Speaker 1: What's good Family, I'm your girl to meet A. D.
Speaker 1: Mallory and it's your boy the General and we're your
Speaker 1: hosts of Street Politicians, the Place in the Streets and
Speaker 1: politics meet, so my st you know, usually we we
Speaker 1: we talk in billy dally about all of the things
Speaker 1: we want to discuss because it's our podcast and we
Speaker 1: can do that. We talked about whatever we want every
Speaker 1: single week. Why this is why we have the Black
Speaker 1: Effect Network where somebody like our brother Charlemagne created a
Speaker 1: platform for us to talk about things and say we want,
Speaker 1: when we want, how we want to be as black
Speaker 1: as we want. And so usually we kick it about
Speaker 1: a bunch of different issues. But we've got three guests
Speaker 1: on today on a panel because we're following up last
Speaker 1: week show where we talked about whether the idea of
Speaker 1: monogamy has become a thing of the past. We talked
Speaker 1: about different types of dating and or marriage style UM, polyamorous,
Speaker 1: I think relationships UM and online dating and so it
Speaker 1: was all women and it's only fair our producers and
Speaker 1: directors and all the folks that help us with our
Speaker 1: show said we need to talk about talk with men
Speaker 1: on this show. And then to continue on in a
Speaker 1: sort of a series dealing with relationships, and we try
Speaker 1: to make it fun and light. But I think that
Speaker 1: it's important for folks to understand one that street politicians
Speaker 1: we've always said we're gonna talk about different things. We're
Speaker 1: not gonna talk about only strictly political issues. We're not
Speaker 1: gonna only talk about who died, who killed who in
Speaker 1: the trauma, Black trauma. That is so much of it.
Speaker 1: We could do every show, every single show, could be
Speaker 1: about people being harmed, people whatever, every show. But um,
Speaker 1: that's not that's not our lives and we cannot be
Speaker 1: boxed into that. We do need to be able to
Speaker 1: sort of broaden our horizons, and that's why we say
Speaker 1: streets and politics. Um. But then the other thing is
Speaker 1: that we are as black folks. Sometimes I'll strictly black people.
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about other folks from different races and
Speaker 1: other communities. To my black people. We are definitely suffering,
Speaker 1: and specifically black women women with um this, I'm not
Speaker 1: even talking about the rate of how many of us
Speaker 1: are single. It's in our minds. It's almost like we're
Speaker 1: approaching relationships either ready to break up or destroy them self.
Speaker 1: Sabotage because we don't believe that it can work either
Speaker 1: because the people were around that's married are having or
Speaker 1: are not married anymore, or our families, our parents, or
Speaker 1: whatever trauma we've experienced, and we're dealing with that in
Speaker 1: our daily lives. And maybe that's one of the reasons
Speaker 1: why so many black women are not married. Maybe marriage
Speaker 1: and needs to be to go. I don't even know
Speaker 1: who more, but I know we're trying to talk about
Speaker 1: relationships should be to go, and that's what we're gonna
Speaker 1: talk about. I think women want marriage and that successful
Speaker 1: relationship not a good partner. I think in a lot
Speaker 1: of a lot of women push your partner away because
Speaker 1: they immediately talk about marriage. You might have a soul.
Speaker 1: Many to dislike you want to cheer with you, like
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be married, so I ain't even I'm
Speaker 1: not dating if we're not, if you're not even in
Speaker 1: a spectrum to be married, and it's like, okay, well
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I didn't find somebody that wanted
Speaker 1: to marry. You already told on marriage, and I gotta
Speaker 1: date you with intention to be married. Maybe I don't
Speaker 1: even want to. I don't even want to go through
Speaker 1: that process because I don't even know what that looks like.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm probably going to be single for the
Speaker 1: rest of my life. I have to say that every
Speaker 1: week because it's my trip. So you know, in this
Speaker 1: particular discussion, because it's our brothers and brothers that we
Speaker 1: are really truly very close to, it'd be great if
Speaker 1: you go ahead and introduce them, but not before we
Speaker 1: bring LaToya von On to talk about our small businesses
Speaker 1: that's doing good things in the community. Okay, it is
Speaker 1: almost Christmas. Some people are still buying Christmas gifts. I
Speaker 1: don't really buy Christmas gifts, but I will say that
Speaker 1: if I choose to buy one, it should be from
Speaker 1: a black business. And we should all make sure that
Speaker 1: we're spending our money during this holiday season. If you're
Speaker 1: gonna spend it anyway, spend it with businesses that support
Speaker 1: people who look like us. LaToya is going to come
Speaker 1: and talk about a small business that we should be
Speaker 1: paying attention to. And then after that, you're going to
Speaker 1: introduce this panel of individuals who are single yet they
Speaker 1: have many options, and one brother who decided that his
Speaker 1: options he no longer wanted to explore. He just wants
Speaker 1: to explore his one me before. So once again we
Speaker 1: have another show coming to you for street politicians. This
Speaker 1: is all of the guys against Mika because of your
Speaker 1: last week it was the girls against my son, and
Speaker 1: I still help my own. You know, that was a
Speaker 1: little bumped and bruised up, but I survived. But we're
Speaker 1: continuing the episode of is monogamy that that was the
Speaker 1: name of the episode. And I have the pleasure of
Speaker 1: having two of my brothers and another brother I think
Speaker 1: will be brothers at the end of this this good
Speaker 1: old conversation. But I have two of my brothers that
Speaker 1: are known and loved, and they're gonna help me with perspectives.
Speaker 1: You know that men come from and and and and
Speaker 1: then we have another brother who has a different perspective.
Speaker 1: I got my brother, Aaron gas and entrepreneur, the owner
Speaker 1: of the Guy's Clothing, author of the book title you
Speaker 1: already won. What's up? Hey, hey man, thank you for
Speaker 1: having me, and you know it's always a pleasure you
Speaker 1: hauling mice and my book father, and thank you. Interesting
Speaker 1: don't thank me yet, Yes, yes, we gotta. It was
Speaker 1: gonna be a long conversation, and we got our brother,
Speaker 1: Billy Counsel, founder of Counsel Him Foundation and college basketball coach,
Speaker 1: was going on, Billy, what's going on with my brother?
Speaker 1: Mike's man? Good to be here, man, Hey, my sister
Speaker 1: to Mika Man, I'm looking forward to a great conversation
Speaker 1: by hilarious. And then we have doctor one day Quobo Shiani,
Speaker 1: President and CEO of Analytic jina Us. How are you king? Good? Good, boss, good,
Speaker 1: Good to meet you, my son, gonna meet you, Toma,
Speaker 1: great to meet everybody. Nice. So so last week we
Speaker 1: had a dating online consultant and she's had her perspective
Speaker 1: on the topic. Then we had a woman who practiced polyamity.
Speaker 1: Polyamory Is that the right way? Okay? Polyamory right, that's
Speaker 1: what I believe, that's what the terms. She gave us
Speaker 1: her perspective on the thing. And then we also had
Speaker 1: another woman who just was doing online dating. She was single,
Speaker 1: but she was talking about the online dating field and
Speaker 1: how how she felt about it. And they had all
Speaker 1: had different perspectives, you know, me and the polyamory woman
Speaker 1: had a lot of YouTube perspectives and and and different ones.
Speaker 1: We all had the similar perspective a certain degree, but
Speaker 1: Tamika was you know, She's like, I forget everything, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna be single. I ain't getting this and that,
Speaker 1: So we want to have a different type. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: let Tamika lead the conversation off and just get into
Speaker 1: this very robust conversation. Well, you know, I think, for
Speaker 1: first of all, the the the consultant who helps people
Speaker 1: date online. She is also married and also in a
Speaker 1: UM in a monogamous relationship, a monogamous relationship marriage UM,
Speaker 1: and so her perspective came from various directions. One she
Speaker 1: believes that people can find love online, which you know,
Speaker 1: we talked about whether or whether we feel comfortable in
Speaker 1: that space, and a lot of it was focused on
Speaker 1: the fact that as a single woman, UM, you know,
Speaker 1: I think about like, what are some of the ways
Speaker 1: that I should go about finding whoever king whatever his
Speaker 1: name is gonna be, and you know, thinking about online
Speaker 1: dating as one of those aspects. But it has not
Speaker 1: been something that's even been on the It's not been
Speaker 1: something that I'm even interested in. So, you know, we
Speaker 1: learned a lot from her. She met her husband online
Speaker 1: and they seem to have a wonderful relationship. The other
Speaker 1: young lady who's our friend toy Shambo. She dates online
Speaker 1: and was talking about all of the craziness that she
Speaker 1: has experienced online. But one of the things that came
Speaker 1: out of the conversation was that it's not just online,
Speaker 1: it's craziness and relationships if you meet them online and
Speaker 1: or outside. And then of course there was the perspective
Speaker 1: of the individual who is who who participates in the
Speaker 1: Polly relationship, and it is her makeup was two women
Speaker 1: to one man, and she is not uh sexually or
Speaker 1: intimately involved with the woman. Um, they are getting to
Speaker 1: know one another. And in fact, the comments and the
Speaker 1: conversation has continued into my comments on Instagram because she
Speaker 1: is in there going back and forth with people explaining
Speaker 1: to them how the relationship operates. And the one thing
Speaker 1: that she said that I thought was, um, you know
Speaker 1: important for this conversation is that she started talking about
Speaker 1: how she does not want all the responsibilities of her relationship.
Speaker 1: She doesn't want to be the one to cook, clean,
Speaker 1: have to have all the sex, give attention all the
Speaker 1: time to her husband. She may have other things that
Speaker 1: she wants to do and focus on, and she may
Speaker 1: just want to be off to herself, and I guess
Speaker 1: this woman provides those things for the husband, but then
Speaker 1: also for her. She feels that this woman is a
Speaker 1: good friend, somebody for her to hang out with and
Speaker 1: do things and things that her husband doesn't want to do.
Speaker 1: So those were interesting perspectives. And in the end, what
Speaker 1: I found was that I'm going to be single for
Speaker 1: the rest of my life and I've accepted that. And
Speaker 1: that's pretty much how I left the conversation. But perhaps
Speaker 1: you all can share something different. Um, Mr Mowen Day,
Speaker 1: but I think we can call you que for today.
Speaker 1: You are married in my correct you've been married for
Speaker 1: two years. See, it does work, it happens, it happens.
Speaker 1: So what do you think about the perspectives that we
Speaker 1: just talked about. Did you meet your wife online? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I did? I did. I met her on a bumble
Speaker 1: actually okay, Yeah, So when I moved to New York,
Speaker 1: um for a month down before this one, Um, you know,
Speaker 1: it was it was that time for me because that's
Speaker 1: when I became pretty much president of another German company
Speaker 1: for for North and South America. So I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm good with me. So then that's
Speaker 1: when I decided to kind of. Uh that's when I
Speaker 1: decided to make that move because at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, you know, I wasn't ready to make any
Speaker 1: kind of moves, would be serious about any kind of
Speaker 1: woman until I was happy with myself, if that makes sense. Right. So,
Speaker 1: you know, there was some career aspirations that I needed
Speaker 1: to do, some things that I need to do from
Speaker 1: the standpoint of education, but also a standpoint of just
Speaker 1: professional you know, LinkedIn called the resume and uh so
Speaker 1: when I got to New York, that's when I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well it's about that time to be a little bit
Speaker 1: I'm now emotionally available if that makes sense, to go
Speaker 1: ahead and make that move. So, um, that's where that's
Speaker 1: that's when I went got a little bit more serious
Speaker 1: about my interactions within the uh with with online dating
Speaker 1: and stuff. But prior to that, you know, um, I
Speaker 1: had hit a couple whether online dating sites. Um, before
Speaker 1: you even really getting serious. So you know, just uh,
Speaker 1: that's my experience pretty much how I met the deal
Speaker 1: through the online dating. So you how loo y'all, how
Speaker 1: you've been married for two years? Right, right? How long
Speaker 1: were you dating? So we dated two years? So, UM,
Speaker 1: I met here the summer sixteen, Like as soon as
Speaker 1: that happened New York, I got to New York, Like
Speaker 1: I don't know, I think it was like March April.
Speaker 1: I got to New York and uh and I was
Speaker 1: an Inglewood the jobs actually an ingle M and that programs.
Speaker 1: But uh mahwah, New Jersey, so a little bit up
Speaker 1: up north and uh so when I lived in Englewood,
Speaker 1: right across from the g W. So um, I met
Speaker 1: her probably three months after I got to New York,
Speaker 1: and we we pretty much hit it off from that
Speaker 1: summer and just enjoyed the sum of the sixteens and
Speaker 1: through the winter we just rocked out. So it was
Speaker 1: just it didn't for me. It didn't take all day
Speaker 1: to recognize sunshine, right, so you heard that before us.
Speaker 1: So I mean from there, I was good and you know,
Speaker 1: it just worked out. There were some family connections that
Speaker 1: Agila and I also had, which was very unique with
Speaker 1: regards to uh to us getting together, so um that
Speaker 1: that also strengthened something. There was a there was a
Speaker 1: family relationship that was going on on her side that
Speaker 1: I didn't even know, so and and and we end
Speaker 1: up being um both of our family members end up
Speaker 1: being married to each other and we didn't know. So wow,
Speaker 1: And you said it didn't take you forever to see
Speaker 1: the sunshine. So this idea that me somebody and trying
Speaker 1: to have a relationship going on for twelve years where
Speaker 1: it's a dead end. It seems that nothing is happening
Speaker 1: for me. That's problematic. But I have been told by
Speaker 1: others that I'm rushing if I think that things are
Speaker 1: supposed to move faster than that. I mean, it's it's
Speaker 1: all the perspective, right, It's to remember where you are mentally,
Speaker 1: where you both are mentally right, and and what you
Speaker 1: guys are looking for. You know, um, honestly, you know,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to get married, right, I didn't. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to get married until I was happy. There's
Speaker 1: no way in hell that I was gonna be able
Speaker 1: to make any other woman happy with me traveling the world.
Speaker 1: I've been through, you know, four passports, developed businesses, and
Speaker 1: pretty much every continent of the world, and just did
Speaker 1: not have time to even entertain, you know, any woman, seriously,
Speaker 1: until I wanted to get to where I needed to
Speaker 1: go career wise. So but once I was there, you know,
Speaker 1: I had dated so many women before that, so I
Speaker 1: knew what I liked and what I didn't and what
Speaker 1: I knew what I expected from the woman and what
Speaker 1: I didn't expecting woman. And so if it didn't check off,
Speaker 1: I didn't get all the boxes checked off, then I'm
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm out, like I'm well, not really am out,
Speaker 1: but all the boxes don't check off, then that's when
Speaker 1: you want up getting those those those dragon on relationships
Speaker 1: that really don't really move anywhere for you. Right. So, um,
Speaker 1: but when I met a dealer, all the boxes checked um,
Speaker 1: and so I was good. I was. I was really
Speaker 1: good from that standpoint. From that standpoint, it was about
Speaker 1: cutting off the black book, if that makes sense. Right.
Speaker 1: So you had all these open relationships, and I had
Speaker 1: a bunch of open relationships when I met a dealer.
Speaker 1: And when I met a dealer, I was like, oh ship,
Speaker 1: I got those. I got to start, you know, shutting
Speaker 1: stuff down because ye know, this is what's up right here,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I was like, yea, this
Speaker 1: is what's up right here. So I'm like, okay, what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do with you know, these these open relationships
Speaker 1: that I've had for for years, right, So that was
Speaker 1: my that was my challenge, and that's what I had
Speaker 1: to do. You know. You know when I met the
Speaker 1: dealing and the dealer knew I had this open relationships
Speaker 1: or we were both singles, so the dealer knew I had,
Speaker 1: you know, other ticks that I was dating and things
Speaker 1: like that. But once I told her was like, yo, listen, um,
Speaker 1: I think I don't want to rock with you real, Um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to clear out of all this other stuff,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And so you know, once
Speaker 1: the clear out happened, then we went even more serious. Right,
Speaker 1: But I had to get time to go ahead and
Speaker 1: clear that stuff out. That makes sense, So excuse me,
Speaker 1: people Monday. Let me interject. You have a great wife,
Speaker 1: a beautiful wife, and he's a good Dallas for you.
Speaker 1: See you always lucky, not get that lucky, especially on
Speaker 1: the day and that, but that one is a special lady.
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say. Did you did
Speaker 1: you date prior on the day and that before her?
Speaker 1: Was she the first person you dated on that me? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I was. I was tender. I was I was a
Speaker 1: tender pimp like I was. You don't we don't understand.
Speaker 1: Like so you're laughing at you know, Aaron and Billy, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm just like you, dude. They look just like me. They,
Speaker 1: I mean, they were very familiar. Like I if my
Speaker 1: my online daily game was probably probably the best that
Speaker 1: you've probably ever seen ever. Like I I mean, I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, yeah, I was. I was in that.
Speaker 1: I had the double shot of you had everything. I
Speaker 1: was like, man, like you know, I was like, okay, well,
Speaker 1: I gotta work in Amsterdam next month, fired up tender,
Speaker 1: put my eye dress out of it. And because they
Speaker 1: let you be wherever you want to be, so I
Speaker 1: would I would go and and and and say I'm
Speaker 1: in I'm in Amsterdam, put my profile up so tender
Speaker 1: people in Amsterdam saw me. So when I got out there,
Speaker 1: I had already a month of pre game, so I had, God,
Speaker 1: this is this is the man asked me the question. Okay,
Speaker 1: so now that this is the same, you know, so
Speaker 1: this is good. But this is what Instagram is for
Speaker 1: people to, you know, just just to be clear people people.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say whose names on this thing it
Speaker 1: works for, but I just wanted to be clear that
Speaker 1: there are there are there are folks among that you
Speaker 1: want to declare, say that there are people among us, Okay,
Speaker 1: because I am very close to at least to the
Speaker 1: three gentlemen on here, my son, Aran and Billy Counsel
Speaker 1: and that. Huh. But what I want what my point
Speaker 1: is that Instagram is its own tender. And people will say, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't believe I don't like dating apps, but yet
Speaker 1: they're using the apps they do use for dating. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't think the thing is I don't think I
Speaker 1: think I hear what you're saying, but I think the
Speaker 1: dudes that are going on Instagram, they don't use it
Speaker 1: for things like dudes be on their promoting business and
Speaker 1: promoting different things, building up their profile. Tender is strictly
Speaker 1: and bumble, all of those is strictly. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: find somebody that's not what Instagram is. You're building up
Speaker 1: your profile and the people that you attract from your
Speaker 1: profile you get to sell whether or not if you're
Speaker 1: single or whatever, and you want to deal with them,
Speaker 1: you can't. But just for me, like and I want
Speaker 1: to apologize one day because on the last episode I said,
Speaker 1: I just think people that go to dat and apswers
Speaker 1: widows and and that was just a perspective, was just
Speaker 1: not knowing nothing. But you know what, I thought the
Speaker 1: same ship. That's why you think that you had the
Speaker 1: advantage likely widows are here. I don't mean the only dude, No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I had your perspective. But like, I'm not going on
Speaker 1: mats and e harmony. What like my hot fire game
Speaker 1: is blazing when I'm in a spot, so I don't
Speaker 1: I'm neither dating yet. Like I'm in the bar, I'm sitting,
Speaker 1: I find like top five dialone dialone dialine like you
Speaker 1: know so but no, But then after a while, it
Speaker 1: was just it got to the point where I actually
Speaker 1: got tired of going to the bars right and going
Speaker 1: out to the lounges and things like that. And as
Speaker 1: my careers took off more, you know, I was pretty
Speaker 1: much very exhausted just because of all my travels. So
Speaker 1: you know, it wasn't until the value of the chase decreased,
Speaker 1: and no, one day you gotta hold that because this
Speaker 1: would we need to talk about the chase decrease because
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out when that happens. But I
Speaker 1: would love for Billy Counsel to have something to say here,
Speaker 1: And first of all, do you use it? I'm married.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't be having to talk these too. So yeah,
Speaker 1: hopefully that's the goal. But but um, billy, are you
Speaker 1: on the apps? What apps? Bumble and those types? No,
Speaker 1: I'm not. No, I'm not. And you are you considering
Speaker 1: being on the apps? No? Not no, not at all,
Speaker 1: not at all. Okay, So what what do you think
Speaker 1: about this whole idea of whether or not monogamy is dead?
Speaker 1: And if you think, you know, do you think that
Speaker 1: people should be able to meet and identify, you know,
Speaker 1: who their loved one or their or their wife or
Speaker 1: husband or whatever in a short period of time or
Speaker 1: do you think it's something that has to bait for
Speaker 1: a while. Well, you know it's interesting, right, you know,
Speaker 1: because it's it's different people's perspective. You know. I have
Speaker 1: been in the in the situations several times where you
Speaker 1: know you'll meet somebody and everything is going well for
Speaker 1: the first three months, and the next thing you know,
Speaker 1: you know, car crash, right, and every thing is just
Speaker 1: broken up the pieces right, and what you thought you
Speaker 1: had you didn't really have, right, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: You know, you found somebody who you wasn't emotionally ready
Speaker 1: for a probably vice versa, it wasn't ready for you,
Speaker 1: you know. So I think it's all a perspective. I
Speaker 1: think that's that's how we look at it. Like I
Speaker 1: look at things from on my open point of view. Right,
Speaker 1: So if it's if it's good and I'm and I'm
Speaker 1: enjoying it, then I'm gonna keep rinding it down. If
Speaker 1: it's not good and I'm not enjoying it, then there's
Speaker 1: no need for us to waste our time, right because again,
Speaker 1: marriages at the end of as the end of the role.
Speaker 1: But it's marriage for everyone, right, and you know that
Speaker 1: that becomes a question, right. So, um, when you talk
Speaker 1: about being single and and and being married, it's two
Speaker 1: totally different things. But you could be single and not
Speaker 1: married to someone, but you can really have that bond
Speaker 1: and not connect you with them, but just don't really
Speaker 1: you know, understanding and recepted. So I look at it.
Speaker 1: I look at it totally different. You know. I just
Speaker 1: love to be with someone who makes me happy. Hey,
Speaker 1: what's your what's your what's your perspective on monogamy? Me
Speaker 1: in relationships? Do you do you believe? Because this is
Speaker 1: my concept. Right. I believe the mono is a learned behavior.
Speaker 1: I don't believe that is something that men are innately
Speaker 1: just drawn to doing. I believe that we have to
Speaker 1: grow into the process. Like one day said when he
Speaker 1: was like, you know, the chase was gone. That's whatever
Speaker 1: it is at some point maybe to get you get
Speaker 1: to that. But there's always this thing about men with
Speaker 1: monogamy is a daily process. It's not something that you
Speaker 1: just you meet a woman and you love and you're like,
Speaker 1: all right, you know what, I'm not attracted to no
Speaker 1: more women. You know, you daily have to wake up
Speaker 1: and practice being monogamous for men. You know, that's just
Speaker 1: my personal belief. No, but you know what mine, I
Speaker 1: totally agree with you. Right. It's like anything else that
Speaker 1: we do. And especially when if you look at me,
Speaker 1: you and Iran, you know, we we all from the
Speaker 1: same same role, right, right, and eventually those roles changed
Speaker 1: for us, right, and that when in the role that
Speaker 1: we are now, we have to continue continue to work
Speaker 1: at it. Right. So it's the same thing with relationship
Speaker 1: with their monogamy. Right, It's like if you don't work
Speaker 1: on those things because he wasn't taught that, right, if
Speaker 1: you look at it growing up, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's like broken boys become broken men. And I would
Speaker 1: say I was one of those broken boys who didn't
Speaker 1: have a father in the household, who didn't understand marriage,
Speaker 1: didn't understand healthy relationships right, because I didn't see it right.
Speaker 1: So that what you do is you pick up those
Speaker 1: negative behaviors and you carry them on for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life until something change right. And that change
Speaker 1: can come when you sixty years old, when people say, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be the sixty year old and and
Speaker 1: and by myself. But usually sometimes I can happen because
Speaker 1: we don't learn as fast as you know, probably women, right,
Speaker 1: because women just have that nurturing and that you know,
Speaker 1: that monogamous um um um drive about them, that that's
Speaker 1: what they want one person. And I'm not saying it's right.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's wrong, but you know it's speeches
Speaker 1: own right, and and and it takes time to work
Speaker 1: on those things, right, like anything else, you just don't
Speaker 1: you know, you just don't stop being the pimp over right,
Speaker 1: it's something that you learned how to how to control. Hey,
Speaker 1: what should what should perspected? Me? All right, Uh, I
Speaker 1: look at things for the endo, right. So it's true.
Speaker 1: We we learned everything backwards. So to say we come
Speaker 1: into we come outside in our neighborhoods, people tell us
Speaker 1: I got this girl, this girl, and this amount of
Speaker 1: girls I just slept with, and we we we adapted,
Speaker 1: so we learned how to play in that game. Ultimately,
Speaker 1: you say to yourself, it is what I'm doing leading
Speaker 1: me to the happiness that I'm looking for. So for me,
Speaker 1: I was married in my twenties. I thought I wasn't
Speaker 1: ever going to cheat. I can't say that I had
Speaker 1: an itch to cheat because in my in my th
Speaker 1: process at the time, I thought that being married was
Speaker 1: gonna be the end too my happiness and that into
Speaker 1: my daughter's happiness and hopefully to into her happiness. What
Speaker 1: I didn't account for was the ups and downs. So
Speaker 1: then when I was sentenced to twelve and a half
Speaker 1: years and federal prison, unfortunately, the young lady decided that
Speaker 1: and maybe better for her to rethink the connection. Right.
Speaker 1: So monogamy to me, I'm I'm more for it, I'm
Speaker 1: willing to try it. I don't say it's ah, I
Speaker 1: don't speak in absolute, so I don't know how I
Speaker 1: would have done twenty years down the line that I
Speaker 1: get and I didn't get a chance to live out.
Speaker 1: But I want it because if that really ain't now
Speaker 1: that I'll keep hoping a bump into one day, then
Speaker 1: you know, some of the things that I think I'm
Speaker 1: building toward would be unfulfilled. So I definitely believe it exists.
Speaker 1: I don't know what today's standards, how it actually materializes,
Speaker 1: but we gotta take the baby steps toward it so
Speaker 1: that that's just my my one too. When I jumped
Speaker 1: in the ring. If you're a stripper, I kind of
Speaker 1: give you the strip of vibe. If you are business woman,
Speaker 1: I give you the business from the vibe. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: deal with you as you are, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to hit a praying when you get the results that
Speaker 1: leads you to be in single or in a committed relationship. Well,
Speaker 1: here's here's my thing about that analogy that you just gave.
Speaker 1: First of all, there's some strippers out here that are
Speaker 1: more upstanding in terms of their morals than businesswomen, right,
Speaker 1: And I like to think of myself as a businesswoman,
Speaker 1: but I'm a stripper in my mind, Like in my mind,
Speaker 1: that's what I think I am. But yet and still
Speaker 1: I operate as a businesswoman every day. Um. And you
Speaker 1: know when I try to live my life opposite what Um?
Speaker 1: What what people try to or what their their narrative
Speaker 1: is of what a stripper is. Right, Like, I went
Speaker 1: to a strip club a few weeks ago, and people
Speaker 1: don't think we go to strip cluslas sometimes, like we
Speaker 1: activists also go to places where other black and brown
Speaker 1: folks hang out. Like I don't know why they think,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't yes that that we do that. Um.
Speaker 1: And and this young lady says to me, she says,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you know, it's just to see you here.
Speaker 1: It means so much to me. And she said, because
Speaker 1: people look at me and they think all these negative
Speaker 1: things about me, because there is a stigma that exists.
Speaker 1: We all agree with that. And she's like, but I'm
Speaker 1: really just in here trying to feed my kids and
Speaker 1: trying to get myself through these classes that I'm taking,
Speaker 1: esthetician classes that she's taken. Right. So I support sex work. Um,
Speaker 1: that that's a part of our platform is or let
Speaker 1: me just say, a part of my platform is that
Speaker 1: I support sex work because I feel like we've been
Speaker 1: being paid or not paid enough or whatever for our bodies,
Speaker 1: for our culture, for our beauty for so long. And
Speaker 1: now that women are beginning to take their story and
Speaker 1: take their bodies into their own control and say, I'm
Speaker 1: if I'm you know, if I'm Cardian and and and uh,
Speaker 1: what's her name? Meg the Stallion, We're gonna get paid
Speaker 1: to make the same song that sir mix a lot
Speaker 1: and what's what? What's the other one? Um? What's his name?
Speaker 1: The main luke exactly? These women they've been selling and
Speaker 1: marketing the same coaching that Cardian and Meg decided to sell.
Speaker 1: But those two are trashed, and we could stand around
Speaker 1: and sing all of these other songs that were sold
Speaker 1: to us by men um and I think and and
Speaker 1: the reason why I'm sort of going off on a
Speaker 1: tangent about this a is because, unfortunately, Billy, it's not
Speaker 1: that women just have a monogamous mindset, right, It's that
Speaker 1: we have been taught certain things about gender roles in
Speaker 1: our society. We've been told women, if you sleep with
Speaker 1: five dudes, you a home, and men, if you sleep
Speaker 1: with five due five women, you are You're the king.
Speaker 1: You're the man. You know what I'm saying that was
Speaker 1: taught to us, So we had we many times we
Speaker 1: feel we have no choice. But somehow or another, we
Speaker 1: have to shift these mindsets because it's too many Black
Speaker 1: women out here that don't have husbands, because we don't
Speaker 1: feel like this is like no place for us, right,
Speaker 1: and not to mention, not to mention that seemed like
Speaker 1: white women are just coming into our communities just taking
Speaker 1: our husbands. So what I what I would say to this, right,
Speaker 1: It's what I tell Tamika. And we have debates, me her, Linda,
Speaker 1: we all have different debates. And I think what I
Speaker 1: was saying before is that women are coming into relationships
Speaker 1: with unrealistic expectations, right, a lot of them. I'm not
Speaker 1: I didn't say oh, I said women. They are all
Speaker 1: women that are coming into relationships realistic expectations, right, And
Speaker 1: you deal with a certain caliber of individual just like
Speaker 1: one day said to you, right, just like he was saying,
Speaker 1: I was a sniper, I was out here this and that, right,
Speaker 1: and he had to go through a process with this
Speaker 1: when maybe it was just two years or whatever, he
Speaker 1: went through a process to where he decided, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm cutting this off and I'm moving in this direction.
Speaker 1: A lot of women don't want to go through any process.
Speaker 1: They don't want the mistake you might make. Like we
Speaker 1: we we are all men, especially we are we work
Speaker 1: in progress like and that's why I think for me,
Speaker 1: that's why I say monogamy is a growth process, especially
Speaker 1: when we come from our communities. Especially if you had
Speaker 1: your heartbroken, you was young, and he was in jail,
Speaker 1: he got married, the women said, I'm gonna go somewhere else.
Speaker 1: Now it's like, okay, I put I put all listen
Speaker 1: to this woman. Now I can't. I can't allow that
Speaker 1: to really happen again. So now for me to put
Speaker 1: my my eggs in this basket, there has to be
Speaker 1: some level proof or something that I'm I'm doing this
Speaker 1: onto the right person. So I think women coming to
Speaker 1: relations or ain't dealing with the dude. We're doing this.
Speaker 1: He cheated and he did this, I'm moving on and
Speaker 1: a lot of times we were working in progress. We
Speaker 1: make mistakes. We're not always perfect. And then that women say,
Speaker 1: that's excuse. I don't want to do excuses. I just
Speaker 1: want a man that does this. They look at Instagram
Speaker 1: and they got relationship goals from couples that ain't they
Speaker 1: Their relationship ain't nowhere near what you think it is.
Speaker 1: They don't win through this and that they're looking at
Speaker 1: forty and fifty year marriages and relationships where the mother
Speaker 1: that took the farther back five times he had a
Speaker 1: love child over here he's messing with ms suit on
Speaker 1: the block. But they fought through all those things. And
Speaker 1: women a lot of women want those relationships, but they
Speaker 1: don't want to go to none of those things. And
Speaker 1: let me let me say this too, I patron arts um,
Speaker 1: if you're sex work, I'm not judging. Trust me. The
Speaker 1: last girl, I think she needed it for my operation.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it was at the time, but
Speaker 1: I definitely helped the course. I believe, like Martin said,
Speaker 1: in life. But what happens is it's the lifestyle, right
Speaker 1: or the mindset. You go and you meet these people,
Speaker 1: they say to you, Okay, I do want a man,
Speaker 1: but I'm willing to allow a man to give me this, this, this,
Speaker 1: that in the third or you're not what I thought
Speaker 1: you should be. There's no building process. A lot of
Speaker 1: times where he could say she's in for me, I'm
Speaker 1: in for her, the course that it has for um
Speaker 1: each person in the party we're being fulfilled by wanting
Speaker 1: to be with each other and hoping to grow with
Speaker 1: each other. Is if you can't pay these courts, then
Speaker 1: you're not worth being with. And that's an unfortunate exchange
Speaker 1: that today's world and even yesterday's world allow us to
Speaker 1: believe that's the standards of build in the relationship. And
Speaker 1: it shouldn't be that way. I told to me this
Speaker 1: all the time. A lot of women on love with
Speaker 1: the fantasy of relationship and not the reality. Right. They
Speaker 1: want they want a situation and not a man. Right
Speaker 1: Because if you come and say I just want to
Speaker 1: be married, well I just want to be in this,
Speaker 1: Well that don't mean you want to be with me.
Speaker 1: You're looking for me to fit into a place. I
Speaker 1: want a woman that wants to be with me and
Speaker 1: whatever comes with that. That's what it mature is into.
Speaker 1: When you walk into relationship saying I want a situation
Speaker 1: and not the individual that you didn't, then that it
Speaker 1: doesn't really fit. And that's what I think it's happened
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways. Yeah you're wrong, but uh no,
Speaker 1: so cute because you don't only want to got this
Speaker 1: sense of pH Now I'm just messing with y'all. Y'all
Speaker 1: all have different perspectives that are important. And I was
Speaker 1: being funny, but because when the show airs, I don't
Speaker 1: want people to say that I said everybody here is wrong.
Speaker 1: I do. I don't mean that. I think everybody does
Speaker 1: have a different perspective. However, cute, I want to understand
Speaker 1: the two year process. Okay, because that's the track I
Speaker 1: want to be on. Let's get it done. So do
Speaker 1: you agree with my son's perspective that you know? Well
Speaker 1: here he said a situation ship. So what I'm trying
Speaker 1: to understand with your woman, your wife that you married,
Speaker 1: did you not look at her and say these are
Speaker 1: the things that I want the situation ship that he
Speaker 1: speaks to write. I want a wife that is going
Speaker 1: to I'm just making up stuff, cook, not be sleeping around,
Speaker 1: have good hygiene, um you know, uh, you know whatever,
Speaker 1: have some type of either financial success or a plan
Speaker 1: to get there. And then when you met your wife,
Speaker 1: she's started to sort of fill into these things. Is
Speaker 1: that would that not be having a situation in mind?
Speaker 1: And then a per person that was able to fulfill
Speaker 1: those things. Yeah, I mean, you're you know, you're exactly
Speaker 1: I think you're you're we're you're exactly right or headed
Speaker 1: down at half of what I was thinking. So, I mean,
Speaker 1: for me, I knew what I wanted in a woman. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, down to whether you know I want her
Speaker 1: to do this and do that, have this career, have
Speaker 1: this ethnic background. You know, I was to that level.
Speaker 1: You know, I want my women that they had this ethnicity,
Speaker 1: right and then I want her hair to look like this,
Speaker 1: and I want her feet to look like this, and
Speaker 1: I want her ask to look like this, right like,
Speaker 1: So I mean, I I mean, I'm just to your point,
Speaker 1: like I had my my my my view of what
Speaker 1: I wanted my wife to look like. Um, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: if I'm being too grows with the details, but you know,
Speaker 1: I knew what I want my wife to physically look like.
Speaker 1: I knew what I wanted my wife can mentally look like,
Speaker 1: spiritually look like, and emotional look like. And that's why
Speaker 1: it's tooking me forty five When I quoty five years,
Speaker 1: I need an opportunity toil like twenty. But you know
Speaker 1: it took me twenty five years or so they to
Speaker 1: to to to find that person that that I wanted.
Speaker 1: But also what also in checking those boxes if we
Speaker 1: want to use that, I also held myself accountable for
Speaker 1: boxes I need to check off because of what value
Speaker 1: add would I be to the woman that I need
Speaker 1: if I didn't achieve my own personal goals and and
Speaker 1: so I can't expect her to hold me accountable for
Speaker 1: a mile and goals I need to accomplish. Me first,
Speaker 1: make myself as solid as possible so that she would
Speaker 1: even entertain the conversation with me, you know, during an introduction,
Speaker 1: you know, a day or something like that. So you know,
Speaker 1: I had boxes that I wanted to check off as
Speaker 1: far as what I wanted with my wife, and then
Speaker 1: I had boxes to check out that what I wanted
Speaker 1: within myself, um and myself you know we're naturally selfish,
Speaker 1: but within myself, you know, I had to make sure
Speaker 1: a little box would check off. And it wasn't fun
Speaker 1: ride because especially in South Africa, I mean, there was
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure of you know, um, of of
Speaker 1: settling down. Okay, when did you have your pH d?
Speaker 1: Now you went to business school in London, got your
Speaker 1: your business certification and things like that, and now you're
Speaker 1: you're traveling around the world, you're established. Now it's time
Speaker 1: for you have been married. It's time people go back
Speaker 1: to South Africa. Like in two thousand and ten, I
Speaker 1: had an arranged marriage set up. Then I had to
Speaker 1: go go back and meet her and I I went
Speaker 1: and I told my mom's that MoMA not do this. Man.
Speaker 1: So we you know, that all went to kabash or whatever,
Speaker 1: and I came back to the States. But you know,
Speaker 1: to your point to make it's all about I did.
Speaker 1: I did have a checkbox that I that I actually
Speaker 1: wanted and once I found it, you know, then I
Speaker 1: then from there it was like, you know, it went
Speaker 1: really really really fast, like like you said, two years,
Speaker 1: because I was mentally knew what I wanted to do
Speaker 1: and uh and where I wanted to go. And we
Speaker 1: had the opportunity to live with each other to that
Speaker 1: and that was something that was like the no no
Speaker 1: in seven day events, right, you didn't live with your
Speaker 1: wife or your girlfriend and things like that, but you know,
Speaker 1: we did. The situation is worked out where you know,
Speaker 1: we we end up living together for a years, so
Speaker 1: that even made it more kind of move a little
Speaker 1: bit faster then because we really got to see what
Speaker 1: each other was like day in and day out, you know.
Speaker 1: Um uh and if it really could work. So um
Speaker 1: that that's pretty much why are I think the pace
Speaker 1: that was how we went. Some people think it's fast,
Speaker 1: but and some people think it's you know, average time.
Speaker 1: But just depends on your perspective on things and what
Speaker 1: your outlook is and where you want to go. So
Speaker 1: um and me being as you know, very strategic and
Speaker 1: analytically minded, being in the science industry, it's just just
Speaker 1: something that just naturally comes, you know, come from me
Speaker 1: for the standpoint of how I look. I think, whether
Speaker 1: it's worth or whether it's personal. So I just want
Speaker 1: to I want to touch on something because I remember
Speaker 1: when you first said that you didn't want to be
Speaker 1: mard like. I didn't you like, I wasn't trying to
Speaker 1: be bad. That wasn't I wasn't trying to be married
Speaker 1: until I check off my body. I didn't finish that,
Speaker 1: so okay. So but what I wanted to say is
Speaker 1: that goes to what it would as what it as
Speaker 1: I was trying to say, right, I think men are
Speaker 1: trying to find a woman that they want to marry right,
Speaker 1: and I think that woman. Some women are trying to
Speaker 1: find they're trying to get married and find a man
Speaker 1: to fit into the thing. We don't. We don't as men.
Speaker 1: We don't go into situations saying, you know, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to get married right women women are looking to date
Speaker 1: for marriage, and then men are looking to date people
Speaker 1: that they like, and then they matures into damn. I
Speaker 1: could settle then with this girl, like I really like her,
Speaker 1: enjoy this company, or you know what, I really and
Speaker 1: never thinking about marriage. I don't even want to. But
Speaker 1: this is somebody I see myself pointing to be with.
Speaker 1: And I think that a lot of times when with
Speaker 1: a lot of women friends that I know, they have
Speaker 1: expectations I need to be married by now, like it's
Speaker 1: such and such, I need to be married. I can't
Speaker 1: be playing the more games. So what happens is their
Speaker 1: relationships that people are entering with a fixed state that
Speaker 1: I need to be married, not whether or not this
Speaker 1: is the best person for me, or this is somebody
Speaker 1: that all would equally yoke would or somebody that checks
Speaker 1: on boxes because they are There are a lot of
Speaker 1: times people would know. I know women who have gotten
Speaker 1: married two men who haven't checked through boxes, right, But
Speaker 1: just he wants to marry me. I told him, I
Speaker 1: gave you you need to be I gotta get married.
Speaker 1: I'm not playing those games. If we're not married in
Speaker 1: two years and go on, you still like the women
Speaker 1: you're dating a into you, but you don't you're not
Speaker 1: always sure that you want to get married in two
Speaker 1: or three years. Maybe you're not. Maybe you still like it,
Speaker 1: but she's gonna put this thing on you. I need
Speaker 1: to be married and they get into marriages two more
Speaker 1: years is deteriorating. And and and I want to know
Speaker 1: if y'all think that that's was contributing to the marriage
Speaker 1: rate the divorce rate being high is who what do
Speaker 1: you think is contributing to divorce rates being so high
Speaker 1: this day? So for me, real fast mice, and just
Speaker 1: just to cut off on some of the things that
Speaker 1: brother Q were talking about. We got women have these
Speaker 1: boxes right that you check off, right, because like you said,
Speaker 1: my signe, not too many of us have those boxes
Speaker 1: right you know. Um, you know, when we're growing up,
Speaker 1: a man responsibility was provide and protect, right, That's that's
Speaker 1: our whole ensemble of being a man is to provide
Speaker 1: and protect for your family. Right. So now when nowadays,
Speaker 1: when you meet women, I'm starting to feel that marriage
Speaker 1: is no longer a marriage of love, is a marriage
Speaker 1: of a business arrangement, right, because it's more so so
Speaker 1: when we talk about you know, the divorce rate, let's
Speaker 1: look at it, right, most of divorces and because of
Speaker 1: financial situations, right, mainly mainly that's what it is. So
Speaker 1: when you have people who go into these situations where
Speaker 1: they're going into it for a business arrangement, the love
Speaker 1: pieces taken away from it, right, And it's like, so
Speaker 1: now we're making decisions off of financial instead of love. Right.
Speaker 1: So now when a person like me, when I started
Speaker 1: meeting women, now I'm meeting women who feel like I
Speaker 1: don't want to be married again, right, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? And that becomes that becomes another issue. Right.
Speaker 1: So now when you look at a person like me
Speaker 1: who's never been married, is like, okay, well most of
Speaker 1: the women and men have been married already and they
Speaker 1: didn't work for them, and they don't want to get
Speaker 1: married again. So now you stay on that side like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm cool, I don't need to get married, and she
Speaker 1: don't want to get married. So I just think a
Speaker 1: lot of times we gotta look at you know, what
Speaker 1: we're looking for, right, And a lot of times when
Speaker 1: women like you just said, women are looking for that
Speaker 1: and goal of marriage, men necessarily are not, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? And you know, I know that I
Speaker 1: didn't want to be married. I still don't want to
Speaker 1: be married, but I do want to be with someone
Speaker 1: you know that I can love, and you know it
Speaker 1: be about our relationship and love and not our relationship
Speaker 1: and anything else, right. You know, but nowadays you have
Speaker 1: so many, like Jamika said, you have so many of
Speaker 1: these sexual social media platforms where you know that's all
Speaker 1: that's there, right, you know, the UM Association. Yes, you no,
Speaker 1: not political on this show. We talk about everything on here,
Speaker 1: because let me tell you is this is a political
Speaker 1: conversation right in itself. The idea that black folks have
Speaker 1: to figure out how we maintain our families, right, and
Speaker 1: how we bring children into healthy environments, and we need
Speaker 1: to start dealing with like reality. Right. So when I'm
Speaker 1: listening to a woman saying that her and her husband
Speaker 1: are Practice and Polly and they're in a different type
Speaker 1: of set up, I don't. That's not what I want.
Speaker 1: But I'm not against it either because it potentially could
Speaker 1: be the next thing or the thing. First of all,
Speaker 1: we've always been in polly relationships, if you really want
Speaker 1: to keep it a hundred, right, we've been. That has
Speaker 1: been going on since the beginning of time. That especially
Speaker 1: to make up that this particular guest that we had
Speaker 1: on last week, her relationship of a man with multiple women.
Speaker 1: And by the way women consist, sisters can see here
Speaker 1: all day and say, oh, well, you know that's because
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about it. You know, you do know,
Speaker 1: you know what's going on. You feel like, you argue
Speaker 1: about it, you fight about it, but you choose to
Speaker 1: stay with the person you with, either because of a
Speaker 1: financial reason, because of children, and or just because you
Speaker 1: love this person and hope that they will eventually grow
Speaker 1: out of it. But we have been in polly relationship hips.
Speaker 1: So I'm saying to myself, my mind is not closed
Speaker 1: to anything. But I do know that when I sit
Speaker 1: in a room with thirty to forty black women and
Speaker 1: only one or two, maybe three on a good day,
Speaker 1: are married and or in successful relationships, that's a problem.
Speaker 1: It is a problem. And it is political that we
Speaker 1: are in families or we are we are struggling with
Speaker 1: so many situations where people have entered unions that they
Speaker 1: never really were happy and in the first place. Right.
Speaker 1: So so that's why you know, on street politicians we
Speaker 1: talk about all types of things that in get that
Speaker 1: involved black folks and our truth, like what is the
Speaker 1: real truth, not just the one that we're telling the
Speaker 1: world because it looks good, but the real truth. And
Speaker 1: and there are a lot of black people who are
Speaker 1: starting to look at marriages and relationships in different ways.
Speaker 1: And you know, hey, as a single person, I guess
Speaker 1: I gotta list in. But you know, Alan, let me,
Speaker 1: let me, let me direct this at you, because you'll
Speaker 1: probably get in the least amount of trouble here from
Speaker 1: answering these real questions. Billy, Billy Billy, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: because billy Billy, Billy Billy Billy can't really billy string
Speaker 1: but Avon I can ask him kind of questions because
Speaker 1: a ran situation is different. Billy. We just gonna let
Speaker 1: you get to or the billy um Aron, y'all got
Speaker 1: too many options. You have way too many options. I
Speaker 1: know about these options, right, I have sisters walk up
Speaker 1: to me all the time they go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I saw you post a ran yo. Is he not like?
Speaker 1: What's good? What's good? That's here? What's good? We shore
Speaker 1: as the sister um and so she and I talked
Speaker 1: about a roth's got a lot of options out here.
Speaker 1: Do you think that that keeps you distracted where you
Speaker 1: can't really focus in on honing in on one person
Speaker 1: or you just haven't met she yet? Okay, First, I
Speaker 1: was married at my Swunnies when everybody was outside playing.
Speaker 1: I'm out that conversation already. Life would have it where
Speaker 1: you know, I made certain decisions on my as far
Speaker 1: as my Davis was concerned, that allowed for interruption in
Speaker 1: our union. If you will now put dropped me back
Speaker 1: into the world. Today, you got people that look at
Speaker 1: your image and they say I like him, I want him.
Speaker 1: Even then you get somebody like me who's gone through
Speaker 1: the narverrative process and going through the divorce process, and say,
Speaker 1: since I'm starting over, let me allowing myself to lattituo
Speaker 1: of picking through a plethora of possibilities. I go and
Speaker 1: pick through the possibilities. One might be a drunk, one
Speaker 1: might be a liar. One might be good for you,
Speaker 1: bad for your harmony, and a way of you can
Speaker 1: look at me and say he got a jailrator and
Speaker 1: be judgment too. You might not know what connects you
Speaker 1: to me, and I gotta deal with all of the
Speaker 1: possible problems that arise even culturally. How many times you
Speaker 1: met a girl you like but her best friend won't
Speaker 1: allow her to be great with you. So you go
Speaker 1: through all of these things, and yes, I guess so
Speaker 1: many applications for possible connections. If you will that it
Speaker 1: makes it difficult to say yes to a problem. So
Speaker 1: the work in our process becomes little and more slight
Speaker 1: than it used to be. So people think I got
Speaker 1: a level of detachment that's abnormal. And I like the
Speaker 1: agree to an extent because life is shotting. If somebody's
Speaker 1: ready to walk away from you, they will and then
Speaker 1: you gotta adapt. So me, being an adapter, I might
Speaker 1: I might take a preemptive stripe on you. So I
Speaker 1: say this, not that, not in that, not that. Gati is, Oh, Brian,
Speaker 1: you need therapy A you need well, you need you
Speaker 1: need several therapist that can be because you know what
Speaker 1: I'm hearing. First of all, Billy, let me just say,
Speaker 1: I know, I know you gotta go. You gotta go,
Speaker 1: I know it. So you know, if you need to drop,
Speaker 1: you can. But if you can stay for a few
Speaker 1: more minutes, that would be great. But but Billy, you
Speaker 1: I think you're a little bit older than a right
Speaker 1: you are. Yeah, so that's it. But you know that
Speaker 1: I was there, Billy, I I we was young outside. Okay, Billy,
Speaker 1: you had all the options as well, many options now
Speaker 1: you Obviously, I can't take anything away from you and
Speaker 1: the people that you have chose to have children by.
Speaker 1: You've done a good job of being a good father
Speaker 1: and supporter of those individuals. And your daughter's mother obviously,
Speaker 1: she's beautiful, and you know I see you working at that.
Speaker 1: So I don't want to take that away from you.
Speaker 1: But you had a lot of options to a lot
Speaker 1: and what did you call them? Opportunities or whatever? Aron
Speaker 1: just said here, Listen, my situation is different. Point at you.
Speaker 1: I'm about to tell story. We've been around a long time,
Speaker 1: and I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that I haven't had I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that I haven't had options. But you had a lot
Speaker 1: of options, and still you were unable to get that
Speaker 1: wife foreverything going on the question that I'm when I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get down to is do y'all think that
Speaker 1: because there's been so many options over time, that you've
Speaker 1: been unable again to like settle yourself down that chase
Speaker 1: that you know that that Q was talking about earlier,
Speaker 1: because it's like you feel like you're giving up something
Speaker 1: or as aging you or or you know, is that
Speaker 1: what it is? Because you're supposed to be married, Billy,
Speaker 1: so so so so I'm gonna keep it as authentic
Speaker 1: as possible, right, and you know, authentically for me, it's
Speaker 1: it's been a combination of both, right, it's been a
Speaker 1: combination of both, you know, you know, as as me
Speaker 1: growing up and in hallm you know, I grew up
Speaker 1: with a lot of at tension with from women, right
Speaker 1: and unfortunately, you know, a woman that I thought I
Speaker 1: cared about, that loved me, that I thought loved you know,
Speaker 1: and I loved her. Um told to Mandy where I
Speaker 1: lived at and I wind up getting gunned down six times,
Speaker 1: left in my building for dead. Um. You know, learned
Speaker 1: learning how to walk, talk, use the bath from all
Speaker 1: that stuff again, right, So that dealt with a lot
Speaker 1: of trauma, right and then and at that time, I
Speaker 1: was never able to deal with my trauma. Right. I
Speaker 1: never was able to understand why would somebody that say
Speaker 1: they love you tell somebody that's gonna harm you where
Speaker 1: you live at? Right. So then not saying all women
Speaker 1: are like that, but that puts a big cloud over
Speaker 1: me with women, right and trust issue, right, and that
Speaker 1: was something that I never was able to deal with.
Speaker 1: So now and these relationships that I found myself getting
Speaker 1: in and being with, it was just like that one
Speaker 1: thing that I felt that was a sign of the
Speaker 1: trust it was time for me to go right, And
Speaker 1: I know those are you know, habits. Like I said earlier,
Speaker 1: I was a broken boy that became a broken man. Right.
Speaker 1: So now with all the great woman that I had
Speaker 1: in my life, I couldn't see beyond that one thing
Speaker 1: that they did. Right. The second thing is like you know,
Speaker 1: growing up and being an entrepreneur and trying to figure
Speaker 1: out things. Part of being a successful husband in my eyes,
Speaker 1: not saying and everybody eyes, was being able to provide
Speaker 1: for a person, right, and you take ownership of that household.
Speaker 1: So if that woman that I'm dating has kids, right,
Speaker 1: and she's gonna be my woman. That's what those kids
Speaker 1: become mine and I have to be able to take
Speaker 1: care of those kids along with my also, right, So
Speaker 1: there was time financially, I wasn't in that position. So
Speaker 1: when you're not in that position, I would rather say,
Speaker 1: you know what, I would just stay away so I
Speaker 1: won't get into that position and not being able to
Speaker 1: be successful A success us fool man, Because for me,
Speaker 1: it was all my ego. So if I can have
Speaker 1: ten fifteen different women at the time, I'm just that's
Speaker 1: just a big number. But it's just like again, Billy,
Speaker 1: it's me, you know. But so looking at that, it
Speaker 1: became an ego thing, right, And then I've been then
Speaker 1: I was driven by ego. Right, So having these women
Speaker 1: been opening up a lounge and stuff like that, and
Speaker 1: then doing all the parties as you all know, like
Speaker 1: it comes with a lot, and it's just like, okay,
Speaker 1: why settle? So I felt that I will settle when
Speaker 1: if I sit down with one person, right, And you know,
Speaker 1: as you get older and now on a different a
Speaker 1: different paths, like, yeah, you do want to settle down,
Speaker 1: but I still don't want to settle down for the
Speaker 1: simple fact that I'm on this path and it's only
Speaker 1: gonna make me look better if I had that woman
Speaker 1: with me, right, I want that woman to be with me,
Speaker 1: like my song said, because they want to be with me,
Speaker 1: not with they see or maybe social media or what
Speaker 1: they see on TV or anything like that. I want
Speaker 1: them to be able to love a person for for
Speaker 1: for who's standing in front of them. So a lot
Speaker 1: of it, and I will say a lot of it
Speaker 1: is me, And I'm not pointing the finger at women,
Speaker 1: but a lot of it is me. And I think,
Speaker 1: you know, like you did, It's like eventually I'm gonna
Speaker 1: hit that wall. Was like, okay, this is what I
Speaker 1: want now, and this is how I'm gonna you know,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm gonna take my time and learn
Speaker 1: how to get. Hitting the dealer was not a hard
Speaker 1: one and that's what this should be. Cute you gotta go,
Speaker 1: You got Do you have any last words of encouragement
Speaker 1: for these these single brothers out here? You know that
Speaker 1: before Qute Stars Monday, let's let's let's be clear, you
Speaker 1: also had a rife that was as ready as you
Speaker 1: were to take that step. Me know you guys. Personally,
Speaker 1: I got the I got the advantage point of saying
Speaker 1: when she said, upon ye proposal that not be playing
Speaker 1: with me that man, I'll kill your ass. Dudes like Latina,
Speaker 1: so you know that blood runs hot, you know human
Speaker 1: and Panama that's hot right there, so you know, you
Speaker 1: know she she definitely was like, all right, make sure
Speaker 1: you know you know what you want want? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean. I'm like, yeah, I'm good, you know
Speaker 1: I'm good. But you know, I the question that you
Speaker 1: did ask to me, because it's a very interesting questions
Speaker 1: because yeah, I was exactly where Billy and a Ran were.
Speaker 1: Where the volume of women that I was dealing with was,
Speaker 1: you know, hi that it was a distraction from the
Speaker 1: standpoint of trying to get to know any individual woman
Speaker 1: to the depth of I needed to know I know
Speaker 1: them right to make a decision. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I was good with the volume because I myself knew
Speaker 1: I didn't want to get married because I had so
Speaker 1: many other things to do with my life. First for
Speaker 1: me personally, so it was just having fun for me
Speaker 1: in the meantime until okay, for me, I wanted to
Speaker 1: satisfy these these check off these boxes for myself, but
Speaker 1: also from my mom. Right and and and I'm no different.
Speaker 1: I think, you know, the these two young these two
Speaker 1: gentlemen here is you know, I didn't have a fithering line. Right.
Speaker 1: My father left when I was five. Correction, it's just
Speaker 1: Billy is referring to right now, not me. I really
Speaker 1: got the problem. Not me, yeah, right, but now it's
Speaker 1: it's it's you know, I had you know, I didn't
Speaker 1: have the father in the house. And so the unique
Speaker 1: thing about my upbringing is that because I didn't have
Speaker 1: that man in my the man in my house, my
Speaker 1: mom gave me many men from the church who were
Speaker 1: deacons and elders. And that was something that I was
Speaker 1: around on Wednesday, on Saturday, you know, on Sunday. So
Speaker 1: I was around a lot of church deacons and elders
Speaker 1: who were you know, taking that role, you know, in
Speaker 1: some form of fashion. Right. Um. But still, yeah, I
Speaker 1: didn't learn how to be a man. I didn't learn
Speaker 1: how to I learned from my friends how to be
Speaker 1: a man, right, I learned you know what their cops
Speaker 1: was teaching them. You know, I didn't have someone who
Speaker 1: gave me that, so I had to learn on the fly,
Speaker 1: and and then education in school and the demand of
Speaker 1: what the family, a South African family, fires of you
Speaker 1: um had me heavily focused at in Pennie College. I
Speaker 1: went from eighteen where I left on my four team.
Speaker 1: I didn't officially graduate with my PhD n b A.
Speaker 1: I was always done when I was thirty. So you know,
Speaker 1: that's eighteen years straight of NonStop at school, like NonStop,
Speaker 1: like that's it. I've heard you say that you lost
Speaker 1: your virginity at twenties. So that also, I'm sure has
Speaker 1: something to do with, you know, the way you live now,
Speaker 1: you know, because we're so hyper sexualized and that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's another issue. Yeah. So you know again it was
Speaker 1: I was just raised, you know, different, deep in that
Speaker 1: Christian church. And then Kenny had had that little that
Speaker 1: moment where I left, you know, I left home or whatever.
Speaker 1: But you know, my mom grabbed me back up, and
Speaker 1: you know, she she she acknowledged her mistaken and said, okay, well,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna to bring you back into
Speaker 1: the range and put you around in a Christian environment
Speaker 1: where it was Christianity seven days a week, every day.
Speaker 1: And I came home maybe for two days every month
Speaker 1: and went back. So I mean since I left home
Speaker 1: since the fourteen, I've never been home more than two
Speaker 1: weeks along as I've ever been that was like during
Speaker 1: some ovacation. But you know, ever since then, you know,
Speaker 1: I've I've learned to be a self suited And I
Speaker 1: think that's what Billy and a Rod has developed themselves into,
Speaker 1: learning how to be a self suited where we don't
Speaker 1: need these specific emotional aspects from women because we've learned
Speaker 1: how to self survive ourselves and know how to take
Speaker 1: care of ourselves and know how to lick our own wounds.
Speaker 1: And so you see that from a lot of men
Speaker 1: today that grew up in our areas who was born
Speaker 1: in the seventies and early eighties, you know where we're
Speaker 1: self suitags. And I think a lot of that contribution
Speaker 1: came from our moms teaching us how to be self
Speaker 1: suit is because they themselves was could not be They
Speaker 1: had to be mom and dad. But they were like, okay, listen,
Speaker 1: you see how hard I'm working. You see how I
Speaker 1: have to strap it up. You're gonna have to learn
Speaker 1: how to do this and strap up for yourself at
Speaker 1: some point in time. And so we have to learn
Speaker 1: how to sell suit because how many nights have we
Speaker 1: seen our moms cry and blah blah blah and they
Speaker 1: self suit so as men with no other men in
Speaker 1: the house. That's the way the world is. My mom's
Speaker 1: a self soothed and she's a woman. I need to
Speaker 1: be a selfther m. So what that does is the
Speaker 1: value of a woman in your life decreases drastically because
Speaker 1: what is the quote unquote value that a woman brings
Speaker 1: to a man life is that emotional support and security
Speaker 1: and protection. Well, once we're but being trained to be
Speaker 1: self sooths from young then our need to be with
Speaker 1: women at a very serious level or at that level
Speaker 1: is reduced drastically because I know how to sell sue,
Speaker 1: I can I can take care of myself. I can cook,
Speaker 1: I can clean, I can wash. You know, I can't
Speaker 1: be hygiene all these kind of things, which is all
Speaker 1: great assets. But the worst thing that we actually learn
Speaker 1: from our parents, our mothers is how to be self suits,
Speaker 1: because then that does not allow us to be emotionally
Speaker 1: available for a woman. And when we're not emotionally available
Speaker 1: for a woman, then you just have a plethora of
Speaker 1: women applications hanging around until at some point in time
Speaker 1: you become exhausted and you need that emotional dependence. Some
Speaker 1: people never get exhausted, right that this never happens. But
Speaker 1: some people do get exhausted and then they need that
Speaker 1: emotional support and then that's when it happens. That's when
Speaker 1: that next step happened. But until I think a man
Speaker 1: who's a heavy self suited, like you know, my generation,
Speaker 1: until that at that point where they don't have the
Speaker 1: energy to self suit anymore they need that extra then
Speaker 1: I think that's when you're going to see a dynamic
Speaker 1: change in that person behavior. M. Well, thank you so
Speaker 1: much to you. We appreciate you for UM coming and
Speaker 1: sharing your perspective today. I think I would push back
Speaker 1: that you all that many men are not really self soothing.
Speaker 1: It's multiple soothing UM that is needed. And and you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I am. I do believe still in
Speaker 1: a world like the one that you are creating with
Speaker 1: your beautiful wife, UM, where you you know, you guys
Speaker 1: are working through it, figuring it out right two years
Speaker 1: in and and hoping that it can be forever. And
Speaker 1: there are many relationships that are like that. But I
Speaker 1: have to say that you guys are absolutely the exception
Speaker 1: and not the rule as we see it in our
Speaker 1: world today, because there's just so much happening with relationships,
Speaker 1: and I do you know when I listened to my
Speaker 1: brother's a and well, and also even with my son
Speaker 1: and the men that I talked to around our organization
Speaker 1: and just men in general, the language that is used
Speaker 1: Billy saying, Um, you know marriage should be beIN goal right, Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know what it was that you said. A
Speaker 1: The language that is used is associated with negativity, whether
Speaker 1: you realize it or not. Right, Like, marriage doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be an end. It can actually be a new beginning.
Speaker 1: But the way that we see it when we speak
Speaker 1: about it, even me, I'm gonna be single, that's the
Speaker 1: type of stuff that I say. So that doesn't leave
Speaker 1: room for the right person to meet me and to
Speaker 1: be with me because I'm automatically just sure it's not
Speaker 1: gonna work out. So I think we all have to
Speaker 1: figure out what is a new way that we can
Speaker 1: see relationships and speak about relationships and try to get
Speaker 1: back to a place where having a wife or having
Speaker 1: a family or whatever. Um and and believing in your
Speaker 1: man or a guy that you meet and not talking
Speaker 1: and down and always being negative that these things become
Speaker 1: more normal and certainly right now it just doesn't feel
Speaker 1: like it's that way. Well, I have to disagree with you. Um,
Speaker 1: what I said was my end goal. I start with
Speaker 1: the end goal in mind. In the end goal, that
Speaker 1: wasn't the negative things you said. I think about it,
Speaker 1: don't worry. And I was politicking. Remember you didn't want
Speaker 1: to bring it from a creepers. What is the goal
Speaker 1: for for most women? What is the goal in dating?
Speaker 1: What is the end goal? Result? It is it is
Speaker 1: for man? But I don't know if this is no.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm saying we all of
Speaker 1: us the way that we speak. Sometimes it's like when
Speaker 1: you owe the wall, like getting a wall, Um, the end,
Speaker 1: the end goal, like these these thought process when you
Speaker 1: think of something being the end us getting married. Even me,
Speaker 1: if I say that, when my end goal is for
Speaker 1: us to get married, sometimes that to me breathes the
Speaker 1: idea that life has stopped or things you know, have
Speaker 1: changed in a in sort of a negative way. And
Speaker 1: perhaps if we breathe life into it, like my next
Speaker 1: phase is marriage not my end goal? But the next
Speaker 1: phase in my life is going to be marriage. Then
Speaker 1: the next phase maybe but you know, retirement and getting
Speaker 1: old with the person that I'm I'm with, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So I don't know, I maybe all
Speaker 1: the way off. But it just sounds like when I
Speaker 1: hear us say, well, you know, when he finally hit
Speaker 1: that wall, then he met his wife. Maybe the wall
Speaker 1: is not because when we think of hitting the wall,
Speaker 1: that's a negative thing. I don't I don't really I
Speaker 1: don't really think. I don't really think. I don't really
Speaker 1: think it's a negative thing to me. Can when you
Speaker 1: look at it holistically, because you just say about people
Speaker 1: who are doing things in the streets or you know,
Speaker 1: once you hit that wall, right, once you hit that wall,
Speaker 1: you change, Right, there's always a point where there's going
Speaker 1: to be a shift, right, and that shift usually come
Speaker 1: with something negative, right that ship. But listen to what
Speaker 1: he's saying, is I don't think when he said hit
Speaker 1: the wall, the wall was everything outside of his marriage, right,
Speaker 1: he hit the wall in the dating and dating with
Speaker 1: a different woman. When he hit a wall with this
Speaker 1: this is stop there. No, he hit the ceiling with
Speaker 1: that and his marriage wasn't the wall. His marriage is
Speaker 1: when his life actually begins, because it was. So I
Speaker 1: mean right, it's again it's a goal, so you do
Speaker 1: put end goal, but it's still a goal. My end achievement.
Speaker 1: This is what are going to be in three or
Speaker 1: five years, seven, ten years. It's my goal. So that
Speaker 1: means my end goal is something that I'm shooting for.
Speaker 1: This is my target, and I'm looking to a get
Speaker 1: to this level so ultimately, and I want to understand
Speaker 1: because once I get to this goal, there's next phase.
Speaker 1: There's other goals that's going to come after that goal.
Speaker 1: But I need somebody who's gonna help me get to that.
Speaker 1: I need somebody who's gonna give me enough data for
Speaker 1: me to say, you know what, I'm going to roll
Speaker 1: with this person to help me achieve all the next
Speaker 1: level of things that I need to accomplish. So I
Speaker 1: hit the wall from an academic stampoint. So I hit
Speaker 1: the wall. You can't get no more than the pH
Speaker 1: D N N B A. You've done right. So I
Speaker 1: hit that wall. Then I didn't get married. I went
Speaker 1: and said, I want to hit the next wall. My
Speaker 1: end goal is to be a president. Once I hit
Speaker 1: that end goal. Then I said, you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: a good fellow now because you know, when you at
Speaker 1: this level, you don't have people who call general recruiters
Speaker 1: calling you. You get called up to be a boss
Speaker 1: at that point in time. So for me, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I hit my academic wall. I hit my professional wall.
Speaker 1: So I'm good. So now I can take all that
Speaker 1: energy that I was applying to to achieve my educational goal,
Speaker 1: my academic goal. Now I can actually, you know what,
Speaker 1: be more serious about you know, the next side of
Speaker 1: where I want to be, which for me was I
Speaker 1: want to have somebody that I can rock with for
Speaker 1: the rest of my life, right, And so now I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, it wasn't just only a deal I
Speaker 1: met on bumber when I got to New York. Please
Speaker 1: leave that right, So it was it was there, right.
Speaker 1: So but after I dated, you know, three or four months,
Speaker 1: I mean, it was like it didn't it really you know,
Speaker 1: and I put the time in to to ask those
Speaker 1: questions and I gotta go. But it was like, you know,
Speaker 1: when I sat, my dating approach was totally different after
Speaker 1: I hit those goals, because it was it didn't take
Speaker 1: me five conversations to really clear all the bullshit and
Speaker 1: be like, hey, what's up. Like the first date, I'm like, Yo,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm about. I'm looking forward, this is
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to do. It's who I am. Blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. And if that don't work for you,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, cool, we can be friends. Right.
Speaker 1: So you had a whole bunch of texting and blah
Speaker 1: blah blah going back and forth on bumble or whatever.
Speaker 1: You have a whole bunch of that going back and forth.
Speaker 1: But when we finally had that first sit down, you know,
Speaker 1: you just put it I put it all on the table, like,
Speaker 1: this is what it is. This is who I am,
Speaker 1: this is my flaws, this is what I did, good, bad,
Speaker 1: ugly blah blah blah blah blah. And if none of
Speaker 1: that really works for you, then cool, because I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm forty I'm forty two or forty three at that time.
Speaker 1: I'm not changing. So you need to understand who you're
Speaker 1: gonna get with from the beginning, right, And it just
Speaker 1: so worked out a deal. It was the same way,
Speaker 1: like yo, blah blah blah, this is what you're gonna
Speaker 1: get right, And it was just like back, you know.
Speaker 1: And that was like one of the realst conversations that
Speaker 1: I had where on date one and spring boardered us
Speaker 1: forward to to continue on to have those more in depth,
Speaker 1: real to real conversations with each other, and and and
Speaker 1: again I was there mentally where that was where I
Speaker 1: want to take all that energy that I had, pride,
Speaker 1: I had been so successful and all these other things.
Speaker 1: Now I want to be successful in the relationship. But
Speaker 1: that was a decision I hadn't been I didn't hit
Speaker 1: a wall for saying at all. I just made a
Speaker 1: decision that Okay, I'm successful here, successful here, Now I
Speaker 1: want to be successful here because this is what I need.
Speaker 1: I'm gassed, I cannot self soothe anymore. I'm done right,
Speaker 1: So I need somebody to hold me down. I need
Speaker 1: somebody I can bounce scarfs off, work, emotional professional the gym,
Speaker 1: like she busted my eyes and me on the peloton.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know everything you know while we're outside running.
Speaker 1: So we pushed each other in all these different aspects.
Speaker 1: And funny enough, I'm saying something is probably on the edge.
Speaker 1: But she's like the female version of me mm hmm.
Speaker 1: And it's like it's that game. But you know, so
Speaker 1: you know, I'm just saying, like, give yourself a little
Speaker 1: more credit it, you know what, I'm just saying, just
Speaker 1: so much you think so much like me, like you know,
Speaker 1: and it's just fes your person, your person, and that's
Speaker 1: like you know, and people get mad when I want
Speaker 1: to be better at this me. I want to be
Speaker 1: better at accepting what is not for me, right, I
Speaker 1: want to be better. I think that that could actually
Speaker 1: make your relationship stronger if you can look at somebody
Speaker 1: or some situation and realize this thing, right, it's not
Speaker 1: that you're a bad person, because you know, for me,
Speaker 1: you cheat on me, you lie to me, do I'm automatically,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you're a horrible the worst person ever.
Speaker 1: Dog in the street, you know, run you over with
Speaker 1: a car and bash you in the head with backs
Speaker 1: like that's the way that I see it. I'm just
Speaker 1: being honest. But the truth is that sometimes people just
Speaker 1: it just ain't it don't work. It just doesn't work.
Speaker 1: And that's and that's difficult for us as women because
Speaker 1: as the big argument we had last week on the
Speaker 1: show was about and I kept telling my son. The
Speaker 1: issue is not that as I'm getting older and as
Speaker 1: and more women are talking about the issue is not
Speaker 1: that we won't be willing to be Polly. The issue
Speaker 1: is not that you know, we won't we we won't
Speaker 1: allow or or accept the fact that our man may
Speaker 1: want to be with another woman, or you know, may
Speaker 1: not want to be married. The issue is the deceit.
Speaker 1: It's the lie. It's the not telling people straight up
Speaker 1: and down, like you said, you who I am, what
Speaker 1: it is I want, and what I'm trying to do here.
Speaker 1: Instead we meet men that tell some men who tell
Speaker 1: us all of this ship and build us all up.
Speaker 1: And I remember, Billy, you telling me a long time ago,
Speaker 1: I don't got time to do all that I'm telling
Speaker 1: women straight up and down is who I am, is
Speaker 1: what I'm doing this? When this is it? You know?
Speaker 1: This is? And I'm like you look, I said, I remember,
Speaker 1: I said, you look so happy? Yes, because I'm honest
Speaker 1: in my life to just being truthful and honest and
Speaker 1: it keeps problems down. But when you are getting in
Speaker 1: situations with people who lie and they cheat, lie and
Speaker 1: dog you out and do all these things, that that
Speaker 1: is what makes for so many problems in relationships. I
Speaker 1: think people just need to start being honest about who
Speaker 1: they are, what they want. People think I'm brutally honest
Speaker 1: and brutal honesty is it is a bad thing, right,
Speaker 1: You're rude, you're rude. It's rude. That's relative term. I
Speaker 1: think we should revisit that. So what I think is this,
Speaker 1: when you tell a person what you're in for, as
Speaker 1: Billy suggests, that's you might get a fear. Okay, I understand,
Speaker 1: I'm what, It's all right. And then emotions get involved
Speaker 1: with each interaction. So each exchange you have with a person,
Speaker 1: it's adding to their bank in some way, or you're
Speaker 1: taken from their bank in some way. After an issue,
Speaker 1: meet up and everything is good, we understand each other.
Speaker 1: Three episodes later, you're a piece of ship because you
Speaker 1: did not give me what I wanted in my head.
Speaker 1: So being honest is not the end or be all.
Speaker 1: Um I think, and and it's important to note, I
Speaker 1: have a daughter, she's twenty. I want to be a
Speaker 1: kind of role model to her that would allow her
Speaker 1: to know that good men still do exist. My mother
Speaker 1: was a single lady. Um. I met my father when
Speaker 1: I was fifteen. However, when I got married in my twenties,
Speaker 1: my sole desire was to make sure I did somebody
Speaker 1: better than I thought. My mother got hinted. All of
Speaker 1: these might not be the most perfect reasons to be away,
Speaker 1: but I definitely would say this, anybody you choose to
Speaker 1: give you a time to wanna love, wanna have uh
Speaker 1: committed relationship with you have to put your once desires
Speaker 1: and expectations up front and see if they're in harmony,
Speaker 1: what what the other person's wants, designs and expectations. If
Speaker 1: you have a clash at that point, then you know
Speaker 1: that relationship is gonna at least be on the rocks,
Speaker 1: if you will. But if you have some sort of
Speaker 1: harmonious connection, then it's worth exploring. So a lot of
Speaker 1: times we come in with big disconnects because the ship
Speaker 1: that I want is not in line with the things
Speaker 1: that you want. And before before long we already didn't
Speaker 1: had sex. And then now you guys say, oh, you
Speaker 1: shouldn't have took that from me. M hmm, sorry to
Speaker 1: Mekat and put that you made you made the street
Speaker 1: politeticians clip just now with that right there, because it's true,
Speaker 1: By the time, by the time you can act this.
Speaker 1: That's the second thing. That the big argument why SO
Speaker 1: and I have all the time? He says that, uh,
Speaker 1: you know our friendships, right, we value our friendships and
Speaker 1: then put strains on relationships and I and I try
Speaker 1: to tell him that once you have sex with somebody,
Speaker 1: the expectations of what it is that you want from
Speaker 1: that person change. It's not the same thing. I don't
Speaker 1: I do not it. Billy and Iran, don't call me today.
Speaker 1: If my son goes off god knows where and moves
Speaker 1: to another it don't mean ship to me because I
Speaker 1: ain't sucking y'all. But as soon as so and so
Speaker 1: screws me, that person has to answer to how you
Speaker 1: also treat me. I don't understand what's so hard about
Speaker 1: this concept. It's not that simple. It's not that simple.
Speaker 1: It's not that simple. To let me tell you what.
Speaker 1: It's not that simple, right, because right you have if
Speaker 1: two people enter to a situation, right, everybody has to
Speaker 1: have the same expectation. If I made a conscious decision
Speaker 1: that I entered into a situation and we have sex
Speaker 1: when we both had sex, if I don't expect you
Speaker 1: to tell me everywhere you go. Before we have sex,
Speaker 1: I didn't tell you. I'm gonna tell you everything about me,
Speaker 1: and we all completely combined, conjoined at the hip, and
Speaker 1: you decided to have the expectation and you put it
Speaker 1: on me. That's not my fault, right, But when you
Speaker 1: and what I'm trying to also say is when you
Speaker 1: have a friendship, when you when you have a friend
Speaker 1: you when when things are rooted in friendships, you are
Speaker 1: fully aware of the individual that you're dealing you, you
Speaker 1: get to know that person, you identify with that person,
Speaker 1: You make conscious decisions on how you move forward with
Speaker 1: that individual, and you you love that person. Despite whether
Speaker 1: the relationship or anything else works out, whether the physical
Speaker 1: relationship anything works, you still want the best for that individual.
Speaker 1: And I think friendships they outlast relationships, or they could
Speaker 1: go into relationships if they're done properly. But when you
Speaker 1: go into a relationship just wanting a relationship and I'm
Speaker 1: just looking for a man or I'm looking for a woman,
Speaker 1: that's where the parliament is because for some reason, when
Speaker 1: people get into relationships, they see you as property. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be property. I don't I'm not I
Speaker 1: don't want you to be property. I want everything you
Speaker 1: do to still be in what you want to do.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to feel like you're obligated. I
Speaker 1: don't want you to have to move outside of yourself
Speaker 1: and do something different that you would normally do because
Speaker 1: of me. No, I want us to be so in
Speaker 1: tune with each other that it makes you happy to
Speaker 1: make me happy. I don't. You don't need to be
Speaker 1: frustrated to make me happy. You don't really I want
Speaker 1: to go out. I don't want to hang out, but
Speaker 1: she's gonna have attitude or I can't do this with
Speaker 1: my girl. I don't want that. I want relationships or you.
Speaker 1: I will come hit me when you come home. You
Speaker 1: know what you're doing. I want us to be in
Speaker 1: tune because I've been through all of that, Like in marriage,
Speaker 1: you go through things. I'm just saying, this is what
Speaker 1: you should be looking for. You should be in tune
Speaker 1: with individuals. You should it shouldn't be so hard to
Speaker 1: be happy. And that's what when you start saying, damn,
Speaker 1: it's relationship. Should not be hard to be happy, and
Speaker 1: relationships all work. It's a job. But I don't want
Speaker 1: to nobody wants it to be a job. It is
Speaker 1: have been married for fifties something years, and they and
Speaker 1: they will tell you that my dad, when I say, daddy,
Speaker 1: was the key how you do it? First of all,
Speaker 1: when I asked that question, but my mother, she goes, huck,
Speaker 1: you don't know what I had to go through, and
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. So I get that.
Speaker 1: But he will tell you that love is only one
Speaker 1: part of it, and it's not It actually is not
Speaker 1: the most important thing. It's the respect and it's work,
Speaker 1: he tells me all the time. It is work. It's
Speaker 1: a job. Every day you get up. You have to
Speaker 1: actually work at figuring out this other person that you're
Speaker 1: trying to share forever with. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So you gotta be up for you have to be
Speaker 1: up for the job. And but but not in all situations,
Speaker 1: even with your best intentions, can you make it work.
Speaker 1: And that's the part that scares me about entering into relationships,
Speaker 1: because you don't. You might, it might not, And then
Speaker 1: that hurts. It hurts, And y'all will say, yeah, men
Speaker 1: hurt too. But you guys are able to just bounce
Speaker 1: on and and move on. It doesn't really work like
Speaker 1: that for us. When we get hurt, we get brus
Speaker 1: so bad that it actually is physical sickness, you know.
Speaker 1: So anyway we've been talking, we're not able to bounce on.
Speaker 1: And so what happens is this we like a young lady,
Speaker 1: our interests are not in line it. It causes conflict.
Speaker 1: The lady sees as being able to bounce on and
Speaker 1: move on because men a white not to sit there
Speaker 1: and cry and be like, you know, what are you
Speaker 1: doing this? This is not fair. We don't do that right.
Speaker 1: So what we're gonna do is we're gonna go to
Speaker 1: the gym. Meet with mice's yo. Let's go to the gym. Um,
Speaker 1: you know you want to feels, she say, gotter this
Speaker 1: and it seems simple, but to hurt, the pain and
Speaker 1: all that, it's still there because he keeps talking my
Speaker 1: head off about something that I really don't want to hear.
Speaker 1: I ain't had nothing to do with it. But you
Speaker 1: entertain your friend because this is your partner. Um. So
Speaker 1: going into these relationships, men want the same thing ladies want.
Speaker 1: Then come from hurts, then come baggage. Men want a
Speaker 1: partner that that allows them to be free of worry also,
Speaker 1: and free of worry is not or um love issues
Speaker 1: is all right? If I fail like this business endeavor
Speaker 1: when you look at me bad or when you say
Speaker 1: it's all right baby, let's get to the next next step.
Speaker 1: If I fail like being emotionally present, because I've been
Speaker 1: talking to be a roadblot for twenty seven all years,
Speaker 1: is it okay that it takes me three years they
Speaker 1: get to the balance that you need me to have
Speaker 1: for you, I'm down here, you know, with me there.
Speaker 1: So then this polly thing, the theory of it is
Speaker 1: these multiple parties that come into your life provide balance.
Speaker 1: How about it? The person that you're with, That one
Speaker 1: person gives you the kind of exchanges that allow you
Speaker 1: to give and take and it creates balance where you
Speaker 1: don't need three girls. Because I feel like if I
Speaker 1: if I split myself up into three ways, I'm taking
Speaker 1: away from the one person I actually love, Like damn,
Speaker 1: I'm dolouting the amount of money she could have had
Speaker 1: for investment or the house we could have bought, or
Speaker 1: the goals to be trying to set for ourselves. And
Speaker 1: I'm given to somebody that I got less taken. That's
Speaker 1: why I don't. I don't never promote polly, but I
Speaker 1: do understand balance. So if the person that's looking and
Speaker 1: seeking balance shoes that can do it in three women,
Speaker 1: then I understand the theory of it. But other than that,
Speaker 1: they don't. They don't normally say yo, I don't normally
Speaker 1: come in relationship say I can't you be with my lady? Balanced? Though? See,
Speaker 1: the thing is this, you are looking for balance, right,
Speaker 1: but for some reason its relationships be so unbalanced sometimes right,
Speaker 1: and you don't know why. And you can really love
Speaker 1: somebody or you can really care for somebody, but you
Speaker 1: just see, I see all. I hear it all the times,
Speaker 1: have a conversation with people. There's just very hard to
Speaker 1: find a balance. It's it's hard to find for women
Speaker 1: to find a man that wants to do it's hard
Speaker 1: for find a woman that wants to do all the
Speaker 1: things necessary. And then when you come and say, well,
Speaker 1: because they have requirements as men, like like you said,
Speaker 1: we have a checklist just like they have a checker,
Speaker 1: the certain things like I need a woman that supports
Speaker 1: me mentally physically. I need a woman that I need motivation.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I need like I watched
Speaker 1: hockey all the time, and every time she said you
Speaker 1: can't win up like I would have been it's no, exactly,
Speaker 1: it's a certain ship that it's I can't take. But
Speaker 1: then you got a woman your cook or woman that won't.
Speaker 1: You got a woman that clean, you won't. You got
Speaker 1: a woman that's a good provider, take your kids, it's
Speaker 1: gonna take it. It's certain ships that this woman have
Speaker 1: and then there's certain ship that they don't and you
Speaker 1: and you try to but I hear what you're saying.
Speaker 1: But when you're looking at relationships and you're looking at
Speaker 1: why relationships are not working, is because there's no balance,
Speaker 1: because there are certain requirements that each person is having
Speaker 1: that is on major requirements that aren't being fulfilled. There
Speaker 1: are major things. And it's not saying that you're a
Speaker 1: bad personal. I'm a bad person. It's just certain ship
Speaker 1: that I don't do that you need definitely need done,
Speaker 1: and certain ship that you don't do that I need done.
Speaker 1: So how do we how do we fix those things?
Speaker 1: I guess you got I guess it is our top
Speaker 1: is our top four? What are the top four things
Speaker 1: that we need in the relationship for to work, right.
Speaker 1: So it's just like you're having a polosty cut into
Speaker 1: eight slices, right, Somebody's not going to have all eight slices,
Speaker 1: and those eight slices may not even exist at all. Right,
Speaker 1: But you gotta fill figure out which ones of mine
Speaker 1: that I that I need. Do I need that emotional support,
Speaker 1: that physical support? Do I need that spiritual support? Do
Speaker 1: I need that financial support? What is your top what
Speaker 1: is your top five that you that you can't do without? Right?
Speaker 1: And I think that's where your balance coming there, right,
Speaker 1: Because like my mice, you get it right? Might she married? Right?
Speaker 1: So your wife? Have your wife have certain things that
Speaker 1: you that you have, Hey, when you was married, she
Speaker 1: had certain things that you needed at that time, right.
Speaker 1: So you know, I think when we look at it,
Speaker 1: we gotta look at and say, okay, what are the
Speaker 1: five things that I need from this particular woman? Right?
Speaker 1: And I know for me there was five things that
Speaker 1: I need from a woman, but I didn't know that
Speaker 1: I really needed them. I thought I needed just three,
Speaker 1: but I needed five. So sometimes it's like you gotta
Speaker 1: really connect with yourself, right, You gotta really connect with yourself.
Speaker 1: Because I would always say I don't need a trick
Speaker 1: the cook for me. You know why I got got
Speaker 1: the restaurant. I got somebody I can order some food. Right.
Speaker 1: So when the nowadays, when you meet women who don't
Speaker 1: really don't like to cook that much, it's like, is
Speaker 1: that a deal breaking? Now? What you also gotten older, sir,
Speaker 1: and you have settled down in your life, somebody cooking
Speaker 1: for you has become a thing that you didn't care
Speaker 1: about before. But you let me just let me just
Speaker 1: get my point on. You're in your whole stage. That's
Speaker 1: what's going on here, okay, And you're like, we need
Speaker 1: to these Skyla Greens Brown is doing na. But listen,
Speaker 1: we appreciate y'all so much. You too, are two brothers
Speaker 1: that I can say are consistently real, right, and and
Speaker 1: of course brother Q I appreciate so much his contribution
Speaker 1: to this conversation. But y'all are consistently real. I've been
Speaker 1: knowing you, Billy, like I said, for a long time,
Speaker 1: and I know you through the different phases. But I
Speaker 1: think all of us the goal is to evolve, and
Speaker 1: you can and I and I watch all of us,
Speaker 1: the four of us here grow in our own ways,
Speaker 1: not just in relationships with our partners or whatever, but
Speaker 1: just in ourselves. And I think that a lot of
Speaker 1: our focus is so much on somebody else and so
Speaker 1: little on us. Like you said, getting in touch with self.
Speaker 1: Because if we get this right, we probably will show
Speaker 1: up in relationships better and be able to sustain them,
Speaker 1: you know, and or make decisions early on about whether
Speaker 1: something is right for us or not. So I think
Speaker 1: that's what this little series that we're into. I want
Speaker 1: my son, hopefully for the next or one of the
Speaker 1: next conversations around this, to be us dating outside of
Speaker 1: our race as women, because we don't find viable black
Speaker 1: men too many. That's really you can see. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna tell me about yeah, because a iron, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure about you and whether not you date
Speaker 1: some of our Caucasian sisters. Well, I think it's a
Speaker 1: plethora of African American sisters that you know provide great partnerships. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not all of the women that I know, uh
Speaker 1: that needs companionship used in a journey to Germany just
Speaker 1: to do what I could do in New York. So
Speaker 1: very busy manage all these states IV managing accounts here,
Speaker 1: I'm focusing on one portfolio like I'm trying to do it.
Speaker 1: You understand now, your sisters, that's so elusive. You know,
Speaker 1: I try to grab you and but you're like magicians, magicians.
Speaker 1: You know my son, that's our brother. Man, this is
Speaker 1: a man. I want to say thank you all for
Speaker 1: this episode. You know you'll always bring every time we speak.
Speaker 1: You know, he has been on the on our show.
Speaker 1: We I've interviewed a before. So just hearing the talking
Speaker 1: is always good. And he always gives me a perspective
Speaker 1: that is so so eloquently put. He eloquently states the bullshit.
Speaker 1: That's that's the probable woman. Yea, some woman. Let me
Speaker 1: stop saying absolutely just you because a man is giving
Speaker 1: you as true. Let's that man give his truth? What
Speaker 1: you say? An what about when I'm involved in scandal? Right,
Speaker 1: let's say it's just hypothetically right, Let's say I'm involved
Speaker 1: in the scan. Do and you know me to be
Speaker 1: the victim of the skinny? Do you do? Do you
Speaker 1: say to yourself then that person that allowed this scan,
Speaker 1: do that happened to me as a person? Yeah? No,
Speaker 1: you you you definitely were not recently, excuse me, recently
Speaker 1: you were recently involved in the scandal, and it was
Speaker 1: it was wrong, And I think, right, I'm a victim.
Speaker 1: You you you've involved a victim. You're not victims. Victimization
Speaker 1: is very tricky because you know, my business, who were
Speaker 1: getting business to do the good black man thing. Person
Speaker 1: comes along, try to hoodwink me. I don't fall foot.
Speaker 1: I'm a bad person. The problem is that people cannot
Speaker 1: cood wink you with things that are not that didn't
Speaker 1: happen to be hooked within hood if I didn't. If
Speaker 1: I get if I did business with you and you
Speaker 1: stole from the bank account, you had to have access
Speaker 1: to the bank account to do the stealing. The problem
Speaker 1: is if y'all stop giving people access all around your
Speaker 1: portfolio want to be I thought I was letting people
Speaker 1: into the banker love and then I'm done. Man, I
Speaker 1: love you, man, they loved one. Shout out to Billy,
Speaker 1: shout out to Q, shout out to a Listen. That
Speaker 1: right there, that's the class. I told you, the guys
Speaker 1: are gonna bring in a little more perspective. Man, it's
Speaker 1: not for it was. It was a dope episode. Just
Speaker 1: both of these episodes, just him. Women's perspective him Man's
Speaker 1: prospective the show how different we just see relationships. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, and I and and some of
Speaker 1: it is is just about not knowing, you know, and
Speaker 1: then some of it is just perspective and and some
Speaker 1: of us have just been taught differently. When you listen
Speaker 1: to One Day, he comes from an African background, right,
Speaker 1: he's one Day listen and um, he comes from African background.
Speaker 1: They had a arranged marriage, like it's taught like this
Speaker 1: part of the culture marriage marriage is being okay, you've
Speaker 1: got your things, you make sure your successful marriage. There
Speaker 1: wasn't something that he wanted for itself. But then he
Speaker 1: found this woman who he felt checked off all the boxes,
Speaker 1: he said, and you know, and then along with the culture,
Speaker 1: it just it made sense. You don't knew what he
Speaker 1: was doing, you know. I think in our culture, a
Speaker 1: lot of us see marriage. We've seen marriages right not
Speaker 1: not work. You know, I've been married two times. You know,
Speaker 1: I got a divorce once and I'm still currently in
Speaker 1: the marriage. But a lot of us in our in
Speaker 1: our marriage, we have seen marriage not work. Especially in
Speaker 1: our culture. We've seen we heard the nay saying a
Speaker 1: lot of people try marriages is a process. I would
Speaker 1: tell you that it is a process. Is it takes
Speaker 1: a lot, it's a lot of energy. Like you said,
Speaker 1: it's always worked, but sometimes it just doesn't work. And
Speaker 1: I've seen people go through all the time. I've been
Speaker 1: through it myself. It just sometimes things just don't work.
Speaker 1: And it's not because any individual is wrong. It's not
Speaker 1: because you're wrong that they're wrong. It's just that sometimes
Speaker 1: the the frequency is not off the balance. Like you said,
Speaker 1: there has to be a balance. And when there's not
Speaker 1: a balance, when someone is looking for a balance from you,
Speaker 1: you're looking for it from them. Sometimes everybody's looking for
Speaker 1: everybody to do the same thing. It just doesn't work.
Speaker 1: And I just think that people have to enter into
Speaker 1: relationships with people not for a situation. Not I'm trying
Speaker 1: to get married. I'm trying to I'm trying to understand
Speaker 1: that what you're saying, I'm it's resonating slightly and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to digest it into my digestive track and it's
Speaker 1: coming to me. That's all you can do. If you
Speaker 1: got that out of me today, then you you actually
Speaker 1: you did well, you know what, And here's goes my
Speaker 1: I don't get it. I don't get how I didn't
Speaker 1: think of a bank of up. I just I just
Speaker 1: don't care how how I ever hear the bank of love?
Speaker 1: Aaron said, into the bank of love, Into the bank
Speaker 1: of love. I'm gonna call me and beat up on
Speaker 1: me right now? Did you beat them people walking out
Speaker 1: under the bus? You know, Billy Billy, But they came
Speaker 1: on the show. They know what it is. We're gonna
Speaker 1: Those are guys, man, and they're good. They're good individuals.
Speaker 1: They're good man. You know what I'm saying, nobility for
Speaker 1: a long time. Just stand up, dude, been parties, been
Speaker 1: to every his party he ever threw when I was
Speaker 1: a young boy. So you know what I'm saying. Just
Speaker 1: watching grow a new ad from the streets, a wild
Speaker 1: and him coming back home after being incarcerated. Just watching
Speaker 1: this growth, Just watching all we we've we've been to
Speaker 1: similar play, We've all been through certain things, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So just watching us be mature at
Speaker 1: the stay ages we all, man, it's always a pleasure.
Speaker 1: It's bank of love, man, that's and that's how we're
Speaker 1: gonna end this episode. On the bank of love. If
Speaker 1: you ain't been to the bank of love, and you
Speaker 1: ain't got enough money about the banker Love. Listen. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna always be right to me. It's not gonna
Speaker 1: always be wrong, but we both always and I mean always, always,
Speaker 1: always be authentic. Thank you for coming to our show,
Speaker 1: Street Politicians, number one in the world Peace. Listen to
Speaker 1: Street Politicians on the Black Effect Network on I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio and catch us every single Wednesday for the video
Speaker 1: version of Street Politicians, or I Women dot Tv