WEBVTT - Therapy with Angela Jones Episode 0:00:01.320 --> 0:00:04.960 Get up, getto boys. It's back and rehoaded all in 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:08.360 your mind. Yeah, not deep throating. This is for the streets, 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:12.640 the reel, the railroaded, the distant franchise, the truth, the scapegoating. 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:15.040 And they ain't knowing we speak the truth, so they 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:18.239 quoted because we wrote it. The North South East coat 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.520 is the gv MY for keeping your head bobbing. It 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.880 ain't no stopping and wants to be drips head by. 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:27.280 And then the system is so corrupt they throw the 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:29.520 rock out of their heads and then blame it on us. 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:33.800 Don't get it twisted on code and me and danceing 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:45.200 for no buttment biscuits. It's Willie d y'all scar faces 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:48.840 in the building. Collectively we are the ghetto boys, reloaded 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:52.360 with another episode of information and instructions to help you 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:56.640 get through this wild, crazy, beautiful world. I guess today 0:00:57.160 --> 0:01:02.200 Dr Angela Jones, lower everyone, man, Yeah, we do need 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:09.440 some claps. I clap for myself, you know what. That's 0:01:09.520 --> 0:01:12.280 that's nice, you know, But but you are a therapist. 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:18.200 I'm always absolutely if more people clap for themselves, perhaps 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:21.000 they wouldn't need your services as much. Well. I try 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:22.840 to help them clap for themselves. So I don't want 0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:25.199 them to keep having my syces, want them to leave 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:28.880 my services, so they can't. It's money and the services, 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:32.440 so don't it's like money. I don't want nobody to 0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:35.720 get Will you stay sick? You know? My job is 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:37.800 to heal. I want them to heal. And if if 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:40.080 you're out there healed and you feel better, you feel 0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:42.000 like you can clap for yourself, You're gonna send people 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:44.120 my way. So I'm not really worried about that. Okay, 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:48.600 all right, So how does one become is it clinical therapist? 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:53.360 I'm a psychotherapist? Psychotherapist? How does one become a psycho? Psycho? 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:56.680 Like like psycho, it's just mental, that's all. It really 0:01:56.720 --> 0:02:03.040 means therapy for your mind, right, So, so, I mean 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:05.520 it takes a lot of school. But for me, it 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:09.280 was about the fact that I grew up with all women. 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:12.480 But I struggled with a lot, My family struggle with 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:14.960 a lot. And I remember actually took a class in 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:19.079 high school psychology, basic one on one class, and I 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:22.840 was reading things about depression and anxiety and trauma, and 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:24.600 I felt like I was reading the story of my 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:28.280 family and I was like Okay, so this is what's happening, 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:31.560 and we just don't know, we don't really know about ourselves. 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:35.919 And that's what really like pivoted me into mental health psychology, 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:38.560 and that's why I'm here today. And what was this 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:41.200 book you were reading? Um? Actually I don't remember. It 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:43.440 was a textbook like it was like it was a 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:46.080 basic psychology one on one. But the thing is, I 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:48.240 didn't even know what anxiety was until I went to 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:50.880 this class in high school. So I spent my whole 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:53.680 life not even understanding what anxiety depression, and neither did 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:56.320 my family. My family is not American, so on first generation, 0:02:56.680 --> 0:03:00.720 so these are not terms we don't really talk about, y'all. Um, 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:14.639 Haitian and Cuban so very exotic places. Absolutely on your website, 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:19.200 you you say that you are well versed and problematic 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.480 sexual behavior. Before we wait, Willie, don't don't go into 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:27.600 the sexual behavior just right yet, because like I'm one 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:31.359 of those patients, like one of those uh what they 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:35.920 call these patients. Willie, give me a good word that one, 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:41.280 all right? And when I was working my way through 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:46.000 the program as an adolescent, I always thought that being 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:50.800 a therapist was BS because There's no way that this 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:53.080 guy can sit in front of me. My doctor was 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:55.240 Andrew Harper. By the way, if you might have probably 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:58.880 hurt him, not he was just coming out of college 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:02.360 when I when when, when I was in Houston International 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:08.680 Hospital for some um uh many depressive issues, okay, And 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:11.080 I thought about it, and I thought about it again. 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:14.120 I was like, man, hw in the hell? Can he 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:18.000 sit here and tell me how I'm supposed to feel? 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:22.320 He tells people how they're supposed to feel. Are you 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:26.080 just like responding to how they feel? I'm responding to you, 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:28.040 so I'm not gonna tell you how you feel. I'm 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:32.680 more reflecting to feel. Well. You know. The thing is, 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:35.839 everybody's supposed to you know, you have your own supposed 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:37.720 to So the way you feel like you're supposed to 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:39.640 feel is the way you're supposed to feel. But if 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:42.279 it's unhealthy for you, the people around you, and it's 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:45.440 destroying you in any kind of way, then it's my 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:47.839 job to reflect back to you what I'm seeing. And 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:50.600 sometimes we can't see ourselves, and sometimes you do need 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:53.719 someone that's not emotionally connected to you, that a loved 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:56.400 one or a friend to help you see yourself. I 0:04:56.440 --> 0:05:00.560 always told like my clients, I'm your mirror and I'm 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:03.280 going to be I'm very transparent and I'm very honest. 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.080 So what I see is what I'm gonna I'm gonna 0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:08.320 help you see yourself. And a lot of people like, well, 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:10.919 I could do that myself. But if if that was 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:12.760 the case, who wouldn't be dealing with a lot of things. 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:20.640 But I learned how to deal with with um the 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:23.400 depression that I grew up with, and you know, it 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:28.160 changed a lot of that having some cash, well, you know, 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:33.080 having money and yeah, and mental health in the black community, Uh, 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:36.440 stems from a lot of things. But but but the 0:05:36.480 --> 0:05:39.839 main thing would be poverty. You know, we don't got 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:42.599 no money, so we were sad as hell. But but 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:46.200 give somebody, you know, a few thousand dollars that ain't 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:49.000 used to having and he's exciting now, you know, give 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:50.800 him a few million dollars and he ain't used to 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:53.840 having it, Then he's going with life. He can come 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:57.080 out of the closet, that dark closet that makes everything 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:00.640 seem like it's the worst thing that's ever happened. So 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:05.320 from a kid, uh that's that's been through this, I 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:09.479 understand from a patient standpoint. Now I'm glad to see 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:11.680 it from a doctor's standpoint. This is the first time 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:13.760 I've ever had the opportunity to sit in front of 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:16.200 a doctor and say, you know what. When I was 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:19.640 growing up, I thought that the therapist that set in 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:23.200 front of me was full of ship. But you, on 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:27.120 the other hand, you're a fantastic friend person, and I 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:29.159 was just I'm just glad to be able to sit 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:33.159 here and thank you very much. You know, I never 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:35.920 really thought I thought about it like that. I mean, 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:39.760 I understand, you know, coming from poverty myself, that, yeah, 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:44.280 that there's a lot of there's a lot of pain 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:47.600 associated with being impoverished, and there's a lot of a 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:50.400 lot of a lot of unhealthy behavior that comes with 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:54.640 people who are impoverished. Sure, right, but but how much 0:06:55.000 --> 0:06:57.760 of that do you see when you know, when you're 0:06:57.760 --> 0:07:01.160 talking to your patients, it's very rarely that I'm able 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:03.640 to talk with someone about a current problem and it 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:06.440 doesn't link back to the past, it doesn't link back 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:09.280 to some kind of trauma. And the fact is I 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:14.720 grew up very impoverished as well, and things that I 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:18.080 considered normal I didn't realize they were traumatic. I didn't 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:22.080 realize how things that I witnessed growing up um a 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:24.520 lot of my family that were in different gangs, fights, 0:07:24.520 --> 0:07:26.000 That's the way we had to live, the way we 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:27.840 had to survive. It was just a way of life 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:31.400 for me. But I didn't realize how, even transitioning to 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:35.720 a place of money, how I was I was really 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:39.600 I was traumatized by those things. I really had to 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:43.160 re teach myself as a therapist. I believe therapists should 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:45.400 go to therapy. I went to therapy too. I had 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:48.880 to relearn a lot of things and understand like that 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:51.400 wasn't supposed to happen to you. You know, I wasn't 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:53.640 supposed to be walking down the street and seeing fights 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:55.760 and guns on the table. I was supposed to see 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:57.760 those type of things, but I did, and it was 0:07:57.840 --> 0:08:01.000 normal for me until until it wasn't. And so, yeah, 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:04.120 money did help me get to get the services I need. 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:07.400 But unfortunately a lot of people don't have money, and 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:10.240 when they try to go through the system, sometimes the 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:12.880 system is just so hard. It makes it so hard 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:15.680 for people to get the proper mental health treatment. And 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:19.760 I'm saying proper on purpose because there. I was a 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:22.680 person who worked in the system where I was a 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:25.560 clinician who went to different houses, but I had a 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:27.920 case load of like sixty people, Like how am I 0:08:27.920 --> 0:08:30.800 gonna give you proper therapy? But I can't even focus 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:32.440 on you because I got like six other people I 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:34.679 need to see within the next two hours. So even 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:36.760 though I want to help you, this is what the 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:39.280 government is paying me to do, and it's not it's 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:43.720 not substantial. So it's it is a broken system, and 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:46.840 we don't have enough money. There's not enough money to 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:48.800 pay the people in the system that work. There's not 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:52.280 enough people. There's not enough money. They don't sponsor things 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:54.480 for mental health as much as they would do for 0:08:54.800 --> 0:09:00.000 oil or gas. I mean, it's the same kind of question, 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:01.680 and we asked when we say why does it Why 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:04.439 isn't the educational system funded the way it's supposed to 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:07.959 be funded. You know, it's not a priority until it's 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:11.240 a problem, until you see somebody on the news shooting 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:14.680 up a theater and now he has a mental health problem, 0:09:14.679 --> 0:09:17.920 and now it's a crisis in the United States. But 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:20.480 the clinicians that are out there going to people's houses, 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.280 seeing sixty people in a month, are getting paid like 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:27.840 thirty dollars a year, thirty thirty five maybe, and that's 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:31.440 with a degree. Could it be that the government doesn't 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:34.440 pay attention to that doesn't invest in mental health because 0:09:34.800 --> 0:09:37.360 they really don't want us to be healthy. That's that 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:40.840 way they can control us better. I mean, it's a possibility, absolutely. 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:44.800 I just believe that everything is about money. And if 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:47.720 it's not money involved, and who gives it? You know 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:50.720 what I mean? Like the government is tapped into the 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:53.480 money part. They don't care about your mental health, they 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:55.760 don't care about your well being, they don't care about 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.959 your education, don't care about none of that. As long 0:09:59.000 --> 0:10:02.720 as you can make the govern a meant money, then 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:07.480 that's the only thing that that that brings a vibe 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:10.080 with them. They want the money part. Everything that's going 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:13.120 on with the government has something to do with money. 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:18.079 Look at the infrastructure idea that Biden has. It's all 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:22.760 about the money. Bro period. Absolutely been in health has 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:26.920 been at the center and it should have been. It's 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:30.960 been at the center of general wellness for the past 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:35.320 few years. Why is it do you believe that black 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:37.839 people have been so slow to join the conversation or 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:42.920 at least take advantage of the services we have. It 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:46.400 hasn't been available to us. I mean, it wasn't available 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:48.480 to us. It was it was something that white people did, 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.360 you know, go to therapy. You never heard black people 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:54.160 talk about there. You heard to go to church. You know. 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:57.520 We we we come from people who had to basically 0:10:57.520 --> 0:10:59.839 suck it up and move move on. And that's who 0:10:59.880 --> 0:11:03.599 that's how we had to live, like suck in your 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:05.920 and they have and they have up and they and 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:09.000 they will incarceerate you if you get out of line, 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:11.240 you know what I mean. When you were when you 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:13.240 were young, it was an ask for any When you're older, 0:11:13.280 --> 0:11:15.640 it's incarceration. So I get it. You know, you have 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:18.640 to suck in your emotions. Everything emotional was a sign 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:23.080 of weakness. So you're weak. If you show emotion, you're weak. 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.120 If you cry, you're weak. If you said something's wrong 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:27.360 with you or you need a break. We were taught 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:29.080 to push on. I mean, that's the only thing we 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:31.880 ever were able to do. We weren't able to get 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:35.080 out of slavery with just feeling. We had to push 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:39.560 and so we're we are generations behind when it comes 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:43.360 to mental health. And and seeing who we are and 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:46.200 addressing those things that I'm happy now, like especially like 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:50.520 Generation X and millennials, I feel like they're really really 0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:52.720 trying to get into the space of mental health. They're 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.480 really trying to understand who they are, and it's it's 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.000 really making it hard for like the baby Boomers and 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.640 the older generations to really understand like why they just 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:03.520 feel too much. But they have to feel so they 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:07.079 don't hurt the generations after them. So I just you know, 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:12.920 there's research saying that trauma is not something that just 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:16.040 stays in your generation. You know, trauma, you birth trauma, 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:21.040 It's in our DNA. We are we we are sprouted 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:25.800 from trauma, and so now we're trying to understand ourselves mentally. 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:30.920 We're generations behind. Unfortunately, you know, um, but it's great 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.720 that you like this. This is a platform where people 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:35.760 are gonna listen and be like, Okay, so it's not 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:38.520 just me, Maybe I should get some help because you 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.120 guys who have a huge platform, are making sure that 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:44.360 people hear things like this they have to feel so 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:48.120 that they don't hurt the generation it comes after them. Man, 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:54.280 that's dep that's heavy. That's beautiful. Man um I, you know, 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:58.760 growing up like like Brad grew up, and like you 0:12:58.800 --> 0:13:03.720 grew up, like we saw so much stuff done the 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.280 wrong way. We thought that everything that was right was 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:09.559 wrong and everything wrong was right. And we learned how 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:13.600 to uh solve conflict with fish guns and insults right, 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:17.720 and so all of these things. We're thinking, like you said, 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.000 we have to. If you don't do it that way, 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:23.600 you're weak. You're showing a sign of weakness. And and 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:26.360 and we gotta get past that, you know, we we 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:33.040 gotta we gotta get more involved with understanding proper conflict resolution. 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:35.160 How much is that it is taught, you know in 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:39.839 your session conflict resolution? It's it's it's kind of like 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:43.280 intermingled in everything. I mean, people come to me with 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:46.280 a conflict mostly so the thing they want to do 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:49.160 is take the conflict away from their life so they 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:52.080 can have some kind of peace. But that is not 0:13:52.200 --> 0:13:54.520 the only reason. When they come to me, they realize, Okay, 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:57.400 this conflict happened because there was a conflict that happened 0:13:57.559 --> 0:13:59.559 before that, and there was a conflict that I learned. 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:01.280 This is how I learned how to solve conflict from 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:04.480 my parents or my neighbors or my neighborhood, and then 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:06.840 they realized like, oh, this is not a new thing. 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:09.560 This is something that's that's ingrained in me. This is 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:11.840 something that I learned when I was like five or 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:16.320 when I was like ten. Right, Yeah, she's really good. 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:20.160 This is what she do. Kids too, No, I don't, 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.360 not because I don't love the kids. It's just not 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:26.880 where my passion is. My passion is older adolescents and 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:33.120 adults adult. I saw you so many times on Isaiah 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:37.880 Carrey Show, and each time I saw you, probably halftime, 0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:40.560 I see you, I called Isaiah's man. She did it again, 0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:45.360 she hears, because I mean I really study you, know, 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:48.200 study you, and I'm like, you're really really good at 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.320 what you do. I mean, you're really good at what 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:53.680 you do. I mean, don't miss, I haven't heard anything 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:56.480 that you said that was like out of pocket. Uh. 0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:58.920 You have this show on call me out if you do. So, 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:05.440 you have a show on Isaiah Carries uh show called 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:09.200 a segment. You have a segment Angela after dogs Yes, 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:11.400 explained to the people what that is and why you 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:14.600 think it's important to do that. So as a psychotherapist 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:17.680 later on in my career, I specialized in sex and 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:22.320 sex therapy, and UM I was able to help focus 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:25.960 that on especially in the African American community. I realized 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:27.200 that a lot of the trauma, a lot of the 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:31.360 lessons that we learned come from our sexuality, come from 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:35.040 images of sex, come from just that whole world, anything 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:38.880 under the umbrella of sex. And I realized that more 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:41.520 and more every time somebody came into my office, sex 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:47.520 came up, sexuality, identity, UM, just all of it came out. Regardless. 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:50.120 I would say about ninety percent of my clients, it 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:53.080 was intermingled in there somewhere in regards to like who 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:55.360 they saw they were or who they thought they weren't. 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:58.920 And I felt like I was doing a disservice by 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:02.800 not making sure I had everything in regards to that. 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:07.080 So UM, Luckily the Isaiah Show they saw me on Instagram. 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:11.240 Thank you Instagram, so and they reached out to me 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:13.200 to do the segment, and so we talked about a 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:16.960 whole bunch of things. Marriages, relationships, we talked about you know, 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:18.880 a lot of little kinky things or a lot of 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:22.200 some serious things. I mean, it's a vast array, but 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:25.400 I think that one of the things, especially in the 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:28.040 African American community that we are always hesitant to talk 0:16:28.080 --> 0:16:34.120 about is sex. But it's so important to who we are, right, 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:37.320 And that's leads me to one of the questions I 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:41.640 had for you was that why do you think because 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:44.760 sex is such a natural thing, right, none of us 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:48.000 are here without it? Right? Why is it such a 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:50.120 giddy thing? Why is this such a giggly thing? When 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:52.120 people start talking grown folks, I don't care how old 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:54.480 they are. When you start talking about six, people start 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:58.160 giggling this, you know, like you know what's up? You know? 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:01.000 Sex is I mean for us, I want to say, like, 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:04.320 as humans, we are sexual beings. So to deny that 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:06.560 part of us, we're denying a piece of who we are. 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:10.240 And so why is it such a thing? It's cultural? 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:13.760 I think it's cultural. I think it's the way a 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.040 lot of it is based in the church, depending on 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:18.760 your religion, not only the Christian Christian Church, a lot 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.960 of different religions. When it comes to sex, especially when 0:17:22.000 --> 0:17:25.760 it comes to women. Sex was what they used as 0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:28.359 a tool to shun women. It was the tool they 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:30.520 used to control women. It was the tool that they 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:33.000 used to either say that she was a good woman 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:36.640 or a bad woman. And so I feel like with 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:41.399 cultural shifts and the roles that we play, because I 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:43.160 know that was another thing, the roles that we play 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:46.400 in the household. It it's something that you just don't 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:49.080 talk about. It's just something you're supposed to do. And also, 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:52.560 you know, sex at first was only like, you're only 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:56.800 supposed to have sex to propriate. That's it. You find 0:17:56.840 --> 0:18:00.760 a man, you find a woman, you come together, you 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:03.680 you procreate. That was the that's the basis of what 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:05.560 they feel like. Sex was supposed to be. But the 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:08.240 part of pleasure was a part that nobody wanted to 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:11.879 talk about. So therefore we don't talk about it. And 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:15.000 how did that come to be? How did that? Who 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:18.359 was that person that said, you know, pro creating is 0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:21.359 not enough for me. I don't know exactly who did it, 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:25.560 but I thank you for whoever it was, because you're 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:28.960 denying yourself. You're just basically saying, hey, we're having sex, 0:18:29.040 --> 0:18:31.520 even though I realized it feels good and I actually 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:37.280 enjoy this act. It's only supposed to be for creating life, 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:40.200 but I'm enjoying it. Why can't I do something as 0:18:40.200 --> 0:18:43.199 well with someone and just enjoy the pleasure of it 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:51.800 as well. Just practice hunt. Yeah, that's a heavy subject 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:58.239 to me. It's like like sex is addictive. It's like 0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:02.919 a drug. Like once you on you, once you taste 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:08.520 the rainbow, you always got to go back, you know 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:10.440 what I mean. It's fighting to come out of and 0:19:10.520 --> 0:19:12.760 dying to go back in. It's crazy, right if you 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:16.560 taste the right rainbow. Yeah, sure, you know. Sex is 0:19:16.560 --> 0:19:20.960 a beautiful thing. You know. Of course it's over exhilarating, 0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:24.399 is no. I think it's a beautiful thing. But you 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:27.240 got to realize, like the chemicals that happened, the chemicals 0:19:27.280 --> 0:19:31.800 that are released in the orgasm during sex are mimicking 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:33.720 a lot of the drugs that a lot of people take. 0:19:33.800 --> 0:19:37.240 I mean, it can. It makes you feel stimulated and 0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:42.880 great and relax. So you hit a certain age in life, man, 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:47.080 and then and then like you can't you you can't, 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:51.080 So now what it's not, you know, don't worry about 0:19:51.080 --> 0:19:53.800 that till you get that. Man. It's hard. You're not there, 0:19:54.119 --> 0:20:01.800 not yet, But don't worry. Man. Man, I'm hitting that. Man, 0:20:02.240 --> 0:20:04.919 I'm just I just want to know, Like, you know, 0:20:05.560 --> 0:20:07.119 like I got a friend that I played golf with 0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:11.840 he's like seventy something years old, right, And I'm not 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:15.080 gonna go too far into it, but you know, ship 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:19.240 is done. It's done. Jesus Christ. It's hormonal. It's it's 0:20:19.240 --> 0:20:22.919 something that happens, you know, like a hormone. Okay, So 0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:27.359 like a hormone, Like you can harmone all you want to, 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:29.840 but if if you harmone it and and it just 0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:31.960 don't work, then it just don't work. It's just there, 0:20:32.640 --> 0:20:34.679 you know what I mean, It's just there. It's like 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:37.119 having it's like having a car in the front yard 0:20:37.480 --> 0:20:40.679 that doesn't start, you know, you just walk outside and 0:20:40.720 --> 0:20:43.160 it's just there. See. But there's certain mechanics out there 0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:46.400 that can help get it fixed. And so therefore science 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:50.520 has evolved to allow people who are dealing with age 0:20:50.840 --> 0:20:54.000 or any kind of hormonal testosteron estrogen. There are so 0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:56.000 many things out there that are hoping people. Not just 0:20:56.040 --> 0:20:58.200 the blue peel. I'm not talking about just that. I'm 0:20:58.200 --> 0:21:00.359 just about this different trap. A friend of mine, right 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:04.439 and and and you know, you know, we mean, so 0:21:04.520 --> 0:21:07.199 we passed around different ships to make different things go 0:21:07.320 --> 0:21:10.200 on or whatever, and he came back the next day, 0:21:10.280 --> 0:21:15.359 were like, because that's not what he needs nothing. So 0:21:15.400 --> 0:21:16.960 what he need he needs? Does he need to talk? 0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:19.320 You need somebody to talk to him? No, he probably need. 0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:21.639 Always tell people before they come. Before a man or 0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:23.160 a woman comes to me and they tell me they're 0:21:23.200 --> 0:21:26.439 having sexual problems physically, I don't tell them to come 0:21:26.480 --> 0:21:27.800 to me first. I tell them they need to go 0:21:27.880 --> 0:21:31.480 to a physical medical doctor to check themselves out. First. Man, 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:33.320 you need to go to your eurologist. Women, you need 0:21:33.359 --> 0:21:35.520 to go to your gynecologist to see what is happening 0:21:35.560 --> 0:21:38.280 inside of your body, because you can't talk it away. 0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:40.240 You know, you have to first see if there's a 0:21:40.280 --> 0:21:43.200 medical condition that's going to help you. I can tell 0:21:43.200 --> 0:21:46.920 you exactly what's happening inside their body. It doesn't work, 0:21:47.680 --> 0:21:53.159 may not and unfortunately for some people, pills, medication, certain 0:21:53.160 --> 0:21:57.000 treatments may not help. But you have to. If you 0:21:57.040 --> 0:21:59.720 go through all of that and then you get to 0:21:59.760 --> 0:22:02.840 the in and it's still not anything, then okay, I 0:22:02.880 --> 0:22:04.840 get what you're trying to say. That's what I'm trying 0:22:04.840 --> 0:22:06.760 to say, but I don't want anybody to give up 0:22:06.840 --> 0:22:12.719 before exploring give up. Don't give up. You don't want 0:22:12.720 --> 0:22:18.199 to get I think you make adjustments. I mean personally 0:22:18.240 --> 0:22:20.920 I don't really worry about things that I can't control, 0:22:21.600 --> 0:22:25.040 you know, like you know, the serenity prayers my favorite prayer, 0:22:25.560 --> 0:22:28.919 you know, Like I mean, you know, God, grant me 0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:31.639 the serenity to accept the things that I can I 0:22:31.960 --> 0:22:35.680