Speaker 1: Before I got to say welcome to We Does Parenting.
Speaker 1: I'm Peter McNerney, I'm Beth Newell. We're back. We're back. Sorry,
Speaker 1: sorry about last week we had. Um, we had an
Speaker 1: episode accidentally get deleted and Peter lost his mind a
Speaker 1: little bit, and then they heard the mini episode that
Speaker 1: I recorded, and then I just couldn't it couldn't make
Speaker 1: it happen. Um. It was a bad week. It was
Speaker 1: a bad week, but I think, you know, in a
Speaker 1: productive way. It today felt like an incredible turnaround. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know. There's something about this year and like
Speaker 1: all of the constant chaos that I feel like I
Speaker 1: look back and I've think I'm like, well, I did
Speaker 1: learn from that. I did when you melted down and
Speaker 1: then I didn't want to record and we got an argument.
Speaker 1: I do think we learned a little bit from that experience.
Speaker 1: We always do. We you live, you learn. Ye, there's
Speaker 1: more words that I don't know, Beth. Do you know
Speaker 1: that we have been doing this podcast for two years now? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we didn't. We talk about this. Yeah, in an episode
Speaker 1: they got deleted. Oh yeah, yeah. Part of why I
Speaker 1: couldn't rerecord the episode was just everything we said was
Speaker 1: so fresh in my brain that I knew I would
Speaker 1: feel insane just repeat it, like it would just not
Speaker 1: come out of my mouth in a natural way. But
Speaker 1: now everything we said is like mostly a race from
Speaker 1: my brain. We have a whole week of in in
Speaker 1: an insane world to wash away whatever those thoughts were.
Speaker 1: You want to know what that episode was about, We
Speaker 1: were like Mother's Day, how'd it go? Pretty good? You
Speaker 1: know what I wanted to say that I actually didn't
Speaker 1: say when we recorded the deleted episode, Um, is that
Speaker 1: one of the true highlights of my mother's day is
Speaker 1: that you made me a baked brie. And I really
Speaker 1: think if you love someone you should make them a
Speaker 1: big brix because it was so perfect. Well, I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it. So I love a bake breaf, know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not going to take very much credit
Speaker 1: because when we went to the grocery store, you said,
Speaker 1: get baked brie. No, you mean puff pastry and brie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: applications And I did think of it. I don't think
Speaker 1: I actually said that. I think I said to get bread.
Speaker 1: I said puff Street was on the list. I think
Speaker 1: my sister put it there. I don't know why, but
Speaker 1: I think, I said again, I said to get cheese
Speaker 1: with a rind because, as you know, I'm obsessed with
Speaker 1: putting food scraps in my freezer bag to make broth.
Speaker 1: So I was like, we have to eat some cheese
Speaker 1: with a rind on it so I can throw it
Speaker 1: in my broth bag. Um, so that was your thought process.
Speaker 1: But you just wrote brie on the list, and Ali
Speaker 1: wrote puff pastry. Yeah. I was like, this is baked
Speaker 1: bris and his Mother's Day and yeah, I thought it
Speaker 1: was one of those. Then I said, can you make
Speaker 1: me baked bris? But I literally was thinking about it already.
Speaker 1: You read my mind just the same wavelength. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: we had a good kind of like lazy Mother's Day,
Speaker 1: not much going on besides baked bries. And you did
Speaker 1: our taxes, which I don't. I don't participate in, and
Speaker 1: I don't you know, I don't think everyone needs to
Speaker 1: understand how money works. It's not fun. I mean I
Speaker 1: barely do. I'm doing our taxes. Yeah, I just like
Speaker 1: to associate with people who do understand and can tell me.
Speaker 1: I like to call text is more the It's like
Speaker 1: the the sixth anniversary of me saying next year I'm
Speaker 1: gonna pay someone to do this for me. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: do every year. I didn't actually didn't say it this year.
Speaker 1: Every year it's like dragging on and I'm like, we
Speaker 1: should be like compiling our expenses, which we're not doing,
Speaker 1: which we should be as freelancers, and then we should
Speaker 1: be hiring an accountant to do a better job. And
Speaker 1: then every year it's like all of a sudden, the
Speaker 1: years over and we didn't keep track of our expenses.
Speaker 1: I don't, yeah know we our audit risk level is
Speaker 1: very low because I would I know that I'm paying
Speaker 1: probably extra money just to not stress about it. I
Speaker 1: don't know what that means, but okay, I mean it's like, I,
Speaker 1: you know what if I hired somebody, Oh, we could
Speaker 1: be paying less money potentially. Yeah, um, but you know
Speaker 1: what the amount of I'm like, how much I think
Speaker 1: about the extra money I'm potentially paying now, And that's
Speaker 1: how much I'm spending to make my taxes very easy. Right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if we did a good job, we could definitely say
Speaker 1: some money. But it is like, at the end of
Speaker 1: the year, is it worth our time to obsess over this? No? Okay,
Speaker 1: this is a parenting podcast. I don't know why we're talking.
Speaker 1: We're talking about Mother's Day. Um. Yeah. The other big
Speaker 1: thing we covered on the Lost episode is that Maven
Speaker 1: had stuck a crazing up her nose. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: We got to talk about the crazy, which is like
Speaker 1: a very intense experience for all of us. She was
Speaker 1: not happy about it. She can't goes daddy. Daddy and
Speaker 1: I come in and she goes, I put it crazy
Speaker 1: my nose and my first reaction was to laugh, which
Speaker 1: I didn't do. And then I realized, oh, that's actually bad.
Speaker 1: We cannot go to the hospital. And then as I
Speaker 1: was thinking that, you know, because coronavirus, right, No, I
Speaker 1: was thinking the same thing. Else, we have to handle this.
Speaker 1: I had that thought, she started to stick her finger
Speaker 1: in her nose, and I was like, I can't have
Speaker 1: her push it further in. So I grabbed her hand
Speaker 1: and I was like, also, can I keep it light?
Speaker 1: Gotta keep it calm so she doesn't panic. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: let me see. I just put my finger on the
Speaker 1: upper outside of her nose, and it was like a
Speaker 1: mission impossible. Like we all snapped into geared. We're like
Speaker 1: it's okay, just like it was like, we got her
Speaker 1: on the bed and you were soothing her, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: let me take a look, and she was going no,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is yeah. It became a
Speaker 1: three person job where I had to hold her arms
Speaker 1: down while you held the tweezers to get it out,
Speaker 1: and my sister had to shine a flashlight in her nose.
Speaker 1: My favorite. I rushed into Ali's room and I go,
Speaker 1: she was on a conference call, and I go, Ali
Speaker 1: may even put a crazy upper nose, and we need
Speaker 1: three adults to pin her down so I can pull
Speaker 1: it out with tweezers. Let's go, and I gotta say it.
Speaker 1: It was. It was just far enough back. I said
Speaker 1: this before I'm repeating myself to you, but just far
Speaker 1: enough back where I could tell as I put the
Speaker 1: tweezers in, it's like a very unpleasant sensation for her,
Speaker 1: that feeling of like things should not go that far
Speaker 1: to your nose. But I did not want to push
Speaker 1: it further in. But I couldn't get it in without
Speaker 1: closing it a little because she was a tiny little master.
Speaker 1: I was so scared You're going to push it in further,
Speaker 1: But I got it first try. I do think this
Speaker 1: is like, strangely what a lot of people are dealing
Speaker 1: with right now, with having to have their kids get
Speaker 1: tested for coronavirus. It's like very disturbing to have things
Speaker 1: shoved up your nose. Um. Yeah, but she was fine,
Speaker 1: She's good boy. The the whole rest of the week
Speaker 1: after really after that episode got deleted and I lost
Speaker 1: my mind and we had a bit of a fight,
Speaker 1: and then I was just very sad for the whole
Speaker 1: The whole week was just really hard. I had I
Speaker 1: felt like the whole week was like little things like
Speaker 1: that where I was like, I know, this isn't the
Speaker 1: end of the world, but this is just a lot
Speaker 1: to be processing right now, and it's just like one
Speaker 1: thing after another. Um. And yeah, it was just like exhausting.
Speaker 1: And I think when we're both in that mode, it's
Speaker 1: a vicious cycle because I start to then I was
Speaker 1: like I just want to be happy, and then I'm
Speaker 1: so nervous around you. Then I just like, I haven't
Speaker 1: talked to you for eight hours and you come into
Speaker 1: the room and I'm like immediately say the wrong thing. Well,
Speaker 1: we've also I think like just because of everything we've
Speaker 1: I think we've both been having days where you're like,
Speaker 1: it's the world is so overwhelming, and then we just
Speaker 1: crash and need like a nap, and it's like, I
Speaker 1: don't I I feel like in the last week or so,
Speaker 1: I've maybe a couple of weeks, I've started to become
Speaker 1: more aware of like Peters also dealing with all these things,
Speaker 1: like I like, I don't like now that I wasn't before.
Speaker 1: But I was sort of just like I could tell
Speaker 1: you were also having bad days, and I was like,
Speaker 1: just hold it together. I gotta say my favorite moment
Speaker 1: of the week was when I was like, you want
Speaker 1: some breakfast. You're like yeah, And I made you a
Speaker 1: poached egg and I put onions in a in a
Speaker 1: combination that I know historically like you don't like well
Speaker 1: for some reason, onions and avocado mixed together first thing
Speaker 1: in the morning makes me feel nauseous. I can I
Speaker 1: eat guccamoli at like later, but like the it's the morning,
Speaker 1: I just my stomach is like, yeah, well, in my mind,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, red onions, but I did a
Speaker 1: scallion and then I was like, but they are red onions. Anyway,
Speaker 1: you started eating it and you go are there onions
Speaker 1: in this, and in my brain, I was like, I
Speaker 1: thought this was the moment we were going to move
Speaker 1: past a thing. And then I was just like about
Speaker 1: to be defensive, and I was like uh. And then
Speaker 1: I thought about it, and I was like, I know this.
Speaker 1: I know you don't want these. I should have known this,
Speaker 1: and I and you had like you you made a
Speaker 1: choice to not be upset or to try. You made
Speaker 1: a choice to try to not be upset. You didn't
Speaker 1: totally succeed, and I felt, no, I wasn't just like,
Speaker 1: but I really know what. The only thing that felt
Speaker 1: disappointing to me was that I felt like I was
Speaker 1: offending you. After you poached an egg and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I can't eat this, Like I just I'm
Speaker 1: trying to be better about speaking up for my needs
Speaker 1: and not feeling guilty about it. And I was just like,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not eating this. That's um, that's great. Because
Speaker 1: weirdly after that, I want I felt terrible and I
Speaker 1: was like, well, of course I sucked it up, but
Speaker 1: then I also recognized that you were being positive. Just
Speaker 1: I want you to know, just for the record, there's
Speaker 1: been a lot of times this week where you have
Speaker 1: done things that I have felt like, this makes no
Speaker 1: sense that he would do this this way, and then
Speaker 1: I have to just be like you married a space
Speaker 1: cadet person to get over it. Like I, I felt
Speaker 1: every single one of those moments. Yes, I did did it.
Speaker 1: There was two days and the egg thing was the
Speaker 1: last thing, but there was two days before that where
Speaker 1: every single thing I said to you, I could feel
Speaker 1: it land on you, and I could feel you being disappointed,
Speaker 1: and I could feel you needing to put in an
Speaker 1: effort to go through that process. That thought process was
Speaker 1: completely apparent to me. But because I've been with you
Speaker 1: for so long, first I'm defensive in my head, and
Speaker 1: then i am hurt that I'm sad and I'm embarrassed,
Speaker 1: and then I'm able to recognize Beth just put in
Speaker 1: a very real effort. I did not make this a thing,
Speaker 1: and I appreciate it. Part of the issue, which I
Speaker 1: think we're learning to deal with, is that we're both
Speaker 1: hyper sensitive to each other's feelings. And like I, like
Speaker 1: I told you when when the when you found out
Speaker 1: the podcast episode was deleted, I was sitting in our
Speaker 1: bedroom trying to do work, and all of a sudden
Speaker 1: I felt so nauseous, Like I was like so sick.
Speaker 1: I was like, why do I feel so bad? And
Speaker 1: then you walked in so upset that the episode was leaded,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I literally was like feeling
Speaker 1: him from the other room. I like, I know, like
Speaker 1: this sounds insane, but I was like I just I
Speaker 1: was like, that was not my energy, and it's hard
Speaker 1: to separate it out sometimes it's the whole bunch of
Speaker 1: days after that, we were in this tiptoey stayed back
Speaker 1: and forth. I felt like, which a lot of the
Speaker 1: times exacerbates each other's feelings, like I feel like when
Speaker 1: I'm being extra careful, you just feel how tense I am,
Speaker 1: and you're more annoyed at things. Well, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it was just like unspoken that we were both feeling
Speaker 1: exhausted lately and like just kind of like phoning it
Speaker 1: in on childcare. And it was like a tag team
Speaker 1: effort where I was just like okay, well, like it's
Speaker 1: okay that this the other person is just shutting down
Speaker 1: and passing out in the other Yeah, I had a
Speaker 1: victory in I realized that I will when I feel
Speaker 1: like you're mad at me or you're retreating, I'll have weird, angry, jealous,
Speaker 1: lonely feelings and the first opening, I'll go too hard
Speaker 1: and you're like, okay, now we're connecting on dump my things.
Speaker 1: And for those days, I'm like, this will pass. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna totally let Beth go when I can. And then
Speaker 1: like and also at the end of that week, I
Speaker 1: spent a whole day working and realizing why am my
Speaker 1: pants are tight? Oh, because I've definitely gained twenty pounds.
Speaker 1: Twenty pounds I don't think so, I mean ten to fifteen.
Speaker 1: But the last two days today I woke up at seven,
Speaker 1: I walked, I went for a walk, got home right
Speaker 1: as the kids woke up. I started tracking my food again,
Speaker 1: and in a day and a half, I feel like
Speaker 1: a trillion dollars and and like you went through a
Speaker 1: thing too, and suddenly you need to feel And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, we're happy to be in the same
Speaker 1: room with each other. Yeah. Well, we've also I think
Speaker 1: both been trying to exercise a little more because of
Speaker 1: all this. But then on the days when we go
Speaker 1: hard exercising, I think we both just kind of collapse
Speaker 1: for the rest of the day, like we just can't
Speaker 1: like our bodies don't know how to handle it when
Speaker 1: I exercise hard after having done nothing for weeks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've been like, I've been running like
Speaker 1: relatively regularly, and it's just like I feel like if
Speaker 1: I when I push it a little further than normal,
Speaker 1: which is not very far, my body is just like, well,
Speaker 1: it's going to take us a few days to deal
Speaker 1: with this. I don't know. And athletic. Today's today. I
Speaker 1: didn't eat nine thousand calories and have five servings of
Speaker 1: alcohol and I feel great. I did um have a
Speaker 1: real win this week where I I had to go
Speaker 1: to the CBS or something, so I got a package
Speaker 1: of Snickers ice cream bars and I hid them from
Speaker 1: you in the basement. And it was really satisfying to
Speaker 1: just like know that I could have one and they
Speaker 1: weren't all being eaten. Hey, guess how long ago I
Speaker 1: found this? No, I know you found them, but it
Speaker 1: was after I brought one up and you saw it
Speaker 1: in the freezer. Well that was the tip is I
Speaker 1: saw one in the freezer and I was like, who's
Speaker 1: Snicker bars? You were like, can I have this? No? No,
Speaker 1: I didn't eat I was like, who's sneaker? Like, I'm not.
Speaker 1: There's one Snickers bar in the freezer. I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is somebody's Snickers bar. So I was like, who has
Speaker 1: the Snickers bar here? And You're like do you want it?
Speaker 1: I was like can I? You like lost your mind
Speaker 1: and it was like very funny for me and my sister.
Speaker 1: Well then I saw your sister come up from the
Speaker 1: basement holding one and I was like, oh, we have some.
Speaker 1: She had to and she goes, yeah, you want one?
Speaker 1: I go yeah, and then she said that was the
Speaker 1: last one, so enjoy it. But my goal there was
Speaker 1: a whole other box. That's true. My goal is not
Speaker 1: to deny you the tree is just to delay the
Speaker 1: amount you're eating so that I can get some Listen,
Speaker 1: it is best for everyone that you lied. It was
Speaker 1: really satisfying. I was like we all got to have
Speaker 1: a couple. It was great. And also when I found them,
Speaker 1: first of all, I was like, they lied to me,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, yeah, I would have lied
Speaker 1: to me, And then it really slowed me down. So
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not going to eat a whole
Speaker 1: box and prove them right. I'm gonna eat three over
Speaker 1: two days, they prove them half right, So you're telling
Speaker 1: me they're all gone now, Oh they've been gone for days. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is a parenting podcast. And our children also have
Speaker 1: been sneaking a lot of food and just like ransacking
Speaker 1: the house. Like we we obviously we have to buy
Speaker 1: less treats. Um, but they just they get into everything.
Speaker 1: I was I gave them both the bath today or
Speaker 1: was involved in two and I was like, hmm, we
Speaker 1: have some we have some little we have some little
Speaker 1: plump kids. I was like, they just snacking like me endlessly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they are not that obviously. I'm not worried about it.
Speaker 1: I really enjoy it, Like I still think about this.
Speaker 1: So we're trying to buy a home and renovated kitchen,
Speaker 1: and so we were telling I had this idea for
Speaker 1: our architect to buy counter stools that are mounted to
Speaker 1: the floor so that it's like easier to sweep around
Speaker 1: and also our kids can't drag them over to the
Speaker 1: cabinets to get things out of the cabinets, and are
Speaker 1: one of our architects is like, it's so funny you
Speaker 1: say that because they left a package of oreos out
Speaker 1: that their two year old got into the next morning,
Speaker 1: and she ate like the whole package, and the only
Speaker 1: thing she would say was I'm full. Just like, really
Speaker 1: love that image. It's cute when it's other people's kids.
Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, eat it all boy, We they eat
Speaker 1: all the snacks. Yeah, we just need to buy healthier snacks. Um.
Speaker 1: None of us have any control at all. Hello. This
Speaker 1: next segment is called would you knows? What she would?
Speaker 1: I'd rather do? Would you rather? Um? I love that
Speaker 1: you started this segment by saying hello, Hello, Hello. The
Speaker 1: middle of the show. We took a long break on
Speaker 1: our end between these segments, so it felt like I
Speaker 1: needed to say again. It was a rare moment. I
Speaker 1: realized that I had we had nothing planned for the mill,
Speaker 1: so I made something up, and it's really stupid. I
Speaker 1: was trying to think of a would you knows, but
Speaker 1: instead I came up with a would you rather? Okay,
Speaker 1: you're ready for this. I'm gonna stumble through this, Okay.
Speaker 1: So basically this is three realities, which one would you choose?
Speaker 1: We just because we're idiots, and we keep sucking it up,
Speaker 1: and we have a series of triplets and twins. We
Speaker 1: have five children in the next three years. All, it's
Speaker 1: a series of triplets, and twins would not results with
Speaker 1: five children, it would results in a serious was the
Speaker 1: wrong word. As I was saying that, I was like,
Speaker 1: this is too many, so I shortened it midway to
Speaker 1: triplets were irresponsible and we end up with five children
Speaker 1: plus are others. So that's seven Okay, seven children, so
Speaker 1: seven children. They're all healthy. Um, they're great. We can
Speaker 1: we can afford it. Um. But it's you know, intense.
Speaker 1: Or you give birth to a Doctor Manhattan style baby.
Speaker 1: You know Dr Manhattan from Watchman. Yeah, all knowing, but
Speaker 1: he wasn't born that way. No, But we ares this
Speaker 1: knows everything as a child and and and it's experiences
Speaker 1: all time at once and is omnipresent and completely powerful.
Speaker 1: And because they know what is going to happen, they
Speaker 1: know everything. I could hang with that, I think, but
Speaker 1: I would be good at that. But it's a real
Speaker 1: like Dr Manhattan. It's a real bummer of a nothing matters,
Speaker 1: and we can't. You can't experience joy with this person
Speaker 1: because they're everywhere. Once they're they're constantly in the moment
Speaker 1: of their own death. Did we talk did we talk
Speaker 1: about how Mayven said she has a dead girlfriend? Was
Speaker 1: that in the deleted episode? Or girlfriend she has? She
Speaker 1: said a dead friend. She said one of her best
Speaker 1: best friends as a dead girl. She hangs out with
Speaker 1: a daycare. Do we talk about that and he talked
Speaker 1: about last week. Yes, Nella who hits her when she
Speaker 1: says bad words like stupid. Yeah, but we talked about
Speaker 1: on the deleted episode. I think, so okay. Anyway, arch
Speaker 1: Mayven Maybec's ghosts and I think it's great anyway, sidebar
Speaker 1: her friend, it's not Nella. That's not the name of
Speaker 1: the ghosts. Um No, that's her baby doll, Hallie's a
Speaker 1: ghost girl. You said something so funny the other day
Speaker 1: when you were like, I think maybe c Chakras, Well,
Speaker 1: it was so okay. I'll let me tell the story
Speaker 1: and interrupt your hypothetical. Um so maybe maybe was like
Speaker 1: everyone has a p ball where they pee out of
Speaker 1: their butt And I was like what, and she's like,
Speaker 1: it's a ball. Everyone has it down in their butt
Speaker 1: where that they pee out of And it sounded almost
Speaker 1: like she was describing chakra. So I was like, you
Speaker 1: mean like a light and she was like, no, it's red,
Speaker 1: a red ball. So if you understand chakras, you would
Speaker 1: know that the rut chakra is red. So I was like,
Speaker 1: what and those diagrams, that's like all the chakras are
Speaker 1: like a stack circles, right like head, yeah, yeah, so
Speaker 1: the root chakra would be like your lowest one at
Speaker 1: the base of your spine, which is like your where
Speaker 1: your butt and your genitals are. So anyway, I tell
Speaker 1: you this, and I'm like, it is so weird the
Speaker 1: way she explained this, and you were like, oh. I
Speaker 1: showed her like a medical diagram of like a bladder
Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, that is a pee ball.
Speaker 1: But at one point she talked to me about it
Speaker 1: later and I was like, I was like, I think
Speaker 1: maybe some people call that a chakra, and she was like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I forgot what the word is. Pee ball
Speaker 1: was my joke name for it. So like she just
Speaker 1: thought chakra meant bladder, like she just did boy children
Speaker 1: say the thing. Yeah, okay, anyways, the third hypothetical We've
Speaker 1: got seven kids or doctor Manhattan Child or um yeah,
Speaker 1: and the whole world knows about this docu Manhattan Child
Speaker 1: so dealing that you know, villains wanting to take his
Speaker 1: power and all that. Third is you we give birth
Speaker 1: to the next you know, Justin Bieber, and he's so
Speaker 1: talented that, like, you know, he's doing drumming YouTube videos
Speaker 1: at age four, and he becomes the biggest you know,
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift level of fame, and you have to be
Speaker 1: that kid's mom. Wow, that's a lot of responsibility. Of
Speaker 1: those three things are a lot of astransibility. That's the idea.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you which one I don't pick is seven kids.
Speaker 1: It's that's like a real distant third place for me. Um.
Speaker 1: I okay, what if it was two more kids? I
Speaker 1: don't know. Yeah, maybe that's easier than dealing with the
Speaker 1: superstar kid. I don't, like, I don't want to be
Speaker 1: managing my child's career because I want to have my
Speaker 1: own career. So that does seem like a lot Doctor
Speaker 1: Manhattan Kids seems like potentially useful. I feel like it
Speaker 1: would make me feel more a little more zen, Like
Speaker 1: I would just be like, yeah, you're right, Like I like,
Speaker 1: he's like nothing matters. Well. Someone someone I saw online
Speaker 1: recently shared but like their psychic thought was going to
Speaker 1: happen with coronavirus, and they were like, it's gonna like
Speaker 1: get worse and like be the worst in December and
Speaker 1: then we'll finally get back to a new normal by February.
Speaker 1: And part of me was like, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Like it's just like I would rather like know the
Speaker 1: hard truths and just be like that's what's happening. Like
Speaker 1: I don't I don't think I would be that bothered
Speaker 1: by a doctor Manhattan child. Did you watch the rest
Speaker 1: of the Watchman TV show? Yeah, with the docu Manhattan stuff. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's real depressing. Yeah, I mean I feel bad for him,
Speaker 1: but like I feel bad for all of us, sort
Speaker 1: of how I was feeling last week. Last week, I
Speaker 1: was like I don't like anything. I don't like anyone.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be with anyone. I'll never be
Speaker 1: happy again, you know, depressed, And then something turns the
Speaker 1: corner and I'm like, I love people. It's really up
Speaker 1: and down lately, Like I don't feel I don't feel
Speaker 1: like we have control over like what's going to be
Speaker 1: the good days for the bad days. You just have
Speaker 1: to be like, oh wow, this seems like a good
Speaker 1: day and you have to really like lean into it.
Speaker 1: And then the bad days, I just feel like I'm
Speaker 1: like processing a lot of emotions that I'm just like
Speaker 1: purging out of my body. I will say today I
Speaker 1: decided because we've really I think I'll list a true
Speaker 1: for a lot of people, but it's very true for
Speaker 1: me that when this all started, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: this is a once in a lifetime insane thing, so
Speaker 1: rules don't apply anymore, like we're on vacation, and so
Speaker 1: I stopped, like tracking my food. All routine was gone.
Speaker 1: And last week it feels it feels like it all
Speaker 1: came to a head of like I feel totally out
Speaker 1: of control. And then today I was like, I have
Speaker 1: no routine. I'm starting a routine, and so I took
Speaker 1: it out on our kids. And today I told because
Speaker 1: Brin has been realized last week that if he doesn't
Speaker 1: want to do a schoolwork thing, all he has to
Speaker 1: do is be difficult and then he'll just get to
Speaker 1: watch TV. And so today I was like, it's he's
Speaker 1: going to fight this so hard. But new rules, which
Speaker 1: is the TV does not go on unless he does
Speaker 1: every single thing that his teacher has asked him to do,
Speaker 1: and he has gone outside. Yeah, they really need to
Speaker 1: get outside. The days that they get outside and really
Speaker 1: run around. There's so much better today, and I went
Speaker 1: for a walk first before they woke up. He fought
Speaker 1: me harder than he's ever fought anything because he didn't
Speaker 1: want to write one sentence. I realized I've been letting
Speaker 1: me get away with that. I said him to his
Speaker 1: room twice, and he finally came down after hours of
Speaker 1: of not writing the one sentence for his weekend news,
Speaker 1: which he is fully capable of doing. He's like, he's fighting,
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't want to do it. He got
Speaker 1: really anxious about it. And then finally he came down
Speaker 1: after like making up with me twice, and he just
Speaker 1: did him. Two seconds was over, and then he was
Speaker 1: suddenly really proud of himself. And then he did the
Speaker 1: two other things that he didn't want to do, and
Speaker 1: he we spent more time doing work, but he was
Speaker 1: happy doing it, and then we went outside and it
Speaker 1: was great. I'm like, all right, that's the new routine.
Speaker 1: That's what we're doing. And now that your sister is
Speaker 1: away this week, he also has to walk the dog
Speaker 1: in the middle of the day, all this before you
Speaker 1: can turn on the TV. That's good. Yeah, I have
Speaker 1: been trying to give myself a routine which is like
Speaker 1: meditate due gratitude and then ideally I exercise at some
Speaker 1: point during the day, but that doesn't always happen. And
Speaker 1: I've noticed that on weekends my routine tends to fall
Speaker 1: apart because it's like the kids are just in my
Speaker 1: face and it's like hard to pull myself away to
Speaker 1: do my routines. But I did this weekend. Actually, I
Speaker 1: think meditate both days, and I feel like it makes
Speaker 1: such a huge difference anyway. Um, So I would choose
Speaker 1: dr Manhattan child. I'll sit there meditating with them, and
Speaker 1: I like, I would probably be like trying to connect
Speaker 1: a lot and be like, yeah, I think I'm picking
Speaker 1: up on that too, but like I wouldn't no half
Speaker 1: of what they know, you know what, Realistically, I think
Speaker 1: I would pick the famous kid. Wouldn't that kind of
Speaker 1: kill you? Though? Like, as as an entertainer to have
Speaker 1: like to be eclipsed by your child, I don't mind
Speaker 1: being eclipsed. It's the well that would give me opportunities
Speaker 1: like industry connections to do projects I wanted to do.
Speaker 1: Um But boy, I would then be like, we're going
Speaker 1: to think of me as like I'm just justin Bieber's dad,
Speaker 1: if you tried to leverage that for industry connections, you
Speaker 1: would be just like the sad dad, like everyone in
Speaker 1: the industry, like his dad's asking us if you can
Speaker 1: do a walk on in the scene. Here's here's the thing, though,
Speaker 1: we would we would never be this child's parents because
Speaker 1: we would never push our kids the way Justin Bieber
Speaker 1: or McAuley culkins parents push them. Right. Well, yeah, well
Speaker 1: I don't think. I just don't think either of our
Speaker 1: kids are suited to that right now, So I don't.
Speaker 1: We've I've had a lot of people ask me to,
Speaker 1: like bring brand to an audition, and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna do that. He won't take direction, but mostly
Speaker 1: I don't want to. Yeah, let's not really encourage them
Speaker 1: at anything like your parents are. I'm like, you guys
Speaker 1: need to have real careers, not like us. Let's not
Speaker 1: encourage them. They'll like one eight on us and be
Speaker 1: scientists or something. Sure, we'll send them to business school.
Speaker 1: This next segment is called Listeners Want to Knows. It's
Speaker 1: where we take questions and comments from you guys. This
Speaker 1: email comes to us from to Lisa, subject line we
Speaker 1: Knows Love from Oregon and baby pick Kiki Ki Kiki kick.
Speaker 1: There's four seas, so I had to stay it that way.
Speaker 1: pickI Ki Ki Kiki kick all right? Right for Baby Picks,
Speaker 1: this is the same child baby and young boom, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, Oh my god, she's so cute. Little pigtails.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Hello Beth and Peter all caps, gosh.
Speaker 1: I've been listening to We Knows for an age now,
Speaker 1: and honestly, it's the only podcast, especially geared towards parenting,
Speaker 1: that I truly look forward to and genuinely joy enjoy.
Speaker 1: I've tried some other parenting pods and none of them
Speaker 1: did it for me, So I'd like to thank you
Speaker 1: for your honesty with and authenticity with this pod. It's
Speaker 1: refreshing af So I'm writing to you from Portland, Oregon.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty. My first child is four and a half
Speaker 1: years old. Photos here are of Madeleine or Madeline um
Speaker 1: when she was a few months old and recently wanted
Speaker 1: for now. I'm writing this before her dinner and bath,
Speaker 1: so it won't be the most well written, as I'm
Speaker 1: trying to be concise and quick to get our evening
Speaker 1: routine going. Long story short, all caps I'm pregnant during
Speaker 1: the pandemic. Yikes, I did listen. I did listen to
Speaker 1: Beth's book. Loved it. Thank you Beth. I'm almost thirty
Speaker 1: five weeks along. I've got a puppy. I've got a puppy.
Speaker 1: What a dumb idea that was her saying that, not me,
Speaker 1: and now homeschooling my four year old. Um, I'm exhausted,
Speaker 1: like many of us parents are. My fiance is going
Speaker 1: into work every day and we are also opening a
Speaker 1: restaurant on the side, so he's double booked and basically
Speaker 1: never home until the evening routine is over. The picture
Speaker 1: I'm trying to paint is this. I'm really so religious
Speaker 1: about my cleaning, about cleaning my house and having things
Speaker 1: in order, which is very hard to do with a toddler,
Speaker 1: a puppy, and a third trimester belly, But I get
Speaker 1: it done. My biggest fear right now is that when
Speaker 1: I'm lying in our room with a new baby on
Speaker 1: my bob, my fiance God bless him, will let the
Speaker 1: house go to absolute shambles. I physically won't be able
Speaker 1: to stop the madness. I have nightmares of a greasy
Speaker 1: stove and puppy pea on the floor, him using the
Speaker 1: white dish towels to clean up some filthy mess on
Speaker 1: the floors. I'm just not ready for my orderly home
Speaker 1: to be ruined. I have to figure out what to
Speaker 1: do about this dilemma. Do I just stop fretting over
Speaker 1: what I have inevitably inevitably kind of about what I
Speaker 1: inevitably cannot control. Or do I keep driving home the
Speaker 1: message to everyone in the house that they're responsible for
Speaker 1: keeping some semblance of tidiness around the place. Do I
Speaker 1: hobble my ass out here during my fourth trimester aches
Speaker 1: and pains to give orders. I just don't know what
Speaker 1: I'll do. My fiance has created many things, but Lord
Speaker 1: knows he can't clean to my standards. Also, I'm just
Speaker 1: naturally better at multitasking and apprehending the messes um before
Speaker 1: they happen. It's kind of a juggling act. During one
Speaker 1: of your recent episodes, someone asked Beth about family movie night,
Speaker 1: and she replied that while she enjoys it, it's also
Speaker 1: a great time for her to just get some cleaning done.
Speaker 1: I can relate to this because I have trouble sitting
Speaker 1: through movies or other activities, knowing there's a running list
Speaker 1: of things I'd like to get done in the house
Speaker 1: because in the long run, it makes things run much smoother.
Speaker 1: What do you guys think about all this? What's a
Speaker 1: girl to do? Advice, tips, hacks, Welcome, lots of love
Speaker 1: from Oregon kind regards Teresa. I really relate to this,
Speaker 1: she I, Um, did she say she was in an
Speaker 1: apartment or no? I can't remember, um, but I think so.
Speaker 1: I talked to you about this last week. But I
Speaker 1: when we were in our apartment. Up until recently, I
Speaker 1: have been, you know, pretty anal about cleaning, just because
Speaker 1: there's only so much surface area and it felt it
Speaker 1: makes me feel insane when you can't find stuff and
Speaker 1: everything is just like piled up. And since we've gotten
Speaker 1: to the house we're currently living in during coronavirus times,
Speaker 1: we have to have much more space, and my sister
Speaker 1: is living with us, and she's not quite as tidy
Speaker 1: as me, nor are you. Um, and I've had to
Speaker 1: really start to like mentally adjust to like more clutter
Speaker 1: and stuff everywhere. And I do think like the solution
Speaker 1: is a combination of both, which is like when she
Speaker 1: has a newborn baby, I think she deserves to have
Speaker 1: clean bottles or whatever she needs breast pump parts, Like
Speaker 1: she deserves to be able to go in her kitchen
Speaker 1: like make a meal and not have like piles of stuff.
Speaker 1: But I the broader like clutter issues. I think it
Speaker 1: would probably be good if she could try to mentally
Speaker 1: adjust expectations a little bit. Yeah, it is so as
Speaker 1: the person who slowly started to understand your cleanly needs
Speaker 1: and being able to physically see the messes because I
Speaker 1: was so like whatever and I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: understand and not even noticing when things are being cleaned up.
Speaker 1: Over a long period of time, I've adjusted pretty dramatically
Speaker 1: and i'd see a space through your eyes. Well, because
Speaker 1: I trained you and my that's my advice is to
Speaker 1: focus on one activity at a time so that you
Speaker 1: don't overwhelm his little man brain, um, and I like,
Speaker 1: try to calmly without getting angry, say can you take
Speaker 1: out the trash? Can you take out the trash? And
Speaker 1: you say it over multiple times with the course of
Speaker 1: a week or two, until that activity starts to become
Speaker 1: a little bit more you know, automatic for him, and
Speaker 1: then you move on to like loading the dishwasher or
Speaker 1: like these, and you have the thing is that boy,
Speaker 1: that what you just described is not is not how
Speaker 1: I recall it. And this is a selfish thing, which
Speaker 1: is the beginning of this is defensive, which is you
Speaker 1: try to rationalize it because no one wants to be
Speaker 1: told that they're doing it wrong or like no, or
Speaker 1: they're like you're not helping. And so my first reaction is,
Speaker 1: it's fine, you're overreacting. I clean at different times than you,
Speaker 1: and like part of it was a different processing and
Speaker 1: like we you know, blah blah blah. But I realized
Speaker 1: that like there's you can't ask somebody to lower their standards.
Speaker 1: It's like it's you know, you can't tell someone not
Speaker 1: to feel the way they feel. And so in any
Speaker 1: roommate situation, I do think when it's really clean, like
Speaker 1: we're all calmer to some degree. Well it's just that
Speaker 1: I'm more sensitive to it, right. But there's a certain point,
Speaker 1: I mean, after a lot of struggle and me fighting.
Speaker 1: And I've said this before, but I changed my behavior
Speaker 1: a lot, not because I was like I'm gonna help out,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be nice. It was out of spite um
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, you're keeping score. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna literally do everything so that you can't possibly criticize me.
Speaker 1: Ha ha, I've beat you, Beth. But of course that's
Speaker 1: exactly what you wanted. And so when you say things
Speaker 1: like I trained him, I'm like, oh, fuck you. I
Speaker 1: put in the work and I changed it. Oh that's
Speaker 1: what you wanted. Oh that is so it was not
Speaker 1: a smooth thing and I and initially I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this so you can't possibly criticized me.
Speaker 1: But the surprising result was that, like, I'm much happier
Speaker 1: when I'm on top of things, and when and when
Speaker 1: I was, you know, the more I was taking you know,
Speaker 1: I've said this before. If you think you're taking care
Speaker 1: of everything, then you know you're at least taking care
Speaker 1: of half. And so there were times where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm more on top of things, so I'm probably fine.
Speaker 1: Something that I feel like, maybe we heard this when
Speaker 1: I was pregnant for the first time. Maybe it was
Speaker 1: like our midwives or something, but there's like something where
Speaker 1: in a healthy partnership, like a partnership, everyone feels like
Speaker 1: they're doing sixty of the work. Yeah, that's become My
Speaker 1: only advice to my male friends is I just say,
Speaker 1: literally do everything they like. But you can't tell like,
Speaker 1: just literally do everything, because it's still not actually everything.
Speaker 1: Because he didn't think of everything, it won't be but
Speaker 1: there's still like a ton of dirty laundry that you
Speaker 1: didn't even think about the thing that I was shocked
Speaker 1: to us once I got to a place where I
Speaker 1: felt like I was doing the majority, it wasn't that
Speaker 1: I beat you. It's that I felt really good about myself.
Speaker 1: I'm an adult, I'm reliable people. I mean, I I
Speaker 1: think one of my biggest fears is you thinking of
Speaker 1: me as a nuisance or not reliable or stupid or whatever.
Speaker 1: And the idea of you looking to me as someone
Speaker 1: who will take care of you, um is like it's
Speaker 1: like overwhelming. I mean, that's not like you, Uh what
Speaker 1: do you say? I'm when you were proud of me,
Speaker 1: or when you you rely on me, when I take
Speaker 1: care of things, When I feel like you're actually reliable
Speaker 1: and when you you know there are certain things that
Speaker 1: that you rely on me to do or that you don't.
Speaker 1: That's how I feel. If I do like school drop
Speaker 1: off for you, which is like there's certain things that
Speaker 1: I just don't really do, and that's one of them.
Speaker 1: And when I have to get up out of bed,
Speaker 1: get the kids dressed, get them where they're going, and
Speaker 1: like I do it all by myself, and like I
Speaker 1: did it, Like I just like because there it's like
Speaker 1: so hard, Like when when you're doing tasks that you
Speaker 1: don't normally do, there's so much harder than if you
Speaker 1: had like a routine. Oh yeah, I'll tell you, like
Speaker 1: getting up and taking the kids to things. That was
Speaker 1: definitely one that started out of spite. Well, that started
Speaker 1: when I was recovering from thyroid surgery and then I
Speaker 1: just we just kept doing it. Yeah, But then that
Speaker 1: was one where I was like, I'm really I like
Speaker 1: to do this. I mean, you're definitely better at it
Speaker 1: than me. I don't like waking up early when I
Speaker 1: haven't got enough sleep, but I can do it. You're
Speaker 1: better being sleep deprived that I am. Yes, And you're
Speaker 1: better physically carrying children across the you know, and our
Speaker 1: children are scared more scared of me than they are. Um,
Speaker 1: but what should she do? One thing I would say
Speaker 1: is while you can right now, you don't want to
Speaker 1: nag a person. I know that word is loaded when
Speaker 1: you're exhausted and you've just had a baby, So now
Speaker 1: is the time, like I would I I think because
Speaker 1: you talked about this, you're like, I'm gonna need help.
Speaker 1: You're gonna need to take care of things. And I
Speaker 1: didn't realize how much I didn't know what the things were,
Speaker 1: or how often the things needed to happen, or how
Speaker 1: to see it. I think that if somebody handed me
Speaker 1: a piece of paper, it was like, laundry happens four
Speaker 1: times a week, dishes happened every day, Like here's a
Speaker 1: literal list. I think I needed that. I don't have
Speaker 1: no idea what your fiance is like, but I'm the
Speaker 1: type of person that would have benefited from a very
Speaker 1: literal here's what I need you to do. It your responsibility,
Speaker 1: but it might serve you in the long run. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think, well, depending on his personality, she could maybe
Speaker 1: try to find a strategy. Like I feel like if
Speaker 1: they treat this like he's training for a marathon, it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, the first week you do a couple of
Speaker 1: miles or whatever. If you're like, hey, you just have
Speaker 1: to take out this trash, wipe down these counters, do
Speaker 1: that a couple of times, and then it's like, by
Speaker 1: the time the baby comes, this guy is cleaning the
Speaker 1: whole house. Hey, I did not I prefer a checklist.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I don't. I think like people, it's
Speaker 1: overwhelming to learn like a lot of things that wants.
Speaker 1: It's true, it's true. I mean, maybe do it in stages. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah. Also, don't be afraid to voice your needs
Speaker 1: and repeat yourself. I think that's really hard for you, Beth,
Speaker 1: to repeat you. I don't like to repeat myself. It's exhausting. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, like trying to like hold it together and
Speaker 1: ask nicely, I think makes a huge difference in whether
Speaker 1: you can get someone to do something for you. It's
Speaker 1: it's hard to ask nicely when you're feel like you're
Speaker 1: repeating yourself. Whenever I feel like, whenever you and I
Speaker 1: put an effort into ask nicely, it really backfires. That's
Speaker 1: not true. Historically, No, that's not true. I think in
Speaker 1: the past we have been on each other's cases about
Speaker 1: it back for as when you do it, not when
Speaker 1: I do it. When you sometimes when you try to ask,
Speaker 1: ask it is not nice. That's not so many times
Speaker 1: lately I have been so saut and be like, can
Speaker 1: you please do this later? You're right, lately you've been great.
Speaker 1: I'm saying historically, I'm like, four years ago, you asking
Speaker 1: nice was my least favorite thing. Well, she has a
Speaker 1: four year old with this guy, so I'm going to
Speaker 1: assume that they've done some work already on communicating. But um,
Speaker 1: you the thing that you do that is infuriating is
Speaker 1: that you, in trying to be nice, you tiptoe around it,
Speaker 1: and so you speak really slowly and carefully in a
Speaker 1: way that starts to sound really patronizing, and it's just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like you're just you're bringing like a charged anxious
Speaker 1: energy to the interaction that makes it feel worse. This
Speaker 1: is you try to get really be really nice, and
Speaker 1: it sounds so condescending. We do that to each other.
Speaker 1: I mean mine's were out of fear and yours more
Speaker 1: is more out of trying to not be upset. But again,
Speaker 1: in the past, recently you've you've figured out this tone.
Speaker 1: I've figured it anyway, Yeah, they'll get through it. You're
Speaker 1: you're great. I could tell your email it's very witty
Speaker 1: and well written. You communicate well, and I think you're
Speaker 1: going to crush it and your fancy. We're rooting for
Speaker 1: him and if he fox up right into us and
Speaker 1: we'll shame him. And uh, just give up on homeschooling
Speaker 1: that four year old because they don't need to know anything.
Speaker 1: She's only for school years almost over. It doesn't matter. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, get some rest with those pregnant feed up
Speaker 1: and watch the TV. Oh, that sounds like a good idea.
Speaker 1: Let's do that now. This has been another episode of
Speaker 1: We Know His Parenting. If you'd like to write in
Speaker 1: and send us an emails, say hello, ask us a
Speaker 1: good question. Would you know any or all of the above.
Speaker 1: You can email us at we knows pot at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com, or you can leave us a voicemail at
Speaker 1: three four seven three eight four seven three nine six um.
Speaker 1: Check us out on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, we knows pod rate, review, subscribe,
Speaker 1: and by my book, there's no manual, honest and glory
Speaker 1: wisdom about having a baby. By the book, and we'll
Speaker 1: see you next time. My