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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space. Not everyone and

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Speaker 2: a lot of people don't share all the stuff that's happening,

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Speaker 2: right We don't share the behind the scenes, and all

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Speaker 2: you see is the good stuff, and you're like, dang,

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Speaker 2: everybody else is living this amazing life.

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Speaker 3: But we're taught that being an adult means that you

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Speaker 3: graduated from college, you're married, and you have children, not one,

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Speaker 3: but you have children multiple. Yeah, you have a flourishing career,

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Speaker 3: You have that twenty five hundred square foot house.

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Speaker 2: You have to pick a fence, Yes, your drive.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women

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Speaker 3: like you. We're your costs. Doctor Dominique Broussard a college

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Speaker 3: professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where

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Speaker 2: black women can just be.

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Speaker 1: All right.

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Speaker 2: Usually when I see my colleagues or peers doing something

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Speaker 2: and great and walking in their destinies, I get motivated.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: There's like a degree, if I want to say, like

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Speaker 2: healthy competition, and it energizes my spirit. When I watch

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Speaker 2: them thrive and I shout them out, I sent positive

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Speaker 2: vibes and I get back to the grind. But yesterday

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Speaker 2: was one of those days. Doun dundhuh. So Look, I'm

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Speaker 2: sitting on the couch scrolling down my timeline, take a

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Speaker 2: quick break from a project that I'm working on, and

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Speaker 2: I noticed that it seemed as though everyone air quotes.

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Speaker 2: Everyone I scrolled past was doing something amazing that I

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Speaker 2: wish I had the opportunity to do. It seemed as

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Speaker 2: though everyone's life was lit and my life was stagnant.

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Speaker 2: Some of my friends had brand partnerships amazing. Other friends

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Speaker 2: were traveling abroad, I mean, like tod Bai, all these

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Speaker 2: amazing places, and for goodness sakes, one of my mentors

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Speaker 2: reached a million dollars in her business. An I get

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Speaker 2: to a house?

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Speaker 3: Can I get a million house?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: Can I get an please?

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Speaker 3: Send it this way? You know?

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Speaker 2: Yes? And instead of being inspired by greatness around me

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Speaker 2: in that moment, I felt a bit overwhelmed. I felt pressured.

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Speaker 2: I felt like I was reminded of everything I wanted

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Speaker 2: to do, everything I wanted to learn, and how much

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Speaker 2: work I needed to do. I still had to figure

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Speaker 2: out how to finish my site, how to get to

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Speaker 2: my business goals, and keep my energy up, live this

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Speaker 2: healthy life like all these things. I have to go

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Speaker 2: to work, you know, full time job, got a podcast

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Speaker 2: now hey her space podcast? But I felt blah basically,

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Speaker 2: and I silently wondered to myself, when am I going

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Speaker 2: to get to x y Z? When is this going

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Speaker 2: to happen for me? Am I capable of achieving x

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Speaker 2: y Z?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 2: Have you ever been there before? And you are?

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Speaker 3: You are doing amazing things already. But I think that

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Speaker 3: speaks to a bigger issue when someone when you know

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Speaker 3: that you're out here doing amazing things, and you are

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Speaker 3: still negatively comparing yourself to what other people are doing.

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Speaker 3: And so I think that kind of leads us right

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Speaker 3: into today's topic of adulting and what does it mean

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Speaker 3: to not reach some of these adulting milestones that we've

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Speaker 3: been conditioned to believe that we have to achieve. I'll

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Speaker 3: start us off with our quote of the day, don't

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Speaker 3: set sail on someone else's star. I'm gonna give y'all

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Speaker 3: that one more time, just to really let that sink in.

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Speaker 3: Don't set sail on someone else's star. That's deep, because

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Speaker 3: we do it. We find ourselves looking at other people

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Speaker 3: and looking at the things that other people are accomplishing

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Speaker 3: and trying to go after what they're achieving, when really

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Speaker 3: that's not meant for us. What are some of those

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Speaker 3: things teas you were like scrolling through your social media,

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Speaker 3: what were some of those things that you were seeing, Like,

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Speaker 3: what are some of those milestones?

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Speaker 2: To be honest, I think some of the milestones for

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Speaker 2: me were things that I saw for myself, like it

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Speaker 2: was in the vision that I had for my life,

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Speaker 2: and it was like I'm on the path, like I

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Speaker 2: want I want to be a millionaire, like that's always

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Speaker 2: my goal since I was in high school. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to be wealthy so I can help my community, help

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Speaker 2: my family, all that good stuff. So I think a

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Speaker 2: lot of the goals, a lot of the things that

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Speaker 2: I saw aligned with where I think I want to

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Speaker 2: go and what I have planned out for my life.

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Speaker 2: But I feel like social media, it constantly presents us

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Speaker 2: with everyone's highlights, right nobody, not everyone, and a lot

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Speaker 2: of people don't share all the stuff that's happening, right.

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Speaker 2: We don't share the behind the scenes, and all you

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Speaker 2: see is the good stuff, and you're like, dang, everybody

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Speaker 2: else's living this amazing life. But like you said, don't

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Speaker 2: sell on someone else's star. That makes me think about

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Speaker 2: how sometimes someone might have a goal in their life,

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Speaker 2: you don't know what it took for them to get there.

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Speaker 2: You don't know how they feel about their life. Maybe

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Speaker 2: they did achieve that goal, maybe they did hit a million,

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Speaker 2: but they're miserable. Maybe they don't have relationships with their

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Speaker 2: family members, And so I think, you know, because they

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Speaker 2: work so hard. But I think it's important to keep

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Speaker 2: things in perspective and to remember, like you know what

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Speaker 2: we always used to say this in church. What God

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Speaker 2: has for me is for me, right, So what's for

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Speaker 2: you is for you, and you'll get there when you're

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Speaker 2: supposed to. But it's just don't compare, because it's like

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Speaker 2: apples and oranges exactly.

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Speaker 3: But those apples and oranges are things that we're taught

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Speaker 3: we're supposed to have, right. So we're taught that being

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Speaker 3: an adult means that you graduated from college, you're married,

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Speaker 3: and you have children, not one, but you have children multiple. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you have a flourishing career, you have that twenty five

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Speaker 3: hundred square house, you're driving a fancy car, and life

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Speaker 3: is great. And chances are you are probably a part

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Speaker 3: of various organizations, maybe a fraternity or a sorority. And

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Speaker 3: we're taught that those are the things that mean that

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Speaker 3: you made it, that you have, you're where you're supposed

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Speaker 3: to be in life. But the reality is that a

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Speaker 3: lot of us do not achieve those milestones. I know

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Speaker 3: plenty of people who didn't graduate college and they're still flourishing.

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Speaker 3: I know plenty of people who have never been married

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Speaker 3: and are flourishing, who have been married and divorced and

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Speaker 3: rema and divorced again and are flourishing. I know, and

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Speaker 3: this is an issue that we'll touch on later in

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Speaker 3: another episode. I know lots of people who struggle to

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Speaker 3: have children, but in general, their lives are still flourishing.

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Speaker 3: I know people who took multiple career paths, nothing that

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Speaker 3: they went to school for, nothing that they.

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Speaker 2: Trained for initially exactly.

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Speaker 3: And we live in the Bay Area, so you not

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Speaker 3: both know lots of people who don't own homes.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, don't own homes, don't have degrees, dropped out

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Speaker 2: of school. They're like, they're like you said, they're flourishing,

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Speaker 2: they're thriving. Yeah. So it's just like, I think, just

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Speaker 2: getting to the center of like what am I here

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Speaker 2: on this earthport, what do I want to achieve? And

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Speaker 2: like really being true to your personal vision for your

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Speaker 2: life and not being caught up in what your family wants.

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Speaker 2: Because I feel like we're at that age now where

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Speaker 2: it's like people are either like getting married, they're having kids,

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Speaker 2: they're buying homes, They're reaching these i want to say,

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Speaker 2: stereotypical or traditional milestones, and even family puts pressure on

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Speaker 2: you sometimes to reach those, like when you're gonna get married,

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Speaker 2: when you're gonna give me some babies, it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: what if that's not what I want from my life?

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Speaker 2: And being okay saying that and being in space is

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Speaker 2: where other people may not necessarily understand. But being comfortable

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Speaker 2: with where you are not feeling that pressure, right.

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Speaker 3: And I think that's the thing is first for yourself,

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Speaker 3: getting comfortable in that space that you really want to

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Speaker 3: be in, right and recognizing that this is the path

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Speaker 3: that you want for you, not the path that other

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Speaker 3: people have designed for you, exactly. And so and it

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Speaker 3: takes a lot to get to that space, really, you know,

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Speaker 3: it takes honesty with yourself because some of that might

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Speaker 3: mean having to toss away those stereotypes, toss away all

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Speaker 3: the messaging that you received. So if you're at a

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Speaker 3: space where you're like, you know what, marriage is not

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Speaker 3: for me, I know lots of people who are probably

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Speaker 3: saying right now, damn, damn, I wish I would have

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Speaker 3: thought about that ten years ago.

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Speaker 2: People that are married now, yeah, oh yes, girl, I've

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Speaker 2: had now that you say that. Okay, So I know

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Speaker 2: someone who oh, okay, this okay, this is juicy, all right.

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Speaker 2: So I married someone who graduated from college, checked off

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Speaker 2: all the boxes, right, she did all the things her house,

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Speaker 2: got her career, found a guy. He was okay, she

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Speaker 2: wasn't like super into him, but she's like, hey, okay,

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Speaker 2: my family is saying I need to get married. I

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Speaker 2: guess this is the next thing to do on my list,

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Speaker 2: So let's do it, you know, have some kids. Now

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Speaker 2: it's about ten eleven years down the line and she

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Speaker 2: wakes up and she's like, Eh, midlife crisis, this is

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Speaker 2: not really what I want. I did what everyone else

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Speaker 2: told me I should do. I did what society said

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Speaker 2: I should do. I checked off all the boxes that

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Speaker 2: they said I should check off. But that that shit

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Speaker 2: ain't what I want. So now I'm living this life.

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Speaker 2: I built, this life, created this family, created this whole

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Speaker 2: image world and image that I don't even want. So

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Speaker 2: now I got to revisit myself and figure out what

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Speaker 2: do I really want now that I have this extra

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Speaker 2: And I wouldn't say baggage, right because I don't think

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Speaker 2: you know, kids and families ever baggage. Just like now

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Speaker 2: I have these extra components of me that I have

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Speaker 2: to figure out how to fit into this new me

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Speaker 2: that I'm trying to find and create. That's a lot,

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Speaker 2: that is, and it's the reality for some folks when

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Speaker 2: when we aren't true to ourselves and give ourselves time

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Speaker 2: to figure out what we truly want and now what

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Speaker 2: everybody else wants.

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Speaker 3: For us, right, And my hope for her is that

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Speaker 3: she is finding what really makes her happy and really saying,

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Speaker 3: I don't care what other people saying, this is what

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Speaker 3: is working for me. And I think it takes a

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Speaker 3: lot of courage to get to that space of saying,

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Speaker 3: of being honest with your first with yourself and then

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Speaker 3: with those around you, to say, this is what I want.

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Speaker 3: It's not what looks traditional but and it's not what

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Speaker 3: everyone else envisioned for me, but this is what works

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Speaker 3: for me.

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Speaker 2: And you know what's funny too, people are so fickle,

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Speaker 2: right because I remember when I first got married. I

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Speaker 2: was I think I was like twenty five when I

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Speaker 2: first got married, and I have family members that were like,

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Speaker 2: wait to have a baby, don't have a baby anytime soon.

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Speaker 2: You want to be married for a couple of years,

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Speaker 2: da da da da. And so I as a career woman,

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Speaker 2: you know, I wanted to put having kids off anyway,

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Speaker 2: So I was very focused on my career. Then I'm

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Speaker 2: married for a couple of years. I'm saying people like

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Speaker 2: when you're gonna have babies, I'm like, wait, then you

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Speaker 2: just tell me to wait a couple of years, days ago,

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Speaker 2: you told me the way, and now all of a

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Speaker 2: sudden you're like So it's like, don't it doesn't matter

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Speaker 2: what other people think. You at the end of the day,

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Speaker 2: have to live with your life. You are. You have

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Speaker 2: to go to sleep at night and be okay with

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Speaker 2: the decisions that you made. And I remember also my

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Speaker 2: grandfather used to always tell me, like, you should go

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Speaker 2: to law school, you should be a doctor. And there

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Speaker 2: are people that are in careers that they got into

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Speaker 2: just because their family wanted them to. Now you have

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Speaker 2: a vot load of student loans and you're not happy,

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Speaker 2: and it's like, oh, like what do you do when

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Speaker 2: your family's pushing you and sometimes they won't support you

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Speaker 2: if you don't follow that career path. And I remember

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Speaker 2: just being very adamant and telling my grandfather I would

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Speaker 2: kind of just smile like okay, like that's I'm not

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Speaker 2: passionate about law. Yeah, I'm not passionate. Yes, I'm not

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Speaker 2: passionate about law or the medical field, though those are

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Speaker 2: amazing professions. And shoot, I wish I could be in

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Speaker 2: that meaning, but it's not something that I'm passionate about.

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Speaker 2: And so I feel like we really do at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day, like behoot ourselves adult thing is

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Speaker 2: already hard enough, right.

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Speaker 3: Why make it harder with being miserable doing things that

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Speaker 3: don't fulfill you? And it makes me think about, like,

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Speaker 3: as you were talking, like it makes me think about,

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Speaker 3: like how I know for myself that I chose my

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Speaker 3: career and it was something early on that I knew

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Speaker 3: that I wanted, and I knew that I knew what

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Speaker 3: path to take, right, like I knew all the steps

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Speaker 3: to take. And then I think about so many people

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Speaker 3: that I talked to, so many students that I engage

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Speaker 3: with who have no idea, right, and I think about

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Speaker 3: how fortunate I've been that I've had so many people

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Speaker 3: that have been supportive of what I chose to do.

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Speaker 3: And it just reminds me that you have people you

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Speaker 3: go after the people who are going to be supportive

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Speaker 3: of you.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 3: So, if you know that there's something in your life

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Speaker 3: that you were passionate about and you want help with that,

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Speaker 3: you want support with that, you you connect with those

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Speaker 3: people who are really going to support what you're doing,

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Speaker 3: and recognize too that sometimes our family and friends have

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Speaker 3: the best of intentions for us. Yes, and so that

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Speaker 3: advice that they're tossing out, like girl, you should go

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Speaker 3: on to be a lawyer, Like that's what you're gonna become,

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Speaker 3: That's what's gonna make you money. Right, That's what's gonna

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Speaker 3: bring our family out of poverty.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: Those things they may be well intentioned, but if it's

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Speaker 3: not for you, you don't have to write your family off,

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Speaker 3: but seek out those people who will be supportive of

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Speaker 3: the career choice that you're trying to make, because those

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Speaker 3: people will guide you, hopefully in the right direction exactly.

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Speaker 2: And you have to also be mindful of people that

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Speaker 2: are trying to project their old dreams and desires that

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Speaker 2: they never pursued onto you.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: I have to be mindful of this when I do

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Speaker 2: start having kids, like not to project my dreams and

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Speaker 2: desires onto my children, right, because people have to just

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Speaker 2: find who they are and find what itgnits their fire

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Speaker 2: and go after that. And so it makes me think

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Speaker 2: about adulting in general. Don So I want us to

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Speaker 2: both share we can three of our like least favorite

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Speaker 2: adulting like aspects to adulting, just so we can kind

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Speaker 2: of see if we have similar.

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Speaker 3: H Okay, Okay, all right, so you toss out one.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So I would say my least favorite thing about

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Speaker 2: adulting right now is probably ooh, this is okay, probably

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Speaker 2: grocery shopping.

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Speaker 1: I do it.

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Speaker 2: Grocery shopping takes a lot of time for me, Like

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Speaker 2: it's two hours to like go to both stores. I

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Speaker 2: always tore I would never go to two stores, but

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Speaker 2: in San Francisco, you gotta do what you gotta do

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Speaker 2: because Costco just doesn't I can't buy everything in bulk,

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Speaker 2: so I gotta go to some of it. So I

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Speaker 2: would say grocery shopping, that's my first.

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Speaker 3: Okay, my first is related to grocery shopping. Cooking. People

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Speaker 3: who know me know that I don't really cook anymore.

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Speaker 3: Like at one point in life I was trying to

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Speaker 3: learn and could really do some good stuff in grad school,

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Speaker 3: like my friends knew my ribbans and rice was like

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Speaker 3: on point, like that was the thing, right, Okay. My

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Speaker 3: grandmother has given me tons of recipes like crawfish pasta,

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Speaker 3: shrimp a to fade, like all things, and I can

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Speaker 3: pull that out and like I can cook it if

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Speaker 3: I need to, but on my regular day.

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Speaker 2: To day I'm not. I'm just here for it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's probably what I'm not cooking. Yeah, my least papers.

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Speaker 2: The next one I would probably say, just like I mean,

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Speaker 2: I like to have control, like I'm very detail oriented.

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Speaker 2: I like to have control of my life for schedule,

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Speaker 2: but just having to just be so responsible, like I

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Speaker 2: gotta pay these bills, like I gotta get up and

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Speaker 2: go to work, I don't have anyone to wake me up.

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Speaker 2: Just having so much responsibility and being in charge of

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Speaker 2: everything so if everything, if shit hits the fan, is

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Speaker 2: my fault. I can't say, oh my mom and dad

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Speaker 2: they didn't wake me up, Like no, it's you. It's

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Speaker 2: on you. So I think just having so much responsibility

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Speaker 2: and the stakes being so high, that's another thing. Like

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Speaker 2: when you run into obstacles as an adult, you got

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Speaker 2: to figure that shit out and sometimes it's scary.

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Speaker 3: Right, And I think for me, like yes, that responsibility

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Speaker 3: piece is another thing, but the thing that ties into

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Speaker 3: that for me most mostly is like the paying bills,

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Speaker 3: like this work hard and my money has to go

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Speaker 3: to bills like no, yes, no, I just gonna go

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Speaker 3: have fun, and so that, yeah, that that probably is

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Speaker 3: one of my hardest things is being responsible. Yes, having

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Speaker 3: to make the quote unquote right choices. But and I

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Speaker 3: know we said three, but I would take us away

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Speaker 3: from that because that also ties into one of the

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Speaker 3: things that I love about being an adult, and that's freedom.

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Speaker 3: Oh yes, I can get. If I decide that I

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Speaker 3: want to sleep in, I can do that. Now, granted,

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Speaker 3: there will be consequences, so I can't say I'm going

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Speaker 3: to sleep until ten, knowing I was supposed to be

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Speaker 3: to work at nine exactly. But if I do that,

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Speaker 3: I have the freedom to do that. And so I

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Speaker 3: think that that's one of the good things about being

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Speaker 3: an adult. Like if I decide that I want to

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Speaker 3: get up on a Saturday morning and take a drive

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Speaker 3: along Highway One, that's like one of the most beautiful

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Speaker 3: drives you can ever take. If y'all are ever in California,

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Speaker 3: make sure you do that, Like it's gorgeous. If I

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Speaker 3: get up on a Saturday morning, I can decide to

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Speaker 3: do that. I don't have to ask anyone. I don't

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Speaker 3: have to get permission. It's my choice to make.

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Speaker 2: That's a good point. I grew up in a very

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Speaker 2: strict household, and so I used have to ask for

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Speaker 2: permission to do everything. And so I think freedom like seriously,

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Speaker 2: don't drink, don't drink your mom's juice, don't eat it

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Speaker 2: ass you know what I mean, like snack or whatever.

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Speaker 2: So I think having the freedom and independence. I agree

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Speaker 2: with you there, and I love to dive into some

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Speaker 2: I want to say strategies, like what can we do

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Speaker 2: when we are in that place where we're like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I'm comparing myself to someone else because it happens. I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'm still guilty to this day, Like I

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Speaker 2: know that I shouldn't compare. I know that, and I

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Speaker 2: feel for the most part, I don't often, but sometimes

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Speaker 2: you fall into that, especially if you're in a low

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Speaker 2: point or you see something that just impacts you deeply

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Speaker 2: on social media usually right or in real life. Like,

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Speaker 2: I love to talk about some tactics that we can

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Speaker 2: all use to combat that.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I think one of the first strategies that I

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Speaker 3: what's tap into is to look at where you are

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Speaker 3: currently in life, right, do an evaluation of what is

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Speaker 3: happening right in front of you in the moment. Are

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Speaker 3: there things that you want to do differently. Are there

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Speaker 3: things that you probably need to do differently, but are

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Speaker 3: there things that you're doing really well? Oftentimes we don't

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Speaker 3: take enough time to acknowledge the good things that we

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Speaker 3: are doing for ourselves. Right, So if we just take

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Speaker 3: a moment to take stock of what's really truly happening

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Speaker 3: in front of us, that could help us move into

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Speaker 3: a space of let me not compare myself to what's

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Speaker 3: happening for my friends or what's happening to everyone else

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Speaker 3: around me. I've got some dope stuff happening and being

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Speaker 3: able to really see that and acknowledge that.

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Speaker 2: That's an excellent point. And also I think we need

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Speaker 2: to realize that some of us have been through so

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Speaker 2: much in life, and we don't give ourselves enough credit

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Speaker 2: for being where we are based on what we where

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Speaker 2: we come from, what our family looks like, the obstacles

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Speaker 2: our family has faced, you know what I mean. So

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Speaker 2: I think just acknowledging where you are. It may not

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Speaker 2: be where you want to be, but you've gone through

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Speaker 2: so much hell to get to where you are today.

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Speaker 3: So just being a black person in this country, in

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Speaker 3: this moment, being alive, that in and of itself is

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Speaker 3: an amazing feat, right, yes, And so like you're saying,

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Speaker 3: just being able to fully acknowledge that and appreciate that

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Speaker 3: anything that you're doing, considering the historical trauma that as

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Speaker 3: a people we have been through, you're doing amazing.

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Speaker 2: That's right, all right? So I would say the next

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Speaker 2: step is to revisit your why and your master plan.

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Speaker 2: It's easy to look at someone else's path and envy

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Speaker 2: their lifestyle or the possessions they have, but sometimes we

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Speaker 2: have to ask ourselves, do I want what I want

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Speaker 2: because someone else has it and it looks good? Like

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Speaker 2: when I talked about earlier about seeing someone in Dubai, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's great and everything, but like I'm currently launching products,

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Speaker 2: and I have this blog, and I have the you know,

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Speaker 2: we're working on the podcast, and I have the job.

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Speaker 2: Like being in Dubai right now would not be good

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Speaker 2: for me because I have so much stuff going on here.

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Speaker 2: So do I want that just because I see someone

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Speaker 2: I was doing it? Or does it fit into my

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Speaker 2: why and my master plan? So really thinking about why

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Speaker 2: do you want what you want? Right right right?

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Speaker 3: And maybe Dubai is not where you need to be

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Speaker 3: because that's a door that should stay closed so that

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Speaker 3: you can be ready for the door that's going to

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Speaker 3: open to another trip later on in the year that

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Speaker 3: will take you to networking to propel you to your

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Speaker 3: next step. And so when you look at that door

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00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 3: that needs to be closed, or you're saying to yourself,

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Speaker 3: I have these things that I'm working on, and so

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Speaker 3: I can't do what my friends are doing, know that

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Speaker 3: just because that door is closing doesn't mean that there

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Speaker 3: aren't two or three other doors out there that are

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Speaker 3: waiting for you to get to that next step.

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Speaker 2: Agreed.

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Speaker 3: And so our third tip for you is to motivate

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Speaker 3: yourself and create a game plan. What that really looks

436
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 3: like is again having that conversation with yourself, checking out

437
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:44,120
Speaker 3: our website to look at our goal mapping workbook, and

438
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 3: devising that master plan for your life and setting up

439
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 3: those smart goals that we mentioned, and really figuring out

440
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 3: what steps you want to take and how you can

441
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:04,199
Speaker 3: realistically get there, and find those things to motivate you

442
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 3: to make to accomplish those things, whether that's having an

443
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 3: accountability partner or having a vision board or motivational quote,

444
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,680
Speaker 3: whatever it is that's going to get you energized.

445
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 2: Do it and then we have don't despise the days

446
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 2: of small beginnings. As we all know, every journey begins

447
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 2: with a single step, just one literally, just take that

448
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 2: first step, and that first step can lead to endless possibilities.

449
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 2: And when you think about it, when we compare our

450
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,880
Speaker 2: life to other people's lives, it's like us comparing are

451
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 2: day one to someone else's day one hundred, Right, we

452
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 2: don't know what they had to do the ninety nine

453
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,160
Speaker 2: other days to get to where they are, and it's

454
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 2: really not fair to yourself. It's literally like asking yourself

455
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 2: this question, right, would you want to go from first

456
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 2: grade to twelfth grade? Probably not, because you're going to

457
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:59,399
Speaker 2: need all of the lessons in second, third, fourth, fifth,

458
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 2: and so on and so forth that will allow you

459
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 2: to show up fully and to be prepared and to

460
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 2: have what you need to succeed in twelfth grade or

461
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 2: in that level. So it's like every step of our

462
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 2: journey is needed to get us to our final destination,

463
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,360
Speaker 2: so to speak, and where we want to end up.

464
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 2: And so comparing our journey to someone else's is just

465
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 2: it's not fair to ourselves, and it's just it's gonna

466
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 2: leave you pissed off. You know what I mean every

467
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 2: single time.

468
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 3: Right, And it's creating. It's going to create that negative energy.

469
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,439
Speaker 3: And when you're in a negative space, it prevents you

470
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 3: from doing what we would listen as Our last and

471
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 3: final tip is to celebrate those around you who are

472
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,400
Speaker 3: doing well. So when you're in a space of feeling

473
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 3: good and you can celebrate those around you and feel

474
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 3: good for others and make others feel good, all of

475
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 3: that energy just keeps manifesting itself. And as that energy

476
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 3: is manifesting itself, you will find that you will become

477
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 3: more motivated. You will put yourself or in spaces that

478
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,400
Speaker 3: allow you to reach the goals that you have set

479
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 3: out for yourself. So just creating that positivity.

480
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 2: Amen to that. And I will say whenever I feel

481
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 2: that little like hint of like jealousy or envy or

482
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 2: hate or something like that, and I have to check

483
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 2: myself because I'm a human being, Like I have to

484
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 2: check myself or it's like pause, what's going on with

485
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 2: you while you acting? All stinks?

486
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 3: Right?

487
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 2: And I when I feel those moments come along, I

488
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 2: do my best to move past it by showing love.

489
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 2: So sometimes I may and may not be my first

490
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 2: or like you know, my initial reaction, but it's like,

491
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 2: uh uh, I'm gonna show some love there because something's

492
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 2: going on inside me that I need to address.

493
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:48,200
Speaker 3: Right.

494
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 2: But I'm excited for you because that's good for you. Right,

495
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 2: even though it may not be happening for me, it's

496
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 2: exciting that someone else is doing something amazing, you know what.

497
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 3: I mean, doing something that fulfills them.

498
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: That's right.

499
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 2: So right now, we just want to thank you so

500
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 2: much for tuning in. It's been about five episodes for us.

501
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 2: You're tuned into the Herspace podcast, and so at this

502
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 2: time we just want to ask you that if you

503
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 2: are finding any value from any of our episodes, whether

504
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:19,199
Speaker 2: it's your first episode or you've tuned into all the

505
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 2: episodes with us, please be sure to head over to

506
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:26,399
Speaker 2: iTunes and leave us a review only if you found value. Right, So,

507
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 2: if you found that you you resonated with something that

508
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 2: we shared, you laughed at one of our corny jokes,

509
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 2: or you know we do, I don't even care. So

510
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 2: if you found anything valuable from the podcast, please leave feedback.

511
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 2: We want to know how you feel. We also want

512
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 2: other folks to be able to find the podcast here,

513
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 2: and Dom's going to close us out with a wonderful

514
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 2: proverb that ties everything together.

515
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you Tea. So our closing proverbs is where

516
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 3: you will sit when you are old shows where you

517
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 3: you stood in your youth. Again, where you will sit

518
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 3: when you are old shows where you stood in your youth.

519
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note

520
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 3: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

521
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 3: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no

522
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 3: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal

523
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 3: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are

524
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 3: someone you know is in need of mental health care,

525
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,959
Speaker 3: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today

526
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 3: or contact your insurance provider.

527
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

528
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:48,719
Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

529
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 2: Twitter at her Space podcast, or check out our website

530
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

531
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 2: after me, I am not defined by where I come

532
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 2: from or what happened to me. I get to create

533
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 2: my own destiny.

534
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week, Lady