WEBVTT - “THE FORCE IS WITHIN ME” 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.480 Hey, folks, it's Lyle get this. I'm coming to over 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:09.200 forty cities across the United States, the UK, Europe and 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:15.040 Australia to do this here Therapy Gecko Podcast Live. These 0:00:15.120 --> 0:00:18.079 shows will involve bringing folks from the audience up on 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:21.840 stage to talk to a gecko about whatever they want, 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:25.480 just like we do on the podcast. The shows are 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:29.720 completely unplanned, completely unpredictable, and they will be a lot 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:32.400 of fun. So if you're a fan of the podcast, 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:36.440 you should definitely come out. Tickets are available right now 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:40.520 at therapy geckotour dot com and you should get them 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:45.960 before they are sold out. That's therapy geckotour dot Com 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:48.440 will put the link in the episode description as well. 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:53.200 The live shows are are very fun, they're very gekoee 0:00:53.720 --> 0:00:56.520 and I hope to see you there. All right, let's 0:00:56.520 --> 0:01:01.080 get into the episode. Hi Blue Matt, what's going on? 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:02.440 So? 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:09.120 Last Thursday I decided to do what a lot of 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:15.560 young men do, which is masturbate. And I happen to 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:22.080 have a seventy five year old grandmother that lives with us, 0:01:22.200 --> 0:01:26.640 who is highly religious and doesn't believe in any sexual activity, 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:34.520 even masturbation before marriage. And she happened to walk in 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.080 on me while I was doing that, and now she 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:38.240 hasn't talked to me since. 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:44.000 Okay, why do you think she is not talking to you? 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:53.960 She might be, Honestly, I'm thinking she might be embarrassed. 0:01:56.560 --> 0:02:01.120 She's also probably really upset because I'm not following what 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:07.360 she believes in. I feel like she's she's had a 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:12.080 few friends over of hers from the church group, and 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:16.480 she uh, she kind of looks at me while whispering 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:19.920 sometimes and then her friends look and I feel like 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:20.799 she's talking about me. 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:26.079 Mhm, Were you thinking about her friends while you were masturbating? 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:32.920 No, Actually, I might as well just come out and 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:44.360 say it. I'm actually gay. And do you know the 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:48.279 lightsabers that they sell at Disney World. 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:50.800 I do. 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:56.840 She walked in on me. 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:09.360 Using it, okay, because I that's an interesting factory. Because 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:13.200 I was going to ask after she walked in on you, 0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:17.360 did you finish? 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:23.320 Yeah? 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:27.720 I was right there, man, I'm yeah, wait. 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:30.720 You were right like like you were about to come. 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:35.680 And she walked in and I was like, holy shit. 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:38.880 She closed the door and I kind of just said 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:41.360 fuck it in the last two seconds, and. 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:51.920 Yeah, well, it sounds like the force is within you. 0:03:52.040 --> 0:04:03.040 Literally, it was, and I can I can completely understand 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.440 why that would be something that was awkward to walk 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:05.760 in on. 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:09.960 I just I don't even really need to talk to 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:15.520 her about that particular situation. But it doesn't seem like 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:17.640 she wants to talk to me about anything else. 0:04:22.760 --> 0:04:24.400 Does a great Does your grandma know that you're gay? 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:26.880 No? 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:32.440 M okay, do you think that the whole that's a 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:36.200 whole other thing, because she's very very Christian, she's by 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:41.120 the book old school waves, She's she doesn't believe in 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:42.599 homosexuality either. 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:46.599 Do you think she now thinks you're gay because you 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:49.200 were shoving a lightsaber up your ass? Not that that 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:53.000 means anything, definitely, of course not. 0:04:53.080 --> 0:05:03.640 But definitely. Yeah. 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:07.200 Do you look, let me ask you a question. I 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:11.880 want you to answer this honestly. Do you love your grandmother. 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:14.040 Very much? 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:17.120 I really do. I mean, I might not agree with 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:21.400 everything that she believes in, but she's prod of just 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:23.719 spent in my life, my entire life, So yeah, I 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:24.280 do love her. 0:05:25.240 --> 0:05:29.400 Okay, what do you what do you love about her? 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:35.800 She was She's just been kind of very naturing growing up. 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:43.599 She's always been very loving towards I guess the persona 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:45.920 that she thinks that I am in my persona. I mean, 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:49.320 I'm not changing everything about my personality, just kind of. 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:51.360 She doesn't know that I'm gay. 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:56.000 But with all that with Yeah, did you do something 0:05:56.040 --> 0:05:57.479 to your phone? You sound muffled? 0:05:58.200 --> 0:05:59.119 Does this sound better? 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:01.280 It does? Okay, for a second, I thought you put 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:02.239 your phone in your ass. 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:09.080 No, No, I did turn it on speaker though that 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:10.839 that might be an issue, but. 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:13.880 Yes, take it take it off. Take take it off, 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:16.000 by the way, for your sake, take it off of 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:20.400 speaker as well. I feel like this is a decidedly 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:22.240 private conversation that you want to have. 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:23.159 Uh. 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:25.360 Okay, So you love your mother. You know you love 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:32.200 your grandmother? Uh, you love and you think that she 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:38.120 loves what you described as the persona which you put on. 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:44.640 When it comes to my sexuality, Yes, but literally everything 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:49.480 else beside my sexuality is true to myself when I 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:53.120 am around my grandmother, So she loves me for who 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:55.880 I am, besides the people that I'm into. 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:02.039 Okay, let me ask you a couple of questions. So 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:03.919 how long has it been since this happened. 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:10.080 It was Thursday, so tomorrow it'll be a week Okay. 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:14.160 Have you attempted to initiate any conversation with your grandmother 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:14.560 about it? 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:19.560 I mean, whenever I see her, I do say hey, 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:23.400 Grandma or good morning, grandma, and she just kind of 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:25.840 like scoffs at me and keeps on doing whatever she's doing. 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:32.040 Okay, I'm gonna throw an idea out at you, and 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:33.640 you can take you can take this to leave this 0:07:33.680 --> 0:07:37.800 idea because it's a very personal decision and thing, of course, 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:41.680 But like you know, look, I asked you if you 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:46.160 love your grandma, and you said yes, and you said 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:50.080 you gave a compelling reason as to why, And I 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:54.520 don't know. I think if I were you, let's sit 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:58.920 down with your grandma and go, you know, look, Grandma, 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:01.679 I love you, here's why. Tell her all the things 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:09.000 you told me, and just really kind of try to 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:12.920 have a conversation with her in earnest, do you know 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:16.560 what I mean? Because if you just walk around resenting 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:20.920 each other, then what's the point of doing that? And 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:24.280 I think if you try to reel her into a 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:30.760 good faith conversation, one that is born of love and genuineness, 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:33.920 which it sounds like you have in your heart, perhaps 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:40.319 she could be appealed to and if not, well, I 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:44.439 don't know. That's interesting useful information to have. 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:50.440 Yeah, I really think that maybe if I go up 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:52.400 to her instead of just saying hello or good morning, 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:55.280 if I actually say, hey, Grandma, i haven't talked to 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:58.400 you in a week, I'd really like to just maybe 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:01.480 have a conversation with you. And if if things stay 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:03.480 the way that they are, so be it. Maybe that 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:04.040 might work. 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.160 I think so too. I think so too. 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:12.920 Okay, No, I'll definitely try that. 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:18.920 I lived with my parents too, and they know that 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.240 I'm gay. We just kind of kept it from my grandmother, 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:23.439 so I feel like they'd have my back too. 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:28.640 Honestly, when you went to the gift shop at Star 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:31.360 wars Land, did you buy it knowing that you were going, 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:34.320 like for the express purpose of shoving up your ass 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:35.840 or did you buy it because it was a cool 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:38.880 thing and then you got horny and needed something to 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:40.760 put up your ass and you saw the lightsaber? 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:45.760 Kind of a mixture of the both. It was more 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:48.360 I went to the gift shop, thought it was cool, 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:50.559 thought it was cool that you could build your own lightsaber, 0:09:51.280 --> 0:09:54.960 and then I found out that I vibrated and my 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:59.200 imagination kind of took me to places that led me 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:01.360 to my grandmother finding it in my ass. 0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:07.080 Mmm, you know what, I listen, listen. I hope this 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:12.840 leads to a beautiful, healing conversation with your grandmother. And 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:19.480 who knows, maybe that lightsaber truly, uh may give you 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.480 more than than you had hoped. 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:26.200 Well, thank you so much, while I really appreciate you. 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:28.679 Of course I appreciate you too. Man, anything else you 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:30.240 want to say to the people with the computer before 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:30.600 we go. 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:36.160 Not to the people of the computer, but I just 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:39.400 noticed you last this Monday, that you were a little off. 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:41.120 I just wanted to make sure that you were doing good. 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:48.640 Oh I'm doing great sometimes, okay, And what an honor 0:10:48.720 --> 0:10:51.560 that is to sometimes be doing great. 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:54.000 Wonderful, Thank you for calling. 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:54.880 Thank you so much. 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:59.640 Hello, Hello, Hi. 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:01.720 O, Hi. 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:09.040 Is this uh? You're on? You're on. It's me Hill. 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:17.680 It's pretty psychedelic, pretty psychedelic. Look at us happening so 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:27.840 miraculously to be on the planet Earth, on this at 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:33.160 the same time, billions and billions of billions, billions and 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:38.240 billions and billions of different life forms, and we we 0:11:38.360 --> 0:11:45.320 exist in such a small, small, small lifespan compared to 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:48.439 all the amount of time that's ever existed. And how's 0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:51.360 about that we crossed paths in this way? That's pretty 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:55.440 it's pretty psychedelic. It's pretty Why you are share in 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:59.480 your excitement for that? What's up, Stelle? How you doing? 0:12:01.679 --> 0:12:03.160 I'm doing good? How are you get? 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:07.320 I actually feel good? I didn't feel I felt pretty 0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:10.800 bad for this whole day, but now I feel good. 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:11.920 This is nice? 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:13.280 Okay are you. 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:17.560 I'm just hanging out? 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:23.480 Well listen, Stella. Is there anything in particular that you 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:24.959 called into what I talk about today? 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:31.160 Uh? Yeah, Actually I kind of have a not I 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:35.200 guess it's kind of a story, but it's kind of 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:37.640 something that happened to me. And this happened two years ago, 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:42.120 but uh, just kind of still I haven't told anybody ever, 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:44.640 So it's like something I was just kind of wanting 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:45.800 to get off my chest. 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:50.120 I guess fascinating. Well, look if you're if you're cool 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:53.559 with talking about it on a podcast, then I'd love 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:53.839 to hear. 0:12:55.600 --> 0:13:01.400 Yeah. So I I guess I'll started off how this happened. 0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:03.600 So I had a boyfriend that I was pretty serious 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:06.680 in living with, and we had been dating for about 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:12.320 two and a half years, I would say. And one 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:14.920 day I was cleaning our room and he wasn't home, 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:20.120 and I found a pair of women's panties that weren't mine. 0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:24.960 So automatically I assumed, you know, always cheating on me, 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:27.320 and I brought it up, and every time I brought 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.400 it up, he would get really upset and he's like, 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:31.080 I'm not cheating on you, And I don't know where 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:35.199 those came from. And so a few months go by 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:39.520 or whatever, and it turns out and I find out 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:44.120 he likes to wear them for sexual pleasure, and he's 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:46.720 a cross dresser. And he had also been wearing my 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:51.400 high heels and my dresses around and he likes to 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:54.360 wear makeup, and so it just kind of is kind 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:58.240 of a shocking, shocking thing to find out that, oh, 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:02.160 I wasn't being cheated on, but there's something weird that 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:03.000 I wasn't aware of. 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:08.640 Fascinating. How did you react initially to that information? 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:16.200 I was kind of shocked. I didn't really know like 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:23.800 what to say, because, like it just he told me 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:26.920 when he was really drunk that he was a cross 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:28.600 dresser and that he liked to do that when I 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:32.520 was at home. So when he was sober. I brought 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:36.640 it up and he was pretty embarrassed, but he's like, yeah, 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:40.360 that's something I like to do. And then it kind 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:43.240 of progressed on like, oh, will you do my makeup? 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:48.320 Or will you buy me distress? Or like I'm gonna 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:50.480 buy myself a pair of high heels, will you come 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:52.040 with me? Kind of thing. 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:58.640 So it began as a secret that he kind of 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:04.600 vehemently denied and wanted to keep from you, evolved into 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:10.840 he finally admitted it, and then evolved into will you 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:16.560 actually assist me and be a part of these endeavors, 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:22.000 which is kind of a just kind of fascinating to 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:27.440 me and makes sense, right because look, if this is 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:29.520 a thing that's important to this guy, that's a part 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:31.840 of his life that he wants to do, and you're 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:36.360 his partner, it would make sense to me that he 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:42.120 has this desire to want you in on it. Now, 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:48.520 your willingness to be in on it is an entirely 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:54.200 different is a humongous variable in this, So talk to 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:57.960 me about that willingness or not. 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:03.360 I love him obviously, So it's kind of hard at 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:06.160 first because it's a little weird, but I like to 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:11.400 try and be open minded, you know. So, and right 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:14.640 now we're long distance, so I haven't actually gotten to 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:18.960 buy him any shoes or do his makeup yet now. 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:25.160 But when he comes back, we do have plans on 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:27.120 you know, I'm going to help him pick out an 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:29.480 outfit and then get him some shoes and make up, 0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:33.000 and then we're going to go out to eat in public. 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:36.360 And I'm kind of nervous about this because I still 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:41.560 haven't seen him. Yeah, so it's it's a little different. 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:45.400 It's it's like I'm really open to it. I just 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:48.080 I don't know how to feel about it, I guess, 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:50.680 but I do love this person very much. And we've 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:54.040 been together now for three years. So but the last 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:57.360 few months have been long distance, or I guess, like 0:16:57.440 --> 0:16:59.400 the past six months have been long distance. 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:03.720 So let me get this straight. Have you have you 0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:07.560 ever seen him in the makeup, in the dress, in. 0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:11.680 The heels only pictures? 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:18.080 So the plan is to you see he dresses up 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:22.320 in the makeup and the dress and the heels for 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:26.919 the first time, and you guys go out together. Yeah, 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.800 because I guess, I guess. Look, I mean, look, I 0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:34.760 guess in in in my head, just just the event 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:40.320 of you seeing him dressed like that for the first time, 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:45.960 is uh, it seems like it'd be pretty big. Yeah, 0:17:46.040 --> 0:17:48.520 and yeah, and the whole the whole going out in 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:53.240 public thing also seems like it'd be pretty big. So 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:57.119 this is the combination to it's the combination of a 0:17:57.560 --> 0:18:00.399 it's a it's a it's a double whammy of of 0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:04.960 two major things in one go, you know what I'm saying. 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:08.440 Yeah, I'm kind of nervous. I kind of told him 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:11.520 like I'd rather like we do it at home first 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:15.520 and then like and then build up to the going out. 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:19.080 So it's kind of like, I don't know, we still 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.680 got to make a plan. I guess I don't know, 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:25.760 but it is pretty pretty nerve wracking because I haven't 0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:29.040 seen him yet in that way, only pictures. 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:33.400 So yeah, I think it's reasonable to, uh, you know, 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:37.760 to want to take this one one step at a time. 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:42.119 Tell me more about you, tell me more about your 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:47.879 feelings about all of this, Like are you I don't know, 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:52.040 I'd love to hear more from you about what your 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:55.320 I don't know what your fears are, or what your 0:18:55.400 --> 0:19:01.760 reservations are, or if there are any you know, any 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.639 part of this that maybe you are actively into or 0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:08.879 actively against, or I just more general feelings from you 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:09.960 about the whole situation. 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:15.359 Well, my first feeling was, oh my god, I'm glad 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:18.560 he's not cheating on me, because. 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:20.440 That's what I thought sure for. 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:22.640 A long time, and I just kind of like kind 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:24.879 of ignored it. I guess, like I would bring it up, 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:26.359 but I thought he was cheating on me. So it 0:19:26.400 --> 0:19:28.840 was kind of a relief to be like, oh, he's 0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:33.800 not cheating on me, it's this this other thing. And 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:40.600 then now it's more of like, Okay, I am like 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:45.560 I'm bisexual, so like or like I guess I'm attracted 0:19:45.600 --> 0:19:50.680 to the person, not just the gender, so like I'm 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:54.240 gonna love him either way. But it's also like sexually, 0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:56.560 like if this is what he wants to do in 0:19:56.560 --> 0:19:59.639 the bedroom, like I've never I mean, I've done some 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:02.280 kinky stuff, but never like, oh, my boyfriend's gonna dress 0:20:02.320 --> 0:20:05.919 up as a girl and wear high heels and and 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:08.840 makeup and all this stuff. So it's like it's going 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:12.080 to be something completely new, and I'm open to it. 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:15.240 It's kind of exciting, but it's also kind of nerve 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:20.119 racking scary for me because I'm like, I don't know, 0:20:20.320 --> 0:20:21.720 just a little nervous about it. 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:27.480 Tell me what an aspect about it your most Are 0:20:27.520 --> 0:20:31.440 you nervous that you won't be into it? Are you 0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:34.879 nervous that it will affect the dynamic of your relationship? 0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:37.320 Very nervous it'll affect your sex life? What? 0:20:37.600 --> 0:20:37.800 What? 0:20:37.800 --> 0:20:38.040 What? 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:38.200 What? 0:20:38.359 --> 0:20:39.240 Are you kind of. 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:46.200 Well, I'm nervous that I'm not going to be into it, 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:49.320 but I'm more nervous that it's going to be something 0:20:49.440 --> 0:20:57.920 he wants to do every time m in a sexual way. 0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:03.000 And it's like, yeah, because like he's a pretty attractive guy, 0:21:03.119 --> 0:21:07.120 Like he's he's really muscular, he's really fit, like kind 0:21:07.160 --> 0:21:10.080 of a jock. So it's just it's just kind of different. 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:16.320 So and again, you know, the answers to the questions 0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:19.919 I'm asking you, I feel like they you know, they need, 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:26.920 you know, trials to have actual data. And it sounds 0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:30.560 as though you are going to have these trials, but 0:21:33.480 --> 0:21:37.080 you're open, You're open to you know, experimenting with it, 0:21:37.600 --> 0:21:39.280 but you wouldn't want it to become a thing that 0:21:39.320 --> 0:21:40.200 happens every time. 0:21:42.359 --> 0:21:46.280 Yeah, yeah, because we have a pretty good sex life. 0:21:46.320 --> 0:21:49.360 I mean, at least I thought we did, like we do. 0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:52.800 But it's like that's something he was doing in private 0:21:52.840 --> 0:21:57.200 by himself for sexual pleasure, and it's like I don't 0:21:57.200 --> 0:21:59.520 want that to be all the time kind of thing. 0:22:02.119 --> 0:22:04.560 I know you said you haven't ever, uh talked to 0:22:04.600 --> 0:22:05.359 anyone about this. 0:22:08.200 --> 0:22:11.320 I'm yeah, I'm kind of scared too. 0:22:12.680 --> 0:22:16.720 Huh. Who would you want to talk to about this 0:22:16.800 --> 0:22:20.240 that you haven't I suppose like friends or. 0:22:23.560 --> 0:22:24.360 Well, my best. 0:22:24.200 --> 0:22:26.520 Friend is my sister, and like I kind of told 0:22:26.520 --> 0:22:28.840 her something weird was going on, but I didn't tell 0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:31.639 her to details. And also he doesn't want me to 0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:36.560 tell anybody because he's not comfortable with people knowing anything. Okay, 0:22:37.200 --> 0:22:40.600 So like I don't want to like betray his trust 0:22:40.640 --> 0:22:47.320 by like telling somebody that knows him m because it's 0:22:47.400 --> 0:22:49.880 kind of it's kind of his big secret. 0:22:50.080 --> 0:22:57.840 I guess okay, hmm mm hmmmmmmmmm. 0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:04.800 Well, I think I don't know. This is a really 0:23:04.880 --> 0:23:07.919 tough thing because you clearly care a lot about this 0:23:08.040 --> 0:23:14.920 person enough to try, right, you can always I feel 0:23:14.920 --> 0:23:18.639 like you can always make the decision to try stuff. 0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:23.399 You can't make the decision as to what you like 0:23:24.359 --> 0:23:27.760 or what you feel good about, but I feel like 0:23:27.800 --> 0:23:34.000 you can always make the decision to try. Right, so good, 0:23:34.320 --> 0:23:39.880 you know, I think it's cool that you're in love 0:23:40.040 --> 0:23:45.199 enough and open minded enough to try. But I hope 0:23:45.600 --> 0:23:53.000 that you're not afraid of the results of the trial, 0:23:53.640 --> 0:23:57.359 because those the results of the trial. The feelings there are, 0:23:57.480 --> 0:24:01.159 I feel like they're not really negotiable. You know, you 0:24:01.320 --> 0:24:02.840 like what you like or you and you don't like, 0:24:03.040 --> 0:24:07.200 you don't like right, and I'm and and those are 0:24:07.400 --> 0:24:12.159 those are matter of fact things. I assume M so 0:24:12.560 --> 0:24:16.480 and so. I wouldn't be so scared of it. You know, 0:24:16.560 --> 0:24:17.719 it's just information. 0:24:19.920 --> 0:24:23.280 Yeah, that makes sense. 0:24:25.000 --> 0:24:27.960 Do you feel like you can communicate well with him 0:24:28.280 --> 0:24:29.159 about all this stuff? 0:24:31.000 --> 0:24:34.520 Yeah? Yeah, I mean we we we communicate pretty well. 0:24:35.000 --> 0:24:38.800 And like I've told him, I'm a little nervous, but 0:24:38.840 --> 0:24:40.560 like he's like, oh, it's gonna be okay, it's going 0:24:40.600 --> 0:24:42.520 to be great, like and I'm just like, but what 0:24:42.560 --> 0:24:42.960 if it's not? 0:24:43.600 --> 0:24:45.359 Like what if it doesn't grow up? 0:24:45.960 --> 0:24:48.240 But then it's like, at the same time, if it 0:24:48.280 --> 0:24:50.560 doesn't go well, I feel like he can still do 0:24:50.640 --> 0:24:53.879 those things and by himself in private. But then it's like, 0:24:55.760 --> 0:24:57.679 I mean, I don't mind, but I also don't want to, 0:24:57.720 --> 0:24:59.720 like not be able to satisfy him sexually. 0:24:59.720 --> 0:25:00.679 If if it's. 0:25:00.520 --> 0:25:06.560 Something I can't share with him, I guess it's weird. 0:25:06.920 --> 0:25:11.240 I know, No, I don't, but I don't think any 0:25:11.280 --> 0:25:13.840 of this is weird on your side or his side, 0:25:13.920 --> 0:25:19.960 because huh, I mean, I don't know. Maybe this is 0:25:19.960 --> 0:25:26.200 a heavy thing to think about, but like, look, the 0:25:26.960 --> 0:25:29.520 I wouldn't be so afraid of the results. I wouldn't 0:25:29.520 --> 0:25:31.800 be afraid of the I would not be afraid of 0:25:31.840 --> 0:25:36.560 the results of this information because it's kind of good 0:25:36.640 --> 0:25:40.359 news no matter what, to know these things. And what 0:25:40.400 --> 0:25:44.919 I mean by that is that, look, if you find 0:25:44.920 --> 0:25:52.760 out that you're not into this stuff and he is, 0:25:53.760 --> 0:25:57.920 and you guys aren't compatible with each other in that way, 0:25:59.040 --> 0:26:00.399 that's good to know. 0:26:02.000 --> 0:26:05.080 It's always good and it's that's that's the the the 0:26:05.080 --> 0:26:12.480 the rising of that with the surfacing of that information 0:26:12.640 --> 0:26:17.080 is good for both of you, right because you both desire. 0:26:17.359 --> 0:26:22.880 To be with people who can satisfy you, So it's 0:26:22.920 --> 0:26:25.080 good for both of you. And look, if the results 0:26:25.080 --> 0:26:28.520 of the trial yield positive results and you like fucking 0:26:28.600 --> 0:26:31.280 him when he's in his uh, you know, makeup and 0:26:31.400 --> 0:26:35.520 heels and dress, that's all. That's it's also great news 0:26:35.920 --> 0:26:39.480 because now you guys can the time and be happy. 0:26:39.920 --> 0:26:43.639 So I would not be afraid of the results because 0:26:43.680 --> 0:26:45.959 it's good news no matter what. I don't know if 0:26:46.000 --> 0:26:47.679 you agree with that or if you can see that 0:26:47.840 --> 0:26:50.000