Speaker 1: Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
Speaker 1: the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox sports
Speaker 1: Radio dot com and within the i Heart Radio app
Speaker 1: search f s R to listen live. Be sure to
Speaker 1: catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at
Speaker 1: two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports
Speaker 1: Radio and the I Heart Radio app. If you thought
Speaker 1: more hours a day, minutes a week was enough, think again.
Speaker 1: He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a sole
Speaker 1: fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter
Speaker 1: the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse,
Speaker 1: to clearinghouse of hot takes, break free for something special.
Speaker 1: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in
Speaker 1: the air everywhere you cannot get away from the Mallard
Speaker 1: brand because management wants us to keep doing other shows.
Speaker 1: So it's the podcast, the spinoff version of the Ben
Speaker 1: Maller over a Night Show. Because four hours obviously not
Speaker 1: or not not enough during the week on the overnight
Speaker 1: clearly not enough. We do this now eight days a week.
Speaker 1: At least some of us do this eight days a week.
Speaker 1: And this the Saturday edition of the podcast and we
Speaker 1: will have plenty of amazing audio content for you. Of
Speaker 1: course you'll be the judge of that, and back this weekend.
Speaker 1: You never know when he's gonna be here and when
Speaker 1: he's not gonna be here. He's very bougie. The work
Speaker 1: ethics not quite up to standard, but David gascon nice
Speaker 1: of you something. The only offs you know, I figured, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, and salary demands aren't there met just yet.
Speaker 1: So I gotta, you know, play a little tough. I
Speaker 1: gotta play a little a little push, a little back.
Speaker 1: You know that dance would do. So just kind of
Speaker 1: sitting here with us common people, the holy poloy sitting
Speaker 1: at home. It's Ben Mallory, the common people. Yeah again,
Speaker 1: I know you're oblivious to this. I'm in a professional
Speaker 1: radio studio from your house, with better equipment than the
Speaker 1: equipment that you're sitting in front of in that particular room.
Speaker 1: So I just want to point that out right now.
Speaker 1: I'm in a situation where the quality on my end
Speaker 1: is wonderful. Yeah, because the equipment is better. I won't
Speaker 1: be curious come tax Seas, and I know we're around
Speaker 1: the corner, but I would imagine you'll you'll push things
Speaker 1: back a little bit. I will be curious how much
Speaker 1: money you saved in on gas, not like tires, not
Speaker 1: on oil, but gas. Well, it went up. The electricity
Speaker 1: bill went up, as you know, to pay for the
Speaker 1: electricity here for all this equipment here. It's there's a
Speaker 1: lot of equipment in this particular studio that I have,
Speaker 1: So yeah, balances out, No way, there's no way that
Speaker 1: balances out. Like you you drive a hefty, hefty ways
Speaker 1: a way to get to the Fox Sports studios. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I do occasionally go in there, and I go out
Speaker 1: there and I'll check out the Neanderthals like yourself that
Speaker 1: worked there, and I'll do it. You know, time of
Speaker 1: time you check in when you need to pick up mail.
Speaker 1: Let's not confuse anybody about you checking in with people.
Speaker 1: It's killing two births of the ones. Of course, show
Speaker 1: you a little bit about my and my ambition here
Speaker 1: compared to guest gon. When when I'm doing the show
Speaker 1: and the broadcast line goes down, what I do? Run?
Speaker 1: You know a rain storm. See, I'm hungry like a wolf.
Speaker 1: I want to keep working. So what I do? I
Speaker 1: got that fire my belly guest guy, so I gave
Speaker 1: them almobile. I didn't even put shoes on. I was
Speaker 1: in such a hurry because well, the main reason I
Speaker 1: was in a hurry is because that guy Brian Finley
Speaker 1: on the air and I could see my career going
Speaker 1: away because Brian Finley was doing the hour of radio
Speaker 1: while I was was driving around. So I was a
Speaker 1: little concerned by that. I have I actually have a
Speaker 1: remedy for that. And for you. Yeah, this is something
Speaker 1: I was taught by someone else that works on one
Speaker 1: of these networks. Why don't you tape recording and or
Speaker 1: hour and have it in the bag so you're talking
Speaker 1: an evergreen hour. You could just put that on at
Speaker 1: a given moment there, just in case. Right, Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: it's not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea.
Speaker 1: And uh, I have thought about it. I now. I
Speaker 1: I was in the mother ship, the Fox Sports Radio
Speaker 1: studios when Wrong Button Bob got the nickname Wrong Button Bob.
Speaker 1: When Bob Gara went nuclear and turned he hit the
Speaker 1: kill switch on the entire network four radio stations, in
Speaker 1: a switch we didn't even notice existed until Robert Garrett
Speaker 1: found it. The producer now of the Odd Couple, by
Speaker 1: old producer and all I did. I said, you know,
Speaker 1: can you go back and reset the computer because you
Speaker 1: had to go back into the control room to reset
Speaker 1: the computer that I used when I was in there.
Speaker 1: And he went back and he flipped the switch, and uh,
Speaker 1: and then we found out what happened if Fox Sports
Speaker 1: Radio went off the air and was not met with
Speaker 1: a lot of enthusiasm because they had They did have
Speaker 1: some tape shows, but they were like ten years old
Speaker 1: talking about college basketball. They were not generic, is what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. They were not. They were time sensitive and
Speaker 1: did not satisfy the needs of the consumer. And correct
Speaker 1: me if I'm wrong. Wasn't that the best of Steve Disager? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well yeah, we heard the Sager doing a college basketball
Speaker 1: like n c A tournament scoreboard, which would have been
Speaker 1: fine if it had been that year and it had
Speaker 1: been college basketball season, it would have been perfectly fine.
Speaker 1: But it was neither of those things. It would have
Speaker 1: been awes would have been awesome if it was in March, right,
Speaker 1: Like we confused? You mentioned how confused the people would be.
Speaker 1: So that's that's great. So what's what's on the menu
Speaker 1: of this? So that's fine? So all right, so on
Speaker 1: this Saturday edition of the Fifth Hour. We've got a
Speaker 1: word show, drama, rama, We've got that a lot to
Speaker 1: get to in that discussion. Also cydeclops, tales of West
Speaker 1: of the four oh five, and the nickname claim and
Speaker 1: so we have all that. In addition, if we have time,
Speaker 1: we'll get to pop quiz as well. That's a lot
Speaker 1: of content. That's a lot of content. That's bonus content
Speaker 1: that only the p ones that tune in even on
Speaker 1: the weekends get. Other people don't get this content. Guest guy,
Speaker 1: this is amazing content. We I come in here with
Speaker 1: a lot of gumption to put this together and people,
Speaker 1: you know, not everyone will here. We're fine. This is
Speaker 1: for the special like one per centers if you will,
Speaker 1: that are extremely locked and loaded, that support the podcast
Speaker 1: or they have nothing else to do. Well that that
Speaker 1: also well and also the honey Dooo list on the weekends.
Speaker 1: I hear that a lot from from the fellas. You know,
Speaker 1: you get the get the stuff that you gotta do
Speaker 1: on the Saturday, get up early, do some stuff, put
Speaker 1: the podcast on or there, go for a walk or
Speaker 1: whatever whatever you do. Many different ways you can consume
Speaker 1: the podcast or your truck driver and I know from
Speaker 1: talking to moving Man Matt, the Great Moving Man out
Speaker 1: of Boston, that he will save up the podcast, the
Speaker 1: whole the full Monty and then when he goes on
Speaker 1: the road, goes to Oregon or somewhere across the country.
Speaker 1: He was just put on the podcast anyway, All right, now,
Speaker 1: Awards Show, Drama Orama. It is one of the biggest
Speaker 1: weekends of the year on The Ben Maller Show. And
Speaker 1: if you've been listening, you know, if you've been paying
Speaker 1: attention to the overnight show, all about the lead up
Speaker 1: to the pinnacle, to the big payoff, right the crescendo. Uh,
Speaker 1: and that would be Sunday night into Monday. Now, why
Speaker 1: is Sunday night into Monday different than all other nights
Speaker 1: on the Ben Mallor Show. I'm glad you asked. Uh.
Speaker 1: It is the night that we present in living audio
Speaker 1: color ones Benny Awards, celebrating mediocrity in marginal over night
Speaker 1: sports radio. And I know Gascon for you, this is
Speaker 1: very difficult to be part of. You now, you're not
Speaker 1: part of that show, but this is where we honor
Speaker 1: the people you consider peasants and sharecroppers and hay seeds
Speaker 1: and country Bumpkins. These are the people that are below
Speaker 1: you guesscon but to me, they're equals, and so we're
Speaker 1: gonna honor these people. It's always a stressful time in
Speaker 1: in the show. Um, but I know you don't like
Speaker 1: that when we kind of celebrate the regular people. You
Speaker 1: were annoyed by that, Gusco. I'm a little appalled by it.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I mean, everyone that's out there
Speaker 1: that listens to this podcast knows I'm underappreciated and undervalued
Speaker 1: and undercompensated. And to that I break my back for you.
Speaker 1: And and then additionally, I am not I am not
Speaker 1: even up for a consideration as a benny for a
Speaker 1: commendable fill in, because that's exactly what I am, or
Speaker 1: what what you have on your show with three guys,
Speaker 1: most of them sleeping from majority of the four hours.
Speaker 1: You lean on me like a good wing man, like
Speaker 1: this is Pete Mitchell and Mother Goose and top Gun,
Speaker 1: like I am here there for you at any given time,
Speaker 1: not only on the air, but at the middle of
Speaker 1: the night. I supply you with entertaining and theatrical stories
Speaker 1: that make you laugh a little bit during a You
Speaker 1: have a special kind of Michigas as my grandfather. You
Speaker 1: are so oblivious, you know, you have missed a bunch
Speaker 1: of podcast I've missed like six that's a lot. That's
Speaker 1: not a lot. That is a ton. Okay, that is
Speaker 1: a ton. And you're so oblivious, You're unaware. The Pikes
Speaker 1: has been fine. No one hasn't. If I'm getting directly
Speaker 1: it sucks on this, then yeah, no, I disagree. Who
Speaker 1: do you want to rip that? We've had great people
Speaker 1: that have come in here and done the podcast. What
Speaker 1: are their names? Well, last week we had bow of
Speaker 1: the show that was in here and did an amazing job,
Speaker 1: and he talked about you want to Yes, Yes, he
Speaker 1: was great. He didn't talk too much, he didn't try
Speaker 1: to steal the show at all. He was he was
Speaker 1: one with Kevin the Great, Kevin O'Connell. Kevin, here's a
Speaker 1: solid job. He's the guy that just left the company
Speaker 1: two days ago. Okay, continue, well, that's fine. He probably
Speaker 1: got a better job for the Curse of the Benbino. Continue,
Speaker 1: that was the curse of the Bambino at all. He
Speaker 1: worked on your show and then he quit. He laughed. Well,
Speaker 1: because now because of that, it's the catapult. He's not
Speaker 1: probably got a better job. Good for him. The other
Speaker 1: Mallard's success story, Mallard tree booming. Maybe he could go
Speaker 1: right for a local newspaper and playgiarize some articles and
Speaker 1: then get fired. Wow, savage monster, you're a savage monster. Yeah, alright, anyway, listen,
Speaker 1: the point of this is guesstcon. The show goes on
Speaker 1: the Jubilasian the celebration. It's always a laza lallapalooza. I
Speaker 1: think it's the of the word I was looking for there,
Speaker 1: but it's it's always fun, even when you're not here. So,
Speaker 1: but the reason, get back to the point please. Alright,
Speaker 1: So we're talking about this this week being special. Why
Speaker 1: is this a stressful time? Because there is so much
Speaker 1: on the line. There was so much on the line.
Speaker 1: You win a Benny Award and your life changes in
Speaker 1: amazing ways. It does. You get immense clout in the
Speaker 1: little village that is the Ben Mallory Show of the
Speaker 1: Mallard Militia, in our little ecosystem, a little world here.
Speaker 1: It's a big deal. This is a big deal. You
Speaker 1: might say, Oh, who cares, It's just a dopey overnight show. No,
Speaker 1: one's listening anyway, and you might be right about that,
Speaker 1: but we have our own little cult and for the
Speaker 1: nocturnal creatures right to get together there and all the
Speaker 1: carnivores and the primitive beings that listen overnight, that are
Speaker 1: up all night with us. Ah, this is huge, This
Speaker 1: is very important. It's essential that you are celebrated and
Speaker 1: honored with the Banny Award. And now the the real
Speaker 1: reason for the anxiety, though, is emotion. Emotion takes over.
Speaker 1: The better story is in the losing locker room, and
Speaker 1: it's just a couple of layers this. It's the people
Speaker 1: that don't get nominated. I get nasty emails. I've been
Speaker 1: listening to you for X number of years and your
Speaker 1: trow used to be good. But I cannot believe I
Speaker 1: sent you seven thousand three text messengers Twitter and you
Speaker 1: did not put me on the list of a nomene
Speaker 1: Always like that, And then I also like the nominees
Speaker 1: who don't win and then have bitterness and resentment towards
Speaker 1: the show as well. And I'm not getting the Benny's.
Speaker 1: We've done this for several years now, and some people
Speaker 1: hold such a grudge that we have lost some of
Speaker 1: our higher ranking members of the mall unlesha pe once
Speaker 1: because of displeasure for not winning an award which does
Speaker 1: no financial no monetary value. You don't get a trophy.
Speaker 1: And you know every everyone, every year there's at least
Speaker 1: one or two unhinged whack jobs, the chowter heads that
Speaker 1: come out here. But I say to each their own guests, alright,
Speaker 1: So I got a question and a comment for this
Speaker 1: first offic The comment is this is it's probably Coop's idea,
Speaker 1: but I thought it was a great job that you
Speaker 1: guys have nominated a renamed it Genie and Medford Caller
Speaker 1: of the Year. Well we did that several years ago.
Speaker 1: Genie passed away. Thanks for paying attention there. You're a
Speaker 1: big fan of the show. But the Genie and Medford
Speaker 1: Memorial Caller of the Year awards the greatest caller in
Speaker 1: the history of sports talk radio, the Overnight, the great
Speaker 1: Genie and Medford loved her, loved I thought she was
Speaker 1: fake for the first five years she called the show
Speaker 1: and says this, No one could be this crazy, but
Speaker 1: she was. That's good. Now. The question is is do
Speaker 1: you have anybody that you would consider in the running
Speaker 1: for a Leonardo DiCaprio kind of a war. Like. What
Speaker 1: I mean by that is it took DiCaprio year years
Speaker 1: and years and years to finally win an Oscar. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was nominated sometimes other times he wasn't and just
Speaker 1: never want anything despite having good work. And then he
Speaker 1: finally had that happened. I think it was with The
Speaker 1: Revenant a couple of years ago. So do you have
Speaker 1: anyone on your big board that you say, keep an
Speaker 1: eye on him or or her because they've been in
Speaker 1: contention a few times and just have never gotten over
Speaker 1: the hump. Oh yeah, there's there's several members of the
Speaker 1: Malle militia that are underappreciated, under rated, undervalued, however underword
Speaker 1: you want to use. And uh, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to influence the voting because the voting is Saturday. There's
Speaker 1: still time to vote and uh, you're laughing at me,
Speaker 1: but but seriously, because this is the final push here
Speaker 1: and now it's a little harder to vote now because
Speaker 1: I had to move some tweets around and you gotta
Speaker 1: check my timeline on there. You might have to scroll
Speaker 1: down a little bit. Maybe I'll repin that. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure how we're gonna do that. But the the voting
Speaker 1: is on. There's a way you can vote on Google.
Speaker 1: One vote per customer. There's a link. It's on the
Speaker 1: Facebook page. You're gonna have to scroll down a little bit,
Speaker 1: but please vote if you haven't voted yet. Some of
Speaker 1: these categories are literally, I'm not exaggerary, literally and figuratively
Speaker 1: being decided by like ten votes or less. It's insane. Now,
Speaker 1: for the sake, for the sake of transparency, will you
Speaker 1: let everybody that's voting on this know that when the
Speaker 1: voting starts, it will not stop at four o'clock in
Speaker 1: the morning and then restart any hours. Letter Well, well,
Speaker 1: let me put us away, gast Scott. We will have
Speaker 1: on on this edition of the podcast, the Saturday edition
Speaker 1: of the Fifth Hour podcast. Well full transparency. We're gonna
Speaker 1: wait actually to announce the real winners. We're gonna give
Speaker 1: out the awards on Sunday night, but we're gonna wait
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks there to all the absentee ballots
Speaker 1: come in, and then we're gonna count the absentee ballance,
Speaker 1: which I didn't even know it's possible on Internet. Pull
Speaker 1: We're gonna wait for that. You never know, Genie might
Speaker 1: actually vote then concern the dead vote. Now, just give
Speaker 1: me a heads up as we're doing this and we
Speaker 1: obviously the podcast is uh is recorded in a previous
Speaker 1: day and Saturday, but to give me an idea of
Speaker 1: where we're at now. One of the categories Best Show Marketing.
Speaker 1: This is a category that includes shell Shock really being
Speaker 1: the driving force the guiding light for the mallarw maneuver
Speaker 1: drink at a bar in Colorado. Thank you for that
Speaker 1: moving man. Matt came up with the Mallard the mobile
Speaker 1: Mallar Militia billboard on the back of his his big
Speaker 1: rig driving around the highways and byways of America. Andrea
Speaker 1: the sports astrologist Virgo and service on Twitter. She promoted
Speaker 1: the show when they did a feature on her on
Speaker 1: CBS Sunday Morning, gave us a shout out, and then
Speaker 1: Fats in Philadelphia lit himself on fire screaming Ben Maller
Speaker 1: during the NFL Draft, which was a great way to
Speaker 1: market the show since he and die so Um. Those
Speaker 1: are all all the the nominees in this category, but
Speaker 1: the top two are literally the separation point between number
Speaker 1: one and number two in this category is seventeen votes.
Speaker 1: Seventeen votes is the separation very close, best lame joke
Speaker 1: Writer of the Year, very very close as well, splitting
Speaker 1: hairs here. Uh. In fact, this one, there are as
Speaker 1: we're doing this, five votes separate first place from second place.
Speaker 1: Five And we keep in mind hundreds and hundreds and
Speaker 1: hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people have voted, and
Speaker 1: five votes separate this category. That is this insanity, UM
Speaker 1: and some of the other categories that are extremely extremely close. UM.
Speaker 1: Female Caller of the Year, the ladies stepping up the game.
Speaker 1: Are we gonna have to change that just a genderal,
Speaker 1: gender neutral call of the Year in the future, I hope,
Speaker 1: but maybe you maybe you dumb it. As as title
Speaker 1: nine Color of the Year, about title nine Color of
Speaker 1: the Year. Now we've had a big sea change in
Speaker 1: this category and the favorite is still in the lead,
Speaker 1: but number one to number two as we're doing this
Speaker 1: two votes. This is insanity and the person that was
Speaker 1: in number one is now fourteen votes behind number one.
Speaker 1: So it's all it's like a horse race, neck and neck.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be a photo finish in many of these categories.
Speaker 1: It's so exciting, And we also have the social media
Speaker 1: brackets which are online, and the final bracket is up.
Speaker 1: But we had sixteen finalists, the Sweet sixteen, and we're
Speaker 1: pairing that down. We also had the category for the
Speaker 1: Top Power Hour from from which you of course mocked
Speaker 1: and ridiculed, and radio it was tremendous. Radio was wonderful.
Speaker 1: We learned about people, learned about their lives and the
Speaker 1: very relatable something I know west of the four oh five,
Speaker 1: you guys, you guys can't even have your streets safe
Speaker 1: enough for the Great Tiger Woods to drive through. So
Speaker 1: you guys got your issues over there west of the
Speaker 1: four or five. Just want to point that out. Maybe, Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, So now as far as the people getting
Speaker 1: upset again, I just want to circle back to that,
Speaker 1: as the White House Press Secretary would say, So you
Speaker 1: you really don't need to go start raving mad. P
Speaker 1: s A. You don't have to go start raving mad
Speaker 1: because you didn't win a dope awards. You you know,
Speaker 1: on the on the bennings. It'd be cool if you did.
Speaker 1: Not everyone's gonna win. Obviously, it's not like you actually
Speaker 1: win a trophy. I must stress this. You don't win
Speaker 1: anything you get, but you do get golden tickets, which
Speaker 1: are only good. It's like Mickey Mouse dollars. They're only
Speaker 1: good at Disneyland. It's virtual street Craig, you get some
Speaker 1: of that. But the callers, I will say the callers
Speaker 1: were more important than ever in our shows. Much different
Speaker 1: than the other shows in that, you know the other shows,
Speaker 1: they most of them have gone away from taking calls
Speaker 1: and having listener contributions. And some of these shows, I'll
Speaker 1: let you in a little secret, some of these shows,
Speaker 1: as Taboo to says, they actually taped their show. They
Speaker 1: even they're not even there to take calls because they're,
Speaker 1: you know whatever, they're doing their thing. We're doing it
Speaker 1: live and we do obviously have a lot of interaction.
Speaker 1: That's one of the things that makes the show different
Speaker 1: and unique. And it was sports shutting down. Uh, you
Speaker 1: the listener were more important. We had no actual sporting
Speaker 1: events for over a hundred days, almost a hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty days to talk about in so we thank you now. Well,
Speaker 1: well we ever get the chance since we since we
Speaker 1: introduced Benny versus a Penny in online, would you ever
Speaker 1: consider doing the Benny's on YouTube? Um? Yeah, I I would,
Speaker 1: but it's it's part of the radio. So it's like
Speaker 1: for the radio shop. So I feel like it should
Speaker 1: be in that world. It should be in that world,
Speaker 1: because as much as I try to get people to
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast and to the other things that
Speaker 1: we do, there's there's a certain percentage of people that
Speaker 1: just our only radio listeners. And as much as I
Speaker 1: have tried, and usually it's people over a certain age
Speaker 1: all stereotype that the radio. I love radio, but I
Speaker 1: am able to listen to podcasting and streaming and whatnot.
Speaker 1: But some people aren't um and they're only able to
Speaker 1: listen to the radio. So I don't want to eliminate
Speaker 1: those people who are the backbone and the of the show.
Speaker 1: So we have these side clops. What is these cideclops
Speaker 1: all about here, guests? So it's it's that that cloud
Speaker 1: that that we have kind of crafted and created, that
Speaker 1: was upon us in September when we first launched to
Speaker 1: Fit Down with Ben Maller. It's taken us to the
Speaker 1: the highs, the highs of you being disbanded from rams
Speaker 1: and Seahawks games, to the loads of loads with my
Speaker 1: car being hit and windows being bashed out. I was
Speaker 1: I was not around last week obviously, and I know
Speaker 1: that was felt by you not being on the podcast
Speaker 1: for a couple of days, and wonderful. I I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, I had some issues. I needed to go
Speaker 1: visit an optometrist. And you know, for a month, maybe
Speaker 1: like three weeks, I had dryness at least I felt
Speaker 1: like I had dried us in one of my eyes
Speaker 1: and I was scratching it and rubbing it so much.
Speaker 1: I thought maybe it was an eyelash, maybe it was
Speaker 1: just something from the morning time. Couldn't get anything out,
Speaker 1: and I I tried remedy it by putting a warm
Speaker 1: cloth in my eye eye drops and nothing worked. I
Speaker 1: even took the drops that I used from my ear
Speaker 1: since they were eye drops, and still nothing worked. So
Speaker 1: I went to an optometrist and visit with the autometrist
Speaker 1: and she's like, I'm gonna run you through an entire
Speaker 1: evaluation since it's been a few years since you've had
Speaker 1: an exam. So I said, all right, final, if you
Speaker 1: take a few minutes, no, no worries. Then I went
Speaker 1: through a seventy five minute I evaluation and I shoo
Speaker 1: you not. It was like a full blown exercise routine.
Speaker 1: I was gassed. I was so tired, like just my
Speaker 1: eyes and my head from the functioning. And she said
Speaker 1: two things. She said, Hey, do you have double vision?
Speaker 1: And I said no, Why And she says, because some
Speaker 1: of these baseline tests that I put you through, it
Speaker 1: looks like you have double vision. But your eyes reset
Speaker 1: so fast because your eye muscles are fast, but your
Speaker 1: eye alignment is unbalanced, so you're gonna be susceptible to
Speaker 1: that as you age. And I was like, fuck, this
Speaker 1: is another thing Ben hasn't told me about. So when
Speaker 1: I don't have double vision, this one thing that's not
Speaker 1: fucked up. Anything else is fucked up, but that's not
Speaker 1: one thing that's messed up with me. So the creme
Speaker 1: de la creme was at the end. She went through
Speaker 1: the entire evaluation, then started looking at my eyes to
Speaker 1: see if anything was in it. And this made me upset, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, have you have you ever been outside
Speaker 1: the park catastrophe? Have you ever had a moment in
Speaker 1: your life where your body went into a fight or
Speaker 1: flight moment that you can remember? And it was really intense. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, off the top of my head, I'm trying to.
Speaker 1: I've been to some accidents where you kind of like
Speaker 1: your but full. I don't think I've ever fully gone
Speaker 1: into that mode, so okay, I've only been into it twice,
Speaker 1: and oddly enough, it was. One of the first times
Speaker 1: was when I was fasting to start and I had
Speaker 1: to do a physical and I had six vials of
Speaker 1: blood drawn, and for some reason, I went into a
Speaker 1: fighter flight. Because I was having the blood drawn, I
Speaker 1: was looking at it and I felt like I was nauseated.
Speaker 1: I feel like throwing up, I felt like just sweating. Well,
Speaker 1: when she was evaluating my eyes and then looking in
Speaker 1: to see if I had anything in them, she put
Speaker 1: this blue light into my eye and then she flipped
Speaker 1: my eyelid, and for some reasons terrible, but then it
Speaker 1: was so benign. All of a sudden, I started because
Speaker 1: I was fatigued already. I started getting this massive head ache,
Speaker 1: and then she pulled away and ben it looked like
Speaker 1: someone dumped a gallon of water on me. I started
Speaker 1: breaking out in this massive sweat. I felt nauseated and
Speaker 1: my adrenaline was going, blood was pumping, and I was
Speaker 1: fast in that same day, but I just felt fucking dead.
Speaker 1: And she said, are you all right? And I was like,
Speaker 1: I got no clue. I feel like I'm in this
Speaker 1: like fight or flight situation. It was like that for
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes and then she said after we were done,
Speaker 1: she's like, we need to still, we need to redo this.
Speaker 1: So after it was over with, we did both eyes
Speaker 1: and she says, you have a submittrical, asymmetrical elliptical nerve
Speaker 1: heads and these nerve heads are at the back of
Speaker 1: your eyes and they basically feed everything from her eye
Speaker 1: neurologically to your brain. And they're asymmetrical. So she says,
Speaker 1: when they're asymmetrical for human beings, you're susceptible or you
Speaker 1: can be down the road for glycoma. So I was like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute. All the way so she asked me,
Speaker 1: She's like, does anyone in your family have like coma
Speaker 1: anthem that Natris said no and uh And she says, well,
Speaker 1: and then that's you've had that then since birth it's
Speaker 1: genetic or you've had it just because of birth. So
Speaker 1: is there something they can do now that they know
Speaker 1: this that they can manage it? Yeah, Okay, that's good,
Speaker 1: and so this is a good thing. It's a horror story,
Speaker 1: but it's a good kind of So I gotta go
Speaker 1: to an opthalmologist now and been thousands of dollars probably
Speaker 1: it's so I need to have a baseline test to
Speaker 1: see exactly where those nerve heads are and then see
Speaker 1: how enlarge they become or if they if they don't
Speaker 1: at all. Because I asked her that, I said, hey,
Speaker 1: is this something that can reverse? Is it something I
Speaker 1: can prevent? And she says no, but we had to
Speaker 1: monitor it. So you have to be aware of this
Speaker 1: as you age. When you hit five, when you hit fifty,
Speaker 1: you know, and beyond that. So two things that really
Speaker 1: just so you got the vision. My hearing, I know
Speaker 1: is I'm gonna, you know, my old man to hearing it.
Speaker 1: But I know I'm gonna need a hearing it guaranteed
Speaker 1: by a certain point here. And the hearing I have headphones.
Speaker 1: I wear headphones for thirty hours a week here it
Speaker 1: turned all the way up. That's gonna be my my
Speaker 1: issue there. But as far as the flight or fight
Speaker 1: or flight thing, I think the closest I've had to
Speaker 1: that is flop sweat when I did really bad monologue
Speaker 1: and I just was drowning on the flop sweat, and
Speaker 1: I was just very uncomfortable. And that would be as close.
Speaker 1: I've done that many times. Yea, boy, the first show
Speaker 1: I ever did in radio, Oh my god, did I
Speaker 1: have stage fright? I was fine. I prepared for the monologue.
Speaker 1: Was like a Saturday morning. I prepared for the monologue.
Speaker 1: This is my big break. I was gonna host a
Speaker 1: show and it was in l A and it was
Speaker 1: a big deal. And so I I prepared for the
Speaker 1: monologue and I just nailed the monologue. It was a
Speaker 1: perfect ten. And I was all excited. I was all
Speaker 1: proud of myself. And then I had no material prepared
Speaker 1: for the rest of the show. I had nothing. I know,
Speaker 1: I no direction, no idea what I wanted to talk about,
Speaker 1: what I was gonna do. And then of course no
Speaker 1: one called. So I'm just drowning. I was just Remember
Speaker 1: my program director had come into. Bob Bennett was the
Speaker 1: guy's name. He came in to to congratulate me. Boy,
Speaker 1: you really did a great job. Man, you were wonderful. Man,
Speaker 1: you really just did a wonderful job. We're so proud
Speaker 1: of you. And then then he came back later in
Speaker 1: a slightly different tone, I had been blindsighted. Oh man,
Speaker 1: yeah I was. I was so disappointed obviously with my eyes,
Speaker 1: but the fact that I went into a fight or
Speaker 1: flight situation with just the flipping of an eyelid and
Speaker 1: well your eyes, you you're were you never you messed
Speaker 1: with the eyes. You met the brains right behind that.
Speaker 1: You're you're screwed. Yeah, that was a little nervous. So
Speaker 1: that's that's where I'm att This is uh, it all
Speaker 1: goes downhill. I apparently once you hit the big four. Oh,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't know that. I'm still thirty. So we have
Speaker 1: the nickname claim and then we'll get the tales of
Speaker 1: West of the Four. Oh if I have to push
Speaker 1: back pop quiz to the Sunday podcast. All right, so
Speaker 1: the nickname claim. Big week on the show for nicknames.
Speaker 1: Now we added not one, but two and this is
Speaker 1: a podcast exclusive. Two new officially sanctioned nicknames for who
Speaker 1: for me? All right? These were given by listeners. Now
Speaker 1: they both passed the test. They are now kosher, big
Speaker 1: shot out the Tree in Vegas, Big tip of the
Speaker 1: headphones Here Tree in Vegas submitted one. This was on
Speaker 1: the air because of my gambling habit money line Mallard
Speaker 1: money line Mallard. That is nickname number forty seven, So
Speaker 1: thank you Tree in Vegas on Twitter RP one buddy
Speaker 1: big Rig Robs submitted the nickname number forty eight, and
Speaker 1: I am now known as the Shaman of schaden Freuda,
Speaker 1: the Shaman of schaden Freud. So thank you to big
Speaker 1: Rig rob Eyes. You know, I enjoyed taking joy out
Speaker 1: of other people's misery and sports. So I now have
Speaker 1: more official nicknames than there are presidents that have. You know,
Speaker 1: they've been forty six presidents. I have forty eight nicknames.
Speaker 1: One point up. Well, I I do appreciate the fact
Speaker 1: that you were labeled money line Mallards since a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago you were corrected by a few people
Speaker 1: with art dispute between what money line odds are and
Speaker 1: what they are not. And that's good. And obviously he
Speaker 1: wasn't paying attention to Benny versus the penny in because
Speaker 1: you would not acknowledge that if it was the case,
Speaker 1: since you finished behind the penny to close out, then,
Speaker 1: in fairness and truth and broadcasting, if we had finished
Speaker 1: the year, and I might fortunately took a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks off there because you don't want to work at
Speaker 1: the end of the year, and then the situation with
Speaker 1: my family, so I couldn't do the playoffs, but I
Speaker 1: would have dominated the postseason. I'll point that out. I
Speaker 1: just want to point that out. Well, that's good. So
Speaker 1: now you've you mentioned the nicknames. But what is the criteria?
Speaker 1: What is the smell test? Well, you know, each nickname
Speaker 1: is judged on the rhythmic nature of it, the comedic
Speaker 1: nature of it. Is it gonna stand the test of time?
Speaker 1: Can't be two time specific? Uh? And so there's there's
Speaker 1: several criteria that go into it, and these are both passed.
Speaker 1: The test, the eyeball test, the smell test, the hearing test,
Speaker 1: money Line Mallard and the Shaman of Schadenfreud. New nicknames,
Speaker 1: very exciting. Now we have Tales of the West of
Speaker 1: the four or five quickly guess guy, Tales of West
Speaker 1: of the Four. I've I've been sitting in it frequently
Speaker 1: and I was invited by somebody on the apparatus. But
Speaker 1: for iPhone users that are out there, um, if you
Speaker 1: have access or if you'd like to, you can join
Speaker 1: and download an app called Clubhouse. It is an application
Speaker 1: which is audio only but it's set up like the
Speaker 1: old school days of ale well when they'd have those
Speaker 1: chat rooms where you could just meet people on there
Speaker 1: and type of way. Well this thing, well, no, but
Speaker 1: you can if you wanted to. But there's different rooms
Speaker 1: in there for different kind of categories and so I've
Speaker 1: invited you on there, but I thought it might be
Speaker 1: appropriate to invite people and to set something up like
Speaker 1: one of these days and maybe do something once a
Speaker 1: week We're invite members of the Mallam Militia into a
Speaker 1: private room where we can grab ass and talk and
Speaker 1: chat and ask questions and do ship like that for
Speaker 1: fifty sixty minutes. Uh. It's a good platform, but it's
Speaker 1: an opportunity for people to network, people to connect and
Speaker 1: obviously just shoot the breeze about anything that's out there.
Speaker 1: It's it's fascinating stuff Like I know Mark Cuban has
Speaker 1: been on there a few times. Elon Musk has been
Speaker 1: on there as well. Um, you get different celebrities, different personalities,
Speaker 1: and uh, I think it's fascinating that it's an application
Speaker 1: where it does away from the nuances of trying to
Speaker 1: network directly through emails and through company portals and ship
Speaker 1: like that you can actually reach out to these people
Speaker 1: one on one, and it's fascinating. I actually think it's
Speaker 1: right up there, and I think it would it's the
Speaker 1: equivalent of Facebook, better than Instagram. It's the audio. It's
Speaker 1: only audio, yes, still, so there's no video element to it.
Speaker 1: It's the only audio. So how do you how does
Speaker 1: how do people not start talking over each other? So
Speaker 1: there's there's moderators in each room, and in order to speak,
Speaker 1: there's an icon that allows you to designate someone to
Speaker 1: raise their hand. If they want to raise their hand
Speaker 1: and talk, they can, and if not, they don't talk
Speaker 1: at all. So you have moderators, you have speakers, and
Speaker 1: then you have an audience. Um, the cool thing is
Speaker 1: is how you connect to people. As you can list
Speaker 1: a profile like you would for Twitter or Instagram, and
Speaker 1: you can link your Twitter account and your Instagram accounts
Speaker 1: that way. So if you want to speak to someone directly,
Speaker 1: you connect with them on Instagram and then you can
Speaker 1: send them direct messages. That's happened to me a lot
Speaker 1: on there. So you can't DM anybody on clubhouse, but
Speaker 1: you can do it through other applications. So I would
Speaker 1: recommend I recommend to do that. I think it'd be
Speaker 1: pretty fun and I think it would be Uh, do
Speaker 1: you have like an investment in this or something? It
Speaker 1: sounds like you have a financial stake. No, But I
Speaker 1: do think that we can make get a financial situation
Speaker 1: if we pick up sponsors and we do things like that.
Speaker 1: People do it all the time where they have a
Speaker 1: a segment or something like that that's sponsored by a
Speaker 1: certain advertiser and then you plug them for a little while.
Speaker 1: So I'll investigate. I'll investigate, and I will check that out.
Speaker 1: But I believe we have to get out of here.
Speaker 1: Guess that's it's that time, right what we gonna say
Speaker 1: goodbye until we meet again. Be sure to catch live
Speaker 1: editions of The Ben Meller Show weekdays at two am
Speaker 1: Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the
Speaker 1: i Heart Radio app.