1
00:00:02,320 --> 00:00:02,640
Speaker 1: What's up?

2
00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,520
Speaker 2: Its lip service? I Menela yee, I'm Gigi Maguire, I'm

3
00:00:05,559 --> 00:00:07,880
Speaker 2: Geordie or and am I going?

4
00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:08,239
Speaker 1: Yes?

5
00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:13,920
Speaker 3: Okay? And I am Spicy Maddy, Spicy Matty having that

6
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:14,840
Speaker 3: spicy life.

7
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:17,040
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I do want to say,

8
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,800
Speaker 2: Spicy Matty. I remember you with my girl, Jennifer Williams

9
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,200
Speaker 2: on Basketball Wise. Jennifer, that was like some years ago.

10
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,599
Speaker 3: Dan, you have a good memory. Yeah, that's like that

11
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,440
Speaker 3: was a while back ago. No, for real, I think

12
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,720
Speaker 3: that was actually when I was I might have been

13
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:32,800
Speaker 3: at iHeart at that time.

14
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,320
Speaker 2: Doc Winter, that's what you did in my radio.

15
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:40,279
Speaker 3: Okay, Yes, I've given my little spicy tips on the air. Okay,

16
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:40,840
Speaker 3: good time.

17
00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:43,519
Speaker 2: How was you know when you were on there, you

18
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:47,120
Speaker 2: were kind of talking to her about unhealthy relationship patterns

19
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,279
Speaker 2: and what you see in your parents and how that

20
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:53,120
Speaker 2: kind of reflects on your relationships. And I think that's true.

21
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,840
Speaker 2: I feel like people either do what their parents did

22
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,440
Speaker 2: or the opposite, exact opposite.

23
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,520
Speaker 3: In order to do the opposite, though, I think you

24
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,960
Speaker 3: have to be from me intentional about it, because at

25
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,960
Speaker 3: first you have to be aware, and then you have

26
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,920
Speaker 3: to be intentional about the change behavior, because sometimes even

27
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,000
Speaker 3: in my fields and knowing the answers and the solutions

28
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,320
Speaker 3: and all the tools and all the formulas, I will

29
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:15,920
Speaker 3: catch myself saying things and doing things and making decisions

30
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,680
Speaker 3: that my mama would have made. So the awareness has

31
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,399
Speaker 3: to be there, and then it's like, Okay, I'm going

32
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,959
Speaker 3: to intentionally do something different that's healthy.

33
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,520
Speaker 2: So wait, so you think your mom did some unhealth

34
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:26,880
Speaker 2: made some unhealthy decisions.

35
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:34,880
Speaker 3: That the origin story of spicy Moody, and I give

36
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:40,319
Speaker 3: my mom all the credit. My mother was married three times, okay,

37
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:43,280
Speaker 3: and I was obsessed with finding a father I will.

38
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,600
Speaker 3: I wanted to father more than anything, and I felt

39
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:46,960
Speaker 3: like I needed to be in the two parent home.

40
00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,520
Speaker 3: Why does everybody else have two parents? I don't. When

41
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,360
Speaker 3: my mom was in a relationship, I noticed that although

42
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:57,720
Speaker 3: there would be some toxic behavior in the relationship, there

43
00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,840
Speaker 3: was more income coming in, there was more toys, there

44
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,280
Speaker 3: was more attention. She was happier. So I made it

45
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,880
Speaker 3: my mission to set her up date after date, like

46
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,880
Speaker 3: six years old, going to the grocery store, to the

47
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:11,200
Speaker 3: gas station. Look at this package like little girls, look

48
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,240
Speaker 3: at my mom. And after the third divorce, I was

49
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,639
Speaker 3: kind of like, Okay, what's going on here?

50
00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:17,360
Speaker 1: My mom saw a.

51
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,400
Speaker 3: Gift in me, and she was like, you need to

52
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,160
Speaker 3: go to school. You need to be educated. Don't make

53
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,680
Speaker 3: the same you know, poor choices and men that I made.

54
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,360
Speaker 3: She was like, you're obsessed with love, but now you

55
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,880
Speaker 3: need the education and the tools behind it so that

56
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,680
Speaker 3: you can actually be a resource to people.

57
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:29,880
Speaker 1: Right.

58
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,160
Speaker 3: And she also saw my obsession with like I want

59
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:32,720
Speaker 3: a man too.

60
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:36,799
Speaker 2: And so because you think that because when you were

61
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,560
Speaker 2: young getting those gifts and toys and your mother being

62
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,280
Speaker 2: happier and being more stable, you kind of equated that

63
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,880
Speaker 2: to a man being in the equation yes, and then.

64
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,720
Speaker 3: One thousand percent what I did one thousand percent.

65
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,040
Speaker 2: Wow, that's I mean interesting, you know, it's interesting to

66
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,359
Speaker 2: me also because I saw on your podcast you also

67
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,600
Speaker 2: were having this conversation about men not wanting to be

68
00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:59,040
Speaker 2: in a relationship until they feel like they have everything

69
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:03,280
Speaker 2: together and that means their financial stability, like all of

70
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:07,400
Speaker 2: those things. A lot of times guys will hide what

71
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,120
Speaker 2: they feel are shortcomings. They might think, well, she may

72
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,600
Speaker 2: not like me if I don't have this together, that together,

73
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:17,360
Speaker 2: this together, and do you think that women today we

74
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,760
Speaker 2: were having this conversation before you came in here. Do

75
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:23,440
Speaker 2: you feel like women have put these standards on men

76
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,480
Speaker 2: and dating where they have to make a certain amount

77
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,960
Speaker 2: of money, they have to do all of these things

78
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,840
Speaker 2: for you, And do you think those standards are fair?

79
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,240
Speaker 3: I think as women, we have always operated from a

80
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:37,000
Speaker 3: place of expectations. I expect that in relationship, this is

81
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:41,560
Speaker 3: what happens for me to me and with me fast forward,

82
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:46,480
Speaker 3: we are just as equally successful. And so now not

83
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,760
Speaker 3: only do we have the expectations, we also can match it.

84
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,440
Speaker 3: So we're like, Okay, well, if I can provide these

85
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,280
Speaker 3: for myself, you too need to be able to do

86
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:59,560
Speaker 3: it for me. And so the ideologies and the unrealistic

87
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:04,800
Speaker 3: expects is what's hurting us. But uh, if you're very

88
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,440
Speaker 3: clear on what you want, it's not so much about, uh,

89
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,800
Speaker 3: can I get it or can I not? It's more

90
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,760
Speaker 3: about is it what I want or what I need?

91
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,000
Speaker 3: Because everything you want isn't necessarily what you need.

92
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,840
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, that's fair. I also was saying, we hear

93
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,120
Speaker 2: these stories about oh, she was with him when he

94
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,560
Speaker 2: didn't have anything, and then she supported him through that,

95
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,520
Speaker 2: and now look at where he is and we all

96
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,240
Speaker 2: want to feel like we could do that type of relationship,

97
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,520
Speaker 2: but it feels like we're being told no, if he

98
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,919
Speaker 2: don't have it, then he's not ready or in a

99
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:36,640
Speaker 2: space to date.

100
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,800
Speaker 3: Okay, So so you have to decide what season of

101
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,640
Speaker 3: your life are in. If you were in my I'm

102
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,600
Speaker 3: gonna be a savior, a fixer, I'm ready for a project,

103
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,599
Speaker 3: then you're gonna go through that season and you're gonna see, Okay,

104
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,920
Speaker 3: I'm gonna build this person up, and he might potentially

105
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,880
Speaker 3: choose somebody else. He may, you know, rise based off

106
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,920
Speaker 3: of what I built, and I'm not I might not

107
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,520
Speaker 3: reap the reaper or the I might the fits of

108
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,719
Speaker 3: what I've poured into them.

109
00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:03,480
Speaker 1: If you were.

110
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,960
Speaker 3: Intientional about wanting to be equally yoked with someone, you're

111
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,680
Speaker 3: going to be pouring into their cup, making sure they

112
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,360
Speaker 3: pour into yours. Every time you pour into me, I'm

113
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,560
Speaker 3: gonna pour into you. It's not gonna be so much.

114
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,960
Speaker 3: You pour one little ounce and now I'm pour in

115
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,440
Speaker 3: a gallon. And oftentimes we get trapped in that. I'm

116
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,919
Speaker 3: guilty of that in my past life, having poured so

117
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,920
Speaker 3: much into men and not making sure that my cup

118
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:29,880
Speaker 3: was filled up as well, right, a lot. So my

119
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,200
Speaker 3: project going for a long time, like my clients are

120
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:33,320
Speaker 3: the only projects I take on.

121
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,520
Speaker 4: And so when women come to you and they're in

122
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:40,279
Speaker 4: a predicament where they feel like maybe their partner isn't

123
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,039
Speaker 4: where they want them to be financially, what do you

124
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,040
Speaker 4: tell them? Do you ask them if it's worth the investment,

125
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,400
Speaker 4: or like, what do you think someone should do in

126
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,000
Speaker 4: that situation?

127
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,159
Speaker 3: So here's the thing. We have to understand that when

128
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,480
Speaker 3: it comes to finances, and we have to be very

129
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,920
Speaker 3: specific about the number that we think will make us happy, okay,

130
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,440
Speaker 3: because we all have it in our head when the

131
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,240
Speaker 3: number that will make you happy and satisfied with your

132
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,720
Speaker 3: man might be different than the number that would make

133
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,160
Speaker 3: me satisfying. Right, So we have to decide once again

134
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,120
Speaker 3: what season are we in? Are you in your I

135
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,119
Speaker 3: need passion and that is the priority, or I need

136
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,919
Speaker 3: security and that is the priority. Because if it's all

137
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:16,320
Speaker 3: about the security and you want someone who makes a

138
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,480
Speaker 3: certain amount, then are you willing to do the work

139
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,000
Speaker 3: of that earning? Because think about it like a job,

140
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:25,600
Speaker 3: a position that is paying the work two million, The

141
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,880
Speaker 3: expectations are very different and the amount of energy that

142
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,760
Speaker 3: you have to put insue that role is very different

143
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,880
Speaker 3: than a job that makes thirty K and so and

144
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,080
Speaker 3: so does the work of actually finding that relationship because

145
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,840
Speaker 3: the population that we're asking for that's high earning men

146
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,560
Speaker 3: is very low. So if you want that unicorn, you

147
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,400
Speaker 3: need to do the work to find that unicorn.

148
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,760
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest. For me, money has never been

149
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,040
Speaker 2: a major issue in a relationship. Like I've never dated

150
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,720
Speaker 2: somebody because I felt like find you know, they brought

151
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:57,120
Speaker 2: me financial stability or security. But I do feel like

152
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,840
Speaker 2: that also comes with the fact that I've done well

153
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,839
Speaker 2: for myself and it's not something that is like, I'm

154
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:06,280
Speaker 2: not going to be stable unless you know he Now,

155
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,120
Speaker 2: I don't want to be taking advantage of either, like

156
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,280
Speaker 2: I want somebody that can handle their own. But I also,

157
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,960
Speaker 2: like I saw somebody post if you need a man

158
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,120
Speaker 2: to pay for your hair, your nails and do all

159
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,040
Speaker 2: of and pay for your bills and do all of that,

160
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,800
Speaker 2: and you're not ready to be in a relationship.

161
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:23,800
Speaker 3: I'm married and I still haven't paying for that.

162
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,560
Speaker 2: So but not if you if he doesn't, because he

163
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,480
Speaker 2: wants to if you need it, Like you know, some

164
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,600
Speaker 2: people will say I need someone to do this or

165
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:34,720
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna.

166
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,320
Speaker 1: I feel like that's bare minimum you should be doing

167
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:37,720
Speaker 1: for yourself.

168
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:41,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, like absolutely, there should be no reason that you

169
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,560
Speaker 3: are leading goodbye.

170
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:43,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

171
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,160
Speaker 3: However, those kind acts do make us feel good, right,

172
00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:48,760
Speaker 3: Like it's like, okay, we don't even worry about it,

173
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,120
Speaker 3: like good for your hair. But there is some truth

174
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,280
Speaker 3: to being self sufficient, right I don't. I'm not here

175
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,560
Speaker 3: for the independence because I actually very much need my man,

176
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:01,920
Speaker 3: my manion. I can't live with him, I can't live

177
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:06,320
Speaker 3: without him. But when it comes to the need part,

178
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,200
Speaker 3: if he were to disappear tomorrow, would my finances like

179
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:16,080
Speaker 3: shift crazy? No, I would be good. But I like

180
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:21,280
Speaker 3: the extra and I like the treatment as well. And

181
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:24,880
Speaker 3: I don't think that based on what a man makes

182
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,360
Speaker 3: should be the determining factor of whether he's lovable. Okay,

183
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,440
Speaker 3: I don't think that men are valued at, you know,

184
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,680
Speaker 3: their income bracket when it comes to love. I don't

185
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,920
Speaker 3: think that that should be the only prerequisite. There's a

186
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,560
Speaker 3: lot of other factors that should come into play.

187
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,640
Speaker 2: Should we be looking at it, Like what if we've

188
00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:43,240
Speaker 2: lost everything, could we still be together? Absolutely?

189
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,440
Speaker 3: And that's what I had to tell myself too. I

190
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,439
Speaker 3: when it comes to the chivalry and the pampered and

191
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,240
Speaker 3: all that, I like a lot of things I do,

192
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:59,000
Speaker 3: I don't know me I want with on my like

193
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,520
Speaker 3: you know, wish list. But when it comes to the

194
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:07,240
Speaker 3: you know, should we be you know, discriminating against them

195
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,760
Speaker 3: because they don't hit a certain bracket Like, that's when

196
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,920
Speaker 3: it's like, well, what are your priorities here? What are

197
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,480
Speaker 3: the things that you care more about? Because if it's

198
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,240
Speaker 3: about the financial aspect, then it's going to take a

199
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,520
Speaker 3: lot longer for you to get there with somebody who's

200
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:21,360
Speaker 3: also a good person.

201
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:21,880
Speaker 2: Right.

202
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,839
Speaker 1: Do you think that love is enough? Though?

203
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:31,520
Speaker 3: Oh no, absolutely not so wet to be Like when

204
00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:33,920
Speaker 3: I was dating my husband, though back to the point earlier,

205
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,080
Speaker 3: I looked at it as because he made more than

206
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,559
Speaker 3: me at the time, he also helped me grow the

207
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,600
Speaker 3: spicy life, right, And so I looked at that time

208
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,120
Speaker 3: of if we were to lose everything tomorrow, do I

209
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,400
Speaker 3: love you enough just for you? If we were in

210
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,000
Speaker 3: a jail cell, could I survive five years in this

211
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,400
Speaker 3: jail cell with just you. You can't buy me anything,

212
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,000
Speaker 3: you can't take me anywhere, you can't do anything other

213
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,360
Speaker 3: than just your personality pouring into me. And my answer

214
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,280
Speaker 3: was one thousand percent. Yes, one thousand percent. And if

215
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,880
Speaker 3: we were on a the islands, I know for sure

216
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,439
Speaker 3: he would find a way to get us off right,

217
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,960
Speaker 3: like no doubt, hero day and day. Yes, but I

218
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,480
Speaker 3: like a certain arc type of man. I won't date

219
00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:13,320
Speaker 3: men who are not heroes because I like to be saved.

220
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,560
Speaker 3: What I mean by saving is not that I can't

221
00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,560
Speaker 3: take care of myself. But every time I have a problem,

222
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,000
Speaker 3: I want you come up with a solution.

223
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:20,439
Speaker 1: To fix it.

224
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, Or sometimes I want you to also know if

225
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,200
Speaker 2: I'm telling you about something, I don't need you to

226
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:26,960
Speaker 2: always fix it. Sometimes I just want you to listen.

227
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, And that's when he's do you want do you

228
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,720
Speaker 3: want to advice? Do you want to listen?

229
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,600
Speaker 2: Sometimes sometimes you just want to like, come plain.

230
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,439
Speaker 3: I want advance because that advanced.

231
00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:39,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's certain times you're like, I don't need you

232
00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:41,199
Speaker 2: trying to tell me what I need to do right now.

233
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,560
Speaker 2: Just listen, Yeah, just listen. And I just want to

234
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,720
Speaker 2: get it out there and be like, because you know,

235
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,720
Speaker 2: sometimes we and I'm gonna admit this and take accountability

236
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,319
Speaker 2: as a woman. Sometimes we could come to our significant

237
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,360
Speaker 2: other with our problems and then they're trying to solve

238
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,839
Speaker 2: it and we're arguing about the solutions. Yeah, because I

239
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,440
Speaker 2: don't really want to do that right now. I just

240
00:10:58,480 --> 00:10:59,760
Speaker 2: want to say what I want to say. I don't

241
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,119
Speaker 2: need you trying to be practical at the moment.

242
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,920
Speaker 3: I tell you an interviews, I'm like they've been about

243
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,400
Speaker 3: to tell you about my home girl. I don't need

244
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,640
Speaker 3: you just offer anything. I just want you to pretend

245
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,720
Speaker 3: to care. Just pretend to care about what's going on

246
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:13,000
Speaker 3: with me and d D right now now you will speciybody.

247
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,920
Speaker 3: I want to also put this out there now because

248
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,720
Speaker 3: I know whenever there's a quote relationship expert, people always

249
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:24,160
Speaker 3: question the validity the education and they want to know, well,

250
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,160
Speaker 3: what makes this person qualify? But I want you to

251
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,320
Speaker 3: run down your qualifications because you have them. But I

252
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,600
Speaker 3: know people will be like, she just up there talking,

253
00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:34,600
Speaker 3: she don't know what she's talking about, because people love.

254
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:35,560
Speaker 1: To say that they do.

255
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:41,840
Speaker 3: So UC Berkeley USC Spellman, right, I have my BA

256
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,400
Speaker 3: N Masters in Communications and certified in the got from

257
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,000
Speaker 3: the Government Institute, and then also a certified dating coach

258
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,880
Speaker 3: as well. So I also do marital counseling. I'll do

259
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:57,400
Speaker 3: relationship coaching and magnetic matchmaking, which is like helping singles

260
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,960
Speaker 3: become the best version of themselves so that they can

261
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,600
Speaker 3: get into a relationship. Not only do I help them

262
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:07,280
Speaker 3: attract their purpose mate and keep the love going, I

263
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,920
Speaker 3: also have done it for myself, and then I have

264
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,840
Speaker 3: done it for thousands of thousands of clients. And then

265
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:15,160
Speaker 3: I also studied it in my master's program, My Spicy Method.

266
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just want to put that out there because

267
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:24,240
Speaker 2: I know that always happenations over here. Now, I want

268
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,560
Speaker 2: to talk about Sneaky Link on Netflix because a lot

269
00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:31,160
Speaker 2: of people know you from that show, all right, So

270
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,240
Speaker 2: questions about the sneaky Links, because the other thing is

271
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:40,520
Speaker 2: how did sneakily the producers know who's who your sneaky

272
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,760
Speaker 2: link was? Because the sneaky Link is supposed to be

273
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:43,760
Speaker 2: just that.

274
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:48,200
Speaker 3: So when I tell you the level of research that

275
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,640
Speaker 3: they did with the people who they were interviewing that

276
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,760
Speaker 3: wanted to be on the reality show, they went into

277
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,240
Speaker 3: like how many partners you've been with? Where does that

278
00:12:56,280 --> 00:13:00,120
Speaker 3: partner live? Go, give us the entire list of of

279
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,080
Speaker 3: people that you've been a relationship with. That you have

280
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,640
Speaker 3: slept with, not telling them that it's going to be

281
00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:08,080
Speaker 3: for the show. I'm thinking that it's a background check

282
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,360
Speaker 3: to make sure that they don't have any like priors

283
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,640
Speaker 3: or that they don't have any like baggage that they're

284
00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:14,920
Speaker 3: coming with. Right you say you're single, Okay, prove it,

285
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,800
Speaker 3: you know, let us talk to some of the women

286
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,400
Speaker 3: who you have like dated before. But they had no

287
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,960
Speaker 3: clue that these people who they were scouting would be

288
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,040
Speaker 3: for the show. And then when the producers would reach

289
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:29,080
Speaker 3: out or the casting producers reach out to the other contestants,

290
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,240
Speaker 3: who's the sneaky link, they wouldn't let them know that

291
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,800
Speaker 3: it was the other person. I'm just a recruiter. I

292
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,439
Speaker 3: thought your social profile and I thought you'd be a

293
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:43,160
Speaker 3: good fit for the show, not knowing that we're casting

294
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:49,480
Speaker 3: the guy you sleep away right now. Yeah, that's probably

295
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,080
Speaker 3: one of the hardest shows that I've heard it's been

296
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,839
Speaker 3: to cast for, because you have to keep it a

297
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,000
Speaker 3: secret and then hope that those sneaky links don't speak

298
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,160
Speaker 3: to it's to make them sign them, you know, nda

299
00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,120
Speaker 3: and all the things. That's like, you can't tell anybody

300
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,360
Speaker 3: you're coming on the show, even the people you're intimate with,

301
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,480
Speaker 3: So they really were surprised.

302
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,160
Speaker 2: And that's like, because sometimes just sneaky link is meant

303
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:12,480
Speaker 2: to be just that. Imagine anybody, is there anybody you've

304
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,680
Speaker 2: been with this you're embarrassed about that, you would be like,

305
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:19,040
Speaker 2: I don't want nobody to know about this. Embarrassed.

306
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,360
Speaker 5: I don't know if embarrassed is the word.

307
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,120
Speaker 2: Baby, this is secret?

308
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:29,520
Speaker 1: Yeh reason, but yes, yes, right now?

309
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,160
Speaker 2: What are some things about a guy that would make

310
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,840
Speaker 2: you not want of the people to know? Like, what

311
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,320
Speaker 2: is it that he's a whore?

312
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:38,400
Speaker 1: Okay?

313
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,960
Speaker 5: Then he's the community park bench, everybody gets a seat, okay.

314
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:43,640
Speaker 3: So you would keep him a secret.

315
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,360
Speaker 5: And just like I don't want to get thrown to Yes,

316
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 5: they are, I don't want to get thrown with all

317
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:50,480
Speaker 5: of the rest of them.

318
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:51,760
Speaker 1: Keep me separate and sneaky.

319
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,520
Speaker 2: What about you Joy Journey guys out there that you're like,

320
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,880
Speaker 2: I actually have a sneaky take it to the grade.

321
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,760
Speaker 2: Why don't you want people to know about him?

322
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,840
Speaker 3: Because you're not proud of him? That's why there's nikky lynk.

323
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:04,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

324
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,840
Speaker 4: But also we have like a we have a friend

325
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,200
Speaker 4: group that no one knows that this is happening, and

326
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,240
Speaker 4: now it would just be they wouldn't they wouldn't know

327
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,720
Speaker 4: even by that hint. But it's yeah, it would be

328
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,480
Speaker 4: a little messy. I think, So who gets the friends?

329
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,720
Speaker 4: If you guys stop looking up? Who gets the friend group?

330
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,760
Speaker 3: You know, it's like a divorce after the breakout.

331
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:24,560
Speaker 1: Oh, we'll be good.

332
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,800
Speaker 2: It's not even like that, Like you guys will still

333
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:27,200
Speaker 2: be friends.

334
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:27,600
Speaker 6: Yeah.

335
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:28,720
Speaker 4: I don't see why not.

336
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:29,800
Speaker 2: Why couldn't it go further?

337
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,360
Speaker 1: I don't think we.

338
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,440
Speaker 4: Want the same things long term, but right now we're

339
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:35,720
Speaker 4: just what do you want long terms?

340
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,240
Speaker 1: I guess right now, And they're having a lot of

341
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:37,680
Speaker 1: good sets.

342
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, but do you want to commit a relationship not

343
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,080
Speaker 4: at the moment, not with that person, not with him,

344
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,240
Speaker 4: and not at the moment. I don't even know if,

345
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,000
Speaker 4: like I know, I saw a couple of videos of

346
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,600
Speaker 4: you where you're saying you have to really put the

347
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:50,680
Speaker 4: time in and the investment.

348
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just don't even want to do that. Okay,

349
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:58,360
Speaker 3: So you're in your like experimental experiential season. Yeah, we're

350
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,720
Speaker 3: just like I just want to experience him. I just

351
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,960
Speaker 3: want to Yeah, I don't want to be responsible for anyone. Yes,

352
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,000
Speaker 3: this is the first time those were friends, I just turned.

353
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:09,160
Speaker 4: Thirty four and I would celebate for two years, and

354
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:10,920
Speaker 4: so I feel like this is my first time in

355
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,280
Speaker 4: life as a sexual person where I'm just like, oh,

356
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,080
Speaker 4: I'm not really that attached, but I'm enjoying what it

357
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,240
Speaker 4: is and I don't need anything else, And I don't know,

358
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:20,560
Speaker 4: it's a very nice place to be.

359
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,320
Speaker 3: How are you stopping yourself from the attachment part?

360
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:22,440
Speaker 6: Right?

361
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,800
Speaker 3: Because when you're intimate with someone, you know, you start

362
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:29,360
Speaker 3: pillow talking, you start sharing. How are you stopping yourself?

363
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 1: You know?

364
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:30,120
Speaker 2: I don't know.

365
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,800
Speaker 1: It's just not happening.

366
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:36,000
Speaker 4: Like he'll go home and we'll talk sometimes, and then

367
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,760
Speaker 4: they'll be like a couple weeks later to be like,

368
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:38,360
Speaker 4: what are you doing?

369
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaker 2: Because you have the same friend group. How would you

370
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,560
Speaker 2: feel if he had another woman with that bothering you?

371
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,200
Speaker 4: I think he does, but like out with you guys,

372
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,080
Speaker 4: Oh oh that wouldn't happen.

373
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:51,400
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that wouldn't happen.

374
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,040
Speaker 4: I thought about it. What would happen if I brought

375
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:54,560
Speaker 4: someone around?

376
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,800
Speaker 2: I was going to ask you that next.

377
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:56,440
Speaker 1: I don't know.

378
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,480
Speaker 3: I don't know what would be the problem with that.

379
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 3: If you guys are friends with many friends with benefits,

380
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,919
Speaker 3: if he brought some, you feel like he wouldn't do that.

381
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,160
Speaker 3: But do you feel like if he did that would

382
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,960
Speaker 3: be disrespectful to her?

383
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,840
Speaker 1: Probably? To her? Probably.

384
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,080
Speaker 5: I think that's just a thin line that shouldn't be

385
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,800
Speaker 5: cross if there's like an understanding that this is all

386
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,159
Speaker 5: it is, like keep your shit over there, yeah, and

387
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,040
Speaker 5: I'll stay over here.

388
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,200
Speaker 3: I'm way too possessive for that, Like, don't even try it.

389
00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 3: M h uh huh.

390
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,879
Speaker 2: Is there anybody use spicy Mandy from your past that

391
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,200
Speaker 2: she would be like so embarrassed if people were like.

392
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:32,200
Speaker 3: Yes, Because remember I told you like the chivalry and

393
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,919
Speaker 3: the courtship is extremely important to me because I'm going

394
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,600
Speaker 3: to be asking for whatever it is I want, and

395
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,080
Speaker 3: I need to know that you can. You don't have to,

396
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,480
Speaker 3: but in that you're capable.

397
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:42,040
Speaker 1: Uh.

398
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:46,480
Speaker 3: In my past, well, my esteem was low. I had,

399
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,480
Speaker 3: you know, a little cashier taking care of me, like

400
00:17:49,800 --> 00:18:00,760
Speaker 3: a legitimate or drill cashier. Okay, Annie, but like fast forward,

401
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,840
Speaker 3: this person would never be able to you know and

402
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,600
Speaker 3: bless us art, but this person would never be able

403
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,119
Speaker 3: to handle me. I was already like too much. We

404
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:09,200
Speaker 3: weren't compatible as well. But for the time he served.

405
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,359
Speaker 1: His purpose was.

406
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:13,240
Speaker 2: That intimidating for him to be dating you, Because I

407
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:17,359
Speaker 2: think also the problem may not be just like how

408
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,280
Speaker 2: you feel like, Okay, he can't handle this, but it

409
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:25,040
Speaker 2: also could be that sometimes men don't like that feeling

410
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 2: and they like overly compensate for the fact that they

411
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,240
Speaker 2: don't feel good enough or secure enough.

412
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we're you have to understand too. You have

413
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,480
Speaker 3: to know yourself, Like I own the fact that I'm extra,

414
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,640
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be loud, I'm gonna be boisterous, might embarrass

415
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,720
Speaker 3: you sometimes even though I try not to, Like, I'm

416
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 3: gonna you know, I'm extremely opinionated. I'm jet sent into

417
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,399
Speaker 3: New York for you know, lip service. So you have

418
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 3: to be able to roll with the punches. And sometimes

419
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,639
Speaker 3: it's not just on the financial end. Sometimes it's just

420
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 3: on the wanting to be front and present. Yeah, Like

421
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,320
Speaker 3: my clients are male and female, so you have to understand.

422
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,160
Speaker 3: I'm talking to a couple of singles about not just

423
00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:05,720
Speaker 3: you know, sex, but other intimate things in the relationships.

424
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 3: You know, it goes deep as far as how involved

425
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,240
Speaker 3: I get in their lives. So if I'm talking to

426
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,360
Speaker 3: someone at two am in the morning talking them off

427
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,720
Speaker 3: of a ledge from the walk of shame, like you

428
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,040
Speaker 3: have to be comfortable and secure with yourself for that.

429
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,119
Speaker 3: My husband one thousand percent understands.

430
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 2: You know, that's interesting. I was thinking about I dated

431
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,399
Speaker 2: a guy who worked in retail, and I feel like

432
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,040
Speaker 2: he was kind of embarrassed about it, but I was

433
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:35,080
Speaker 2: okay with it. And then he ended up getting fired,

434
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 2: and I think he just got so like down after that,

435
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 2: and he was just having like financial issues, and it

436
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 2: actually made us. It wasn't the fact that I didn't

437
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,639
Speaker 2: really care that much. I was young, I didn't have

438
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,200
Speaker 2: much money either, but I think he felt so bad

439
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 2: about it it made him a different person. If that

440
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 2: makes sense.

441
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,359
Speaker 3: Well, think about if you were to lose your job,

442
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,680
Speaker 3: Like you get depressed when you don't feel like you

443
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,320
Speaker 3: are self sufficient or you can suspect.

444
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,960
Speaker 2: I feel like there was an nothing I could do

445
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 2: to make him feel like better or better about it.

446
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,800
Speaker 2: And we were also pretty early on in dating, but

447
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,680
Speaker 2: there wasn't my man, and I was like every day

448
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,480
Speaker 2: it was like a downer. I was like, I already

449
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,800
Speaker 2: can't do much for that, But every time I talk

450
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 2: to you, you're you know, complaining you're down, you're depressed.

451
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,720
Speaker 2: I'm not your girl. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

452
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 2: And I was like, this isn't going to end.

453
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,679
Speaker 3: Here's the thing with it, and here's the double standard. Okay,

454
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 3: I'm okay with the double standard. Here's the double standard.

455
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,600
Speaker 3: When my husband and I were dating, I hadn't gone

456
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,640
Speaker 3: back to grad school yet and I was broke.

457
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,080
Speaker 1: As a joke.

458
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:33,720
Speaker 3: I think it was like I took an interim period

459
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 3: before school started working at a dealership. I didn't have nothing,

460
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,920
Speaker 3: and he was perfectly okay with that. I was like,

461
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 3: are you sure, I'm in between, like you know, this

462
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:46,320
Speaker 3: is this job isn't going anywhere like and he was like, no, no, no,

463
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 3: I believe in you. I see the vision. Let's do

464
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 3: this thing. If it was reversed, absolutely not okay. And

465
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,840
Speaker 3: this is the double standard because my femininity was not

466
00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,399
Speaker 3: It wasn't in question because I was unemployed. If it

467
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 3: was reversed, his masculinity would be in question because he

468
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 3: can't provide. So that's the difference between like male and female.

469
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:11,919
Speaker 3: And the dynamics is our our energy in our essence

470
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:16,359
Speaker 3: isn't determined by our employment. That's just like it's an extra,

471
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,560
Speaker 3: it's nice, it's icing on the cake. But these men

472
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,679
Speaker 3: don't care about that. He could care less if I

473
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 3: made a million versus wait to tables.

474
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,240
Speaker 2: Have you ever felt like you weren't enough, like because

475
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 2: a man was doing so well and you weren't. Has

476
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:28,880
Speaker 2: that ever been a situation?

477
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 5: It was for me when I was with my ex

478
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 5: and I was financially dependent on him and he would

479
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 5: like punish me by like canceling my car. Oh so

480
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,640
Speaker 5: at that moment, I would feel like.

481
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 2: They call that financial abuse?

482
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 1: What are you doing? Girl?

483
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 5: That was what helped me really like level myself up,

484
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 5: because I'm like, I'm never going to allow a man

485
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 5: to have me in that grip again to where though

486
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 5: I'm solely dependent on him for everything.

487
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I learned that lesson quick. Yeah.

488
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 4: Ever been there financially before?

489
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 2: Well?

490
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,399
Speaker 4: I feel like my dad when I was younger, he

491
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,920
Speaker 4: would he would do that a little bit, and when

492
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,239
Speaker 4: I became more independent, he would like freak out and

493
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 4: like try to get me more and then make me

494
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 4: more reliant. I think he had a hard time with

495
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:10,199
Speaker 4: me transitioning into adulthood. Yeah, so he would kind of

496
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 4: do some controlling things like that, but I think relationship wise,

497
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,919
Speaker 4: I've actually been more intimated by someone physically where I

498
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:22,760
Speaker 4: felt like they were hotter than me and I was wow,

499
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 4: oh my god, he's on a different level and I

500
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 4: felt he's beautiful. Yeah, he was like stunning.

501
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 5: I can't.

502
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 3: Could you, guys, be with somebody that's like, oh, I honestly.

503
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 1: Like a medium ugly. I like a medium ugly.

504
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,160
Speaker 5: I like a little beer belly, a little I don't

505
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,400
Speaker 5: need like flat muscle gorgeous like I could do average.

506
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 5: I could do average with a fire personality. Why do

507
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 5: you think that is? I'm pretty enough and I got brothers,

508
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 5: and all my brothers look like eld Barge, So it's like.

509
00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:00,440
Speaker 1: I don't need a mac. My brother get that.

510
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 5: I don't need a man that's given like Vico suave

511
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,639
Speaker 5: like you remind me my brother, I don't want it.

512
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 3: You could be attractive, but I can't have you knowing

513
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,439
Speaker 3: that you're attractive, and I can't have your esteem based

514
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 3: on your That's the feminine quality to me, that we

515
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 3: care about nails and hairs and everything's done. He should

516
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 3: care less about that, like he let me tell you

517
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 3: to go clean up. But I don't need you making

518
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,679
Speaker 3: that your priority. Like my husband is fine, but that

519
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 3: wasn't a pre because it was more about like who

520
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 3: he was as a person. But I can't do the

521
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 3: beer belly like I could do a little bit, do

522
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 3: you know.

523
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 1: I don't want to leave fat, but I don't want

524
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 1: a little belly.

525
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,720
Speaker 2: I want to Oh my gosh. Like I like guys

526
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 2: that I find attractive. They don't. I don't want them

527
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 2: to look like models or nothing. But I do like

528
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,600
Speaker 2: guys that I think are attractive. But to me, because

529
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 2: we all have different standard.

530
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 3: What's difficult type.

531
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 2: I do like guys that are in shape more like

532
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 2: on this slim side, not like super bill and muscular.

533
00:23:56,359 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 3: You want slim, thick, like lean, a little lean.

534
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 2: I'm not like into the baller belly or nothing like that. Yes,

535
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,360
Speaker 2: and very clean cut. I like a clean cut guy.

536
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 2: I would say that good hygiene. Yes, hygiene is a

537
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 2: huge deal for me. I don't really love the like

538
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 2: grunts look. I like a clean cut you know.

539
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, are you with someone right now?

540
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:19,640
Speaker 1: Okay?

541
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 3: Is he does he meet that type that you just said?

542
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:22,640
Speaker 1: Yeah he does?

543
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 2: He does? Yeah.

544
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: I definitely ghost to a guy before because his fingernails

545
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:27,440
Speaker 1: were dirty.

546
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 2: Who fingernailsn't ask it because you just think about like

547
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 2: he gonna have his hands on me, what is he touching?

548
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 3: I let someone go because he smell bad, but he

549
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 3: went on a hike and it like my nostrils and

550
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 3: I had I let him know. Though I don't believe

551
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,399
Speaker 3: in ghosting. Okay, I want to end ghosting as we

552
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 3: know it. It's very bad for this, for society, for

553
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 3: our self esteem, okay.

554
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:50,640
Speaker 2: But its the person.

555
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 1: It was like second date.

556
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,679
Speaker 3: Tell the person why you don't want them, so that

557
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 3: they can work on that thing, so that they can grow.

558
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 3: If they're not, you know, evolved enough to be able

559
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,679
Speaker 3: to take the constructive feedback, so be it. But at

560
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 3: least you did your part to get back to society.

561
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,479
Speaker 3: And I had to let him know, like how did

562
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 3: he take that our smells not compatible?

563
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 2: And how do you say that? Just like that smell

564
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 2: smells like was that the only time?

565
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 3: And I was like, you look great, square moms, it's

566
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,119
Speaker 3: never gonna happen.

567
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 5: I had ever thought he was musty before, but it

568
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 5: was like he had a lot of pubic hair.

569
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 1: And it was like the ball was rank and I

570
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: had to be.

571
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 2: Like little mushrooms growing.

572
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, I had to be like, maybe you should manscape

573
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,879
Speaker 5: it all. Help with the muskiness, some powder.

574
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 2: Something or how do you tell somebody like they need

575
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 2: to go to the dentist, because somebody I know. It's

576
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 2: like like I want to tell him so badly that

577
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 2: I could see like in between his teeth and then

578
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 2: he needs to go to the dentist, but I don't

579
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 2: know how to do it.

580
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 3: Okay, So I guided the client through this, uh actually,

581
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 3: and it worked out perfect. So she was in relationship

582
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 3: with someone same problem. She canna actually see the crust,

583
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 3: like the crud and the film. Yes, it looked like

584
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 3: buildings in between his teeth. So she would let him

585
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,919
Speaker 3: see flossing and then hand it to him. Baby, you

586
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 3: want a piece and just hand it to him. He

587
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 3: would refuse it. Okay, that's how bad it was. He's like,

588
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 3: I don't need a floss when I it would make

589
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 3: my gums bleed, and yeah, that's exactly what. But he

590
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 3: had a problem with her telling him what to do,

591
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:25,880
Speaker 3: so we had to try another approach.

592
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 1: Right.

593
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 3: She was like, I'm scheduling a dentist appointment, baby, let

594
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 3: me make one for you. Let me be your woman

595
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 3: and take care of you. I'll schedule your appointment too.

596
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 3: That didn't work, and.

597
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 2: So he like, look, I'm not going to fix my teeth.

598
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:39,400
Speaker 1: What work?

599
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 3: So she bought herself a new toothbrush, the double pack

600
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 3: at Costco, and then gave him the other tooth brush too,

601
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 3: and she was like, look what I got you like.

602
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: Brush his teeth?

603
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,919
Speaker 3: He did, but we needed to get the conversation. We

604
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,200
Speaker 3: needed to get him comfortable with the just the hygiene portion.

605
00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 3: And so eventually she was like, you know, its teeth.

606
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 3: Hygiene is extremely important to me, and I would love

607
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 3: it if you were just as you know, if it

608
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,360
Speaker 3: was just as important to you, you valued it as much,

609
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 3: and he got upset with her. Fast forward, he was like, look,

610
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 3: I booked the appointment to the dentist, but it took

611
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 3: like a six month to like get this man to

612
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:18,959
Speaker 3: come around.

613
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 2: That's what it might be okay to drug somebody and

614
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 2: then have the dentist come and no, I'm just kidding.

615
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:29,920
Speaker 3: No, I want to be told it's hard, like you

616
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 3: have to to try to find every single like way

617
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 3: that you can.

618
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 2: I don't know that. To me, it's not a good

619
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 2: sign if you can't be honest with somebody about that

620
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 2: and they can't receive it. I kind of would look

621
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 2: at that as a red flag on a yellow flag,

622
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 2: depending on his teeth. But I just think that if

623
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 2: I can't tell you, yeah, bro, like your teeth like

624
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 2: you have, you got to go to the dentist. And

625
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 2: I would want my man to be like, you're right.

626
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, yes, because that's a real

627
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 2: thing and he can see it. That's not something that's

628
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 2: a question.

629
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 5: I had to tell a guy like while brushing his

630
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 5: teeth and spitting out blood, like that's not healthy. Look

631
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 5: into it like that, you shouldn't be bleeding that you

632
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 5: should you shouldn't be.

633
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 2: At Allia gets in your mouth too, and.

634
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 5: You shouldn't bleed it over you brush and the exsessiveness.

635
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:17,920
Speaker 1: I've seen it get worse over time.

636
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,159
Speaker 3: You should get that checked out and it should be

637
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 3: direct like that, Like it could be that easy if

638
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 3: he's not guarded, insecure already feeling like he's not enough

639
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,159
Speaker 3: for you, which was some of the dynamic that we

640
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,919
Speaker 3: were working with. But I'm more of a straight shugar

641
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 3: like that as well. I'm like, okay, baby, you know

642
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 3: how much I love you.

643
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:34,680
Speaker 2: You're amazing.

644
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,399
Speaker 3: I'm gonna build a spicy sandwich. I'm gonna be like,

645
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,280
Speaker 3: you're the most handsome person in the world. However, I

646
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 3: really really love straight teeth. Okay, growing up, my mom

647
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 3: made sure I had braces. You should get in visil lined.

648
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 1: Baby.

649
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 3: Let's go get in visil lined smorrow once again. Baby,

650
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 3: you're the most beautiful man in the world. And my husband, okay,

651
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 3: everything else, but I was like, damn you straight teeth.

652
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 2: Come on now, see that thing? May somebody feel really

653
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 2: insecure to, like, I know, sometimes you could tell when

654
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 2: people are uncomfortable with the teeth if they like cover

655
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 2: their mouth, you know, kind of when they talk and

656
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 2: they don't want to all the way smile. It is

657
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 2: something that but a lot of people are getting teeth

658
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 2: that look ridiculous, the cheek less.

659
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 3: It looks like like white, huge, crazy, Like what is that?

660
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 2: Yeah? I want people to like, are they all going

661
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 2: to the same and.

662
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 1: Their that isn't even uh supposed to be doing.

663
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 2: Sometimes people going out.

664
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 3: The Yeah I've been here about the scammers.

665
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's the baby. You can't play with your teeth. Okay,

666
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 2: now I'm going to ask you as a relationship expert

667
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 2: and a coach. When couples come to you, what are

668
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 2: the some of the say, the three top common issues

669
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 2: that you see in long term relationships.

670
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 3: When it's couples. With couples, usually they're coming because they've

671
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 3: they're at their left straw and they don't know how

672
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 3: to communicate okay. Intimacy and trust okay okay. Trust is

673
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 3: usually because it's been broken. Trust usually because it's time

674
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 3: to rebuild.

675
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 2: What would you tell somebody who is like, I got

676
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 2: caught cheating and she won't let it go or he

677
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 2: won't let it go.

678
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 3: So you have to decide on your end if you're

679
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 3: the man who did it, or if you're the woman

680
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 3: that did it. Does her recovery like mean more to

681
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 3: me than the actual crime that I committed? Right, because

682
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 3: we just wanted to be forgotten and forgiven. When you

683
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 3: have an affair, we're just like, oh, forget about it.

684
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 3: Stop punishing me for this. But her process right in

685
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 3: healing may be tumultuous, Her process may be inconvenient. Her

686
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 3: process and healing may be loud. It may, you know,

687
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 3: require you to bring it up multiple times. It may

688
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 3: require certain guidelines, certain rules you need to share your location.

689
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 3: You can no longer be friends with you know women anymore.

690
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: We come up with the strategy of what that looks

691
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 3: like that he obliges to, that he's comfortable with, and

692
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 3: that he'll agree with if it's him. And sometimes it's

693
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 3: complicated and men have to be like, you know, it's

694
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 3: just easier to leave her and have somebody who doesn't

695
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 3: know then I'm a comeback versus like, let's help get

696
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 3: to the original wounds that created your infidelity, sir, because

697
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 3: she's here for the like, she wants to ride through

698
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 3: you with this, and so sometimes he just thinks that

699
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 3: it's easier to just move on versus healing the wounds

700
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 3: that created it to begin with.

701
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 2: What do you tell a woman that wants to be

702
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 2: able to forgive him but it's so hard and she

703
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 2: can't stop thinking about it and she can't stop bringing

704
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:31,719
Speaker 2: it up.

705
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:35,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is so painful because I've been cheated on

706
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 3: before in my past.

707
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 1: Okay, this helped me.

708
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 3: I would kill him, but you gotta put a little

709
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:42,840
Speaker 3: fear in their hearts so they get the wrong idea.

710
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 3: If she is going through all of the pain and

711
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 3: agony of the you know, cheating, she then has to

712
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 3: decide who is this turning me into? Do I like

713
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 3: who I am becoming after this incident? Because if it's

714
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 3: making me ugly, if it's making me hateful, if it's

715
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 3: making me unrecognizable, that's the first part. Who am I

716
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 3: after this has happened? And what do I want the

717
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 3: relationship to look like? Because oftentimes we'll say, you know,

718
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 3: well he needs to fix it and he needs to

719
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 3: make it right, but we don't know actually what we

720
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 3: need to heal and so we need to think it

721
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 3: through in order to forgive him. What are the five

722
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 3: things that he needs to do, because then we can

723
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 3: hand that to him, he can start tackling it. If

724
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 3: he doesn't want to tackle it, and that's what you

725
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 3: just said you needed, then we need to find somebody

726
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 3: who doesn't want to create as much damage. Right, but

727
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 3: the ruminating on it, the you know, wanting to punish him,

728
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 3: We can't just be punishing him without a goal. There

729
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 3: needs to be a goal in mind, like, Okay, we

730
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 3: are repairing after this, this is what our relationship is

731
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 3: going to look like. You know, there needs to be

732
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 3: some type of milestone so that you know that you

733
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 3: guys have made it through.

734
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 5: Because you stay for a reason. Absolutely, you're going to

735
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 5: keep beating him down about it, then just leave. Sometimes

736
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 5: you also stay because you don't want to see him

737
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 5: as the other.

738
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 3: Person who you are without him. So it's not even

739
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 3: because he you so well. I've seen a lot of

740
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 3: people who have come to me and they're in the

741
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 3: relationship with the person because they just don't know how

742
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 3: to be without him, like their identity is attached to

743
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 3: the relationship. And I'm like, well, girl, we can find

744
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 3: you a broke cheater tomorrow. Heckage, you just don't.

745
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: Want to be alone?

746
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 2: Is it a red flag? Like you know, some people

747
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 2: will say when's a cheater?

748
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 3: I is a cheater If somebody has a history of

749
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 3: cheating and you get with that person.

750
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 2: Is it now like, well you knew what he did before?

751
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 2: Or do you think that people in the right situation

752
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 2: can change?

753
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: Okay?

754
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 3: I talk data first, Okay, Statistically they want they will

755
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 3: one hundred one thousand, one million billion, The chances of

756
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 3: them cheating again is yes, Okay, okay, But do I

757
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 3: believe in the ability to reform and transform? Also yes,

758
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 3: but not if you don't get the help that you need.

759
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 3: That's like saying someone who is an alcoholic or you know,

760
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 3: maybe they're you know, they're addicted to gambling, Like, can

761
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 3: they transform? Absolutely, the chances are very hard. But if

762
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 3: they do the work, if they commit, if they're at

763
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 3: the meetings, if they are finding other resources to pour

764
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 3: into themselves, and they're getting back into their word, like,

765
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 3: if they want to fight for it, right then yes.

766
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 2: Okay, because you know some people would be like, well,

767
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 2: you know he did this, and then they'll be like, oh, well,

768
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,480
Speaker 2: you knew that was gonna happen. He did it to me?

769
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 5: Well, I honestly feel like people get a different give

770
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 5: a different version of themselves to different people, Like in

771
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 5: different relationships, you might have been like this with her,

772
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 5: but with me, you're going to be like this, or

773
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 5: moving on, you might be different based on the of

774
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:43,360
Speaker 5: those things.

775
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 3: So usually it's not he was a completely different person

776
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 3: with her. No, no, no, no. Usually it's you're excusing this

777
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 3: behavior because you think that you're more special than her.

778
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,600
Speaker 3: He has he told you she didn't mean not much

779
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,400
Speaker 3: to him, but you are the one, and so this

780
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,320
Speaker 3: thing that is very woman and what he did previously

781
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 3: you have now made an excuse for and said well,

782
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 3: this is why this happened. It's not the same as

783
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 3: certain actually no, no, no, it is patterns or patterns,

784
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:10,839
Speaker 3: habits or habits.

785
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,400
Speaker 2: You know one thing, I know you you'll see it. Marriad,

786
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 2: you talk about domestic violence and you're definitely an advocate

787
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 2: for women in that space. What about in that type

788
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:23,320
Speaker 2: of situation? Right? I want to ask about this because

789
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 2: there are times that women can stay with a man. Yeah,

790
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 2: and a lot of times that does happen, people like

791
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 2: if it was me, how one of left da da da?

792
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,720
Speaker 2: A lot of times that does not happen right away.

793
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 2: Can a person change And have you seen that happen?

794
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 2: If they at some point were abusive and then apologetic

795
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 2: about it and then it's like, I'll never do that again.

796
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 2: Tell me about that.

797
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,919
Speaker 3: So I'm always going to say that if you can,

798
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:49,319
Speaker 3: if you are ready to, you have to measure what's

799
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 3: at stake, and if the person is abusive, get out right.

800
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 3: I'm always going to say, save yourself, save your kids, okay,

801
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 3: because they will destroy you and take you down in

802
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 3: the process. However, once again, do I think that someone

803
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,879
Speaker 3: can hit you want to not do it habitually? Yes,

804
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 3: I believe that all of us. Even women can also

805
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 3: hit you and not do it again, right, because it's

806
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 3: not just men. Both men and women are both guilty

807
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 3: of domestic violence. But at the same time, what is

808
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:27,959
Speaker 3: he doing to ensure that it doesn't happen again, Because

809
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:29,800
Speaker 3: majority of the time they don't want to be accountable,

810
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,879
Speaker 3: they're not putting measures in the place. And the sad

811
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 3: part is is that it will likely happen again. But

812
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 3: you are not enough of a woman to transform that

813
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:43,439
Speaker 3: in him. You have to save yourself, take care of you,

814
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 3: let him do the work, and sometimes that work needs

815
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 3: to be separate. Sometimes it looks like you guys not together,

816
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 3: and people don't want to hear that. They're like, well,

817
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 3: I want to see him through it. I don't want

818
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 3: to move out. And it's like you can't save him,

819
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 3: And if you have a big heart, you will try

820
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 3: to save him and you cannot. You can't do the

821
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,359
Speaker 3: transformation that he needs. Only God can do that.

822
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. I always tell women, he wasn't thinking about you

823
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 2: like that when he was putting his hands on you.

824
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 2: He wasn't having sympathy for you at that time, you know,

825
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,880
Speaker 2: So you sometimes have to, like you said, save yourself.

826
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 2: One now, intimacy was another thing you said that comes

827
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:21,760
Speaker 2: up a lot. Yes, So how in relationships? I've heard

828
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 2: that when people have been together and get married. A

829
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 2: lot of married couples have told me that their sex

830
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 2: has decreased a lot. How do you resolve or like,

831
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 2: talk to me about that, because I've asked so many

832
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 2: people have come to me and been like, you know,

833
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 2: we got married and it's like we're not even having

834
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 2: sex anymore, or we haven't had sex in months, or

835
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 2: she only wants to do it or he only wants

836
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 2: to do it once a month. I don't feel attractive anymore,

837
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 2: and that is a big deal in a relationship when

838
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 2: that's not aligned.

839
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 3: No, for sure, and I'm even guilty of experiencing that myself.

840
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,800
Speaker 3: Knowing everything that you know, these are the measures that

841
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,359
Speaker 3: you can put in place when I tell you, after

842
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,440
Speaker 3: the baby came, I didn't recognize myself. I didn't like

843
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 3: who I was, and then like how it looks and

844
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 3: it was like, oh, don't touch me till I lose

845
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 3: the weight. And it was like I was avoiding physical

846
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 3: intimacy because I was going through my own like depression

847
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:13,360
Speaker 3: and you know, postpartum, and so you have to be

848
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 3: extremely once again, intentional in putting love insects back on

849
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 3: this to do list. And sometimes it's not even just sex.

850
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,239
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's like, Okay, tonight, we're just gonna give massages. Tonight,

851
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 3: we're going to cuddle. And I did that with my husband.

852
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 3: I was like, look, Wednesday nights, okay, Saturday mornings like

853
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 3: and you get calendar notification calendar, you know, because when

854
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 3: you have it on your to do list, people will

855
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:43,720
Speaker 3: be like, well, I want spontaneous, I don't want passion,

856
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 3: and I want to be thrown a ban against the wall.

857
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 3: Da da da da. And it's like, okay, but if

858
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 3: you don't prioritize it and you're not intentional about it,

859
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 3: it falls to the wayside and you fall asleep. But

860
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 3: when you know that, you know, Saturday night like it's

861
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,439
Speaker 3: about to be on and popping, you actually have more

862
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 3: sex than couples who don't.

863
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 2: Right right, So sometimes that massage leads some more too,

864
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,279
Speaker 2: because I think that's what guys be hoping for a.

865
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 1: Booty.

866
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 3: When I say intimacy, though, let me clarify that's not

867
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 3: just sexual intimacy, okay. Recreational intimacy also is a problem. Right,

868
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,800
Speaker 3: we don't spend enough time together. We're not doing enough activities.

869
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 3: There's not new adventures, there's we're not traveling. So that

870
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 3: also plays a role in the intimacy. Financial intimacy is huge, Okay.

871
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:35,759
Speaker 3: Financial intimacy is when we're able to exchange uh financial

872
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 3: information about like our beliefs, our hopes, our dreams, O

873
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 3: childhood are upbringing. A lot of people don't talk about

874
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 3: money enough and make decisions without one another.

875
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 2: That's true. I mean even hiding when you get a

876
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:47,880
Speaker 2: check or something like that. Sometimes people don't want to

877
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 2: let the other person know. And sometimes people don't trust

878
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 2: their partner when it comes to money because it could

879
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:56,760
Speaker 2: be like you spend a lot and I'm more thrifty,

880
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 2: you know, or vice versa. I spend a lot and

881
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 2: you are more thrifty, and so you might be like,

882
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:02,919
Speaker 2: I have this check coming in, but I don't want

883
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 2: to let them know because and I think also we

884
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,720
Speaker 2: want to also have like our own little thing going

885
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 2: on that's just for us. Is that a bad thing?

886
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 1: You think?

887
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 2: If you have like a little separate accounts that you

888
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:22,880
Speaker 2: know no one knows about it, little sneaking.

889
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:28,320
Speaker 3: Like the old school, like you don't have a little stash,

890
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 3: you know, not as said, have a little stash that

891
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 3: still exists. Right, So I'm not going to tell people

892
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 3: what to do with their money. However, in my husband's book,

893
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 3: Marriage and Conflict Coming out Soon, uh, he speaks to

894
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:45,239
Speaker 3: the fact that when you aren't fully transparent with your finances,

895
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,479
Speaker 3: problems are going to happen. Conflict is going to happen

896
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 3: because you are having It's almost like having an affair

897
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 3: because you're being secretive. It's called financial and fidelity. And

898
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 3: so if you are spending or you have money that

899
00:40:56,520 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 3: we're not talking about, you're also making choices then things

900
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 3: from me. And if you're willing to do that, what

901
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 3: else are you willing to compromise and keep from me?

902
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 2: Right?

903
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:06,879
Speaker 1: What if?

904
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 2: Okay, and I saw this on a TV show, So

905
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 2: I want to get your thoughts in it, because I

906
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 2: was like, hmm, now, let's just say work wise, a

907
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:18,319
Speaker 2: client gives you a gift, right as a job well done,

908
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 2: you want to keep it, but it feels inappropriate. You know,

909
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 2: if your husband found out, he'd be upset. But then

910
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 2: it's also like a thing where well, that's one of

911
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 2: my clients. I don't want him to be mad that

912
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 2: this happened and have an issue with that. What do

913
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 2: you do in a situation like that? Do you tell everything?

914
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 2: Or let's say, your clients like DMS you inappropriately and

915
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 2: that is like a little confidentiality thing. It's your business

916
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,320
Speaker 2: and maybe you can handle it. But do you feel

917
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,360
Speaker 2: like I need to tell my husband that this happened

918
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:48,359
Speaker 2: even though I handled it.

919
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 3: So this is the crazy word. I will let him

920
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,360
Speaker 3: know when anybody crosses the line. But none of my

921
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 3: clients have okay because they're there literally to try to

922
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 3: save the relationship, because SHOULDN'TY not save it? The cost

923
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:04,759
Speaker 3: of that way more than working with me.

924
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 2: Are there times when you're like, I think you should

925
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:08,879
Speaker 2: leave him?

926
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 3: Yes, I don't like I keep it one hundred If

927
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:17,280
Speaker 3: though he is doing something in the dark, I will

928
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 3: make him share. We do not have a mansion to

929
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 3: keep secrets. We need to have another session. We're about

930
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 3: to let her know.

931
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 6: Do you think every every relationship?

932
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 3: Do I think every relationship could be saved?

933
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 6: That absolutely not some way to save every No.

934
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,439
Speaker 3: No, And I won't take you on if I don't

935
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,319
Speaker 3: think that I can save it. Yes, I have my limit.

936
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,359
Speaker 3: I have like no, no, no, no, y'all are too

937
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 3: broken go destroy the world on somebody else's time.

938
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 5: What is the situation that you got, you know, and

939
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 5: you had to be like, okay, no, this this ain't

940
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 5: gonna work.

941
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:50,840
Speaker 1: Like, just give us an example of something crazy.

942
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 3: So I will take couples that have had an affair

943
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 3: and have decided to make it work with the mystery,

944
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 3: right because they want to marry that new woman and

945
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:06,879
Speaker 3: they also need support, right, they want me at that time,

946
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,760
Speaker 3: they wanted me to counsel all three of them. The

947
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,840
Speaker 3: wife had to get out of it and marry the mistress. Yeah,

948
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 3: and that wasn't like, that wasn't a crazy one to

949
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 3: me because that was a situation where they still wanted

950
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 3: a co parent and be cohesive and get along, and

951
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 3: she just wanted to accept that she was no longer

952
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,360
Speaker 3: going to be the wife. He wanted, you know, it

953
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 3: to be smooth sailing and communication across the board. So

954
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 3: that was a situation where I'm like, okay, easy psy.

955
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 3: But in a different time, couples have tried to sign

956
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:42,839
Speaker 3: up as the mistress and as the partner without their

957
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 3: wife not knowing. So I want to I want to go,

958
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 3: I want to go to relationship coaching and get this counseling,

959
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 3: but don't tell my wife about it. No, I will

960
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 3: not take you. What are we doing here, mistress? Like,

961
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 3: are trying to get help there? I didn't take them.

962
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 1: On, Yeah, she said, I don't want no parts of that.

963
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 3: No, I'm here for how are we gonna make it?

964
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 3: I want healthy relationships. I'm only supporting healthy relationships all this. Uh,

965
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 3: And I will even talk about it too, because I

966
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 3: know a lot of people are like pro uh, you know,

967
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 3: ethical non monogamy right now?

968
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 1: Not me.

969
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:30,200
Speaker 3: It's commitment or nothing. There are professionals that are supportive

970
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:33,760
Speaker 3: and will counsel those couples. I am of the belief

971
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 3: that without the commitment, this is not a healthy relationship

972
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 3: unless you are fully committed. And I don't think that.

973
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 3: While I do think we are capable of mating and

974
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 3: breeding with multiple people, I do not think that we

975
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 3: are meant to not have boundaries and commitment and guidelines.

976
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 3: I don't think that we are meant to worship multiple gods,

977
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 3: just like I don't think that we're meant to worship

978
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 3: multiple women. We need allegiance. God asked for allegiance. I

979
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 3: want to lea gents too, I will refer you to someone,

980
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:07,960
Speaker 3: but I wrap that though. I'm like, commitment is extremely important.

981
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 3: I don't believe as you can say, you know you're

982
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 3: as transparent as you want to be in that you know,

983
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:17,839
Speaker 3: threesome or six some whatever it is that you want

984
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 3: to do. And I don't believe in having healthy relationship

985
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,840
Speaker 3: unless there is maximum safety and security. And you can't

986
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 3: feel safe and secure in a relationship when someone only

987
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,839
Speaker 3: wants to give you twenty percent. I want to give

988
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:33,479
Speaker 3: you twenty percent. I want to give you twenty percent.

989
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,919
Speaker 3: I want to give you twenty percent. I'm worth more

990
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 3: than just a cut, right, I'm worth more than just

991
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:41,239
Speaker 3: a tip. I want the full package.

992
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 6: Unless have three of y'all together.

993
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,839
Speaker 3: But even then you're still getting a smaller portion. Men don't.

994
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 3: This is the crazy part. Men don't have the capacity

995
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 3: to give you that much emotional ansom. No, Okay, you

996
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 3: can have your you knows I keep looking at you.

997
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 1: You're pro live, so I'm not gonna say it.

998
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:10,280
Speaker 5: I'm pro it is something that I've thought about before.

999
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:12,960
Speaker 3: Okay, have you thought about it? Because you don't believe

1000
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 3: that men can give you what you believe you deserve.

1001
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 5: I pick bisexual, right, I like I say that I'm

1002
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:20,839
Speaker 5: gay on weekends and holidays. You know, I never really

1003
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 5: wanted to be with a woman, but I do enjoy

1004
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 5: the sex part of it, like that whole thing.

1005
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:28,800
Speaker 1: I like three sims. It's my favorite sexual activity.

1006
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 5: So at the time, I was dealing with someone that

1007
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 5: I felt like I wasn't gonna get all of him,

1008
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 5: and he was cheating.

1009
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 1: He was like a serial cheater. So I'm like, well, if.

1010
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 2: You're gonna cheat, then nice do it together.

1011
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:42,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, bring her home.

1012
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 3: But there's a reason he's not telling you. He doesn't

1013
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 3: get the thrills from telling you. It's only yummy when

1014
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 3: you're sneaking behind your partner's back.

1015
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 2: Clearly in the overhead.

1016
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:55,839
Speaker 5: Actually you just did in the coffin, and that's why

1017
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 5: we're not together.

1018
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,879
Speaker 2: It's not as much fun when you when you're honest.

1019
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,840
Speaker 5: Count We would have three and then he would like

1020
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 5: circle back behind my back, and that was like, ultimately

1021
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 5: why I was just like, Okay, you're dumb, because I'm

1022
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 5: giving it to you.

1023
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:12,439
Speaker 2: To argue caught.

1024
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 3: But I think that that's what we convince ourselves though,

1025
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 3: that if well, you know, if I make it open.

1026
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:19,360
Speaker 3: If I welcome other people into our bedroom, then at

1027
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 3: least I'm on the inside and it's not being you know,

1028
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 3: it's not secret anymore kept from me. And actually it's

1029
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:26,959
Speaker 3: the secret that made it passionate and fun for him.

1030
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 3: And he wants to be dishonest. He wants to have

1031
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 3: this thing that he's hiding separate from you getting. Yeah,

1032
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:37,080
Speaker 3: he's getting the feel from that. But that's what I'm

1033
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 3: saying that when we give that to them, though, right

1034
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 3: when we like dishonor ourselves and we're like, well, I'm

1035
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 3: not gonna demands a commitment anymore. Okay, so you're just

1036
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:48,760
Speaker 3: gonna sign up for the beast, like you're just gonna

1037
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:50,720
Speaker 3: let the monster just have his way.

1038
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,839
Speaker 5: Which I mean, that makes sense, but I looked at

1039
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,799
Speaker 5: it as I'm getting my way too, because but.

1040
00:47:56,719 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 3: It was it you did not convert, He converted you

1041
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 3: to open.

1042
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: No, no, no, that's not true. I was.

1043
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 5: I was definitely the catalyst of let's have three sums.

1044
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 5: It was me wanting to be with a woman. However,

1045
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 5: it never happened, like we never got to the point

1046
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 5: where we had three somemes. But it never got to

1047
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 5: the point where let's have a girlfriend. Yeah, like the

1048
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,200
Speaker 5: relationship is off before we got to that point, But

1049
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 5: it was something that at one point I contemplated, like, hmm,

1050
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 5: should we just you.

1051
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:22,879
Speaker 2: Felt like it was the only way it was gonna work.

1052
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 1: Maybe not really the only way. I just felt like

1053
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:26,720
Speaker 1: it would make things easier.

1054
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,759
Speaker 3: But I feel like it's compromising though, because you're trying

1055
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 3: to you're acquiescing to what you think will please him

1056
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 3: to keep him.

1057
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 2: He went and did that for you with another man.

1058
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 5: Hell, this is a relationship that had been over now

1059
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 5: for seven years, so seven years past we moved this relationship.

1060
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 4: Well, I was gonna say two things. I feel like,

1061
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 4: do you think serial cheaters is a character flaw?

1062
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 1: Yes?

1063
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 4: And then my second part was I feel like, as

1064
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:02,320
Speaker 4: women were, we have the expectation that all men cheat,

1065
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 4: and so it's like when it happens, it's almost like

1066
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 4: this level of acceptance that we're supposed to.

1067
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 1: Have because we just knew it was right.

1068
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 4: And I think that also goes with wanting to have

1069
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,359
Speaker 4: that secret, big account and all of those things, and

1070
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 4: I don't know how we're supposed to function in that.

1071
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 4: I think that's a big part of why I'm single

1072
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 4: is that all of those things are still in the

1073
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:24,400
Speaker 4: back of my mind where it makes it hard to

1074
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:28,359
Speaker 4: even want to trust, even want to be bothered. Yeah,

1075
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 4: and so what would you say for women like me

1076
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:33,520
Speaker 4: who are like kind of on that line?

1077
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 3: This is about trust, but not trust of him trust himself.

1078
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,560
Speaker 3: Do I trust my decisions? Do I trust what I'm sensing?

1079
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 3: Do I trust my intuition? Do I trust my ability

1080
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 3: to choose a faithful partner? If I don't trust self,

1081
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,359
Speaker 3: then I will just assume that I'm going to get

1082
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 3: cheated on, or that all men cheat and excuse that

1083
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 3: behavior and have to accept whatever breadcrumbs I've given so

1084
00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 3: that I can be in relationship. But I also believe

1085
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:05,560
Speaker 3: that there's different buckets, right, There's different groups. There are

1086
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:08,839
Speaker 3: women who believe that men are unlovable and that they

1087
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 3: are unfaithful and that they are scumbags. So you just

1088
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 3: got to accept that. I do not believe that all

1089
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 3: men are like that. I operate from a place of

1090
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 3: men are incredible, we need them, they are phenomenal. I

1091
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 3: love one hundred million things about them. They are faithful

1092
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:27,359
Speaker 3: and they are good. So that's what I manifest and

1093
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:30,759
Speaker 3: that's what I get. If you believe the opposite, then

1094
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:33,560
Speaker 3: that's what you will get. And that's not to say

1095
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:36,360
Speaker 3: that they don't fall from grace. But I'm not operating

1096
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,239
Speaker 3: in the headspace of I just need to accept it

1097
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:40,960
Speaker 3: because it's going to be done to me. I'm operating

1098
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 3: from the I'm the other bucket, I'm the other percentage.

1099
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:47,880
Speaker 3: I'm the other group that believes that men are incredible

1100
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 3: and greater than what we give them credit for.

1101
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 2: Look at Dan, he is never going to cheat on

1102
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:52,959
Speaker 2: his wife.

1103
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 4: I believe, I believe that they exist, right. I just

1104
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 4: almost even wonder how like you're saying that we have

1105
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 4: like a self fulfilling prophecies. Yes, and sometimes and I

1106
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 4: almost feel like men have that two of themselves where

1107
00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:08,560
Speaker 4: they almost justify bad behavior, not.

1108
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:11,600
Speaker 2: All not yeah, because I want to say, like, and

1109
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 2: I said this when I spoke you know, my brother

1110
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 2: when he passed, one thing I would say about him

1111
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 2: is that he was like an amazing person. He was

1112
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 2: so good to women. And that is always why I

1113
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 2: felt like, I'll never say that all men cheat because

1114
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 2: I know my brother would never have done that. And

1115
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,920
Speaker 2: I know people who aren't like that. Now, I know

1116
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 2: there are some who are you know what I mean obviously,

1117
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:37,080
Speaker 2: but there's definitely men who are not like that in

1118
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 2: this world. And so that's something that I learned as

1119
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:40,239
Speaker 2: time went on.

1120
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:43,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember there was something like all men.

1121
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 6: There was.

1122
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:46,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I had my reasons.

1123
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:48,720
Speaker 5: I was born inside baby, so I had my reasons

1124
00:51:48,719 --> 00:51:51,560
Speaker 5: of like why I thought that all men was like this?

1125
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:53,439
Speaker 1: You know again, it's how we were raised.

1126
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, so been a mistress and I've been his sugar bean,

1127
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 5: you know.

1128
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:02,680
Speaker 1: So I'm like, if this is what's happening, and clearly

1129
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 1: is all men.

1130
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,279
Speaker 5: But I have learned over the years that there are

1131
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 5: some good guys out there and there's not at all.

1132
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 1: But there is a sum.

1133
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:11,720
Speaker 3: But if you make your mission to find that one

1134
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,400
Speaker 3: versus I'm gonna just accept whatever is handed to me,

1135
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,719
Speaker 3: then you will find that one. And so it really

1136
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 3: is about mindset and then like the movement that you

1137
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 3: put behind it. But I understand when you are guarded

1138
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 3: and you feel unsafe because men have hurt you, they

1139
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:28,840
Speaker 3: are not all like that.

1140
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:33,359
Speaker 2: And that's a maturity thing too. I think that when

1141
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:36,880
Speaker 2: men are younger too, sometimes they're not as mature.

1142
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: You know.

1143
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 2: I would say that too, And you know. I know

1144
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 2: earlier we were talking about all these older women dating

1145
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 2: younger men. Now seeing like all of that on social media,

1146
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 2: it's been like this new Like we see share with

1147
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 2: her fiance, we see like you know, Drea, we see

1148
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:57,520
Speaker 2: Bia has a friend. Now I was twenty one years old.

1149
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:00,279
Speaker 2: That's you know, that's all on social media. What do

1150
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,800
Speaker 2: you think about, Like, because you know we're talking about cheating,

1151
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:06,279
Speaker 2: we're talking about maturity, and we know that men for

1152
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 2: the longest have been dating younger women. What do you

1153
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:09,720
Speaker 2: think about the reverse?

1154
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 3: So there's been studies that have been done that have

1155
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:16,800
Speaker 3: shown the level of happiness and satisfaction that older women

1156
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:20,880
Speaker 3: have with younger men. The problem is the other stat

1157
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:24,359
Speaker 3: that is the level of satisfaction that men, younger men

1158
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 3: have had with older women. Because you have to understand

1159
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:29,799
Speaker 3: what the maturity factor. There's still more growing to do,

1160
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 3: there's still more maturing, there's still more, you know, to

1161
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:37,240
Speaker 3: evolve financially. They're not necessarily say yet they haven't lived.

1162
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 3: Part of what makes you a great lover and partner

1163
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 3: is your relationship experience.

1164
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:42,440
Speaker 2: So if you are an.

1165
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 3: Amateur in your love life, you haven't been through enough partners.

1166
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:49,480
Speaker 3: You haven't experienced enough heartache, you haven't healed enough women,

1167
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,879
Speaker 3: because that within itself is a skill set, like how

1168
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 3: can I heal you? How can I pour into you?

1169
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,560
Speaker 3: Then you don't necessarily know how to manage women either,

1170
00:53:57,680 --> 00:53:59,920
Speaker 3: And I believe that men and women need energy. Men

1171
00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 3: like you need to know how to deal with a

1172
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:04,800
Speaker 3: woman when she's acting a certain way and what she

1173
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 3: actually is saying versus what she means, and the same

1174
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:09,480
Speaker 3: vice versa. For a man, you have to learn that

1175
00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:11,799
Speaker 3: skill set through your relationship experience, and some of us

1176
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 3: never master it. But when they're younger, you know what

1177
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 3: I'm saying, Like that also comes with less skill set.

1178
00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:23,400
Speaker 2: Right, missim a little more unboldable, got the energy.

1179
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:25,359
Speaker 3: I think they're fine, and I think you can't have

1180
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:28,359
Speaker 3: great relationships with them. I think you can have great

1181
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:31,360
Speaker 3: relationships with them, but you've got to be extremely you know, secure,

1182
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 3: and know that he might outgrow.

1183
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, at that point, he's gonna hook Jordan up with somebody,

1184
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 2: and I want to see, we've been trying to have

1185
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 2: a Geordy jeordantad.

1186
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 3: She's not going to need anybody because she's too involved

1187
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 3: with her snicky lingkh He's only a few every few

1188
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 3: weeks sniky Link's cock lock.

1189
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:53,000
Speaker 2: I could see that if you would do a season two,

1190
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 2: Jordan could be on it.

1191
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 4: He doesn't need to be acknowledged in public at all.

1192
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm about to dmm, like season two, she's gonna walk.

1193
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 1: Into the Oh, what are you doing here?

1194
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 2: Is that something we'll see a season two.

1195
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 3: You think we did not get renewed, but I would

1196
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 3: love for everybody to tune in because we could change

1197
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:16,440
Speaker 3: the numbers or kneelings and get a season two. You

1198
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 3: know Netflix is one. Let's go back and rewatched season

1199
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 3: one season. If you love reality TV, you will love Sneeling.

1200
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 2: There any couples that are still together.

1201
00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 3: Yes, there's couples that worked out after and then one

1202
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 3: recently broke up. But we were able to transform some

1203
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 3: of the people in there to like actually get with

1204
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 3: their kneeling and then even meet someone new, like decide

1205
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 3: I'm not going to be with that sneaky link anymore.

1206
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 1: Let me get with.

1207
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 3: A real relationship.

1208
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 2: And lastly, before you get out of here, I want

1209
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 2: to ask you what it's like working with your husband,

1210
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 2: because that's a balance too, to be in a relationship

1211
00:55:58,400 --> 00:56:01,040
Speaker 2: but also knowing that we our business partners.

1212
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:05,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, it has grown me extremely.

1213
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:05,960
Speaker 2: Okay.

1214
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 3: One of the things that I believe in is mutual submission. Right,

1215
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:11,840
Speaker 3: I will submit to you, you submit back to me.

1216
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,359
Speaker 3: I will submit to you, you submit back to me. And

1217
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 3: when you're working with your partner who believes that they

1218
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:22,759
Speaker 3: know everything because they are brilliant, Poppy, you're brilliant, sometimes

1219
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 3: I have to be very careful in when I'm going

1220
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:27,560
Speaker 3: to pump back, like when I'm going to pump my

1221
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 3: chest back, and so I have to be extremely mindful

1222
00:56:31,239 --> 00:56:33,920
Speaker 3: of is this an appropriate time, what is my delivery

1223
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:36,160
Speaker 3: going to be? Because I want him to understand me

1224
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 3: versus I just want to be heard. And there's a

1225
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 3: difference in trying to get that message across because when

1226
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 3: he's talking about the Spicy Life, he's talking about my

1227
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:46,839
Speaker 3: baby before my son was born, Like the Spicy Life

1228
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:48,840
Speaker 3: was my baby. So I can take it personal and

1229
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:50,319
Speaker 3: then bring that into the bedroom. And I've had to

1230
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:53,520
Speaker 3: be very mindful of like, Okay, no, this is business,

1231
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:56,359
Speaker 3: and you just want what's best for me. So because

1232
00:56:56,400 --> 00:57:00,160
Speaker 3: I trust his intentions and the directions that he is

1233
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:02,960
Speaker 3: you know, taking our company, I will say okay, I'll

1234
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 3: let you leave in this moment, I'm awake, but.

1235
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:07,839
Speaker 2: I am.

1236
00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:10,480
Speaker 3: Save my clap back in my pocket so that I

1237
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:11,439
Speaker 3: don't over use them.

1238
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:15,239
Speaker 2: How does that dynamic plan in the bedroom? Then what

1239
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:16,880
Speaker 2: you say is more dominating me?

1240
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 3: Really what my husband's just making okay? But I am

1241
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,640
Speaker 3: like top top top chap. I don't care a sleep

1242
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:28,479
Speaker 3: you are, I don't care what time I love come

1243
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:31,960
Speaker 3: for this And it's just it's a great dynamic though,

1244
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:36,920
Speaker 3: because you know my husband, I got, yes, I got all,

1245
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:38,640
Speaker 3: I got everything that I needed more in my.

1246
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 2: Partners you gotta you know, but like walk on because.

1247
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:47,680
Speaker 3: But I am. He he tells me that he's like, geez, Louise,

1248
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 3: your bossy, can you be a little bit more softer?

1249
00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:52,200
Speaker 3: And I think that's when, like, you know, my control

1250
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:54,640
Speaker 3: comes out because I'm like, wait, no, this like go

1251
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 3: that way way way right right there, and.

1252
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 1: He's like.

1253
00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:01,080
Speaker 3: It's like directed because I know exactly, I know exactly

1254
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:01,840
Speaker 3: what I need.

1255
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:05,720
Speaker 2: Yes, well, I appreciate you so much for coming through.

1256
00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 2: Can you work on Jordan for us?

1257
00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 3: I will, but I got it. She's in she's in

1258
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,240
Speaker 3: her season of not wanting to commit. So I got

1259
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:15,240
Speaker 3: to move you over to but it can't happen.

1260
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 2: I feel like she does want a man, though I'm

1261
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:18,960
Speaker 2: gonna be honest, I feel like she does.

1262
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:22,400
Speaker 5: I feel like eventually, I feel like that's her.

1263
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 1: But I feel like her.

1264
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,400
Speaker 5: Short term goal is like get it out of my

1265
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,320
Speaker 5: system for I can't wait till she walks in here

1266
00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:29,040
Speaker 5: one day like.

1267
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:33,240
Speaker 3: That.

1268
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 2: I can't wait. That's gonna be a funny day. We'll

1269
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:42,520
Speaker 2: get a cake. But Spicy, Mattie, where can people find you?

1270
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:45,960
Speaker 2: Follow you? And what's next that maybe we didn't touch on?

1271
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 2: Is there anything you want.

1272
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:47,160
Speaker 1: Us to know?

1273
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 3: I am The book is finally complete. My book, Yes,

1274
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:55,320
Speaker 3: Be Spicy, is finally complete. So now I'm just doing

1275
00:58:55,360 --> 00:58:57,919
Speaker 3: my proposal for an agent and publishing deal.

1276
00:58:58,320 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 1: So that is yes.

1277
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 3: So that's what I'm looking forward to next. And you

1278
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 3: guys can always, you know, play with my Twitter stroke,

1279
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:08,000
Speaker 3: my ig at spicy MODI go to the spicylife dot com,

1280
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,320
Speaker 3: sign up for my services, my coaching, my classes, your

1281
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:13,400
Speaker 3: purpose made of weights so that I can help you

1282
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:15,240
Speaker 3: transform your life and attract your purpose.

1283
00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 6: Mates.

1284
00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 3: I love going to your guys' weddings and telling you

1285
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 3: I told you so. She got the credentials, ladies, and gentlemen.

1286
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 3: Proper concept. All right, it's lip service. Thank you so much,

1287
00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:26,000
Speaker 3: thank you,