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Speaker 1: This is intergalactic John, this is Alien Sam on the

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Speaker 1: International Okay Storytime podcast station, and we have some human

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Speaker 1: stories coming up, not alien, but before we make a landing,

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Speaker 1: stick around for this two minute not alien ad break

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Speaker 1: before we get to these interstellar stories.

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Speaker 2: My husband cheated for two years, and now he says

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Speaker 2: I owe him another chance.

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Speaker 3: To too many.

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Speaker 2: I'm thirty two female. My husband is thirty four male.

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Speaker 2: We've been together basically our entire adult life, thirteen years together,

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Speaker 2: almost five married. One day I followed a gut feeling

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Speaker 2: and found messages on his phone. They were sporadic and

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Speaker 2: some were clearly deleted, but what remained wasn't good. I

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Speaker 2: also found Instagram messages between him and a girl, including

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Speaker 2: videos of marriage proposal ideas. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 2: from Overall Confection fifty seven and if you want us

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Speaker 2: meet your own stories to the arslash Okay Storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give.

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Speaker 2: Good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 2: We only know what we would do, So let us

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Speaker 2: know what you would do in the comments. This girl

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Speaker 2: had been a problem for a long time, she knew

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Speaker 2: he was married, and I was always uncomfortable with their relationship.

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Speaker 2: Turns out I was right. At some point I found

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Speaker 2: the courage to message her. They'd been together for two years.

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Speaker 2: It went deep and personal. He'd met her family and child.

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Speaker 3: Oh.

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Speaker 2: No one from his family knew. None of our friends knew.

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Speaker 2: It was absolutely devastating. The lies he told her were pathological.

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Speaker 2: He said we were divorced, that he wasn't living with

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Speaker 2: me when he was, and made up court dates. I

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Speaker 2: felt like I married a stranger. The summer that followed

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Speaker 2: was incredibly difficult. When I initially confronted him, he was

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Speaker 2: defensive and cruel. I stupidly gave him a chance to

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Speaker 2: end it with her in front of me, but he

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Speaker 2: didn't take it. It blew up when others found out,

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Speaker 2: especially his family, who I'm extremely close to, more so

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Speaker 2: than him. They were ready to disown him. After I

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Speaker 2: shared the detailed information and his parents confronted him, he

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Speaker 2: asked for forgiveness. At the same time, his mistress sent

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Speaker 2: me messages showing him still maintaining the lie, saying they

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Speaker 2: were strong together and begging her. We were all in shock.

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Speaker 2: A couple of weeks later, He went into therapy and

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Speaker 2: acted like none of it happened, claiming he was confused

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Speaker 2: because of the uproar. I was obviously hurt because I

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Speaker 2: gave up everything for him. He stayed in therapy and

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Speaker 2: claimed to be trying to change, yet there was really

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Speaker 2: no action on his part. I felt so conflicted because

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Speaker 2: I gave up so much for him, and I'm close

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Speaker 2: to his family. It's like I'm losing everything. I felt

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Speaker 2: cultural pressure to stay and didn't want to look like

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Speaker 2: an idiot to my family, who didn't want me to

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Speaker 2: marry him because of religion, not his personality. I thought

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Speaker 2: I wanted to work it out, but he barely showed

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Speaker 2: me he was progressing or rebuilding trust. I was sick

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Speaker 2: of giving him instruction manuals and him doing nothing. He

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Speaker 2: was spiraling because he was embarrassed, and I was annoyed.

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Speaker 2: He kept putting his mental health and emotions on me

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Speaker 2: when this was self inflicted. He said he wanted to

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Speaker 2: work at it and give me everything I ever wanted,

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Speaker 2: But shouldn't I have had that from the beginning.

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Speaker 3: I genuinely don't think it's possible to work on a

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Speaker 3: relationship where you have a partner who's cheating on you

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Speaker 3: for like a year or more like when it's been

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Speaker 3: a long term lie. I just would be shocked that

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Speaker 3: anyone could get over that type of betrayal.

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Speaker 2: It's such a deep, evil betrayal. Yes, that he's not

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Speaker 2: fully acknowledging coming home to me every day for years

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Speaker 2: while doing that. I think I want to move forward

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Speaker 2: with divorce despite wanting my family together. But I feel

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Speaker 2: like I'll also be a disappointment to everyone till my parents,

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Speaker 2: who will say I told you so. If your parents

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Speaker 2: still come back and now say I told you so,

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Speaker 2: they're kind of being little.

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Speaker 3: They totally yeah. If they don't come to you and

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Speaker 3: are supporting you and saying I'm so sorry for what

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Speaker 3: you went through, then you know, maybe it's time to

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Speaker 3: limit contact with them.

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Speaker 2: I don't know anything else besides him. We've been together

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Speaker 2: for so long and so many things are tied together.

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Speaker 2: I wish I could move on and try, but I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'll never stop thinking about it, about how

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Speaker 2: deep it went or how long it would have gone

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Speaker 2: on had I not found out. I feel like I

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Speaker 2: know what's best, but when I see or talk to him,

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Speaker 2: I waiver because of history and family. We have an update.

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Speaker 3: No, you absolutely need to brethe Yeah, he doesn't want

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Speaker 3: to fix this. He doesn't want to fix this. What like,

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Speaker 3: what has he done to show you he wants to

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Speaker 3: fix this.

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Speaker 2: I'm officially at six months separation and heay hopefully be

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Speaker 2: filing soon. Yay. My soon to be ex is doubling

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Speaker 2: down and has made what should have been an easy

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Speaker 2: process difficult. I did one round of couple's therapy with

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Speaker 2: him because I wanted a neutral party to get my

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Speaker 2: statements across. He didn't like being called out. I tried

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Speaker 2: to reach an agreement on our home, but he only

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Speaker 2: wants to talk about saving the marriage. He is now

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Speaker 2: being hostile and refuses to discuss selling. He believes I

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Speaker 2: owe him a chance and need to take ownership of

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Speaker 2: my part in this. That I need to listen to

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Speaker 2: his feeling. He believes cheating is a two way street.

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Speaker 2: I had a lawyer on retainer, thankfully, and I'm hoping

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Speaker 2: she can help force the divorce. When he left the

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Speaker 2: house after our conversation, I found a hole in the wall.

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Speaker 2: He said he'd tripped down the stairs and that happened.

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Speaker 3: Uh huh, Yeah, you didn't punch a hole in the wall,

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Speaker 3: because you were abject, because your leaving you, because.

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Speaker 2: You Cheatah, your little baby was sad about it. I'm

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Speaker 2: a little scared and went to my parents' house. They're supportive,

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Speaker 2: despite me thinking they wouldn't be.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so glad I thought they would be. I'm

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Speaker 3: glad that they are.

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Speaker 2: He apologized earlier today for how the conversation went and

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Speaker 2: wants to talk again. But at this point, what else

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Speaker 2: is there to say. I don't know why I have

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Speaker 2: so much anxiety, why I start feeling bad and like

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Speaker 2: I'm making a mistake, even though I've already decided. I'm

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Speaker 2: scared of everything and he doesn't know.

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Speaker 3: I left.

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Speaker 2: I missed my home and my bed and my comfort.

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Speaker 2: I really wanted this to be amicable, and I'm still

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Speaker 2: hoping he will be, but who knows. My lawyer is

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Speaker 2: planning on serving him soon if he doesn't cooperate, which

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Speaker 2: will cause a storm. I feel so lost and wish

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Speaker 2: he could just be respectful of my decision, like he

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Speaker 2: said he would be in the beginning. After much back

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Speaker 2: and forth, I finally vowed for divorce. Yes, and we

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Speaker 2: are in the process of selling our home. It's been

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Speaker 2: extremely hard letting go of the house since it was

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Speaker 2: bought in twenty nineteen at a low interest rate. I'm

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Speaker 2: afraid I'll never have an opportunity to own again, but

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Speaker 2: I don't really have an option. Our agreement states that

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Speaker 2: I'll receive more equity, which is at least a plus.

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Speaker 2: Prior to filing, he wasn't signing papers. I hired API

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Speaker 2: private investigator to get evidence of adultery that I could

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Speaker 2: use to file a fault divorce if he hadn't agreed.

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Speaker 2: The PI found he was living with his mistress the

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Speaker 2: entire time we were separated.

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Speaker 3: Oh, separated now, but wow, yeah, you better not get.

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Speaker 2: Anything, including during the time he wanted to reconcile and

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Speaker 2: we had that therapy session. I was definitely shocked and disgusted.

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Speaker 2: He also took a trip with her during this time,

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Speaker 2: telling others he was going with me again. Disgusting. He's

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Speaker 2: been actively trying to find ways to reconcile with me

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Speaker 2: even since filing and agreeing to divorce. I've been thoroughly

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Speaker 2: confused since he's still with her and has been seen

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Speaker 2: out with her. He denies everything, though, you know, I

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Speaker 2: mean she about it the whole time. Yeah, he denies everything,

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Speaker 2: even with proof. He keeps sending me messages, trying to

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Speaker 2: have conversations about working it out, getting remarried, doing whatever

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Speaker 2: to be with me again. He won't leave me alone.

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Speaker 2: I don't understand why he keeps trying with me while

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Speaker 2: still living with the affair partner and denying it to everyone.

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Speaker 2: The house is the last thing tying me to him,

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Speaker 2: and I feel like he's prolonging the process on purpose.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to keep it, but I think it's easier

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Speaker 2: to just let it go at this point to be

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Speaker 2: rid of him. I don't understand his motivations. He insists

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Speaker 2: he's changed, says he's been in therapy and on medications,

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Speaker 2: but his action says otherwise. He can't take no for

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Speaker 2: an answer from me, even though he's still with her.

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Speaker 2: It feels traumatizing for him to be saying all these

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Speaker 2: things when he should have tried before and not now.

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Speaker 3: But again, he's still with her.

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Speaker 2: This is crazy, and sometimes I don't know how I'm

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Speaker 2: supposed to feel about everything happening. I'm just tired. Update three,

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Speaker 2: divorce is official as of this month, woooooo, exactly one

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Speaker 2: year after I found out about his infidelity. To say

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Speaker 2: it's been a ride is an understatement. Divorce was filed

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Speaker 2: earlier this year, and he had still been relentless in

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Speaker 2: his efforts for me to have dinner or coffee with him.

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Speaker 2: I've said no each time. The house is still on

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Speaker 2: the market, and it's been much more difficult to sell

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Speaker 2: than I anticipated. I'm dealing with conflicting emotions about selling

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Speaker 2: and losing it. It feels like I'm taking a massive

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Speaker 2: step back in life, losing a low interest rate and

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Speaker 2: coming to terms with possibly never owning a home again.

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Speaker 2: But I'm hopeful things will be better and better opportunities

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Speaker 2: will arise. Once the divorce was final, a wave of

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Speaker 2: anger went through me, from how long it took to

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Speaker 2: feeling of injustice surrounding everything. He continued to ask for

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Speaker 2: us to work it out, of trying to essentially buy

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Speaker 2: me with vacations, cars, anything. It was such a strange experience,

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Speaker 2: and even now he's still trying to.

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Speaker 3: Meet up for what I have no clue.

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Speaker 2: He's still with the mistress as well, and I fully

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Speaker 2: expect him to be married by the end of the year. Overall,

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Speaker 2: I think the real healing is starting now. I've been

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Speaker 2: in survival mode for a year, and I hope my

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Speaker 2: house so soon so I can sever the final time.

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Speaker 2: Although it doesn't make me less sad about having to move.

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Speaker 2: Hopefully I can get my number changed soon so he

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Speaker 2: can't contact me anymore once I move.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, hope you block him in every way that you

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Speaker 3: can once you're divorced. And that's the end of this story.

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Speaker 2: We're going on to the next one.

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Speaker 3: I asked my wife about her old affair and she

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Speaker 3: just said, why now bringing up the pass. I'm not

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Speaker 3: sure what I should do. My wife and I had

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Speaker 3: an insanely perfect marriage for the last ten years, but

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Speaker 3: the first few years were pretty rough. We met at

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Speaker 3: work waiting tables back in two thousand and eight, dated

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Speaker 3: for a couple of years, and got married in September

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Speaker 3: twenty twelve. By the way comes from Jaded Raspberry thirty

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Speaker 3: eight seventy three and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime severed it.

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Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Carlyn. Our marriage started out rocky. I

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Speaker 3: was working sixty to seventy hours a week to try

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Speaker 3: and give her the life she deserved. She has the

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Speaker 3: type of personality where she's friends with everyone. She had

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Speaker 3: a weird relationship with our boss before we started dating.

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Speaker 3: His wife wanted an open marriage so she could sleep around.

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Speaker 3: He didn't want it, but inevitably had to find somebody

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Speaker 3: to sleep with to make it seem fair. That person

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Speaker 3: was my wife. They slept together a dozen or so

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Speaker 3: times before we started dating. She told me about this

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Speaker 3: before the first time we slept together. She said there

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Speaker 3: was no emotional connection and that he was just a

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Speaker 3: friend she slept with because she felt bad about his marriage.

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Speaker 3: She continued to be friends with him with nothing physical happening.

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Speaker 3: I had found a career that was hopefully going to

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Speaker 3: bring us a great future, and she continued waiting tables

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Speaker 3: while finishing school. As the years went on, I got

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Speaker 3: increasingly uncomfortable with her talking to him. I expressed my

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Speaker 3: concern and she told me he was just a friend.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't decide who her friends were. It bothered me,

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Speaker 3: but I trusted her. We got married in September twenty

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Speaker 3: twelve and invited all of our coworkers, including him, to

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Speaker 3: our wedding. Fast forward to July fourth, twenty thirteen. She

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Speaker 3: handed me her phone for something and I looked down

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Speaker 3: and saw text messages from him that said, I wish

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Speaker 3: I could bring you breakfast in bed. I wish you

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Speaker 3: were here. I said, well, I can't believe I've been

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Speaker 3: this stupid. We didn't even make it a full year.

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Speaker 3: She swore up and down that nothing happened, that there

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Speaker 3: were only inappropriate texts and that was it.

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Speaker 2: No, oh, that's something that happened.

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Speaker 3: That always gets me when people are like, no, no,

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Speaker 3: nothing happened. I was like, I specifically told you I

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Speaker 3: was uncomfortable this. Yeah, specifically asked you about this. You

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Speaker 3: lied to me. That is a betrayal of trust. You

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Speaker 3: were emotionally cheating. It doesn't matter if nothing physical happened.

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Speaker 3: We were constantly arguing and I was drinking at the time,

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Speaker 3: so there was definitely friction. I chose to believe her

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Speaker 3: as long as she found a new job and cut ties.

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Speaker 3: She did for the most parts. Fast forward a couple

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Speaker 3: more years. We ended up having our first daughter, and

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Speaker 3: then two more within the next three years. Life was

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Speaker 3: stressful with three kids under three and me working crazy

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Speaker 3: hours to provide, but we were great. Our lives continued

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Speaker 3: to become more and more amazing over the years. I

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Speaker 3: ended up buying the business I worked for and expanding it. Wow,

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Speaker 3: my work schedule became minimal. Our kids were all in

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Speaker 3: school full time, so we would spend our days together

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Speaker 3: doing whatever we wanted. We took family vacations several times

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Speaker 3: a year. Nice house, her dream car, my dream car.

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Speaker 3: It was what we had worked toward, and we were

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Speaker 3: finally enjoying the spoils. Over the last twelve years. Every

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Speaker 3: once in a while, the thought would pop into my

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Speaker 3: head that maybe she didn't tell me the truth. I

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00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,920
Speaker 3: was always able to push it down because I chose

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Speaker 3: to believe her. Then one day, six months ago, she

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Speaker 3: said something while talking to her friend on the phone

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Speaker 3: about work. Well, he's oblivious in reference to me. Could

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Speaker 3: mean a lot of different things.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say, I feel like that's not anything

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Speaker 2: to be like crazy concern.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it could be like she wanted you to buy

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Speaker 3: her flowers, right, Ah, he's oblivious about buying me flowers.

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Speaker 3: Something about it made me spend the next five months

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Speaker 3: digging into old phones, laptops, tablets, and purses to try

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Speaker 3: and find something that would confirm my worst fears. I

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Speaker 3: didn't find much other than a couple of old texts

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Speaker 3: that led me to ask the question. When I asked

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Speaker 3: her on December twenty third, this past year, she immediately

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Speaker 3: started crying and said why now. She admitted to sleeping

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Speaker 3: with him twice. I believe that to be true based

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Speaker 3: on the thousands of texts in the timeline I built

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Speaker 3: over five months. She said she was lonely and that

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Speaker 3: I was mean to her back then. He was nice

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Speaker 3: to her at the time, and she drove to his

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00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,360
Speaker 3: house and slept with him. She said all the usual things.

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Speaker 3: It was terrible, she didn't like it. He was small,

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Speaker 3: but she went back one more time a week later.

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Speaker 3: She says she doesn't know why she went back. She

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00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,800
Speaker 3: swears there was never an emotional connection. The spicy sleep

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00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,880
Speaker 3: was terrible, and it really had nothing to do with

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Speaker 3: it him. It could have been anybody at the time.

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Speaker 3: She was just so alone. She swore on our children's

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Speaker 3: lives that it was only twice and never happened before

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Speaker 3: or after. About six years ago, he sent her an

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Speaker 3: email checking in to see how she was doing. She

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Speaker 3: showed it to me and sent him a mean email back,

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Speaker 3: telling him to never contact her again, that he almost

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Speaker 3: ruined the best thing that happened to her. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: Is she saying that she sent him a mean email

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Speaker 3: right now?

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Speaker 2: Huh?

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Speaker 3: So he sent something six years ago and she just responded.

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Speaker 3: Or is she saying that she sent a mean email

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Speaker 3: six years ago? Because if she sent that men emails

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00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,160
Speaker 3: six years ago, that's fine, I guess. I mean still

304
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,280
Speaker 3: should have not fine, but you know, still should have

305
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,000
Speaker 3: showed a pee and all that. But if she sent

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00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,080
Speaker 3: it right now, that's honestly like word, so you could

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00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,720
Speaker 3: just let it. Yeah, we've been on a roller coaster

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Speaker 3: of fighting intimacy's sadness and me leaving for a couple

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00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 3: of nights. It's not only that she cheated, it's that

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Speaker 3: she lied for twelve years. The amazing life we've built

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Speaker 3: was founded on a lie. She's been very open and

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Speaker 3: willing to do whatever it takes to prove to me

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Speaker 3: how sorry she is and that there was nothing else

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Speaker 3: that ever happened. I don't know what to do. I

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00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:08,120
Speaker 3: can't sleep. I'm having panic attacks. We have three young,

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00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:12,440
Speaker 3: beautiful daughters and a business we share. Any advice is appreciated.

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Speaker 3: And there was a comment you don't know at all.

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Speaker 3: She wasn't lonely, he wasn't small. It was the best

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Speaker 3: spicy sleep she's ever had. She settled for you because

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Speaker 3: he wouldn't leave his wife. She is a confirmed serial liar.

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Speaker 2: What was that comment?

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Speaker 4: Ouch?

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Speaker 3: Jeez, My next door neighbor went through the same thing.

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Speaker 3: He found out she cheated on him with the coworker

325
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,120
Speaker 3: while they were engaged. Seventeen years later, he found a

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Speaker 3: letter she had written to him but didn't send. Their

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00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 3: affair lasted three weeks, according to the letter. He confronted

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Speaker 3: her and she confirmed it, telling him it was over

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00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,920
Speaker 3: seventeen years ago and should not matter. He started thinking

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Speaker 3: about the things that had happened in the past, such

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Speaker 3: as her suddenly going on a girl's trip with her friends,

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Speaker 3: going on work trips, and staying in the city to

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00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,920
Speaker 3: sight see for three to four days, and so on.

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Speaker 3: He wanted to stay with her, but found that he

335
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,280
Speaker 3: was triggered when she went to the grocery store but

336
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,040
Speaker 3: came back later than normal, so he divorced her. He

337
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,640
Speaker 3: has been extremely happy since the divorce and his back

338
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,359
Speaker 3: to his old self. Two years after their divorce, he

339
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,000
Speaker 3: learned that two of his three children were not biologically

340
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,800
Speaker 3: his Can you move past all of those years of deception, lies,

341
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,399
Speaker 3: and now wondering how many times she may have slept

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00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,840
Speaker 3: with another man behind her back. She's obviously a great

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00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,600
Speaker 3: liar and a master manipulator. Her saying why now is

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00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,879
Speaker 3: so telling and problematic. If she had been honest, you

345
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,200
Speaker 3: will never know the truth. There is an update, folks,

346
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Speaker 3: But any thoughts.

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00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:37,399
Speaker 2: Wow, well that commentary that was crazy. Yeah, well, I

348
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,760
Speaker 2: feel as though we take that with a grain of salt,

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Speaker 2: because yes, it's good information to have, but sure that

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Speaker 2: may spiral you well beyond.

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Speaker 3: What actually has focused on your own relationship. Yeah, I've

352
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,160
Speaker 3: decided I want to try and work on her marriage

353
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,800
Speaker 3: as long as she's willing to put in the same effort.

354
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Speaker 3: She's agreed to write out a timeline of the affair

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Speaker 3: in detail. She's agreed to go to individual therapy, and then,

356
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,720
Speaker 3: after a couple of months of sessions couples therapy, she

357
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,440
Speaker 3: agreed to a polygraph. But after reading more about them,

358
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Speaker 3: I'm not sure I'll go through with it. I might

359
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,679
Speaker 3: just pretend we're going and see if she changes her

360
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,680
Speaker 3: story before we get there. I'm still not okay, and

361
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Speaker 3: I'm in individual therapy as well. My oldest kid was

362
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 3: having panic attacks. The last month or so. She knew

363
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,800
Speaker 3: what was going on, and I've left the house a

364
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,719
Speaker 3: couple of times to stay at hotels. I told her

365
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,040
Speaker 3: it was for work, but she's a smart kid. It

366
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,159
Speaker 3: took a lot of back and forth, me changing my

367
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,639
Speaker 3: mind almost every day, but I do believe what we

368
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,119
Speaker 3: had is worth at least trying to save. I don't

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00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,240
Speaker 3: know if I'm someone who will get past it, and

370
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,440
Speaker 3: only time will tell.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm glad you guys are in therapy. I hope

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Speaker 2: that it. I hope does what it's ken, and I

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Speaker 2: hope that Yeah, your kids are all right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's gotta be tough. It's going to be so hard,

375
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,440
Speaker 3: so so hard, and you might you know, Oh, don't,

376
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,560
Speaker 3: don't get into the mindset that you know you're You

377
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,040
Speaker 3: get halfway through the therapy and then you're like, it's

378
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,239
Speaker 3: not working. But I've spent all this money, I've done

379
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Speaker 3: all this time. I can't quit now. It's like, you know, now,

380
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,480
Speaker 3: you always can go back on that decision. Yeah, if

381
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,680
Speaker 3: you feel like it's not working, you can never trust

382
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:07,920
Speaker 3: her the same way you did before, then that's also

383
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,960
Speaker 3: an option. Or it might work and you can stay

384
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,320
Speaker 3: together but you don't have to, you know, make up

385
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:15,840
Speaker 3: your mind right now. Agreed, Your child's sudden panic attacks

386
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 3: show the ongoing malevolence of your wife's lying all this time.

387
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,640
Speaker 3: As a father, I would be beyond livid and would

388
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,920
Speaker 3: have a hard time looking at my wife without feeling

389
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,159
Speaker 3: some color of contempt, probably forever. I hope you are

390
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 3: far more benevolent with your relationship with your wife. Do

391
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,280
Speaker 3: you realize that you cannot save the past once you

392
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:34,280
Speaker 3: know that you were unaware of a layer of illusion.

393
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 3: That's truly what your wife was referring to with her

394
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 3: friend about you being oblivious. She's been disrespecting you in

395
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:45,119
Speaker 3: plain sight, or these twelve years a crime of the heart.

396
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,399
Speaker 3: The cliche lies you could live with was your wife's

397
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,920
Speaker 3: operating policy, But her letting out the truth had consequences,

398
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,199
Speaker 3: painful ones at that which are still unfolding. You can

399
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,320
Speaker 3: attempt to heal and reinvent your relationship, but the work

400
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,879
Speaker 3: is not easy. I think your oldest mental health is

401
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,159
Speaker 3: the key focus here. Good luck. Nope, he says, My

402
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 3: child's sudden panic attacks are for me yelling at their

403
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 3: mother for the first time ever in front of them.

404
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 3: It was extreme and she heard me say you eft

405
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 3: your boss. It was a lot of conversations and apologies

406
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,159
Speaker 3: to her, but if someone is arguing at school, she

407
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 3: goes into a panic attack. While my wife cheating is

408
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,959
Speaker 3: what caused me yelling, it doesn't excuse me doing that

409
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 3: in front of her. In all of this, that's the

410
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 3: worst thing I could have done. But uh, that is

411
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 3: the end of that story. Folks.

412
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Speaker 2: My wife cheated with her boss, then played the victim

413
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 2: when I filed for divorce. Too bad, you're done. I

414
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,680
Speaker 2: recently discovered that my wife of five years and partner

415
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,360
Speaker 2: of eight years has been having an affair.

416
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Speaker 3: With her boss ruff.

417
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Speaker 2: We have two children together and I'm completely at a loss.

418
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,720
Speaker 2: She's military, so we have all our health care through her.

419
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,680
Speaker 2: I'm terrified of losing our benefits, but I can't forgive

420
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 2: what I found on her phone. By the way, this

421
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 2: comes from Phoenix Original and if you want us to

422
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 2: make your own stories, go to the arsash Okay, storytime separated.

423
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,

424
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

425
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,639
Speaker 2: what we would do, So let us know what you

426
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 2: would do in the comments. The person she got caught

427
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 2: with isn't the only guy she was talking to.

428
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 3: Ooh, this marriage is not gonna end.

429
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 2: Well, there were three or four other men I found

430
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 2: her flirting with. Ooh. I know she deletes her messages,

431
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 2: so there's more than I've been able to find when

432
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,320
Speaker 2: I confronted her. She had a mental health crisis and

433
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:41,120
Speaker 2: is now in a psychiatric facility for two weeks. I'm

434
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,160
Speaker 2: alone with the kids, trying to handle everything on my own.

435
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 2: I'm currently a full time student and have been struggling

436
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,000
Speaker 2: to get my assignments in on time while taking care

437
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 2: of everything else. She keeps saying she's sorry and doesn't

438
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,680
Speaker 2: want to live without me, but I know she's still

439
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 2: lying about things she doesn't know I have proof of.

440
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,680
Speaker 2: I'm just spiraling and haven't had a chance to process

441
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,639
Speaker 2: everything since confronting her last week. I don't know what

442
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 2: to do. A voice in my head keeps telling me

443
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 2: I never should have confronted her. Another keeps telling me

444
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 2: I should just try to move on, and another is

445
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 2: telling me I can never forgive someone who hurt me

446
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 2: like this. I want to be strong enough to leave,

447
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 2: but I'm so afraid we have an update. Before my

448
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,680
Speaker 2: wife checked into the psychiatric hospital, we had talked about

449
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 2: doing things amicably and even going to counseling to save

450
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,919
Speaker 2: our marriage. She was released this week on Wednesday, but

451
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 2: for the week prior, she'd gone radio silent. No calls

452
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 2: to check on the kids, no calls to check on me.

453
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 2: When she finally did call, it was a brief, two

454
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 2: minute phone call where she asked if she got anything

455
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 2: in the mail. When I said no, she hung up.

456
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 2: That was what finally sent me over the edge. I

457
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 2: kept thinking, I'm out here trying to take care of

458
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,480
Speaker 2: all of our bills, watch where I'm spending money, cut

459
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 2: back on non essentials, get the kids to their extracurricular activities,

460
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 2: and figure out how I'm going to survive as a

461
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 2: full time student and stay at home parent. Meanwhile, she's

462
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 2: just doing whatever, and her boss is down the street,

463
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,919
Speaker 2: not worrying about what they did to my children and

464
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 2: my own lives. So I contacted my attorney and told

465
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 2: him to start the paperwork. I wanted primary custody, child support,

466
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 2: and the house. He told me I had an extremely

467
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:23,119
Speaker 2: strong case. After a retainer of ten thousand dollars, I

468
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 2: started down the divorce road. When my wife was released

469
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 2: from the hospital, she came back to the house and

470
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 2: we had a long talk. I told her, if she

471
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 2: was serious about reconciling, she needed to prove she was

472
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 2: willing to put some skin in the game. From all

473
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 2: accounts i'd heard, she was planning on screwing me in

474
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 2: divorce court in a couple of months if she hadn't

475
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 2: been caught. I let her know I was told as

476
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 2: much and said, from my perspective, you were planning on

477
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 2: hurting me as much as you could, but the dice

478
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,320
Speaker 2: didn't roll in your favor, and now you're looking for

479
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 2: security because you're in serious trouble. I told her to

480
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,399
Speaker 2: find an apartment. We have sixty days for the divorce

481
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,440
Speaker 2: to be finalized in our state. We could try marriage counseling,

482
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 2: but I need to protect myself so I can be

483
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,879
Speaker 2: the best dad possible for my children. If she wanted

484
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 2: to fix things, she needed to show me she wasn't

485
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 2: planning on ruining my life and give me the space

486
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 2: I need to heal. Maybe somewhere down the road, therapy

487
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 2: can fix things internally for me and possibly between us,

488
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 2: but for right now, I know she's still withholding information

489
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 2: and lying.

490
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 3: I held her hand.

491
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 2: When she was sick and needed infusions at the hospital.

492
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,159
Speaker 2: I carried her to bed one night. She was in

493
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,880
Speaker 2: too much pain to walk, and it wasn't enough for her.

494
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 2: She chose what she did, and now she's dealing with

495
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 2: the consequences. Her family came out to watch her for

496
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 2: a few days when she got released, and they're obviously

497
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:45,399
Speaker 2: taking her side. When the process server gave her the paperwork,

498
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 2: she tried taking the kids, but I told her she couldn't.

499
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 2: Her family tried blaming me and telling me I was

500
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 2: messed up for doing this, but I told them I

501
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 2: had a right to react how I chose. In response

502
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 2: to what she did, she took pretty much everything of

503
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 2: hers from the house and left last night. It's been

504
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 2: radio silent since I'm writing this as my kids play

505
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 2: with their toys in the other room. My assignments have

506
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 2: all been turned in on time. I'm still holding a

507
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 2: four oh GPA. The laundry is almost done, the dishes

508
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 2: are drying, and dinner is already set for tonight. I've

509
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,959
Speaker 2: made every practice for them in the last two weeks,

510
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 2: kept the house clean and even found some time for myself.

511
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 2: Last Friday night, we have another update. Wow o, P

512
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 2: though you're crushing it. You're doing great, dude.

513
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:32,920
Speaker 3: I mean, it's such a hard thing to work through,

514
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 3: especially when you have kids involved. But I feel like

515
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 3: you're really doing your best, and your best is looking good.

516
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 2: Sounds like you know what you want, you're going after it.

517
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 2: A few days after my last post, my soon to

518
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,360
Speaker 2: be ex wife finally reached out to set up spending

519
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,720
Speaker 2: time with the kids. It was haphazardly done an hour

520
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 2: before their bedtime. When I said I was uncomfortable with

521
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 2: letting her take them and wanted to discuss it in

522
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 2: the morning, she said, so you're withholding the children from me, Am,

523
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,399
Speaker 2: I understanding that right. I knew from her demeanor and

524
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,959
Speaker 2: use of the withholding that she was laying a legal trap.

525
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 2: So I let her take the children under the written

526
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 2: agreement that they would be returned to me in two

527
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 2: days and that her visiting family would be there to

528
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 2: watch the kids as well. I spent those two days

529
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 2: getting some much needed rest. I hadn't really had a

530
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 2: chance to rest since D Day, so it was in

531
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 2: a way a welcome respite. She seemed upset that night,

532
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,879
Speaker 2: but came by the next morning to pick up some

533
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 2: things for the kid. She was back to her old self,

534
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,479
Speaker 2: the woman I married, and it shattered the damn that

535
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 2: had been holding my emotions for the last month. I

536
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 2: cried uncontrollably and started having a panic attack in the entranceway.

537
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 2: She stopped what she was doing and knelt down to

538
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 2: me and just held me. Told me everything was going

539
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 2: to be all right, she loved me and that things

540
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 2: would work out no matter what. When I calmed down,

541
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,520
Speaker 2: she kissed me one last time and left. On the

542
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,399
Speaker 2: day the kids were set to return, she texted me

543
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 2: an hour before the agreed time and said she wasn't

544
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 2: bringing them back. I called her numerous times. She picked

545
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 2: up once, told me I couldn't have them back, and

546
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 2: then hung up. It was late in the afternoon on

547
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,120
Speaker 2: the weekend and I was unable to get a hold

548
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 2: of my attorney. His secretary actually called me from her

549
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 2: personal line and told me to just make sure everything

550
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 2: was in text message between us and to hold on

551
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 2: for our court date scheduled in a few days. What

552
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 2: followed was one of the worst weekends of my life.

553
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 2: I had panic attacks seemingly every hour couldn't sleep, barely ate,

554
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 2: and just held on for dear life. I was reminded

555
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 2: of an old sailor saying hold fast, and that is

556
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 2: what I did in the storm I found myself in.

557
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,919
Speaker 2: When my court date arrived, I was about as nervous

558
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 2: as I could have been. I knew at this point

559
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 2: my soon to be ex wife had been lying to

560
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 2: people about what happened. She had turned every neighbor we

561
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 2: talked to regularly against me, and they all won't talk

562
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 2: to me. I was afraid, but my lawyer and I

563
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 2: arrived an hour early and strategized. Her attorney and her

564
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 2: arrived five minutes before the hearing and tried to pin

565
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 2: everything on me, saying I was a liar manipulator, that

566
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 2: I put her in the psych word against her will ahaha.

567
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 2: May we have texts, and that she was only depressed

568
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 2: because I had spent days screaming at her. My lawyer

569
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,360
Speaker 2: calmly played one of the recordings I had at her.

570
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 2: I started the recording before I walked into the house,

571
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,640
Speaker 2: as I didn't know what to expect. In the recording,

572
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 2: she talked about how I was the better parent. I

573
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 2: always stopped her from snapping at the kids, how she

574
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 2: had been harmful to me for a long time, that

575
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 2: therapy wasn't helping her, and she didn't know how to

576
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,119
Speaker 2: control herself. The demeanor of her and her attorney changed

577
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 2: very quickly from arrogance to uncertainty. I then revealed that

578
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 2: she had been withholding the children from me for a

579
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 2: week in violation of the core order, and that was

580
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 2: enough to get them to strike a deal with us.

581
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 2: Who I am now the primary custodian of my two children.

582
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 2: Who she has to pay me four hundred and fifty

583
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 2: dollars a month in child support and is now under

584
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 2: mandated supervised visits with the children. She must send me

585
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,240
Speaker 2: her GPS location at all times when she has them.

586
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 2: The return of my my children has been one of

587
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 2: the greatest senses of relief in my life. I have

588
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 2: sat deployed in hardened shelters waiting for the all clear

589
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 2: signal from inbound rockets and have never felt that level

590
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 2: of relief as I did in court that morning. We

591
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 2: were getting by just barely that month she was gone

592
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 2: without supporting us, and knowing that I'm getting child support

593
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 2: has lifted a great weight off my shoulders. There is

594
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 2: nothing now for us other than to wait for our

595
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 2: mediation date to split all our assets and finally be done.

596
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 2: The punishment against my spouse and her affair partner from

597
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 2: the military has been dropped. He is set to retire

598
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 2: in less than fifty days. The BASS has decided to

599
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 2: sweep everything under the rug after quietly removing him from

600
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 2: his command. I wish I could say I was angry,

601
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 2: but at this point I don't even care. I got

602
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 2: the only two people who have mattered in the divorce.

603
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 2: My soon to be ex wife can have everyone else.

604
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 3: Obviously, this was incredibly hard and just a really difficult

605
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 3: process for you, but it seems like you handled it

606
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 3: really well, and now you're being rewarded for that. Ye,

607
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 3: So you know, take those winds.

608
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 2: I find myself at times still angry that they both

609
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 2: get away with what they did to my children, but

610
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 2: I'm not afforded the luxury of anger.

611
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 3: Now.

612
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 2: I need to focus on being a good single parent,

613
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 2: and that anger is only going to hold me down.

614
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 2: It's hard most days, but I feel a little lighter

615
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 2: and a little more calm each day. This weekend is

616
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 2: her first scheduled weekend of custody since violating the original

617
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 2: court order. I'm not sure what to do with myself

618
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 2: after being a single parent the last month and a half.

619
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 2: I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow and then

620
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 2: I think I'm going kayaking for a bit.

621
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 3: That's the end of that story.

622
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 2: That sounds lovely. Schedule a little bit of time of

623
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 2: friends that you have a side. Yeah, and that's the

624
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 2: end of this story. We're gonna go to the next one.

625
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

626
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 2: Here.

627
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

628
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

629
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 3: My husband decided to leave me for his coworker. In

630
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 3: the blink of an eye.

631
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 2: You blinked and he was gone, blinked and disappeared.

632
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 3: Two weeks ago, my husband Mail thirty three, seven years married,

633
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 3: alone years together, told me female thirty three he was

634
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 3: having an affair with a coworker and that he decided

635
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 3: to leave the marriage to be with her the day

636
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 3: she started at his company four months ago. The physical

637
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 3: aspect began a month ago, and she lives in a

638
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 3: different city, so their in person time was only a

639
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 3: few hours. By the way, this comes from basic organization

640
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 3: ninety five and if you want to submit your own stories.

641
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 3: Go to the r slash Okay storytime severed it. I'm Sophia,

642
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

643
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

644
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 3: what we'd do, So let us know what you would do.

645
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 3: In the comments and opsis, I asked if he was

646
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 3: unhappy in the marriage and whether he wanted couples counseling,

647
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 3: but he wasn't interested. He claimed he was happy in

648
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 3: the marriage, but his connection to the affair partner was

649
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 3: so strong and far beyond anything he ever felt with me,

650
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,440
Speaker 3: so he knew he could be happier with her. He

651
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,239
Speaker 3: left that night, called all of her friends and his

652
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 3: family to break the news that he'd met someone new,

653
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 3: then flew to be with her the next day. He

654
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 3: also decided to move to her city, which has been

655
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 3: hurtful for our friends and especially his parents, who just

656
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 3: moved across the country to be close to him only

657
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 3: three months ago. Wow, I've been really struggling with two things,

658
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 3: acceptance and trying to make sense of what happened, and

659
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 3: fear for my future. We were very happy together. We

660
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,479
Speaker 3: have very little conflict to work through, helped each other grow,

661
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 3: supported each other's dreams, and mostly just enjoyed chatting and

662
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 3: spending time together. He admits this, and our friends and

663
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:39,960
Speaker 3: family validated the same. I can't understand why he would

664
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 3: throw all of this away for someone he just met.

665
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 3: I've read all kinds of resources on affairs and it

666
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 3: seems like he's in the affair fog stage now, But

667
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 3: that doesn't explain why he made the initial choices to

668
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 3: get closer to this person. I don't know much about

669
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 3: the affair partner other than she has an aggressive personality,

670
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 3: so I suspect actually pursued him and he just gave

671
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 3: into it without much thought. There was a feeling of

672
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 3: almost midlight crisis cropping up, time speeding up, a feeling

673
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 3: of saneness, is this all there is to life? And

674
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 3: a fear of taking the next life stage to have children.

675
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 3: We were both on the same page with these issues,

676
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 3: and I hope we could work through it together instead

677
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 3: of him jumping ship to start over with someone new.

678
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 3: Adding to the confusion, he's been wavering on his story. Initially,

679
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 3: it was all about the affair partner and how strong

680
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 3: a connection they had. Just this week, he said he

681
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 3: read the State of Affairs and really it wasn't about

682
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 3: the affair partner and has nothing to do with my failings,

683
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 3: but rather that he was tempted by this idea of

684
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 3: a new version of himself that had a more fulfilling

685
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 3: social life and independence, and that mortality fears cropped up

686
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 3: due to being on the precipice of having children. He

687
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 3: says he will never forgive himself and doesn't expect me to.

688
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 3: It seems to me he feels guilty for doing a

689
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 3: bad thing, but doesn't feel true remorse because he continues

690
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 3: to show very little empathy for the pain he is

691
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 3: putting me and his friends and family through, and is

692
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,800
Speaker 3: still pursuing the relationship with the affair partner. For example,

693
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 3: in this same email, he suggested terms to split our

694
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 3: assets and offer to get the divorce papers started if

695
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 3: I agreed. We own a house together, and I am

696
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 3: in no way ready to make decisions on what will

697
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 3: be best for myself regarding my living situation. Two weeks

698
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 3: after this kind of trauma, I don't think he understands

699
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 3: the impact yet I don't want to believe he's done this.

700
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 3: Every night I have confusing nightmares, and when I wake up,

701
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 3: I feel my reality is even worse. I am desperately

702
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 3: trying to make sense of what happened because I feel

703
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,400
Speaker 3: so unsafe with the thought that I so horribly misjudge

704
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 3: someone I knew for a decade, and that happy relationships

705
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 3: can fall apart without warning. It feels so unacceptable, and

706
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 3: I feel like if I can't figure this out, I

707
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 3: don't know how I can move on or have a

708
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 3: chance at happiness with a new partner. I am very

709
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,919
Speaker 3: afraid for what my future holds. I am nearly thirty four,

710
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 3: and in the best case scenario, I may be able

711
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 3: to start dating again in one to two years if

712
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 3: I heal from this drama. It doesn't seem like my

713
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 3: chances are very good though, to find another life partner

714
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 3: and I have the typical family in kids life I

715
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 3: thought I would have. You're only thirty three, I think,

716
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 3: I mean, like, obviously that feels later, but like there

717
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,720
Speaker 3: are tons of people who have kids and stuff late thirties,

718
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 3: early forties. You know, it does change, the like changes.

719
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:34,920
Speaker 2: Four is so young.

720
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:38,840
Speaker 3: Some things about birth and raising kids and stuff and

721
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 3: your chances of having kids, But it's still possible. Yeah,

722
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 3: can you There are other options? Yeah, there are tons

723
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 3: of other options. Thirty three is still young. I might

724
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,800
Speaker 3: be able to accept not having children, but the idea

725
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 3: of not finding a life partner is really painful. You

726
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 3: are you are absolutely gonna find out three.

727
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 2: I can't find another relationship.

728
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:04,839
Speaker 3: My aunt married her husband like a couple of years ago,

729
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 3: and she's in you know, she's in her seventies. H Yeah,

730
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:09,440
Speaker 3: she's in her seventies.

731
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,800
Speaker 2: My grandma married her husband in her eighties I think, yeah,

732
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:14,880
Speaker 2: or maybe mid seventies, eighties.

733
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. People find their partners when they find them.

734
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 3: There's no time limit. I worry I won't be able

735
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 3: to find a partner because I don't know how I

736
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 3: can trust or feel secure in relationship. Again. I do

737
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 3: have a fulfilling life with a lot of time spent

738
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 3: on both hobbies and work, but without a partner there

739
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 3: sharing in my day to day and going through life together,

740
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 3: it's hard to imagine I'll find much meaning in life.

741
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 3: You will. This is just the breakup talking? Does it

742
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 3: just happen?

743
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 2: Yeah? We don't need this, man.

744
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 3: Oh. I have good relationships with friends and family, but

745
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 3: the truth is they have their own separate lives to live,

746
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 3: and it's just not the same as having a partner.

747
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 3: I already feel incredibly lonely as I'm adjusting to normal life,

748
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 3: and friends and fail family haven't been checking in with

749
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,799
Speaker 3: me as often. Things are hitting me really are these

750
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 3: past few days because I got the VID and haven't

751
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,799
Speaker 3: been able to work or participate in my hobby, so

752
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 3: it's been really hard to handle my obsessive thoughts and emotions.

753
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 3: If anybody has insight or can help me feel even

754
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 3: a sliver of hope, I would really welcome your support

755
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 3: and there is an update.

756
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 2: Think.

757
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 3: I think you are worrying about this too much, which

758
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 3: is understandable because you just got broken out. It's so fresh.

759
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 3: I don't think you need to worry about it. But

760
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,799
Speaker 3: also I understand why you are, and I can't tell

761
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 3: you to just get over it, because this is how

762
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 3: everyone feels when they get broken up with or cheated on.

763
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 3: It hurts so much.

764
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 2: But you are, like we said, you're so young, it's

765
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,359
Speaker 2: just the breakup talking. You'll be good.

766
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 3: You learn to you know, get used to it, and

767
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 3: then you find someone when you're ready for a new relationship,

768
00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 3: which will happen.

769
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 4: And don't rush, don't rush, just you know it. Yeah,

770
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,879
Speaker 4: it's a life lesson and just go at your pace

771
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 4: and when you feel comfortable exactly.

772
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,279
Speaker 3: But there is an update. A few months later. I

773
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 3: froze my eggs successfully. See fine, Everything's good. The doctors

774
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:19,279
Speaker 3: tell me I have a high probability of being able

775
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 3: to use them to have a child someday if I

776
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:25,239
Speaker 3: choose This company approves IDF with the eggs until age

777
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 3: fifty five. You're fine. I am beyond relieved having the

778
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,279
Speaker 3: time pressure off of me so I can make the

779
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 3: right decisions at the right time for the right reasons.

780
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 3: It gives me more hope for my future possibilities. The

781
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 3: divorce was final in February. I negotiated a fair settlement

782
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 3: without a lawyer. It was not without stress and underhanded

783
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 3: attempts by him to give me much less, but he

784
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 3: eventually became reasonable, mainly because he was extremely motivated to

785
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,880
Speaker 3: get it done quickly, and perhaps due to some guilt.

786
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 3: I decided to keep the house for now, mainly to

787
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 3: avoid disrupting yet another aspect of my life while I

788
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 3: try to heal. Bonus fun fact, my greenfield project at

789
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 3: work was canceled because moves from a competing company forced

790
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 3: us to reprioritize. I was reorganized onto the new team

791
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 3: the same day my divorce was final. Guess who works

792
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,840
Speaker 3: for that competing company and played a critical role in

793
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 3: these moves. I'm not sure if the universe is kicking

794
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 3: me while I'm down or signaling a turning point for

795
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:28,400
Speaker 3: better things. Time will tell, though I do like my

796
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:29,400
Speaker 3: new team much better.

797
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: It's signaling better things. Yeah, he's getting you out of

798
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 2: there farther away from him exactly.

799
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,439
Speaker 3: I have yet to get a heartfil apology, or any

800
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,360
Speaker 3: sign of remorse from him. On the day the divorce

801
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 3: was final, I passed along some resources encouraging him to

802
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 3: heal himself so he doesn't repeat the pattern. He was

803
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 3: seemingly receptive, But who knows. He is still with the

804
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 3: affair partner. They are both still working together, likely keeping

805
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 3: it a secret since he is in a role that

806
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 3: can influence her. Yikes, that's not gonna last. Just take

807
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,879
Speaker 3: comfort in the fact that that's not gonna last. You're

808
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:08,840
Speaker 3: aokay girl. I have mostly avoided mutual friends who decided

809
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 3: not to take a hard stance against his behavior. I

810
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,399
Speaker 3: initially kept in touch because I didn't want to lose

811
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 3: companionship at such a vulnerable time, and they were kind

812
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:22,359
Speaker 3: and supportive. However, they chose to distance themselves for him

813
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:27,319
Speaker 3: and downgrade to casual acquaintances with the excuse that since

814
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 3: he had moved away, wouldn't be an issue. While supportive

815
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 3: to me, I ultimately decided I was not comfortable being

816
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 3: with friends who did not have the integrity to draw

817
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:42,320
Speaker 3: a hard stance against it. His relationship with his family

818
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 3: is strained. I reached out to his mom a few

819
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 3: months later, and she was so devastated and depressed that

820
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 3: I texted her periodically to help her through it, because

821
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 3: I understood she was suffering from his actions too. In

822
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,760
Speaker 3: spite of that, she hosted him and the affair partner

823
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 3: at her home just four months after he left me.

824
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 3: I get why you would be upset, but also I

825
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 3: understand that desire to have a relationship with her son.

826
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's tricky.

827
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 3: I found out when she accidentally posted a photo to

828
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 3: an old shared album. I cut ties with her at

829
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:18,840
Speaker 3: that point, which that's fair for you. Well, I expected

830
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,840
Speaker 3: her to reconcile with her son. She had many choices

831
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 3: that didn't go so far as bringing the other woman

832
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 3: into her home so soon. Like her son, she feels

833
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 3: guilty but doesn't have the strength of character to do

834
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 3: what's right. I don't regret supporting her, but it felt

835
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 3: like another betrayal. I'm taking things day by day and

836
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 3: trying to live a good life. These days, I have

837
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 3: far more good days than bad. I take really good

838
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 3: care of myself physically and emotionally. Outside of work and

839
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 3: existing hobbies, I have spent intentional time trying to introspect, heal,

840
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 3: and strengthen connections with friends and family. I went on

841
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 3: a few great vacations and have more planned. I'm still

842
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:01,479
Speaker 3: not feeling quite ready for romance connections. I'm not sure

843
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 3: what that looks like for me yet. The two most

844
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 3: difficult aspects have been trying to figure out the why

845
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:10,800
Speaker 3: and grieving the losses the partner the future. I imagined

846
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:14,320
Speaker 3: my worldview on love and marriage and many other things.

847
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 3: I Our friends and family did not realize he was

848
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 3: capable of this because he himself did not realize it.

849
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:25,720
Speaker 3: My conclusion is that people are complex, and it's difficult

850
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 3: enough to know ourselves, let alone fully know another person.

851
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,800
Speaker 3: I wanted to understand why so I could protect myself

852
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 3: in the future. But the real answer was accepting that

853
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:40,560
Speaker 3: control in this way is only an illusion. I found

854
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 3: solace in promising myself that I will pay attention to

855
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,840
Speaker 3: what is or isn't acceptable to me and protect myself

856
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 3: and handle whatever happens. It's been some time and the

857
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 3: rose colored glasses are off, but I still think I

858
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 3: would be very fortunate to find a future relationship with

859
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:01,839
Speaker 3: as much love and happiness as my first marriage. It's

860
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 3: just that love alone is not enough to sustain a

861
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:07,840
Speaker 3: long term relationship, and that was a hard pill to swallow.

862
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:09,800
Speaker 3: Any final thoughts.

863
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 2: No, I think I still stand by where we were

864
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,320
Speaker 2: at the beginning. Like this is so fresh and so new,

865
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 2: you'll be fine in a little bit, I think, especially

866
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,919
Speaker 2: like you said, you have hobbies and like other things

867
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,960
Speaker 2: that you're really committed to doing. Just focus on those. Yeah,

868
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 2: make new friends with your new team who's cooler. Like,

869
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 2: things will be okay, Just give it some time. It's

870
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 2: so fresh, and don't pay attention to your ex.

871
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 3: Or X off cut that or you don't even know

872
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 3: what they're up to.

873
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:39,319
Speaker 2: We don't care, Yeah, because we're on a bigger, better thing,

874
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 2: so many bigger better things, but there is a little

875
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:42,919
Speaker 2: bit left.

876
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:47,319
Speaker 3: I still struggle with wanting justice, fairness and karma. On

877
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 3: the surface, it looks like he didn't have any real

878
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 3: consequences and is living the life he wants. On a

879
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 3: human truth level, I don't really believe someone can be

880
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 3: happy in a relationship that started that way. You're right

881
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 3: or living, but the knowledge you're the kind of person

882
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:05,280
Speaker 3: to harm others like that, But who knows. I'm trying

883
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 3: hard to let this one go, but it's a tough one.

884
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story. Folks who Yeah,

885
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 3: I agree, opee. Maybe you cheat on someone and then

886
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,360
Speaker 3: you realize that you've made a mistake. You find happiness

887
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 3: down the line, but when you stay in that relationship

888
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 3: with that affair partner, it's just always tainted.

889
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's the end of this story. We're gonna

890
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 2: go to the next one. My wife has been taking

891
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 2: tennis lessons.

892
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,759
Speaker 3: Should I be worried about her? Coach? I don't know

893
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 3: how good at tennis is he.

894
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 2: I thirty nine male went to bed on Wednesday night

895
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:39,959
Speaker 2: and said good night to my wife forty female, who

896
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 2: was on the sofa finishing up some work. Our two kids,

897
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 2: six female and four male. We're already asleep. I'm a

898
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 2: high school teacher with a busy day ahead, and she's

899
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 2: an entrepreneur. By the way, this comes from Big Monk

900
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 2: twenty three, twenty two. And if you want us to

901
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 2: make your own stories, go to the oceslash Okay, storytime, Subreddy.

902
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:02,000
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Sophie, I'm Keon, and we're here to

903
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:02,760
Speaker 3: give good advice.

904
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 2: Goofully. But we don't have all the answers. We only

905
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 2: know what we would do, So let us know what

906
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,439
Speaker 2: you would do in the comments and no Pieceas At

907
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 2: two thirty am, I noticed she wasn't in bed. I

908
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:17,439
Speaker 2: searched our apartment. Nothing, the kids were still asleep. There

909
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:20,280
Speaker 2: was a text on my phone from ten fifty three pm.

910
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 2: Gone for food, be back soon.

911
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 3: I knew her work.

912
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 2: Call had gone badly that evening, an important deal fell through.

913
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 2: Where we live, there's a culture of night markets and

914
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 2: late food, which she enjoys. I checked to find my

915
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 2: iPhone and saw she was at a restaurant. I suspected

916
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 2: she was having some beers drowning her losses pretty late,

917
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 2: but I let us slide give her some space. I

918
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:46,360
Speaker 2: woke again at five thirty am. She still wasn't home.

919
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:51,440
Speaker 2: Her location had changed to a police station. Dang I

920
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 2: called her no answer, my best guess, wasted driving. She

921
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:59,760
Speaker 2: must feel like a piece of crap. I imagine tears

922
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:03,479
Speaker 2: and a five year driving van. I called in sick

923
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 2: to work, got the kids out of bed, took them

924
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:08,600
Speaker 2: to their different schools by taxi as she'd taken her car,

925
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 2: then caught another to the police station.

926
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,160
Speaker 3: It was eight thirty in the morning.

927
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 2: Now, I was imagining the worst.

928
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 3: Wait, he saw that she was in the police station. Yeah,

929
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:26,799
Speaker 3: and he went to bed. That's crazy. That's wild, Like

930
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 3: no confirmation, nothing that she didn't.

931
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 2: Even call to be like I'm in the police station. Well,

932
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 2: he just tracked her location there and was like, Okay.

933
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. If I see that my partner is in

934
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:40,720
Speaker 3: the police station and they don't pick up, I'm going

935
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 3: to the police station.

936
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 2: That's crazy. Now, I was imagining the worst. Ahead on crash,

937
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:51,359
Speaker 2: She's in hospital or worse, and the police picked up

938
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,279
Speaker 2: her car. I saw her car parked up front. The

939
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 2: police station was actually set back from the road, and

940
00:46:57,480 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 2: the car was just in a public lot nearby, with

941
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 2: her phone inside the engine. Was running. I could see

942
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 2: a disheveled guy sleeping in the front seat, scared poopless

943
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:10,319
Speaker 2: about my wife's whereabouts.

944
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 3: I banged on the window. You obviously weren't that scared.

945
00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 3: You weren't that scared? You've this has been like it's

946
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 3: been like hours.

947
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:19,400
Speaker 2: I guess maybe he just never drove past where the

948
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 2: police station was. But the fact that he was like

949
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:23,239
Speaker 2: and like the police station was like, weirdly set back.

950
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:25,680
Speaker 3: Did you wound the road stuff? I don't know, man,

951
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:26,480
Speaker 3: who are you?

952
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 2: He wound it down and she was in the back

953
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 2: covered in vomit, absolutely hammered.

954
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 3: I gave the guy a hard time. Who is he?

955
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 2: What is he doing with my wife? He looked like

956
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,359
Speaker 2: a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

957
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:45,239
Speaker 2: Stammered something about knowing her from the tennis club, and

958
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 2: wandered off into the morning sun. She kept apologizing about

959
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:53,400
Speaker 2: getting wasted, making me miswork, and forgetting the kids. I

960
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 2: drove her home. I had my suspicions about this tennis coach.

961
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,040
Speaker 2: He is a single, twenty one year old guy. I

962
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:03,320
Speaker 2: had seen her texting a lot. I encourage her hobbies.

963
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 2: The business weighs on her heavily. And this year she's

964
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 2: been doing weight loss and sports. It's her main social

965
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 2: outlet where we live. But every husband has in the

966
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 2: back of his mind the stereotype of the sports coach

967
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:17,760
Speaker 2: trying to get close to his wife.

968
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 3: Truthfully, like, yeah, she totally could have cheated. I'd be

969
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:24,879
Speaker 3: way more worried that a random guy was in the

970
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:27,719
Speaker 3: car with my wife, but she was in a very

971
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 3: vulnerable state. Yeah, but I don't know, like that would

972
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 3: be my first concern. My first concern is that she's

973
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:35,839
Speaker 3: at the police station in the middle of the morning

974
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:36,320
Speaker 3: or whatever.

975
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 4: Technical well, yeah, that's the police station.

976
00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 3: But again, yeah, that's my point. Yeah, you think she's there,

977
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:46,200
Speaker 3: I'd be going there. I'd be calling someone saying I

978
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 3: needed to watch the kids, or even I don't know,

979
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 3: I'd probably be putting the kids in the car and

980
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:54,919
Speaker 3: going if I couldn't find anything come to watch them.

981
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 2: I'm going and getting getting someone. I'm running to the

982
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:01,520
Speaker 2: neighbor's house and do anything. I know you like, I'm

983
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 2: assuming you know, in my house asleep.

984
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:07,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, And then and then the first thing he's thinking

985
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 3: was like, oh, did she cheatn't I'm I don't know.

986
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 2: She assured me nothing happened, and she doesn't see him

987
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:13,439
Speaker 2: like that.

988
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 3: He's more like a kid brother.

989
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:19,960
Speaker 2: I genuinely believed she believed that. Besides, she was unconscious

990
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,680
Speaker 2: and covered in vomit, not exactly hot stuff.

991
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 3: Why aren't you worried?

992
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 4: OPI's very like.

993
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 3: She's like in the backseat of a car with another guy.

994
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 4: Her own car, engines running by, engine's running.

995
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:37,759
Speaker 3: Covered in vomit, unconscious. Why aren't you like worried? I

996
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:39,240
Speaker 3: asked how she got so hammered.

997
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 2: She said she went to dinner at a restaurant by herself,

998
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 2: a solo dinner. He must have come by to join her,

999
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:48,720
Speaker 2: since he lives close by. She had forgotten her phone,

1000
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:51,760
Speaker 2: so I went to get it from the vomit riddled car.

1001
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:53,240
Speaker 3: And I took a peek.

1002
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:57,000
Speaker 2: She had screenshots of their texts alongside the actual messages

1003
00:49:57,000 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 2: in the app, showing she'd been deleting messages from him.

1004
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 2: I could see he'd invited her out for dinner. She

1005
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 2: spilled the beans on what actually happened. She apologized for

1006
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 2: hiding things and lying the pressure of running the business

1007
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:14,879
Speaker 2: makes her feel lonely and abandoned, and she can't talk

1008
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:18,120
Speaker 2: to me about it. For her this was the crux

1009
00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:20,800
Speaker 2: of the issue we should focus on. We used to

1010
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:24,640
Speaker 2: run the business together. But I think couples shouldn't work together.

1011
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, Carly, Hey, Angie, how do you feel about that?

1012
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:31,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, couples definitely should never work together.

1013
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:34,959
Speaker 3: Ever, it's a bad idea and they're all gonna break

1014
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 3: up immediately.

1015
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 2: No, right, because we don't work together, Sophia says, Dnton

1016
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 2: just cleans the village earlier. He missed it.

1017
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 3: I can't steal credit. She made the joke. Thanks, Okay,

1018
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 3: bye guys, Aye roll away. It's a marriage and a liver.

1019
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:56,640
Speaker 2: So I became a teacher instead at a school where

1020
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 2: our kids now get free places. Her coach is a

1021
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 2: fun friend and a sympathetic ear she can unload on.

1022
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:05,440
Speaker 2: She knows I'm suspicious of him, which is why she

1023
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 2: hid it from me and deleted messages. She also secretly

1024
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 2: saw him one other time a week prior, on a

1025
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:15,640
Speaker 2: research trip to check a new food and beverage installation

1026
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 2: in town. I think she likes the attention, but he

1027
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 2: wants to bang. She agreed it was shady and needed

1028
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 2: to stop. She apologized, but wanted to quickly get to

1029
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 2: the but all about how she feels abandoned and I'm

1030
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 2: not supporting her enough with the business.

1031
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:32,720
Speaker 3: Her points were fair.

1032
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:35,120
Speaker 2: She suggested never meeting him alone.

1033
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 3: I'm welcome to come.

1034
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 2: But mentioned she'd spent two thousand US dollars on advanced

1035
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:46,359
Speaker 2: lesson payments with the tennis club and would be embarrassed

1036
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:49,880
Speaker 2: to switch coaches. Jesus, girl, I think you need to

1037
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:51,279
Speaker 2: swallow your embarrassment.

1038
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:52,880
Speaker 3: Here are you kidding? Why?

1039
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 2: Why? I'm molded over and disagreed. Best to nip this

1040
00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 2: in the bud and cut him out completely. I didn't

1041
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,319
Speaker 2: make it an ultimatum, but said I think this guy

1042
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:07,560
Speaker 2: has to go. No lessons, no messaging. This was a

1043
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 2: nascent emotional affair. Boundaries had been crossed. I didn't want

1044
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 2: to be suspicious, nervous, or policing her with him around.

1045
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 2: Get rid of him, and we move on. She was

1046
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:23,480
Speaker 2: really pissed, controlling, can't have her own friends, etc. I

1047
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 2: told her to reach out to her friends and see

1048
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:29,359
Speaker 2: what they think. I couldn't imagine anyone would think it's

1049
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:31,280
Speaker 2: reasonable to keep this guy around.

1050
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:33,160
Speaker 3: And we do have an update.

1051
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 2: Oh boy, oh boy, what's your feeling.

1052
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 3: I honestly think your relationship is like so.

1053
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:41,480
Speaker 2: Bad.

1054
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 3: Right now. But you have kids, so I feel like

1055
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:49,960
Speaker 3: you need to immediately go to therapy. Couple, it seems

1056
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 3: like you just are like so oblivious to everything going

1057
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 3: on here. Your reaction to her, like to her being

1058
00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 3: in the car, thank you. She has the police season bad.

1059
00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:04,719
Speaker 3: Your reaction to finding her bad, Your reaction now, and

1060
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,520
Speaker 3: she's like clearly having an affair or at least emotional

1061
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 3: with this guy. Bad. We need we need all of

1062
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:14,480
Speaker 3: our emotions need to be at a ten. They're at

1063
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 3: a five right now. We need like where where we're

1064
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:22,160
Speaker 3: at morning signals going off sirens? We're so calm. Yeah,

1065
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:28,239
Speaker 3: we're way too calm about everything. Therapy now repe there repete,

1066
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:29,440
Speaker 3: That's what I thought. Update.

1067
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 2: Wife did have an affair with the tennis coach. Things

1068
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 2: seemed to be going well. I showed her some Reddit

1069
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:39,200
Speaker 2: comments we read not just friends together. She thought they

1070
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 2: were between stages two and three if you've read it.

1071
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:46,880
Speaker 2: She deleted him and changed coaches. Our marriage and family

1072
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:50,120
Speaker 2: had been good. I encouraged her to go on trips

1073
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:54,320
Speaker 2: to places half leisure and half work to decompress. We're

1074
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 2: on holiday now, and she asked me to update her

1075
00:53:56,960 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 2: WhatsApp she's rubbish. At tech, I saw TikTok open in

1076
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:04,840
Speaker 2: the background with unread messages, and my curiosity got the

1077
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:05,440
Speaker 2: better of me.

1078
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 3: There were messages.

1079
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 2: From that day between the two of them, but all

1080
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 2: stuff like holiday picks. That night, I went through her

1081
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 2: phone while she snored. I checked his social media I

1082
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:18,759
Speaker 2: don't have him on mine, and saw a picture of

1083
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:22,000
Speaker 2: him at an iconic lake my wife has had visited

1084
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:23,640
Speaker 2: on one of her trips.

1085
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:25,280
Speaker 3: My heart sank.

1086
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:29,320
Speaker 2: There was no day, but rocks, plants, and electrical cables

1087
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 2: in his photo matched exactly one from my wife's own

1088
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:38,920
Speaker 2: photos from her trip. She had taken that picture for him.

1089
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 2: I wrote her a letter saying I knew about her

1090
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 2: tennis coach. I would step aside and she could be

1091
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 2: with him. I asked for a thirty day separation to

1092
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,839
Speaker 2: let everyone's head school off. She had to leave the

1093
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 2: holiday for work travel anyway, so it worked out. She

1094
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 2: did what you'd expect, silently stared at the paper for

1095
00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:59,759
Speaker 2: three minutes. It was just some texts.

1096
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:07,240
Speaker 3: Come on, liar, liar, you're done, take your chair and go. Yeah.

1097
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:10,040
Speaker 2: I told her I knew more and she needed to

1098
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 2: come clean. Over the next twenty four hours. I was

1099
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:17,800
Speaker 2: treated to trickle truth par excellence through no though, no darvo.

1100
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:21,799
Speaker 2: This time I didn't reveal how much I knew or

1101
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 2: how I knew it, so it all had to come out. Definitely,

1102
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 2: trust your gut. Do look through your partner's phone in

1103
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:30,279
Speaker 2: the middle of the night. Don't reveal how much you

1104
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:32,359
Speaker 2: know or how you know if you want to get

1105
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:32,800
Speaker 2: the truth.

1106
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 3: What that's terrible advice. That's bad advice. You're you're never

1107
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:39,879
Speaker 3: going to this guy for advice or trusting your gut.

1108
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:42,160
Speaker 2: His gut has left his wife in a police station

1109
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 2: supposedly until eight thirty in the morning.

1110
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:49,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, this man's gut is as trustworthy as like gas

1111
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:50,640
Speaker 3: station sushi.

1112
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, as she tells it, she really did just have

1113
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:56,319
Speaker 2: dinner with him and got two wasted. At Christmas, she

1114
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,239
Speaker 2: cut him out, but in May, her new tennis coach

1115
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 2: was sick and a boss paired them back up. She

1116
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 2: didn't say no.

1117
00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:05,840
Speaker 3: They had a few dates and kissed.

1118
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:08,400
Speaker 2: She was bored on her trip to the lake and

1119
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 2: he's semi invited himself. They slept together that night. She

1120
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 2: paid for a plane ticket for him to see her

1121
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 2: on another trip for spicy sleep. She said it's not

1122
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:21,160
Speaker 2: about him. He's just a kid that listens to her

1123
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:24,719
Speaker 2: problems and is will put together. It's all on her.

1124
00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 2: She's desperate for reconciliation and is making some of the

1125
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 2: right noises. Therapy for her and a hall pass for

1126
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:34,719
Speaker 2: me are my table stakes to begin that conversation.

1127
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:35,800
Speaker 3: You suck.

1128
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:39,799
Speaker 2: She sucks, to be clear, but you suck way more

1129
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 2: for cheating. But the fact that you need a hall

1130
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 2: pass you to get back the hall pass, that's crazy.

1131
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 2: Just divorce her, divorce and move on. She sucks. We

1132
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:53,440
Speaker 2: have a good marriage and family life otherwise. Outside of this,

1133
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 2: we have two really happy young kids, and she's a

1134
00:56:57,120 --> 00:57:01,680
Speaker 2: great mother. She isn't a fantastic or evil person. She's

1135
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:06,080
Speaker 2: just sort of normal, fallible, lovable, but deeply selfish and

1136
00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:09,840
Speaker 2: unable to take responsibility for her actions. Can therapy fix that?

1137
00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:13,560
Speaker 2: For now, we're separated and everything sucks, and the kids

1138
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 2: don't know what's going on a little bit more. Any

1139
00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 2: final thoughts, No, just that.

1140
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 3: You need to divorce. Uh, this relationship cannot succeed, at

1141
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:27,160
Speaker 3: least the way that it's gone.

1142
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1143
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 3: I think she actually too about your relationship. Yeah, and

1144
00:57:31,840 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 3: on both ends too.

1145
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:36,400
Speaker 2: I felt an incredible wave of warm satisfaction when it

1146
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 2: all came out.

1147
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:39,520
Speaker 3: I'm not crazy. I was right.

1148
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 2: She had gaslt me for the better part of a

1149
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 2: year with this guy. She sort of snapped at me

1150
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 2: about your right, you in when I was getting her

1151
00:57:47,520 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 2: to admit the truth. But then the realization that I

1152
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 2: may have wasted thirteen years of my life with this

1153
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:56,920
Speaker 2: person and my children's life have been destroyed because of

1154
00:57:56,960 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 2: her selfishness quickly put that in perspective.

1155
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, like she clearly, to be clear, totally

1156
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:07,800
Speaker 3: sucks that she he got cheated on. His gut might

1157
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 3: need to be checked, but like she is the ale here,

1158
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,640
Speaker 3: and it really sucks that he has to, you know,

1159
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 3: go through this and uproot this you know, life that

1160
00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 3: they ved to for him.

1161
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,840
Speaker 2: My wife did have an affair with her tennis coach,

1162
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 2: and my family is destroyed. I am a broken man.

1163
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story.

1164
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 3: I mean, good luck, Opy. Definitely you go to therapy

1165
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 3: because you need it, and then I guess like made

1166
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 3: probably family counseling so you can work through this divorce. Yeah,

1167
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:41,320
Speaker 3: but yeah, good luck Opy, get that gut checked out.

1168
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1169
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:44,280
Speaker 2: to the next one.

1170
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:47,400
Speaker 1: Here's johnyo Ogos. Here we're gonna get back to the stories.

1171
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 1: But here's a quick three minute break of asthmim more sponsors.

1172
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:53,560
Speaker 3: My wife chose her co worker over our family. Now

1173
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:57,760
Speaker 3: I'm finally choosing myself. Yeah, good for Euop, I don't

1174
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:01,200
Speaker 3: know what to do. I found explicit and detailed messages

1175
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:04,400
Speaker 3: between my wife and a coworker. He sent her a

1176
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 3: wiener pig, and she responded by saying how she longs

1177
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 3: to give him sloppy doppy again. It gets super graphic,

1178
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:16,400
Speaker 3: by the way. This comes from South Treacle eighty seven

1179
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 3: forty six, and if you want to submit your own stories,

1180
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:21,800
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime severed it. I'm Sophia,

1181
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, and I'm Keon, and we're here to give

1182
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 3: good advice goofully, But we don't have all the answers.

1183
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:28,800
Speaker 3: We only know what we'd do, So let us know

1184
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:31,800
Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments and Op says,

1185
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:35,080
Speaker 3: I'm sick to my stomach and want her to admit

1186
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:37,920
Speaker 3: to what she's done, but she wants me to admit

1187
00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:40,640
Speaker 3: that I've gone through her phone. I freaked out and

1188
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 3: said I hadn't, And now we're stuck in a loop

1189
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:46,040
Speaker 3: where she won't admit to anything because she wants to

1190
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:49,760
Speaker 3: me to admit I violated her privacy. First, just admit

1191
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 3: that you did violate her privacy. But she also cheated

1192
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:54,440
Speaker 3: on you, so let's just get that over with.

1193
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:57,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, Hey, I violated this. I know you cheated.

1194
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 3: Yeah. Should I have gone through your phone?

1195
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 2: Oh? No?

1196
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:03,360
Speaker 3: Do I now know that this relationship is not going

1197
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 3: to continue? Yeah, perfect, it's over. I get that she's

1198
01:00:06,920 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 3: trying to deflect and say that I violated a trust.

1199
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:14,560
Speaker 3: I'm heartbroken. We have three kids, oof seven, five, and three,

1200
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 3: and I don't know what to do. I called an

1201
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:20,440
Speaker 3: emergency psychologist who said that what I did was completely reasonable,

1202
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:24,120
Speaker 3: even if technically wrong, because I needed to find out

1203
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:27,320
Speaker 3: the truth. Had I not found anything, I would have

1204
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:30,440
Speaker 3: just shut my mouth. But now I have proof my

1205
01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:33,320
Speaker 3: wrong is less wrong than hers, especially since she was

1206
01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:35,880
Speaker 3: given the chance to tell the truth. But I also

1207
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 3: need to come clean and tell her that I know

1208
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:40,840
Speaker 3: about it. I also have strong suspicions that she's been

1209
01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 3: sending him raunchy pictures, although I can't prove it. Oh, p,

1210
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:47,320
Speaker 3: you've been cheated on and it's terrible, And I feel

1211
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 3: for you because that's awful, and you have kids and

1212
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:53,840
Speaker 3: your relationship is over. But it's over unless you want

1213
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 3: to go through the immense amount of work that it

1214
01:00:57,160 --> 01:01:01,440
Speaker 3: takes to go through therapy together to work on trusting

1215
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:02,240
Speaker 3: each other again.

1216
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:08,280
Speaker 2: That she even taking like she's just like you went

1217
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:08,920
Speaker 2: through my phone.

1218
01:01:09,160 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, for that to even be possible, she would have

1219
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:14,320
Speaker 3: to be on your side as well, which she is

1220
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 3: not right now. So I think that for your own sake,

1221
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 3: go to individual therapy. And I think this is a divorce.

1222
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:23,600
Speaker 3: I just know that the pictures I saw and never

1223
01:01:23,640 --> 01:01:25,800
Speaker 3: made it to my phone and that are way too

1224
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 3: schmecksy to be for her own pleasure. Help me. We

1225
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:33,600
Speaker 3: had a very long conversation, calm and controlled. I didn't

1226
01:01:33,640 --> 01:01:35,880
Speaker 3: lose my temper and tried to keep my tone of

1227
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:40,280
Speaker 3: voice stable. Her story is that she's remorseful and feels shame.

1228
01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:44,160
Speaker 3: She regrets me finding out like this and reading explicit

1229
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 3: text messages she wanted to tell me yourself. She claims

1230
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:52,160
Speaker 3: that nothing physical has ever happened, and that boundaries gradually

1231
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 3: got pushed, which resulted in spicy texting. She takes responsibility

1232
01:01:56,600 --> 01:01:59,440
Speaker 3: and knows she's the one who messed up. Her reason

1233
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:01,640
Speaker 3: is that our has been going through a rough patch

1234
01:02:01,680 --> 01:02:04,600
Speaker 3: for a long time and this brought some joy and

1235
01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 3: excitement to her life. She knew this was going to

1236
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:09,880
Speaker 3: hurt me, and yet she continued to do it. She

1237
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 3: claims she never sent any pictures to anyone. So now

1238
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:15,880
Speaker 3: I stand with a few options. Trust her and try

1239
01:02:15,880 --> 01:02:17,960
Speaker 3: to find ways to move on, or accept that I

1240
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 3: can't trust her in that we need to part ways.

1241
01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:22,440
Speaker 3: I agree that those are your two options.

1242
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:26,600
Speaker 2: I definitely would say no trust until she's admitting yeah, yeah,

1243
01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 2: I think you are right.

1244
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:29,960
Speaker 3: Those are your two options. And you just have to

1245
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:33,520
Speaker 3: decide whether you one hundred percent are willing to try

1246
01:02:33,560 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 3: and work on trust or if you think that this

1247
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 3: has broken it forever. Because it is possible. We've read

1248
01:02:39,720 --> 01:02:41,840
Speaker 3: stories where people have worked through it, especially when you

1249
01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 3: have kids. Yeah, but it is so hard.

1250
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:46,520
Speaker 2: It's going to take a while.

1251
01:02:47,160 --> 01:02:49,400
Speaker 3: I also put up an ultimatum that she needs to

1252
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:52,720
Speaker 3: cut ties with her colleague. They work together, so that

1253
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:55,880
Speaker 3: will be something of an issue. But no private texting,

1254
01:02:56,040 --> 01:03:01,760
Speaker 3: meeting or any other form of communication. Comment heartbroken later. Right,

1255
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:04,680
Speaker 3: now you have to be decisive, organized and planned for

1256
01:03:04,760 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 3: your future. You have three kids, and she did that.

1257
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:11,720
Speaker 3: She chose effing some coworker over the quality of life

1258
01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:16,160
Speaker 3: for her kids. Absolute garbage, my man, Create a paper train,

1259
01:03:16,600 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 3: get a lawyer, get her out of the house. She

1260
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:22,600
Speaker 3: wants to blow them again. Cool, she can back a

1261
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:26,000
Speaker 3: bag and she can be his problem. What you do

1262
01:03:26,080 --> 01:03:29,480
Speaker 3: now will have long standing effects on the quality of

1263
01:03:29,480 --> 01:03:33,120
Speaker 3: your life going forward. Don't give her crap, don't feel bad.

1264
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:37,120
Speaker 3: Plan now more and later. She made her bed, she

1265
01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:39,640
Speaker 3: can sleep on it. There's just no coming back from that.

1266
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:42,080
Speaker 3: Don't let her off with getting her cake and eating

1267
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:45,040
Speaker 3: it too, grown butt woman with three kids and a

1268
01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:48,160
Speaker 3: husband playing these kinds of games. It's hard to get

1269
01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 3: more selfish than that. And there is an update.

1270
01:03:51,800 --> 01:03:54,720
Speaker 2: Hey, yea yea, My advice stands the same.

1271
01:03:55,080 --> 01:03:58,840
Speaker 3: Yeah. I continue to gather evidence and found a list

1272
01:03:58,880 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 3: of reasons why she shouldn't be with him, including him

1273
01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:04,200
Speaker 3: being bad in bed and her living in constant fear

1274
01:04:04,200 --> 01:04:06,520
Speaker 3: that'll leave her. I also found a message from the

1275
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:09,120
Speaker 3: same day where she writes that she's pissed off at

1276
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:11,280
Speaker 3: him for trying to break it off because she had

1277
01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:14,360
Speaker 3: a bad day and needed to reflect on the relationship.

1278
01:04:14,880 --> 01:04:17,360
Speaker 3: She didn't understand how he could break it off just

1279
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:19,680
Speaker 3: because she had a bad day and came up with

1280
01:04:19,720 --> 01:04:23,560
Speaker 3: some unreasonable suggestions. So now I've come to my senses

1281
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:26,360
Speaker 3: and I'm gonna play it cool. I've gathered evidence of

1282
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 3: her infidelity, adult pictures where she claims there are none,

1283
01:04:30,720 --> 01:04:33,120
Speaker 3: and these messages that prove this is more than a

1284
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:38,600
Speaker 3: physical or non physical affair. It is a relationship. We

1285
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:41,840
Speaker 3: have a couple's therapist session next week, and until then,

1286
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:43,880
Speaker 3: I'm gonna play it cool and let her come to me.

1287
01:04:44,240 --> 01:04:46,720
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna bring the subject up anymore and will

1288
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 3: only remind her that we have an agreed deadline on

1289
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:53,280
Speaker 3: Sunday where she needs to break it off completely and

1290
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:56,720
Speaker 3: I want to see the text. Then during the session,

1291
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:59,680
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell the story and state an ultimatum

1292
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:03,680
Speaker 3: her husband or her boyfriend. She needs to choose then,

1293
01:05:03,760 --> 01:05:07,480
Speaker 3: and there no ifs, no butts. She needs to decide

1294
01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:11,680
Speaker 3: if she is willing to throw eight years away, three kids, seven,

1295
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:15,960
Speaker 3: five and two for another man, than fine. I'm done.

1296
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,200
Speaker 3: I love her to bits and will walk to the

1297
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:20,360
Speaker 3: end of the world, but that world needs to be

1298
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:24,120
Speaker 3: where I am the priority not another man, and there

1299
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:25,600
Speaker 3: is a second update, and I.

1300
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 2: Feel like ultimately that is it. Like the most you

1301
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:31,040
Speaker 2: can do is decide if you can get past it

1302
01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:33,320
Speaker 2: with work, and then you have to just lead up

1303
01:05:33,320 --> 01:05:36,320
Speaker 2: to the person. Are they willing to admit what happened?

1304
01:05:36,320 --> 01:05:39,440
Speaker 2: Are they willing to put in work like it sucks?

1305
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:42,360
Speaker 2: But it is like at that point in their hands

1306
01:05:42,440 --> 01:05:43,960
Speaker 2: to like own up or not.

1307
01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:47,280
Speaker 3: We've had several long and hard talks, to the point

1308
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:48,560
Speaker 3: where she screamed.

1309
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:48,880
Speaker 2: Why are you up?

1310
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 3: Betting over? Then I told you everything. What I wanted

1311
01:05:52,760 --> 01:05:54,800
Speaker 3: her to understand is that she has been living with

1312
01:05:54,840 --> 01:05:57,840
Speaker 3: the truth for a long time. I have had less

1313
01:05:57,840 --> 01:06:01,800
Speaker 3: than forty eight hours. We spoke at length about cutting ties,

1314
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:04,640
Speaker 3: and she agrees that this needs to be done. And

1315
01:06:04,680 --> 01:06:07,280
Speaker 3: then she throws a curveball. She's not willing to give

1316
01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:10,920
Speaker 3: up her group friendship where she, another female colleague and

1317
01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:13,840
Speaker 3: him are the members. She's not willing to give up

1318
01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:17,160
Speaker 3: her relationship that she's been cheating on you in. That's

1319
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:19,520
Speaker 3: what she's not willing to give up. Yeah, it's not

1320
01:06:19,640 --> 01:06:23,040
Speaker 3: about her friendship. I told her that needs to be included,

1321
01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:26,280
Speaker 3: because if they meet, then they will always have their

1322
01:06:26,320 --> 01:06:28,960
Speaker 3: history in the back of their minds, they'll always know

1323
01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:32,200
Speaker 3: I can't have this. This shows that she's not willing

1324
01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:35,280
Speaker 3: to fully commit finding stability in our relationship without him

1325
01:06:35,320 --> 01:06:40,440
Speaker 3: in our lives. This sucks. I'm devastated. I'm sick to

1326
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:44,040
Speaker 3: my stomach. I'm a broken man. But I cannot be

1327
01:06:44,120 --> 01:06:46,600
Speaker 3: married to a woman who does not make our marriage

1328
01:06:46,760 --> 01:06:49,680
Speaker 3: the prime interest. I don't know when I'll hand in

1329
01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:52,680
Speaker 3: the papers. I need to be strategic first and think

1330
01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:55,640
Speaker 3: about how to set myself up for success before I

1331
01:06:55,680 --> 01:06:57,920
Speaker 3: do anything else. And there is a third update, But

1332
01:06:57,960 --> 01:06:58,880
Speaker 3: do you have any thoughts.

1333
01:07:00,560 --> 01:07:04,360
Speaker 2: I'm still like, she sucks. Yeah, I stand with all

1334
01:07:04,400 --> 01:07:06,640
Speaker 2: the same stuff, like, yeah, she sucks. Good on you

1335
01:07:06,720 --> 01:07:09,000
Speaker 2: for thinking that you are able to get past it

1336
01:07:09,040 --> 01:07:10,840
Speaker 2: and like being willing to put in all that work

1337
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:16,520
Speaker 2: and stuff, and I'm I'm so sorry that she's not update.

1338
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:19,640
Speaker 3: I came to a core truth about why it hurts,

1339
01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:23,240
Speaker 3: and that is that she is so emotionally invested in

1340
01:07:23,280 --> 01:07:27,040
Speaker 3: the other man, and I don't feel emotional investment at all.

1341
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,720
Speaker 3: She flat out said, you're right. She invests in him

1342
01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:33,680
Speaker 3: because she feels that she's getting something from that relationship.

1343
01:07:34,320 --> 01:07:38,160
Speaker 3: She says she has invested in ours, but not anymore

1344
01:07:38,280 --> 01:07:40,720
Speaker 3: because she feels we get stuck in the same old

1345
01:07:40,720 --> 01:07:45,160
Speaker 3: problems without any development. This is the true pain where

1346
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:47,720
Speaker 3: I don't matter and I bring no joy to her life.

1347
01:07:48,440 --> 01:07:51,520
Speaker 3: I'm completely spent and have nothing more to give. I've

1348
01:07:51,520 --> 01:07:54,160
Speaker 3: been honest and truthful. I've said what I can say.

1349
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:56,840
Speaker 3: If there is no one on the other side to

1350
01:07:56,880 --> 01:07:59,360
Speaker 3: meet me, then I need to walk alone. And there

1351
01:07:59,400 --> 01:08:02,000
Speaker 3: is a comment. Sorry to hear it was worse and

1352
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:05,080
Speaker 3: got further than she admitted. I expected this after the

1353
01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:08,000
Speaker 3: I'll give you stoppy toppy again. There's no other way

1354
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:11,160
Speaker 3: that can be perceived. I'm not sure what you expect

1355
01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:14,120
Speaker 3: to get out of the confrontation. She'll deny, or lie

1356
01:08:14,240 --> 01:08:17,800
Speaker 3: or downplay everything again, as it's what cheaters do. Your

1357
01:08:17,800 --> 01:08:20,320
Speaker 3: best bat is to have that evidence, retain a divorced

1358
01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:23,559
Speaker 3: lawyer and show it to your wife's affair partner's partner

1359
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:27,439
Speaker 3: if he has one, and file tell friends and family too.

1360
01:08:28,360 --> 01:08:31,280
Speaker 3: The time for an ultimatum is long gone. She's had

1361
01:08:31,280 --> 01:08:35,680
Speaker 3: the chance to confess and downplayed, lied and manipulated, and

1362
01:08:35,800 --> 01:08:39,639
Speaker 3: since then has seemingly continued her affair, So she clearly

1363
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:42,479
Speaker 3: wants to monkey branch to this guy. Yeah, I mean

1364
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:44,200
Speaker 3: she's been on that other branch for a while.

1365
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:46,400
Speaker 4: His branch are right.

1366
01:08:46,640 --> 01:08:49,160
Speaker 3: If you blow up their lives, that little fantasy she's

1367
01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:53,880
Speaker 3: concocting will suddenly exist in the real crappy world. Don't

1368
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:57,160
Speaker 3: play the pick me dance. Either divorce lawyers or confront

1369
01:08:57,240 --> 01:09:00,519
Speaker 3: in couple's therapy and state you're separating. He doesn't get

1370
01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:03,880
Speaker 3: to choose what happens. No, do this and then No,

1371
01:09:04,479 --> 01:09:08,160
Speaker 3: she's betrayed you put your health at risk, try to

1372
01:09:08,280 --> 01:09:11,000
Speaker 3: leave you for him has been the one to actively

1373
01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 3: keep the affair going. What other ways do you want

1374
01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:17,200
Speaker 3: her to crap all over your marriage? Let her wallow

1375
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:20,920
Speaker 3: in regret as her fantasy is fantasy and the guy

1376
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:24,080
Speaker 3: doesn't want her and neither do you. And there is

1377
01:09:24,120 --> 01:09:24,880
Speaker 3: a fourths update.

1378
01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:29,599
Speaker 2: That's it, My marriage is now over. Good job of boo.

1379
01:09:30,280 --> 01:09:35,840
Speaker 3: Sorry, this is the right move. I have proof that

1380
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:37,760
Speaker 3: she has been in touch with him, and that part

1381
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:40,280
Speaker 3: of the discussion has been regarding choosing what type of

1382
01:09:40,320 --> 01:09:43,920
Speaker 3: person she wants to be with. Rather an insecure person

1383
01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:46,920
Speaker 3: with a secure wiener than a secure person with an

1384
01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:50,800
Speaker 3: insecure we does that even mean? What does that mean?

1385
01:09:52,040 --> 01:09:52,719
Speaker 4: She cuckoo.

1386
01:09:53,280 --> 01:09:55,719
Speaker 2: I don't even know which one you are anymore, OPI,

1387
01:09:55,920 --> 01:09:58,519
Speaker 2: but a good thing you got out of there, because

1388
01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:03,360
Speaker 2: she's losing crazy. I feel truly like after her life

1389
01:10:03,439 --> 01:10:05,640
Speaker 2: was exposed, she just started spiraling. And yeah, like, oh

1390
01:10:05,720 --> 01:10:09,360
Speaker 2: my god, oh my god. They grasping at anything.

1391
01:10:07,760 --> 01:10:11,520
Speaker 3: Kind of agree. Obviously, I don't know the full context.

1392
01:10:11,520 --> 01:10:14,120
Speaker 3: Does She's good at deleting messages, but I caught them

1393
01:10:14,439 --> 01:10:18,719
Speaker 3: and took a picture of the conversation. This sucks, this hurts,

1394
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:21,240
Speaker 3: but I don't want to live like this. I'd rather

1395
01:10:21,320 --> 01:10:23,320
Speaker 3: be sad in the short term with a road to

1396
01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:27,040
Speaker 3: happiness in front of me than constantly worried about her betrayal.

1397
01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:30,200
Speaker 3: I don't need her, but I wanted her. She doesn't

1398
01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:32,960
Speaker 3: want me, and life needs to move on. At least

1399
01:10:33,000 --> 01:10:38,519
Speaker 3: she thinks you're a secure person, maybe maybe secure, And

1400
01:10:38,600 --> 01:10:41,320
Speaker 3: if that's a win win, run with whatever half.

1401
01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:43,519
Speaker 2: Of the secure you are, run with your wiener, and

1402
01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:44,599
Speaker 2: that's the end of this story.