WEBVTT - AF GREATEST HITS: The Solitary Vice 0:00:08.245 --> 0:00:14.165 School of Humans. Wow, huge news. This is an episode 0:00:14.165 --> 0:00:18.525 of American filth that is slightly relevant to the current moment, 0:00:18.885 --> 0:00:21.805 to current events. And by slightly relevant, I mean it 0:00:21.805 --> 0:00:23.605 would have been great if I did this like three 0:00:23.645 --> 0:00:26.205 weeks ago. But you know what, that's why I do 0:00:26.285 --> 0:00:28.405 a history podcast, so I don't have to be on 0:00:28.485 --> 0:00:31.485 top of the news. You know, I can live in 0:00:31.565 --> 0:00:34.365 the filth of the past to escape the horrors of 0:00:34.405 --> 0:00:37.885 the present. Ah. But the news that I'm talking about 0:00:37.925 --> 0:00:41.765 is that the CEO of Kellogg's, you know, the cereal brand, 0:00:42.085 --> 0:00:45.685 said that to save money, poor people should eat cereal 0:00:45.765 --> 0:00:49.485 for dinner. Wow. Can you believe a rich person is 0:00:49.605 --> 0:00:53.805 out of touch? Weird? They're usually so on the pulse. 0:00:56.605 --> 0:00:59.765 But if we look at history, this isn't the weirdest 0:00:59.765 --> 0:01:03.965 thing that a person affiliated with Kellogg's has said. In fact, 0:01:04.405 --> 0:01:07.725 Kellogg the man, that's John Harvey Kellogg, who was one 0:01:07.765 --> 0:01:11.325 of the creators of cornflakes along with his brother Will Keith. 0:01:12.165 --> 0:01:14.925 He said that people should eat his cereal because it 0:01:14.925 --> 0:01:19.245 would help you stop masturbating. In fact, it would help 0:01:19.285 --> 0:01:22.365 you take away any sort of sexual desire you might have, 0:01:23.045 --> 0:01:25.365 and that's a good thing for your soul. And your 0:01:25.405 --> 0:01:29.245 health and don't worry. John Harvey Kellogg, well he's a 0:01:29.285 --> 0:01:32.365 scientist and doctor, so he knows what he's talking about. 0:01:33.005 --> 0:01:34.965 And he wasn't the only ones saying stuff like this. 0:01:35.285 --> 0:01:37.965 Back in the nineteenth century, there was a whole bunch 0:01:38.005 --> 0:01:41.285 of doctors and scientists who are talking about how bad 0:01:41.405 --> 0:01:46.005 masturbation was for your health. In kellogg cereal, that was 0:01:46.085 --> 0:01:50.165 just one way to cure your heinous sexual proclivities. Another 0:01:50.205 --> 0:01:53.605 example is you could just electrocute your genitals a little bit. 0:01:57.325 --> 0:02:00.085 So for today's episode of American Filth, I'm going to 0:02:00.165 --> 0:02:04.125 show you, yes, you, how you can stop masturbating the 0:02:04.245 --> 0:02:13.565 Kellogg's way. Cue the theme song. This is American Filth. 0:02:13.565 --> 0:02:16.045 I'm Gabby Watts. Every week I tell you a filthy 0:02:16.125 --> 0:02:37.405 story from American history. Today's episode the Solitary Vice. Well, 0:02:38.085 --> 0:02:42.045 you might be thinking, what's so bad about masturbation. Well, 0:02:42.165 --> 0:02:45.365 I'll tell you a lot of stuff is bad about it. 0:02:47.805 --> 0:02:50.405 First of all, it's a sin. It's been a sin 0:02:50.485 --> 0:02:53.245 for a while now, you know, ever since God became 0:02:53.285 --> 0:02:56.005 a thing. I guess because the thing is the only 0:02:56.045 --> 0:02:59.205 reason you're supposed to use your genitals and your sexuality 0:02:59.285 --> 0:03:02.285 is to make babies. Lord, God doesn't want you to 0:03:02.325 --> 0:03:06.285 feel good. Excessive pleasure. That's a no goes with God. 0:03:07.365 --> 0:03:10.365 People have been calling masturbation a variety of things. It's 0:03:10.445 --> 0:03:14.925 self abuse, it's the solitary vice, it's self pollution. Another 0:03:15.005 --> 0:03:19.125 term is onanism. That's from the Bible. In Genesis, there's 0:03:19.165 --> 0:03:22.565 this dude named Onin and get this, yahweh. You know, 0:03:22.685 --> 0:03:26.365 God killed his older brother, and then Onin's dad was like, well, 0:03:26.365 --> 0:03:29.005 now you got to marry your dead brother's wife. But 0:03:29.085 --> 0:03:31.485 then when Onin had sex with his dead brother's wife, 0:03:31.685 --> 0:03:35.045 he pulled out before he gizzed. Ergo, he spilled his 0:03:35.125 --> 0:03:39.685 seed on the ground. Terrible sin. But I guess according 0:03:39.725 --> 0:03:43.925 to the Bible this is considered masturbation or something. So like, 0:03:44.005 --> 0:03:46.125 if you don't come in a woman, you're just pleasuring 0:03:46.165 --> 0:03:50.365 yourself basically because I guess women aren't real people. But also, 0:03:50.525 --> 0:03:53.205 this is really inappropriate. We really need to take dirty 0:03:53.245 --> 0:03:57.405 books like this out of schools. So here's the thing. 0:03:57.485 --> 0:04:00.325 We know masturbation bad for the soul, but starting as 0:04:00.365 --> 0:04:03.845 early as the eighteenth century, some scientists and doctors propose 0:04:03.885 --> 0:04:06.205 that masturbation might not just be good for your soul. 0:04:06.285 --> 0:04:10.325 It's also bad for your body. There were two books 0:04:10.325 --> 0:04:12.925 that set the stage for this type of thinking. The 0:04:12.965 --> 0:04:16.885 first one dropped in seventeen ten and it was called Ononia, 0:04:17.005 --> 0:04:20.405 The Heinous Sin of Self Pollution. And this is one 0:04:20.445 --> 0:04:23.525 of the first books. I was like, yeah, masturbation, it's 0:04:23.565 --> 0:04:26.525 gonna be bad for your health. And then in seventeen 0:04:26.605 --> 0:04:30.925 fifty eight this doctor named Samuel Auguste Tissau. He wrote 0:04:30.925 --> 0:04:34.165 a book called Onanism, or a Treatise upon the disorder 0:04:34.245 --> 0:04:38.725 produced by masturbation. He was basically like, if dudes lose 0:04:38.805 --> 0:04:43.045 even a little bit of semen, it greatly weakens them. 0:04:43.325 --> 0:04:45.365 He was like, yeah, losing an ounce of semen is 0:04:45.405 --> 0:04:48.965 the same thing as losing forty ounces of blood, So 0:04:49.125 --> 0:04:52.165 watch out, fellas and the jiz. He called it the 0:04:52.285 --> 0:04:57.685 seminal liquor yuck. And if you lost too much of it, 0:04:58.285 --> 0:05:01.765 you're just putting yourself at risk for horrible diseases. He 0:05:01.845 --> 0:05:07.725 wrote the Way to Consumption, Deterioration of is disorders of digestion, impotence, 0:05:07.765 --> 0:05:10.765 and so on. And it's not just for your bodily health, 0:05:10.845 --> 0:05:14.965 also your mental health, because masturbation makes blood flow increase 0:05:15.045 --> 0:05:17.805 to the brain, which then could affect your nervous system, 0:05:17.845 --> 0:05:23.485 and then that would make you go crazy. And the 0:05:23.525 --> 0:05:27.405 thing is, doctors took this theory seriously throughout the nineteenth century. 0:05:27.925 --> 0:05:31.605 Doctors would attribute any disease that couldn't be cured to masturbation. 0:05:32.045 --> 0:05:34.965 Like one fringe doctor said in eighteen twenty eight, in 0:05:35.045 --> 0:05:38.885 my opinion, neither plague, nor war, nor smallpox, nor similar 0:05:38.885 --> 0:05:43.005 diseases have produced results so disastrous to humanity as the 0:05:43.005 --> 0:05:47.725 pernicious habit of onanism. It is the destroying element of 0:05:47.765 --> 0:05:52.005 civilized societies and gradually undermines the health of a nation. 0:05:53.285 --> 0:05:58.405 Oh my god, masturbation equals death of a nation. The 0:05:58.485 --> 0:06:03.005 stakes couldn't be higher. And these guys, they're just talking 0:06:03.045 --> 0:06:07.725 about people with wieners. But don't worry vagina holding individuals. 0:06:07.965 --> 0:06:11.925 They were also at risk. If you were a female masturbator, 0:06:12.205 --> 0:06:18.645 you could also die and go insane, and doctors were 0:06:18.685 --> 0:06:22.805 particularly suspicious of women who had large glitteresses. They thought 0:06:22.805 --> 0:06:25.445 that this would not only lead to being a nymphomaniac, 0:06:25.685 --> 0:06:29.605 but it would also lead to something even worse, lesbianism. 0:06:29.965 --> 0:06:36.005 Ah so yeah. In the nineteenth century, people were going 0:06:36.125 --> 0:06:44.365 wild against masturbation. One historian called it the Great masturbation panic. Ah, 0:06:45.045 --> 0:06:47.245 But you know what was it about the nineteenth century 0:06:47.285 --> 0:06:51.605 that made masturbation such a public menace? Well, historian Arthur 0:06:51.645 --> 0:06:56.045 Gilbert had some theories. What he said was, you know, 0:06:56.085 --> 0:06:58.005 the nineteenth century, it was a time when people were 0:06:58.005 --> 0:07:01.005 trying to invest in the public good, you know. So 0:07:01.045 --> 0:07:03.325 it's basically like, oh, to be a good person, you 0:07:03.365 --> 0:07:08.165 got to invest in social stuff. Disturbation it's solitary, you're alone, 0:07:08.285 --> 0:07:12.165 it's narcissistic. That's not going to work here. Also, at 0:07:12.165 --> 0:07:15.365 the time, because of middle class morality, people were scared 0:07:15.405 --> 0:07:18.965 of any sort of excess that included sexual Also, people 0:07:18.965 --> 0:07:23.685 were being thrifty, and that idea was transferred to sexuality. 0:07:24.045 --> 0:07:26.125 Gilbert was like, you know, a penny saved as a 0:07:26.125 --> 0:07:29.285 penny earned. But they were also applying that to sperm, 0:07:29.485 --> 0:07:31.725 you know, sperm retention. Why would you give up your 0:07:31.725 --> 0:07:35.605 sperm we got to save. Also, at the time, there 0:07:35.685 --> 0:07:38.285 was a lot of venereal diseases. We had syphilists, we 0:07:38.325 --> 0:07:40.885 had gone rhea. So it was like, oh, well, I'm 0:07:40.925 --> 0:07:44.085 just going to masturbate instead of having sex. And so 0:07:44.165 --> 0:07:46.765 it seemed like there was like an increase awareness about 0:07:46.805 --> 0:07:51.445 masturbation in the public. Also in the nineteenth century, you know, 0:07:51.485 --> 0:07:54.325 in the US and Europe, you were only supposed to 0:07:54.365 --> 0:07:58.165 have sex within a marriage. But throughout the nineteenth century, 0:07:58.205 --> 0:08:01.725 the age of puberty started declining, so people had more 0:08:01.725 --> 0:08:04.405 and more time to be horny and have sex, which 0:08:04.405 --> 0:08:07.085 could lead to these diseases, is to pregnancy outside of 0:08:07.085 --> 0:08:10.445 a marriage. So yeah, they're like, I guess we'll do masturbation. 0:08:10.645 --> 0:08:13.525 So again, it just seemed there's more awareness about it. 0:08:14.645 --> 0:08:17.885 Another thing that was going on was that people started 0:08:17.925 --> 0:08:22.845 caring about children, because here's the thing about kids. Throughout history, 0:08:23.205 --> 0:08:26.965 they'd be dying. You know, kids were dying all the time, 0:08:27.005 --> 0:08:30.805 they would get diseases, and so socially that meant that 0:08:30.885 --> 0:08:34.045 sometimes parents wouldn't care that much about their kids, or 0:08:34.045 --> 0:08:36.405 they wuantn't get too attached to them until they lived 0:08:36.405 --> 0:08:39.405 into adulthood be like Okay, cool, you're going to survive. 0:08:39.525 --> 0:08:42.965 You're a survivor. Hell yeah. But then throughout the nineteenth century, 0:08:43.005 --> 0:08:45.605 people were like, hmm, I like my kids more. They're 0:08:45.605 --> 0:08:48.885 getting more attached and they wanted explanations of why they 0:08:48.925 --> 0:08:52.525 got sick or why they died. And since masturbation was 0:08:52.565 --> 0:08:56.125 pretty common amongst kids, doctors were like, that's why, that's 0:08:56.165 --> 0:09:01.805 why your kids are dying. But also the nineteenth century 0:09:01.805 --> 0:09:05.725 in general, you know, there's more religious fervor. People were 0:09:05.725 --> 0:09:09.085 becoming more conservative, and also in science and medicine, they 0:09:09.085 --> 0:09:11.125 didn't really know what was going on, Like they didn't 0:09:11.165 --> 0:09:13.605 have germ theory until the end of the nineteenth century, 0:09:14.125 --> 0:09:16.965 so a lot of the lessons of Christianity were applied 0:09:17.045 --> 0:09:20.125 to medicine. So that's kind of where the idea that 0:09:20.165 --> 0:09:23.085 the mind and the body were connected, and so all 0:09:23.125 --> 0:09:26.885 of your moral failings could lead to disease. So if 0:09:26.885 --> 0:09:30.725 you're being morally corrupt and doing things like you know, masturbating, 0:09:31.245 --> 0:09:36.685 that would cause you to get sick. One psychologist in 0:09:36.725 --> 0:09:40.045 the nineteenth century was named Henry Maudsley. He was a 0:09:40.045 --> 0:09:44.165 big antiinist. In his book on Onanism, he described what 0:09:44.205 --> 0:09:48.285 would happen if you did too much self abuse. He wrote, 0:09:49.285 --> 0:09:52.325 when they reached the last and worst stage of degradation, 0:09:52.765 --> 0:09:55.925 they sink into an apathetic state of moody and morose 0:09:56.165 --> 0:10:00.325 self absorption, with extreme loss of mental power. They sit 0:10:00.485 --> 0:10:04.405 or lie all day or saunter lazily about, muttering or 0:10:04.405 --> 0:10:07.885 smiling to themselves, lost to all healthy feeling and human 0:10:08.005 --> 0:10:12.765 interest slovenly and dirty. If they enter into any conversations, 0:10:13.045 --> 0:10:16.885 they probably revealed delusions of a suspicious or obscene nature. 0:10:17.405 --> 0:10:20.925 So they linger on pitiable wrecks of degradation from year 0:10:20.965 --> 0:10:24.005 to year, becoming weaker in mind and body until they 0:10:24.125 --> 0:10:28.285 die from complete nervous prostration or from some inner current 0:10:28.325 --> 0:10:39.405 disease to which they easily fall victim at last. And 0:10:39.485 --> 0:10:42.605 the thing is, doctors were going to extreme lengths to 0:10:42.645 --> 0:10:46.405 stop people from masturbating. Some of the crazier things that 0:10:46.405 --> 0:10:49.165 they would do is that they would remove women's glitteresses, 0:10:49.685 --> 0:10:55.885 stitch together their labias, or like cauterize the dick. Absolutely horrendous. 0:10:57.805 --> 0:11:01.565 So that's when Kellogg comes into it. Back to cereal. 0:11:04.925 --> 0:11:08.365 John Harv D. Kellogg was a good Christian American boy 0:11:08.525 --> 0:11:12.125 and short king. He was only five four. He was 0:11:12.205 --> 0:11:16.925 obsessed with cleanliness and being dedicated to cleanliness. Ran in 0:11:16.965 --> 0:11:20.725 the family like his dad was a broom manufacturer. So 0:11:20.845 --> 0:11:23.725 Kellogg was like, while my daddy cleans the floor, I 0:11:23.805 --> 0:11:26.245 got to clean up the body and soul. And he 0:11:26.325 --> 0:11:28.125 thought that he had been put on this earth by 0:11:28.205 --> 0:11:32.085 God to heal people. But Kellogg took his dislike of 0:11:32.125 --> 0:11:35.445 masturbation to the next level. He hated any sort of 0:11:35.485 --> 0:11:40.085 sexual pleasure. In fact, on his wedding day, people think 0:11:40.085 --> 0:11:43.045 that instead of consummating his marriage, he was working on 0:11:43.085 --> 0:11:45.605 his book that is all about how sex is evil, 0:11:45.765 --> 0:11:50.525 called Plain Facts for Old and Young. Also, it seems 0:11:50.565 --> 0:11:53.605 that he never actually consummated his marriage at all. He 0:11:53.645 --> 0:11:56.245 and his wife they had separate bedrooms. They never had 0:11:56.285 --> 0:11:59.965 any biological kids. They adopted eight and then fostered another 0:12:00.085 --> 0:12:03.365 thirty four. He practiced what he preached. He was like, 0:12:03.685 --> 0:12:10.245 sexuality disgusting, it's bad. I'm not gonna do it. So yeah, 0:12:10.285 --> 0:12:12.405 Kellogg was a big Christian too, you know, he was 0:12:12.445 --> 0:12:15.885 a Seventh day Adventist and in the nineteenth century that 0:12:16.045 --> 0:12:19.885 church developed a health philosophy that promoted a vegetarian diet, 0:12:20.285 --> 0:12:24.245 abstinence from unclean foods like pork, rabbit, and shellfish. And 0:12:24.285 --> 0:12:28.125 they were like, don't consume any drugs, tobacco, caffeine, processed food, 0:12:28.165 --> 0:12:30.885 all of that stuff is bad. And Kellogg was in 0:12:30.925 --> 0:12:34.165 line with this philosophy. He was like, I love cleanliness, Yes, 0:12:34.205 --> 0:12:37.125 a clean diet, please. And he also had this idea 0:12:37.165 --> 0:12:40.205 he was like God exists within living things, you know, 0:12:40.285 --> 0:12:41.925 so you got to be close to the living things, 0:12:41.925 --> 0:12:43.645 you got to be natural so you can be one 0:12:43.685 --> 0:12:48.885 with God, etc. So the Seventh Day Adventists they opened 0:12:48.965 --> 0:12:53.685 a sanitarium called the Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan. Basically 0:12:53.725 --> 0:12:56.645 it's a health resort, and from eighteen seventy six to 0:12:56.765 --> 0:13:01.565 nineteen forty three, Kellogg ran it. Oh by the way, 0:13:01.765 --> 0:13:05.485 in nineteen oh seven, Kellogg was basically like disowned from 0:13:05.405 --> 0:13:09.605 the Seventh Day Adventists because of some differences in theology whoopsies. 0:13:11.445 --> 0:13:14.845 But the thing is he still operated the sanitarium because 0:13:14.885 --> 0:13:17.325 he was the reason that so many people started going there. 0:13:17.645 --> 0:13:21.045 Famous people like Amelia Earhart went there because everyone was like, 0:13:21.085 --> 0:13:24.485 oh my god, he has all these treatments. We gotta go, 0:13:24.725 --> 0:13:28.565 we gotta get fixed. And Kellogg he was becoming a 0:13:28.605 --> 0:13:32.885 famous doctor. Like the Battle Creek Sanitarium, which people called 0:13:33.045 --> 0:13:37.605 the sand it was a luxurious place. There were persian rugs, 0:13:37.685 --> 0:13:41.365 dramatic chandeliers, an indoor garden that had palm trees and 0:13:41.405 --> 0:13:45.685 banana trees everywhere. There was marble floors because allegedly, I 0:13:45.725 --> 0:13:48.805 guess according to early germ theory, you know, germs can't 0:13:48.845 --> 0:13:52.205 handle being on marble. It also had like a huge 0:13:52.285 --> 0:13:55.445 bath house that had nice apartments and suits for the guests. 0:13:55.525 --> 0:14:00.445 It also had an enema room because Kellogg fucking loved 0:14:00.645 --> 0:14:05.405 animas he loves them. The sand was so popular. When 0:14:05.485 --> 0:14:07.525 when he first started working there, there was only like 0:14:07.565 --> 0:14:10.605 one hundred patients, but by nineteen oh six there were 0:14:10.645 --> 0:14:13.645 more than seven thousand at a time, and no, people 0:14:13.645 --> 0:14:17.445 weren't going there just for a cure for masturbation. People 0:14:17.485 --> 0:14:20.805 went to the sand for a large quantity and variety 0:14:20.965 --> 0:14:26.885 of illnesses cancer, heart disease, ulcers, digestive problems. Yeah, did 0:14:26.885 --> 0:14:32.245 you guys know that cancer could be cured by an enema? Crazy? 0:14:35.125 --> 0:14:37.685 I mean, the place definitely had like a culty vibe, 0:14:37.765 --> 0:14:40.365 you know, like people would spend a lot of money 0:14:40.405 --> 0:14:43.325 to be there, and then Kellogg would give speeches and 0:14:43.485 --> 0:14:48.725 lectures promoting his innovative treatments and his health philosophy. He 0:14:48.805 --> 0:14:51.565 was a big part of the clean living movement, and 0:14:51.725 --> 0:14:57.165 he had this idea of biological living, basically doing things naturally. 0:14:58.885 --> 0:15:00.885 He'd be like, yeah, eat a lot of nuts, but 0:15:00.965 --> 0:15:03.205 not too many nuts, but also definitely don't eat meat 0:15:03.245 --> 0:15:06.645 because meat is a death wish also, but also rest 0:15:06.885 --> 0:15:09.285 sit in the sun, sit in the shade, get some 0:15:09.365 --> 0:15:12.845 fresh air, take deep breaths. They had a lot of entertainment, 0:15:12.965 --> 0:15:15.165 so he was like, yeah, go watch the orchestra play. 0:15:15.925 --> 0:15:19.325 One of his premier things was hydrotherapy, which was basically 0:15:19.365 --> 0:15:22.565 like shooting cold water in your bottom. Again, back to 0:15:22.605 --> 0:15:24.445 the enemas. He was like, yes, put the cold water 0:15:24.565 --> 0:15:26.965 in your butt. And to his patience, he was like, 0:15:27.005 --> 0:15:29.805 if you're not shitting four times a day, you're not 0:15:29.925 --> 0:15:34.525 clean enough. More enemas. Also, eat some yogurt and then 0:15:34.525 --> 0:15:36.805 we're gonna give you a yogurt enemas. Your body is 0:15:36.805 --> 0:15:39.965 getting attacked by yogurt on either sides because yogurt will 0:15:40.005 --> 0:15:43.525 cure you. I guess do you guys like this soothing 0:15:43.565 --> 0:15:48.085 spa music as we talk about enemas, isn't it fun? 0:15:48.965 --> 0:15:55.685 Of course? Another treatment that Kellogg had for diseases abstinence, chastity, 0:15:55.885 --> 0:16:01.005 abhorring sexual pleasure boo. And that's when the cereal comes 0:16:01.005 --> 0:16:06.965 into the mix. A lot Ofellogg's thinking about food can 0:16:07.005 --> 0:16:10.805 be attributed to this guy, Sylvester Graham. He's the inventor 0:16:10.885 --> 0:16:15.205 of the Graham cracker, and initially he made those crackers 0:16:15.205 --> 0:16:18.125 to be as bland as possible, because he was like, 0:16:18.205 --> 0:16:20.645 if you eat flavorful food, it's going to get you 0:16:20.725 --> 0:16:23.445 horned up and wanting some sex, and then you'll spill 0:16:23.445 --> 0:16:26.605 your seed and then you'll die. That's why it's important 0:16:26.605 --> 0:16:30.605 to eat bland foods so you won't touch yourself. So 0:16:30.765 --> 0:16:35.045 Kellogg he also started inventing some bland foods. First of all, 0:16:35.045 --> 0:16:37.845 he invented this thing called granola. Have you heard of this? 0:16:38.685 --> 0:16:42.005 And then the corn flakes. But the corn flakes of 0:16:42.085 --> 0:16:46.245 yesteryear are nothing like the ones we eat today, specifically 0:16:46.285 --> 0:16:48.325 the ones we eat today for dinner because we are poor. 0:16:49.285 --> 0:16:51.925 The ones he made, they didn't have sugar. They're probably 0:16:51.965 --> 0:16:56.805 just like dry and nasty, like eating cardboard basically. But 0:16:56.965 --> 0:17:00.805 Kellogg's brother, Will Keith Kellogg, he's the one who actually 0:17:00.845 --> 0:17:07.405 made the cereal into a commercial product. Will also worked 0:17:07.445 --> 0:17:10.325 at the sand He was a bookkeeper. But he wasn't 0:17:10.365 --> 0:17:13.085 as crazy as his brother about the whole bland foods 0:17:13.085 --> 0:17:17.485 to prevent masturbation and sexuality thing. He was like, Hey, 0:17:17.525 --> 0:17:19.365 if we actually want to make money off of this, 0:17:19.445 --> 0:17:21.725 we got to make it taste good. We got to 0:17:21.765 --> 0:17:25.245 put sugar in it. And then John Harvey Kellogg was like, no, 0:17:25.525 --> 0:17:28.205 that's horrible. That goes against everything I believe in. But 0:17:28.245 --> 0:17:30.445 then Will started selling it through his own company and 0:17:30.565 --> 0:17:33.125 was like, too bad, brother, I'm making this And then 0:17:33.165 --> 0:17:36.725 the two of them fought for decades. Also, Will was smart, 0:17:36.765 --> 0:17:39.005 he didn't put on the box a cure for masturbation. 0:17:39.245 --> 0:17:45.525 That's not a very commercially viable product. So yes, I 0:17:45.565 --> 0:17:48.845 think you guys understand at this point that sex, sexuality, 0:17:48.925 --> 0:17:52.925 sexual desire, all of that is bad, and masturbation it's 0:17:53.085 --> 0:17:58.005 even worse. So let's figure out how to stop our 0:17:58.045 --> 0:18:09.125 disgusting behavior from Kellogg himself. Be back after these soothing advertisements. 0:18:10.125 --> 0:18:13.245 So team, let's learn how to stop touching ourselves from 0:18:13.365 --> 0:18:18.925 John Harvey Kellogg himself. So he wrote this almost seven 0:18:19.045 --> 0:18:21.845 hundred page book called Plain Facts for Old and Young, 0:18:23.365 --> 0:18:25.485 and he said the main reason he wrote this book 0:18:25.605 --> 0:18:29.205 was to quote call attention to the great prevalence of 0:18:29.325 --> 0:18:33.245 sexual excess of all kinds, and the heinous crimes resulting 0:18:33.285 --> 0:18:38.045 from sexual transgressions and the terrible results which inevitably follow 0:18:38.085 --> 0:18:43.525 from the violation of sexual law. Kellogg first published this 0:18:43.525 --> 0:18:46.485 book in eighteen seventy seven. That was the year after 0:18:46.525 --> 0:18:49.885 he became the director of the sam And also this 0:18:49.925 --> 0:18:51.845 is the book he might have been tinkering with on 0:18:51.885 --> 0:18:55.845 his wedding night. How romantic. And so what I have 0:18:55.925 --> 0:18:57.805 done for this part of the show, Yeah, I'm kind 0:18:57.805 --> 0:18:59.765 of breaking format again, guys. I know I did it 0:18:59.845 --> 0:19:02.605 last episode, but I'm doing it again. I'm going crazy. 0:19:03.325 --> 0:19:05.525 But what I have done is I have adapted the 0:19:05.725 --> 0:19:08.965 chapter of the book about masturbation into a more listenable 0:19:09.045 --> 0:19:13.965 and fun modern vernacular, as if it's Kellogg himself giving 0:19:14.005 --> 0:19:16.805 a lecture. And I just think it is so important 0:19:16.845 --> 0:19:19.805 for the listeners of this show and myself to hear this. 0:19:19.965 --> 0:19:24.325 You know, we're listening to filth. We need to better ourselves. 0:19:24.885 --> 0:19:28.645 Kellog can help pull us out of the muck. So 0:19:28.845 --> 0:19:30.765 I'm gonna get into character. I'm gonna try to like 0:19:30.885 --> 0:19:36.205 be Kellogg. You know, I'm a five to four short king, 0:19:36.925 --> 0:19:41.565 clean living, don't eat meat, never been sexual in my life. 0:19:41.685 --> 0:19:45.125 Here I go. Uh. The only issue is sometimes I 0:19:45.125 --> 0:19:47.605 do have a hard time staying in one character voice 0:19:47.605 --> 0:19:50.125 for too long. So let's just see if we can 0:19:50.165 --> 0:19:52.565 get through this. So here I go. 0:19:54.845 --> 0:19:58.925 Hello. Hello, It's me John Harvey Kellogg, medical doctor and 0:19:58.965 --> 0:20:00.205 purveyor of chastity. 0:20:01.085 --> 0:20:03.045 How does that sound? Does it sound good? Like? Do 0:20:03.125 --> 0:20:06.165 I sound like a man? Also to be that is 0:20:06.205 --> 0:20:08.445 definitely my voice, not the voice of my friend, a 0:20:08.525 --> 0:20:13.725 comedian Matthew English. That's me doing an impression of a dude. Okay, 0:20:14.085 --> 0:20:17.045 so let's get into it and learn how to stop masturbating. 0:20:18.525 --> 0:20:22.765 As you know by now, excessive sexual arousal is reprehensible. 0:20:23.205 --> 0:20:26.045 The previous chapter in my book is called the social evil, 0:20:26.445 --> 0:20:29.765 and we all know what that is, sexual intercourse between 0:20:29.805 --> 0:20:34.805 people who are not married. Yuck. Now let's advance to 0:20:34.845 --> 0:20:39.245 the next chapter into an even deeper social evil, that 0:20:39.405 --> 0:20:44.965 is the solitary vice. What is the solitary advice, you 0:20:45.045 --> 0:20:48.645 might ask, Well, some people call it oninism, self abuse, 0:20:48.805 --> 0:20:52.525 or masturbation. It is a sin more terrible than having 0:20:52.605 --> 0:20:55.725 sex with someone you aren't married to. The Only thing 0:20:55.765 --> 0:20:58.165 I can think of as evil as the solitary vice 0:20:58.325 --> 0:21:04.765 is sodomy. Thunderclap. You might be asking why is masturbation 0:21:04.885 --> 0:21:09.125 such a problem. Well, I'll tell you first, it produces 0:21:09.165 --> 0:21:12.645 excitement in your genitals unnaturally, which are only supposed to 0:21:12.645 --> 0:21:15.045 be used to have a baby. But also it's a 0:21:15.085 --> 0:21:18.445 great evil because it's practice extensively. There are almost no 0:21:18.605 --> 0:21:22.045 bounds to its indulgence. The victim of this solitary vice 0:21:22.085 --> 0:21:26.525 can do it whenever, wherever, at any age and any sex. 0:21:27.165 --> 0:21:31.525 That's right. Even girl babies might do this. And I 0:21:31.605 --> 0:21:35.205 know it's evil because the transgressors seem to know instinctively 0:21:35.565 --> 0:21:38.285 that they are committing a great sin. People do it 0:21:38.325 --> 0:21:42.725 in private, in the shadows alone. Masturbators know it's wrong 0:21:42.765 --> 0:21:45.645 in this world and the next, but they cannot stop. 0:21:45.965 --> 0:21:49.805 They are ruining their lives. Let me tell you one 0:21:49.845 --> 0:21:52.805 example I've seen with my own eyes. I had a 0:21:52.845 --> 0:21:58.325 patient who was once a bright boy, kind, affectionate, active, intelligent, 0:21:58.645 --> 0:22:01.565 But once he started jack and himself, he was on 0:22:01.645 --> 0:22:06.325 the verge of complete idiocy. His eyes were expression, nothing 0:22:06.365 --> 0:22:10.805 seemed to penetrate into his brain. He was an imbecile. Yes, 0:22:11.045 --> 0:22:14.445 an idiot and an imbecile. If we left him alone, 0:22:14.485 --> 0:22:16.805 he would sit in the same position and hardly move. 0:22:17.365 --> 0:22:20.045 He couldn't get out of bed, he couldn't eat or drink, 0:22:20.205 --> 0:22:24.205 and walking required much effort. He was so lethargic and 0:22:24.325 --> 0:22:27.765 unable to answer simple questions he hardly had a semblance 0:22:27.805 --> 0:22:33.325 of humanity left. Yes, all of that because of self abuse. 0:22:34.045 --> 0:22:37.085 If you are a parent, a friend, a caring member 0:22:37.125 --> 0:22:39.245 of your community, let me tell you some of the 0:22:39.365 --> 0:22:42.165 signs to look out for so that you can intervene 0:22:42.205 --> 0:22:51.245 before someone completely loses themselves to the solitary vice. If 0:22:51.245 --> 0:22:54.805 they are self abusing, they might have consumption, premature and 0:22:54.885 --> 0:23:01.805 defective development, sleeplessness, thickness, untrustworthiness, love of solitude, bashfulness, a 0:23:02.085 --> 0:23:07.725 natural boldness, mock piety, are easy, frightened, confused, have round 0:23:07.765 --> 0:23:12.605 shoulders or a stooping posture, weak backs, paralysis in women, 0:23:13.005 --> 0:23:19.125 small titties. They might be masturbating if they're eating clay, slate, pencils, 0:23:19.285 --> 0:23:23.285 plaster or chalk, have acne, are wetting the bed, or 0:23:23.285 --> 0:23:27.245 are having seizures. Sometimes they won't even have these symptoms. 0:23:27.285 --> 0:23:29.685 They'll just have a vibe that they are a bad person. 0:23:31.885 --> 0:23:34.885 And now, if you are the masturbator yourself, let me 0:23:35.005 --> 0:23:37.245 tell you some things that will happen to you if 0:23:37.285 --> 0:23:42.245 you continue your sinful behavior. First, for the males, irritated 0:23:42.325 --> 0:23:48.325 urethra enlarged prostate urinary disease priapism aka a most terrible 0:23:48.365 --> 0:23:53.085 and humiliating condition where you are forever bricked up. Prolapses 0:23:53.125 --> 0:23:57.165 of the rectum and anal fissures. Your testes might waste away. 0:23:57.725 --> 0:24:01.005 You might ejaculate too much or not at all, or 0:24:01.085 --> 0:24:05.445 ejaculating internally, and the jis will get into your bladder. Impotent, 0:24:06.005 --> 0:24:13.285 nervous exhaustion, loss of seminal fluid, heart disease, epilepsy, spinal pain, insanity, idiocy, 0:24:13.805 --> 0:24:19.365 sore throat. Wow, really, anything and everything could happen. 0:24:23.445 --> 0:24:25.765 Oh hey, guys, it's Gabby again. You know when I 0:24:25.805 --> 0:24:27.645 said that I was doing the voice it actually I 0:24:27.685 --> 0:24:30.085 was kidding. That is my friend Matthew English who's doing it. 0:24:30.165 --> 0:24:32.485 But when we were recording, I just wanted to ask 0:24:32.565 --> 0:24:35.085 him how he was feeling about being Kellogg's. We took 0:24:35.085 --> 0:24:38.805 a little interlude, So how do you how are you 0:24:38.845 --> 0:24:41.645 feeling about Kellogg? So far? Like being him? Do you 0:24:41.685 --> 0:24:43.645 really kind of like are you feeling kind of his 0:24:43.725 --> 0:24:46.205 inner workings? Are you like understanding his mind? 0:24:46.605 --> 0:24:49.485 I've gone full DiCaprio in this one. I'm deeply in character. 0:24:49.565 --> 0:24:54.005 I'm shouting at masturbators on the street. I am starting 0:24:54.005 --> 0:24:56.405 to get real judgmental. Right now, I feel pretty good 0:24:56.405 --> 0:24:56.765 about it. 0:24:57.565 --> 0:24:59.445 That's great. Now let's get to what can happen to 0:24:59.445 --> 0:25:02.285 women if they masturbate. That's very important. That's something I've 0:25:02.325 --> 0:25:02.885 been wanting to know. 0:25:06.605 --> 0:25:11.165 Now, four females, by touching your nasty vagina, you'll get 0:25:11.205 --> 0:25:15.005 sore fingers and then you'll get warts on your hands. Also, 0:25:15.325 --> 0:25:18.205 you're gonna be producing more and more mucus down there, 0:25:18.485 --> 0:25:21.165 which will get into the womb and it will get congested. 0:25:21.885 --> 0:25:24.245 Then you might be sterile and your genitals are gonna 0:25:24.325 --> 0:25:28.965 itch and you're still gonna have small titties. But if 0:25:28.965 --> 0:25:31.405 you don't end up being sterile and you do have 0:25:31.445 --> 0:25:35.445 a kid, your kid is gonna grow up delicate, puny, decrepit, 0:25:35.845 --> 0:25:41.645 basically gross. And now we get to the important section 0:25:41.805 --> 0:25:47.045 for all of us. How can we stop self abuse? Well, 0:25:47.085 --> 0:25:49.565 if you come to my sanitarium and give me money, 0:25:49.765 --> 0:25:53.245 I can for sure cure you. But here's what's important 0:25:53.245 --> 0:25:58.205 to know. Prevention is the best method. You gotta cultivate chastity. 0:25:58.605 --> 0:26:03.245 But remember, any manipulation of your genitals can cause evil 0:26:03.405 --> 0:26:09.125