WEBVTT - Interracial Marriage with Ellen Pompeo 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.480 Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:05.840 Red Table Pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:10.040 Facebook watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.120 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:21.159 on Apple Podcasts. Ellen Pompeo's coming, I know you do. 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:25.640 What I find most interesting about her is she's married 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:28.600 to a black guy and she has three brown children. 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:32.919 It's only been fifty one year since the US Supreme 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:38.600 Court decriminalized interracial marriage. New statistics reveal a dramatic increase 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:42.080 in people marrying outside of their race. Ellen Pompeo is 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:46.960 one of them. Ellen is married to music producer Chris Ivory. Together, 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:50.960 they have three biracial children. I can't even imagine that. 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:54.960 But that's why every even dated outside of my race 0:00:55.120 --> 0:01:00.800 at all, never ever had a lot of that. For 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:12.520 you certainly did. Ellen. Thank you so much. And I 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:20.520 know that your big superstar Grays Anatomy that show. Me 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:24.000 and gam were obsessed with it for a very long day. 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:27.600 It's amazing. Thank you, Thank you. It has been an 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:30.080 amazing journey. And I also know that you're like the 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:33.839 highest paid actress on television. We're trying to make money moves. 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:40.000 That's that part. We did a show dealing with race 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:44.840 issues with women of color and white women, and we've 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:49.200 been dealing with trying to understand how to bridge the gap. 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:53.640 It's hella difficult. I don't feel like you have to tiptoe. 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:55.560 I'm not afraid to talk about race. A lot of 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:58.400 people get very nervous when you bring it up, and 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:01.960 I understand why I do, but I am not afraid. 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:03.640 That's good to know because that's how I want to 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:07.600 be sensitive, because you never know how someone else feels 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:08.960 about it, and you don't want to put them on 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:12.040 the griller and be right. But I mean, at the 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:14.920 same time, it's like, listen, these are important conversations to have, 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:17.200 and if you're afraid to talk about it, then that's 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:19.360 a problem right there, and you want to talk about 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:22.400 it more then if you're afraid. I feel like you're 0:02:22.400 --> 0:02:26.680 in a unique situation. Yes, raising young girls in this time, 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:32.600 let alone young brown girls, considering you know, Ellen is white. 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:35.960 You know, it's interesting. My challenge with raising brown children 0:02:36.120 --> 0:02:38.839 is how much do you say to them and how 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:41.320 much do you not say to them? Right A couple 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:44.040 of weeks ago, I had some friends over the house 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:47.079 little girls of color. And the little girl came in 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:50.400 and I introduced myself and I said, I'm Stella's mom's 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:54.160 a little black girl. And she looked at me and 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:58.040 she was like almost scared, you know, this white lady. 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:00.000 And then she went right to Stella and she said, 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:04.160 that's your mom. I thought that was that points to 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:07.079 the nanny was a black girl. I thought that was 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:10.440 your mom. And the little baby looked like she was 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:14.200 scared of me. That just breaks my heart. You know, 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:18.600 may be scared as a strong word. Maybe she wasn't confused, confused, confused, 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:24.360 but again non trusting. Possibly that's why that experience of 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:26.960 being in my house and meeting me was good for 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:30.840 her to see that all white people aren't what you think. 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:36.920 As moms and dad's, we have the responsibility to expose 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:42.800 our children to all different types of people, to just 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.200 show them the differences in the world. I I don't 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:47.920 care for the word diversity. I'm over it quite honestly. 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:51.280 But the teacher kids not to be afraid of different 0:03:51.360 --> 0:03:55.360 kinds of people, which only comes from exposure. Now, my 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:57.960 husband is also bi racial, raised by a white mother 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:02.800 and grew up in the projects in Boston, and he 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:08.000 had his own experience because he was the only child 0:04:08.440 --> 0:04:11.560 growing up in the project with a white mother and 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:16.120 no father in his life. So he was embarrassed. He 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:19.000 loved his mother dearly and that was his queen, but 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:22.800 she was white. We're both from Boston, and Boston is, 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:26.800 you know, historically a very, very very place. It's where 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:30.279 bussing started. So you know, I have a long history 0:04:30.440 --> 0:04:34.479 with the issue of race. I know, both sides, similar 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:37.320 to my husband. I grew up in an Italian Irish 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:40.480 neighborhood in Boston. It doesn't get any more racist than that, right, 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:43.680 we're going back, you know, thirty years now. So that's 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:48.240 my experience. It's very rare, and it's actually the racism 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:52.159 is what drew me to black people, to to brown people, 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:56.200 because I was like, what is it? Anger? And his 0:04:56.440 --> 0:05:00.240 name calling, and it just made me so curious, and 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:03.599 I always had black friends. How was that received by 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:08.640 your family? Oh my god, My father would have liked 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:12.440 to think he was racist, tried to be, I guess 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:17.560 culturally and societally, and I was gonna try to make 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:20.920 him examine that every step of the way. My favorite 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:23.720 thing to do was to have pool parties, and if 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:25.920 I had all my black friends over and swim in 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:27.520 the pool, so that when he would come home for 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:33.560 full full of black boys. You know, because you're a teenager, 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:36.120 you have to rebel a little bit. And then my 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:39.080 husband ended up being his favorite person in the entire world, 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:42.040 so we couldn't go a day without calling. I know 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:46.880 that there have been times where you might not have 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:52.719 gotten a warm welcome or gotten support from other women 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:55.800 of women of color, or just women in general, no 0:05:56.080 --> 0:06:00.159 women of color specifically. Well, if black women have a 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:03.920 problem with white women, I completely understand why. If any 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:06.960 black person has a problem with any white person, I 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:11.400 understand why. If black people have a problem with things 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:14.320 that I've said. I used the term reverse racism that 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:17.640 caused to stir people of color had a huge problem 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:19.560 about that. They get a pass, they get to have 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:22.800 a problem with whatever I say. All I can do 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:29.960 is explain why I say it and what my experiences, 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:34.080 and if you want to come at me for that, 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.200 you get that right. You get that pass. Even if 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:41.760 you're not individually racist, were responsible for each other right. 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:45.560 So if you're not actively standing up and screaming from 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:50.039 the rooftops, you are responsible for it. Tell us why 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:56.920 you use the term reverse racism. Was there a specific incident? Well, okay, 0:06:56.960 --> 0:07:00.000 so Amy was going to put out this documentary about 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:03.000 the KKK, and I had tweeted and was vocal, this 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:05.520 isn't cool. You guys shouldn't be making this kind of programming. 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:09.120 I don't care in what light that show is. The 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:13.680 trailer that I saw was provocative and it was sensationalizing 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:16.080 the KKK. And if you're going to give those dudes 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:20.120 money for burning crosses or whatever they do, then that's 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:22.880 not okay for me for an e a And he 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:26.640 walked it back, said we're sorry, we're pulling it. So 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:33.840 I was like, black fistemolgy, black power, I'm not appropriating culture. 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:38.760 I'm just joining the fight. If you call me a 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:43.080 white bitch, then isn't that judging me on the color 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:47.320 of my skin? Why can't I help a victory from 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:51.040 black people because I'm white? You know, if someone's defended 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:53.880 by me using the black emogy, I'm sorry. It's not 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:57.720 my intention to provoke you or try to offend you. 0:07:58.200 --> 0:08:00.840 But I still stand by what I did because it's 0:08:00.840 --> 0:08:03.280 a win for people of color and I'm here for 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:06.120 it every day. Just because I use the brown emoji 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:08.320 doesn't mean I think I'm black. I just think they 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:13.360 misunderstood what you were doing with the black emoji. They 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:15.480 just felt like you don't have the right. They don't 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:19.280 know who you are really, how you feel inside that 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:22.760 that you've been doing this for years. If you okay, 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:24.720 it's okay. If they want to get mad at me 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.520 for doing it, that's their right, because I don't know 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.040 their pain. Because they feel like you don't have the 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:34.320 right to use the black emoji, and that's okay. It's 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:37.480 a really difficult position because I do feel as though, 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:42.000 specifically for black women, there's a lack of trust. There's 0:08:42.080 --> 0:08:45.880 just such a lack of trust that I really feel 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:50.560 like has to be rebuilt between That's what I'm saying, 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:53.960 Like it's hard to do that when you keep experiencing 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:57.440 having the same negative experience. Just what you were saying, 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:02.920 help people don't feel comfortable talking about race. I feel 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:06.800 like a part of that distrust is because of that, 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:10.800 like like pull back from talking about it, you know, 0:09:10.880 --> 0:09:13.600 because of that anxiety. What are you scared of or 0:09:13.679 --> 0:09:17.440 even insecurity about talking about And I feel like that 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:22.360 sometimes leads to that suspicion, Like, if you're scared of 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:24.839 talking about it, then what do you really feel. I 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:29.000 think that a lot of people are uncomfortable with talking 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:33.760 about race because they're not around people, they don't spend time, 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:38.600 so they get awkward and everyone's awkward. And one thing 0:09:38.640 --> 0:09:43.559 that I do think that would be productive for everybody 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:48.000 to do is just try to make different friends. It's 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:50.840 not like you have to form these deep friendships. I 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:53.920 have a lot of black friends, and I have a 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:58.280 lot of white friends. I don't see my white girlfriends 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:02.640 have black people in their life. From what I can see, 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:06.400 my black friends have plenty of white friends. Really, Um, 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:11.040 just my personal world, my experience, something that kind of 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:15.120 is driving me a little bit crazy. Currently right now, 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:19.400 everybody so woke. We finally realized that we can put 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:23.720 black people in films. Um that Will Smith isn't the 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:28.840 only black movie star. Now it's popular now, it's like, oh, 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:31.880 it's popular to be inclusive. Yeah, And I like, I 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:34.720 hate to be cynical. I don't want to be that person. 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.439 You guys are just doing it because it's popular. So 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:41.400 you're gonna follow Tiffany Hattish on Instagram, Well that's all great. 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:44.000 You know, she's a superstar and we love her, but 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:48.480 how many non entertainment people of color are in your 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:54.680 life over dinner? Who are you going out with after work? 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:58.280 I could not agree with you more And I feel 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:03.120 like it's that oftent a city that needs to happen, 0:11:03.400 --> 0:11:08.280 the willingness to do, you know, break bread. You know, 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:11.960 one of the things that I have such difficulty with. 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:15.280 I haven't found anybody, or maybe I haven't opened myself 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:20.400 up to allow myself to inter act enough to find 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:24.400 out whether there's any commonality with me and other white 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:28.359 women that I know. But it's brought in awareness. Yeah, 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:32.440 so maybe that's a little spiritual, little journey for you 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:35.800 to tex. It's not like you have to form these 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:40.880 deep friendships, but you should have different people in your circle. 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:45.800 That's true. So Ellen, through all the ups and downs, 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:48.920 you've had people calling you a white bitch and people 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:51.600 telling you don't use the black power fast, and you 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:54.160 know you marrying a black man and that probably being 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:56.839 an issue at some point that could create a lot 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:59.560 of insecurity, That could create a lot of instability in 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:01.760 a parent sin what I've seen you is it is 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:06.280 only created deeper character. So I suffered trauma at an 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:08.080 early age, right, my mother died when I was four, 0:12:08.600 --> 0:12:11.559 And I think that when you suffer any kind of trauma, 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:15.240 especially as a child, I think you learn compassion, and 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:18.680 I think that that makes you a more compassionate person. 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:23.960 At the root of it. Compassion is is a great practice. 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.640 And I read a lot about the white identity, like 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:31.040 what that's all about. There's a section of the population 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:35.280 that truly feels like opportunities are going to be taken 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:40.479 away from them by people of color, by lbg D community, 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:42.840 you know, by anyone that's different from them. There's a 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:49.480 real fear of losing their piece of the pie. Someone's 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:54.480 going to power. I can see why some white people 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:58.560 are intimidated. People of color are magical and mystical and 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:04.439 powerful and beautiful, full and spiritual, and strong and excellent 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.800 at what they do. There's just so much power and 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:11.720 talent that, you know, the black world that's presented to 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:16.680 white people is sports, right, entertainment, some of the greatest 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:20.640 entertainers of all time. The black experience is a powerful one, 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:23.280 and I can see where that would be intimidating. I 0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:26.440 personally just choose to be a fan, but I can 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:30.720 see where if people were insecure, I guess you'd be 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:33.320 scared by it. But it's so much easier to just 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:36.400 celebrate it and just thank the universe for giving us 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:40.520 people of color, because it's a gift. You know that. 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.920 That's the first time I've heard that, Like really, yeah, 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:47.880 well no from a white woman. I'm always feeling like, 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:52.160 in a certain way, white women looking down at Black 0:13:52.200 --> 0:13:54.920 women in a certain manner, like they're angry, they're mean, 0:13:55.280 --> 0:14:00.720 So it's interesting to hear that idea of the insect, 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:05.479 the insecurity component. I have been told many times by 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:10.160 white women that are my peers. What's the problem, You're 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:12.000 judging me. I'm like, no, I'm not judging you. I'm 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:15.000 just speaking my mind, you know, because I get very 0:14:15.000 --> 0:14:18.280 passionate about certain things, Like if one of my white 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:20.720 friends is like, you know, I'm gonna go meet with 0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:25.000 this you know, music producer at his house and I'm like, well, 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:27.400 are you bringing anybody? Like don't go alone? And I'm like, 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:29.080 because you know this and this and this, and don't 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.040 I don't play that like you need to be you 0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:35.880 know what I mean? Yeah, they're are you judging? I'm like, no, 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.760 I just care about you. I want you to be safe, 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:42.440 and so I want you to know that how I 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:45.080 feel about it, so that nothing happens to you. You 0:14:45.120 --> 0:14:48.040 know what I mean. You shine a light on their 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:51.600 ability not to speak up for themselves, so then they 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:54.360 have to throw it back to you. Is you're too strong, 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:58.800 you're too intimidating, you're too intense. That's interesting. I never 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:00.680 thought about that. I mean, I don't think I'm angry. 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:03.280 I just think i'm I know what I'm imagining. But 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:06.360 that's a stereotype like when women have it. When when 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:10.320 black women are passionate, they're angry. It's like not cool. 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:14.160 I know, even for me over the years from Baltimore, 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:20.040 from deep in the hood and having to really learn 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:26.920 how to streamline my behavior and comments, you know, and 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:33.920 style of communication because it was just considered so offensive, 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:40.120 you know, and the idea of just being your passionate, 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:43.560 big self. It's just one of those things that you 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:46.800 just gotta keep on keeping on and breaking those stereotypes, 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:49.840 right because the power is too much for people to handle. 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:54.480 Real talk. Unconscious biases is a term that I think 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:57.480 is you know, it should be plastered on everywhere because 0:15:57.560 --> 0:16:01.360 we haven't we all have about everything and you don't 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:04.640 even realize it. Yeah, I tell you, that's one of 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:08.600 the things that I had to check myself about was 0:16:08.720 --> 0:16:14.360 really me getting in contact with my unconscious biases. It's 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:16.720 like as if we could all just check ourselves. Man, 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:18.640 we could just do that instead of trying to check 0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:25.360 each other. Yeah, they yes, different worlds. Yes, that's a 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:29.480 t shirt. Check yourself, not each other. They'll talk. Can 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:34.080 we have a fishbowl? Please? Thank you? That's bringing us 0:16:34.080 --> 0:16:38.760 a fish bowl. You have some hand written you're right 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:44.240 for Ellen. Why is it when a white person has 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:47.120 children with a black person, the children are automatically black. 0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:52.000 M You gotta consider the fact typically they come out brown. 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:57.160 Although we have family members whose children came out looking white. 0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:00.440 They look just white. Yeah, they just look like my 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:04.359 son looks completely what. You couldn't even tell he has 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:07.439 any brown in him at all. From my experience. If 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:10.880 you're asking me a white person to answer this question, 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:16.359 being black is a thing, and it's white people that 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.800 have made it a thing. There is no escaping when 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:23.240 your skin is dark. That's why my children are brown 0:17:23.320 --> 0:17:26.600 or whatever it is, because the world will see them 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:29.719 that way and they will be discriminated against, and they 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:32.280 will be judged, and they will be spoken to, and 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:35.200 they will be treated like they are brown because their 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:39.760 skin is brown. And me sticking up or celebrating brown 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:44.719 people does not mean anti white. I celebrate anything black. 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:49.000 I inevitably get a million comments. Why are the comments 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:51.360 or can you tell whether the comments are coming from 0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:55.320 white people or are they coming from people? Of course 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:58.520 they are, of course they are. They are threatened by 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:03.800 my love of people of color or black culture. Alright, 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:09.560 Amber from Detroit for the group Best life Lessons you 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:13.320 have learned? Best life lessons I have learned is um, 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:19.960 check yourself before you check somebody else. Learn how to 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:23.920 come from a place of love. Love is the key. 0:18:23.960 --> 0:18:27.120 That is a new lesson, Believe it or not, it's 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:32.160 a new lesson and one that I'm trying to learn, 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:35.960 have to practice and incorporate in my life because that's 0:18:36.000 --> 0:18:39.480 a huge change for me and probably for a lot 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:43.400 of people. I don't think I'm alone in that, No, No, 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:50.160 I think as of so far, UM, I think the 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:55.639 greatest life lesson that I've earned is that you just 0:18:55.680 --> 0:18:59.640 can't assume what anyone else is going through. From such 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:03.160 a young age, I've had people trolling me on the internet, 0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:07.520 talking crazy to me in public. Yeah, they don't know 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:09.080 what's happening in my life, and I don't know what's 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:11.520 happening in their life. So I'm not gonna put my 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:21.880 emotion into exactly exactly speak at hey, does this go? Hey? 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:26.040 One of the biggest life lessons for me as of 0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:30.120 the last couple of years is really having the courage 0:19:30.320 --> 0:19:34.399 to do what was necessary for myself, make changes in 0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:38.720 my life, make changes in my relationships, to really find 0:19:38.840 --> 0:19:41.639 that sense of self love, and really be able to 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:45.880 mature in a way to rely on myself emotionally. It's 0:19:46.000 --> 0:19:49.080 changed my life and and all my relationships in the 0:19:49.160 --> 0:19:53.359 best way. Is that practice of self love. Like, if 0:19:53.440 --> 0:19:57.280 you can't love yourself honestly, you cannot love you can't. 0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:01.440 The really craziest part is I thought at one point 0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:05.879 in time that my achievements would create that sense of 0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:10.280 self acceptance and self love, only to realize it didn't 0:20:10.920 --> 0:20:15.080 do it, and really having to strip all of that, 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:20.960 strip my career, even my dependency on my relationship to Will, 0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:24.919 even my dependency on my relationship to my kids. I mean, 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:28.480 that's something I think every mother, I had to just 0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:32.320 like go to the bare bone and just have Jada 0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:37.639 and whoa when I tell you that was who that 0:20:37.800 --> 0:20:41.000 I mean, just to just tear everything down. And that 0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:45.000 only comes with age. Everyone talks about, you know, youth, 0:20:45.160 --> 0:20:47.800 but no one talks about the wonderful things about getting older. 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:51.040 And the wonderful thing about getting older is the wisdom 0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:57.720 that that we're imparted with. Absolutely, I'm a white woman 0:20:58.040 --> 0:21:00.359 engaged to a black man. What are some things I 0:21:00.440 --> 0:21:07.040 need to know to l Just love him? Just just y'all, 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:10.119 just love each other. Just love each other. Communication is 0:21:10.200 --> 0:21:14.119 the key to any relationship. It really, if you want 0:21:14.160 --> 0:21:18.640 to stay in a marriage, you gotta listen first and talk. 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:22.720 I would imagine that with black men and white women. 0:21:23.240 --> 0:21:27.720 White women have a sense of oppression, you know, just 0:21:27.840 --> 0:21:31.399 being you know, being a woman. I have dated some 0:21:31.960 --> 0:21:36.639 really wonderful white men, but it was interesting in the 0:21:36.800 --> 0:21:41.280 fact that you're dating someone who has no idea what 0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:44.639 oppression or any kind of you know, he's at the 0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:48.240 top of the food chain. He just he can't he 0:21:48.280 --> 0:21:51.560 don't understand, you know what I mean. It's a very 0:21:52.800 --> 0:21:55.520 hard thing for him to be able to relate to. 0:21:55.960 --> 0:22:00.680 It was always the factor in the relationship. It that 0:22:00.920 --> 0:22:06.359 made it break. Katie from Manhattan Beach. What's the best 0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:11.119 piece of advice you didn't take, um to quit the business, 0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:13.840 that I'd never make it. I probably would have to 0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:17.800 go with that. I remember surely my grandmother telling me, 0:22:18.920 --> 0:22:20.680 you know, you'll never make it. You need to go 0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:22.920 to college. She told me that because she's trying to 0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:29.760 protect me, and that's why I never education was a 0:22:29.840 --> 0:22:34.240 pity for her. Our last little question, are you and 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:40.400 Patrick Dempsey still friends? We haven't spoken since he's left 0:22:40.480 --> 0:22:43.560 the show. Okay, I have no hard feelings toward him. 0:22:44.240 --> 0:22:46.840 He's a wonderful actor and we made you know, the 0:22:46.960 --> 0:22:49.959 best TV you can make together. That's a talented man 0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:53.920 right there, and he did eleven amazing years. You know, 0:22:54.080 --> 0:22:56.439 typically when people leave the show, they need there, They 0:22:56.480 --> 0:23:00.680 need to sort of we find themselves who they are 0:23:00.840 --> 0:23:03.280 without the show, because the show takes up so much 0:23:03.320 --> 0:23:06.639 of your life. You need that time to like figure 0:23:06.640 --> 0:23:09.040 out who you are without the show. So we have 0:23:09.200 --> 0:23:11.800 not spoken, but um, I will always have a place 0:23:11.840 --> 0:23:16.480 in my heart for Patrick Ellen. This was amazing. Thank you. 0:23:17.000 --> 0:23:19.320 I just would want to thank you for having this 0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:24.200 show and for creating this forum to be part of 0:23:24.280 --> 0:23:27.920 the change. Yeah, I want you to know I consider 0:23:27.960 --> 0:23:37.240 you my home girl. Yeah, come over my house on 0:23:37.359 --> 0:23:40.159 our next Red Table Talk. Why am I depressed? Like 0:23:40.240 --> 0:23:42.400 it was a nightmare and you know, I'm just trying 0:23:42.440 --> 0:23:46.520 to keep it together because kick everybody's Like he wrote, 0:23:46.680 --> 0:23:49.160 I was dealing with my alane. It was a very 0:23:49.280 --> 0:23:52.480 private thing because I was ashamed. I felt utterly out 0:23:52.520 --> 0:23:56.360 of control where I just had a complete emotional collapse 0:23:56.880 --> 0:24:04.840 that then I became extremely suicidal. Oh my goodness, thank you, 0:24:05.240 --> 0:24:10.160 thank you, thank you so much for us spare say 0:24:12.000 --> 0:24:20.480 this is also thank you, Thank you so much. Hey, 0:24:20.640 --> 0:24:23.360 red table Talk family. Head to our red table Talk 0:24:23.440 --> 0:24:27.200 facebook watch show page. Join the conversation and become a 0:24:27.320 --> 0:24:30.040 part of red table Talk. To join the red table 0:24:30.080 --> 0:24:32.800 Talk family and become a part of the conversation. Follow 0:24:32.920 --> 0:24:36.480 us at Facebook dot com slash red table Talk. Thanks 0:24:36.560 --> 0:24:39.320 for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast 0:24:39.600 --> 0:24:43.520 produced by Facebook Watch, Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.