WEBVTT - You've Got Decisions: To Leave, Or Not To Leave? 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:04.359 If you would like to have us answer your questions. 0:00:04.559 --> 0:00:07.880 If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or 0:00:07.920 --> 0:00:13.039 a terrible threatful guess what, You've got decisions. 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:17.280 It's another hump day, it's another you got decisions. 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:21.800 Babe, Babe, babe, babe bebe y'all to hear about that later. 0:00:22.520 --> 0:00:25.800 Anyways, welcome to another You've Got decisions, y'all. 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:29.080 Our book is out. Literally, it's literally out. 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:31.200 You can literally if you don't have it yet, bit 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:33.239 too late, but there's always time. 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:34.120 You can get it now. 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:37.520 Also, I've been telling people in my stories if you're 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:39.800 in the store, if you don't order it online, if 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:41.519 you go to the store, please send us what it 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:42.400 looks like in the store. 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:42.920 Please do. 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.320 And noteworthy is it in the sex and psychology section 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:49.680 because we're number one on Amazon? Yeah, Medical, psycho general, 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:51.080 sexual health as well. 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:54.720 I was like, so, I'm like, yeah, all the different 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:57.760 categories are really interesting that we're being put into on Amazon. 0:00:57.800 --> 0:00:59.280 Let me click on it and just see. 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:03.240 Just so, No No Holds Barred has been out now 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:04.480 for how many hours? 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:08.480 Well, while we're recording this, this it's release date. 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:10.080 But when y'all hear this, it's been out for a 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:10.520 whole week. 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:15.240 Number one new release in Sex Instruction, Yo, uh huh, we'll. 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:22.960 Take that number one in new releases. Okay, I'll take 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:24.920 that one. I'll take that one for a show. 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:30.600 Then there's literature and fiction and erotica take that. We're 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:33.160 number two. Some mother fuck nigga will no number one. 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:37.399 We number two, and erotica releases and some other medical 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:40.120 shit medical, wait till they open it up. 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:44.440 Medical, Well, we do talk about anatomy. Medicinal. We talk snow, 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:47.039 we talk anatomy. That's science. Sure. Sure. 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:50.960 Anyways, y'all don't holds bard a dull manifesto. Sexual exploration 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:53.200 empowers out. Not only do we want to see what 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:55.400 our books look like on the shelves when you're going 0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:58.480 to the bookstores. If y'all can please take a picture 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:00.320 with our book and send it to me if you 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.639 want to repost it. Over the next couple of weeks, 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:06.120 I'm gonna just be posting all the war Hive members 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:08.720 with their books on our Decisions Decisions page. 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:10.880 So please, please please, if. 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:12.680 You have the book, take a picture with it, Smile, 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:17.480 be cute, and send that to me. Be up, damn kids, Actually, 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:19.840 just take it like this now because we can't post 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:21.680 it like that, but I can do something else with it. 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:22.280 Here we go. 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:26.320 All right, Well, this week I thought it was only 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:31.799 right to read this question from our listener because sounds 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:35.560 very close to a chapter in Weezy's book, when do 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:38.720 you know you stay too long? Well, this one says, 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:41.800 my question is to leave or not to leave? 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:42.839 Hi. 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:46.400 I'm a new listener and have enjoyed listening to your pod. 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:49.560 It helps break up my boring ass days at work, 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:53.040 so thank you. I'm writing today for some insight. 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:55.440 On what to do with my relationship. Here we go. 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:58.480 I'm a thirty seven year old female and my partner 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:01.519 is fifty four male. We've been together for two and 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:05.960 a half years. He's recently battled stage two prostate cancer. 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:10.200 He opted to have the surgery instead of chemo, which 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:12.760 I wasn't a fan of. The recovery time for the 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:17.880 surgery is extremely slow. Prior to his diagnosis, we had 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:22.400 the best sex life. It was sexy, spontaneous, and freaki 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:27.280 as fuck. Since the surgery, we haven't had any vaginal sex. 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:31.200 He hasn't had an erection since before the surgery. In 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:34.839 November of twenty twenty four. That was the last time 0:03:34.840 --> 0:03:38.920 we had sex. I've been celibate since then for contacts. 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:41.440 I've been celibate three times prior to this, for more 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:44.000 than a year each time, but that was by my choice. 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:45.680 How old is Jesus thirty seven? 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:50.480 Surgery was seven months ago and he is in remission, 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:53.760 which I'm so happy about. He finished physical therapy a 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:56.280 couple of months ago that hasn't continued to do any 0:03:56.320 --> 0:03:59.200 exercises at home like he should. You know how black 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:01.839 men are. They feel they are better than they are. 0:04:02.360 --> 0:04:05.160 But he doesn't understand he's healing from the inside out. 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:08.120 For the first few months, he would pleasure me with 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:11.680 his hands, mouth, and toys. It's been about two months 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:14.440 since he's done any of that. I would even suck 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:16.680 his soft dick just so he wouldn't feel left out. 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:19.920 I've tried to explain to him that I'm in need 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:23.880 of intimacy, and intimacy can be more than sex. I 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:27.400 can't remember the last time he's kissed me or held 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:30.760 my hand. On top of the lack of intimacy, he's 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:33.760 gotten increasingly grumpier and rude, well dub bitch because he 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:37.839 ain't He ain't fucking anyway. I love him so much, 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:42.040 but I'm getting tired. I want to walk away before 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:45.320 I cheat, because I'm not that type of person. Also, 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:47.240 I don't want to be the girl who loved the 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:50.960 cancer pation. Any advice that you can give me on 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:53.039 how to handle this situation. 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:54.400 Would be appreciated. 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:56.880 I don't believe the cancer pation. At least he's a 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:58.840 real cancer vation because Mandies. 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:01.279 Was a lot right fat. At least he had real 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:05.280 cancer so interestingly, so common. By the way, taking cancer, yeah, 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:05.960 I heard it's a thing. 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:09.520 Why because you get attention and you get sympathy and 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:10.600 empathy and people. 0:05:10.560 --> 0:05:12.039 Care about you. When you want attention, you. 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:14.520 Should only fake her pregnancy is seeing your money? No 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:18.440 faking pregnancy. He's saying, people fake cancer. Yeah, I'm taking pregnancy. 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:19.440 Get your five hundred out. 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:20.080 I get it. 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:22.760 But you are down and out if you gotta fake 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:25.320 what you was when you did that, because you did it, 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:25.960 I needed you. 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:28.760 I'm not telling that. I ain't telling the girl to fake. 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:30.520 I'm ready to see five dollars. 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:33.799 I'm telling them a people test around and you already 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.000 know I'm telling them. If you don't open your legs 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:37.480 at all, you better be able to get five hundred 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:37.920 dollars round. 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:39.160 No, I will say this. 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:42.520 I was just watching this movie called The Room next 0:05:42.560 --> 0:05:45.080 Door and it's with Julianne Moore, who I think is 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:45.760 so sexy. 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:46.440 I don't know why. 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:49.560 And then some other white lady tilled you something, but 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:51.280 it was about a woman with cancer, and she was like, 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:53.760 shoot the first scene I had to stop watching the 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:54.320 movie on the plane. 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:56.680 You know, planes make you cry. I don't know they do. 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:59.800 Oh I love crying on the plane. So it starts, 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:03.320 She's like how are you? But not like how people 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:04.760 say how are you? Like really how are you? 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:07.599 She's like, some days of you four it because I'm. 0:06:07.440 --> 0:06:10.479 Alive, and then other days I'm depressed because I've survived, 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:12.200 like I was ready to die. 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:12.919 But I was this. 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:17.760 I was that I really don't know the ebbs and flows. 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:20.560 And maybe one day we talked to get to talk 0:06:20.560 --> 0:06:22.520 to Crystal, you know, just a little bit. 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:24.240 I taught her every day. I know. No, I'm saying, 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:27.080 like just us, as you know listeners of the show, 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:28.360 she would never come on here. 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:34.760 Well regardless, yeah, man, they could have another cancer survivor discussing. 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:38.040 I mean, I think if y'all listen to last year, 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:43.520 I had three people simultaneously be diagnosed with breast cancer, and. 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:47.719 I'd like to say all three are in remission. Like 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:50.520 they all beat it. They rang the bell, but they all. 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:54.680 Lost their hair, double missectomies, had to go through chemo. 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:57.719 One is now being told she has to go into radiation, 0:06:57.839 --> 0:06:58.760 which she doesn't want to do. 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:00.960 For they all. We just saw all of us hereditary. 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:03.640 I mean, I don't know the backstory, but they all 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:06.080 got it. I know, I know my best friend like 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:09.040 it ran in her family, and then I know. We 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:13.120 also just saw Anna Luis pass from breast cancer. It's 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:18.560 something that's happening to women much younger. This guy being 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:21.720 a remission from prose cancer. Prose cancer gets most of 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.480 our black men, especially fifty plus, which is why they 0:07:24.520 --> 0:07:26.800 say that y'all need to go check your colon's is. 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:29.120 You know when you reach a certain age. We lost 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:32.480 combat Jack from cancer. So I mean, these cancers are 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:36.800 running rampant, specifically in our communities, and so I can 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:41.040 understand as we're aging, that is not something you know 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:41.920 when you get. 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:45.239 Married right till death. Do us part through sickness and health. 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:47.320 I don't know if. 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:53.520 Any of us have really had the conversations about sticking 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:58.320 through non marital relationships with someone battling something like that. 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:01.480 It's a lot mentally, if you are someone who is 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:04.880 very sexual, you feel guilty for leaving them because of 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:10.040 their diagnosis or what they're dealing with. And unfortunately, I 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:13.480 know you said it jokingly if this isn't someone that 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:15.880 you see yourself long standing staying with. 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:18.679 To me, I hate the guilt. 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:21.440 I hate that the guilt eats you up because now 0:08:21.440 --> 0:08:23.880 you're staying with him because you feel like, damn, I'm 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:26.000 gonna be a shitty person for leaving a cancer patient. 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:28.880 But all of the things you're dealing with, you're not 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:33.040 being pleased physically, you're not even receiving the intimacy, and 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.480 he's probably showing up grumpy or more rude, I mean, 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:38.040 because of how he doesn't feel like himself either. 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:40.680 So it's like, I think, maybe giving grace to the 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:43.240 person that's going through something way more traumatic, because maybe 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:45.240 this isn't the best version of himself, and maybe if 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:46.760 it happened to you, you'd. 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:48.120 Want grace as well. He's seven months in. 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:50.320 Let me ask you, how long do you extend that 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:52.480 grace because you're a freak as whole who liked to 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:53.120 get fucked too. 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:56.760 So they don't have an open relationship. How long are 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:57.920 you waiting holding out? 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:02.120 I would set a time frame from when I'm acknowledging 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:04.760 that they're doing something wrong. Okay, So I'm not gonna 0:09:04.960 --> 0:09:08.160 okay another few months without telling you something's wrong. 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:12.199 Okay. I would come to the table and say, hey, 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:14.480 you're doing X y Z. Wait, yeah, how are you? 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:16.600 How are you saying it? I want to know how it's. 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:19.560 Making You're making it harder for me to enjoy being 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:21.559 in this relationship, and I want to let you know 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:24.199 some of the flaws I'm seeing and what's really difficult 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:24.440 for me. 0:09:24.559 --> 0:09:26.320 Now, he responds, this is what I you know, I 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:28.920 just hold on, but like, let's let's dialogue this out. 0:09:29.160 --> 0:09:33.480 He's like, you know, I just like went through cancer. 0:09:33.600 --> 0:09:37.120 Chemo wasn't easy. Like I don't have any control over 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:38.160 how my body is healing. 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.440 I know that you're depressed, I know that you're going 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:43.679 through X y Z. I'm telling you this is how 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:47.559 you're treating me. Okay, So I'm going to stick here 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:49.880 through you with this, but I need you to try 0:09:49.920 --> 0:09:52.120 to take care of yourself better that I can be 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:53.839 a good partner to you because. 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:56.120 We can't both drown. Like, yep, how am I going 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.640 to be a support system? Actually? I just had this conversation. 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:01.880 We were out to do with some friends in Paris, 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:07.360 and one of them said that when they cheated on 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:12.680 their partner, they gave their partner a warning before it happened. 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:18.280 I'm like, whoa, whoa, wait what wait it was specific? 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:21.360 What is a warning to tell your partner before you cheat? 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:21.600 Now? 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:29.560 I thought this was crazy. The person said, look, I 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.079 understand you work late nights. I think his wife was 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:35.439 a waitress. Okay, he was like. 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:38.720 But to the point where we're not having sex at 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:41.520 night because you get home and you're exhausted. Understandable, understandable 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:44.080 in the day, you need more rest. When do we 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:47.160 ever prioritize sex at all? I'm letting you know this 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:50.400 is a need, and right now we barely have sex 0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:53.000 once a week. I need to have sex at least 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:55.880 twice a week. That's my minimum. 0:10:56.280 --> 0:10:58.280 If you don't give it to me, I'm gonna step 0:10:58.320 --> 0:10:58.840 out on you. 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:02.880 They didn't say that, but he said, we need to 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:05.479 get back to the drawing board on what this relationship 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:08.040 looks like if we can at least have sex together. 0:11:07.920 --> 0:11:11.199 In this house. That was not a warning. I think 0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:12.280 it's what. 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:16.160 Because that didn't come with a time frame, bro, Like, 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:18.880 if you just bring it to me, how long between 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:21.719 you saying that? So you cheating because if you. 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:26.560 Come next time? So apparently that time frame, Yeah, what's 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:27.560 the time fro. 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:31.200 The next thing happens? Person? This is their job. 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:35.640 Take a month or two later. He made a joke 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:39.600 on the right side, we can fuck now. We got 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:41.079 time to spend. I don't know if he said we 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:44.839 can fuck now. She said, that's a shitty thing to 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:47.480 say to me because I'm depressed. Now, I really don't 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:49.880 think like it't around you. Apparently it went to ninety 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:55.360 days he cheated now, I'm not a lot of you. 0:11:57.120 --> 0:12:00.280 To me, that's enough, And I don't think lying is right. 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:01.760 I think he should have broken up with her. 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:04.760 But yes, when he told the story, I was like, 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:09.160 did you really say that? He was like, yeah, I did. 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:11.960 He's like, so she went. She went from not fucking 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:14.280 him thirty eight years old. She went from not fucking 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:15.280 him because of his job. 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:18.160 No no, no, no, no, wait, because of her job to then 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:21.480 not fucking him because he depressed, depressed because she lost 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:24.680 her job, So she might not have just been a 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:26.640 sexual being. Well you know what this makes me think 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:29.080 of not having sex because you got cancer. Now you 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:31.000 not haveing sex as you're depressed about the cancer. 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:35.560 Well, no, he's not physically being able to get hard, 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:36.360 not being. 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:38.040 Sexual, Y're not, Yes, they're not doing anything. 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:41.120 Well, well that's I guess the different thing, right if 0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:44.400 they had a healthy sex life. This reminds me of 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:48.199 like when I was fucking twenty four seven, but also 0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:50.319 when they've been together for two and a half years. 0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:53.320 But also it reminds me of like my relationship with 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:54.760 twenty four to seven and a lot of people I 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:57.360 was fucking in my twenties where we had his healthy 0:12:57.360 --> 0:12:58.040 sex lives. 0:12:58.320 --> 0:13:00.679 Zero intimacy for man. 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:04.079 Who can show up really well in the bedroom sexually, 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:07.840 and maybe you don't even acknowledge the need for intimacy 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:09.520 because you getting fucked through the mattress. 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:12.319 U she'says he doesn't hold my hand or kiss me anymore. 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:14.640 But no, he doesn't do it at all. 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:15.880 He didn't say anymore. 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:18.960 So what I'm saying is maybe she didn't get the intimacy. 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:21.760 But because now she's not getting the sex she's like, 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:24.640 I would like at least the intimacy I'm. 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:25.480 Not getting either. 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:29.080 You ain't gonna be if but he could be a 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:31.960 man that might not be intimate, like there's a lot 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:33.439 of men that don't know how to show up as 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:36.680 an intimate lover, like without putting the dick down. 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:39.360 Yeah, the warning, give him the warning about and then 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:40.000 from the warning. 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.880 So the warning is you gotta get your mental health 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:45.319 together and show me intimacy or else. 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:47.400 Yes, you have to say the things that you need, hey, 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:50.440 in this relationship, And I think it's very fair to 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:53.640 tell someone I just had to pro say cancer, this 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:57.120 is not about sex, and this conversation I like that 0:13:57.200 --> 0:13:59.240 I need more connection. And the reason you need to 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.199 make sure you say it's not about sex because that's 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:03.319 the literal thing that he can't do right, and that 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.840 would be fucked up up, that'll be fucked up. 0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:07.840 I agree. That's worse than leaving the cancer patient. By 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:15.240 the way, I agree. 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.520 I mean I also think that so she's thirty seven, 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:22.320 he's fifty two. I think that there has to be 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:25.000 and I know that we talk about dating with intention, 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:26.600 We talk about being with partners. 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:28.520 I know a lot of people do. 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:33.080 Date with the hope of marriage or you know, the 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:36.240 hierarchy of what's next in this relationship. I think that 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:38.880 she should sit with over the past two and a 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:42.960 half years, maybe even leaving out the fact that you're 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:46.600 holding him down through the cancer thing. Is this person 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:52.440 someone that you see yourself with because through sickness and health, Like, 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:54.920 that's the thing that I realized too. Even when you 0:14:55.520 --> 0:14:58.600 go into remission from cancer, Oh, maybe there's still checkups, 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:00.480 there's certain medications I want to take. 0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:01.320 It is a part of. 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:05.480 Your new life to where if say, something else comes back, like, 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:06.320 is this. 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:08.280 Something you'd willing to deal with again? 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:12.080 Like, to me, you have to acknowledge someone's health condition 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:12.920 when you were dating that. 0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:15.000 By the way, this is making me think a loud 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:17.480 about my parents. So my mom hasn't had sex in 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:21.560 a few years obviously because of my dad. And she 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:26.800 said a few years ago when it happened. I want 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:28.680 to say he got sick in twenty twenty. 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:33.640 Yeah, because that was my old bab she said, maybe 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:36.280 like six months out. My mom never had a job. 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:39.800 My dad always took care of everything, and she started 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:43.240 working at a store, and this was before I was 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:45.320 making a lot more money to where she didn't have 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:49.200 to work. But basically she was like, listen, your dad 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:53.360 took care of me his whole life, and this is 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:56.240 what I'm meant to do. She's like, it was never 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:58.000 anything that we didn't have, that we didn't want. He 0:15:58.040 --> 0:15:59.800 was loving to me, like, this is what I meant 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:01.920 to do. And it was very sweet coming from a 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:04.840 house wife who frankly, my mom can't figure out any 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:08.600 handle life for Peter, and she's always had to remind 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:12.200 herself these things sometimes. And recently I was actually there 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:14.760 with my partner and my mom were visiting my dad 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:19.200 and he just got grumpy out of nowhere, and it 0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:21.880 happens like it's a dimension. 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:23.080 You just get angry, get mad. 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:28.720 And my mom starts to say to me, this is 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:30.280 I will do anything for him, And I don't know 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:32.360 if she's saying out loud for herself, like, you know, 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:35.120 this is a hard life that he's got. Right now, 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:36.400 this is a hard life that I've got, Like I 0:16:36.400 --> 0:16:37.560 have to go visit my husband. 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:39.160 I still feel young, I still feel like I could 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:39.840 do things. 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.360 Like I have to be there for him and of 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:44.280 course the next day, maybe he has a good day. 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:44.560 Right. 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:49.880 And I think my parents were together for twenty nine 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:52.800 years before this happens. Now they're together thirty five years, 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:55.880 but twenty nine years of their marriage of healthiness. Right, 0:16:56.800 --> 0:16:58.760 That to me is when you can I don't want 0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:00.400 to use the word oh someone, but when you can 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:01.680 be selfless. 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:07.160 And a half years and you and you thirty seven girl, 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:11.600 you you silly ripe, oh half a century? Like I 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:14.520 think that you you have to decide if this is 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:20.560 something that you can mentally know that in your mind 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.920 you may have to ride this roller coaster again, because 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:26.880 you're on this roller coaster now with him through being 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:30.480 not only a cancer survivor, but someone who now has 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:31.800 to really like And. 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:34.240 I cannot make care of his own intimacy park because 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:37.520 something my fan told me recently, like your parents kiss 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:40.000 so much that like it's I've never seen anything like this. 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:43.960 My dad can't roll the wheelchair. They'd be like career, Like, 0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:46.920 you know, the intimacy can still exists in this weird way. 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:50.200 They'll smack her by like it's just no intimacy can 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:52.080 show up in so many different ways that they haven't 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:55.800 had sex in years and like if my mom tells 0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:58.440 this joke. So my dad the last vacation I got 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:01.639 to put him on a plane for uh, travel on 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:03.400 someone who's older, it's just just wipes them out. 0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:04.040 I've been able. 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:05.679 It was great to be able to take them on 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:08.680 the beach, but it was a lot for him. So 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:11.320 she told him the next day that they had sex. 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:14.280 He's like, no, we did it, we really did. So 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:16.440 I was like, yes, it was so good. You don't remember, 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:19.720 but my dad was exhausted. So sometimes like you're still 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:22.199 talking about this name. Remember we were in Mexico and 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:25.600 Gila left the room and he's like, I think, I 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:27.960 think I remember Jude. I think I know what they're 0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:31.080 talking about, like because he needs to know that he 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:34.000 still had that. And it's like when people really love 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:36.119 and care about you and they're able to put that aside, 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:37.560 they want to show up in those ways. 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:41.800 And so for I have a parallet like that. It's sweet, right. 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:46.800 But to know that, like this part, dude is watching 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:50.000 you stick with him through you know, through all of that. 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:54.280 In because you know you ain't have sex for seven months, bitch, 0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:58.600 so do he so you to not have bitch, giry 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:01.320 you that Gummy did knowing it wasn't gonna get hard, 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:03.359 like you didn't even try to just give him some 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:07.920