00:00:00 Speaker 1: Hi listener. 00:00:01 Speaker 2: Before we get to the episode, I want to take a moment to address the June twenty fourth, twenty twenty two Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe versus Wade. This decision stripped away the right to have a safe and legal abortion. Everyone should have the freedom to decide what's best for themselves and their families, including when it comes to ending a pregnancy. This decision has dire consequences for individual health and safety, and could have harsh repercussions for other landmark decisions. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans. Learn more by visiting Choice dot CRD dot co. That's choice dot cr D dot co. And if you're able to support others, please consider donating to abortion funds. I encourage you to speak up, take care, and please spread the word. 00:01:03 Speaker 3: Hell, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. 00:01:11 Speaker 4: But you're a guest in my home. 00:01:15 Speaker 3: You gotta come to me empty, and I said no, guess your own presences presence and I already too much stuff? So how do you dare to surbey me? 00:01:42 Speaker 2: Welcome to I said, no gifts? I'm Richard Wineinger. I'm just absolutely I've been in a mood all morning. 00:01:50 Speaker 1: That's fine. 00:01:52 Speaker 2: Spam call out of Huntington Beach, California. Try to get in touch with me. Four times. I admired dedication. Maybe if they try again, I'll pick up. You know, these are the things that are going on in my life and I'm just trying to keep it together. I hope you're keeping it together. I hope your phone is on. Do not disturb like mine. I've shown you that respect. It's the least you can do for me. Let's get into the podcast. It's time to talk to the guests. I'm obviously out of control. Maybe the guests can, you know, get us back on track. I think just an outstanding guest. It's so Fia Cleary, so Fia, welcome to I said no gifts. 00:02:35 Speaker 4: Thank you so much for having me. 00:02:37 Speaker 2: Of course, I'm sorry to bring kind of an energy that's simply all over the place. 00:02:43 Speaker 4: I'm right there with you, honey, right there with you. 00:02:47 Speaker 5: Daysed and Graze Mondays am I right. 00:02:53 Speaker 2: Classic case of the Mondays. Well, that's a little revealed to the listener. This is being recorded it on a Monday and you're listening to it on a Thursday or any other day of the week, because that's how podcasts work. But if it's the first day, it's a Thursday, and now your whole timeline is screwed up. Let's all try to keep it together. So faya, what have you been. 00:03:14 Speaker 4: Doing well this morning? 00:03:18 Speaker 5: Frankly fighting with my partner, God bless us. We did, like, we did resolve it. 00:03:27 Speaker 4: But you know, it's so funny. I had like a timer going. 00:03:29 Speaker 5: It's like, so we're gonna have to wrap up here because I do have a podcast to get to. 00:03:33 Speaker 1: So can you. 00:03:34 Speaker 4: Imagine in that moment, In that moment, I am like, and it is misery to date me. 00:03:40 Speaker 2: Frankly, No, But was it fine like bickering fighting? 00:03:45 Speaker 1: Was it a big explosive fight. 00:03:47 Speaker 4: It wasn't happen. It wasn't explosive. 00:03:49 Speaker 5: It's just sort of you know, in relationships, when there's always this that you have the thing and the thing that comes up. 00:03:56 Speaker 4: A lot recurring. We have our recurring thing and we. 00:03:59 Speaker 5: Have to in about it and negotiate it and update ourselves around it and frankly just air out resentments. 00:04:08 Speaker 4: You know. It's sort of like a moment of just like, all right, what's going on in there? Going on in there? Because I sense it? Okay, I sense it. 00:04:17 Speaker 2: I mean I kind of appreciate a recurring problem because it does allow the problem to bubble up on occasion, and then you get you, of course, have all these other problems and this one kind of breaks the damn and then you get to just bring out your list of. 00:04:32 Speaker 4: Issues totally and like it is. 00:04:36 Speaker 5: I'm I'm actually really proud of myself about where I'm at in life. 00:04:39 Speaker 4: I've done so much freaking therapy, Oh my god, and like multiple other things that I'm like, it's cool that in those. 00:04:48 Speaker 5: Moments I can actually hear my partner and like what's going on? 00:04:52 Speaker 4: You know. 00:04:52 Speaker 5: They're like, they're like, so, I'm sensing a sort of chilliness coming from you right now, And for me, of course, I'm like, what, it's justiness as usual. I don't understand, you know. I'm like, Wow, it's good to hear that the chilliness is sort of an expression of non love and so I should work on that. 00:05:12 Speaker 2: It's difficult, but at least you're acknowledging it. Yes, yeah, oh yeah, that's. 00:05:18 Speaker 4: The pain of acknowledging. 00:05:21 Speaker 2: With the looming pressure of this podcast and the crush of the fight happening. How did you you now seem to be in a wonderful mood, or at least podcast mood. 00:05:32 Speaker 4: I'm in a podcast modo. 00:05:33 Speaker 5: The thing is, I was definitely like, I don't know, like we'll see about that, but I think that's sort of the. 00:05:40 Speaker 4: Gift, if you will. It's the gift and the curse, if you will. 00:05:44 Speaker 5: The depravity of the performer is that they can go from the deep hell frankly suicidal adjacent, you know, like really bad feeling place like. 00:05:58 Speaker 4: Out on stage. Show must go on. I mean, you know what I. 00:06:01 Speaker 1: Mean, Like the. 00:06:01 Speaker 5: Show must go on, and then you can kind of harness it. 00:06:06 Speaker 4: You can harness that energy to like deliver something. 00:06:09 Speaker 2: Different, right, I mean, my god, I've been waiting for what could be a devastating email all morning. Haven't gotten it yet, but just I'm going to open that right before we start recording, and then it's just going to have to be a normal podcast and everything's going to have to be incredible. 00:06:23 Speaker 4: Can you say more about your devastating email? 00:06:25 Speaker 1: I don't want to. 00:06:26 Speaker 2: I don't want to talk about this email, just more horrifying career news. You know, I'm just always kind of looming in the shadows deeply. 00:06:37 Speaker 1: How likely is it that. 00:06:38 Speaker 2: Your mom's listening to this podcast? 00:06:41 Speaker 5: That's a really good question, because I know my mother is a Twitter lurker of mine. She's a deep Twitter lurker, like I will get text messages out of nowhere being like, you posted a very disturbing image and I'm worried about if you're okay, you know, and I'm like, oh my god, and it's like you're ruining your career with your humor. And I'm like, but I don't think she has access to podcasts. I don't think she understands what I mean. She does obviously, but I don't think she knows how to access them. 00:07:18 Speaker 1: God, that's a nice, nice little private area for you. 00:07:22 Speaker 2: Then, yeah, I ask because I feel like a couple of months ago you were talking about this on Instagram, she had found you had posted like a photo that you hadn't even taken that had some dolls in it, and yes, this. 00:07:34 Speaker 4: Is what I'm talking about. It was literally, are you on TikTok? 00:07:39 Speaker 5: No? Oh God, okay, I love TikTok TikTok is insane. Literally MacArthur Worthy grant Worthy video art on there, frankly made by literal twelve year olds. 00:07:53 Speaker 4: It's amazing. 00:07:53 Speaker 5: But sometimes there's these like you're out, your feed will have like a live stream, like somebody's like going live, and like there are insane people going live on TikTok. Like there's like the dark, twisted scenes on lives on TikTok, which of course I stumble into and it was like, yes, this person who looked very like the character in the ring, you know, like long black wig sort of like dancing around these like twisted duct taped babies on like empty coat cans, And of course I post a screenshot of that, just like love Life Fly Lass, love you like a sis, you know. 00:08:26 Speaker 4: Whatever, just like my weird humor. 00:08:29 Speaker 5: And my mom was like, I'm really worried about like your mental state, and I think that she said something along the lines of like I believe you to be mentally ill, you know what I mean, and screenshots. 00:08:43 Speaker 4: From a screenshot, and I'm like. 00:08:45 Speaker 5: First of all, if you're actually worried about your daughter being mentally ill, wouldn't you reach out and be like, hey, how are you you know, like, is there anything I can do to support you right now? 00:08:56 Speaker 4: Instead, it's just like I believe it to be mentally ill. Change now change? 00:09:02 Speaker 1: How did you? 00:09:03 Speaker 2: Did you resolve the situation or is this an ongoing thing with her? 00:09:07 Speaker 5: I can't remember exactly how it went down. I think I wrote something like, yeah, I don't know. If you're ever actually concerned about my true mental wellness, feel free to give me a call and check in anytime. Because the thing is that's so triggering about my relationship with them is that both of my parents they never call. Honey, they never call. So I just get random inflammatory texts about my Twitter in which, like what I'm putting out into the public sphere is triangulated against me to sort of like decide how I'm doing, rather than just. 00:09:45 Speaker 4: A how are you? You know, she could find all of. 00:09:48 Speaker 5: This out about about me if she just goes, hey, how's it going? You know, it's a simple phone call, Yeah, a simple phone call. And then when I said that to her, she was sort of like, doesn't compute, like I She literally doesn't compute, and just some defensiveness about how like she like, you know, how I shouldn't have any issues with their parenting or something like that, and I just proceeded to frankly, which my partner just told me is not the thing I should do. 00:10:17 Speaker 4: Ice her out. I got chili. I got chili to the bone, and I. 00:10:21 Speaker 5: Did not respond to any of her texts for a while. 00:10:25 Speaker 4: No response is a response, you know, of course, probably. 00:10:29 Speaker 1: For like two weeks, and then nice ice out. 00:10:33 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:10:33 Speaker 5: I mean, we also don't talk very much in general, so it was sort of like I probably ignored to follow up texts, you know, And then I felt like I was in a place where I could respond without being triggered anymore. 00:10:46 Speaker 4: So I just sort of let it go. 00:10:48 Speaker 5: I try to just keep it light and polite with them, you know, I don't want to get into it. 00:10:52 Speaker 2: Oh, it seems like kind of an unwinnable fight. 00:10:56 Speaker 4: Exactly. 00:10:57 Speaker 1: Do you ever call them? 00:10:59 Speaker 4: Yes, I am the dutiful daughter. Can you not see that? 00:11:05 Speaker 1: I believe it? 00:11:06 Speaker 4: I really am. 00:11:07 Speaker 5: I'm so for better or for worse codependent and just you know, it is my root trauma, like their approval, you know, I seek their approval deeply. 00:11:19 Speaker 4: I'll never get it. 00:11:20 Speaker 5: And then but then I find other people in life and the entertainment industry to seek their approval, which. 00:11:27 Speaker 4: I also do not get. So at this point you could say I'm on a healing process. 00:11:35 Speaker 1: You absolutely have my approval. 00:11:37 Speaker 2: Here today you get my approval, and hopefully that heals all wounds you healed me. Now, does your dad send critical text? 00:11:47 Speaker 4: No, he's always just like, move to the wood stove again. He's just like he's like really looking forward to the springtime. I'm like, God, bless you, sir. 00:12:00 Speaker 1: Where do they live? 00:12:01 Speaker 5: They live in Maine now. They used to live in New Jersey. That's where I grew up. And then yeah, they packed up and moved to the. 00:12:09 Speaker 4: Old because they retired. 00:12:10 Speaker 5: So they're like, we want to we want to isolate ourselves even further, and so that's what they did by moving to deep rural Maine. 00:12:18 Speaker 2: I love picturing your dad working on the wood stove while your mom is scrolling Twitter. 00:12:23 Speaker 4: Period. 00:12:23 Speaker 5: That's literally the scene. That's the cold open. 00:12:30 Speaker 1: Do you have siblings? 00:12:32 Speaker 4: I don't. 00:12:33 Speaker 1: Oh I don't. 00:12:34 Speaker 2: So you've kind of just this has been your burden to care. 00:12:38 Speaker 4: It's my cross. You know. 00:12:40 Speaker 5: People are always like, yeah, everybody has their feelings about only children. 00:12:43 Speaker 4: You know. 00:12:44 Speaker 5: They're like, oh, I could tell or like whatever twip people have. 00:12:47 Speaker 4: And it's like, okay. But the thing I get the most is, oh, my god, you're an only child, Like you're so well adjusted. It's like you had siblings. And it's like, yeah, because I did experience neglects. 00:13:01 Speaker 5: Frankly, I really hope they don't listen to this podcast now, Honey, No, it's nothing, they don't know. 00:13:10 Speaker 4: It's fine. 00:13:11 Speaker 2: Sofia's parents. Sofia is doing an incredible job. And look, we've all got issues. And I'm also thrilled to have you too as listeners. We're trying to always trying to build an audience, and we've got you two here. Hopefully we'll keep you for future episodes. And I hope you're really enjoying what you're hearing. 00:13:32 Speaker 4: But the neglected only children out there, this episode's for you. 00:13:40 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:13:41 Speaker 2: Well, so outside of fighting with your partner, fighting with your mom over text, what have you been up to. 00:13:49 Speaker 5: Well, I'm gearing up to do some shows in June. I'm going to do my solo show four times in June and then. 00:14:00 Speaker 4: And then again in New. 00:14:01 Speaker 5: York, and then I think I'm going to work on something new. Sure, because this show that I've been doing. It's called it gets worse. It was like my first you know, solo show, whatever, comedy hour, whatever you want to call it. But that existed before the pandemic. So it's really hard to resurrect that and feel the same about it. 00:14:25 Speaker 3: You know. 00:14:25 Speaker 1: It's a good different person. 00:14:28 Speaker 5: Exactly, and it's like, I want to give it the life that it deserves. But at this point, I'm like, Okay, let's just do these few more shows, Prepare everyone, prepare myself for its demise, and then you know, inevitably I will like cannibalize or regurgitate a lot of parts of it into this new work. But I'm interested in something else and asking different questions. 00:14:51 Speaker 2: Have you had to change anything in the show just due to what's happened in the last couple of years. Did anything feel outdated or well. 00:14:58 Speaker 4: That's a good question. 00:14:59 Speaker 5: I mean, nothing feels outdated to audiences. 00:15:03 Speaker 4: It's more to me, you know what I mean. 00:15:06 Speaker 5: Like, this show is very much about me coming out, you know, like me realizing I'm gay and a comedian at the gorgeous age of thirty years old, and the devastation of that, and and now a few years later, I won't say how many. 00:15:27 Speaker 1: You turned thirty in nineteen seventy eight. 00:15:29 Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. 00:15:30 Speaker 5: I'm just sort of like I no longer feel the need to like tell my like coming out story, you know, because it's just I'm like, yeah, I'm over it. I'm over being gay. It gets worse, it sucks, it's. 00:15:46 Speaker 1: Not fun a lot of the bad. 00:15:50 Speaker 5: It's really just like to just sort of plunge into like the most traumatized pool of people, just sort of as your romantic option. 00:16:00 Speaker 4: So it's like, yes, I thought this would save me. Boy, I was wrong. 00:16:09 Speaker 1: You and I both came out at the same age. I was thirty two. Oh my god, really thirty as well? I should say yes. 00:16:15 Speaker 5: Oh that means so much to me to hear, because you know, we judge ourselves so harshly. 00:16:20 Speaker 4: You know. 00:16:20 Speaker 5: It's like, well, I won't speak for you, but I definitely. I mean when I was like twenty years old in college, I remember like people coming out and I remember being like. 00:16:29 Speaker 4: That is so cringe to come out this late, Like I literally thought twenty one. 00:16:34 Speaker 5: I remember being twenty one and being like that is so cringe that Kelsey is just coming out, Like literally, how did she not know. 00:16:41 Speaker 4: You know. 00:16:42 Speaker 5: Meanwhile, ten years later, shaking at an ayahuasca ceremony, devastated, being like, I'm gay. 00:16:56 Speaker 2: It is, yeah, like, but I guess I just have had no choice. 00:17:01 Speaker 1: I don't know. 00:17:02 Speaker 2: At thirty now doesn't seem that late exactly. Yeah, it's not. I mean, it's just another random life decision. 00:17:10 Speaker 5: Basically, it's totally random. It's inconsequence just meeting us at this point. Yeah, yeah, it is funny. I mean thirty, yeah, thirty is it's young, honey, it's young, and it's the Saturn return. It's the end of the Saturn return if you believe in all of that. 00:17:29 Speaker 2: So yeah, look, there's something else I need to talk to you about. You agreed be on my podcast quite a while ago. Now I feel like I asked you maybe in March or something. I can't remember. Who can say I asked you to be on my podcast. I said no gifts, and I was so thrilled. I thought, so far is so funny. We'll get right into when she came out. I'll try to one up her by saying I came out at the same age. 00:17:56 Speaker 1: We'll have a nice time. We'll move on. So I was a little surprised. 00:18:01 Speaker 2: I was out to dinner last night and I came home and at my feet at the front door was a let's just say it, a gift. I mean, there's no there's not even any dancing around. It was wrapped, it was decorated. It couldn't be mistaken for anything else. Is this a gift for me? 00:18:24 Speaker 4: Yes? It is. It absolutely is. 00:18:27 Speaker 1: Actually maybe the best wrapped gift I've ever seen. On this podcast. 00:18:32 Speaker 4: Well, I felt the need to compete. 00:18:34 Speaker 5: Frankly, I was like, and not only is there one thing inside of that box, honey, there's another thing. 00:18:41 Speaker 4: There are two things. 00:18:42 Speaker 5: So gifts plural, Okay, I wrote you gifts. 00:18:47 Speaker 1: Uh well, let me describe the box to the listener. 00:18:51 Speaker 2: This will obviously be, you know, on everyone's favorite app website, Instagram later on. 00:18:58 Speaker 1: But as far as I can tell, these are drawings you did. 00:19:01 Speaker 4: No, okay, so these are not drawings I did. 00:19:04 Speaker 5: These are the stickers from the exhibition I'm in right now at the Hammer Museum. I've been performing there on weekends. It's called Life's And there's this artist named Olivia Mole who did all of this amazing for lack of a better word, marketing, because it's like on the flyers around the city, but it's her artwork and it's incredible, and they made these stickers for it, and so I was like, oh, what better? Like, you know, because the thing, the thing about giving you a gift is that it all has to actually be about me, right, That's what gifts are. 00:19:38 Speaker 4: It's like, this is. 00:19:39 Speaker 5: About me, And so the stickers are the show that I'm in, you know, And so that's sort of that's upfront. That's the rising. There's a sun moon and rising of this gift, and that's the rising. 00:19:50 Speaker 2: Okay, well, I mean I'll say like it's just like very fun little little illustrations. There's like an old tree with a hole in it with little cartoon eyes peeking out. 00:20:01 Speaker 1: There's a raccoon hanging. We have a you and a corn. 00:20:04 Speaker 2: We have like a skeletor style man on all fours and kind of a robe. 00:20:11 Speaker 1: There's a little bit of everything. It's beautiful. 00:20:13 Speaker 5: They're wild, they're like grim and beautiful, they're they're interesting. 00:20:17 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, do you want me to open this here on the show? 00:20:21 Speaker 4: I would love it. 00:20:22 Speaker 1: You did it? You think you can make this about you? 00:20:26 Speaker 2: I'm going to make it at all you've met your match, I dare you. Okay, I'm gonna open it here, let me get my well, I will say, I'm going to try. A listener delivered a box cutter to me through a mutual friend. 00:20:56 Speaker 1: So now there's. 00:20:57 Speaker 5: Something really malicious about that. Frankly, it's like, I don't know. I'm like, You're like, I love it. I thank you so much. I'm like, for me, that's a threat. 00:21:07 Speaker 2: I need to call police to just open a random gift at all. The only thing inside is a box cutter. That is kind of threatening anominous, but right now it's helpful. Yes, I'm gonna cut the ribbon. Ooh it works perfectly. I'm securing it back in my drawer. We're carefully opening the box. Carefully opening the box. 00:21:31 Speaker 1: Oh wait, oh my god. 00:21:34 Speaker 2: This is truly it truly is all about you, but in an incredible way. Okay, there there are two different things here. There's a T shirt, a Sofia Cleary T shirt, and also a cassette tape of your band Penis. 00:21:47 Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, this is incredible. What gift? Which one should we talk about? First? 00:21:56 Speaker 4: Let's talk about Penis. 00:21:58 Speaker 2: Okay, Penis is a band and you were in no longer exists. 00:22:03 Speaker 4: Well, you know, it's so funny. 00:22:04 Speaker 5: Last night my former bandmate Samara Davis, she's amazing. 00:22:09 Speaker 4: She she texts me out of nowhere, going I'm at the High m show. 00:22:16 Speaker 5: Never heard of them, but this is really exciting for me and we should get back together. 00:22:22 Speaker 1: Wow, this is great. 00:22:24 Speaker 4: But yeah, you know, she she was like finishing her PhD. She had a kid. Just like a lot of life. 00:22:29 Speaker 5: Got in the way and but I finally years later got the album up on like Spotify and the. 00:22:37 Speaker 4: Music and all that stuff. 00:22:38 Speaker 5: So so listeners, you know, you're not limited to a cassette tape. 00:22:41 Speaker 4: Here, neither are you a bridger. I know, do you even own a cassette player? 00:22:45 Speaker 1: Like I don't, but I own quite a few cassettes. 00:22:48 Speaker 4: Okay, there you go. Yeah. So yeah, so you can listen to Penis anytime. 00:22:52 Speaker 2: But when were you doing this band? It was it's been a little while. 00:22:56 Speaker 4: Yeah, it was probably. 00:22:59 Speaker 5: I feel like we've in like twenty fourteen and played through maybe like twenty seventeen. 00:23:06 Speaker 1: Wow. 00:23:06 Speaker 2: Well that's a decent lifetime for a band. 00:23:08 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:23:09 Speaker 5: I mean it was very low pressure. We were not like grinding, We were not hustling. It was just that's the essence of the band for us. It was very much like no pressure whenever you feel like rehearsing, like and that was like the spirit of it, you know, of just this kind of ease and we're not doing this for anybody except ourselves. 00:23:32 Speaker 4: And we made an album and we're really proud of it. 00:23:35 Speaker 2: So yeah, well what was the process of that the band starting? Was it your idea? 00:23:40 Speaker 5: Well, we were at this like performance festival in New York sitting in this lounge there. There used to be this festival for like experimental performance called American Realness, and so me and Samara and our friend Neil were there. 00:23:56 Speaker 4: We were like, we should start a band. 00:23:58 Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like we had just watched the cat Lean Hannah documentary for first. 00:24:02 Speaker 4: We were so inspired. 00:24:03 Speaker 5: We were like, oh my god, and neither of us knew how to play our instruments, and we were just like, let's just learn. 00:24:08 Speaker 4: It'll be fine, you know. 00:24:11 Speaker 5: And our friend Neil was like, yeah, your band should be called Fecal Penis and we were like we were like, we were like no. And then it was like, well, why don't we just drop the. 00:24:21 Speaker 1: Feacal frankly, savvy move. 00:24:24 Speaker 5: Savvy move, and it's just it's the perfect name. I feel like it's the most vulnerable word ever. 00:24:31 Speaker 1: I'll just see it kind of floating. There is no extremely sweet. 00:24:37 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so sweet. 00:24:41 Speaker 4: So that's that's sort of how it started. And then we started to. 00:24:44 Speaker 1: Take you how to play. You were the drummer, right. 00:24:47 Speaker 5: Yeah, we both learned how to play our instruments with Sarah Lando, who produced our our album and she's in the Julie Ruin with Kathleen Hannah. 00:24:56 Speaker 1: Right, and how long did it take you to learn? 00:24:59 Speaker 5: Well, it's took me time at all, frankly, because I also I played piano for like ten years. 00:25:05 Speaker 1: Okay, sure, and that is I. 00:25:07 Speaker 4: Believe it or not a percussion instrument, right that. Yeah. 00:25:12 Speaker 5: But so I'm very rhythmically like connected, and I can read music pretty much, so it was a pretty easy translation. It was just like getting the coordination down. But also, honey, I have a ba and dance, so. 00:25:24 Speaker 1: I'm very You're just ready for it. 00:25:26 Speaker 5: I was just ready and it's so fun. Like I love playing drums. I really miss it. I really really miss it. 00:25:34 Speaker 1: Do you own a drum set? 00:25:35 Speaker 4: I do. It's like, look, there's like. 00:25:38 Speaker 5: It's hidden here in the there's like yeah, anyway, you can't really see. 00:25:42 Speaker 4: But I got a symbol over here. I had them out. 00:25:45 Speaker 5: I was auditioning for like a drummer or something, you know, and I thought I would like do a little do a little show off. 00:25:52 Speaker 4: So cringe, not cringe at all. 00:25:56 Speaker 2: Nothing is cringe. Let's embrace everything. Yeah, I was. This is so odd because last night I was drumming along to music in the car and my boyfriend pointed that out to me, and then I kind of made the statement I think I could easily learn to play the drums, and then he It led to a mild argument with him just continuing to discourage me over and ever, saying you don't have the coordination, but ultimately he was supportive. Let's make that clear. But I do think that it's the one instrument that I could handle. 00:26:29 Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, no one has that coordination from the jump. It really just does. It's like riding a bike. It just takes practice. But once you unlock certain things. Once you unlock like hitting your. 00:26:43 Speaker 4: Foot at the same time as this thing, and. 00:26:45 Speaker 5: You know, then you can only get better. You never like go backwards. 00:26:50 Speaker 4: From that. You know, I've been so rusty. 00:26:52 Speaker 5: I haven't played in a long time, but I can still do all of these weird things that used to make me like ugh, totally cross side. 00:27:01 Speaker 4: You know. 00:27:02 Speaker 2: Well it's a little like patting your head and rubbing your stomach rightly, which I can easily do at this point, I mean after years of training, so I feel like I could get into the drum the drum scene. 00:27:13 Speaker 1: Do you have a favorite drummer. 00:27:15 Speaker 4: Mmmm, that's a really good question. 00:27:17 Speaker 5: I mean, Max Roach one of my favorite drummers, but these are all like jazz people. And then in terms of like contemporary bands, I don't know. 00:27:30 Speaker 4: I don't have that in my pocket. 00:27:32 Speaker 2: It's not a fair question, I think, even like asking someone their favorite band is not a fair question. 00:27:38 Speaker 5: Yeah, and I know that I do have some favorite drummers, Like I mean, I love the band. 00:27:42 Speaker 1: Esg Oh, of course, I love you. 00:27:46 Speaker 5: A lot of the drumming in that band I would practice along to. 00:27:51 Speaker 4: And it's very like, you know, it's very that disco kind of. 00:27:56 Speaker 1: Drum, just very straightforward but nice rhythm. 00:28:00 Speaker 5: I would love to take like jazz lessons and really learn the finesse of that, and like the insanity of that. 00:28:06 Speaker 4: But I'm a little intimidated. 00:28:09 Speaker 2: Well, you should have Penis reborn as a jazz band. 00:28:14 Speaker 4: Exactly. I love the idea of like a band. 00:28:18 Speaker 5: I mean, Ween is kind of this way, like every album is just like a completely different musical genre. So I do I Ween Queen and Penis on tour. 00:28:28 Speaker 1: That would be a perfect combination. 00:28:31 Speaker 4: So yeah, maybe our next album will be something very very different. 00:28:36 Speaker 2: I just I was a Bikini Kill on Friday night. 00:28:39 Speaker 4: Oh my god, how was it? 00:28:40 Speaker 1: Everything that's just so good. 00:28:43 Speaker 2: Kathleen Hanna Is just continues to amaze, And yeah, Penis does have a little bit in common with Bikini Kill, I would say totally. 00:28:53 Speaker 5: I mean very influenced by Riot Girl and Kathleen and and we open for the Julie Ruin at the Roxy. That was That was like one of our last big shows. 00:29:07 Speaker 4: It was so fun it was amazing. 00:29:09 Speaker 1: Were you well received? 00:29:10 Speaker 5: We were like people were like, oh my god, what which is so funny because we're so like it's very just minimal. It's like a literal drum and bass player and then us just screaming. You know, it's like so cute and like it's not sophisticated musically at all, but God. 00:29:30 Speaker 2: Bless, nobody needs sophistication. So real, I'm thrilled about the state at sixty seven out of one hundred. I didn't realize this was a limited edition. This is incredible to me. 00:29:42 Speaker 4: I hand stamped all of those covers. 00:29:47 Speaker 1: You're kidding, Yeah, it was. 00:29:48 Speaker 4: It was a labor of love, for sure. 00:29:50 Speaker 1: Do you have a tape player? 00:29:51 Speaker 4: No? 00:29:53 Speaker 1: Does anyone. 00:29:54 Speaker 2: I feel like there was a small period when people started buying tape players again. 00:29:57 Speaker 5: Yeah, I had a walkman for a long time because I had some favorite tapes, like a Kate Bush tape. 00:30:04 Speaker 1: That I loved, which Kate Bushell. 00:30:07 Speaker 4: It was The Dreaming. 00:30:09 Speaker 1: Oh fantastic. 00:30:10 Speaker 4: But that was ten years ago. 00:30:11 Speaker 5: And then I don't know, iPhones came like iPhones destroyed everything. 00:30:16 Speaker 1: Truly ruined everything for everyone. 00:30:19 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well, let's talk about this t shirt a little bit, because I'm this is incredible. It's got an illustration of sort of you on it, dress as a clown holding dogs, and then it says, sofi a cleary. 00:30:35 Speaker 1: Oh it's for your one woman show. 00:30:37 Speaker 4: Yes, yes, so it's my merch, my market. 00:30:40 Speaker 1: It's worse. You did you order these online or did you make these? 00:30:45 Speaker 5: So, my friend Butsher Naim, who's a local amazing drag queen performer, performance artist, is also an artist visual artist and made those shirts for me and we collaborated. I basically like bossed him around and you know, he would like send me, you know, a draft, and I'd be like, actually, we're gonna need less penises in there, and we're going to need another babyhead and please also get rid of that thing, and you know, and then he would like adjust it and it was it was really cool. 00:31:15 Speaker 4: He did a really good job. 00:31:16 Speaker 2: Did you give him the general concept and then he just ran with it pretty much? Yeah, I adore there's some neosporin here. 00:31:24 Speaker 4: Yeah that that that's in the show. 00:31:27 Speaker 5: It's all the sort of elements that I mentioned in my show and this chaotic explosion from which I grow out of. 00:31:34 Speaker 4: It's dark. 00:31:37 Speaker 1: It's your story, it's my story, Dan. 00:31:41 Speaker 5: You know what if you know, I'm always like very aware of how people are like, oh this this woman seems like she's just doing her therapy on stage or her healing, and. 00:31:51 Speaker 4: That as a pejorative. 00:31:52 Speaker 5: I'm really just like, yeah, well I'm coming for you then, because I'm going to do that to the moon for you. 00:31:59 Speaker 4: So buckle up. That's sort of my vibe. 00:32:02 Speaker 2: Yeah, So are you selling these at the shows? What's what are these available on your website? What's the deal with these shirts? 00:32:12 Speaker 5: I am selling them on my website. Not a single person has bought one. 00:32:16 Speaker 1: They're very stylish, I. 00:32:17 Speaker 4: Agree, thank you. 00:32:19 Speaker 5: And then I had them at my last show in New York and people bought them there and I'm going to bring them to my shows in LA. 00:32:26 Speaker 1: How many shirts did you have to order to get a full order of these things? 00:32:29 Speaker 5: Well, I worked with this amazing screenprinting like little shop in New York City that gave me like an amazing deal. 00:32:37 Speaker 4: It's just like true artists. It wasn't like custom Inc dot Com like rip off. You know. 00:32:43 Speaker 5: I feel like I bought. I bought a very small amount to start. I feel like I bought eighty or one hundred okay thing, you know, but that'll probably last me for a while because people aren't. 00:32:56 Speaker 4: I don't know. Merch is so hit or miss. I don't know. 00:32:58 Speaker 2: If you have got to buy merch an item you get to take home and you get to support whoever you enjoyed. 00:33:05 Speaker 1: It's a win win. 00:33:06 Speaker 4: It helps to supplement you know, you'll get a T shirt or whatever. Yeah, I think it's cute. 00:33:13 Speaker 2: Are you a big T shirt wearer? What's your general style? 00:33:16 Speaker 4: I am? I am. I have lots of old band T shirts that I like, can't get rid of. But lately, actually, it's so funny. The comedian Jess Tom do you know Jee? 00:33:28 Speaker 1: Of course Jess is. 00:33:29 Speaker 5: Just staying with me and they were like, Sofia, I have to tell you something. I was like what, And they're like, I will be sort of stealing your They're like, I'm very influenced by you recently in your style, and I will be wearing a blazer tonight. Like that's so cute because it's really true. In the past year or so, like post pandemic, I have come out full blown as a blazer bitch. 00:33:53 Speaker 4: Like I'm wearing blazers. 00:33:54 Speaker 5: Okay, I'm wearing double breasted, I'm wearing full blown Armani suits, Like I'm dressed to the tens. 00:34:01 Speaker 4: Because you only have one life, you know. 00:34:04 Speaker 2: It, Why just kind of a slack outfit when you can throw on a suit. Wait, did you have any blazers handy or was it like, I'm headed to the store. It's time to start the collection. 00:34:14 Speaker 4: I think I. 00:34:15 Speaker 5: Had one, but I was also working on this show last year and I was like, oh, I really want like a costume for this. So I bought this three piece vintage Beaumont suit and it's so amazing and it like fit me perfectly and I only had to tailor it a little bit. 00:34:31 Speaker 4: And then once I wore that, I was like, this is going to have to be a regular thing. And so I found. 00:34:38 Speaker 5: I went to Crossroads and found like this gorgeous Armani suit for you know, like one hundred bucks or something or two hundred bucks. Bought it, and then I have this other blazer from a thrift store. 00:34:51 Speaker 4: So I have a rotation of three at this right. 00:34:54 Speaker 1: But that's what I need. 00:34:56 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the beginning. 00:34:57 Speaker 2: I was thinking recently about I'm just I truly wants to throw away all of my clothing and I would love to just have three suits hanging in the closet I get to wear every day. 00:35:06 Speaker 4: I know, like Elizabeth Holmes. 00:35:09 Speaker 2: Yes, I'll start sleeping on the floor of my office. 00:35:16 Speaker 1: Yeah, where is Elizabeth Holmes? 00:35:18 Speaker 4: Now? 00:35:19 Speaker 1: She is the court date over? 00:35:22 Speaker 4: She yes, and she's awaiting her sentencing. 00:35:24 Speaker 1: How much longer do we have to wait? 00:35:27 Speaker 4: I don't know, but I. 00:35:28 Speaker 5: Remember I finished the dropout and I was like, oh, yeah, what's going. 00:35:32 Speaker 4: On with her? 00:35:33 Speaker 5: And I saw that she was awaiting her sentencing, So I don't know soon. 00:35:38 Speaker 4: That's horrifying. 00:35:39 Speaker 1: This is why the dropout was too early. 00:35:41 Speaker 2: I think we should wait for a TV series shouldn't be allowed to be made until the person we know where their headed prison was. 00:35:50 Speaker 4: Otherwise it's too much for you. 00:35:52 Speaker 1: It's way too much. 00:35:53 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like, how dare you suspend me in this space? 00:35:57 Speaker 2: I need the series to end with the text over black that says, Elizabeth Holmes is now serving a fifty year sentence in a Mexican maximum security prisoner. 00:36:07 Speaker 1: What have you? Just that little bit of closure? Or she was? 00:36:11 Speaker 2: You know, she's now loose, She's That would be an incredible end to that. Elizabeth Holmes is loose. 00:36:21 Speaker 4: Watch out, lock up, lock up your blood? Do you know where your blood is? Elizabeth Holmes is loose. 00:36:34 Speaker 2: Yeah, we've got to wait for these prison sentences to be handed down before we make a whole premium document or mini series. 00:36:42 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, how did we? Oh? 00:36:43 Speaker 2: Yeah, because I wanted to hang suits in my closet. Bit a friend recently recommended. She said, why don't you get a stylist? And I thought, who do you? Who could you possibly think? 00:36:52 Speaker 1: I am? I wouldn't even know, Like look that up in the Yellow Pages. How do you even find a stylist? 00:37:00 Speaker 4: I could find one for you if you want that. 00:37:03 Speaker 2: How much just a stylist cost? That's got to be hundreds of dollars? 00:37:06 Speaker 4: No IDEA great question. 00:37:08 Speaker 1: Thousands of dollars at least like that. 00:37:11 Speaker 5: It's a full time job, right, I mean when I watch Erica Jane on Real Housewives in Beverly Hill, of course her creative director literally like he's got to be. 00:37:22 Speaker 4: Making a killing. 00:37:23 Speaker 1: Oh he like lives with. 00:37:25 Speaker 4: Her for all intents and purposes. 00:37:28 Speaker 2: You know, he's probably stealing money from her. 00:37:31 Speaker 4: I hope he is. 00:37:32 Speaker 2: I feel like, you don't become a stylist of a housewife unless you are embezzling some amount of money. 00:37:38 Speaker 5: That's the thing that's the actual pyramid is that somebody's embuzzling at the top, and then the people below them are embuzzling, and then they're embuzzling. It's like it's that you have to just keep him buzzling. 00:37:47 Speaker 2: Yeah, just a parasite pyramid exact sense to me. Yeah, I've got a I don't know, this is interesting to hear from you. With this new suit direction, I feel like I've just got to pick some direction to hit in because I'm so tired of the way I dress. I go in my closet and just stare at the clothes until I crumble it. Then I just grab something. 00:38:11 Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know. 00:38:12 Speaker 2: I've been living with these things for two years, essentially because I haven't really bought anything new. 00:38:17 Speaker 4: That's why I think investing. 00:38:19 Speaker 5: I know, this is like such an annoying statement, but like investing in kind of classic pieces or something that feel a little less. 00:38:28 Speaker 4: I don't know. 00:38:29 Speaker 5: I feel like after two years, you're like, well, this is still a good piece. 00:38:32 Speaker 4: So hold on to it, you know. And I feel like lasers and suits fulfill that. But I'm not sure. 00:38:40 Speaker 5: I mean, I've literally owned some of the same underwear for like ten years, so you know, I might not. 00:38:44 Speaker 4: Be the right person to talk to. 00:38:45 Speaker 5: I'm wearing like a sports spra from like junior year of high school. 00:38:50 Speaker 4: Accidentally, I'm like, how long have I had this? 00:38:55 Speaker 3: Well? 00:38:55 Speaker 2: I think this topic comes up every so often on this podcast, and I'm sure the listener's furious that I continue to talk about changing my style or buying some new clothes at them, waiting months and doing nothing. 00:39:08 Speaker 1: So maybe this is the turn. 00:39:09 Speaker 2: But now I see and I have a new T shirt that I really like, which just basically falls into my basic pattern of clothing. So this will sustain me for a few more months. 00:39:18 Speaker 4: I'm so glad. I didn't know if I there's. 00:39:21 Speaker 5: A white option white and black, which I'm so sort of like, that's just a little I'm sorry, but cowardly people who buy that one. And then there's a pink one with like maroon, and then there's a. 00:39:31 Speaker 4: Yellow one with blue. But the yellow one is my favorite. 00:39:34 Speaker 1: This one's yellow and blue. 00:39:35 Speaker 2: And I just recently, in the last few months, found out I can wear yellow. I had thought for years I couldn't wear yellow. 00:39:42 Speaker 4: Tell you that. 00:39:45 Speaker 2: Somebody encouraged me to try yellow, and I thought, oh, I don't look too terrible in this, So now I've got I think this is my second yellow piece of clothing in probably twenty years. 00:39:55 Speaker 4: That's amazing. 00:39:56 Speaker 2: We're opening the yellow drawer. I'm so on embracing it. I'm so I'm thrilled you saw right into my life and sent me exactly what I needed. 00:40:05 Speaker 5: The next thing will be a blazer. I'll have blazers as merch. 00:40:10 Speaker 2: I can you imagine one hundred dollars? I mean it would probably have to be like a five hundred dollar piece of merch, truly. But the novelty of going to a comedy show that costs like the ticket was twenty dollars and then you walk out the door with a five hundred dollars suit. That is that's living. That's life. I think we should play a game. Okay, do you want to play a game called Gift or a Curse or a game called Gift Master Gift or a Curse? Okay, I need a number between one and ten nine. Okay, I have to do some light calculating. So while I do this, you can promote something, recommend something, do truly whatever you want. 00:40:49 Speaker 1: I'll be right back. 00:40:50 Speaker 5: Okay, listeners, it's Safaia Cleary here taking over for Bridger for a few moments moments. 00:40:56 Speaker 4: What I would like to do is promote my shows coming up. Thank you very much. I will be doing my show. It gets Worse on June tenth, fourteenth, seventeenth, and twenty third in Los Angeles at seven thirty pm at Skiptown Playhouse, very small, intimate, little theater, some might say too intimate. So get your. 00:41:17 Speaker 5: Tickets because I feel like I pray to God it'll sell out. And then I'm performing in New York City during Pride weekend June twenty sixth at the famed, the beloved Joe's Pub. So if you're a New York based please come out. I love that theater. It's so amazing. You can eat like a gorgeous calamari while I'm talking about my triggering teenage years, So please come. 00:41:43 Speaker 4: Thank you. 00:41:44 Speaker 1: That's perfect everyone. 00:41:46 Speaker 2: I absolutely demand you go see Sofia if you're in one of these cities, or buy the plane tickets, take a little trip to sunny Los Angeles, take a trip to New York. You've been meaning to do it, you haven't traveled in two years. This is the perfect excuse, I mean, just the excuse of a lifetime. Okay, this is what needs to happen so far. This is gift or a curse. I'm gonna name three things you're gonna tell me if there are a gift or a curse? 00:42:12 Speaker 1: And why? And then I'm going to tell you if you're right or wrong. 00:42:16 Speaker 4: Oh god, I love this. 00:42:17 Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, So number one and these are all you know, this has really become kind of the norm on this because the listener is doing their job. These are all listeners suggestions. So number one gift he a curse from someone named Alicia. Gif you a curse when you call an automated line and are clearly talking to a robot, but between pauses the audio inserts the sound of someone typing on a computer. 00:42:45 Speaker 1: Gift or a curse. I really appreciate that. 00:42:50 Speaker 4: Oh my god. 00:42:51 Speaker 5: Okay, so my first impulse is curse, but actually I feel like it's a gift because in that as an artist, okay, wake up, because I'm in our it's those details, noticing those details in something so mundane that are like frankly inspiring, because you think, Okay, the person who made this recording, even though we know. 00:43:14 Speaker 4: What this is, which is that it's a recording, they're throwing in a dash of humanity. 00:43:18 Speaker 5: They're throwing in a dash of humanity so that so that you might for a second not feel completely alone. You know, and there's that kind of holy space of liveness right that there's this other person on the other side of the phone for a second, you're afforded that in your life. 00:43:35 Speaker 4: That is deeply isolating and sad. So I have no idea. I know I'm wrong, but I don't care. 00:43:42 Speaker 1: You're absolutely right, I am. 00:43:44 Speaker 2: I love the little artificial tipping tap and clicking clacking that fully unnecessary. 00:43:51 Speaker 1: First of all, it's job creation. 00:43:53 Speaker 2: Somebody had to record the clicking clacking to go onto the audio with a robot voice. I think you know it's obnoxious to the point of funny. It's just I love the absolutely, deeply unnecessary element of clicking clacking. You're with a real person, you're probably not gonna hear them typing unless they're not a typewriter. 00:44:13 Speaker 4: And that's why it's poetic. In my opinion. 00:44:16 Speaker 2: You kind of get to picture just a little AI creation typing on a typewriter or something, and what could be more fun than that? 00:44:24 Speaker 4: Exactly. 00:44:25 Speaker 5: It's like it's like when you those automated chats with like Geico or whatever, it'll be like your customer service rep is typing, you know, and it's like, I know you're a bot. You are a literal robot because that very questions I keep asking you, you send me to like weird troubleshooting links instead of telling me what the hell is going on. 00:44:45 Speaker 2: There's not a trace of humanity outside of the phony little bubble that indicates their typing. I love it, I appreciate it, and I support it. Gift gift, Okay, so you've gotten one, so far, good for you. Next is from a listener named Connor. Gift or a curse Shrinking the tags on an Instagram story so small that you cannot click on them to view the profiles. 00:45:09 Speaker 1: Gift or a curse. 00:45:11 Speaker 5: Shrinking the tag Oh, I see like on stories and you'll. 00:45:15 Speaker 2: Put the person's name so small that it almost requires a tweezer. 00:45:19 Speaker 5: I mean, I can see why people think it's a gift because it sustains the sort of imagistic it doesn't interrupt the image. But for me, I feel like I'm never in the image. I feel like I'm always the one trying to click. Okay, so always a bridesmaid, never a bride Okay, So I'm the one trying to click. I'm the one intriguing about people. I'm the one who's this person, Are they my next long life lover? And if I can't click that link, I'm pissed the hell off, frankly. And then you know, you're like you're holding down. You're thinking maybe the force of your thumb will finally reveal the tie, but no, Well, and then you have to go to your search bar. You have to sort of remember what was written there, you have to put it in the search bar. And then at this point you're humiliated. Okay, so curse. 00:46:12 Speaker 4: Wrong, get wrong, I'm wrong. 00:46:14 Speaker 1: I love it. I love that. 00:46:15 Speaker 2: I feel like whoever's shrinking the thing down so small is they don't want anyone to access that tag. They don't want you to see this person. The just kind of egocentric element of it, the narcissist part, is so wonderful. Also, it's stopping me from going down yet another branch on Instagram. It's kind of saying you've had enough, you've had enough, pig stop eating, move away from this trough. 00:46:40 Speaker 1: And I love it. I love how small? How just don't do it? Don't tag? 00:46:45 Speaker 4: I love I love that. 00:46:47 Speaker 5: I feel like I will get to that with more therapy, you know, because it really is about the diversion from the trough and which is the gift? 00:46:56 Speaker 2: Right, it's kind of shutting down the road and saying you can't this way. 00:47:00 Speaker 4: That really resonates. 00:47:03 Speaker 2: Okay, so you've gotten one out of two, not bed. Finally, this is a very special listener suggestion. This person wrote in They're twelve years old, and I was so thrilled to hear that we have a twelve year old listener named Ellen. Ellen has suggested gift or a curse class pets gift Why. 00:47:22 Speaker 5: Although this does bring up a triggering memory for me of like almost losing the hamster from my fourth grade It ran away and somehow I caught it, which is insane that I caught the hamster. But hold on, let me think about this. My first thought is gift, because how cute. 00:47:40 Speaker 4: I love animals. I'm a Sagittarius rising. I love being around animals, and I think it's really cute. 00:47:45 Speaker 5: But I do find the sort of cagedness environment of the classroom kind of depressing. 00:47:51 Speaker 4: But I'm gonna go ahead with my gut and say it's a gift. 00:47:54 Speaker 5: It's for the kids. It's for the kids. It's good they get to learn about care taking. I have no idea I'm strong. 00:48:04 Speaker 2: I never even got the chance of the class pet. This for me is a deeply personal I don't remember a single class pet. The chance to take the hamster home, the chance to feed the turtle, the bird throwing seed all over the third grade classroom just never even entered my radar. 00:48:22 Speaker 4: Oh, I'm so sorry. 00:48:24 Speaker 2: So the fact that some children are getting a chance to kill an animal by accident or to you know, hold the hamster while the teacher reads. 00:48:32 Speaker 1: I don't even know how it works. What happens? Do you take it home? You take turns with it? 00:48:36 Speaker 4: Yeah, you take turns. 00:48:37 Speaker 1: That seems really dangerous. 00:48:39 Speaker 5: I know, well I almost lost mine, murdered it accidentally, and it was crazy that I caught it because I couldn't. 00:48:46 Speaker 4: Imagine the shame going back to the class. 00:48:48 Speaker 1: I killed our. 00:48:49 Speaker 4: Mascot, lost him, he ran away. 00:48:53 Speaker 1: How did he get away? 00:48:55 Speaker 5: I was like taking him out of the cage in my front yard, and I was like, you know, like fun nature jumps out of my arms. 00:49:04 Speaker 1: How long do you take the pet home? Force it a week? 00:49:07 Speaker 2: No? 00:49:07 Speaker 4: I think I don't remember. It can be more than two nights. 00:49:11 Speaker 2: What a life for the pet just never gets to settle down has no it can't count on anything. It's meeting new people constantly, curse, cursed, well too late. So if I you've got one out of three, it's okay. Bomb the game. 00:49:26 Speaker 5: You know, I'm as as I'm learning, Just like with the May Fight right before this podcast, I am happy to learn that I am wrong. 00:49:36 Speaker 1: Ellen. 00:49:36 Speaker 2: I hope we haven't spoiled your class pet experience for you, but you know you need it. We've got to just open our eyes and take a look at reality. Class pets should not exist because I didn't get one. And if I don't get it, nobody gets it. Okay, this is the final segment of the podcast. This is called I Said No emails people right into I Said no gifts at gmail dot com with I don't know, just a variety of problems and concerns that they expect me to solve. 00:50:06 Speaker 1: I drag the guests in. 00:50:07 Speaker 2: It kind of leaves the you know, the podcast always ends on a real sour note because everyone's had to do work. 00:50:14 Speaker 1: Will you answer a question with me? 00:50:16 Speaker 4: Absolutely? 00:50:17 Speaker 2: Okay, here we go. Let me read this. This say is deer bridger and belligerent guests, so they've kind of singled you out. My husband and I have found ourselves in a predicament of the familial kind. We live in a small apartment and are not minimalists by any means, but do our best to keep a tidy space and not clutter up our nine hundred precious square feet. 00:50:40 Speaker 1: Okay, well, I've got issues already. 00:50:42 Speaker 2: But however, my mom is what you might call an extravagant giver, not in that she gives huge, expensive gifts, but that she gives us many, many gifts for special occasions and for not special occasions. In the last month, she has traveled twice and brought my husband and I both five gifts each from both places that she went. It usually consists of something nice like a necklace or something, and then a weird musical instrument that we do not know how to play, et cetera. We have also received a painting of a medieval king and queen with our faces painted on them, and other strange, cluttery gifts that we mostly keep in the eight closet. So okay, we're hearing about multiple closets. My question for you is this, how do I tell my sweet mother that I appreciate her generosity, but I want her to stop giving me clutter, Sincerely, Mick. 00:51:35 Speaker 1: Okay, Mick. 00:51:36 Speaker 2: First of all, let's Sofia nine. Let's just point it out. Nine hundred square foot apartment. We're talking, we're saying. 00:51:42 Speaker 1: That's small anyway, talking mansion, that's a gorgeous apartment. Mick. You're writing with an an immediate brag. I mean, this is a perfect for two people. If you had nine kids. 00:51:55 Speaker 2: Sure, that's a small amount of space, and one hundred square feet is a very nice little amount of space. You've got a you have a closet just for clutter, Mick. I want you to think about walk in closets. This is you've written in with you know, you've put me in a bad space. But we've got to talk about your mom and the fact that she's apparently kind of kind of trying to drag or drive you out of the apartment with just an avalanche of souvenirs and instruments. What do we do with this mother? I think, first of all, I think that she's she's got something for the husband, She's got some feelings for this husband. She's trying to drive drive her daughter out of her mind, maybe split them up. There's something in that area that I'm thinking could be maybe it's not so sweet after all. But how do you tell mommy, I've had enough? The necklace was enough. I don't need an instrument? Why and why are there multiple instruments? Does she want them to start a band? 00:52:59 Speaker 5: Well, I would have to say that the mother has a compulsive debting slash shopping addiction, that she should seek a twelve Steps fellowship for. 00:53:09 Speaker 4: Speaking from experience. 00:53:11 Speaker 5: But I do feel like there's something compulsive going on. Maybe she's running from something. She's trying to fill the god sized hole. Maybe that is sort of keeping her from her family, right, So she's trying to fill that with gifts so that she can traverse the chasm of estrangement, right, which I totally relate to. But the last sentence in all earnest, the last sentence of that letter, how do I tell my mom so and so and so? It's right there, It's written, right there, I appreciate your gifts, but no more. 00:53:45 Speaker 4: Please. That's literally the boundary, a. 00:53:49 Speaker 2: Nice clean cut. There's no emotion. It's just a fact. It's leading with love. It's just a fact, and you just say it. 00:53:59 Speaker 5: Who knows if she'll rey and that's a whole other question that you might have to call back in about. But you have to at least just try to state that you don't need to manipulate her. 00:54:10 Speaker 4: You just have to tell her. 00:54:14 Speaker 1: I think that's perfectly fair. 00:54:15 Speaker 2: I mean, this woman is going on vacation and buying at least ten gifts of time. How much of a vacation time is being spent shopping for her daughter and son in law. I mean, that's not a vacation, that's a show. She's going on elaborate shopping trips. 00:54:30 Speaker 4: In a way, I'm jealous. 00:54:32 Speaker 1: I'm jealous, jealous of the daughter or the mother. 00:54:36 Speaker 4: I'm jealous of that motherly care. 00:54:40 Speaker 2: Your mom goes on a trip and sends you ten texts. 00:54:44 Speaker 4: Going mentally yeah yeah. 00:54:49 Speaker 2: So it seems to me like Mick. Not only does Mick have a beautifully sized apartment, she's got a mother who cares too much. Yeah, she's got basically she could start a boutique. She's got just loads of goods coming in every vacation. She can have a yard sale once every weekend, and you know, pay for this apartment. 00:55:11 Speaker 1: I see no problem. 00:55:12 Speaker 4: I think that's great. 00:55:13 Speaker 5: I think if and if the mother doesn't respect the boundary area. If you don't feel comfortable even stating that for whatever reason. 00:55:19 Speaker 4: Start the boutique. Take up, wake up. People are trying to figure out how to make a living in this goddamn time, and you have a boutique's worth. 00:55:30 Speaker 2: This is your small business coming into place. 00:55:33 Speaker 4: This is your small business. Mick, Mick, are you listening. 00:55:38 Speaker 2: Invite mom to the to the yard sale, to the boutique. That'll give her a clear idea of what's going on. 00:55:44 Speaker 4: That's hilarious. 00:55:45 Speaker 5: So Mom, come to the grand opening of my small business. It's just every single it's literally photos of them frames. 00:55:55 Speaker 1: Uh, Mick, your answer is here. 00:55:58 Speaker 2: You've received and hopefully you can kind of internalize that and improve your life, because if you can't, then you're a lost cause and your mother's a lost cause. And meanwhile, your husband is caught up in kind of this explosion of vacation gifts and it's not fair to anybody. So do what you need to do. Thank you for writing in so Faio. We answered the question perfectly. I think so got an excellent track record on this podcast for answering questions. Lives have been improved and yeah, and now I have this incredible t shirt. I have a new cassette tape. I can access the cassette on Spotify or Apple Music. Yes, and my life has been enriched. Oh, I'm so glad I had such a fantastic time with you here today. 00:56:48 Speaker 5: Oh, thank you so much. I am feeling self conscious that I took up too much space. 00:56:52 Speaker 4: But that's what. 00:56:53 Speaker 1: What took up too much space with what? 00:56:55 Speaker 5: That's always how I get. I'm like, I have a really good time, and then the shame starts. 00:57:01 Speaker 1: There's no shame at all here. 00:57:03 Speaker 4: Okay, good, I'm glad you like your gift. 00:57:07 Speaker 1: You should. 00:57:07 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I can't. I cannot tell you how little shame you should be feeling. 00:57:11 Speaker 4: Oh, I love that you're your I'll be your stylist if you be my emotional coach. Seems fair. 00:57:18 Speaker 2: That feels like those are two high paying jobs that are both probably on housewives somewhere exactly. Oh well, thank you a million times. Thank you, And listener, we've come to the end of the podcast, and hopefully you've had a nice time. Hopefully you've you know, something has been added to your life and there's been no stress. Hopefully the stress is yet to come for you today and that this podcast has not been part of it. So I hope you go on and deal with whatever you need to deal with, and we'll revisit this podcast next week with some other guests. Thank you for being here, thank you for squeezing me into your schedule. I love you, goodbye. I said, no Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Nelson, and it's beautifully mixed by John Bradley. The theme song, of course, could only come from miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at I said no gifts. I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts? 00:58:30 Speaker 4: Well, I invit, did you hear? 00:58:34 Speaker 3: Though? A man? Myself? Perfectly clear? 00:58:38 Speaker 4: But you're a guest to me. 00:58:42 Speaker 3: You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no guests. Your presences presents enough and I'm already too much stuff. So how do you dad to survey it? The Gray The game with the c