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Speaker 1: Two hopeless one dating app then Darsie Right.

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Speaker 2: The question is whose love life is more tragic.

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Speaker 3: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.

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Speaker 4: It's the dating game show where all the contestants are

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Speaker 4: strongly encouraged to mouth kiss each other and the hosts

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Speaker 4: for good luck the heck, It's Battle of the Tinder Dates,

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Speaker 4: where we find out whose love life is the most tragic.

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Speaker 1: My breath is gonna be real bad.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, had so much coffee this morning. We're gonna

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Speaker 3: explain the rules in just a second. Here.

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Speaker 4: First, let's meet today's contestants. In this corner, she brags

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Speaker 4: online that she can handle two fourteen inches at once.

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Speaker 4: Who fourteen inch pizzas? That is, and that's how she

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Speaker 4: got the nickname Pizza Rhea.

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Speaker 3: So Fia, Hey.

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Speaker 1: Two eighteen chairs see me two twenty.

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Speaker 4: In the other corner, she has mastered the ancient tantric

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Speaker 4: art form of sweating on command. Oh, and can fill

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Speaker 4: a mop bucket in under twenty seconds.

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Speaker 3: That's why it's a betting. Monks call her Sauna Ariana.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Where that talent is useful, but I'm sure there's a place.

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Speaker 3: Here's how the game works.

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Speaker 4: One contestant's gonna start by telling one of their worst

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Speaker 4: dating stories, and they ab will try counter with the

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Speaker 4: nightmare story of their own. We're going back and forth

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Speaker 4: for three rounds until we declare a winner. You're gonna

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Speaker 4: kick things off with Pizzeria, Sophia.

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Speaker 3: Let's go all right.

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Speaker 2: So we were sitting outside for dinner and it got

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Speaker 2: really cold and I had a dressed on and I

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Speaker 2: was shivering worse. Yeah, and I even like commented on it,

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Speaker 2: like I said, oh, it's getting really chilly. And a

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Speaker 2: minute later, he takes his jacket off.

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Speaker 1: I want to get it, say right, that's what I

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Speaker 1: thought too, And then he put it under his chair

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Speaker 1: and said he needed extra padding to be comfortable.

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Speaker 4: He's like, why didn't you didn't offer to give your

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Speaker 4: clothes to him?

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Speaker 3: For why do we take my whole dress off? Judgment

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Speaker 3: on you? All right, Sauna Ariana time to hit back.

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Speaker 5: He invited me back to his place, offered me a

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Speaker 5: spare toothbrush to spend the night. Okay, I was brushing

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Speaker 5: my teeth. He's sitting there laughing, and he told me

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Speaker 5: it was actually his ex girlfriend's toothbrush that he just

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Speaker 5: kept around.

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Speaker 2: You know how many other one night fans.

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Speaker 5: He gave it.

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Speaker 3: No, Brooke can use three toothbrushes at once to.

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Speaker 5: Revenge on your ex.

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Speaker 3: Stupid on around to throwing it back to Sophia.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay. So we are in the middle of dinner

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Speaker 2: and like telling a story and his phone starts ringing

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Speaker 2: and he takes the call, which find whatever. But then

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Speaker 2: he says he's got to go.

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Speaker 1: Uh.

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Speaker 2: And I was really confused because he was responding like

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Speaker 2: he got good news, like he was really happy, and

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Speaker 2: so I asked if everything's okay, and he told me

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Speaker 2: that his ex just called and finally decided to take

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Speaker 2: him back. Fate can't continue.

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Speaker 3: Oh, at least he's a faithful man. You know, you

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Speaker 3: can continue the date. In the second half, you're cheating, you.

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Speaker 5: Know, went out to drink, having a great time. He said,

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Speaker 5: let me go get the car and let's go out

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Speaker 5: to dinner. And I'm like, yeah, But he never came back.

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Speaker 3: Oh maybe he got lost.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 5: I texted him and then called him, and about twenty

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Speaker 5: minutes later he finally answered. He apologized and was like,

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Speaker 5: oh man, the radio, you know, had a football game

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Speaker 5: on when I got in the car, and I completely

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Speaker 5: forgot about you and just drove home.

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Speaker 2: The wat.

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Speaker 3: Went into sports. Why do I feel like my.

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Speaker 5: Husband would do this.

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Speaker 3: On your anniversary?

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Speaker 4: To go?

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Speaker 1: This is gonna be.

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Speaker 4: We're on to our third and final rounds and we

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Speaker 4: need your best stories here, ladies, Pizza, Rha, Sophia, what

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Speaker 4: have you got?

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Speaker 3: All Right?

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Speaker 2: So I wake up in the middle of the night

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Speaker 2: and was absolutely terrified to see my date just staring

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Speaker 2: at me. I screamed my head off, yeah, and then

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Speaker 2: he screamed, and then we both streamed, and then we

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Speaker 2: both calmed down, and basically he told me he was

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Speaker 2: really sorry, but he has this condition where he sleeps

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Speaker 2: with his eyes open.

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Speaker 4: He's gonna sleep with women then he doesn't know, well,

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Speaker 4: he has to tell them that, oh my god, can

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Speaker 4: you imagine. Okay, it's gonna be tough to top that,

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Speaker 4: but sana Ariana is your last chance.

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Speaker 5: So this guy kept telling me how much I was

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Speaker 5: like a doppelganger of this favorite celebrity, but he wouldn't

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Speaker 5: tell me who it was. And he just kept saying

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Speaker 5: this like he's having dinner with this like Hollywood star.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's almost a compliment.

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Speaker 5: You would hope that it was a compliment Right at

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Speaker 5: the end, I promised, you know, hey, I'll totally give

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Speaker 5: you a kiss if you tell me who it is.

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Speaker 3: Oh oh, that's one way to use your power.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 5: He then proceeded to tell me I have the exact

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Speaker 5: same eyes as Anthony Hopkins. He was the actor who

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Speaker 5: played Hannibal Lecter and Tim.

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Speaker 3: I hope he didn't order liver.

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Speaker 5: And that's the quote he kept using, haunting but beautiful.

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Speaker 3: Oh what the hell you got like old white man

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Speaker 3: eyes like that? I mean, how was the kiss afterwards?

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Speaker 3: You promise you kiss him?

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Speaker 5: I did not kiss him?

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, all right, we heard the final vowel. That

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Speaker 4: means the matches over judges. We gotta score at Alexis.

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Speaker 5: Who do you think I'm going to Ariana for using

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Speaker 5: the excess toothbrush.

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Speaker 3: My mouth is one vote for Ariana.

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Speaker 5: I gotta say Ariana too, But for the annimal lector.

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Speaker 4: Congratulations Sana, Arianna, you are the cleaning of unfortunate dates

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Speaker 4: for the day.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, yeah, thank you.

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Speaker 3: That was Battle of the Tender Dates. Phone taps coming

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Speaker 3: up next.