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Speaker 1: Los Angeles. Are you ready to confess? Because guess what

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Speaker 1: we are going back on tour. That's right, La is

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Speaker 1: our first stop on October twenty first at the tear

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Speaker 1: Gram Ballroom. Doors open at six o'clock. Bring your homies,

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Speaker 1: bring your girls, bring your partner, and bring those confessions

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Speaker 1: because the night is going to be filled with naughty

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Speaker 1: little secrets. And you know how we turn up at

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Speaker 1: a good mom show. So I cannot wait to see you.

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Speaker 1: That's October twenty first at the tear a Gram Ballroom.

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Speaker 1: Click the link in this episode description and get your

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Speaker 1: tickets today.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of layers here, but if you had

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Speaker 2: any type of like traumatic birth, that is a whole

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Speaker 2: layer that you are adding on to trying to get

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Speaker 2: back into your own skin. Because even someone just putting

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Speaker 2: their fingers inside of your body to check your service

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Speaker 2: when it's you don't want it, it's not a medical necessity,

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Speaker 2: or and someone didn't even ask for your informed consent.

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Speaker 2: What do we call that? Assaults?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: Rape?

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Speaker 2: And so we have a lot of this rape culture

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Speaker 2: that has leaked into the birthroom, and then we send

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Speaker 2: people home with their babies and go now, get.

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Speaker 4: Back to fucking right, welcome back to good mom's bad choices.

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Speaker 3: I'm Erica and I'm Meila.

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Speaker 4: Happy Wednesday, Happy hump Day, bitches.

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Speaker 3: That's aggressive. I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we've said that many times. I think

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Speaker 1: at this point they know that bitch is a term

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Speaker 1: of endearment.

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Speaker 4: Somebody probably would listen for five seconds. It is like

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Speaker 4: turning this shit off.

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Speaker 2: Come back, just kidding.

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Speaker 1: We only say bitch twenty two thousand times in one hour.

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Speaker 3: You have no idea how like we start. We start

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Speaker 3: the retreat like, Hi, welcome to our retreat. Welcome bitches.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, this is means goddesses in our language.

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Speaker 1: We've had a lot of four pep talks when we

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Speaker 1: do proper things like public speaking.

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Speaker 3: Where we're like, don't say bitches, don't say don't say bitch,

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Speaker 3: don't say anything about about Jesus, don't say pussy, don't

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Speaker 3: don't say anything mean about the Christians or the whites.

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Speaker 1: Don't do that.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, don't say anything about the whites. Someone we

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Speaker 3: have not We had whites oi other retreat. We always

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Speaker 3: have white people to retreat. We have white people in

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Speaker 3: our community.

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Speaker 4: We have best friends that are white, but we're always like,

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Speaker 4: this is not white people shit. And some of them

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Speaker 4: was like they asked Aaron, our our white friend at

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Speaker 4: the retreat.

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Speaker 3: Like, did you feel a way that they kept saying

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Speaker 3: white people shit?

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Speaker 1: Someone asked her that.

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Speaker 3: She was like, she asked me, She's.

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Speaker 4: Like, I wanted to really ask Juicy Jay and Aaron

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Speaker 4: if they felt offended about you saying white people shit.

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Speaker 4: I was like, they're here, There's no way they could

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Speaker 4: be offended by it. I was like, they know, they

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Speaker 4: already know what they're coming into. There are our friends,

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Speaker 4: they know some shit as white people shit too.

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Speaker 3: It's true.

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Speaker 2: Uh.

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Speaker 3: You know one thing about us is we're gonna tell

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Speaker 3: it how it is.

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Speaker 4: And we've been doing it for five years and now

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Speaker 4: we're pretty confident in saying all the all the non

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Speaker 4: the non PC things online. I'm proud to be a

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Speaker 4: non PC person.

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Speaker 3: I'm working on. My boyfriend tells me all the time,

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Speaker 3: do you need PC training? And I do? How are you?

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Speaker 3: What's going on?

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Speaker 2: I'm good.

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Speaker 1: I'm still tanned, so I'm happy about that me too.

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Speaker 3: I feel like sunkissed goddess.

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Speaker 2: I am.

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Speaker 1: My lips are glossing. We had a podcaster in our

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Speaker 1: studio one hour before this, and I was looking at

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Speaker 1: her on the screen. She's so fucking gorgeous. Shout out

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Speaker 1: to Unglamorous Truths podcast. And I was looking at her

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Speaker 1: lips and I was like, I want my lips to

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Speaker 1: look as glossy as hers. I'm what, it's my turn

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Speaker 1: to record, so maybe I've accomplished it.

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Speaker 4: Shout out to good Good Media, our studio manifestation that

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Speaker 4: we're sitting in. If you too are looking for a

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Speaker 4: place to record your PC or non PC podcasts, we've

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Speaker 4: all come both right here in Studio City, California.

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Speaker 1: And if you don't know what Studio City, California, it's

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Speaker 1: LA because some people. I feel like when people hear

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Speaker 1: Studio City, if they're not from here, or if they

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Speaker 1: maybe are they just moved here, they're like, where the

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Speaker 1: fuck is Studio City.

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Speaker 3: It's Hollywood Hills. We're south of the Boulevard, so it's

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Speaker 3: Hollywood Hills. You know where that is, don't you? What's

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Speaker 3: wrong with us? I just got some really good news,

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Speaker 3: so suddenly I'm just very chipper. A bitch is automatically happy. Wow,

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Speaker 3: It's crazy how.

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Speaker 4: Life can life and bring you down the man's always

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Speaker 4: trying to bring us down with bills and applications and stuff. Responsibility, responsibilities.

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Speaker 4: I literally told my friend the other day. I told Danielle,

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Speaker 4: I was like, I don't want to die or anything,

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Speaker 4: but what.

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Speaker 3: I'm sick of living?

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Speaker 1: Can you please never start a conversation like that? I

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Speaker 1: literally told her living.

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Speaker 4: I was like, I like living and shit, but like

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Speaker 4: the responsibility of being an adult is over fucking whelming.

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Speaker 3: And every time I think about it, it never ends.

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Speaker 4: It's never gonna end as long as i'm the future

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Speaker 4: of my life is adults.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think you just have to embrace it, and

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Speaker 1: you have to just get into it and stop rejecting it.

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Speaker 1: I know life will keep fucking with you the longer

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Speaker 1: you keep trying to reject it.

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Speaker 3: I've been giving myself a lot of pep talks, like

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Speaker 3: we're adults. Now, you're a big girl, you gotta do stuff.

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Speaker 3: You're gonna be rich soon, Everything's gonna be okay.

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Speaker 4: You live in a mansion just like the white people,

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Speaker 4: and the only worries are going to be like, you know,

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Speaker 4: like vegan ice cream or regular you know. I keep

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Speaker 4: telling myself that, but every time, like adult shit, happens.

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Speaker 4: Then I start crying and I'm like, it's not true.

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Speaker 3: You're not an adult yet.

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Speaker 1: You are.

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Speaker 3: I know. I've been telling myself this for fifteen years.

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Speaker 1: You are an adult. You couldn't wait to grow up

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Speaker 1: when you were fucking being a little Hoochi. So now

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Speaker 1: you're fucking grown. I'll grow my life. Now grow up,

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Speaker 1: you little Houccie.

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Speaker 3: I'm an adult who grow up?

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Speaker 1: You want to be grown?

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Speaker 3: You want to be grown. I'm an adult, Hucie.

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Speaker 1: You are grown. Associ I've been.

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Speaker 3: Married, Hucci. I'm an adult wife Ucci Hoochie wife. I'm

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Speaker 3: going to put that on my bio, the Houccie Wife. Actually,

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Speaker 3: me and Orlando started a couple's podcast because we're still

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Speaker 3: I mean, not a cup podcast. Whoa a couple's Instagram

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Speaker 3: because we're corny as fuck. And it's called Uccie Mom

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Speaker 3: and Dad.

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Speaker 4: So if you haven't followed it yet at Hoochie Mom

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Speaker 4: and Dad, you couldn't tell us. Sasha told us that

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Speaker 4: name in Miami. She's like, you guys are like hu

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Speaker 4: Chie mom and Dads.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, that's it. That's the name. We were so proud.

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Speaker 3: We couldn't wait to change the name. We're like, yeah, hoochie,

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Speaker 3: Mom and Dad. I like that.

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Speaker 1: It's catchy, isn't it. Anyway, Well, you guys, it is

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Speaker 1: not Houccie August. It is bad birthing August, bad as

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Speaker 1: bad ass birth in August. And I'm super duper excited

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Speaker 1: because we have a special guest today, highly requested guest

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Speaker 1: actually from the community. We have Floor Cruise aka Badass

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Speaker 1: mother Birther on Instagram because that's how people recognize people

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Speaker 1: these days. So welcome to the show floor.

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Speaker 2: Hi, welcome, thank you for having me.

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Speaker 1: And the floor is a birth educator. She's a doula.

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Speaker 1: She's a mom of four or five five. Oh shit,

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Speaker 1: you are a saint, you really are. Oh my god, damn. Actually,

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Speaker 1: I was reading your story and like you got like

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Speaker 1: you got pregnant, like quickly after like having your like

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Speaker 1: you one of your children. And I was telling you that.

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Speaker 1: I was like, she was reading it.

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Speaker 3: She was reading it to me at breakfast.

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Speaker 4: She was like ten months postpartum, she had another baby.

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Speaker 1: She must be crying.

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Speaker 3: She must really love this ship, because holy.

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Speaker 2: Shit, I just love my man's dick. That's really all

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Speaker 2: it boiled down to, man. But I did cry. I

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Speaker 2: was very in tears and just like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: this is going to be so overwhelming, like this is

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Speaker 2: a lot really fast.

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Speaker 3: What baby number was that?

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Speaker 2: That was baby number three?

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Speaker 3: Oh girl, I commend you.

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Speaker 1: So you had just had baby number three and this

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Speaker 1: was baby number four? That was you thought you were okay.

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Speaker 2: So one of my kids is my husband's first, okay,

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Speaker 2: from his marriage. So that's my my the child that

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Speaker 2: I didn't have to give birth to.

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Speaker 1: Your bonus child, yes, my bonus child.

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Speaker 2: So yeah. So my second one was a sea section,

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Speaker 2: and then I got pregnant ten months after my sea section,

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Speaker 2: and so that was my first v back baby. So

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Speaker 2: I had her like twenty months postpartum. I was already

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Speaker 2: popping out another kid.

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Speaker 1: Well, you know, you propaly did it right. All your

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Speaker 1: kids are close in age.

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Speaker 2: They're like, are they really are? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: So I'm so. I First of all, I'm obsessed with

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Speaker 1: your Instagram?

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Speaker 2: Are you?

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Speaker 1: I am? And I think Mila too. Mila's been obsessed

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Speaker 1: with birth since the moment I've before I met her,

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Speaker 1: but since the moment I met her, I was like

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Speaker 1: she was showing Luna birth videos and like look at this,

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Speaker 1: and I was like Okay.

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Speaker 3: Whoa, how did you think that was aggressive of me?

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Speaker 1: I mean I had I had never considered showing my

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Speaker 1: child like my baby, other like babies being born, and

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Speaker 1: it wasn't like it was definitely like okay, well it

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be weird. But I I for sure was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: this is a bit much. But obviously, if you ask

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Speaker 1: me now, I don't think it's.

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Speaker 3: I may have scarred her for life because.

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Speaker 4: She doesn't want to have kids and don't have kids,

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Speaker 4: and I was like, shit, maybe I shouldn't have given

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Speaker 4: shown her birth videos at three.

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Speaker 2: I think as adults we process that stuff different because

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Speaker 2: we've spent our whole lives not seeing it and not

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Speaker 2: being exposed to it, and so it feels different in

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Speaker 2: our body. But smaller children are not really born afraid

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Speaker 2: of birth, and they understand things a lot differently than

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Speaker 2: adults do, and they're not scared of it, that's true,

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Speaker 2: and so when they see it, it's like, oh, it's

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Speaker 2: a baby being born, as opposed to an adult that

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Speaker 2: hasn't been exposed to that their whole life, and they

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Speaker 2: see birth as a scary medical event or gross. When

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Speaker 2: they see it, they're like, holy shit, like, this is

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Speaker 2: a lot to take in.

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Speaker 4: Well, that's true because like I probably didn't see birth

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Speaker 4: until like I actively went looking as an adult because

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Speaker 4: I started to get like really curious about it. But

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Speaker 4: like imagine not even like having any idea of what

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Speaker 4: it looks like until you're in the birthroom. That's why

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Speaker 4: motherfuckers we passing out and shit, right, because they're like,

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Speaker 4: oh shit, this is crazy and it is crazy. But like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I think it's like a fear, a built in fear,

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Speaker 4: because we haven't been exposed to it.

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Speaker 2: Right, And the research backs that up.

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Speaker 1: You know what, now that I'm thinking about it, I

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Speaker 1: was just reflecting on when was the first time I

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Speaker 1: actually saw birth, And it was when I got pregnant, right,

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Speaker 1: It was not before because A I never even considered

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Speaker 1: having children like that until I had my abortion and

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Speaker 1: then I was like, okay, maybe I do want kids.

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Speaker 1: And then I got pregnant again and then I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: maybe I should see what this looks like. And I

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Speaker 1: remember being like, oh shit, this is terrifying, and maybe

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Speaker 1: had I seen it when I was younger, it would

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Speaker 1: obviously have been more normal, normalized. How old are your kids?

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Speaker 2: My oldest is seventeen, and then I have a twelve

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Speaker 2: year old, seven year old, six year old, and a

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Speaker 2: three year old.

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Speaker 1: Do they look Have they seen your Instagram page?

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Speaker 2: Yes? And actually at my last home birth, my other

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Speaker 2: younger two were there with me when I was giving

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Speaker 2: birth to them, and I really felt confident in doing

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Speaker 2: that because they have seen a lot of the birth images.

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Speaker 2: I really helped them to understand what they're going to

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Speaker 2: be seeing, the sounds that are possibly going to be

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Speaker 2: coming out of me, the fluids, the people who are

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Speaker 2: there with me helping me give birth, and so they

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Speaker 2: were just as cool as cucumber. And the baby came

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Speaker 2: out and he was like, can I go play Nintendo?

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Speaker 2: As I'm on the floor holding a baby brother. It was,

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Speaker 2: you know, nothing shocking for them, But I think it's

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Speaker 2: really hard when you are finding out that you're pregnant

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Speaker 2: and trying to process what you should have known your

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Speaker 2: whole life, and I'm in a span of nine times months.

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Speaker 2: That's really fucking hard well.

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Speaker 4: Because it's already like there's so much changing change happening

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Speaker 4: in your body already, and then you see this video

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Speaker 4: for the first time, like and then it almost seems like, oh, no,

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Speaker 4: this is what I have to look forward to the

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Speaker 4: end of this. It seems like daunting and that was

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Speaker 4: the reason, Like, I think I really started showing lun

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Speaker 4: a birth too because I was like, you will be

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Speaker 4: my dula when it's time for me to have another baby.

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Speaker 4: So I was trying to, like even animal births, like

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Speaker 4: just trying to show it, like normalize it as much

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Speaker 4: as possible because I realized, like, yeah, total impossible.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you could do it.

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Speaker 1: You will be my duela.

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Speaker 3: She wants to.

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Speaker 4: I think I think I want her to be my

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Speaker 4: support one of my support people. Well of course, yeah,

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Speaker 4: totally not like my soul doula, Like I'll give you listen,

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Speaker 4: it's way cheaper if I'd let Luna do it.

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Speaker 2: And as a dula, I've had lots of clients who

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Speaker 2: have hired me who already have kids, and my job

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Speaker 2: as their doula was to also help the child understand

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Speaker 2: and give them certain jobs during the birth, like bringing

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Speaker 2: water or giving massage or just putting a hand on

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Speaker 2: the parents shoulder. They like to be involved in a

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Speaker 2: lot of that stuff. But I think that also leads

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Speaker 2: them into understanding bodily autonomy, which is a whole other

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Speaker 2: leg because especially if you have a child who has

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Speaker 2: a uterus, that child is going to have a menstruation

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Speaker 2: and possibly abortions and miscarriages, pregnancies, right, all of these things,

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Speaker 2: and so you want to build that foundation of like,

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Speaker 2: this is a person giving birth, and this is a

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Speaker 2: person who has taken the choice and the bodily autonomy

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Speaker 2: to do this in this location with this person and

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Speaker 2: showing them all of those things, so it can lead

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Speaker 2: into a multitude of different conversations with your kids.

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Speaker 1: And you know, just for those that are listening that

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Speaker 1: aren't familiar with Floor's Instagram, I want you, if you

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Speaker 1: don't know Floor's Instagram, I want you to pause the

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Speaker 1: episode right the fuck now, and I want you to

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Speaker 1: go on Instagram and I want you to look up

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Speaker 1: bad Ass mother Birther because your instagram is very it's,

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Speaker 1: for lack of a better word, graphic. Yes, it really

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Speaker 1: shows all facets of birth. And personally, I have a question,

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Speaker 1: and this is just selfishly my question, because how the

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Speaker 1: fuck are you not flat? Because not that I want

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Speaker 1: you to be fled, I want you, I want I

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Speaker 1: think what you do is so important. I'm just curious

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Speaker 1: because we can't even post a side titty without even

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Speaker 1: getting flags, and I must.

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Speaker 3: Have a boyfriend all the time.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, how the that I can witness birth on

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Speaker 1: Instagram but my side titty is flagged?

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Speaker 2: Well? Interesting because when I first started wanting to show

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Speaker 2: more graphic stuff, that really was the issue at that

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Speaker 2: time was that Facebook and Instagram were gatekeeping a lot

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Speaker 2: of this shit and didn't want to show any of

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Speaker 2: that stuff. But then you can go watch someone be murdered, right,

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Speaker 2: and all kinds of other shit on other people's channels.

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Speaker 2: And so Katie Vigos is from Empowered Birth Project, and

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Speaker 2: she started a whole campaign to have Instagram and Facebook

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Speaker 2: change their policies in regards to birth, postpartum and lactation,

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Speaker 2: and so they included that as part of the community

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Speaker 2: guideline once that happened. But the problem now is is

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Speaker 2: that the robots don't recognize what is sexual nudity versus birth,

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Speaker 2: postpartum and lactation. And so when that policy changed, I

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Speaker 2: just so happened to be the person that they sent like,

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Speaker 2: this page is directly childbirth education, please protect, So they

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Speaker 2: put this layer of protection around my page. Every once

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Speaker 2: in a while, shit sneaks in there because the robot

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Speaker 2: doesn't really understand. But I did have this good layer

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Speaker 2: of protection that was keeping the instagram floating.

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Speaker 1: Got it?

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Speaker 3: I think I follow her tooka mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: I'm curious. I was reading up on you and I

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Speaker 1: know that you know your first birth was a sea

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Speaker 1: section and mine was not. Mine was also a C section.

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Speaker 2: My first was a vaginal or what and the second

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Speaker 2: one was.

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Speaker 1: Secon sea section. I know that you said your first

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Speaker 1: generation your family moved from So I'm I always think

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Speaker 1: because I think in Latin American countries, and maybe this

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Speaker 1: is me being ignorant about birth in the Latinmerican countries,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like there's a lot more home birthing

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Speaker 1: at home or birthing at home, and so it was

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Speaker 1: was that ever something that kind of was in your

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Speaker 1: home life growing up? Like did your parents like were

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Speaker 1: you born at home or your parents born?

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Speaker 2: I was a sea section baby and so was my sister.

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Speaker 2: My brother was a vaginal birth. But the thing is

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Speaker 2: is that when your parents come from a country where

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Speaker 2: they lack access to medical care, and then they finally

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Speaker 2: get to a country to where they have medical care,

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Speaker 2: it's your baby in a hospital.

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Speaker 4: Well, America like like dresses it up like that you

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Speaker 4: have a privilege, and doctors will dress up like you're

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Speaker 4: so privileged to have access to.

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Speaker 3: Just like vaccinations and hospital care. Like if anything goes wrong,

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Speaker 3: you're American. George over here can birth my baby and

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Speaker 3: clock out at eight o'clock like, funk out of here.

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Speaker 2: And that's exactly what it was. It's like, well, we're

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Speaker 2: in America now, and like we need to like get

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Speaker 2: all this access and so but my grandmother did have

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Speaker 2: lots of home birds and gave birth to her children

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Speaker 2: all naturally and vaginally. It's just what was done. You

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Speaker 2: hired a ba and that was that was it. It

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Speaker 2: was normal, it was child. But then when we start

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Speaker 2: moving back this way to our original homelands, right that

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Speaker 2: were like stolen from us, things change because we start

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Speaker 2: to think that the degrees and the medicalization is top

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Speaker 2: tier shit, but if you look at the numbers, it

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Speaker 2: hasn't been top tier shit for quite some time, right,

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Speaker 2: And so we have to look at what is the

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Speaker 2: foundation of the systems that we're birthing in, and foundationally,

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Speaker 2: it's a system that was built on torturing, enslaved black women.

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Speaker 2: So that's a whole other layer that people aren't discovering, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: No people, I mean, you know, America likes to sweep

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Speaker 3: a lot of shit under the carpet.

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Speaker 2: Oh I don't. I like to talk about it openly

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Speaker 2: because it's like, we can't be shocked at where we

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Speaker 2: are in this nation with birth. You have to look

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Speaker 2: at the fucking foundation. Okay, Doctor Sims, the you know,

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Speaker 2: father of dynacology, was performing surgeries on enslaved black women

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Speaker 2: in the eighties forties without anesthesia.

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Speaker 4: Because they thought we didn't feel pain or that we're

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Speaker 4: like subhuman.

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Speaker 2: And all of that still carries into the systems that

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Speaker 2: people birth in are birth na currently today.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, they feel like, oh, like if you're a minority,

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Speaker 3: you may don't have money.

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Speaker 4: They don't take that, don't prioritize your your pain or

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Speaker 4: like you're like whatever you're saying about how you feel,

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Speaker 4: they're just like they know better than you. They assume

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Speaker 4: they know better than you. And women are dying, you know,

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Speaker 4: like and like you know, I'm sure you've seen that

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Speaker 4: documentary about that husband and wife, the black couple and

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Speaker 4: the wife died during childbirth.

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Speaker 2: Oh, Kira Johnson.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yes, and just that, like I think sometimes, as

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Speaker 4: like people of color in America, we have this, we

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Speaker 4: have this idea that if we assimilate and we talk

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Speaker 4: like this, and we talk like them, and I you know,

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Speaker 4: I'm a professional, and I have a good job, and

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Speaker 4: I drive a car, whatever.

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Speaker 3: The fuck the things are that you think that you

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Speaker 3: have to.

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Speaker 4: Check off the box to be respected in this country,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean. So we do those things

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00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:04,320
Speaker 4: to assimilate to whiteness, and still, you know, you're still

409
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Speaker 4: like put in positions where you're you know, you're you.

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Speaker 3: Die in childbirth or in medical care, you're still black.

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Speaker 2: Still assimilate all you want, and it doesn't matter. It

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Speaker 2: doesn't matter your education, how much money you make, it

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Speaker 2: doesn't matter because the foundation is still fucking there. In

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Speaker 2: order to get rid of that, you'd have to burn

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Speaker 2: the whole fucking system down and start all over. Who's

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Speaker 2: gonna fucking do that?

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Speaker 4: And and that's another thing, Like I watched another documentary.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if it's from the Business of being born,

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Speaker 4: but there, you know, there's like talking about the history

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Speaker 4: of uh, just the history of childbirth in this country.

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Speaker 4: Was like when they've created obg y ns, and they're like,

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Speaker 4: they need some shit to do. They're like, because there's

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Speaker 4: not a lot of surgery, it's happening on vaginas.

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Speaker 3: So they're like, I know it. We'll do We'll cut open,

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Speaker 3: we'll cut up in pregnant women.

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Speaker 4: And they had they started a campaign, a propaganda campaign

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Speaker 4: against black midwives, and they like put these images on

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Speaker 4: posters that were like you want a mammy aunt your

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Speaker 4: mama birth and your baby or do you want to

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Speaker 4: come to and they still and they still do that shit,

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Speaker 4: you know, so they put they put these images in

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Speaker 4: places so that it made it seem that, you know,

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Speaker 4: you're doing something like unsterile or like some back end bullshit,

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Speaker 4: when in fact, like obgyns, there's relatively new, you know,

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Speaker 4: like that for thousands of years, people have been been

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Speaker 4: being birthed.

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Speaker 2: Yes, humanity has been utilizing midwid free care, right, because

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Speaker 2: you're talking about a system that tried to take over

439
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,199
Speaker 2: and then also try to tell Black people that they

440
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 2: couldn't birth within that system and so go fuck yourself.

441
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 2: And so this is where black and midwives started to

442
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 2: come in to help the community. Right, But we know

443
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 2: that a direct tool to helping people now is accessible

444
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 2: midwind free care, independent midwod free care with black midwives.

445
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 2: We know that that's a tool, but you know the

446
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,159
Speaker 2: government's going to turn a fucking blind eye to it

447
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 2: because that's what they fucking like to do. The state

448
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:59,919
Speaker 2: of Alabama really, really badly needs access to midwives. They

449
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:04,639
Speaker 2: have one of the worst maternal and infant mortality rates.

450
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 4: I was born in Montgomery, Yes, one of the worst,

451
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 4: and it was racist then and the eighty eight My mom,

452
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 4: of course, my mom still is.

453
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 3: My mom wasn't married.

454
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,679
Speaker 4: She was in college, and because they weren't married, they

455
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,959
Speaker 4: wouldn't let my dad come into the labor room. And

456
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,480
Speaker 4: she was like twenty two in college and like she

457
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 4: was a luck. Can you imagine being in alone giving

458
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 4: birth with the doctors who don't know And in fact,

459
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 4: the first hospital she went to it.

460
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:28,399
Speaker 3: They turned her away.

461
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 4: She had to drive to Montgomery, like there was like

462
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,199
Speaker 4: a you know, to a bigger hospital, and still they

463
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,399
Speaker 4: because they weren't legally married, they wouldn't let him come

464
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 4: into the room. And like I think about that sometimes,

465
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 4: but like you know, we're all you know, spiritual and shit,

466
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 4: but we'd I haven't like considered where the parent was

467
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,359
Speaker 4: in the process of birth and how that imprints on

468
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,439
Speaker 4: you as an like as.

469
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,360
Speaker 2: A trauma as an infant. Yeah, it's a trauma that's

470
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 2: passed down to you, but then passed down to your child.

471
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 2: So it's like all this generational trauma since way back

472
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:04,120
Speaker 2: then gets passed down from generation to generation to generation,

473
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 2: which causes you know, that excess pain that we're feeling

474
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 2: during childbirth that we don't know where it's coming from.

475
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 2: It causes the pelvic floor to kind of lock up

476
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 2: to hold the baby from descending right, And this is

477
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 2: just part of the trauma playing out physically. And it's

478
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 2: not a failure within our own bodies that we can't

479
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,760
Speaker 2: birth our babies. It's this generational trauma that has been

480
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 2: passed down from person to person to person, and the

481
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:34,120
Speaker 2: system within itself isn't making it better, right, because you're

482
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,919
Speaker 2: asking someone to leave their home in the middle of labor,

483
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 2: which in and of itself is the first intervention. Our

484
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 2: bodies really don't feel don't feel comfortable leaving our homes

485
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,040
Speaker 2: in the middle of labor to birth our child, to

486
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,359
Speaker 2: go to get in a car to birth in a

487
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 2: place where they're strangers where you've never been, lights, sounds,

488
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 2: and the place. It's the place where you associate with death, disease,

489
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 2: literal sickness, and there's a hierarchy that's in there, right, you.

490
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,159
Speaker 1: Are speaking to my whole experience. Yeah, And when I

491
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 1: read your your sea section experience was very similar to mine.

492
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 1: And I remember, like I my first instinct was to

493
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 1: get a doula, but I was like very unsupported in that,

494
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 1: in that idea, and it was my first child. I

495
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 1: was twenty six. I was like, I don't know what

496
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: I'm doing. Okay, fine, I guess I won't give birth

497
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,360
Speaker 1: at home, but I'm gonna I don't want any sort

498
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,360
Speaker 1: of you know, I want to give natural birth. But

499
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 1: my my doctor from the beginning was very was talking

500
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,360
Speaker 1: about se sections that like my third appointment and ready, yeah,

501
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 1: grooming me and then like even after, you know, after

502
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,159
Speaker 1: I had my my daughter and I went back, was

503
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 1: like patting herself on the back of like, look how

504
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,000
Speaker 1: small and clean the scar that I gave you is

505
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 1: like I'd rather not have next time when you have

506
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: your second child, It'll be so easy. We'll just open

507
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,680
Speaker 1: that little at least open that little scar. But I

508
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,199
Speaker 1: was like, bitch, you think I'm coming back here? That

509
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,640
Speaker 1: is so yeah, Like she was really she kept talking

510
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 1: about how she was known to create like very natural

511
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 1: small incisions.

512
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 2: And that's when we have to understand too, is that

513
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,919
Speaker 2: obi's are surgeons. You're hiring a surgeon to be a

514
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 2: part of a process that is physiological. The chances that

515
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 2: it's gonna end in surgery is big and that's just fact.

516
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 3: Well, obi's are not trained in patience. They're not. They're

517
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 3: like they're doing a job.

518
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 4: They're clocking in and clocking out and trying to get

519
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 4: the fuck on, or.

520
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 2: They're training pathology and assessing risk at every corner. They

521
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 2: think that the baby just coming out alive is the

522
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 2: only thing that when in reality, that's the bottom. If

523
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 2: you had a house, a baby that's alive is in

524
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 2: the fucking basement. Like, there's so much more that we

525
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 2: that we can be doing for people, even if even

526
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:49,879
Speaker 2: with the experience, because you have to understand that how

527
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:53,360
Speaker 2: you feel during the birth is going to directly affect

528
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 2: the baby postpartum, the baby. You have to ask yourself

529
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 2: why we live in a nation where their number that

530
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 2: the one are the hop reasons why parents die in

531
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 2: the POSTPARTU phase is suicide.

532
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 3: Hmmm, I didn't even know that.

533
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 2: Okay, why are we not fucking talking about this? Why

534
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,959
Speaker 2: are we just brushing it under the rug? A lot

535
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,439
Speaker 2: of these things are directly correlated with how people are

536
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 2: being treated. They're not being allowed to participate in their care.

537
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 2: They don't want you to advocate, they don't want you

538
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,639
Speaker 2: to know your choices. They don't want you to to

539
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 2: make informed decisions, to say no to anything. They want

540
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 2: you to comply and and lay the fuck down. And

541
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 2: then when the baby doesn't come out because the mammal

542
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 2: generally doesn't like that whole scenario that you're put in.

543
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,719
Speaker 2: Your body's gonna protect your baby. It's not a failure

544
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 2: of you, it's your body fucking works, So funna stay

545
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,120
Speaker 2: in right, Yeah.

546
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 1: I mean when I when I got to the hospital,

547
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 1: the first thing I did when they gave me my

548
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 1: bed was cry, And everyone was like, why are you crying?

549
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,360
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm terrified, Like I'm this where

550
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:56,639
Speaker 1: people That's exactly what I said, this is where people's die. Like,

551
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,919
Speaker 1: I'm not supposed to be here. This doesn't feel natural

552
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: to me. And I was already doing the unnatural thing

553
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 1: and getting induced because my doctor said, oh, you've reached

554
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 1: that special magical date that I told you mattered, and

555
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,439
Speaker 1: your baby's getting too big. You won't be able to

556
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 1: You're gonna end up getting a C section if we

557
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 1: don't induce you. And you know, now, obviously I'm a

558
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 1: lot more knowledgeable and I would never have allowed anyone

559
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 1: or anything to get in the way of what my

560
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 1: intuition was telling me. But when you don't have the information,

561
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: and even I guess I had access to the information

562
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 1: at that point, but I was really allowing other people's

563
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: fear to make choices for me. Yeah, And it's just

564
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 1: so unfortunate because I know that so many women encounter

565
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: this where they feel they've really lost the experience. And

566
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: I still kind of mourn that, like, I don't know,

567
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,719
Speaker 1: if I want to have another child, that's you know,

568
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 1: we'll see, but there is a part of me that

569
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 1: I want that experience back that I didn't get, like

570
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 1: because I in my mind, I had a whole idea obviously,

571
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:57,880
Speaker 1: you know, like God, you make plans, and God laughs

572
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 1: at that, but that was not the plan. That was

573
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: not God's plan, No, it was that wasn't doctor tallybody's

574
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: plan okay, And she really didn't give a fuck about

575
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,400
Speaker 1: what my plan was. She fearmongered me because the moment

576
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: I told her I want to have a doula, she said,

577
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:14,879
Speaker 1: you know, or a midwife. She said, do you know

578
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,360
Speaker 1: how many dead babies I've delivered?

579
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:17,479
Speaker 2: Like? How?

580
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 1: How that was?

581
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:20,359
Speaker 3: She's like traumatized.

582
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 1: Why don't you think about that for your second baby?

583
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 1: For a first now when I'm twenty six and healthy

584
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 1: and capable.

585
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 2: And that's the mindset that a lot of people have

586
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 2: when they're having their first baby. They go, well, I

587
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 2: have to see if my body works first before I give.

588
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 3: Well, if you got pregnant, I think it works right.

589
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,679
Speaker 2: And then you go to your your OB and you

590
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 2: talk about it and they go, oh no, no, no, no,

591
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 2: do not do Midwiffrey, I do not support that. It's

592
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 2: very dangerous.

593
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: Well kind of man, I was going to say, it

594
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 1: was kind of stupid for me to even ask her opinion,

595
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 1: because I was literally telling her I wasn't going to

596
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: be like I was. She was gonna be out some

597
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 1: money for me, you know. So it's almost like you

598
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,159
Speaker 1: got to know better to just not even ask. You

599
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 1: just got to do what you got to do. And

600
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: that's not to say that you can't have a doula.

601
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,399
Speaker 1: And if you choose to have a hospital birth, like

602
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,439
Speaker 1: you can have a doula you know support you in

603
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 1: that experience as well. And I think that's also a

604
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: misconception of you know what people think doulas do.

605
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,920
Speaker 2: No, it's not just for people who want to have

606
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,359
Speaker 2: an unmedicated physiological birth. I've definitely had people hire me

607
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 2: to have a schedulcy section because they wanted the support.

608
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 2: They wanted someone to walk them through the doors and say,

609
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 2: I'm going to be right here with you, and you know,

610
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 2: I'm going to help you latch your baby as soon

611
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 2: as the baby comes out, and help you advocate the

612
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 2: role of the doula is what you want. The role

613
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 2: of the doula to be with whatever birth plan it

614
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 2: is that you want, because we know, and the research

615
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 2: shows us, when someone is making their own choices and

616
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 2: they aren't participating in their care a lot of the time,

617
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 2: it's not the outcome of the birth, but how they

618
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 2: were treated and felt throughout the whole fucking process. Right.

619
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 2: So let's say if your second baby, you plan out

620
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 2: your birth, but you're going into it informed, You're doing

621
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 2: all the things that you felt you were robbed from

622
00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 2: the first time. If in the event that that shit

623
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 2: goes left, you probably will have a good feeling of

624
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 2: like I did what I could, and you know this,

625
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 2: this is how this baby needed to be born.

626
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 4: I that mean for me, Like I was twenty six

627
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 4: or twenty seven, and I had already made up in

628
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,719
Speaker 4: my mind I am not going to the fucking hospital.

629
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 4: The doctor kept telling me just go look at the

630
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,560
Speaker 4: maternity wards. I was like, I'm not going. I'm not going.

631
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 4: I don't want to see it. I don't care, and

632
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:25,240
Speaker 4: you're not going to make me. She's like, just in case.

633
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 4: I was like, not just in case, bitch, I'm gonna

634
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 4: And I kept asking her like, can you just be

635
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 4: at my apartment building and happen.

636
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:31,719
Speaker 3: To be in the area when I give birth at

637
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 3: my house? And she was like, now I'll lose my license.

638
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 4: But I had done a lot of research and like

639
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 4: on hypnover, watched the Business of being born. I had

640
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 4: a friend, a close friend of mine, who birth to

641
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 4: a set of twins in her you know, in her

642
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 4: living room, like.

643
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 3: Twelve hours apart. So I knew that I could do it.

644
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 3: I wrote out my birth plan. I was specific, like

645
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 3: if I have to go to the hospital, don't offer

646
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 3: me medicine. They didn't listen to any of that shit.

647
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 4: And you know, I ended up having to I end

648
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 4: up having to go anyway, And it was it was

649
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 4: my first lesson in which you make a plan and

650
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 4: God says whatever. But you know, overall, despite the fact

651
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 4: I was induced because I had preclamcy and I didn't

652
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 4: want to be there, I did have a good I

653
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 4: had a good experience at the hospital because from the

654
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 4: jump I let my doctor know as like, I'm young,

655
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 4: but I'm not dumb. And also you have to think like,

656
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 4: as any medical professional, when you invest hundreds of thousands

657
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 4: of dollars in your degree and your and your certification,

658
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 4: you don't want anybody to come tell you.

659
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 3: Like about what their home research. You're protecting the degree

660
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 3: and the money you've invested in this this white coat,

661
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 3: you know.

662
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 4: And I just feel like, you know, even though I

663
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 4: didn't birth the way I want you, and I like

664
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 4: want to have another baby so I can do it

665
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 4: at home, I do feel like birth is supposed to

666
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 4: be so fucking empowering. You know, it's like I always

667
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 4: call it like a rite of passages.

668
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:56,959
Speaker 2: It's a human experience.

669
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 3: It's a human experience. It's a right of passage.

670
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 4: It's like this, there's this insane thing your body does

671
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 4: that you just watched. Like, literally, women are the closest

672
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 4: thing to God. We literally are the portal from heaven

673
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 4: to Earth or wherever where wherever we come from that

674
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 4: we are.

675
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 3: Everyone's trying to figure it out.

676
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 4: And so it's just like when you take like away

677
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 4: your I feel like I feel like like the ob

678
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 4: movement was like I don't know which came first, like patriarchy,

679
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 4: but like it's it's it's it's one and the same, yea,

680
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 4: Because you're you're removing the power from women physically and

681
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 4: in the most in a in a place in your life.

682
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,240
Speaker 4: You're supposed to be the most empowered and the most

683
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:36,600
Speaker 4: like confident in your body.

684
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 3: And they're like, no, bitch, just lay down and listen

685
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 3: to us.

686
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 2: And here's the thing though, but they've been grooming us

687
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 2: all our lives to do that. How many of us

688
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 2: go to get a pap smear? Here's your little gown,

689
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 2: lay down, put your feet in the fucking stirrups and

690
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 2: scoot your ass all the way down to the end

691
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 2: of the table, and I'm gonna do what I need

692
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 2: to do down here. So our whole lives, we've been

693
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 2: groomed to do this.

694
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 3: That way, to literally disconnect from our bottom half.

695
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 4: Absolutely, literally put a paper towel, like, put the paper

696
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 4: over and look.

697
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 3: Up at the sky.

698
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely, you're literally preparing to disconnect with the bottom

699
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 4: half of your body. And for women, I feel like

700
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 4: our womb is our heart, like this is like a

701
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:20,719
Speaker 4: very It's very much connected. And if you disconnect from

702
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 4: that part of yourself, then you can fuck around and

703
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 4: let anybody do anything because you're just like fuck.

704
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And they do the same shit at birth. So

705
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 2: then you go to give birth, and when they tell

706
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 2: you to do that, you've been doing it all your life,

707
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 2: so you're just gonna comply because you're used to it.

708
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 2: So at some point you have to realize, what is

709
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 2: it that I want to do with my own bodily

710
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,600
Speaker 2: choices and my autonomy. My last pap smear that I had,

711
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 2: I hired a midwife. I had to come into my home.

712
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 2: She did my pap smere in my bed. I inserted

713
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 2: the speculum myself. It was self guided and it was

714
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 2: probably one of the most empowering experience I've ever had

715
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 2: with having a PAP smear.

716
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 3: I didn't even think that you could do that. You know,

717
00:32:58,240 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 3: that was an option.

718
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 2: Look at your local mid wives. A lot of them

719
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 2: do self guided pap smears and do it inside of

720
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 2: your house. I had mimosas, I had snacks. I made

721
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 2: it into a whole vibe and I was like, I

722
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 2: was like, yes, let's check out this pussy and see

723
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 2: what's going on.

724
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 3: I'm never going back to the day.

725
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 1: Can you tell our audience the difference between a doula

726
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 1: and a midwife.

727
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 2: So adula is there to help advocate for you, to

728
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 2: help support you and your choices, to help give you

729
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 2: some education. They're there there to give like physical support,

730
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 2: emotional support, mental support. It doesn't really doesn't matter where.

731
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 2: Some doulas do have their own boundaries. Some doulas will

732
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 2: not go into a hospital system and that's just that

733
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:44,400
Speaker 2: doula's own boundary. Some just do homebirds, whatever the case

734
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 2: may be. But a midwife is more clinical. They're going

735
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 2: to be doing like your blood tests and your blood pressure,

736
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 2: your pulse, checking in on the baby. They're doing more

737
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 2: of that clinical stuff. But a lot of midwives also

738
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 2: do have a lot of that that doulainness in them

739
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 2: when they're at your birth. Yeah.

740
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of people don't like I

741
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 1: think I didn't even really understand I had met with

742
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,360
Speaker 1: a when I got pride, and I met with a doula,

743
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: which I thought now they're thinking of. I thought she

744
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 1: was going to be the one that was going to

745
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: be facilitating my birth. But I think a lot of

746
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 1: people don't really know the differences between each.

747
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 2: So, I mean, there are some people that are called

748
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 2: birth keepers, and so they kind of show up in

749
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 2: a different in a different facet, and a lot of

750
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 2: them show up for people who are giving home birth.

751
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 2: So it's almost like having a free birth, unassisted birth,

752
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 2: but with someone who's there a little bit some stuff, right,

753
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,839
Speaker 2: who knows a little bit more stuff, which free birth

754
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:45,760
Speaker 2: is also an option. But I think whatever path you choose,

755
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 2: you have to take this radical responsibility over your body

756
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 2: and your baby, right, and that means getting educated and

757
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 2: trying to gain access to things. But we live in

758
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 2: a country that doesn't want to give us access. Makes

759
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 2: it really fucking hard.

760
00:34:58,520 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 1: They don't want to give us access and they want

761
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 1: to share us all the way around, all the way down,

762
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 1: all the way down. I was looking at your website

763
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: and you have education on a failure to progress, and

764
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:09,839
Speaker 1: I was thinking, Wow, what a fucked up thing to

765
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,759
Speaker 1: say to someone in pregnant, like while they're, you know,

766
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 1: trying to give birth. Sorry, you failed to progress, so

767
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: now we.

768
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 2: Have to take work.

769
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, And actually that's what happened to me. And I

770
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 1: was like I failed, Like okay, and it can actually fail.

771
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 2: Giving birth or could we just wait a little bit longer? No? Okay, yeah,

772
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 2: because you have to ask yourself, well, why are we

773
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 2: such a fucking rush all the time? But when you're

774
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 2: giving birth within a system and you are in their

775
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 2: labor and delivery floor, you are taking a really fucking

776
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 2: expensive real estate from them. And why I want you

777
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 2: to baby fucking out. They want their liability to be

778
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 2: over and they want you to fucking go home. They

779
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 2: want to flip that room, and they want to make

780
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 2: it like the reason why it didn't happen for you

781
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 2: is because your body failed.

782
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 3: And your baby could die and you could die. And

783
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 3: that's always that's.

784
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 4: Always the immediate always the immediate go to because they

785
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 4: know any any woman, any mom, is going to immediately

786
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 4: be like no, like it's like if you if you like,

787
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 4: like if you even remotely suggests that that's a possibility,

788
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 4: are of course.

789
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: Our instinct is going to be like, oh no, I

790
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 1: don't and I don't want to be the reason why

791
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: my baby.

792
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 2: Right. But here's the thing. When someone's baby dies within

793
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 2: a hospital, there's no shame around that from the community.

794
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 2: Baby dies at home, it's your fault. Now you're still

795
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 2: dealing with the grief and also your community fucking ridiculing

796
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:37,240
Speaker 2: you for doing that and not just going to a hospital.

797
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 3: And then you're thinking to yourself like did I fuck up?

798
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: Is it right?

799
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 4: And you know, and a lot of people don't even

800
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:45,319
Speaker 4: this is another thing, is like babies die.

801
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 2: Babies die, they do, and nature has a really high

802
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 2: tolerance for death as opposed to us humans, We don't

803
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 2: have a really high tolerance for death, you know, as

804
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 2: it should be, right, it's what keeps us alive and going.

805
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 2: But nature is nature, right, and nature is gonna do

806
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 2: what it does, and a lot of times we don't

807
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 2: know what it's going to do, right, early on in

808
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 2: my doulah career, I did witness a mother lose her

809
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 2: baby in labor, and I didn't know how to process that.

810
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 2: I didn't have the skills to process that. All I

811
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:24,319
Speaker 2: knew was that nature did its fucking thing and there

812
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 2: were no answers and I just needed to show up

813
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,439
Speaker 2: for this for this mother. But I had a really

814
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 2: hard lesson, really early on in my dula career of

815
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 2: how nature really doesn't give a fuck about us. Sometimes, No,

816
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:39,280
Speaker 2: it really fucking doesn't. That's a hard pill to swallow.

817
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 1: It is, it is, But it's when you put it

818
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:43,800
Speaker 1: that way, that nature doesn't have like it doesn't.

819
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 2: Nobody's exempt from nature, right, nobody's exempt from it.

820
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 3: As much as we think we are, I know. And

821
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 3: that's the thing.

822
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:53,200
Speaker 4: A lot of things in Western like the medical system,

823
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 4: are over medicalized and sometimes unfortunately I think, like this

824
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,760
Speaker 4: is not a popular statement, but like the over medicalization

825
00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 4: of birth is saving babies that maybe didn't and weren't

826
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 4: supposed to be here, you know what I mean?

827
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, like over and that's part

828
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 2: and that's also part of it, right, is that we

829
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 2: have we are saving a lot of babies that and

830
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 2: otherwise would have ended up in a miscarriage or a

831
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,399
Speaker 2: still birth or whatever whatever the case may be, right,

832
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 2: And that's everyone's decision to decide. There are some people

833
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,399
Speaker 2: out there that don't want an intervention. They're like, if

834
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 2: this is what nature is deciding for me, then this

835
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 2: is what nature is deciding for me. But most people

836
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 2: if they are told that something could probably happen to

837
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 2: your baby, and we're and we're gonna intervene. Yeah, And

838
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 2: in those instances, we are really grateful to have interventions.

839
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 2: So people have that option, right, And so we're not

840
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 2: saying we don't want access to interventions. We're saying, stop

841
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 2: fucking overloading us with fucking interventions that is then leading

842
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 2: to poor outcomes and can lead your child being harmed

843
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:58,399
Speaker 2: or dead, right, or even just you. Right. Because when

844
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,800
Speaker 2: I went to go have my v back was really adamant.

845
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 2: I was like, I this this baby's coming down my

846
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 2: pussy period period. I don't go fuck what anybody has

847
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,760
Speaker 2: to say, it's gonna it's gonna happen, right. But also

848
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 2: I chose to be back because I know for me

849
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 2: or anyone having a repeat c section is a higher

850
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:20,799
Speaker 2: risk of you dying, right, And so I had to

851
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 2: have a conversation with my husband of like, I want

852
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 2: to be alive. I want to be alive, and if

853
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 2: it comes between me and the baby, always choose me. Damn,

854
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 2: always fucking choose me. Yeah, because I have family, I

855
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,839
Speaker 2: have friends, I have I have other kids. I need

856
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,880
Speaker 2: to be alive. And so for me, having a v

857
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 2: back was having access to safety and being alive. But

858
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 2: if you ask most OB's they'll be like, absolutely not,

859
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 2: we're scheduling you're a repeat.

860
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then they'll scare you again, like your incision

861
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 4: is gonna burst when you try to push it through.

862
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:56,360
Speaker 2: Absolutely and this is you brought up Kia Johnson for

863
00:39:56,480 --> 00:40:00,040
Speaker 2: Kiera for mom's shout out, and that was part of

864
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:04,439
Speaker 2: of the system doing what it does. So instead of

865
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,319
Speaker 2: offering a vback and saying, hey, a V back could

866
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 2: probably reduce your chances of hemorrhaging, would you like the

867
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 2: option to try for a vback, it was like, no,

868
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 2: we're gonna do a repeat C section and the repeat

869
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 2: C section leads to a hemorrhage. Then to a system

870
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 2: who doesn't want to listen to black parents, right, Yeah,

871
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 2: it's a real thing.

872
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 1: It is it is. That's why it's so important to

873
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 1: really have so much, do your due diligence, and just

874
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: sit with yourself and know exactly what the fuck it

875
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: is you want and your body wants, right, But that

876
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 1: can be hard when you're like when you're young and

877
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 1: you don't even know who the fuck you are, You

878
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: don't you know. We asked our patrons, Oh, we asked

879
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 1: them if they had any questions for you, And there

880
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 1: was one that kept consistently coming up. Shout out to

881
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,400
Speaker 1: our patrons, Hey, y'all, they wanted to know if you

882
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:58,360
Speaker 1: guys had any if you had any advice for newly

883
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 1: pregnant moms, Like, what would be the one big, big

884
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,399
Speaker 1: piece of advice you would give to a newly pregnant mom.

885
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 2: Do not, people please when it comes to your pregnancy

886
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 2: and birth.

887
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: Do not?

888
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 2: And especially as women, we've been raised to people please,

889
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 2: to take into consideration everybody's feelings around us, and that

890
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 2: we come fucking last. And people still take that people

891
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 2: pleasing to their births right, and they start listening to

892
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:25,720
Speaker 2: what their friends are telling them, to what their partners

893
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 2: are telling them, to what their family is telling them,

894
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:32,320
Speaker 2: and they start sabotaging their own birth, slowly but surely

895
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:36,279
Speaker 2: already as they're pregnant, right, Because maybe I can't tell

896
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 2: you how many times people have said I really want

897
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 2: a home birth, but my partner is that's supportive, and

898
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 2: I have to go to the.

899
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 1: Hospital that I should. I wish, I wish I would

900
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 1: have asked you this question eight years ago, because it's

901
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 1: literally exactly what I was say.

902
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 4: Like people pleased, but because then there's the under the

903
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 4: the other layer that like, if I solely make this

904
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 4: decision and I don't listen to my partner and something

905
00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 4: happens again, it's going to be on me.

906
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 1: Well, it's a it's almost takes the responsibility off a

907
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 1: few ways too, though, because if something does go wrong

908
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 1: at the hospital, it's the hospital's fault. It's not my fault.

909
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's that radical responsibility that we were talking about.

910
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 1: But it's like, if you want to be a mom,

911
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:14,879
Speaker 1: you better get ready to have radical responsive But.

912
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 2: Also you have to have those conversations with your partner

913
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,960
Speaker 2: of like, I'm the one who's giving birth to this child.

914
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 2: You have entrusted me to take care of this child

915
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,799
Speaker 2: in the womb right and to eat healthy and to

916
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 2: move my body and do all these things, but you don't.

917
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 2: You don't fucking trust me to give birth to our child.

918
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:32,399
Speaker 2: How does that fucking pan out?

919
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: Right?

920
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 2: You know what I mean? I'm lucky enough that I'm

921
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 2: married to someone that anytime I wanted to do something,

922
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,760
Speaker 2: he was like, you know what, babe, it's your body.

923
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 2: You're the one that has to give birth to this baby.

924
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:44,440
Speaker 2: I trust you, and I'm on board with whatever it

925
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 2: is that you want to do. I got lucky in

926
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 2: that aspect, But I also wanted found a partner, right.

927
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 2: I manifested that of like, I need to find a

928
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 2: partner that's gonna back me up on a lot of shit. Right,

929
00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 2: So it's almost a part of the defect of the relationship,

930
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 2: and it bubbles to the fucking surface, and it's like, well,

931
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 2: how do you think parenting is gonna work out for you?

932
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:08,719
Speaker 2: Wants the baby's born if you can't, if you can't,

933
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 2: even if you don't agree on this, or even if

934
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,239
Speaker 2: your partner's not even open to learning, because there's so

935
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 2: many partners that aren't. They're like, I don't want to

936
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 2: hear none of it. I don't want the education, I

937
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:21,720
Speaker 2: don't want shit, you know, And It's like why.

938
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 3: Because they they they go with the idea that like

939
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 3: the doctor knows best.

940
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:27,080
Speaker 1: No, well that well the doctor knows best or all.

941
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:30,759
Speaker 1: They're also grooming their partner to be that mom that

942
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 1: has to take care of everything. You got it, You're

943
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 1: the mom, You got it figured out, you got it.

944
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,200
Speaker 3: Do what I say, you know.

945
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:42,760
Speaker 1: And it's like it's being able to make that decision

946
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 1: early on, no matter how young you are. It's really

947
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 1: a lesson in just how you really have to be

948
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: radically ready to make these huge choices, because yes, the

949
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 1: first choice is the giving birth in the hospital, right

950
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:58,879
Speaker 1: like or not in the hospital. Like, I'm not gonna

951
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 1: get birth in the hospital. I'm gonna against my family.

952
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do what my intuition is telling me to do.

953
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 1: And then you give birth, and then you realize like,

954
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,399
Speaker 1: oh shit, like I also have to be radically ready

955
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 1: to be a fucking mom and make decisions for my

956
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,239
Speaker 1: child because I can't people please. You cannot be a

957
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 1: mom and be people pleasing.

958
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:20,279
Speaker 2: No, you can, but it doesn't work outa generally, And

959
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,400
Speaker 2: all the people that were there telling you all this

960
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:24,760
Speaker 2: shit are not they're helping you take care of the child.

961
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: The fact the first is anybody out now, it's literally

962
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:29,919
Speaker 1: the first lesson, and you have to figure this shit out.

963
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 2: You have to figure it out on It's all on you.

964
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 1: Therefore, don't let someone else decide your fucking birth plan.

965
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, and like plan for if things do go

966
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 2: in a different direction, right, because we can plan to

967
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,760
Speaker 2: have a home birth all we want. But again, nature

968
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 2: has their own fucking plan for you sometimes. So it's like,

969
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 2: if there is a transfer to the hospital and there

970
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 2: is a change of plans, you have to stay participating

971
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:55,879
Speaker 2: in your care. How am I choosing to move forward

972
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 2: with this? If I am gonna need some type of

973
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 2: augmentation or an induction, you need to stay participating in

974
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:06,799
Speaker 2: that every single step of the way. And you can

975
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 2: turn all that shit off if you if you want

976
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 2: to write nothing's nothing's permanent, you know, But I think

977
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:17,200
Speaker 2: it's the loss of control is what makes people feel

978
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 2: like shit.

979
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 3: Right, because then you're just like, fuck it whatever, All

980
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 3: this shit's just happening to you, not with you, not

981
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 3: to exactly.

982
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 2: And because we're mammals and we have all these hormones,

983
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:31,560
Speaker 2: we have tend to be friend we have trauma bonding.

984
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 2: There are all these things that can potentially happen that

985
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 2: we're not even realizing is happening in those moments. And

986
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 2: then you get a year away from the birth, the

987
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 2: oxytocin wears off, the fog is fucking clearing, and you're like,

988
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 2: holy fuck, what happened? What the fuck happens? It's even there?

989
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, And then I think that's why it is

990
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 4: very important to train your partner into like so they

991
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 4: know because sometimes maybe not we won't be the position

992
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 4: to adocate for yourself, and so your partner needs to

993
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 4: be like on the same page as you so they

994
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:07,880
Speaker 4: can walk the doctor outside or whatever the fuck it' say.

995
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,279
Speaker 4: Listen here, motherfucker, this is what we're doing, you know,

996
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 4: because they will take advantage of you once you're there.

997
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:15,440
Speaker 4: Once you're like in the hospital setting, it's so easy

998
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:17,960
Speaker 4: to go down this like spiral of whatever they want

999
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 4: what they want to like yes, but they want to happen,

1000
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 4: and like even you know, like the people pleasing is

1001
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:24,799
Speaker 4: so real. There was a time like even when I

1002
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 4: was I knew from the beginning I wanted to have

1003
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 4: a home birth, and my mom had all types of

1004
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 4: shit to say, and my number one thing was nobody

1005
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 4: say shit to me about what you want for my pregnancy.

1006
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:36,359
Speaker 4: I don't give a fuck. We're not talking about it.

1007
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,400
Speaker 4: It's not up for debate. My mom's like you are

1008
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 4: quite sh doesn't fucking matter. And the more you let

1009
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 4: people like actively have these conversations with you, the more

1010
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 4: you start to question your intuition and question what you're

1011
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 4: doing and if it's the right decision. And it's like

1012
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 4: that's why you and your partner really need to be

1013
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 4: like heavily on the same page, because the doctor's going

1014
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 4: to try and change your mind. Your mother in law,

1015
00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 4: you're like all types of all types people are going

1016
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 4: to tell you they know better than you, even though

1017
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:05,360
Speaker 4: it's your fucking body. And and like you said, like

1018
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 4: the people pleasing start so early and girls, you know,

1019
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:12,240
Speaker 4: and like it goes all the way back to like Okay,

1020
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 4: well he took me out to eat and it's late,

1021
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 4: so fuck it. I'm gonna fuck him, you know, Like

1022
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 4: he's asked me seventeen times just fuck it, like just

1023
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:20,960
Speaker 4: lay here, you know what I mean. And it's like

1024
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,839
Speaker 4: it starts, it starts that early, and then like he's

1025
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:25,279
Speaker 4: like earlier.

1026
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 2: That rolls, and that rolls right into the birthroom. You're

1027
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 2: in that bed, you're you're fucking tired, you're emotionally exhausted,

1028
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 2: and here you don't know what to do next.

1029
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 1: And here's your man doctor that's never given And then

1030
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:40,359
Speaker 1: tell you this person that.

1031
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:43,399
Speaker 2: Walks in, and the hospital clearly lets you know who's

1032
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:45,840
Speaker 2: in the hierarchy. Right, You got the person who's in

1033
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 2: the gallon, you're at the bottom at the hierarchy. And

1034
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 2: you have the nurse, the nurses weren't in their fucking

1035
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 2: outfit that shows you who's next. Then you have the

1036
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:57,319
Speaker 2: white coat that walks in and they're like, whoa right,

1037
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 2: and so they're already putting this costume together for you

1038
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 2: to strip you of shit immediately, right. And so now

1039
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 2: this person comes into the room and you're like, just

1040
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,280
Speaker 2: fucking get this baby out and done.

1041
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 3: Right, I mean the fucking there.

1042
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 2: And that's not consent, No, that's not informed consent. And

1043
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 2: this is why having support in those systems, even at

1044
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 2: home at birth centers is so crucial and vital to

1045
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:25,400
Speaker 2: be able to say, time out, time fucking.

1046
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:29,479
Speaker 4: Out was your journey to like to your duela hood,

1047
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:32,279
Speaker 4: that word was your journey to birth, like being a

1048
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 4: birth educator. Was it because of the experience you had

1049
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:38,160
Speaker 4: giving birth or was it something you've always been interested in.

1050
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 2: You know, when I was small, we lived in an

1051
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 2: apartment complex and one of our neighbors had a very

1052
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 2: very fast berth and gave birth to her baby on

1053
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 2: the couch, and that was my first witness of seeing

1054
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:57,240
Speaker 2: a woman just by herself just roar her baby out,

1055
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:00,160
Speaker 2: and that left a really huge, like big impression on me,

1056
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:03,320
Speaker 2: like I could cry just thinking about it, and seeing

1057
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 2: that at such a young age, I was like, bruth

1058
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 2: is fucking amazing, Like our bodies are incredible. Her body

1059
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 2: was just doing what it needed to do right. And

1060
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,960
Speaker 2: then when I had my first baby, I was very naive.

1061
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:20,240
Speaker 2: I was young, I didn't know my body, I didn't

1062
00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,840
Speaker 2: know pregnancy, and I thought that I was gonna be

1063
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:24,799
Speaker 2: able to just go into the hospital and just say, hey,

1064
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,319
Speaker 2: I just want ab and t turns out I wasn't

1065
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 2: that fucking easy. When I got there, nobody there was

1066
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:33,480
Speaker 2: making it easy for me to do the things that

1067
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:36,280
Speaker 2: I wanted to do, and I ended up giving birth

1068
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 2: the way the system wanted me to give birth, And

1069
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 2: by the time my baby was born, I felt so

1070
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 2: disconnected from him. Like I felt like someone handed me

1071
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 2: a stranger's baby, Now take care of it. And I

1072
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 2: was just like, wow, okay, like you know you love

1073
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 2: this child, but there's also a layer of connection, and

1074
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:59,239
Speaker 2: that connection wasn't there, and it took me time to

1075
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 2: really build that connection with the baby, right, So, and

1076
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 2: I just felt funny in my gut. I was like,

1077
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,799
Speaker 2: this shit just feels funny. Why do I feel like this?

1078
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 2: Like just the way that I was treated and how

1079
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 2: it unfolded just doesn't feel fucking right, you know. And

1080
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:17,879
Speaker 2: that's when I started this discovery of like looking at

1081
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:21,720
Speaker 2: things and what are doulas and pregnancy and like home birds,

1082
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:24,720
Speaker 2: well like midwives go to your house and there's spirt

1083
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:26,839
Speaker 2: centers and all of this stuff. And so that kind

1084
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:31,520
Speaker 2: of launched me into being a birth worker.

1085
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:32,279
Speaker 5: Right.

1086
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:35,319
Speaker 2: But in that meantime, I was a stripper for six

1087
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 2: years full time. So I was shaking my ass and

1088
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:42,320
Speaker 2: titties in the club giving lap dances while my heart

1089
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 2: was yearning to like be with people and help them

1090
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:49,759
Speaker 2: birth their babies. Right, But like stripping also was a

1091
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:53,799
Speaker 2: layer of building my autonomy. I can say that of

1092
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:57,840
Speaker 2: taking charge of my body, no don't touch me. Yeah, no,

1093
00:50:57,960 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 2: I don't want to give you a lot dance.

1094
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 1: Well, I want to play a game of Trigger with you,

1095
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,440
Speaker 1: because wow, I didn't know. That's a fun fact. We

1096
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 1: didn't know about Flora Cruz, former stripper, birth worker. We

1097
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 1: have a game on our show called Trigger, and what

1098
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 1: we do is just say a word and you say

1099
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:16,759
Speaker 1: the first thing that comes to mind and allows us

1100
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 1: in our audience to kind of get to know you quickly.

1101
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 1: I should have put stripper on here, but I didn't

1102
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 1: know you ready. Don't ever think it's okay love sex, marriage, work,

1103
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:37,879
Speaker 1: sex while your kid is home. Ooh sneaky fingering ass

1104
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 1: or looking asso fingering ass, pregnancy sex, yummy. I had

1105
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 1: none of that.

1106
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 2: Oh god, I had the best riass when I was pregnant.

1107
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:57,359
Speaker 1: Yes, oh Jesus, I know nothing of this life.

1108
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 2: Religion is non existent for me.

1109
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 1: In vitro science, orgasmic birth, oh, normal. Favorite trait about yourself, I.

1110
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:16,360
Speaker 2: Would say, my resilience.

1111
00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:19,399
Speaker 1: Well, now I gotta add this stripper song.

1112
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 2: Stripper song. You know, I danced to a lot of

1113
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 2: like slower songs and rock. I wouldn't say I was

1114
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,759
Speaker 2: like a crazy type like on stage, I was more

1115
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 2: of like sensual, like I wore like cute lingeride like

1116
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 2: dresses and like because I wanted to appeal to a

1117
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 2: certain type of customer, and a lot of those customers

1118
00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 2: that had a lot of funds and wanted to be

1119
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:51,560
Speaker 2: regular customers really wanted more women who were smart, who

1120
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 2: were able to hold a conversation, who were able to

1121
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 2: ask them about their day make them feel good. Wasn't

1122
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 2: necessarily about lap dances. It was just like, come talk

1123
00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:01,200
Speaker 2: to me, pay for your time.

1124
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:02,400
Speaker 1: So it was.

1125
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 2: Almost like that was playing into the customers that I

1126
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 2: wanted to attract, versus walking out on a bikini and

1127
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 2: just shaking your ass and jumping all over the pole

1128
00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 2: at that at that time would have attracted customers who

1129
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:17,440
Speaker 2: were like, here's twenty bucks, you know what I mean?

1130
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:18,919
Speaker 2: Can you get your number? Can you talk later?

1131
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:22,840
Speaker 1: Like out here, you're kind of building up, building it

1132
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 1: up exactly.

1133
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 4: What about cannabis and pregnancy, I think cannabis actually actually

1134
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:29,880
Speaker 4: we should know. I'm gonna we're gonna hold that for

1135
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:32,320
Speaker 4: a Patreon. I know that's like a It could be

1136
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 4: a touchy subject for people, like smoking weed during pregnancy

1137
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 4: and during like like breastfeeding, so like, well, we'll answer

1138
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:42,360
Speaker 4: that question and get your your feedback.

1139
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 1: So if you're not part of our patron community, you

1140
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:47,680
Speaker 1: better go ahead and click the link in this episode

1141
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:50,400
Speaker 1: of description and join our patreon A Good Mom's Bad Choices,

1142
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 1: because that's a question. We get asked a lot about

1143
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 1: cannabis and pregnancy, Like I can't at least once a week.

1144
00:53:56,840 --> 00:53:57,919
Speaker 3: I can do all the time.

1145
00:53:57,960 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 2: But you know why people ask you that a lot,

1146
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:03,879
Speaker 2: because you're you. You feel safe to people, well good

1147
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,360
Speaker 2: feel safe, source of safe, You're a source of safety

1148
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:09,720
Speaker 2: for them, because that's not something that people talk about openly.

1149
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 4: Well, I think people, Yeah, I mean, I've, I've I've

1150
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:15,000
Speaker 4: I've said openly that i've I smokedweed while I was pregnant.

1151
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:17,279
Speaker 3: So I think also people a kid in my DM's like, hey,

1152
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 3: I heard you say.

1153
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:19,879
Speaker 4: I don't know why I'm doing the whisper voice because

1154
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:21,400
Speaker 4: in the DM but I feel I always feel like

1155
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 4: they're whispering to me.

1156
00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:26,760
Speaker 2: On whisper mode in the DMS. Is that even possible?

1157
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:27,879
Speaker 3: It should be.

1158
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:36,319
Speaker 2: Lover money, love because money you can always fucking come

1159
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:39,360
Speaker 2: by giver or receiver receiver.

1160
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:46,200
Speaker 1: Oh okay, most toxic trait Ooh, I get mad so fast. Oh,

1161
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 1: what's your sign with the quickness? Capricorn? Really cappy cappy Capricorn?

1162
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:53,040
Speaker 1: Are you interstrology?

1163
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:54,160
Speaker 2: No?

1164
00:54:55,840 --> 00:55:03,560
Speaker 1: No, not at all. Okay, hospital birth, yes, most pain

1165
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:04,920
Speaker 1: you've been in that wasn't physical.

1166
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:13,480
Speaker 2: Ooh, most pain probably when my son had a seizure

1167
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:19,400
Speaker 2: and I it hurt me to not be able to

1168
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:22,719
Speaker 2: help him, like just on an emotional level, just like

1169
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:26,240
Speaker 2: really painful. And then just all the poking and prottying

1170
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:28,879
Speaker 2: that the hospital wanted to do, just like really hurt

1171
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 2: me so bad.

1172
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:31,839
Speaker 1: I can imagine when you see your baby.

1173
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:34,439
Speaker 2: Oh, it's just like one of the most helpless things

1174
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:35,280
Speaker 2: I've ever been through.

1175
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 1: Pet peeve.

1176
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:46,160
Speaker 2: Oh my god, which which fucking one? Bro? Like, my

1177
00:55:46,239 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 2: husband's over there, he's over there laughing. My biggest pet

1178
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 2: pet peeve, I would say, is God.

1179
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:55,080
Speaker 1: Damn.

1180
00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:57,360
Speaker 2: I hate it when a dude is a Sarah husband

1181
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:03,320
Speaker 2: to his mama, so mom's born. I can't I really

1182
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:08,520
Speaker 2: can't stand that. Emotional incest ship, emotional emotional fucking incest.

1183
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:12,399
Speaker 2: Did that man's already married girl leave him alone? He's

1184
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 2: married to his mom?

1185
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:14,839
Speaker 1: Oh no, that.

1186
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:15,400
Speaker 3: Happens so.

1187
00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 1: Well. Speaking of that childhood.

1188
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:21,440
Speaker 2: Trauma.

1189
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:24,360
Speaker 1: Mm hm, your childhood was traumatic, I.

1190
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:25,839
Speaker 2: Would say yeah, for me, it was.

1191
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:29,080
Speaker 1: Therapy.

1192
00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:37,200
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, it's a good thing. Masturbation, Oh, it's a necessity.

1193
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 1: Do you masturbate on your own? Like, aside from your

1194
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:42,120
Speaker 1: husband this morning? Where was he at?

1195
00:56:42,280 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was watching TV. I love that the hotel

1196
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 2: room had with like the hand handle thing, you know,

1197
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:51,720
Speaker 2: And I came out of that room. Oh I'm a shower,

1198
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:55,400
Speaker 2: just so you know, like the pressure on that handle

1199
00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:58,680
Speaker 2: thing was not quite strong enough, but a bitch really

1200
00:56:58,719 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 2: did try.

1201
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 1: Right now. Love language, food, food, more kids.

1202
00:57:11,440 --> 00:57:13,160
Speaker 2: Hell, no, you're done.

1203
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:16,720
Speaker 1: Absolutely not, you're done. Favorite sex position.

1204
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 2: I like the spooning position a lot. I just I

1205
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 2: don't know, it just feels it's so much better in

1206
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 2: that position, and I just feel like there's a lot

1207
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:28,080
Speaker 2: more like contact with the person.

1208
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 3: It feels like a morning sex like position.

1209
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very loving.

1210
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 3: Ye.

1211
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 2: Yes, it's roll over and stick.

1212
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:37,600
Speaker 3: I'm hardly awake, and it.

1213
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 1: Also requires it doesn't require a lot of energy.

1214
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 3: We're both just like we're resting sex.

1215
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:44,600
Speaker 2: My husband already know the boies.

1216
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:48,720
Speaker 1: Well, all yeah, that's you poke it out a little.

1217
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,920
Speaker 2: Bit exactly exactly.

1218
00:57:52,440 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 1: I got. Oh my gosh. Favorite position during pregnancy.

1219
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:08,520
Speaker 2: Doggie definitely, Yes, definitely doggy. Yeah, it just feels like

1220
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:11,360
Speaker 2: the penetration was a lot deeper and like it like

1221
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 2: your service is so full of like blood at that

1222
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 2: time and it's sensitive, and it just felt like deep

1223
00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:19,680
Speaker 2: to preenetration felt so good and like you just reached

1224
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 2: down and like stimulate yourself.

1225
00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:22,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was.

1226
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 2: I was really bummed when the pregnancy was over. I

1227
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:28,760
Speaker 2: was like, well, there was all my good orgasms because

1228
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 2: it's for me. It was like a hundred times more

1229
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:33,120
Speaker 2: intense during pregnancy. It was like out of this word,

1230
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:35,160
Speaker 2: give me that the moon.

1231
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:36,320
Speaker 3: Wow.

1232
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:40,520
Speaker 1: Last question, biggest regret, biggest regret.

1233
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:46,040
Speaker 2: My biggest regret was definitely not standing up for myself

1234
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 2: maybe a little bit more when I had my C section. Yeah,

1235
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 2: that's probably one of my my biggest regrets. Yeah.

1236
00:58:54,360 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 1: Well I'm curious because you know, you said you were pregnant.

1237
00:58:57,120 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 1: I'm not pregnant. You said you were still sexual during pregnancy,

1238
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 1: and then you know, after pregnancy, you had babies quickly after,

1239
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 1: so you're sexually active obviously as I was. And I

1240
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:10,800
Speaker 1: think a lot of women, you know, they struggle with that,

1241
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:15,160
Speaker 1: they struggle with trying to get back into their bodies

1242
00:59:15,200 --> 00:59:20,000
Speaker 1: and feeling like their bodies, their body is theirs post pregnancy.

1243
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:23,160
Speaker 1: What what what did you do or what what was

1244
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:24,760
Speaker 1: the thing that kind of allowed you to kind of

1245
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:28,480
Speaker 1: stay in in that mindset and allow your body to

1246
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:32,320
Speaker 1: still want to receive after you know, giving so much,

1247
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:33,959
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of women are like, there's

1248
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 1: no way I want to be touched after pregnancy, Like

1249
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: what was the thing that you or what do you

1250
00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 1: think was the thing that still allows you to want

1251
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:43,760
Speaker 1: to be intimate right?

1252
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 2: Well, one, there's a lot of layers here, but if

1253
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 2: you had any type of like traumatic birth, that is

1254
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:55,240
Speaker 2: a whole layer that you are adding on to trying

1255
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 2: to get back into your own skin. Because even someone

1256
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:00,919
Speaker 2: just putting their fingers inside of your body to check

1257
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:03,720
Speaker 2: your service when it's you don't want it, it's not

1258
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:06,360
Speaker 2: a medical necessity, or and someone didn't even ask for

1259
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 2: your informed consent, what do we call that? Assaults?

1260
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 1: Rape?

1261
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 2: And so we have a lot of this rape culture

1262
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 2: that has leaked into the birthroom, and then we send

1263
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 2: people home with their babies and go now get back.

1264
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:21,640
Speaker 1: To fucking right.

1265
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:23,600
Speaker 3: Now, serve your house.

1266
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 2: I really did right because you haven't been wanting to

1267
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:29,400
Speaker 2: have sex with him the whole pregnancy, and you know,

1268
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:32,440
Speaker 2: poor thing, you know poor.

1269
01:00:34,760 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 3: I would say, if you don't get to it soon,

1270
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:37,960
Speaker 3: I would say.

1271
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 2: I didn't feel like right back into my own body

1272
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:44,200
Speaker 2: until I had like my first like v back where

1273
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 2: I felt like really like a lot more in control, educated,

1274
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:52,040
Speaker 2: made decisions for myself. My partner was really educated, really

1275
01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 2: on board with me, there with me every step of

1276
01:00:54,360 --> 01:00:57,479
Speaker 2: the way. So that was a layer of connection more

1277
01:00:57,560 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 2: that I had with him, more bonding that I had

1278
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:01,800
Speaker 2: with him. He showed up in a space of like

1279
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:04,840
Speaker 2: protecting me, being my king, you know, protecting me and

1280
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:09,120
Speaker 2: protecting his child. And so after you have the baby,

1281
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:11,680
Speaker 2: I'm just with looking at him with googly eyes, just

1282
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 2: like I fucking love you so much and I'm so

1283
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:18,840
Speaker 2: horny right now. Right, So I feel like you have

1284
01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:22,400
Speaker 2: to have your partner in that capacity, if you have

1285
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:25,600
Speaker 2: a partner of showing up for you in that space

1286
01:01:25,720 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 2: to allow you to show up, you know, as a person, right,

1287
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:33,520
Speaker 2: because usually when someone has a baby, their own fucking

1288
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:36,680
Speaker 2: identity is being a fucking mother after that, and they

1289
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:39,960
Speaker 2: do that, so it's I can't stand it because they

1290
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:42,360
Speaker 2: go into your room every two minutes after you have

1291
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 2: a baby.

1292
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:45,880
Speaker 1: Hey mama, Hey mama, Hey mama, Hey mama, hey mama.

1293
01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:49,120
Speaker 2: Like I have a name, I'm a person. My whole

1294
01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:51,800
Speaker 2: identity is not being a fucking mother, now you know

1295
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:54,320
Speaker 2: what I mean. So we almost strip people of that

1296
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 2: as soon as they enter parenthood.

1297
01:01:56,560 --> 01:01:59,040
Speaker 4: Oh my god, it's so true, and it's so normalized,

1298
01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:01,640
Speaker 4: Like no one you anymore, despite the fact that you

1299
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 4: just birth this baby.

1300
01:02:02,640 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 3: They're only asking about the kid.

1301
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:06,880
Speaker 4: And you know, like after I gave birth, there was

1302
01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:08,640
Speaker 4: this feeling of, like you said, like being poked and

1303
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:10,920
Speaker 4: like you're just like a machine. Like I remember like

1304
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:12,720
Speaker 4: someone being in the room and my legs just being

1305
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:14,560
Speaker 4: sprawled open, and I didn't even give a fuck, Like

1306
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 4: I didn't even feel like I was there, Like no

1307
01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:18,560
Speaker 4: one cared that I was there. And I think there

1308
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 4: is like a level of like ritual that has to

1309
01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 4: take place in your body, like in whatever it is

1310
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:28,120
Speaker 4: for you, in order like for you and your pussy

1311
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:31,760
Speaker 4: first and foremost, so that you can like still stay

1312
01:02:31,760 --> 01:02:36,000
Speaker 4: connected to it in that process during pregnancy after birth,

1313
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:39,320
Speaker 4: because especially when you go to the hospital, there's there

1314
01:02:39,720 --> 01:02:41,920
Speaker 4: things are being done to you and then you're just

1315
01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:44,600
Speaker 4: like it's like I said, it's like you're just disenacted

1316
01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:45,600
Speaker 4: from your bottom half.

1317
01:02:45,640 --> 01:02:46,720
Speaker 3: You're just like there.

1318
01:02:46,560 --> 01:02:48,880
Speaker 2: And it becomes a portal of information for people.

1319
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 1: Well, I think too, especially if you don't have if

1320
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 1: you don't have a partner, like say you're having having

1321
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 1: your child as a single mom or you know, shit

1322
01:02:57,320 --> 01:03:00,320
Speaker 1: happens right, you don't have that support, like how how

1323
01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:02,240
Speaker 1: do you get back into your body? And I think

1324
01:03:02,280 --> 01:03:04,920
Speaker 1: a lot of it is is the ritual. And you know,

1325
01:03:05,040 --> 01:03:08,080
Speaker 1: we have this beautiful golden vagina. I don't know if

1326
01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:10,440
Speaker 1: you If you're on YouTube right now, you can see

1327
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:13,680
Speaker 1: beautiful chrome vulva.

1328
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:16,440
Speaker 3: I'm so proud of it. I ordered it from Australia.

1329
01:03:16,520 --> 01:03:18,480
Speaker 3: It took forty thousand days to get here.

1330
01:03:19,480 --> 01:03:22,000
Speaker 2: Literally, I was waiting for wheeks, one horse and carriage.

1331
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:25,200
Speaker 4: I mean it looks like it could have right, it

1332
01:03:25,240 --> 01:03:26,520
Speaker 4: looks like it got delivered to.

1333
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:30,200
Speaker 1: The most beautiful Crimson vulvibe I think I've ever seen

1334
01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:30,600
Speaker 1: in life.

1335
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:31,600
Speaker 3: See my pink clip.

1336
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:35,080
Speaker 4: It's beautiful and it opens up and like I got

1337
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:37,320
Speaker 4: it for TANTR school, but it's pretty much one of

1338
01:03:37,320 --> 01:03:40,240
Speaker 4: my most prized possessions now that I waited ninety days,

1339
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:43,560
Speaker 4: but yeah, like I think even we've been having it

1340
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:45,680
Speaker 4: in the office and people are like, oh, I'm like, yeah,

1341
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:47,120
Speaker 4: what do you what do you think this is?

1342
01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:48,200
Speaker 3: It's the Yoni office.

1343
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 2: Well, I mean in the act, like they don't watch

1344
01:03:50,600 --> 01:03:52,880
Speaker 2: porn like you watch porn on a regular basis. But

1345
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:54,400
Speaker 2: everybody's to be honest, like.

1346
01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:55,840
Speaker 3: Everybody came through this portal.

1347
01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:59,920
Speaker 4: You guys get like get acquainted and especially you as yourself,

1348
01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:01,479
Speaker 4: get acquainted with.

1349
01:04:01,440 --> 01:04:03,520
Speaker 2: Your look in the mirror, look in the mirror.

1350
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:07,160
Speaker 1: And you know, people have rituals for like their skincare routine,

1351
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:11,240
Speaker 1: their workout routine, but we don't have rituals for our

1352
01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:13,600
Speaker 1: most intimate part, the part that really a is the

1353
01:04:13,600 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 1: portal of life builds confidence. I always tell people, when

1354
01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 1: you feel confident in this part of your in your womb,

1355
01:04:19,800 --> 01:04:24,320
Speaker 1: in your vulva, like it inevitably affects all parts of

1356
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:27,240
Speaker 1: your life, you just walk with a different sense of confidence.

1357
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:30,560
Speaker 1: And I'm just so grateful for Honeypots. The honeypot has

1358
01:04:30,240 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 1: given us all these amazing products to create your own rituals.

1359
01:04:33,720 --> 01:04:35,120
Speaker 3: And I've been creating the rituals.

1360
01:04:35,120 --> 01:04:38,760
Speaker 1: Baby girl. They have this amber wood sandalwood foaming wash,

1361
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:42,640
Speaker 1: which is amazing. It keeps your pH balanced. It feels

1362
01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:46,280
Speaker 1: amazing on your most intimate parts. And then the next

1363
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:47,200
Speaker 1: step would.

1364
01:04:47,040 --> 01:04:52,360
Speaker 4: Be using organic moisturizing lubricant. Not only is it loubing

1365
01:04:52,400 --> 01:04:54,840
Speaker 4: you up, but it's moisturizing your labia.

1366
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:56,160
Speaker 3: And most people don't put a lot of.

1367
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:59,200
Speaker 4: Time and effort into moisturizing their labia, but it could

1368
01:04:59,200 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 4: could dry and important to keep it moisturized.

1369
01:05:02,160 --> 01:05:03,800
Speaker 3: I love this shit. It smells so good too.

1370
01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:07,080
Speaker 1: I like this. This is essential stimulating serum, and I

1371
01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:11,720
Speaker 1: love this because it actually it activates the sensations. More

1372
01:05:11,760 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 1: so if you are someone that maybe suffers with not

1373
01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:17,480
Speaker 1: I don want to say suffers, but struggles with numbness,

1374
01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,000
Speaker 1: because that can be a thing, especially after a pregnancy.

1375
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:23,960
Speaker 1: This product right here, the central stimulating serum, is amazing

1376
01:05:23,960 --> 01:05:27,760
Speaker 1: for that, and it has vitamin E, alo peppermint. And then,

1377
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:29,880
Speaker 1: last but not least, when you finally get to fucking

1378
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:39,200
Speaker 1: or coming, hopefully coming fucking or coming, these intimacy wipes,

1379
01:05:39,640 --> 01:05:42,880
Speaker 1: they're also pH balanced, so you're not gonna be using

1380
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:48,960
Speaker 1: your nasty little rag that some your someone's son, nasty

1381
01:05:49,040 --> 01:05:53,440
Speaker 1: son has in their little drawer next to their bed. No.

1382
01:05:53,640 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 1: I just love how Honeypot has put so much effort

1383
01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:59,960
Speaker 1: into really creating and helping women create rituals around connecting

1384
01:06:00,160 --> 01:06:03,520
Speaker 1: back to their womb, connecting back to their vulva, connecting

1385
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:07,280
Speaker 1: back to themselves, because ultimately that is really really builds

1386
01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:09,720
Speaker 1: so much more confidence and it's one of the ways

1387
01:06:09,720 --> 01:06:12,320
Speaker 1: you start building autonomy in your body and being able

1388
01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:14,960
Speaker 1: to advocate for yourself because you're connecting to yourself and

1389
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:17,760
Speaker 1: you're not ashamed of what your body can do.

1390
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:19,880
Speaker 4: So I'm gonna start asking women, like, you know, I

1391
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:21,720
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, what's your skincare routine?

1392
01:06:21,760 --> 01:06:23,840
Speaker 3: Your skin looks bomb. It doesn't really look bomb. I'd

1393
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:25,520
Speaker 3: be like, what's your vulva routine?

1394
01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you don't, you don't have one.

1395
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:27,320
Speaker 3: You don't have one.

1396
01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,880
Speaker 1: That's crazy like that, that's kind of crazy. You should

1397
01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:32,479
Speaker 1: go to honeypot dot Co slash GMBC and get twenty

1398
01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:35,880
Speaker 1: five percent off and step up your ritual with your

1399
01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:37,320
Speaker 1: vulva care.

1400
01:06:37,480 --> 01:06:39,160
Speaker 4: I think I'm going to start doing like YouTube videos

1401
01:06:39,160 --> 01:06:41,560
Speaker 4: and now they're like step one. I'm gonna be like,

1402
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:44,040
Speaker 4: I'm just use my golden Yoni like step one. You

1403
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:52,560
Speaker 4: could you know, you know, yeah, normalize having vagina care

1404
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 4: vagina rituals with honeypop.

1405
01:06:56,120 --> 01:06:58,000
Speaker 1: I mean maybe if I would have had a ritual,

1406
01:06:58,040 --> 01:07:00,560
Speaker 1: I would have wanted to have sex after ignancy, but

1407
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:05,320
Speaker 1: I really, I literally felt so I didn't have I

1408
01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:09,480
Speaker 1: maybe had sex four times during my pregnancy, not counting

1409
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:12,880
Speaker 1: really and I had to force myself. And then after

1410
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:16,320
Speaker 1: pregnancy again I had so much shame because I hadn't

1411
01:07:16,360 --> 01:07:18,720
Speaker 1: had sex during pregnancy and now the baby wasn't in

1412
01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:20,640
Speaker 1: me anymore, and I still didn't want to have sex.

1413
01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:24,400
Speaker 1: And I couldn't understand why because I was attracted to

1414
01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:25,200
Speaker 1: my partner.

1415
01:07:24,960 --> 01:07:27,760
Speaker 2: Of course, not you're stripped of modely autonomy. Yeah, that's

1416
01:07:27,800 --> 01:07:28,880
Speaker 2: gonna be the repercussion.

1417
01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 1: But I but I didn't even associate it with that.

1418
01:07:31,240 --> 01:07:33,360
Speaker 1: I just was like, I'm just tired and this is

1419
01:07:33,440 --> 01:07:36,360
Speaker 1: just normal, and you know, you know, and I was

1420
01:07:36,400 --> 01:07:37,720
Speaker 1: looking at my partner, I was like, I do want

1421
01:07:37,760 --> 01:07:40,760
Speaker 1: to have sex with you. I just maybe, like later,

1422
01:07:40,960 --> 01:07:43,200
Speaker 1: maybe tomorrow, will let try in four days and.

1423
01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:46,240
Speaker 2: People, a lot of parents are really burnt the fuck out,

1424
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:49,440
Speaker 2: Like a lot of these daddies are not stepping in

1425
01:07:49,960 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 2: and helping in the middle of the night am. They're

1426
01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:55,120
Speaker 2: forcing people to do all the child rearing all on

1427
01:07:55,160 --> 01:07:58,280
Speaker 2: their own. That's not fucking sexy, and it's not fucking sexy.

1428
01:07:58,280 --> 01:07:58,680
Speaker 1: It's single.

1429
01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:01,880
Speaker 4: Single parenting in a marriage or in a partnership is

1430
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:04,720
Speaker 4: worse than just being prepared to be well.

1431
01:08:04,760 --> 01:08:06,320
Speaker 1: That's the thing too, is like for the men that

1432
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:09,600
Speaker 1: are complaining about their women after birth and not wanting

1433
01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:11,760
Speaker 1: to fuck, Like, what are you doing to make them want?

1434
01:08:11,760 --> 01:08:13,880
Speaker 2: They're not doing the dishes, they're not vacuuming and not

1435
01:08:13,960 --> 01:08:16,240
Speaker 2: doing lunch. Something get in the middle of.

1436
01:08:16,280 --> 01:08:19,759
Speaker 1: Something has changed, Like a big thing has happened. Whatever

1437
01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:22,320
Speaker 1: you used to fucking do probably ain't gonna work no more, sir.

1438
01:08:22,560 --> 01:08:25,080
Speaker 1: You don't just get to roll up with a hard dick, no,

1439
01:08:25,720 --> 01:08:27,960
Speaker 1: Like you need to massage me, you need to light

1440
01:08:28,080 --> 01:08:31,080
Speaker 1: some candles that the mood make me feel sexy, because

1441
01:08:31,080 --> 01:08:33,120
Speaker 1: a lot of times that's a big part of it, too,

1442
01:08:33,320 --> 01:08:35,840
Speaker 1: is that we don't feel sexy in this new body

1443
01:08:35,920 --> 01:08:38,280
Speaker 1: that we have. And it's and you might think we

1444
01:08:38,360 --> 01:08:42,200
Speaker 1: feel sexy but it looks sexy, But we really need

1445
01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:44,720
Speaker 1: that validation and we really need that love, and we

1446
01:08:44,800 --> 01:08:47,800
Speaker 1: need that care. And I think a dish extra Yeah,

1447
01:08:47,920 --> 01:08:51,519
Speaker 1: go above and be hones it's necessary. Someone's just fucking

1448
01:08:51,600 --> 01:08:54,040
Speaker 1: you and being done. Then they're just using you to masturbate, right,

1449
01:08:54,160 --> 01:08:57,000
Speaker 1: I'm not. They're just using your pussy as a way

1450
01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:57,679
Speaker 1: to masturbate.

1451
01:08:57,840 --> 01:09:01,960
Speaker 2: They're not really getting to that level with you and

1452
01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:02,920
Speaker 2: giving you what you need.

1453
01:09:03,160 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 4: And it's traumatic, Like I remember feeling after giving birth

1454
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:09,280
Speaker 4: like everybody was using me, like taking from me, and

1455
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:13,120
Speaker 4: my baby was sucking me fucking dry. People kept like

1456
01:09:13,280 --> 01:09:15,479
Speaker 4: no one was asking about me, and like taking and

1457
01:09:15,760 --> 01:09:18,400
Speaker 4: taking and taking. And then my fucking baby daddy asked

1458
01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:21,840
Speaker 4: me for some head and I literally almost fucking killed him.

1459
01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:24,920
Speaker 4: I couldn't believe that he had that fucking audacity to

1460
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:26,160
Speaker 4: asked me for some more shit.

1461
01:09:26,760 --> 01:09:29,640
Speaker 3: And I was just like I couldn't believe it. Like

1462
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:30,320
Speaker 3: it took.

1463
01:09:30,520 --> 01:09:32,479
Speaker 4: I felt so disconnected from my body, and it does.

1464
01:09:32,560 --> 01:09:36,080
Speaker 4: It takes like levels of intimacy, just like kissing, like

1465
01:09:36,720 --> 01:09:39,760
Speaker 4: you know, affirmations like maybe talk to my pussy nice.

1466
01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:41,920
Speaker 4: I don't know, she's been through a lot, lots has

1467
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:43,479
Speaker 4: happened here. I'm fucking confused.

1468
01:09:43,800 --> 01:09:45,960
Speaker 3: And that was the thing. I wasn't expecting to feel

1469
01:09:46,040 --> 01:09:49,840
Speaker 3: that like disconnected from my body after giving birth. I

1470
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:51,799
Speaker 3: was just like, what the fuck just happened?

1471
01:09:51,840 --> 01:09:55,040
Speaker 2: Well, people have normalized that though, that disconnection as well.

1472
01:09:54,960 --> 01:09:57,280
Speaker 4: Because no, women are not talking about it. No, like

1473
01:09:57,479 --> 01:09:59,360
Speaker 4: afterwards your pussy hurts when you laugh?

1474
01:10:00,240 --> 01:10:03,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had no fucking on yourself after a C

1475
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:05,240
Speaker 1: section and not know why you peed on your sleep

1476
01:10:05,320 --> 01:10:05,760
Speaker 1: or feel it.

1477
01:10:06,479 --> 01:10:06,679
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1478
01:10:07,320 --> 01:10:09,120
Speaker 1: As a doula, is this is something? Is this something

1479
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:10,960
Speaker 1: kind of like you ever touched on with your clients,

1480
01:10:11,080 --> 01:10:14,120
Speaker 1: like the after like I'm sure you do aftercare, right,

1481
01:10:14,160 --> 01:10:17,679
Speaker 1: but like connecting back with their bodies and like getting

1482
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:20,760
Speaker 1: back into I guess feeling like yeah.

1483
01:10:21,160 --> 01:10:23,080
Speaker 2: And I usually start with asking him what is it

1484
01:10:23,280 --> 01:10:27,720
Speaker 2: that you need that you're not getting right now? And

1485
01:10:27,840 --> 01:10:31,320
Speaker 2: it's usually a whole ton of shit. The floodgates open

1486
01:10:31,400 --> 01:10:34,200
Speaker 2: of all these things that they're needing and wanting that

1487
01:10:34,280 --> 01:10:38,519
Speaker 2: they're not getting from their family, their their friends, the

1488
01:10:38,560 --> 01:10:43,200
Speaker 2: people that they work for. There's so much right because

1489
01:10:43,240 --> 01:10:45,360
Speaker 2: you can't just have a wet pussy on command like

1490
01:10:45,520 --> 01:10:49,479
Speaker 2: that requires certain fucking elements and fluffy in place, you

1491
01:10:49,600 --> 01:10:52,479
Speaker 2: know what I mean? And so that's where I start

1492
01:10:52,760 --> 01:10:54,560
Speaker 2: with them, is what is it that you need that

1493
01:10:54,640 --> 01:10:57,639
Speaker 2: you're not getting in this moment? Let's try to fix

1494
01:10:57,720 --> 01:11:00,840
Speaker 2: that is that's a big question, you know.

1495
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:03,160
Speaker 4: That's a part of like a part of our Tanser

1496
01:11:03,240 --> 01:11:06,160
Speaker 4: training is like non violent communication, and it's like how

1497
01:11:06,200 --> 01:11:08,360
Speaker 4: do I feel? Observing how you feel and then asking

1498
01:11:08,439 --> 01:11:10,840
Speaker 4: what like and then what do I need to bring

1499
01:11:10,960 --> 01:11:13,800
Speaker 4: myself to like a tense spot. And it's like for women,

1500
01:11:13,880 --> 01:11:16,479
Speaker 4: we're so we're not often asked what is it that

1501
01:11:16,600 --> 01:11:19,280
Speaker 4: you need? And so when someone poses the question, you're

1502
01:11:19,320 --> 01:11:20,719
Speaker 4: like literally fucking confused.

1503
01:11:20,760 --> 01:11:23,320
Speaker 2: Some people don't know. Yeah, I don't. I don't even

1504
01:11:23,320 --> 01:11:25,200
Speaker 2: know that I can have needs because there used to

1505
01:11:25,240 --> 01:11:29,360
Speaker 2: being givers on their whole their whole lives right and everything,

1506
01:11:29,680 --> 01:11:33,479
Speaker 2: everything in their family unit is contingent on you giving

1507
01:11:33,920 --> 01:11:36,680
Speaker 2: two hundred at all times.

1508
01:11:36,760 --> 01:11:40,360
Speaker 3: Not receiving. Yeah, you know, we forgot to ask you

1509
01:11:40,400 --> 01:11:42,640
Speaker 3: earlier in the show, but we always ask our guests, Uh,

1510
01:11:43,000 --> 01:11:46,000
Speaker 3: if you have a affirmation for our listeners.

1511
01:11:47,360 --> 01:11:51,000
Speaker 2: My affirmation is birth is as normal as life gets.

1512
01:11:52,040 --> 01:11:54,519
Speaker 3: Earth is as normal as life gets.

1513
01:11:55,240 --> 01:11:55,719
Speaker 1: That's true.

1514
01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:58,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a normal bodily function.

1515
01:11:58,280 --> 01:11:59,320
Speaker 3: None of us would be here.

1516
01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:03,840
Speaker 2: It's a normal boly function. People give birth, thousands of

1517
01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:08,080
Speaker 2: them every day. By the second. It's a normal thing.

1518
01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:09,519
Speaker 2: It's a normal process.

1519
01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:12,960
Speaker 1: I mean, we've normalized watching porn, should be normalized watching birth,

1520
01:12:15,680 --> 01:12:17,840
Speaker 1: watching birth videos as much as you watch porn.

1521
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:21,400
Speaker 3: I like, I've forced Orlanda to watch my birth video

1522
01:12:21,439 --> 01:12:23,720
Speaker 3: when we were just dating. I was like, hey, look

1523
01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:26,920
Speaker 3: at this something, and he's like, I don't hate.

1524
01:12:26,880 --> 01:12:29,280
Speaker 4: Like totally unsolicited, did not ask for this shit at all.

1525
01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:31,519
Speaker 4: And then I'm he watched it and he called me

1526
01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:33,160
Speaker 4: like fifteen minutes later like I'm crying.

1527
01:12:33,439 --> 01:12:35,120
Speaker 3: It's like I know, right, it's beautiful.

1528
01:12:35,720 --> 01:12:38,640
Speaker 2: It's beautiful. Sex, death, and birth are all within the

1529
01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:42,519
Speaker 2: same realm, and the veils very thin between all of them,

1530
01:12:42,680 --> 01:12:44,960
Speaker 2: and so that can also be a reason why people are.

1531
01:12:44,840 --> 01:12:46,760
Speaker 3: So scared of it, because it's close to day.

1532
01:12:47,040 --> 01:12:51,200
Speaker 1: It's just just in this thing altogether. I think one

1533
01:12:51,240 --> 01:12:53,759
Speaker 1: thing too that people don't always have a real understanding

1534
01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:57,439
Speaker 1: is is like how how much does having a duela cost?

1535
01:12:57,600 --> 01:13:00,000
Speaker 1: Like I think people think either for people that can't

1536
01:13:00,160 --> 01:13:02,719
Speaker 1: afford to go to the hospital, or it's a luxury,

1537
01:13:03,400 --> 01:13:06,280
Speaker 1: and that it's like this thing that's beyond their means,

1538
01:13:06,560 --> 01:13:08,760
Speaker 1: And I think I'm just curious, like what is an

1539
01:13:08,760 --> 01:13:11,320
Speaker 1: average going price just for someone who's listening that's maybe

1540
01:13:11,360 --> 01:13:13,240
Speaker 1: considering hiring a doula.

1541
01:13:13,560 --> 01:13:18,879
Speaker 2: That's going to depend on where you live, what skills

1542
01:13:19,000 --> 01:13:21,719
Speaker 2: the dula actually has, because some dulas have had extra

1543
01:13:21,840 --> 01:13:24,240
Speaker 2: training like in spinning babies and things like that, they

1544
01:13:24,320 --> 01:13:27,479
Speaker 2: have these extra tools that they have. But I would

1545
01:13:27,520 --> 01:13:30,439
Speaker 2: say maybe the going rate is anywhere from like seven

1546
01:13:30,560 --> 01:13:34,400
Speaker 2: hundred to fifteen hundred, which for a lot of families,

1547
01:13:34,439 --> 01:13:36,960
Speaker 2: that's a lot of fucking money, right, that's for a

1548
01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:40,400
Speaker 2: lot of families that's not accessible. So you have to

1549
01:13:40,479 --> 01:13:44,479
Speaker 2: ask yourself, can I find a duel within my community

1550
01:13:44,560 --> 01:13:46,840
Speaker 2: that can help me? If you are a low income

1551
01:13:46,920 --> 01:13:49,080
Speaker 2: and can't find the funds, there are lots of dulas

1552
01:13:49,160 --> 01:13:52,799
Speaker 2: who do do community work, who will do a sliding

1553
01:13:52,880 --> 01:13:56,680
Speaker 2: scale for you. I've definitely done work for free for

1554
01:13:57,040 --> 01:13:59,400
Speaker 2: some people that just didn't have the money really needed

1555
01:13:59,400 --> 01:14:02,639
Speaker 2: to support, like single mothers really had no support system

1556
01:14:03,880 --> 01:14:07,040
Speaker 2: and bartering. Do you have something that you can barter?

1557
01:14:08,360 --> 01:14:12,280
Speaker 2: I've had people barter me lawyer services, Like what you need, girl,

1558
01:14:13,120 --> 01:14:15,240
Speaker 2: you got some criminal shit, like you need to clean

1559
01:14:15,360 --> 01:14:18,800
Speaker 2: up contracts, you need red some records, Like like what

1560
01:14:18,880 --> 01:14:21,679
Speaker 2: do you want? What can I barter you for dula services?

1561
01:14:21,840 --> 01:14:24,000
Speaker 2: So like, yeah, definitely barter, what do you have to offer.

1562
01:14:24,360 --> 01:14:27,040
Speaker 2: There's lots of dulas who will be like, fuck yeah, that's.

1563
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,040
Speaker 4: So important to just asking about the price point of

1564
01:14:29,120 --> 01:14:31,120
Speaker 4: like a doula. Even like, like I said, I was broke,

1565
01:14:31,160 --> 01:14:32,560
Speaker 4: I really wanted to have a home birth that I

1566
01:14:32,600 --> 01:14:34,439
Speaker 4: didn't have, like the five grand, but it was only

1567
01:14:34,520 --> 01:14:36,320
Speaker 4: five grand back then, I know, now I was like nine.

1568
01:14:36,960 --> 01:14:40,320
Speaker 4: I mean it ranges, but like and like the system

1569
01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:43,439
Speaker 4: doesn't make it accessible because you can't get adula or

1570
01:14:43,600 --> 01:14:46,880
Speaker 4: midwife with insurance because they want to. You know, it's

1571
01:14:46,920 --> 01:14:50,040
Speaker 4: a system obviously, but just like the fact, like the

1572
01:14:50,439 --> 01:14:53,320
Speaker 4: like the hospital price for birth is like thirty grand

1573
01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:57,240
Speaker 4: that they charge your insurance, and like it's actually significantly

1574
01:14:57,320 --> 01:15:01,400
Speaker 4: lower to have a midwife. But because Medicare or Medicad,

1575
01:15:01,600 --> 01:15:04,160
Speaker 4: most of these health insurances will not cover it. People

1576
01:15:04,280 --> 01:15:06,120
Speaker 4: just say fuck it, I don't have like I'm already

1577
01:15:06,160 --> 01:15:07,800
Speaker 4: planning on having a baby. I don't have an extra

1578
01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:11,240
Speaker 4: fucking five or ten grand. That's a lot of money

1579
01:15:11,360 --> 01:15:13,400
Speaker 4: when you're planning to have a baby, and you got

1580
01:15:13,479 --> 01:15:15,160
Speaker 4: to have a nursery and like you know, and like

1581
01:15:15,240 --> 01:15:18,519
Speaker 4: all these other things. But it's just like again, they

1582
01:15:18,600 --> 01:15:22,479
Speaker 4: make it so difficult to trust your body and do

1583
01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:25,080
Speaker 4: the do the thing that's mostly comes most natural time.

1584
01:15:25,160 --> 01:15:27,840
Speaker 2: And these insurance companies don't even understand that if they

1585
01:15:28,160 --> 01:15:31,920
Speaker 2: gave made mid wiffree care more accessible, that would lower

1586
01:15:32,000 --> 01:15:33,520
Speaker 2: how much they're fucking spending.

1587
01:15:33,640 --> 01:15:36,280
Speaker 3: Right, because they're literally you guys would.

1588
01:15:36,120 --> 01:15:38,360
Speaker 2: Be spending less if you guys made mid with free

1589
01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:42,639
Speaker 2: care accessible because physiological birth, there's.

1590
01:15:42,560 --> 01:15:44,920
Speaker 1: Not a lot of money in that, right, And that's

1591
01:15:44,960 --> 01:15:47,040
Speaker 1: why because you don't really need to do there's your

1592
01:15:47,080 --> 01:15:48,240
Speaker 1: body is just doing.

1593
01:15:48,080 --> 01:15:51,040
Speaker 2: What it needs to do exactly. But if we keep

1594
01:15:51,120 --> 01:15:53,800
Speaker 2: living in the space of thinking that midwives are unintelligent

1595
01:15:54,360 --> 01:15:57,160
Speaker 2: and dirty and dangerous, then this is where it's all

1596
01:15:57,240 --> 01:16:00,120
Speaker 2: gonna lead us. Right, But like, consider if if you

1597
01:16:00,120 --> 01:16:02,280
Speaker 2: don't have that many the funds for dual, reaching out

1598
01:16:02,320 --> 01:16:04,560
Speaker 2: to someone who does community work in your area, and

1599
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:07,920
Speaker 2: if you're having a baby shower, ask these bucks to

1600
01:16:08,080 --> 01:16:11,799
Speaker 2: kick in on a doula Hey, ten bucks, twenty bucks.

1601
01:16:13,439 --> 01:16:16,120
Speaker 2: Start really thinking about like the things that you're buying

1602
01:16:16,400 --> 01:16:18,080
Speaker 2: a lot of that stuff you're not gonna use for

1603
01:16:18,200 --> 01:16:18,559
Speaker 2: your baby.

1604
01:16:18,600 --> 01:16:19,879
Speaker 3: I don't need half that shit.

1605
01:16:19,880 --> 01:16:23,160
Speaker 2: Right, You're spending like three hundred dollars on a fucking

1606
01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:24,839
Speaker 2: white things exactly.

1607
01:16:24,960 --> 01:16:25,360
Speaker 3: The baby.

1608
01:16:25,560 --> 01:16:29,479
Speaker 2: That's money that can go to to some somewhere else

1609
01:16:29,560 --> 01:16:31,400
Speaker 2: if you really wanted it to. And a lot of

1610
01:16:31,439 --> 01:16:32,879
Speaker 2: these dealers will take payments.

1611
01:16:33,600 --> 01:16:36,360
Speaker 4: Oh when I was when, like I guess Lena might

1612
01:16:36,439 --> 01:16:38,439
Speaker 4: have been like two. But I was doing lashes and

1613
01:16:38,600 --> 01:16:40,960
Speaker 4: like I have a mobile spot. I was doing lashes

1614
01:16:40,960 --> 01:16:43,599
Speaker 4: at people's houses. And I was doing this woman's lashes

1615
01:16:43,760 --> 01:16:45,280
Speaker 4: and there was like a nice white family in the

1616
01:16:45,360 --> 01:16:47,760
Speaker 4: suburbs and she was like, yeah, I'm gonna have to

1617
01:16:47,840 --> 01:16:51,200
Speaker 4: hurry up and wrap this up because they're coming to Yeah.

1618
01:16:51,280 --> 01:16:52,920
Speaker 4: She was talking to her husband like they're coming to

1619
01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:53,920
Speaker 4: baby proof the house.

1620
01:16:54,400 --> 01:16:54,599
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1621
01:16:54,640 --> 01:16:57,479
Speaker 3: We spent like three thousand dollars babyproofing the house.

1622
01:16:57,640 --> 01:16:58,479
Speaker 5: I was like, bitch.

1623
01:16:59,160 --> 01:17:01,000
Speaker 3: I was like, white people are crazy.

1624
01:17:01,800 --> 01:17:04,000
Speaker 4: Like I had a glass table, the baby figured the

1625
01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:06,960
Speaker 4: fuck out, okay, Like, and she was feeling around like

1626
01:17:07,080 --> 01:17:09,559
Speaker 4: humans tend to do. I'm like, so they're coming over

1627
01:17:09,840 --> 01:17:12,599
Speaker 4: to put those little plastic things in all the plugs.

1628
01:17:13,080 --> 01:17:13,280
Speaker 5: Yep.

1629
01:17:15,360 --> 01:17:19,479
Speaker 4: Literally, I was like, I'm in the wrong motherfucking business.

1630
01:17:19,880 --> 01:17:22,000
Speaker 4: I couldn't even believe there was a service that came

1631
01:17:22,040 --> 01:17:23,519
Speaker 4: to baby house.

1632
01:17:23,760 --> 01:17:26,639
Speaker 2: There's services for damn near everything. Everything.

1633
01:17:28,000 --> 01:17:30,280
Speaker 1: Everything is fearful. Everything is gonna hurt as harm as

1634
01:17:30,479 --> 01:17:30,960
Speaker 1: to kill us.

1635
01:17:31,560 --> 01:17:33,760
Speaker 3: And then and we allow the fear to penetrate, we

1636
01:17:33,880 --> 01:17:35,439
Speaker 3: allow the anxiety like and.

1637
01:17:35,479 --> 01:17:36,240
Speaker 2: That's the core of it.

1638
01:17:36,479 --> 01:17:39,519
Speaker 1: We can't do anything. Everything is outside of us, is

1639
01:17:39,600 --> 01:17:41,439
Speaker 1: what they want us to believe, including birth.

1640
01:17:41,520 --> 01:17:43,960
Speaker 3: Right right, even though it literally is inside of us.

1641
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:46,880
Speaker 1: Literally, Well, they don't want us to know how strong.

1642
01:17:47,479 --> 01:17:51,599
Speaker 2: Imagine if if they allowed people to realize how strong

1643
01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:53,719
Speaker 2: and capable they are. That's really dangerous.

1644
01:17:53,720 --> 01:17:54,920
Speaker 3: It's kind of like psychic about it.

1645
01:17:55,000 --> 01:17:57,120
Speaker 2: That's really dangerous. Like they don't want bitches to know

1646
01:17:57,720 --> 01:17:59,360
Speaker 2: really how strong and capable they are.

1647
01:17:59,520 --> 01:18:00,160
Speaker 1: They don't know.

1648
01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:03,120
Speaker 4: It's just like they took away mushrooms and LSD. They're like,

1649
01:18:03,200 --> 01:18:05,080
Speaker 4: we can't let them know that they have, Like, we

1650
01:18:05,160 --> 01:18:07,719
Speaker 4: can't let them have access to this psychedelic that's gonna

1651
01:18:07,760 --> 01:18:08,800
Speaker 4: let them know that like they.

1652
01:18:08,760 --> 01:18:12,280
Speaker 1: Are God never you know, you need to keep them

1653
01:18:12,320 --> 01:18:14,599
Speaker 1: accessing only that two percent of their brain exactly.

1654
01:18:14,880 --> 01:18:20,160
Speaker 4: I mean, honestly, birth is like the supreme natural psychedelic.

1655
01:18:20,240 --> 01:18:22,479
Speaker 4: You start to be like, oh shit, a bitch, I'm

1656
01:18:22,600 --> 01:18:25,400
Speaker 4: on fire, I am super human. I don't need none

1657
01:18:25,439 --> 01:18:28,160
Speaker 4: of this ship. Take these cards off me. Exactly get

1658
01:18:28,200 --> 01:18:30,840
Speaker 4: me off this monitor, bitch. I don't need this goddamn ivy.

1659
01:18:31,400 --> 01:18:34,320
Speaker 4: I'm hydrated. You know, you get so like for really,

1660
01:18:34,320 --> 01:18:36,959
Speaker 4: it gets so clear after birth, like if you're empowered

1661
01:18:37,040 --> 01:18:37,200
Speaker 4: in it.

1662
01:18:37,640 --> 01:18:37,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1663
01:18:39,000 --> 01:18:41,479
Speaker 4: But speaking of fear, I know you're you're wondering about

1664
01:18:41,479 --> 01:18:45,080
Speaker 4: your Tarot card reading. Yeah, I was like, we should

1665
01:18:45,080 --> 01:18:47,320
Speaker 4: pull this the SIGs of pinnacles. It looks like a

1666
01:18:47,439 --> 01:18:52,240
Speaker 4: rich man is like giving crumbs to to the homeless?

1667
01:18:52,880 --> 01:18:55,280
Speaker 2: Am I the crumb giver or the crumb taker?

1668
01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:01,400
Speaker 1: Looks like he has lots of wealth to share knowledge?

1669
01:19:02,360 --> 01:19:02,639
Speaker 3: Okay?

1670
01:19:02,720 --> 01:19:08,120
Speaker 4: It says giving, receiving, sharing wealth, generosity, and charity. So

1671
01:19:09,360 --> 01:19:11,240
Speaker 4: you may be like the wealthy man in this card,

1672
01:19:11,320 --> 01:19:14,080
Speaker 4: sharing your wealth and abundance with others. As you are,

1673
01:19:14,840 --> 01:19:17,479
Speaker 4: you have accumulated great wealth and are now in a

1674
01:19:17,520 --> 01:19:20,640
Speaker 4: position to offer financial assistance to those in need. You

1675
01:19:20,760 --> 01:19:25,240
Speaker 4: give generously through charitable donations, tithing, or fundraising, and enjoy

1676
01:19:25,360 --> 01:19:28,760
Speaker 4: the good feelings associated with helping others, even if you

1677
01:19:28,840 --> 01:19:32,519
Speaker 4: are not financially wealthy. You offer up your time, energy, love,

1678
01:19:32,640 --> 01:19:36,200
Speaker 4: and support to those who are in need, knowing it

1679
01:19:36,240 --> 01:19:39,400
Speaker 4: will be appreciated. Giving of your time or your wisdom

1680
01:19:39,479 --> 01:19:42,479
Speaker 4: is often just as spiritually fulfilling as giving away money

1681
01:19:42,600 --> 01:19:46,120
Speaker 4: or gifts, and intangible gift of your presence is received

1682
01:19:46,400 --> 01:19:49,719
Speaker 4: just as well, if not better. There may be times

1683
01:19:49,760 --> 01:19:51,479
Speaker 4: when you wonder if you can truly afford to give

1684
01:19:51,560 --> 01:19:52,479
Speaker 4: generously to others.

1685
01:19:52,560 --> 01:19:53,960
Speaker 3: And the wise advice that the six of.

1686
01:19:54,000 --> 01:19:57,080
Speaker 4: Pinnacles is to trust that every contribution you make is

1687
01:19:57,240 --> 01:19:59,160
Speaker 4: valued and will come back threefold.

1688
01:19:59,640 --> 01:20:04,280
Speaker 3: And you are, you're giving us the wealth of empowered birth.

1689
01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:07,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, y'all choosing gonna have three of mine cars more

1690
01:20:07,040 --> 01:20:09,520
Speaker 2: often because that ship was pretty was pretty.

1691
01:20:09,280 --> 01:20:12,360
Speaker 3: Spot on girl every single time. There's like literally every

1692
01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:14,439
Speaker 3: single time, I'm.

1693
01:20:14,320 --> 01:20:18,000
Speaker 2: Not the crime catcher, be me.

1694
01:20:18,479 --> 01:20:18,719
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1695
01:20:19,479 --> 01:20:21,479
Speaker 1: And I also saw that you you have a DULA

1696
01:20:21,560 --> 01:20:23,720
Speaker 1: program as well, so you're paying it forward like we

1697
01:20:23,800 --> 01:20:25,679
Speaker 1: have a I'm sorry, a mentorship mentorship.

1698
01:20:25,800 --> 01:20:29,600
Speaker 2: I'm starting my first mentorship program. I just feel like

1699
01:20:30,000 --> 01:20:32,720
Speaker 2: I can reach more people in that capacity. If I'm

1700
01:20:32,760 --> 01:20:36,639
Speaker 2: passing down my knowledge to other doulas, that can spiral

1701
01:20:36,760 --> 01:20:40,840
Speaker 2: into thousands of people utilizing that.

1702
01:20:41,160 --> 01:20:42,960
Speaker 3: How long is the program I want to be a doula.

1703
01:20:43,520 --> 01:20:46,360
Speaker 2: It's a mentorship that's four months, okay, And so a

1704
01:20:46,439 --> 01:20:48,240
Speaker 2: lot of the dulas who are coming into the program,

1705
01:20:48,360 --> 01:20:52,639
Speaker 2: are like a newer trying to find themselves as a doula.

1706
01:20:52,840 --> 01:20:55,640
Speaker 2: What they want to offer, what kind of clients they

1707
01:20:55,680 --> 01:20:59,760
Speaker 2: would like to manifest for themselves, the business side of it,

1708
01:21:00,120 --> 01:21:03,400
Speaker 2: how do I start getting clients? And even a lot

1709
01:21:03,439 --> 01:21:05,400
Speaker 2: of the other stuff that people don't want to talk about,

1710
01:21:05,439 --> 01:21:07,960
Speaker 2: which is what do we do with secondary trauma? What

1711
01:21:08,080 --> 01:21:09,200
Speaker 2: do we do with racism?

1712
01:21:10,000 --> 01:21:10,160
Speaker 1: Right?

1713
01:21:10,640 --> 01:21:13,560
Speaker 2: What do we do with someone losing their baby and

1714
01:21:13,640 --> 01:21:17,120
Speaker 2: having a poor outcome? What do we do with feeling

1715
01:21:17,200 --> 01:21:19,679
Speaker 2: like you're one hundred percent responsible for someone's birth?

1716
01:21:20,760 --> 01:21:21,439
Speaker 1: What do we do with that?

1717
01:21:21,600 --> 01:21:23,080
Speaker 2: Do you do with that? Those are big emoments?

1718
01:21:23,120 --> 01:21:23,760
Speaker 5: Do you do with that?

1719
01:21:24,080 --> 01:21:25,120
Speaker 2: Really big emotions?

1720
01:21:25,439 --> 01:21:28,519
Speaker 3: I mean, what do the doctors do keep they just

1721
01:21:28,560 --> 01:21:30,439
Speaker 3: go see you in six weeks exactly?

1722
01:21:30,920 --> 01:21:32,760
Speaker 1: Do you have what before we leaeve? Because I know

1723
01:21:32,800 --> 01:21:34,000
Speaker 1: we got to get out of here. I'm just curious

1724
01:21:34,040 --> 01:21:37,519
Speaker 1: what is like the what is the type of client

1725
01:21:37,560 --> 01:21:39,719
Speaker 1: that you would take on versus the one you wouldn't

1726
01:21:40,200 --> 01:21:41,840
Speaker 1: as a doula? Like is there a client have you

1727
01:21:41,920 --> 01:21:44,160
Speaker 1: been clients there? Clients who are like yeah, no.

1728
01:21:44,320 --> 01:21:47,920
Speaker 2: Thanks, yeah, the kind of client that I wouldn't take on.

1729
01:21:48,160 --> 01:21:52,519
Speaker 2: If someone someone thinks that having their birth is one

1730
01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:56,479
Speaker 2: hundred percent contingent on me getting that for them, right,

1731
01:21:56,840 --> 01:21:59,519
Speaker 2: if they're trying to handle over the responsibility to me

1732
01:22:00,080 --> 01:22:04,760
Speaker 2: to unravel their fear, to unravel their traumas, I can't

1733
01:22:04,880 --> 01:22:06,880
Speaker 2: do none of that for you. Like that's all work

1734
01:22:06,960 --> 01:22:09,760
Speaker 2: that's within you that you have to unravel. Can I

1735
01:22:10,080 --> 01:22:12,639
Speaker 2: guide you to those places and give you a map?

1736
01:22:13,040 --> 01:22:15,920
Speaker 2: Surely I can, But I can't do that right, Like

1737
01:22:16,080 --> 01:22:20,479
Speaker 2: I can't pick your provider for you, right, and so

1738
01:22:20,880 --> 01:22:23,240
Speaker 2: I don't. I tend to not pick clients that want

1739
01:22:23,320 --> 01:22:27,479
Speaker 2: to hand over all that responsibility to me, or clients

1740
01:22:27,560 --> 01:22:30,040
Speaker 2: that I've had. One lady ask me one time, Man,

1741
01:22:30,360 --> 01:22:33,320
Speaker 2: I wanted to flip the fucking table, she said. She said,

1742
01:22:33,360 --> 01:22:35,040
Speaker 2: So if I don't have a vaginal birth, do I

1743
01:22:35,080 --> 01:22:37,559
Speaker 2: get to pay you less? What? I was like, bitch,

1744
01:22:37,640 --> 01:22:40,960
Speaker 2: bye girl bye. But as of now my calendar is full.

1745
01:22:41,200 --> 01:22:41,680
Speaker 1: See you never.

1746
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:44,800
Speaker 4: But you know what, I think people underestimate women don't

1747
01:22:44,840 --> 01:22:48,760
Speaker 4: really realize the amount of trauma that comes out comes

1748
01:22:48,880 --> 01:22:51,280
Speaker 4: up during pregnancy. It could be like a relationship with

1749
01:22:51,360 --> 01:22:53,479
Speaker 4: your mom, like you know, like how you know how

1750
01:22:53,560 --> 01:22:56,760
Speaker 4: you were parented, Like there there's shadow work that is required,

1751
01:22:57,240 --> 01:23:00,840
Speaker 4: you know, during pregnancy and after that like that, people

1752
01:23:01,320 --> 01:23:03,360
Speaker 4: don't really put it like shed a lot of light

1753
01:23:03,439 --> 01:23:05,439
Speaker 4: on you. No, I'm happy you said that. There's a

1754
01:23:05,520 --> 01:23:08,600
Speaker 4: responsibility that you have as you know, the birther to

1755
01:23:09,240 --> 01:23:11,360
Speaker 4: you know, dig into some shit that maybe you've ignored before.

1756
01:23:11,439 --> 01:23:12,960
Speaker 3: And sometimes it's like sexual trauma.

1757
01:23:13,160 --> 01:23:15,720
Speaker 4: Yes, sometimes it's like, you know, parental shit, you know,

1758
01:23:15,800 --> 01:23:18,960
Speaker 4: your relationship with your parents. But there are definitely it's

1759
01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:19,720
Speaker 4: a spiritual like.

1760
01:23:20,080 --> 01:23:22,880
Speaker 2: It's a spiritual journey or it's a human experience. It's

1761
01:23:22,920 --> 01:23:25,320
Speaker 2: gonna uncover all the pieces of you that you thought

1762
01:23:25,360 --> 01:23:29,320
Speaker 2: you had buried really fucking deep, and it could potentially

1763
01:23:29,439 --> 01:23:32,839
Speaker 2: bring up memories that you didn't know were there before.

1764
01:23:33,439 --> 01:23:35,280
Speaker 2: And all of it could be unraveling in the middle

1765
01:23:35,280 --> 01:23:37,479
Speaker 2: as you're trying to give birth. And so I do

1766
01:23:37,640 --> 01:23:40,680
Speaker 2: have those conversations with my clients previous to them giving birth.

1767
01:23:40,840 --> 01:23:43,040
Speaker 2: Is there anything you want to tell me? Do you

1768
01:23:43,120 --> 01:23:46,040
Speaker 2: have any traumas, any experiences, anything that you want to

1769
01:23:46,040 --> 01:23:48,640
Speaker 2: talk to me about that we can start unraveling now,

1770
01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:50,760
Speaker 2: because it's going to be harder for me to help

1771
01:23:50,800 --> 01:23:53,000
Speaker 2: you when we're doing it in the moment of your

1772
01:23:53,040 --> 01:23:55,240
Speaker 2: giving birth, and it's not going to be as helpful

1773
01:23:55,280 --> 01:23:55,759
Speaker 2: in the moment.

1774
01:23:55,920 --> 01:23:58,680
Speaker 3: Any fear stored in your body and your wolves, that

1775
01:23:58,760 --> 01:24:01,360
Speaker 3: shit will come up when you're like or wherever you

1776
01:24:01,439 --> 01:24:04,680
Speaker 3: don't feel empowered. It'll like trigger some feelings from like

1777
01:24:04,800 --> 01:24:06,960
Speaker 3: maybe a time you didn't feel empowered in your body.

1778
01:24:07,600 --> 01:24:09,960
Speaker 3: So yeah, I think that's like something that we don't

1779
01:24:09,960 --> 01:24:10,639
Speaker 3: talk about enough.

1780
01:24:10,720 --> 01:24:13,479
Speaker 2: That No, and you have to create an extra space

1781
01:24:13,560 --> 01:24:16,160
Speaker 2: if you know that you're going into your berth with

1782
01:24:16,439 --> 01:24:20,080
Speaker 2: these these layers, you have to create a bigger space

1783
01:24:20,160 --> 01:24:22,720
Speaker 2: of safety with your team, which is talking to them

1784
01:24:22,840 --> 01:24:26,240
Speaker 2: of I don't want you touching me unless I give

1785
01:24:26,320 --> 01:24:29,360
Speaker 2: full informed consent. I don't want your hands inside of

1786
01:24:29,400 --> 01:24:32,439
Speaker 2: my vagina. I don't want strangers in the room. I

1787
01:24:32,560 --> 01:24:34,639
Speaker 2: do not want the lights on. I do not want

1788
01:24:34,640 --> 01:24:38,840
Speaker 2: to hear any sounds setting real lines in the sand. Right,

1789
01:24:39,120 --> 01:24:43,560
Speaker 2: because one birth is really simple, but it's also very complex,

1790
01:24:44,280 --> 01:24:47,880
Speaker 2: and any one little thing can completely stop or slow

1791
01:24:47,920 --> 01:24:51,040
Speaker 2: the labor and sabotage the whole fucking thing. Right, we

1792
01:24:51,200 --> 01:24:53,200
Speaker 2: have to be really protective in that space.

1793
01:24:56,120 --> 01:24:58,639
Speaker 1: It makes me almost want to do it again.

1794
01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:02,519
Speaker 4: Like half don't tell Orlando, but like half the reason

1795
01:25:02,560 --> 01:25:03,519
Speaker 4: I want to do it so I can have a

1796
01:25:03,560 --> 01:25:03,960
Speaker 4: home birth.

1797
01:25:04,800 --> 01:25:06,760
Speaker 3: I already told them, like I don't really do chi.

1798
01:25:06,960 --> 01:25:08,240
Speaker 1: Orlando doesn't want to have a home birth.

1799
01:25:08,320 --> 01:25:10,000
Speaker 3: No, I that's most reason.

1800
01:25:10,000 --> 01:25:12,240
Speaker 1: Don't tell Orlando, but he's editing this whole episode.

1801
01:25:12,880 --> 01:25:15,760
Speaker 3: It's more of that. I want to Half the reason

1802
01:25:15,760 --> 01:25:17,120
Speaker 3: I want to have a baby is just to have

1803
01:25:17,200 --> 01:25:17,760
Speaker 3: a home birth.

1804
01:25:18,200 --> 01:25:20,720
Speaker 2: Now, let me ask you this, what would happen if

1805
01:25:20,960 --> 01:25:21,840
Speaker 2: you didn't have a home birth?

1806
01:25:21,960 --> 01:25:24,040
Speaker 3: Yet I'd be fine. I mean, I've done it.

1807
01:25:24,200 --> 01:25:25,640
Speaker 2: And that's the question that I ask a lot of

1808
01:25:25,720 --> 01:25:29,080
Speaker 2: people too, because they want to do over. Yeah, They're like,

1809
01:25:29,080 --> 01:25:30,840
Speaker 2: I want to do it, like I just want it

1810
01:25:30,960 --> 01:25:32,640
Speaker 2: to be how I wanted it the first time. And

1811
01:25:32,720 --> 01:25:35,400
Speaker 2: I have to ask them, what is are you going

1812
01:25:35,479 --> 01:25:38,240
Speaker 2: to spiral if it doesn't work out the way you

1813
01:25:38,360 --> 01:25:41,919
Speaker 2: want it to Because that's a possibility, right, because nature's

1814
01:25:42,200 --> 01:25:46,240
Speaker 2: gonna nature do. Nature's gonna do its thing right. But

1815
01:25:46,400 --> 01:25:50,040
Speaker 2: if you stay participating in your care, when if the

1816
01:25:50,120 --> 01:25:54,000
Speaker 2: shift happens, right, like, it'll make us feel better about

1817
01:25:54,000 --> 01:25:56,519
Speaker 2: the outcome, right, Because that was definitely a thought in

1818
01:25:56,600 --> 01:25:58,400
Speaker 2: my mind, Like sure I wanted to be back, but

1819
01:25:58,479 --> 01:26:00,960
Speaker 2: what if I don't get my baback? How the fuck

1820
01:26:01,000 --> 01:26:03,280
Speaker 2: am I going to feel like I don't. And even

1821
01:26:03,360 --> 01:26:05,120
Speaker 2: till now, I'm like, I don't even know what would

1822
01:26:05,160 --> 01:26:06,679
Speaker 2: have happened to me if I would have had another

1823
01:26:06,760 --> 01:26:09,000
Speaker 2: C section. I really don't know. I think I would

1824
01:26:09,040 --> 01:26:12,320
Speaker 2: have really spiraled, to be quite honest. And so that's

1825
01:26:12,520 --> 01:26:16,600
Speaker 2: if that's the possibility, how do we move with that?

1826
01:26:17,800 --> 01:26:19,479
Speaker 2: How do we move with that? Because a lot of

1827
01:26:19,520 --> 01:26:23,439
Speaker 2: people go into their pregnancies going my body just works

1828
01:26:23,439 --> 01:26:27,080
Speaker 2: and everything's just gonna be fine, and then it doesn't work,

1829
01:26:27,280 --> 01:26:29,120
Speaker 2: and it's like, I wish I would have never thought

1830
01:26:29,160 --> 01:26:30,280
Speaker 2: that my body just works.

1831
01:26:30,360 --> 01:26:32,040
Speaker 1: You have to just surrender to the birth.

1832
01:26:32,280 --> 01:26:36,360
Speaker 2: You have to surrender to the birth that is for yours, right,

1833
01:26:36,800 --> 01:26:39,880
Speaker 2: but like you have to surrender when you feel like

1834
01:26:40,320 --> 01:26:41,120
Speaker 2: you've ticked all the.

1835
01:26:41,160 --> 01:26:45,360
Speaker 1: Boxes right, like I'm informed everything that I know that

1836
01:26:45,479 --> 01:26:48,600
Speaker 1: this time I did it, and then and then you

1837
01:26:48,880 --> 01:26:50,080
Speaker 1: let it go, and then you let it go.

1838
01:26:50,920 --> 01:26:53,680
Speaker 2: With my home birth, that was definitely the intention that

1839
01:26:53,800 --> 01:26:56,160
Speaker 2: I set for myself was I'm going to do all

1840
01:26:56,240 --> 01:26:59,280
Speaker 2: this leg work and then when I'm actually in labor,

1841
01:26:59,360 --> 01:27:01,960
Speaker 2: I'm not going to fucking think about anything. I'm just

1842
01:27:02,439 --> 01:27:05,080
Speaker 2: going to give birth and that's gonna be it. And

1843
01:27:05,280 --> 01:27:08,679
Speaker 2: that's the intention that I had, and that's what happened.

1844
01:27:08,880 --> 01:27:11,680
Speaker 2: Nobody even saw my vagina until my baby's head was

1845
01:27:11,760 --> 01:27:15,080
Speaker 2: coming out. I had no cervical exams, nothing. I was

1846
01:27:15,240 --> 01:27:18,639
Speaker 2: just simply moving through the contraction one at a time

1847
01:27:18,760 --> 01:27:21,080
Speaker 2: and not thinking of anything else.

1848
01:27:21,600 --> 01:27:25,960
Speaker 3: Right, You can't think about much else. No, not a

1849
01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:27,520
Speaker 3: lot of brain power happening.

1850
01:27:27,400 --> 01:27:29,679
Speaker 2: Just no. And that's part of the problem with advocating

1851
01:27:29,720 --> 01:27:32,599
Speaker 2: for yourself right, because when you're giving birth, you lose

1852
01:27:32,800 --> 01:27:36,200
Speaker 2: this kind of layer of being able to think adequately

1853
01:27:36,360 --> 01:27:39,240
Speaker 2: and make those informed decisions in that moment because you're

1854
01:27:39,280 --> 01:27:41,599
Speaker 2: on this birth planet. You're not supposed to come off

1855
01:27:41,640 --> 01:27:44,439
Speaker 2: of that birth planet to make fucking decisions right and

1856
01:27:44,680 --> 01:27:47,760
Speaker 2: dealing with people and coercing you and feel and all

1857
01:27:47,800 --> 01:27:48,120
Speaker 2: that shit.

1858
01:27:48,439 --> 01:27:50,519
Speaker 1: I'm doing my my biggest job of all time right now.

1859
01:27:50,600 --> 01:27:53,400
Speaker 2: It's the equivalent of like trying to have an orgasm

1860
01:27:53,520 --> 01:27:58,120
Speaker 2: and someone's like, here's this algebra. Literally to come at

1861
01:27:58,160 --> 01:28:02,280
Speaker 2: the same time while you're doing right, like birth has

1862
01:28:02,360 --> 01:28:05,560
Speaker 2: to take you to the highest capacity of oxytocin that

1863
01:28:05,640 --> 01:28:07,800
Speaker 2: you're ever gonna have in your life for this baby

1864
01:28:07,880 --> 01:28:11,320
Speaker 2: to exit your body out of your vagina. Anything that

1865
01:28:11,520 --> 01:28:14,760
Speaker 2: interrupts that it's gonna fuck. It's gonna fuck with it,

1866
01:28:14,960 --> 01:28:17,400
Speaker 2: because that's just fucking nature, because nature goes, Wait a minute,

1867
01:28:17,479 --> 01:28:20,160
Speaker 2: is it not safe to give give birth to this baby?

1868
01:28:20,240 --> 01:28:22,360
Speaker 2: Is their predators out here? Why do we suddenly have

1869
01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:24,840
Speaker 2: adrenaline and quarters on? And why are we thinking about things?

1870
01:28:24,880 --> 01:28:25,760
Speaker 2: What the fuck is going on?

1871
01:28:26,000 --> 01:28:26,120
Speaker 1: Right?

1872
01:28:27,400 --> 01:28:28,040
Speaker 2: It's natural?

1873
01:28:28,760 --> 01:28:31,840
Speaker 3: That's true. Well, thank you so much for this is

1874
01:28:31,920 --> 01:28:33,800
Speaker 3: I could talk to you forever about birth.

1875
01:28:34,080 --> 01:28:34,719
Speaker 1: I love birth.

1876
01:28:35,680 --> 01:28:36,479
Speaker 3: I love birth.

1877
01:28:38,240 --> 01:28:40,160
Speaker 4: For those of you listening, we're gonna we're gonna stick

1878
01:28:40,160 --> 01:28:42,880
Speaker 4: around a little bit longer and ask Flora a couple

1879
01:28:43,360 --> 01:28:46,479
Speaker 4: after dark questions on Patreon. I also just remember that

1880
01:28:46,600 --> 01:28:50,400
Speaker 4: my birth video is on Patreon too nice. So if

1881
01:28:50,400 --> 01:28:52,639
Speaker 4: you want to see me give birth, it's beautiful. You'll

1882
01:28:52,680 --> 01:28:55,920
Speaker 4: cry and you want to hear you know, Flora shed

1883
01:28:56,000 --> 01:28:59,400
Speaker 4: some light on cannabis and pregnancy and all those good things.

1884
01:29:00,520 --> 01:29:03,040
Speaker 4: Be sure to join our Patreon at patreon dot com.

1885
01:29:03,160 --> 01:29:06,120
Speaker 4: Backslash Good Mom's Bad Choices and you know where to

1886
01:29:06,200 --> 01:29:09,599
Speaker 4: find us. Good Mom's Underscore Bad Yeah, Good Mom's Underscore,

1887
01:29:09,680 --> 01:29:15,000
Speaker 4: Bad Choices. And I'm Mela Underscore map with two p's, and.

1888
01:29:15,040 --> 01:29:17,360
Speaker 1: I'm Erica at Watch Erica and Flora. Where can our

1889
01:29:17,360 --> 01:29:19,800
Speaker 1: people find you? Tell them all the things whatever you

1890
01:29:19,880 --> 01:29:20,360
Speaker 1: want them to know.

1891
01:29:21,080 --> 01:29:24,960
Speaker 2: Badass mother Birther on Instagram, on Facebook, I am a

1892
01:29:25,280 --> 01:29:30,559
Speaker 2: Badass Mother page and I'm also on YouTube. You can

1893
01:29:30,600 --> 01:29:32,519
Speaker 2: go to my website which is a Badass mother Birther

1894
01:29:32,680 --> 01:29:36,640
Speaker 2: dot com and read a whole bunch of other reading materials.

1895
01:29:36,760 --> 01:29:38,800
Speaker 2: Is join my mentorship if that's what you want to do.

1896
01:29:38,960 --> 01:29:43,000
Speaker 2: I also do childbirth education, which is four weeks loaded

1897
01:29:43,040 --> 01:29:48,120
Speaker 2: with information physiological birth interventions, how to handle if the

1898
01:29:48,200 --> 01:29:52,519
Speaker 2: plan goes left, see sections, epidurals, all the good stuff

1899
01:29:52,560 --> 01:29:55,080
Speaker 2: that everybody I believe needs to know before they have

1900
01:29:55,160 --> 01:29:55,559
Speaker 2: a baby.

1901
01:29:56,600 --> 01:30:00,639
Speaker 1: They do well. Thank you so so much, and you guys.

1902
01:30:01,040 --> 01:30:04,120
Speaker 1: I want to remind you guys that we are going

1903
01:30:04,320 --> 01:30:06,600
Speaker 1: back on the road, so make sure you click the

1904
01:30:06,640 --> 01:30:08,920
Speaker 1: link of this episode description. Come to our LA show

1905
01:30:09,000 --> 01:30:13,120
Speaker 1: on October twenty first at the Teogram Ballroom. I'm so

1906
01:30:13,280 --> 01:30:15,960
Speaker 1: excited to turn up with you guys. It's been a minute.

1907
01:30:16,400 --> 01:30:16,560
Speaker 5: You know.

1908
01:30:16,880 --> 01:30:20,439
Speaker 1: Our last tour was called was it Good Mom's Gone Wild?

1909
01:30:20,640 --> 01:30:25,599
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and this tour is Confessions of a Good Mom.

1910
01:30:25,720 --> 01:30:29,320
Speaker 3: You know, we keep it sexy, so it's going to

1911
01:30:29,360 --> 01:30:30,320
Speaker 3: be a little naughty.

1912
01:30:30,560 --> 01:30:32,360
Speaker 1: You have anything to confess, make sure you hit the

1913
01:30:32,479 --> 01:30:35,800
Speaker 1: number in this episode description and call our hotline share

1914
01:30:35,840 --> 01:30:38,760
Speaker 1: your hories. We need some hories. Please share your hories.

1915
01:30:38,560 --> 01:30:41,040
Speaker 4: Eight one eight, two one three zero seven four nine

1916
01:30:41,760 --> 01:30:43,040
Speaker 4: and we'll see you guys next week.

1917
01:30:43,680 --> 01:31:05,280
Speaker 5: Bye, spot Ellen J.

1918
01:31:05,920 --> 01:31:10,320
Speaker 3: Solova record the Lalas and Elass

1919
01:31:17,400 --> 01:31:17,680
Speaker 1: M hm