 1: the breakup are mostly I didn't have a TV for

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Speaker 1: a really long time. I just didn't really care because

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Speaker 1: I was doing so much Like after we broke up.

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Speaker 1: I don't even really watch that much TV now during

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Speaker 1: Quarantine and there's a couple of shows that I get

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Speaker 1: really into, but I don't think I had a TV

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Speaker 1: for like six months. And then finally my friends were like, Kaylee,

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Speaker 1: get a fucking TV. You are a weirdo. So I

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Speaker 1: got a TV, and I got like a really small

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Speaker 1: one that's like barely a computer screen, and my friend

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Speaker 1: Catherine was like, Kayleie, get a big girl TV. So

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Speaker 1: I got a big girl TV. Christian gay of me

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Speaker 1: one or else I would not have done it. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was like, told him he could have the TV

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Speaker 1: and I would take all the other things. But it

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Speaker 1: was really like I made it seem like a sacrificial thing.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I guess you can have the television,

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Speaker 1: but really I just did not give two shuts about it.

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Speaker 1: So there were easy things to part with. There were

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Speaker 1: difficult things to part with. But the really shitty parts

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Speaker 1: of breakups like this aren't the material possessions. It was

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Speaker 1: obviously the loss of friends, which I talked about on

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Speaker 1: last week's episode. That's really difficult, and how do you

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Speaker 1: divide a person? I mean, this makes me think of

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Speaker 1: that story in the Bible about there's two women fighting

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Speaker 1: over a baby and they're both saying that it's their child,

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Speaker 1: and the king is like, okay, well what we'll do

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Speaker 1: is we'll cut the baby in half. And then he

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Speaker 1: was like, that's how i'll know which one of you

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Speaker 1: is actually the mother, because the one who says no,

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Speaker 1: she can have him is the actual mother. And I

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Speaker 1: don't know what was running through the other ladies mind,

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Speaker 1: and she was like, yeah, yeah, I'll take half a baby,

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Speaker 1: I'll take the torso please what the ship. Anyways, there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of weird stuff happening in the Old Testament,

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Speaker 1: but it makes me think of that because you can't

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Speaker 1: just like cut your friends in half. But I have

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Speaker 1: this theory that Okay, picture a spectrum where I'm on

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Speaker 1: one end and my ex boyfriends on the other, and

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Speaker 1: our friends are dead center. So if our friends are

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Speaker 1: in the middle, they're too far away from either of

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Speaker 1: us to actually be a good friend. And being Switzerland

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Speaker 1: and being neutral seems like it's the adult thing to do,

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Speaker 1: but I actually really disagree with that, because you have

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Speaker 1: to pick a side, especially if it's a messy breakup,

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Speaker 1: like you have to. You can still love the other person,

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Speaker 1: but like at the beginning, you really need to decide

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Speaker 1: who you're going to be there for, because if you're

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Speaker 1: in the middle, you're too far away from either person

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Speaker 1: to actually be a good friend. You can't actually listen

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Speaker 1: to them objectively because you're too close to both people

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Speaker 1: but you're too far away. And then if you go

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Speaker 1: a little bit over to one side, you're just getting

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Speaker 1: further and further away from the other person, and so

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Speaker 1: you just need to commit to one person over the other.

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Speaker 1: And it blows my mind that in breakups sometimes people

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Speaker 1: go to the side of the person that their friend

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Speaker 1: introduced them to, Like it's like, oh wait, homie, the

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Speaker 1: only reason my ex boyfriend knows you is because I

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Speaker 1: introduced you to him. And I just had a friend

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Speaker 1: go through the same thing last week, and I was

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Speaker 1: just like, I don't know why people do that, but

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Speaker 1: honestly pick a side when they are able to get

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Speaker 1: past it and outgrow those feelings of anger and just

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Speaker 1: be a little less resentful towards their ex, Like, then

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Speaker 1: you can work on that friendship. But it is completely

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Speaker 1: within your rights as a friend to be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you know, they're going through a really hard time and

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Speaker 1: I don't want to get in the middle. And if

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to stay friends with both of you, I am,

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Speaker 1: by definition in the middle. So I'm just gonna try

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Speaker 1: to be there for them in the best way I

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Speaker 1: know how, and I'll reach out to you when I

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Speaker 1: feel like it's an appropriate time. Like that is okay,

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Speaker 1: That's called setting a boundary and I promise you both

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Speaker 1: sides will probably appreciate that you did that, especially you

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Speaker 1: know whosever side you take, because they're gonna feel supported

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Speaker 1: and they're not going to have to worry about what

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Speaker 1: they're telling you. You know, like people want to talk

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Speaker 1: ship at the end of a breakup, they really really do.

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Speaker 1: And if they're like, is this going to get back

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Speaker 1: to them, They're not gonna feel safe with you, and

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Speaker 1: you're just not going to be able to be the

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Speaker 1: friend that that person needs. And it's just not worth

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Speaker 1: it to be Switzerland unless it's the country Switzerland. The

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Speaker 1: country is a great country. But you know what I mean. Now,

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Speaker 1: the friends were hard. But the thing that still breaks

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Speaker 1: my heart a lot. I'm gonna try not to cry

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Speaker 1: when I'm talking about it is Um. We had two

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Speaker 1: dogs together and their names are Buddy and June. I

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Speaker 1: up June and I got her in Um right after

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Speaker 1: I moved to Nashville. I got her as a puppy

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Speaker 1: on craigslist. Um. She's a bad at Hound lab mix

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Speaker 1: and she's just the spunkiest little girl. I named after

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Speaker 1: June Carter Cash and I got to watch her grow

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Speaker 1: up from a puppy and she was the first dog

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Speaker 1: I ever had. I didn't have dogs growing up, but

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Speaker 1: I always loved them, and so it was so amazing

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Speaker 1: for me to finally be able to do that when

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Speaker 1: I was nineteen. And when I first moved to town,

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Speaker 1: I really didn't have any friends or know anybody, and

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Speaker 1: so it really was just me my ex boyfriend in June,

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Speaker 1: and we had his childhood dog, mj there as well,

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Speaker 1: and she was a really, really really good dog. She

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Speaker 1: passed away pretty soon after we moved to Nashville, and

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Speaker 1: so June was especially important to have because she got

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Speaker 1: both of us through that challenge. But she was technically

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Speaker 1: my first dog, and I just adore her so much.

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Speaker 1: She's she's so cute and has all these like little

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Speaker 1: quirks about her, like if you walk in the door,

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Speaker 1: she's just gonna like like pedal her feet on the

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Speaker 1: couch and just like yell at you and then like

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Speaker 1: finally explode and just zoom across the room to go

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Speaker 1: give you kisses. And about a year after we got June,

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Speaker 1: I believe in twenty maybe it's fifteen, so maybe two

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Speaker 1: years after a year and a half, we got Buddy.

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Speaker 1: And Buddy is a rescue from animal testing. So he

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Speaker 1: came from this group called Beagle Freedom Project, and they

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Speaker 1: rescue dogs out of labs and give them a second

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Speaker 1: chance at life, whereas the lab would normally euthanize them.

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Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna do a whole episode on this because

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Speaker 1: I want to be able to share the things I've

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Speaker 1: learned from both adopting and fostering dogs from Beagle Freedom Project.

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Speaker 1: But Buddy's a little miracle dog. He has tattoos and

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Speaker 1: his ears from the lab, and definitely some major anxiety problems,

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Speaker 1: but he's so precious and like just wants to love people,

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Speaker 1: and it's so beautiful to watch because all people really

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Speaker 1: did the first year of his life was hurt him.

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Speaker 1: And he's still so trusting of people and so loving

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Speaker 1: and just wants to be everybody's friend. And he came

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Speaker 1: with the name Buddy, which I probably wouldn't have picked,

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Speaker 1: but I couldn't imagine him being named anything else because

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Speaker 1: he's such a buddy. And he's a little Veagle Lab

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Speaker 1: mix and just looks like a forever puppy, like he's

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Speaker 1: like a little shrunken lab and he's just the cutest

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Speaker 1: And so I put in a lot of time and

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Speaker 1: and love and effort into helping him recover from his

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Speaker 1: really traumatic life and give him a safe place to

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Speaker 1: grow up and and see him turn into the very healthy,

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Speaker 1: happy dog he is today. And he really would never

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Speaker 1: know that he went through so much. And I just

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Speaker 1: fucking love those dogs so much. But when we broke

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Speaker 1: up two years ago, I was touring all the time,

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Speaker 1: but I was still insistent on us having shared custody

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Speaker 1: of the dogs, which I know that sounds ridiculous, but

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Speaker 1: you have me on. Basically what we would do is

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Speaker 1: the first few weeks two months that we broke up,

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Speaker 1: he was living with a friend and the dogs aren't

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Speaker 1: really an option for him, so I had them, and

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad because it was a really shitty time

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Speaker 1: for me, and also, like living alone is kind of

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Speaker 1: scary at first, so having my animals there was really awesome.

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Speaker 1: And then he got his own place and was able

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Speaker 1: to start taking them, so I was like, Okay, well

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Speaker 1: let's go back and forth. So we do like two

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Speaker 1: weeks on, two weeks off, depending on my touring schedules.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it would get a little bit you know, rearrange there.

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Speaker 1: But I had to see my ex all the time,

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Speaker 1: we could just like, you know, drop the dogs in

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Speaker 1: a neutral occasion and I'd go pick them up. Like

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Speaker 1: we had to see each other. I had to go

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Speaker 1: over to his house, he'd have to come over to

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Speaker 1: mine or whatever, and it was always like it was

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Speaker 1: always dramatic, and I mean the first few times, he

350
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,360
Speaker 1: would always try to make out with me or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, oh, and it was just

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Speaker 1: messy and super unnecessary. But I would literally do anything

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Speaker 1: for those dogs, and that's why I had to eventually

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Speaker 1: end up letting him have them the majority of the time. Um,

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Speaker 1: and then now he just has them, and I knew

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Speaker 1: that with my lifestyle traveling seven that they would you know,

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Speaker 1: I have to be with him anyways, and then that

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Speaker 1: I would have to see him or I'd have to

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Speaker 1: bring them to a kennel, which I wouldn't want to do,

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Speaker 1: or pay for a dog sitter, and that just really

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00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:08,000
Speaker 1: gets really expensive on musicians living. And there were just

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00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,359
Speaker 1: so many different factors. But finally, you know, one day,

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Speaker 1: my manager was like, Kayleie, you just you have to

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00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,240
Speaker 1: stop seeing him because it's fucking with you and it's

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00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 1: keeping you in this headspace where you're still going through

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Speaker 1: the breakup, Like the breakup felt so perpetual because it

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00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,679
Speaker 1: was just getting so dragged out by all of this.

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Speaker 1: And yes, that was because we lived together, but it

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Speaker 1: was also because of the dogs, and I kind of

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00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 1: thought so our agreement was that he would get the

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Speaker 1: dogs and I would dog sit whenever he went out

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Speaker 1: of town. But then the problem is, and I probably

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Speaker 1: should have known, is that this is a he's lied before.

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Speaker 1: Why wouldn't he like? And and he started having other

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Speaker 1: people watch them, and I would text him and be like, hey, um,

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00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 1: I heard that so and so watch the dogs. Or

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00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 1: I would see something on Venmo where he'd like Venmo

378
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,880
Speaker 1: someone for pet sitting, and I was like, what the funk?

379
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,720
Speaker 1: Like we had one term of this agreement, which was

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Speaker 1: that I would dogs at them, and then also that

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00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 1: like if he ever had to rehome them for any

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Speaker 1: reason or he was moving away to another state or whatever,

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00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 1: we'd have to completely reevaluate the situation because I don't

384
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Speaker 1: want a new dog. I want those ones. I'm so

385
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 1: attached to them and I haven't been able to shake

386
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Speaker 1: it at all, Like I love them so much. And

387
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Speaker 1: so it hurt really bad when he was doing that

388
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 1: because I was like, God, it's just like the fucking

389
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,800
Speaker 1: gift that keeps on giving, Like this breakup just keeps

390
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 1: hurting over and over and over in new ways. And

391
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,240
Speaker 1: so I don't remember the last time I've seen them.

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00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,040
Speaker 1: I think I went over and took them out when

393
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,920
Speaker 1: he had a long work day or something one time,

394
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 1: like maybe like a year ago. And that sucks. That

395
00:20:56,240 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 1: fucking blows so bad. And I'll always see pick shows

396
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,440
Speaker 1: of them on my phone, and like I still watch

397
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 1: his story sometimes because I want to see the dogs,

398
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,679
Speaker 1: and I have pictures of them, and I've had so

399
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,119
Speaker 1: many fans give me presents, like someone did this beautiful

400
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 1: drawing of June, and another fan gave me a snow

401
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 1: globe that has pictures of the dogs together in it,

402
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 1: and I have these things all over my room and

403
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 1: it's just heartbreaking. And like last week and um, the

404
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:30,119
Speaker 1: week before, I had like a couple of dreams where,

405
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 1: oh god, it just sucks so bad. I had a

406
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 1: couple of dreams where I was with the dogs and

407
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 1: it felt so normal and like they were there again.

408
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 1: And I woke up and I thought they were in

409
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 1: bed with me, and they were and it's I know

410
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 1: what sounds like dramatic, and if you haven't had a dog,

411
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 1: it's it's like, oh, well, it's just a dog. But

412
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 1: it's not like when I didn't have any friends here.

413
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: I had my talk and when I went through the breakup,

414
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: I had them when I was depressed and I wasn't

415
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 1: eating and wasn't taking care of myself. The only thing

416
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: that got me out of bed was having to take

417
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 1: care of them, and I was able to put their

418
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,199
Speaker 1: needs ahead of mine because I just didn't feel like

419
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 1: taking care of myself. But taking care of them was

420
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 1: what got me up and out of bed every morning

421
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:30,679
Speaker 1: and kept me from just spiraling because I'd have to

422
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,800
Speaker 1: get up and go outside and take them out and

423
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: you know, see the sun and not just completely just

424
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,639
Speaker 1: be a piece of ship and stay in bed for

425
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 1: a week straight because I probably would have otherwise. And

426
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 1: so it's just really hard and it hasn't gotten any easier,

427
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:50,359
Speaker 1: and I don't know if or when it will. The

428
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:54,439
Speaker 1: last time I had them full time, like well, not

429
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:55,880
Speaker 1: full time, but like when him and I were going

430
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 1: back and forth. The last time I had them as

431
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 1: like their owner, co own or whatever you want to

432
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 1: call it was January of and that was right before

433
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,200
Speaker 1: my sister passed away. So I had told my ex,

434
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 1: you know, he could come get them. I was going

435
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 1: to keep them for a couple of weeks and really

436
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,440
Speaker 1: enjoy that time with them, And so he came over

437
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 1: and picked them up. But at that point, it was

438
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 1: like the day after my sister passed away, so I

439
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: had to not only like leave my dogs and and

440
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 1: give them to him, but I also had to see him.

441
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 1: And then it was this home mess, and I was

442
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: just like sobbing, and it was just probably the worst

443
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 1: added layer to what was already the worst week of

444
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 1: my life. And it just was insult to injury and

445
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 1: just really hard. But one thing that really helped was

446
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 1: when I went back home for my sister's funeral. My

447
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 1: dad had to um adopt her children, but he also

448
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 1: had to adopt several of my sister's animals as all.

449
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,400
Speaker 1: And I was like, Dad, you probably need one less

450
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 1: mouth to feed. How about I take monkey? And I

451
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 1: think my dad might have actually offered but Monkeys a

452
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 1: cat that I've had since I was eight years old,

453
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,639
Speaker 1: so he's really old. He's nineteen. I think at this

454
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 1: point his age is a little bit nebulous, but I

455
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,360
Speaker 1: know he's very old, and he's like minimum nineteen years old,

456
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 1: and so I didn't have to come back to an

457
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 1: empty house without a pet, which I think was just

458
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 1: like the grace of God because it would have sucked.

459
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: And so when I was going through that and really

460
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 1: missing them, I had Monkey and he's just such a

461
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 1: good boy. He's like the kind of cat that makes

462
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 1: people who, hey, cats love cats, and he's just so

463
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:52,719
Speaker 1: loving and he's amazing. And I have to take him

464
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 1: to the vet today because he's lost a little bit

465
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 1: of weight, but other than that, he's very healthy for

466
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 1: his age and he's very spunky and very I got

467
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: him a Christmas sweater and he actually really likes it

468
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 1: like I love him. So that was the only thing

469
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: that made this any easier. So it's not a divorce,

470
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 1: but it certainly fucking feels like one. And all I

471
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: would say is I think really hard before you move

472
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: in with someone. I wouldn't have done anything differently. I

473
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 1: have totally accepted that this was part of my life

474
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 1: path and I needed to go through this to get

475
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 1: to where I'm at right now. And I'm really happy

476
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,400
Speaker 1: with where I'm at right now. I do wish there

477
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,439
Speaker 1: were two little dogs here, but that's the only thing

478
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 1: I'd probably change. But think really hard about it, because

479
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: it's not really something you're just trying. It's something that's

480
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,439
Speaker 1: going to affect you, even if you break up with

481
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 1: them and you don't love them anymore, and it's it's

482
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: easier for you. You're going to be carrying around that

483
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 1: guilt knowing that it was hard for them and that

484
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: they were going through all this stuff, and it's just

485
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 1: makes things ten times messier. So if you're going to

486
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 1: move in with someone, don't do it so you can

487
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:05,400
Speaker 1: save money on rent. Don't do it because you feel

488
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 1: like you have to do it because you've thought long

489
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,719
Speaker 1: and hard about it and you are pretty positive this

490
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 1: is the person you're gonna end up with for the

491
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 1: rest of your life. So the day I wrote the

492
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 1: song the one on my album with Savannah Kaiz and

493
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 1: Skip Black. I've talked a little bit about this on

494
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 1: the podcast and in interviews, but I wrote that ten

495
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: hours after him and I broke up, and that was

496
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 1: that was just a fucking day. And I went in

497
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 1: the studio and I almost didn't want to go, but

498
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, what being with Savannah and

499
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 1: Skip always feels like therapy. I just kind of want

500
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 1: to be around people I know love me and won't

501
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,199
Speaker 1: judge me, and so I went into the right We

502
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 1: wrote the one which ended up on my album, but

503
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 1: we also wrote this other song that didn't, and it's

504
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: called Couch, and so I wanted to play it for

505
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 1: you because it's about, you know, dividing up your things,

506
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:55,360
Speaker 1: and it's very on point with this topic. So that's

507
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 1: why this episode is called Who Gets the Couch? And

508
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 1: this is my song Stilling at the sailing Fan. It'spenning

509
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 1: like my world that's in your hand. Whish I could

510
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 1: have said I've seen this coming, like it was written

511
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: in the start of something. Staying at the same fan.

512
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 1: Broken like that doy you said you would fix how

513
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: didn't know then that you would walk out of it,

514
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 1: saving off of tickets, making plans for forever anywhere we go.

515
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 1: It's show up together. Now we're broken, like that doy

516
00:27:54,080 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 1: you said you would face God, fuck you a pride

517
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 1: and to get hard. You have your future and oh

518
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 1: you'll guitars. Now I'm sitting in an empty room. You'll

519
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: still belong to me. Get you a million questions in

520
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 1: my head, but all that comes out it's who gets

521
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 1: the couch? Left a picture on your night stand? Like

522
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 1: it's some kind of message like I don't give it

523
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:46,959
Speaker 1: down if I need. Ton't matter that I'm broken hearted. Baby,

524
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 1: there's a million in this apartment. I don't need a

525
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: picture on your own night stands to your pride and

526
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: I till get high. You have your future? Oh you

527
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: good size? Now I'm'm sitting in and emtivil used to

528
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: belong to me? Get you? Amongion questions in my habit

529
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 1: all that comes out, Who gets the castle we saved

530
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 1: up for made out on? Will you help me? When

531
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 1: I cried? Call your friend with the truck? You canno

532
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 1: have it? It's I'm too tired out of fight. You

533
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: took your pride. I took it hard. You took my

534
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 1: future and all your good size? How the hell do

535
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: we move on and move out? A million questions in

536
00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 1: my head, but it all that comes out, Oh yeah,

537
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: So who gets the couch? Who gets the couch? I've

538
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 1: always loved that song and it was so important for

539
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 1: me to write, and I just want to say thank

540
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 1: you to Savannachize and Skip Blackford always letting me be

541
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: honest and transparent and cry and write, and um, I'm

542
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: happy that I got to play that song for you, guys,

543
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: if you are wondering, it's been two years now and

544
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: the fate of the couch. What ended up happening was

545
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 1: he took the love seat, I took the couch, and

546
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 1: now that couch is in my new boyfriend's house, so

547
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 1: I don't live with him, but he gave him my

548
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 1: couch because I didn't need it anymore anyways, and you've

549
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 1: got it. So thank you, guys so much for tuning in.

550
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 1: Moral of the story here is if you're going through

551
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 1: something like this, your pain is valid. But people survive

552
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: crazy things. I've survived crazy things, and you will wake

553
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: up one day and not think about them, and you

554
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: will wake up one day and look at I don't know,

555
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 1: a pillow or an end table or a book or

556
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: whatever something you used to have in your house together,

557
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 1: and you're going to just be like, oh, yeah, that's

558
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: a pillow or an end table or a book. It's

559
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: not it's not an embodiment of that person. So, UM,

560
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: if you have gone through something like that, sending you

561
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 1: my love, I know it really fucking sucks, but I

562
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 1: made it through it and I got a king battle

563
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 1: to myself. Now. I love that for me. Thanks for

564
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: tuning in. My name is Kaylie Short and this is

565
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 1: too much to say. See you next Wednesday. Question it

566
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: out you