WEBVTT - 2 | The Ties That Bind Us 0:00:09.959 --> 0:00:12.360 If you're listening to a tenor foot TV. 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:13.800 Podcast, Girls. 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:20.639 Crook County is released weekly and brought to you absolutely free. 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:23.079 But if you want to hear the whole season right now, 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:26.840 it's available ad free on tenderfoot Plus. For more information, 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:33.479 check out the show notes. Enjoy the episode. 0:00:34.519 --> 0:00:38.159 You're listening to Crook County. The views and opinions expressed 0:00:38.200 --> 0:00:41.600 in this podcast are solely those of the individuals participating 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:45.440 in the podcast. This episode also contains subject matter, including 0:00:45.440 --> 0:00:49.000 graphic depictions of violence, which may not be suitable for everyone. 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:51.320 Listener discretion is advised. 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:57.480 Previously on Crook County. 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.320 I got recruited into the mob when I was seventeen 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:00.800 years old. 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:02.840 Meet Kenny the kid Tequila. 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:04.399 I became a trusted member. 0:01:04.479 --> 0:01:07.240 I ran whorehouses and I did his an enforcer for 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:08.839 the Chicago I. 0:01:08.759 --> 0:01:10.639 Wanted him to know I meant fucking business here. 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:13.440 So I beat him, put the gun back up to 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:15.880 his forehead, and three of my boys come in. 0:01:16.479 --> 0:01:19.400 He lived a secret double life for over twenty years. 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:21.839 I had a wife and I had two children. Nobody 0:01:21.919 --> 0:01:23.880 knew anything. I didn't want anybody to know. I was 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:27.040 kind of embarrassed, and I wanted to keep them as 0:01:27.039 --> 0:01:29.399 far away from it as possible. I wanted them. 0:01:29.440 --> 0:01:31.000 To have a good life. 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:34.039 How do you keep an entire life of crime away 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:37.720 from your friends, away from your family. It seems impossible, 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:41.720 but I know it's true because Kenny is my father, 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:48.840 and I had no idea about any of this until now. 0:01:49.720 --> 0:02:11.079 My name is Kyle Tequila. Welcome to Crook County. 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:17.560 I didn't know if he was in the lab until 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:20.360 maybe twenty years after your days were born. 0:02:20.679 --> 0:02:25.360 He was a fucking crazy bastard and that type of 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:26.959 lifestyle fits him. 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:29.680 You cannot control this. It is the devil. 0:02:29.959 --> 0:02:32.400 It lays in wait for you, and it will take 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.480 you out at your weakest moments. 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:47.079 Episode two, The Ties that bind Us? Family? Has there 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:51.799 ever been a more loaded word? To some family means 0:02:51.959 --> 0:02:59.359 unconditional love. It means security and support, tradition, values, acceptance, joy, 0:02:59.799 --> 0:03:04.200 and spending the holidays together. It's the very foundation upon 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:09.440 which you are built. To some people, family means everything, 0:03:10.359 --> 0:03:13.600 But to many others, family is just another four letter 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:19.760 word filled with pain, grief, and discontent. Family is something 0:03:19.760 --> 0:03:25.440 you need to escape from, to shun, to forget. For 0:03:25.560 --> 0:03:30.320 my father, family meant something else entirely On one hand, 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:32.960 it was his wife who loved him, his two young 0:03:32.959 --> 0:03:36.279 boys who idolized him. It meant breaking the chain of 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:39.760 an abusive childhood and starting over to create something new, 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:45.960 something pure, something good. But on the other hand, family 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:50.440 meant something far more sinister. His mafia family took him 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.240 in when he was just seventeen alone in the streets 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:58.040 of Chicago. It gave him a job and a support system. 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:01.000 It took away the anxieties of running away from home 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:05.600 with no money and filled that emptiness with purpose, even 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:09.520 if that purpose was criminal, even if it meant doing 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:14.240 things you never imagined possible, never in a million years, 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:17.839 and once you do them, it's all ready too late. 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:21.440 You're a prisoner to that family forever. 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:29.680 So my goal was to be a good provider, all right, 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:32.880 So my kids had every opportunity in the world that 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:35.520 I didn't have, and my wife could be a wife, 0:04:36.200 --> 0:04:39.680 to be a stay at home mom, to raise the family. Okay, 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:43.360 that was my goal, all right. I didn't want anybody 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:43.640 to know. 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:46.880 I was kind of embarrassed, and I wanted to keep 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:49.360 them as far away from it as possible. I wanted 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:53.040 them to have a good life, you know, raise their 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:54.279 own families. 0:04:55.000 --> 0:04:58.760 And for the most part he succeeded. We never knew 0:04:58.760 --> 0:05:02.880 about my father's second family. We were happy, and I 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:05.560 always felt lucky to be a part of this family. 0:05:06.600 --> 0:05:10.200 In fact, I have almost exclusively positive memories for my 0:05:10.280 --> 0:05:14.760 first eighteen years, a loving, blue collar, suburban middle class 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:18.040 home with a Ford Explorer and a convertible Mustang occupying 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:21.720 the driveway. My dad was a firefighter paramedic and my 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:25.280 mom left work to raise the kids. Both were supportive 0:05:25.280 --> 0:05:29.280 and enthusiastic parents, encouraging us to pursue our passions and 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:33.280 follow our dreams. My younger brother, Corey, and I played 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:36.200 just about every sport imaginable, so trips to play it 0:05:36.240 --> 0:05:39.000 against sports to buy and sell our gently used equipment 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:42.360 were routine. We didn't have all the latest toys or 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:45.000 clothes like many of the other kids in the neighborhood, 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:48.640 but we never really wanted for anything. Running around the 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:54.000 neighborhood like animals, laughing, building forts, playing tag, walking for 0:05:54.120 --> 0:05:56.720 miles along the railroad tracks like the kids and stand 0:05:56.720 --> 0:06:02.920 by Me minus the dead body, sleepovers, paintball battles, baseball games, 0:06:03.200 --> 0:06:08.680 travel hockey, girlfriends, making out in the basement, breakups, new friends, 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:14.000 movie nights, punk shows. It was a good life, as 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:15.720 good as any kid could ask for. 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:18.839 My kids grew up happy. 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:21.120 That's my mom, Holly. 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:25.840 I worked part time, Ken worked as a firefighter paramedic, 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:28.080 and would have a second job, you know, just to 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:31.600 make ends meet. But it was, you know, my perfect 0:06:31.760 --> 0:06:35.080 little life. I you know, had a husband, I had 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:39.160 two beautiful sons. We finally had a beautiful home in 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:43.360 a nice neighborhood. We eventually made good friends with our 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:46.320 neighbors and their kids made good friends with you know, 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:49.280 all the kids in their neighborhood. And you know, it 0:06:49.360 --> 0:06:51.400 was my dream coming true. 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:54.720 We were lucky, at least that's how it felt back then. 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:59.280 But today things couldn't be any more different, and we 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.800 couldn't be any further apart. As soon as we could, 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:05.360 my brother and I moved away from home, me to 0:07:05.400 --> 0:07:08.160 the West Coast and my brother to the East. My 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:11.560 dad eventually moved away to leaving a trail of destruction 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:14.720 in his wake, and leaving my poor mom with nothing 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:19.640 but sadness, anger, and unanswered questions. I don't know why 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:20.720 I deserve this. 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:23.840 My life ended. 0:07:29.240 --> 0:07:32.480 I'd like to welcome everyone here to Chicago. With the bears. 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:34.400 Now for you're continued safety to think, give all them 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:36.440 folks you're gonna fall on, please remain see with them 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:41.160 stands and I flew to Chicago to visit my mom. 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:44.120 It's been years since I've been back, and I'm really 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:46.720 not looking forward to the conversation I'm about to have 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:49.920 with her. I don't think she's looking forward to it either. 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:53.400 Hey, hi, mom, you. 0:07:56.640 --> 0:07:57.560 You look very cuddly. 0:07:57.960 --> 0:07:58.920 A good outfit. 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:01.160 You are cuddly, that's true. 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:01.840 Cool. 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:05.400 Oh my god, Hi, he's not allowed in here. 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:07.640 You know this is a man freeze out. 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:09.400 I'll hang out. 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:13.160 Unfortunately, I'll go back to Duncan Donuts. She lives in 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:16.880 a small house with her friend Kathy. It's old and dated. 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:21.080 The architecture, the furniture like it was pulled straight from 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:22.920 a nineteen seventy series catalog. 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:27.040 The last time was the one and only time other 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:28.000 than when you was little. 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:29.400 Was it your mom's ninety. 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:30.160 Yeah, all right? 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:34.360 When she said she's who introduced me to your father, 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:36.679 and the two of you went thanks a lot. 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:38.640 And that's when I said. 0:08:38.600 --> 0:08:41.160 You should be kissing my ask because if there were 0:08:41.719 --> 0:08:44.600 not a me, there would not be a use very true. 0:08:44.959 --> 0:08:46.839 I hold no resentment towards you at all. 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:47.720 Thank you very much. 0:08:49.760 --> 0:08:51.559 We head up to her room so we can talk. 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:55.440 It's full of pictures and mementos from the old days, 0:08:56.319 --> 0:08:57.000 the good days. 0:08:57.839 --> 0:08:59.959 I mean, I have tons of pictures and things, and 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:03.040 all my videotapes are in there and in there. 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:05.839 And she pulls out a small box from under her bed. 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:10.800 Oh my god, this is one of my favorites. I've 0:09:10.839 --> 0:09:15.240 watched because I didn't have TV for a long time 0:09:15.319 --> 0:09:20.360 and some of my apartments so I will watch VHS 0:09:20.719 --> 0:09:25.360 videotapes of our family. And I love this one and 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:27.560 I love this one. I love them all, but this 0:09:27.719 --> 0:09:30.320 is like my favorite. It's like the beginning of our 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:32.120 normal life. 0:09:33.719 --> 0:09:36.359 We pick out an old VHS tape from our childhood 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:40.239 and pop it in. What is he found? 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:41.760 Kind? 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:44.000 Look around corners stuff. 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:49.680 It's Easter morning, nineteen eighty nine. My four year old 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:52.560 self is joyfully running around the house finding candy filled 0:09:52.599 --> 0:09:55.720 eggs and baskets, while my brother Corey, two years old 0:09:55.719 --> 0:09:57.599 at this time, is trying to keep up. 0:09:58.079 --> 0:09:58.999 You'll find a kite. 0:09:59.280 --> 0:09:59.959 Wow. 0:10:00.079 --> 0:10:03.280 My dad is behind the camera narrating ladies and gentlemen. 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:05.559 Here's my son, Kyle. I want you boys to stand back, 0:10:05.599 --> 0:10:07.400 and my wonderful family stand back. Let me look at 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:12.280 your faces. My beautiful wife like two beautiful boys, and 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:15.320 look it. See all that candy and stuff there, that's 0:10:15.319 --> 0:10:18.719 your first load. We got part two coming up. I 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.520 want you to think about this. You know what I 0:10:21.599 --> 0:10:26.480 got for Easter. My whole life was one basket with 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:27.520 socks and underwear. 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:27.679 It is. 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:33.240 That's all I ever got. Look at my kids. Happy Easter, 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:33.920 you guys. 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:39.559 The image jumps till later in the day. Some family 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:41.960 has come over to celebrate, and my mom now holds 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:46.280 the camera. There's people everywhere. She pans around to my dad, 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:48.680 who's standing tall in the chaos. 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:49.679 Here's Can. 0:10:50.319 --> 0:10:53.640 Oh, you're out of your Easter. Where's your easter bonnet? 0:10:53.719 --> 0:10:53.959 Can? 0:10:54.079 --> 0:10:57.999 He's got long hair, wearing a tight white dress shirt 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:01.080 with most of the buttons undone, and sporting a huge 0:11:01.199 --> 0:11:02.879 goofy smile on his face. 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:05.720 Because these eye is taking it. 0:11:06.199 --> 0:11:06.679 That's right. 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:07.800 So now I'm in a picture. 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:13.760 He's posing now, showing off his muscles and brimming with 0:11:13.839 --> 0:11:17.840 that unique blend of sarcasm, confidence and charm that endeared 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:19.079 him to everyone around him. 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:21.800 Niece, it's jealous, like, right. 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:26.880 Now, she's thirty five years old. Here my age. Now, 0:11:27.719 --> 0:11:31.320 in those days he was my hero. And I don't 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:34.800 just mean that figuratively. Only a few months after this 0:11:34.839 --> 0:11:45.440 home video was made, he literally saved my life. Thanks 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:48.319 for joining me on Crook County for ad free listening 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:52.240 and exclusive content, dive into tenderfootplus dot com right there 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:56.640 in the show notes. Tenderfoot plus is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, 0:11:56.839 --> 0:12:00.560 Google Podcasts, and other podcast players. You'll unlock access to 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:04.920 early episodes, upcoming bonus material, the tenderfoot podcast library of 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:08.040 over four hundred ad free episodes, as well as subscrib 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:19.000 gyber only specials. Subscribe now at tenderfoot plus dot com. 0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:25.839 You guys were little. Corey was like two, your four 0:12:26.079 --> 0:12:30.360 going on five. Well, our neighbor was a single female 0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:34.120 who had moved into the neighborhood with this big dog 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:38.280 and a Nikita huge probably one hundred pound dog at least, 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.640 and she had the dog for protection. She also had 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:46.360 a cat. And one day you and me and Corey 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:49.640 were out in the front yard just hanging out, and 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:53.360 her cat was up in our tree. So you went 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.920 next door and knocked on the door and it was summertime, 0:12:57.240 --> 0:13:00.080 and she just had like a screen door. The other 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.040 door was opened, and the dog came up to the 0:13:03.079 --> 0:13:07.839 door when you were standing there and pushed open the 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:11.760 green door and started chasing after you and tackled you 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:14.840 and took you down to the ground and started biting 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:18.040 you on your head from your head all the way 0:13:18.079 --> 0:13:21.160 down to your calves. And you were like four years old, 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:24.080 forty pounds, and this is like a hundred pound dog 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:27.120 on top of you, tearing you to shreds. I was 0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:29.439 in the front yard with you, and I made this 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:33.600 hurdling scream, and thank god Ken was home that day 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:36.760 because he was usually on twenty four off forty eight, 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:38.640 and he heard me scream in the front yard and 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:41.520 he came out running. And by the time he came 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:43.600 out there, I'm on top of the dog trying to 0:13:43.599 --> 0:13:47.040 get him off of you. You're bleeding everywhere, and I'm 0:13:47.079 --> 0:13:49.280 trying to pull you out of the dog's mouth where 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:52.440 Kenna's trying to pull the dog off of your body. 0:13:52.599 --> 0:13:56.560 And in the meantime, there's puncture wounds on your legs 0:13:56.679 --> 0:14:00.280 and on your head and on your back. And Ken 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:03.200 comes here, and you know, I get off and he 0:14:03.599 --> 0:14:07.040 takes the dog and he opens up the dog's mouth 0:14:07.199 --> 0:14:11.560 like really wide and broke the dog's jaw, and I 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:15.920 pulled you out of the dog's mouth. Finally the ambulance 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:19.000 came and they took X rays of your head. You 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:25.160 had two depressed skull fractures from his teeth. It was scary. 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:29.280 I thought I was going to lose you, and I 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.999 just say thank God, because if Ken wasn't there, you. 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:33.640 Wouldn't be here. 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:39.200 After several months of intensive recovery, the scare had passed 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:42.800 and I was becoming my old self again. So we 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:45.040 packed up our belongings and moved to the house I 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:48.880 would forever consider my childhood home in a small, newly 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:53.520 constructed suburb west of Chicago, the very definition of cookie cutter, 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:59.680 my mom puts in another tape. It's from the day 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.800 we moved in. My dad is behind the camera again 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:05.040 while a few of his buddies from the fire department 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:07.239 are carrying in furniture and goofing off. 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:08.800 Nice. 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:09.040 If you. 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:11.440 Take pictures. 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:17.040 Warm, there's not warm. 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:19.680 Don't bother about. 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:22.600 The neighborhood was so new that none of the landscaping 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:26.040 had been planted yet, so the entire yard was mud. 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:28.560 There's a lot of people out here admiring their mud. 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:32.360 Our house a little blue island in a sea of 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:33.280 brown sludge. 0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:34.080 How about that? 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:39.960 That's something Santa, don't you guys? 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:48.680 Growing up was great. We had a great childhood. 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:51.840 That's my brother Corey dead. 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:54.520 He would take us to the firehouse, seeing all the 0:15:54.600 --> 0:15:57.520 fire engines and playing with all the medical supplies and 0:15:57.560 --> 0:16:01.080 the and the paramedic truck and everything. You know, rubber gloves, 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:03.120 that was like the coolest thing to like wear, you know, 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:04.120 ship like that. 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:06.520 And somebody would go on the mic, you know, and 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:07.040 it would be. 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:10.000 An intercom throughout the whole the whole building, and be 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:12.520 like attention. And then I don't know, maybe what Mike 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:14.640 Eckler or something like that, would just let out a 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:18.280 big rip on the microphone in his sport throughout the 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:20.640 whole building, you know, and everybody would crack up. You know, 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:21.560 this is just fun. 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:31.800 She pops in another tape, it's my fifth birthday party. 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:36.160 There's about twenty people at some restaurant. I remember this. 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:48.880 The kids got to make our own pizzas. It's impossible 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.960 to describe how I feel watching this video and knowing 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:54.760 now all of the atrocious crimes my father committed in 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:58.000 the years leading up to it, and worse that they 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:05.800 were still being committed, beatings, murders, cover ups, will try 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:10.760 and then coming home to his happy little family and 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:13.080 lying about everything away. 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:18.960 Why don't we get here, kid, and. 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:23.439 All of us completely oblivious, celebrating a joyful birthday with 0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:27.000 the clear heads and hearts of a simple, average American family, 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:33.160 when in fact we were anything but right here. 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:38.000 I'll relax, will, Yeah, I haven't an emotion forever in motion? 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:38.359 All right? 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:40.360 Lamar stills, Baby, This is. 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:44.440 The nineties and my poor mother going to bed every 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:47.719 night next to a man she doesn't even know, a 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:51.199 man who has blood on his hands, the same hands 0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:53.600 that would comb through my hair the next morning before 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:56.879 going off to work to possibly have them bloodied again. 0:17:59.639 --> 0:18:02.600 We never suspected a thing, we had no reason to. 0:18:05.879 --> 0:18:10.000 But now looking back, knowing what I know, there were 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:14.199 in fact signs of a darker side, cracks in his 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:14.720 been ear. 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:18.679 I remember being eight or nine, my dad picking me 0:18:18.800 --> 0:18:22.480 up from somewhere. I'm walking out and I see Dad 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:25.919 kind of just like nonchalantly, like hanging out in his 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:29.719 Ford Explorer kind of yelling at a guy. You know, 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:34.119 it looked like there was a confrontation going on, but 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:38.360 he was super calm, super chill. As I'm walking closer 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:42.159 and closer to the car, I see this this big 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:46.520 bald man screaming through the window. Well, Ken, my dad 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:49.679 was just sitting there, and all of a sudden, he 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:54.520 fucking just headbuts this guy knocks the guy fucking flat out, 0:18:55.280 --> 0:18:58.320 and I'm like, I didn't, I don't even, I don't 0:18:58.320 --> 0:18:59.960 even I don't even think I brought it up to. 0:18:59.960 --> 0:19:02.520 Him, because I think I was just. 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:04.639 So stunned, like what the hell just happened, you know, 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:08.879 you know, just a typical Sunday morning, that fucking knocking 0:19:08.920 --> 0:19:11.480 some guy out through a window in a car. 0:19:11.639 --> 0:19:14.600 With his head and then you just drove away. 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:16.720 And just like nothing fucking happened. 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:22.359 I've seen Dad twice. The first time I was really young, 0:19:22.399 --> 0:19:25.440 but I do remember him in a fit of road 0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:30.280 rage pulling a guy out of his car like we're 0:19:30.320 --> 0:19:32.720 behind the car, because you know, he was in front 0:19:32.760 --> 0:19:35.560 of us, pulling the guy out of his driver's side 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:38.800 door and dragging him to like the back. So now 0:19:38.800 --> 0:19:41.080 I had like a perfect view of this of the crime, 0:19:41.720 --> 0:19:44.800 and just pounding a guy and then leaving him just 0:19:44.879 --> 0:19:48.800 basically knocked out or like half aware, and then getting 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:49.960 back in the car and then like you know, doing 0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:52.560 a little swerve, drive around and then continueing. I was 0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:55.000 with the day, So that was the first time I 0:19:55.040 --> 0:19:56.800 remember seeing that, and I was so young it almost 0:19:56.840 --> 0:19:59.479 felt like a dream. But then I think it was 0:19:59.520 --> 0:20:03.639 seventh grade and I remember in like one of my 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:07.320 English classes or something, we were doing like a project, 0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:10.040 you know, you'd like create a scene, like a shoebox scene, 0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:12.160 you know what I mean. I remember it was sitting 0:20:12.200 --> 0:20:13.720 in my lap because I was up all night working 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:15.840 on it. And we're driving to school and some guy 0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:20.200 cuts ken off and he chases this dude past the school, 0:20:20.240 --> 0:20:24.640 like we go on a chase. I'm screaming, a hunt, 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:27.159 And finally we catch the guy a red light and 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:30.840 he goes and paunches the guy several times through his 0:20:30.920 --> 0:20:34.320 driver's side window. Then gets back in the car, does 0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:37.800 a U turn, drops me off at school, and you're like, 0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:40.520 what do you do? You know, like you just you can't. 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:43.639 There's nothing to say, nothing to do. He just like 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:46.480 kind of walk like a zombie through the rest of 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:49.280 the day, going is that a real thing that just happened. 0:20:51.639 --> 0:20:54.359 When things are going well, it's hard to believe they 0:20:54.359 --> 0:20:57.840 could ever go wrong. And just because my father showed 0:20:57.879 --> 0:21:01.359 a few flashes of violence or said a few questionable 0:21:01.359 --> 0:21:05.919 things doesn't mean there's something sinister or terrible lurking behind 0:21:05.960 --> 0:21:10.119 the curtain. Besides, he was never violent with any of us. 0:21:10.879 --> 0:21:14.199 Life is complex and emotional, and it's human nature to 0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:17.080 see the best in people. But a lie this big 0:21:17.840 --> 0:21:23.080 can't stay hidden forever. Somehow, some way, it will turn 0:21:23.119 --> 0:21:25.280 on you and force its way out. 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:29.999 One day, I'm cooking dinner in the kitchen and I 0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:32.359 hear a commotion in the garage. So I opened up 0:21:32.440 --> 0:21:36.600 the door to the garage and there's Ken's brother and 0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:41.800 he said, Holly, Ken needs to go to rehab. And 0:21:41.840 --> 0:21:45.000 I said, what what are you talking about? And he says, 0:21:45.760 --> 0:21:51.679 Ken is addicted to heroin. And I was floored. I 0:21:51.680 --> 0:21:54.520 mean I just couldn't believe it, and I was so 0:21:55.000 --> 0:22:00.679 much in denial. So that night I took Ken to 0:22:00.760 --> 0:22:06.840 rehab and they admitted him right away. You know, Ken 0:22:06.920 --> 0:22:10.680 went back and forth through rehab, but the heroine took 0:22:10.720 --> 0:22:14.840 over and he just kept doing it, and I kept 0:22:14.879 --> 0:22:19.519 finding perfernalitia in the house, and his arms are all 0:22:19.560 --> 0:22:23.280 these bruised, and I would find blood splitts on the ceiling. 0:22:23.879 --> 0:22:28.480 And he was so bad where he was going crazy, 0:22:28.720 --> 0:22:32.040 like he would scream at me. He would come at me. 0:22:32.560 --> 0:22:35.679 He looked like he was possessed. He'd be rolling on 0:22:35.720 --> 0:22:39.000 the floor screaming like he looked like he was a 0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:43.640 possessed devil. And I was scared to death. He would 0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:46.719 come at me many times and he would push me 0:22:47.159 --> 0:22:51.000 or and I didn't take it. I would push him back. 0:22:51.280 --> 0:22:55.280 And when I pushed him back, you know, I wouldn't 0:22:55.280 --> 0:22:59.960 either get hit or push against the wall or something. 0:23:01.040 --> 0:23:03.960 I had a sleep in my car, or I would 0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:06.160 sleep at the bottom of the stairs, so I had 0:23:06.399 --> 0:23:11.439 an easy escape. Because he was so crazy, trying to 0:23:11.520 --> 0:23:15.439 wean off the drug, that's all he cared about. He 0:23:15.639 --> 0:23:22.719 alienated his family, he alienated his friends, he alienated his job. 0:23:23.159 --> 0:23:26.520 It destroyed our life, It destroyed our marriage, It destroyed 0:23:26.560 --> 0:23:31.679 my kids, it destroyed friendships, it destroyed. 0:23:34.200 --> 0:23:35.800 It really destroyed everything. 0:23:54.280 --> 0:23:57.400 During those ten years of addiction, I had already left 0:23:57.440 --> 0:23:59.959 home and started my own life in Atlanta, where I 0:24:00.000 --> 0:24:03.679 met my wife, Nicole. We got married in two thousand 0:24:03.720 --> 0:24:06.239 and nine. My wedding was the last time that the 0:24:06.280 --> 0:24:09.800 four of us were together in the same I did 0:24:09.879 --> 0:24:12.679 know my dad was struggling with addiction, and I knew 0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:15.320 that my mom was taking him to treatment and assisting 0:24:15.359 --> 0:24:18.679 in his recovery, but I never knew just how bad 0:24:18.800 --> 0:24:22.480