Speaker 1: I got Well, I'm back, so we know his parenting.
Speaker 1: I'm Peter McNerney. We're still in the airbnb. We're still
Speaker 1: in the airbnb. How is How's what's your review of
Speaker 1: this airbnb? This airbnb is great for what we needed
Speaker 1: for but I am slowly going insane at not ever
Speaker 1: being in my own home. Yeah, it was really great.
Speaker 1: Post vacation. We have an empty house and nothing to do,
Speaker 1: but it's a sad place. We well, it's we haven't
Speaker 1: been our own home in over two weeks now, just
Speaker 1: because of travel and bathroom renovation, and that makes me
Speaker 1: feel insane, Like every once an hour I go to
Speaker 1: look for something that would be convenient to my life, life,
Speaker 1: my work, my health and hygiene, and that thing is
Speaker 1: not there, and then I just feel like I'm just
Speaker 1: being driven slowly mad. And also our children we're not
Speaker 1: in school Britains and back in school until today, so
Speaker 1: he's just been floating around, just ruining all activity, just
Speaker 1: floating around. I mean, I'm so excited to get rid
Speaker 1: of them, But do you feel like they've grown up
Speaker 1: ten thousand years in the last few weeks. Yeah, they're
Speaker 1: like real kids. We say this every month on the
Speaker 1: podcast where like, oh my god, our kids are so huge,
Speaker 1: but now we really mean it. Um, yeah, they're just
Speaker 1: like kids, like they had like a kid Christmas. We
Speaker 1: are we probably already talked about this, but they like
Speaker 1: hung out with their cousins and played with them, and
Speaker 1: we're out of our way and entertaining each other. We
Speaker 1: ignore them for hours. We didn't have to worry about
Speaker 1: anyone like falling down a flight of dairs. Every second.
Speaker 1: We send them down the stairs and say stay there
Speaker 1: playing the basement. Hey, go fall down the stairs. What
Speaker 1: do we care, You'll be fine. Oh, your dad had
Speaker 1: a great quote over Christmas. By the way, so you're parents,
Speaker 1: I guess kind of all boomer parents are notoriously blase
Speaker 1: about safety and notorious. Yeah, it's like a stereotype of
Speaker 1: boomers just any older generation is like, we live through it,
Speaker 1: You'll be fine. A factory I fell down the factory
Speaker 1: that I am much more a boomer than you are.
Speaker 1: You're much more boomer in terms of safety. Well anyway,
Speaker 1: it's it's like an attitude that I feels. I feel
Speaker 1: like part of it genuinely comes from a time when
Speaker 1: people had like seven kids and they were like well,
Speaker 1: we're gonna lose one or two like you like. Anyway,
Speaker 1: the quote is going to say is someone said something
Speaker 1: about like our nephew like falling down the stairs or something.
Speaker 1: I don't know they were he was going to the
Speaker 1: stairs alone and someone made some comment and your dad
Speaker 1: was like, well, if you're going to fall down the
Speaker 1: stairs at any age, that's the age. And it's like,
Speaker 1: I guess true, but it's just like very harsh. He's
Speaker 1: all he's practically on the ground, being that short the
Speaker 1: fall is, you know. Yeah, and my dad is six
Speaker 1: four when he falls. You know, he's got a lifetime
Speaker 1: between tripping and hitting the ground. If anyone's gonna have
Speaker 1: a strong recovery, it's going to be a two year old.
Speaker 1: You all can fall down the stairs anyway. But um,
Speaker 1: it was a good holiday, and our kids we already
Speaker 1: talked about this, but yeah, our kids are huge. So
Speaker 1: the big change for me is I now say to them,
Speaker 1: go get your jammies on, or in the morning, I
Speaker 1: go get dressed, and they do it. But they also
Speaker 1: sort of both like space even really spaces out. This
Speaker 1: morning we were early to dropping to dropping Maven off
Speaker 1: at daycare in Britain school. Because I get out, I goes, all, right,
Speaker 1: what do you want for breakfast? What's cereal? And they
Speaker 1: picked and I go get dressed and you can have it.
Speaker 1: And I went out and I poured two bowls of
Speaker 1: cereal and I put them on the table and then
Speaker 1: I was like, I need to take your own shower.
Speaker 1: And then I turned around and there they were in
Speaker 1: their clothes. It's incredible what this takes. I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is supposed to take twenty five minutes of me wrestling
Speaker 1: you into the clothes. I do think that this week
Speaker 1: they're like kind of excited to be back in their routine,
Speaker 1: like they genuinely have started to actually in this school.
Speaker 1: I loved going back to school after a break. They
Speaker 1: all have so much to talk about. That's how I
Speaker 1: feel like, I must be so funny to hear what
Speaker 1: they say to each other. Oh, I have so many
Speaker 1: things to explain to people. Well, like it's like today
Speaker 1: when I'm so curious to hear how they say it
Speaker 1: out of context because today we we've talked to Bran
Speaker 1: about the rule of threes in comedy because he like, like,
Speaker 1: in comedy, if something happens three times it's funny, but
Speaker 1: sometimes Brat pushes it and he just repeats something ten
Speaker 1: thousand times, and we were like kind of trying to explain.
Speaker 1: He's like, always confused why he's not getting laughs, and
Speaker 1: it's like, because it's gonna laugh one second ago. So
Speaker 1: then he got onto this thing about the rule of
Speaker 1: a hundreds and that's when things are not funny anymore. Well,
Speaker 1: so what he said, I don't think you're there. He goes,
Speaker 1: he's told this joke over and over and we all
Speaker 1: stopped laughing and he noticed. So he's like, that's the
Speaker 1: rule of threes, right, daddy. After three, it's not funny anymore.
Speaker 1: That's why you're not laughing. And I was in my mind,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, that's very intuitive. Yes, he goes, that's
Speaker 1: the rule in Winnetka, the rule of three, which is
Speaker 1: where we are, we're for vacation. And then he goes,
Speaker 1: but here where we live, now that it's the rule
Speaker 1: of a hundred. Well, but this was secondary too in
Speaker 1: original conversation that I was trying to explain, which is
Speaker 1: that he's he learned about the rule of threes and
Speaker 1: how things feel less funny. So he yeah, he the
Speaker 1: rule of threes is actually a comedy rule and the
Speaker 1: rule and there are improv teachers. I think Billy Murritt
Speaker 1: used to say the rule of seven was that it
Speaker 1: would stop being funny after three, and then when he
Speaker 1: got back around to twenty seven, it would start getting
Speaker 1: funny again, which is pretty much the rule that Brian
Speaker 1: has now come up with, exactly that. The rule of
Speaker 1: three is after two everyone sees a pattern, and three
Speaker 1: confirms it. So at three everyone's like, got it, I
Speaker 1: got it, and then four it's like no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: I already got it. But then is the well can't
Speaker 1: just repeated over and over. Sorry, I'm trying to get
Speaker 1: to is that the brand has this rule. And then
Speaker 1: he was trying to explain it to Nick in a
Speaker 1: video today that we're going to send to Nick. But
Speaker 1: then Nick, an adult man, my comedy partner who understands
Speaker 1: comedy rules and so brands starts telling the story and
Speaker 1: just like starts the story in the strangest place, and
Speaker 1: it's like the rule the rule of one hundreds in
Speaker 1: our town is the It's just like he said, the
Speaker 1: rule of one hundred in our town is that you
Speaker 1: can tell any joke a thousand times. Yeah, it just
Speaker 1: didn't anyway. So that's sort of what my point was.
Speaker 1: I'm picturing him back at school, and he's like, I
Speaker 1: played in the puppet theater and I flew an airplane. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I flew in an airplane. I piloted an airplane. Um,
Speaker 1: I taught the world about how ears were because he's
Speaker 1: been saying some really weird lies lately. You've been watching
Speaker 1: a lot of storybots. So he learned how a lot
Speaker 1: of things work and only sort of gets it, and
Speaker 1: he loves to explain, and then he loves to change
Speaker 1: the story in the strangest way. Don't correct him. I'm
Speaker 1: teaching mayven days of the week this week. I realized
Speaker 1: that may even does not know the days of the week,
Speaker 1: which brand new when he was very young. Because I've
Speaker 1: spent all day quizzing him on things, and I've been
Speaker 1: ignoring my daughter. Or she's just interested in more interesting
Speaker 1: things like princesses. Jinna warns babies, more practical knowledge, like
Speaker 1: like sparkles and rainbows. She like. So she got this
Speaker 1: necklace making kit for Christmas, which she loved. She loved
Speaker 1: all of her girly things, and she got a doll
Speaker 1: from her cousin. That was her favorite thing ever. And
Speaker 1: she one of these necklaces was sitting out here and
Speaker 1: she was like this one broke a little bit, and
Speaker 1: like she's pointing at the beads and like noting. Like
Speaker 1: she's just in that really girly mode where she'll turn
Speaker 1: to you and be like it's not perfect, Like she
Speaker 1: just like wants everything to be like so beautiful. She's
Speaker 1: very particular like her mother, which has led to a
Speaker 1: gorgeous bathroom. I keep going over there at night when
Speaker 1: the workers are away, and I peek at the progress. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you like to sneak peeks, like the sneak peaks. I
Speaker 1: just like to sneak peaks in bathrooms. What I'm no
Speaker 1: creep um. The sink, the vanity, the toilet are in.
Speaker 1: It's good except for this one thing that our contractor
Speaker 1: improvised without consulting me. With the tiles. Well there, so
Speaker 1: there's like what they contractors referred to as shampoo boxes,
Speaker 1: which are these indians in the tiles in the shower
Speaker 1: where you can put your shampoo and stuff. And so
Speaker 1: the back of that, he decided on his own to
Speaker 1: do a totally different tile separate from the two tiles
Speaker 1: I picked out for the wall and floor, and he
Speaker 1: chose this very cheap, tacky looking tile to insert into
Speaker 1: the middle of all the subway tile, which is like
Speaker 1: it's like one of those sheets. It's like it's like
Speaker 1: every kitchen, Yeah, like fake colorful glass. And granted it's
Speaker 1: it's all like gray, so it's like it could be
Speaker 1: a lot worse. And it's going to be the shower
Speaker 1: behind the shower curtain, and no one's going to look
Speaker 1: in the shower and inspect my shampoo boxes. So at
Speaker 1: this point, I just want everyone to leave my bathroom
Speaker 1: and I want to move back into my home. So
Speaker 1: I'm not going to argue about it, but I'm just like,
Speaker 1: why why this? Why not the other tile that we
Speaker 1: have a whole other box of? Well, why not just
Speaker 1: the white subway tile that is? That's what I mean? Yeah,
Speaker 1: or why not ask us? Yeah, I gotta say they've
Speaker 1: done a very fine job. I think he thought. I
Speaker 1: genuinely think he thought he was doing me a favor.
Speaker 1: Like I think there's he has a lot of customers
Speaker 1: who are probably like, yeah, when they added in this
Speaker 1: fancy detail over here like that, I think that he
Speaker 1: was like, I'm going to add some visual interest. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he doesn't see it. He probably was like, this box
Speaker 1: of child costs five box versus two for the white
Speaker 1: subway tiles. So I'm gonna treat her, you know, like, well,
Speaker 1: it's an easier it's a much easier thing to install
Speaker 1: because it's one sheet and it's like a flexible sheet.
Speaker 1: You gotta cut those subway tiles and put it in
Speaker 1: an awkward spot. Yeah. But anyway, dang girl, you designed
Speaker 1: the hell out of that bathroom and it is Oh,
Speaker 1: we can't put it. We'll have to have a picture,
Speaker 1: not this week's episode. We'll have to do a pictures.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. My friend, whose husband is an architect,
Speaker 1: I was asking her sure, I was talking to her
Speaker 1: about this, and she recommended Cohler like sink fixtures and
Speaker 1: I'm really pleased with that aspect of this. Oh well,
Speaker 1: I could say they were the showerhead fixtures are gold. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was a curveball. I didn't see that coming. You
Speaker 1: didn't see the gold coming. I mean I saw none
Speaker 1: of it coming because I was not part of the process,
Speaker 1: which I'm not complaining you. I trust you and you
Speaker 1: deliver Anyway, it looks great. We can't wait. I can't
Speaker 1: wait to have the an octional bathroom that doesn't leak
Speaker 1: into our downstairs neighbors and the toilet doesn't run all
Speaker 1: the time, and the door closed, the window sill isn't
Speaker 1: rotting away, and the door has a lock on it
Speaker 1: because we're fancy now. Also, the door is made out
Speaker 1: of solid wood, so you don't necessarily have to hear
Speaker 1: everyone's don't have to hear everyone's pub in our apartment
Speaker 1: where the echoes throughout. Um, we just used to call
Speaker 1: it the pp echo room. Anyway, we're moving up, moving
Speaker 1: on up, And can we talk about the tantrum that
Speaker 1: happened tonight? Is it interesting? Well? The thing that was
Speaker 1: interesting about it, So Maven's been having some big tantrums
Speaker 1: and I'm just she's hitting me, and so I have
Speaker 1: to hold her down gently carefully. Um. I try to
Speaker 1: keep my cool, but sometimes I don't. And I'm just remembering, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: Brand went through this that phase where he would go
Speaker 1: crazy and you'd have to really pin him down and
Speaker 1: because he wasn't being safe and he was stomping and
Speaker 1: all this, and remember how hard it was. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: not nearly this. She's not as strong as he is.
Speaker 1: And but he was. It's the same age that he
Speaker 1: was doing this. But tonight we went through one of
Speaker 1: them and she didn't have quite the fight in her
Speaker 1: that she did for the last couple, and that it
Speaker 1: ended with her. She gave up. And that is brand
Speaker 1: new and boys, it satisfying. I think we're past the
Speaker 1: worst of that. But she started screaming, you're hurting me,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm not. My impulse would go like,
Speaker 1: I'm not hurting you. You can't engage at all. Canna
Speaker 1: engage to that because she's gonna scream it more. And
Speaker 1: we are to Airbnb, and and the woman who rents it,
Speaker 1: I think is in this building. She's got a little
Speaker 1: secret compartment somewhere, not a compartment apartment secret. She told
Speaker 1: us she's in an attached apartment on the property. I
Speaker 1: think she might be directly blows yeah she is anyway,
Speaker 1: daughter screaming. She's listening to this podcast right now. Um,
Speaker 1: you're welcome free content. This next segment is called would
Speaker 1: you knows? That's where you guys are listeners or us
Speaker 1: present parenting hypotheticals. Oh yeah, we gotta repeat writer in
Speaker 1: her for would you knows? This is from Nicola, who
Speaker 1: wrote do you're a member that would you know? Scenario
Speaker 1: about the the guy from that like still money or
Speaker 1: something from us and then years later run into a
Speaker 1: month playground and he acts like he doesn't know you.
Speaker 1: I got all those details wrong, but it was a
Speaker 1: good one anyway. Read this one. Hey guys, thank you
Speaker 1: for your trouble shooting with my previous would you know
Speaker 1: this question? It brought a smile to my face on
Speaker 1: a particularly tough day trying to juggle children, work, in
Speaker 1: life in general. Due to the feedback from the Graham
Speaker 1: slash Matthew scenario, which is the last one, I challenged
Speaker 1: myself to think of another descent. So here we go.
Speaker 1: It is the Christmas holidays and you are currently experiencing
Speaker 1: the common confusion of it's Tuesday today, right, it's Wednesday?
Speaker 1: Are you sure what happened to Tuesday? Along with the
Speaker 1: calendar amnesia, everyone's sleep schedules also messed up. Brandon Maven
Speaker 1: had started staying up late, and therefore you two are
Speaker 1: also staying up late and sleeping in to compensate. Excuse me, Peter, Sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm drinking a bubbly beer over here, Peter. One night,
Speaker 1: you wake up to hear Maven crying. At a glance
Speaker 1: of your phone, you predict you've only just fallen asleep. Groggily,
Speaker 1: you get out of bed to check on Maven. Once
Speaker 1: in the kid's room, you see Beth is already there,
Speaker 1: trying to console Maven, but nothing is working. Maven is
Speaker 1: pushing to sit up and break out of Beth's arms,
Speaker 1: but can't get out of her hold and continues to
Speaker 1: cry out in frustration. Upon hearing you walk in, Beth
Speaker 1: looks up at you and says, this isn't Maven. This
Speaker 1: must be an alien to you. Maven looks and sounds
Speaker 1: like herself, and you say so to Beth. She only
Speaker 1: shakes her head and repeats with some with stone cold sincerity,
Speaker 1: that the child she is holding is an alien. You
Speaker 1: need to call someone, she adds, this time with urgency.
Speaker 1: Take her into our room, get him out of here.
Speaker 1: I'll hold it until you get back. Peter. You're naturally
Speaker 1: confused as hell. You suspect that Beth is still half asleep,
Speaker 1: and maybe whatever she was dreaming is still running through
Speaker 1: her system. Maybe she was dreaming about people being addict
Speaker 1: abducted by shape shifting creatures from out of space. But
Speaker 1: what if she's not What if this isn't Maven. The
Speaker 1: possibility is extremely slim that your daughter has been replaced
Speaker 1: by a shape shifting extraterrestrial, But it's still a possibility.
Speaker 1: The more you try to reason with Beth, the more
Speaker 1: she digs her heels and she keeps a tight hold
Speaker 1: of your quote unquote daughter who's trying to break free.
Speaker 1: What do you do? Thanks, Keola, Wow, what do you do?
Speaker 1: Don't believe it? I just go back to sleep. This
Speaker 1: is so classic. It was so classic. Don't believe it.
Speaker 1: Just go back to sleep and let my hallucinating wife
Speaker 1: wrestle my daughter. I would not go back to sleep
Speaker 1: because I would be in great fear that my wife
Speaker 1: has lost her mind and that she's going to harm
Speaker 1: our child. So I would apply reason. I would let
Speaker 1: you know Beth that okay, okay, great, Well let's take
Speaker 1: a second. Let's figure this out to calm you down,
Speaker 1: make you feel like this alien is not going to
Speaker 1: hurt us. And I'd say, let's talk to it um
Speaker 1: and I try to get Mavin out of your arms.
Speaker 1: This could really make or break our relationship. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: I would show you that I was taking it seriously.
Speaker 1: I mean also, at first, I need to assess how
Speaker 1: crazed you are, if we can calm you down. It
Speaker 1: seems like we need a code word or something like
Speaker 1: where it can be like, I'm not losing my mind
Speaker 1: right now. This is an alien Like what, Beth are you?
Speaker 1: Have you read this email? Because I didn't read the
Speaker 1: ps to this email. You want to hear the ps
Speaker 1: ps once you have solved it. In our household, we
Speaker 1: have a code word that we use when one of
Speaker 1: us needs to take a step back from a situation
Speaker 1: because the other is getting frustrated, whether it's cleaning, fixing
Speaker 1: a broken drawer, or handling our daughter after only one
Speaker 1: hour of sleep and still in dream mode. It is
Speaker 1: coming handy at times, and I'm so grateful to have
Speaker 1: my husband to lean on. In the early days of
Speaker 1: being a mom, I used to dream of people hiding
Speaker 1: my daughter in pillow cases, so I'd wake up tearing
Speaker 1: the bed she's trying to apart, trying to find her.
Speaker 1: I can't believe you said that, because we're all in
Speaker 1: a simulation. Peter, Oh my gosh, I was programmed different.
Speaker 1: That's crazy code word. But in their scenario, the code
Speaker 1: word is sort of like wake up, like it snaps
Speaker 1: you back to reality. Well it sounds like no, I
Speaker 1: didn't actually process that. I was just too shocked that
Speaker 1: you also said code words. I mean, it is shocking.
Speaker 1: In our household, we have a cold word that we
Speaker 1: use when one of us needs to take a step
Speaker 1: back from a situation because the other is getting frustrated. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so when things are getting too intense and someone needs
Speaker 1: to be like reminded, So what I say the code
Speaker 1: word to you to be like you need to take
Speaker 1: a break, or do I say a code word? Because
Speaker 1: the person who's trying to calm the other person down
Speaker 1: says so I say, like, Bob, that's a flipper. It
Speaker 1: means it's like giving each other a time out that
Speaker 1: you've agreed upon. Well, I'm most I'm a little confused.
Speaker 1: I think time outs are good. I agree. That's something
Speaker 1: I have learned a little bit being with you, is that,
Speaker 1: like I feel a lot of things, I'm going to
Speaker 1: give myself a time out so that I can am
Speaker 1: capable of remembering what I'm saying now. Otherwise I'll say
Speaker 1: a whole lot of things I can't defend. Later, this
Speaker 1: Airbnb feels like we're in a time out. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: that is completely true. I feel like my whole life
Speaker 1: is I'm i M gonna have a time Yeah. It's
Speaker 1: just such a weird. Yeah, anyway, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: say time out with our kids, do we do? You
Speaker 1: say time out? I say alone time? I think you
Speaker 1: need some alone time. It feels less love of punishment,
Speaker 1: more meeting their needs. Sometimes you gotta cool down. Can
Speaker 1: you believe you said we need a code word? I can't.
Speaker 1: I've actually had so many insane synchronicities this week like
Speaker 1: you would not like it's like it's just like crazy.
Speaker 1: I was like sitting here trying to write something, and
Speaker 1: I haven't been so frustrated because like the kids keep
Speaker 1: entry up to me all week, and I was having
Speaker 1: sort of like a breakthrough realization of like just like
Speaker 1: forcing myself to like actually get something done. And as
Speaker 1: it was happening, this hawk and we're are Airbnb is
Speaker 1: on this golf course, and so this hawk flew down
Speaker 1: to the golf course and like caught an animal in
Speaker 1: its mouth, like right in front of me. As this
Speaker 1: was happening, and I was just like, what is happening?
Speaker 1: And like I had I've had so many moments in
Speaker 1: this Airbnb where I'll be thinking about something I want
Speaker 1: to do or buy or whatever and something and then
Speaker 1: I'll literally look up and be like, there's a painting
Speaker 1: of that thing on the wall right in front of me.
Speaker 1: Like I just have had so many, so many weird things. Anyway,
Speaker 1: that reminds me of the still the most insane things
Speaker 1: that's ever happened in my entire life. So I was
Speaker 1: in high school. I was getting ready for breakfast for school,
Speaker 1: was eating breakfast, Um, I was done, and I remember
Speaker 1: putting on my shoes at the breakfast table and I
Speaker 1: was tying my shoes. I finished tying them, and I
Speaker 1: looked up and in our backgyard there was a big pond,
Speaker 1: and across the pond it was a very big, weeping willow,
Speaker 1: beautiful giant tree right on the edge of the water.
Speaker 1: And I look up and I, for no reason, I
Speaker 1: decided to take a second to just actively think about
Speaker 1: this tree and appreciate it. My mind, really is an
Speaker 1: incredible tree. And just in that moment, the entire tree
Speaker 1: split into and fell into the pond. That's how they're
Speaker 1: reminding us. It's all fake. It was. It's not like
Speaker 1: it started cracking. It was loud, like the whole thing
Speaker 1: cracked and splashed and there were waves. It's not like
Speaker 1: I heard a noise and looked. I was looking at
Speaker 1: it and then it went I can die. Now we're
Speaker 1: in a game. I later read that this is common
Speaker 1: for weeping willows, especially close to the water, and this
Speaker 1: one was freakishly big. To following someone's staring at them,
Speaker 1: that's common. Yeah, they're very shy, so like, don't look
Speaker 1: at me. Um. So, I don't know what I learned
Speaker 1: from that. There's a pps in this email about half
Speaker 1: of the Graham slash Matthews scenario is based on true events. Wow,
Speaker 1: I figured her style is like a mix of fact
Speaker 1: in fiction where the lines are always blurred. It's like
Speaker 1: a really good movie adaptation of real events where it's
Speaker 1: not that real. Yeah, you shouldn't get into she is.
Speaker 1: She's doing a great job, I gotta say. And it's
Speaker 1: you got characters the really indicate how how to read
Speaker 1: the lines is clear. I feel like she could write
Speaker 1: a really great thriller in the same way that like
Speaker 1: in the way that Jordan's Peels films get it, like
Speaker 1: the visceral feeling of experiencing racism. I feel like she
Speaker 1: could do that for like the visceral like sort of
Speaker 1: rage and overwhelm of being a mom. But you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like she's like you wake up and
Speaker 1: there's an alien Like I just want her to write
Speaker 1: we knows pod fan fiction you wanted to be about you? Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's why I love it. Um, although you gotta don't
Speaker 1: learn how to spell brand too many ends. There's only
Speaker 1: one end. I mean. This is not to you. This
Speaker 1: is not for everybody to scold them. I love you,
Speaker 1: I take it back, But everybody, we gotta go over
Speaker 1: this again because almost nobody gets them right. Bran d
Speaker 1: R Y D M A E. Just don't give us.
Speaker 1: Don't don't give us an excuse to talk about our
Speaker 1: kids names again because you don't want to hear it.
Speaker 1: Just try to spell them correctly. I don't want to
Speaker 1: hear it. They don't want to hear us talk about names. Spelling.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about spelling. One of my favorite books I've
Speaker 1: ever read was just about the history of the English language,
Speaker 1: just the phonetics. You know, I have to bring her
Speaker 1: up almost every episode. Elizabeth Warren this week said that
Speaker 1: her favorite book she was asked by a childbird favorite
Speaker 1: book is and she said The Little Engine That Could.
Speaker 1: She's the only person who could answer that in the
Speaker 1: way that she answered it. And I would be like,
Speaker 1: I believe what this politician is saying. I believe she
Speaker 1: actually feels this way. I believe I believe she. I
Speaker 1: believe she like she named her dog Bailey, after George
Speaker 1: Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life and Hello Yo, building
Speaker 1: him loan. Someone asked her recently in an interview. They
Speaker 1: tried to argue that like George Bailey's philosophy was actually
Speaker 1: predatory towards like he was a predatory lender, and She's
Speaker 1: like flipped out defended it. I was like, this is
Speaker 1: the one who really loves that movie and really loves
Speaker 1: a Little Engine. Anyway, Well, for whatever difference is, Elizabeth
Speaker 1: Warden and I have we are on the same page
Speaker 1: about defending George Bailey, who called him a predatory lender.
Speaker 1: Come on, he sacrificed profits left and right to help
Speaker 1: the little guy. Um, all right, Well, that was an
Speaker 1: excellent um, we knows, would you know? I was going
Speaker 1: to say, what the hell is called? Is called? We knows?
Speaker 1: This is an excellent We know the episode is not over,
Speaker 1: but the reviews are in in this episode, we're killing it.
Speaker 1: This next secment is called listeners want to Know. So
Speaker 1: that's where we take questions and comments from you guys.
Speaker 1: All right? Does the email comes to us from Matthew
Speaker 1: our friend? All right? He writes a parenting win on
Speaker 1: par with a Stanley cup. It's the bold subject line. Hi, Betty, Peter.
Speaker 1: I wanted to do a quick fun fact we've probably
Speaker 1: talked about before, which is that we used to live
Speaker 1: in a block where there's a big mural of sports
Speaker 1: figures and of New York sports hero and it was
Speaker 1: painted by children, and it was not the best way.
Speaker 1: It was not painted by children, it definitely was. It
Speaker 1: was painted by like teenagers anyway, I don't think so.
Speaker 1: It had clearly been there for years and it was
Speaker 1: a little wonky, and they there was what was it,
Speaker 1: Wayne Gretzky in the sun Mark Messier, Mark Messier holding
Speaker 1: up a Stanley cup. Dropy. That was just the way
Speaker 1: it had been painted was just kind of crooked. It
Speaker 1: was not. It was a very floppy Stanley cup. But
Speaker 1: instead of walking past like a normal person and thinking, well,
Speaker 1: a teenager probably made this mural and they did their best,
Speaker 1: and it's cute. Every time you walked by, you got
Speaker 1: so angry, angry and that it was funny. You had
Speaker 1: to point it out every time, how crooked it wasn't
Speaker 1: It got under your skin, and you couldn't not in
Speaker 1: my town. It's the rule of a thousand. You couldn't
Speaker 1: not say it every single time I walk past. So
Speaker 1: I told my sister that you did that. And then
Speaker 1: we were driving past in the car with my family
Speaker 1: at one time, I think, anyway, we're going past with
Speaker 1: their sister and she turns to just and goes, wow,
Speaker 1: that Stanley cup is really crooked. And you for out
Speaker 1: so excited that someone shared your animosity towards this mural.
Speaker 1: Animosity is not the right word. Okay, Well your fixation,
Speaker 1: that's fair. Your fixation is validated, and he felt on
Speaker 1: top of the world. I was like, I know, right,
Speaker 1: And then you both looked at each other and laughed,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I just got a new
Speaker 1: old Okay. Anyway, continuing the email, it's really embarrassing. I
Speaker 1: thought I could trust your sister, and that was a
Speaker 1: moment I realized, No, we're bonded by blood. Sarcastic blood.
Speaker 1: All right, parenting went on par with the Stanley Cup. Hi,
Speaker 1: Beth and Peter wanted to share with you a recent
Speaker 1: parenting win that I feel Peter in particular, we'll get
Speaker 1: a kick out of are almost four year old son,
Speaker 1: as most kids, sometimes gets a bit overexcited and has
Speaker 1: difficulty calming down. The holiday season with an abundance of
Speaker 1: candy and baked goods available only serves to exhaust abait this.
Speaker 1: It's usually something as innocent as running through the house
Speaker 1: or screaming, and by giving him attention and maybe some
Speaker 1: activity to focus on, he can get himself calm and centered. Sometimes, however,
Speaker 1: he just can't and needs to get the energy out.
Speaker 1: This is when the innocent playing can quickly shift to
Speaker 1: the naughty side of throwing things, jumping on or off furniture,
Speaker 1: or getting in the face of the family dog, basically
Speaker 1: all types of things that can result in injury, so
Speaker 1: it needs to be addressed at the same time. Matthews
Speaker 1: developing an appreciation for hockey definitely as a result of
Speaker 1: projection from Daddy could work Dad. This fall, he experienced
Speaker 1: his first hockey game, his first time ice skating, and
Speaker 1: for Christmas received an indoor hockey set. So while he
Speaker 1: was learning about the game, I tried to incorporate some
Speaker 1: of these rules into everyday life, namely the penalty and
Speaker 1: the penalty box. I know what you're thinking, it's just
Speaker 1: time out by another name, except it's not. Time out
Speaker 1: has worked to our Time out hasn't worked for Matthew
Speaker 1: in the past because it doesn't lend itself to communication
Speaker 1: about what, how, and why something is not acceptable. It
Speaker 1: has always felt more like solidaryn solitary confinement where there
Speaker 1: is no talking or moving. Just wait for the end
Speaker 1: and then maybe we can talk about what happens several
Speaker 1: minutes ago if you pay attention. When an NHL player
Speaker 1: receives a penalty, the ref usually escorts them to the
Speaker 1: box explaining their penalty, and then they can still communicate
Speaker 1: with the bench and the official in the box during
Speaker 1: their penalty time. The only rule is that they have
Speaker 1: to stay in the box for the penalty time. So
Speaker 1: we tried making a quote unquote penalty box by designating
Speaker 1: a chair in the living room, not separate from anyone,
Speaker 1: and use standing a standard time two minutes for minor penalties,
Speaker 1: five minutes for fighting. When Matthew crosses the line from
Speaker 1: playing to naughty, playing to naughty, we make a horn
Speaker 1: sound and call out penalty and then calmly explain what
Speaker 1: happened and ask him if that's allowed or not. We
Speaker 1: use our smart speaker as the timer so we can
Speaker 1: quickly and calmly ask Alexa for two minute timer, get
Speaker 1: Matthew into the penalty box, and then continue to communicate
Speaker 1: about the difference between playful and destructive or dangerous until
Speaker 1: Alexa lets us know the penalty times over. There's no
Speaker 1: clock watching, no shunning. Proud to say that Matthew has
Speaker 1: taken to it very well and it has become a
Speaker 1: great tool for the whole family because, just like on
Speaker 1: the ice, any player can get sent to the box,
Speaker 1: even mommy, daddy or puppy. Like most parenting tools, success
Speaker 1: hinges on our ability to not show anger when using
Speaker 1: but so far it has been a great way to
Speaker 1: address behavior without the focus being on the punishment. We
Speaker 1: haven't needed to give five for fighting yet, but Matthew's
Speaker 1: cousin of the same age is coming soon and it's
Speaker 1: like a Flyer's Penguins game every time they get together.
Speaker 1: Matth you know what that means, right? He didn't say that.
Speaker 1: I said that. I would also like to thank A.
Speaker 1: Beth for recently identifying a book I've been searching for
Speaker 1: a few times. The Girl Who Owned a City was
Speaker 1: a book we read in middle school, and while most
Speaker 1: of the plot has stuck with me, I could not
Speaker 1: remember the title. Thanks to her Austin memory and the
Speaker 1: overdrive app, I downloaded the audio book from the library
Speaker 1: and listen to it again. A great premise and book
Speaker 1: eagerly awaiting. There's no manual best book coming out in
Speaker 1: February as a birthday present for my wife, who is
Speaker 1: pregnant with baby number two. Woo. Last thing on the list.
Speaker 1: I've been meaning to give you a recommendation of a
Speaker 1: great bourbon that's relatively new. Okay, if you can find it.
Speaker 1: It's called rough Rider and it's now you're talking, and
Speaker 1: it's distill distilled on Long Island, as well as some
Speaker 1: great vodka. The distillery is also great, with a tasting
Speaker 1: room and deck that overlooks the farm. It's in the
Speaker 1: same general area as most Long Island wineries and farms,
Speaker 1: so it makes very great stop before or after pumpkin
Speaker 1: picking in the fall as oh A, thanks for this
Speaker 1: awesome podcast and a happy New Year from m J
Speaker 1: and family. Matt. Wow, there's so much to talk about
Speaker 1: in this email. I don't even know where to start.
Speaker 1: Um the penalty. I am so timpted to talk about
Speaker 1: the bourbon first and foremost. Well, then talk about the
Speaker 1: bourbon just like I really I have developed a deep
Speaker 1: affection for bourbon over other like whiskey, especially Scotch, like
Speaker 1: a bourbon anyway. Is this interesting? Yeah? Yeah it is. Babe.
Speaker 1: Just start calling you babe, babe, talk about what you
Speaker 1: want a babe, babe. I just want like a smooth bourbon. Um.
Speaker 1: It felt very weird for you to even joke call
Speaker 1: me babe. Um, like weirder than me doing it to you.
Speaker 1: You're like, this is not my wife. This is an
Speaker 1: aliens and I like it. Okay, all right, I'll get
Speaker 1: to the real. But do you think anyone out there
Speaker 1: has a wife alien fantasy fetish? Not a fetish fantasy.
Speaker 1: People have fetishes about like slapping bologna on their feet.
Speaker 1: I'm sure they have that fetish understandable, but what about
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you go ahead, Um no, let's keep talking
Speaker 1: about fetish. You're not my wife, you're an alien. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: come here, alien. I'm sorry that got so I got
Speaker 1: that got that got more sexual than I would have
Speaker 1: liked it too. I'm sorry, but that was the bit.
Speaker 1: You can take any weird interests and then you get
Speaker 1: you get someone to influence other people to become into it,
Speaker 1: and then and then they just will create finer and
Speaker 1: finer versions of it, until you'd be like, why is
Speaker 1: everyone even this weird smoky peete bug? Why say, for
Speaker 1: eating this weird smoky pezza. I don't get it. It It
Speaker 1: really just seems like anyway a smoke wait, a smoky
Speaker 1: peete bog. What have you noticed that all of our
Speaker 1: friends are dressing up like aliens and going to these
Speaker 1: alien orgies in this peatbock getting into the pa I
Speaker 1: like the aliens, and I can't get into the pea
Speaker 1: buck anyway. Um, should we get to the actual penalty box?
Speaker 1: Penalty Okay, obviously this seems like it's going great for
Speaker 1: him and our children. I don't think would understand or
Speaker 1: appreciate it at all. I disagree. I think if we
Speaker 1: committed to this singular, you know, if they were experiencing
Speaker 1: hockey outside the home on a regular basis and cared
Speaker 1: about it in the world at large, I think it
Speaker 1: makes sense. I think the peer pressure aspect of people
Speaker 1: being of like our kids seeing other kids adhere by
Speaker 1: other rules that is magical. Like remember when we were
Speaker 1: bringing them to daycare for the first time and we
Speaker 1: were like, um, our children are animals and they don't
Speaker 1: nap at times, and you can't make them do things.
Speaker 1: And then they were like, oh no, they'll just do
Speaker 1: what the other children are doing. And we were like really.
Speaker 1: And then like a day and they were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: your kids just snapped with the other kids. I wasn't worried.
Speaker 1: Well I was. I was like, they don't I mean
Speaker 1: food when we tell them to eat. I didn't think.
Speaker 1: I didn't think they would get on board so quickly,
Speaker 1: that's for sure. Yeah, but I don't think they'd have to.
Speaker 1: You don't have to explain hockey at all. If you
Speaker 1: were just like, okay, that's too minutes, you're going in
Speaker 1: the penalty box. You sit in the chair in the
Speaker 1: midst of a tantrum and you're explaining time out game.
Speaker 1: They're not going to be like, yes, cool, it would
Speaker 1: have to be a minor offense, you know, tripping, ice sticking,
Speaker 1: cross checking. Uh, yeah, we get it. You're sports hunk
Speaker 1: who knows all the hockey terms boarding. Boarding. Um. Your
Speaker 1: boarding is when you check somebody not on the boards, um,
Speaker 1: but like a few feet away so that they fall
Speaker 1: and like their face hits the boards. That's dangerous. Back
Speaker 1: you know, checking from behind. That was called back checking.
Speaker 1: It's when you skate back. Boy, it's been a while.
Speaker 1: I think it's a great idea. I think the phenomenal
Speaker 1: idea that the core elements of it that work really
Speaker 1: well is just clear, consistent, non unemotional consequences, consequences where
Speaker 1: a kid can connect A to B. You just did
Speaker 1: this thing. Now you have to go here, and you know,
Speaker 1: the explaining why something is bad. You know, Matt hit
Speaker 1: it right in the head when it's that like you
Speaker 1: you send in the room whatever, you have an argument
Speaker 1: and then later you try to talk about it that
Speaker 1: that doesn't work. They don't remember, they don't even connect
Speaker 1: it back to how this happened. But in the moment,
Speaker 1: something happens and you go up two minutes for tripping
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. It's a two B and they
Speaker 1: can actually connect to the thing they did and learn
Speaker 1: from it. That's what I think. I just I don't
Speaker 1: remember him talking about that and his email about sorry
Speaker 1: about what about um not talking to them after he
Speaker 1: said in there that, you know, hoping that after a
Speaker 1: big fight or whatever, you can have a conversation about
Speaker 1: why this all happened. I find that with my kids
Speaker 1: if there's a big blow up and they go to
Speaker 1: the room, and then after as they calm down, you
Speaker 1: sit down and you're like, now, do you know why
Speaker 1: this happened? That's a pointless conversation because they don't remember,
Speaker 1: and that actually rewards them because at the end you're like,
Speaker 1: now we're going to have a heartfelt connection. Do you
Speaker 1: think sometimes though, it's good to be like, hey, were
Speaker 1: you having some big feelings back there? Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: let them be like yeah I felt bad. Yeah that's fine,
Speaker 1: but it's like, do you know how why this happened?
Speaker 1: It's weirdly a reward. You're reinforcing the negative behavior by
Speaker 1: giving it a happy cap at the end. What's your
Speaker 1: what's your best best sports parenting analogy that you go,
Speaker 1: that's your go to, um, you know in the paint.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know, I don't. I don't use
Speaker 1: sports analogy. What I mean, I know you don't. That's
Speaker 1: why I asked take it to the hoop, you know
Speaker 1: in the paint. You know, when your kids are emotionally needy,
Speaker 1: you got to meet them in the paint, um basketball.
Speaker 1: I literally did. Until you were talking about that, I
Speaker 1: didn't put it together that the band five for Fighting
Speaker 1: was named after a sports rule. Oh wow, you know what.
Speaker 1: I didn't connect that that's what that is either until
Speaker 1: right now, not that I've thought about the band five
Speaker 1: for Fighting my favorite band, uh five for fighting thing?
Speaker 1: I don't remember it, just Jimmy Eat World. I was
Speaker 1: about this thing. Five for Fighting could be the name
Speaker 1: of a song and not a band fighting. It's one
Speaker 1: of those things where I never actively thought about it.
Speaker 1: Like I'm sure you didn't either, but I assumed five
Speaker 1: for Fighting was we're five guys and we are for fighting,
Speaker 1: like table for five five for fighting? But no, should
Speaker 1: we look up five for fighting? Are you looking at
Speaker 1: up right now? Oh? Five for Fighting is a singer songwriter,
Speaker 1: like a one person who has a stage name? What
Speaker 1: if one guy? Who? What is? What's this big song? Um? Superman?
Speaker 1: It's not easy? Oh? Is that that? Like that? I
Speaker 1: could be your Superman? I guess, I guess, and I
Speaker 1: guess five for fighting. That guy loves hockey. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: his name's a Vladimir. I'm going to guess. That's it
Speaker 1: easy from where's he from? But this is the first
Speaker 1: time I think ever we we've just forced you all
Speaker 1: to listen to us. He's born in Los Angeles, US.
Speaker 1: Of course he was big hockey fan. I despise, big
Speaker 1: fan of the big Los Angeles hockey team. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to end that sentence. I'll let you all wonder
Speaker 1: what I despise? What is it Los Angeles? Is it hockey?
Speaker 1: Is it five for fighting? What? I don't know? I've
Speaker 1: lost my mind? Tellt ly us hanging. We're going to
Speaker 1: wrap it up. Well, friends, this has been the last
Speaker 1: episode of We Know It's parenting in our Airbnb. We'll
Speaker 1: be back next week at our home. UM, wish us
Speaker 1: luck in our transition back to reality. Yeah, if you
Speaker 1: want to send us an email, what do you know?
Speaker 1: Scenario advice question? You can right to us. Hit we
Speaker 1: knows Pot at gmail dot com. You can leave us
Speaker 1: some voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven three.
Speaker 1: You can find us on social media Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
Speaker 1: at we knows pod and rate review, subscribe, do all
Speaker 1: those things things and have a great night. Bye bye
Speaker 1: m