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Speaker 1: Hey guys, I'm Kaylie Shore and this is the first

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Speaker 1: episode of Too Much to Say. I'm so excited to

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Speaker 1: be doing this. I've been wanting to do a podcast

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Speaker 1: for forever and I've always loved being a guest on

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Speaker 1: other people's But it wasn't until Mike and Bobby from

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Speaker 1: The Bobby Bones Show and the Nashville Podcast Network came

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Speaker 1: to me with this idea that I feel like it

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Speaker 1: could actually happen. So it takes a village, and they

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Speaker 1: had this crazy idea to be like, let's give Kaylee

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Speaker 1: a microphone and see what dumb ship she says into it,

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Speaker 1: which is basically just me on tour. If you've ever

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Speaker 1: seen a show, you know the things that I've said

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Speaker 1: on stage that my mother would probably be horrified about.

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Speaker 1: So this will be my first and only apology. It's

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Speaker 1: a blanket apology to my mother, to my ex boyfriends,

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Speaker 1: and to my publicist. You get one apology in advance.

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Speaker 1: That was it. That's all you're getting. Now let the

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Speaker 1: fun begins. Question it out you. This podcast is called

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Speaker 1: Too Much to Say because of the first song on

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Speaker 1: my debut album, Open Book, which came out about a

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Speaker 1: year ago. It was a long road getting to that album,

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Speaker 1: and the album ended up just completely changing my life,

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Speaker 1: but too much to say. I've viewed it sort of

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Speaker 1: as the thesis statement to the album, being like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: this is what you're in for, this is what you're getting,

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Speaker 1: this is what it's about. If you want to turn around,

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Speaker 1: you can right now and don't listen to the rest

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Speaker 1: of the album if you're not ready to go there,

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Speaker 1: which I respect, if you're not ready to go there

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Speaker 1: because there's a heavy shot on there. It felt just

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Speaker 1: so fitting to call the podcast that because this is

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Speaker 1: literally just that song, um but twenty five minutes long,

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Speaker 1: and it happens every week. So Open Book just completely

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Speaker 1: changed my life. But it did not happen overnight at

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Speaker 1: all by any means. I released my first single in

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Speaker 1: and it was called Fight Like a Girl. I was

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Speaker 1: really really blessed because for it being my first single,

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Speaker 1: it did a lot of really wonderful things. It was

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Speaker 1: played on country radio, it was on CMT, I got

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Speaker 1: to be in teen Vogue because of it. It was

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Speaker 1: like all this, like crazy stuff happened. And I had

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Speaker 1: been working towards music for a while, but I absolutely

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Speaker 1: know how blessed I was to have something like that

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Speaker 1: hit so early on in my career, but that was

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Speaker 1: pretty much the last easy thing that happened. After I

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Speaker 1: felt like a girl started doing really well on the radio.

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Speaker 1: I met with every label in town, and they just

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Speaker 1: felt like there wasn't enough other music to put out.

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Speaker 1: They didn't like the other stuff I was doing. And

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Speaker 1: then I became obsessed with chasing radio and chasing that

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Speaker 1: really commercial country sound, and I grew up playing in

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Speaker 1: a Nirvanic cover band. Country music is my love, but

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Speaker 1: I have just as much rock roots that I needed

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Speaker 1: to be honoring. But I kind of grew away from

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Speaker 1: because I was just chasing what I thought people wanted

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Speaker 1: me to be doing, which, um spoiler alert, save yourself

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Speaker 1: the time and just don't do that. It's like it's

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Speaker 1: never worked for anybody. So I was writing these songs

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Speaker 1: that we're just what I thought people wanted to hear.

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Speaker 1: And there would be times and co writes where I'd

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Speaker 1: be writing a song and I'd have a line I'd

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Speaker 1: be like, I want to say that, but I can't

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Speaker 1: say that because somebody will get offended, or it'll piss

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Speaker 1: somebody off, or it's too real, which is such bullshit,

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Speaker 1: because whenever anybody asked asked me or like ever, and

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Speaker 1: they've been like, why do you do country music if

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Speaker 1: you're from Maine and you don't have a Southern accent,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, country music is honest music. It's three

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Speaker 1: chords in the truth, it's rot and it's real people's

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Speaker 1: stories coming from real people, and nothing's glossed over. And

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Speaker 1: I would say that, and then I would not tell

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Speaker 1: the truth. I would glass everything over and there was

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Speaker 1: just such a you know, it was just very oxymoronic

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Speaker 1: and I needed to stop. But it wasn't just going

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Speaker 1: to be that easy. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed if

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Speaker 1: any of the music I've put out. I mean I

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Speaker 1: was twenty one when I was recording these songs, and

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Speaker 1: I just hadn't really seen that much ship to write about.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I had a pretty interesting childhood, which I'm

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Speaker 1: sure we will get into plenty on this podcast, but

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Speaker 1: I hadn't really had my heart truly truly broken, and

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Speaker 1: I was trying to come up with new songs for

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Speaker 1: what I thought was gonna be my debut album. This

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Speaker 1: was right after I released my EP Awake, and I

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Speaker 1: had this like, you know, collection of of really commercial

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Speaker 1: country songs about beer and parties and you know, just

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Speaker 1: lighter stuff. And I still think they're good songs. But

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Speaker 1: life happened and everything changed. So in the midst of

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Speaker 1: me writing those songs and getting ready to kind of

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Speaker 1: start recording them and thinking of the project, uh, my,

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend of six years cheated on me while I

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Speaker 1: was on the road, and I came home from a

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Speaker 1: show with my good friend Laura Lena, and little did

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Speaker 1: we know that when we were on stage, he was

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Speaker 1: doing something he should not have been doing. So my life,

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Speaker 1: I just essentially had to light it on fire and

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Speaker 1: decided if I wanted to stay with him, if I

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Speaker 1: wanted to leave. And I made the choice to leave.

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Speaker 1: But we had dogs, we were on the same car insurance,

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Speaker 1: we had an apartment together, like I had, everything changed overnight,

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Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I woke up and I

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Speaker 1: was twenty four years old, and the last time I

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Speaker 1: was single I had I was eighteen. I mean I

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Speaker 1: literally had no idea. I was like, what is tinder?

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Speaker 1: What the well, I'll tell you what tinder is. That

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Speaker 1: will be a whole other episode, I promised. Wow, that

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Speaker 1: was a time, so The breakup was hard, and I

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Speaker 1: took it hard, and you know, I was writing songs

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Speaker 1: about it, and I was making jokes about it, and

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Speaker 1: I was going on dates and just you know, finally

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Speaker 1: acting my age for once, honestly. But behind the scenes,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of ship going on. And when I

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Speaker 1: look back at pictures of me from the summer, I

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Speaker 1: just look. I can just see how sad I was.

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Speaker 1: I can see how little I was eating. I can

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Speaker 1: see how little I was sleeping. I can see how

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Speaker 1: much I was smoking and how much I was drinking.

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Speaker 1: And I will never tell you to not have an

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Speaker 1: adult beverage if that's not a problem for you. But

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Speaker 1: for me, I feel like the real addiction was never that.

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Speaker 1: It was like being around people. I was like addicted

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Speaker 1: to not being alone. So I would just go out

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Speaker 1: all the time. And I was kind of having my

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Speaker 1: college years a little bit late, and you know, it

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Speaker 1: was it was a time and I think I needed

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Speaker 1: to go through it, but it was it was pretty crazy,

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Speaker 1: and I just went back and forth so many times.

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Speaker 1: I was like, did I just lose the love of

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Speaker 1: my life? Did I make a terrible choice? Like what's

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Speaker 1: going on? I was mourning that I was dealing with

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Speaker 1: the fallout, and I lost so many friends in that

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Speaker 1: breakup as well, which honestly, I think it will still

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Speaker 1: always be the worst part of that is the friends

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Speaker 1: that I lost because of that breakup. But you know,

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Speaker 1: time and certain situations will show you who your real

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Speaker 1: friends are. But rate when I kind of thought I

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Speaker 1: was getting over that, you're getting closer to over that.

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Speaker 1: I was in therapy. I was working on myself, and

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Speaker 1: I was like coming out of this black hole. My

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Speaker 1: sister passed away. So not only did I lose my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend and best friend of six years, but my sister

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Speaker 1: passed away from an accidental heroin overdose. And it was

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Speaker 1: just back to fucking back. And I just couldn't even

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Speaker 1: believe that it was that much at once, Like I

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Speaker 1: was just so numb because I didn't know that that

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Speaker 1: could happen. And and then all you want in situations

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Speaker 1: that are so upsetting like that is something familiar and

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Speaker 1: something that you know you know, and I didn't have

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Speaker 1: any of that. And I had new friends who didn't

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Speaker 1: really understand all the situations with my family because they

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Speaker 1: were just newer friends. That's just how it works. So

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Speaker 1: it just could not have been more ridiculous. And then

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Speaker 1: on top of everything, it was in the tabloids, and

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Speaker 1: I never thought that I would the first time I

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Speaker 1: would feel famous would be because my sister's death was

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Speaker 1: in the tabloids. And it was just like the craziest time.

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Speaker 1: I remember. I was on a music video shoot for

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Speaker 1: my song Awake. It was the pop remix, and we'd

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Speaker 1: already put down the deposit for the location and already

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Speaker 1: set everything up, and I had a couple of days

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Speaker 1: before I flew home for a funeral, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I just want to go to work. I

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Speaker 1: want to get my mind off it and do like

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Speaker 1: one good thing. I know it's what she would want,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just going to go do the shoot and

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Speaker 1: get through it. So I pulled myself out of bed.

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Speaker 1: I go to the shoot, and at one point I

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Speaker 1: was sitting there in between shots looking at my phone

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Speaker 1: scrolling through Snapchat like the little news pop ups, and

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Speaker 1: I saw one and it was like Kaylee's heroin Heartache,

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Speaker 1: and it was a screen grab of of me sitting

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Speaker 1: at a piano and then like talking about my sister's death,

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Speaker 1: and it was the most surreal experience, and Nashville is

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Speaker 1: such a small town. And after that, I, you know,

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Speaker 1: I went back to the whole addicted to not being

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Speaker 1: alone thing, and I would go out a lot and

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Speaker 1: I remember, you know, it being like two am and

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Speaker 1: I would be chain smoking cigarettes at a bar somewhere,

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Speaker 1: just drinking way too much. And the problem is when

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Speaker 1: I'm drunk, I don't really show it, so I'm not

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Speaker 1: normally messy. But like, I was pretty drunk and someone

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Speaker 1: comes up to me and asked me for a picture,

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Speaker 1: which was you know, I'm always cool with that. I

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Speaker 1: have no problem with that, but they had to me

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Speaker 1: for a picture, and then they were like, I'm so

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Speaker 1: sorry to hear about your sister, Like how are you doing?

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Speaker 1: And I had like for a while been like, you know,

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Speaker 1: after the breakup, and like I'm looking on the bright side,

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Speaker 1: but how you look on the fucking bright side of that?

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Speaker 1: So I was like, like, how are you doing? I

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Speaker 1: was like fucking awful, thanks for asking, And this person

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Speaker 1: was so taken aback. I'm like, what do you want

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Speaker 1: me to say? Like what what do you expect me

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Speaker 1: to have to say? Right now? Like everything happens for

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Speaker 1: a reason. No, I do not feel that way right now,

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Speaker 1: actually feel good white the opposite, and it felt so

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Speaker 1: good to just be honest and it. You know, it

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Speaker 1: was a stranger, and I don't hold anything against this

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Speaker 1: person at all, but it was a very formative moment

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Speaker 1: for me in learning to kind of own where you're

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Speaker 1: at and own your emotions. So as all this is happening,

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Speaker 1: my writing is changing. I have stopped writing about beer,

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Speaker 1: and I've stopped writing about you know, the lighter things,

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Speaker 1: and I had to return to how I wrote songs

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Speaker 1: when I first started writing them, which was on my

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Speaker 1: bedroom floor, usually crying a little bit and doing it

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Speaker 1: because I needed to. And every single time I get

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Speaker 1: to write a song, I'm so happy and I love

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Speaker 1: it so much. But this was the difference between liking

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Speaker 1: what I do and needing to do it. So the

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Speaker 1: songs just fell out. I mean, they were so natural.

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Speaker 1: It was mostly me, and you know, the realist songs

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Speaker 1: that came out were just me writing with my friends.

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Speaker 1: And I wrote the song on the album called the

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Speaker 1: One with my best friends of Anna Chis and my

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Speaker 1: producer's Skip Black, And it was literally ten hours after

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Speaker 1: the breakup, and I just went went in the studio.

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Speaker 1: Neither one of them knew what had happened, and I

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Speaker 1: walked up and I was like guy as we broke up,

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Speaker 1: and I cried on the original vocal that we did

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Speaker 1: and it was so emotional. And when I wrote the

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Speaker 1: World Keeps Spinning with Robin Collins and my producer, we

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Speaker 1: had all lost somebody and Skip had actually lost his

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Speaker 1: niece a few months before, my sister to this same thing,

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Speaker 1: which was an accidental heroin overdose. And we wrote this

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Speaker 1: song from such a real place, and every single time

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Speaker 1: I've been able to do that, it's just felt like

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Speaker 1: so healing and there's nothing else that's ever been able

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Speaker 1: to put me back together like that. Um, it's such

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Speaker 1: a god thing and I'm so thankful for it. And

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Speaker 1: that's just the beauty of music. So as all these

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Speaker 1: songs are coming out, my manager we've been planning this

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Speaker 1: project and I actually, for a minute, I thought it

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Speaker 1: was going to be called Roses and Bones because of

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Speaker 1: this line I've written called you have to let the

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Speaker 1: good things go and wait, now you have to let

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Speaker 1: the good things grow and the bad things go. Water

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Speaker 1: the roses and bury the bones. But as I kept

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Speaker 1: writing and kept living, and kept having these things happen.

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Speaker 1: I was like, there's a lot less roses than I

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Speaker 1: thought there would be. It's literally just bones and him

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Speaker 1: and I were on the phone one day and he

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Speaker 1: was like, Kayleie, all you're doing is crying and listening

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Speaker 1: to Fiona Apple and Altas Mores set, like, just make

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Speaker 1: your moody. Bit Treck, He's like, just own it. Stop

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Speaker 1: trying to make it commercial or make it palatable. He's like,

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Speaker 1: just write what you need to write because you're going

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Speaker 1: through an insane period of your life, and people who

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Speaker 1: are going through similar things, they're going to need that record.

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Speaker 1: They're going to need those songs. And it was terrifying.

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Speaker 1: But I mean, having somebody that I respect, who's on

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Speaker 1: my team, who knows me better than anybody, and it's

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Speaker 1: one of my best friends, shout out Todd, having him

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Speaker 1: tell me to do that, that was like all the

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Speaker 1: confidence I needed to take that first step and write

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Speaker 1: those songs. So I would say one of the first

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Speaker 1: really big moments writing wise that happened that changed the

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Speaker 1: trajectory of the record was when I wrote this song

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Speaker 1: called Vices that's on the album, and it was one

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Speaker 1: of the first times I looked at myself in the mirror,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, what am I doing that's

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Speaker 1: making this situation worse? What am I contributing to an

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Speaker 1: ARTI shitty situation? And I needed to be able to

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Speaker 1: name it. I needed to be able to like look

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Speaker 1: at myself in the mirror and be like, you're doing

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Speaker 1: this and that's not okay. They always say the first

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Speaker 1: steps admitting you have a problem. Well, that song was

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Speaker 1: me admitting that I had several problems. And there's nothing

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Speaker 1: pretty about it. I mean, there's nothing pretty about chain

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Speaker 1: smoking and and drinking whiskey and chasing whiskey shots with

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Speaker 1: straight whiskey, no matter how impressive people think it is

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Speaker 1: at a bar, there's nothing pretty about that. There's nothing

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Speaker 1: pretty about, you know, me going over to my ex

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Speaker 1: boyfriend's house at two in the morning and then finding

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Speaker 1: out he has a girlfriend and then not even caring

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Speaker 1: like that's shitty, that's bad ship. And I was going

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Speaker 1: through it. And I believe in this thing called heartbreak amnesty,

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Speaker 1: where like when you're going through rough time, you kind

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Speaker 1: of get to do whatever you want a little bit

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Speaker 1: um a little bit. Notice there's a big emphasis on

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Speaker 1: a little bit, but I was running out of heartbreak

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Speaker 1: amnesty really quick, and I was like, I'm making this

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Speaker 1: harder on myself and I'm making bad decisions and I

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Speaker 1: need to figure it out. And so Vices was a

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Speaker 1: huge step for me to just sit there and write

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Speaker 1: that song with Robin Collins and John Caldwell, and it

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Speaker 1: was just me finally admitting that to myself, and that

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Speaker 1: was a huge, huge step. I think that the second

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Speaker 1: biggest step, I mean, in the album becoming what it

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Speaker 1: is is a song called ef You Forever. I don't

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Speaker 1: think I would have ever believed you if you told

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Speaker 1: me that the first time I would be written up

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Speaker 1: in the New York Times would be about a song

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Speaker 1: I wrote called if You Forever. And this song I

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Speaker 1: never thought I was going to see the light of day.

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Speaker 1: I really didn't. I mean, it was so far fetched.

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Speaker 1: I'm a country artist, like, you can't do that, They

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Speaker 1: say that, but I did. Anyways. So I remember writing

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Speaker 1: that song with Candy Carpenter and Annie Wiljon, who are

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Speaker 1: two of my closest friends I've known. Annie we used

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Speaker 1: to work at a hotel front desk together and Candy

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Speaker 1: and I met playing songsuf for Jets in Nashville, and

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Speaker 1: we we're just talking about our shitty boyfriends, and Candy

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Speaker 1: had this idea and um about a ring on your

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Speaker 1: middle finger, and I just loved it. We all loved it.

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Speaker 1: And he had just gone through like a terrible breakup

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Speaker 1: that was really similar to mine. Candy has been through

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Speaker 1: some ship and we just like aired it all out

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Speaker 1: and it felt so fucking good to just say it.

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Speaker 1: And my personal favorite way of processing like really bad

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Speaker 1: things is by poking fun at them. Um. Yes, it's

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Speaker 1: a coping mechanism, but it's also just like you can't

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Speaker 1: take yourself too seriously, you can't take this ship too seriously.

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Speaker 1: You have to kind of like have that separation. At

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Speaker 1: least for me, it does work in my opinion, in

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Speaker 1: my life. But so we kind of pooked funded it

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Speaker 1: a little bit. And you know, for the second verse

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Speaker 1: is about real ship. I mean, it's about domestic violence. Um,

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Speaker 1: it's about cheating. It's about my friends sleeping with my

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Speaker 1: ex after we broke up and they knew he was abusive.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's a real thing, and I talked about

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Speaker 1: it in this song. I never thought that was going

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Speaker 1: to see the light of day. But I remember I

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Speaker 1: finished it. I loved it so much. I drove over

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Speaker 1: in my manager's office and I was like, Tid, I

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Speaker 1: want to play you this song. And I remember he

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Speaker 1: just listened to it, didn't say a word. He sat

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Speaker 1: back in his chair and he goes, well, fuck, I

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Speaker 1: guess we're doing this. And that was like, I mean,

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Speaker 1: that was the last fuck I had to give. That

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Speaker 1: fuck was the last fun she ever gave. Yeah, pretty much.

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Speaker 1: So it was just like, you know, a huge, huge

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Speaker 1: moment for me to be like, no, I can say that.

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Speaker 1: And I'd spent all this time in Nashville writing these

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Speaker 1: songs and having people say you can't say that, or

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Speaker 1: that little voice in my head being like you can't

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Speaker 1: say that, Well, guess what you can. And I have

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Speaker 1: heard from so many women who have been through shitty

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Speaker 1: situations like that have been like Iffy forever, like really

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Speaker 1: helped me through my divorce, Like that's real ship, and

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Speaker 1: it makes I just like, music makes you feel less alone,

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Speaker 1: especially when you're going through something and there's so much

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Speaker 1: shame surrounding like heartbreak and and you know, overdose and

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Speaker 1: all these things, and so having music that makes you

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Speaker 1: feel like You're not the only person that's happened to

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Speaker 1: and that there's no reason to be ashamed of it

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Speaker 1: is really important and those are the songs that got

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Speaker 1: me through. So I wanted to be able to put

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Speaker 1: songs like that back into the universe. And it's the

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Speaker 1: crazy thing, is like, after all that, I was so

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Speaker 1: terrified and these songs were so raw and so real,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, no way is this going to

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Speaker 1: make any sense. People really fucking liked it. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I have a plaque from New York Times on my

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Speaker 1: on my wall saying it's the number seven best album

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Speaker 1: of that's crazy. And all I did was just get

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Speaker 1: drunk on my floor with my friends and write real

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Speaker 1: stories about real things. And my fans we're so loud.

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Speaker 1: And how much they liked it and and shared it

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Speaker 1: with people, and I mean the amount of just pressed

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Speaker 1: the album got, especially because I had no promotional budget

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Speaker 1: at all, Like, because my budget is um my bank

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Speaker 1: account and uh, whatever credit I have available on Capital

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Speaker 1: one UM, so that's that's my funding. Uh, welcome to

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Speaker 1: the life of an independent artist. My label is Capital

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Speaker 1: one UM. But it it just did what it did

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Speaker 1: because people liked it and that's insane and amazing and

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Speaker 1: so great to know. And it just gave me this

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Speaker 1: incredible new perspective where I was like, holy sh it,

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Speaker 1: like people want real things. There's so much escapism right now,

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Speaker 1: like everywhere, and I understand the role that that plays,

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Speaker 1: Like sometimes I do want to go to a concert

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Speaker 1: and I want to forget my problems and I want

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Speaker 1: to drink a beer and I want to dance, and

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Speaker 1: there is nothing wrong with that, but also it's a

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Speaker 1: healthy dose of that, and then also finding art that

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Speaker 1: makes you a little uncomfortable but makes you realize something

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Speaker 1: new about yourself. Alanis Morrisette always did that for me.

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Speaker 1: She has some really really incredib all songs. Um. One

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Speaker 1: of my favorite songs of hers is are You Still Mad?

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Speaker 1: Some of the lyrics to that are just so insanely

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Speaker 1: specific but so beautiful, like are you still mad? Like

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Speaker 1: I had an emotional affair, are You's still mad? I

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00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,600
Speaker 1: compared you to all my male friends, like just stuff

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Speaker 1: like that, And it's just like she can just say that.

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Speaker 1: You can just say that, and it doesn't just apply

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Speaker 1: to songwriting. It applies to how honest you are on

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Speaker 1: a first date with somebody. It applies to how honest

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Speaker 1: you are when somebody asked you how you're doing and

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Speaker 1: you're not doing great? Why do we say we're doing okay?

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Speaker 1: Why is that a thing that like, if somebody asked

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Speaker 1: you how you're doing, there's one appropriate responses, I'm good?

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Speaker 1: How are you? You can be a lot of things

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Speaker 1: other than good. You can be fucking awful, you can

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Speaker 1: be tired, you can be ecstatic, you can be like

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Speaker 1: all this whole spectrum of things, and we try to

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Speaker 1: just like distill it down to good. What does good

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Speaker 1: even mean? Also, I don't want to be doing good.

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Speaker 1: I want to be doing great, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So I learned a lot from that and I am

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Speaker 1: so happy to be able to have this podcast. I

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm learning as I go here. We're

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Speaker 1: just kind of seeing what happens, uh when I say

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Speaker 1: into this microphone, it's going to be interesting. But if

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Speaker 1: there's anything that you guys want to see or here,

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Speaker 1: I guess here. If there's anything you guys want to

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Speaker 1: hear on this podcast, be sure to tweet me at

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Speaker 1: Kayleie Shore. I would love you know, if you guys

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Speaker 1: have any questions or anything you want me to do

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Speaker 1: an episode about any guess that you want, any advice

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Speaker 1: you might need. Just let me know. This is such

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Speaker 1: a fun thing for me because it's all about us connecting.

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Speaker 1: It's you know, me alone in my bedroom with a

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Speaker 1: lovely spirit sort that I'm enjoying a lot. But it's

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Speaker 1: also you know me coming through your headphones and us

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Speaker 1: getting to kind of hang out. So let's make it that.

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Speaker 1: I will have so much fun doing this. I'm already

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Speaker 1: just ecstatic, and I hope you guys enjoyed this episode

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Speaker 1: and just me, you know, oversharing and word vomiting. That

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00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 1: would be so so much more of that. I think

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Speaker 1: we probably would have called the podcast word vomit if

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Speaker 1: that wasn't just like such an unappealing sentence, you know,

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Speaker 1: such an unappealing phrase. So I hope you guys tune

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Speaker 1: in next week. We're gonna have episodes every week and

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Speaker 1: you guys can follow me let me know what you

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Speaker 1: want to hear. And thank you so much for listening.

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Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. I'm gaily sure and this was

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Speaker 1: too much to to say. Don't go asking questions soon

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Speaker 1: I'll go to mu SA. Now turn it out you,