WEBVTT - #127 This will be a difficult conversation 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.320 If anyone says how are you since you lost your dad, 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.080 look them straight in the eye and say, man, not 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:12.760 too good. Not too good? You want to talk about it? 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:15.920 And you go to be honest with you, No, I 0:00:15.920 --> 0:00:19.480 don't want to talk about it, but since you're a friend, 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:34.600 I would say, can you force me to talk about it? Hey, everybody, 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:38.239 Welcome to the podcast, Episode one, two seven. Thanks for 0:00:38.320 --> 0:00:41.160 joining me. Happy Monday. If you're watching real time, this 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:44.840 is the podcast where I answer your questions. It could 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:48.199 be about anything, any subject. We go super deep. If 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:51.880 you want to ask me a question, email Grangersmith podcast 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:54.400 at gmail dot com. I'm going to answer it like 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:57.560 we are sitting around a campfire and we have a 0:00:57.600 --> 0:00:59.680 lot of time, and you know that the fire is 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:02.440 getting and going down to embers and it's getting late, 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:04.319 and you say, hey, I can ask you a question 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:06.959 about something, something I've been wondering. I don't always have 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:09.760 the right answer, but we'll talk it, talk through it 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:11.919 like me and you are friends. And that's the format 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:15.000 of this podcast. Because of you, because of your questions, 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:17.280 because they've been so good, this has become one of 0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:19.440 the top podcasts in all of the music genre. So 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:21.880 thank you for that. If you're watching on YouTube, make 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:23.840 sure you give it a like. If you're watching on 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:26.560 or if you're listening on iTunes, make sure you give 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:30.000 it a positive review. And it just keeps kicking it 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:32.360 back up. Welcome. If you came from a TikTok clip, 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:35.720 I appreciate you there too. Also Instagram reels. Let's get 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:39.759 to the first question. I have a bunch queued up today. 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:45.680 First question, subject line says Orthodoxy verse modern day sounds 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:48.400 interesting enough, says Hey Grainger. My name is Taylor. I'm 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:51.080 from about an hour north of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I love 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:54.000 the podcast and the candid conversations you have as they 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:57.760 come up from the heart. I'm Orthodox and I've grown 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:02.240 up in the church since birth, having my baptism, first 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.840 Holy Communion, consciously going to church every Sunday through college. 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:09.040 But as I've gotten older, I find myself struggling with 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:12.280 the fine line between my personal relationship with God verse 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:15.519 the traditional by the book idea that I've had grown up. 0:02:15.880 --> 0:02:17.799 Throughout the last five years or so, I've dug into 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:20.400 my faith and begun to seek God to strengthen my 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:24.880 personal relationship with Him, But I fear that sometimes it 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.200 draws my attention away from what I've grown up with 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:30.720 in my orthodox faith. I've heard you briefly touch on 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:33.200 religion verse faith before, and I would love to know 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:35.239 more about any advice you might have on how to 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:38.680 navigate this and how to confidently seek Him. I appreciate 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:43.200 it greatly. God bless you and your family. Taylor. Thank you, Taylor, 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:46.760 Thanks for the email. It's a great question. And even 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:49.800 though you're right, I've touched on something similar before, I 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:52.480 think it doesn't hurt to just go back down this 0:02:52.520 --> 0:02:56.360 path again. So I want you to know. And so 0:02:56.440 --> 0:02:59.160 many times when I read your questions anybody's questions, I 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:01.440 want you to know that a lot of times you're 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:04.840 answering your own question through your question to me, and 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:07.680 I could find your answer hidden inside your own question, 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:11.360 letting me know that you already kind of know the 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.960 answer and you're just wanting me to justify it for you. 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:17.160 Which is fine, that's fine, That's that's what this podcast 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:20.320 is about to me. But you are feeling a tension 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:24.839 between a personal relationship with God, which is what, which 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:31.000 is what? Christianity essentially is Christianity unlike any other worldly religion, 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:36.200 is a relationship with God. Religion is man made. It's 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:39.200 not necessarily a bad kind of man made. It's just 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:43.720 religion is it's a way that it's a way. If 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:48.480 if Christianity is a personal relationship with God, then man 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:51.920 makes religion as a way to get there quicker or 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:56.960 more efficiently based on your personality, So an orthodox religion 0:03:57.640 --> 0:04:04.480 would be someone that craves a formal way of going 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:09.200 about his or her communication with God. Some there is 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:12.960 there's a certain personality trait that needs uh and needs 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:14.960 needs to dress up, and needs to be in a 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:21.919 really nice atmosphere, a very structured atmosphere at church, a 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:30.880 very very a very detailed format of prayer and organization. 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:35.880 Some people need that. Others are are way more loose. 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:38.760 Others like to wear a T shirt and faded blue 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:41.320 jeans to church, and they like to they like to 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:44.360 read the Bible and pray on their own time, and 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:48.560 they like to be informal with their prayers. Some people 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:51.520 like to be superstructured and super formal. So what I'm 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:55.520 saying is there's there's not a bad way based on 0:04:55.560 --> 0:04:58.440 your personality. Because there's so many personalities in this world. 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:02.880 There's not a bad way to communicate. But as long 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:06.960 as you realize that the ultimate goal is personal relationship 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:10.360 with God, what it sounds like through your question, Taylor, 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:14.000 is that you are feeling a tension between the Orthodox 0:05:14.240 --> 0:05:20.120 structure and your personal relationship, which tells me that Orthodox 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:23.880 structure is probably not your thing. It's probably not clicking 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.520 with your mind. Hey, it's the same, it's the same. 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:29.880 Look at look at music, look at movies. There's so 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:33.200 many different kinds of movies. Why because there's so many 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:36.520 different personalities. Like some people like to watch a very 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:42.040 serious French award winning something foreign film, and some people 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:45.880 like to watch Chris Farley in a really funny, lighthearted comedy. 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:49.200 And some people only watch those funny, lighthearted comedies, and 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:52.320 some people only watch the award winning winning French movies. 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:56.080 That's just because we're all different. Music is the same. 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:59.839 Some people like to listen to Beethoven and some people 0:05:59.880 --> 0:06:03.720 like to listen to kiss you know. And so we 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:06.640 structure our communication with God based on our own personal 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:11.640 preference and our own our own personal way of life. 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:15.719 So if you are feeling attention, that's not a good thing. 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:19.960 You are not required to be Orthodox and to be 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:24.240 structured and to wear wear really nice clothes. And how 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:26.120 do I know this because we look at the disciples, 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:30.039 I mean were there were fishermen and carpenters and tax collectors, 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:33.880 and they were just all over the map, and and 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:38.680 they all came together for one personal relationship. Keep that 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:41.000 in mind. Keep that in mind when you think about Peter, 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:45.080 think about Paul, Think about any of the disciples and 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:47.560 who they were, and what the clothes that they were, 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:51.159 and how they worshiped in a field in a wheat field, 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.800 how they they broke bread in a very casual way, 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:59.719 how they they prayed very casually. Read through the Psalms, 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:03.600 and through how David is worshiping, and he was very casual, 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:06.840 he was he was sounds like more like you, Taylor, 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:09.360 And we could find that through the Psalms. It wasn't 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:12.240 until later and the Pharisees were doing it at that 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:14.200 at the time, by the way, and Jesus didn't like it. 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:18.160 But we find out later through our development of the 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:22.679 church how we started structuring it. In Revelation, John says, 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:25.760 there there actually is no temple in heaven. There is 0:07:25.800 --> 0:07:27.960 no there is no temple in heaven because we are 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:31.280 the church. We are, we are the people, and I 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:34.120 feel like we're in heaven. We will worship in in 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:37.400 fields and by streams and by rivers and lakes and 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:40.120 and and on the streets and out in the woods. 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:43.160 I just feel like it's it's it's supposed to be 0:07:43.280 --> 0:07:45.640 very casual, but I also don't want to take away 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:48.040 for the people that need to be very structured, because 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:52.600 maybe their life needs to be structured. To your question, 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:55.920 I would, I would. I would not let that be attention. 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:57.920 I would not worry about that. I would not worry 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:00.320 about the way you grew up, the traditional way that 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:01.960 you grew up. I would base it more on who 0:08:02.000 --> 0:08:05.040 you are now as an adult and the way you 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:10.120 want to achieve that personal relationship. I hope that answers 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:12.840 your question. Email me back if if we want to 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:18.120 go deeper into that. Next question is subject line I 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:21.520 really like this girl. Hey Gring, your name is James, 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:24.280 currently going to college in Arizona. I've been talking to 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:27.120 this girl recently who is from back home. She goes 0:08:27.120 --> 0:08:29.840 to a school nearby. It's not long distance. I recently 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:32.319 asked her if she was wanting a relationship now or 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:35.080 if she doesn't want one. She said she doesn't want one, 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:39.520 but she may want one in the future. Hey, that's obvious, right. 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:43.720 You go on to say, I know she's studying abroad 0:08:43.760 --> 0:08:45.599 for a few weeks this summer, so I don't know 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:47.280 if she likes me or if she just wants to 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:50.160 wait till this is all over. Because we only see 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:53.160 each other for four weeks. We will only see each 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:55.360 other for four weeks over the next few months. If 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:57.480 she if she likes me or not, I don't know 0:08:58.200 --> 0:08:59.920 should I wait for this girl? Should I move on 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:02.600 not knowing if she likes me or if she's just 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:07.080 leading me on? Love your podcast. Thank you, James, Thanks 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:11.080 for the question. Once again, I feel like you're answering 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:17.320 your own question in your own email to me. If 0:09:17.320 --> 0:09:23.319 she says if you ask her if she wants a relationship, 0:09:23.880 --> 0:09:29.760 she says no, she doesn't, that's enough, right, That's enough 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:33.520 for her to say to you, I don't really dig 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:37.640 you that much because the answer is always obvious. We 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:39.160 just don't always see it when we're in it. But 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:43.360 if she doesn't want a relationship right now, what she's 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:48.120 saying is I don't want a relationship with you because 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:50.480 at whatever stage of life she's in, no matter how 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:53.120 busy she is, no matter what she's going on with 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:57.480 college or working or abroad or studying, whatever she's doing. 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:01.480 If she really likes like, if her heart is attached 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:06.520 to you, she will make time in that space for you. 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:10.520 And she's not willing to do that, which is great 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:13.920 for you. You're getting a clear answer. That's really good. 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.760 You're not getting an ambiguous and ambiguous answer here. She's 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:23.559 telling you I don't like you, Okay, that's not saying 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:25.720 that she won't in the future sometime, and I don't 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:28.760 want I don't want you to cling to that. But 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:33.720 I'm assuming she's being super sweet to you and she's 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:36.760 probably just a nice person. That's why she says I 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:40.240 don't want a relationship. But you're still in this waiting 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:43.200 period because she's probably just a nice person and every 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:44.719 time you talk to her you think, oh, but she's 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:48.120 so nice. But she already gave you an answer, James. 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:53.480 So your question is should I move on not knowing 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:55.600 if she likes me? Or is she just leading me on? 0:10:57.120 --> 0:11:00.000 Where are you going? Like? Are you? You? Are you? 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:03.640 Are you asking to move on to another girl? Because 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:05.640 if that's the case, then that's your own answer to 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.920 you could find another girl, like there's another one out there. 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:13.120 If you are stuck on her, then I would wait 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:17.560 on a new relationship until you heal yourself and you 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:22.400 become content alone yourself, which would just take time, and 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:24.920 I would invest a lot of time and energy in 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:29.400 your friends, your guy friends. You're in Arizona. What an 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:32.000 amazing place to live, going to college in Arizona. You're 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:35.640 living a dream life. And apparently you don't totally know that. 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:38.160 You are living a dream life in Arizona right now. 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:42.200 Hang out with your buddies, go hiking, go fishing, enjoy 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:44.840 this college life. You only get one shot at this, 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:47.000 and not a lot of people get this kind of opportunity. 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:49.560 I didn't to go to college in Arizona. I didn't 0:11:49.559 --> 0:11:53.440 get that. So enjoy that, Embrace that, and don't worry 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:56.520 about this girl. You asked her if she wants a relationship. 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:59.040 Good on you for asking, Good on her for telling 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:03.000 you the truth. She does. It's not going to work, 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:13.400 at least not right now. Let's move on. Heret this question, says, 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:15.600 Hey Grangeer, my name is Mason. I'm sixteen years old 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:17.400 from a small town in Oregon. Been a huge fan 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:20.400 since I was about ten. I had a quick question. 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:23.840 I love Rodeo, It's my life goal and dream, but 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:26.199 my parents and family hate it. Do you think I 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:32.200 should follow my dreams or try to make my family happy? Thanks? Mason, 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:37.199 good question, Thanks for emailing. This question is different if 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:39.920 you're saying you're twenty six or thirty six, but you're sixteen, 0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:43.160 you're still under your parents' roof, so that there's this 0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:49.080 element of respecting your parents, honoring your parents and how 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:53.400 they they want your life to go. That can't change 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:55.880 the fact that if your parents hate Rodeo, it's not 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:58.720 going to change the fact that you love it. But 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:02.880 by honoring them, it changes the dynamic of how you 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:07.000 treat it. For instance, how are you how are you 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:11.839 having a conversation with your mom? Because the thing about 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:15.439 parents is, Mason, they love you and they're looking out 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:18.280 for your best interest. So they might be thinking about 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:21.040 your financial future in Rodeo. They know it's a tough 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:24.280 life too. They might be thinking about getting you getting 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:28.360 injured and maybe you hurt your back and that's gonna 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:31.200 that's gonna hurt future career moves for you. That's what 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:36.439 they're thinking, So, how are you positioning this conversation? Because 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:39.400 what if you said, Mom, can I talk with you? 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:44.240 And there's no animosity towards her or your dad or 0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:47.160 your family, But it's more like, Mom, could I talk 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:51.560 with you? I love rodeo and it's it's my life dream, 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:55.640 it's it's my life passion. I'm I'm so, I'm so 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:59.200 in love with this sport and everything about it. How 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:02.160 could I work with you so that you could see 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:05.360 that I'm going to stay safe and that I'm I'm 0:14:05.360 --> 0:14:08.640 gonna enjoy this and that enjoyment is more important to 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:12.240 me than money in the future, Like what if you 0:14:12.240 --> 0:14:15.520 had that kind of conversation and if she says absolutely not, 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:19.120 say okay, can you go with me to a rodeo sometime? 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:21.160 Maybe we could talk to some of the older guys. 0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:23.800 Maybe we could talk to some of my peers, some 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:25.680 of the people I look up to. You could have 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:27.960 a conversation with some of the other moms, see what 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.640 they're thinking, Like what if you brought her into this 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:33.800 whole decision thing with you instead of saying, Mom, I 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:35.280 love it, I want to do it. I don't care 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:38.720 what you say. It changes the dynamic, right, So bring 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:43.640 her in, but while honoring her, while respecting the fact 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:45.920 that she's just looking after you and she wants the 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:48.360 best for you. So see it from that perspective. Mom 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:51.560 wants the best for me. Mom knows she's been here 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:54.720 on this earth longer than me, So there's an element 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:57.400 of that, Like, maybe I should listen a little bit 0:14:57.400 --> 0:14:59.920 to Mom. Now. I'm not leaning either way on this. 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:03.480 I understand having a dream because I had it with music, 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:05.800 and I had it at your same age of sixteen. 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:08.440 I was all ate up with being on tour and 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:12.520 traveling and playing music, and it's very similar. It's an 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:17.160 uncertain future, right, I would say, honor her, honor your parents, 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:20.080 and bring them in on this whole decision with you. 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:22.680 Let them take this journey with you so they could 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:25.040 see your love and you could also see their point 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:32.040 of view. Subjecline here says tired of being alone. Hey Granger, 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:34.600 my name is Carly. I'm from North Carolina. I'm twenty 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:38.680 years old. I've never had a boyfriend. I've had guys 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:40.840 by me, gifts, lead me on, say they love me, 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:43.600 and then hurt me multiple times, but never had a 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:45.440 guy ask me out. On a date or pursue me. 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.840 I've always been embarrassed to tell people that mainly make 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:51.840 people because they make fun of me for it. But 0:15:52.000 --> 0:15:55.680 I'm starting to lose hope. I know there that there 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:59.520 was no one perfect, and I don't expect there each 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.800 guy to be perfect. But they all say they're a Christian, 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:05.160 but the way of life they're living is a completely 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.480 different story. I ask my friends all the time if 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:09.520 I'm doing something wrong or if there's something wrong with 0:16:09.600 --> 0:16:11.880 me that makes no guy want to pursue me, but 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.520 they say no. I try to keep my standards high, 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:17.040 but it's becoming challenging for me because I don't want 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:19.440 to be alone anymore. I'm convinced that I'm never going 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:21.960 to find a guy that's different, a man that's actually 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:25.000 a Christian, or it's after God's own heart. A part 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:27.520 of me wants to settle, but I just know that 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:33.160 I can't any advice. Carly, my first thing to you 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:36.520 is that you're way too young for this to be 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:40.440 a huge concern for you. You're starting to wonder if 0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:44.000 there's ever a guy for you, and you're twenty. I 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:47.040 know that twenty the two decades on this earth is 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:50.480 a long time, but it's a short time as far 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:55.080 as relationships go, like you have so much time ahead 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:59.680 of you. I would say partly, it feels like you're 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:03.720 fish in the wrong pond you're looking for You're looking 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:07.640 for steak at Baskin Robbins, and Baskin Robbins is never 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:11.960 gonna sell steak. So stop going there to get full right, 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:14.159 because you're just gonna get ice cream there and then 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:16.760 you're gonna walk out going Why do I keep getting 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:19.359 ice cream? I want a steak. I want to fill 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:23.679 my soul with food, and I'm getting ice cream. I 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.480 would say that's because you're shopping at Baskin Robbins. That's 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:31.760 all they sell. So go to a steakhouse. Go to 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:34.320 a steakhouse to find the food that you need to 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:39.600 fill right. So where would that be? Well, it's not 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:41.800 that hard, it's not that hard to think about. I mean, 0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:47.960 church is one way, right, Go to a church, start 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:51.120 start living a life. You say you're a Christian, start 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:55.280 living a life pursuing Christ and go full strength into 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:59.080 that and then look sideways and see who's going on 0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:02.160 the same path with you, and you'll find him. You'll 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:05.359 find someone that's going the same direction instead of someone 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:07.880 passing you by going the opposite direction. And then you say, hey, 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:10.320 do you like me? And they say yes, I love you, 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:12.440 and then they keep going and you say, why didn't 0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:15.800 they stop. It's confusing to me that you say you've 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:18.719 never had a boyfriend, but you've had guys tell you 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:22.639 that they love you. That's strange to me that anyone 0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:26.760 would say they love you and you've been hurt by this, 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:28.680 but they've never asked you on a date. I think 0:18:28.720 --> 0:18:31.680 you're giving your heart away a little too soon someone 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:35.840 that's never asked you on a date, and you're jumping 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:38.840 the gun a little bit, allowing yourself to get hurt 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:43.560 too early from someone that's not a respectable suitor for you. 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:49.680 I would say you deserve better than that. So all 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:53.760 that being said, you're twenty. You have so much more 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:57.240 life ahead of you. Don't go shopping at Basking Robin's 0:18:57.280 --> 0:19:05.399 for a stake. Work on being single and content. Preach 0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:07.679 that to yourself, Preach that to your mind, preach that 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:10.439 to your own heart, and say I'm single and I 0:19:10.480 --> 0:19:14.080 am content. And you might not totally believe it. Deep down, 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:15.960 you might not totally believe it, but keep preaching it 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:18.760 back at yourself. Wake up in the morning and tell yourself, 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:22.080 I'm single. The sun's up today, it's a new day, 0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:25.920 and I'm content alone. I am content alone. You were 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:30.000 born alone and you will die alone. All of you listening, 0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:33.960 You were born alone and you will die alone. You 0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:38.120 have to learn to be content alone before you could 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:41.280 add someone else to that mix. And when you do, 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:44.360 you'll know it and you'll be so attractive to other 0:19:44.400 --> 0:19:48.680 people for being content and alone. What is it about 0:19:48.680 --> 0:19:52.879 that girl? She's so confident, she's so driven. What is 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:54.640 it about here? I'll tell you what it is. She's 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:59.800 content alone, she's content without you. And then they go, man, 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:01.600 I want a part of that. I want a part 0:20:01.600 --> 0:20:04.919 of that girl. If you're desperate, if you're asking the 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:09.920 question out loud, why am I not happy? It shows 0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:13.359 on your face. People will see that. So pre set 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:16.480 to yourself, stop shopping at Baskin Robins, and remember you 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:19.439 got a lot of life left ahead of you. Okay, 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:25.359 thank you, Carly, thanks for the question. Let's grab one 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:30.080 more and take a break. Subdecline Here it says death. 0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:33.600 Hey granger, my name is Toner. I recently lost my dad, 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:36.119 and ever since, I feel like I should be relieved 0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:38.280 that he's no longer in pain, But another part of 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:41.320 me feels like a complete pos for thinking that I 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:44.920 should be sad. Does this feeling ever go away? I 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:47.679 also feel like I shouldn't talk to anyone or go 0:20:47.760 --> 0:20:52.679 out anymore, and I should just stick to myself. Toner 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:57.680 Grad email, Man, I've been there. I know your pain, 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:01.440 or at least similar pain. None of us could relate 0:21:01.480 --> 0:21:03.720 exactly to each other, but we could. We could be 0:21:03.760 --> 0:21:05.679 in the same ballpark and I lost my dad and 0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:10.639 I felt these kind of feelings, and I think I 0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:14.320 think the first answer that I would give you is 0:21:14.359 --> 0:21:18.240 that when you ask, I feel like I should be 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:20.640 relieved that he's no longer in pain. But another part 0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:23.160 makes me feel like a pus, thinking then I should 0:21:23.200 --> 0:21:25.760 be sad. I think you could have both, That's what 0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:28.000 I would say. I would say, Yes, you could be 0:21:28.080 --> 0:21:31.120 relieved that your dad's not in pain, and you could 0:21:31.160 --> 0:21:35.600 also feel sad that he's gone, and you could feel 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:38.040 like you want a little more of him and another 0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:41.560 piece of him back here, and you feel guilty because 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:44.800 you're thinking, if I if I'm wanting him back, then 0:21:44.840 --> 0:21:47.879 I'm wanting him to be in pain again for my 0:21:47.960 --> 0:21:50.760 own selfish reasons. And I would say reject that thought. 0:21:50.840 --> 0:21:55.119 It's not a correct thought because the love that you 0:21:55.160 --> 0:21:58.679 have for your dad is now reflecting in the grief 0:21:58.720 --> 0:22:01.320 that you have for him. So the amount, the amount 0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:03.840 of love that you have for any person that you 0:22:03.960 --> 0:22:07.000 lose equals the amount of grief. So if you loved 0:22:07.040 --> 0:22:10.040 him a lot, you're gonna grieve him a lot. If 0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:11.879 you didn't love him very much, you're gonna get over 0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:15.879 him quick. So the sign that you're still sad and 0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:19.960 you're still grieving tells me you got a great dad. 0:22:20.680 --> 0:22:22.280 You had a dad that loved you and you loved 0:22:22.359 --> 0:22:25.600 him a lot. And not a lot of people can 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:28.240 say that. Not everyone listening to this podcast could say 0:22:29.320 --> 0:22:33.320 I love my biological father so much and he loves 0:22:33.359 --> 0:22:37.040 me so much. Not everyone can say that, and you can. 0:22:37.200 --> 0:22:40.360 So so that there's this idea that there's a you're 0:22:40.480 --> 0:22:44.439 You're you're part of a small group that is that 0:22:44.560 --> 0:22:49.280 is so blessed to have had a loving father. Let 0:22:49.359 --> 0:22:53.919 yourself grieve, let yourself be sad. Stop telling yourself that 0:22:53.960 --> 0:23:00.159 you're a pos. The feeling you're asking that you you 0:23:00.160 --> 0:23:02.479 shouldn't talk to anyone, or you shouldn't go out anymore. 0:23:02.480 --> 0:23:06.439 You shouldn't go out anymore is also normal, and I 0:23:06.480 --> 0:23:10.359 would I would go against that is as hard as 0:23:10.440 --> 0:23:14.360 it is to do. I would say, try to talk 0:23:14.400 --> 0:23:17.240 to people about it. Try to go out because we 0:23:17.320 --> 0:23:20.600 need community. Don't sit at home with the blinds closed, 0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:22.959