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Speaker 1: Get up, getto boys. It's back and rehoaded all in

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Speaker 1: your mind. Yeah, not deep throating. This is for the streets,

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Speaker 1: the reel, the railroaded, the distant franchise, the truth, the scapegoating.

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Speaker 1: And they ain't knowing we speak the truth, so they

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Speaker 1: quoted because we wrote it. The North South East coat

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Speaker 1: is the gv MY for keeping your head bobbing. It

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Speaker 1: ain't no stopping and wants to be drips head by.

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Speaker 1: And then the system is so corrupt they throw the

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Speaker 1: rock out of their heads and then blame it on us.

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Speaker 1: Don't get it twisted on code and me and danceing

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Speaker 1: for no buttment biscuits. It's Willie d y'all scar faces

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Speaker 1: in the building. Collectively we are the ghetto boys, reloaded

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Speaker 1: with another episode of information and instructions to help you

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Speaker 1: get through this wild, crazy, beautiful world. I guess today

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Speaker 1: Dr Angela Jones, lower everyone, man, Yeah, we do need

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Speaker 1: some claps. I clap for myself, you know what. That's

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Speaker 1: that's nice, you know, But but you are a therapist.

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Speaker 1: I'm always absolutely if more people clap for themselves, perhaps

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Speaker 1: they wouldn't need your services as much. Well. I try

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Speaker 1: to help them clap for themselves. So I don't want

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Speaker 1: them to keep having my syces, want them to leave

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Speaker 1: my services, so they can't. It's money and the services,

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Speaker 1: so don't it's like money. I don't want nobody to

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Speaker 1: get Will you stay sick? You know? My job is

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Speaker 1: to heal. I want them to heal. And if if

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Speaker 1: you're out there healed and you feel better, you feel

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Speaker 1: like you can clap for yourself, You're gonna send people

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Speaker 1: my way. So I'm not really worried about that. Okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, So how does one become is it clinical therapist?

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Speaker 1: I'm a psychotherapist? Psychotherapist? How does one become a psycho? Psycho?

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Speaker 1: Like like psycho, it's just mental, that's all. It really

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Speaker 1: means therapy for your mind, right, So, so, I mean

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Speaker 1: it takes a lot of school. But for me, it

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Speaker 1: was about the fact that I grew up with all women.

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Speaker 1: But I struggled with a lot, My family struggle with

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Speaker 1: a lot. And I remember actually took a class in

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Speaker 1: high school psychology, basic one on one class, and I

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Speaker 1: was reading things about depression and anxiety and trauma, and

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Speaker 1: I felt like I was reading the story of my

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Speaker 1: family and I was like Okay, so this is what's happening,

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Speaker 1: and we just don't know, we don't really know about ourselves.

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Speaker 1: And that's what really like pivoted me into mental health psychology,

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Speaker 1: and that's why I'm here today. And what was this

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Speaker 1: book you were reading? Um? Actually I don't remember. It

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Speaker 1: was a textbook like it was like it was a

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Speaker 1: basic psychology one on one. But the thing is, I

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Speaker 1: didn't even know what anxiety was until I went to

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Speaker 1: this class in high school. So I spent my whole

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Speaker 1: life not even understanding what anxiety depression, and neither did

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Speaker 1: my family. My family is not American, so on first generation,

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Speaker 1: so these are not terms we don't really talk about, y'all. Um,

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Speaker 1: Haitian and Cuban so very exotic places. Absolutely on your website,

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Speaker 1: you you say that you are well versed and problematic

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Speaker 1: sexual behavior. Before we wait, Willie, don't don't go into

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Speaker 1: the sexual behavior just right yet, because like I'm one

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Speaker 1: of those patients, like one of those uh what they

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Speaker 1: call these patients. Willie, give me a good word that one,

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Speaker 1: all right? And when I was working my way through

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Speaker 1: the program as an adolescent, I always thought that being

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Speaker 1: a therapist was BS because There's no way that this

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Speaker 1: guy can sit in front of me. My doctor was

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Speaker 1: Andrew Harper. By the way, if you might have probably

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Speaker 1: hurt him, not he was just coming out of college

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Speaker 1: when I when when, when I was in Houston International

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Speaker 1: Hospital for some um uh many depressive issues, okay, And

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Speaker 1: I thought about it, and I thought about it again.

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Speaker 1: I was like, man, hw in the hell? Can he

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Speaker 1: sit here and tell me how I'm supposed to feel?

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Speaker 1: He tells people how they're supposed to feel. Are you

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Speaker 1: just like responding to how they feel? I'm responding to you,

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Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna tell you how you feel. I'm

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Speaker 1: more reflecting to feel. Well. You know. The thing is,

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Speaker 1: everybody's supposed to you know, you have your own supposed

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Speaker 1: to So the way you feel like you're supposed to

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Speaker 1: feel is the way you're supposed to feel. But if

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Speaker 1: it's unhealthy for you, the people around you, and it's

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Speaker 1: destroying you in any kind of way, then it's my

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Speaker 1: job to reflect back to you what I'm seeing. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes we can't see ourselves, and sometimes you do need

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Speaker 1: someone that's not emotionally connected to you, that a loved

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Speaker 1: one or a friend to help you see yourself. I

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Speaker 1: always told like my clients, I'm your mirror and I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be I'm very transparent and I'm very honest.

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Speaker 1: So what I see is what I'm gonna I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: help you see yourself. And a lot of people like, well,

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Speaker 1: I could do that myself. But if if that was

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Speaker 1: the case, who wouldn't be dealing with a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: But I learned how to deal with with um the

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Speaker 1: depression that I grew up with, and you know, it

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Speaker 1: changed a lot of that having some cash, well, you know,

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Speaker 1: having money and yeah, and mental health in the black community, Uh,

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Speaker 1: stems from a lot of things. But but but the

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Speaker 1: main thing would be poverty. You know, we don't got

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Speaker 1: no money, so we were sad as hell. But but

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Speaker 1: give somebody, you know, a few thousand dollars that ain't

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Speaker 1: used to having and he's exciting now, you know, give

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Speaker 1: him a few million dollars and he ain't used to

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Speaker 1: having it, Then he's going with life. He can come

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Speaker 1: out of the closet, that dark closet that makes everything

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Speaker 1: seem like it's the worst thing that's ever happened. So

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Speaker 1: from a kid, uh that's that's been through this, I

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Speaker 1: understand from a patient standpoint. Now I'm glad to see

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Speaker 1: it from a doctor's standpoint. This is the first time

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Speaker 1: I've ever had the opportunity to sit in front of

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Speaker 1: a doctor and say, you know what. When I was

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Speaker 1: growing up, I thought that the therapist that set in

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Speaker 1: front of me was full of ship. But you, on

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Speaker 1: the other hand, you're a fantastic friend person, and I

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Speaker 1: was just I'm just glad to be able to sit

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Speaker 1: here and thank you very much. You know, I never

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Speaker 1: really thought I thought about it like that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I understand, you know, coming from poverty myself, that, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that there's a lot of there's a lot of pain

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Speaker 1: associated with being impoverished, and there's a lot of a

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Speaker 1: lot of a lot of unhealthy behavior that comes with

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Speaker 1: people who are impoverished. Sure, right, but but how much

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Speaker 1: of that do you see when you know, when you're

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Speaker 1: talking to your patients, it's very rarely that I'm able

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Speaker 1: to talk with someone about a current problem and it

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Speaker 1: doesn't link back to the past, it doesn't link back

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Speaker 1: to some kind of trauma. And the fact is I

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Speaker 1: grew up very impoverished as well, and things that I

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Speaker 1: considered normal I didn't realize they were traumatic. I didn't

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Speaker 1: realize how things that I witnessed growing up um a

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Speaker 1: lot of my family that were in different gangs, fights,

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Speaker 1: That's the way we had to live, the way we

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Speaker 1: had to survive. It was just a way of life

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Speaker 1: for me. But I didn't realize how, even transitioning to

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Speaker 1: a place of money, how I was I was really

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Speaker 1: I was traumatized by those things. I really had to

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Speaker 1: re teach myself as a therapist. I believe therapists should

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Speaker 1: go to therapy. I went to therapy too. I had

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Speaker 1: to relearn a lot of things and understand like that

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Speaker 1: wasn't supposed to happen to you. You know, I wasn't

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Speaker 1: supposed to be walking down the street and seeing fights

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Speaker 1: and guns on the table. I was supposed to see

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Speaker 1: those type of things, but I did, and it was

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Speaker 1: normal for me until until it wasn't. And so, yeah,

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Speaker 1: money did help me get to get the services I need.

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Speaker 1: But unfortunately a lot of people don't have money, and

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Speaker 1: when they try to go through the system, sometimes the

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Speaker 1: system is just so hard. It makes it so hard

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Speaker 1: for people to get the proper mental health treatment. And

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Speaker 1: I'm saying proper on purpose because there. I was a

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Speaker 1: person who worked in the system where I was a

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Speaker 1: clinician who went to different houses, but I had a

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Speaker 1: case load of like sixty people, Like how am I

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Speaker 1: gonna give you proper therapy? But I can't even focus

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Speaker 1: on you because I got like six other people I

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Speaker 1: need to see within the next two hours. So even

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Speaker 1: though I want to help you, this is what the

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Speaker 1: government is paying me to do, and it's not it's

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Speaker 1: not substantial. So it's it is a broken system, and

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Speaker 1: we don't have enough money. There's not enough money to

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Speaker 1: pay the people in the system that work. There's not

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Speaker 1: enough people. There's not enough money. They don't sponsor things

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Speaker 1: for mental health as much as they would do for

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Speaker 1: oil or gas. I mean, it's the same kind of question,

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Speaker 1: and we asked when we say why does it Why

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Speaker 1: isn't the educational system funded the way it's supposed to

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Speaker 1: be funded. You know, it's not a priority until it's

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Speaker 1: a problem, until you see somebody on the news shooting

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Speaker 1: up a theater and now he has a mental health problem,

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Speaker 1: and now it's a crisis in the United States. But

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Speaker 1: the clinicians that are out there going to people's houses,

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Speaker 1: seeing sixty people in a month, are getting paid like

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Speaker 1: thirty dollars a year, thirty thirty five maybe, and that's

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Speaker 1: with a degree. Could it be that the government doesn't

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Speaker 1: pay attention to that doesn't invest in mental health because

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Speaker 1: they really don't want us to be healthy. That's that

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Speaker 1: way they can control us better. I mean, it's a possibility, absolutely.

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Speaker 1: I just believe that everything is about money. And if

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Speaker 1: it's not money involved, and who gives it? You know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? Like the government is tapped into the

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Speaker 1: money part. They don't care about your mental health, they

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Speaker 1: don't care about your well being, they don't care about

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Speaker 1: your education, don't care about none of that. As long

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Speaker 1: as you can make the govern a meant money, then

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Speaker 1: that's the only thing that that that brings a vibe

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Speaker 1: with them. They want the money part. Everything that's going

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Speaker 1: on with the government has something to do with money.

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Speaker 1: Look at the infrastructure idea that Biden has. It's all

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Speaker 1: about the money. Bro period. Absolutely been in health has

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Speaker 1: been at the center and it should have been. It's

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Speaker 1: been at the center of general wellness for the past

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Speaker 1: few years. Why is it do you believe that black

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Speaker 1: people have been so slow to join the conversation or

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Speaker 1: at least take advantage of the services we have. It

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Speaker 1: hasn't been available to us. I mean, it wasn't available

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Speaker 1: to us. It was it was something that white people did,

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Speaker 1: you know, go to therapy. You never heard black people

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Speaker 1: talk about there. You heard to go to church. You know.

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Speaker 1: We we we come from people who had to basically

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Speaker 1: suck it up and move move on. And that's who

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Speaker 1: that's how we had to live, like suck in your

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Speaker 1: and they have and they have up and they and

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Speaker 1: they will incarceerate you if you get out of line,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. When you were when you

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Speaker 1: were young, it was an ask for any When you're older,

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Speaker 1: it's incarceration. So I get it. You know, you have

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Speaker 1: to suck in your emotions. Everything emotional was a sign

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Speaker 1: of weakness. So you're weak. If you show emotion, you're weak.

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Speaker 1: If you cry, you're weak. If you said something's wrong

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Speaker 1: with you or you need a break. We were taught

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Speaker 1: to push on. I mean, that's the only thing we

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Speaker 1: ever were able to do. We weren't able to get

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Speaker 1: out of slavery with just feeling. We had to push

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Speaker 1: and so we're we are generations behind when it comes

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Speaker 1: to mental health. And and seeing who we are and

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Speaker 1: addressing those things that I'm happy now, like especially like

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Speaker 1: Generation X and millennials, I feel like they're really really

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Speaker 1: trying to get into the space of mental health. They're

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Speaker 1: really trying to understand who they are, and it's it's

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Speaker 1: really making it hard for like the baby Boomers and

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Speaker 1: the older generations to really understand like why they just

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Speaker 1: feel too much. But they have to feel so they

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Speaker 1: don't hurt the generations after them. So I just you know,

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Speaker 1: there's research saying that trauma is not something that just

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Speaker 1: stays in your generation. You know, trauma, you birth trauma,

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Speaker 1: It's in our DNA. We are we we are sprouted

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Speaker 1: from trauma, and so now we're trying to understand ourselves mentally.

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Speaker 1: We're generations behind. Unfortunately, you know, um, but it's great

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Speaker 1: that you like this. This is a platform where people

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Speaker 1: are gonna listen and be like, Okay, so it's not

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Speaker 1: just me, Maybe I should get some help because you

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Speaker 1: guys who have a huge platform, are making sure that

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Speaker 1: people hear things like this they have to feel so

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Speaker 1: that they don't hurt the generation it comes after them. Man,

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Speaker 1: that's dep that's heavy. That's beautiful. Man um I, you know,

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Speaker 1: growing up like like Brad grew up, and like you

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Speaker 1: grew up, like we saw so much stuff done the

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Speaker 1: wrong way. We thought that everything that was right was

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Speaker 1: wrong and everything wrong was right. And we learned how

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Speaker 1: to uh solve conflict with fish guns and insults right,

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Speaker 1: and so all of these things. We're thinking, like you said,

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Speaker 1: we have to. If you don't do it that way,

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Speaker 1: you're weak. You're showing a sign of weakness. And and

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Speaker 1: and we gotta get past that, you know, we we

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Speaker 1: gotta we gotta get more involved with understanding proper conflict resolution.

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Speaker 1: How much is that it is taught, you know in

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Speaker 1: your session conflict resolution? It's it's it's kind of like

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Speaker 1: intermingled in everything. I mean, people come to me with

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Speaker 1: a conflict mostly so the thing they want to do

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Speaker 1: is take the conflict away from their life so they

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Speaker 1: can have some kind of peace. But that is not

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Speaker 1: the only reason. When they come to me, they realize, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this conflict happened because there was a conflict that happened

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Speaker 1: before that, and there was a conflict that I learned.

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Speaker 1: This is how I learned how to solve conflict from

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Speaker 1: my parents or my neighbors or my neighborhood, and then

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Speaker 1: they realized like, oh, this is not a new thing.

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Speaker 1: This is something that's that's ingrained in me. This is

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Speaker 1: something that I learned when I was like five or

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Speaker 1: when I was like ten. Right, Yeah, she's really good.

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Speaker 1: This is what she do. Kids too, No, I don't,

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Speaker 1: not because I don't love the kids. It's just not

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Speaker 1: where my passion is. My passion is older adolescents and

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Speaker 1: adults adult. I saw you so many times on Isaiah

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Speaker 1: Carrey Show, and each time I saw you, probably halftime,

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Speaker 1: I see you, I called Isaiah's man. She did it again,

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Speaker 1: she hears, because I mean I really study you, know,

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Speaker 1: study you, and I'm like, you're really really good at

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Speaker 1: what you do. I mean, you're really good at what

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Speaker 1: you do. I mean, don't miss, I haven't heard anything

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Speaker 1: that you said that was like out of pocket. Uh.

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Speaker 1: You have this show on call me out if you do. So,

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Speaker 1: you have a show on Isaiah Carries uh show called

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Speaker 1: a segment. You have a segment Angela after dogs Yes,

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Speaker 1: explained to the people what that is and why you

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Speaker 1: think it's important to do that. So as a psychotherapist

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Speaker 1: later on in my career, I specialized in sex and

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Speaker 1: sex therapy, and UM I was able to help focus

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Speaker 1: that on especially in the African American community. I realized

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Speaker 1: that a lot of the trauma, a lot of the

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Speaker 1: lessons that we learned come from our sexuality, come from

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Speaker 1: images of sex, come from just that whole world, anything

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Speaker 1: under the umbrella of sex. And I realized that more

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Speaker 1: and more every time somebody came into my office, sex

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Speaker 1: came up, sexuality, identity, UM, just all of it came out. Regardless.

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Speaker 1: I would say about ninety percent of my clients, it

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Speaker 1: was intermingled in there somewhere in regards to like who

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Speaker 1: they saw they were or who they thought they weren't.

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Speaker 1: And I felt like I was doing a disservice by

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Speaker 1: not making sure I had everything in regards to that.

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Speaker 1: So UM, Luckily the Isaiah Show they saw me on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: Thank you Instagram, so and they reached out to me

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Speaker 1: to do the segment, and so we talked about a

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Speaker 1: whole bunch of things. Marriages, relationships, we talked about you know,

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Speaker 1: a lot of little kinky things or a lot of

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Speaker 1: some serious things. I mean, it's a vast array, but

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Speaker 1: I think that one of the things, especially in the

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Speaker 1: African American community that we are always hesitant to talk

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Speaker 1: about is sex. But it's so important to who we are, right,

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Speaker 1: And that's leads me to one of the questions I

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Speaker 1: had for you was that why do you think because

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Speaker 1: sex is such a natural thing, right, none of us

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Speaker 1: are here without it? Right? Why is it such a

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Speaker 1: giddy thing? Why is this such a giggly thing? When

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Speaker 1: people start talking grown folks, I don't care how old

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Speaker 1: they are. When you start talking about six, people start

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Speaker 1: giggling this, you know, like you know what's up? You know?

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Speaker 1: Sex is I mean for us, I want to say, like,

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Speaker 1: as humans, we are sexual beings. So to deny that

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Speaker 1: part of us, we're denying a piece of who we are.

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Speaker 1: And so why is it such a thing? It's cultural?

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Speaker 1: I think it's cultural. I think it's the way a

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Speaker 1: lot of it is based in the church, depending on

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Speaker 1: your religion, not only the Christian Christian Church, a lot

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Speaker 1: of different religions. When it comes to sex, especially when

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Speaker 1: it comes to women. Sex was what they used as

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Speaker 1: a tool to shun women. It was the tool they

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Speaker 1: used to control women. It was the tool that they

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Speaker 1: used to either say that she was a good woman

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Speaker 1: or a bad woman. And so I feel like with

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Speaker 1: cultural shifts and the roles that we play, because I

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Speaker 1: know that was another thing, the roles that we play

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Speaker 1: in the household. It it's something that you just don't

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Speaker 1: talk about. It's just something you're supposed to do. And also,

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Speaker 1: you know, sex at first was only like, you're only

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Speaker 1: supposed to have sex to propriate. That's it. You find

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Speaker 1: a man, you find a woman, you come together, you

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Speaker 1: you procreate. That was the that's the basis of what

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Speaker 1: they feel like. Sex was supposed to be. But the

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Speaker 1: part of pleasure was a part that nobody wanted to

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Speaker 1: talk about. So therefore we don't talk about it. And

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Speaker 1: how did that come to be? How did that? Who

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Speaker 1: was that person that said, you know, pro creating is

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Speaker 1: not enough for me. I don't know exactly who did it,

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Speaker 1: but I thank you for whoever it was, because you're

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Speaker 1: denying yourself. You're just basically saying, hey, we're having sex,

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Speaker 1: even though I realized it feels good and I actually

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Speaker 1: enjoy this act. It's only supposed to be for creating life,

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Speaker 1: but I'm enjoying it. Why can't I do something as

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Speaker 1: well with someone and just enjoy the pleasure of it

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Speaker 1: as well. Just practice hunt. Yeah, that's a heavy subject

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Speaker 1: to me. It's like like sex is addictive. It's like

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Speaker 1: a drug. Like once you on you, once you taste

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Speaker 1: the rainbow, you always got to go back, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. It's fighting to come out of and

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Speaker 1: dying to go back in. It's crazy, right if you

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Speaker 1: taste the right rainbow. Yeah, sure, you know. Sex is

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Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. You know. Of course it's over exhilarating,

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Speaker 1: is no. I think it's a beautiful thing. But you

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Speaker 1: got to realize, like the chemicals that happened, the chemicals

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Speaker 1: that are released in the orgasm during sex are mimicking

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Speaker 1: a lot of the drugs that a lot of people take.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it can. It makes you feel stimulated and

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Speaker 1: great and relax. So you hit a certain age in life, man,

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Speaker 1: and then and then like you can't you you can't,

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Speaker 1: So now what it's not, you know, don't worry about

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Speaker 1: that till you get that. Man. It's hard. You're not there,

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Speaker 1: not yet, But don't worry. Man. Man, I'm hitting that. Man,

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Speaker 1: I'm just I just want to know, Like, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I got a friend that I played golf with

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Speaker 1: he's like seventy something years old, right, And I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna go too far into it, but you know, ship

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Speaker 1: is done. It's done. Jesus Christ. It's hormonal. It's it's

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Speaker 1: something that happens, you know, like a hormone. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: like a hormone, Like you can harmone all you want to,

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Speaker 1: but if if you harmone it and and it just

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Speaker 1: don't work, then it just don't work. It's just there,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, It's just there. It's like

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Speaker 1: having it's like having a car in the front yard

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Speaker 1: that doesn't start, you know, you just walk outside and

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00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 1: it's just there. See. But there's certain mechanics out there

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Speaker 1: that can help get it fixed. And so therefore science

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Speaker 1: has evolved to allow people who are dealing with age

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Speaker 1: or any kind of hormonal testosteron estrogen. There are so

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Speaker 1: many things out there that are hoping people. Not just

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Speaker 1: the blue peel. I'm not talking about just that. I'm

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Speaker 1: just about this different trap. A friend of mine, right

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Speaker 1: and and and you know, you know, we mean, so

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Speaker 1: we passed around different ships to make different things go

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Speaker 1: on or whatever, and he came back the next day,

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Speaker 1: were like, because that's not what he needs nothing. So

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Speaker 1: what he need he needs? Does he need to talk?

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Speaker 1: You need somebody to talk to him? No, he probably need.

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Speaker 1: Always tell people before they come. Before a man or

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Speaker 1: a woman comes to me and they tell me they're

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Speaker 1: having sexual problems physically, I don't tell them to come

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Speaker 1: to me first. I tell them they need to go

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Speaker 1: to a physical medical doctor to check themselves out. First. Man,

383
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 1: you need to go to your eurologist. Women, you need

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Speaker 1: to go to your gynecologist to see what is happening

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Speaker 1: inside of your body, because you can't talk it away.

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Speaker 1: You know, you have to first see if there's a

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Speaker 1: medical condition that's going to help you. I can tell

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00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,920
Speaker 1: you exactly what's happening inside their body. It doesn't work,

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00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:53,159
Speaker 1: may not and unfortunately for some people, pills, medication, certain

390
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 1: treatments may not help. But you have to. If you

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00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 1: go through all of that and then you get to

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Speaker 1: the in and it's still not anything, then okay, I

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Speaker 1: get what you're trying to say. That's what I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to say, but I don't want anybody to give up

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00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:12,719
Speaker 1: before exploring give up. Don't give up. You don't want

396
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Speaker 1: to get I think you make adjustments. I mean personally

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Speaker 1: I don't really worry about things that I can't control,

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Speaker 1: you know, like you know, the serenity prayers my favorite prayer,

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Speaker 1: you know, Like I mean, you know, God, grant me

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Speaker 1: the serenity to accept the things that I can I

401
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:35,680
Speaker 1: cannot change. You know, the wisdom I meant, the the

402
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 1: strength that changed the things that I can't. Wisdom know

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Speaker 1: the difference. So I don't. I don't really trip on

404
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,439
Speaker 1: things like that, like I mean, whatever's going down the

405
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Speaker 1: line or whatever. It's like I'm gonna die someday, of course,

406
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,680
Speaker 1: but I don't dwell on that daily. You know. It's

407
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: like I get that when I get there, I crossed

408
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 1: that bridge, when I get that right now, well, I'm

409
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Speaker 1: living it up. You did what I'm saying. I'm I'm

410
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Speaker 1: living it up and building this legacy right down. So, man, Willie,

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Speaker 1: I understand. I want to go back to that question

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Speaker 1: that my original question that uh Brad had me to

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Speaker 1: yield on't um when I was talking about that on

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Speaker 1: your on your site, you said that you were well

415
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: versed in problematic sexual behaviors. Please please expound, So I'll

416
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 1: give some examples problematic sexual behaviors. If you're having sex,

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Speaker 1: to fulfill something that's not sex. For example, if you're

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00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 1: having sex with a lot of people as a trauma response,

419
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 1: or you're trying to cover up a certain feeling with

420
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Speaker 1: sex because you know you're gonna have a great feeling,

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Speaker 1: but you're trying to ignore something else that's going on.

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Speaker 1: That's one thing everybody in this in this world, go ahead, no, no,

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Speaker 1: now and accept me. But you know, other problematic sexual behavior,

424
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: having sex with or having fantasies, or having thoughts and

425
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 1: acting out on thoughts that you know that are illegal

426
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:18,400
Speaker 1: or not part of that's problematic. That's absolutely problematic. Boring,

427
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 1: it's problematic. Watching it is one thing. I'm just saying.

428
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 1: People do that I know, and that's what they're trying.

429
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: They're trying to hide some stuff that's going on. Huh,

430
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,959
Speaker 1: it's a possibility. I mean, I'm sure if I talk

431
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 1: to them, there's other things that have happened in their

432
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: life that has led that. But watching it is one thing,

433
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 1: and acting on it is another thing. I saw some

434
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 1: dudes on a video like U two days ago, and

435
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 1: now I ain't see what they was doing, but I

436
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 1: saw what they were trying to get into. They were

437
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: like looking at horses like that never happened. It was

438
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,919
Speaker 1: like three white dudes. They was like looking at the horses,

439
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 1: like looking at the horse like the horse was a girl. Like,

440
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 1: now that's a fine thing right there. I actually actually

441
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:58,879
Speaker 1: like a boy. It was looking at the horse like

442
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 1: it was a boy. That's handsome, dude, Come on, that's

443
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: a serious it's out there. Yeah. The true part about

444
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 1: it is that it appears to me that they were

445
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 1: trying to normalize the behavior. Really, yes, ain't nothing normal

446
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 1: about that. Trying that's illegal. So if Napoleon has caught

447
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 1: you playing games, you want to jail, you're gonna get

448
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,199
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're gonna go to jail your

449
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 1: prober on what country yet? Yeah? And in America, I

450
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 1: mean it's soon, soon, soon, soon, America is going to

451
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 1: change that. I'm telling you. Soon, it's going to be

452
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 1: legal to run up in your dog. Come on, said man.

453
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 1: Had to see it. I had to see. But other

454
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: problematic sexual behaviors other than that, I mean people, some

455
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:55,640
Speaker 1: people are addicted to porn. Some people are I mean,

456
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,400
Speaker 1: there's no definition for a sex addiction, but sex addiction

457
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 1: does exist. It's people that are addicted to sex. How

458
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 1: far it's too much? How much? How far? When you

459
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,119
Speaker 1: when you're dependent on it. There are some people who

460
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 1: are dependent on porn in order to perform when it

461
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,959
Speaker 1: is interfering with your daily life, when it's interfering with

462
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:20,920
Speaker 1: your daily life, when you feel when it's when I said,

463
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 1: I'm safe, man, I ain't going to work today, I

464
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 1: pop into like something like that daily functioning. Because now

465
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 1: you're missing word problematic sexual. It was problematic. Yeah, I'm

466
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 1: mad at I'm man, I'm man at my boss. So

467
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go home and rape myself man. Like

468
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: I knew that that that when Willie told me that

469
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,400
Speaker 1: that you were going to come on a podcast that

470
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: this was gonna make a left turn man and turn

471
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,560
Speaker 1: into of stuff. That was like mind blowing to me,

472
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 1: and and and and problematic sex is mind blowing to me. No,

473
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:12,359
Speaker 1: problematic porn addiction is mind blowing to me. Like damn,

474
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 1: anything is problematic if you're doing too much of it

475
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 1: and it's disrupting your day man, because you do too much.

476
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 1: I was about to ask you, but how do you

477
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 1: reach an amical resolution when when there is a significant

478
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:36,880
Speaker 1: other doesn't like uh, it doesn't like you watching any

479
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 1: type of point you say you don't have an addiction.

480
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: That person says normally it's a woman that says it's

481
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:48,119
Speaker 1: a problem. How do you savage your relationship, you know

482
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 1: and like get this woman to like maybe it depends

483
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 1: on you're trying to make her come to your side.

484
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 1: Are you trying to go to her side? The problem

485
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 1: is the problem is trying to get her to come

486
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: to his side. Right, Any guy that has a point

487
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 1: addiction is not trying to give up his poorne just

488
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 1: popped the ship in when she just when she when

489
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 1: y'all getting when y'all when y'all get done with them,

490
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: and just popped the sh in the in the living room,

491
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: let the play. See. But there are people that don't.

492
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: They're fully against pornography because of sex trafficking. So a

493
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,399
Speaker 1: lot of pornography that you watch a lot of the

494
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,239
Speaker 1: people that are on there are are sex workers, are

495
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 1: sex trafficking. And when I'm saying sex workers, I'm not

496
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 1: saying like the legal kinds cut you off, but sex trafficking,

497
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 1: like defining that sex trafficking. Well, Houston is the number

498
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: one hub for sex trafficking, and basically you are becoming

499
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 1: a predator to either underaged women or they can be

500
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 1: of aged and you kidnap them, you make them do

501
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 1: sexual acts, you imprison them, you ship them away to

502
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 1: other countries. And okay, so this is by force. But

503
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: you can't be like thirty five years old and and

504
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 1: and down with with with with with selling your body

505
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:13,479
Speaker 1: down with uh pornography, shooting porn or whatever. That's not

506
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 1: sex trafficking. What was that call? Well, those are sex

507
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 1: those are they're consensually sex workers. But there are some

508
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: sex workers even as a thirty year old, twenty five

509
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 1: year old, thirty five year old who has someone in

510
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: their life who's either threatening them or their families. Yeah,

511
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: do you have a problem with that? And I feel

512
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: like that's if that's what they choose to do with

513
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: their body, and that's what they choose to do with

514
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 1: the body. Of course, man, like like you, you you

515
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 1: don't want to you don't want to wear this thing out. Man,

516
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 1: this thing is great, So you want to try to

517
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 1: keep this as intact as possible. Now. But something some women,

518
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: you know, they can do it all the time and

519
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 1: it's an attact. It stays intact. Willie, no man, and listen, man,

520
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 1: if you're back your truck out of this driveway and

521
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 1: drive to water Burger and back, you put miles on it.

522
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 1: Right now, imagine continuously just doing the ship all day,

523
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 1: just running back and forth. You imagine somebody liking you

524
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: doing that. Boom. That's why we don't get along, man,

525
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: I don't even know why we do this. You know

526
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: this is y'all. Get along, y'all just you know that's

527
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: a healthy debate. It's not it is healthy. Well, I

528
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: don't want to listen. Man. When I buy a car,

529
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 1: I buy my car news preferably with with you know,

530
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: if you know low miles, bro, don't you put it.

531
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 1: I don't want to buy nothing that's already got two

532
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 1: hundred miles on it. Yeah, and multiple drivers. That's what

533
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 1: we call preference. That different strokes for different folks. But

534
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: I will say this, you know, since we're on this

535
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 1: on the subject these people who take people by force, YEA,

536
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 1: that cool? I'm telling you that that's that's the worst

537
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 1: type of Paul Hustler. I can't stand these I can't

538
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: stand them. I mean I wish death to everything, like

539
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: I wish death on them, like I mean, like like

540
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: a slow death. I mean, because I mean, you're talking

541
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 1: about up rooting people from their life, their homes, their families,

542
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 1: and and you know that that is that is a

543
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: low to the flow type dude. It is a huge

544
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 1: issue here, especially in Houston, because we are unfortunately, I

545
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 1: think we're number one or number two right now in

546
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 1: sex trafficking, and so it is rampant here. And so

547
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 1: when we're talking about there is enslavement happening right before eyes.

548
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: And we don't know a lot of times you walk

549
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 1: into these like little stores, corner stores are taverns or

550
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: whatever bars and they got a whole set up behind

551
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 1: in the back that you don't even know about that

552
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 1: Samuel Jackson movie that, Yeah, but he had to set

553
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: up behind And let me ask you a question, doctor.

554
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 1: So I don't want to I want to make sure

555
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: that worried this correctly because I don't want to seem

556
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: all meaning and stuff. But like, uh, a girl that

557
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: has uh willingly given herself to the night, and then

558
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: she comes back and she wants to make a change,

559
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: and she finds his right, dude, right, and and you

560
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: know he find out that she used to be a

561
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 1: lady of the night, just be a lady of the night,

562
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: Like is he wrong for leaving her? Or is he

563
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 1: you know, is she wrong for not telling him? Like

564
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: like she's wrong for not telling him? Is that supposed

565
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: to be acceptable? Just because you quit? We cool? Now

566
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 1: you ain't. You ain't getting down no more so now

567
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 1: you're normal like everybody like you, normal like me. Now,

568
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 1: so we should be in a relationship, but you haven't

569
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: been ran through. Like I'm really big on transparency and honesty,

570
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 1: and when it comes to a relationship, I know that

571
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 1: with a woman the example that you gave me, she's

572
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:31,160
Speaker 1: probably ashamed of her past, but she also has you know,

573
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 1: she probably is a probably not okay, I'm making an

574
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 1: assumption where she would have told you, right. But someone

575
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,959
Speaker 1: who is trying to change their life and they do

576
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 1: have some shame of their past. Unfortunately, that's not going

577
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 1: to be the first thing they want to tell you

578
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 1: or tell anybody about their past because they are trying

579
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 1: to turn a new leaf, as they say in life.

580
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: Am I saying it's wrong that she withheld it? No,

581
00:33:55,240 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: but it's it's a difficult situation. I'm just gonna go

582
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 1: with the default answer of be honest, let them know

583
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 1: where you know this is what I used to do

584
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 1: just in case anything comes up. Now, if he's in

585
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:12,719
Speaker 1: love with this woman and they're like going on and

586
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: everything is great, he's gonna have to ask himself, like,

587
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 1: it's her past really that important to my president in

588
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 1: my future? Suppose his past is just as bad as

589
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 1: her exactly. I think once once he falls in love,

590
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Yeah, once you fall in love, it

591
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what what the what? The brain says, the

592
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 1: heart rules when in relationships. You know, the heart rules

593
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 1: in relationships, and maybe that's not the way it should be,

594
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,920
Speaker 1: but the heart rufe. People go by how they feel,

595
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 1: you know, their emotions in relationships more so than what

596
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 1: they think. Here's my point. You can have a situation

597
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 1: where with a with a person and you know that

598
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 1: that person ain't really right for you, but you like

599
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 1: how that person makes you feel, You like what that

600
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,239
Speaker 1: person looks like. You already know it's wrong and you

601
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: know and you know this is really not going to

602
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: be beneficial long term, but you go with it anyway.

603
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 1: That's the hard talk. The brainding told you it ain't

604
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: gonna work, But the heart say, you know what, funk you?

605
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 1: This is how I feel. This is what I'm gonna do.

606
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 1: And the heart winds every time. You can disagreed, but

607
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 1: that don't mean you're right, Okay, in fact, no, no no, no,

608
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 1: I'm no no, no, not not this time. I'm right.

609
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,480
Speaker 1: I'm absolutely right. I'm absolutely right in this, in this regard.

610
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 1: But wanting, here's something else to think about, Brad, Here's

611
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:41,839
Speaker 1: something else to think about if you uh, you know,

612
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 1: if a woman has a past where she's been with

613
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 1: several men, Let's say she was a woman with thousands,

614
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 1: you know whatever, whatever, I'm trying to find that right relationship. Yeah. Yeah,

615
00:35:55,760 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 1: If that dude has already committed to the relationship, she

616
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 1: can tell him she's a serious killer. He ain't going nowhere.

617
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:10,359
Speaker 1: Vice versa, mental vice versa. He can tell her that

618
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 1: he's a serious killer. She ain't going nowhere. Everything all

619
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,760
Speaker 1: that ship requires thought. She's a serious killer about staying.

620
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: He just thought about that. See, but here's the thing,

621
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 1: the thing that he thought about that, he thought about

622
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: that because of his thought and his and his and

623
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 1: his and his lust and his love for her whatever

624
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,400
Speaker 1: that is, it's gonna keep him that thought. Look, and

625
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 1: here's a thing like personally, you know, I think that

626
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,280
Speaker 1: like what like Andrew was saying, first and foremost transparent,

627
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 1: especially with something that's serious. You know, you got a

628
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 1: body count. He like he was a prostitute. That's a

629
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:56,280
Speaker 1: body count. You gotta gotta gotta be transparent with something

630
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 1: like that. And and and give him the option. And

631
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 1: I think that at that point, you know, he got

632
00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:04,360
Speaker 1: to decide is he gonna hold up past against it.

633
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: So my thing is, I don't feel like you should

634
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 1: go in a relationship saying like, Okay, how many people

635
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 1: you've been with? How many people have you been with?

636
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 1: I think that there's some sense of immaturity in that.

637
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:18,319
Speaker 1: But like I said earlier, this is why this whole

638
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 1: conversation is why I do what I do, Because even

639
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 1: the examples that we're talking about, there is now a

640
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 1: value placed on this woman based on her sexual activity

641
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:35,239
Speaker 1: and there nobody nobody's talking about the sexual activity and

642
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,359
Speaker 1: the man in the relationship. But I'm but I'm saying,

643
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 1: but that's because we wasn't talking about the man right now,

644
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:43,799
Speaker 1: we're talking about the woman. But but you're right, I mean,

645
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 1: I think I think that I think that the man,

646
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 1: you know, the man should be that should be a

647
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,800
Speaker 1: conversation too, you know, because because you know that was

648
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:56,840
Speaker 1: a time when you know, um, I wasn't as you know,

649
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:03,879
Speaker 1: discretionary right now, like that mean like now I'm I'm like,

650
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,839
Speaker 1: I can't know anybody just say they've been with me,

651
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And I don't get it.

652
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 1: I don't get excited about a lot of these chicks,

653
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 1: Like a lot of these dudes, these football players and

654
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 1: basketball players, they don't trip me like that like they

655
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 1: do them, you know, Like I like, you know, it's

656
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 1: still it's still you know, it's still certain qualities that

657
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 1: that you got to have. And it ain't gonna be

658
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 1: just a fat ass you know that ain't gonna get it.

659
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 1: It's about what you value in a relationship. When you

660
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: come into a relationship. Sometimes people really don't care about

661
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 1: what you've done in your past because that's not what

662
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 1: I value about you. So that's why I'm talking about

663
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 1: the man and the woman. If she doesn't care that

664
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 1: he's been with however many women, she's probably never gonna

665
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,440
Speaker 1: ask about it because she probably doesn't really doesn't care. However,

666
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,719
Speaker 1: if the amount of women that he has slept with

667
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 1: or she has slept with is making me lie to you,

668
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: is making me deseach you, is making me act different.

669
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 1: Then that's when I feel you should have been transparent

670
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 1: in the first place, because you're not acting as yourself.

671
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: I just really believe that each relationship is different and

672
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: it depends on what you value. If you slept with

673
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:14,319
Speaker 1: uh five D six hundred women, I probably don't care.

674
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,440
Speaker 1: I care about who you are with me, then I'm

675
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 1: probably I'm never gonna ask about like your past, probably

676
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 1: maybe one or two girlfriends and okay, just to see

677
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 1: what that went like. But other than that, that may

678
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: not be an issue. And I'm noticing more and more

679
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 1: it's not an issue for a lot of people. Now

680
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: we were going to the extreme when we're talking about

681
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 1: like prostitution and sex workers, but I'm just talking about

682
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 1: just I guess, a regular old two people meeting and

683
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:43,759
Speaker 1: they decide to date. You have to ask yourself how

684
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 1: much of this person's sexual past is really important to

685
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 1: me at this moment in my life. And so I

686
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 1: just feel like everybody is a little bit different. You

687
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:54,120
Speaker 1: know what's important for you, and you know what's important

688
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 1: for you, and that's fine, But when you get to

689
00:39:56,640 --> 00:40:00,040
Speaker 1: a certain age, like it really shouldn't matter cause you

690
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 1: all got miles man, you know what I mean, Like

691
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,800
Speaker 1: we've been running through Willie. First of all, first of

692
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 1: our men don't get ran through men do the running

693
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 1: through that that that doesn't that sign right, don't right.

694
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 1: I would not listen to that don't sign right. And

695
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: I think and I think, and I think that after

696
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 1: after this, after this show, I think that you know,

697
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 1: you should have a one on one project consolation with Angela. Yes,

698
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 1: she talked to her about that type of language. But

699
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,399
Speaker 1: I do believe, but I do believe. I don't think

700
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,920
Speaker 1: that women. I still don't believe to this day that

701
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: most most women just don't really care about the dude's

702
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:51,440
Speaker 1: body count because but because in a traditional sense, you know,

703
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 1: a lot of times women want the dude who all

704
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:57,360
Speaker 1: the other women wanted to do, that's the player or whatever,

705
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 1: and then she want to get him in changing she wanted,

706
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 1: she want to get him, She want to get him

707
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 1: as long as the body count. She she don't care

708
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 1: about your body account before, she care about the body

709
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 1: account after. That's that's partially true, that's partially true. The

710
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 1: thing is, it's I think it's in regards to maturity.

711
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:19,880
Speaker 1: I think it's also about proximity. If I start dating

712
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:23,239
Speaker 1: you and we run into somebody you have ran through

713
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 1: every place that we go, right, Or I'm getting approached

714
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: by this person and this person about your past, what

715
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 1: that does as the other person, It doesn't make me

716
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 1: feel safe. It makes me feel like every time I'm

717
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,880
Speaker 1: with you, we're surrounded about around people that you've slept with,

718
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 1: and then that's when it becomes problematic. But if you

719
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,839
Speaker 1: lived in New York and you moved to Texas and

720
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 1: you know you don't know anybody here, I probably really

721
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 1: I probably really don't care because I don't feel unsafe.

722
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 1: You know, I care about who you are with me.

723
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 1: Unless you feel like your sexual past is going to

724
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 1: impact this relationship like I said, or you're acting different,

725
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 1: or you're lying, or it's causing you to be deceptive,

726
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 1: then you need to let me know. But other than that,

727
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: you just need to make me feel safe and protected

728
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 1: in this relationship. And if I'm getting confronted by people

729
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:16,280
Speaker 1: you slept with left and right, I'm not a past

730
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:20,359
Speaker 1: is correct slept Yeah, so she shouldn't be concerned. On

731
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: a On a personal note, I just you know, I

732
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:26,359
Speaker 1: meet people where they are. You know, I meet people

733
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:28,399
Speaker 1: where they are. It's like, because all of us gotta pass,

734
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 1: everybody gotta pass. Like what if what if a woman decided,

735
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 1: you know what, I don't want to mess with you

736
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 1: because you robbed the bank before, you know what I'm saying,

737
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:42,240
Speaker 1: like whatever, whatever, you know exactly so, but my point,

738
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,040
Speaker 1: but my point is that ain't none of us perfect.

739
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:46,800
Speaker 1: We all have sin and falling shot at the glory

740
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 1: of God, you know. So for me, you know, like

741
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 1: I look at even with how people treat you know,

742
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 1: how people deal with other people, Like I look at

743
00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 1: how do you deal with me? How do you me?

744
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 1: That's what's important to me. You know that I don't.

745
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: I really just don't because because I know that I

746
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:08,319
Speaker 1: got to pass, and I'm not the same person that

747
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:11,359
Speaker 1: I was years ago. And I know other people, so

748
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 1: many other people, even Brad, Brad is not the same

749
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:16,759
Speaker 1: person that he was years ago, you know, Like, so

750
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:19,439
Speaker 1: I don't I look at where we are right now,

751
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:23,280
Speaker 1: and I don't don't. I don't. I can hold a grudge,

752
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 1: but if it but if there's a situation where we

753
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 1: have a sit down and you know, we arod it

754
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 1: out and once I say the water is under the bridge,

755
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:36,360
Speaker 1: It's under the bridge for real. With me, I'm going forward.

756
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,879
Speaker 1: I'm not looking in that river. That's good, that's good.

757
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 1: That's that's part of being secure in who you are. Unfortunately,

758
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people out there that are not.

759
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: And so a woman's past or a man's past becomes

760
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 1: a problem because you're insecure. So that's another part. So

761
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 1: you want to know she's You're at a a gala

762
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 1: or somewhere and you you see your girlfriend saying hi

763
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,240
Speaker 1: to a guy she knew and hi school a little

764
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 1: tap tap hug, and you start getting infuriated. That's your insecurities.

765
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 1: That has nothing to do with her, you know. So

766
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 1: there's there's so many levels to this, you know. But

767
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 1: when it comes to a healthy relationship, what you were

768
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 1: describing is because you are secure and who you are

769
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 1: and what you want and that's that feels safe question, Doc,

770
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 1: so um a couple at the gala. She run into

771
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 1: a guy that she had dealings with in the past

772
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:45,320
Speaker 1: and and and he actually prew her back out. Okay,

773
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 1: does the does that click in her head when she

774
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 1: sees him or no? What the incident that he blew

775
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 1: her back out. It's a possibility, an incident that sounds

776
00:44:55,760 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: like something just happened more than one time. Absolutely, that

777
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 1: sounded like more like an event if you absolutely blew

778
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 1: her back out, wouldn't you if you saw a woman

779
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 1: at the gala that blew your back out, the first

780
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 1: thing you'd be like, that's the girl that blew my

781
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 1: back out your terms she ran through. I know a

782
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,399
Speaker 1: couple of them that absolutely did blow my back out.

783
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 1: But but but you know, like it, it's got to

784
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 1: be different with women and guys dating women and they

785
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 1: see they ex and then they ex blew they back out,

786
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 1: and then that ex come to mind while she went

787
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 1: to dude, and now she's looking at the dude that

788
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 1: she would there like caust just niggers a fool With men,

789
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 1: men don't like being in the same room with other

790
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:50,399
Speaker 1: men that he knows that it's been inside of this woman,

791
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 1: inside of his woman. Men don't like beings through. Men

792
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 1: don't like being in the same room with a man

793
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 1: that that uh, that he knows. And and I think

794
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 1: for the most caut I think for the most part,

795
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:06,880
Speaker 1: women are too. I think most part women are too

796
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 1: because you can be in the same room with your

797
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,319
Speaker 1: woman and she knows it was some cheeck that you

798
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:14,799
Speaker 1: used to date or whatever. And trust you me, her

799
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 1: expression is going to change the moment that she sees that. See,

800
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:21,279
Speaker 1: if that does happen. It is your job to make

801
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 1: your partner feel safe, man or woman, you know. So

802
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,239
Speaker 1: if you are in a you need to make him

803
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:32,840
Speaker 1: feel safe. But if you are focused with her and

804
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,040
Speaker 1: you are there with her, she probably feels safe. You're

805
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 1: not even worried about what's over there, right, she shouldn't

806
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 1: be worried about what's over there. She should, but that's

807
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: human nature. Man. You know that a lot of people

808
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 1: get married because they don't want to see that this

809
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:51,920
Speaker 1: woman or this man, you know, this woman with somebody

810
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 1: else and me, I don't give a shit about that.

811
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 1: Go ahead, it doesn't bother me. That's that's not it

812
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,320
Speaker 1: for me. You know, that's not the end all of me.

813
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: I need it okay, so that it had nothing to

814
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 1: when you change that check with that ax back in

815
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:15,919
Speaker 1: nothing oh business always yes, always walk out of here

816
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 1: like all the time. Hey man, statuta, do you family

817
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 1: members ever come to you for advice or do they

818
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 1: think that you think you know too much something like that.

819
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:41,279
Speaker 1: I've had a cross between both. UM. You know, I

820
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 1: have family members who trust me and talk to me,

821
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:49,440
Speaker 1: but it's mostly about mental health, anxiety, depression, things like that. UM.

822
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: I haven't had too many family members come up to

823
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,799
Speaker 1: me asking me, um information about sex or sexuality. But

824
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 1: I am a safe space. I pride myself on being

825
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 1: a safe space for anybody in my life. You know,

826
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:05,400
Speaker 1: you tell me something, you don't have to tell me

827
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 1: not to tell other people. It's it's kind of automatic

828
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:10,439
Speaker 1: for me. So I pride myself in that. Why would

829
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:13,160
Speaker 1: I do this? Why would I spend all that money

830
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 1: on my degrees, all that time in school not to

831
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 1: be able to help the people that I love. So

832
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:19,920
Speaker 1: I hope that I'm a safe space for people in

833
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 1: my family. I haven't and there are people I can't

834
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 1: really say my family, but there are people that have

835
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 1: seen me and I felt like, oh, she thinks she

836
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:29,319
Speaker 1: all that. But that's again their own insecurities. That's that

837
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with me. Yes, I have one

838
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 1: and a girl. She's eight, so she's not at the

839
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:42,880
Speaker 1: age yet where she's gonna think that. See, because I

840
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 1: think that's a misconception that some people have. They think

841
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 1: that therapists think they know everything, right, I don't know everything,

842
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 1: and they want to get inside. They're always trying to

843
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 1: man when I tell you that is my pet peeve,

844
00:48:56,840 --> 00:49:00,040
Speaker 1: Like anytime, so I'm already a naturally in quiz of

845
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 1: the person. In order for me to get to know you,

846
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: I will ask you questions, but I feel like that's

847
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 1: what you're supposed to do, and I may have some

848
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 1: deeper questions to ask you, and it's not because I'm

849
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:12,319
Speaker 1: trying to psychoanalyze you or get into your head. I

850
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:14,040
Speaker 1: just really want to know who you are as a person.

851
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:17,400
Speaker 1: But as soon as I tell him I'm a therapist, man,

852
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 1: you trying to therapize me. You know, Man, can you

853
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:24,000
Speaker 1: read my mind? And I'm like, I'm not a psychic?

854
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:26,759
Speaker 1: But you know, yeah, that that does happen a lot.

855
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 1: There is a stigma and a lot of I have

856
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 1: friends that are therapist as well. We talk about it

857
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 1: all the time. One of my best friends, she's single

858
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 1: and she's a psychotherapist. She's a doctor, and one of

859
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:39,919
Speaker 1: the complaints that she tells me is that as soon

860
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 1: as they find out that she's a therapist, they the

861
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 1: conversation shifts as soon as she asked a question like

862
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 1: you know, anything that may show that she's interested. He

863
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: was like, oh, is this you know? Is this therapy

864
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 1: right now? And she's like, I'm just trying to get

865
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:57,359
Speaker 1: to know you. So yeah, it definitely does happen. I'm

866
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:01,319
Speaker 1: just a naturally inquisitive person innect with people one on one,

867
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 1: not in a social setting, and so if I'm talking

868
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:06,840
Speaker 1: to you one on one, that I am going to

869
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,320
Speaker 1: ask you not very personal information, but I will probably

870
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 1: ask you some things that are a little bit deeper.

871
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:17,319
Speaker 1: What do you find the hardest for people to share

872
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:23,359
Speaker 1: with you about themselves? Hm? Hmmm. Lately people have been

873
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:26,799
Speaker 1: more open with talking to me about sex. Not not

874
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 1: really my family members, but like friends or friends of friends.

875
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 1: They have been like, oh girl, let me tell you

876
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 1: what's going on in my marriage? Let me or like

877
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:37,479
Speaker 1: oh can you help me out? I met this guy?

878
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:40,160
Speaker 1: And I don't mind that. I feel like I'm actually

879
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 1: honored that they feel safe to even tell me that

880
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Um. So, mostly it's in regards to

881
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:51,280
Speaker 1: right now sex, sexuality, identity, or they're asking me about

882
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,799
Speaker 1: the different resources like who can I go to that

883
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 1: can help me with depression or an anxiety, because if

884
00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:00,959
Speaker 1: I know them, I can't see them, so right, And

885
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:06,080
Speaker 1: how does one become a therapist? Like, I know, you

886
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 1: gotta you gotta go to school, and yes, yes, but

887
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 1: how does one become a therapist? So get your bachelor's

888
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 1: and you get your masters either in counseling, psychology, social work,

889
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 1: and then you get licensed, which you can take another

890
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,319
Speaker 1: three years. I took it a step further. I got

891
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:24,200
Speaker 1: my doctorate UM, so that was an extra three years

892
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: on top of the masters and then and then also

893
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 1: the licensing. So it's not as much school as a

894
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 1: medical doctor, so I want to keep that clear. But

895
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:35,280
Speaker 1: it is a lot of school, a lot of reading

896
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 1: and writing. Was there at any point that you say

897
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,279
Speaker 1: to yourself, what the hell am I doing? I don't

898
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 1: know if I'm really cut off of this UM. I

899
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: always thought I was cut out for it, but I

900
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 1: was tired of reading. I was tired of reading it.

901
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 1: The doctoral programs, especially with a pH d, you are

902
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 1: doing a lot of research, You're doing a lot of reading,

903
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 1: a lot of writing, a lot of reading other people's opinions,

904
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:59,959
Speaker 1: and you know, it does get exhausting. But I don't

905
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:01,319
Speaker 1: think there was a point where I was like, this

906
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:03,439
Speaker 1: ain't for me. I knew it was for me before

907
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:07,200
Speaker 1: I even got there, So, um, you couldn't tell me

908
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna do what I said I was gonna do.

909
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 1: Do you give advice or do you give like do

910
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 1: you just talk to people and just hear them out

911
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 1: and perhaps provide options? And my asking this because I

912
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:26,319
Speaker 1: want to know, has anybody ever taken that advice and

913
00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 1: like came back and came to you and blame you

914
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 1: for the decision that they made. That's why you don't

915
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 1: give advice, you know, because if I give your advice

916
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:38,799
Speaker 1: and you go home and you do that and it

917
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 1: destroys your marriage or you lose your job, you could

918
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:48,640
Speaker 1: sue me. So what am I coming to guidance for guidance? Guidance? Yes,

919
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:52,840
Speaker 1: so I will. Any conclusion you make in therapy should

920
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 1: be a conclusion you actually came to yourself. But I'm

921
00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 1: helping you get there if I just give you the answers, well,

922
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 1: this is what you need to do, and you just

923
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:02,319
Speaker 1: I mean, what is that going to help it? You're

924
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 1: you're not learning how I even got to that conclusion

925
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:07,200
Speaker 1: or how I even got to that advice that I

926
00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: gave you. So what is the point of going to therapy.

927
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:11,680
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna tell you what to do. You could

928
00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 1: just go to your mama or somebody and they'll tell

929
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 1: you what to do. But I want you to understand,

930
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:20,360
Speaker 1: like how you get to that place where you make wiser,

931
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:24,360
Speaker 1: better decisions. But most of the time it in session,

932
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:26,480
Speaker 1: you're going to come to your own conclusion. I'm just

933
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:32,240
Speaker 1: helping you get there. M hmm. It's a hard content

934
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:33,800
Speaker 1: for a lot of people to wrap their mind around.

935
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:35,400
Speaker 1: But that's why I tell people, if you haven't been

936
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 1: a counseling, try it, not just once, try it like

937
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:41,399
Speaker 1: for a little while. First I've been in counseling, I'm

938
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:44,680
Speaker 1: in the group therapy and all kinds of crap. But

939
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 1: it still doesn't it's not it's not an answering there,

940
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? But what help you? And

941
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 1: and for those of you who don't know, uh, I

942
00:53:57,120 --> 00:53:59,280
Speaker 1: hit song, the Ghetto Boys hit song of Mine playing

943
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 1: Tricks as for as I know, was really like the

944
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 1: first like song that addressed mental health. And I mean

945
00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 1: that's period rapped otherwise, And this was a song that

946
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:14,359
Speaker 1: was that came out of Brad's head first, and so

947
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:18,680
Speaker 1: you know, we we talked about, you know, the paranoia,

948
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,600
Speaker 1: being in the drug game, and and and and being

949
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:26,799
Speaker 1: in relationships romantic intimate relationships, uh, and even friendships within

950
00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:31,720
Speaker 1: that song in the context of that song. So, uh, Brad,

951
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 1: I wanted I got a question for you. It's like,

952
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 1: what what? How did you get past that? I mean,

953
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 1: how did you get past that? That upbringing that you

954
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 1: had because you had some mental health challenges and at

955
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 1: one point you had to be uh admitted into an asylum,

956
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:54,040
Speaker 1: you know, like as an adolescent. But but what but

957
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:58,239
Speaker 1: what people look at you and they say, man, this

958
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 1: guy he made it. He did it? Like I mean, like,

959
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:03,359
Speaker 1: you didn't just make it out of poverty. You made

960
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:08,120
Speaker 1: it out with mental health challenges and and you appear

961
00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 1: to be a functioning adult, right, Like, how did you

962
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 1: do it? How did you get through it? Um? Honestly, Uh, Willie,

963
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:27,279
Speaker 1: it came to a point where you know, you had

964
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 1: four levels to you know, uh, to to get out

965
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 1: of this place that I was in. And the more

966
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:36,400
Speaker 1: you digress, she went backwards and it kept you in

967
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:41,800
Speaker 1: there longer. So I'd say that I learned how to play.

968
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:47,319
Speaker 1: I learned how to play the system, you know, to

969
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:49,359
Speaker 1: the point where I acted like it wasn't shipped wrong

970
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:51,840
Speaker 1: with me no more, Like it wasn't nothing bothering me

971
00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:56,520
Speaker 1: no more, and writing about the time of of being released.

972
00:55:57,360 --> 00:56:00,920
Speaker 1: You know, my career started, so that that changed a

973
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:05,320
Speaker 1: lot too. I think that, um and I don't mind,

974
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 1: is the devil's workshop for sure. Because when I had

975
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:13,240
Speaker 1: nothing to do but getting, you know, getting the streets,

976
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 1: and and and and try to do what I thought

977
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:20,680
Speaker 1: was right to earn a was necessary to earn a living,

978
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:26,880
Speaker 1: you know, a whole lot of deep depression, depressing uh

979
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:31,440
Speaker 1: visuals come to mind, you know, uh uh, to the

980
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:34,040
Speaker 1: point where where where you're willing to do anything to

981
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:36,759
Speaker 1: keep the lights on at your grandma house, or you

982
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 1: willn't do anything to make sure your grandfather truck is

983
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:43,200
Speaker 1: running up, you know what I mean? Like like and

984
00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 1: then when when when the money came around, the depression left.

985
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:50,240
Speaker 1: You know, I wouldn't manage depressive nom more. I wouldn't.

986
00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:52,319
Speaker 1: So I didn't want to die no more, you know

987
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:54,040
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I had a reason to live

988
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:56,920
Speaker 1: now you know, I got children, I got some money.

989
00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 1: Now you know I got a family that I'm responsible

990
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:02,480
Speaker 1: for kids that can come behind me that I have

991
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:07,480
Speaker 1: to give, uh, jewels and things too. So so when

992
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:10,279
Speaker 1: they have their families, they can you know, they can

993
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:13,319
Speaker 1: prosper in life. But man, you know, to to to

994
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 1: make a long story shortened, put everything in a nutshell. Man,

995
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 1: I think it's money. I think money changes everything. You know,

996
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 1: I know it's a shitty thing to say, but money

997
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:26,960
Speaker 1: changes everything, and it changes your outlook on everything. Well

998
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:29,280
Speaker 1: for some people. And he had to work for you

999
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 1: because you look at somebody like but look at somebody

1000
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:34,680
Speaker 1: like Robin Harris. I mean not Robin Harris, but Robin

1001
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:38,520
Speaker 1: Robin you know who he had had everything. He had

1002
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:42,520
Speaker 1: the shakes. Yeah, yeah, he had the shakes. Man. But

1003
00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:46,280
Speaker 1: that's but that's been an other you know, but there's

1004
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 1: other people called Parkinson's. Yeah, but there's other people who

1005
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:53,720
Speaker 1: didn't have uh parkinson. Maybe they had a drug addiction

1006
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:57,080
Speaker 1: or whatever they addiction. But I mean, but you've done drugs.

1007
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 1: I mean that's an addiction. I mean you've got man,

1008
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:03,400
Speaker 1: I got high just to get hot. Okay, what about

1009
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:07,479
Speaker 1: that time? We don't do that? But that's not true.

1010
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:14,960
Speaker 1: What about so let me let me help. We never

1011
00:58:15,040 --> 00:58:17,360
Speaker 1: had to put up on Brad in the projects under Bridge.

1012
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 1: Money gave you access, right and it's some of the

1013
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:24,640
Speaker 1: things that you were depressed about was the fact that

1014
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 1: you you weren't able to provide, You weren't able to

1015
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 1: take care, You weren't able to being able to go

1016
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:35,000
Speaker 1: to buy whatever I wanted to have. But that, but

1017
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 1: that was your source of depression. For other people, maybe

1018
00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:39,680
Speaker 1: something else, right, it could have been. It may have

1019
00:58:39,720 --> 00:58:43,000
Speaker 1: been physical, emotional abuse. It could have been a lot

1020
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:46,520
Speaker 1: of abuse. Yeah, that's abuse. But what does but what

1021
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: does what does money do in abusive relationships or an

1022
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:55,080
Speaker 1: abusive situation? It can move you out. Imagine not having

1023
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,680
Speaker 1: no money to do nothing with you know what I mean?

1024
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 1: Like if everything that you can name, I can all,

1025
00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:06,240
Speaker 1: I can double back and send his money and fix

1026
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:11,360
Speaker 1: that ship anything I have. I have many clients that

1027
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:17,800
Speaker 1: have come from very abusive families, clients that were raped

1028
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 1: by uncle's or beat or all of those things. And

1029
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 1: it did eventually, of course, affect them mentally, It affected

1030
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,440
Speaker 1: their relationships, that they were depressed and all of that.

1031
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:32,000
Speaker 1: And then they got out somehow, either by going to

1032
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 1: college or just leaving made a lot of money, but

1033
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:37,000
Speaker 1: they were still a prison to their mind. And and

1034
00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:40,200
Speaker 1: I know a girl who committed suicide who had everything

1035
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 1: and beautiful girl had money and everything, and she killed

1036
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:48,800
Speaker 1: herself because of you know, herr her mental condition. You know,

1037
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 1: for whatever reason. You know, it was not the fact

1038
00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 1: that she grew up poor. You did, so. I mean,

1039
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 1: I think people go through that for different reasons. But man,

1040
00:59:56,320 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you got through it. Bro, I'm really

1041
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:00,720
Speaker 1: glad you got through it because you've been a blessing. Man.

1042
01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 1: You've been a blessing, blessing to absolutely and and and

1043
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,440
Speaker 1: Dr Angela Jones. You have been a blessing. Thank you,

1044
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:10,959
Speaker 1: and you have taught us a lesson and I hope

1045
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:19,000
Speaker 1: so me ain't stressing. This is amazing. Tell telling people

1046
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 1: how they can get at you or how they can

1047
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 1: see you are are just you know, ask your questions.

1048
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:26,920
Speaker 1: You could just go to my website at Angela Jones

1049
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 1: PhD dot com, or you could go to my Instagram

1050
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 1: page at Dr Angela Jones. Day you go, Ladies and gentlemen,

1051
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 1: we really really appreciate you coming out today. No problem,

1052
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:47,120
Speaker 1: psycho for yourself, class for yourself, theist. Thank you a psychotherapist, extraordinary,

1053
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 1: put extraordinary, anything met. You know what to Willy before

1054
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:52,400
Speaker 1: y'all leave out of here. You know what can fix

1055
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 1: a lot of ship too. Sex on the next motel.

1056
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Speaker 1: No more talk. Thank you, miss Angela. This episode was

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Speaker 1: produced by A King and brought to you by The

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Speaker 1: Black Effect Podcast Network and I Heart Radio