Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years, so motherfucking many years. So yep, yep,
Speaker 1: there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome
Speaker 1: to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the
Speaker 1: podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of
Speaker 1: black conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove that
Speaker 1: theories that you the listeners have at home. It is
Speaker 1: time to hear your thoughts, the things that you send
Speaker 1: to me. He I don't know what that song is,
Speaker 1: but it's it's a goddamn classic. If I could, if
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, I might have wrote the new
Speaker 1: do a Leaper song. You know what I mean. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be the star in this situation. I
Speaker 1: just want to send that to do a Leaper and
Speaker 1: let her do. Let her do alipa her thing with it.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Do you do a lipa?
Speaker 1: That's what I always say. Anyway, I'm here to talk
Speaker 1: about actual funny ship and interesting ship that you all
Speaker 1: send me. And boy, oh boy, do I have a
Speaker 1: good one today. This message, this I guess, uh theory,
Speaker 1: let's call it a theory based on the premise of
Speaker 1: this podcast. We'll call it a conspiracy theory. Perhaps this
Speaker 1: conspiracy theory comes to me from a gentleman named Demetrius.
Speaker 1: He preferred to be called Demetrius, and Demetrius sent me
Speaker 1: a message. He did not record it. Apparently he similarly
Speaker 1: has a bit of a speech impediment and is a
Speaker 1: little shy about me hearing that sweet that sweet snaggle puss.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, that sweet parcel mouth. He
Speaker 1: didn't want me to hear it, but he said, my
Speaker 1: mama told me that Pokemon is the devil. That's what
Speaker 1: Demetrius said, and he goes on to say a bunch
Speaker 1: of stuff he said. Backstory on this, I much like
Speaker 1: other children collected Pokemon shipped back when it hit the
Speaker 1: scene in the US, and I was in grade school
Speaker 1: at the time. If you didn't funk with Pokemon, you
Speaker 1: were the weird kid. Or maybe I was just a
Speaker 1: geeky motherfucker and I didn't realize that at the time.
Speaker 1: Either way, For years, I was racking up cards and
Speaker 1: merch playing the Nintendo games, watching the show the whole
Speaker 1: nine I was a black ass catchman. You couldn't tell
Speaker 1: me ship. Then out of nowhere, some minister I don't
Speaker 1: remember who it was got up on national television and
Speaker 1: went full on fire and brimstone about Pokemon from the pulpit.
Speaker 1: My mom gets ahold of this and then has me
Speaker 1: back up all my Pokemon and throw it away. Her
Speaker 1: answer was, we ain't letting the devil up in our house.
Speaker 1: That sounds like a Kanye lyric, and I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: My question to you, Lanston, what could compel a man,
Speaker 1: a grown ass clergyman who has devoted his life to
Speaker 1: preaching the Gospel to the hearts of mankind to come
Speaker 1: after some imaginary Japanese characters from a game that if
Speaker 1: you played beyond the age of sixteen, people would look
Speaker 1: at you funny, but their immediate reaction isn't to reach
Speaker 1: for the Holy water, maybe the pepper spray, but not
Speaker 1: the crucifix. What kind of mysterious demons is that yellow
Speaker 1: bitch Pikachu hiding in them poke balls? What kind of
Speaker 1: root is that fat bitch Jigglypuff trying to put on
Speaker 1: God's children? Help me out lengths and many apologizes for
Speaker 1: making fun of my speech im betterment, which I didn't
Speaker 1: even read that part of the email, But it's important
Speaker 1: that you know I'm being as transparent with you all
Speaker 1: as I possibly can at all times. That said, Demetrius,
Speaker 1: I would love to dig into this conspiracy theory as
Speaker 1: I was a bit of a Pokemon fanatic myself. Now
Speaker 1: I was collecting basketball cards, and as a kid, I
Speaker 1: was much more of a basketball cards kid. But I
Speaker 1: did love playing Pokemon the game. I enjoyed all Pokemon
Speaker 1: television programming. I was a big Pokemon head. I used
Speaker 1: to those songs like Nobody's Business Boy. I knew all
Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty Pokemon at one point and now
Speaker 1: I could name about twelve of them before I get
Speaker 1: bored and tired and feel like maybe this was all
Speaker 1: just a big stupid ploy by some weird men who
Speaker 1: wanted to draw pictures of animals and animals with human legs,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. That's pretty much the whole theory.
Speaker 1: The whole thing with Pokemon is like, what if we
Speaker 1: drew uh, what if we drew a rhinoceros but it
Speaker 1: had people legs, that'd be pretty cool. And then they
Speaker 1: drew it and then they were like, yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: that's that's rhino dog. And you're like, yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: I gotta collect that motherfucker. It's pretty tight. But as
Speaker 1: foolish let's get back to the conspiracy theory. As foolish
Speaker 1: as this conspiracy theory sounds, it does remind me of
Speaker 1: exactly how powerful pokemon Mania was during the late nineties.
Speaker 1: I mean, Pokemon cards at one point were the most
Speaker 1: valuable thing in the world. They were more valuable than
Speaker 1: pussy and pt cruisers. I would have killed my neighbor's
Speaker 1: dog to get my hands on a hologram Dragon Night,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean. I would have done
Speaker 1: anything to just get a taste of some of that
Speaker 1: that sweet Pokemon magic. That said, I did do some research,
Speaker 1: and I tracked down the video in reference, the exact
Speaker 1: video that you're referring to here, Demetrius, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: play a little bit of it now because I think
Speaker 1: it's important. It's gonna help lay some context for exactly
Speaker 1: why this preacher is so upset. Important for the church
Speaker 1: to deal with issues as they come to the forefront
Speaker 1: in society, said Son, what is that? One morning? He said,
Speaker 1: that's up, that's Pokemon. Son. I found out that Pokemon
Speaker 1: mains pocket monster. Pokemon is Pokemon plural or incredible creatures
Speaker 1: that share the world with humans. Each has his own
Speaker 1: fighting to realities. Some grow and ebolb and even more
Speaker 1: powerful creatures. The children are developing relationships with all these
Speaker 1: Pokemon creatures, little reclusive, power filled monsters. Why should they
Speaker 1: carry these monsters in their pocket? They say, The Pokemon
Speaker 1: whole effort is to train children how to become the
Speaker 1: number one Pokemon master in the world. You follow up
Speaker 1: through the New Age teach and you find out the
Speaker 1: masters of those who take control of spirits in the
Speaker 1: dark realm, and they tell those spirits what to do.
Speaker 1: The child, at some point becomes capable of taking these
Speaker 1: powers and channeling them through their mind, through their arms,
Speaker 1: or through their power sources. Power sources, of course, are
Speaker 1: many of the symbols that they pick up from the
Speaker 1: Pokemon paraphernalia. So so Pokemon is a game they teach
Speaker 1: us children how to enter into the world of witchcraft,
Speaker 1: how to cast spell, how to use psychic phenomena, how
Speaker 1: to but work supernatural powers against their enemies, how to
Speaker 1: fantasy role play Pokemon world. There's a world a little
Speaker 1: bit demonic of the satanic, But why you might not
Speaker 1: take it quite seriously. I assure you that demons take
Speaker 1: it quite seriously. Satan takes it quite seriously. Your children
Speaker 1: knew need to know those a devil and he hates
Speaker 1: him and he wants to ruin their life. There we go,
Speaker 1: There we go. I think we learned a lot. There's
Speaker 1: the devil. He wants to ruin your life, and there's
Speaker 1: no better way to ruin your life than through jiggly Puff,
Speaker 1: that fat bitch with his microphone singing a Sirens song,
Speaker 1: a Satan on him in your ears. That's how the
Speaker 1: devil's gonna get you, children, and Pokemon is helping to
Speaker 1: do it. Now, the video in reference comes from this,
Speaker 1: you know, as you can plainly hear this white mega
Speaker 1: pastor whose name I didn't care to even look up,
Speaker 1: reaching or presort of preaching about the dangers of allowing
Speaker 1: Pokemon into your children's lives. Basically, his biggest hang up
Speaker 1: is that the child controlling the powers of the monsters
Speaker 1: in their pockets allows them to connect with the devil.
Speaker 1: The devil being connected to the monsters, that that he's
Speaker 1: equating the Pokemon and they're casting of spells or wielding
Speaker 1: a power to the same work that Satan does. Now,
Speaker 1: although this language from this guy is particularly crazy. It's
Speaker 1: not completely isolated. He wasn't one of one at this point.
Speaker 1: In fact, in there was an article from the Associated Press.
Speaker 1: That's right, the A p A. I think, uh pretty
Speaker 1: respected source and nowadays or certainly has been for many years.
Speaker 1: But the Associated Press had an article that they wrote
Speaker 1: titled Pokemonsters up Crime, and in that article they were
Speaker 1: clount incidents of fights, of robberies, and even stabbings related
Speaker 1: to Pokemon cards, specifically amongst school children. The article even
Speaker 1: included safety tips they told they talked about like kids
Speaker 1: being stabbed in bathrooms and hit with trash cans all
Speaker 1: while they fight over Pokemon cards, rare Pokemon cards. Sometimes
Speaker 1: not rare Pokemon cards. Some kids got fucking shanked for
Speaker 1: seventy sent like basic bitch pack of cards. The point
Speaker 1: is the article even included safety tips for how parents
Speaker 1: can handle their children's safety in relation to their card collections,
Speaker 1: basically telling a bunch of parents not to let their
Speaker 1: kids leave the house with the Pokemon cards, not to
Speaker 1: invite friends over and leave them alone in a room
Speaker 1: where the Pokemon cards are being kept, not to allow
Speaker 1: kids to to buy more than a a certain amount
Speaker 1: of Pokemon cards that are time all with the possibility
Speaker 1: that these cards might introduce violence and danger into their
Speaker 1: lives sound pretty demonic to me. Sounds pretty of the
Speaker 1: Devil if you ask me. And this this is interesting.
Speaker 1: Similarly in n Burger King, you know, uh, the King
Speaker 1: of Burger's, which also sounds like it might have some
Speaker 1: some connections to the Devil, but we'll we'll get into
Speaker 1: that on another day. But the Burger King, the Burger King.
Speaker 1: I don't know if anybody is referred to it as
Speaker 1: the Burger King. I think it's just regular as Burger King. Anyway,
Speaker 1: Burger King had to recall a bunch of Pokemon accessories
Speaker 1: after a small child suffocated to death after putting one
Speaker 1: of their pokey balls, one of the poke ball toys
Speaker 1: that they were giving away with their meals, on its face. Basically,
Speaker 1: the baby put the poke ball half a pokey ball
Speaker 1: on its face and then it died. And then Burger
Speaker 1: King had to be like, hey, y'all, y'all don't get
Speaker 1: poke balls no more because because this baby couldn't handle it.
Speaker 1: So now everybody nobody gets poke balls. Now. What feels
Speaker 1: like is being missed in a lot of these articles
Speaker 1: and reports. Is how many of these situations could have
Speaker 1: been controlled by the adults in these children's lives. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't want to blame any parents of a dead child.
Speaker 1: That's not something I'm into, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I ain't doing that and that's not my place. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if if a baby dies, I'm not gonna be like, hi,
Speaker 1: you should have did more, And I'm not gonna do that.
Speaker 1: But unless the poke ball is attaching to the child's
Speaker 1: face like one of those flying pussies in the Alien movie,
Speaker 1: you should probably be able to stop them from smothering themselves.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's your fault, but you could
Speaker 1: have done something similarly. Quite a bit of the main
Speaker 1: year around the pokey paraphernalia was driven by grown men
Speaker 1: and women who were spending insane amounts of money, oh
Speaker 1: for and over again, trying to collect these items, just
Speaker 1: insane amounts of money to create sexless rooms and their
Speaker 1: sheds with pictures of cartoon children holding electric rats. It's
Speaker 1: it was a wild time. The Willennium really sobered us
Speaker 1: up quite a bit. Long story short, It just feels
Speaker 1: weird to call something demonic Before we point to consumerism
Speaker 1: as a more likely cause for concern relating to Pokemon.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is as much the devil
Speaker 1: as money and the want for expensive, rare things is
Speaker 1: the devil, and Pokemon just happened to be a symptom
Speaker 1: of that demonic work. But who do I what do
Speaker 1: I know? I'm just a motherfucker who talks alone and
Speaker 1: uh in his baby's nursery. Uh. You know, my my
Speaker 1: kid isn't here yet, so I get to keep recording
Speaker 1: my podcast next to uh, a bunch of unpacked boxes
Speaker 1: and a pretty well built crib. I'll say that we
Speaker 1: put the crib together, and I we built the ship
Speaker 1: out of it, and I hope, I hope it's a
Speaker 1: crib that stays sturdy and strong and never is a
Speaker 1: place where my baby suffocates it herself with a poke ball.
Speaker 1: That's my main wish. Anyway, This talk of Pokemon being
Speaker 1: demonic did, however, remind me of a very popular rumor
Speaker 1: from when I was growing up. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you guys had a bunch of Pokemon rumors, but one
Speaker 1: of the more popular Pokemon rumors that I remember when
Speaker 1: I was growing up was this rumor that the Japanese
Speaker 1: version of Pokemon was substantially more graphic than it's American counterpart.
Speaker 1: That like, when you watched the anime, the real anime
Speaker 1: from Japan, that motherfucker is just filled with violence and
Speaker 1: in blood and gore, and occasionally you could see Nurse
Speaker 1: Jenny's titties. It was it was supposedly like in Staneley graphic,
Speaker 1: and as it turns out that that was partially true.
Speaker 1: I did some research and there was definitely some blood
Speaker 1: and more indication of the Pokemon actually being hurt. There
Speaker 1: were Pokemon that were decapitated, cutting half and ship at times,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't as extreme as we had been led
Speaker 1: to believe, do you know what I mean? It wasn't
Speaker 1: that when they cut them in half, they weren't like intestines,
Speaker 1: weren't like flowing out into the into the grass. It
Speaker 1: was more of just like, oh, they're actually real repercussions
Speaker 1: for some of these pokey battles. That said, I don't
Speaker 1: think you ever could see any of Nurse Jenny's uh
Speaker 1: meat on Maine, you know what I mean? She wasn't
Speaker 1: showing no meat on Maine, oh, Nurse Jenny. And that's
Speaker 1: a shame that that really is a shame because we
Speaker 1: could have all used a little Nurse Jenny titty during
Speaker 1: Y two K Nothing would have comforted in me more,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I was stressing of me
Speaker 1: and my family were buying up cans of corn and
Speaker 1: beans at the possible ability that the computers were shut down,
Speaker 1: and boy would I have I have slept a little
Speaker 1: easier knowing that Nurse Jenny had had some some nudes
Speaker 1: out there, you know what I mean. So still not
Speaker 1: a lot of evidence of it being demonic, as it
Speaker 1: is more an example of human beings maing grossly obsessive
Speaker 1: to the point of hurting ourselves, which maybe is just
Speaker 1: the devil hiding in plain sight. I guess, damn, that's
Speaker 1: pretty deep. I don't know. The last thing that it
Speaker 1: got me wondering about, and this is the last thing
Speaker 1: I'll say on this matter, is it made me curious.
Speaker 1: And this is something I think I've long wondered, and
Speaker 1: maybe we've all long wondered, is what happens inside of
Speaker 1: those pokey bowls? Do you know what I mean? For
Speaker 1: those of us unfamiliar with the way that pokemon works, basically,
Speaker 1: the pokemon are allowed to roam freely under their master's
Speaker 1: will out in the world. Well, first they're free, then
Speaker 1: a master breaks their spirit and locks them in a
Speaker 1: poke ball. And then at the point that they're fully
Speaker 1: turned into animal slaves, they are called from those pokey
Speaker 1: balls to to fight other Pokemon, and then they're called
Speaker 1: back into the balls. Whether they win or lose the balls,
Speaker 1: there's no reward for winning that fight. They pretty much
Speaker 1: get treated like ship at all times. But it got
Speaker 1: me wondering what actually happens inside of the poke balls.
Speaker 1: For any X Men fans, this is where my brain goes.
Speaker 1: You know that there are some suggestions that Cyclops does
Speaker 1: not actually shoot lasers from his eyeballs, but instead his
Speaker 1: eyes are a portal to a dimension exploding with energy.
Speaker 1: So when he opens his eyes, he is merely connecting
Speaker 1: us to this much more sinister, hellish dimension, and that
Speaker 1: is what's shooting out of his eyeballs. It is not lasers.
Speaker 1: It's like fucking hell fire and brimstone that's firing from
Speaker 1: his fucking face. Is it possible that all said, Is
Speaker 1: it possible that the poke balls are simply a portal
Speaker 1: to an evil, demonic dimension where the animals are trained
Speaker 1: to introduce devil ship to our most innocent selves. WHOA, WHOA.
Speaker 1: Is it possible that that's what happened? What's happening? Or alternatively,
Speaker 1: is that creature dude just mad at Pokemon because he's
Speaker 1: in a loveless marriage and his pains is weird. It's
Speaker 1: hard to know. Perhaps we'll never know, but I think
Speaker 1: that pretty much covers all of the questions that were
Speaker 1: put in front of me. I hope this makes you feel,
Speaker 1: I guess, more confident, Demetrius. Maybe you'll go take down
Speaker 1: your mother. Maybe you'll finally be able to challenge her
Speaker 1: and be like, Mom, give me my fucking Pokemon cards back.
Speaker 1: I'm forty six years old and I want my goddamn Pokemon.
Speaker 1: I don't know why you would be forty six in
Speaker 1: this story. That really implies that you were way too
Speaker 1: old to be dealing in Pokemon cards at the time
Speaker 1: that you were dealing with them. But that's what I
Speaker 1: picked your forty six, Demetrius, and I'm not gonna change
Speaker 1: my mind. You could write me letters. You could try
Speaker 1: to to show me your I D. You could send
Speaker 1: me a copy of your birth certificate. You forty six bitch,
Speaker 1: and I know there's nothing you can do about it.
Speaker 1: That said, I really appreciate you writing to me, and
Speaker 1: I appreciate all you stupid horrors for writing to me.
Speaker 1: It it makes nothing makes me happier than to read
Speaker 1: your messages. If you want to send me messages about
Speaker 1: demonic anime and and bullshit that your mother probably says
Speaker 1: in relation to those demonic enemies, please send those messages
Speaker 1: to my mama pod at gmail dot com. I would
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. Do Die, Do Die. If
Speaker 1: nothing would make me happier than to be able to
Speaker 1: to talk about whatever the funk is on your mind.
Speaker 1: I've been getting some really fun ones lately, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna unpack a bunch of them. Some of them AM
Speaker 1: gonna ignore because they make me uncomfortable, but others I'm
Speaker 1: definitely gonna dig into. And if you can send me
Speaker 1: one that doesn't make me uncomfortable, well, in god damn it,
Speaker 1: we we've got a deal. Shake on it, because we've
Speaker 1: we've got a goddamn deal. You've got yourself a deal anyway.
Speaker 1: You can follow me at Langston Kerman and please remember
Speaker 1: to like and subscribe and and do all the things,
Speaker 1: write a review, say say nice things or horrible things.
Speaker 1: There have been a few people who have been disappointed
Speaker 1: with some of my my opinions quote unquote opinions as
Speaker 1: of late. And to that, I say, hey, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'll just be talking and uh, sometimes talking ain't fun
Speaker 1: for everybody, but it's always fun for me anyway. By
Speaker 1: Bitch Mother Mother mothers so mini episode motherfucking mini episell
Speaker 1: h m hm