Speaker 1: What's that at the bed. It's spookyuky. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: it's dead. It's coming this way.
Speaker 2: Wait a minute, Hell, I'm Coston.
Speaker 1: Tyros dress. Hey boo, it's me Roz. I am going
Speaker 1: to keep it pretty quick on this intro today because
Speaker 1: we have got a full episode with Kirsten Vangsnez, who
Speaker 1: you may know from the TV show Criminal Minds on CBS.
Speaker 1: She plays Penelope Garcia and I love Kirsten and so
Speaker 1: happy to get to catch up with her and to
Speaker 1: talk to her about this stuff. And it's a really
Speaker 1: fun episode. Today. I don't have much to report anyhow
Speaker 1: from this week. One thing I could say is that
Speaker 1: I was watching on Netflix that TV show Haunted. Have
Speaker 1: you seen Haunted? I like Haunted. It's like a it's
Speaker 1: like a storytelling reenactment kind of show, and there was
Speaker 1: a season or two that came out within the past
Speaker 1: few years. And it's usually like someone that grew up
Speaker 1: in a haunted house or had some kind of thing
Speaker 1: that spanned a period of time with a paranormal entity
Speaker 1: of some sort, and it's like them sitting in a
Speaker 1: room telling their family as we see reenactments. But now
Speaker 1: there's a version. That is the Latin American version and
Speaker 1: it's in Spanish. I just started watching it and it's
Speaker 1: very scary. I mean, it's a reenactment show, so it
Speaker 1: can be like a little cheesy, but the stories. You
Speaker 1: come for the stories and they are very good. So
Speaker 1: just you know, if you're looking for something to watch,
Speaker 1: I thought I would throw that out there on Patreon.
Speaker 1: This week, I'm back talking about eBay dolls and go
Speaker 1: check that out patreon dot com. Slash rosdres Flees. That
Speaker 1: is on the firstier and link is also in the
Speaker 1: description of this episode and on my second tier. The
Speaker 1: bonus clip this week is actually that thing that I've
Speaker 1: started doing not that long ago, where I like ask
Speaker 1: my guests about their thoughts on different paranormal things. It
Speaker 1: is that with Kirsten this week, so you can hear
Speaker 1: Kirsten talking about her thoughts on UFOs and Bigfoot and
Speaker 1: haunted dolls and all that fun stuff. So, without further ado,
Speaker 1: here is my chat with Kirsten vangs Nez on with
Speaker 1: the show. Kirs Then, how are you.
Speaker 2: I'm oh, I'm.
Speaker 1: I know, it's a weird question.
Speaker 2: No, no, no. The reason why Roz that it's a weird
Speaker 2: question is because I am doing wonderful And I say
Speaker 2: this fully aware of my my privilege and fully aware
Speaker 2: of that I am the exception to the rule. But
Speaker 2: I have found the last year, although heartbreaking and has
Speaker 2: cracked me open emotionally in many different ways, I have
Speaker 2: found it to be very expansive for my internal hologram.
Speaker 2: I feel like, you know, I keep being reminded of
Speaker 2: like before, you know, a caterpillar is a butterfly. They're
Speaker 2: just soup, They're just goo. And I feel like I
Speaker 2: got to be I've been goo for like a year now.
Speaker 2: I've got to explore the goo which all of us,
Speaker 2: all of us have been forced to explore the gou.
Speaker 2: But I've been very lucky that the but both the
Speaker 2: environment in which I can go explore and and I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna keep going with that metaphor. And also like
Speaker 2: just you know, I'm lucky. You know, my my mom my,
Speaker 2: mama is healthy, and you know what I mean, like
Speaker 2: all the people that I I haven't had to go
Speaker 2: through this whole experience I've gotten, you know, the heartbreak
Speaker 2: that I that I have incurred has has happened from
Speaker 2: watching other people go through deep pain, and it has
Speaker 2: forced me to explore all of the limiting beliefs and
Speaker 2: the white violence that I have and and inside of
Speaker 2: me and all this other you know, my internalized homophobia,
Speaker 2: all this bullshit like that. I've gotten to been lucky
Speaker 2: enough that those have been my journal my journeys in
Speaker 2: the last year. So I'm great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good way to look at it, though,
Speaker 1: because we were forced to do a lot of go searching,
Speaker 1: and I imagine some people maybe like I know, for me,
Speaker 1: I would I have so much search love the goo
Speaker 1: and and uh, you know, lots of things I've just
Speaker 1: been ignoring for a long time because I was so busy,
Speaker 1: and and then I finally got to sit here and
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, this is all horrible. I have nothing
Speaker 1: I have, I have no work, I have nothing to do.
Speaker 1: But also I have to turn this into a good thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I have have to What else am I gonna do?
Speaker 2: I'll I'll explode exactly exactly, And and I know, for
Speaker 2: for me, I'm you know, you never know if you're
Speaker 2: an introvert. You know, get let a pandemic happen, and
Speaker 2: then you'll know if you're an introvert. I've always said
Speaker 2: I'm an introvert, and people are like, no, You're not, like, no,
Speaker 2: no I am. I. I just I love being alone.
Speaker 2: And I fell in love during the pandemic with a
Speaker 2: stranger online, so like and now yeah, now I have
Speaker 2: like the I met like the love of my life
Speaker 2: like eight months ago. Yeah yeah yeah, And and still
Speaker 2: I love being alone, like I value I I And
Speaker 2: it taught me something because I watched a lot of
Speaker 2: my friends, and I think it was also because you know,
Speaker 2: growing up and you have to you sort of use
Speaker 2: your extraversion or your introversion, I think is maybe a crutch.
Speaker 2: And I've always used my introversion as a cru crutch.
Speaker 2: Like I was a real weirdo growing up and always
Speaker 2: sort of have been and sort of outcasted. So I'm
Speaker 2: very comfortable. I had to befriend my own company because
Speaker 2: I only had my own company for long periods of
Speaker 2: time in my early childhood. So this was like an opportunity.
Speaker 2: I mean, it brought me to tears, It brought me
Speaker 2: to my knees emotionally. There were times, you know, I
Speaker 2: remember when the protests were happening and it was right
Speaker 2: by my house and smoke is, and there's it. Just
Speaker 2: the noise was deafening, and I remember crying because I
Speaker 2: have never felt so safe inside my own body, like
Speaker 2: when I was growing up. I never felt that safe.
Speaker 2: And although I was scared and I was so sad
Speaker 2: to see people going through pain, and I was scared
Speaker 2: in that like gosh, that was a loud noise, like
Speaker 2: that kind of a thing. I've never been this at
Speaker 2: home with myself, and this time has taught me to
Speaker 2: be even more at home with the home that I
Speaker 2: inhabit and make it more my home. Like this internal
Speaker 2: little meat puppet suit we live in temporarily is our home, right,
Speaker 2: and so you want to make sure that you decorate
Speaker 2: the fuck out of it and you you know, design
Speaker 2: it to your liking because we have to.
Speaker 1: We have to. Yeah, wow, okay, this is this is
Speaker 1: a great start to this because I think about you know,
Speaker 1: of course we talk about ghosts and that kind of
Speaker 1: a thing here, and I think about this idea of
Speaker 1: where meat suits. I mean to me, I think that
Speaker 1: we're all spiritual beings and.
Speaker 2: We're having the human experience.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, that whole thing. Yes, is that how you feel?
Speaker 2: Absolutely? And I think that you know, I I'm probably
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm the one guest you've had
Speaker 2: on here like this, but I distinctly remember getting the
Speaker 2: only slumber party that I ever got invited to as
Speaker 2: a child, and everybody wanted to talk about ghost stories,
Speaker 2: and I would keep trying to steer it to Casper,
Speaker 2: because that was the only ghost that I've ever been
Speaker 2: particularly comfortable with at all. I am very I don't
Speaker 2: watch horror movies. I curate what comes into my body
Speaker 2: so closely because I can be so quickly dysregulated by
Speaker 2: anything that terrifies me. And I'm saying this fully aware
Speaker 2: everyone that I if you don't know, and you don't
Speaker 2: have to know this, I play a computer analyst on
Speaker 2: a TV show that is probably the most violent show
Speaker 2: on network television. It's called Criminal Minds. It's about serial killers,
Speaker 2: and we reference real life serial killers. So I've had
Speaker 2: to say, and I was on that show for fifteen years,
Speaker 2: and and I I can't tolerate watching or thinking about
Speaker 2: spooky stuff. So I like to I do believe that
Speaker 2: there are well, I think two things. Number One at Cartole,
Speaker 2: the guy who wrote the Power of Now, He's he
Speaker 2: talks about this idea of there being thought forms, like
Speaker 2: every thought we've ever thought, every experience, it exists. It's
Speaker 2: like out there and if your radio signal is tuned
Speaker 2: to it, you'll pick it up. So I sometimes think
Speaker 2: that like old versions of people that get stuck like that,
Speaker 2: maybe they're floating around and they get picked up. I
Speaker 2: also like to think because I do have my best
Speaker 2: friend transition to non physical, which is the way I
Speaker 2: like to word it. I stole that from I stole
Speaker 2: that from Abraham Hicks if you don't know who that is.
Speaker 2: But my my dear friend Michael transitions to non physical
Speaker 2: when I was he was twenty four, so I think
Speaker 2: I was twenty two and he uh and I had
Speaker 2: the honor of being there for much of the transition,
Speaker 2: and there was a lot of talk of like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna visit you and we're gonna make stuff together,
Speaker 2: and Far to me was like, no, don't do that.
Speaker 2: I was like so freaked out. But like, I do
Speaker 2: think that spirit, I don't think that it's something we
Speaker 2: can understand. Have you read that book by Anita Moujarni.
Speaker 2: I'm saying her last name very wrong, but she wrote
Speaker 2: a book She died and came back, and the way
Speaker 2: she described death I think was super interesting. I just
Speaker 2: think there are things we don't get like that. I
Speaker 2: like to believe because I actually did just have a
Speaker 2: friend that was older transition to non physical about a
Speaker 2: month ago. And I like to believe there's no such
Speaker 2: thing as loss. I want to believe that the punchline
Speaker 2: isn't over once we leave here, and that maybe people
Speaker 2: that are you know, caught on the drama triangle and
Speaker 2: super in their villainous self need to get their theater out,
Speaker 2: you know, after they've kicked it by, you know, doing
Speaker 2: creepy things. And I also believe, I absolutely believe that
Speaker 2: I am I interface with people that have passed on.
Speaker 2: I it's just how I have to get through the day.
Speaker 2: I don't I feel the presence of especially my friend Michael,
Speaker 2: like so often and so many like little inside things
Speaker 2: and stuff that I can't deny that. But I also
Speaker 2: am the I also really get freaked out about Like
Speaker 2: That's why I'm good when I talk about a ghost story,
Speaker 2: because I don't want it to be true. I just
Speaker 2: objectively know the facts. So when I'm tell you my thing,
Speaker 2: it's like, well, this is what happened. So there you go.
Speaker 1: Yeah. See, I've when I started doing this podcast, I
Speaker 1: would ask the guests that would come on that were
Speaker 1: good friends of mine, I would ask them my final question,
Speaker 1: which was, will you come back and haunt me? If
Speaker 1: you what's the word transition into the non physical yes
Speaker 1: before me. And then I started to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is weird, because like I don't want them just
Speaker 1: to like pop up in the middle of the night
Speaker 1: one night, like that's creepy. But then I've realized from
Speaker 1: having other people pass that it doesn't necessarily manifest in
Speaker 1: that way. Sometimes it's a song comes on the radio
Speaker 1: when you need to hear it, or you know, certain
Speaker 1: little signs you can get you can choose to acknowledge.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and they're so normal that if you don't mark
Speaker 2: them because they're so matter of fact. Those those are
Speaker 2: the ones that I think are so interesting is the
Speaker 2: things that are so matter fact. I remember one time
Speaker 2: I was walking out the door of my house to
Speaker 2: see my mom and my sister, and my dad died
Speaker 2: about ten years ago. This is about eight years ago,
Speaker 2: and I had a terrible, really not He was a
Speaker 2: kind of parent that you have to create a huge
Speaker 2: boundary because they have contracted you so much and done
Speaker 2: so much of a you know, you're just not You're not.
Speaker 2: You can't be around them trying to parse out my
Speaker 2: words really well. And so I have a much better
Speaker 2: relationship with him. When he died and I was relieved,
Speaker 2: And it's a lot of it's a very strange feeling
Speaker 2: when you don't when you have a parent that you
Speaker 2: don't connect to, and that you actually feel a great
Speaker 2: deal of relief and safety with them not being physically
Speaker 2: present on the planet. And I remember walking out the door.
Speaker 2: I was going to go have lunch with my mom
Speaker 2: and my sister, and behind my back I heard this
Speaker 2: dinging noise, like someone had used a triangle. And I
Speaker 2: turned around in my bedroom and there's a big bookshelf
Speaker 2: and I had taken all my rings off. I was
Speaker 2: doing a show the night before, and I had all
Speaker 2: these rings, and one of the rings I was wearing
Speaker 2: it was in the middle of the book shelf. It
Speaker 2: was in the middle of the bookshelf, and it flew
Speaker 2: up in the air and it landed in them. I
Speaker 2: was watching it. It had fallen and it was spinning
Speaker 2: in a circle like crazy and it was my dad's
Speaker 2: wedding ring. And when I had turned around, I remember
Speaker 2: thinking like something to the effect of like this relief
Speaker 2: that I get to go have lunch with my mom
Speaker 2: and my sister, and like, fuck that guy, I'm so
Speaker 2: glad to start here. And that happened. I remember looking
Speaker 2: down at it and I said, okay, fine, and I
Speaker 2: picked it up and I wore it because I was like,
Speaker 2: I got it, man, okay, but still fuck off, like
Speaker 2: you don't. You don't get to be there, but I'll
Speaker 2: wear a fucking ring. And I remember making a recording
Speaker 2: of it because it was so normal but so unusual,
Speaker 2: you know. And if you don't note the magic in
Speaker 2: your life, I mean I think this about everything so many.
Speaker 2: I think that the non physical and the things that
Speaker 2: we don't understand are always in concert with us. And
Speaker 2: if you note it, that pattern recognition comes up more.
Speaker 2: And why not do that, you know, even if it
Speaker 2: isn't you know, even if you can explain it away,
Speaker 2: why not try to notice if something is trying to
Speaker 2: get to you, you know. And I always like to
Speaker 2: think that I'm energetically in a place if I keep
Speaker 2: myself energetically at a at a good frequency. And that
Speaker 2: doesn't mean like super positive. It just means like grounded, authentic.
Speaker 2: You know, if I keep myself who like really that
Speaker 2: my inside is a match to what I'm expressing outside
Speaker 2: of me, then I'm vibrating in a place where all
Speaker 2: the cool kind of people and stuff that isn't physical
Speaker 2: can be in concert with me. So I'm going to
Speaker 2: assume that whatever's connecting with me is good stuff and
Speaker 2: wants to help. But I think we can always use
Speaker 2: those things. I mean I when I write, even I'm
Speaker 2: a playwright, and there has been more than once that
Speaker 2: I've been like, Okay, I don't know how to do
Speaker 2: this myself, and it's not like I've channeled, but it's
Speaker 2: I don't know. Maybe it's not like I haven't. I
Speaker 2: certainly don't feel like I certainly don't feel like I
Speaker 2: came up with that idea. So it's either a bunch
Speaker 2: of people, like a collective unconscious or something. I'm not
Speaker 2: that smart. So I like to think that, you know,
Speaker 2: are insides are in little our little ghost inside of
Speaker 2: our body's legs to touch the ghosts that are hanging
Speaker 2: up in the sky before they go recycle themselves into
Speaker 2: different meat puppetsuits. But maybe that's just me.
Speaker 1: You're giving us so much wisdom today. This is a lot.
Speaker 1: It's amazing though.
Speaker 2: I've been thinking a lot.
Speaker 1: I've had a year, you know, Yeah, I know too well.
Speaker 1: You know some people might think that that could be
Speaker 1: a past life thing too. You know, the channeling, you know,
Speaker 1: reaching deep into.
Speaker 2: Your time is is myth. I think I think Time
Speaker 2: actually wrote a play about this because I was so
Speaker 2: interested in it. Time, I think happens at the same time,
Speaker 2: So I don't time is not a line. They've proven that.
Speaker 2: So if it's not a line, then it's all happening
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Well, also, when you have a year
Speaker 1: of not doing anything, time is really messed up. I have,
Speaker 1: no I have.
Speaker 2: It stands and contracts in a different way. It does.
Speaker 1: It's so weird. Well, I wanted to go back to
Speaker 1: an earlier thing that you had said about the spooky
Speaker 1: things that you consume and how that affects you, because
Speaker 1: first of all, I don't let me know if I
Speaker 1: if I get too spooky for you, because I don't want.
Speaker 2: Well, we're good, it's daytime. I'll be okay, I'll read
Speaker 2: through it.
Speaker 1: But do you from being on Criminal Minds for so
Speaker 1: long do you have do you have like this sense
Speaker 1: of you know how the sausage is made, and so
Speaker 1: it's not like when you see those things, it's not
Speaker 1: as scary or is it still like is it hard
Speaker 1: to watch those kinds of.
Speaker 2: Time, ma'am?
Speaker 1: I really no, I don't.
Speaker 2: And I think that there are just people. I don't
Speaker 2: know the name for us people, but I know that
Speaker 2: there must not be just me. But there are television
Speaker 2: shows and they that I genuinely would like to watch,
Speaker 2: I can't because they are not entertaining to me. I
Speaker 2: have written, I've co written four episodes of Criminal Minds.
Speaker 2: I have watched. We did three hundred and twenty five episodes.
Speaker 2: I've watched maybe ten because and I mean, I've even
Speaker 2: wanted to watch my friends on it or whatever. And
Speaker 2: someone's like, oh, I play a dead body. I want
Speaker 2: you to see me, and it's like, I my imagination
Speaker 2: just doesn't doesn't do that that thing. And it can
Speaker 2: be really people can think that you're exaggerating or like
Speaker 2: make fun of you about it, or try to try
Speaker 2: and I've tried to do this. I've tried to kind
Speaker 2: of beat it out of me, you know. But it's
Speaker 2: like I grew up with a lot of scary stuff
Speaker 2: and so that and it's not like it's not like
Speaker 2: I couldn't handle it, but it's like you're talking to
Speaker 2: the girl who just saw Silence of the Lambs like
Speaker 2: sick years ago. And I walked around for a good
Speaker 2: to two weeks. I wanted to tell everybody, do you
Speaker 2: know Anthony Hopkins is still out there? Did you see
Speaker 2: at the end he's still did everyone see a I
Speaker 2: just wanted to go up to strangers at the market,
Speaker 2: But excuse me, have you seen Sounds of the Landsdie?
Speaker 2: Did you see that part where they did that? Like
Speaker 2: and I was actively on criminal minds at the time,
Speaker 2: and so I have to kind of watch that part
Speaker 2: of me because she can get a little fascinate or something,
Speaker 2: you know. I think I think that there's something about
Speaker 2: reinventing and not reinventing creating who you want to be
Speaker 2: when you were in a space where you couldn't be
Speaker 2: who you wanted to be because I don't know, because
Speaker 2: of your life circumstances or whatever. And it's like I
Speaker 2: don't need to it's not interesting to me to terrorize myself.
Speaker 2: I've been terrorist, I'm not. I don't do it for
Speaker 2: entertainment and some people need to do it to make
Speaker 2: theater out of it. And that's okay. Like I'm not
Speaker 2: judging anybody. I'm just saying for me, I'm the person who, like,
Speaker 2: I remember going on a date to not Scary farm
Speaker 2: and I was raised in I spent my teenage years
Speaker 2: in Orange County, and I had to spend the whole time,
Speaker 2: like when the monster jumps out at you. For those
Speaker 2: of you who don't know, not Scary farmers like this.
Speaker 2: They have these monsters that jump out and they're very elaborate.
Speaker 2: They have these elaborate spooky mazes. And I spent the
Speaker 2: whole time. I like, and I've gone there now multiple
Speaker 2: times because friends will be like, oh, kist, you'll be fine.
Speaker 2: They jump out and this is me, Hello, good sir.
Speaker 2: I like your makeup, well done, touche. You've got me
Speaker 2: this time. Like I have to make jokes. I have to,
Speaker 2: like I have to completely break the break it. I
Speaker 2: now having said that I'm a super light, I'm super witchy,
Speaker 2: like I'm all about like like I kind of run like, uh,
Speaker 2: I kind of run goth light generally. So it's it's
Speaker 2: like a weird juxtaposition. Like I love spooky, Like I
Speaker 2: am the house that if you drive by my house
Speaker 2: during Halloween, you will be delighted, Like it's delightful. I
Speaker 2: have like full trees up, like full fake trees with
Speaker 2: faces and fog machines. But I also I go spooky,
Speaker 2: not creepy. Do you know?
Speaker 1: I live in the spooky too. My my home is
Speaker 1: all spooky things. But even though I talk to people
Speaker 1: about ghost stories all day, I have to have my
Speaker 1: boundaries because at nighttime it can get scary. When I
Speaker 1: start to hear these stories and I'm somebody, like the
Speaker 1: whole not scary farm thing. I my whatever it is
Speaker 1: with me, I get like violent, Like my my first
Speaker 1: impulse is to defend myself if somebody jumps out at me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you get, you get. I was just reading about this.
Speaker 2: There's there's these people I love, Gay and Cathlen Hendrix.
Speaker 2: They have a site called the Foundation for Conscious Living
Speaker 2: and they talk about fear and there's fight, flight, freeze, faint,
Speaker 2: and flee. Those are the different kinds of how fear
Speaker 2: can manifest itself, depending up on who you are so
Speaker 2: like for me, when I get super scared, I either
Speaker 2: go faint or freeze. I totally poss them out and
Speaker 2: it sounds like you go fight, I guess.
Speaker 1: So. See that thing was so frustrating to me because
Speaker 1: my idol is Cassandra Peterson Alvirah.
Speaker 2: And she does pilates at the same place that I do.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. She was also she was on this podcast.
Speaker 1: It was an iconic episode.
Speaker 2: She's glorious, she's the best.
Speaker 1: But she always did not scary for them, and I
Speaker 1: never went because I can't deal with the people jumping
Speaker 1: out at me. Oh and then she stopped doing it.
Speaker 1: H Can I hear one of your ghost stories?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, they all kind of they all kind of
Speaker 2: go in, but you stop me and start me as
Speaker 2: you wish. So. I was raised when I was a
Speaker 2: little girl. When I was about four, we moved to
Speaker 2: I was born in Pasadena, California, and when I was
Speaker 2: about four, both my parents are teachers and they got
Speaker 2: jobs in the Central Valley of California, which is like
Speaker 2: your car if you were here in Los Angeles and
Speaker 2: you were trying to drive to San Francisco, it would
Speaker 2: be like your car gets possessed and makes a left
Speaker 2: hand turn and then tries to drive into the armpit
Speaker 2: of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. And that's okay, where I
Speaker 2: was raised. And I say it with all the love
Speaker 2: in my heart because I want it to be like
Speaker 2: a John Cougar Mellencamp song, like want I want where
Speaker 2: that is to be like that. And it can be
Speaker 2: and also can not be that because there was a
Speaker 2: lot of poverty and a lot of substance abuse, because
Speaker 2: people aren't, you know, able to take care of themselves
Speaker 2: because there's not a lot of work and blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: Devin Nenez if you're familiar with that particular politician, he
Speaker 2: is famous in America for supporting our previous president by
Speaker 2: lying and all kinds of nonsense, like very racist and
Speaker 2: xenophobic and all this stuff. He is the representative of
Speaker 2: the central of where I was raised. It is the
Speaker 2: red part of California, got it, Okay. So there's these
Speaker 2: little towns around there, and one of the bigger towns
Speaker 2: is a town called Porterville, and that is where I
Speaker 2: spent most of my childhood. And Portville is an old
Speaker 2: California town. When I was a little girl. We would
Speaker 2: go to this place called the Zalad House, which the
Speaker 2: Zalads lived in and they didn't live in there anymore.
Speaker 2: It was just like a big old Victorian house. It
Speaker 2: was really one of the only beautiful houses in Porterville.
Speaker 2: And we would go and you know, it was like
Speaker 2: all this Victorian furniture and it was all like with ropes,
Speaker 2: you know, like partitioned off so you could just walk
Speaker 2: through with little kids like and you'd go every year,
Speaker 2: so we all knew all the stories and it was
Speaker 2: really spooky even just that, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: like a Victorian place with velvet ropes, and you sit
Speaker 2: there and you stare at everything and you imagine what
Speaker 2: it's gonna be like at night. And I lived on
Speaker 2: this street that was pretty desolate. Off to one side,
Speaker 2: there was nothing but a field off to one side,
Speaker 2: and it was not a great street. My house burnt
Speaker 2: down soon after I moved away because the people who
Speaker 2: then lived there made it into a meth lab and
Speaker 2: it burnt down. And the street I lived on, although
Speaker 2: I remember being like, oh it was quaint when I
Speaker 2: went and visited. There were no star sidewalks, and you know,
Speaker 2: children are in the middle of the street wearing no
Speaker 2: clothes but a diaper, like it was. It was intense.
Speaker 2: And then you're like, oh yeah, this is oh yeah,
Speaker 2: like this is this, this is it. So now it's
Speaker 2: it's a little tiny story. The first bit is a
Speaker 2: teeny tiny story and the second it's just slightly longer.
Speaker 2: So I had a very tumultuous upbringing, and my my
Speaker 2: father moved out of the house. My parents didn't get
Speaker 2: a divorce, but he moved out, uh, And he would
Speaker 2: come back on the weekends, and my sister had friends.
Speaker 2: My sister was. My sister had friends, and she would
Speaker 2: she would go and be gone. And I didn't have
Speaker 2: friends to who invited me over to their house. And
Speaker 2: so I was a very odd looking kid. And I,
Speaker 2: you know, I think being queer in any way and
Speaker 2: and not not being good at suppressing it can make
Speaker 2: your life, especially we don't know what it is, can
Speaker 2: make your life really tumultuous and strange when you're a kid.
Speaker 2: And I did not know the words for, you know,
Speaker 2: or know how to handle like I'm a you know,
Speaker 2: bisexual who leans towards girls Like I don't know what
Speaker 2: that is, but you're enacting this behavior and then on
Speaker 2: top of the fact of like this family stuff. So
Speaker 2: I was my mom who was doing her very best,
Speaker 2: really really really, we had gotten into some sort of thing,
Speaker 2: and at night I would get so terrified. I would
Speaker 2: just get these night tares every single night. And this
Speaker 2: is the part of this story where you realize that
Speaker 2: Kirsten has a landline, and you're like, I thought, has
Speaker 2: who has a landline? Like is Kirsten a ghost? Because
Speaker 2: why would there be a landline? And also why doesn't
Speaker 2: she turn it off? Because she's in a little pod
Speaker 2: of thing and she can't reach. So it's done okay anyway,
Speaker 2: So I.
Speaker 1: Love that though that's the first landline we've ever had
Speaker 1: in a row.
Speaker 2: Oh you're welcome.
Speaker 1: See, it's good.
Speaker 2: I'm doing old timey. My mom insisted, like it's one
Speaker 2: of my mom's rules, like I have to have a landline.
Speaker 2: You're like why, like because earthquakes and I don't know
Speaker 2: what that means, but I just I love her, so
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it, she says. So I would get
Speaker 2: these night terrors, and it's my mom was really trying
Speaker 2: her best and couldn't really face all this stuff that
Speaker 2: was going on at the time. And so she just
Speaker 2: couldn't handle it. So I would get these night terrors,
Speaker 2: and my sister wasn't at home this one particular night,
Speaker 2: and I hated being in my room by myself, both
Speaker 2: because of what I would do with my own imagination
Speaker 2: and because of what would actually happened like, And so
Speaker 2: me and my sister would we would we would try
Speaker 2: to do haunted houses in the house and in our
Speaker 2: bedroom because for entertainment, because we didn't really have anything.
Speaker 2: So you just play like Night on Bald Mountain on
Speaker 2: repeat from Fantasia and then like try to build like
Speaker 2: sheet forts and stuff and yeah, but like and that's
Speaker 2: about as scary as I could go. So we would
Speaker 2: do spooky things in the very room in which I slept,
Speaker 2: but not super spooky, because again I get freaked out.
Speaker 2: But when I would go to bed and I would
Speaker 2: have these night terrors and by night tairs and me
Speaker 2: and I just wouldn't sleep all night. Uh that were
Speaker 2: well founded, But uh, what are you gonna do? I
Speaker 2: would hear this tapping on my uh, on the window,
Speaker 2: and the window of my bedroom was at the very
Speaker 2: front of our house. We lived in this dilapidated house
Speaker 2: that was like built in the probably like the forties,
Speaker 2: and it was kind of like a craftsman So it
Speaker 2: had these big old paned windows on the front. And
Speaker 2: so my bedroom was there was this window, and I
Speaker 2: would hear this tapping.
Speaker 1: And and uh on the first floor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was only a one floorhouse. And and it
Speaker 2: was like I said, like, and this is I was
Speaker 2: in like seventh grade. And when I was in seventh grade,
Speaker 2: I would get beat up all the time. I looked
Speaker 2: like a boy. And by beat up, I didn't get
Speaker 2: beat up. In seventh grade, there was something that was
Speaker 2: called being trash canned, and that's where they put you
Speaker 2: in a trash can and and you sort of band
Speaker 2: together with other you know, in my in this sit
Speaker 2: at this time, it was three other girls that also
Speaker 2: got beat up. And you're not really friends, but you're
Speaker 2: just kind of like you stay together in a pod
Speaker 2: as often as possible. Totally, and and now my garage
Speaker 2: is making a noise. Okay, I'm back. So so I
Speaker 2: would have these weird things happen in real life because
Speaker 2: I was negotiating a lot of stuff and hormones and
Speaker 2: school and all this. So I would hear things in
Speaker 2: my head I was full bananas in seventh grade. And
Speaker 2: I can call myself that because it's me, so I'm
Speaker 2: allowed to call myself bananas. And like I would count,
Speaker 2: I was doing a lot of like I've got to
Speaker 2: count to seven every time I do this, and I
Speaker 2: was I just all kinds of things that I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna bore you with. But when you're hearing tapping on
Speaker 2: the window and you're already doing all this other weird stuff,
Speaker 2: and you're doing all this weird stuff because again, no
Speaker 2: one's like, oh, this kid is all this other stressful
Speaker 2: things happened to kids all the time. Primary caregivers are
Speaker 2: figuring out their lives and how to manage stress, and
Speaker 2: then you have these children that they've decided to have
Speaker 2: that are literally getting bathed in this wash of the
Speaker 2: way that their parents have been taught to handle stress.
Speaker 2: And my parents weren't good at that, especially my dad,
Speaker 2: and and so I was really weird. So I'd hear
Speaker 2: this tapping noise, and everyone was always everything was my imagination,
Speaker 2: So everything I saw was my imagine. It was always
Speaker 2: just Kisen's histrionic and Kiersen's whatever. And this one night,
Speaker 2: my mom said, like she just got like fed up
Speaker 2: with me being afraid because I would kind of tiptoe
Speaker 2: and in. It was my bedtime, and I'd keep kind
Speaker 2: of going in too, like try to sleep on the
Speaker 2: on the floor in the hallway and by her by
Speaker 2: her bed bedroom, and my sister wasn't there, my dad
Speaker 2: wasn't there, and she was like good and she'd like
Speaker 2: yelled at me, and I get back into bed because
Speaker 2: I had already gotten out twice because of this tap
Speaker 2: tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap,
Speaker 2: and then I went back in and then i'd go
Speaker 2: back in my bedroom and it's now it's tapping like consistently,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I got I'm gonna I can't. I
Speaker 2: can't go back into her room because if I do,
Speaker 2: I'm going to like lose you know, my you know,
Speaker 2: we had we had hit the like you lose you know,
Speaker 2: two weeks of phone privileges and you you can't we
Speaker 2: had we'd hit a consequence was gonna happen if I
Speaker 2: did it again kind of situation. And this tapping just
Speaker 2: starts going, going, going, and my head is by the
Speaker 2: window and I can feel the window like moving, and
Speaker 2: all of a sudden I just like closed my eyes
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I'm just going to ignore it. It's
Speaker 2: my imagination. And the second I say it's my imagination,
Speaker 2: it's like someone took their fist and hit the window
Speaker 2: and it's like boom boom, like right in my ear.
Speaker 2: And I jump out of bed and I run down
Speaker 2: the hallway and I tell my mom and I and
Speaker 2: I lose everything, but at that moment, I don't care,
Speaker 2: like do it do it? I'm not And uh to
Speaker 2: the point that my mom believed me enough. She was like,
Speaker 2: you're in so much trouble. You lost all this. I
Speaker 2: was still in trouble, but she very angrily and it's
Speaker 2: my mom is lovely and at the time going through
Speaker 2: so much. You know, it's hard being a single not
Speaker 2: single mom, and you got this narcissist guy. So I
Speaker 2: want to give her a lot of compassion and just say,
Speaker 2: like she was in a state, but you know, she
Speaker 2: doing the best. I remember her angrily taking these two giant,
Speaker 2: you know pans, like these old Italian you know, cast
Speaker 2: iron things, and like banging them together and outside and
Speaker 2: there was nothing out there. There was nothing out there.
Speaker 1: And uh oh, and she went out to get the boogeyman.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, because she well, she knew that there was
Speaker 2: anything out there, and and like it was within seconds
Speaker 2: that she went out there there was nothing there. And
Speaker 2: then when I went back to bed, I put myself
Speaker 2: to bed with like this. I mean, it was awful,
Speaker 2: like it didn't bang like that anymore, but the tapping,
Speaker 2: and it was so annoyingly inconsistent in that it seemed
Speaker 2: to be it seemed to be moving with how I
Speaker 2: was thinking, if that makes sense. It's like I would
Speaker 2: finally calm down and then it would be like I
Speaker 2: would be like oh, and then it would kind of stop,
Speaker 2: but and then it faded out because it used to happen.
Speaker 2: But the only one time did the big bang thing
Speaker 2: happen with the with what sounded like a fist. Now
Speaker 2: that was in seventh grade.
Speaker 1: And okay, sorry, no, go ahead, no please. Well, I
Speaker 1: was wondering if you had like an explanation for what
Speaker 1: this was, but is that.
Speaker 2: When you were well, I'm kind of it's not an
Speaker 2: explanation so much as a validation of sorts or something
Speaker 2: so seventh grade, Like if I showed you a picture
Speaker 2: of myself from seventh grade, you would be like who like,
Speaker 2: where's Kirsten in that picture? Because I was so covered
Speaker 2: with life and stuff like that. So flash forward to,
Speaker 2: you know, we move out of Porterville, I go to
Speaker 2: I put myself into therapy at fourteen, I start threatening
Speaker 2: emancipation and stuff like that, just to try to create
Speaker 2: space between me and my father, like all this, all
Speaker 2: this stuff. Right. We once we moved to Orange County,
Speaker 2: I decided I want to be an actor, but I
Speaker 2: know I'm not going to be able to do it
Speaker 2: for a living, right, blah blah blah. So I just
Speaker 2: get a day job and I just do theater, you know, forever.
Speaker 2: I get fancy day job, I get criminal minds, I
Speaker 2: start being able to do things. At the same time.
Speaker 2: She has a landline. I don't know why. It's raining,
Speaker 2: and I'm embarrassed.
Speaker 1: Earthquakes.
Speaker 2: I'm embarrassed. I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: It's across, it's cross staring.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, yeah, all right, all right. This is where
Speaker 2: you radically self forgive yourself for things. Okay, here we are,
Speaker 2: We're back. I got scared and then I just belched
Speaker 2: because I got scared. That was a fear belch that
Speaker 2: just happened. So so okay, so flashboard, you know here
Speaker 2: we are. And so two years ago, now, yeah, two
Speaker 2: years ago, I have this show that I wrote that
Speaker 2: I've done multiple times in uh here in LA. I
Speaker 2: took it to Alabama because I wanted to see if
Speaker 2: it would I took it to Alabama after Trump became
Speaker 2: president because it's all about how we create the world
Speaker 2: outside of us through the world inside of us, and
Speaker 2: I thought, will this resonate in a part of the
Speaker 2: country that is different than here? And so I took
Speaker 2: it all over these different places. And it's spooky. It's
Speaker 2: kind of spooky. It's about my growing up, and it's
Speaker 2: about negative self talk and how I kind of created,
Speaker 2: how I was co creating, and about time happening at
Speaker 2: the same time. It's about all these different things. And
Speaker 2: speaking of spooky things, uh this spooky spooky writer Neil
Speaker 2: gaman H actually said that this play, my play, is
Speaker 2: his favorite one person show. So it's it's just that spooky.
Speaker 2: And I took it to Edinburgh and all this stuff.
Speaker 2: So about two years ago, I thought, you know what,
Speaker 2: wouldn't it be cool if I took it to Porterville.
Speaker 2: There's a theater there called the Barn Theater, and wouldn't
Speaker 2: it be neat if I if I took it there?
Speaker 2: So I asked a bunch of my friends. I was like,
Speaker 2: I want to film this, and I hired like three
Speaker 2: or four of my friends that didn't have a job
Speaker 2: right then, but I knew we're good at certain things,
Speaker 2: like Okay, that friend is really good at camera work,
Speaker 2: and that guy really so we all got to you know,
Speaker 2: we all caravaned to Porterville and I'm gonna do this
Speaker 2: show mess and we're gonna do it the Barn Theater.
Speaker 2: And the Barn Theater is legitimately an old barn that
Speaker 2: has been there forever that they've just sort of added
Speaker 2: things onto and made it into a theater, and it
Speaker 2: has some notable people that have acted on it, including
Speaker 2: me and Alice from the Brady Bunch.
Speaker 1: What's her name? Amby Davis?
Speaker 2: And By Davis is from Porterville, Oh my god, yeah
Speaker 2: yeah yeah, so and she did theater there and there's
Speaker 2: so when I get there, it's really strange because when
Speaker 2: I lived in Porterville, everybody kind of treated me like
Speaker 2: I was invisible or they were gonna put me in
Speaker 2: a trash can. And then you come there and you've
Speaker 2: got this thing. You know, they've seen you on television.
Speaker 2: They treat you totally differently and go into the lobby
Speaker 2: with my you know friends, and people are taking me
Speaker 2: across the room and like, oh, look, there's your dad.
Speaker 2: They have a picture of my dad because my dad
Speaker 2: was a an opera singer and stuff and did community
Speaker 2: theater there. So there's a picture of my dad in
Speaker 2: the lobby playing Nankey Pooh in the Mercado, which is
Speaker 2: just as racist as you can imagine because it's a
Speaker 2: white man trying to not look like a white man.
Speaker 2: It's very disturbing. And at the time we were there,
Speaker 2: if they were doing the musical Mulan and it was
Speaker 2: very also disturbing. So like in Me and my Friends show,
Speaker 2: we're like this band of weirdos, like in the in
Speaker 2: the best way, but so we So we show up
Speaker 2: and I'm doing the show. I'm gonna do it for
Speaker 2: three days there. And it's so hot in Porterville, like
Speaker 2: because it's the summertime. They have a swamp cooler on
Speaker 2: the stage. It's so oppressively hot, and there is a
Speaker 2: green room in the back and they said, oh, you
Speaker 2: haven't been here in a long time, but you remember
Speaker 2: the green room, and I had never really been. One time,
Speaker 2: when I was in seventh grade, I was in You're
Speaker 2: a Good Man, Charlie Brown, and I was the girl
Speaker 2: with the naturally curly hair, and i'd been there for
Speaker 2: a second. But I don't totally remember, but apparently I
Speaker 2: could be. It sounds so bizarre, but I think that
Speaker 2: this is true. There was a restaurant in Porterville that
Speaker 2: was like old, old, old restaurant, and they moved it.
Speaker 2: They picked it up, and they drove it to the
Speaker 2: Barn Theater and they attached it to the Barn Theater
Speaker 2: and that became the Barn Theater Green Room. And so
Speaker 2: it's like a it's like a building. It's not a
Speaker 2: big building. It's a room attached to the rest of
Speaker 2: the theater. It's kind of hard to explain unless you
Speaker 2: we're actually there seeing it. But so we're doing the show,
Speaker 2: but everybody, we always go into this room all the
Speaker 2: time because it's so hot while we're there. Like I said,
Speaker 2: it was a couple of years ago, it's freezing cold
Speaker 2: in this room. This room is never not freezing cold.
Speaker 2: It's like the air conditioner only works in this one place,
Speaker 2: and it works so good in there that you almost
Speaker 2: want to put on a sweater. And so we're there
Speaker 2: one night and I'm showing my friends like, this is
Speaker 2: where I'm from, and we go get a hamburger and
Speaker 2: while we're I get a vegetarian hamburger, and while we're
Speaker 2: eating it, the guy who works there goes, hey, I
Speaker 2: heard you lived over there by any you know, Mountain View.
Speaker 2: And I was like yeah, and he's like, whoa, you
Speaker 2: grew up rough And I felt so validated. And so
Speaker 2: the last day we're there, my friend Stacy, who's stage
Speaker 2: managing it, is there, and my friend Derett who's doing
Speaker 2: the camera, and my other friend Steven, who's running the
Speaker 2: other camera. And I'm doing two shows that day, so
Speaker 2: I've already done one and I love taking like a
Speaker 2: ten minute nap. I'm like, I'm amazing at these. It's
Speaker 2: like a robot power down and I'm out. So I'm
Speaker 2: sitting in this lazy boy in this green room looks
Speaker 2: exactly like every community theater green room you've ever seen.
Speaker 2: And I've done a lot of theater in community, but
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. It's got like three random chairs.
Speaker 2: Each one has a story, you know, from someone's house,
Speaker 2: and then they've tried to you know, they have they've
Speaker 2: succeeded in making like a kind of like a dressing
Speaker 2: room table with the you know, the Marquee lights around it.
Speaker 2: And and I am going to take a nap. And
Speaker 2: there's a light switch to this room and it's really tricky,
Speaker 2: and it's tricky you got to figure out how to
Speaker 2: turn it off because you got to push it in
Speaker 2: and turn it off. And we we turn it off
Speaker 2: when we do the show. So I've turned it on
Speaker 2: and off a couple of times, you know, since I've
Speaker 2: been there. And we're only there for a few days.
Speaker 2: So I'm taking my little ten minute nap and I'm
Speaker 2: kind of laying there and everybody's kind of wandering around
Speaker 2: getting ready for the show. And I'm going to take
Speaker 2: a nap, and I pull up the thing. Oh in
Speaker 2: the night before, I was gonna say this. The night before,
Speaker 2: the people who were running the theater. We all go
Speaker 2: walking around and we walk by the Zalad House. And
Speaker 2: when we walk by the Szalad House, which is that
Speaker 2: old house I used to look out and I was
Speaker 2: a kid, and it's completely pitch dark, and the girl says,
Speaker 2: she's like, you don't even want to look in the
Speaker 2: windows at night because it's so haunted. I was like really,
Speaker 2: and she's like the whole town is haunted. It was
Speaker 2: like it is hot, like so like, yeah, huh. And
Speaker 2: then when we were at the theater, I had also
Speaker 2: forgotten this to tell you, it said, and I did
Speaker 2: not witness this, but one of the women who worked
Speaker 2: there had said, Oh, I can't tell you more than once.
Speaker 2: People will come to me after intermission and say there
Speaker 2: is someone behind me and they're moving around and they're
Speaker 2: doing all this stuff. And she's like, and there's no
Speaker 2: one there. And it's always in the same parts of
Speaker 2: the theater. And she had mentioned that too, and I
Speaker 2: was like, huh. And the back of this, the backstage
Speaker 2: of the Barn theater is so cavernous. It's an old barn.
Speaker 2: It's huge. I don't know how to again explain it
Speaker 2: unless you were there. And I before shows, I would
Speaker 2: wander around. I only did like four shows, but I
Speaker 2: would wander around and be like, if there's a ghost
Speaker 2: back here, I'm totally cool, but could you just be
Speaker 2: cool with me? Like I am trying to be very respectful,
Speaker 2: and I brought all my bells and whistles. I was
Speaker 2: like Polo santoing that bitch.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh so you are, Oh yes.
Speaker 2: My friend girl. I was like ringing bells. I was
Speaker 2: like the whole that part of the haunted mansion with
Speaker 2: the tambourine and shit. I was like that, but like,
Speaker 2: but like the op maybe my version of the ghosts
Speaker 2: how to not get the ghosts to come in. But
Speaker 2: I was like, I just want it if there's something,
Speaker 2: because it felt very heavy with memory. But Porterville feels
Speaker 2: like that to me because I have a lot of
Speaker 2: heavy memories. It's almost like I wouldn't be surprised if
Speaker 2: past versions of Kirsten would show up in places to
Speaker 2: haunt me for being a dick to them at that
Speaker 2: time or something like. I wouldn't be surprised. So I'm
Speaker 2: I'm taking this.
Speaker 1: Like a movie, going back to your hometown. PS. As
Speaker 1: you're telling the story, I'm I'm looking at Porterville, Porterville
Speaker 1: barntheater dot com.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, there it is. See I'm not making it up.
Speaker 2: So so I go to take I go to take
Speaker 2: my nap, and I can hear everyone, and you know,
Speaker 2: it's this really. I love it when you just tell
Speaker 2: a story and you can feel it go full circle.
Speaker 2: Because when I was a little girl, like I said,
Speaker 2: I couldn't sleep. I didn't sleep until I like through
Speaker 2: the night, until I was seventeen and I moved in
Speaker 2: to my friend James's house and slept at his house.
Speaker 2: That's when I started to actually sleep through a night,
Speaker 2: and even then with night hairrors. And by this time
Speaker 2: two years ago, I was at a place in my
Speaker 2: life where I can sleep, like I feel relatively safe
Speaker 2: enough and I was all And by the way, I
Speaker 2: don't want anyone to think this is just a side note.
Speaker 2: I don't want anyone to who's listening to this to
Speaker 2: be like, oh, Keirrison's had it. So if you're thinking this,
Speaker 2: Kiston's had it so bad, I didn't have it that bad.
Speaker 2: And I feel like crap too. You don't know how
Speaker 2: bad I did or didn't have it, and you know,
Speaker 2: I just have it. I have a very sensitive system,
Speaker 2: and you know, we all have our bag of rocks
Speaker 2: and things happened to us, and I am always very
Speaker 2: sensitive about like saying stuff because I don't want anyone
Speaker 2: to ever think that, like just because something just because
Speaker 2: someone's had like trauma, it doesn't mean that like we
Speaker 2: should like everybody has it, like, don't specialize it. Am
Speaker 2: I making sense?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Totally. And I don't think it's helpful to compare
Speaker 1: like people's experiences.
Speaker 2: Because the prom qing will cry if she does not
Speaker 2: get the pony, she will cry, and her and her
Speaker 2: tears are just as important as everybody else's. I know,
Speaker 2: we want to believe that, you know, the other tears
Speaker 2: are more valuable or something like that, but they're not.
Speaker 2: Like you can you know, there's all there's there's room
Speaker 2: for all the experiences, and all the experiences can be
Speaker 2: alchemized into beautiful things. So anyway, here I am laying
Speaker 2: on this thing like we're reveling in this beauty of
Speaker 2: like oh my gosh, I'm laying on this on this
Speaker 2: chair in this place that used to scare me, and
Speaker 2: everybody's okay, and like look at me, Like I got
Speaker 2: to come back here and make some theater. Like my
Speaker 2: friends are here and I can hear my friends moving around.
Speaker 2: Everybody's kind of getting ready, and and there was like
Speaker 2: gonna be like a lunch break or something, so they
Speaker 2: were all kind of like heading out, and I hear
Speaker 2: I know that there's three people in the room. So
Speaker 2: I hear one person leave, and I hear and then
Speaker 2: I hear Darret talking, and I hear Darett leave, and
Speaker 2: then I hear it and then it's silent, and so
Speaker 2: I'm just in the room by myself, and about two
Speaker 2: minutes goes by, and I'm like all cuddled up. I'm
Speaker 2: very aware. I can hear the air conditioner. It's cold.
Speaker 2: I was awake, I was wide awake for this. My
Speaker 2: eyes were closed, but I was wide awake and knew
Speaker 2: who was in the room and who was not in
Speaker 2: the room, and understand I understand passage of time and
Speaker 2: all of that. So that's why this is like so
Speaker 2: clearly real. I remember being like the lights on, and
Speaker 2: I've kind of moving my head around and try to
Speaker 2: take my hair and put my hair over my eye
Speaker 2: and create a hair face mask. And so I'm kind
Speaker 2: of getting snuggled up on the couch and I'm making
Speaker 2: this move and as I make this move, I hear
Speaker 2: the switch do that little weird like clicky thing that
Speaker 2: you have to do to make it turn off, and
Speaker 2: then the lights turn off. Stacy the stage manager came
Speaker 2: in and turned the lights off, and I thought that
Speaker 2: was super great because, you know, me as the performing
Speaker 2: artist who had actually p the fucks the show right
Speaker 2: before that. In the afternoon, got heat stroke and had
Speaker 2: to go to the emergency room, which I used to
Speaker 2: do almost every summer in Porterville. Is get heat stroke
Speaker 2: just for standing and not emergency room, like you know,
Speaker 2: like you know, we have to go to urgent care.
Speaker 2: Urgent care. So I had to go get urgent care
Speaker 2: and get like gator aide and take advil. So I
Speaker 2: was tired, you know whatever. So I'm all bundled up,
Speaker 2: taking my little nap, and you know, my little period
Speaker 2: of time goes by, and I opened my eyes and
Speaker 2: I the lights were off, and I, you know, go
Speaker 2: back over do the little difficult, you know thing that
Speaker 2: I've kind of figured out to turn the light back on.
Speaker 2: And now I'm getting ready. I have about forty five
Speaker 2: moments for the show. I'm getting ready and whatever I
Speaker 2: see Stacy, I'm like, I saw what you did there,
Speaker 2: Thanks for turning off the light. And she goes, huh,
Speaker 2: And I said, you turn the light off in the
Speaker 2: in the thing? She said into the line, No, you
Speaker 2: did because Darren and Stephen left and you must have
Speaker 2: come back in a couple of minutes after, because no,
Speaker 2: I haven't been in there. No you no, you turn
Speaker 2: the light off. She's like no, because I went in
Speaker 2: my car and she had like a whole thing. So
Speaker 2: now I'm like, no, you no, because and it was
Speaker 2: so obvious that there was no one in the room
Speaker 2: with me and that the lights had turned off that
Speaker 2: like it was it was impossible. It was like impossible.
Speaker 2: So then I'm going around to everybody, like, Darren, you
Speaker 2: came back in. What are you talking about? You came
Speaker 2: back into the room just now you came back in.
Speaker 2: I took a nap and you turned the light off? No, Steven,
Speaker 2: did you going around to everybody, and then I tell
Speaker 2: the woman in the lobby, I'm like, did anybody go
Speaker 2: back there? And they're like no, we've made sure no
Speaker 2: one's gone back there, blah blah blah, because then they
Speaker 2: thought that I was being like Prima Donna actress, like
Speaker 2: does somebody? I was like, no, it's just the light
Speaker 2: turned off. And then when I said the light turned off,
Speaker 2: They're like, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Just like were they like, that's the light turn off? Ghosts.
Speaker 2: They were just they were just very like not surprised
Speaker 2: at all. And there's no way it was silent like
Speaker 2: there was I can't you know that you allowed a
Speaker 2: backstage the theater is like you hear when people are
Speaker 2: walking around like it's not so so it was. And
Speaker 2: it's one of those things where like if I tell
Speaker 2: you it's so simple and you can go like, well, no,
Speaker 2: well I was there and it's not that simple, Like
Speaker 2: you be me and be there and be like it
Speaker 2: it's important that there's the light turned itself off. I
Speaker 2: don't know how it happened, but you're talking to the
Speaker 2: girl who had been walking around for two days, going okay,
Speaker 2: if you're a ghost, you can come, but be participate,
Speaker 2: like be cool, like yeah. And then when that happened,
Speaker 2: for you know, once I realized like, oh that really happened.
Speaker 2: And I don't again, I don't care if it happened
Speaker 2: because a very strong wind that was just happening in
Speaker 2: the area where that light switch was pushed the light
Speaker 2: switched down. I don't care. That's not what happened. But
Speaker 2: I what I love is that I was conscious of, Okay,
Speaker 2: whatever's here that I can feel you can be here,
Speaker 2: just participate with us and don't scare me, because I
Speaker 2: don't want to be scared. And I do feel like
Speaker 2: that is something if you, even if you think you
Speaker 2: believe in stuff like this, like I do think it's
Speaker 2: important to like communicate and be like, please, don't be
Speaker 2: a dick to me, like because sometimes when you're when
Speaker 2: you're translating through just your consciousness, you think you're saying
Speaker 2: I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid of but like I
Speaker 2: think that maybe they're picking up I'm like, oh you
Speaker 2: want to be afraid? Oh watch this?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2: I didn't want that. And I remember doing the show
Speaker 2: that that night, and the show is all about like
Speaker 2: sort of the unseen and all this different stuff, and
Speaker 2: I really felt that energy, you know, and it was
Speaker 2: a great show. And it really boils down to like
Speaker 2: all I know is I know my internal experience, and
Speaker 2: I know the experience that the audience had that night
Speaker 2: with that particular show and the you know, so what
Speaker 2: if I was in concert with all that stuff, because
Speaker 2: that really was what happened. Like if you put me
Speaker 2: on a polygraph test and it doesn't again, it doesn't
Speaker 2: sound like much like the light turned off. But it
Speaker 2: was a big deal to me. That's about as strong
Speaker 2: of a ghost story as I can I can do.
Speaker 2: And I feel like I I transmuted the ghost experience
Speaker 2: I had as a child into one where I sort
Speaker 2: of reflected back to it how I wanted to be treated. See,
Speaker 2: you have to tell ghost how you demand to be treated,
Speaker 2: not just humans.
Speaker 1: I believe in that too, absolutely and verbally. I think
Speaker 1: about constantly, because we talk about haunted theaters and stuff
Speaker 1: on the show often, and I always think about, like
Speaker 1: if I was to have one of these experiences and
Speaker 1: then go on stage, my brain would be so distracted
Speaker 1: or whatever.
Speaker 2: But I mean, oh, I was so lit up with
Speaker 2: because because as an artist, any artist, and when I
Speaker 2: say artists, I mean someone who makes soup, I don't care.
Speaker 2: We are an empty. Job is to be as empty
Speaker 2: on the inside, I think, as possible, and to let
Speaker 2: whatever is going to feel, whatever needs to speak, speak
Speaker 2: through us. And so that's what I mean. And I've
Speaker 2: been in so many old theaters now, like I do
Speaker 2: these things called selected shorts where we get to travel
Speaker 2: all over the country and read short stories. So I've
Speaker 2: been to old theaters all over the country and you
Speaker 2: can feel it and it is you know, I mean,
Speaker 2: that's where I'm gonna haunt. For fuck's sake, if I'm
Speaker 2: I'm going to go to all the theaters.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, all of them, well and soundstages. I mean
Speaker 1: really a lot of places that, oh yeah, are I
Speaker 1: was Actually I'm on Weirdfresno dot com and they're talking
Speaker 1: about the where I get most of my news. They're
Speaker 1: talking about the Barn Theater here. It was founded in
Speaker 1: nineteen forty eight. Nineteen fifty two, a new edition was
Speaker 1: at it. Okay, I'm just not that's.
Speaker 2: The new edition. Is the one in nineteen fifty two.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 1: I know. This is all very not that I'm trying
Speaker 1: to fact check you, but this is your No, but
Speaker 1: you should.
Speaker 2: You should.
Speaker 1: The theater has had many an actor come through its
Speaker 1: doors over the years, including Anne B. Davis. It seems
Speaker 1: that not all have left, as several strange occurrents have
Speaker 1: been reported throughout the years. People have reported feeling an
Speaker 1: audience in the room even though the theater was empty.
Speaker 1: It's very similar to what you just said.
Speaker 2: No, I know, I know. And my assistant actually she's
Speaker 2: very like very aware of energy and stuff like that.
Speaker 2: And she had mentioned after the woman said it, and
Speaker 2: she was like, can definitely feel it, and it's one
Speaker 2: of those things of like, you know people who are
Speaker 2: sensitive to energy, and I'm one of those people. You know,
Speaker 2: I do the same thing with myself. When she was
Speaker 2: like I can definitely feel it, my brain's oh, sure
Speaker 2: you can, and but I do the same thing to myself,
Speaker 2: Like I do that too, so I get it. But no,
Speaker 2: you definitely can.
Speaker 1: It says according to the Porterville Ghost Society, which I
Speaker 1: guess there is. It says because it's a hunting, sounds
Speaker 1: like they have a lot of places to ghost hunt.
Speaker 1: There's Others have reported hearing clapping and laughter, as well
Speaker 1: as seeing shadowy fake yours. Well, we have a new
Speaker 1: story we can add to Weird fresnoe dot com.
Speaker 2: I should write them, Huh, I didn't. I didn't think
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is amazing. Well, it also says on here
Speaker 1: an evil gnome like creature terrorizes a farmhouse in Porterville.
Speaker 1: What okay, Now, I was.
Speaker 2: A kid, you know, when I was a kid. Okay,
Speaker 2: uh uh, there was a girl I knew and she
Speaker 2: lived in you know, it's again, it's a very it's
Speaker 2: economically very repressed and always has been there, so there's
Speaker 2: a lot of like sorrow and stuff that. There was
Speaker 2: this old slaughterhouse and I remember one time we went
Speaker 2: into it and it was just as terrible. And I
Speaker 2: mean old slaughterhouse is just like this big barn with
Speaker 2: like slats so the you know, the sun is coming through.
Speaker 2: And it had one old refrigerator in it and if
Speaker 2: you opened it there was just a giant cow's head
Speaker 2: that was decaying and oh god, ever, and you know
Speaker 2: that's when you haunt yourself. That's just self haunting.
Speaker 1: Well, can I play some ghost voices for you? Sure? Okay,
Speaker 1: it's time for EVP or ev Pase have you ever
Speaker 1: heard the term EVP?
Speaker 2: EVP like an evil very important person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like an MVP but for villains. Yeah, electronic
Speaker 1: voice phenomena. So it's like when ghost hunters like the
Speaker 1: Porterville Ghost Society shout out. It's when they capture an
Speaker 1: audio recording of what they believe to be a ghost.
Speaker 1: So what I do is I go to YouTube and
Speaker 1: I find EVPs and I have my guests listen to that,
Speaker 1: and then you you could tell me what you hear
Speaker 1: if you hear anything, and then I'll give you some options,
Speaker 1: and one of them is going to be what they
Speaker 1: believe it said.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay, I'm scared. I'm scared. Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1: God. So I went to Pasadena, and now I don't
Speaker 1: know why I was drawn to Pasadena. I guess I
Speaker 1: for some reason was thinking that you were from Pasadena.
Speaker 2: I was born in Pasadena.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, yes you did say that. But for some reason,
Speaker 1: I was like, we're going to do Pasadena today. And
Speaker 1: I found this great YouTube channel that's just called Pasadena
Speaker 1: Paranormal and they have which now I resist saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's a super haunted place because I feel like, like
Speaker 1: mostly old old.
Speaker 2: Town and it's got so much beauty in history.
Speaker 1: Oh Pasadena is so haunted though. Yes, so this didn't
Speaker 1: really say where. It seems like it's this is an
Speaker 1: investigation they did in the house of some sort. But
Speaker 1: tell me what you hear this ghost saying Okay, this
Speaker 1: has been edited so it sounds a little robotic, but
Speaker 1: tune in here see if you can hear anything.
Speaker 2: Okay, it sounds like he's saying get out of here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great gas. So we played again, totally
Speaker 1: get out of here.
Speaker 2: Or there's no one here?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Something here?
Speaker 1: Well, I have some options. Okay, is it a do
Speaker 1: you want to beer? B? What do you fear? Ce
Speaker 1: come up here? Or d are you queer? I'll play
Speaker 1: it again.
Speaker 2: Can you play it again?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay. I feel like a human would want him to
Speaker 2: be saying what do you fear? But I really think
Speaker 2: that he's saying do you want a beer?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, to me, that's what it sounds like,
Speaker 1: do you wanna beer? They believe it's come up here?
Speaker 1: But I also hear here as well. Wait, let me
Speaker 1: play it again. I hear get out of here or
Speaker 1: do you want a beer? But either way, come up here,
Speaker 1: come up here? That works, Yeah, I'll give it to them. Okay,
Speaker 1: here's one more. This is from the same channel. Also
Speaker 1: not sure where, but someplace in Pasadena. This goes to
Speaker 1: saying this. It's it's like two different sentences. Here we go.
Speaker 1: It's definitely a different sounding voice.
Speaker 2: Okay, Oh my gosh, I can't even get that.
Speaker 1: I know it sounds it's a little hard. I can
Speaker 1: give you some options, Okay, give me. Is it a
Speaker 1: sachet away girlfriend, b stay away, go back? See step aside,
Speaker 1: I'm mad? Or d you stained my dress? You're dead?
Speaker 2: I get played again. I wanted to be sashe away girlfriend,
Speaker 2: but they would have to have I kicked it early.
Speaker 1: Sashay away girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Played again.
Speaker 1: I truly hear do you stain my dress? You're dead?
Speaker 2: Now? I can't hear it because the landline, because the
Speaker 2: ghost landline. I'm just gonna say that I have a
Speaker 2: ghost and it rings my phone. It is true because
Speaker 2: usually when I pick up the phone, no one's there.
Speaker 1: So yeah, God, I miss landlines. I was just watching
Speaker 1: Colombo last night and they had a landline and it
Speaker 1: made me so, what is it? Okay, they believe it
Speaker 1: saying stay away, go back. Okay, now that we know that,
Speaker 1: let's hear it. I hear that.
Speaker 2: Oh I did hear that? Yeah, stay away, go back.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's do one more thing real quickly.
Speaker 2: You can't hey, just if go If there are any
Speaker 2: ghosts listening to this podcast, can we just ask you
Speaker 2: from now on just get real close to whatever recording
Speaker 2: device exactly we want to know and a nonca do
Speaker 2: some red leather, yellow leather or unique new York exactly.
Speaker 1: That will help us all projection, all of it.
Speaker 2: Paraormal mumble mouth isn't helping.
Speaker 1: Anyone paranormal mumble mouth. Yeah, it is, just that's we
Speaker 1: gotta do something with that. You've given me. You've given
Speaker 1: me a lot to think about. I so appreciate you
Speaker 1: doing this and taking your time. I think it's I
Speaker 1: think that's about it. I think I think we should
Speaker 1: end it here. You've been so generous with your time,
Speaker 1: and honestly, I think that we could make this a
Speaker 1: two parter because we talked about there's it's just it's
Speaker 1: dense with wisdom, and.
Speaker 2: Part of me, part of me was like, Okay, as
Speaker 2: I'm telling my ghost story, I'm like, is this ghost
Speaker 2: story stupid? I'm like, but it's mine. It's happened to me,
Speaker 2: so it's it's just what happened. So I'm just reporting
Speaker 2: the facts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I love this ghost story. Well, thank you.
Speaker 1: Can you tell people you know, like where to find
Speaker 1: you your videos? I love?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I am I am on Instagram. I am
Speaker 2: Kirsten vangsnis. It's the one with the blue check by
Speaker 2: it and the one that's spelled just as Strangely as
Speaker 2: you'd imagine and uh. And then on Twitter, I'm at
Speaker 2: vangsnas and I have a website which is kirstenfangss dot
Speaker 2: com and I do a show on YouTube called Kirsten's
Speaker 2: Agenda and that's where you can find me.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much to Kirsten. She's just so cool. Oh,
Speaker 1: I love that. That was a fun conversation. And if
Speaker 1: you want to hear a little bit more, coud a
Speaker 1: Patreon dot com, slash Roz dressful us on my second
Speaker 1: tier to hear Kirsten's thoughts on various paranormal topics in
Speaker 1: rapid Fire. And you can also see on my first
Speaker 1: tier my video of me talking about eBay dolls that
Speaker 1: are allegedly haunted. As always, you can find me on
Speaker 1: Cameo Cameo dot com, slash rosdress Vales. I am on
Speaker 1: Instagram at roz Hernandez. Please give this show five stars
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, and I would love to hear your
Speaker 1: ghost stories either in a review a five star review
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts. You could also just leave a nice
Speaker 1: review or not say anything. Just give us five stars.
Speaker 1: I'll take it. Sure, why not? Also, if you want
Speaker 1: to be on a listener episode, send me an email
Speaker 1: at ghosted by Raz at gmail dot com and you
Speaker 1: can put Indie subject line, listener episode and give me
Speaker 1: a couple of little details about the kinds of ghost
Speaker 1: stories that you might want to tell and we can
Speaker 1: maybe work something out. You also have a Facebook group
Speaker 1: called Ghosted by Roz Dresfales. I have merged that you
Speaker 1: can find in the link in my Instagram bio, and
Speaker 1: please be subscribed to this show because I will be
Speaker 1: back here next week with one of my favorite TV
Speaker 1: psychics slash occult experts. I have got Michelle Belange, who
Speaker 1: is so fucking rad. We had a great now that
Speaker 1: conversation will be a two parter there. We talked for
Speaker 1: a minute and it was so cool and Michelle. If
Speaker 1: you don't know Michelle, you can see her on Portals
Speaker 1: to Hell, one of my favorites on Travel Channel and
Speaker 1: Discovery Plus. And also you could see Michelle on Paranormal Stage.
Speaker 1: She's done. She's an a handful of paranormal TV shows,
Speaker 1: but just a wealth of knowledge and we talk about
Speaker 1: demons and psychic abilities and all kinds of things. So
Speaker 1: tune in for that next week and the week after that.
Speaker 1: I love you all, both living and dead. But if
Speaker 1: I didn't ask you to haunt me, don't haunt me.
Speaker 2: Came Back Stars, a podcast network