1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,360 Speaker 1: If you can't be comfortable in your own skin just 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:08,119 Speaker 1: being who you are, that right, there is a sign like, Okay, 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,959 Speaker 1: maybe there's some things you should be working on as 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: you go through this dating process, because if you're constantly 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: thinking about, Oh, I wonder what he likes, I wonder 6 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,080 Speaker 1: what he would want me to wear? All I wonder? 7 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,240 Speaker 1: You know, I hear women say that I wonder should 8 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:23,560 Speaker 1: I do this or should he? What do he think? 9 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: If he likes it, I'll do it. But it's like, no, 10 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: what do you like? What? What makes you feel comfortable 11 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: and happy? And focus more on that? 12 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,879 Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, Emily about it. Here you are listening to 13 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 2: another installment of Hurdle Moment from Hurdle. It has been 14 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 2: a minute since I have a kind of ye explained, 15 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 2: so to speak the different segments of the show. So 16 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 2: I'm going to take a second to do that today, 17 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,399 Speaker 2: you know the drill. On Mondays, I'm bringing you some 18 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 2: of my favorite long form interviews with guests that inspire me, 19 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:13,399 Speaker 2: from top CEOs to elite athletes. On Wednesdays, I bring 20 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 2: you this Hurdle Moment series, And for Hurdle Moment, I 21 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,320 Speaker 2: am diving into evergreen topics. 22 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 3: So to speak stuff that's relevant. 23 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 2: All year long that often comes from questions I get 24 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,839 Speaker 2: in my DMS, things that you want to know about 25 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 2: from the biggest takeaways I have from running nine different marathons, 26 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 2: to how to seek out therapy and what to know 27 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 2: before you go, all different topics in the health and 28 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 2: wellness space. And then on Fridays, a sweet little cap 29 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 2: off to the week, I bring you five minute Friday 30 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,840 Speaker 2: where I tell you a story from my week or 31 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 2: something that's been on my mind lately, and I offer 32 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 2: you a thought prompt, I answer listener question and I 33 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 2: give you by highlights, my content picks, etc. 34 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 3: And that's the hurdle rundown as of now. 35 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 2: Anyway, today on the show, I am chatting with Rainie Howard. 36 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 3: She's an award winning author. 37 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:08,239 Speaker 2: She's a relationship expert, and she helps others evolve through 38 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:13,240 Speaker 2: lessons of love and health and entrepreneurship. We are I 39 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 2: never talk about dating on the show, but let's be real. 40 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,640 Speaker 2: I mean your personal life, your personal wellness is just 41 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 2: as important as your mental wellness, moving your body, you 42 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 2: get the drill. So I decided to dabble in a 43 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 2: little bit of uncomfortable territory because today Rainy and I 44 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 2: are chatting about mistakes that we may be making when 45 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 2: looking for a relationship. Yep, I am going there. I'm sure, 46 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 2: without a doubt I have made some of these in 47 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:44,799 Speaker 2: the past. 48 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 3: I would like to think that. 49 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 2: I've learned my fair share in the beauty that is 50 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:54,080 Speaker 2: New York dating. But alas, I'm bringing Rainy in to 51 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 2: give us the lowdown to unpack these big dating mistakes. 52 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 2: I have a fun in the process before I get 53 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 2: to it. Today, I do want to give some love 54 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 2: to my friends at Beam, y'all. I have been the 55 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 2: most accident prone lately period. 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Again, that is a beamtlc dot com. Use 77 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 2: code Hurdle at checkout for fifteen percent off today. Make 78 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 2: sure you're following along with Hurdle over on social media. 79 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 2: It's at Hurdle podcast. I'm over at Emily a body 80 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,160 Speaker 2: with that. Let's get to hurdling. 81 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 3: Today. 82 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 2: I am chatting with Rainy Howard. She's an author, a 83 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 2: lifestyle and relationship expert. 84 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 3: How are you doing today? 85 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: I am doing amazing. Thank you so much for having 86 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: me here. It's excited. I'm excited. 87 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 3: I'm so excited for you to be here. 88 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,679 Speaker 2: I'm so excited to read be here, and I'm excited 89 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 2: to get a little I guess I feel like it's 90 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,280 Speaker 2: inevitable that you're going to get a little bit vulnerable, 91 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 2: because what you and I are talking about today is 92 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 2: the biggest mistakes that someone can make when looking for 93 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 2: a relationship. Now, obviously, Hurdle a wellness focused podcast, we 94 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:19,440 Speaker 2: talk about all aspects of wellness, and the aspect of 95 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 2: wellness that we are talking about today is your personal wellness, 96 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 2: your relationships, your personal life. And as a single woman myself, 97 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:31,840 Speaker 2: I'm sure that I am probably. 98 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,080 Speaker 3: Making some of the mistakes that we're going to talk 99 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:34,599 Speaker 3: about today. 100 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 2: So before we get into unpacking exactly what those are, 101 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 2: i'd love it if you can give me some background 102 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 2: on how you became a lifestyle and relationship expert, because 103 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 2: that's not something that just happens overnight. 104 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: You are so right, it doesn't, And you know what, 105 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: it was so organic the way it happened. So I 106 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:58,840 Speaker 1: started blogging years ago, like back in twenty thirteen, and 107 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 1: I just start just sharing me, just being transparent about 108 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:08,279 Speaker 1: my story and who I was. And I remember posting 109 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: about my marriage around a certain time and at the 110 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: time it was my wedding anniversary, and I shared the 111 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,520 Speaker 1: story of my marriage. Being that we got married we 112 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:24,040 Speaker 1: were young. I was twenty one, he was twenty and 113 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 1: I think it was at the time it was probably 114 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 1: twelve years of marriage when I shared it and it 115 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 1: went viral, reached millions of people. I showed like an 116 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 1: old picture of us together when we were like young, 117 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 1: really really really young, and then a picture of us 118 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 1: being married, and people was like, oh my God, you 119 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,480 Speaker 1: give me so much hope, and you know, they started, 120 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,839 Speaker 1: you know, it was like it was a process. I 121 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 1: was like, wow, I did not expect that. I did 122 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: not expect the reaction. Throughout the journey, I just got 123 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:59,839 Speaker 1: to connect with so many people that were struggling in relationships, 124 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 1: and so the more I was like, okay, you know, 125 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: I would, you know, give advice. I started coaching. Then 126 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 1: I wrote. I started writing books, and I wrote the 127 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 1: first book, When God Sent my Husband, and it was 128 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 1: basically about my story. It was basically about how I 129 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: grew up in a single parent home. My dad wasn't 130 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 1: involved in my life. I was desperate for love. I 131 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 1: ended up getting in these different type of toxic relationships, 132 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:30,640 Speaker 1: attracting cheaters, users, people who you know, lied to me, 133 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: people who were just all about their looks and you know, 134 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 1: they you know, superficial things. And so I just shared 135 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 1: my journey to connecting with my husband and how it was. 136 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 1: It was really a connection, like a spiritual, mental, emotional connection, 137 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,800 Speaker 1: and it wasn't just about the physical. So after writing 138 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: that book, so many people was like, oh my god, 139 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: I needed to you know, hear this. I'm struggling this relationship, 140 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: I'm broke, we had broke up, I'm divorced. And so 141 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 1: that led me to write Addicted to Pain, Renew your 142 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: mind and heal your spirit from a toxic relationship, because 143 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: I knew people needed to heal first. It was just 144 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:17,160 Speaker 1: me learning about intuition, learning about paying attention of like 145 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 1: how I was treating how I was teaching people how 146 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: to treat me, you know, and how I had codependent relationships, 147 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: struggled with people pleasing and you know. And that led 148 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: me to write you are enough overcoming emotionally unavailable relationships 149 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: and people pleasing and it's just been a journey. 150 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 2: Something that you spoke about here is this concept that 151 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 2: it starts with you. And I'm sure that this is 152 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:49,640 Speaker 2: probably one of the first mistakes that individuals make when 153 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 2: they are in a place where they think that they're 154 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 2: ready for the relationship right It's like they're looking for 155 00:08:55,200 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 2: something to complete them instead of realizing, like, hey, am 156 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 2: I complete as I am? 157 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 1: Yes, that is so key. It's just getting to that 158 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:12,440 Speaker 1: place of really having that love and acceptance for where 159 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:17,440 Speaker 1: you are right now and not needing another person or 160 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:21,640 Speaker 1: needing something outside of you to be whole and healthy 161 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: and happy. And being able to do that it helps 162 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:30,320 Speaker 1: you to maneuver through when you're dating, when you're meeting people, 163 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 1: to really be more clear on what it is that 164 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: resonates with you. 165 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 2: So important, so aside from that, starting with yourself, giving 166 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 2: yourself that TLC before you're trying to give some of 167 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 2: that out to someone else in the world. What's another 168 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:49,600 Speaker 2: big mistake that individuals make when they're in looking for 169 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 2: relationship mode? 170 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 1: One of the biggest mistakes that a lot of people make, 171 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,839 Speaker 1: and I hear it over and over and over again. 172 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 1: People move too fast, and they move they move with 173 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:05,439 Speaker 1: this desperate energy, this urgency like I need to get married, 174 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: I need to have kids, I need to get Come on, 175 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,720 Speaker 1: let me let me make this dat and app work. 176 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 1: Let's get it. Let's you know, and it becomes a 177 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 1: task and a job, and they just start doing all 178 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 1: this action and putting all this effort into it, and 179 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: they're disconnected emotionally and spiritually and mentally, and they miss 180 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:31,480 Speaker 1: the red flags and everything else because they move too fast, 181 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,199 Speaker 1: you know, and they like, oh my god, we have 182 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 1: the most wonderful date. So this is going to be 183 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,839 Speaker 1: my husband. I already know, you know. It's like flow 184 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:40,959 Speaker 1: the house, slow down. 185 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 2: I totally hear you, and I think where some of 186 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 2: the maybe confusion is the right word. Maybe it's the 187 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 2: wrong word, but people get confused because in this I 188 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,560 Speaker 2: don't want to move too fast, but I also want 189 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 2: to be honest phase that I feel like a lot 190 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 2: of my friends are in. It's like I'm not trying 191 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 2: to get married tomorrow, but I want to know where 192 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 2: this guy stands about having kids, or where do you 193 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 2: want to live? Or where do you see yourself in 194 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 2: ten years? So on the speed of relationship front, when 195 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 2: is someone supposed to ask those kinds of questions? Then 196 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,400 Speaker 2: if you're trying not to move too fast, but you 197 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 2: want to be upfront with where you're at, yeah, you. 198 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:21,560 Speaker 1: Know, that's a good question. I think you know, it's 199 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 1: really about the alignment and connecting. You know, how have 200 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: you ever had this issue where maybe somebody, a friend 201 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:36,000 Speaker 1: of yours, a family member, they did something that got 202 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: to you and made you upset. You and you was 203 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,560 Speaker 1: upset at that moment, but you knew you needed to 204 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:44,440 Speaker 1: wait a while before you said something. It's kind of 205 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 1: like when you're dating someone and you really want to 206 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: ask that question, like do you want to be married? 207 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:56,679 Speaker 1: But it doesn't seem like it's the right energy yet. 208 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:02,959 Speaker 1: Allow yourself to be okay with having that question, and 209 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 1: as the as the mood presents itself, go ahead and 210 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: let it be a natural question. But if it's like 211 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,559 Speaker 1: in the very being, hey, so when do you want 212 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 1: to get married? Do you see yourself married? It's kind 213 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 1: of like, you know, you could kind of feel off, 214 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:21,760 Speaker 1: or they can feel off cause it's like are we talking? 215 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 1: Are we there yet? You know. 216 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 2: Totally, I totally get that because I was on a 217 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,560 Speaker 2: date a few weeks back and on the day I 218 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,040 Speaker 2: was sitting there and it just felt like a straight interview. 219 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 2: It felt like the tables were turned and he was 220 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:40,080 Speaker 2: the one that was asking me marriage, kids, blah blah blah, 221 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 2: and I was just like I left that date and 222 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know if I was into 223 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 2: this guy, but I definitely feel like I just applied 224 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,280 Speaker 2: for like my dream job or something. 225 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 1: Exactly exactly, And really what the goal is is to 226 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: really get to just know the person and feel fel 227 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: the person, feel them energy emotionally, like feel who they 228 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 1: are energetically, you know, versus just you know what's on 229 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 1: paper and what their goals are, because we have goals 230 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 1: and we have things that we want to do. But 231 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 1: at the same time, you know, be present with each 232 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,680 Speaker 1: other in the moment and like, is this a person 233 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 1: that I can be comfortable with? And I always tell 234 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 1: people to focus on building a friendship even in dating, 235 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 1: Like can I be friends? Can we enjoy each other? 236 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: Can we go hiking together? Can we you know, take 237 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:43,319 Speaker 1: walks together and really enjoy each other? What makes us laugh? 238 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:47,360 Speaker 1: Do we enjoy watching the same shows or have kind 239 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: of the same sense of humor? Just really focus more 240 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:55,480 Speaker 1: on the friendship because really that's the foundation of a 241 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:58,960 Speaker 1: long relationship. And I'm happy to say that me and 242 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: my husband will be celebrating eighteen years of marriage coming up, 243 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 1: and I know, throughout all the years we've been together, 244 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 1: our friendship is the key to like, no matter what's 245 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 1: going on, I'm still having fun with my friend, you 246 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,959 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And that makes a big difference. 247 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure. 248 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 2: And I think something else we're getting out here is 249 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,760 Speaker 2: probably another mistake that individuals make when looking for a 250 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,560 Speaker 2: relationship is that they're not focused on feeling out what 251 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 2: this person's values are, what their true self is. They 252 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 2: could be caught up in like perhaps like the glitz 253 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 2: and the glamor of whether it be a job title 254 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 2: or who this person knows, or maybe like where this 255 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 2: person lives, or creating this own story that has actually 256 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,800 Speaker 2: nothing to do with who that person is. 257 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 3: Can you talk to me a little bit about that. 258 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, that gets in the way. It does all of 259 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 1: the titles and all this story. And like you said, 260 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: we create these stories and also create a vision. So 261 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 1: it's like, and I think women do this more so 262 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 1: than men, but we have this vision of how we 263 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 1: see things being and what we want it to be, 264 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: and when things go against that vision, that can cause 265 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 1: us to be upset and frustrated. And you're like, Okay, 266 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 1: I thought we were here and this is not where 267 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 1: it's going. So I think it's best to really accept 268 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: people for where they are and who they are in 269 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,400 Speaker 1: that moment, and not try to create some type of 270 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 1: vision for them or for the relationship, but to take 271 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: it one moment at a time, one day at a time, 272 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 1: and just allow them to be who they are and 273 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,720 Speaker 1: accept that. And if that's something you see yourself with, 274 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:51,360 Speaker 1: then continue it. But I think as you accept people 275 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: more for who they are and where they are, it 276 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: gives you that information on whether or not you want 277 00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 1: to continue in that relationship. 278 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 2: And what's important here is just asking yourself if it 279 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 2: is something that you want to continue in. 280 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,479 Speaker 3: Again, in this idea of us getting. 281 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,960 Speaker 2: Like so wrapped up in the story, sometimes we get 282 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 2: a little bit more concerned about how something might look 283 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:18,160 Speaker 2: than asking yourself, like, am I actually in this because 284 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,440 Speaker 2: I want to be in this? 285 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 3: Or am I in this because I feel like I 286 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 3: should be. 287 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 1: That is so good and you're so right, because it 288 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:30,480 Speaker 1: clouds our vision of what it is we really want. 289 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 1: Because we're constantly feeding ourselves this story in the vision 290 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 1: that we have, it clouds the truth of what it 291 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: really is. 292 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 2: So what's another major mistake that individuals make when seeking 293 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,040 Speaker 2: out a relationship? 294 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 1: Another major mistake, I would say is settling. You know, 295 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:58,120 Speaker 1: I think a lot of times we settle because of 296 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:02,160 Speaker 1: other things, other situations. Oh I'm getting older, or I 297 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,879 Speaker 1: want to have kids, I want this person has this, 298 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:09,399 Speaker 1: but there are some other issues they may have, you 299 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: know X, you know, problems with their ex still coming 300 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: and going and situations like that. But you know, I'm 301 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,960 Speaker 1: going to overlook that. I'm going to tolerate it instead 302 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 1: of really owning what resonates with you and what's best 303 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,920 Speaker 1: for you. You know, you let it go, and so you settle, 304 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,480 Speaker 1: and then it builds up and it builds up, and 305 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 1: eventually there's a big blowout because it's like I should 306 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: have addressed this, but now it's you know, it's gotten 307 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 1: too far. 308 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not something that we want to happen here, 309 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:47,200 Speaker 2: And asking you just now, what's another mistake that individuals 310 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 2: make who are seeking a relationship. I kind of had 311 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 2: a flag pop up in my own head because so 312 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 2: often we hear this piece of advice that's like you 313 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,720 Speaker 2: shouldn't be looking for it, Like if you're looking for it, 314 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,240 Speaker 2: then leadi. 315 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 3: But is that true? 316 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 2: Like can someone be searching for a relationship like I 317 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 2: don't think it's bad to be someone who is actively, 318 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 2: you know, trying to put themselves out there, whether it 319 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:16,480 Speaker 2: be by being more present and in the moment when 320 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 2: you're walking around the street. 321 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 3: So perhaps even like scrolling through a dating app. 322 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, I think you should always be open for 323 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:30,400 Speaker 1: it and aware for aware and open you know when 324 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,719 Speaker 1: it comes to I think some people get wrapped up 325 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 1: in the oh, you shouldn't be looking for it because 326 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 1: it's more like it seems like you're trying to force something, 327 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:43,560 Speaker 1: or you're trying to make something or control something, you know, 328 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 1: make it happen the way you want it. So I 329 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,240 Speaker 1: think the best thing to do is to always be 330 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 1: open for it. You want love, show that you're open, 331 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 1: because if you're not, if you closed off, if you 332 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: have that energy of just I'm closed off, that guy 333 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 1: is gonna feel that he's gonna pick that up and like, hmm, 334 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 1: she may not be available, you know, because because I 335 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,880 Speaker 1: could feel if you know, I'm really not, I don't 336 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 1: not bob, don't bother me today or whatever, you know. 337 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: So I think it's it's really good to always have 338 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 1: that open like oh, wonder that wondering, like, oh, I 339 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,919 Speaker 1: wonder what could be you know, and just being open 340 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 1: for love and not so clothes. 341 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,080 Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's show to give some love 342 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 2: to hurdles sponsors. 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Again, that is Athleticgreens dot 381 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 2: com slash hurdle to get all the freebies and get 382 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:10,399 Speaker 2: in on the Athletic Greens game today. And what about 383 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 2: the way that we're presenting ourselves. Let's talk a little 384 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,200 Speaker 2: bit about that, whether it be how you show up 385 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 2: to a date or perhaps maybe the things that you're 386 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,640 Speaker 2: putting out there on social media. Obviously like two very 387 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,679 Speaker 2: different topics. So let's start with how you're showing up 388 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:27,200 Speaker 2: to a date. 389 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,400 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so how you show up to a date 390 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: really try your best to be you. That's because you 391 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: want you want them to know who you are and 392 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 1: be you fully. You know, you don't have to get 393 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:46,360 Speaker 1: all extra made up and all of that. You know, 394 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 1: you can just in all. I'm getting dressed up, I'm 395 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,440 Speaker 1: putting on my like I do when I go out 396 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 1: and have a girl's day or whatever. I'm not you know, 397 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,720 Speaker 1: being all extra about it, you know, and just be 398 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,760 Speaker 1: who you are and enjoy yourself. I think if you 399 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,200 Speaker 1: can't be comfortable in your own skin just being who 400 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:10,360 Speaker 1: you are, that right, there is a sign like okay, 401 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,200 Speaker 1: maybe there's some things you should be working on as 402 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 1: you go through this dating process, because if you're constantly 403 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: thinking about, Oh, I wonder what he likes. I wonder 404 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,760 Speaker 1: what he would want me to wear. I wonder you know, 405 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 1: I hear women say that I wonder should I do this? 406 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,160 Speaker 1: Or should will he what do he think? If he 407 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,480 Speaker 1: likes it, I'll do it. But it's like, no, what 408 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:32,400 Speaker 1: do you like? What what makes you feel comfortable and happy? 409 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 1: And focus more on that. 410 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really special to be able to be yourself. 411 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,720 Speaker 2: And it's just such an important point to reiterate here. 412 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,400 Speaker 2: It's just like, if you're trying to be something because 413 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,919 Speaker 2: you feel like that's something that they would want, like, 414 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 2: you're gonna get lost, You're gonna lose yourself and that's 415 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,040 Speaker 2: just not something that you want for a for a 416 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 2: lifetime partnership at all. And then to the topic of 417 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,879 Speaker 2: social media, what mistakes are people making there? I mean, 418 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,639 Speaker 2: I'm sure there are plenty of them when it comes 419 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:01,080 Speaker 2: to dating. 420 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:05,359 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well, first of all, you don't want to 421 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: always be the eye candy because if you're men not 422 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,879 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you, men like to look at eye 423 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 1: candy and they love to see you, know, your body 424 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 1: but don't make that become who you are. That's not 425 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:25,560 Speaker 1: it's not just it's not just who you are. So 426 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 1: you know, some people they just they post the eye 427 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,119 Speaker 1: candy stuff and then they overdo it. So just be 428 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: aware of that because what impression, what imaging and what 429 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,880 Speaker 1: it could be same what messages it could be sending 430 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,159 Speaker 1: to men as you're dating, you know, right, So be 431 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,399 Speaker 1: aware of that with social media. And another thing with 432 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:50,479 Speaker 1: social media, just keep your personal drama off. You know, 433 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,840 Speaker 1: some people like to post things when they're upset and 434 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,160 Speaker 1: they can have a back and forth thing on social media. 435 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 1: Twitter is the space where a lot of people like 436 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:03,560 Speaker 1: to go back and forth. But just you know, don't come. 437 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:09,879 Speaker 1: Don't allow your emotional pain be seen on social media. 438 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:14,200 Speaker 1: Do that in your inner healing work, when you're by yourself, 439 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: when you're with your therapist, when you're meditating, when you're exercise, 440 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,160 Speaker 1: you know, clear yourself and don't put it out there 441 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,200 Speaker 1: for the world because everyone don't need to see your pain. 442 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 1: Everyone can't handle seeing your pain, especially when they're just 443 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:32,520 Speaker 1: getting to know you. 444 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, and I can see that. 445 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 2: I think there's I think there's value in vulnerability, but 446 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 2: I think there's that's your vulnerability to show and not 447 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 2: necessarily like airing out somebody else's dirty laundry. It can 448 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,200 Speaker 2: be super easy to show up to your social media 449 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,160 Speaker 2: accounts and feel some kind of way and be compelled 450 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 2: to share. But something I go back to time and 451 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,960 Speaker 2: time again is back in the day when I had, 452 00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 2: you know, one employer, I would ask myself, like, is 453 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,440 Speaker 2: this something that I would want my employer to see? 454 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,840 Speaker 3: And if the answer is no, or maybe like your parents, like, 455 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:04,119 Speaker 3: if the. 456 00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,560 Speaker 2: Answer is no, then like ask yourself, like, should I 457 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:07,800 Speaker 2: be putting this out into the world. 458 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, because really people are taking it and they're judging. 459 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 1: They're saying, that's you, and that's even if you was 460 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,800 Speaker 1: having a bad day, that's not who you are. You know, 461 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,639 Speaker 1: you may have some frustration, you may be angry, you 462 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: may say some mean things, but that's not who you are. 463 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:27,240 Speaker 1: So you don't have to create a snapshot for the 464 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,880 Speaker 1: world to see this is what you went through, because 465 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,679 Speaker 1: then they'll believe that's who you are. That's how people 466 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,639 Speaker 1: look at things when you're really more than that, you know, 467 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 1: and so you don't want to be judged based off 468 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 1: of those things. So just be aware that you're being 469 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,760 Speaker 1: judged based off of what you post and publish on 470 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,359 Speaker 1: social media, and people are they're looking at it and 471 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:55,120 Speaker 1: they're seeing it as you your character. This is who you. 472 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,120 Speaker 3: Are, I've got to ask. 473 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,399 Speaker 2: I know we hear people like kind of throw ranges 474 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:04,520 Speaker 2: around all the time and put like arbitrary numbers on this. 475 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:11,880 Speaker 2: But the three date rule, I'm not here saying it's 476 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,439 Speaker 2: a good thing or a bad thing. I'm also I mean, 477 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,120 Speaker 2: I'll be the first person who admit that I don't 478 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,240 Speaker 2: believe in like giving it up right away. But when 479 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:24,240 Speaker 2: it comes to intimacy in dating, is there a right 480 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,639 Speaker 2: or wrong way or is it just a vibe? Like 481 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 2: do you have to feel it out? Is tell us 482 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 2: give us the answers. 483 00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,240 Speaker 1: Definitely, you want to fill it out, you don't want 484 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:38,199 Speaker 1: it should never just be about the physical and you 485 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 1: want to take your time. One of the things with 486 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:49,639 Speaker 1: intimacy you really connect your spirit, your emotions, your mind. 487 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:53,920 Speaker 1: You just understand everything that's getting involved. Right now. It 488 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:58,000 Speaker 1: is no longer you know, we're just having drinks and 489 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:02,959 Speaker 1: hanging out. You're now connecting more of yourself to this person. 490 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:07,400 Speaker 1: So I think people should just be aware, is this 491 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,639 Speaker 1: person ready for you, for more of you, for your mind, body, 492 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: and spirit, your emotions. Are they ready for all of 493 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,920 Speaker 1: that and what comes with that? Because that's a gift. 494 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:22,240 Speaker 1: You are a gift. You are sacred. You are sacred 495 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:26,399 Speaker 1: spiritual being. And so when you look at yourself that 496 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:30,280 Speaker 1: way and you know who you are, you're like, I'm 497 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,639 Speaker 1: more than this. So you know, I always tell people 498 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:38,000 Speaker 1: you know there are certain things, like, for instance, that 499 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 1: you value. So here's a scenario. You know, my trash 500 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 1: can I could take a bag of trash and put 501 00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,280 Speaker 1: it on the sidewalk and not care what happens to it. 502 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:51,880 Speaker 1: Somebody's gonna pick it up and throw it away or whatever. 503 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 1: I don't care. It has no value to me. It's 504 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 1: a bag of trash. Now would I take my diamond 505 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,720 Speaker 1: wedding ring off and put it on the sidewalk and 506 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:05,160 Speaker 1: walk away? No, because it has more value. So when 507 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:09,880 Speaker 1: things have more value to you, your intimacy, your soul, 508 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:14,000 Speaker 1: your spirit, your connection with someone, you don't want to 509 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:18,440 Speaker 1: just be careless with it. You want to really honor 510 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,760 Speaker 1: it in a way that it is valuable. It's precious 511 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,360 Speaker 1: to you, and it's not something you're just willing to 512 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 1: just throw away, you know, and so just being aware 513 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:33,080 Speaker 1: of how much that means when you do open yourself 514 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 1: up to be intimate with someone, and knowing if that 515 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:40,960 Speaker 1: person can really truly handle that sacrecy of you. 516 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:45,160 Speaker 2: I certainly come from that mindset for sure. I also 517 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:49,640 Speaker 2: have girlfriends who admittedly may have been intimate with their 518 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:54,960 Speaker 2: now husband pretty quickly and somehow it managed to work 519 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:55,440 Speaker 2: out for them. 520 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 1: I have I fixed. I've heard the same. I have 521 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,520 Speaker 1: a close friend and say the same thing. 522 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,160 Speaker 2: Are remissing anything here in terms of mistakes that we 523 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,800 Speaker 2: often make when seeking out a relationship. 524 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:11,120 Speaker 1: A lot of times people are and this is this 525 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: is happening a lot the emotional unavailable relationships where they 526 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:21,040 Speaker 1: you have these dates, you have these fun, you know, 527 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 1: this fun with this person, and then you go a 528 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,760 Speaker 1: week or two without even talking to them. They don't call, 529 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 1: they don't reach out, You text them that, you don't 530 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 1: hear anything, and then they pop up a few weeks 531 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: later and like, hey, let's get together. Really be that's 532 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:41,840 Speaker 1: a big red flag. I just want to say that 533 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 1: I and I really want people to know that they 534 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:48,920 Speaker 1: don't have to allow their lives to be this revolving 535 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:52,520 Speaker 1: door where people come and go as they please, and 536 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,600 Speaker 1: and you know, they get so wrapped up in these 537 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:59,680 Speaker 1: relationships and they allow people in and out as it's 538 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:03,840 Speaker 1: coming it for the other person that does something to you. 539 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,800 Speaker 1: And so be aware when you're dating and when you're 540 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 1: meeting people, these people that want to come and go. 541 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:13,320 Speaker 1: You got to cut that off. You really put that 542 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,080 Speaker 1: off and be aware of that because it's very common 543 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,160 Speaker 1: today and people call it, Oh, I was ghost. They 544 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,720 Speaker 1: talk about being ghost and you know, I call this person, 545 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: we had so much fun. Then they just ghost me. 546 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,720 Speaker 1: They didn't call back, they didn't respond, and then they'll 547 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,600 Speaker 1: hear from them down the line a month or two later. 548 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,560 Speaker 2: I think a big part of that oftentimes is that 549 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,920 Speaker 2: we think, well, like maybe they had something going on. 550 00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,440 Speaker 2: You try to give that person the benefit of the doubt, right, 551 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,280 Speaker 2: But I go back always to that saying, which is 552 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 2: like when someone shows you who they are the first time, 553 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,720 Speaker 2: believe them. And it's hard because again it goes back 554 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 2: to that idea of like you want someone sometimes to 555 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 2: play a role. But it takes a really big person 556 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,320 Speaker 2: to accept the facts that there are going to be 557 00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,200 Speaker 2: people that come into your life and they play a 558 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:04,360 Speaker 2: role that maybe you didn't want them to and that's okay, exactly. 559 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 2: We've covered so much ground here, so many amazing takeaways 560 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:12,719 Speaker 2: from this conversation. The last tidbit here for the woman 561 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:18,320 Speaker 2: that really has been scorned, she is like, I feel 562 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,560 Speaker 2: like this is never ending. I keep going on all 563 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 2: these dates and none of them are leading to love, 564 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,560 Speaker 2: and like, is it me? She's asking all these questions, 565 00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 2: like what advice do you have for her on her 566 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,480 Speaker 2: quest to find that right kind of love? 567 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,320 Speaker 1: If you're dealing with this, whoever's listening right now, I 568 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:40,240 Speaker 1: just want to encourage you to know that it's never 569 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:45,080 Speaker 1: too late and you never need to stop pursuing your 570 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,960 Speaker 1: idea of real love. So I want to say that 571 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:52,400 Speaker 1: because it can feel like, oh, this is just exhausting. 572 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: I'm ready to give up. I've heard so many women 573 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:58,280 Speaker 1: they tell me I've given up on love, I've given 574 00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,400 Speaker 1: up on trying to find love, and it really and 575 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,920 Speaker 1: I always say, you know what, I really don't want 576 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,800 Speaker 1: to encourage you to ever give up on love, because 577 00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:12,720 Speaker 1: you are deserving of love. And I think the more 578 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:17,480 Speaker 1: that you learn to give that love to yourself, that 579 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:22,840 Speaker 1: care to yourself and really just bask in the love 580 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:28,040 Speaker 1: and appreciation of life and all that's around you. You 581 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:33,840 Speaker 1: will attract loving relationships, friendships, you know, partner, if that's 582 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 1: what you really desire. And I think sometimes it may 583 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:41,360 Speaker 1: feel like I'm ready to give I'm so tired, I'm 584 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:45,080 Speaker 1: so exhausted because you've given so much out and you 585 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:47,880 Speaker 1: feel depleted. And that's just a sign that is time 586 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 1: for you to be filled up, because you've been pouring 587 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,640 Speaker 1: out so much of you trying to, you know, connect 588 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: with that right one and be accepted. And now it's 589 00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:00,920 Speaker 1: time for you to receive love, you know, because a 590 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 1: lot of times we deplete ourselves just from you know, 591 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:09,000 Speaker 1: the dates and the calls and I'm trying. I really 592 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 1: like this person, it didn't work out, And I found 593 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:13,839 Speaker 1: somebody else I liked them, and it didn't work out. 594 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:17,439 Speaker 1: And I think it's just so important that you now 595 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,680 Speaker 1: give love to yourself and allow yourself to receive more 596 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:27,320 Speaker 1: love and abundance love where you're overflowing, and that connection 597 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,480 Speaker 1: would be just an icing on the cake, just added 598 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:33,640 Speaker 1: bonus to what you already have. 599 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,799 Speaker 3: I love that piece of advice. I love that piece 600 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:37,160 Speaker 3: of advice. 601 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,440 Speaker 2: I'm sure this is something that you certainly get into 602 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:41,200 Speaker 2: in your book. 603 00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 3: I know it's coming out in September. SIS. 604 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 2: Be Nicer to Yourself, So Rainy, thank you so much. 605 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 2: How do the hurdlers follow along with you? How do 606 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,279 Speaker 2: they keep up with you? For more advice? Give me 607 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:52,880 Speaker 2: your information. 608 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:56,560 Speaker 1: Yes, I would love to stay connected with you guys. 609 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:01,560 Speaker 1: Join me. My website is real Love dot com so 610 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,160 Speaker 1: you can find all of my books and resources at 611 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,200 Speaker 1: real Love Exists dot com and yes, my new books 612 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:12,240 Speaker 1: cis Be Nicer to yourself. It's all about overcoming self 613 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:17,359 Speaker 1: sabotage and codependency relationships. You can get that at SIS. 614 00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,319 Speaker 1: Be Nicer to Yourself dot com. Connect with me on 615 00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,160 Speaker 1: social media Instagram, Facebook at Rainy Howard. 616 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:24,560 Speaker 3: I love it. 617 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:29,200 Speaker 2: I'm over at Emiliaia Body and Hurdle podcast Another Hurdle Concord. 618 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:30,560 Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time