1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:09,800 Speaker 1: Welcome back to she Pivots. I'm Darla Miles. Welcome back 2 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: to she Pivots. I'm your host, Emily Tish Sussman. Let's 3 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:21,920 Speaker 1: jump right in. Welcome back to she Pivots. For today's 4 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:26,240 Speaker 1: candidate convo. I'm delighted to have on Darla Miles, an 5 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:30,120 Speaker 1: Emmy winning reporter at ABC seven, the number one local 6 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 1: news station in the country. Darla's story caught my eye 7 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: last year after Essence wrote an article about her. It 8 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 1: was titled After three miscarriages and losing her husband, Journalist 9 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 1: Darla Miles isn't giving up on being a mother. And 10 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 1: as someone who has people close to me who have 11 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: struggled with fertility and loss, I know how important hearing 12 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: stories like Darla's is. Despite her unimaginable challenges, including three miscarriage, 13 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: is bad medical advice around fertility, and the sudden passing 14 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:08,119 Speaker 1: of her husband shortly after her third miscarriage, Darla has 15 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 1: remained determined in her dream of becoming a mother. She 16 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 1: candidly shares her journey through grief the complexities of fertility 17 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: and her unwavering hope to one day have a family. 18 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,399 Speaker 1: I love how she is challenging how we think about 19 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:27,399 Speaker 1: the traditional timeline of life and chasing her dreams. I'm 20 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 1: so grateful for how she opens up about these experiences 21 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: and how they've shaped her both professionally and personally. This 22 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: episode contains references to topics that may be sensitive to some. 23 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 1: Listen with care. 24 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 2: I'm Darla Miles. I'm a news reporter WABCTV in New 25 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 2: York City, the number one station in the country. 26 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: Okay, so we're going to back up. Tell us a 27 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,360 Speaker 1: little bit about your family when you were growing up. 28 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: You've now mentioned a couple times that you're Southern, Like, 29 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: has that really shaped the way? 30 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 2: That really shaped you? Absolutely? Absolutely so. I grew up 31 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 2: in Fort Worth, Texas. I'm the youngest of four divorced parents. 32 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 2: My mother is an interior designer. My father Coach Miles, biochemist, 33 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,639 Speaker 2: science teacher Army Veteran well known in this You know, 34 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,919 Speaker 2: I couldn't get a date because I was Coach Miles's daughter, 35 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,200 Speaker 2: because he was so strict. 36 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 3: Like that was my dad. 37 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 2: I can to Morgan Freeman on LINO me but maybe 38 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 2: not that harsh, but very close to it. So the 39 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 2: grounding mantra in my life is something that I learned 40 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 2: from my father and my whole family is treat people 41 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,240 Speaker 2: the way you'd like to be treated. And that's just 42 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 2: really the baseline of everything I do in life. The 43 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 2: way I talk with you, the way I speak with 44 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 2: someone who's providing a service at the grocery store, at 45 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 2: the bodega, someone who was experiencing like the worst day 46 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 2: of their life, which is usually when I meet people. 47 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 2: So I just try to treat people the way I'd 48 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,080 Speaker 2: like to be treated. And I don't meet a stranger. 49 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 2: I get that from my father, like I could talk 50 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,079 Speaker 2: to a rock, I mean on my headstone as Darla 51 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 2: never met a stranger. So that does help me a 52 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 2: lot in my career. And I just have an infinite curiosity. 53 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 2: I'm a lifelong learner and I just am fascinated that 54 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 2: I get to learn something absolutely new and become an 55 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,399 Speaker 2: expert in it every single day. 56 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,640 Speaker 1: What did you think you were going to be when 57 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: you grew up? I knew I was going to be 58 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:16,960 Speaker 1: a reporter. 59 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 3: I did. 60 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 2: I did well, Okay, So there's a whole thought process, 61 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 2: the methodology, right, So I knew I wanted to do 62 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:27,960 Speaker 2: something something related to the social justice and black Americans, 63 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:31,200 Speaker 2: like I knew I wanted to impact. Underserved was not 64 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 2: a word, obviously, it was not a term growing up 65 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 2: in the eighties and nineties, but I knew I wanted 66 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:40,120 Speaker 2: to have some type of social impact on my culture. 67 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 2: So I remember in high school, I wanted to become 68 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 2: a lawyer. I just I love the legal system, la law, 69 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 2: all of that. I used to watch Law and Order 70 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 2: with my father every single episode, like that was our thing, 71 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 2: you know, law and Order. So I just I've always 72 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 2: been intrigued by government, by the legal system. At one point, 73 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 2: I wanted to be apologician, and I really had like 74 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,240 Speaker 2: a forensic analysis in my head, so I said, And 75 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 2: as I was just in the process of self discovery 76 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 2: tenth in eleventh grade, I was in youth and government 77 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 2: in high school and whatever. 78 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 3: I can't remember all, you know, but I did. 79 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 2: A lot of the you know, the school courts, and 80 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 2: it could be to him the same thing. 81 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 3: I have no idea what it's called. 82 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 2: But I did a lot of the extracurricular activities involving 83 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 2: government and the law. So I thought, I was like, 84 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,159 Speaker 2: can I want to be I want to be a 85 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 2: public defender, or maybe I'll be a prosecutor, and then 86 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,839 Speaker 2: I just thought I just kind of like really examined 87 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 2: the career and I said, it's going to be like 88 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,840 Speaker 2: emptying out the ocean with the teaspoone, Like how much 89 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 2: impact will I have if I am going to deal 90 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 2: with every case on such a small scale. So then 91 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 2: I thought about becoming a politician, and that just didn't 92 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 2: appeal to me. I'm don't really have a big filter. 93 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 2: It just I didn't think it was going to get 94 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,480 Speaker 2: I thought there was going to be too many obstacles 95 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 2: to get to the impactful change that I wanted. And 96 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 2: I really realized the impact of media has on shape 97 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 2: being thought. And fast forward to now with my career. 98 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,000 Speaker 2: My father always wanted me to be an educator, following 99 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 2: the family footsteps, and he's like, whenever you finished with 100 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 2: this TV thing, go get a real job and go 101 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 2: get your credentials and become a teacher. And at this 102 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:16,040 Speaker 2: stage in my life, I am an educator. My classroom 103 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 2: was just eight point nine million people, and so I 104 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 2: really love bringing context to everything. So just bringing context 105 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:29,040 Speaker 2: to what's happening around us, to teaching people to operate 106 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 2: with facts and make their own decision. That has always 107 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 2: been I've been passionate about and that's part of who 108 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,320 Speaker 2: I am, and that's what my father brought to me. 109 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,720 Speaker 2: But then also you know, images of minorities in the media. 110 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,479 Speaker 2: It's different now because we still have so many different mediums, 111 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 2: But in the eighties and the nineties is the big 112 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 2: three networks. I remember when there was no cable. I 113 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 2: don't know if you remember where the cable guy would 114 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 2: just knock on your door and he would selling, Hey, 115 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,480 Speaker 2: we're selling insurance, we're selling it. Okay, you want to 116 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 2: buy this gay And the cable guy would come pick 117 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:55,360 Speaker 2: up your check every week. 118 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,559 Speaker 3: It was a whole thing. 119 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 2: And so there were there weren't so many outlets back then. 120 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 2: And I just always remembered hearing in my community how 121 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 2: African Americans, black Americans were portrayed. 122 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 3: Why did they speak to. 123 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 2: The lady with the rollers in her hair and who 124 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 2: was in ourtic like they do that on purpose, you 125 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 2: know why? They just wanted there was this overarching conspiracy 126 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,599 Speaker 2: to make black Americans, African Americans look back when they 127 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,160 Speaker 2: spoke to them about the new This conversation two days 128 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,240 Speaker 2: ago actually with a friend of mine. So I just 129 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 2: really wanted to, like demystify what was happening, and there 130 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:31,479 Speaker 2: was this overarching conspiracy or lack of reference to to 131 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 2: bring black voices, black stories to TV. Well, then I 132 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 2: on the seat at the table. Isn't that we're all 133 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 2: supposed to do with our you know, own various areas 134 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,960 Speaker 2: of expertise as a woman, as a man, any underrepresented group. 135 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 2: That's what we do. We just bring context and understanding. 136 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:49,160 Speaker 2: And so I didn't really approach it acrimoniously. I wasn't 137 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 2: like angry and upset. I just wanted to understand how 138 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 2: it works, because my scientific brain wants to understand the mechanics. 139 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 2: And if that's how it works, let me be part 140 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 2: of the solution. Because you can either complain, complain, complain, 141 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:05,159 Speaker 2: or you can be part of the solution. So I 142 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 2: wanted to be part of the solution. 143 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, so you said that you went into this because 144 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 1: you wanted to have impact. You wanted to be impactful, 145 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: Like what were was the problems that you were trying 146 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 1: to solve for by storytelling? 147 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 2: So now we call it storytelling and everyone wants to 148 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 2: be a content creator. Just think about all the stream 149 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 2: of the content content storytelling, It wasn't a thing but 150 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 2: it was you know, now it has a title and 151 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 2: a name and a concerted effort now to represent unrepresented people. 152 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 2: It has always been a problem, but it had not 153 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 2: been identified as as it is now. And so in 154 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 2: my community, the news, local news, any news was and 155 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:53,800 Speaker 2: still is considered biased against African Americans. It doesn't tell 156 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 2: the entire story. It's devised to make Black Americans look 157 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,679 Speaker 2: bad in the world slight. Why don't they ever tell 158 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 2: positive stories? And there's there's so so much mistrust, very 159 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 2: much like you know, the institutionalized distrust of law enforcement. 160 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 2: So again, what can you do? Can you allow it 161 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 2: to perpetuate or can you go in and be an 162 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 2: agent of change? And it's no different than being an 163 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 2: agent of change in the realm of politics, to represent 164 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 2: those voices that have not had representation. It's no different 165 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 2: than being an agent of change in the medical field, 166 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 2: where you have you know, maternal hyper maternal mortality rates 167 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 2: for African Americans. So there's always an opportunity to be 168 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:39,320 Speaker 2: an agent for change in any organization, institution, or agency 169 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 2: that doesn't have the diversity of voices, And sometimes they 170 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,240 Speaker 2: just don't even know that they don't have it. 171 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 3: They don't even know we have. 172 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 2: There's an documentary about the history of eyewitness news, Al 173 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 2: Primo and the legacy of eyewitness news. And one thing 174 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,200 Speaker 2: that's that people don't understand about news is that it 175 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 2: used to just be a white male at a table 176 00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,920 Speaker 2: delivering copy and whatever someone wrote for them. But eyewitness news, 177 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 2: the reason why we're legendaries, were like, no, we're going 178 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 2: to go out into the field and we're going to 179 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 2: talk to people about what they're experiencing it as they 180 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:11,640 Speaker 2: experienced it. John Johnson the first black man reporter, black 181 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,679 Speaker 2: men reporter on the streets of New York City, bringing 182 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 2: you the news as it happened. Heraldo Rivera, the first 183 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 2: Hispanic reporter on the So there's always an opportunity to 184 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 2: be an agent for change, and that's what I am. 185 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,760 Speaker 2: I'm in the field. I'm talking to people experiencing life 186 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,320 Speaker 2: as they experience it, and it's my duty and it's 187 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,640 Speaker 2: an honor. And so I am the voice. I am 188 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 2: the vehicle for their voice. And so that was the 189 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,440 Speaker 2: change that I sought to be in this industry. 190 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,199 Speaker 1: Do you remember the first story that you put together. 191 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: Was it when you were still in college or did 192 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 1: you have to wait to graduate. 193 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you I took the completely unconventional 194 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 2: route to become a reporter. First of all, I was 195 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 2: an English major. I took one communications class at Clark 196 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 2: Atlanta University because we are part of this consortium in 197 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 2: Atlanta so I can take classes, and I studied abroad 198 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,680 Speaker 2: in Madrid. That was my first internship. Actually, I had 199 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 2: an internship in radio at Clarke Atlanta University WCLK Radio 200 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,720 Speaker 2: ninety one point nine, jazz radio, and I think I 201 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 2: read psays, so I learned radio. So my start was 202 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 2: really in radio. I went to study broad in Spain 203 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 2: and then I worked for Ona Madrid Radio and my 204 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 2: job was to go out and interview people mos man 205 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,559 Speaker 2: on the street interviews in Spanish. So then I would 206 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 2: go out and interview people in Spanish and then translate 207 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,080 Speaker 2: it and put these mos interviews. So my first my 208 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 2: whole first seven years in TV was in Spanish radio 209 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 2: and TV. It was all in Spanish radio and TV 210 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 2: because I didn't have a background, I didn't study communications, 211 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 2: and I did look like the traditional journalism students, so 212 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 2: nobody would give me a job. But because I spoke 213 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 2: fluent Spanish, I got an internship at CN in Spanish 214 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 2: News in Atlanta, and I worked for SEEING in Spanish 215 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 2: Radio scene in Spanish News nineteen ninety seven we became 216 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 2: a twenty four hour network which is still around. Seeing 217 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,840 Speaker 2: in in Espanol so now and I went behind the scenes. 218 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,720 Speaker 2: I worked behind the scenes because I didn't really know 219 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 2: how TV worked. I was like, I can write, but 220 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 2: I don't really know how TO works. So my first 221 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 2: jobs were I rolled teleprompter in Spanish for two years. 222 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 2: I did audio. I did chirons, which are the words. 223 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 2: I did playback, this is all tape audio, TD switch 224 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 2: the show master control. I did all of those things 225 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,840 Speaker 2: for like seven or eight years. And again, no one 226 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 2: would still give me an on air job in TV 227 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 2: because I was a technical person and you speak Spanish, 228 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,840 Speaker 2: I'm never going to put you on an English speaking 229 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 2: TV station. And I sent out demo tapes which were horrible, 230 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,319 Speaker 2: so bad, because I had not I've never I've never 231 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,680 Speaker 2: written a story. I sent out tapes for three years. 232 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,320 Speaker 2: I was like, I speak another language. I work at CNN. 233 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,439 Speaker 2: I could not get an on air job. I couldn't 234 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,319 Speaker 2: get a job as a reporter. I couldn't get a 235 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 2: job as an anchor WJBF and Augusta, Georgia two thousand 236 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:46,160 Speaker 2: and one. Again, this is the people left messages on 237 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 2: your answer machine. I've been sending out tapes so long 238 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 2: I totally forgot. I remember I got a voicemail. I 239 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,960 Speaker 2: was like, what is this man talking about? And he 240 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 2: was speaking very quickly. I didn't understand the message. I 241 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,640 Speaker 2: went to Africa for two weeks with my church choir. 242 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,200 Speaker 2: We went on a missionary tramission trip and I came back. 243 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 2: I said, let me listen to this voicemail. What was 244 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 2: this voicemail about. I was like, Oh, my gosh, they're 245 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 2: giving me a job and they want to entery. 246 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,840 Speaker 3: I forgot. I didn't answer the voicemail for like three ways. 247 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:13,679 Speaker 3: What is happening? 248 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,440 Speaker 2: So I eventually I got hired at WJBF, an ABC 249 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 2: affiliate in Augusta, Georgia, media General station. At the time, 250 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,600 Speaker 2: they sent me out for a story and I was like, oh, 251 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 2: I think I have to actually do what they told 252 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 2: me to do. 253 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,680 Speaker 3: I've never written a story in my life. 254 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:33,800 Speaker 2: I've never written a back and script in my life, 255 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,280 Speaker 2: but I'm gonna look, this is what we do. 256 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:36,959 Speaker 3: We figure it. 257 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,760 Speaker 2: Out and it was some kind of school story, and 258 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 2: I remember, I just remembered. I just needed to give 259 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,040 Speaker 2: myself a lot of time. I was like, I think 260 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 2: this is how I've seen it done. SoundBite audio sound bite, 261 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,720 Speaker 2: I guys, and back then, you know, we had the 262 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,280 Speaker 2: good thing about it is it timed it out in 263 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 2: the computer so you could kind of see how long 264 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,720 Speaker 2: it would be. And I was just I just kind 265 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 2: of like I was winging it, and I was like 266 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,679 Speaker 2: this right. They're like, oh, this is a great script, 267 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 2: thank you very much. And so then I went and 268 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 2: I did my very first live shot. I have to 269 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 2: find that live shot because I remember the last few 270 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 2: words were and they need upgrades for infrastructure and improvement. 271 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 3: And they were like, oh my gosh, you did such 272 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,319 Speaker 3: a great job. You're such a great job. 273 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:21,320 Speaker 2: So some infrastructure and improvement story in Augusta, Georgia. Three 274 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,040 Speaker 2: days later. Then I kind of got ahead of myself. 275 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,679 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I'm doing great. I got ahead 276 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,960 Speaker 2: of myself. Three days later, I crashed. I was awful. 277 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 2: I was so bad on TV. It was like it 278 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 2: was raining. I had to hold umbrella. I didn't know 279 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 2: what I was I was. I just floundered. It was awful, 280 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 2: but thank god. The Internet was a really a new thing, 281 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,080 Speaker 2: was in its infancy. No social media. 282 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:40,679 Speaker 3: We barely had. 283 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,440 Speaker 2: We didn't even have cell phones back then. We had 284 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 2: pagers and they gave us quarters in the news truck 285 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,920 Speaker 2: and we had big maps. So you're like, okay, we 286 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,400 Speaker 2: paid you, you go put the quarter. You call it 287 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 2: feels archaic now I don't feel like I'm that old, 288 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,760 Speaker 2: but that was my first story in Augusta, Georgia, some 289 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 2: infrastructure and improvement story in Augusta, Georgia, a house Cools. 290 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: Do you remember going up, like I think that moment 291 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 1: of being down and then having to go back into 292 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 1: the arena, like in your case it was going back 293 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 1: on air, which I think I think as many people's 294 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: worst nightmare, like to bomb in public and then to 295 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 1: have to go right back into it. Do you remember 296 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,160 Speaker 1: what you had to, like what your narrative was in 297 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 1: your head to get yourself back on air. 298 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely goes back to coach Miles, the coach Tom Brady. 299 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 2: If you throw an interception, you got to get back 300 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 2: in the game. It doesn't matter if you're Tiger Woods 301 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 2: and you bogey, you still got to get back in 302 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 2: the game. So you just you don't even think about it. 303 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 3: Just get back. 304 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 2: You just get back on the playing field. And that's 305 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 2: just what I did, and you just got to go harder. 306 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 1: When we come back, we dive into Darla's personal life 307 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,320 Speaker 1: and how she experienced some of her lowest lows and 308 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 1: her highest highs as she dealt with fertility complications and 309 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 1: death of her late husband, Brent All while at the 310 00:14:52,480 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 1: height of her career. More after the break, so let's 311 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 1: bring your personal life in. So your trajectory as a 312 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: reporter is going up, like you are on the increase. 313 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,680 Speaker 1: What was your personal life like as your career was 314 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: building steam. 315 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 2: The most momentum came when I was hired as a 316 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 2: reporter here in New York City. So I'd worked at 317 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,720 Speaker 2: CNN for seven years, at an ABC station in Augusta, 318 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:28,320 Speaker 2: Georgia for two years, in Raleigh, North Carolina for three years, 319 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 2: and then an ABC station in Dallas for three years. 320 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 2: I never thought I would even work in New York 321 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 2: and everyone wanted to work in New York City. It's 322 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,240 Speaker 2: going to be hard, it's daunting, It's like the most 323 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 2: it's the funnest job I've ever had. It's my favorite 324 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 2: station in life at the thought I was so intimidating, 325 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 2: So DNT It's New York City. So when I was hired, 326 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 2: I came with my fiance. It was a nice, wonderful, 327 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:54,080 Speaker 2: hallmark kind of situation. Blind date in two thousand and nine. 328 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 2: We met on a blind date in March. Ever since 329 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 2: the first day, best friends him engaged that later on 330 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 2: that year, that December, we moved here together. I always 331 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 2: just say, we're like George and weezy, like moving on, 332 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 2: no like were we moved to start a whole new 333 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 2: life in New York City. It was just you know, 334 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 2: and it was good because we were still like in 335 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 2: our late thirties. So I think we needed that to 336 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,240 Speaker 2: kind of separate ourselves from what we had established as 337 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 2: our life, to build a new life together. So I 338 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 2: was here building my new life with my husband. We 339 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:27,280 Speaker 2: just built a home. So November twenty twenty three, I 340 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 2: just built a home with my husband. We were pregnant. 341 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 2: It was my third pregnancy. We had already lost two, 342 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 2: and you know, that's always been my biggest I just 343 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 2: wanted to be if I have a family, growing up 344 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,520 Speaker 2: in a big family. Just those days with my mom 345 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 2: at home, all the kids at the house, like I 346 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 2: just couldn't wait to be that house for all the kids. 347 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 2: That was November twenty twenty three. He asked me what 348 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 2: I wanted for my birthday. I said, I don't want anything, like, 349 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 2: don't get me anything, Like I'm happy, Like we're having 350 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 2: a child, we have a home with a white picket fans, 351 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 2: like we're in. Three weeks later, I lose the child 352 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 2: and overnight that night he has a catastrophic stroke. So 353 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 2: within twenty four hours, everything in my life changed. He 354 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:12,360 Speaker 2: survived the stroke for a few weeks and he ultimately 355 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:17,159 Speaker 2: passed away. And I remember my follow up from losing 356 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 2: the pregnancy. I remember speaking with my physician in my 357 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 2: thirty day follow up and I was like, yeah, by 358 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 2: the way, my husband died. He's like what, So you 359 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 2: know it changed my life. I was forty one, my 360 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 2: husband had passed away, no kids. First of all, I 361 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 2: covered crime and tragedy and death in New York City. 362 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 2: I had to take some time off because coming to 363 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,879 Speaker 2: work every day I could not I couldn't do it. 364 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 2: I mean I was in a very deep depression, very 365 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:52,199 Speaker 2: deep depression. My village amazing, my Spelman college, village, my 366 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 2: news village, my family, like there was literally a rotation 367 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,440 Speaker 2: of someone at my house every week for the remainder 368 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 2: of the year. My neighbors came over, they cut my grass, 369 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 2: the snow, they would shovel the snow. Was I was 370 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 2: in a semi catatonic state. It was very hard for 371 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 2: me to reconcile how I could have the emotional fortitude 372 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,679 Speaker 2: to do what I did that I'm very passionate about. 373 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,800 Speaker 2: But every day is a trigger. And I went back 374 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 2: because my husband and I, Brent and I that we 375 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,240 Speaker 2: sacrifice so much for my career. I was like, I 376 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 2: can't let this go because this is what this is 377 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 2: what we came here for, you know, this is what 378 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,399 Speaker 2: my father, this is what I was built for. So 379 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 2: I went back and for years and even now like 380 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:41,400 Speaker 2: and that was my niche before before I took that leave, 381 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:43,399 Speaker 2: before he passed away, was you know, I would get 382 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,640 Speaker 2: sentto those very difficult stories, children who were killed tragically, 383 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,640 Speaker 2: parents who'd lost their children. Having that delicate treat people 384 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 2: the way I'd like to be treated, empathetic ear That 385 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,680 Speaker 2: enabled me to get more yardage and have people sit 386 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 2: down me to tell me their story and the worst 387 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 2: time of their lives. But it's really impactful. And the 388 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 2: sad thing about it is news is new. So if 389 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 2: I come back to talk to you, like three days 390 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:15,480 Speaker 2: from now, I'm sorry, it's not old. It's what's new, 391 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,160 Speaker 2: and so we were trying to keep up with what's happening. 392 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 2: One of the most impactful interviews I did after I 393 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,840 Speaker 2: returned after my husband passed away, and it was the 394 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 2: only interview this mother had given at the time, and 395 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,880 Speaker 2: her children died like she was trying to hold onto 396 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,719 Speaker 2: them in Staten Island during the flooding and they floated 397 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 2: away and drowned, and I remember just having a conversation 398 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 2: with her before she spoke to me, and I just, 399 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,760 Speaker 2: you know, I just tell people my story, like I 400 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,679 Speaker 2: try not to. One reason I came back is I 401 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,919 Speaker 2: was like, it's very hypocritical for me to ask people 402 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,960 Speaker 2: to tell me their journey and not to share mine. 403 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,200 Speaker 2: That's why I've talked about my fertility journey. That's why 404 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 2: I've spoken about, you know, my husband. This is probably 405 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 2: the most I've ever talked about Brent. It's really taken 406 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,840 Speaker 2: me ten years to be able to talk about it. 407 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:06,639 Speaker 2: So how dare I retreat and withdraw and be have 408 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 2: this double standard where I would want everyone to tell 409 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,679 Speaker 2: me everything that's going on in their lives and for 410 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 2: me not to do the same. 411 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:17,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, you were winning Emmys at that time for your work, 412 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:21,360 Speaker 1: like your career was at a huge high. How did 413 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 1: you manage that high and low between your professional and 414 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: personal life at the same time. 415 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:32,520 Speaker 2: Well, the first thing was my constitution as a reporter 416 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 2: is that it's about who I'm the person I'm featuring, 417 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 2: not myself. So I refuse to talk about myself, and 418 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 2: I didn't talk about my journey and I wouldn't post 419 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 2: about it because I don't. I wanted to highlight other 420 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 2: people and that gave me a sense of accomplishment and 421 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,920 Speaker 2: duty to make sure that I know elevated their stories. 422 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 2: And this is actually very funny how I manage it, 423 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:59,840 Speaker 2: and people laugh at me. The Golden Girls, The Golden Girls. 424 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,959 Speaker 2: Let me tell you, The Golden Girls has solved every 425 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 2: problem in life. Back in the eight and my dad 426 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 2: would never let me watch The Golden Girls because it 427 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:13,320 Speaker 2: was too risky, you know, But yeah, I just I 428 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:16,639 Speaker 2: mean eleven o'clock, like that's appointment TV. The Golden Girls, 429 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,879 Speaker 2: like they're widows. And I remember at one point I 430 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,639 Speaker 2: was like, I'm going to act like plant or I'm 431 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,960 Speaker 2: going to be like you know, I just you know, 432 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 2: the Golden Girls like really tackled dating after becoming a widow, 433 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,680 Speaker 2: just missing your missing your husband and you know, and 434 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,919 Speaker 2: that's and so now I have like a whole arsenal 435 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,719 Speaker 2: of like nostalgic shows that that bring me joy. So 436 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,320 Speaker 2: through that literally and I'm not I'm not joking with you, 437 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,720 Speaker 2: the Golden Girls every single night. Like I may not 438 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 2: be able to win a Golden Girls trivia competition, but 439 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 2: if you turned an episode of The Golden Girls on, 440 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 2: I could tell you every single line and every single response, 441 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,080 Speaker 2: like I just love the Golden and my bestie and 442 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,119 Speaker 2: I like it's the Golden Girls. I just you just 443 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,200 Speaker 2: you just compartmentalize, you put it in a box, you 444 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,080 Speaker 2: check out. And I traveled a lot the love of 445 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,400 Speaker 2: my friends. A big part of that. Also my baby Dallas. 446 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 2: My baby Dallas, Dallas. So my husband wanted a dog, 447 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,000 Speaker 2: English bulldog and you know, if there was ever any 448 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,679 Speaker 2: reason I would have gotten a divorce would have been 449 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 2: Dallas because I did not want a dog. 450 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:16,399 Speaker 3: I mean, it was the whole thing. 451 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 2: When I first got here, moved to New York and 452 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 2: my colleagues, because I'm from the South, we don't have 453 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:25,119 Speaker 2: indoor dogs. We have dogs on the furniture and dogs 454 00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:27,479 Speaker 2: in the We're not doing that. 455 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 3: No dogs in the house. 456 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 2: But then you know, after like I lost the second pregnancy, 457 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 2: I was like, I kind of gotta give my husband 458 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,480 Speaker 2: a dog because it's weird. That's how you think, Like, Okay, 459 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 2: I can't give him a child, so I'm gonna give 460 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 2: him this dog. 461 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:40,879 Speaker 3: Okay. 462 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,399 Speaker 2: So I've been Dallas, and that's a whole nother story 463 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 2: because Dallas needed to be rehomed and I'm from Dallas, 464 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,040 Speaker 2: and he. 465 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 3: Was like, Babe, babe, look at this dog. His name 466 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 3: is Dallas. 467 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,120 Speaker 2: I'm like that, I've got to give him a dog. 468 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,359 Speaker 2: But it's the married people, know, you like negotiate. Well, 469 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 2: I'll think about it. I knew I was going to 470 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 2: give him the dog, but just like a parent, I'm 471 00:22:58,040 --> 00:22:59,880 Speaker 2: gonna make him think it was a big deal. Right, 472 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,560 Speaker 2: So we get Dallas, and I remember Dallas and I 473 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,439 Speaker 2: competed for Brent's attention like we did not like it. 474 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,200 Speaker 2: We were ops, like we did not like each other. 475 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 2: I remember when Brent had been ill. Well here's the 476 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 2: other thing. So three months after we got married, he 477 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,160 Speaker 2: had an intestinal cancer and almost died. Then so three 478 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,520 Speaker 2: months into our marriage, she almost died, and I think 479 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 2: that prepared me for his stroke completely unrelated. It was 480 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,520 Speaker 2: just like he had nine lives, like he had gone 481 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,200 Speaker 2: through a lot of stuff and they were like a 482 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,199 Speaker 2: rare things. So like the intestinal cancer was like this 483 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 2: rare carcinoid tumor that presents in one out of how 484 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,760 Speaker 2: many people? And then he had light in factor five 485 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,680 Speaker 2: blood clotting disorder that we didn't know until the catastrophic 486 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,120 Speaker 2: event presented itself. 487 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,679 Speaker 3: So there was all this stuff. So like I got 488 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,639 Speaker 3: to take out the dog. I'm not gonna lie. 489 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:46,600 Speaker 2: When Brent first passed away, I was like, oh, I'm 490 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,879 Speaker 2: not gonna know this dog, like when you see someone 491 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,560 Speaker 2: take your last breath, and that was a very traumatic experience. 492 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,640 Speaker 2: There are levels of trauma which I bring to my reporting. 493 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 2: First of all, you have just the loss, Then you 494 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 2: have a public loss. Then you have the manner in 495 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 2: which a person and loses the loved one. So there 496 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,880 Speaker 2: are different levels of trauma. So there were different levels 497 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 2: of trauma for me, and I remember my life fast 498 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,639 Speaker 2: forwarding through my head. I was like, like, you know, 499 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:15,159 Speaker 2: we don't have you know, the week before when I 500 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:17,440 Speaker 2: lost the baby and when we knew that the pregnancy 501 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 2: was not going to be viable, he told me. He 502 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,440 Speaker 2: was like, Babe, we're not going to be an obsessive 503 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 2: couple about having a child. You're just going to have 504 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 2: to be okay if it's just the two of us. 505 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,920 Speaker 3: Then he has a stroke. What is happening in universe? 506 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 2: What? 507 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,080 Speaker 3: So it's like going to have you or a child? 508 00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:38,119 Speaker 3: And now I got this dog in the house. What 509 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:39,399 Speaker 3: you know. 510 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,520 Speaker 2: Dallas went through his own greeting process, and I remember 511 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,720 Speaker 2: one day like he was just he just one time 512 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 2: when Brent was sick, Dallas only wanted Brent to take 513 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 2: him out because my husband spoiled this dog so much 514 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,800 Speaker 2: it was just disgusting. I'm like, Dallas, I took him 515 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,920 Speaker 2: outside four times. He wouldn't go outside. He goes to 516 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,080 Speaker 2: the bedroom door. He pee's in front of the bedroom 517 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,480 Speaker 2: door because he wanted. I was like, see, this is why. 518 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 3: I don't like you. I don't like you. 519 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,919 Speaker 2: And then after Brent passed away, we're both kind of 520 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,040 Speaker 2: figuring it out and I remember, but Dallas was really 521 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,080 Speaker 2: a human and I speak to him in the past 522 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,879 Speaker 2: tense because my baby crossed the Rainbow in August and 523 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:13,639 Speaker 2: he was fifteen years old. 524 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,840 Speaker 3: English Bulldog's my dog child. 525 00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:18,879 Speaker 2: I mean, I went from hating this dog to being 526 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,439 Speaker 2: Mama bear like if you talk about my dog, I'm 527 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,360 Speaker 2: a wolverine, like, don't come for my dog. 528 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,160 Speaker 3: That's my baby, Dallas. 529 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,480 Speaker 2: And then throughout that, throughout the pandemic, that was my 530 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 2: that was my coping, this mechanism, I just oh, I 531 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,160 Speaker 2: could wait for his kisses. 532 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:32,399 Speaker 3: In his eyes. 533 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 2: Dallas and I watched The Golden Girls. That was what 534 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:34,960 Speaker 2: we did. 535 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 3: It's my baby. 536 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,160 Speaker 1: It's interesting you bring up the idea that you connected 537 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,880 Speaker 1: to Golden Girls because they are widows. Obviously they were 538 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 1: such a different generation than you. I have a friend 539 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 1: who tragically also lost her husband, but in an accident 540 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,359 Speaker 1: when she was in her early thirties, and so this 541 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 1: was the only window that I had into this. But 542 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,720 Speaker 1: she's written pretty extensively about what it's like to be 543 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,080 Speaker 1: a young widow, that there's just so little community for it. 544 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,280 Speaker 1: Were you able to find that or did you have 545 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,520 Speaker 1: to find community and people that understood what you were 546 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,560 Speaker 1: going through in older women both. 547 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,639 Speaker 2: I think I found more community and younger women because 548 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:13,160 Speaker 2: I became like the young widow whisperer. So when Brent 549 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 2: passed away, it was really traumatic for all of us, 550 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 2: our families and our friend groups because no one knew 551 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 2: what is this. 552 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:19,679 Speaker 3: A young widow? 553 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,239 Speaker 2: And I mean I remember, I think I was at 554 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 2: the Yankee Candle store in Garden State Plaza Hall and 555 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,080 Speaker 2: someone said something kind to me, and I think I 556 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,399 Speaker 2: burst into tears because she was a young widow and 557 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,240 Speaker 2: I was a young widow. And I did find this 558 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 2: small young widow. Black females were young widows, or about 559 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,440 Speaker 2: five of us. Yeah, so we did find there was 560 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 2: community in that they about five of us, There's one Brooklyn, Jersey, Harlem. 561 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,159 Speaker 2: But then it got to a point where it was 562 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 2: overwhelming because then my friends were like, oh my gosh, 563 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:50,879 Speaker 2: this person now her husband just died. You got to 564 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,560 Speaker 2: talk to her and this guy he just lost his well, 565 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,240 Speaker 2: I was like, oh it, it became overwhelming. I did 566 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,679 Speaker 2: find a community with young widows. I went to. My 567 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:03,119 Speaker 2: therapist was an Orthodox Jewish woman who had experience holding 568 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:07,919 Speaker 2: young widow groups like group therapy. And I found it 569 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,680 Speaker 2: so interesting that the person who really helped me most 570 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:15,080 Speaker 2: through this journey was completely culturally opposite of my life, 571 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,600 Speaker 2: and it was she really got me through that period 572 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 2: because she could really she had a fresh This was 573 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,520 Speaker 2: all my life was in culture was due to her. 574 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 2: And so I did find community in that. And then 575 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,439 Speaker 2: I had to stop being the young widow whisperer and 576 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 2: I started a memoir. But it's I applaud your friend 577 00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 2: because it's hard. It's painful. I had to put it. 578 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,640 Speaker 2: It's painful. It's painful to experience those emotions again. Two 579 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 2: days ago would have been our thirteenth wedding anniversary. So 580 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:41,720 Speaker 2: I had this conversation a few days ago, and really, 581 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,920 Speaker 2: I've just learned to compartmentalize. So I lost my father 582 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,960 Speaker 2: during the pandemic, like literally the week that everything March twenty. 583 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 2: It's twenty twenty, the week everything was shutting down, and 584 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 2: I never I really can exp I put all of 585 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,000 Speaker 2: that grief in the same box. So there's bread, then 586 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 2: there's Daddy, and then there's Dallas. And it's probably not healthy, 587 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 2: but it's all in a box because I just can't 588 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:06,639 Speaker 2: experience that level of rawness and tenderness and the nucleus 589 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:10,440 Speaker 2: of the earth molten rock. I just can't experience that again. 590 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:11,320 Speaker 3: I do. 591 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 2: I would love to get to a point where I 592 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,320 Speaker 2: can pick up the memoir again. I think I'll have 593 00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,000 Speaker 2: to interview a lot of my friends. There's stories about 594 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 2: my communication, things that they remember about that time, fascinating 595 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,200 Speaker 2: to me because I don't remember. It's a journey, It's 596 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:28,040 Speaker 2: a marathon, not a sprint. But you know, I want 597 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,240 Speaker 2: to talk about the fertility piece of this. You know, 598 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,680 Speaker 2: you had kind of come to so you and Brent 599 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 2: had come to the idea that might just be the 600 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,919 Speaker 2: two of you, there might not be and now he 601 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,720 Speaker 2: is no longer, and so how are you thinking about 602 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,240 Speaker 2: what family looks like for you? 603 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 3: And what steps have you taken. 604 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,960 Speaker 2: I love this question because Brent is the one who 605 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 2: came to this conclusion. I didn't come to this conclusion. 606 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,960 Speaker 2: I just, you know, just at our husbands. Yes, baby, 607 00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:55,480 Speaker 2: he had come to that conclusion, and I still struggle 608 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 2: with it. I don't know what that looks like. I'm 609 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,080 Speaker 2: fifty one. I know what it doesn't look like. And 610 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:05,560 Speaker 2: that's what gets me to where it is the problem 611 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 2: with being a reporter and thinking that you know and 612 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,880 Speaker 2: having access to so much information. It's some shoot when 613 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:16,400 Speaker 2: you realize that there's a whole cadre of information that 614 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:20,960 Speaker 2: you have no idea what's going on. So the fertility 615 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,240 Speaker 2: specialist that Brent and High had been seeing, so, first 616 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 2: of all, have rheumatoid arthritis. It's autoimmune, and my body 617 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,720 Speaker 2: kept attacking the fetus, and so that was the problem. 618 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 2: So we were trying to figure out why am I 619 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 2: so don't kill the fetus? And with autoimmune your body 620 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,600 Speaker 2: detects the soft tissue as porn, and so we were 621 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,000 Speaker 2: just kind of We'd gone to all these specialists, and 622 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 2: I'm a reporter, so I thought I researched everybody. When 623 00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:48,120 Speaker 2: Brent passed away at forty one, I was the first 624 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 2: thing I was. I wish we had saved a specimen, 625 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,120 Speaker 2: and I even thought about it in the hospital, but 626 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 2: I also knew that that would not honor what he wanted. 627 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,200 Speaker 2: When he passed away, I was like, who, what do 628 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:04,120 Speaker 2: we do? We didn't save any of his specimen, and 629 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 2: I was just like, I'm a problem solver, I'm a reporter. 630 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 2: How do we figure this out? A quick deviation to 631 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,400 Speaker 2: this is I've covered the death of two NYPD officers 632 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,760 Speaker 2: whose wives were able to harvest their specimen and have 633 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,520 Speaker 2: posthumous children with their husbands. And that's been very difficult 634 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,360 Speaker 2: for me to cover because it's a trigger that I 635 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,800 Speaker 2: never did that. First of all, when I went to 636 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,560 Speaker 2: my therapist, she talks about how I cried for like 637 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 2: the first three months. I would only and that was 638 00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,280 Speaker 2: really the only safe space for me as a public person. 639 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 2: Even a person in my family who was always the 640 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,040 Speaker 2: strong person I couldn't even cry in front of people, 641 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:41,280 Speaker 2: was not. I couldn't even access that vulnerability. I didn't 642 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 2: save any specimen and my own eggs. I didn't freeze 643 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,280 Speaker 2: my eggs I was told I could not. I thought 644 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,240 Speaker 2: I was too old to freeze my eggs. And in 645 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:53,840 Speaker 2: twenty twenty twenty, during the pandemic, so I had another 646 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:58,000 Speaker 2: life altering event. I was diagnosed with degenerative spinal disorder 647 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,160 Speaker 2: callspondal lo the stecies. This happened like the week of 648 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 2: the pandemic. I was in pain, my father passed away. 649 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 2: I was basically crippled the entire time. If I could 650 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 2: walk to the bathroom, and so it took forever to 651 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 2: get the diagnosis. You know, I really didn't go through 652 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,959 Speaker 2: the typical diagnostics that you would do, Like we were 653 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 2: just trying to figure out what happened. So when I 654 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:19,120 Speaker 2: finally got to the doctor, they were like, you need 655 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,640 Speaker 2: to have a fusion in your lower back, so we're 656 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 2: going to go in put a titanium cage. Because like 657 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,520 Speaker 2: I could literally feel my butt back clicking, and I 658 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,600 Speaker 2: was bone on bone. It was like click, click click. 659 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:32,000 Speaker 2: I had all of that. I was an extreme, excruciating pain, 660 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,840 Speaker 2: and chronic pain is the whole different place, and it's 661 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:37,800 Speaker 2: another part of my journey having to deal with chronic 662 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:41,120 Speaker 2: pain the entire time being diagnosed with RA. When I 663 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,560 Speaker 2: was in North Carolina, not being able to walk, my 664 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,840 Speaker 2: hands like in my feet were just like Fred Flintstone, 665 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:51,040 Speaker 2: like just outwardly facing, I'm this, you know, mouniec a 666 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:54,320 Speaker 2: little Darla Doll on TV, and I'm like crippled and 667 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 2: hobbling in the background. I'm in pain and I have 668 00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 2: to Okay, I'm going to rest and I'm going to 669 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:00,120 Speaker 2: over Okay, then I've got to write, like it's just, 670 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 2: you know, so much of that. So when I had 671 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,080 Speaker 2: my surgery and I was hospitalized for five days and 672 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,080 Speaker 2: it was an amazing procedure. And I've actually now have 673 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:12,480 Speaker 2: two I've had two within ten months, two spinal reconstructions 674 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,600 Speaker 2: because of this degenerative spinal disorder. And I think that's 675 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:19,320 Speaker 2: probably the biggest challenge I have right now. So they 676 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,920 Speaker 2: were discharging me from the hot we had. They were 677 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 2: discharging me from the hospital, and they're like, oh, by 678 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 2: the way, you have this bone growth agent in you 679 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:30,400 Speaker 2: and you can't have a child for a year. Er 680 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,520 Speaker 2: shouldn't that have been part of the first conversation. I 681 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,920 Speaker 2: was like, why did we not have this conversation before 682 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,520 Speaker 2: I had surgery? Like I could have saved my eggs 683 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 2: then I could have thought about it. So people, always women, 684 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,160 Speaker 2: I've heard, they always talk about a decade of their 685 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,560 Speaker 2: life that they've lost for one reason. I lost this 686 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,120 Speaker 2: decade with my husband or my bad ex husband or 687 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 2: this relationship. So now here I am in my I'm like, 688 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,960 Speaker 2: over forty five. Now you're telling me I can't have 689 00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,360 Speaker 2: a child along like forty seven, forty eight, Like it 690 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,680 Speaker 2: just it was always in my mind that it was 691 00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 2: a possibility. 692 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,480 Speaker 3: So I really that was a big. 693 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:09,600 Speaker 2: Downward spiral for me, and pain always affects you emotionally. 694 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:13,440 Speaker 2: We're still in the pandemic now. I don't have an 695 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,680 Speaker 2: option to have a child, Like what's happening. I don't 696 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,640 Speaker 2: have a Plan B, and I'm never a Plan B 697 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,080 Speaker 2: person and a Plan A two point zero. So that's 698 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 2: what my therapist was saying, we got to think about 699 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:23,480 Speaker 2: what is your next season? What's your next life? I 700 00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 2: don't want to Plan B. I'm a Plan A person 701 00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:27,480 Speaker 2: or Plan A two point Oh. That's why I only 702 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,920 Speaker 2: applied to one college because only the Plan A mattered. 703 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 2: Plan B is gonna be fine because it's Plan B. 704 00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:34,560 Speaker 2: Who cares about Plan B? You know, you only want 705 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,200 Speaker 2: to win the super Bowl. You don't want to be 706 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,080 Speaker 2: the person you just don't want to get to the playoffs. 707 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,120 Speaker 2: You always want to win the super Bowl, right, Yeah. 708 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:44,560 Speaker 2: And in my village, my village of young widows really 709 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:47,960 Speaker 2: helped me through this and they were like absolutely. I 710 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:52,200 Speaker 2: mean it took me back to a place of despondence, 711 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 2: of like that moment when Brett died, because I was like, 712 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 2: what is my life? What is my purpose? Why am 713 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:02,400 Speaker 2: I here? I can't even think about I've always wanted 714 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,880 Speaker 2: to bear children, always wanted to bear children. 715 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,359 Speaker 1: After the break, Darla talks about what's next for her 716 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,239 Speaker 1: on this journey of fertility and family and how in 717 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:22,800 Speaker 1: truth she's still trying to figure it all out. 718 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 2: So, you know, one of my arcs, Arkel Matriarch, call 719 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,760 Speaker 2: her Matriarch, we had a similar journey. We were introduced 720 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,600 Speaker 2: through another widow. She was like, uh uh, don't believe 721 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,319 Speaker 2: this doctor. She got on the phone and with these 722 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,680 Speaker 2: other women they're like, nope, my girlfriend had a doctor 723 00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,080 Speaker 2: did it. And like, I'm instantly on the phone with 724 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,640 Speaker 2: these women who have were told they cannot have babies, 725 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:51,800 Speaker 2: that they were too old, that their eggs were too old. 726 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,239 Speaker 2: And then my best friend. It's always helping when you're 727 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,880 Speaker 2: best friends. As a psychologist, right, Like I don't have 728 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,800 Speaker 2: I didn't pay for therapy for years. And she's like, 729 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:00,080 Speaker 2: now I'm going to get on the phone with you, 730 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,279 Speaker 2: with this doctor and we're gonna talk. They're gonna there, 731 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,080 Speaker 2: this is your doctor. If you're not too old, we're 732 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,560 Speaker 2: going to see what we can do about harvesting your eggs. 733 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,319 Speaker 2: He was offended. I was like, well, I have my friend. 734 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,080 Speaker 2: Well you don't really need to have anybody on the phone. 735 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,920 Speaker 2: And that's when you really you know, I've done so 736 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:19,360 Speaker 2: many stories about how women are not really taken seriously, 737 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,719 Speaker 2: and it does, and it's really not an economic thing. 738 00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:25,960 Speaker 2: I wasn't taken seriously. I was you're too old. If 739 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,239 Speaker 2: you want to have a baby, has to be a 740 00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:29,840 Speaker 2: donor egg. I'm like, I'm still having a minstrual cycle. 741 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:34,080 Speaker 2: I'm still fine. It was it was just you know, 742 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:37,520 Speaker 2: my village, really, my spellman village, my widow village. They 743 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,240 Speaker 2: kicked in so we I finally got to have another friend. 744 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,759 Speaker 2: She said, Judge. Now she just had a child over 745 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,359 Speaker 2: fifty and she had a lot of fertility challenges, and 746 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:47,000 Speaker 2: I was like, I want to do what she did. 747 00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,400 Speaker 2: I was like, look, I'm forty eight. I don't have 748 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,400 Speaker 2: a man, I don't have a husband, but I just 749 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:54,279 Speaker 2: want to preserve a chance to have children. So we 750 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:57,320 Speaker 2: were able to harvest some eggs. It is a process, 751 00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,160 Speaker 2: if anybody's been through fertility. I had to take a 752 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,080 Speaker 2: break and then I I've also I had this other surgery. 753 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,640 Speaker 2: So what does it look like? Now I'm kind of 754 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:07,680 Speaker 2: rambling because I still don't know. I know I have eggs. 755 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,400 Speaker 2: I've always wanted to adopt. I wanted to die, and 756 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:14,799 Speaker 2: I still plan to adopt foster children, siblings who don't 757 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,640 Speaker 2: have a mommy, because I could be their mommy and 758 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,680 Speaker 2: I can be a blessing to their lives. But I'm 759 00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,880 Speaker 2: really not a good candidate because of my work schedule 760 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:22,839 Speaker 2: and I'm a single mom, so that has been an 761 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:25,560 Speaker 2: obstacle for me. I don't know what it looks like. 762 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:30,480 Speaker 2: Do I CoPant with a friend who also wants a child. 763 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,719 Speaker 2: Do I wait for someone a love interest to come 764 00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:36,160 Speaker 2: into my life to say we're. 765 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:36,760 Speaker 3: Going to have a child. 766 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:40,520 Speaker 2: But dating at over fifty, everybody's kids are out of college. 767 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,480 Speaker 2: I don't want to kids anymore. I don't know what 768 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,560 Speaker 2: it looks like. I need help with that. 769 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,680 Speaker 3: I don't know. I haven't given a pope though. 770 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,560 Speaker 1: What is one thing or many things that at the 771 00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:55,920 Speaker 1: time you thought felt like such a low that you 772 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:57,919 Speaker 1: didn't know how to get out of it, and now 773 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,760 Speaker 1: in retrospect do you see it as having really propelled 774 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:01,919 Speaker 1: you to the place you are now. 775 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:06,960 Speaker 2: I've had career lows, I've had personal lows. They're not 776 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:10,000 Speaker 2: the same, and you know, things aren't packaged as neatly. 777 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:14,760 Speaker 2: What has propelled me, I think is what you're asking 778 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:19,640 Speaker 2: me my faith, the strength of my family. The fun 779 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 2: thing about birth order and being on TV in New 780 00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:24,600 Speaker 2: York City is your southern family really doesn't care, Like 781 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:28,360 Speaker 2: I'm still that turkey baby, and I would I better 782 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:32,279 Speaker 2: not go home act and fancy and sapphire as my 783 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 2: father would say, like what's wrong with you? So the 784 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 2: grounding of my siblings, my cousins, my friends. I have 785 00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:43,279 Speaker 2: a great village, But the journey. I'm still in the 786 00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:45,960 Speaker 2: midst of this journey, like I'm not on the other 787 00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:46,799 Speaker 2: side of it yet. 788 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:48,960 Speaker 3: So what has propelled me? 789 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 2: You know, I guess this is a good way as 790 00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:59,000 Speaker 2: a sports analogist, as the Lombardi ist, I've been asked 791 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:02,000 Speaker 2: at certain events, what is your what's your theme song? 792 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,480 Speaker 2: Because so if we had a theme song, what would 793 00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,680 Speaker 2: you enter on. I'm like, I have a theme song already, 794 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,080 Speaker 2: and and this is what propels me. 795 00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,960 Speaker 3: All I do is when when when? No matter, I'm not. 796 00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:16,600 Speaker 2: But you. 797 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:21,560 Speaker 3: Kdown ocdaun oct down, Because all I do is where 798 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:22,879 Speaker 3: when when? 799 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,080 Speaker 2: And if you go in there and throw your hands 800 00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:28,600 Speaker 2: in the air and let him stay there, that's what 801 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,640 Speaker 2: propels me. Because all I do is man, That's what 802 00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:34,600 Speaker 2: I do. It's a beautiful. Thank you so much, thank you, 803 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,799 Speaker 2: thank you for this platform, and thank you, thank you. 804 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,160 Speaker 3: This was a good experience. Thank you. 805 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,920 Speaker 1: Darlas still lives and works in New York and continues 806 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,680 Speaker 1: to report for ABC seven News. Like so many of us, 807 00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,560 Speaker 1: she's still figuring it all out, and I have the 808 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:09,360 Speaker 1: feeling that somehow, some way she's going to find just 809 00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:12,640 Speaker 1: what she needs. You can stay up to date with 810 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:19,319 Speaker 1: Darla on Instagram at Darla Miles seven. Special thanks to 811 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:23,920 Speaker 1: the she Pivots team, Executive producer Emily eda Flosk, Associate 812 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:28,960 Speaker 1: producer and social media connoisseur Hannah Cousins, Research director Christine Dickinson, 813 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:33,400 Speaker 1: Events and logistics coordinator Madeline Sonovik, and audio editor and 814 00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:38,000 Speaker 1: mixer Nina Pollock. I endorse she Pivots