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Speaker 1: There are sixty nine days left guys until the November

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Speaker 1: thirty election. Please go right now to get registered at

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Speaker 1: vote for one one dot org. Vote for one one

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Speaker 1: dot org. It takes less than two minutes. Surely you

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Speaker 1: have two minutes to register to vote. Okay. Plus when

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Speaker 1: you do this you can get your dates as to

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Speaker 1: when you can early vote in your state. Please go

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Speaker 1: to vote four one one dot org. Okay, four one

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Speaker 1: one dot org. Sixty nine days left, not much time,

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Speaker 1: It's going like that, all right, switching gears here, Time

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Speaker 1: now for today's Strawberry Letter. Listen. If you need advice

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Speaker 1: on dating, work, sex, parenting, relationships and more, please submit

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Speaker 1: your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and click

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Speaker 1: submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter live

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Speaker 1: on the air, just like we're gonna read this one

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Speaker 1: right here right now. Buggle up and hold on tight.

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Speaker 1: We got it for all you here. It is straw

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Speaker 1: bavery letter. Thank you, nephew. Subject I can't find a

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Speaker 1: man in real life or online. Dear Stephen Shirley, this

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Speaker 1: isn't a typical letter about cheating. I am in my

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Speaker 1: mid thirties and I've been single for too long. I'm

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Speaker 1: a nurse and I meet a lot of great men

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Speaker 1: at work, but I'm not having any luck in love.

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Speaker 1: When I meet a guy, I'm optimistic and I'm not

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Speaker 1: expecting him to play games just to have sex with me.

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Speaker 1: I'm the type to text right back, return calls, and

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Speaker 1: show up early for a date. My girlfriends say I

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Speaker 1: catch feelings too quickly and I'm a hopeless romantic, but

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Speaker 1: I love love and I want to be married. The

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Speaker 1: last guy I dated would send me Texas to set

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Speaker 1: up a date, and we rarely talked on the phone.

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Speaker 1: A couple of times he canceled the date as I

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Speaker 1: was on my way to meet him. I didn't see

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Speaker 1: those red flags. I didn't see these as red flags

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Speaker 1: because my life happens, because life happens, and planned to

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Speaker 1: do change. He eventually broke up with me via text

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't able to get closure, so I turned

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Speaker 1: to online dating because of COVID, and when I met guys,

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Speaker 1: we had to virtually see each other. Even then, it

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Speaker 1: was hard to keep a man engaged. The guys I've

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Speaker 1: been meeting do not have conversation, and they want nude

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Speaker 1: photos and like to sext instead. Of getting to know me.

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Speaker 1: I lowered my standards before and had a sexual relationship

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Speaker 1: with a doctor that I work with, and he did

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Speaker 1: not tell me he was married. I've prayed and then

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Speaker 1: gone to counseling so I would not become bitter and

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Speaker 1: ruined by him. I know my letter isn't the normal

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Speaker 1: outcry for help, but I do need some real insight

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Speaker 1: on why dating is like this. Now the rappers and

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Speaker 1: actors are making it cool again to get married, so

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Speaker 1: I'm hoping it catches on with regular guys and everyday life.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you could do a mentoring piece for older guys

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Speaker 1: older guys on how to treat women. Or is dating

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Speaker 1: a loss cause? Now? Well, no, absolutely not. Dating is

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Speaker 1: not a loss cause. And because you gotta date, you

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Speaker 1: gotta get to know the people. You gotta learn the

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Speaker 1: people and who they really are. It's not the dates.

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Speaker 1: I just think in this instance, it's you. You're moving fast.

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Speaker 1: You're moving too fast. You love love, you say you

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Speaker 1: want to get married. Well that's great, that's all great,

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Speaker 1: but you know you just can't love anybody or get

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Speaker 1: married to anyone. I don't think you should waste your

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Speaker 1: time on the wrong person just because you want to

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Speaker 1: be in love so badly, and you know, I really think,

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Speaker 1: like I said, you're moving too fast. You need to

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Speaker 1: slow down, please, You're all over the place. If this

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Speaker 1: doesn't work here at work, then I'll just go online

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Speaker 1: and date these guys. It's too much. Slow it down, breathe.

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Speaker 1: I agree with your girls on this one. I think

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Speaker 1: you catch feelings too quickly. You don't even give your chance,

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Speaker 1: yourself a chance at love. You don't know how these

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Speaker 1: guys are, who they are that you're falling in love with.

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Speaker 1: I think it's a sign of desperation on your part.

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Speaker 1: You say you're your mid thirties, so you're thinking about

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Speaker 1: your biological clock if you want to be married and

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Speaker 1: have kids and all that. Well, you know, but you

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Speaker 1: get these guys who just text you and you're okay

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Speaker 1: with that. No, they need to pick up the phone

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Speaker 1: and give you a proper phone call and talk to

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Speaker 1: you about where you're going on the date at some point,

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Speaker 1: don't you think. And then this guy that canceled on

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Speaker 1: you twice twice, You let them get away with it

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Speaker 1: one time, but then you let it get away with

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Speaker 1: it again, just as you were on your way to

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Speaker 1: meet him. How is that acceptable to you? You don't

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Speaker 1: value yourself or your time, and I'm sure he sees that,

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Speaker 1: so he doesn't value you or your time either, And

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Speaker 1: then you make all kinds of excuses for them, like

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Speaker 1: life happens or plans do change. No, no, you let

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Speaker 1: them know, you'd let them know. Please see these as

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Speaker 1: the red flags that they are, because they are red flags.

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Speaker 1: If you're meeting these guys that just want to have

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Speaker 1: sex and sexed with you, then you should be saying

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Speaker 1: I'm out. That's what you should be saying to them,

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Speaker 1: because that's not what you want. You said you want marriage.

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Speaker 1: You said you had sex with a married doctor on

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Speaker 1: the job. He didn't tell you he was married. Well,

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Speaker 1: did you ask him or did you just jump into

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Speaker 1: the thing? You've got to you know, be a part

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Speaker 1: of this situation too. Give yourself time to know these

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Speaker 1: guys before jumping into bed with him. I just think

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Speaker 1: you know you should have suspected something. You should have

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Speaker 1: if he was a married guy. Wow. I here's a

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Speaker 1: question and that you should ask yourself. I'm sure you've

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Speaker 1: heard this before. Would you date you? Just think about that?

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Speaker 1: Would you date you? If the answer is yes, that

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Speaker 1: means you have a self healthy self esteem. You don't

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Speaker 1: put yourself down, you have self confidence. Things like that. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and that's what you need to date these guys. Now,

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Speaker 1: don't worry about what the rappers are doing. Just worry

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Speaker 1: about what you're doing. Steve, I can't find a man

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Speaker 1: in real life? Oh online? Join the club? You have

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Speaker 1: any idea how many women are saying this? But you

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Speaker 1: have a typical letter. It's not non typical, it's very typical.

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Speaker 1: It may not be the normal Strawberry letter we get.

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Speaker 1: But this thing that you're saying I've heard hundreds of

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Speaker 1: times before. So when I come back, I'm straighten it

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Speaker 1: out for you. You ain't got to listen to me, though,

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Speaker 1: but you were did right us though. All right, thank you, Steve.

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Speaker 1: We'll have part two of Steve's response coming up at

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Speaker 1: twenty three minutes after the hour of subject I can't

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Speaker 1: find a man in real life or online? You're listening

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Speaker 1: to show, all right, Come on, Steve, let's recap today's

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Speaker 1: Strawberry letter the subject I can't find a man in

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Speaker 1: real life or online. Let's just go through the letter

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Speaker 1: so I can help her. This isn't a joke letter.

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Speaker 1: This is let me help you. I'm in my mid thirties,

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Speaker 1: I've been a single too long. I'm a nurse. Meet

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Speaker 1: a lot of great men at work, but I'm not

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Speaker 1: having any luck in love. When I meet a guy,

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Speaker 1: I'm optimistic and not expecting him to play games just

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Speaker 1: to have sexual me. I'm the type to text right back,

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Speaker 1: return calls, and show up early for a day. Okay,

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Speaker 1: first of all, when I meet a guy, I'm optimistic

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Speaker 1: and not expecting him to play games just have sex

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Speaker 1: with me, you have to change that. You have to

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Speaker 1: immediately just change that thought process. It's okay to be optimistic,

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Speaker 1: but at one point you got to start being a

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Speaker 1: little bit more realistic and a lot less gullible. And

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Speaker 1: you start that by just changing that line right there.

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Speaker 1: When I meet a guy, I'm optimistic and not expecting

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Speaker 1: him to play games just to how sexually. Why you

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Speaker 1: think they're meeting you to have sex with you? Ain't

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Speaker 1: no dude wondering about your dreams and visions by kennem

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Speaker 1: bout you know what you hope for in life. We

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Speaker 1: talk to you because we want to have sex with you.

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Speaker 1: This is what it is. So stop all it expecting

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Speaker 1: him to play games just to have sex, not what

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Speaker 1: he wants. What you gotta do is make it cost

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Speaker 1: more than sex. I'm the type to text right back,

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Speaker 1: return calls to show up early for a day. You

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Speaker 1: got to stop being so damn available, call me right back.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what's what's again? Hello? Hello? Hello, Hell hers me?

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Speaker 1: It's me Me. So I took so longer picked up

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Speaker 1: on a second me. I try to get it right away.

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Speaker 1: You too damn available? And what girl woman shows up

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Speaker 1: at day early on the date? Be late? Stars ain't

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Speaker 1: ever own time. We don't roll into everybody there, They

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Speaker 1: wait on us. It's a damn rule. Why because we

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Speaker 1: the star. I know that's messed up, but that's the

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Speaker 1: way it was for I became one. So I'm playing

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Speaker 1: the damn I'm not gonna be there early, waiting on

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Speaker 1: the set, designer and all that. You are the star

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Speaker 1: of this date. The woman is the star of the date.

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Speaker 1: Make no mistake about it. We are the leading man,

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Speaker 1: but the woman is the star of the date. We

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Speaker 1: want to know what you got on, how you have,

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Speaker 1: how you walk, how you smell, what you feel like.

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Speaker 1: Ain't nobody wondering what we wan. We got on shirt

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Speaker 1: and some damn pants. Yeah. My girl said, I catch

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Speaker 1: feelings too quick and I'm hopeless romantic, but I love

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Speaker 1: love and I want to be married. Okay, cool. Last

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Speaker 1: guy data was sending me tech set up a date,

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Speaker 1: rarely talk on the phone. A couple of times he

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Speaker 1: canceled the date. I was on the way to meet it.

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Speaker 1: I didn't see those of red flags because life happens

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Speaker 1: and plans do change. Why all this just keep happening

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Speaker 1: to you, though? Why life always got to happen to you?

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Speaker 1: Miss unrealistic, set yourself up to be gullible. So I

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Speaker 1: turned online Dayton because of COVID. Okay, it's hard to

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Speaker 1: keep a man engaged. They've been meeting down on health conversay,

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Speaker 1: they want new pictures, they like sex text. Instead of

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Speaker 1: getting to normal, I lowered my standing before. I had

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Speaker 1: a sex relationship with the doctor that I worked with,

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Speaker 1: and he did not tell me. He was mad because

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Speaker 1: you didn't ask him. I prayed and went to counseling

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Speaker 1: so I could not become bitter and ruined by him.

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Speaker 1: I know my letters and the normal outright for help,

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Speaker 1: but I do need some real insight. That's why Dayton

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Speaker 1: is like this? Now here was the line that I

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Speaker 1: wanted to just tell it. Let up. The rappers and

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Speaker 1: actors are making it cool again to get married, So

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Speaker 1: I'm hoping it catches with the regular guys and everybody.

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Speaker 1: What you taking relationship advice from rappers? What waite? The

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Speaker 1: rappers and actors are making it cool again to get married,

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Speaker 1: So I'm hoping that catches on with the regular guys

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Speaker 1: in everyday life. What what rap song you listening to?

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Speaker 1: What rapp are you talking to? Where? Why would you

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Speaker 1: base any of your relationship decisions based on some rappers.

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Speaker 1: They're entertainers. They're gonna write whatever hot I got holes

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Speaker 1: in different area codes is a rap? Move be get

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Speaker 1: out the way? Get out the way is a rap.

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Speaker 1: But he's married though, I mean, I got It's all

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Speaker 1: types of stuff. So what do you? What's wrong? You? You? You?

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Speaker 1: I'm dave, married man, I date the doctor. I date

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Speaker 1: people that just text me. I dated a dude on line.

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Speaker 1: I'm getting sexy now I know what hella? Rappers and actors. Girl,

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Speaker 1: girl listen to me. Then she says, maybe you could

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Speaker 1: do a mentoring piece for older guys and how to

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Speaker 1: treat women, or its dating a lost cause. Now no

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Speaker 1: dating is still good. But let me tell you something

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Speaker 1: about writing books for men and having a camp for men.

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Speaker 1: Men not gonna change for Steve Hardy. Why you think

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Speaker 1: I've never done it? Because I know men. Men are

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Speaker 1: not gonna listen to me about how to be. They're

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Speaker 1: gonna get offended. Men won't change for me. Men only

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Speaker 1: change for that one special woman. And until you start

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Speaker 1: acting special, you can't expect nobody to treat you special. Period.

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Speaker 1: You're listening