Speaker 1: If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 2: If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
Speaker 2: a terrible threatful guess what, You've got decisions.
Speaker 3: It's another hump day, it's another you got decisions.
Speaker 1: Babe, Babe, babe, babe bebe y'all to hear about that later.
Speaker 3: Anyways, welcome to another You've Got decisions, y'all.
Speaker 1: Our book is out. Literally, it's literally out.
Speaker 3: You can literally if you don't have it yet, bit
Speaker 3: too late, but there's always time.
Speaker 1: You can get it now.
Speaker 2: Also, I've been telling people in my stories if you're
Speaker 2: in the store, if you don't order it online, if
Speaker 2: you go to the store, please send us what it
Speaker 2: looks like in the store.
Speaker 1: Please do.
Speaker 2: And noteworthy is it in the sex and psychology section
Speaker 2: because we're number one on Amazon? Yeah, Medical, psycho general,
Speaker 2: sexual health as well.
Speaker 1: I was like, so, I'm like, yeah, all the different
Speaker 1: categories are really interesting that we're being put into on Amazon.
Speaker 1: Let me click on it and just see.
Speaker 2: Just so, No No Holds Barred has been out now
Speaker 2: for how many hours?
Speaker 3: Well, while we're recording this, this it's release date.
Speaker 1: But when y'all hear this, it's been out for a
Speaker 1: whole week.
Speaker 2: Number one new release in Sex Instruction, Yo, uh huh, we'll.
Speaker 1: Take that number one in new releases. Okay, I'll take
Speaker 1: that one. I'll take that one for a show.
Speaker 2: Then there's literature and fiction and erotica take that. We're
Speaker 2: number two. Some mother fuck nigga will no number one.
Speaker 2: We number two, and erotica releases and some other medical
Speaker 2: shit medical, wait till they open it up.
Speaker 1: Medical, Well, we do talk about anatomy. Medicinal. We talk snow,
Speaker 1: we talk anatomy. That's science. Sure. Sure.
Speaker 3: Anyways, y'all don't holds bard a dull manifesto. Sexual exploration
Speaker 3: empowers out. Not only do we want to see what
Speaker 3: our books look like on the shelves when you're going
Speaker 3: to the bookstores. If y'all can please take a picture
Speaker 3: with our book and send it to me if you
Speaker 3: want to repost it. Over the next couple of weeks,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna just be posting all the war Hive members
Speaker 3: with their books on our Decisions Decisions page.
Speaker 1: So please, please please, if.
Speaker 3: You have the book, take a picture with it, Smile,
Speaker 3: be cute, and send that to me. Be up, damn kids, Actually,
Speaker 3: just take it like this now because we can't post
Speaker 3: it like that, but I can do something else with it.
Speaker 1: Here we go.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, this week I thought it was only
Speaker 3: right to read this question from our listener because sounds
Speaker 3: very close to a chapter in Weezy's book, when do
Speaker 3: you know you stay too long? Well, this one says,
Speaker 3: my question is to leave or not to leave?
Speaker 2: Hi.
Speaker 3: I'm a new listener and have enjoyed listening to your pod.
Speaker 3: It helps break up my boring ass days at work,
Speaker 3: so thank you. I'm writing today for some insight.
Speaker 1: On what to do with my relationship. Here we go.
Speaker 3: I'm a thirty seven year old female and my partner
Speaker 3: is fifty four male. We've been together for two and
Speaker 3: a half years. He's recently battled stage two prostate cancer.
Speaker 3: He opted to have the surgery instead of chemo, which
Speaker 3: I wasn't a fan of. The recovery time for the
Speaker 3: surgery is extremely slow. Prior to his diagnosis, we had
Speaker 3: the best sex life. It was sexy, spontaneous, and freaki
Speaker 3: as fuck. Since the surgery, we haven't had any vaginal sex.
Speaker 3: He hasn't had an erection since before the surgery. In
Speaker 3: November of twenty twenty four. That was the last time
Speaker 3: we had sex. I've been celibate since then for contacts.
Speaker 3: I've been celibate three times prior to this, for more
Speaker 3: than a year each time, but that was by my choice.
Speaker 1: How old is Jesus thirty seven?
Speaker 3: Surgery was seven months ago and he is in remission,
Speaker 3: which I'm so happy about. He finished physical therapy a
Speaker 3: couple of months ago that hasn't continued to do any
Speaker 3: exercises at home like he should. You know how black
Speaker 3: men are. They feel they are better than they are.
Speaker 3: But he doesn't understand he's healing from the inside out.
Speaker 3: For the first few months, he would pleasure me with
Speaker 3: his hands, mouth, and toys. It's been about two months
Speaker 3: since he's done any of that. I would even suck
Speaker 3: his soft dick just so he wouldn't feel left out.
Speaker 3: I've tried to explain to him that I'm in need
Speaker 3: of intimacy, and intimacy can be more than sex. I
Speaker 3: can't remember the last time he's kissed me or held
Speaker 3: my hand. On top of the lack of intimacy, he's
Speaker 3: gotten increasingly grumpier and rude, well dub bitch because he
Speaker 3: ain't He ain't fucking anyway. I love him so much,
Speaker 3: but I'm getting tired. I want to walk away before
Speaker 3: I cheat, because I'm not that type of person. Also,
Speaker 3: I don't want to be the girl who loved the
Speaker 3: cancer pation. Any advice that you can give me on
Speaker 3: how to handle this situation.
Speaker 1: Would be appreciated.
Speaker 2: I don't believe the cancer pation. At least he's a
Speaker 2: real cancer vation because Mandies.
Speaker 1: Was a lot right fat. At least he had real
Speaker 1: cancer so interestingly, so common. By the way, taking cancer, yeah,
Speaker 1: I heard it's a thing.
Speaker 2: Why because you get attention and you get sympathy and
Speaker 2: empathy and people.
Speaker 1: Care about you. When you want attention, you.
Speaker 2: Should only fake her pregnancy is seeing your money? No
Speaker 2: faking pregnancy. He's saying, people fake cancer. Yeah, I'm taking pregnancy.
Speaker 2: Get your five hundred out.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 3: But you are down and out if you gotta fake
Speaker 3: what you was when you did that, because you did it,
Speaker 3: I needed you.
Speaker 1: I'm not telling that. I ain't telling the girl to fake.
Speaker 1: I'm ready to see five dollars.
Speaker 3: I'm telling them a people test around and you already
Speaker 3: know I'm telling them. If you don't open your legs
Speaker 3: at all, you better be able to get five hundred
Speaker 3: dollars round.
Speaker 1: No, I will say this.
Speaker 2: I was just watching this movie called The Room next
Speaker 2: Door and it's with Julianne Moore, who I think is
Speaker 2: so sexy.
Speaker 1: I don't know why.
Speaker 2: And then some other white lady tilled you something, but
Speaker 2: it was about a woman with cancer, and she was like,
Speaker 2: shoot the first scene I had to stop watching the
Speaker 2: movie on the plane.
Speaker 1: You know, planes make you cry. I don't know they do.
Speaker 2: Oh I love crying on the plane. So it starts,
Speaker 2: She's like how are you? But not like how people
Speaker 2: say how are you? Like really how are you?
Speaker 1: She's like, some days of you four it because I'm.
Speaker 2: Alive, and then other days I'm depressed because I've survived,
Speaker 2: like I was ready to die.
Speaker 1: But I was this.
Speaker 2: I was that I really don't know the ebbs and flows.
Speaker 2: And maybe one day we talked to get to talk
Speaker 2: to Crystal, you know, just a little bit.
Speaker 1: I taught her every day. I know. No, I'm saying,
Speaker 1: like just us, as you know listeners of the show,
Speaker 1: she would never come on here.
Speaker 3: Well regardless, yeah, man, they could have another cancer survivor discussing.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think if y'all listen to last year,
Speaker 3: I had three people simultaneously be diagnosed with breast cancer, and.
Speaker 2: I'd like to say all three are in remission. Like
Speaker 2: they all beat it. They rang the bell, but they all.
Speaker 3: Lost their hair, double missectomies, had to go through chemo.
Speaker 3: One is now being told she has to go into radiation,
Speaker 3: which she doesn't want to do.
Speaker 1: For they all. We just saw all of us hereditary.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know the backstory, but they all
Speaker 3: got it. I know, I know my best friend like
Speaker 3: it ran in her family, and then I know. We
Speaker 3: also just saw Anna Luis pass from breast cancer. It's
Speaker 3: something that's happening to women much younger. This guy being
Speaker 3: a remission from prose cancer. Prose cancer gets most of
Speaker 3: our black men, especially fifty plus, which is why they
Speaker 3: say that y'all need to go check your colon's is.
Speaker 3: You know when you reach a certain age. We lost
Speaker 3: combat Jack from cancer. So I mean, these cancers are
Speaker 3: running rampant, specifically in our communities, and so I can
Speaker 3: understand as we're aging, that is not something you know
Speaker 3: when you get.
Speaker 1: Married right till death. Do us part through sickness and health.
Speaker 1: I don't know if.
Speaker 3: Any of us have really had the conversations about sticking
Speaker 3: through non marital relationships with someone battling something like that.
Speaker 3: It's a lot mentally, if you are someone who is
Speaker 3: very sexual, you feel guilty for leaving them because of
Speaker 3: their diagnosis or what they're dealing with. And unfortunately, I
Speaker 3: know you said it jokingly if this isn't someone that
Speaker 3: you see yourself long standing staying with.
Speaker 1: To me, I hate the guilt.
Speaker 3: I hate that the guilt eats you up because now
Speaker 3: you're staying with him because you feel like, damn, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna be a shitty person for leaving a cancer patient.
Speaker 3: But all of the things you're dealing with, you're not
Speaker 3: being pleased physically, you're not even receiving the intimacy, and
Speaker 3: he's probably showing up grumpy or more rude, I mean,
Speaker 3: because of how he doesn't feel like himself either.
Speaker 2: So it's like, I think, maybe giving grace to the
Speaker 2: person that's going through something way more traumatic, because maybe
Speaker 2: this isn't the best version of himself, and maybe if
Speaker 2: it happened to you, you'd.
Speaker 1: Want grace as well. He's seven months in.
Speaker 3: Let me ask you, how long do you extend that
Speaker 3: grace because you're a freak as whole who liked to
Speaker 3: get fucked too.
Speaker 1: So they don't have an open relationship. How long are
Speaker 1: you waiting holding out?
Speaker 2: I would set a time frame from when I'm acknowledging
Speaker 2: that they're doing something wrong. Okay, So I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: okay another few months without telling you something's wrong.
Speaker 1: Okay. I would come to the table and say, hey,
Speaker 1: you're doing X y Z. Wait, yeah, how are you?
Speaker 1: How are you saying it? I want to know how it's.
Speaker 2: Making You're making it harder for me to enjoy being
Speaker 2: in this relationship, and I want to let you know
Speaker 2: some of the flaws I'm seeing and what's really difficult
Speaker 2: for me.
Speaker 3: Now, he responds, this is what I you know, I
Speaker 3: just hold on, but like, let's let's dialogue this out.
Speaker 3: He's like, you know, I just like went through cancer.
Speaker 3: Chemo wasn't easy. Like I don't have any control over
Speaker 3: how my body is healing.
Speaker 2: I know that you're depressed, I know that you're going
Speaker 2: through X y Z. I'm telling you this is how
Speaker 2: you're treating me. Okay, So I'm going to stick here
Speaker 2: through you with this, but I need you to try
Speaker 2: to take care of yourself better that I can be
Speaker 2: a good partner to you because.
Speaker 1: We can't both drown. Like, yep, how am I going
Speaker 1: to be a support system? Actually? I just had this conversation.
Speaker 2: We were out to do with some friends in Paris,
Speaker 2: and one of them said that when they cheated on
Speaker 2: their partner, they gave their partner a warning before it happened.
Speaker 3: I'm like, whoa, whoa, wait what wait it was specific?
Speaker 3: What is a warning to tell your partner before you cheat?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: I thought this was crazy. The person said, look, I
Speaker 1: understand you work late nights. I think his wife was
Speaker 1: a waitress. Okay, he was like.
Speaker 2: But to the point where we're not having sex at
Speaker 2: night because you get home and you're exhausted. Understandable, understandable
Speaker 2: in the day, you need more rest. When do we
Speaker 2: ever prioritize sex at all? I'm letting you know this
Speaker 2: is a need, and right now we barely have sex
Speaker 2: once a week. I need to have sex at least
Speaker 2: twice a week. That's my minimum.
Speaker 1: If you don't give it to me, I'm gonna step
Speaker 1: out on you.
Speaker 2: They didn't say that, but he said, we need to
Speaker 2: get back to the drawing board on what this relationship
Speaker 2: looks like if we can at least have sex together.
Speaker 1: In this house. That was not a warning. I think
Speaker 1: it's what.
Speaker 3: Because that didn't come with a time frame, bro, Like,
Speaker 3: if you just bring it to me, how long between
Speaker 3: you saying that? So you cheating because if you.
Speaker 2: Come next time? So apparently that time frame, Yeah, what's
Speaker 2: the time fro.
Speaker 1: The next thing happens? Person? This is their job.
Speaker 2: Take a month or two later. He made a joke
Speaker 2: on the right side, we can fuck now. We got
Speaker 2: time to spend. I don't know if he said we
Speaker 2: can fuck now. She said, that's a shitty thing to
Speaker 2: say to me because I'm depressed. Now, I really don't
Speaker 2: think like it't around you. Apparently it went to ninety
Speaker 2: days he cheated now, I'm not a lot of you.
Speaker 2: To me, that's enough, And I don't think lying is right.
Speaker 1: I think he should have broken up with her.
Speaker 2: But yes, when he told the story, I was like,
Speaker 2: did you really say that? He was like, yeah, I did.
Speaker 1: He's like, so she went. She went from not fucking
Speaker 1: him thirty eight years old. She went from not fucking
Speaker 1: him because of his job.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no, wait, because of her job to then
Speaker 2: not fucking him because he depressed, depressed because she lost
Speaker 2: her job, So she might not have just been a
Speaker 2: sexual being. Well you know what this makes me think
Speaker 2: of not having sex because you got cancer. Now you
Speaker 2: not haveing sex as you're depressed about the cancer.
Speaker 3: Well, no, he's not physically being able to get hard,
Speaker 3: not being.
Speaker 1: Sexual, Y're not, Yes, they're not doing anything.
Speaker 3: Well, well that's I guess the different thing, right if
Speaker 3: they had a healthy sex life. This reminds me of
Speaker 3: like when I was fucking twenty four seven, but also
Speaker 3: when they've been together for two and a half years.
Speaker 3: But also it reminds me of like my relationship with
Speaker 3: twenty four to seven and a lot of people I
Speaker 3: was fucking in my twenties where we had his healthy
Speaker 3: sex lives.
Speaker 1: Zero intimacy for man.
Speaker 3: Who can show up really well in the bedroom sexually,
Speaker 3: and maybe you don't even acknowledge the need for intimacy
Speaker 3: because you getting fucked through the mattress.
Speaker 2: U she'says he doesn't hold my hand or kiss me anymore.
Speaker 2: But no, he doesn't do it at all.
Speaker 1: He didn't say anymore.
Speaker 3: So what I'm saying is maybe she didn't get the intimacy.
Speaker 3: But because now she's not getting the sex she's like,
Speaker 3: I would like at least the intimacy I'm.
Speaker 1: Not getting either.
Speaker 2: You ain't gonna be if but he could be a
Speaker 2: man that might not be intimate, like there's a lot
Speaker 2: of men that don't know how to show up as
Speaker 2: an intimate lover, like without putting the dick down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the warning, give him the warning about and then
Speaker 1: from the warning.
Speaker 3: So the warning is you gotta get your mental health
Speaker 3: together and show me intimacy or else.
Speaker 2: Yes, you have to say the things that you need, hey,
Speaker 2: in this relationship, And I think it's very fair to
Speaker 2: tell someone I just had to pro say cancer, this
Speaker 2: is not about sex, and this conversation I like that
Speaker 2: I need more connection. And the reason you need to
Speaker 2: make sure you say it's not about sex because that's
Speaker 2: the literal thing that he can't do right, and that
Speaker 2: would be fucked up up, that'll be fucked up.
Speaker 1: I agree. That's worse than leaving the cancer patient. By
Speaker 1: the way, I agree.
Speaker 3: I mean I also think that so she's thirty seven,
Speaker 3: he's fifty two. I think that there has to be
Speaker 3: and I know that we talk about dating with intention,
Speaker 3: We talk about being with partners.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people do.
Speaker 3: Date with the hope of marriage or you know, the
Speaker 3: hierarchy of what's next in this relationship. I think that
Speaker 3: she should sit with over the past two and a
Speaker 3: half years, maybe even leaving out the fact that you're
Speaker 3: holding him down through the cancer thing. Is this person
Speaker 3: someone that you see yourself with because through sickness and health, Like,
Speaker 3: that's the thing that I realized too. Even when you
Speaker 3: go into remission from cancer, Oh, maybe there's still checkups,
Speaker 3: there's certain medications I want to take.
Speaker 1: It is a part of.
Speaker 3: Your new life to where if say, something else comes back, like,
Speaker 3: is this.
Speaker 1: Something you'd willing to deal with again?
Speaker 3: Like, to me, you have to acknowledge someone's health condition
Speaker 3: when you were dating that.
Speaker 2: By the way, this is making me think a loud
Speaker 2: about my parents. So my mom hasn't had sex in
Speaker 2: a few years obviously because of my dad. And she
Speaker 2: said a few years ago when it happened. I want
Speaker 2: to say he got sick in twenty twenty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because that was my old bab she said, maybe
Speaker 1: like six months out. My mom never had a job.
Speaker 2: My dad always took care of everything, and she started
Speaker 2: working at a store, and this was before I was
Speaker 2: making a lot more money to where she didn't have
Speaker 2: to work. But basically she was like, listen, your dad
Speaker 2: took care of me his whole life, and this is
Speaker 2: what I'm meant to do. She's like, it was never
Speaker 2: anything that we didn't have, that we didn't want. He
Speaker 2: was loving to me, like, this is what I meant
Speaker 2: to do. And it was very sweet coming from a
Speaker 2: house wife who frankly, my mom can't figure out any
Speaker 2: handle life for Peter, and she's always had to remind
Speaker 2: herself these things sometimes. And recently I was actually there
Speaker 2: with my partner and my mom were visiting my dad
Speaker 2: and he just got grumpy out of nowhere, and it
Speaker 2: happens like it's a dimension.
Speaker 1: You just get angry, get mad.
Speaker 2: And my mom starts to say to me, this is
Speaker 2: I will do anything for him, And I don't know
Speaker 2: if she's saying out loud for herself, like, you know,
Speaker 2: this is a hard life that he's got. Right now,
Speaker 2: this is a hard life that I've got, Like I
Speaker 2: have to go visit my husband.
Speaker 1: I still feel young, I still feel like I could
Speaker 1: do things.
Speaker 2: Like I have to be there for him and of
Speaker 2: course the next day, maybe he has a good day.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: And I think my parents were together for twenty nine
Speaker 2: years before this happens. Now they're together thirty five years,
Speaker 2: but twenty nine years of their marriage of healthiness. Right,
Speaker 2: That to me is when you can I don't want
Speaker 2: to use the word oh someone, but when you can
Speaker 2: be selfless.
Speaker 3: And a half years and you and you thirty seven girl,
Speaker 3: you you silly ripe, oh half a century? Like I
Speaker 3: think that you you have to decide if this is
Speaker 3: something that you can mentally know that in your mind
Speaker 3: you may have to ride this roller coaster again, because
Speaker 3: you're on this roller coaster now with him through being
Speaker 3: not only a cancer survivor, but someone who now has
Speaker 3: to really like And.
Speaker 2: I cannot make care of his own intimacy park because
Speaker 2: something my fan told me recently, like your parents kiss
Speaker 2: so much that like it's I've never seen anything like this.
Speaker 2: My dad can't roll the wheelchair. They'd be like career, Like,
Speaker 2: you know, the intimacy can still exists in this weird way.
Speaker 2: They'll smack her by like it's just no intimacy can
Speaker 2: show up in so many different ways that they haven't
Speaker 2: had sex in years and like if my mom tells
Speaker 2: this joke. So my dad the last vacation I got
Speaker 2: to put him on a plane for uh, travel on
Speaker 2: someone who's older, it's just just wipes them out.
Speaker 1: I've been able.
Speaker 2: It was great to be able to take them on
Speaker 2: the beach, but it was a lot for him. So
Speaker 2: she told him the next day that they had sex.
Speaker 2: He's like, no, we did it, we really did. So
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, it was so good. You don't remember,
Speaker 2: but my dad was exhausted. So sometimes like you're still
Speaker 2: talking about this name. Remember we were in Mexico and
Speaker 2: Gila left the room and he's like, I think, I
Speaker 2: think I remember Jude. I think I know what they're
Speaker 2: talking about, like because he needs to know that he
Speaker 2: still had that. And it's like when people really love
Speaker 2: and care about you and they're able to put that aside,
Speaker 2: they want to show up in those ways.
Speaker 1: And so for I have a parallet like that. It's sweet, right.
Speaker 2: But to know that, like this part, dude is watching
Speaker 2: you stick with him through you know, through all of that.
Speaker 3: In because you know you ain't have sex for seven months, bitch,
Speaker 3: so do he so you to not have bitch, giry
Speaker 3: you that Gummy did knowing it wasn't gonna get hard,
Speaker 3: like you didn't even try to just give him some
Speaker 3: else of pleasure. And I think that she's acknowledging as well, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: I get it, he's going through this thing. The healing
Speaker 3: phase is taking much longer. That's probably what's adding to
Speaker 3: him being grumpier and ruder. But I don't think that
Speaker 3: we and when I say we, it's human beings have
Speaker 3: to be subjected to certain treatment, like by people, and.
Speaker 1: So yeah, you only go through something so long being
Speaker 1: because as human.
Speaker 3: Beings like Bro, there has to be something where you
Speaker 3: put yourself first, like consider yourself, what do you want?
Speaker 1: And if this doesn't work for you, if long term
Speaker 1: you feel.
Speaker 3: Like damn, I don't think I could do this again, well,
Speaker 3: the reality is you might have to deal with this again,
Speaker 3: like cancer comes back even after you beat it sometimes,
Speaker 3: like it's a very big possibility. And so I just
Speaker 3: think that with knowing his health status, you're young enough,
Speaker 3: I think, and you're not tied through marriage to consider yourself.
Speaker 3: And it could sound harsh, it could sound fucking really selfish,
Speaker 3: but I think, like Bro, when you young, sometimes you
Speaker 3: gotta choose yourself. Bro, two and a half years you
Speaker 3: had a good ride.
Speaker 1: And let's let's talk about it. That nigga fifty two
Speaker 1: and they got no wife. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Speaker 1: Why you did that? Don't do that, ahole.
Speaker 2: No, but I don't like that because look at don't
Speaker 2: do that.
Speaker 1: Becase, No, it don't matter. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Speaker 1: Don't nobody watch. That's terrible. You're literally being the person
Speaker 1: like when I.
Speaker 3: Get fifty with no kids, no husband, ain't nothing wrong
Speaker 3: with me. This is what I chose, all right, he
Speaker 3: might have chosen it. Don't mean you asshole, you don't
Speaker 3: mean it. I don't like that because I know that
Speaker 3: we put that same stigma on women who are older,
Speaker 3: who are unwed with no children. I'm not gonna allow
Speaker 3: that narrative to go on any of my platform. Be
Speaker 3: a dick, because I'm not gonna talk with that little dick.
Speaker 3: He could be, he could be.
Speaker 2: But the narrative that you're old without a wife or
Speaker 2: a husband looking for without.
Speaker 1: Kids does not mean that.
Speaker 3: You a fucked up person, or that you suck, or
Speaker 3: that you're unwanted or no one wants you. I just
Speaker 3: hate hearing that narrative because I see it in the comments.
Speaker 1: I see that we're gonna grow old, lonely, like bro.
Speaker 3: This is my decision as a human being, and I
Speaker 3: would never sit here. I'm a hypocrite on a lot
Speaker 3: of things, but I'm not a hypocrite to be on
Speaker 3: some You old, you ain't got no no wife, you
Speaker 3: ain't got no kids. You a shitty ass person because
Speaker 3: people make those decisions for themselves.
Speaker 1: Sorry, clearly got triggered. I'm just not gonna a lot
Speaker 1: active be the narrative.
Speaker 3: But men or women over fifty who aren't married and
Speaker 3: who don't have kids, because I have a friend right
Speaker 3: now who is unmarried with no kids.
Speaker 1: I have friends right now who can't have kids, and.
Speaker 3: I would just hate for the narrative in a couple
Speaker 3: of years because they're all approaching forty for it to
Speaker 3: be the you know, they suck as people, especially knowing
Speaker 3: we're talking about cancer. There's people that can't have kids
Speaker 3: after going through things.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, I know, triggered, but just want to make
Speaker 1: sure I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't believe that not talking about people know children
Speaker 2: or like mishaps or anything like that I'm being facetious,
Speaker 2: and I do think he's probably a dick.
Speaker 1: And why you say that because he's treating her like what.
Speaker 3: He just had cancer and can't get his dick hard, Like, bro,
Speaker 3: you get grumpy, sometimes you get grumpy.
Speaker 1: Sometimes he had.
Speaker 2: Didn't tell her to say with them many I'm not
Speaker 2: saying that because I'm just saying I'm not and he's
Speaker 2: being a dick, well, because he just fucking beat cancer.
Speaker 2: Like as a friend who some days Crystal didn't feel
Speaker 2: the best. Some days another friend was like, why the
Speaker 2: fuck am I here and didn't want to be here?
Speaker 2: Like beating cancer is a blessing you just talked about
Speaker 2: the show. There's gonna be some days that are really hard,
Speaker 2: and sometimes they may not know that they're treating the
Speaker 2: people around them like shit.
Speaker 1: But to me, that's why I leaned into it as
Speaker 1: a health thing.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of things that come with people who
Speaker 3: navigate all types of things. So whether it's cancer, whether
Speaker 3: it's mental health issues, whether it's any sort of level
Speaker 3: of diagnosis that requires medication, like you as a person
Speaker 3: can decide whether to stay with them or not. I
Speaker 3: think that being guilted for staying with them, or staying
Speaker 3: with people who don't treat you, well, that's a whole
Speaker 3: nother like way of looking at that.
Speaker 1: I don't think.
Speaker 3: Anyone should put up with it. I don't think you
Speaker 3: should guilt yourself for staying. If it doesn't work for you,
Speaker 3: leave And I think that we have to as people,
Speaker 3: be fine with just leaving people because we don't want
Speaker 3: to deal with their health, not that they're dicks, not
Speaker 3: that they suck as people, because she loved them.
Speaker 1: They have fun up until the cancer.
Speaker 3: So but when people have to deal with like health shit, oh,
Speaker 3: they become different people.
Speaker 1: They become different people.
Speaker 3: So I don't want to put any labels of people
Speaker 3: being shitty as people when people have life changing moments
Speaker 3: like cancer where they beat it where they thought that
Speaker 3: they might be dying, where now it changes their whole bodies,
Speaker 3: where maybe now they have to decide or realize damn it,
Speaker 3: I can't have kids now. Damn I'm having hot flashes now. Damn,
Speaker 3: my breasts aren't even mine anymore. And now I gotta
Speaker 3: like how I look in shirts and maybe I woke
Speaker 3: up this morning and fucking hate that I have these
Speaker 3: fake breasts in like I understand the mental capacity of
Speaker 3: like what it feels like to technically become a whole
Speaker 3: new person after cancer.
Speaker 1: And so for me, I.
Speaker 3: Would say you, as a partner, leave if you don't
Speaker 3: want to be the support system or you don't have
Speaker 3: the patience or capacity to be there for him, and
Speaker 3: be okay with that. I don't think you deserve to
Speaker 3: be dating someone who's grumpy or nasty to you, But
Speaker 3: just know that this is his reality now and he
Speaker 3: may have more grumpier or more grumpier days than not because.
Speaker 1: Of his health. And so look at the health thing.
Speaker 1: I don't think any of us have to sit here.
Speaker 3: And not admit that we don't have the capacity to
Speaker 3: deal with someone's health issues. It's a lot, and so
Speaker 3: you have to sit with that. Do you have the
Speaker 3: capacity to weather through the storm with this man's health?
Speaker 1: Yes or no? And if you don't choose yourself and
Speaker 1: leave him.
Speaker 3: Wish them the best and maybe maintain a friendship, because
Speaker 3: when you break up with someone, you can still be
Speaker 3: friends with them even if he may fill away.
Speaker 1: Go listen to our patre go list.
Speaker 2: You don't anyone that's ever sent us a YGD, Please
Speaker 2: send us in your updates we want everybody gets invested.
Speaker 2: We all want to know what's going on. Our listeners
Speaker 2: want to know what's going on. We want to know
Speaker 2: if you took our advice or if you didn't. It's funny,
Speaker 2: we had an update, but I think it was from
Speaker 2: one of the ones you did, so we ain't read it.
Speaker 1: But there's an update in the email that I don't
Speaker 1: think we.
Speaker 2: We didn't touch that right and at maybe there was
Speaker 2: an update though, and we were like, oh, I don't
Speaker 2: even know what this talk. Anyways, Guys, if you have
Speaker 2: a letter that you want us to read and give you.
Speaker 1: Our advice, and maybe you get to.
Speaker 3: Three different bits of advice because we three different people
Speaker 3: with three different perspectives, go ahead and send us your letter.
Speaker 1: Send it to Decisions pod at Gmail.
Speaker 3: Don't calm And of course, if you're a patron, just
Speaker 3: go ahead and dm us in the messages. I've been
Speaker 3: trying to pull some stuff out of there too. Make
Speaker 3: sure you join us on Patreon. That's patreon dot com
Speaker 3: backslash Horrible Decisions if you want to catch the full
Speaker 3: video of this episode and get more content. Anyways, guys,
Speaker 3: go buy the book No Holds Barred a dual manifesto
Speaker 3: of sexual exploration and power and stay tuned. Emails coming
Speaker 3: announcement on Patreon and our Instagram pages and our pages.
Speaker 3: There's some changes happening to our tour.
Speaker 1: Updated.
Speaker 3: We got some updated dates, we got some updated tea,
Speaker 3: some updated things. Just stay tuned, guys. Also catch us
Speaker 3: an Essence Fest.
Speaker 1: We'll see y'all there.
Speaker 2: Bye bye