Speaker 1: Get up, getto boys. It's back and rehoaded all in
Speaker 1: your mind. Yeah, not deep throating. This is for the streets,
Speaker 1: the reel, the railroaded, the distant franchise, the truth, the scapegoating.
Speaker 1: And they ain't knowing we speak the truth, so they
Speaker 1: quoted because we wrote it. The North South East coat
Speaker 1: is the gv MY for keeping your head bobbing. It
Speaker 1: ain't no stopping and wants to be drips head by.
Speaker 1: And then the system is so corrupt they throw the
Speaker 1: rock out of their heads and then blame it on us.
Speaker 1: Don't get it twisted on code and me and danceing
Speaker 1: for no buttment biscuits. It's Willie d y'all scar faces
Speaker 1: in the building. Collectively we are the ghetto boys, reloaded
Speaker 1: with another episode of information and instructions to help you
Speaker 1: get through this wild, crazy, beautiful world. I guess today
Speaker 1: Dr Angela Jones, lower everyone, man, Yeah, we do need
Speaker 1: some claps. I clap for myself, you know what. That's
Speaker 1: that's nice, you know, But but you are a therapist.
Speaker 1: I'm always absolutely if more people clap for themselves, perhaps
Speaker 1: they wouldn't need your services as much. Well. I try
Speaker 1: to help them clap for themselves. So I don't want
Speaker 1: them to keep having my syces, want them to leave
Speaker 1: my services, so they can't. It's money and the services,
Speaker 1: so don't it's like money. I don't want nobody to
Speaker 1: get Will you stay sick? You know? My job is
Speaker 1: to heal. I want them to heal. And if if
Speaker 1: you're out there healed and you feel better, you feel
Speaker 1: like you can clap for yourself, You're gonna send people
Speaker 1: my way. So I'm not really worried about that. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, So how does one become is it clinical therapist?
Speaker 1: I'm a psychotherapist? Psychotherapist? How does one become a psycho? Psycho?
Speaker 1: Like like psycho, it's just mental, that's all. It really
Speaker 1: means therapy for your mind, right, So, so, I mean
Speaker 1: it takes a lot of school. But for me, it
Speaker 1: was about the fact that I grew up with all women.
Speaker 1: But I struggled with a lot, My family struggle with
Speaker 1: a lot. And I remember actually took a class in
Speaker 1: high school psychology, basic one on one class, and I
Speaker 1: was reading things about depression and anxiety and trauma, and
Speaker 1: I felt like I was reading the story of my
Speaker 1: family and I was like Okay, so this is what's happening,
Speaker 1: and we just don't know, we don't really know about ourselves.
Speaker 1: And that's what really like pivoted me into mental health psychology,
Speaker 1: and that's why I'm here today. And what was this
Speaker 1: book you were reading? Um? Actually I don't remember. It
Speaker 1: was a textbook like it was like it was a
Speaker 1: basic psychology one on one. But the thing is, I
Speaker 1: didn't even know what anxiety was until I went to
Speaker 1: this class in high school. So I spent my whole
Speaker 1: life not even understanding what anxiety depression, and neither did
Speaker 1: my family. My family is not American, so on first generation,
Speaker 1: so these are not terms we don't really talk about, y'all. Um,
Speaker 1: Haitian and Cuban so very exotic places. Absolutely on your website,
Speaker 1: you you say that you are well versed and problematic
Speaker 1: sexual behavior. Before we wait, Willie, don't don't go into
Speaker 1: the sexual behavior just right yet, because like I'm one
Speaker 1: of those patients, like one of those uh what they
Speaker 1: call these patients. Willie, give me a good word that one,
Speaker 1: all right? And when I was working my way through
Speaker 1: the program as an adolescent, I always thought that being
Speaker 1: a therapist was BS because There's no way that this
Speaker 1: guy can sit in front of me. My doctor was
Speaker 1: Andrew Harper. By the way, if you might have probably
Speaker 1: hurt him, not he was just coming out of college
Speaker 1: when I when when, when I was in Houston International
Speaker 1: Hospital for some um uh many depressive issues, okay, And
Speaker 1: I thought about it, and I thought about it again.
Speaker 1: I was like, man, hw in the hell? Can he
Speaker 1: sit here and tell me how I'm supposed to feel?
Speaker 1: He tells people how they're supposed to feel. Are you
Speaker 1: just like responding to how they feel? I'm responding to you,
Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna tell you how you feel. I'm
Speaker 1: more reflecting to feel. Well. You know. The thing is,
Speaker 1: everybody's supposed to you know, you have your own supposed
Speaker 1: to So the way you feel like you're supposed to
Speaker 1: feel is the way you're supposed to feel. But if
Speaker 1: it's unhealthy for you, the people around you, and it's
Speaker 1: destroying you in any kind of way, then it's my
Speaker 1: job to reflect back to you what I'm seeing. And
Speaker 1: sometimes we can't see ourselves, and sometimes you do need
Speaker 1: someone that's not emotionally connected to you, that a loved
Speaker 1: one or a friend to help you see yourself. I
Speaker 1: always told like my clients, I'm your mirror and I'm
Speaker 1: going to be I'm very transparent and I'm very honest.
Speaker 1: So what I see is what I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 1: help you see yourself. And a lot of people like, well,
Speaker 1: I could do that myself. But if if that was
Speaker 1: the case, who wouldn't be dealing with a lot of things.
Speaker 1: But I learned how to deal with with um the
Speaker 1: depression that I grew up with, and you know, it
Speaker 1: changed a lot of that having some cash, well, you know,
Speaker 1: having money and yeah, and mental health in the black community, Uh,
Speaker 1: stems from a lot of things. But but but the
Speaker 1: main thing would be poverty. You know, we don't got
Speaker 1: no money, so we were sad as hell. But but
Speaker 1: give somebody, you know, a few thousand dollars that ain't
Speaker 1: used to having and he's exciting now, you know, give
Speaker 1: him a few million dollars and he ain't used to
Speaker 1: having it, Then he's going with life. He can come
Speaker 1: out of the closet, that dark closet that makes everything
Speaker 1: seem like it's the worst thing that's ever happened. So
Speaker 1: from a kid, uh that's that's been through this, I
Speaker 1: understand from a patient standpoint. Now I'm glad to see
Speaker 1: it from a doctor's standpoint. This is the first time
Speaker 1: I've ever had the opportunity to sit in front of
Speaker 1: a doctor and say, you know what. When I was
Speaker 1: growing up, I thought that the therapist that set in
Speaker 1: front of me was full of ship. But you, on
Speaker 1: the other hand, you're a fantastic friend person, and I
Speaker 1: was just I'm just glad to be able to sit
Speaker 1: here and thank you very much. You know, I never
Speaker 1: really thought I thought about it like that. I mean,
Speaker 1: I understand, you know, coming from poverty myself, that, yeah,
Speaker 1: that there's a lot of there's a lot of pain
Speaker 1: associated with being impoverished, and there's a lot of a
Speaker 1: lot of a lot of unhealthy behavior that comes with
Speaker 1: people who are impoverished. Sure, right, but but how much
Speaker 1: of that do you see when you know, when you're
Speaker 1: talking to your patients, it's very rarely that I'm able
Speaker 1: to talk with someone about a current problem and it
Speaker 1: doesn't link back to the past, it doesn't link back
Speaker 1: to some kind of trauma. And the fact is I
Speaker 1: grew up very impoverished as well, and things that I
Speaker 1: considered normal I didn't realize they were traumatic. I didn't
Speaker 1: realize how things that I witnessed growing up um a
Speaker 1: lot of my family that were in different gangs, fights,
Speaker 1: That's the way we had to live, the way we
Speaker 1: had to survive. It was just a way of life
Speaker 1: for me. But I didn't realize how, even transitioning to
Speaker 1: a place of money, how I was I was really
Speaker 1: I was traumatized by those things. I really had to
Speaker 1: re teach myself as a therapist. I believe therapists should
Speaker 1: go to therapy. I went to therapy too. I had
Speaker 1: to relearn a lot of things and understand like that
Speaker 1: wasn't supposed to happen to you. You know, I wasn't
Speaker 1: supposed to be walking down the street and seeing fights
Speaker 1: and guns on the table. I was supposed to see
Speaker 1: those type of things, but I did, and it was
Speaker 1: normal for me until until it wasn't. And so, yeah,
Speaker 1: money did help me get to get the services I need.
Speaker 1: But unfortunately a lot of people don't have money, and
Speaker 1: when they try to go through the system, sometimes the
Speaker 1: system is just so hard. It makes it so hard
Speaker 1: for people to get the proper mental health treatment. And
Speaker 1: I'm saying proper on purpose because there. I was a
Speaker 1: person who worked in the system where I was a
Speaker 1: clinician who went to different houses, but I had a
Speaker 1: case load of like sixty people, Like how am I
Speaker 1: gonna give you proper therapy? But I can't even focus
Speaker 1: on you because I got like six other people I
Speaker 1: need to see within the next two hours. So even
Speaker 1: though I want to help you, this is what the
Speaker 1: government is paying me to do, and it's not it's
Speaker 1: not substantial. So it's it is a broken system, and
Speaker 1: we don't have enough money. There's not enough money to
Speaker 1: pay the people in the system that work. There's not
Speaker 1: enough people. There's not enough money. They don't sponsor things
Speaker 1: for mental health as much as they would do for
Speaker 1: oil or gas. I mean, it's the same kind of question,
Speaker 1: and we asked when we say why does it Why
Speaker 1: isn't the educational system funded the way it's supposed to
Speaker 1: be funded. You know, it's not a priority until it's
Speaker 1: a problem, until you see somebody on the news shooting
Speaker 1: up a theater and now he has a mental health problem,
Speaker 1: and now it's a crisis in the United States. But
Speaker 1: the clinicians that are out there going to people's houses,
Speaker 1: seeing sixty people in a month, are getting paid like
Speaker 1: thirty dollars a year, thirty thirty five maybe, and that's
Speaker 1: with a degree. Could it be that the government doesn't
Speaker 1: pay attention to that doesn't invest in mental health because
Speaker 1: they really don't want us to be healthy. That's that
Speaker 1: way they can control us better. I mean, it's a possibility, absolutely.
Speaker 1: I just believe that everything is about money. And if
Speaker 1: it's not money involved, and who gives it? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like the government is tapped into the
Speaker 1: money part. They don't care about your mental health, they
Speaker 1: don't care about your well being, they don't care about
Speaker 1: your education, don't care about none of that. As long
Speaker 1: as you can make the govern a meant money, then
Speaker 1: that's the only thing that that that brings a vibe
Speaker 1: with them. They want the money part. Everything that's going
Speaker 1: on with the government has something to do with money.
Speaker 1: Look at the infrastructure idea that Biden has. It's all
Speaker 1: about the money. Bro period. Absolutely been in health has
Speaker 1: been at the center and it should have been. It's
Speaker 1: been at the center of general wellness for the past
Speaker 1: few years. Why is it do you believe that black
Speaker 1: people have been so slow to join the conversation or
Speaker 1: at least take advantage of the services we have. It
Speaker 1: hasn't been available to us. I mean, it wasn't available
Speaker 1: to us. It was it was something that white people did,
Speaker 1: you know, go to therapy. You never heard black people
Speaker 1: talk about there. You heard to go to church. You know.
Speaker 1: We we we come from people who had to basically
Speaker 1: suck it up and move move on. And that's who
Speaker 1: that's how we had to live, like suck in your
Speaker 1: and they have and they have up and they and
Speaker 1: they will incarceerate you if you get out of line,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. When you were when you
Speaker 1: were young, it was an ask for any When you're older,
Speaker 1: it's incarceration. So I get it. You know, you have
Speaker 1: to suck in your emotions. Everything emotional was a sign
Speaker 1: of weakness. So you're weak. If you show emotion, you're weak.
Speaker 1: If you cry, you're weak. If you said something's wrong
Speaker 1: with you or you need a break. We were taught
Speaker 1: to push on. I mean, that's the only thing we
Speaker 1: ever were able to do. We weren't able to get
Speaker 1: out of slavery with just feeling. We had to push
Speaker 1: and so we're we are generations behind when it comes
Speaker 1: to mental health. And and seeing who we are and
Speaker 1: addressing those things that I'm happy now, like especially like
Speaker 1: Generation X and millennials, I feel like they're really really
Speaker 1: trying to get into the space of mental health. They're
Speaker 1: really trying to understand who they are, and it's it's
Speaker 1: really making it hard for like the baby Boomers and
Speaker 1: the older generations to really understand like why they just
Speaker 1: feel too much. But they have to feel so they
Speaker 1: don't hurt the generations after them. So I just you know,
Speaker 1: there's research saying that trauma is not something that just
Speaker 1: stays in your generation. You know, trauma, you birth trauma,
Speaker 1: It's in our DNA. We are we we are sprouted
Speaker 1: from trauma, and so now we're trying to understand ourselves mentally.
Speaker 1: We're generations behind. Unfortunately, you know, um, but it's great
Speaker 1: that you like this. This is a platform where people
Speaker 1: are gonna listen and be like, Okay, so it's not
Speaker 1: just me, Maybe I should get some help because you
Speaker 1: guys who have a huge platform, are making sure that
Speaker 1: people hear things like this they have to feel so
Speaker 1: that they don't hurt the generation it comes after them. Man,
Speaker 1: that's dep that's heavy. That's beautiful. Man um I, you know,
Speaker 1: growing up like like Brad grew up, and like you
Speaker 1: grew up, like we saw so much stuff done the
Speaker 1: wrong way. We thought that everything that was right was
Speaker 1: wrong and everything wrong was right. And we learned how
Speaker 1: to uh solve conflict with fish guns and insults right,
Speaker 1: and so all of these things. We're thinking, like you said,
Speaker 1: we have to. If you don't do it that way,
Speaker 1: you're weak. You're showing a sign of weakness. And and
Speaker 1: and we gotta get past that, you know, we we
Speaker 1: gotta we gotta get more involved with understanding proper conflict resolution.
Speaker 1: How much is that it is taught, you know in
Speaker 1: your session conflict resolution? It's it's it's kind of like
Speaker 1: intermingled in everything. I mean, people come to me with
Speaker 1: a conflict mostly so the thing they want to do
Speaker 1: is take the conflict away from their life so they
Speaker 1: can have some kind of peace. But that is not
Speaker 1: the only reason. When they come to me, they realize, Okay,
Speaker 1: this conflict happened because there was a conflict that happened
Speaker 1: before that, and there was a conflict that I learned.
Speaker 1: This is how I learned how to solve conflict from
Speaker 1: my parents or my neighbors or my neighborhood, and then
Speaker 1: they realized like, oh, this is not a new thing.
Speaker 1: This is something that's that's ingrained in me. This is
Speaker 1: something that I learned when I was like five or
Speaker 1: when I was like ten. Right, Yeah, she's really good.
Speaker 1: This is what she do. Kids too, No, I don't,
Speaker 1: not because I don't love the kids. It's just not
Speaker 1: where my passion is. My passion is older adolescents and
Speaker 1: adults adult. I saw you so many times on Isaiah
Speaker 1: Carrey Show, and each time I saw you, probably halftime,
Speaker 1: I see you, I called Isaiah's man. She did it again,
Speaker 1: she hears, because I mean I really study you, know,
Speaker 1: study you, and I'm like, you're really really good at
Speaker 1: what you do. I mean, you're really good at what
Speaker 1: you do. I mean, don't miss, I haven't heard anything
Speaker 1: that you said that was like out of pocket. Uh.
Speaker 1: You have this show on call me out if you do. So,
Speaker 1: you have a show on Isaiah Carries uh show called
Speaker 1: a segment. You have a segment Angela after dogs Yes,
Speaker 1: explained to the people what that is and why you
Speaker 1: think it's important to do that. So as a psychotherapist
Speaker 1: later on in my career, I specialized in sex and
Speaker 1: sex therapy, and UM I was able to help focus
Speaker 1: that on especially in the African American community. I realized
Speaker 1: that a lot of the trauma, a lot of the
Speaker 1: lessons that we learned come from our sexuality, come from
Speaker 1: images of sex, come from just that whole world, anything
Speaker 1: under the umbrella of sex. And I realized that more
Speaker 1: and more every time somebody came into my office, sex
Speaker 1: came up, sexuality, identity, UM, just all of it came out. Regardless.
Speaker 1: I would say about ninety percent of my clients, it
Speaker 1: was intermingled in there somewhere in regards to like who
Speaker 1: they saw they were or who they thought they weren't.
Speaker 1: And I felt like I was doing a disservice by
Speaker 1: not making sure I had everything in regards to that.
Speaker 1: So UM, Luckily the Isaiah Show they saw me on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Thank you Instagram, so and they reached out to me
Speaker 1: to do the segment, and so we talked about a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of things. Marriages, relationships, we talked about you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of little kinky things or a lot of
Speaker 1: some serious things. I mean, it's a vast array, but
Speaker 1: I think that one of the things, especially in the
Speaker 1: African American community that we are always hesitant to talk
Speaker 1: about is sex. But it's so important to who we are, right,
Speaker 1: And that's leads me to one of the questions I
Speaker 1: had for you was that why do you think because
Speaker 1: sex is such a natural thing, right, none of us
Speaker 1: are here without it? Right? Why is it such a
Speaker 1: giddy thing? Why is this such a giggly thing? When
Speaker 1: people start talking grown folks, I don't care how old
Speaker 1: they are. When you start talking about six, people start
Speaker 1: giggling this, you know, like you know what's up? You know?
Speaker 1: Sex is I mean for us, I want to say, like,
Speaker 1: as humans, we are sexual beings. So to deny that
Speaker 1: part of us, we're denying a piece of who we are.
Speaker 1: And so why is it such a thing? It's cultural?
Speaker 1: I think it's cultural. I think it's the way a
Speaker 1: lot of it is based in the church, depending on
Speaker 1: your religion, not only the Christian Christian Church, a lot
Speaker 1: of different religions. When it comes to sex, especially when
Speaker 1: it comes to women. Sex was what they used as
Speaker 1: a tool to shun women. It was the tool they
Speaker 1: used to control women. It was the tool that they
Speaker 1: used to either say that she was a good woman
Speaker 1: or a bad woman. And so I feel like with
Speaker 1: cultural shifts and the roles that we play, because I
Speaker 1: know that was another thing, the roles that we play
Speaker 1: in the household. It it's something that you just don't
Speaker 1: talk about. It's just something you're supposed to do. And also,
Speaker 1: you know, sex at first was only like, you're only
Speaker 1: supposed to have sex to propriate. That's it. You find
Speaker 1: a man, you find a woman, you come together, you
Speaker 1: you procreate. That was the that's the basis of what
Speaker 1: they feel like. Sex was supposed to be. But the
Speaker 1: part of pleasure was a part that nobody wanted to
Speaker 1: talk about. So therefore we don't talk about it. And
Speaker 1: how did that come to be? How did that? Who
Speaker 1: was that person that said, you know, pro creating is
Speaker 1: not enough for me. I don't know exactly who did it,
Speaker 1: but I thank you for whoever it was, because you're
Speaker 1: denying yourself. You're just basically saying, hey, we're having sex,
Speaker 1: even though I realized it feels good and I actually
Speaker 1: enjoy this act. It's only supposed to be for creating life,
Speaker 1: but I'm enjoying it. Why can't I do something as
Speaker 1: well with someone and just enjoy the pleasure of it
Speaker 1: as well. Just practice hunt. Yeah, that's a heavy subject
Speaker 1: to me. It's like like sex is addictive. It's like
Speaker 1: a drug. Like once you on you, once you taste
Speaker 1: the rainbow, you always got to go back, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. It's fighting to come out of and
Speaker 1: dying to go back in. It's crazy, right if you
Speaker 1: taste the right rainbow. Yeah, sure, you know. Sex is
Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. You know. Of course it's over exhilarating,
Speaker 1: is no. I think it's a beautiful thing. But you
Speaker 1: got to realize, like the chemicals that happened, the chemicals
Speaker 1: that are released in the orgasm during sex are mimicking
Speaker 1: a lot of the drugs that a lot of people take.
Speaker 1: I mean, it can. It makes you feel stimulated and
Speaker 1: great and relax. So you hit a certain age in life, man,
Speaker 1: and then and then like you can't you you can't,
Speaker 1: So now what it's not, you know, don't worry about
Speaker 1: that till you get that. Man. It's hard. You're not there,
Speaker 1: not yet, But don't worry. Man. Man, I'm hitting that. Man,
Speaker 1: I'm just I just want to know, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: like I got a friend that I played golf with
Speaker 1: he's like seventy something years old, right, And I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna go too far into it, but you know, ship
Speaker 1: is done. It's done. Jesus Christ. It's hormonal. It's it's
Speaker 1: something that happens, you know, like a hormone. Okay, So
Speaker 1: like a hormone, Like you can harmone all you want to,
Speaker 1: but if if you harmone it and and it just
Speaker 1: don't work, then it just don't work. It's just there,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, It's just there. It's like
Speaker 1: having it's like having a car in the front yard
Speaker 1: that doesn't start, you know, you just walk outside and
Speaker 1: it's just there. See. But there's certain mechanics out there
Speaker 1: that can help get it fixed. And so therefore science
Speaker 1: has evolved to allow people who are dealing with age
Speaker 1: or any kind of hormonal testosteron estrogen. There are so
Speaker 1: many things out there that are hoping people. Not just
Speaker 1: the blue peel. I'm not talking about just that. I'm
Speaker 1: just about this different trap. A friend of mine, right
Speaker 1: and and and you know, you know, we mean, so
Speaker 1: we passed around different ships to make different things go
Speaker 1: on or whatever, and he came back the next day,
Speaker 1: were like, because that's not what he needs nothing. So
Speaker 1: what he need he needs? Does he need to talk?
Speaker 1: You need somebody to talk to him? No, he probably need.
Speaker 1: Always tell people before they come. Before a man or
Speaker 1: a woman comes to me and they tell me they're
Speaker 1: having sexual problems physically, I don't tell them to come
Speaker 1: to me first. I tell them they need to go
Speaker 1: to a physical medical doctor to check themselves out. First. Man,
Speaker 1: you need to go to your eurologist. Women, you need
Speaker 1: to go to your gynecologist to see what is happening
Speaker 1: inside of your body, because you can't talk it away.
Speaker 1: You know, you have to first see if there's a
Speaker 1: medical condition that's going to help you. I can tell
Speaker 1: you exactly what's happening inside their body. It doesn't work,
Speaker 1: may not and unfortunately for some people, pills, medication, certain
Speaker 1: treatments may not help. But you have to. If you
Speaker 1: go through all of that and then you get to
Speaker 1: the in and it's still not anything, then okay, I
Speaker 1: get what you're trying to say. That's what I'm trying
Speaker 1: to say, but I don't want anybody to give up
Speaker 1: before exploring give up. Don't give up. You don't want
Speaker 1: to get I think you make adjustments. I mean personally
Speaker 1: I don't really worry about things that I can't control,
Speaker 1: you know, like you know, the serenity prayers my favorite prayer,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I mean, you know, God, grant me
Speaker 1: the serenity to accept the things that I can I
Speaker 1: cannot change. You know, the wisdom I meant, the the
Speaker 1: strength that changed the things that I can't. Wisdom know
Speaker 1: the difference. So I don't. I don't really trip on
Speaker 1: things like that, like I mean, whatever's going down the
Speaker 1: line or whatever. It's like I'm gonna die someday, of course,
Speaker 1: but I don't dwell on that daily. You know. It's
Speaker 1: like I get that when I get there, I crossed
Speaker 1: that bridge, when I get that right now, well, I'm
Speaker 1: living it up. You did what I'm saying. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: living it up and building this legacy right down. So, man, Willie,
Speaker 1: I understand. I want to go back to that question
Speaker 1: that my original question that uh Brad had me to
Speaker 1: yield on't um when I was talking about that on
Speaker 1: your on your site, you said that you were well
Speaker 1: versed in problematic sexual behaviors. Please please expound, So I'll
Speaker 1: give some examples problematic sexual behaviors. If you're having sex,
Speaker 1: to fulfill something that's not sex. For example, if you're
Speaker 1: having sex with a lot of people as a trauma response,
Speaker 1: or you're trying to cover up a certain feeling with
Speaker 1: sex because you know you're gonna have a great feeling,
Speaker 1: but you're trying to ignore something else that's going on.
Speaker 1: That's one thing everybody in this in this world, go ahead, no, no,
Speaker 1: now and accept me. But you know, other problematic sexual behavior,
Speaker 1: having sex with or having fantasies, or having thoughts and
Speaker 1: acting out on thoughts that you know that are illegal
Speaker 1: or not part of that's problematic. That's absolutely problematic. Boring,
Speaker 1: it's problematic. Watching it is one thing. I'm just saying.
Speaker 1: People do that I know, and that's what they're trying.
Speaker 1: They're trying to hide some stuff that's going on. Huh,
Speaker 1: it's a possibility. I mean, I'm sure if I talk
Speaker 1: to them, there's other things that have happened in their
Speaker 1: life that has led that. But watching it is one thing,
Speaker 1: and acting on it is another thing. I saw some
Speaker 1: dudes on a video like U two days ago, and
Speaker 1: now I ain't see what they was doing, but I
Speaker 1: saw what they were trying to get into. They were
Speaker 1: like looking at horses like that never happened. It was
Speaker 1: like three white dudes. They was like looking at the horses,
Speaker 1: like looking at the horse like the horse was a girl. Like,
Speaker 1: now that's a fine thing right there. I actually actually
Speaker 1: like a boy. It was looking at the horse like
Speaker 1: it was a boy. That's handsome, dude, Come on, that's
Speaker 1: a serious it's out there. Yeah. The true part about
Speaker 1: it is that it appears to me that they were
Speaker 1: trying to normalize the behavior. Really, yes, ain't nothing normal
Speaker 1: about that. Trying that's illegal. So if Napoleon has caught
Speaker 1: you playing games, you want to jail, you're gonna get
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're gonna go to jail your
Speaker 1: prober on what country yet? Yeah? And in America, I
Speaker 1: mean it's soon, soon, soon, soon, America is going to
Speaker 1: change that. I'm telling you. Soon, it's going to be
Speaker 1: legal to run up in your dog. Come on, said man.
Speaker 1: Had to see it. I had to see. But other
Speaker 1: problematic sexual behaviors other than that, I mean people, some
Speaker 1: people are addicted to porn. Some people are I mean,
Speaker 1: there's no definition for a sex addiction, but sex addiction
Speaker 1: does exist. It's people that are addicted to sex. How
Speaker 1: far it's too much? How much? How far? When you
Speaker 1: when you're dependent on it. There are some people who
Speaker 1: are dependent on porn in order to perform when it
Speaker 1: is interfering with your daily life, when it's interfering with
Speaker 1: your daily life, when you feel when it's when I said,
Speaker 1: I'm safe, man, I ain't going to work today, I
Speaker 1: pop into like something like that daily functioning. Because now
Speaker 1: you're missing word problematic sexual. It was problematic. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: mad at I'm man, I'm man at my boss. So
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go home and rape myself man. Like
Speaker 1: I knew that that that when Willie told me that
Speaker 1: that you were going to come on a podcast that
Speaker 1: this was gonna make a left turn man and turn
Speaker 1: into of stuff. That was like mind blowing to me,
Speaker 1: and and and and problematic sex is mind blowing to me. No,
Speaker 1: problematic porn addiction is mind blowing to me. Like damn,
Speaker 1: anything is problematic if you're doing too much of it
Speaker 1: and it's disrupting your day man, because you do too much.
Speaker 1: I was about to ask you, but how do you
Speaker 1: reach an amical resolution when when there is a significant
Speaker 1: other doesn't like uh, it doesn't like you watching any
Speaker 1: type of point you say you don't have an addiction.
Speaker 1: That person says normally it's a woman that says it's
Speaker 1: a problem. How do you savage your relationship, you know
Speaker 1: and like get this woman to like maybe it depends
Speaker 1: on you're trying to make her come to your side.
Speaker 1: Are you trying to go to her side? The problem
Speaker 1: is the problem is trying to get her to come
Speaker 1: to his side. Right, Any guy that has a point
Speaker 1: addiction is not trying to give up his poorne just
Speaker 1: popped the ship in when she just when she when
Speaker 1: y'all getting when y'all when y'all get done with them,
Speaker 1: and just popped the sh in the in the living room,
Speaker 1: let the play. See. But there are people that don't.
Speaker 1: They're fully against pornography because of sex trafficking. So a
Speaker 1: lot of pornography that you watch a lot of the
Speaker 1: people that are on there are are sex workers, are
Speaker 1: sex trafficking. And when I'm saying sex workers, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying like the legal kinds cut you off, but sex trafficking,
Speaker 1: like defining that sex trafficking. Well, Houston is the number
Speaker 1: one hub for sex trafficking, and basically you are becoming
Speaker 1: a predator to either underaged women or they can be
Speaker 1: of aged and you kidnap them, you make them do
Speaker 1: sexual acts, you imprison them, you ship them away to
Speaker 1: other countries. And okay, so this is by force. But
Speaker 1: you can't be like thirty five years old and and
Speaker 1: and down with with with with with selling your body
Speaker 1: down with uh pornography, shooting porn or whatever. That's not
Speaker 1: sex trafficking. What was that call? Well, those are sex
Speaker 1: those are they're consensually sex workers. But there are some
Speaker 1: sex workers even as a thirty year old, twenty five
Speaker 1: year old, thirty five year old who has someone in
Speaker 1: their life who's either threatening them or their families. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you have a problem with that? And I feel
Speaker 1: like that's if that's what they choose to do with
Speaker 1: their body, and that's what they choose to do with
Speaker 1: the body. Of course, man, like like you, you you
Speaker 1: don't want to you don't want to wear this thing out. Man,
Speaker 1: this thing is great, So you want to try to
Speaker 1: keep this as intact as possible. Now. But something some women,
Speaker 1: you know, they can do it all the time and
Speaker 1: it's an attact. It stays intact. Willie, no man, and listen, man,
Speaker 1: if you're back your truck out of this driveway and
Speaker 1: drive to water Burger and back, you put miles on it.
Speaker 1: Right now, imagine continuously just doing the ship all day,
Speaker 1: just running back and forth. You imagine somebody liking you
Speaker 1: doing that. Boom. That's why we don't get along, man,
Speaker 1: I don't even know why we do this. You know
Speaker 1: this is y'all. Get along, y'all just you know that's
Speaker 1: a healthy debate. It's not it is healthy. Well, I
Speaker 1: don't want to listen. Man. When I buy a car,
Speaker 1: I buy my car news preferably with with you know,
Speaker 1: if you know low miles, bro, don't you put it.
Speaker 1: I don't want to buy nothing that's already got two
Speaker 1: hundred miles on it. Yeah, and multiple drivers. That's what
Speaker 1: we call preference. That different strokes for different folks. But
Speaker 1: I will say this, you know, since we're on this
Speaker 1: on the subject these people who take people by force, YEA,
Speaker 1: that cool? I'm telling you that that's that's the worst
Speaker 1: type of Paul Hustler. I can't stand these I can't
Speaker 1: stand them. I mean I wish death to everything, like
Speaker 1: I wish death on them, like I mean, like like
Speaker 1: a slow death. I mean, because I mean, you're talking
Speaker 1: about up rooting people from their life, their homes, their families,
Speaker 1: and and you know that that is that is a
Speaker 1: low to the flow type dude. It is a huge
Speaker 1: issue here, especially in Houston, because we are unfortunately, I
Speaker 1: think we're number one or number two right now in
Speaker 1: sex trafficking, and so it is rampant here. And so
Speaker 1: when we're talking about there is enslavement happening right before eyes.
Speaker 1: And we don't know a lot of times you walk
Speaker 1: into these like little stores, corner stores are taverns or
Speaker 1: whatever bars and they got a whole set up behind
Speaker 1: in the back that you don't even know about that
Speaker 1: Samuel Jackson movie that, Yeah, but he had to set
Speaker 1: up behind And let me ask you a question, doctor.
Speaker 1: So I don't want to I want to make sure
Speaker 1: that worried this correctly because I don't want to seem
Speaker 1: all meaning and stuff. But like, uh, a girl that
Speaker 1: has uh willingly given herself to the night, and then
Speaker 1: she comes back and she wants to make a change,
Speaker 1: and she finds his right, dude, right, and and you
Speaker 1: know he find out that she used to be a
Speaker 1: lady of the night, just be a lady of the night,
Speaker 1: Like is he wrong for leaving her? Or is he
Speaker 1: you know, is she wrong for not telling him? Like
Speaker 1: like she's wrong for not telling him? Is that supposed
Speaker 1: to be acceptable? Just because you quit? We cool? Now
Speaker 1: you ain't. You ain't getting down no more so now
Speaker 1: you're normal like everybody like you, normal like me. Now,
Speaker 1: so we should be in a relationship, but you haven't
Speaker 1: been ran through. Like I'm really big on transparency and honesty,
Speaker 1: and when it comes to a relationship, I know that
Speaker 1: with a woman the example that you gave me, she's
Speaker 1: probably ashamed of her past, but she also has you know,
Speaker 1: she probably is a probably not okay, I'm making an
Speaker 1: assumption where she would have told you, right. But someone
Speaker 1: who is trying to change their life and they do
Speaker 1: have some shame of their past. Unfortunately, that's not going
Speaker 1: to be the first thing they want to tell you
Speaker 1: or tell anybody about their past because they are trying
Speaker 1: to turn a new leaf, as they say in life.
Speaker 1: Am I saying it's wrong that she withheld it? No,
Speaker 1: but it's it's a difficult situation. I'm just gonna go
Speaker 1: with the default answer of be honest, let them know
Speaker 1: where you know this is what I used to do
Speaker 1: just in case anything comes up. Now, if he's in
Speaker 1: love with this woman and they're like going on and
Speaker 1: everything is great, he's gonna have to ask himself, like,
Speaker 1: it's her past really that important to my president in
Speaker 1: my future? Suppose his past is just as bad as
Speaker 1: her exactly. I think once once he falls in love,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Yeah, once you fall in love, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what what the what? The brain says, the
Speaker 1: heart rules when in relationships. You know, the heart rules
Speaker 1: in relationships, and maybe that's not the way it should be,
Speaker 1: but the heart rufe. People go by how they feel,
Speaker 1: you know, their emotions in relationships more so than what
Speaker 1: they think. Here's my point. You can have a situation
Speaker 1: where with a with a person and you know that
Speaker 1: that person ain't really right for you, but you like
Speaker 1: how that person makes you feel, You like what that
Speaker 1: person looks like. You already know it's wrong and you
Speaker 1: know and you know this is really not going to
Speaker 1: be beneficial long term, but you go with it anyway.
Speaker 1: That's the hard talk. The brainding told you it ain't
Speaker 1: gonna work, But the heart say, you know what, funk you?
Speaker 1: This is how I feel. This is what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1: And the heart winds every time. You can disagreed, but
Speaker 1: that don't mean you're right, Okay, in fact, no, no no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm no no, no, not not this time. I'm right.
Speaker 1: I'm absolutely right. I'm absolutely right in this, in this regard.
Speaker 1: But wanting, here's something else to think about, Brad, Here's
Speaker 1: something else to think about if you uh, you know,
Speaker 1: if a woman has a past where she's been with
Speaker 1: several men, Let's say she was a woman with thousands,
Speaker 1: you know whatever, whatever, I'm trying to find that right relationship. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: If that dude has already committed to the relationship, she
Speaker 1: can tell him she's a serious killer. He ain't going nowhere.
Speaker 1: Vice versa, mental vice versa. He can tell her that
Speaker 1: he's a serious killer. She ain't going nowhere. Everything all
Speaker 1: that ship requires thought. She's a serious killer about staying.
Speaker 1: He just thought about that. See, but here's the thing,
Speaker 1: the thing that he thought about that, he thought about
Speaker 1: that because of his thought and his and his and
Speaker 1: his and his lust and his love for her whatever
Speaker 1: that is, it's gonna keep him that thought. Look, and
Speaker 1: here's a thing like personally, you know, I think that
Speaker 1: like what like Andrew was saying, first and foremost transparent,
Speaker 1: especially with something that's serious. You know, you got a
Speaker 1: body count. He like he was a prostitute. That's a
Speaker 1: body count. You gotta gotta gotta be transparent with something
Speaker 1: like that. And and and give him the option. And
Speaker 1: I think that at that point, you know, he got
Speaker 1: to decide is he gonna hold up past against it.
Speaker 1: So my thing is, I don't feel like you should
Speaker 1: go in a relationship saying like, Okay, how many people
Speaker 1: you've been with? How many people have you been with?
Speaker 1: I think that there's some sense of immaturity in that.
Speaker 1: But like I said earlier, this is why this whole
Speaker 1: conversation is why I do what I do, Because even
Speaker 1: the examples that we're talking about, there is now a
Speaker 1: value placed on this woman based on her sexual activity
Speaker 1: and there nobody nobody's talking about the sexual activity and
Speaker 1: the man in the relationship. But I'm but I'm saying,
Speaker 1: but that's because we wasn't talking about the man right now,
Speaker 1: we're talking about the woman. But but you're right, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think I think that I think that the man,
Speaker 1: you know, the man should be that should be a
Speaker 1: conversation too, you know, because because you know that was
Speaker 1: a time when you know, um, I wasn't as you know,
Speaker 1: discretionary right now, like that mean like now I'm I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't know anybody just say they've been with me,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And I don't get it.
Speaker 1: I don't get excited about a lot of these chicks,
Speaker 1: Like a lot of these dudes, these football players and
Speaker 1: basketball players, they don't trip me like that like they
Speaker 1: do them, you know, Like I like, you know, it's
Speaker 1: still it's still you know, it's still certain qualities that
Speaker 1: that you got to have. And it ain't gonna be
Speaker 1: just a fat ass you know that ain't gonna get it.
Speaker 1: It's about what you value in a relationship. When you
Speaker 1: come into a relationship. Sometimes people really don't care about
Speaker 1: what you've done in your past because that's not what
Speaker 1: I value about you. So that's why I'm talking about
Speaker 1: the man and the woman. If she doesn't care that
Speaker 1: he's been with however many women, she's probably never gonna
Speaker 1: ask about it because she probably doesn't really doesn't care. However,
Speaker 1: if the amount of women that he has slept with
Speaker 1: or she has slept with is making me lie to you,
Speaker 1: is making me deseach you, is making me act different.
Speaker 1: Then that's when I feel you should have been transparent
Speaker 1: in the first place, because you're not acting as yourself.
Speaker 1: I just really believe that each relationship is different and
Speaker 1: it depends on what you value. If you slept with
Speaker 1: uh five D six hundred women, I probably don't care.
Speaker 1: I care about who you are with me, then I'm
Speaker 1: probably I'm never gonna ask about like your past, probably
Speaker 1: maybe one or two girlfriends and okay, just to see
Speaker 1: what that went like. But other than that, that may
Speaker 1: not be an issue. And I'm noticing more and more
Speaker 1: it's not an issue for a lot of people. Now
Speaker 1: we were going to the extreme when we're talking about
Speaker 1: like prostitution and sex workers, but I'm just talking about
Speaker 1: just I guess, a regular old two people meeting and
Speaker 1: they decide to date. You have to ask yourself how
Speaker 1: much of this person's sexual past is really important to
Speaker 1: me at this moment in my life. And so I
Speaker 1: just feel like everybody is a little bit different. You
Speaker 1: know what's important for you, and you know what's important
Speaker 1: for you, and that's fine, But when you get to
Speaker 1: a certain age, like it really shouldn't matter cause you
Speaker 1: all got miles man, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: we've been running through Willie. First of all, first of
Speaker 1: our men don't get ran through men do the running
Speaker 1: through that that that doesn't that sign right, don't right.
Speaker 1: I would not listen to that don't sign right. And
Speaker 1: I think and I think, and I think that after
Speaker 1: after this, after this show, I think that you know,
Speaker 1: you should have a one on one project consolation with Angela. Yes,
Speaker 1: she talked to her about that type of language. But
Speaker 1: I do believe, but I do believe. I don't think
Speaker 1: that women. I still don't believe to this day that
Speaker 1: most most women just don't really care about the dude's
Speaker 1: body count because but because in a traditional sense, you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of times women want the dude who all
Speaker 1: the other women wanted to do, that's the player or whatever,
Speaker 1: and then she want to get him in changing she wanted,
Speaker 1: she want to get him, She want to get him
Speaker 1: as long as the body count. She she don't care
Speaker 1: about your body account before, she care about the body
Speaker 1: account after. That's that's partially true, that's partially true. The
Speaker 1: thing is, it's I think it's in regards to maturity.
Speaker 1: I think it's also about proximity. If I start dating
Speaker 1: you and we run into somebody you have ran through
Speaker 1: every place that we go, right, Or I'm getting approached
Speaker 1: by this person and this person about your past, what
Speaker 1: that does as the other person, It doesn't make me
Speaker 1: feel safe. It makes me feel like every time I'm
Speaker 1: with you, we're surrounded about around people that you've slept with,
Speaker 1: and then that's when it becomes problematic. But if you
Speaker 1: lived in New York and you moved to Texas and
Speaker 1: you know you don't know anybody here, I probably really
Speaker 1: I probably really don't care because I don't feel unsafe.
Speaker 1: You know, I care about who you are with me.
Speaker 1: Unless you feel like your sexual past is going to
Speaker 1: impact this relationship like I said, or you're acting different,
Speaker 1: or you're lying, or it's causing you to be deceptive,
Speaker 1: then you need to let me know. But other than that,
Speaker 1: you just need to make me feel safe and protected
Speaker 1: in this relationship. And if I'm getting confronted by people
Speaker 1: you slept with left and right, I'm not a past
Speaker 1: is correct slept Yeah, so she shouldn't be concerned. On
Speaker 1: a On a personal note, I just you know, I
Speaker 1: meet people where they are. You know, I meet people
Speaker 1: where they are. It's like, because all of us gotta pass,
Speaker 1: everybody gotta pass. Like what if what if a woman decided,
Speaker 1: you know what, I don't want to mess with you
Speaker 1: because you robbed the bank before, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: like whatever, whatever, you know exactly so, but my point,
Speaker 1: but my point is that ain't none of us perfect.
Speaker 1: We all have sin and falling shot at the glory
Speaker 1: of God, you know. So for me, you know, like
Speaker 1: I look at even with how people treat you know,
Speaker 1: how people deal with other people, Like I look at
Speaker 1: how do you deal with me? How do you me?
Speaker 1: That's what's important to me. You know that I don't.
Speaker 1: I really just don't because because I know that I
Speaker 1: got to pass, and I'm not the same person that
Speaker 1: I was years ago. And I know other people, so
Speaker 1: many other people, even Brad, Brad is not the same
Speaker 1: person that he was years ago, you know, Like, so
Speaker 1: I don't I look at where we are right now,
Speaker 1: and I don't don't. I don't. I can hold a grudge,
Speaker 1: but if it but if there's a situation where we
Speaker 1: have a sit down and you know, we arod it
Speaker 1: out and once I say the water is under the bridge,
Speaker 1: It's under the bridge for real. With me, I'm going forward.
Speaker 1: I'm not looking in that river. That's good, that's good.
Speaker 1: That's that's part of being secure in who you are. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people out there that are not.
Speaker 1: And so a woman's past or a man's past becomes
Speaker 1: a problem because you're insecure. So that's another part. So
Speaker 1: you want to know she's You're at a a gala
Speaker 1: or somewhere and you you see your girlfriend saying hi
Speaker 1: to a guy she knew and hi school a little
Speaker 1: tap tap hug, and you start getting infuriated. That's your insecurities.
Speaker 1: That has nothing to do with her, you know. So
Speaker 1: there's there's so many levels to this, you know. But
Speaker 1: when it comes to a healthy relationship, what you were
Speaker 1: describing is because you are secure and who you are
Speaker 1: and what you want and that's that feels safe question, Doc,
Speaker 1: so um a couple at the gala. She run into
Speaker 1: a guy that she had dealings with in the past
Speaker 1: and and and he actually prew her back out. Okay,
Speaker 1: does the does that click in her head when she
Speaker 1: sees him or no? What the incident that he blew
Speaker 1: her back out. It's a possibility, an incident that sounds
Speaker 1: like something just happened more than one time. Absolutely, that
Speaker 1: sounded like more like an event if you absolutely blew
Speaker 1: her back out, wouldn't you if you saw a woman
Speaker 1: at the gala that blew your back out, the first
Speaker 1: thing you'd be like, that's the girl that blew my
Speaker 1: back out your terms she ran through. I know a
Speaker 1: couple of them that absolutely did blow my back out.
Speaker 1: But but but you know, like it, it's got to
Speaker 1: be different with women and guys dating women and they
Speaker 1: see they ex and then they ex blew they back out,
Speaker 1: and then that ex come to mind while she went
Speaker 1: to dude, and now she's looking at the dude that
Speaker 1: she would there like caust just niggers a fool With men,
Speaker 1: men don't like being in the same room with other
Speaker 1: men that he knows that it's been inside of this woman,
Speaker 1: inside of his woman. Men don't like beings through. Men
Speaker 1: don't like being in the same room with a man
Speaker 1: that that uh, that he knows. And and I think
Speaker 1: for the most caut I think for the most part,
Speaker 1: women are too. I think most part women are too
Speaker 1: because you can be in the same room with your
Speaker 1: woman and she knows it was some cheeck that you
Speaker 1: used to date or whatever. And trust you me, her
Speaker 1: expression is going to change the moment that she sees that. See,
Speaker 1: if that does happen. It is your job to make
Speaker 1: your partner feel safe, man or woman, you know. So
Speaker 1: if you are in a you need to make him
Speaker 1: feel safe. But if you are focused with her and
Speaker 1: you are there with her, she probably feels safe. You're
Speaker 1: not even worried about what's over there, right, she shouldn't
Speaker 1: be worried about what's over there. She should, but that's
Speaker 1: human nature. Man. You know that a lot of people
Speaker 1: get married because they don't want to see that this
Speaker 1: woman or this man, you know, this woman with somebody
Speaker 1: else and me, I don't give a shit about that.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, it doesn't bother me. That's that's not it
Speaker 1: for me. You know, that's not the end all of me.
Speaker 1: I need it okay, so that it had nothing to
Speaker 1: when you change that check with that ax back in
Speaker 1: nothing oh business always yes, always walk out of here
Speaker 1: like all the time. Hey man, statuta, do you family
Speaker 1: members ever come to you for advice or do they
Speaker 1: think that you think you know too much something like that.
Speaker 1: I've had a cross between both. UM. You know, I
Speaker 1: have family members who trust me and talk to me,
Speaker 1: but it's mostly about mental health, anxiety, depression, things like that. UM.
Speaker 1: I haven't had too many family members come up to
Speaker 1: me asking me, um information about sex or sexuality. But
Speaker 1: I am a safe space. I pride myself on being
Speaker 1: a safe space for anybody in my life. You know,
Speaker 1: you tell me something, you don't have to tell me
Speaker 1: not to tell other people. It's it's kind of automatic
Speaker 1: for me. So I pride myself in that. Why would
Speaker 1: I do this? Why would I spend all that money
Speaker 1: on my degrees, all that time in school not to
Speaker 1: be able to help the people that I love. So
Speaker 1: I hope that I'm a safe space for people in
Speaker 1: my family. I haven't and there are people I can't
Speaker 1: really say my family, but there are people that have
Speaker 1: seen me and I felt like, oh, she thinks she
Speaker 1: all that. But that's again their own insecurities. That's that
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with me. Yes, I have one
Speaker 1: and a girl. She's eight, so she's not at the
Speaker 1: age yet where she's gonna think that. See, because I
Speaker 1: think that's a misconception that some people have. They think
Speaker 1: that therapists think they know everything, right, I don't know everything,
Speaker 1: and they want to get inside. They're always trying to
Speaker 1: man when I tell you that is my pet peeve,
Speaker 1: Like anytime, so I'm already a naturally in quiz of
Speaker 1: the person. In order for me to get to know you,
Speaker 1: I will ask you questions, but I feel like that's
Speaker 1: what you're supposed to do, and I may have some
Speaker 1: deeper questions to ask you, and it's not because I'm
Speaker 1: trying to psychoanalyze you or get into your head. I
Speaker 1: just really want to know who you are as a person.
Speaker 1: But as soon as I tell him I'm a therapist, man,
Speaker 1: you trying to therapize me. You know, Man, can you
Speaker 1: read my mind? And I'm like, I'm not a psychic?
Speaker 1: But you know, yeah, that that does happen a lot.
Speaker 1: There is a stigma and a lot of I have
Speaker 1: friends that are therapist as well. We talk about it
Speaker 1: all the time. One of my best friends, she's single
Speaker 1: and she's a psychotherapist. She's a doctor, and one of
Speaker 1: the complaints that she tells me is that as soon
Speaker 1: as they find out that she's a therapist, they the
Speaker 1: conversation shifts as soon as she asked a question like
Speaker 1: you know, anything that may show that she's interested. He
Speaker 1: was like, oh, is this you know? Is this therapy
Speaker 1: right now? And she's like, I'm just trying to get
Speaker 1: to know you. So yeah, it definitely does happen. I'm
Speaker 1: just a naturally inquisitive person innect with people one on one,
Speaker 1: not in a social setting, and so if I'm talking
Speaker 1: to you one on one, that I am going to
Speaker 1: ask you not very personal information, but I will probably
Speaker 1: ask you some things that are a little bit deeper.
Speaker 1: What do you find the hardest for people to share
Speaker 1: with you about themselves? Hm? Hmmm. Lately people have been
Speaker 1: more open with talking to me about sex. Not not
Speaker 1: really my family members, but like friends or friends of friends.
Speaker 1: They have been like, oh girl, let me tell you
Speaker 1: what's going on in my marriage? Let me or like
Speaker 1: oh can you help me out? I met this guy?
Speaker 1: And I don't mind that. I feel like I'm actually
Speaker 1: honored that they feel safe to even tell me that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Um. So, mostly it's in regards to
Speaker 1: right now sex, sexuality, identity, or they're asking me about
Speaker 1: the different resources like who can I go to that
Speaker 1: can help me with depression or an anxiety, because if
Speaker 1: I know them, I can't see them, so right, And
Speaker 1: how does one become a therapist? Like, I know, you
Speaker 1: gotta you gotta go to school, and yes, yes, but
Speaker 1: how does one become a therapist? So get your bachelor's
Speaker 1: and you get your masters either in counseling, psychology, social work,
Speaker 1: and then you get licensed, which you can take another
Speaker 1: three years. I took it a step further. I got
Speaker 1: my doctorate UM, so that was an extra three years
Speaker 1: on top of the masters and then and then also
Speaker 1: the licensing. So it's not as much school as a
Speaker 1: medical doctor, so I want to keep that clear. But
Speaker 1: it is a lot of school, a lot of reading
Speaker 1: and writing. Was there at any point that you say
Speaker 1: to yourself, what the hell am I doing? I don't
Speaker 1: know if I'm really cut off of this UM. I
Speaker 1: always thought I was cut out for it, but I
Speaker 1: was tired of reading. I was tired of reading it.
Speaker 1: The doctoral programs, especially with a pH d, you are
Speaker 1: doing a lot of research, You're doing a lot of reading,
Speaker 1: a lot of writing, a lot of reading other people's opinions,
Speaker 1: and you know, it does get exhausting. But I don't
Speaker 1: think there was a point where I was like, this
Speaker 1: ain't for me. I knew it was for me before
Speaker 1: I even got there, So, um, you couldn't tell me
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna do what I said I was gonna do.
Speaker 1: Do you give advice or do you give like do
Speaker 1: you just talk to people and just hear them out
Speaker 1: and perhaps provide options? And my asking this because I
Speaker 1: want to know, has anybody ever taken that advice and
Speaker 1: like came back and came to you and blame you
Speaker 1: for the decision that they made. That's why you don't
Speaker 1: give advice, you know, because if I give your advice
Speaker 1: and you go home and you do that and it
Speaker 1: destroys your marriage or you lose your job, you could
Speaker 1: sue me. So what am I coming to guidance for guidance? Guidance? Yes,
Speaker 1: so I will. Any conclusion you make in therapy should
Speaker 1: be a conclusion you actually came to yourself. But I'm
Speaker 1: helping you get there if I just give you the answers, well,
Speaker 1: this is what you need to do, and you just
Speaker 1: I mean, what is that going to help it? You're
Speaker 1: you're not learning how I even got to that conclusion
Speaker 1: or how I even got to that advice that I
Speaker 1: gave you. So what is the point of going to therapy.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna tell you what to do. You could
Speaker 1: just go to your mama or somebody and they'll tell
Speaker 1: you what to do. But I want you to understand,
Speaker 1: like how you get to that place where you make wiser,
Speaker 1: better decisions. But most of the time it in session,
Speaker 1: you're going to come to your own conclusion. I'm just
Speaker 1: helping you get there. M hmm. It's a hard content
Speaker 1: for a lot of people to wrap their mind around.
Speaker 1: But that's why I tell people, if you haven't been
Speaker 1: a counseling, try it, not just once, try it like
Speaker 1: for a little while. First I've been in counseling, I'm
Speaker 1: in the group therapy and all kinds of crap. But
Speaker 1: it still doesn't it's not it's not an answering there,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? But what help you? And
Speaker 1: and for those of you who don't know, uh, I
Speaker 1: hit song, the Ghetto Boys hit song of Mine playing
Speaker 1: Tricks as for as I know, was really like the
Speaker 1: first like song that addressed mental health. And I mean
Speaker 1: that's period rapped otherwise, And this was a song that
Speaker 1: was that came out of Brad's head first, and so
Speaker 1: you know, we we talked about, you know, the paranoia,
Speaker 1: being in the drug game, and and and and being
Speaker 1: in relationships romantic intimate relationships, uh, and even friendships within
Speaker 1: that song in the context of that song. So, uh, Brad,
Speaker 1: I wanted I got a question for you. It's like,
Speaker 1: what what? How did you get past that? I mean,
Speaker 1: how did you get past that? That upbringing that you
Speaker 1: had because you had some mental health challenges and at
Speaker 1: one point you had to be uh admitted into an asylum,
Speaker 1: you know, like as an adolescent. But but what but
Speaker 1: what people look at you and they say, man, this
Speaker 1: guy he made it. He did it? Like I mean, like,
Speaker 1: you didn't just make it out of poverty. You made
Speaker 1: it out with mental health challenges and and you appear
Speaker 1: to be a functioning adult, right, Like, how did you
Speaker 1: do it? How did you get through it? Um? Honestly, Uh, Willie,
Speaker 1: it came to a point where you know, you had
Speaker 1: four levels to you know, uh, to to get out
Speaker 1: of this place that I was in. And the more
Speaker 1: you digress, she went backwards and it kept you in
Speaker 1: there longer. So I'd say that I learned how to play.
Speaker 1: I learned how to play the system, you know, to
Speaker 1: the point where I acted like it wasn't shipped wrong
Speaker 1: with me no more, Like it wasn't nothing bothering me
Speaker 1: no more, and writing about the time of of being released.
Speaker 1: You know, my career started, so that that changed a
Speaker 1: lot too. I think that, um and I don't mind,
Speaker 1: is the devil's workshop for sure. Because when I had
Speaker 1: nothing to do but getting, you know, getting the streets,
Speaker 1: and and and and try to do what I thought
Speaker 1: was right to earn a was necessary to earn a living,
Speaker 1: you know, a whole lot of deep depression, depressing uh
Speaker 1: visuals come to mind, you know, uh uh, to the
Speaker 1: point where where where you're willing to do anything to
Speaker 1: keep the lights on at your grandma house, or you
Speaker 1: willn't do anything to make sure your grandfather truck is
Speaker 1: running up, you know what I mean? Like like and
Speaker 1: then when when when the money came around, the depression left.
Speaker 1: You know, I wouldn't manage depressive nom more. I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: So I didn't want to die no more, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I had a reason to live
Speaker 1: now you know, I got children, I got some money.
Speaker 1: Now you know I got a family that I'm responsible
Speaker 1: for kids that can come behind me that I have
Speaker 1: to give, uh, jewels and things too. So so when
Speaker 1: they have their families, they can you know, they can
Speaker 1: prosper in life. But man, you know, to to to
Speaker 1: make a long story shortened, put everything in a nutshell. Man,
Speaker 1: I think it's money. I think money changes everything. You know,
Speaker 1: I know it's a shitty thing to say, but money
Speaker 1: changes everything, and it changes your outlook on everything. Well
Speaker 1: for some people. And he had to work for you
Speaker 1: because you look at somebody like but look at somebody
Speaker 1: like Robin Harris. I mean not Robin Harris, but Robin
Speaker 1: Robin you know who he had had everything. He had
Speaker 1: the shakes. Yeah, yeah, he had the shakes. Man. But
Speaker 1: that's but that's been an other you know, but there's
Speaker 1: other people called Parkinson's. Yeah, but there's other people who
Speaker 1: didn't have uh parkinson. Maybe they had a drug addiction
Speaker 1: or whatever they addiction. But I mean, but you've done drugs.
Speaker 1: I mean that's an addiction. I mean you've got man,
Speaker 1: I got high just to get hot. Okay, what about
Speaker 1: that time? We don't do that? But that's not true.
Speaker 1: What about so let me let me help. We never
Speaker 1: had to put up on Brad in the projects under Bridge.
Speaker 1: Money gave you access, right and it's some of the
Speaker 1: things that you were depressed about was the fact that
Speaker 1: you you weren't able to provide, You weren't able to
Speaker 1: take care, You weren't able to being able to go
Speaker 1: to buy whatever I wanted to have. But that, but
Speaker 1: that was your source of depression. For other people, maybe
Speaker 1: something else, right, it could have been. It may have
Speaker 1: been physical, emotional abuse. It could have been a lot
Speaker 1: of abuse. Yeah, that's abuse. But what does but what
Speaker 1: does what does money do in abusive relationships or an
Speaker 1: abusive situation? It can move you out. Imagine not having
Speaker 1: no money to do nothing with you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like if everything that you can name, I can all,
Speaker 1: I can double back and send his money and fix
Speaker 1: that ship anything I have. I have many clients that
Speaker 1: have come from very abusive families, clients that were raped
Speaker 1: by uncle's or beat or all of those things. And
Speaker 1: it did eventually, of course, affect them mentally, It affected
Speaker 1: their relationships, that they were depressed and all of that.
Speaker 1: And then they got out somehow, either by going to
Speaker 1: college or just leaving made a lot of money, but
Speaker 1: they were still a prison to their mind. And and
Speaker 1: I know a girl who committed suicide who had everything
Speaker 1: and beautiful girl had money and everything, and she killed
Speaker 1: herself because of you know, herr her mental condition. You know,
Speaker 1: for whatever reason. You know, it was not the fact
Speaker 1: that she grew up poor. You did, so. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think people go through that for different reasons. But man,
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you got through it. Bro, I'm really
Speaker 1: glad you got through it because you've been a blessing. Man.
Speaker 1: You've been a blessing, blessing to absolutely and and and
Speaker 1: Dr Angela Jones. You have been a blessing. Thank you,
Speaker 1: and you have taught us a lesson and I hope
Speaker 1: so me ain't stressing. This is amazing. Tell telling people
Speaker 1: how they can get at you or how they can
Speaker 1: see you are are just you know, ask your questions.
Speaker 1: You could just go to my website at Angela Jones
Speaker 1: PhD dot com, or you could go to my Instagram
Speaker 1: page at Dr Angela Jones. Day you go, Ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: we really really appreciate you coming out today. No problem,
Speaker 1: psycho for yourself, class for yourself, theist. Thank you a psychotherapist, extraordinary,
Speaker 1: put extraordinary, anything met. You know what to Willy before
Speaker 1: y'all leave out of here. You know what can fix
Speaker 1: a lot of ship too. Sex on the next motel.
Speaker 1: No more talk. Thank you, miss Angela. This episode was
Speaker 1: produced by A King and brought to you by The
Speaker 1: Black Effect Podcast Network and I Heart Radio