WEBVTT - Leave Feeling Joy w/ Joel Kim Booster

0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.240
<v Speaker 1>I met the straight cup recently and they were telling

0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:04.680
<v Speaker 1>me how they met and they were both partnered at

0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:06.360
<v Speaker 1>the time, and they were like, but we didn't cheat.

0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:09.760
<v Speaker 1>We never hooked up, we never touched or did anything inappropriate.

0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:12.119
<v Speaker 1>But we were texting every day and facetiming on our

0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:15.160
<v Speaker 1>lunch breaks and going to movies together and like all

0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:17.639
<v Speaker 1>these things. And for me, I was like, see, I

0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:20.239
<v Speaker 1>could give a shit who he fucked, but if he

0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:23.439
<v Speaker 1>was texting someone every day and facetiming them and going

0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:26.040
<v Speaker 1>to movies, I would write, that's way more. That's way

0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:27.600
<v Speaker 1>more of a violation to me.

0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:35.879
<v Speaker 2>You know what, This is a safe space to talk

0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:39.279
<v Speaker 2>about relationships, love and sex. Now, let me tell you

0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:44.560
<v Speaker 2>something messy. This is my PSA. My PSA is every

0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:48.320
<v Speaker 2>time you don't beg a hotie. I really do believe

0:00:48.360 --> 0:00:52.040
<v Speaker 2>that it's a blessing from the ancestors, because oh am

0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:53.920
<v Speaker 2>I gonna say this. I am going to say it.

0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:57.560
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes they'd be pretty and also crazy. Okay, I just

0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:00.760
<v Speaker 2>want to say, I don't know who it is. Sometimes

0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:03.520
<v Speaker 2>y'all be going after that person who sound pretty, and

0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:07.120
<v Speaker 2>a lot of times them pretty ones are all so crazy, okay,

0:01:07.319 --> 0:01:10.360
<v Speaker 2>And I mean that respectfully, but it is true. Like

0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:12.880
<v Speaker 2>I had a friend of mine who said I was

0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:16.200
<v Speaker 2>being friendly with somebody and then my good friend said, huh,

0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:19.000
<v Speaker 2>that one's a little shit and I was like, okay,

0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:21.679
<v Speaker 2>say less and was that person also pretty absolute? Because

0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:25.840
<v Speaker 2>there is a truth to this. Sometimes I think pretty people, wow,

0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:27.920
<v Speaker 2>I don't know on this show, I really be ragging

0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:30.720
<v Speaker 2>on the hotties, but they be thinking that they can

0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:32.520
<v Speaker 2>get away with anything. Or it's because it is the

0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:34.080
<v Speaker 2>same thing with the bad kissers. Right when I tell

0:01:34.120 --> 0:01:36.160
<v Speaker 2>y'all how people can't kiss. If you've been ht your

0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:37.560
<v Speaker 2>whole life, you don't have to kiss. It's the same

0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:39.640
<v Speaker 2>thing if you been pretty your whole life, you be

0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:42.000
<v Speaker 2>getting away with things. So people don't tell you, right,

0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.080
<v Speaker 2>because people are in such shock with how beautiful you are,

0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:46.680
<v Speaker 2>they don't be telling you. I did I tell you

0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.680
<v Speaker 2>all about this? Well, there was I had a friend

0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:51.120
<v Speaker 2>who was in this hot ass this hot like like

0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:54.240
<v Speaker 2>fucking not a ten girl. It was like it was

0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:56.880
<v Speaker 2>a ten thousand, Okay, this was not like you saw

0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:59.040
<v Speaker 2>him and you were like, this is a walking sculpture,

0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:02.320
<v Speaker 2>as if is it the David Michaelangelo he made the

0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:04.240
<v Speaker 2>David if it was is if that David came to

0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:07.720
<v Speaker 2>life that kind of pretty where you like me, like

0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:10.280
<v Speaker 2>straight guys would be like, damn, that's it, that's it.

0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:13.760
<v Speaker 2>That's an attractive man. Okay. So fine, and so we

0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:16.200
<v Speaker 2>so we saw all the photos and then we finally

0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:19.000
<v Speaker 2>met the dude, and the dude was dull. The dude

0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:22.359
<v Speaker 2>was dull and had a and had a crazy look

0:02:22.400 --> 0:02:25.760
<v Speaker 2>behind the eye. I'm telling you, I said to her,

0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:29.000
<v Speaker 2>I said, get out. I said to my friend girl,

0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:31.600
<v Speaker 2>get out, get out, get out, get out. I don't

0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:34.400
<v Speaker 2>like the way his eyes are shifting. I know he's pretty,

0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:37.320
<v Speaker 2>but he's a little little you know, a little just

0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:40.480
<v Speaker 2>little's off. And I just I just want to tell

0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:42.760
<v Speaker 2>you that when you were at the club or you

0:02:42.880 --> 0:02:46.880
<v Speaker 2>at the bar, okay, and you see that pretty person

0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:48.560
<v Speaker 2>and you're like trying to get up with them and

0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:52.560
<v Speaker 2>they don't pay you any time of day, thank your ancestors,

0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:56.120
<v Speaker 2>thank the lucky stars, because that person, nine times out

0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:59.440
<v Speaker 2>of ten, that's a crazy that's a crazy math. But

0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:03.720
<v Speaker 2>I don't have any evidence to back it up, but

0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:08.600
<v Speaker 2>nine times out of ten crazy absolute that's insanity, okay.

0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:13.000
<v Speaker 2>And I'm saying that respectfully and out of love and

0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:15.240
<v Speaker 2>all the things. And if you are pretty worse in

0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:18.040
<v Speaker 2>listening to this and you've been pretty all your life.

0:03:18.040 --> 0:03:20.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm not saying somebody who's had transformation, because you you know,

0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:22.160
<v Speaker 2>you understand what it is to be on the outside,

0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:24.639
<v Speaker 2>to be a misfit, and you figured whatever and whatever.

0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:26.720
<v Speaker 2>But if you have always been like, oh, that's a

0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:29.280
<v Speaker 2>pretty baby, that's a pretty that's pretty, you know, pretty versave,

0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:33.320
<v Speaker 2>that's pretty. You always were pretty, which is wild. If

0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:39.080
<v Speaker 2>you you know, respect to you, please be in therapy, okay,

0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:42.000
<v Speaker 2>if you have been pretty like that, if you if

0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.760
<v Speaker 2>you were giving that, if you've always been like the

0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:50.320
<v Speaker 2>face card has never ever declined, like that card puberty

0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:55.200
<v Speaker 2>that never saw pimples twenties just jaw chisel thirties forties

0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:59.520
<v Speaker 2>used to if that face card hain never ever declined.

0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:02.600
<v Speaker 2>You know who you are, because this will also say

0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.360
<v Speaker 2>pretty people know that they're pretty. They they they're not

0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:07.760
<v Speaker 2>they know it, okay. The ones who don't know are

0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:10.280
<v Speaker 2>the preeople who weren't always pretty, right that they like,

0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:13.240
<v Speaker 2>you know, did their whatever and now they're like, oh

0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:15.360
<v Speaker 2>now I address well and now whatever, and I got

0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:18.239
<v Speaker 2>a little skin carefutine now, But the ones who've always

0:04:18.440 --> 0:04:20.679
<v Speaker 2>really you know what fuck you are? Are you in therapy?

0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:25.320
<v Speaker 2>Are you in therapy? Are you in therapy? If you

0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:27.320
<v Speaker 2>not in therapy, this.

0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:31.960
<v Speaker 3>Is yours sign. Okay, go to therapy because you know

0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:40.560
<v Speaker 3>you're you are You're different. Oh okay, you're different.

0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:45.200
<v Speaker 2>You're You're just different. You're different, You're different, you process

0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:49.400
<v Speaker 2>things differently, and sometimes the way you process things is

0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:52.000
<v Speaker 2>a little chaotic for the rest of us. And so

0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:54.880
<v Speaker 2>do us a favor. Do us a favor and go

0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:59.800
<v Speaker 2>to therapy. Okay, a group therapy, solo therapy, whatever, therapy.

0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:03.160
<v Speaker 2>Find you a therapist. And if you can't find a

0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:06.599
<v Speaker 2>therapist right now, find you It won't find you a podcast.

0:05:06.600 --> 0:05:08.360
<v Speaker 2>It's not gonna be this podcast. This one is. I'm

0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:10.000
<v Speaker 2>not gonna be able to help you with that. But

0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.840
<v Speaker 2>but find you a nice little mental health podcast. Find

0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:15.680
<v Speaker 2>you something that forces you to reflect, force you to

0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:20.120
<v Speaker 2>think about how your actions affect others, how you impact

0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:27.360
<v Speaker 2>others with your with your existence. You know what I'm saying. Okay, Okay, y'all,

0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:29.000
<v Speaker 2>don't write me no messages. I'm not even gonna give

0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:32.040
<v Speaker 2>you the email addressed to fright me. Don't worry me nothing.

0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:33.960
<v Speaker 2>I know this is a controversial hot take, but I

0:05:33.960 --> 0:05:36.640
<v Speaker 2>said what I said. By the way, welcome to the show.

0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:39.080
<v Speaker 2>This is telling me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon

0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:43.039
<v Speaker 2>called good man. Some people call me messy mom, but

0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:46.719
<v Speaker 2>you can call me credit karma. Okay, cause your face

0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:50.359
<v Speaker 2>card don't work here? Yes, what is your compassion score?

0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:54.760
<v Speaker 2>Your curiosity score? What's your communication score? Your face card

0:05:55.000 --> 0:06:00.800
<v Speaker 2>does not work here, bitch. Okay, let's get the jill started.

0:06:01.360 --> 0:06:03.400
<v Speaker 2>You know what that means. It is time for I

0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:05.840
<v Speaker 2>guess now, while they get situated, we will get our

0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:10.640
<v Speaker 2>Messikiki started with a ho manifesto. Repeat after me aloud

0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:14.240
<v Speaker 2>or in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack

0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:17.400
<v Speaker 2>my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know

0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:20.839
<v Speaker 2>that sex is not just about penetration, the audacity to

0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:23.880
<v Speaker 2>advocate for my pleasure and boundaries. The strength to not

0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:26.640
<v Speaker 2>call my ex that fuck boyfuck girl, or fuck bay,

0:06:27.000 --> 0:06:29.720
<v Speaker 2>for it is better to masturbate by myself in peace

0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:32.960
<v Speaker 2>than to let someone play in my motherfucking face. That

0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:38.280
<v Speaker 2>the community say who lujah. Joe Kim Booster is a

0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:42.080
<v Speaker 2>Chicago bred Los Angeles based stand up comedian, writer, and

0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:45.520
<v Speaker 2>actor who's been named one of the queer young comics

0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:49.240
<v Speaker 2>redefining American humor by The New York Times Get It Baby.

0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:52.120
<v Speaker 2>He is best known for writing and starring in Searchlight

0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:56.120
<v Speaker 2>Pictures Fire Island, Oh So Good, which, following its June

0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:58.600
<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty two release, went on to land him two

0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:02.760
<v Speaker 2>Emmy nomination along with a Best First Screenplay nom at

0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:06.839
<v Speaker 2>the Independent Spirit Awards. His first hour long comedy special,

0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:11.680
<v Speaker 2>Joel Kim Booster Psycho Sexual, exploring his experiences and observation

0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:16.080
<v Speaker 2>as a gay Asian American male, with commentary on identity, sexuality,

0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:20.440
<v Speaker 2>cultural expectations, and more, debut on Netflix in twenty twenty two.

0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.400
<v Speaker 2>He co produced and wrote for Big Mouth and The

0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:26.840
<v Speaker 2>Other Two, and as an actor has appeared on Loot, Shrill,

0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:30.480
<v Speaker 2>Search Party, and Sunnyside. Y'all please help me. Welcome Joel

0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:31.400
<v Speaker 2>Kim Booster.

0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:37.280
<v Speaker 1>Oh my goodness, Hello Joel, Hello Brandon Kyle, good name.

0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:40.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm so excited my full name saying my full fucking yeah,

0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:40.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm so good.

0:07:41.040 --> 0:07:43.920
<v Speaker 1>You know, with a name like Joelkim Booster, I feel

0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:46.480
<v Speaker 1>everyone should be afforded the same. If you got a

0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:47.720
<v Speaker 1>powerful three names.

0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:48.760
<v Speaker 2>You gotta say the full three name.

0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:50.760
<v Speaker 1>You gotta say that, you gotta say all three?

0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:52.680
<v Speaker 2>Did you always? When did you decide that you were

0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:53.880
<v Speaker 2>gonna go by the three names?

0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:57.120
<v Speaker 1>You know? It's funny. In college, in theater school, they

0:07:57.160 --> 0:08:00.920
<v Speaker 1>told me to drop the booster and just be jo

0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:05.960
<v Speaker 1>and just be Joel cam And I remember printing like

0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:09.480
<v Speaker 1>my first like headshot with my name on it, and

0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:13.280
<v Speaker 1>it looked it just looked so weird without booster. It

0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:16.640
<v Speaker 1>just like didn't fit, like it didn't have the same

0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:20.720
<v Speaker 1>like visual sort of impact. And so I just was like, fuck,

0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:22.760
<v Speaker 1>I'll keep it for now and maybe change it later.

0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:25.360
<v Speaker 1>And I'm so glad I did, because I can't imagine

0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:29.280
<v Speaker 1>not being Joel Kim Booster. I had this boy on

0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:31.880
<v Speaker 1>the dance floor over like two weeks ago, asked me

0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:33.920
<v Speaker 1>straight up. He was like, do I call you Joel

0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:38.120
<v Speaker 1>or Joel Kim Booster? And I was like, I was like,

0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:46.560
<v Speaker 1>which one seems more normal to you? Go away? Yeah? No,

0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:48.480
<v Speaker 1>I was like, in what world would I want you

0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:51.880
<v Speaker 1>to refer to me as my full name socially.

0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:54.200
<v Speaker 2>Just on the dance for Koster?

0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:57.439
<v Speaker 1>I did? I did? I was like, you know, we

0:08:57.440 --> 0:09:00.560
<v Speaker 1>were flirty later on and I was like, I did

0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:03.199
<v Speaker 1>do the I was like, it's droll in the day time,

0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:07.839
<v Speaker 1>but when I'm dropping a load in you, So.

0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:12.000
<v Speaker 2>That on a shirt, when I'm dropping a load in you,

0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:18.040
<v Speaker 2>let's that's a perfect shirt I use. I don't know

0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:20.560
<v Speaker 2>my full name. I decided in college. Somebody said it'd

0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:22.400
<v Speaker 2>just be Brandon Goodman and I don't know the same thing.

0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:24.760
<v Speaker 2>It just like didn't feel right. And I was like,

0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:29.360
<v Speaker 2>if Sarahanisco Parker, if that white ladies could names, so

0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:30.160
<v Speaker 2>let's go.

0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:32.040
<v Speaker 1>She was a peer.

0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:35.480
<v Speaker 2>I was like, y'all learn her name. Y'all will learn

0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:38.520
<v Speaker 2>my full name. Okay, wait, before we get started, let

0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:41.160
<v Speaker 2>me give you our messy mandates, so things get to

0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:44.600
<v Speaker 2>be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared have the right

0:09:44.640 --> 0:09:47.440
<v Speaker 2>to shift change today, tomorrow, or ten years from now.

0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:50.480
<v Speaker 2>And if during the key key something feels too personal

0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:53.960
<v Speaker 2>or unintentionally offends, we use the safe word foosball, which

0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:57.439
<v Speaker 2>gives us a chance to stop, pause, pivot, and address accordingly.

0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:00.720
<v Speaker 2>Sounding Hey yeah, I love that. Okay, cool, So we're

0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:04.439
<v Speaker 2>gonna sarty with a lube breaker. Today's game is fuck

0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:05.920
<v Speaker 2>Mary Block. How you feel about it?

0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:09.120
<v Speaker 1>I feel great about it. I'm ready to block.

0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:12.120
<v Speaker 2>You're ready block some things, all right? So the first

0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:16.120
<v Speaker 2>one is mary, block feet, nipples, pits.

0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:21.079
<v Speaker 1>Wow, this is easy, block feet. Get those two through

0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:21.640
<v Speaker 1>my mouth.

0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:28.920
<v Speaker 2>Okay, absolutely not. No, a pit for sure.

0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:33.599
<v Speaker 1>Now it's always icy. Have you ever actually.

0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:35.200
<v Speaker 2>The pit?

0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:39.000
<v Speaker 1>No? Not, that's that's maybe one area I haven't. But

0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:42.640
<v Speaker 1>I you know, I do enjoy a good lick, you know,

0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:46.880
<v Speaker 1>a good Yeah. I love the idea of the pheromones

0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:50.240
<v Speaker 1>of it all, et cetera, et cetera. And it's not

0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:52.800
<v Speaker 1>it's not it's it's like I'm sort of take it

0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:54.760
<v Speaker 1>or leave it though, you know. And I am a

0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:58.000
<v Speaker 1>deal wearer down, you know. So a lot of guys

0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:01.920
<v Speaker 1>are with me when I wear deyodor in it because

0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:04.600
<v Speaker 1>I want to and I and I will say to you,

0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:09.280
<v Speaker 1>having licked an armpit that has deodoran on it is unpleasant.

0:11:09.400 --> 0:11:12.280
<v Speaker 1>But I but the trade off for me is too great.

0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.040
<v Speaker 2>What if I like to, I like to do it

0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:19.200
<v Speaker 2>where like hour to do it usually, But like if

0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:21.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to go out that night, I'll shower before

0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:23.080
<v Speaker 2>so I know it sneeze nice and clean, and then

0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.160
<v Speaker 2>I won't put dooda on on so that people can

0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:27.920
<v Speaker 2>lick it because then it won't be It's not too crazy.

0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:33.720
<v Speaker 1>My partner loves my the my natural smell, and I've

0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:36.640
<v Speaker 1>heard it from others too. I just like, I don't know.

0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:42.079
<v Speaker 1>I'm a classic O g old spice boy and I

0:11:43.840 --> 0:11:46.920
<v Speaker 1>love I like that. I like the scent. I do.

0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:49.680
<v Speaker 1>I do enjoy it. I enjoy it smelling that way.

0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:54.160
<v Speaker 1>And then so of course marrying nipples. My nipples are

0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:59.720
<v Speaker 1>so wired it's crazy. Yes, it is, there are like

0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:02.360
<v Speaker 1>and I feel bad for people who don't have the

0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:04.520
<v Speaker 1>same issue. Me too.

0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:09.080
<v Speaker 2>I think that nipples being sensy is so Yeah.

0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:15.640
<v Speaker 1>I love it. I love it really like makes me like, uh, like,

0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:19.120
<v Speaker 1>goon the fuck out when you play with my nipples.

0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:21.800
<v Speaker 1>And I was actually exiting a party going into the

0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:25.080
<v Speaker 1>outside as this stranger was entering the party as I

0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:26.880
<v Speaker 1>was exiting it, and I had my shirt up and

0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.680
<v Speaker 1>he grabbed my nipple and didn't obviously didn't know me,

0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:32.840
<v Speaker 1>didn't know how sensitive they were. And it wasn't a

0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:39.920
<v Speaker 1>sexy reaction. It was a you know because like only

0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:43.200
<v Speaker 1>in a sexual context. Am I ready for it? You know?

0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:49.679
<v Speaker 1>Like yeah, and like he wasn't unattractive, but I think

0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:53.640
<v Speaker 1>he thought it was a response to him, but I

0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:56.920
<v Speaker 1>was like, no, you just you picked the wrong n.

0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:00.520
<v Speaker 2>You picked the wrong baby. The buttons one that's more

0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:03.640
<v Speaker 2>sensitive than the other, I don't think. So Okay, my

0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:10.240
<v Speaker 2>pierced one is more. That's tracking. That's just science. I

0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:12.679
<v Speaker 2>would So I'm I'm gonna. I'm gonna fuck feet just

0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:14.800
<v Speaker 2>so you know. I'm gonna. I'm gonna put my dick

0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:17.120
<v Speaker 2>between those toes and put in my mouth on my

0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:19.880
<v Speaker 2>face and I'm put them on my nipples. I'm going

0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:20.640
<v Speaker 2>to don't make that.

0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:25.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm shaming. I'm not shaming, but I am king shaming.

0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:29.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna fuck those feet. Baby, I'm gonna marry nipples

0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:33.120
<v Speaker 2>because that's just that's home base. And I with those feet,

0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:35.360
<v Speaker 2>like I said, on my nipples. The other day, my

0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:37.400
<v Speaker 2>partner put his feet on my face and I thought

0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:43.520
<v Speaker 2>I was gonna just fall. I love it so much.

0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:45.760
<v Speaker 2>I love it so much. It's a New York King

0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:48.160
<v Speaker 2>for me. It's been a couple of months since discovering it,

0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:53.360
<v Speaker 2>and I am obsessed and I'm going to you're so disgusted,

0:13:54.320 --> 0:13:57.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to, Uh. I love a pit, but I'm

0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:01.000
<v Speaker 2>out of the out of the three. I'll block for today.

0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:01.840
<v Speaker 2>But I do love a pit.

0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:05.719
<v Speaker 1>It's so funny, like I will like do these like

0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:08.200
<v Speaker 1>I will meet up with guys to do like intense

0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:13.880
<v Speaker 1>dombsub like role play, and I always have to specify before.

0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:16.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I got very few limits, babe, but like

0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:21.320
<v Speaker 1>no fists, no blood, no ship and no feet and

0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:27.240
<v Speaker 1>blood ship and it really, it really is a deal

0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:29.400
<v Speaker 1>breaker for some of these people. They like really want

0:14:29.440 --> 0:14:32.040
<v Speaker 1>you to like feet and I just cannot do it.

0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:34.680
<v Speaker 1>I have done it. I have made exceptions.

0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:37.520
<v Speaker 2>I have made exceptions, okay, but what made the exception

0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:39.000
<v Speaker 2>was it like the guy was just like you were

0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:39.520
<v Speaker 2>just like this is.

0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:45.640
<v Speaker 1>Sort of like you know, right time, right place, right guy,

0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:50.440
<v Speaker 1>right feet, you know because like you know, yah, yeah,

0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:55.160
<v Speaker 1>you know lately. But I don't think my Wiki feet

0:14:55.200 --> 0:15:00.720
<v Speaker 1>score is very high, which is a bummer. I have

0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:02.920
<v Speaker 1>flat feet. You know, there's very little arch there.

0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:05.280
<v Speaker 2>I have flat feet too, there's no arch there. I'm

0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:06.960
<v Speaker 2>not going to make no money with these feet. But

0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:09.360
<v Speaker 2>but they're you know there, they stay pedicured. I was

0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:14.160
<v Speaker 2>gonna ask, what's gonna ask about feet? I forget, but

0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:20.680
<v Speaker 2>that's what Mary block places have sex rooftop steam room

0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:22.960
<v Speaker 2>alley way behind a gay bar.

0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:24.240
<v Speaker 1>Huh.

0:15:24.600 --> 0:15:27.960
<v Speaker 2>And the that's one specific Yeah.

0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:32.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna I'm gonna marry rooftop. I think, okay, there,

0:15:33.760 --> 0:15:39.520
<v Speaker 1>like God, you're closer to Jesus when you're doing it

0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:42.200
<v Speaker 1>up there, and there is a personal private sort of

0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:47.280
<v Speaker 1>like I was actually on the rooftop recently. I was

0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:51.040
<v Speaker 1>just remembering that. But like there is but there is

0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:54.120
<v Speaker 1>like the chance of being caught, but the but it's

0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:57.560
<v Speaker 1>very it's very like it's still very little, you know,

0:15:57.720 --> 0:16:03.640
<v Speaker 1>like you're there, but like also you're pretty secluded, you know,

0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.600
<v Speaker 1>like there's there's a pretty good chance that you you

0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:11.040
<v Speaker 1>can get away with it. And then I will fuck

0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:17.240
<v Speaker 1>a steam room, you know. And I famously have closed

0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:21.680
<v Speaker 1>out my special tail from a steam room and I

0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:26.800
<v Speaker 1>enjoy them. I enjoy the sort of it's it's sort

0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:30.680
<v Speaker 1>of a throwback like that kind of cruising, you know, like, yeah,

0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:35.680
<v Speaker 1>it's and and there is an element of we are

0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:38.960
<v Speaker 1>honoring our forefathers by doing it. Still, I have been

0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:43.640
<v Speaker 1>literally hosed down in a steam room before they came

0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:47.960
<v Speaker 1>in with and started to quote unquote clean. But it

0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:51.080
<v Speaker 1>was just literally they were like hosing the gaze because

0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:54.320
<v Speaker 1>we were getting too frisky in the steam room, you know,

0:16:56.280 --> 0:17:01.360
<v Speaker 1>well within their right. Well we were breaking the rules.

0:17:01.560 --> 0:17:04.880
<v Speaker 1>You know, got our ips. We who crunches steamer room,

0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:10.480
<v Speaker 1>which they put up the most condescensie Like you guys

0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:15.639
<v Speaker 1>could you were You couldn't handle it, You don't, you

0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:18.399
<v Speaker 1>were not, But you went to the responsibility of a

0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:23.400
<v Speaker 1>steam room, you fucking gaze And yeah, and so I'm

0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:25.960
<v Speaker 1>gonna block the sex and the alley. I've never done that,

0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:30.160
<v Speaker 1>and I think like for me, like I probably would

0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:32.359
<v Speaker 1>have in my twenties, back when I had roommates it

0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:33.919
<v Speaker 1>was hard to host and we were all sort of

0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:37.359
<v Speaker 1>on that level. But now that just screams like, I

0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:40.520
<v Speaker 1>don't know, I in this climate, it's the last thing

0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:43.120
<v Speaker 1>I need to be doing out in the public.

0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.879
<v Speaker 2>You know, like yeah, yeah, no, same, same, same I

0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:52.640
<v Speaker 2>mean I did it in my thirties, but I did

0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:55.880
<v Speaker 2>like twice, but same same thing. Not never, no, no more.

0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:59.400
<v Speaker 2>It's not what I would choose. It was not my preference,

0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:02.600
<v Speaker 2>it was not, but it happened, you know, it happens.

0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:06.800
<v Speaker 2>I would, uh, I would, I would, you know, I

0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:09.200
<v Speaker 2>would marry the rooftop because that's classy to me, that's

0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:11.240
<v Speaker 2>just classy. So I'm gonna marry the rooftop. I'm a

0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:12.959
<v Speaker 2>fucking the steam room because that's what the steam room

0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:14.520
<v Speaker 2>is for. I don't care what I'll say, that is

0:18:14.560 --> 0:18:17.360
<v Speaker 2>what it's there for. And I'll block the alleyway because honestly,

0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:19.600
<v Speaker 2>like the arets and things like it was, it's not

0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:22.560
<v Speaker 2>my preference. If it's the last resort, go ahead, but

0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:23.639
<v Speaker 2>it's not my preference.

0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:25.560
<v Speaker 1>You know, in New York, that's not even really an

0:18:25.560 --> 0:18:28.720
<v Speaker 1>option because there's only like one alleyway in New York.

0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:32.840
<v Speaker 2>That's really true, I guess unless they're in the burrows, right,

0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:33.760
<v Speaker 2>if you're on like a mae.

0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.640
<v Speaker 1>But the reason Chicago has the only reason Chicago has

0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:40.520
<v Speaker 1>alleys is because of it burned the fuck down and

0:18:40.720 --> 0:18:44.639
<v Speaker 1>no one had a place to go. So they were like,

0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:50.080
<v Speaker 1>let's think about this, and New York let's blessedly avoided

0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:53.479
<v Speaker 1>any sort of fire situation. But if they did, if

0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:54.360
<v Speaker 1>it happened.

0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:58.120
<v Speaker 2>She's thinking, or the city thinking, so, you know, fucking underwater.

0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:07.760
<v Speaker 2>I guess, Joe, you won the game. Conditional baby. If

0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:09.959
<v Speaker 2>y'all have any prompts, you can email me at tell

0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:13.520
<v Speaker 2>Me Something Messy at gmail dot com speaking of which, Joel,

0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:15.320
<v Speaker 2>can you tell me something messy?

0:19:15.960 --> 0:19:17.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I can't tell you something messy.

0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:19.639
<v Speaker 2>I mean already started.

0:19:20.920 --> 0:19:23.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I've already said several messy things I think on

0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:26.800
<v Speaker 1>this podcast. Like that is fully on brand for me.

0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:35.560
<v Speaker 1>This past weekend, like at an after party, took a

0:19:35.560 --> 0:19:41.159
<v Speaker 1>guy into my my friend's office to eat his ass

0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:47.879
<v Speaker 1>and do other things. And I didn't realize that we

0:19:47.920 --> 0:19:51.160
<v Speaker 1>had chosen the exact moment when the party was basically

0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:54.360
<v Speaker 1>ending and we were in the office, no one knew

0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:59.159
<v Speaker 1>where we were and they were kicking everyone out my

0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:04.720
<v Speaker 1>part or could not find me, and it was really

0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:07.960
<v Speaker 1>embarrassing to like step out of his work from home

0:20:08.000 --> 0:20:11.560
<v Speaker 1>space and he was like, I'm going to fucking bed you.

0:20:11.560 --> 0:20:12.800
<v Speaker 1>We need to get out of my house.

0:20:13.200 --> 0:20:14.400
<v Speaker 2>Whoa.

0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:18.760
<v Speaker 1>And it was not you know, there's certainly messier things

0:20:18.760 --> 0:20:20.840
<v Speaker 1>that we can get into later on in the podcast,

0:20:20.880 --> 0:20:23.560
<v Speaker 1>but that's the most recent messy thing I've done that.

0:20:23.600 --> 0:20:27.359
<v Speaker 2>I went to an afters and we found what we

0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:30.119
<v Speaker 2>just thought was a random room to fucking turned out

0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:32.520
<v Speaker 2>it was like the owner's bedroom that we were just

0:20:32.600 --> 0:20:35.239
<v Speaker 2>like fucking in and then they walked in and then

0:20:35.280 --> 0:20:37.320
<v Speaker 2>they kind of walked back out. But it was one

0:20:37.320 --> 0:20:39.719
<v Speaker 2>of those like, oh shit, probably not the We just

0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:41.120
<v Speaker 2>thought this was a random.

0:20:40.880 --> 0:20:44.560
<v Speaker 1>Tricky with after parties, like because like I went to

0:20:45.040 --> 0:20:47.239
<v Speaker 1>I was in London on tour and I went I

0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:49.879
<v Speaker 1>had a night out where I went to three different

0:20:49.920 --> 0:20:54.080
<v Speaker 1>after parties and it was a Goldilocks situation because the

0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:56.480
<v Speaker 1>first one, like lots of hot guys, but no one

0:20:56.560 --> 0:20:59.080
<v Speaker 1>even really had their clothes off, and it was very

0:21:01.280 --> 0:21:05.600
<v Speaker 1>like yeah, we were yeah and like and I like

0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:08.679
<v Speaker 1>took this guy into a bedroom and again ate his

0:21:08.720 --> 0:21:11.680
<v Speaker 1>ass and then wanted to fuck him. And he was like, wait, wait, wait,

0:21:11.720 --> 0:21:13.280
<v Speaker 1>I know the owners, I don't know if they want

0:21:13.359 --> 0:21:15.119
<v Speaker 1>this to be that kind of party. And I was like, well,

0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:21.360
<v Speaker 1>then what are we doing what We're walking around like

0:21:21.359 --> 0:21:24.560
<v Speaker 1>like without my clothes. So it was so strange. And

0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:29.560
<v Speaker 1>then we went to a second afters which was a

0:21:29.560 --> 0:21:34.760
<v Speaker 1>mistake and we were we were asked to leave about

0:21:34.800 --> 0:21:37.919
<v Speaker 1>forty minutes in because the host wanted it to just

0:21:38.000 --> 0:21:40.800
<v Speaker 1>be his close inner circle of friends at the party

0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:43.040
<v Speaker 1>at that point. And then we went to a third

0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:46.639
<v Speaker 1>after party, and this party, this was we should have

0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:47.280
<v Speaker 1>gone there first.

0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:48.520
<v Speaker 2>I knew what we were doing.

0:21:48.760 --> 0:21:50.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what we were doing just the sea

0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:53.360
<v Speaker 1>of hot guys, and I talked to one of them

0:21:53.440 --> 0:21:56.120
<v Speaker 1>for the first hour that we were there, just like

0:21:56.440 --> 0:21:59.720
<v Speaker 1>both in our jock straps, just like talking, touching as

0:21:59.800 --> 0:22:03.520
<v Speaker 1>you doing the little lights shoulder touches. South African basketball player.

0:22:03.800 --> 0:22:09.520
<v Speaker 1>Oh wait, at the end of it, he just said

0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:12.880
<v Speaker 1>and I and like, literally there's fucking happening like three

0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:15.520
<v Speaker 1>feet away from us as we're having And I was like,

0:22:15.600 --> 0:22:18.119
<v Speaker 1>that's gonna be me in a second. And then he said,

0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:20.639
<v Speaker 1>you were so fun and interesting to talk to, kissed

0:22:20.640 --> 0:22:23.600
<v Speaker 1>me on the cheek, and then walked away. No, and

0:22:23.640 --> 0:22:26.800
<v Speaker 1>I and listen, no one owes you sex, just because

0:22:28.320 --> 0:22:33.080
<v Speaker 1>I understand that. But that's pregame behavior. You thought. The

0:22:33.200 --> 0:22:36.359
<v Speaker 1>vibe is nine am, and I am naked at this

0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:39.160
<v Speaker 1>at this man's apartment.

0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:41.080
<v Speaker 2>At nine am and naked I could have been.

0:22:41.200 --> 0:22:43.359
<v Speaker 1>And I spent for an hour telling you about my

0:22:43.480 --> 0:22:47.400
<v Speaker 1>childhood when I could have been talking around the.

0:22:47.359 --> 0:22:49.680
<v Speaker 2>Different rooms you could have been then.

0:22:51.080 --> 0:22:53.840
<v Speaker 1>So it was and it was even more frustrating that

0:22:53.920 --> 0:22:57.160
<v Speaker 1>I did continue to talk to him for like periodically

0:22:57.280 --> 0:22:58.879
<v Speaker 1>for the rest of the time that we were I

0:22:58.960 --> 0:22:59.680
<v Speaker 1>was there until like.

0:22:59.640 --> 0:23:02.680
<v Speaker 2>Two Wait, I'm sorry you were in the afters until

0:23:02.680 --> 0:23:05.879
<v Speaker 2>two pm the next pm. Oh yes, right, because this

0:23:05.960 --> 0:23:08.560
<v Speaker 2>is they did that in Madrid, Madrid Pride. My friends

0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:11.200
<v Speaker 2>were at these afters that started at nine and went

0:23:11.280 --> 0:23:13.679
<v Speaker 2>until like two three and then we were back at

0:23:13.680 --> 0:23:14.360
<v Speaker 2>dinner a couple.

0:23:15.480 --> 0:23:19.399
<v Speaker 1>I mean again, in Europe, especially London, they go hard

0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:22.040
<v Speaker 1>and I have fully had a weekend there where I

0:23:22.119 --> 0:23:23.919
<v Speaker 1>left on Friday night and didn't get back to my

0:23:23.920 --> 0:23:25.200
<v Speaker 1>hotel until Sunday morning.

0:23:26.920 --> 0:23:29.879
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm stressed.

0:23:30.240 --> 0:23:32.640
<v Speaker 1>It's it's a little your teeth.

0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:34.680
<v Speaker 2>Where are you taking a ship? Like where are you?

0:23:35.160 --> 0:23:36.680
<v Speaker 2>What's you feel?

0:23:36.800 --> 0:23:46.040
<v Speaker 1>Kindness of strangers? Baby? You hear community, community, community. But

0:23:46.600 --> 0:23:49.840
<v Speaker 1>the older I get, the harder it becomes uh to

0:23:50.000 --> 0:23:53.399
<v Speaker 1>do to push through and like because like when the

0:23:53.480 --> 0:23:55.199
<v Speaker 1>light like I have been in an I went to

0:23:55.240 --> 0:23:58.760
<v Speaker 1>an afters once blackout curtains are so important if you're

0:23:58.760 --> 0:24:01.560
<v Speaker 1>planning and after going into the daylight out, we talking

0:24:01.560 --> 0:24:05.160
<v Speaker 1>about it because I went to Brookland and the sun

0:24:05.240 --> 0:24:06.680
<v Speaker 1>was starting to come up, and he knew that would

0:24:06.720 --> 0:24:08.480
<v Speaker 1>shift the vibe in a way that you know, we

0:24:08.480 --> 0:24:11.280
<v Speaker 1>would not realize. We were cracked demons and we didn't

0:24:11.280 --> 0:24:14.200
<v Speaker 1>want that. We didn't want to see ourselves in that light. Yeah,

0:24:14.400 --> 0:24:18.200
<v Speaker 1>and so he in a just a fit and flurry

0:24:18.840 --> 0:24:22.359
<v Speaker 1>was duct taping sheets onto his windows.

0:24:23.040 --> 0:24:26.240
<v Speaker 2>Love love the sound of the duct tape du.

0:24:26.480 --> 0:24:27.720
<v Speaker 1>To keep the party alive.

0:24:29.160 --> 0:24:33.840
<v Speaker 2>Hero, Yeah, I guess that sounded really fucking me up.

0:24:33.840 --> 0:24:38.800
<v Speaker 2>Though the duct tate like that would really on the sheets.

0:24:38.840 --> 0:24:41.840
<v Speaker 2>They wouldn't fall that anyways. Good on him building a fort,

0:24:41.960 --> 0:24:45.040
<v Speaker 2>building a fort for the guys. I love it. I

0:24:45.600 --> 0:24:48.200
<v Speaker 2>love that so much. Okay, should we do some messy mail. Yeah,

0:24:48.280 --> 0:24:53.280
<v Speaker 2>let's do it. As always, your submissions remain anonymous. This

0:24:53.320 --> 0:24:56.560
<v Speaker 2>one says, my friends with benefits has been tearing my

0:24:56.720 --> 0:25:00.359
<v Speaker 2>ass up. Drool emoji? Any tips for taking it longer?

0:25:00.520 --> 0:25:04.320
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I tap out sad emoji as somebody who'd be

0:25:04.320 --> 0:25:05.679
<v Speaker 2>fucking how can people?

0:25:06.880 --> 0:25:08.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't to know if he's meaning, like, is he

0:25:08.960 --> 0:25:10.720
<v Speaker 1>literally being torn apart?

0:25:11.520 --> 0:25:16.360
<v Speaker 2>It was a drool emoji. I think it's like, yeah,

0:25:16.359 --> 0:25:19.000
<v Speaker 2>I got it. You don't do the emoji with a

0:25:19.000 --> 0:25:21.239
<v Speaker 2>fisher No, no, no, no, no, no that's not because that's

0:25:21.280 --> 0:25:22.520
<v Speaker 2>not fun. Yeah.

0:25:22.640 --> 0:25:24.919
<v Speaker 1>No, I have the same problem. Honestly, I am not

0:25:25.160 --> 0:25:28.280
<v Speaker 1>a long session kind of bottom. Like when I got him,

0:25:28.440 --> 0:25:31.080
<v Speaker 1>I like, like, I'm not a long session guy as

0:25:31.080 --> 0:25:34.160
<v Speaker 1>a bottom or top. I don't have the cardio as

0:25:34.160 --> 0:25:36.200
<v Speaker 1>a top, and I don't have the stamina as a

0:25:36.200 --> 0:25:39.600
<v Speaker 1>bottom apparently, so I don't know that I have like

0:25:39.680 --> 0:25:42.359
<v Speaker 1>a great recommendation for him. I guess I would say,

0:25:42.400 --> 0:25:45.080
<v Speaker 1>like it doesn't like I think a lot of people

0:25:45.119 --> 0:25:48.480
<v Speaker 1>have the mentality around sex that once the penetration occurs,

0:25:48.880 --> 0:25:52.879
<v Speaker 1>it's penetration, yes, till the end, it's not, you know,

0:25:53.080 --> 0:25:55.280
<v Speaker 1>And I think, like what you can do is you

0:25:55.280 --> 0:25:57.600
<v Speaker 1>you can pull out and like flow around and mess

0:25:57.640 --> 0:26:01.280
<v Speaker 1>around in different ways, give your stuff a little bit

0:26:01.320 --> 0:26:05.560
<v Speaker 1>of a breather, and then that's what I agreed, like

0:26:05.760 --> 0:26:09.600
<v Speaker 1>return to the foreplay for a moment, and then you know,

0:26:09.600 --> 0:26:12.120
<v Speaker 1>because I'm sure he needs a break too, unless he's

0:26:12.359 --> 0:26:13.840
<v Speaker 1>a long distance runner, you know.

0:26:14.600 --> 0:26:16.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean I think every top would like a break

0:26:16.920 --> 0:26:19.000
<v Speaker 2>because you know, when you be fucking fuck it, it

0:26:19.080 --> 0:26:21.400
<v Speaker 2>is cardio, it is you're trying to last and say

0:26:21.400 --> 0:26:22.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna.

0:26:22.240 --> 0:26:26.400
<v Speaker 1>No, I mean, listen, the work for the bottom is all, yeah,

0:26:26.400 --> 0:26:28.960
<v Speaker 1>before the sex, and then the work for the top

0:26:29.240 --> 0:26:30.720
<v Speaker 1>all happens during sex.

0:26:30.880 --> 0:26:33.200
<v Speaker 2>During the sex. I mean, yes, and that bottom, depending

0:26:33.240 --> 0:26:35.720
<v Speaker 2>on depending on that dick and the size, is doing

0:26:35.760 --> 0:26:36.119
<v Speaker 2>something right.

0:26:36.200 --> 0:26:39.800
<v Speaker 1>No, I don't want to discount. Don't want to discount, but.

0:26:39.280 --> 0:26:41.400
<v Speaker 2>You know we were working. But yes, it is, Yes,

0:26:41.480 --> 0:26:44.400
<v Speaker 2>it's the preparation, which is why I guess you want

0:26:44.480 --> 0:26:46.520
<v Speaker 2>You might just want to take it longer. Like for me,

0:26:46.520 --> 0:26:48.520
<v Speaker 2>I always say it takes me at like forty five

0:26:48.520 --> 0:26:50.040
<v Speaker 2>minutes for an hour to douce, and so like I'm

0:26:50.040 --> 0:26:51.440
<v Speaker 2>trying to Yeah, I know it takes me a minute.

0:26:51.480 --> 0:26:55.040
<v Speaker 2>Why it is, I don't know. I'm not the only one.

0:26:55.080 --> 0:26:56.760
<v Speaker 2>I thought it was weird. I know about it.

0:26:56.840 --> 0:26:59.760
<v Speaker 1>This is true, but I think I think what you're

0:26:59.840 --> 0:27:02.560
<v Speaker 1>what's happening is you're actually going too deep and triggering

0:27:02.600 --> 0:27:04.160
<v Speaker 1>a second bowel movement?

0:27:04.560 --> 0:27:09.280
<v Speaker 2>Do you think because I I let's get into it.

0:27:10.240 --> 0:27:13.280
<v Speaker 2>I thought that was the case, and like I've tried

0:27:13.320 --> 0:27:15.359
<v Speaker 2>to do the less water but like it does it?

0:27:15.800 --> 0:27:22.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you half bull and my always three half bulbs clear,

0:27:23.119 --> 0:27:25.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm good to go. And then I do a little

0:27:25.760 --> 0:27:27.560
<v Speaker 1>dipstick test with a dilda.

0:27:27.960 --> 0:27:30.640
<v Speaker 2>Now I think I will add this to the my hour,

0:27:30.680 --> 0:27:33.560
<v Speaker 2>which is that I am stoned and scrolling on my

0:27:33.640 --> 0:27:35.960
<v Speaker 2>phone and so I am. I am sitting on the

0:27:36.160 --> 0:27:39.040
<v Speaker 2>toilet and I'm not like going back and forth, but

0:27:39.080 --> 0:27:41.280
<v Speaker 2>I do have a friend who will literally take a

0:27:41.320 --> 0:27:44.719
<v Speaker 2>water bottle and go into the bathroom and be and

0:27:44.760 --> 0:27:47.080
<v Speaker 2>come out and be like, wait, I mean, and I'm

0:27:47.119 --> 0:27:50.199
<v Speaker 2>just like that. I I don't. I'm not blessed like that.

0:27:50.320 --> 0:27:50.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm just not.

0:27:51.080 --> 0:27:56.760
<v Speaker 1>I know, it's a devil's bargain douching because I learned

0:27:56.760 --> 0:28:00.639
<v Speaker 1>recently that like, unfortunately, like I could. I remember in

0:28:00.680 --> 0:28:02.920
<v Speaker 1>my early twenties when I was first starting to bottom,

0:28:03.359 --> 0:28:07.040
<v Speaker 1>I was not prepping and was fine. I was just

0:28:07.080 --> 0:28:10.520
<v Speaker 1>sitting on dicks all over Chicago and Brooklyn, and like

0:28:10.720 --> 0:28:13.680
<v Speaker 1>it did not every was a problem. I was a

0:28:13.840 --> 0:28:15.960
<v Speaker 1>know my body kind of girl. And then around twenty

0:28:15.960 --> 0:28:18.359
<v Speaker 1>seven I started douching, and I found out that once

0:28:18.400 --> 0:28:22.640
<v Speaker 1>you start doushing your body, actually you can't requires it

0:28:22.880 --> 0:28:26.480
<v Speaker 1>more so, Oh wow, because you're stripping the inner lining

0:28:26.520 --> 0:28:28.760
<v Speaker 1>of the mucus in your anus.

0:28:29.640 --> 0:28:32.880
<v Speaker 2>Oh wow. So because I was in my twenties fucking

0:28:32.880 --> 0:28:35.000
<v Speaker 2>sitting on dicks, I knew Friday night, eat the pizza

0:28:35.080 --> 0:28:37.360
<v Speaker 2>earlier after and then I was I was just bouncing

0:28:37.440 --> 0:28:39.240
<v Speaker 2>on dicks. It was fine, And then it.

0:28:39.160 --> 0:28:43.120
<v Speaker 1>Was so joyous and I was really I was like

0:28:43.240 --> 0:28:45.560
<v Speaker 1>I hooked up with a twenty seven year old in

0:28:45.680 --> 0:28:48.240
<v Speaker 1>Chicago who was like, yeah, I just recently started douching,

0:28:48.280 --> 0:28:50.560
<v Speaker 1>And I said, baby, don't don't wait as long as

0:28:50.560 --> 0:28:53.040
<v Speaker 1>you can wait as long as you can wait as

0:28:53.080 --> 0:28:55.720
<v Speaker 1>long as wait until you get a reputation for painting.

0:28:56.320 --> 0:29:02.240
<v Speaker 4>And then you know, because wait until you get a reputation,

0:29:06.200 --> 0:29:07.000
<v Speaker 4>it's too late.

0:29:09.200 --> 0:29:13.640
<v Speaker 2>You had a most cities. That's so funny. Wait until

0:29:13.680 --> 0:29:14.480
<v Speaker 2>you're known for.

0:29:16.800 --> 0:29:20.160
<v Speaker 1>Stay away from those fucking shower attachments. Man, those really,

0:29:20.560 --> 0:29:23.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh those will go deep, those will fuck.

0:29:23.640 --> 0:29:25.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I mean that's I feel like I've heard those

0:29:25.480 --> 0:29:28.000
<v Speaker 2>are like really for fisting. Like if you if you're

0:29:28.000 --> 0:29:31.200
<v Speaker 2>trying to like yeah, then you might shower attached. Yeah.

0:29:31.280 --> 0:29:34.560
<v Speaker 2>For this anyway, for this person, I would say, uh,

0:29:34.720 --> 0:29:38.320
<v Speaker 2>play with toys honestly and like like you know, so

0:29:38.400 --> 0:29:40.800
<v Speaker 2>that you can build your your stamina. And also it

0:29:40.800 --> 0:29:44.880
<v Speaker 2>depends on the position. Like sometimes if you're fucking me

0:29:44.920 --> 0:29:47.320
<v Speaker 2>on my back, that's too intense, But if you fuck

0:29:47.400 --> 0:29:49.360
<v Speaker 2>me on my stomach, you can go all night and

0:29:49.400 --> 0:29:51.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm fine. So you can also play with like what

0:29:51.360 --> 0:29:53.920
<v Speaker 2>position you're fucking you in. And then sometimes you just

0:29:53.920 --> 0:29:56.640
<v Speaker 2>have to know that like a bigger you know, sometimes

0:29:56.680 --> 0:29:58.920
<v Speaker 2>if it's like you know, you're dealing with a fourteen

0:29:58.920 --> 0:30:02.440
<v Speaker 2>inch penis. That's gonna be a different your face. This

0:30:02.560 --> 0:30:05.120
<v Speaker 2>is gonna be a different battle, you know what I'm saying.

0:30:05.320 --> 0:30:08.760
<v Speaker 2>So you may not be able to sustain that all night,

0:30:08.800 --> 0:30:11.160
<v Speaker 2>and that's okay. I think it's like, you know, it's

0:30:11.160 --> 0:30:12.680
<v Speaker 2>like you're training your whole the same way that, like

0:30:12.680 --> 0:30:14.760
<v Speaker 2>as the top, you would train to you know, to

0:30:14.880 --> 0:30:16.760
<v Speaker 2>last longer. It's the same way I think as a

0:30:16.760 --> 0:30:19.280
<v Speaker 2>bottom that you can train to also take it longer,

0:30:19.560 --> 0:30:21.520
<v Speaker 2>which is that like you don't have to be the

0:30:21.960 --> 0:30:24.320
<v Speaker 2>gold medalist from the start. You can start to build

0:30:24.840 --> 0:30:26.320
<v Speaker 2>and practice and whatnot and that.

0:30:26.440 --> 0:30:28.040
<v Speaker 1>And I would talk to him about it. I would.

0:30:28.080 --> 0:30:31.600
<v Speaker 1>I would communicate this. I make sure you're communicating this

0:30:31.640 --> 0:30:33.800
<v Speaker 1>to him because maybe it's a note for him too,

0:30:33.960 --> 0:30:37.920
<v Speaker 1>Like again, oh yes, just because he's got a big

0:30:37.960 --> 0:30:39.760
<v Speaker 1>old dick does not mean he knows how to use

0:30:39.800 --> 0:30:46.880
<v Speaker 1>it properly. Period Like periodication, communicate some of your this

0:30:47.000 --> 0:30:49.320
<v Speaker 1>discomfort when it's in the moment, when it's happening before

0:30:49.400 --> 0:30:54.080
<v Speaker 1>the sex. And uh yeah, I think people are it's

0:30:54.080 --> 0:30:57.040
<v Speaker 1>so strange, like I will let someone into my asshole,

0:30:57.040 --> 0:30:59.880
<v Speaker 1>but I feel too uncomfortable to tell them when I

0:31:00.440 --> 0:31:05.640
<v Speaker 1>like need something different. You know, it's a dichotomy.

0:31:06.120 --> 0:31:07.959
<v Speaker 2>You framing it like that. I've never thought about that.

0:31:07.960 --> 0:31:10.080
<v Speaker 2>It's true because it's like why is communication always so hard?

0:31:10.080 --> 0:31:12.120
<v Speaker 2>And you're like, well, you are letting somebody inside you.

0:31:12.120 --> 0:31:15.320
<v Speaker 2>You should know you should be able to free to

0:31:15.360 --> 0:31:17.600
<v Speaker 2>be like, hey, let's fix this up a little bit.

0:31:17.760 --> 0:31:20.120
<v Speaker 2>It is your whole. You only get one, so make

0:31:20.120 --> 0:31:29.200
<v Speaker 2>sure they treating them right. This one says, I feel

0:31:29.200 --> 0:31:32.600
<v Speaker 2>like I'm settling waiting for a man to become financially secure.

0:31:33.160 --> 0:31:38.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm so curious about what you think about people's uh,

0:31:38.480 --> 0:31:40.640
<v Speaker 2>what they desire or the traits that they need in

0:31:40.680 --> 0:31:43.520
<v Speaker 2>a partner, and if finances should be something that we're

0:31:43.600 --> 0:31:47.360
<v Speaker 2>weighing as like a thing like like should we care

0:31:47.800 --> 0:31:51.840
<v Speaker 2>about the person also being like financially I guess not irresponsible,

0:31:51.880 --> 0:31:53.560
<v Speaker 2>but like do you need the person to be rich

0:31:53.560 --> 0:31:55.760
<v Speaker 2>in order to date them? Or like should they have.

0:31:55.840 --> 0:31:57.840
<v Speaker 1>You know, it is one of those things that I

0:31:57.880 --> 0:32:00.840
<v Speaker 1>feel like and you know this, and I know this

0:32:00.920 --> 0:32:03.840
<v Speaker 1>because we've both been in long term partnerships, your yours

0:32:03.920 --> 0:32:06.680
<v Speaker 1>much longer than mine. The money don't matter when you're

0:32:06.720 --> 0:32:11.320
<v Speaker 1>falling in love. That's easy that's easy, and that's like

0:32:11.800 --> 0:32:16.760
<v Speaker 1>out of your control almost, but if it is, it

0:32:16.880 --> 0:32:21.880
<v Speaker 1>can be a relationship killer if the stress becomes to

0:32:21.880 --> 0:32:25.680
<v Speaker 1>to you know, insurmount, you know, because like, yeah, being

0:32:26.000 --> 0:32:29.520
<v Speaker 1>maintaining falling in love is very quick and dirty and easy.

0:32:29.800 --> 0:32:32.680
<v Speaker 1>Staying in love is very difficult and requires a lot

0:32:32.680 --> 0:32:36.120
<v Speaker 1>of work and a lot and and if that is

0:32:36.240 --> 0:32:40.400
<v Speaker 1>a huge sort of you know, pressure, pressure point for you,

0:32:40.880 --> 0:32:45.000
<v Speaker 1>then it might not be a good idea. And if

0:32:45.040 --> 0:32:47.040
<v Speaker 1>you don't think you can work through that, you know,

0:32:47.440 --> 0:32:50.400
<v Speaker 1>adds another layer. You just have to know going in

0:32:50.440 --> 0:32:54.360
<v Speaker 1>that it's gonna be even harder and that it will

0:32:54.400 --> 0:33:00.520
<v Speaker 1>require more work from you. But physically, like and emotionally.

0:33:01.680 --> 0:33:02.240
<v Speaker 2>That's tee.

0:33:02.440 --> 0:33:05.320
<v Speaker 1>But and you have to weigh the way that option

0:33:05.400 --> 0:33:07.800
<v Speaker 1>because like I am of the belief that if you

0:33:07.920 --> 0:33:11.120
<v Speaker 1>find somebody that you are excited to see that makes

0:33:11.120 --> 0:33:16.360
<v Speaker 1>you feel good, that there shouldn't like, don't don't waste

0:33:16.360 --> 0:33:20.880
<v Speaker 1>the opportunity because of something like money. Yeah, but understand

0:33:21.520 --> 0:33:25.160
<v Speaker 1>the implications and the and the pressure that you'll be

0:33:25.280 --> 0:33:28.080
<v Speaker 1>under when you're in a relationship with this person long term.

0:33:28.160 --> 0:33:30.880
<v Speaker 2>I agree with that. Yeah, it's something you know what

0:33:30.880 --> 0:33:33.040
<v Speaker 2>I would also I would maybe look more at not

0:33:33.240 --> 0:33:35.920
<v Speaker 2>how much money they have, but like, are they somebody

0:33:35.920 --> 0:33:37.800
<v Speaker 2>that you can build with and are they going to

0:33:37.880 --> 0:33:40.080
<v Speaker 2>be ambitious? Like if you're dealing with somebody who's like

0:33:40.400 --> 0:33:41.959
<v Speaker 2>I never want to make money and I don't ever

0:33:42.000 --> 0:33:45.000
<v Speaker 2>want to whatever, and you're somebody who does, then you

0:33:45.120 --> 0:33:48.880
<v Speaker 2>might not be aligned long term in terms of building together.

0:33:48.920 --> 0:33:51.120
<v Speaker 2>Because right in the long term partnerships, we're now building

0:33:51.120 --> 0:33:53.600
<v Speaker 2>our life together. But if you are aligned as to

0:33:53.640 --> 0:33:55.560
<v Speaker 2>how you both want to live and where you want

0:33:55.600 --> 0:33:57.800
<v Speaker 2>to live and they don't have as much money as

0:33:57.840 --> 0:33:59.280
<v Speaker 2>you or you don't have as much money as them,

0:33:59.520 --> 0:34:01.800
<v Speaker 2>that to me is an easy not an easy but

0:34:01.840 --> 0:34:05.320
<v Speaker 2>that's that's a that's something that you can grow into, right,

0:34:05.400 --> 0:34:08.000
<v Speaker 2>Like it's like, yeah, I have goals and aspirations. I

0:34:08.000 --> 0:34:11.320
<v Speaker 2>don't have to be there now. I'm at the beginning

0:34:11.400 --> 0:34:13.440
<v Speaker 2>of that journey and here you are joining me, and

0:34:13.520 --> 0:34:17.520
<v Speaker 2>quite honestly, in some ways I don't know. And we're

0:34:17.520 --> 0:34:21.880
<v Speaker 2>in this industry. In some ways, it's like meeting somebody

0:34:21.960 --> 0:34:24.520
<v Speaker 2>and the both of us are like in similar financials

0:34:24.520 --> 0:34:26.799
<v Speaker 2>are near is a lot easier than like one of

0:34:26.880 --> 0:34:30.480
<v Speaker 2>us being all the way there. And then you have

0:34:30.560 --> 0:34:34.080
<v Speaker 2>to like catch up like that becomes a little trickier sometimes.

0:34:34.080 --> 0:34:35.640
<v Speaker 2>So I don't know, Yeah, I don't know. It's not

0:34:35.680 --> 0:34:38.200
<v Speaker 2>a deal breaker. I think I would look at the heart.

0:34:37.760 --> 0:34:40.239
<v Speaker 1>Because like there was a huge disparity when I met

0:34:40.280 --> 0:34:44.279
<v Speaker 1>my partner in what we made because he had just

0:34:44.320 --> 0:34:47.359
<v Speaker 1>taken a job where he took a pay cut. And

0:34:48.400 --> 0:34:51.440
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, like it just we didn't make it

0:34:51.480 --> 0:34:53.920
<v Speaker 1>an issue, like it just made sense for me to

0:34:53.920 --> 0:34:56.440
<v Speaker 1>pay for a lot of things. Yeah, Like I don't.

0:34:56.920 --> 0:34:59.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm not like keeping a tally, you know, like that's

0:35:00.080 --> 0:35:01.839
<v Speaker 1>other thing you have to figure out about yourself and

0:35:01.880 --> 0:35:06.160
<v Speaker 1>about your partner. Is I like, if listen, there are

0:35:06.200 --> 0:35:09.000
<v Speaker 1>some people who are fully supporting their partners and they're

0:35:09.400 --> 0:35:12.440
<v Speaker 1>doing other things, domestic things to you know, pick up

0:35:12.440 --> 0:35:16.520
<v Speaker 1>the slack and make that that worthwhile a worthwhile exchange.

0:35:17.360 --> 0:35:19.400
<v Speaker 1>You just have to know yourself, are you going to

0:35:19.480 --> 0:35:20.360
<v Speaker 1>resent this person?

0:35:20.600 --> 0:35:20.920
<v Speaker 2>Sure?

0:35:20.960 --> 0:35:23.440
<v Speaker 1>And are you keeping that tally in your head of

0:35:23.480 --> 0:35:25.040
<v Speaker 1>like oh I paid for dinner again?

0:35:25.239 --> 0:35:28.279
<v Speaker 2>Yes? Again that's it's and.

0:35:28.200 --> 0:35:31.240
<v Speaker 1>That that is not my vibe, And so I would

0:35:31.239 --> 0:35:33.279
<v Speaker 1>you know it just like I was, like, I make

0:35:33.360 --> 0:35:36.160
<v Speaker 1>more money, it makes more sense for me to pay

0:35:36.160 --> 0:35:36.440
<v Speaker 1>for this.

0:35:36.760 --> 0:35:40.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, my partner went to school, and so I was

0:35:40.080 --> 0:35:44.080
<v Speaker 2>supporting us for all of that time, and I was

0:35:44.440 --> 0:35:46.800
<v Speaker 2>we're building this thing together. Like it doesn't like I

0:35:46.800 --> 0:35:48.960
<v Speaker 2>don't care about that because we're we are building our

0:35:49.040 --> 0:35:51.080
<v Speaker 2>life together. And so if I have to pay for this,

0:35:51.360 --> 0:35:53.520
<v Speaker 2>it is what it is. And like I know that,

0:35:53.600 --> 0:35:55.840
<v Speaker 2>like if the tables were turned, that he would do

0:35:55.880 --> 0:35:57.480
<v Speaker 2>it for me. That's what I always kind of I

0:35:57.480 --> 0:35:59.239
<v Speaker 2>think that's where I always go is like if the

0:35:59.280 --> 0:36:02.240
<v Speaker 2>tables were turned, earned would you support me in this way?

0:36:02.560 --> 0:36:04.400
<v Speaker 2>And it's like, oh yeah, we would, so like we

0:36:04.440 --> 0:36:06.960
<v Speaker 2>are in this partnership as opposed to if you are

0:36:06.960 --> 0:36:08.359
<v Speaker 2>with somebody that you know, if the tables will turn,

0:36:08.360 --> 0:36:10.480
<v Speaker 2>they would leave you to dry then. And so I

0:36:10.480 --> 0:36:12.799
<v Speaker 2>think again it's about like who is the person you're

0:36:12.800 --> 0:36:14.640
<v Speaker 2>talking to, not how much money is in their bank account,

0:36:14.640 --> 0:36:17.279
<v Speaker 2>but like who are they? What are their values? How

0:36:17.280 --> 0:36:19.200
<v Speaker 2>do they feel about you? And if they are loving

0:36:19.200 --> 0:36:21.239
<v Speaker 2>you and are down to love you, Money's not the

0:36:21.239 --> 0:36:24.120
<v Speaker 2>only way that they can show their love. I'm far

0:36:24.160 --> 0:36:28.000
<v Speaker 2>more concerned about somebody how they talk to me, treat me,

0:36:28.560 --> 0:36:31.200
<v Speaker 2>how they show love to me, than how much money's

0:36:31.239 --> 0:36:33.640
<v Speaker 2>in their account. Because you know, somebody have a lot

0:36:33.640 --> 0:36:35.839
<v Speaker 2>of money in their account, and then that also I've

0:36:35.880 --> 0:36:37.440
<v Speaker 2>seen the opposite right where somebody has a lot of

0:36:37.440 --> 0:36:39.239
<v Speaker 2>money in their account and so they treat you like

0:36:39.239 --> 0:36:42.080
<v Speaker 2>shit because they feel like they have the power. And

0:36:42.080 --> 0:36:43.719
<v Speaker 2>it's like, I don't want to be in that relationship either.

0:36:43.760 --> 0:36:46.640
<v Speaker 2>So it really is about the quality of the person.

0:36:47.160 --> 0:36:49.480
<v Speaker 2>So you're not settling. Oh well, I guess I feel

0:36:49.480 --> 0:36:51.280
<v Speaker 2>like I'm settling waiting for a man to become financially

0:36:51.320 --> 0:36:54.799
<v Speaker 2>secure as don't wait, like, don't let that. Maybe take

0:36:54.840 --> 0:36:58.160
<v Speaker 2>that off the table, maybe focus more on the heart

0:36:58.400 --> 0:36:59.640
<v Speaker 2>of the man that you want to be with as

0:36:59.680 --> 0:37:03.279
<v Speaker 2>opposed to their financial security. I mean, don't you know,

0:37:03.360 --> 0:37:06.640
<v Speaker 2>like I wouldn't be with somebody who is financially irresponsible

0:37:06.920 --> 0:37:09.399
<v Speaker 2>because that then puts you, you know, like all these people.

0:37:09.560 --> 0:37:11.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you're watching my lotus right now,

0:37:11.239 --> 0:37:14.360
<v Speaker 2>but you know, like you know, don't be you know,

0:37:14.560 --> 0:37:18.520
<v Speaker 2>the scamming and now I'm not telling me we own

0:37:18.520 --> 0:37:21.080
<v Speaker 2>this expensive asterisk, you know, like I want't want that partner,

0:37:21.800 --> 0:37:24.799
<v Speaker 2>but you know, somebody getting their shit together work. This

0:37:24.880 --> 0:37:27.759
<v Speaker 2>one says I fucked around with a coworker and now

0:37:27.800 --> 0:37:30.280
<v Speaker 2>waiting A couple of days to take a pregnancy test.

0:37:30.440 --> 0:37:31.719
<v Speaker 2>I don't really have a question about that.

0:37:31.719 --> 0:37:35.760
<v Speaker 1>There was just yeah, I know, that's intense. God speed

0:37:35.800 --> 0:37:36.360
<v Speaker 1>to you.

0:37:36.480 --> 0:37:37.480
<v Speaker 2>Wow.

0:37:37.680 --> 0:37:41.560
<v Speaker 1>I hope you're in a blue state. Yeah, you know,

0:37:42.000 --> 0:37:44.760
<v Speaker 1>or or maybe you want this, Maybe you want.

0:37:44.600 --> 0:37:45.640
<v Speaker 2>It, maybe you want to keep it. Maybe it's a

0:37:45.640 --> 0:37:48.160
<v Speaker 2>little office baby. Yeah, that's cute.

0:37:48.719 --> 0:37:50.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, in the.

0:37:50.600 --> 0:37:54.440
<v Speaker 2>We work, do you know if you want kids or

0:37:54.520 --> 0:37:55.840
<v Speaker 2>you talked about.

0:37:55.560 --> 0:37:58.319
<v Speaker 1>It, We are pretty certain that we want to have kids.

0:37:58.400 --> 0:38:02.759
<v Speaker 1>Today it's up in it's up in the air, only

0:38:02.800 --> 0:38:06.120
<v Speaker 1>in the sense of like, look around, sweetheart, what are

0:38:06.160 --> 0:38:09.719
<v Speaker 1>we bringing someone into this world? And that's tough. That's

0:38:09.760 --> 0:38:16.560
<v Speaker 1>really tough to sure to justify. So yeah, I don't know,

0:38:17.040 --> 0:38:18.920
<v Speaker 1>but we want to We want a girl and a

0:38:18.920 --> 0:38:23.799
<v Speaker 1>boy at the same time. We want twins, and you know,

0:38:23.800 --> 0:38:28.720
<v Speaker 1>whether adopted or otherwise, you know, maybe they're not blood related,

0:38:28.760 --> 0:38:31.359
<v Speaker 1>but we just want to get one of each and

0:38:31.400 --> 0:38:34.480
<v Speaker 1>get it out of the way. Yeah, you know, movie

0:38:34.560 --> 0:38:36.839
<v Speaker 1>might as well just do two babies. It's just it's

0:38:36.880 --> 0:38:38.920
<v Speaker 1>like everyone I've talked to you who has twins is

0:38:38.920 --> 0:38:42.200
<v Speaker 1>like and had as previously just one child is like,

0:38:42.560 --> 0:38:44.840
<v Speaker 1>it's not that much harder. It's like the same amount

0:38:44.880 --> 0:38:49.720
<v Speaker 1>of work and yeah, you might, and you get two kids.

0:38:49.960 --> 0:38:52.480
<v Speaker 2>I can't I listen. I can't tell you because I don't.

0:38:52.920 --> 0:38:54.719
<v Speaker 2>I see one kid and like that's a lot of work,

0:38:55.080 --> 0:38:57.719
<v Speaker 2>but two sounds like more. No, But he said it's

0:38:58.000 --> 0:38:59.040
<v Speaker 2>the twin parents are saying.

0:38:59.239 --> 0:39:01.480
<v Speaker 1>I I think they're What they're saying, is that like

0:39:03.760 --> 0:39:09.879
<v Speaker 1>up the same amount of a night, you know, and

0:39:10.520 --> 0:39:13.759
<v Speaker 1>do you want to spread that out over you know,

0:39:13.920 --> 0:39:16.920
<v Speaker 1>eight years too kids, you know, as they grew up

0:39:17.280 --> 0:39:20.719
<v Speaker 1>or just like get it on to two years of

0:39:20.760 --> 0:39:24.319
<v Speaker 1>like constantly waking up two babies, you know, and then

0:39:24.360 --> 0:39:27.080
<v Speaker 1>you're over that hump and they're in school and suddenly

0:39:27.120 --> 0:39:27.480
<v Speaker 1>it's like.

0:39:28.200 --> 0:39:30.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, then you're yeah, that makes sense, that makes sense.

0:39:30.719 --> 0:39:34.000
<v Speaker 2>I would need no matter what I don't, I would need. Yes,

0:39:34.040 --> 0:39:35.880
<v Speaker 2>I need a lot to help, no matter what, no

0:39:35.880 --> 0:39:38.359
<v Speaker 2>matter what, the night nurse, the day nurse, the midday nurse,

0:39:38.440 --> 0:39:40.640
<v Speaker 2>the afternoon, like I need, I need all the nurses.

0:39:41.840 --> 0:39:44.760
<v Speaker 2>This one is asking, which this is an old school question,

0:39:44.960 --> 0:39:48.000
<v Speaker 2>but like who knows? This is advice for coming out

0:39:48.000 --> 0:39:50.279
<v Speaker 2>to family, which there are so many ways to talk

0:39:50.320 --> 0:39:52.400
<v Speaker 2>about this, but I figured I thought this was a

0:39:52.440 --> 0:39:55.359
<v Speaker 2>really I would imagine if you're asking this question. There's

0:39:55.400 --> 0:39:56.840
<v Speaker 2>a lot of tension that you're feeling, and so I

0:39:56.840 --> 0:39:59.200
<v Speaker 2>figured let's take the time to why not answer it.

0:39:59.239 --> 0:40:01.840
<v Speaker 2>So advice for coming out to family it.

0:40:01.760 --> 0:40:04.160
<v Speaker 1>Is, I go watch Love Simon with them.

0:40:04.480 --> 0:40:04.879
<v Speaker 2>There you.

0:40:06.680 --> 0:40:11.239
<v Speaker 1>Pull up Love Simon and and be like, there's no

0:40:11.320 --> 0:40:15.120
<v Speaker 1>reason why this is my pick? Did you feel about that?

0:40:16.480 --> 0:40:17.080
<v Speaker 2>What do you think about?

0:40:17.080 --> 0:40:20.680
<v Speaker 1>How my thing is is? It's so hard without a

0:40:20.719 --> 0:40:24.040
<v Speaker 1>lot of contexture to know how this person what to do,

0:40:24.120 --> 0:40:28.040
<v Speaker 1>because like it's so easy to say, like just tell them,

0:40:28.120 --> 0:40:30.359
<v Speaker 1>just be honest, be yourself. They're your parents, they'll love

0:40:30.400 --> 0:40:32.520
<v Speaker 1>you no matter what. But we know that's not the case.

0:40:33.920 --> 0:40:37.040
<v Speaker 1>And so like on one side, if I'm being really prescriptive,

0:40:37.040 --> 0:40:40.440
<v Speaker 1>I would say, get ready, are you financially stable? Do

0:40:40.520 --> 0:40:45.480
<v Speaker 1>you depend on your family to live? If so, like

0:40:45.719 --> 0:40:48.600
<v Speaker 1>be really sure what how they're going to react to

0:40:48.719 --> 0:40:54.560
<v Speaker 1>this before you tell them, And that's be ready, you

0:40:54.560 --> 0:40:57.359
<v Speaker 1>know too, because like I had my parents found out

0:40:57.440 --> 0:41:00.520
<v Speaker 1>I was gay, and I was out like figuring shit

0:41:00.600 --> 0:41:02.759
<v Speaker 1>out at seventeen. You know, I haven't taken a dime

0:41:02.760 --> 0:41:05.160
<v Speaker 1>of my parents mony since I was seventeen, and like

0:41:05.480 --> 0:41:10.040
<v Speaker 1>it it was obviously like it worked out for me,

0:41:10.600 --> 0:41:15.040
<v Speaker 1>but not ideal, you know, And so like figure out

0:41:15.080 --> 0:41:19.239
<v Speaker 1>what the safety net is first before even addressing like

0:41:19.320 --> 0:41:22.520
<v Speaker 1>the how and why and where, and then do it

0:41:22.600 --> 0:41:26.080
<v Speaker 1>in a place and a way that seems safe, you know,

0:41:26.360 --> 0:41:29.440
<v Speaker 1>like whether that's like in person or maybe just on

0:41:29.520 --> 0:41:32.000
<v Speaker 1>the family group chat. You know, like if that's if

0:41:32.000 --> 0:41:34.360
<v Speaker 1>that's the same, if that feels safer to you and

0:41:34.480 --> 0:41:38.160
<v Speaker 1>less like scary to you, then that's okay. Like there's

0:41:38.239 --> 0:41:42.400
<v Speaker 1>no like, it's not like proposing where like you know,

0:41:42.600 --> 0:41:45.239
<v Speaker 1>you don't want to there's a ceremony to it or

0:41:45.239 --> 0:41:47.760
<v Speaker 1>anything like that. Like it's just a part of life, babe,

0:41:48.040 --> 0:41:51.040
<v Speaker 1>and like you can you can pull the trigger you

0:41:51.080 --> 0:41:56.640
<v Speaker 1>know on an Instagram DM. Yeah you know, but yeah,

0:41:56.920 --> 0:42:01.080
<v Speaker 1>just just know your contingency plan beforehand and do it

0:42:01.120 --> 0:42:05.440
<v Speaker 1>safely and in a way that feels where you feel

0:42:05.440 --> 0:42:06.040
<v Speaker 1>safe doing it.

0:42:06.440 --> 0:42:09.719
<v Speaker 2>I love that as the priority. Your safety is a priority.

0:42:10.840 --> 0:42:13.960
<v Speaker 2>And so like considering who your family is and you

0:42:14.000 --> 0:42:16.080
<v Speaker 2>know them better than anyone else, especially if you're queer

0:42:16.120 --> 0:42:19.239
<v Speaker 2>inside of a family that's not queer. You you know

0:42:19.600 --> 0:42:21.920
<v Speaker 2>how they respond and react to things. So considering your

0:42:21.920 --> 0:42:24.960
<v Speaker 2>safety and considering your options if you know that it

0:42:26.040 --> 0:42:29.240
<v Speaker 2>might go left and so like who are your safety

0:42:29.360 --> 0:42:32.359
<v Speaker 2>nets or what are your resources, and having that all

0:42:32.440 --> 0:42:37.279
<v Speaker 2>kind of laid out, I think is a really important thing.

0:42:37.320 --> 0:42:38.960
<v Speaker 2>And then I think also your advice of it doesn't

0:42:38.960 --> 0:42:41.200
<v Speaker 2>have to be in person. I love that, right, Like, yeah,

0:42:41.239 --> 0:42:43.759
<v Speaker 2>it's for you, and it sucks that we have to

0:42:43.800 --> 0:42:46.120
<v Speaker 2>come out at all. So if for you it's easier

0:42:46.120 --> 0:42:47.680
<v Speaker 2>to do it in a letter or a text or whatever,

0:42:47.719 --> 0:42:50.080
<v Speaker 2>and then do that, like, you're not gonna get extra brownie.

0:42:50.080 --> 0:42:55.040
<v Speaker 2>You're not gayer because you came out at the family Thanksgiving, right,

0:42:55.760 --> 0:42:59.839
<v Speaker 2>So whatever feels safest for you because it is your

0:43:00.480 --> 0:43:02.920
<v Speaker 2>you're stepping into your truth, and so whatever makes you

0:43:02.960 --> 0:43:05.640
<v Speaker 2>feel safe, I think is such solid advice. I'm glad

0:43:05.680 --> 0:43:08.920
<v Speaker 2>we answer that. That's such I didn't. I never considered

0:43:09.400 --> 0:43:10.439
<v Speaker 2>if I could go back to money.

0:43:11.040 --> 0:43:18.560
<v Speaker 1>We've both been professionally gay. Professionally it's get paid, yeah,

0:43:18.600 --> 0:43:22.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, yeah, And I don't know many people that

0:43:22.200 --> 0:43:25.120
<v Speaker 1>are freshly out anymore because my community is so like

0:43:25.600 --> 0:43:27.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, yeah, elders.

0:43:27.239 --> 0:43:37.560
<v Speaker 2>Now, Okay, So this is my messy pick, which is

0:43:37.600 --> 0:43:39.760
<v Speaker 2>not based off anyone's submissions, But I've just been seeing

0:43:39.760 --> 0:43:42.760
<v Speaker 2>a lot of these conversations in the media with people

0:43:42.840 --> 0:43:46.680
<v Speaker 2>talking to people who are with journalists or or podcast

0:43:46.680 --> 0:43:49.040
<v Speaker 2>hosts or radio hosts talking to people who are polyamorous

0:43:49.120 --> 0:43:52.359
<v Speaker 2>or not monogamous and relationships, and usually it's like they're

0:43:52.920 --> 0:43:56.400
<v Speaker 2>the person asking question is monogamous and they're asking somebody

0:43:56.400 --> 0:43:59.440
<v Speaker 2>else who is not, and it all the conversations always

0:43:59.440 --> 0:44:03.319
<v Speaker 2>feel very so and flat. Oftentimes too, they're asking like

0:44:04.200 --> 0:44:07.200
<v Speaker 2>a guy who's dating like four girls, and they never

0:44:07.320 --> 0:44:10.920
<v Speaker 2>talk about like, you know, if the girls have freedom

0:44:10.960 --> 0:44:15.000
<v Speaker 2>or what their relationship inside of the non monogamy is

0:44:15.480 --> 0:44:17.279
<v Speaker 2>all which to say, I would like us to have

0:44:17.400 --> 0:44:19.399
<v Speaker 2>like a full you and I have like a full

0:44:19.480 --> 0:44:23.320
<v Speaker 2>a full combo full key key because we're both non monogamous.

0:44:23.560 --> 0:44:26.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think for us, like first of all, like

0:44:26.600 --> 0:44:30.439
<v Speaker 1>it's interesting. I want to specify that, like because people

0:44:30.480 --> 0:44:33.080
<v Speaker 1>always feel so attact when you talk about non monogamy.

0:44:33.440 --> 0:44:35.960
<v Speaker 1>People feel I feel like, I know, like when you

0:44:36.239 --> 0:44:39.200
<v Speaker 1>when you add when you talk about your positive experience

0:44:39.239 --> 0:44:43.560
<v Speaker 1>with non monogamy, you're somehow degrading their experience with monogamy.

0:44:43.680 --> 0:44:46.960
<v Speaker 1>And that's not the case. I don't think non monogamy

0:44:47.040 --> 0:44:49.600
<v Speaker 1>is better than monogamy and any way, shape or form,

0:44:49.600 --> 0:44:52.840
<v Speaker 1>I think it is all dependent on what works for

0:44:52.920 --> 0:44:56.040
<v Speaker 1>you and you're a partner. But I will say this,

0:44:56.520 --> 0:44:58.640
<v Speaker 1>I met this straight up recently and they were telling

0:44:58.680 --> 0:45:01.120
<v Speaker 1>me how they met and they were both partnered at

0:45:01.120 --> 0:45:02.800
<v Speaker 1>the time, and they were like, but we didn't cheat.

0:45:03.160 --> 0:45:06.160
<v Speaker 1>We never hooked up, We never touched or did anything inappropriate.

0:45:06.200 --> 0:45:08.520
<v Speaker 1>But we were texting every day and facetiming on our

0:45:08.600 --> 0:45:11.600
<v Speaker 1>lunch breaks and going to movies together and like all

0:45:11.600 --> 0:45:14.040
<v Speaker 1>these things. And for me, I was like, see, I

0:45:14.040 --> 0:45:16.640
<v Speaker 1>could give a shit who he fucks, but if he

0:45:16.760 --> 0:45:19.800
<v Speaker 1>was texting someone every day and facetiming them.

0:45:19.520 --> 0:45:20.879
<v Speaker 2>And going to movies, I would ride.

0:45:21.040 --> 0:45:24.200
<v Speaker 1>That's way more. That's way more of a violation of

0:45:24.680 --> 0:45:29.200
<v Speaker 1>trust than to me as someone who whose relationship to

0:45:29.239 --> 0:45:31.440
<v Speaker 1>sex is much more casual than I know a lot

0:45:31.480 --> 0:45:35.319
<v Speaker 1>of people's relationship to sex is. Yeah, and that's fine.

0:45:35.440 --> 0:45:38.239
<v Speaker 1>But like, it's so funny that I know so many

0:45:38.280 --> 0:45:40.560
<v Speaker 1>monogamous couples that just have this one line that they're like,

0:45:40.560 --> 0:45:44.160
<v Speaker 1>if we don't cross this one line, you know, and

0:45:44.200 --> 0:45:47.880
<v Speaker 1>they have three sixty pov on the totality of the

0:45:47.920 --> 0:45:52.719
<v Speaker 1>health of their relationship, you know, And being open requires

0:45:52.719 --> 0:45:55.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot of communication that I don't think is happening

0:45:55.000 --> 0:45:57.799
<v Speaker 1>in a lot of monogamous relationships. Kudos to those of

0:45:57.800 --> 0:46:00.600
<v Speaker 1>you who do are managed to about it. But like,

0:46:00.920 --> 0:46:04.879
<v Speaker 1>we're constantly resetting levels, we're constantly checking in, We're constantly

0:46:04.920 --> 0:46:07.040
<v Speaker 1>like you know, and being able to like tell your

0:46:07.040 --> 0:46:09.560
<v Speaker 1>partner like, oh that guy, I think that guy's really hot,

0:46:09.680 --> 0:46:12.319
<v Speaker 1>like and not have it be a thing or an

0:46:12.360 --> 0:46:17.120
<v Speaker 1>issue is like is so powerful and I think, like,

0:46:17.680 --> 0:46:19.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, you should be able to do that in

0:46:19.680 --> 0:46:23.680
<v Speaker 1>a monogamous relationship too, Like the exist, Like I feel

0:46:23.680 --> 0:46:27.040
<v Speaker 1>like the problem sometimes with monogamous relationships that I see

0:46:27.200 --> 0:46:30.840
<v Speaker 1>is that they pretend like, Okay, you've made this commitment

0:46:30.880 --> 0:46:34.200
<v Speaker 1>to someone else. That's great, And I think that's you're

0:46:34.200 --> 0:46:38.560
<v Speaker 1>doing the work to maintain that connection. And you value

0:46:38.560 --> 0:46:40.719
<v Speaker 1>sex in a different way than I do, and so

0:46:40.800 --> 0:46:43.880
<v Speaker 1>you want to keep that just between you and your partner,

0:46:43.920 --> 0:46:47.400
<v Speaker 1>and I think that's amazing. But to pretend like you

0:46:47.480 --> 0:46:51.600
<v Speaker 1>will never be attracted to someone else, or pretend like

0:46:52.160 --> 0:46:55.640
<v Speaker 1>you will never have, you know, sexual feelings toward anyone else.

0:46:55.880 --> 0:46:59.920
<v Speaker 1>They want to keep those that idea alive so much

0:47:00.040 --> 0:47:02.680
<v Speaker 1>that they never even talk about little crushes or like

0:47:03.080 --> 0:47:06.000
<v Speaker 1>things like that that they're they're they're experiencing, And I

0:47:06.000 --> 0:47:10.200
<v Speaker 1>think like that is when a cheating does happen a

0:47:10.200 --> 0:47:13.440
<v Speaker 1>lot yes time, you know, And I think like like

0:47:13.840 --> 0:47:17.160
<v Speaker 1>being able to openly communicate about like that kind of

0:47:17.200 --> 0:47:20.680
<v Speaker 1>stuff is really like a centerpiece of like the health

0:47:20.680 --> 0:47:21.520
<v Speaker 1>of our relationship.

0:47:21.680 --> 0:47:25.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think that I'm gonna echo what you said

0:47:25.680 --> 0:47:27.640
<v Speaker 2>because I know that we're walking into territory that you know,

0:47:27.640 --> 0:47:30.120
<v Speaker 2>if somebody is monogamous, it can be triggering, which is

0:47:30.120 --> 0:47:32.200
<v Speaker 2>that there's nothing wrong with monogamy. If it works for you,

0:47:32.239 --> 0:47:35.520
<v Speaker 2>it works for you, and if not monogamy works for you, great,

0:47:35.560 --> 0:47:38.279
<v Speaker 2>Like whatever, I think, everyone is allowed to do what

0:47:38.320 --> 0:47:40.360
<v Speaker 2>works for them and their partner. It is your relationships.

0:47:40.400 --> 0:47:43.480
<v Speaker 2>So whatever y'all agree to is what it is. But

0:47:43.560 --> 0:47:47.200
<v Speaker 2>I do think that with like traditional monogamy, the monogamy

0:47:47.200 --> 0:47:50.000
<v Speaker 2>that we've grown up with seeing on TV, movies and

0:47:50.000 --> 0:47:54.239
<v Speaker 2>maybe even in our own household, there is a fantasy

0:47:54.400 --> 0:47:56.080
<v Speaker 2>that's at play, which is the fantasy of what we're

0:47:56.080 --> 0:47:57.520
<v Speaker 2>talking about, which is that you're not ever going to

0:47:57.560 --> 0:47:59.759
<v Speaker 2>be attracted to anyone else, that you are the only

0:47:59.800 --> 0:48:02.399
<v Speaker 2>person that I have eyes for. And it's like that

0:48:02.680 --> 0:48:05.680
<v Speaker 2>isn't I may you only love you? That can be real,

0:48:05.760 --> 0:48:08.399
<v Speaker 2>but I do think that you're you didn't just meet

0:48:08.400 --> 0:48:11.560
<v Speaker 2>this person and stop being attractive to everybody else? Yeah right,

0:48:11.600 --> 0:48:14.440
<v Speaker 2>Like that's not real. You didn't just meet this person

0:48:14.480 --> 0:48:17.480
<v Speaker 2>and stop having sexual fantasies. If so, why you know

0:48:17.560 --> 0:48:20.680
<v Speaker 2>you're watching porn? Like you know, like you clearly there

0:48:20.719 --> 0:48:24.840
<v Speaker 2>are your sex drive is still there, or your desire

0:48:24.920 --> 0:48:26.680
<v Speaker 2>for others is still there. Whether or not you act

0:48:26.719 --> 0:48:30.640
<v Speaker 2>on it is irrelevant. It's relevant, but you don't have to,

0:48:30.800 --> 0:48:32.799
<v Speaker 2>but doesn't mean it's not there just because you're not

0:48:32.840 --> 0:48:36.040
<v Speaker 2>acting on it. And so there seems to be I

0:48:36.560 --> 0:48:41.040
<v Speaker 2>think a missed opportunity in terms of deepening our relationship

0:48:41.120 --> 0:48:43.279
<v Speaker 2>if we're monogamous and being able to share that. I'm

0:48:43.280 --> 0:48:44.560
<v Speaker 2>not saying I got to tell you about all my

0:48:44.719 --> 0:48:46.200
<v Speaker 2>desires and like this is what I want to do

0:48:46.200 --> 0:48:49.080
<v Speaker 2>that other person, but us just being able to acknowledge

0:48:49.160 --> 0:48:50.920
<v Speaker 2>I think that they're cute or I think that whatever,

0:48:50.960 --> 0:48:53.600
<v Speaker 2>oh yeah she is cute, Like just like it's a

0:48:53.640 --> 0:48:55.799
<v Speaker 2>missed opportunity to bond I think.

0:48:55.920 --> 0:48:58.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. No, I mean I always say I'm my partner's

0:48:58.520 --> 0:49:05.400
<v Speaker 1>best wing man. Yeah, uh, because I am really turned

0:49:05.400 --> 0:49:11.359
<v Speaker 1>on when he is like getting hit on and like same,

0:49:11.560 --> 0:49:14.279
<v Speaker 1>and like you know, like I am because I when

0:49:14.280 --> 0:49:17.279
<v Speaker 1>he's feeling himself, because he's getting that boost, he is

0:49:17.360 --> 0:49:21.200
<v Speaker 1>never sexier to me and than those moments, which I

0:49:21.239 --> 0:49:23.640
<v Speaker 1>do recognize that that's not everybody, Like my husband does

0:49:23.680 --> 0:49:25.560
<v Speaker 1>not like to see it. He can hear about it,

0:49:25.600 --> 0:49:27.680
<v Speaker 1>but doesn't like necessarily see it. So I recognized.

0:49:27.719 --> 0:49:30.880
<v Speaker 2>But I am turned on by by by it.

0:49:30.960 --> 0:49:33.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, our general rule of thumb too, Like I don't mind,

0:49:33.680 --> 0:49:35.120
<v Speaker 1>like I've seen him make out with other people. I've

0:49:35.120 --> 0:49:37.440
<v Speaker 1>seen him get fucked by other people. It does it.

0:49:37.440 --> 0:49:43.080
<v Speaker 1>It's all you know, gravy wavy. It's fine when I'm

0:49:43.120 --> 0:49:47.400
<v Speaker 1>gone out of town or traveling, touring, whatever. And like

0:49:47.640 --> 0:49:50.279
<v Speaker 1>he has a hookup, that's just a run of the

0:49:50.280 --> 0:49:54.759
<v Speaker 1>mill good, average to good or great even hookup. I

0:49:54.760 --> 0:49:56.640
<v Speaker 1>don't need to hear about it. Yeah, I don't need

0:49:56.680 --> 0:50:00.000
<v Speaker 1>to know about every little thing. But if it's something

0:50:00.160 --> 0:50:01.400
<v Speaker 1>funny happened.

0:50:03.000 --> 0:50:03.640
<v Speaker 2>Or something or.

0:50:03.960 --> 0:50:06.359
<v Speaker 1>They did something weird, I need to know.

0:50:06.480 --> 0:50:07.200
<v Speaker 2>I want to know about it.

0:50:08.040 --> 0:50:10.640
<v Speaker 1>If there's a story there, share it. If the story

0:50:10.719 --> 0:50:13.840
<v Speaker 1>is we had sex, we both came and then he left.

0:50:13.640 --> 0:50:16.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't care. I don't care. I don't care about that,

0:50:16.840 --> 0:50:19.480
<v Speaker 2>but if there's something if there's meat and potatoes.

0:50:18.920 --> 0:50:22.640
<v Speaker 1>There, yes, then I want to know in the same.

0:50:22.480 --> 0:50:25.160
<v Speaker 2>Way, yeah, I want to know, yeah, Or if there's

0:50:25.160 --> 0:50:27.480
<v Speaker 2>something you're trying to process, because that's also where I

0:50:27.480 --> 0:50:29.719
<v Speaker 2>think I show up as a partner, like something you

0:50:29.800 --> 0:50:31.360
<v Speaker 2>experience and you're like, I have a question about this

0:50:31.480 --> 0:50:33.719
<v Speaker 2>or or I wanted to ask about whatever, Then I'm like,

0:50:33.760 --> 0:50:35.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm down to like have that. But if it's just

0:50:36.000 --> 0:50:38.080
<v Speaker 2>to tell me that you you got fucked and came

0:50:38.200 --> 0:50:42.919
<v Speaker 2>like I don't I don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah, how

0:50:42.960 --> 0:50:47.680
<v Speaker 2>do y'all? How have you navigated the emotional part of

0:50:47.880 --> 0:50:50.880
<v Speaker 2>being open? Right like that? Because being open I think

0:50:51.000 --> 0:50:56.240
<v Speaker 2>successfully or being no monogamous successfully requires heightening your emotional

0:50:56.280 --> 0:50:58.279
<v Speaker 2>intelligence because we have to be able to communicate with

0:50:58.320 --> 0:51:01.000
<v Speaker 2>each other in a way that I'm anogmos's relationship. You

0:51:01.040 --> 0:51:03.480
<v Speaker 2>should be able to, but you don't necessarily have to

0:51:03.920 --> 0:51:07.239
<v Speaker 2>because there is unspoken like I'm your spouse and that's

0:51:07.280 --> 0:51:09.319
<v Speaker 2>what this is and that and we just like leave

0:51:09.360 --> 0:51:12.759
<v Speaker 2>it be. Whereas if you're if you are introducing more

0:51:12.840 --> 0:51:15.600
<v Speaker 2>people or other people, there has to be for it

0:51:15.640 --> 0:51:18.960
<v Speaker 2>to stay emotionally safe, there has to be more conversation.

0:51:19.040 --> 0:51:22.520
<v Speaker 2>So how did you navigate building that emotional intelligence?

0:51:22.520 --> 0:51:25.719
<v Speaker 1>I mean we're both talkers, you know, and that is

0:51:25.760 --> 0:51:30.080
<v Speaker 1>a huge part of it. And I think like we

0:51:30.080 --> 0:51:33.560
<v Speaker 1>we had rules, like a pretty like specific set of

0:51:33.640 --> 0:51:36.000
<v Speaker 1>rules at the beginning of the relationship when we were open.

0:51:36.480 --> 0:51:40.319
<v Speaker 1>But the thing about rules is that it's so being

0:51:40.320 --> 0:51:42.520
<v Speaker 1>in an open relationship. It's so contact spased, you know,

0:51:42.920 --> 0:51:45.320
<v Speaker 1>because there are nights when like I could be popping

0:51:45.360 --> 0:51:47.839
<v Speaker 1>around the party second dick whatever, and he's like, thank god,

0:51:47.920 --> 0:51:50.239
<v Speaker 1>so he's off my hands. I don't have to deal

0:51:50.320 --> 0:51:52.479
<v Speaker 1>with him right now. Yeah, And then there are nights

0:51:52.480 --> 0:51:56.960
<v Speaker 1>where like the same conditions, same people, same party, same weather,

0:51:57.280 --> 0:51:59.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, everything is the same, and he just needs

0:51:59.120 --> 0:52:02.520
<v Speaker 1>me to be his boyfriend and stand by and like that.

0:52:02.960 --> 0:52:07.239
<v Speaker 1>And and rules don't always account for those changes in

0:52:07.440 --> 0:52:11.319
<v Speaker 1>like mood and like where you're at that day, you know,

0:52:11.520 --> 0:52:14.480
<v Speaker 1>like we sometimes we are just closed for that day

0:52:14.680 --> 0:52:16.879
<v Speaker 1>because like one of us needs that.

0:52:17.239 --> 0:52:17.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And like.

0:52:18.239 --> 0:52:22.399
<v Speaker 1>It's all about communicating and checking in like constantly. It's

0:52:21.960 --> 0:52:26.040
<v Speaker 1>it's it's like before the hookup, we talk, during the hookup,

0:52:26.040 --> 0:52:29.240
<v Speaker 1>we talk, after the hookup, we talk, you know, smart everything,

0:52:29.760 --> 0:52:32.920
<v Speaker 1>and like are constantly resetting, and like I think for us,

0:52:32.960 --> 0:52:37.720
<v Speaker 1>like we realized that rules just like we we couldn't

0:52:37.719 --> 0:52:42.799
<v Speaker 1>rely on them to keep us like copasetic. We had

0:52:42.840 --> 0:52:45.680
<v Speaker 1>to just talk it out every single time. And that's

0:52:45.719 --> 0:52:49.520
<v Speaker 1>what we do, and like it's been really powerful, I think,

0:52:49.560 --> 0:52:52.880
<v Speaker 1>because like the vulnerability you have to be able to

0:52:52.920 --> 0:52:56.040
<v Speaker 1>have to talk about like some of the more like

0:52:56.160 --> 0:53:00.600
<v Speaker 1>embarrassing or problematic parts of like sex that comes up

0:53:01.080 --> 0:53:04.040
<v Speaker 1>is like it's so like it's so fulfilling to be

0:53:04.080 --> 0:53:07.080
<v Speaker 1>able to talk to my best friend and life partner

0:53:07.160 --> 0:53:12.319
<v Speaker 1>about that, you know, and I I have like I

0:53:12.320 --> 0:53:16.000
<v Speaker 1>don't know, like I've really changed my relationship to sex

0:53:16.360 --> 0:53:19.880
<v Speaker 1>through our open relationship because of that communication and because

0:53:19.880 --> 0:53:22.520
<v Speaker 1>of the way I'm able to process some of those

0:53:22.640 --> 0:53:24.400
<v Speaker 1>solo experiences with him.

0:53:24.640 --> 0:53:26.920
<v Speaker 2>What was it before and what is that? How did

0:53:26.920 --> 0:53:27.560
<v Speaker 2>it transform?

0:53:27.719 --> 0:53:32.680
<v Speaker 1>I think there was a real need for validation, and

0:53:33.080 --> 0:53:37.160
<v Speaker 1>I would do things that I didn't necessarily even want

0:53:37.239 --> 0:53:42.600
<v Speaker 1>to do sure because I needed that validation. And I

0:53:42.680 --> 0:53:45.280
<v Speaker 1>think that that is it is moved into a more

0:53:45.400 --> 0:53:50.080
<v Speaker 1>like especially because I like I just have the best

0:53:50.160 --> 0:53:55.680
<v Speaker 1>one right now, so I don't require the validation from

0:53:55.760 --> 0:54:00.680
<v Speaker 1>other people, you know, and so what's changed my relationships

0:54:00.680 --> 0:54:02.920
<v Speaker 1>with sex in a huge way, because like there are times,

0:54:02.960 --> 0:54:05.320
<v Speaker 1>like you know, when I'm on the road where I'm like, Okay,

0:54:05.400 --> 0:54:07.160
<v Speaker 1>this is my chance, I'm in the pocket, let's go.

0:54:07.600 --> 0:54:09.719
<v Speaker 1>And then there are times when it's like, oh wait, no,

0:54:09.880 --> 0:54:12.080
<v Speaker 1>actually now, like because it used to be like when

0:54:12.080 --> 0:54:14.000
<v Speaker 1>I traveled, when I was in a new city, if

0:54:14.040 --> 0:54:18.960
<v Speaker 1>I didn't get fuck, I felt like I like messed

0:54:19.040 --> 0:54:23.319
<v Speaker 1>up or like waste an opportunity. And now I'm like,

0:54:23.440 --> 0:54:26.319
<v Speaker 1>sometimes it's cool to just chill in the hotel room,

0:54:26.480 --> 0:54:33.000
<v Speaker 1>order take out and watch Bravo, Like, yes, talk on

0:54:33.040 --> 0:54:37.960
<v Speaker 1>that week, babe, Like so it's so great and yeah,

0:54:38.000 --> 0:54:42.200
<v Speaker 1>and so it really has like lessened the important like

0:54:42.360 --> 0:54:47.400
<v Speaker 1>it has sort of severed my connection to like and

0:54:47.480 --> 0:54:50.600
<v Speaker 1>let's be clear, Like I'm sure it's still there to

0:54:50.680 --> 0:54:53.120
<v Speaker 1>some degree. You know, everybody wants to feel good about

0:54:53.120 --> 0:54:57.000
<v Speaker 1>themselves and like, but I've just this sex is not

0:54:57.080 --> 0:54:59.400
<v Speaker 1>the number one thing that makes me feel good about myself.

0:55:00.000 --> 0:55:03.359
<v Speaker 1>Oh and now I'm a much happier person.

0:55:03.040 --> 0:55:06.520
<v Speaker 2>For I think that that's so liberating. Because I think

0:55:06.520 --> 0:55:08.480
<v Speaker 2>that and I'll say that I probably have the same

0:55:08.640 --> 0:55:11.920
<v Speaker 2>experience where sex was a way to feel my worth.

0:55:12.120 --> 0:55:15.279
<v Speaker 2>And then as we became open, which then you know,

0:55:15.560 --> 0:55:20.399
<v Speaker 2>morphed into Polly. There was so much conversation happening between us,

0:55:20.400 --> 0:55:23.160
<v Speaker 2>but it also I had to also have conversations with myself,

0:55:23.360 --> 0:55:24.560
<v Speaker 2>because in order for me to show up in that

0:55:24.600 --> 0:55:26.680
<v Speaker 2>conversation with him, I got to know what I'm feeling

0:55:26.760 --> 0:55:29.080
<v Speaker 2>and what I'm thinking, even if I don't know right like,

0:55:29.600 --> 0:55:33.280
<v Speaker 2>I have to start to question why am I doing

0:55:33.320 --> 0:55:34.920
<v Speaker 2>certain things, or why do I want to be in

0:55:34.920 --> 0:55:36.640
<v Speaker 2>certain places, or why do I want to be fucked

0:55:36.680 --> 0:55:39.359
<v Speaker 2>certain ways, and then get really clear about if that's

0:55:39.400 --> 0:55:44.439
<v Speaker 2>actually what I want. And then that really revealed all

0:55:44.480 --> 0:55:47.160
<v Speaker 2>of the validation that I was seeking and how much,

0:55:48.719 --> 0:55:51.560
<v Speaker 2>how most of my sex was for validation and not

0:55:51.840 --> 0:55:57.360
<v Speaker 2>for pleasure and not for you know, for my own whatever.

0:55:57.600 --> 0:55:59.800
<v Speaker 1>You should leave every encounter feeling good.

0:55:59.800 --> 0:56:03.439
<v Speaker 2>Yes, oh my god. That should be a rule of thumb. Yes,

0:56:03.960 --> 0:56:06.160
<v Speaker 2>not like so so like you should feel like, oh

0:56:06.200 --> 0:56:08.160
<v Speaker 2>that was good. I'm not saying it has to be

0:56:08.160 --> 0:56:10.600
<v Speaker 2>the joy.

0:56:10.200 --> 0:56:12.960
<v Speaker 1>Joy, satisfaction, et cetera, like all of it.

0:56:12.880 --> 0:56:17.040
<v Speaker 2>And being able to to I think the talking also

0:56:17.520 --> 0:56:21.440
<v Speaker 2>is able. You're able to articulate more what you want,

0:56:21.719 --> 0:56:26.640
<v Speaker 2>which is I think such a gift. So I'm team

0:56:26.680 --> 0:56:27.800
<v Speaker 2>open relationships.

0:56:28.880 --> 0:56:31.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and like it's funny when we got when I

0:56:31.160 --> 0:56:34.040
<v Speaker 1>got when I proposed, a lot of people were like,

0:56:34.120 --> 0:56:37.120
<v Speaker 1>what's the point, Like you are sleeping with other people,

0:56:37.760 --> 0:56:41.760
<v Speaker 1>Like what does like marriage even mean at this point?

0:56:41.920 --> 0:56:44.240
<v Speaker 1>And to me that it's like you're telling on yourself

0:56:44.280 --> 0:56:47.040
<v Speaker 1>when you say yeah, because it's like, is that do

0:56:47.120 --> 0:56:51.640
<v Speaker 1>you think that that sex is the thing that makes

0:56:52.080 --> 0:56:54.560
<v Speaker 1>or take something from friendship to relationship?

0:56:54.640 --> 0:56:57.640
<v Speaker 2>Come on, talk about it, because that's that's just not

0:56:57.719 --> 0:56:59.719
<v Speaker 2>the case marriage. It's not just about sex. It's not

0:56:59.760 --> 0:57:02.360
<v Speaker 2>even building I'm building a life with this person.

0:57:03.320 --> 0:57:07.600
<v Speaker 1>Yes, he is my best friend, yeah, but like it's

0:57:07.640 --> 0:57:10.879
<v Speaker 1>it's much deeper than that, of course, and like and

0:57:11.239 --> 0:57:13.839
<v Speaker 1>our sex life has very little to do with that,

0:57:14.080 --> 0:57:16.800
<v Speaker 1>and like honoring that connection and working on that connection,

0:57:17.000 --> 0:57:21.360
<v Speaker 1>and you know is why we're getting married. Yea. We

0:57:21.440 --> 0:57:24.160
<v Speaker 1>want to do that make you feel promised each other,

0:57:24.240 --> 0:57:26.200
<v Speaker 1>to do that work in front of our friends, Like

0:57:26.280 --> 0:57:28.200
<v Speaker 1>he is that thing of like when you tell your

0:57:28.200 --> 0:57:29.960
<v Speaker 1>friend you're writing a book and it's like, well, fuck

0:57:30.000 --> 0:57:33.440
<v Speaker 1>now I have to write the book because and look,

0:57:33.520 --> 0:57:35.480
<v Speaker 1>that is the wedding for us. It's like we are

0:57:35.520 --> 0:57:39.080
<v Speaker 1>promising each other to do the work to maintain this relationship. Yeah,

0:57:39.160 --> 0:57:40.560
<v Speaker 1>we're doing it in front of all of the most

0:57:40.600 --> 0:57:44.880
<v Speaker 1>important people in our lives, and you know, and we're

0:57:44.920 --> 0:57:47.440
<v Speaker 1>doing it so that they can help keep us accountable

0:57:47.480 --> 0:57:47.760
<v Speaker 1>to that.

0:57:47.960 --> 0:57:49.680
<v Speaker 2>What does it make you feel like when people do

0:57:49.840 --> 0:57:51.760
<v Speaker 2>say that to you, when it's like, what's the point

0:57:51.760 --> 0:57:53.800
<v Speaker 2>of getting married? You're open or whatever? Like, what does

0:57:53.840 --> 0:57:56.840
<v Speaker 2>that feel like when you for you?

0:57:57.400 --> 0:57:59.760
<v Speaker 1>I give people a lot of grace because I think

0:58:00.160 --> 0:58:02.680
<v Speaker 1>we are all so fucked in the heads about sex

0:58:03.200 --> 0:58:06.480
<v Speaker 1>in this country. It's so like the way we're socialized,

0:58:06.560 --> 0:58:09.520
<v Speaker 1>the way we're a lack education, the way you know,

0:58:09.920 --> 0:58:13.120
<v Speaker 1>it's just like in many places just not spoken about,

0:58:13.240 --> 0:58:17.320
<v Speaker 1>never you know, touched upon, and like certainly like in

0:58:17.360 --> 0:58:21.440
<v Speaker 1>the media, like they care way more about sex than

0:58:21.480 --> 0:58:26.000
<v Speaker 1>they do about violence, you know, and and so and

0:58:26.000 --> 0:58:28.439
<v Speaker 1>and so. I give people a lot of grace because

0:58:28.480 --> 0:58:31.920
<v Speaker 1>I do think that, like, if your relationshipship to sex

0:58:32.480 --> 0:58:35.040
<v Speaker 1>is put on that kind of pedestal that you need

0:58:35.080 --> 0:58:37.520
<v Speaker 1>it to be just between you and one other person,

0:58:38.400 --> 0:58:42.480
<v Speaker 1>then like I get why looking at my relationship must

0:58:42.520 --> 0:58:45.800
<v Speaker 1>feel like the t violights Now sure, you know, I

0:58:45.920 --> 0:58:48.240
<v Speaker 1>just have a different relationship to it than you do.

0:58:48.400 --> 0:58:53.040
<v Speaker 1>It's like and that's okay. And I think like it's

0:58:53.120 --> 0:58:59.040
<v Speaker 1>like connecting like personal choices to morality is really like

0:58:59.480 --> 0:59:03.520
<v Speaker 1>it's really uh, it can get dicey for like if

0:59:03.560 --> 0:59:05.560
<v Speaker 1>you start doing that, because where does it end? You know,

0:59:05.720 --> 0:59:08.440
<v Speaker 1>like because monogamy it does not look the same for

0:59:08.520 --> 0:59:11.880
<v Speaker 1>every couple either. So let's be clear. I see behavior

0:59:12.400 --> 0:59:15.560
<v Speaker 1>and I see other behavior in monogamous couples that to

0:59:15.680 --> 0:59:19.400
<v Speaker 1>me would be cheating, and to other monogamous couples would

0:59:19.400 --> 0:59:19.840
<v Speaker 1>be cheating.

0:59:20.080 --> 0:59:21.600
<v Speaker 2>You know, you talk about your friend who was they

0:59:21.640 --> 0:59:24.120
<v Speaker 2>were they didn't they didn't fuck, but they were going

0:59:24.120 --> 0:59:25.760
<v Speaker 2>to movies and first time and like that for me

0:59:25.800 --> 0:59:27.920
<v Speaker 2>would be not monogamous.

0:59:28.280 --> 0:59:32.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, And so I just think, and it's always

0:59:32.960 --> 0:59:35.480
<v Speaker 1>so funny. They love to point out the failures in

0:59:35.560 --> 0:59:38.320
<v Speaker 1>open relationship, huh. They love to point out like, well,

0:59:39.200 --> 0:59:41.680
<v Speaker 1>they're they're gonna end up leaving you for one of

0:59:41.720 --> 0:59:44.640
<v Speaker 1>these other guys that they're fucking, And it's like, Babe,

0:59:44.640 --> 0:59:46.720
<v Speaker 1>that would have happened either way. You can happen every day.

0:59:46.840 --> 0:59:49.280
<v Speaker 2>Monymous. That's what's always crazy to me.

0:59:49.320 --> 0:59:51.680
<v Speaker 1>It's called cheating. Yeah, it happens.

0:59:51.880 --> 0:59:53.040
<v Speaker 2>And like people get divorced.

0:59:53.640 --> 0:59:57.280
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes the cheating is meaningless and just because they wanted

0:59:57.280 --> 1:00:01.320
<v Speaker 1>to have sex, and sometimes it's meaningful. Yeah, and it's

1:00:01.320 --> 1:00:03.640
<v Speaker 1>because they have fallen in love with someone else, and

1:00:03.640 --> 1:00:06.080
<v Speaker 1>that can happen regardless if they're acting on those urges

1:00:06.200 --> 1:00:10.880
<v Speaker 1>or not. Yeah, and it does not make it like

1:00:11.360 --> 1:00:13.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, we don't have the data on the

1:00:13.920 --> 1:00:15.000
<v Speaker 1>success rate of.

1:00:15.280 --> 1:00:16.920
<v Speaker 2>Well because well, I mean, we don't put money in

1:00:17.040 --> 1:00:19.480
<v Speaker 2>studying sex, let alone these relationships. But I think that

1:00:19.560 --> 1:00:21.760
<v Speaker 2>what is why I thank you for having this comma

1:00:21.840 --> 1:00:24.800
<v Speaker 2>with me, because I think people make open relationships polymorate

1:00:24.920 --> 1:00:29.360
<v Speaker 2>non monogamy all about sex and completely negate the humanity

1:00:29.360 --> 1:00:31.800
<v Speaker 2>that's actually at play, the relationship that's actually at play,

1:00:31.800 --> 1:00:34.320
<v Speaker 2>that it's not Sex is a component, but it's not

1:00:35.080 --> 1:00:38.120
<v Speaker 2>the entirety, like that you're not choosing to be open

1:00:38.440 --> 1:00:41.200
<v Speaker 2>just for because Yeah, I thought there is this.

1:00:41.120 --> 1:00:43.560
<v Speaker 1>Weird assumption too that like we don't have sex with

1:00:43.640 --> 1:00:45.640
<v Speaker 1>each other anymore, which is not the case. Like I

1:00:45.680 --> 1:00:48.560
<v Speaker 1>love having sex with him, yeah, passion, and it's connected

1:00:48.600 --> 1:00:53.600
<v Speaker 1>and it's wonderful and like I love Like the other night,

1:00:53.720 --> 1:00:56.400
<v Speaker 1>I like we had people over watch drag Race and

1:00:56.440 --> 1:00:58.920
<v Speaker 1>a bunch of people stuck around before, you know, pregaming

1:00:59.000 --> 1:01:01.360
<v Speaker 1>and whatnot. And I like went downstairs and took a

1:01:01.400 --> 1:01:03.920
<v Speaker 1>viagra and then like came upstairs and John Michael wasn't

1:01:03.920 --> 1:01:05.439
<v Speaker 1>it in the room, And I was like, you guys

1:01:05.440 --> 1:01:08.160
<v Speaker 1>have about thirty minutes and then I'm kicking you out

1:01:09.040 --> 1:01:13.760
<v Speaker 1>because the pill's gonna kick and uh, yeah, I'll need

1:01:13.840 --> 1:01:18.600
<v Speaker 1>you to call your ubers. I'm like, but it's it

1:01:18.720 --> 1:01:21.439
<v Speaker 1>is a different kind of sex. Yeah, like having sex

1:01:21.480 --> 1:01:23.320
<v Speaker 1>with the person that knows you better than anyone in

1:01:23.320 --> 1:01:27.000
<v Speaker 1>the different. Yeah, it hits different. Yeah, and it's and

1:01:27.040 --> 1:01:29.760
<v Speaker 1>it's great, but also sometimes I just want to be

1:01:29.800 --> 1:01:33.680
<v Speaker 1>a fucking whore and like and like it's either you know,

1:01:33.800 --> 1:01:36.120
<v Speaker 1>and like it's like he doesn't need to always be

1:01:36.160 --> 1:01:36.760
<v Speaker 1>involved in that.

1:01:37.120 --> 1:01:41.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's just you getting to experience. It's

1:01:41.280 --> 1:01:43.520
<v Speaker 2>your expanding yourself. You get to experience this and you

1:01:43.560 --> 1:01:46.040
<v Speaker 2>get to experience this other thing. Yeah.

1:01:46.120 --> 1:01:48.680
<v Speaker 1>I was invited to an orgy and the guy who

1:01:48.760 --> 1:01:51.800
<v Speaker 1>invited me, yeah, you know, at the beginning of the night,

1:01:51.840 --> 1:01:53.800
<v Speaker 1>he was like, Savior, looad for me, Savior, looad for me, Like,

1:01:53.840 --> 1:01:56.120
<v Speaker 1>don't don't bust anybody else. And I was like okay,

1:01:56.680 --> 1:01:59.960
<v Speaker 1>and you know, by the I was like getting ready

1:01:59.960 --> 1:02:01.840
<v Speaker 1>to go, and I was like, okay, now's the time,

1:02:02.000 --> 1:02:04.520
<v Speaker 1>like are you ready? And he had already taken like

1:02:04.520 --> 1:02:07.360
<v Speaker 1>one or two loads at this point, and I had

1:02:07.560 --> 1:02:12.880
<v Speaker 1>been doing some substances that made it difficult. I mean,

1:02:13.280 --> 1:02:15.480
<v Speaker 1>thank god I was able to get hard, let alone

1:02:15.720 --> 1:02:17.720
<v Speaker 1>like the thought of coming. At a certain point, I

1:02:17.760 --> 1:02:20.560
<v Speaker 1>was like, it's never going to happen. But I knew

1:02:20.960 --> 1:02:24.040
<v Speaker 1>that he had two loads in him already, and I

1:02:24.080 --> 1:02:26.840
<v Speaker 1>was like, and so I did, I for the first

1:02:26.840 --> 1:02:32.880
<v Speaker 1>time in my life as a man, an orgasm because

1:02:32.880 --> 1:02:34.760
<v Speaker 1>I was like, how's he going to know? Is he

1:02:34.760 --> 1:02:35.760
<v Speaker 1>going to do forensics?

1:02:36.280 --> 1:02:39.360
<v Speaker 2>Like he was one?

1:02:39.720 --> 1:02:42.240
<v Speaker 1>Like I was like, oh, you know, and he was

1:02:42.280 --> 1:02:43.640
<v Speaker 1>like I can feel it. I can feel it. And

1:02:43.680 --> 1:02:48.320
<v Speaker 1>I was like, you certainly cannot. It was like theater

1:02:48.440 --> 1:02:49.360
<v Speaker 1>on both sides.

1:02:49.720 --> 1:02:51.680
<v Speaker 2>Wow, I love it.

1:02:51.760 --> 1:02:53.640
<v Speaker 1>And that's and so that so now we get to

1:02:53.720 --> 1:02:56.240
<v Speaker 1>end on something that is like keeping.

1:02:58.120 --> 1:03:00.320
<v Speaker 2>Well, so he didn't get he didn't earn the Kim

1:03:00.360 --> 1:03:07.080
<v Speaker 2>Booster full name load. Actually I love that story. Thank

1:03:07.120 --> 1:03:09.600
<v Speaker 2>you so much. I'm missing story for the road perfect.

1:03:10.640 --> 1:03:21.360
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, Joel, Thank you. One more bit of homekeeping

1:03:21.560 --> 1:03:24.360
<v Speaker 2>don't forget to rate, review and subscribe to this podcast.

1:03:24.520 --> 1:03:24.880
<v Speaker 1>Baby.

1:03:25.000 --> 1:03:27.520
<v Speaker 2>We're trying to get two hundred and sixty reviews by

1:03:27.520 --> 1:03:29.880
<v Speaker 2>the end of April. We're like one hundred and sixty

1:03:30.000 --> 1:03:31.640
<v Speaker 2>right now, and so I know we can get there.

1:03:31.640 --> 1:03:33.400
<v Speaker 2>I know we can get there. Okay, well, you know

1:03:33.440 --> 1:03:36.480
<v Speaker 2>we're host here, but hose with hearts before we go,

1:03:36.880 --> 1:03:39.840
<v Speaker 2>let me speak to yours. I think we say that

1:03:40.040 --> 1:03:42.120
<v Speaker 2>at this point every week, would just say it, because

1:03:42.120 --> 1:03:44.680
<v Speaker 2>it's in the whole manifesto, but this idea that sex

1:03:44.760 --> 1:03:47.800
<v Speaker 2>is not about penetration, So that person who was asking

1:03:47.800 --> 1:03:50.920
<v Speaker 2>about how to last longer, it's, you know, just not

1:03:51.120 --> 1:03:54.720
<v Speaker 2>relying on the penetration. You know, can you go back,

1:03:54.720 --> 1:03:56.760
<v Speaker 2>as Joel said, to foreplay, which you know, I think

1:03:56.840 --> 1:03:59.040
<v Speaker 2>that anything that we classify as for play, I would

1:03:59.080 --> 1:04:02.040
<v Speaker 2>just say is so you know, whether that's going back

1:04:02.040 --> 1:04:06.120
<v Speaker 2>to your fingers, to your mouth, to massaging, to talking

1:04:06.320 --> 1:04:08.720
<v Speaker 2>some sexy talk, some dirty talk, like you know you

1:04:08.720 --> 1:04:11.600
<v Speaker 2>don't have to you don't have to take the dick

1:04:12.040 --> 1:04:15.880
<v Speaker 2>without a break and feel like, oh my goodness, I've

1:04:15.880 --> 1:04:20.080
<v Speaker 2>stopped the momentum or I've stopped the energy. And also

1:04:20.440 --> 1:04:23.000
<v Speaker 2>a reminder it might just be about changing positions. You know,

1:04:23.720 --> 1:04:27.520
<v Speaker 2>our bodies are different, and some people being on their

1:04:27.560 --> 1:04:29.680
<v Speaker 2>back feels more comfortable being on there, something feels more

1:04:29.680 --> 1:04:32.240
<v Speaker 2>comfortable being on their side, and so don't be afraid

1:04:32.360 --> 1:04:35.680
<v Speaker 2>to check in. And I love this thing that Joel said.

1:04:35.720 --> 1:04:37.880
<v Speaker 2>I would let someone into my asshole, but I'm too

1:04:37.920 --> 1:04:40.640
<v Speaker 2>afraid to tell them I need something different, And.

1:04:40.720 --> 1:04:41.200
<v Speaker 1>Is so true.

1:04:41.320 --> 1:04:43.640
<v Speaker 2>We love people inside of us, our assholes, our revolvas,

1:04:43.720 --> 1:04:46.400
<v Speaker 2>our mouths. I mean, we need something different we are

1:04:46.520 --> 1:04:48.240
<v Speaker 2>afraid of. I don't know. It could be that we're

1:04:48.280 --> 1:04:52.760
<v Speaker 2>afraid of losing being rejected, losing their attention, losing their love,

1:04:52.880 --> 1:04:55.720
<v Speaker 2>losing their desire if we ask for something. So we

1:04:55.840 --> 1:04:59.520
<v Speaker 2>try to be amicable, amiable. I think this is obviously

1:04:59.600 --> 1:05:03.760
<v Speaker 2>very prep in women, in queer folks. That is how

1:05:03.760 --> 1:05:06.440
<v Speaker 2>we've learned to what'sort I'm looking for, That's how we

1:05:06.560 --> 1:05:12.880
<v Speaker 2>learned to feel our worth is by being agreeable, and

1:05:12.960 --> 1:05:17.840
<v Speaker 2>also sometimes our safety we've learned to maintain by being agreeable,

1:05:17.880 --> 1:05:20.880
<v Speaker 2>not sometimes all the time. And so just a reminder

1:05:20.960 --> 1:05:25.280
<v Speaker 2>that that is an old way of operating in your system,

1:05:25.280 --> 1:05:26.800
<v Speaker 2>and so we just update it, which is that like

1:05:26.840 --> 1:05:29.080
<v Speaker 2>if I am giving a head or if I'm taken,

1:05:29.200 --> 1:05:33.120
<v Speaker 2>dick or whatever, it is, like I have the full

1:05:33.440 --> 1:05:37.200
<v Speaker 2>right and permission to ask for something different. This person

1:05:37.280 --> 1:05:39.280
<v Speaker 2>is inside me, and there's a way that I need

1:05:39.320 --> 1:05:41.360
<v Speaker 2>them to be inside me. They're not going to know

1:05:41.400 --> 1:05:43.160
<v Speaker 2>if I don't tell them, you know what I'm saying,

1:05:43.240 --> 1:05:46.680
<v Speaker 2>So don't be afraid to ask. I love this about

1:05:46.800 --> 1:05:49.200
<v Speaker 2>money in partnerships. And by the way, I recognize that

1:05:49.280 --> 1:05:52.040
<v Speaker 2>Joel and I are two male bodies talking about money

1:05:52.040 --> 1:05:54.160
<v Speaker 2>inside of a relationship. And when you bring in a

1:05:54.280 --> 1:05:59.520
<v Speaker 2>cis heterosexual, dynamic man woman, there are you know, socialization

1:06:01.120 --> 1:06:05.600
<v Speaker 2>hiccups if you will, that come into play. There's a

1:06:05.600 --> 1:06:09.040
<v Speaker 2>lot of masculinity that comes into play, and who should

1:06:09.040 --> 1:06:11.720
<v Speaker 2>be making the money and who shouldn't. And like I've

1:06:11.720 --> 1:06:14.160
<v Speaker 2>been seeing all these things on like TikTok and Instagram,

1:06:14.200 --> 1:06:16.000
<v Speaker 2>where like guys are like if she makes more money

1:06:16.040 --> 1:06:17.919
<v Speaker 2>than me, then like she's out, Like I don't, I don't,

1:06:17.920 --> 1:06:20.080
<v Speaker 2>I don't bugger her. And that is just such a

1:06:20.120 --> 1:06:23.439
<v Speaker 2>level of insecurity that I do not have a lot

1:06:23.440 --> 1:06:28.040
<v Speaker 2>of patients for, you know, And that's probably a deeper

1:06:28.120 --> 1:06:33.520
<v Speaker 2>conversation about the the kind of patriarchal misogyny that's wrapped

1:06:33.560 --> 1:06:35.680
<v Speaker 2>inside of the man needs to make the most money.

1:06:35.840 --> 1:06:40.160
<v Speaker 2>I'll say, very like candidly. Matthew and I had a

1:06:40.200 --> 1:06:42.680
<v Speaker 2>little bit of that in the very beginning, which I

1:06:42.720 --> 1:06:45.240
<v Speaker 2>recognize a full socialization as a man, like he has

1:06:45.280 --> 1:06:48.040
<v Speaker 2>been raised as a man to feel like he has

1:06:48.120 --> 1:06:49.720
<v Speaker 2>to be the one to make the more money or

1:06:49.760 --> 1:06:53.120
<v Speaker 2>to whatever. And there was a moment where I booked

1:06:53.160 --> 1:06:55.000
<v Speaker 2>a job. This is again like ten years ago, so

1:06:55.000 --> 1:06:56.880
<v Speaker 2>when we first got together, I booked a job that

1:06:56.880 --> 1:07:00.520
<v Speaker 2>would have potentially paid me astronomically more than he was

1:07:00.560 --> 1:07:03.200
<v Speaker 2>making as a teacher. And it kicked up some gook

1:07:03.320 --> 1:07:06.040
<v Speaker 2>which was not which is so funny because it wasn't.

1:07:06.880 --> 1:07:09.480
<v Speaker 2>It was unrecognizable to the partner that he is like,

1:07:09.520 --> 1:07:13.200
<v Speaker 2>it's not his stuff like that, just he doesn't respond

1:07:13.200 --> 1:07:14.760
<v Speaker 2>in that way. And so we were both like, what

1:07:14.920 --> 1:07:17.000
<v Speaker 2>is this response? And it was like, oh, right, you've

1:07:17.000 --> 1:07:21.160
<v Speaker 2>been socialized as a man to think that you your

1:07:21.280 --> 1:07:23.840
<v Speaker 2>worth as a man is rooted to how much money

1:07:23.840 --> 1:07:26.680
<v Speaker 2>you make, and that you have to make as much,

1:07:26.800 --> 1:07:28.920
<v Speaker 2>if not more than your partner. And if your partner

1:07:29.000 --> 1:07:30.800
<v Speaker 2>is making more than you, than that means you are

1:07:30.880 --> 1:07:34.120
<v Speaker 2>less than That means that you're weak, which is not true, right,

1:07:34.160 --> 1:07:36.880
<v Speaker 2>But that's how you're socialized, and so when you recognize it,

1:07:36.920 --> 1:07:39.000
<v Speaker 2>when you see it, you have to address it, You

1:07:39.080 --> 1:07:40.760
<v Speaker 2>have to talk about you have to pull it so

1:07:40.800 --> 1:07:42.840
<v Speaker 2>that you can update the operating system, which is that

1:07:43.120 --> 1:07:46.000
<v Speaker 2>who gives a fuck, we're in a partnership together. Who

1:07:46.040 --> 1:07:49.120
<v Speaker 2>gives a fuck who makes more money? We're in this together,

1:07:49.160 --> 1:07:55.240
<v Speaker 2>We're building this life together. And so you know, you know,

1:07:55.480 --> 1:07:58.160
<v Speaker 2>what's yours is mind, what's mine is yours. Vibes, they're

1:07:58.200 --> 1:08:01.680
<v Speaker 2>obviously guard to that if this is a second marriage

1:08:01.800 --> 1:08:04.960
<v Speaker 2>or you know, all those things, but in essence and

1:08:05.040 --> 1:08:07.720
<v Speaker 2>it's purest it's like we are building together. So I

1:08:07.760 --> 1:08:11.000
<v Speaker 2>don't really care who makes more or less, because money

1:08:11.040 --> 1:08:14.640
<v Speaker 2>is not the only defining factor of our relationship, or

1:08:14.760 --> 1:08:16.479
<v Speaker 2>is the only or the only way to be taken

1:08:16.520 --> 1:08:18.559
<v Speaker 2>care of or to take care of somebody. There are

1:08:18.560 --> 1:08:22.720
<v Speaker 2>so many other elements to caring for each other in

1:08:22.760 --> 1:08:24.960
<v Speaker 2>a relationship that goes outside of money. And if we're

1:08:24.960 --> 1:08:27.519
<v Speaker 2>basing it all around money, the relationship is going to

1:08:27.600 --> 1:08:32.360
<v Speaker 2>be empty as fuck. Okay, So I again, focus on

1:08:32.640 --> 1:08:34.960
<v Speaker 2>the heart of the person, focus on the integrity of

1:08:35.000 --> 1:08:37.320
<v Speaker 2>the person. Obviously you want to I think you want

1:08:37.320 --> 1:08:39.080
<v Speaker 2>to be with somebody who knows how to talk about money,

1:08:39.080 --> 1:08:44.280
<v Speaker 2>because listen, we can't deny the business of being in relationship,

1:08:44.360 --> 1:08:49.080
<v Speaker 2>the business of existing in a capitalist country. Like you know,

1:08:49.120 --> 1:08:50.600
<v Speaker 2>you got to know what's going on with your with

1:08:50.680 --> 1:08:53.200
<v Speaker 2>your bills, with your money, and with your partner's money,

1:08:53.200 --> 1:08:55.719
<v Speaker 2>and vice versa. So you want to be with somebody

1:08:55.720 --> 1:08:57.719
<v Speaker 2>who wants who's able to talk about it, or who's

1:08:57.760 --> 1:09:00.200
<v Speaker 2>willing to work on being able to talk about it.

1:09:00.280 --> 1:09:02.360
<v Speaker 2>But you don't need to be with somebody who is

1:09:02.560 --> 1:09:08.680
<v Speaker 2>fully financially secure in this moment to to have or

1:09:08.680 --> 1:09:12.959
<v Speaker 2>build a relationship. You know, I'm less worried about your

1:09:13.000 --> 1:09:15.240
<v Speaker 2>credit score. I am worried about it. I do want

1:09:15.240 --> 1:09:17.000
<v Speaker 2>to know, But I'm more worried about your you know,

1:09:17.040 --> 1:09:20.800
<v Speaker 2>your compassionate score, your curiosity score, your communication score like

1:09:20.840 --> 1:09:23.400
<v Speaker 2>that that you know, that is what I'm interested in.

1:09:24.720 --> 1:09:28.280
<v Speaker 2>That is that deserves just as much weight. Because credit

1:09:28.360 --> 1:09:30.960
<v Speaker 2>score we can build, Okay, we can build that back up.

1:09:31.000 --> 1:09:33.040
<v Speaker 2>We can get you on your little budget and forget

1:09:33.120 --> 1:09:36.280
<v Speaker 2>it out. But if you're a dick, if you're a

1:09:36.280 --> 1:09:39.880
<v Speaker 2>fucking asshole, we don't have time for it. We don't

1:09:39.880 --> 1:09:43.479
<v Speaker 2>have time for it coming out safely. I'm glad we

1:09:43.520 --> 1:09:46.880
<v Speaker 2>answered that question because I you know, as Joel said,

1:09:46.920 --> 1:09:49.880
<v Speaker 2>we've been out professionally for so long that you take

1:09:49.920 --> 1:09:52.120
<v Speaker 2>for granted that this is still a thing that many

1:09:52.160 --> 1:09:55.759
<v Speaker 2>people have to do and having to consider your safety

1:09:55.800 --> 1:09:57.680
<v Speaker 2>when you do it. And so I really think that

1:09:57.720 --> 1:10:00.000
<v Speaker 2>it's so smart to consider what is your financial secure

1:10:01.080 --> 1:10:03.920
<v Speaker 2>what are your resources? If you know this is not

1:10:04.080 --> 1:10:05.880
<v Speaker 2>going to go well, or you feel like there's a

1:10:05.880 --> 1:10:08.920
<v Speaker 2>potential that your that your relationship with your family could

1:10:08.960 --> 1:10:12.320
<v Speaker 2>be compromised if you come out, then yeah, consider what

1:10:12.320 --> 1:10:15.000
<v Speaker 2>what are your what is your what are your guardrails,

1:10:15.040 --> 1:10:20.240
<v Speaker 2>what is your safety? What is your contingency plan? I

1:10:20.280 --> 1:10:23.840
<v Speaker 2>think Joel said, know your contingency plan, and then also

1:10:24.240 --> 1:10:26.880
<v Speaker 2>how you do it. You don't get more brownie points

1:10:26.880 --> 1:10:28.680
<v Speaker 2>for coming out at Thanksgiving dinner. You don't get more

1:10:28.680 --> 1:10:30.920
<v Speaker 2>brownie points for coming out you know, at you know,

1:10:31.760 --> 1:10:34.680
<v Speaker 2>at the family function. If it's safer for you to

1:10:34.680 --> 1:10:36.479
<v Speaker 2>do it over text, to write a letter, to send

1:10:36.479 --> 1:10:39.479
<v Speaker 2>an email. This is about you in this moment. You

1:10:39.520 --> 1:10:42.479
<v Speaker 2>are the vulnerable one here, and so what is going

1:10:42.560 --> 1:10:45.599
<v Speaker 2>to take care of you? Is the is the choice

1:10:45.600 --> 1:10:49.160
<v Speaker 2>that you should make? Ah, I also really love when

1:10:49.200 --> 1:10:53.800
<v Speaker 2>Joel said, I don't require validation from other people anymore

1:10:53.840 --> 1:10:56.880
<v Speaker 2>when it comes to sex, right, because we we don't

1:10:56.880 --> 1:10:59.040
<v Speaker 2>talk about it enough. But you know, we talked about

1:10:59.040 --> 1:11:01.800
<v Speaker 2>here some a little bit. But you know, a lot

1:11:01.800 --> 1:11:04.000
<v Speaker 2>of our a lot of our sex is rooted in validation.

1:11:04.360 --> 1:11:07.200
<v Speaker 2>In wanting to feel desirable and wanting to feel attractive,

1:11:07.200 --> 1:11:11.400
<v Speaker 2>and wanting to feel loved. We pursue sex and it

1:11:11.439 --> 1:11:15.040
<v Speaker 2>becomes this like bottomless pit or this bottomless well where

1:11:15.120 --> 1:11:18.200
<v Speaker 2>you know there's just never enough and that sometimes we're

1:11:18.439 --> 1:11:21.679
<v Speaker 2>not Sometimes a lot of people are chasing these physical

1:11:21.680 --> 1:11:25.240
<v Speaker 2>interactions so that we can feel like we're worthy, so

1:11:25.240 --> 1:11:27.200
<v Speaker 2>we can feel like we're a whole. And when you

1:11:27.320 --> 1:11:30.120
<v Speaker 2>learn how to validate yourself and belong to and by

1:11:30.120 --> 1:11:32.120
<v Speaker 2>the way, I'm not saying that's easy, but you know,

1:11:32.280 --> 1:11:34.439
<v Speaker 2>when you do learn it, when you commit to that,

1:11:34.800 --> 1:11:38.679
<v Speaker 2>then suddenly sex doesn't have to be about the chase.

1:11:39.479 --> 1:11:43.280
<v Speaker 2>Sex doesn't have to be about you filling your cup anymore.

1:11:43.720 --> 1:11:47.120
<v Speaker 2>You do it enjoy, you do it for pleasure, You

1:11:47.160 --> 1:11:49.280
<v Speaker 2>do it when you feel like it. You know, I'm saying,

1:11:49.320 --> 1:11:50.759
<v Speaker 2>you do it when you want to it. It doesn't

1:11:50.920 --> 1:11:53.040
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't have stakes on it, it gets to be

1:11:53.360 --> 1:11:56.320
<v Speaker 2>a little more fun. Because if your validation you're worth,

1:11:56.720 --> 1:12:00.479
<v Speaker 2>your belonging, your acceptance comes from your sex, that I

1:12:00.479 --> 1:12:04.040
<v Speaker 2>imagine the sex that you're pursuing has some high stakes

1:12:04.120 --> 1:12:09.280
<v Speaker 2>to it, because feeling like you're worthy of existing are

1:12:09.400 --> 1:12:12.519
<v Speaker 2>high stakes, right, And so now you're putting that on

1:12:12.600 --> 1:12:15.280
<v Speaker 2>this physical interaction, you're putting that on the other person,

1:12:15.560 --> 1:12:17.760
<v Speaker 2>you're putting on yourself, and those are just like, it's

1:12:17.760 --> 1:12:22.280
<v Speaker 2>just a really high fucking bar. And I don't think

1:12:22.280 --> 1:12:25.640
<v Speaker 2>that your sex should be attached to your worth. I

1:12:25.680 --> 1:12:28.280
<v Speaker 2>would just you know, encourage you to do the work

1:12:28.320 --> 1:12:31.040
<v Speaker 2>to detangle your worth from your sex so that sex

1:12:31.080 --> 1:12:34.080
<v Speaker 2>can be in joy, so it can be in pleasure.

1:12:36.120 --> 1:12:39.400
<v Speaker 2>You should leave, As Joel said, every encounter feeling good.

1:12:39.800 --> 1:12:42.360
<v Speaker 2>It may not be the best sex ever, right, it

1:12:42.400 --> 1:12:44.519
<v Speaker 2>may not blow your mind, but do you feel good

1:12:44.600 --> 1:12:47.320
<v Speaker 2>about that interaction? That's the goal, right. The goal is

1:12:47.360 --> 1:12:50.439
<v Speaker 2>that every you know, sexual encounter that you have, you

1:12:50.479 --> 1:12:52.479
<v Speaker 2>feel good about it because you know why you were there.

1:12:52.600 --> 1:12:54.600
<v Speaker 2>You were able to advocate for yourself. You're able to

1:12:54.600 --> 1:12:58.320
<v Speaker 2>communicate if the dick was dicking too hard, you were

1:12:58.400 --> 1:13:00.559
<v Speaker 2>able to say, oh my goodness, you a little slower,

1:13:00.560 --> 1:13:02.720
<v Speaker 2>a little softer, whatever it is, you were able to

1:13:02.760 --> 1:13:05.840
<v Speaker 2>ask for what you need, and so it was it

1:13:05.880 --> 1:13:07.799
<v Speaker 2>was able to be a good time, a good interaction,

1:13:07.960 --> 1:13:10.880
<v Speaker 2>and that's what we want. This question, what's the point

1:13:10.880 --> 1:13:13.839
<v Speaker 2>of getting married if you're open? Is such a wild

1:13:13.960 --> 1:13:17.519
<v Speaker 2>question that I have received, you know, Joel has received.

1:13:17.520 --> 1:13:19.360
<v Speaker 2>As we were talking about. I think it's just so

1:13:19.360 --> 1:13:22.320
<v Speaker 2>beautiful that Joel, you know, it reminded me because I

1:13:22.360 --> 1:13:25.400
<v Speaker 2>was like that those questions make me want to fight.

1:13:25.520 --> 1:13:29.320
<v Speaker 2>I want to, like ye swing, but you know, giving grace,

1:13:29.400 --> 1:13:31.840
<v Speaker 2>as Joel was saying, you know, because he knows how

1:13:31.880 --> 1:13:35.200
<v Speaker 2>we're raised and a lack of education around sex. It's

1:13:35.240 --> 1:13:38.040
<v Speaker 2>why we're doing this podcast to bring raise awareness, to

1:13:38.040 --> 1:13:41.360
<v Speaker 2>have these conversations but understanding. I think sometimes I take

1:13:41.400 --> 1:13:45.040
<v Speaker 2>for granted because I'm constantly having these kinds of conversations,

1:13:45.360 --> 1:13:47.800
<v Speaker 2>that that's not the norm, right, that a lot of

1:13:47.800 --> 1:13:50.599
<v Speaker 2>people aren't necessarily talking about that, and certainly not every

1:13:50.680 --> 1:13:55.280
<v Speaker 2>single day all the time. And so there is a

1:13:55.400 --> 1:14:01.960
<v Speaker 2>naivete or an ignorance around parts of sex, including and

1:14:02.120 --> 1:14:07.120
<v Speaker 2>especially non monogamy, polyamory, open relationships. I would like to

1:14:07.640 --> 1:14:12.160
<v Speaker 2>remind you or just reimpress that it's not just about sex.

1:14:13.160 --> 1:14:15.800
<v Speaker 2>That people are polly or they're open, or they're non

1:14:15.800 --> 1:14:19.679
<v Speaker 2>monogamous for more reasons than just fucking. Also, your marriage

1:14:19.880 --> 1:14:23.240
<v Speaker 2>is not just about about sex. I don't think that

1:14:23.280 --> 1:14:25.640
<v Speaker 2>your marriage will be successful if you are building it

1:14:25.800 --> 1:14:28.760
<v Speaker 2>around the temple of sex. Sex can be a component

1:14:28.840 --> 1:14:30.960
<v Speaker 2>of your marriage. Of course, it might be a very

1:14:31.000 --> 1:14:35.080
<v Speaker 2>important component. It might also not be And that's O

1:14:35.200 --> 1:14:37.639
<v Speaker 2>Kate too. Shout out to the girlies who are married

1:14:37.680 --> 1:14:40.599
<v Speaker 2>and like, sex is just not a concern for you.

1:14:40.600 --> 1:14:42.840
<v Speaker 2>You're like, you're not pressed about it. It's not the

1:14:42.840 --> 1:14:45.240
<v Speaker 2>thing you're craving, whether your sex drive is low or

1:14:45.280 --> 1:14:48.200
<v Speaker 2>you are open, and you're just like, that's not That's

1:14:48.240 --> 1:14:50.400
<v Speaker 2>not why I'm in this partnership. I'm in this partnership

1:14:50.439 --> 1:14:52.599
<v Speaker 2>for a lot of other reasons. And like, shout out

1:14:52.640 --> 1:14:55.439
<v Speaker 2>to you your your reasons are just as valid. But

1:14:55.640 --> 1:14:58.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, again, I understand that how we're socialized and

1:14:58.760 --> 1:15:01.400
<v Speaker 2>how we're raised, and the lack of information around sex

1:15:01.439 --> 1:15:05.080
<v Speaker 2>in general, let alone, you know, relationships that aren't monogamous

1:15:05.320 --> 1:15:07.640
<v Speaker 2>might make you, as Joel say, look at the relationships

1:15:07.680 --> 1:15:10.680
<v Speaker 2>at like it's the twilight zone. It's not it's just

1:15:10.720 --> 1:15:13.320
<v Speaker 2>something different, and so let's you know, say, open hearted

1:15:13.320 --> 1:15:15.840
<v Speaker 2>and curious. It may not work for you, and that's

1:15:15.920 --> 1:15:18.200
<v Speaker 2>totally fine. No one is saying that polyamory are not

1:15:18.240 --> 1:15:21.040
<v Speaker 2>monogamy or OLP relationships are better than monogamy. Absolutely not.

1:15:22.120 --> 1:15:26.200
<v Speaker 2>But you have the right to know what your options

1:15:26.240 --> 1:15:29.080
<v Speaker 2>are so you can advocate for yourself and you can say, oh,

1:15:29.080 --> 1:15:30.680
<v Speaker 2>this is what I'm looking for, or I think I

1:15:30.720 --> 1:15:32.040
<v Speaker 2>do want to try some of this, or I want

1:15:32.040 --> 1:15:34.120
<v Speaker 2>a bit of this, or like, you know, I'm actually

1:15:34.120 --> 1:15:36.400
<v Speaker 2>okay with with the texting, but I don't want anything

1:15:36.400 --> 1:15:38.719
<v Speaker 2>physical to happen, or actually I don't love the texting,

1:15:38.720 --> 1:15:41.200
<v Speaker 2>but the physical doesn't bother me. Can you can you

1:15:41.240 --> 1:15:45.200
<v Speaker 2>be brave enough, you know, to ask yourself the questions

1:15:45.520 --> 1:15:48.960
<v Speaker 2>and to ask them, you know, periodically. You know, at

1:15:48.960 --> 1:15:51.240
<v Speaker 2>the top of our relationship Matthew and I, he was like,

1:15:51.280 --> 1:15:52.880
<v Speaker 2>I will never be open. I do not want to

1:15:52.920 --> 1:15:54.479
<v Speaker 2>be open. That's not my vibe. And I was kind

1:15:54.479 --> 1:15:56.679
<v Speaker 2>of like, all right, cool. Five years into the relationship

1:15:56.680 --> 1:15:58.160
<v Speaker 2>he was like, you know what, I'm actually curious about this,

1:15:58.320 --> 1:16:00.559
<v Speaker 2>and that's okay, you know what I'm saying. We get

1:16:00.560 --> 1:16:02.519
<v Speaker 2>to evolve and shift and in five years you might

1:16:02.560 --> 1:16:04.479
<v Speaker 2>be like, I'm not doing it anymore, and we'll have

1:16:04.560 --> 1:16:09.200
<v Speaker 2>those conversations. But you know, don't deny yourself evolution. Oh,

1:16:10.000 --> 1:16:14.400
<v Speaker 2>don't deny yourself growth and expansion just because you're afraid

1:16:14.400 --> 1:16:17.160
<v Speaker 2>to ask the question. Ask the fucking questions. And then finally,

1:16:17.320 --> 1:16:19.719
<v Speaker 2>I love that you know, open relationship doesn't mean that

1:16:19.840 --> 1:16:24.880
<v Speaker 2>the original relationship is sexless. There's this, you know, misconception

1:16:25.000 --> 1:16:27.120
<v Speaker 2>that if a couple is non monogamous, or if they're

1:16:27.120 --> 1:16:29.840
<v Speaker 2>open or the polly, that they're no longer having sex.

1:16:29.920 --> 1:16:33.559
<v Speaker 2>That is not true. It can actually very much make

1:16:33.920 --> 1:16:38.960
<v Speaker 2>their sex that much hotter, that much more exciting, that

1:16:39.040 --> 1:16:41.680
<v Speaker 2>much more intimate, that much more special. Something. I think

1:16:41.680 --> 1:16:43.640
<v Speaker 2>there's a common misconception that if you're having sex with

1:16:43.760 --> 1:16:46.679
<v Speaker 2>more than just your what let's call it your anchor partner,

1:16:46.800 --> 1:16:48.880
<v Speaker 2>the partner that you might cohabitate with or is your

1:16:49.040 --> 1:16:52.640
<v Speaker 2>original partner, that it detracts. And it's like that it

1:16:52.680 --> 1:16:55.559
<v Speaker 2>doesn't actually detract. It can actually, you know, if those

1:16:55.600 --> 1:16:58.679
<v Speaker 2>partners are in communication and talking, you can actually enhance,

1:17:00.600 --> 1:17:03.679
<v Speaker 2>you know, it can actually make it that much sweeter,

1:17:03.800 --> 1:17:07.320
<v Speaker 2>that much more important, that much more special. Also, I

1:17:07.360 --> 1:17:10.960
<v Speaker 2>think redefining or expanding what your definition of sex is.

1:17:11.040 --> 1:17:13.559
<v Speaker 2>A couple may not have penetration, and that's not sex

1:17:13.600 --> 1:17:16.040
<v Speaker 2>for them, but sex for them might be you know

1:17:16.720 --> 1:17:19.639
<v Speaker 2>what will demus for play might just be side energy.

1:17:19.960 --> 1:17:22.960
<v Speaker 2>Sex for them might be massages and cuddles. And you know,

1:17:23.040 --> 1:17:25.160
<v Speaker 2>sex doesn't just have to be about penetration. And a

1:17:25.200 --> 1:17:28.479
<v Speaker 2>couple gets to define what sex is for themselves. You

1:17:28.520 --> 1:17:32.400
<v Speaker 2>get to define what sex is for yourself. Don't ever

1:17:32.439 --> 1:17:34.880
<v Speaker 2>forget that. Oh also, I have to tell you about

1:17:34.880 --> 1:17:36.600
<v Speaker 2>my substack, which I know a lot of you know,

1:17:36.640 --> 1:17:40.200
<v Speaker 2>but we've been revamping Brandon Coogodman dot substack dot com

1:17:40.320 --> 1:17:43.920
<v Speaker 2>and every Monday, every Monday night, I will be going

1:17:43.960 --> 1:17:47.320
<v Speaker 2>live Messy Mondays at night six pm Pacific, nine pm

1:17:47.400 --> 1:17:51.000
<v Speaker 2>Eastern sixty nine. Okay, you get it, and I'll have

1:17:51.080 --> 1:17:54.000
<v Speaker 2>guests and wiki ki, I'll read more submissions and it's

1:17:54.000 --> 1:17:57.840
<v Speaker 2>such a vibe. This past Monday, Eric William's, host of

1:17:57.920 --> 1:17:59.679
<v Speaker 2>That's a Gay As Podcast, who is also a friend

1:17:59.720 --> 1:18:02.479
<v Speaker 2>to tell me something Messy, was on the show and

1:18:02.520 --> 1:18:06.280
<v Speaker 2>we talked about First Gate kisses. We talked about one

1:18:06.280 --> 1:18:09.519
<v Speaker 2>of y'all submitted something about fucking in a park on

1:18:09.600 --> 1:18:13.240
<v Speaker 2>a slide, So we talked about that, we talked about

1:18:13.320 --> 1:18:15.639
<v Speaker 2>mood lighting and turn ons. It was a really really

1:18:15.720 --> 1:18:18.240
<v Speaker 2>awesome conversation, so you can check that out. Also, if

1:18:18.240 --> 1:18:20.360
<v Speaker 2>you're a paid subscriber, which is five dollars a month,

1:18:20.880 --> 1:18:24.280
<v Speaker 2>we need access to more goodies like monthly essays from

1:18:24.280 --> 1:18:27.679
<v Speaker 2>my whole journal, or get access to the group chats

1:18:27.760 --> 1:18:30.040
<v Speaker 2>and you can reach me directly through those chats. And

1:18:30.040 --> 1:18:33.439
<v Speaker 2>then also my weekly Hey Everybody podcast, which is a

1:18:33.479 --> 1:18:36.800
<v Speaker 2>mini pod where I recap the week, tell you what's

1:18:36.840 --> 1:18:38.760
<v Speaker 2>going on, catch you up on some things that are

1:18:38.800 --> 1:18:42.600
<v Speaker 2>happening personally and professionally, give you even more messy stories,

1:18:42.680 --> 1:18:44.840
<v Speaker 2>and also tell you more about what's going on on

1:18:44.880 --> 1:18:48.639
<v Speaker 2>our podcast. So we might dive into some deeper conversations there.

1:18:49.040 --> 1:18:54.440
<v Speaker 2>So here's a little clip from the most recent Hey Everybody.

1:18:54.600 --> 1:18:58.880
<v Speaker 2>Check it out. We were just messaging about us fucking

1:18:58.920 --> 1:19:02.439
<v Speaker 2>and now you're talking about one and fuck my best ye. Interesting, interesting,

1:19:03.400 --> 1:19:07.280
<v Speaker 2>interesting pivot here, But uh huh, I'm like, well, you know, uh,

1:19:07.720 --> 1:19:10.080
<v Speaker 2>he's my best dye and he knows about us, and

1:19:10.080 --> 1:19:12.599
<v Speaker 2>he knows about like, you know, the time we spent together,

1:19:12.720 --> 1:19:14.840
<v Speaker 2>Like a's a leapd amount of time. No we weren't

1:19:14.920 --> 1:19:16.680
<v Speaker 2>dating or whatever, but you and I were hanging out

1:19:16.720 --> 1:19:19.080
<v Speaker 2>for a signific amount of time. So you know he's

1:19:19.120 --> 1:19:21.120
<v Speaker 2>being respectful. Y'all are doubts. You can do whatever you want,

1:19:21.160 --> 1:19:24.360
<v Speaker 2>but I think he's being respectful. He responds to me.

1:19:24.400 --> 1:19:26.920
<v Speaker 2>The guy goes, it's not like like you own me

1:19:27.120 --> 1:19:37.400
<v Speaker 2>or something. I was like, listen, uh, the story is

1:19:37.520 --> 1:19:41.360
<v Speaker 2>juicy and wild and a lot of things, and I

1:19:42.000 --> 1:19:44.479
<v Speaker 2>would love your take. I was like, is this messy?

1:19:44.560 --> 1:19:46.559
<v Speaker 2>Is it too messy? I would love your take. So

1:19:46.640 --> 1:19:49.960
<v Speaker 2>check out Brandon call Goodman dot substack dot com. I

1:19:50.000 --> 1:19:53.439
<v Speaker 2>love you. You can find me on Instagram as well

1:19:53.479 --> 1:19:56.439
<v Speaker 2>at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcast at

1:19:56.600 --> 1:19:59.960
<v Speaker 2>tell Me Something Messy, and you can join our community

1:20:00.120 --> 1:20:03.720
<v Speaker 2>on the Messy Monday's Substack. When you subscribe, you'll get

1:20:03.760 --> 1:20:08.599
<v Speaker 2>weekly posts, recommendations on sex and self and so much more. Also,

1:20:08.640 --> 1:20:11.120
<v Speaker 2>I want to hear from you, so send your topic ideas,

1:20:11.200 --> 1:20:16.280
<v Speaker 2>your messy stories, your submissions, your game ideas to tell

1:20:16.320 --> 1:20:19.080
<v Speaker 2>Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can also

1:20:19.120 --> 1:20:22.400
<v Speaker 2>call us at six six nine sixty nine Messy That

1:20:22.560 --> 1:20:26.280
<v Speaker 2>is six six nine six ninety six three seven seven

1:20:26.439 --> 1:20:30.240
<v Speaker 2>nine Rate review and Share this podcast with all your

1:20:30.280 --> 1:20:34.959
<v Speaker 2>hoe and aspiring hoe friends really really helps the show out.

1:20:35.160 --> 1:20:35.479
<v Speaker 1>All right.

1:20:35.600 --> 1:20:38.120
<v Speaker 2>Until next time, ask about the politics of that dick

1:20:38.160 --> 1:20:40.439
<v Speaker 2>before you make it spit, make sure they eat the

1:20:40.520 --> 1:20:45.760
<v Speaker 2>kitty buffore day, beat the kitty before fuckation or succation. Communication.

1:20:46.240 --> 1:20:49.080
<v Speaker 2>And in case you haven't heard it yet, today you

1:20:49.120 --> 1:20:54.840
<v Speaker 2>are so deeply loved. I love you ye, thank you

1:20:54.880 --> 1:20:57.320
<v Speaker 2>so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If

1:20:57.360 --> 1:20:59.519
<v Speaker 2>you all enjoyed the show, send me episode to someone

1:20:59.520 --> 1:21:02.799
<v Speaker 2>else who like it. Tell Me Something Messy was executive

1:21:02.800 --> 1:21:06.800
<v Speaker 2>produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins, and Yours Truly. Our

1:21:06.840 --> 1:21:10.439
<v Speaker 2>producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts from

1:21:10.479 --> 1:21:14.400
<v Speaker 2>iHeartRadio and The Outspoken Network, visit the iHeartRadio app or

1:21:14.479 --> 1:21:16.839
<v Speaker 2>anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.