WEBVTT - Tiffany Haddish: 4 Ways to Navigate Complicated Family Relationships & How to Have Hard Conversations You are Avoiding 0:00:00.600 --> 0:00:02.600 Kind of would like to start a service where like 0:00:02.720 --> 0:00:06.560 retired basketball players can hold you like a baby. I 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:09.040 asked that, I said, would you hold me like a baby? 0:00:09.080 --> 0:00:11.399 And like the embarned me. He was like, girl, you crazy, 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:12.200 so damn silly. 0:00:12.920 --> 0:00:15.080 Got you get a special guest in the building. Emmy 0:00:15.120 --> 0:00:18.880 Award winning actors and comedian became the first black female comic. 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:21.479 The host essaw please welcome Tiffany Haddish. 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:24.919 I was like, where are you? We cannot see you. 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:27.440 I need to see you. I missed you. 0:00:30.360 --> 0:00:33.440 Hey, everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:37.519 In the last ninety days, seventy nine point four percent 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:40.919 of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are 0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:44.680 not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that 0:00:44.720 --> 0:00:47.400 if you want to create a habit, make it easy 0:00:47.440 --> 0:00:51.199 to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:55.640 habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed. 0:00:56.000 --> 0:00:58.920 This would also mean the absolute world to me and 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:02.880 help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you in 0:01:02.920 --> 0:01:06.280 the world. Subscribe right now the number one health and 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:08.000 wellness podcast. 0:01:07.720 --> 0:01:09.039 Jay Sheety Jay Sheny. 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:16.920 Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:19.760 much for tuning in to become a happier, healthier and 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:23.160 more healed, which is the focus of this show. Now. 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:25.000 Today's guest is someone that I've wanted to have on 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:28.240 for a long long time, and I'm so excited that 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:31.800 she's finally in the studio. She's already brought so much joy, laughter, 0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:35.400 and enjoyment into this room just by her mere presence. 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:39.400 Today's guest is none other than Tiffany Haddish and Emmy 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:45.160 Grammy NAACP Image Award winner who's established herself as one 0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:49.640 of the most sought after comedic actresses and performers worldwide. 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:52.840 Tiffany's a New York Times best selling author for her 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:56.760 book The Last Black Unicorn, and a children's book author 0:01:56.840 --> 0:02:01.240 of Layla, The Last Black Unicorn. This book is coold. 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.360 I curse you with joy. I want you to go 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:07.560 and grab this book right now. It releases May seventh, 0:02:07.920 --> 0:02:10.760 and this is the book we're diving into today. Tiffany 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:13.720 pours a heart out, she shares her story, she shares 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:16.280 the incredible journey that she's been on, and she makes 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:19.480 it funny and deeply fulfilling. I can't wait for you 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:21.560 to read this book, Go and grab it right now. 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:24.560 Welcome to the show, Tiffany. Hot is Tiffany, Thank you? 0:02:24.880 --> 0:02:26.239 And the cover is prithy. 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:27.680 The cover is beautiful. 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:31.720 It's beautiful. You can almost see all my ribs because 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:34.640 I was sucking the man and that's where I wanted 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:36.160 you to be able to see my heart. I was like, 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:38.160 can y'all just show it like three more ribs right 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:39.760 there and then maybe you have my heart beat out? 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:41.399 And it was like, we're not, that's unhealthy. 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:42.760 How long did it take to get that shot? 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:45.640 Didn't take long at all. Took like all of maybe 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:46.200 five minutes. 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:47.799 Wow, that's imp I. 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.600 Asked them if they could show my ribs more, yeah, 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:53.280 just because I want to show. No, they didn't know. 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:55.760 They did not, but I did sucking my breath and 0:02:55.840 --> 0:03:00.320 like flex flex, I learned how fleck fleck show chest 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:04.480 muscles because I don't have much breast, which reflects the chess. 0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:05.000 Got it. 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:06.520 It's a lot of pattern right there. 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:08.880 I love it. I love it. It's brilliant. Tiffany. What 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:11.320 is the best part about being Tiffany at. 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:13.200 Ith The best part about being Tiffany it what's the 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:15.720 best part about being me? Girl? I don't know. I 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:18.520 have so much fun. I have a lot of fun. 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:21.680 I can tell I carry a lot. But I'm built 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:24.639 for it and I have a lot of fun doing it. 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:28.400 Sometimes I complain about it, sometimes I whine, but I'm 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:29.960 built for it and I enjoy it. 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:32.040 When did you realize you were built for it? 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:37.240 Probably when I was like twenty one, twenty two, because yeah, 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:39.600 twenty two, I say, because at twenty one I was like, 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:41.320 I don't want to be here on this planet no more. 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:43.760 This sucks, like it feels like everybody's taking a pain 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:48.240 out on me. Like, but what I realized is like, oh, 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:51.440 I love to hear people laughing. Maybe they're bringing me 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:54.520 their pain and taking that because I'm supposed to transmute 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:58.080 that into laughter. I'm supposed to take that and flip 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:00.440 it for them. And once I learn how to do 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:04.360 that and perfect it, then the easier to be for me. 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:08.800 And it is easier in relationships for me now. But 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:11.800 when it comes to other things, it's a lot more difficult. 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:16.400 Like cleaning my room. I am a hoarder. I think 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:18.800 I'm an emotional hoarder, and it shows up and manifests 0:04:18.800 --> 0:04:19.360 in my bedroom. 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:20.880 What kind of things do you hoard. 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:25.200 Clothes kind of knickknacks? Gadgets? I love gadgets. I don't 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:26.960 know why I bring the gadget to the bed, like 0:04:27.000 --> 0:04:28.800 it's gonna do something magical in the bed. And it's 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:30.360 not even for the bed. It's probably for the kitchen. 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:32.520 But I'm like, let me see how this gadget work. 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:35.599 And I like experience. I'm big on experimenting, and I 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:37.960 do a lot of it in my bedroom because that's 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:40.320 my layer and I don't let people in my room, 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:42.599 so like I got a microscope in there. It's like 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:47.240 half laboratory, half office, half closet half with this all this. 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:49.720 If I walk into the I'm not allowed. But if 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:51.280 I was to walk into your bedroom, would I fall 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:53.520 over and trip over and help myself. 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:55.280 Over a basket of clothes? And then You'll be like 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:57.800 what is that in the corner? You are you building something? 0:04:57.920 --> 0:04:59.840 Like it's what kind of electronics is that? And then 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:02.360 like why is there clothes all over here? And then 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:05.200 what's that on the bed? And are you making jewelry? 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:07.120 Are you sorting a jewelry? Like what is going on? 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:08.400 Wow? 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:09.640 Yeah, it's a lot going on. 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:12.159 I'm not gonna show you no picture. 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.000 It's embarrassing. It's when I look at it, I'm like, 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:18.559 geez tipping. Your brain is everywhere. That's what it feels 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:22.719 like because I imagine that, like your bedroom is a 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:26.239 reflection of your mind, because it's where I do spend 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:28.599 most of my time in house, and like all the 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:30.080 rest of the house is pretty clean. It might be 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:32.240 some little boxes in the corner here by, like mail 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:34.919 on the table, but I go through that, sort that 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:37.719 out real quick. But the my room, I don't know. 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:40.000 It's like I get to that when I feel like 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:42.520 I'm gonna play with this right now. Let me see 0:05:42.560 --> 0:05:45.080 how these sea monkeys are doing in the corner over here. 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:49.920 Let me see what doing like. I mean, no, it's 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:52.920 some sea monkeys. Are those pets? I don't think those 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:56.400 are pets. Now, that's that's an experiment. There's a there's 0:05:56.440 --> 0:06:00.800 a shrimp. But I mean my cat might come in occasionally, 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:04.080 and if I get really like lonely or whatever, I'll 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.960 bring the dog in, you know. And then the dog 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:10.080 is like burrowing herself in my dirty clothes and I 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:11.599 get her out of here because she likes to chew 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:13.600 a crotch on my underwear. As my dirty underwears. I 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:14.200 don't like it. 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:18.040 And you like that chaos like you you like waking 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:21.560 up to that sleeping and that that kind of cozy. 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:24.839 I don't have a man. I don't have nobody else's 0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:28.000 mind the sort but my own. So when men do 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:30.040 spend the night, I only let them sleep in the 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:30.600 guest room. 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:31.120 Got it. 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:34.440 So because they're guests in my house, so you pay bills, 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:36.360 you can't come up in the main room. And when 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:38.360 they start paying my bills, then I guess that's when 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:40.880 I'll clean up my room and make space for them. 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:43.479 I'm a classic virgo, so everything for me has to 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:47.000 be or organize like tidy. Everything has to be in 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:49.440 its place, like I think. I can I walk into 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:51.120 a room and I can spot the one thing that's 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:52.760 like half a cent of meter off and I need 0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:54.360 to And. 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:55.520 That would be the kind of guy I would like 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:58.080 to date so that he can like clean up after 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:02.120 me and stuff and bring them to and have adventure 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:04.640 for him. I have some adventures for you, not too 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:06.520 much drama. I'm not big on the drama, but I 0:07:06.560 --> 0:07:10.520 am big on adventure experiences. And then I'm but I'm messy. 0:07:10.960 --> 0:07:13.160 Yeah, that's cool. You don't have to be messy. 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:15.120 But I'm not dirty. But it's like I get it. 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:17.600 I get yeah, And I mean I saw that you 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:21.120 said you've been celibate for the past six months? Is that? 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:22.440 Is that true? 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:24.560 I guess? Okay, okay, so. 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:25.560 Is that true? 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:29.960 I mean, does kissing count? No, I'm just not yeah, okay, 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:32.640 I'm not being penetrated, that's for sure. No penetration. 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:35.080 Is that an intentional choice? Was that something you were 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:37.360 trying to work up to and practice or. 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:39.320 Is it been six months? Though? 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:41.640 I guess so the person who can tell. 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:45.240 Us October does make it six months? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:46.760 because I don't just I just don't want to lay 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:49.960 down with nobody, just anybody, you know. I just feel like, dang, 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:53.520 I am the prize and these dudes got to qualify, 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:56.560 like it. And when I think about like my track 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:59.080 record of like who I lay down with, it takes 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:01.320 like a year or so for me to even warm up. 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:05.080 It's a line. It's a line of dudes. It's you know, hey, hey, 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:07.040 I mean I love going to free dinners. I'll go 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.080 on free dinner dates, you know, I mean not free 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:12.120 dinner dates, but like, yeah, it's free for me, so yeah, 0:08:12.160 --> 0:08:13.640 but it do cost me money to get you know, 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:15.840 cute and stuff and the gas in the car or whatever. 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:18.440 But yeah, yeah, you know, I asked obviously when I 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:20.440 lived as a monk, I'll celebrate for three years. So 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:23.000 it was like it was a big, big, big commitment in. 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:26.080 Mindy, it didn't make you feel like, ah. 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.520 In the beginning, yes, really sure, for sure it was hard, 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:31.200 but then I said it was yeah, it's time. 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:38.439 Earlier, earlier, it feels easy. I don't know, I've been 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:40.360 working out a lot, so I feel like I get 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:43.520 my sexual like frustrations out in the workout. And then, 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:45.240 like I said, gadgets. 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:47.000 Did it take your while to raise your standards? Like? 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:50.760 Where did this qualification, this language, this vocabulary you have 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:53.920 right now around dating? Was that something that has come 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:56.200 with time? Is that something that was always there that night? 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.000 It was definitely not always there. Definitely if you read 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:01.680 the book, you know that it was always there. I 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:03.600 just feel like it's like, it's certain things that I 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:08.120 want for myself and I want to share the success. 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:12.000 And what I've learned is when you're like laying down 0:09:12.000 --> 0:09:14.920 with people, that's not really as ambitious as you are, 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:18.960 or comfortable in their skin, or confident with who they are, 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:21.760 or even just not even necessarily confident, just know who 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:24.959 they are, it becomes a problem. And I think when 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:27.160 you lay down with somebody, you are sharing your soul, 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:28.760 you are sharing a piece of yourself. You're giving a 0:09:28.760 --> 0:09:32.560 little piece of yourself up. And I don't I think like, 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:34.520 I only got so much soul left, and I don't 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:36.960 want to necessarily just give it over to anybody, you know, 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:39.200 I don't think. I don't know if the soul grows. 0:09:39.240 --> 0:09:41.280 I don't know if you can rejuvenate new soul like 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:44.360 you do skin or hear, but it just feels like 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:46.960 I don't want to subject myself to it. Also, now, 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:49.120 once I let you inside my body, I gotta know 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:51.480 you got to get then gotta learn you and all 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:57.839 this stuff like and and so scientifically, okay, now we're 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:00.800 gonna get into the science stuff some yeah, yeah, So 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:03.800 I had did my scientific research. I was reading about 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:08.360 how you know, once you let somebody ejaculate his sperm, 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:12.120 right once, the uterus is very absorbent, so you absorb 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:15.599 all of that into your bloodstream. Right, so now you 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:18.040 like attracted to them, so like when the Bible says 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:21.640 you will only desire your husband. This is part why 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.360 because now he's like in your blood, like in like 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:27.160 binding with your DNA. And if you get pregnant by 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:29.280 this person, it takes like six months or so for 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:31.280 them to get out of your DNA. And if you 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:34.880 decide to have a baby or get pregnant by this person, 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:38.000 those stem cells from that baby is in you forever, 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:40.760 so they are forever a part of you. Do I 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:42.640 forever want to be a part of somebody who's like 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:46.200 mentally ill. Do I forever want this person to be 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:50.360 like in my eyeballs, in my brain, in my look, 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.160 in my heart the stem cells from them and what 0:10:53.320 --> 0:10:55.760 we like you know, could have potentially made Do I 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:58.640 forever want that? And then I think about like like 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.720 hose and why they be so crazy, And it's because 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:04.400 it's too many personality, too much, that's I see. Anyway, 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:05.160 that's my scientist. 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.559 That's when ise ed monster class coming. 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:11.360 Well, there's a smart there's a short sex ed portion 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:13.679 in the book. You know, I think I would have 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:15.199 been a great sex education teacher. 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:17.160 That's what I'm thinking listening to you right now. 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:18.599 Yeah, I think I would have been really good at that. 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:20.079 I think we need to get a national program. 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:22.160 Yeah, because I noticed, like females that I know that 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:25.880 like are really emotional, like going like always the world 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:29.360 is like in an uproar. And then if you find 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:31.679 out like how many body, what's they body count? And 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:34.679 like and especially if it's a higher body count, it's 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:36.199 a lot of them probably didn't have no kind of 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.720 one And then you probably you probably absorbed a lot 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:41.680 of that stuff. And who's to say they didn't. They 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:43.880 might have been pregnant, didn't realize they were pregnant. It's 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:45.880 just thought, all, this is a hard period, but really 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:47.719 they might have been having a miscarriage or it's just 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:50.480 a pregnancy that didn't stick. Whatever, Like it's a it's 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:52.559 a lot, it's a lot. 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:54.920 It sounds like this has obviously been something that I know, 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:57.679 we're laughing, but at the same time we're learning, Like 0:11:57.800 --> 0:11:59.880 this has been something you've been learning about, thinking about 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:02.800 reflecting on. Especially when you dive into your book, as 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:06.240 we were talking about earlier, you make everything sound really 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:08.720 funny and there's this expression of the feeling, but then 0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:11.439 there's the deep pain and the stress that comes from it. 0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:15.480 Were there particular romantic experiences that were hard for you 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.120 to get over. Was a lot of our audience is 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:22.080 struggling with breakups, is struggling with missing their access, struggling 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.320 with trying to move on and find the right person. 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:27.800 What have you been through that you could share with 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:28.760 those people that may. 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:31.120 Yeah, okay, so I be real clear with you. I 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:34.000 the people that I was missing, I probably shouldn't have 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:36.920 been missing, right, Like the ones that like inflicted a 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:40.120 lot of physical pain on me, the ones that afflicted 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:42.400 emotional pain on me. I think I talked about one 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:45.240 of them in this book. I talked about the excellent 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:50.079 other book, but this book, Like, okay, so I had this, like, 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:53.319 you know, Homie lovel friend for a long time, a long, long, 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:56.199 long long time. He's very disrespectful to me, very kind 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:58.640 of messed up to me. But in my mind we 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:02.120 was we could get married. We had the most beautiful babies. 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:05.800 He handsome, I'm pretty like it would be so cool. 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:09.840 He's smart and intellectual. I'm kind of smart. I think 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:13.000 like it would be fun. We have the best conversations, 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:15.719 like we have fun. But then he would treat me 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:19.760 like crap, right, so like and I would I would 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:22.439 subject myself to that man and I would be like 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:25.160 happy to be in his presence, but at the same time, 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:28.839 when he's not, I'll be hurting so bad, hurting so 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:31.679 bad like and feeding for him like a like kind 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:33.160 of like I don't know what it's like to do 0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:36.760 like hard drugs, but I'm imagining that's the hard drug 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:39.280 right there, the d that D like when we really 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:42.320 like like that could be the hard drug and breaking 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:44.280 myself from that and that would be like, Okay, what 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.600 else do you love? What else do you care about? 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:49.959 Put your energy into something else? I see now like 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:53.680 all online like oh, Tiffany's feeding for She's still pining 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:57.000 over this guy that she was dating, Like that was fun. 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:00.360 That relationship was fun. Only thing I'm miss about the 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:05.000 relationship is the fun. Everything else was like, eh, cool, 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.920 But we had a lot of fun And people I 0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:09.760 have fun with. I miss all of them when I 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:11.600 don't get to see them often when I don't talk 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:13.880 to them, I miss all of them, even if they 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:16.559 were about influence. I miss them all. But I'm not like, 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:19.440 oh God, I gotta have the more talking mess about them, 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:22.720 Like no, I genuinely love that person, wish them the best. 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:25.360 I'm busy doing this now, they're busy doing that. 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:25.640 Now. 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:28.880 Cool. But was there a particular like, yeah, that want 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:31.280 that homey loove of friend who was like on and 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:33.200 off for like almost twenty years. 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:35.240 Oh wow, twenty years. 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:37.560 I can be loyal. I can be loyal with the 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:39.760 homilove of friends. You know. It's like, oh, we're not 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:44.440 we all, but we're not in a relationship. But in 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:48.920 my mind I painted this, Yeah, we was married. I 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:52.120 was cooking for him and doing all kind of stuff like, no, 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:54.280 make sure his telephone stayed on so I could talk 0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:57.920 to him. Stupid stuff, stupid, just dumb, just dumb. Then 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:00.680 like oh, I realized, okay, this is gonna go nowhere. 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:02.960 So I'm gonna go with this guy that likes me, 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.400 and then that don't like pan out because really I'm 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:09.160 still feeling over this too. Then okay that didn't work out. No, no, no, 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:11.600 I'm gonna get married. Somebody wanna marry me. I'm getting married. 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:13.600 You don't want to marry me, like you's don't marry me. 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:17.640 And then that didn't really head because I didn't want 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:21.320 to get small, like yeah, I didn't want to be small. 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:22.520 And then. 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:27.520 Then it was just like free for all. You know 0:15:28.920 --> 0:15:31.480 what you're working with. What's up? Baby? You got as 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:33.040 long as you got a good credit score? What's your 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.280 credit score? Because that means you're gonna be responsible with 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.560 my heart at least I think you are. I hope 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:41.040 you are. And then but now I got a whole criteria. 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:43.040 What did you find that people that are good good 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:46.080 credit score? Did that have any correlation. 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:47.600 With I feel like it had a lot to do 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:50.560 with how they treat me. Good credit score, they're like 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:54.200 more responsible they show up on sho I noticed that. Yeah, 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:56.360 I saw that, like I would ask like, hey, do 0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:58.320 you know your credit score? First of all, I think 0:15:58.360 --> 0:15:59.880 that's something you should know because that's your grown up 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.880 poor card. I just want to see how responsible they were, 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:06.080 And most of them were very like I have yet 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:08.240 to meet somebody with a pretty high credit score that 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:09.800 wasn't like reliable. 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:12.360 You didn't find that you met people who were arrogant or. 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:16.080 Might be arrogant. They might have been like show, but 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.480 but they were responsible. I want somebody be responsible with 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:23.080 my heart, like it's I got a big heart, right, 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:25.600 I got a lot of love to give, and I'm 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:28.680 very forgiving and all that, but like, don't abuse it. 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:31.840 It's been abused enough, and I don't want to have 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.760 to like attack you. I don't want to have to 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:37.800 like be vicious with you. That's all. Like I would say, 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:40.920 the last like five relationships I've had, like I really 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:43.880 respect those dudes because they were they were kind with 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:47.440 my heart. You know, they for the best for what 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:49.600 they could. You know, they were good with my heart. 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:54.080 They didn't like get up where I'm just like f men, 0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:57.120 bring on the pussies. I'm gay now. I think I'm 0:16:57.120 --> 0:17:00.160 still like two or three heartbreaks away from that. Don't 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:01.720 even think that's the thing though for me. I really 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:03.800 think I'm a gay man. But that's that's neither here 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:04.200 nor there. 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:08.920 And what are you criteria? Now? You said, that's a 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:10.199 lot of information to man. 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:11.920 I think I was a man in my past, like 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:13.240 you believe in past lives. 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.200 Yeah, we were talking. I think we were messaging about this. Yeah. 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:18.800 Yeah, I think I was a man in my past life, 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:20.800 and I think I was a man that was kind 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:22.680 of messed up. I think I was like maybe I 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:24.800 had a really big penis, and I was a womanizer, 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:26.840 and maybe I was bisexual. Maybe I hurt a lot 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:30.399 of hearts and I felt like in this life, guy said, Okay, 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:32.840 I'm gonna you know, you're gonna suffer something, but you're 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:36.360 gonna win too. And I think that's why I got indometriosis. 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:39.600 I can really understand the pain of a woman, and 0:17:40.320 --> 0:17:42.200 I understand the value of the heart. 0:17:42.480 --> 0:17:44.080 My wife jokes with me that she thinks we were 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:46.280 married in our past life, but she was the guy 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:49.480 and I was the guns. Like the trade off because 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:51.800 I'm the romantic one. I'm the one writing her notes 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:54.040 and messages and I want to do all the grand 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:57.240 gestures and stuff. I'm the one interior designing our home 0:17:57.400 --> 0:17:58.520 and doing all of that stuff. 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.680 And she doesn't know. Now, She's like, let's get money 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:03.760 and go on the trip. Let's that's fun. Let's go 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:04.600 do an adventure. 0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:07.680 Yeah, I like an adventure. But you were saying, you 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:10.560 have criteria. Now what are the What are the criteria 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:11.480 today different to. 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.240 The Okay, So now that I'm older, I can't have 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:16.520 that criteria like, oh, he can't have no kids because 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:21.639 we're older now. So I expect, like, if he has kids, cool, 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:24.959 but they need to be like grown eighteen or over. Uh, 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:27.520 because I don't want to deal like with baby mama drama, 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:30.480 and I feel like, you know, I'm gonna I like 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:34.080 communicating like an adult. Also, it needs to have his 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:36.879 own career or some sort of business. You know what 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:39.000 I'm saying. He needs to have like an EI in number. 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:41.879 I think that's really important. He knows how to need 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:44.320 to know how to run something, because you know men, 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:46.920 I think men like to have control and power over 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:48.520 women and run and run women and want to be 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:51.800 the leader. What can you how's your business? Does your 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:54.480 business run well or do you have do you have 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.600 long term employees? Do you like? Is that doing well? 0:18:57.800 --> 0:18:57.840 Like? 0:18:57.880 --> 0:19:00.800 Because because now I'm if I'm gonna give you access 0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:02.879 to me, I need to know that you know how 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.760 to do that good credit score. Now I will forgive 0:19:05.760 --> 0:19:07.400 if maybe your credit score fell off for a minute 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:09.880 because you had to go to the doctor, something happens, 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:12.159 you know whatever. Okay, I might could forgive that, But 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:14.440 then also I want you to be physically healthy and fit, 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:17.000 So maybe you better be on top of your health 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:20.120 because I'm trying my best with mine and I don't 0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:23.920 want to be changing nobody's diapers. That's grown if you 0:19:24.000 --> 0:19:25.800 have puper cares. I don't think I should be changing 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:26.280 your diaper. 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:28.680 Yeah, I find I find that to be the biggest one. 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:33.320 Like I find so many people don't grow up to 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:35.880 so much later in life. And I find so many 0:19:35.920 --> 0:19:38.440 of my friends, either with guys or girls or whoever 0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:41.879 may be, that feel young like they feel like they 0:19:41.920 --> 0:19:45.200 are the person's parent. Yeah, they're their partner's parent. And 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:47.359 then I don't want that they're cooking for them, cleaning 0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:49.040 for them, taking care of all of this stuff. It's 0:19:49.119 --> 0:19:51.720 it's it's bizarre to me that we're still living in 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:52.120 that time. 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:54.000 Yeah, I don't want to feel like I'm your parent. 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:55.600 I don't want to feel like I'm your doctor. But 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:57.440 if you got like a colde or something, or you 0:19:57.520 --> 0:19:59.600 feeling like you got a little back pain, I love 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:01.639 a rep back and and I come up with it 0:20:01.720 --> 0:20:04.320 lixies and stuff to make you feel better or whatever. Yeah, 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:07.040 but you need to come already showing up pretty healthy. 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:10.600 Like think of this like the military. Oh, these are lixis. 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:13.040 You know, we got ginger, we got to them a rigg. 0:20:13.320 --> 0:20:15.879 You know, we got the little vitamins and nutrients you know, 0:20:17.320 --> 0:20:22.120 ola vera things for my garden. I grow this stuff. Yeah, 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:24.399 I grow food like and also I needed God. It's 0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:27.080 not afraid to get a little dirty, you know, help 0:20:27.119 --> 0:20:29.320 me in the garden, Like, don't be afraid of bees 0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:31.879 and stuff, because I got bees and harvest. 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:32.960 Do you have the food? 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:35.520 Yeah, I got the whole suit, but I don't barely. 0:20:35.720 --> 0:20:37.240 I barely. I don't know why you call it has 0:20:37.280 --> 0:20:41.280 my city is what's the beekeeper suit? The bee keepers 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:44.840 keep you from being stun But I also so most 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:46.520 of the time I sit out there with no suit on. 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:48.920 I just sit and talk to them, listen to them, 0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:52.359 like sing to the bees. One time, I don't know, 0:20:52.359 --> 0:20:54.320 I'll be sitting there counting like, oh, I got a 0:20:54.400 --> 0:20:56.480 hundred bees, Like they don't. They don't sit on me 0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:59.639 like that. They they be around me. I'll be singing, 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:04.960 telling them stories, telling jokes, maybe complaining. I'm pretty sure 0:21:05.040 --> 0:21:07.680 my neighbors hear me. So maybe the neighbors feel like 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:09.639 I'm like crazy talking to myself or talking on the 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:12.000 phone or whatever. I know, I sing songs to them 0:21:12.520 --> 0:21:15.560 all the time. My favorite song is that I know 0:21:15.600 --> 0:21:17.240 the bees are probably like why she's singing this song 0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:19.920 to us? But I like, but if like, come in here, 0:21:20.359 --> 0:21:24.119 you sad upon my head, I will not harm you. 0:21:24.640 --> 0:21:28.919 I never need alarm you. I want to see your 0:21:29.119 --> 0:21:36.120 pretty weens, tiny, dainty, colorful things, orange and yellow, pretty fellow, 0:21:36.200 --> 0:21:38.800 And I changed the colors every time. Whoa, I sing that, 0:21:39.000 --> 0:21:41.320 and then I sing skinning Marinky dinky to the songs 0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:42.040 that make me happy. 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:42.560 Wow. 0:21:42.680 --> 0:21:44.600 I sing to them mostly when I'm stressed out, I 0:21:44.640 --> 0:21:45.640 go sit out with the bees. 0:21:46.280 --> 0:21:48.720 So you when you're stressed out, you sing sing to 0:21:48.800 --> 0:21:49.200 the bees. 0:21:49.440 --> 0:21:52.520 Yeah, outdoors, yeah, set outdoors, lay in the grass next 0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:54.760 to them. Sometimes I just listen to them and imagine 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:57.879 they telling me stories, and I'm just really listening to 0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:01.119 the hive buzz and it's they say that there's a 0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:03.560 the C tone or there's a tone in a bee 0:22:03.600 --> 0:22:05.440 hot that helps get rid of PTSD. 0:22:05.840 --> 0:22:06.359 I didn't know that. 0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:09.040 Wow, Yeah, that's that's what they say. When I was 0:22:09.080 --> 0:22:10.920 doing my research on bees, that was something like that, 0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:17.080 the noise of a hive helps with PTSD. So I 0:22:17.280 --> 0:22:17.919 like that noise. 0:22:18.320 --> 0:22:21.040 Wow, that's fascinating. And that you learned while you were 0:22:21.040 --> 0:22:22.720 getting the bees were afterwards. 0:22:22.520 --> 0:22:24.679 And once I got the bees, Yeah, once I got 0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:26.479 the bees, I learned that, you know. I was like, oh, 0:22:26.520 --> 0:22:30.680 I'm in a relationship now with thousands. Let's let's figure 0:22:30.720 --> 0:22:36.000 this out. There's a queen bee, I'm the I'm the 0:22:36.400 --> 0:22:39.680 master queen. Now I'm the friend of the bees. I 0:22:39.840 --> 0:22:43.080 feed them. I give them like you know, spiralina with 0:22:43.280 --> 0:22:47.679 some sugar water or some like chlorophyll with sugar water and. 0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:50.560 Stuff like you really to nature, like nature seems to be. 0:22:50.960 --> 0:22:53.719 I love nature. That's where I can like, you can 0:22:53.840 --> 0:22:55.720 go sit in a tree, like in the trees, but 0:22:55.840 --> 0:22:57.800 I do be in the tree. Sometimes you can go 0:22:57.960 --> 0:23:00.480 sit near the trees, in the trees and you could cry, 0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:01.880 and the trees are not gonna be like what's wrong 0:23:01.920 --> 0:23:05.119 with you? You know, if anything that like blow the 0:23:05.200 --> 0:23:07.320 leaves and like rub your shoulder or something. 0:23:07.400 --> 0:23:07.560 You know. 0:23:07.880 --> 0:23:11.200 Yeah, wow, in my mind, that's what I imagine. Yeah, 0:23:11.600 --> 0:23:13.200 I have a very vivid imagination. 0:23:14.119 --> 0:23:16.000 And has that always been like that since you were young? 0:23:16.359 --> 0:23:17.320 Always been like that? 0:23:18.240 --> 0:23:19.679 Do you have an imagine your friend growing up? 0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:20.080 Yes? 0:23:20.200 --> 0:23:20.520 I did. 0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:21.200 I had too. 0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:22.280 What were their names? 0:23:24.119 --> 0:23:30.800 Carbalita and uh Cracker. Cracker was a bird and I 0:23:30.880 --> 0:23:32.680 used to be like Cracker went to Polly and I 0:23:32.720 --> 0:23:35.879 would break Crackers up on my shoulders, and it was 0:23:35.960 --> 0:23:38.639 really the imaginary friends was to make real friends. 0:23:39.240 --> 0:23:41.560 I mean they were a coping mechanism for kids as well. 0:23:41.680 --> 0:23:44.879 For sure, coping mechanism I felt in my mind they 0:23:44.960 --> 0:23:47.399 listened to everything I said. I know exactly what they 0:23:47.480 --> 0:23:49.800 look like in my mind. I used to really rock 0:23:49.840 --> 0:23:52.760 them hard in junior high and uh. We used to 0:23:52.800 --> 0:23:55.120 be like cracker, what's that's the number seven? And they'd 0:23:55.119 --> 0:23:57.159 be like, Tiffany's being racist. I'm like, no, I'm not. 0:23:57.240 --> 0:24:03.520 I'm talking to my bird and Carbelita and Carbelita yeah, 0:24:03.640 --> 0:24:05.119 she's like a Puerto Rican mimmy. 0:24:05.960 --> 0:24:07.840 Yeah yeah, and it was her role. 0:24:08.240 --> 0:24:10.480 Her role was like to keep people away from me. 0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:11.520 Yeah. 0:24:11.560 --> 0:24:13.320 So I'd be like, oh, you can't sit here, Carbulita 0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:15.960 sitting there, you can't sit right there, just her seed, 0:24:16.600 --> 0:24:18.440 you know. Carbeleta said that you're cute. 0:24:19.320 --> 0:24:19.520 Yeah. 0:24:19.720 --> 0:24:21.760 She want to know if you want to share your 0:24:21.800 --> 0:24:22.639 coffee cake with her? 0:24:23.160 --> 0:24:25.399 Yeah. So she was that in between that go between 0:24:25.480 --> 0:24:26.720 them and it comes close. 0:24:27.320 --> 0:24:29.040 Yeah, And people would laugh. They'd be like, gro you're 0:24:29.080 --> 0:24:29.760 silly as here. 0:24:30.480 --> 0:24:33.080 It's fascinating, isn't it. I feel like the whole idea 0:24:33.200 --> 0:24:36.120 of imagine any friends. It's like if you thought about 0:24:36.119 --> 0:24:37.920 that when you were young, you'd laugh at it, but 0:24:38.000 --> 0:24:39.399 now when you look back, you're like, oh, wait, there 0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:42.240 was a role that that person played that I didn't 0:24:42.240 --> 0:24:44.719 have someone else playing in my life, so I created someone. 0:24:45.160 --> 0:24:47.080 Yeah, I would be like, my sister would be trying 0:24:47.080 --> 0:24:49.280 to play with me, like, you can't play carbon Leita says, 0:24:49.359 --> 0:24:51.680 she's doing this one, you can't do that, when Carbeleta 0:24:51.680 --> 0:24:53.440 didn't really, I just didn't want my sister to be 0:24:53.960 --> 0:24:55.080 doing it, but I didn't want to tell her. I 0:24:55.119 --> 0:24:56.920 don't want you to do it, so I said Carba 0:24:56.960 --> 0:24:59.280 Leeda didn't want her. Yeah, what it was really me, 0:25:00.320 --> 0:25:01.240 I really didn't want her. 0:25:01.200 --> 0:25:03.040 Do So you told us the best things about being 0:25:03.119 --> 0:25:05.679 Tiffany Haadish, Tiffany, what are the worst things about being 0:25:05.720 --> 0:25:06.480 Tiffany Headish? 0:25:06.680 --> 0:25:09.320 The worst thing about being Tiffany Haddish is Tiviny Hadis 0:25:09.440 --> 0:25:12.840 is always under attack and got to just let that happen. 0:25:12.920 --> 0:25:15.399 I guess, I guess that's just a part of being famous. 0:25:15.480 --> 0:25:17.880 But also I just feel like that's been my whole life. 0:25:17.920 --> 0:25:22.000 It's always somebody's been hating, somebody's talking mess somebody. But 0:25:22.960 --> 0:25:24.960 at least back in the nineteen hundreds, people did it 0:25:25.000 --> 0:25:27.320 to your face or if they talk behind your back. 0:25:27.400 --> 0:25:29.360 If somebody told you they was talking behind your back, 0:25:29.640 --> 0:25:31.200 then you went up to approach them and say you 0:25:31.320 --> 0:25:33.639 say this about me, they would either say yes or no. 0:25:34.320 --> 0:25:37.600 Like there would be like you know, accounting, You could 0:25:37.640 --> 0:25:40.520 hold someone accountable for what they were saying. Even if 0:25:40.560 --> 0:25:42.359 there was a reporter. You know, you could call up 0:25:42.400 --> 0:25:44.760 to the newspaper and say, I want to talk to 0:25:44.840 --> 0:25:47.199 this reporter, why you say this about me? And then 0:25:47.240 --> 0:25:49.240 they'll tell you why they said what they said. Right, 0:25:49.320 --> 0:25:53.440 But now it's like everybody say whatever they want and 0:25:53.600 --> 0:25:56.439 they think they can't be touched. But that's why I'm 0:25:56.480 --> 0:25:59.920 investing in technology. Well, yeah, allow me to be able 0:25:59.960 --> 0:26:02.480 to call them. Okay, why you feel like this? 0:26:02.760 --> 0:26:03.920 What did I do to you? 0:26:04.119 --> 0:26:05.840 Did I sleep with your man? And I don't know it? 0:26:06.280 --> 0:26:09.520 What's the issue with you? Why are you putting out 0:26:09.560 --> 0:26:12.399 such mean words? I mean, I think it's so crazy 0:26:12.480 --> 0:26:15.600 right now with social media, because I mean, suicide with 0:26:15.680 --> 0:26:19.920 teenagers right now is at all with children all time high, 0:26:20.200 --> 0:26:23.280 higher than it's ever been in the history of humans. 0:26:23.359 --> 0:26:26.960 Because they can read and they're seeing what people say 0:26:27.520 --> 0:26:29.159 like I work with a lot of foster youths and 0:26:29.280 --> 0:26:31.040 my kids they be telling me they want they don't 0:26:31.040 --> 0:26:32.920 want me to be famous no more because they don't 0:26:33.000 --> 0:26:35.120 like what people saying about me, and it makes them cry. 0:26:35.480 --> 0:26:38.640 It hurts them so while, and I'm like, don't worry. 0:26:38.640 --> 0:26:40.800 It doesn't bother me. I'm used to it. That's normal. 0:26:40.920 --> 0:26:42.800 It's normal. If I was if I didn't have people 0:26:42.840 --> 0:26:45.160 talking mess about me, then I wouldn't be doing good. 0:26:45.280 --> 0:26:47.600 I mean, do you believe in Jesus. If you believe 0:26:47.640 --> 0:26:50.359 in Jesus, everybody was talking mess about him too, and 0:26:50.440 --> 0:26:52.320 then look, you know, and look what happened. You know. 0:26:52.600 --> 0:26:55.000 They're like, I don't want you to be assassinated like Jesus. 0:26:55.040 --> 0:26:58.080 I don't want you to die. Like I'm not gonna die, Okay, 0:26:58.200 --> 0:27:01.400 I will die, but I'm to die that way. I'm 0:27:01.400 --> 0:27:03.560 pretty sure. I hope I die during sex, but I'm 0:27:03.640 --> 0:27:06.520 not gonna die in that way, I don't think. But 0:27:06.840 --> 0:27:08.920 you know, and I don't know, but like we can't 0:27:09.080 --> 0:27:11.840 fester on that and don't just block that person, just 0:27:12.200 --> 0:27:15.320 taking those negative words off your thing, like block those words. 0:27:16.000 --> 0:27:17.800 But I would love to be able to just call 0:27:17.920 --> 0:27:21.200 these people because what I've what I found is the 0:27:21.280 --> 0:27:24.920 people that behaving usually they really love me. They really 0:27:25.000 --> 0:27:27.960 they study me super hard. They spend hours and hours 0:27:28.359 --> 0:27:32.320 making videos and like just saying mean stuff and talking 0:27:32.400 --> 0:27:36.320 to But you spend hours of your life studying me. 0:27:36.880 --> 0:27:40.360 There's some love there, there's so you gotta really care 0:27:40.440 --> 0:27:44.040 about me to a certain sense. I'm honored, but it 0:27:44.320 --> 0:27:46.520 sucks because you're not brave enough to say it to 0:27:46.640 --> 0:27:48.960 my face that I'll run into a matter party and 0:27:48.960 --> 0:27:50.200 they be like, oh, can I get a picture, And 0:27:50.240 --> 0:27:52.560 I'm like, why, why do you want a picture with me? 0:27:52.720 --> 0:27:52.760 You? 0:27:53.000 --> 0:27:55.359 You did a horribly mean video about me? 0:27:55.760 --> 0:27:56.800 Oh you saw that? 0:27:57.000 --> 0:28:00.119 You saw? Yeah? I saw you put my name in 0:28:00.280 --> 0:28:03.520 the title. You don't think the algorithm is gonna shoot 0:28:03.520 --> 0:28:05.399 me things that got my name in it when Google 0:28:05.480 --> 0:28:07.840 first came out. Blame all of them when they first 0:28:07.880 --> 0:28:09.680 came out. What's the first thing you looked up? I 0:28:09.800 --> 0:28:12.720 looked up my name, and so the algorithm knows I 0:28:12.840 --> 0:28:16.680 care about me, so it's gonna send me the stuff 0:28:16.760 --> 0:28:22.320 about me. So you what's seeing? I see you, and 0:28:22.320 --> 0:28:24.960 I'm gonna tell you to your face because I'm not fake. 0:28:25.880 --> 0:28:28.280 I'm an actual human and I wish it was the 0:28:28.400 --> 0:28:31.000 nineteen hundreds where you could slap somebody for talking shit. 0:28:31.560 --> 0:28:33.760 But now you can't even slap nobody no more. They 0:28:33.800 --> 0:28:36.520 want to sue you or whatever, like punks. 0:28:38.520 --> 0:28:40.800 So that's that's that's that's the worst part. 0:28:40.840 --> 0:28:43.160 That's all right here because I really want to fight, 0:28:43.320 --> 0:28:45.400 but I can't. I can't. No, it's not a battle 0:28:45.440 --> 0:28:49.600 worth fighting, right, But on my period, I will use 0:28:49.720 --> 0:28:52.920 my my fake little page and I will chime in 0:28:53.000 --> 0:28:55.000 a little bit. Oh is it take it back to 0:28:55.080 --> 0:28:58.840 the yeah, fence to that's what they call it, right, fake, 0:28:58.960 --> 0:29:01.800 a fake instant, but it's not an instant. It's a 0:29:02.160 --> 0:29:02.880 it's a Twitter. 0:29:03.320 --> 0:29:03.800 It's a Twitter. 0:29:03.920 --> 0:29:09.240 Okay, sox X yeah, yeah, yeah, Sarah be going in Okay, yeah, 0:29:09.880 --> 0:29:11.800 how does that help? It feels good. 0:29:11.920 --> 0:29:12.480 It feels good. 0:29:12.600 --> 0:29:13.680 It's like a little release. 0:29:14.000 --> 0:29:16.400 And this is Sarah kind of like called Thelito who's 0:29:16.440 --> 0:29:18.280 like protecting Tiffany. 0:29:18.000 --> 0:29:19.440 Or no, Sarah's my middle name. 0:29:19.520 --> 0:29:19.840 It's me. 0:29:23.280 --> 0:29:25.280 It's me. But I would love to develop like an 0:29:25.360 --> 0:29:28.760 AI boyfriend that like protects me and like make him 0:29:28.800 --> 0:29:31.640 look really good and stuff, and he have the you know, 0:29:31.760 --> 0:29:34.520 Instagram count and just like program him to protect me 0:29:34.760 --> 0:29:38.520 and to like shut down people and like, yeah, but 0:29:38.680 --> 0:29:42.200 I found out. I hired a forensic tech guy, and 0:29:42.280 --> 0:29:44.120 I found out, like seventy five percent of the hate 0:29:44.160 --> 0:29:47.200 I get is bots, it's not even real people. And 0:29:47.280 --> 0:29:49.760 the other twenty five percent is people responding to the 0:29:49.800 --> 0:29:52.480 bots or making making videos because of what they read 0:29:52.520 --> 0:29:54.680 from the bots. Oh my god, not even real. A 0:29:54.760 --> 0:29:57.920 lot of these articles be AI articles, not even real articles. 0:29:58.160 --> 0:30:01.440 No way, Yeah it's my but that's how powerful my 0:30:01.560 --> 0:30:04.600 name is. Like that's at least that's what they make 0:30:04.680 --> 0:30:08.280 me think, Like my name is so dope, like they 0:30:08.360 --> 0:30:10.640 want those clicks, they want that, you know, like I 0:30:11.000 --> 0:30:14.040 did this, Like I got all these clicks now, all 0:30:14.080 --> 0:30:17.520 these followers because I talked about Tiffany like it's kind 0:30:17.560 --> 0:30:20.200 of dope. It's kind of dope. It's kind of dope, 0:30:20.200 --> 0:30:22.280 but key like hot words will bring in the bats. 0:30:22.600 --> 0:30:25.800 Yeah. Yeah, wow, I'm learning a lot from you today. 0:30:25.840 --> 0:30:28.600 Yeah yeah, you get hire sex said, it's like, yeah, 0:30:28.600 --> 0:30:29.800 I'm multi fasted. 0:30:31.040 --> 0:30:34.200 It's great, it's amazing. I love how curious your mind is. 0:30:35.040 --> 0:30:38.480 I've already learned about bees, Like it's fascinating, fascinating. I 0:30:38.560 --> 0:30:41.840 want to go backwards, Tiffany because I feel like one 0:30:41.880 --> 0:30:43.120 of the things you do in this book is you 0:30:43.200 --> 0:30:47.840 really let us into some of the the trauma, the challenges, 0:30:48.120 --> 0:30:50.200 the difficult experiences. And as I said to you before, 0:30:50.960 --> 0:30:53.360 what I find amazing about the way you communicate is 0:30:53.440 --> 0:30:57.240 that we feel what you felt, even if we've not 0:30:57.400 --> 0:30:59.520 been there. And I think the way you're writing this 0:30:59.600 --> 0:31:02.440 book is really powerful. Like you said earlier, you said, 0:31:02.560 --> 0:31:05.200 I think I'm smart. You're smart because the way you 0:31:05.600 --> 0:31:09.960 express yourself lands and resonates even if you just read 0:31:10.040 --> 0:31:12.440 one or two lines that just grab hold of you. 0:31:12.760 --> 0:31:14.520 And at the same time, you're making everyone love through 0:31:14.560 --> 0:31:16.360 the book too. But I want to kind of go 0:31:16.440 --> 0:31:20.400 backwards because you did have a really you've had you 0:31:20.520 --> 0:31:24.240 had many different challenging, traumatic relationships in your life. I 0:31:24.320 --> 0:31:27.400 want to start with your mother because she went through 0:31:27.440 --> 0:31:31.120 something horrific herself, which when I when I read about 0:31:31.160 --> 0:31:33.920 that was I can't even believe what she's had to 0:31:34.000 --> 0:31:36.040 go through. And then how it impact on you. I 0:31:36.120 --> 0:31:38.959 was gonna ask you, has that relationship ever had an 0:31:38.960 --> 0:31:42.400 opportunity to heal or improve? Like is better possible? 0:31:42.640 --> 0:31:45.000 Better and better every day, better and better every day 0:31:45.000 --> 0:31:48.680 because I have a better understanding you know I used 0:31:48.680 --> 0:31:50.720 to be really mad at her and really like upset 0:31:50.800 --> 0:31:53.400 with her, like just take your meds. Just just heal already, 0:31:53.560 --> 0:31:58.560 just be back to my mommy, my, like my everything. 0:31:58.960 --> 0:32:02.120 You know. I just think about this time when like 0:32:02.280 --> 0:32:06.520 I love that woman, I like really really really loved 0:32:06.600 --> 0:32:11.800 that woman, like like immensely, Like that's my first love. 0:32:12.240 --> 0:32:16.320 This woman fed me, clothed me, taught me. I loved 0:32:16.400 --> 0:32:18.640 this woman. And it's like she came back from that 0:32:18.800 --> 0:32:23.840 accident somebody else, not not the woman that I love. 0:32:24.680 --> 0:32:27.160 But that's her. That's her meat suit, that's her body, 0:32:27.640 --> 0:32:32.120 but that's not my mommy. And I get glimpses of her. 0:32:32.160 --> 0:32:34.880 And as time has gone by, and you know, I've 0:32:35.160 --> 0:32:38.000 I've used my money to like get her the best 0:32:38.040 --> 0:32:39.959 of the best and get her healthy and get her 0:32:40.080 --> 0:32:44.120 on track, and and get get my sister the education. 0:32:44.200 --> 0:32:46.240 My sister's helping me, like we help each other. We 0:32:46.480 --> 0:32:50.120 we are working as a team, right, And to see 0:32:50.360 --> 0:32:56.360 like the progress is like it's such a it's like okay, 0:32:56.840 --> 0:32:59.200 where it's money's a root of all evil. But if 0:32:59.280 --> 0:33:01.640 you know how to use it right, it's a tool. 0:33:01.800 --> 0:33:03.160 If you know how to use it right, you can 0:33:03.280 --> 0:33:07.800 to help like heal and get like glimpses of what was. 0:33:08.160 --> 0:33:12.760 And I remember when I was a little girl. I 0:33:12.880 --> 0:33:14.960 wanted to like just make her happy. That's all I 0:33:15.040 --> 0:33:17.200 want to do, make her happy. And she would work 0:33:17.240 --> 0:33:21.400 these graveyard hours at the post office. And I was 0:33:21.480 --> 0:33:23.920 like three, and I wanted to make her eggs because 0:33:23.960 --> 0:33:26.280 she would come in and make me eggs, right, And 0:33:26.360 --> 0:33:28.200 I used to always try to cook for her. Always 0:33:28.240 --> 0:33:30.400 I pull all the pots and pans and everything out, 0:33:30.480 --> 0:33:32.960 like I'm gonna cook for my mommy, and I'm gonna 0:33:32.960 --> 0:33:36.880 play music too, like or like waste all this food. 0:33:36.920 --> 0:33:39.400 I'll put oat me a wishes. Shear saw its large season, 0:33:39.440 --> 0:33:41.000 saw all this stuff in like she'd be like, no, no, 0:33:41.160 --> 0:33:43.040 stop messing around my stuff, and I get a spanking. 0:33:43.640 --> 0:33:47.040 There's one particular lady. I was determined to make her 0:33:47.120 --> 0:33:50.040 some eggs. So I did everything I saw her do 0:33:50.200 --> 0:33:53.680 the day before. So I got I got the eggs 0:33:53.720 --> 0:33:57.040 out the refrigerator. I did all the eggs, all the eggs. 0:33:57.120 --> 0:33:58.880 I didn't take the shelves off of them, put all 0:33:58.920 --> 0:34:01.720 the eggs in this temperware. I started all up. I 0:34:01.840 --> 0:34:05.280 put pepper, I put garlic, saw I put Larry season 0:34:05.400 --> 0:34:07.880 and saw start them all up, start a mall up, 0:34:07.920 --> 0:34:10.239 started all up. And then I turned on the fire 0:34:10.320 --> 0:34:12.160 on the stuff and I just put the tough word 0:34:12.200 --> 0:34:14.440 container on top of the fire, and I was stunting. 0:34:14.520 --> 0:34:16.879 I was like, why is it not doing what it's 0:34:16.920 --> 0:34:19.440 supposed to do? And then it's like plastic, it's like 0:34:19.600 --> 0:34:22.239 smoking and it's burning. And my mom comes in there 0:34:22.640 --> 0:34:24.640 and she had just got off work, right, so she's 0:34:24.640 --> 0:34:26.600 in the bathroom. Whatever. My mom comes in, what are 0:34:26.600 --> 0:34:29.920 you doing? She gives me a whooping, She turns, you know, 0:34:30.080 --> 0:34:32.200 turns off the fire, cleans that, gives me a spanking, says, 0:34:32.200 --> 0:34:34.880 you're not supposed to do this. You don't touch the stuff, 0:34:34.920 --> 0:34:37.040 you don't this. And I was just like, oh, try 0:34:37.080 --> 0:34:42.160 to make you, make you breakfast. And she stopped. And 0:34:42.280 --> 0:34:44.719 this is what I loved about my mommy. This is 0:34:44.800 --> 0:34:47.680 what she's the best mommy. She was the best, but 0:34:47.800 --> 0:34:50.960 I loved about her. She stopped right and she was like, 0:34:51.120 --> 0:34:53.080 I'm gonna teach you. If you gonna keep doing this, 0:34:53.239 --> 0:34:55.480 I gotta teach you how to do this. So we 0:34:55.640 --> 0:34:59.120 cleaned the stove and everything together. She got some wind, 0:34:59.160 --> 0:35:01.160 got some more ask I had that all the eggs. 0:35:01.280 --> 0:35:03.000 I had that all the eggs. She got more eggs 0:35:03.040 --> 0:35:04.960 and stuff. We went to the grocery store. She said, 0:35:04.960 --> 0:35:06.400 this how you buy the ass. This is how you this, 0:35:06.600 --> 0:35:09.359 this how you that. We get home, she's like, okay, 0:35:09.360 --> 0:35:10.960 I'm gonna show you how to make this. And she 0:35:11.320 --> 0:35:14.960 got another tupperware bow. She said, this is just for mixing, okay, 0:35:15.360 --> 0:35:16.920 and you use this and you do it dash like 0:35:17.040 --> 0:35:19.000 that and do the dash and I do the dash 0:35:19.360 --> 0:35:21.120 and she did you this, then the dash and I 0:35:21.239 --> 0:35:23.840 did the dash and then then a dash right and 0:35:24.000 --> 0:35:26.040 she's like stirring it up. She showed me how to 0:35:26.080 --> 0:35:27.799 stir it up. I stir it up. And she said, okay, 0:35:27.880 --> 0:35:30.120 when you see this skillet, there's a cast iron skill it. 0:35:30.239 --> 0:35:33.600 You put the eggs in here, always in the cast iron, 0:35:34.080 --> 0:35:36.160 and then you have to have butter tiff andy so 0:35:36.280 --> 0:35:39.000 the eggs can slide. And then she sure give me 0:35:39.040 --> 0:35:40.680 the butter and then she let me scoop the butter 0:35:40.719 --> 0:35:42.520 and put the butter in there. And she said, now 0:35:42.560 --> 0:35:44.080 you turn the fire on, but you don't turn it 0:35:44.160 --> 0:35:47.000 on super high. You turn it on medium because you 0:35:47.000 --> 0:35:50.160 don't want your eggs to burn. Okay. I'm like okay, 0:35:50.680 --> 0:35:53.279 it's I turned it on medium and then she's like, 0:35:53.560 --> 0:35:55.719 very good, very good, and I pour the eggs in there. 0:35:55.719 --> 0:35:57.600 And I poured it and she said pour it in slow. 0:35:58.080 --> 0:36:02.279 You don't got to pour it fast. Slow. And she said, 0:36:02.360 --> 0:36:05.280 now take your thing. You're spooning a spitch sturry, stirry. 0:36:05.360 --> 0:36:09.920 Just the scramble eggs. You're making scramble. I like scramble, scramble. 0:36:10.080 --> 0:36:13.239 I was so happy, so happy. Now I had got 0:36:13.320 --> 0:36:15.560 my I got my ass let. I almost burned down 0:36:15.560 --> 0:36:17.680 the house. And now she's teaching me how to do it. 0:36:18.000 --> 0:36:20.080 And we did it, and we ate the eggs together, 0:36:20.680 --> 0:36:23.080 and I just remember I was like in love with 0:36:23.200 --> 0:36:25.040 this woman for teaching me this. And then she's like, 0:36:25.120 --> 0:36:27.440 now you have to clean up when you cook, you 0:36:27.520 --> 0:36:30.440 gotta clean. So then it was then we cleaned the 0:36:30.520 --> 0:36:33.200 dishes together. And then after that I was her dish washer. 0:36:33.320 --> 0:36:36.080 I always washed the dishes whenever she cooked. I was 0:36:36.160 --> 0:36:37.719 in there trying to cook with her. I mean I 0:36:37.800 --> 0:36:39.839 was cutting up vegetables and stuff at three and four 0:36:39.920 --> 0:36:42.279 years old, like I was the sous chef. I was 0:36:42.400 --> 0:36:46.000 always like I wanted to be her best friend, helper 0:36:46.200 --> 0:36:49.839 everything like, and she taught me a lot, like every 0:36:50.000 --> 0:36:53.359 like a grocery shopping or that when my sisters was born. 0:36:53.719 --> 0:36:57.600 I'm changing diapers, I'm making bottles, I'm her best helper, 0:36:58.200 --> 0:37:03.279 I'm her everything. Like I loved her, I still love her. 0:37:03.680 --> 0:37:06.800 But I miss that mommy. I miss that mommy and 0:37:06.880 --> 0:37:09.800 i'm her helper now. But she liked to fight me, 0:37:10.000 --> 0:37:13.319 so yeah, be careful because I can't be shown up 0:37:13.360 --> 0:37:17.960 to work with a black eye because she's different now. 0:37:19.320 --> 0:37:20.359 I missed that mommy, though. 0:37:21.840 --> 0:37:25.320 I can't imagine how hard it is to know someone 0:37:26.680 --> 0:37:30.960 that intimately, that closely and then they're not that person 0:37:31.280 --> 0:37:35.279 because of a horrific accident that she had, so it's 0:37:35.320 --> 0:37:38.759 totally out of her control. And now not only do 0:37:38.800 --> 0:37:41.279 you have to get to know this new person you 0:37:41.360 --> 0:37:46.239 missed this person that you just so beautifully described, When 0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:48.959 did you start even letting yourself process that grief, because 0:37:48.960 --> 0:37:50.680 I can imagine it's just shocked. 0:37:53.000 --> 0:37:56.600 Processing that grief. I mean, I don't know. I think 0:37:56.880 --> 0:38:00.440 when my grandma passed, who's my first best friend, who 0:38:00.520 --> 0:38:05.440 I still miss terribly, I think that's when I think 0:38:05.520 --> 0:38:08.399 that's when I started really like, okay, like the last 0:38:08.520 --> 0:38:11.279 since she's been gone, it's been two years. I think 0:38:11.320 --> 0:38:13.560 it's been the hardest two years in my whole existence, 0:38:13.880 --> 0:38:18.320 because that was my shield, that was my like protector. 0:38:18.360 --> 0:38:21.520 I could tell her all my dreams, like and she 0:38:21.600 --> 0:38:23.040 would be like, well, if you want to do that, 0:38:23.160 --> 0:38:24.960 you better figure this out. You better feel like. She 0:38:25.200 --> 0:38:28.359 was like a good sounding boy for me. And that's 0:38:28.440 --> 0:38:32.560 my first best friend. And I don't even some days 0:38:32.600 --> 0:38:34.000 I don't even know how I get out the bed 0:38:34.239 --> 0:38:37.200 because I miss her so much. But then also I 0:38:37.280 --> 0:38:39.400 don't want to let her down, and she puts she 0:38:39.480 --> 0:38:43.360 install so much like no, don't give up, don't be 0:38:43.400 --> 0:38:46.080 a quitter, Like we know we're not quitters over here, 0:38:46.160 --> 0:38:50.719 so you can't quit. So figure it out. Even if 0:38:50.719 --> 0:38:52.560 you got half fast, do it half fast, do it, 0:38:52.640 --> 0:38:55.800 get it done. Figure it out. And so that's what 0:38:55.960 --> 0:38:59.200 I do. But I also had to like learn it, 0:38:59.320 --> 0:39:04.680 like I've been learning how to grieve, I've been learning 0:39:04.719 --> 0:39:09.640 how to sit in and and like some people tell me, 0:39:09.680 --> 0:39:11.759 I shouldn't make jokes out of everything, but that's how 0:39:11.840 --> 0:39:14.840 I process. And I think you use the same the 0:39:14.960 --> 0:39:17.879 same muscles, the muscles that you used to cry, same 0:39:17.960 --> 0:39:21.200 muscles you used to laugh. It hurts so much when 0:39:21.280 --> 0:39:23.000 you cry. I mean sometimes I cry so hard I 0:39:23.080 --> 0:39:26.239 throw up, and it is like even though that I 0:39:26.280 --> 0:39:30.000 could use the apps, but like I don't want I 0:39:30.040 --> 0:39:33.160 don't want that. I'd rather have the apps from laughing 0:39:33.280 --> 0:39:35.480 so hard. I'd rather like so, I'll get to a 0:39:35.560 --> 0:39:37.840 point where I'm like, oh, I miss my grandma, and 0:39:37.960 --> 0:39:41.200 I'll try to remember something. I'll click on something that's 0:39:41.320 --> 0:39:44.120 like in my brain, Like I'm clicking on like opening 0:39:44.200 --> 0:39:46.239 files up like in a library, remember those index where 0:39:46.239 --> 0:39:50.320 you have to Yeah, I'm like, okay, Oh, when we 0:39:50.480 --> 0:39:52.839 made us a sweet potato pie, and when we went 0:39:52.880 --> 0:39:55.000 to the fair together and left everybody behind, Oh, when 0:39:55.040 --> 0:39:59.279 we did like try to like click to the good memories, 0:39:59.520 --> 0:40:02.719 to the to the fun stuff, even there was a 0:40:02.760 --> 0:40:05.759 lot of hard stuff. But like, I mean, I still 0:40:05.800 --> 0:40:08.160 got her wigs. I'll be putting on her wigs sometimes 0:40:08.560 --> 0:40:11.080 and like I'm getting afraid because they're starting to lose 0:40:11.120 --> 0:40:14.680 her scent. But you know, I still is in the 0:40:14.719 --> 0:40:17.000 back of my memory is in there. It's in there, 0:40:17.040 --> 0:40:19.400 but like, yeah, and I've been grieving my mom. I 0:40:19.480 --> 0:40:22.359 guess I've been grieving her my whole life, my whole 0:40:22.480 --> 0:40:24.800 like teens and twenties and thirties and all that, but 0:40:25.239 --> 0:40:28.240 not not really focused on it so much as grieving 0:40:28.320 --> 0:40:31.200 because the flesh is still here, and I know she 0:40:31.440 --> 0:40:35.200 in there somewhere, and I could get little sometimes little 0:40:35.280 --> 0:40:41.520 like a little fix. She in her somewhere. That's why 0:40:41.560 --> 0:40:43.320 you wish I had. I wish I had magical powers. 0:40:43.320 --> 0:40:48.279 I could just Mommy's back. Oh my god, that would 0:40:48.280 --> 0:40:50.520 be crazy. Because she was super thirsty for knowledge too. 0:40:50.640 --> 0:40:53.279 She calls me sometimes. We got her cell phone and 0:40:53.320 --> 0:40:55.040 she been using it, but she keep on trying to 0:40:55.080 --> 0:40:58.040 buy stuff. So we got to be careful, like what, 0:40:58.280 --> 0:40:59.920 don't put no credit card on it, don't sign it 0:41:00.040 --> 0:41:01.800 to know nothing, because she wouldn't want to buy stuff. 0:41:02.080 --> 0:41:03.759 And she called me and say, I need to go 0:41:03.840 --> 0:41:06.480 to college. I'm trying to go to college. I need 0:41:06.520 --> 0:41:09.200 to go get certified in culinary arts. I'm gonna go 0:41:09.360 --> 0:41:12.040 get certified in dog rooming. I need to get certified 0:41:12.120 --> 0:41:16.719 in my demo Deluxe program. I'm like demo deluxe. She's like, yes, samples, 0:41:16.760 --> 0:41:20.200 food samples in marketing in grocery stores. I was like, well, 0:41:20.200 --> 0:41:22.800 I'm building a grocery store, so then you could just 0:41:22.960 --> 0:41:24.879 you know, do demos in the grocery store. You don't 0:41:24.880 --> 0:41:27.160 got to get certified. I got you. She's like, no, no, 0:41:27.239 --> 0:41:29.000 but I need to go to college. I need to 0:41:29.080 --> 0:41:30.840 I need to go to school. Okay, I have to 0:41:30.880 --> 0:41:32.680 go to school. And I'm like, okay, mama, but like, 0:41:32.760 --> 0:41:35.080 and that makes me excited that she wants to love 0:41:35.560 --> 0:41:37.719 that she wants to go to school. But then I'm 0:41:37.760 --> 0:41:40.040 like concerned. Do I let her go to school? Do 0:41:40.120 --> 0:41:42.560 I send her to this community college where she potentially 0:41:42.680 --> 0:41:45.440 might have an episode and fight somebody, or she might 0:41:45.480 --> 0:41:48.000 just start the class start talking, or she starts seeing 0:41:48.040 --> 0:41:50.560 things and start screaming at them, or you know, like 0:41:50.680 --> 0:41:52.839 do what I allowed this? And like, will I forgive 0:41:52.880 --> 0:41:55.160 her too much medication? And she like falls asleep in 0:41:55.200 --> 0:41:57.239 the class and she starts snoring super loud, and they 0:41:57.320 --> 0:41:59.360 put her out and then we can't find her. Do 0:41:59.480 --> 0:42:01.279 I hire an nurse to go to school with her? 0:42:01.360 --> 0:42:03.520 Do I like, Okay, you trying to go to school 0:42:03.520 --> 0:42:04.719 and you gotta go to school with my mama and 0:42:04.800 --> 0:42:08.240 y'all take the same classes. Do I pay for somebody 0:42:08.320 --> 0:42:09.799 else at school to go to school with my mama 0:42:09.800 --> 0:42:11.600 and protect my mom and make sure she don't eat 0:42:11.640 --> 0:42:13.320 too much candy and make sure she don't eat no 0:42:13.440 --> 0:42:16.520 junk food and stuff like because that when she eats 0:42:16.600 --> 0:42:19.080 junk food or processed foods, that sends her over the edge. 0:42:19.080 --> 0:42:21.800 And now she's like in another dimension. And am I 0:42:22.160 --> 0:42:24.680 blocking my mama from these dimensions? Because maybe her being 0:42:24.719 --> 0:42:27.759 in those other dimensions is really good material and I 0:42:27.840 --> 0:42:29.320 need to be sitting with her when she's talking to 0:42:29.400 --> 0:42:32.440 these people that I don't see, and maybe that's like 0:42:32.640 --> 0:42:34.440 something I could use for a movie or something I 0:42:34.560 --> 0:42:37.680 don't know. And maybe God gave her this this like 0:42:38.080 --> 0:42:41.399 brain injury to see over there, and maybe she really 0:42:41.480 --> 0:42:43.600 protected me. And I don't even know that I'm blocking 0:42:43.719 --> 0:42:46.480 my protection because I feel like my grandma was my 0:42:46.640 --> 0:42:49.480 shield and my protection, but now that's gone and I 0:42:49.560 --> 0:42:52.239 don't have to protect her no more. So I got 0:42:52.320 --> 0:42:55.080 to figure out who's protecting me his right now is 0:42:55.200 --> 0:42:59.839 just me and my prayers and think my sister, my sister, 0:43:00.120 --> 0:43:04.279 definitely we work well together. So and your faith, Oh, 0:43:04.360 --> 0:43:06.359 my faith is definitely protectar. Yeah that's what I saying 0:43:06.400 --> 0:43:09.680 my prayers. Yeah, like yeah, I mean God, is that 0:43:09.760 --> 0:43:13.879 that's my dad? I lost my actual biological physical father, 0:43:13.960 --> 0:43:16.359 But I feel like I've been my dad all this time. 0:43:16.440 --> 0:43:19.359 I've always believed in God, always had a relationship, been 0:43:19.520 --> 0:43:21.600 very mad at him a lot, but you know, it 0:43:21.760 --> 0:43:24.200 is what it is. Yeah, I still love him very much. 0:43:24.640 --> 0:43:27.680 Yeah. I mean, as I'm listening to you, it's it's 0:43:27.719 --> 0:43:29.839 so challenging to think that you have someone in front 0:43:29.840 --> 0:43:32.600 of you, well you know that the person you love 0:43:32.719 --> 0:43:34.719 is inside of them, and like you said, you get 0:43:34.760 --> 0:43:37.200 the glimpses. But then at the same time, like you said, 0:43:37.239 --> 0:43:39.120 it can get abusive, it can be violent, it can 0:43:39.719 --> 0:43:41.920 because of the brain injury. And then when you look 0:43:41.920 --> 0:43:44.960 at your relationship with your father and you go to 0:43:45.400 --> 0:43:47.160 in depth in the book, and I want people to 0:43:47.200 --> 0:43:50.319 read the book, but I believe your father left when 0:43:50.320 --> 0:43:53.960 you're like three or four, Yeah, and you always had 0:43:54.000 --> 0:43:57.239 this fixation of wanting to reconnect with him. And you 0:43:57.320 --> 0:43:59.440 talk about in the book, how like any back of 0:43:59.520 --> 0:44:02.560 the head you that looked like your father, like that daddy? 0:44:03.000 --> 0:44:03.560 Is that my dad? 0:44:04.000 --> 0:44:05.719 Are you my dad? Like you know that book? Are 0:44:05.760 --> 0:44:06.239 you my mother? 0:44:06.480 --> 0:44:06.520 Like? 0:44:06.560 --> 0:44:08.200 Are you my daddy? Are you my daddy? 0:44:08.320 --> 0:44:08.360 Like? 0:44:09.440 --> 0:44:12.960 So wanting a dad I needed. I needed that. Like 0:44:13.880 --> 0:44:15.720 I think if I would have had him, I probably 0:44:16.200 --> 0:44:18.040 I might not be who I am today. For sure, 0:44:18.040 --> 0:44:19.560 I wouldn't be who I am today, and that would 0:44:19.560 --> 0:44:23.360 be very just a tragedy. But maybe I wouldn't have 0:44:23.400 --> 0:44:25.480 slept with so many dudes. Maybe I wouldn't have been 0:44:25.560 --> 0:44:29.799 so like a thirsty for attention, or maybe I would 0:44:29.800 --> 0:44:31.640 have learned how to live with the man and been 0:44:32.000 --> 0:44:35.239 a better wife and been be a better girlfriend and 0:44:35.400 --> 0:44:39.680 understand men better. Like but I think like everything happens 0:44:39.760 --> 0:44:42.520 the way it's opposed to, even though like I wish 0:44:42.600 --> 0:44:45.879 there was some male that was there that I felt 0:44:45.960 --> 0:44:48.320 safe with, that could show me on a regular basis 0:44:48.400 --> 0:44:51.480 how to be around men, and not like how I 0:44:51.600 --> 0:44:53.640 learned how to be around men, which was like I 0:44:53.760 --> 0:44:55.360 was a tomboy and I was like, oh yeah, I 0:44:55.400 --> 0:44:59.720 could do that, like stupid, so too, you were figuring 0:44:59.719 --> 0:45:03.440 it out. I was figuring it out. But but how 0:45:03.520 --> 0:45:04.880 much time would I have saved? 0:45:05.040 --> 0:45:05.200 You know? 0:45:05.800 --> 0:45:08.080 And my dad probably would have felt so much less 0:45:08.239 --> 0:45:10.520 guilt had he been around, you know, But my mom 0:45:10.680 --> 0:45:13.200 was threatening to put him in jail, say get him 0:45:13.200 --> 0:45:14.960 deported or whatever. So I get it. I get it. 0:45:15.239 --> 0:45:16.640 You ain't want to go back to the war, I 0:45:16.719 --> 0:45:16.960 get it. 0:45:17.440 --> 0:45:19.960 But you were able to reconnect with them. Yeah, from 0:45:20.200 --> 0:45:23.160 when you read about that, you're like wow, because you 0:45:23.360 --> 0:45:28.120 think most people would have resentment and bitterness and have 0:45:28.400 --> 0:45:32.200 this like angst against this person, but actually you were 0:45:32.280 --> 0:45:34.080 just like this is amazing. 0:45:34.280 --> 0:45:36.640 Yeah, well see I wanted to have that. I thought. 0:45:36.800 --> 0:45:38.440 I thought that's what I would have. I thought I 0:45:38.440 --> 0:45:40.280 would kick him in the balls and be like, why'd 0:45:40.320 --> 0:45:42.200 you even have sex with my mama and make me 0:45:42.280 --> 0:45:44.000 and leave me behind? Like I thought I would be 0:45:44.080 --> 0:45:46.640 like so mean to him and mad with him. But 0:45:46.760 --> 0:45:48.840 that's not what my soul was feeling. My soul was 0:45:48.880 --> 0:45:53.239 feeling like, Okay, this is our new adventure. This is amazing, Like, oh, 0:45:53.360 --> 0:45:57.080 he's way handsomer than mama said. He's actually voy kinder 0:45:57.160 --> 0:46:00.800 than what she said. He's actually this like like everything 0:46:00.880 --> 0:46:04.520 that I was told was like the opposite. And then 0:46:04.600 --> 0:46:06.160 like everything my grandma told me was kind of like 0:46:06.239 --> 0:46:08.120 right on point, which I should have been listening to her. 0:46:08.160 --> 0:46:09.440 She was my best friend. I should have listened to 0:46:09.440 --> 0:46:12.080 her from the first. But you know, the love my 0:46:12.120 --> 0:46:14.520 life is telling me these things, so I'm believing what 0:46:14.640 --> 0:46:19.279 she said and like to be in his presence was 0:46:19.400 --> 0:46:21.480 like the little girl, the three year old in me 0:46:21.640 --> 0:46:23.880 was so happy, and I was kind of upset that 0:46:23.960 --> 0:46:26.080 I was too big for him to pick up, Like 0:46:26.160 --> 0:46:27.719 I wanted him to pick me up and hold me 0:46:27.800 --> 0:46:30.040 and put put me on his hip. And I still 0:46:30.080 --> 0:46:32.120 kind of got this affixation with that where like I 0:46:32.200 --> 0:46:34.120 kind of would like to start a service where like 0:46:34.280 --> 0:46:36.480 retired basketball players can hold you like a baby. 0:46:39.680 --> 0:46:40.560 That's amazing. 0:46:40.800 --> 0:46:42.680 You pay them like three hundred dollars an hour and 0:46:42.719 --> 0:46:44.080 they just hold you like a baby and tell you 0:46:44.120 --> 0:46:45.680 it's gonna be okay and pat you on the back 0:46:45.719 --> 0:46:48.880 and burp you. Why hadn't nobody burps you anymore? I 0:46:49.000 --> 0:46:49.640 want somebody that. 0:46:49.800 --> 0:46:53.240 Burnt meious, I've just got this vision of like shock. 0:46:54.160 --> 0:46:57.360 I asked Shashack said, girl, crazy, you actually lost it? 0:46:57.600 --> 0:46:59.919 I asked him. He was like, girl, what did you ask? 0:47:00.320 --> 0:47:02.360 I said, would you hold me like a baby and 0:47:02.520 --> 0:47:04.600 like then burnt me? And he was like, girl, you crazy? 0:47:04.600 --> 0:47:05.440 You so damn silly? 0:47:06.680 --> 0:47:07.960 Have you asked any other plans? 0:47:08.200 --> 0:47:10.839 I have mentioned it and they just laugh. I think 0:47:10.880 --> 0:47:13.480 they think I'm joking, but I'm dead serious. I don't 0:47:13.480 --> 0:47:15.400 even laugh when I say it. I'm like, would you 0:47:15.600 --> 0:47:18.279 hold me like a baby and then like put me 0:47:18.320 --> 0:47:20.279 off your should and burnt me and then like maybe 0:47:20.320 --> 0:47:22.719 hold me on your hip like this and just tell 0:47:22.760 --> 0:47:24.759 me it's gonna be okay, that everything's gonna be all right? 0:47:24.760 --> 0:47:26.600 Would you do that for me? And they'd be like, 0:47:26.920 --> 0:47:31.279 are you crazy? Sure? You stupid? His here girl, you 0:47:31.400 --> 0:47:35.640 hear Tiffany and this a comedian right here, it's. 0:47:35.520 --> 0:47:37.720 A real request, though, I can hear what you're saying, 0:47:37.840 --> 0:47:40.960 Like there's we all what this feeling of being embraced 0:47:41.040 --> 0:47:44.000 and being like just feeling like nothing else matters and 0:47:44.040 --> 0:47:46.799 that everything's taken care of and there's just safety. Yeah, 0:47:46.880 --> 0:47:47.680 we're all craving. 0:47:48.440 --> 0:47:51.400 That's like when I see my mom now, like like 0:47:51.440 --> 0:47:54.200 I see her all the time, but but it's like, right, 0:47:54.320 --> 0:47:56.479 I could tell when my cycle coming right before because 0:47:56.560 --> 0:47:58.279 I see her and I just want her to hold me, 0:47:58.800 --> 0:48:00.279 so I just hug her super tight. She'd be like, 0:48:00.320 --> 0:48:03.160 get off, all right, that's a laugh, and I'm like, no, 0:48:03.360 --> 0:48:07.440 Mamy wante me. She's like that's enough, that's enough. Clearly 0:48:07.560 --> 0:48:10.640 my love language is touched. Right. So then another time 0:48:10.719 --> 0:48:12.479 she was sitting on the couch in my house watching 0:48:12.560 --> 0:48:14.480 TV and she's just like this TV is so big, 0:48:14.560 --> 0:48:16.560 and I felt so proud of myself that she said, 0:48:16.600 --> 0:48:18.640 my TV is so big. So then I sat down 0:48:18.680 --> 0:48:20.000 next to her and then I just tried to like 0:48:20.120 --> 0:48:22.080 crawl up in her lap. I tried to like get 0:48:22.120 --> 0:48:23.960 in her lap, and she's like, great, too big, Get off, 0:48:24.239 --> 0:48:25.880 Get off me, And I'm just like I want her 0:48:25.960 --> 0:48:27.440 to hold me in her lap like she used to 0:48:27.520 --> 0:48:29.439 when I was a baby. When I was little, I said, 0:48:29.440 --> 0:48:31.480 sit in her lap and watch TV. Lean on her 0:48:31.560 --> 0:48:34.640 like this, you know, we watch TV. Together. But I'm 0:48:34.680 --> 0:48:39.960 too big now, I'm too damn biga. 0:48:40.200 --> 0:48:42.680 Walk me through that phone call with your dad when 0:48:42.719 --> 0:48:46.040 it comes out of nowhere, because you're so much How 0:48:46.080 --> 0:48:46.640 old are you even that? 0:48:47.040 --> 0:48:48.719 Get twenty six to be? 0:48:48.800 --> 0:48:51.479 So we do my three four to twenty six, twenty seven. 0:48:51.560 --> 0:48:53.000 It's like walk me through. 0:48:53.520 --> 0:48:56.440 Okay. So I talked to this man that's had some facility, 0:48:56.520 --> 0:48:58.560 say he knows my dad whatever, and he's gonna give 0:48:58.600 --> 0:49:00.759 my dad the number and out of seven, I said, okay. Cool. 0:49:01.320 --> 0:49:03.239 Then like days go by and then I get the 0:49:03.360 --> 0:49:06.920 car and it's like, hello, is this differenty? You know, 0:49:07.120 --> 0:49:10.560 like I knew, like my whole soul knew instantly who 0:49:10.640 --> 0:49:16.200 he was. Like it's like DNA, like recognition or something 0:49:16.320 --> 0:49:18.480 like the little girl and me lit up like like 0:49:18.600 --> 0:49:22.600 I was like laying on the couch sleeping. It's like Daddy, 0:49:23.239 --> 0:49:26.759 you know. It's like, Daddy, is that you? And I 0:49:26.920 --> 0:49:30.640 was like yes, he was like this is diyat your father. 0:49:31.719 --> 0:49:34.319 I'm like, Daddy, where are you bed? 0:49:35.680 --> 0:49:36.359 Where you been? 0:49:36.719 --> 0:49:37.799 Are you sure you're my dad? 0:49:38.080 --> 0:49:38.440 How do you know? 0:49:38.719 --> 0:49:40.160 Wait? Are you sure you're my dad? 0:49:40.239 --> 0:49:40.279 Like? 0:49:40.320 --> 0:49:42.680 And I was asking him questions about family members. He 0:49:42.760 --> 0:49:45.920 knew stuff that nobody else would know except like him 0:49:45.920 --> 0:49:48.600 and my mama would know. And I was like, where 0:49:48.760 --> 0:49:51.600 are you? When can I see you? I need to 0:49:51.760 --> 0:49:52.160 see you. 0:49:52.680 --> 0:49:53.400 I miss you? 0:49:55.080 --> 0:49:57.840 Where are you being while you ain't come and get me? Like, 0:49:59.520 --> 0:50:05.879 I just him to keep talking that voice. Man, I can't. 0:50:05.920 --> 0:50:08.040 I'm not very good at impersonating it. But I got 0:50:08.120 --> 0:50:09.920 like a lot of voicemails. I always ask him like 0:50:10.000 --> 0:50:12.160 if I do answer, please leave me a voice message. 0:50:12.760 --> 0:50:15.200 I got his voice messages and I'd be listening to 0:50:15.320 --> 0:50:20.800 him make me feel better, like I miss him. I 0:50:20.960 --> 0:50:23.040 was missing him, like I barely knew him, and I 0:50:23.160 --> 0:50:26.479 was missing him right, so like I be loving people 0:50:26.560 --> 0:50:30.440 too much, I think, but I knew it was him immediately. 0:50:31.520 --> 0:50:34.360 I wanted to see him immediately, or set up a 0:50:34.440 --> 0:50:37.640 time for me to go and visit him, to drive 0:50:37.760 --> 0:50:41.400 up to Virginia. Went up to Virginia and I went 0:50:41.440 --> 0:50:43.040 to see him. As soon as I saw him as 0:50:43.080 --> 0:50:47.640 like my whole soul rejoice, so happy. He's very handsome. 0:50:47.719 --> 0:50:50.640 I'm glad I met him like in that way instead 0:50:50.680 --> 0:50:52.319 of like in some nightclub or something, cause I probably 0:50:52.320 --> 0:50:54.360 would have tried to hit on him or something. I 0:50:55.000 --> 0:50:57.560 thought he was beautiful. And we just talked and talked 0:50:57.600 --> 0:50:59.480 and talked, and I was just like trying to crawl 0:50:59.520 --> 0:51:02.279 in his lap. But I'm bigger than him, bigger than him. 0:51:02.840 --> 0:51:05.200 I was trying to get him to hold me charl 0:51:05.239 --> 0:51:07.040 to spend as much time with him as I could, 0:51:07.160 --> 0:51:09.800 and like he was feeling a lot of guilt. He's like, 0:51:09.840 --> 0:51:11.160 I should have been there for this. I should have 0:51:11.200 --> 0:51:12.600 been there for that. And I'm like, yeah, you should have, 0:51:12.640 --> 0:51:15.279 but you here now, like we got this now, like 0:51:15.560 --> 0:51:17.319 and just getting to know him, and I was asking 0:51:17.400 --> 0:51:20.280 him all these questions like is it true that I'm Jewish? 0:51:20.600 --> 0:51:22.719 My grandma always say this, this is true. He goes, yes, 0:51:22.800 --> 0:51:25.239 this is true, but this and this and this and 0:51:25.360 --> 0:51:27.200 this is what happened. And I had to leave and 0:51:27.360 --> 0:51:29.960 I had to this and and I'm just like wow, 0:51:30.160 --> 0:51:32.880 like asking him something question, what was it like for 0:51:32.960 --> 0:51:34.560 you when you was a little boy? Did you use 0:51:34.600 --> 0:51:36.840 toilet in the hole? Did you use toilet in the toilet? 0:51:36.960 --> 0:51:38.759 Like did you have like what did you have? And 0:51:38.840 --> 0:51:40.600 he was like, yeah, we had money, we had a toilet, 0:51:40.719 --> 0:51:43.200 I went, I had Italian clothes, I had this, I got, 0:51:43.360 --> 0:51:45.480 I learned German, I learned this language. I know this, 0:51:45.600 --> 0:51:49.520 I know that, like eight languages. Like I just constantly, 0:51:49.719 --> 0:51:51.719 like I feel like I was interrogating him all the time. 0:51:51.880 --> 0:51:54.839 And then he came to California and then I would 0:51:54.840 --> 0:51:56.360 take him to go see my mom. But then I 0:51:56.400 --> 0:51:58.080 would like snap at him and stuff, cause it would 0:51:58.080 --> 0:52:00.200 be they slip part of me. That's like, damn doing 0:52:00.200 --> 0:52:01.640 all this shiit for you ain't gonna do something for me. 0:52:02.080 --> 0:52:03.920 But like then I had to check myself, like, hey, 0:52:04.120 --> 0:52:07.080 he gave us life, like be nice. But sometimes I 0:52:07.080 --> 0:52:09.840 would be mad, especially like and he would get he 0:52:09.880 --> 0:52:12.719 would get the business if I drank. Sometimes I would 0:52:12.719 --> 0:52:17.120 get like really like lit and remorseful. Then I would 0:52:17.160 --> 0:52:19.279 call him and I'd just cuss him out. I just 0:52:19.400 --> 0:52:22.120 give him on. I'm like, I wash because you wasn't there. 0:52:22.200 --> 0:52:23.680 I was this because you didn't show it. 0:52:23.760 --> 0:52:25.880 You didn't teach me you did. He did hear that? 0:52:26.000 --> 0:52:27.320 Yeah, he did hear it. He heard it from the 0:52:27.360 --> 0:52:28.239 drunk side of me here and. 0:52:28.239 --> 0:52:30.120 When you were you funny when you were drunk like 0:52:30.160 --> 0:52:31.799 that or no, that was like intent. 0:52:31.880 --> 0:52:33.640 God, no, I was intent. I was sitting on the porch. 0:52:33.680 --> 0:52:36.120 I was like, I married this man. I shouldn't have 0:52:36.160 --> 0:52:39.400 married this man. I was like, yeah, I was at 0:52:39.480 --> 0:52:43.840 home drinking mad, so on my nerves, I'm like, what 0:52:43.960 --> 0:52:47.160 did I do? I ruined my life? Like this isn't 0:52:47.160 --> 0:52:49.440 who I'm supposed to be with. But clearly I was 0:52:49.440 --> 0:52:51.359 supposed to be there because I needed to learn some things. 0:52:51.400 --> 0:52:53.359 And I learned a lot from that relationship, and I'm 0:52:53.400 --> 0:52:56.560 grateful for that relationship, but I would never go back. 0:52:56.719 --> 0:52:58.719 I remember sitting on the porch just crying to my 0:52:58.840 --> 0:53:01.480 daddy about how like I'm made all these bad decisions 0:53:01.520 --> 0:53:04.719 and bad choices because I didn't have my daddy to 0:53:04.800 --> 0:53:06.759 guide me, and I need it. I need my dad, 0:53:06.960 --> 0:53:09.600 I need I needed you, like and he's like, I 0:53:09.680 --> 0:53:11.640 would get the place with you don't have to be 0:53:11.719 --> 0:53:13.759 with them. I will get a place, and you got 0:53:13.840 --> 0:53:15.320 your own room and you got your all this. And 0:53:15.400 --> 0:53:17.520 he never did do that. He never got to that 0:53:17.640 --> 0:53:20.600 level because he wasn't mentally art where he needed to 0:53:20.680 --> 0:53:24.359 be like he was. And that man witnessed a war 0:53:25.719 --> 0:53:28.880 and then came here and witnessed a whole bunch of 0:53:29.000 --> 0:53:32.960 other horrible things that like I could only imagine. And 0:53:33.080 --> 0:53:35.880 then the guilt that he was feeling for like abandoning 0:53:36.040 --> 0:53:39.480 his country and you know, abandoning his daughter doing not 0:53:39.680 --> 0:53:44.279 like he's feeling super duper guilty. And he's learned learning 0:53:44.280 --> 0:53:46.480 how to grieve too. His mother died, his daddy died, 0:53:46.520 --> 0:53:49.080 his brothers are all dead. All he got his aunties, 0:53:49.160 --> 0:53:53.400 and they you know, if they're anything, if if they 0:53:53.480 --> 0:53:57.200 were doing to him anything like what they do to me. Uh, 0:53:57.320 --> 0:54:03.279 and they probably did it to him more sh I 0:54:03.440 --> 0:54:08.440 just you know, I pray for him. I pray for 0:54:08.560 --> 0:54:12.560 his soul. I feel like, oh, man, gotta feel horrible. 0:54:13.239 --> 0:54:15.640 You I probably felt like shit on a daily basis, 0:54:17.160 --> 0:54:20.839 so I really And then the next day I apologize 0:54:20.840 --> 0:54:23.160 so tough to him because going off on him like that, 0:54:23.200 --> 0:54:24.680 and I'm like I should have never did that. He's like, no, 0:54:24.760 --> 0:54:27.360 it's okay. You know my friends, my friends always like, well, 0:54:27.400 --> 0:54:29.000 how was your daughter so nice to you? And you 0:54:29.040 --> 0:54:30.719 didn't even raise or I raised my daughters. And my 0:54:30.800 --> 0:54:32.840 daughter's so mean to me and evil to me, and 0:54:32.960 --> 0:54:35.239 your daughter's nice and kind to you and loves you 0:54:35.440 --> 0:54:37.080 like my daughter. Maybe I shouldn't have been there for 0:54:37.200 --> 0:54:39.279 my daughter. Maybe she would be nice to me, because 0:54:39.320 --> 0:54:41.160 my daughter's mean to me. And then when I was 0:54:41.239 --> 0:54:42.839 mean to him, he's like telling all this friend, she's 0:54:43.400 --> 0:54:45.359 mean to me, she cuts me out, she was mean 0:54:45.400 --> 0:54:48.080 and me God like he could fit in with his 0:54:48.160 --> 0:54:51.160 group of friends or whatever. But he's like, it's okay. 0:54:51.239 --> 0:54:54.240 You gotta express yourself. You gotta let that out, express yourself. 0:54:54.280 --> 0:54:57.279 And I'm like, no, but it's wrong, because I really 0:54:57.400 --> 0:55:01.040 do love you. I really do appreciate you giving me life, 0:55:01.200 --> 0:55:03.520 even though I hate this life a lot of days, 0:55:03.960 --> 0:55:06.600 like a lot of days I hate even Like, man, 0:55:06.640 --> 0:55:09.640 why couldn't I have just been a tree, Like could 0:55:10.280 --> 0:55:12.120 just stay in one place and watch the world change 0:55:12.160 --> 0:55:15.200 around me, Like, but then trees get abused to. 0:55:15.520 --> 0:55:19.040 Yeah, for sure, for sure, there's there's there's a great Yeah, 0:55:19.040 --> 0:55:21.239 I mean trees live through a lot, and they've seen 0:55:21.280 --> 0:55:22.280 a lot, and they've been through. 0:55:22.120 --> 0:55:23.520 And they lived through a lot of abuse. 0:55:23.719 --> 0:55:26.600 Yeah for sure. But there's so much in what you're 0:55:26.600 --> 0:55:29.160 saying that I think resonates so deeply with me. This 0:55:30.400 --> 0:55:34.160 curiosity and context around how our parents became who they 0:55:34.400 --> 0:55:40.800 were is so huge, Like to actually have context of 0:55:40.920 --> 0:55:42.919 how your dad became your dad, how your mom became 0:55:42.960 --> 0:55:45.520 your mom. This isn't a matter of whose fault is it. 0:55:45.960 --> 0:55:48.279 It's your your fault. It's a count, it's not that 0:55:48.400 --> 0:55:51.000 it's let's understand people's stories. 0:55:51.120 --> 0:55:54.360 Yeah, So I don't feel like that it's your fault. 0:55:54.480 --> 0:55:57.439 Yeah that it's not my fault. It's not your fault. 0:55:57.680 --> 0:56:00.719 You had these experiences, and I think I like to 0:56:00.800 --> 0:56:03.120 imagine that there's a contract that you signed with God 0:56:03.200 --> 0:56:05.880 before you got here that says this is the stuff 0:56:05.880 --> 0:56:07.839 you're gonna go through so you can accomplish these things. 0:56:08.239 --> 0:56:11.200 And maybe their job was just to make me. Maybe 0:56:11.360 --> 0:56:14.080 their their job was to you know, be in certain 0:56:14.080 --> 0:56:16.440 people's lives and find this thing and to activate this 0:56:16.600 --> 0:56:19.799 person for that and activate this person for this. Maybe 0:56:19.880 --> 0:56:22.440 that was their job. Maybe that that's the contract they signed. 0:56:22.840 --> 0:56:24.560 And I hope my mom has like a whole bunch 0:56:24.640 --> 0:56:28.000 more stuff to do, uh and lives a lot longer. 0:56:28.120 --> 0:56:30.520 And I hope I do get her into college and 0:56:30.840 --> 0:56:33.520 like she doesn't fight the teachers or anything like that. 0:56:33.719 --> 0:56:36.279 Like I hope that it turns out great and she 0:56:36.360 --> 0:56:38.719 does get her certification and calling their yards and she's 0:56:38.719 --> 0:56:40.439 able to cook and do whatever it is she wants 0:56:40.480 --> 0:56:43.000 to do. Like whatever her dream is, I want her 0:56:43.080 --> 0:56:45.959 to have her dream, and I want to I would 0:56:45.960 --> 0:56:47.960 love to facilitate it. But also I want to protect 0:56:48.000 --> 0:56:50.600 the safety of other years at the same time and 0:56:51.320 --> 0:56:56.040 the you know, the mental sanity of others because school, Yeah, 0:56:56.080 --> 0:56:57.800 maybe it's set up a part. Maybe I have professors 0:56:57.880 --> 0:57:00.839 come to teach her, but she wants to go. Yeah, 0:57:02.800 --> 0:57:04.560 so maybe I set it up like you know, hire 0:57:04.680 --> 0:57:09.240 some actors and you know, you know, like she's at school, 0:57:09.280 --> 0:57:11.880 you at school, and then maybe they are a psychologists, 0:57:12.239 --> 0:57:14.640 like you know, maybe maybe she's work studying. Maybe she's 0:57:14.680 --> 0:57:17.320 a study. Maybe it's a study program where there's a 0:57:17.520 --> 0:57:19.680 therapists in the room, but they study in culinary arts 0:57:19.720 --> 0:57:21.880 and they see how someone with this type of damage 0:57:21.920 --> 0:57:24.720 in their brain operates in this type of environment. You know, 0:57:24.840 --> 0:57:28.880 what I should make some money off of it. Maybe 0:57:28.920 --> 0:57:30.960 that could contribute to the generation of wealth. I'm trying 0:57:31.000 --> 0:57:31.520 to create this. 0:57:31.640 --> 0:57:37.040 Family, did you always you know? Honestly, I think when 0:57:37.040 --> 0:57:39.360 people read this book, they're going to laugh as I'm 0:57:39.400 --> 0:57:42.640 laughing right now, and they're also going to feel. And 0:57:42.720 --> 0:57:44.680 I'm not just saying this is flattering. I'm not just 0:57:44.720 --> 0:57:47.040 saying it because you're here, right, I really do mean this. 0:57:47.880 --> 0:57:51.640 It's very rare to meet someone who's been through as 0:57:51.720 --> 0:57:54.160 much as you have and hear it in a processed, 0:57:54.680 --> 0:57:59.280 thoughtful way. Yes, it's hilarious, but it's also processed. Was 0:58:00.000 --> 0:58:02.320 what else apart from comedy was your therapy? Like? What 0:58:02.520 --> 0:58:05.120 else has been part of this healing journey? To help 0:58:05.200 --> 0:58:06.840 process the actual therapy? 0:58:08.040 --> 0:58:10.520 Therapy? Yeah, I was like ordered by the course to 0:58:10.600 --> 0:58:14.760 go to therapy eventually, and like, uh, that helped a lot. Man. 0:58:14.920 --> 0:58:17.600 Some therapists were really good and some were like horrible, 0:58:17.840 --> 0:58:19.400 And I felt like I was like sitting in a 0:58:19.480 --> 0:58:22.360 therapist's office just doing stand up for them because they're 0:58:22.400 --> 0:58:24.800 giggling and laughing and stuff, and I'm like, heal me, 0:58:25.040 --> 0:58:28.640 heal me, like get the pain away, like give me 0:58:28.680 --> 0:58:32.000 where I can like function, and they would make suggestions, 0:58:32.040 --> 0:58:34.640 and those suggestions actually like did make a difference. That 0:58:34.720 --> 0:58:36.720 one therapist that said, like, get back to doing stand 0:58:36.800 --> 0:58:38.240 up as a hobby, just do it as a hobby, 0:58:38.320 --> 0:58:41.320 and that turned into a full blown living And I appreciate, 0:58:42.040 --> 0:58:46.360 appreciate her for saying that. But like actual therapy, actually 0:58:46.480 --> 0:58:50.600 reading books, like actually like reading different books about like 0:58:52.120 --> 0:58:56.200 self care, like self care stuff, and maybe they'd be like, 0:58:56.600 --> 0:58:58.560 you read this three hundred page book, and it'd be 0:58:58.680 --> 0:59:00.240 like one thing in it that I could tell with 0:59:00.360 --> 0:59:03.960 me man Louise Hayes. I love me some Louise Hayes. 0:59:04.640 --> 0:59:07.760 That lady, if she was still alive, I remember when 0:59:07.800 --> 0:59:10.080 she died, I cried for it. If she was still alive, 0:59:10.480 --> 0:59:12.680 I kiss I kiss her right on her third eye 0:59:12.720 --> 0:59:16.560 and say thank you, kiss her right on her third eye. Yeah, 0:59:16.600 --> 0:59:21.560 because that like her her. Like mantras the you Can 0:59:21.640 --> 0:59:24.880 Heal your Body book, like even though I don't know 0:59:24.920 --> 0:59:28.000 if those those are mantras really help, I do them anyways, 0:59:28.280 --> 0:59:31.120 you know, just distract my mind from whatever that's going on. 0:59:32.720 --> 0:59:34.960 I don't think the one for indometriosis works. I think 0:59:34.960 --> 0:59:39.640 you gotta we gotta rewrite that one. But but but 0:59:40.360 --> 0:59:44.560 I mean just just those things like the self care, 0:59:45.080 --> 0:59:50.480 self care, being self aware, like and it's a process. 0:59:50.800 --> 0:59:51.000 You know. 0:59:51.240 --> 0:59:54.440 Look, I've been drinking. I've been drinking since I was 0:59:54.520 --> 0:59:56.880 twenty one years old, on and off. I would go 0:59:57.120 --> 1:00:01.360 years without drinking. Drink now, drink, drink whatever. Not really 1:00:01.440 --> 1:00:04.520 my bag. You know, have my incidents. And I'm just like, 1:00:04.600 --> 1:00:07.960 you know what, I ain't gonna be drinking no more. 1:00:08.240 --> 1:00:10.440 I'm cool. And that was five months ago, by the. 1:00:10.440 --> 1:00:12.360 Way, congratulations, Yeah, not. 1:00:12.440 --> 1:00:16.080 Six months, but we can roll with six It'll be 1:00:16.200 --> 1:00:18.840 six months, it'll be six years. It'll be probably sixteen 1:00:18.960 --> 1:00:19.520 years from now. 1:00:19.760 --> 1:00:19.800 Like. 1:00:20.560 --> 1:00:22.880 And I have like a big old mocktail company, and 1:00:25.520 --> 1:00:28.440 I found this non alcoholic roseta is bomb. 1:00:28.680 --> 1:00:29.520 Okay, what is this? 1:00:29.600 --> 1:00:31.520 It's bomb. I can't even tell you the name because 1:00:31.560 --> 1:00:35.560 I need they need to pay me. I don't spend 1:00:35.600 --> 1:00:37.600 so much money on it. Nine because like when I 1:00:38.000 --> 1:00:40.560 go to parties, I always bring it, bring whatever I 1:00:40.720 --> 1:00:42.760 like to drink to the party. I just went to 1:00:42.920 --> 1:00:47.200 mgk's party, his birthday party, and I brought the non 1:00:47.240 --> 1:00:49.920 alcoholic rose. People like, oh, you're drinking what is that? 1:00:50.000 --> 1:00:52.000 What you're drinking? I'm like, non alcoholic rose you want 1:00:52.000 --> 1:00:54.320 to try something like, oh this is good. I was like, yep, 1:00:54.360 --> 1:00:57.400 and my body's not gonna hurt tomorrow, yours will nice. 1:00:57.640 --> 1:01:00.600 Nice, it's so good. Oh my god, up the name here. 1:01:00.600 --> 1:01:03.040 They're gonna come find it. I don't know. I don't know. 1:01:03.120 --> 1:01:03.360 I don't. 1:01:03.440 --> 1:01:06.640 I feel like they want. I feel like they won't. 1:01:07.440 --> 1:01:09.680 I feel like they gotta come find they know they 1:01:10.160 --> 1:01:11.080 they don't. Whole foods. 1:01:11.240 --> 1:01:15.320 Okay, you're dropping the little clues, the little whole foods. 1:01:15.360 --> 1:01:18.840 And it's and it's the animal on the cup. 1:01:21.040 --> 1:01:23.600 I love it. All the hents are drop now the hints. 1:01:23.480 --> 1:01:26.360 Drop also like this not alcoholic vodka too, even though 1:01:26.520 --> 1:01:30.400 it's I just imagine that it's rubbing alcohol though that's 1:01:30.400 --> 1:01:32.080 what it kind of tastes like. But it don't. It 1:01:32.160 --> 1:01:36.120 doesn't just rubbing alcohol like alcohol is alcohol. 1:01:36.840 --> 1:01:37.600 It is alcohol. 1:01:37.680 --> 1:01:40.760 It's not alcohol. It's not alcoholic tastes. 1:01:40.640 --> 1:01:42.280 But that's good though. No, it tastes exactly how you 1:01:42.320 --> 1:01:45.040 want it to taste. Oh you don't like okay, I. 1:01:45.120 --> 1:01:47.160 Never look, I never really liked to taste of the vodka. 1:01:47.240 --> 1:01:49.200 But you know, you put a little flavor, a little 1:01:49.240 --> 1:01:51.280 sugar in. They drop a jolly rancher in there, and 1:01:51.360 --> 1:01:54.120 you know what I'm saying, for some lemons, make an alcohaline. 1:01:54.480 --> 1:01:56.640 That's what I would tell myself. Got it, but it 1:01:56.760 --> 1:01:58.400 takes the pain away. It would take the pain away 1:01:58.440 --> 1:01:58.640 from me. 1:01:59.520 --> 1:02:02.000 And now and now now you don't use that to 1:02:02.080 --> 1:02:03.000 take the pain away, so. 1:02:03.800 --> 1:02:07.280 You just sit in the pain, which he ain't got 1:02:07.360 --> 1:02:08.320 process sick. 1:02:10.800 --> 1:02:15.800 With your father, I felt like ultimately he's guilt and 1:02:15.880 --> 1:02:18.800 shame kind of made you feel like you lost him 1:02:18.800 --> 1:02:22.360 again because that was so heavy for him that he 1:02:22.520 --> 1:02:23.840 kind of distanced me. 1:02:24.040 --> 1:02:26.240 He distanced him stuff from me. I think he knew 1:02:26.280 --> 1:02:28.520 he was sick, and then he didn't want me to 1:02:28.600 --> 1:02:31.320 see him like that, and he didn't want to have 1:02:31.480 --> 1:02:33.840 to depend on me because he knew I would take 1:02:33.840 --> 1:02:34.240 care of him. 1:02:35.000 --> 1:02:37.240 Like he knew I never wanted money. He never like 1:02:37.320 --> 1:02:39.000 you talked about like, he didn't want money from you. 1:02:39.040 --> 1:02:40.320 You didn't want to be a part of your fame. 1:02:40.400 --> 1:02:42.000 It wasn't It wasn't there. 1:02:42.000 --> 1:02:44.880 Now And I would still like fighly pay the light bills, 1:02:44.920 --> 1:02:46.920 send groceries to his house and say he'd be like, 1:02:46.960 --> 1:02:50.680 don't do that, Like he wanted to take care of me, 1:02:50.760 --> 1:02:52.720 but he wasn't capable of taking care of me. He 1:02:52.880 --> 1:02:56.000 was sick, and I think he didn't want me to 1:02:56.880 --> 1:03:00.720 know that or have anything to do. Like I think 1:03:00.760 --> 1:03:03.720 he felt like this is his punishment or whatever for whatever. 1:03:04.720 --> 1:03:06.880 But he left like a whole like memoryan like what 1:03:07.000 --> 1:03:08.680 I need to do, how I need to do it, 1:03:08.920 --> 1:03:12.640 and I did it all Like I'm obedient when it 1:03:12.720 --> 1:03:14.320 come to my parents, at least I try to be. 1:03:15.400 --> 1:03:16.600 I definitely am obedient. 1:03:16.760 --> 1:03:19.200 Did you end up organizing the funeral and attending or. 1:03:19.520 --> 1:03:20.800 He didn't want no funeral? Oh? 1:03:20.840 --> 1:03:22.800 Wow, Okay, he didn't want that. 1:03:22.920 --> 1:03:25.680 He didn't want me spending any money on him because 1:03:25.680 --> 1:03:27.960 he felt like he didn't spend nothing on me, but 1:03:28.240 --> 1:03:30.040 I did. But he did want to be buried with 1:03:30.160 --> 1:03:35.080 his mother, so I and it's against the tradition to cremate. 1:03:35.160 --> 1:03:37.120 He did not, Like he's like, they're going to be 1:03:37.160 --> 1:03:38.800 mad at you, but you know, I don't want you 1:03:38.880 --> 1:03:42.040 spending all the money to take me back, Like, go 1:03:42.120 --> 1:03:44.200 ahead and cremate me, take me and put me with 1:03:44.320 --> 1:03:46.160 my mom. And I told him, well, if I cremate, you, 1:03:46.240 --> 1:03:48.200 don't put half of you with your mama and half 1:03:48.200 --> 1:03:50.640 of you in my garden because you never really fed 1:03:50.720 --> 1:03:55.840 me anyways, grow me some food. And I did that, 1:03:56.000 --> 1:03:57.960 and then I just I just read this thing like 1:03:58.120 --> 1:04:00.840 last year that if you have a cemetery in your backyard, 1:04:00.920 --> 1:04:03.760 your property tax free if you got family members like 1:04:03.840 --> 1:04:06.160 buried in your back I was like, hmm, I wonder 1:04:06.160 --> 1:04:09.480 if ashes count, because I need good. This property tax 1:04:09.600 --> 1:04:10.080 is killing me. 1:04:11.840 --> 1:04:12.120 Interest. 1:04:12.240 --> 1:04:15.120 I'm always digging for information, especially when it comes to 1:04:15.200 --> 1:04:18.440 my money and my health. Like, so, yeah, I was 1:04:18.480 --> 1:04:20.800 just looking for tax baks. Also I saw that, you know, 1:04:20.960 --> 1:04:24.640 Trump buried you know, his people's on the golf course, 1:04:24.680 --> 1:04:27.200 and then now they don't have to pay no tax 1:04:27.280 --> 1:04:27.640 over there. 1:04:27.680 --> 1:04:28.600 I did see that. Yeah. 1:04:28.760 --> 1:04:31.080 Yeah, So I was like, oh, what can I do 1:04:31.200 --> 1:04:33.920 here in south central LA. And I'm like, hey, my 1:04:34.000 --> 1:04:36.760 daddy's over here near the collar greens. You've got the 1:04:36.800 --> 1:04:37.840 chili peppers in the mints. 1:04:42.200 --> 1:04:44.080 Let's know if that goes through, let's know if you 1:04:44.160 --> 1:04:44.680 figure out. 1:04:45.040 --> 1:04:48.360 They told me no, I already went to the city 1:04:48.400 --> 1:04:50.320 and tried it. I was like, my father is in 1:04:50.400 --> 1:04:54.000 the backyard. They was like, no, you need to exhumb 1:04:54.000 --> 1:04:55.919 my body. I was like, well, it's ashes. I can't really, 1:04:56.440 --> 1:04:58.560 I'm sure the plants ate him up two years ago. 1:04:58.920 --> 1:05:01.520 That was back in twenty seventeen, you know, so I'm 1:05:01.560 --> 1:05:03.800 pretty sure he's gone, gone, gone. 1:05:03.920 --> 1:05:06.120 But yeah, you're talking about taking care of your money 1:05:06.160 --> 1:05:08.320 and your health. You were saying there was one point 1:05:08.360 --> 1:05:10.760 in time where you had like a billboard up for 1:05:10.880 --> 1:05:13.800 your show, but then you still had like a you know, 1:05:14.000 --> 1:05:18.080 like a Obama phone. I think you called it. Yeah, 1:05:19.360 --> 1:05:22.640 You've always tried to figure that out even now, Like 1:05:23.080 --> 1:05:25.479 at one point you lived homeless when you were growing 1:05:25.520 --> 1:05:27.280 up in your teens and like living in a car, 1:05:28.320 --> 1:05:30.040 but now you still live in the area you grew 1:05:30.120 --> 1:05:34.600 up in. Yeah, and that's to inspire others to see 1:05:34.640 --> 1:05:37.720 what's possible and see that you can still move because 1:05:37.760 --> 1:05:40.080 usually people make it and then they leave. 1:05:40.240 --> 1:05:42.400 Right But you you really felt that that was Yeah, 1:05:42.440 --> 1:05:46.080 I felt its important to stay. I saw I like it. 1:05:47.000 --> 1:05:49.880 I feel safe over there, and I want to be 1:05:49.960 --> 1:05:53.040 where I'm wanted. You know, I don't want to be 1:05:53.120 --> 1:05:54.959 where I'm tolerated. I want to be where I'm wanted. 1:05:55.200 --> 1:05:57.640 So it's staying in the hood. I just feel like 1:05:57.720 --> 1:06:00.760 I'm a great example to these other kids. Look, Tiffany 1:06:00.760 --> 1:06:03.080 couldn't read that good. Tiffany couldn't read it all for 1:06:03.120 --> 1:06:06.080 a minute. Tiffany couldn't this, Tiffany couldn't that. And look 1:06:06.120 --> 1:06:07.800 what she has. She on the billboard right on the 1:06:07.880 --> 1:06:10.400 corner front of the house. She own that house right there, 1:06:10.920 --> 1:06:13.800 and like three other houses on this street. She also 1:06:13.920 --> 1:06:15.880 doing this. She's doing that like she doing stuff in 1:06:16.000 --> 1:06:19.040 a community, Like I'm a firm believer of like, oh, 1:06:19.120 --> 1:06:21.760 if my community is like messed up, I don't have 1:06:21.880 --> 1:06:24.200 to leave my community. I can stay right here and 1:06:24.280 --> 1:06:27.440 I can make it better. Now if if I was, 1:06:27.720 --> 1:06:30.280 like if I was the gang member, maybe it'd be 1:06:30.440 --> 1:06:32.920 more difficult, but maybe I could be influencing the other 1:06:32.960 --> 1:06:35.040 people in the gang to like, Okay, we're gonna do 1:06:35.120 --> 1:06:36.760 this now. This is what the gang's gonna do. Now, 1:06:36.840 --> 1:06:38.840 this is what we're doing that. Now. Now you're the manager, 1:06:39.000 --> 1:06:40.960 you the security, you do this, Like you gotta buy 1:06:41.000 --> 1:06:42.960 a house. Now you have to buy a house. Now. 1:06:43.040 --> 1:06:45.640 It's funny when somebody buys a house, how they're like 1:06:45.840 --> 1:06:49.240 perspective changes on what type of activities they participate in. 1:06:49.480 --> 1:06:52.120 Oh interesting, yeah, Like that's what I've noticed anyways, from 1:06:52.200 --> 1:06:54.320 like my hood friends, like people in the community, like 1:06:54.880 --> 1:06:57.000 what they was all about fighting, all about this, all 1:06:57.000 --> 1:06:58.680 about it. As soon as they bought a house, They're like, 1:06:58.760 --> 1:07:00.440 oh no, I can't be doing all that. I gotta 1:07:00.440 --> 1:07:02.360 cut my grass. I gotta this, I gotta do this. 1:07:02.720 --> 1:07:04.320 I need to make my mortgage. I need to do this, 1:07:04.480 --> 1:07:06.040 like I gotta go to work. I gotta do this. 1:07:06.560 --> 1:07:10.120 Like it kind of changes the activity that you participate in, 1:07:10.680 --> 1:07:12.360 Like you might still be a thug and still be 1:07:12.440 --> 1:07:15.280 a gangster, but I gotta go get my money. I 1:07:15.360 --> 1:07:17.400 don't have time to be fighting you. I don't have 1:07:17.520 --> 1:07:19.640 time to be like potentially killing you and losing my house, 1:07:19.680 --> 1:07:23.800 even though the house could help me post bail. Like also, 1:07:23.960 --> 1:07:26.480 never always be telling them like I can't imagine you say, 1:07:26.520 --> 1:07:28.000 and this is my block, this is my block, but 1:07:28.080 --> 1:07:30.400 you on section eight. You don't own nothing on this block. 1:07:31.320 --> 1:07:33.600 Like you own nothing on this block, but this is 1:07:33.640 --> 1:07:38.400 your block. No, this block belongs to the Herreras, the Zazinski's, 1:07:38.840 --> 1:07:41.040 the go like this block well alongs everybody that owns 1:07:41.120 --> 1:07:43.640 land over here. You don't own nothing. You actually paying 1:07:43.640 --> 1:07:48.280 twelve dollars a month in rent in selling dope like 1:07:48.720 --> 1:07:51.280 you a rental store friend like you not? You don't 1:07:51.400 --> 1:07:54.480 own nothing over here. Who in your crew owns something? 1:07:55.200 --> 1:07:57.440 Like to me them, that's more like, okay, this is 1:07:57.480 --> 1:08:00.560 our block, Like do your granny pass your ranny? Don't 1:08:00.560 --> 1:08:02.880 even you sold like y'all sold it and still rent, 1:08:03.000 --> 1:08:06.960 like you don't nobody owns anything on this block. But 1:08:07.040 --> 1:08:09.760 you're saying it's your block. It ain't your block. Bruh. 1:08:10.280 --> 1:08:13.439 You can't even inherit anything over here, so you look 1:08:13.520 --> 1:08:15.920 like an idiot. You're protecting off their stuff and you're 1:08:15.920 --> 1:08:18.599 not even really protecting it. You're running it into the ground. 1:08:18.720 --> 1:08:21.640 Like how you expect anybody to really respect you? You 1:08:21.720 --> 1:08:24.160 don't even own anything? Like would you own this old 1:08:24.200 --> 1:08:26.600 ass oesmobile with them rims? You own the rims? Or no? 1:08:26.680 --> 1:08:31.400 You renting those rims? You don't even own the rims? Like, yeah, 1:08:31.479 --> 1:08:34.320 life is temporary, but you got four kids. They need 1:08:34.400 --> 1:08:36.080 to have something to inherit. What are they going to 1:08:36.160 --> 1:08:40.080 inherit from you? Those rims? You could do better, bruh? 1:08:41.320 --> 1:08:41.719 Do better? 1:08:41.920 --> 1:08:44.519 You do you see people? Do you feel that you 1:08:44.640 --> 1:08:46.640 see things changing and people changing and that. 1:08:46.840 --> 1:08:50.360 Yeah, if it's slow and paced, yeah it's slow, slowly changing. 1:08:50.439 --> 1:08:54.160 But also the demographic is changing too, so like but 1:08:54.280 --> 1:08:55.639 they thought they was going to be in that Section 1:08:55.800 --> 1:08:57.200 eight for I don't know how long they thought they 1:08:57.280 --> 1:08:59.560 was gonna be in it. Now the landlord's like, oh no, 1:08:59.600 --> 1:09:01.200 I don't know longer wanted to be Section A. So 1:09:01.240 --> 1:09:03.400 you gonna have to pay the four thousand dollars a 1:09:03.479 --> 1:09:05.360 month for rent or you're gonna have to move. And 1:09:05.439 --> 1:09:08.559 now they in section al Lancaster, Palmdale, himmet So now 1:09:08.560 --> 1:09:11.600 I barely even see them anymore, if at all, you know. 1:09:11.920 --> 1:09:14.160 And they and they're like, hey, I got I bought 1:09:14.200 --> 1:09:16.479 the house. I bought like people behind the stuff like 1:09:16.520 --> 1:09:18.599 I had to go way out of the out lay 1:09:18.640 --> 1:09:21.120 to buy it, but I own something now like this 1:09:21.320 --> 1:09:23.040 is going better for me. This is going better for me. 1:09:23.120 --> 1:09:26.080 So that I see changes in like the people that 1:09:26.160 --> 1:09:28.160 I grew up with, and I'm really happy for them. 1:09:28.640 --> 1:09:30.000 That's really happy for them. 1:09:30.000 --> 1:09:31.880 I mean, and it's incredible that you've been able to, 1:09:32.280 --> 1:09:35.040 you know, make home in the community and you talk 1:09:35.080 --> 1:09:36.840 about it as your community. It's a place where you 1:09:36.880 --> 1:09:38.200 feel safe, you feel comfortable. 1:09:38.400 --> 1:09:39.960 Yeah, never we'd be looking out for each other. And 1:09:40.000 --> 1:09:42.040 then Asian lady across the street be like I saw 1:09:42.080 --> 1:09:43.920 the man in the car at the camera, I called 1:09:43.960 --> 1:09:44.439 the police. 1:09:45.080 --> 1:09:45.439 Thank you. 1:09:46.320 --> 1:09:48.800 The dude next door, he's a retired police officer. He 1:09:48.920 --> 1:09:52.120 be showing people officer like every I said, you should 1:09:52.120 --> 1:09:53.639 be behind a gate, You should be behind a gate, 1:09:53.640 --> 1:09:56.640 and I'm like, but behind this door is guns. Like 1:09:56.720 --> 1:09:58.680 they don't want no, no, no, don't want to smoke, like, 1:09:58.800 --> 1:10:01.519 don't come up here, and I might make you clean 1:10:01.560 --> 1:10:02.040 my room map. 1:10:02.200 --> 1:10:05.120 So it's amazing. 1:10:05.280 --> 1:10:07.360 Good luck finding anything of any value in there. 1:10:07.600 --> 1:10:11.759 It's amazing, Tiffany, You've had such a you know, genuinely, 1:10:12.160 --> 1:10:14.120 we've been doing about your personal life so much. You've 1:10:14.120 --> 1:10:17.639 had such an amazing professional journey as well. When you're 1:10:18.240 --> 1:10:22.719 talking about your imagination and even your solutions for wanting 1:10:22.760 --> 1:10:24.639 a basketball player to hold you and make you feel 1:10:24.680 --> 1:10:26.720 like a baby, or you know, just the way your 1:10:26.760 --> 1:10:31.840 imagination works to solve things like what is your imagination 1:10:32.040 --> 1:10:35.439 saying about creative, artistic, expressive projects like where do you 1:10:36.160 --> 1:10:39.280 not what's next? Because I don't I don't find that 1:10:39.400 --> 1:10:42.240 question interesting, but in the sense of like where do 1:10:42.360 --> 1:10:44.880 you let your imagination run free? And how do you 1:10:44.920 --> 1:10:46.439 how do you allow it to do that so that 1:10:46.520 --> 1:10:49.679 you can explore this amazing world you have inside your head. 1:10:50.400 --> 1:10:54.479 Yes, Tiffany Land. I wish I wish could be an 1:10:54.479 --> 1:10:58.200 amusement party like Unicorn Island, Black Unicorn Island. Yes, okay, 1:10:58.240 --> 1:11:01.080 that's the next book. Okay, so well, it's been running 1:11:01.160 --> 1:11:04.120 so like with music. I love creating music. Like I said, 1:11:04.120 --> 1:11:05.760 I like singing to the bees. I like singing. I've 1:11:05.800 --> 1:11:10.400 been preparing like I got a band, and so I've 1:11:10.600 --> 1:11:13.200 always been kind of in love with like the forties, 1:11:13.240 --> 1:11:16.560 the thirties, the twenties, you know that jazzy era, the 1:11:16.720 --> 1:11:20.360 fifties and singing in a like a supper club and 1:11:20.800 --> 1:11:24.080 doing that. So I just performed at verbrado Oh last month, 1:11:24.240 --> 1:11:27.479 and it was like super dope. It was so much fun. No, 1:11:27.600 --> 1:11:30.360 that was this month. Actually it was super fun and 1:11:30.600 --> 1:11:33.920 like I had this like classic dress on and singing 1:11:34.000 --> 1:11:36.800 these songs. Now I'm not the best singer, but you 1:11:36.920 --> 1:11:38.760 know what, if Bob Dylan could make a career out 1:11:38.800 --> 1:11:41.840 of it, I could too. That's how I feel about it. 1:11:41.920 --> 1:11:44.080 Like you don't, It's not about how well you sing. 1:11:44.120 --> 1:11:46.840 It's about how entertaining you are, Like how do you 1:11:46.920 --> 1:11:49.200 make it? How do you make them feel? It's all 1:11:49.280 --> 1:11:52.760 about how you That's what entertainment is. It's like, well, 1:11:52.800 --> 1:11:54.600 you contain these people and you make them feel a 1:11:54.640 --> 1:11:56.160 certain type of way, and is it a feeling that 1:11:56.200 --> 1:11:57.960 they want to walk away and say, hey, I want 1:11:58.040 --> 1:11:59.920 other people to feel that too. That was kind of great, 1:12:00.240 --> 1:12:03.120 that was amazing, or that was an experience, right, So 1:12:03.360 --> 1:12:06.680 like I'm very like about that. So I'm singing like 1:12:06.760 --> 1:12:09.320 old songs from the thirties and twenties and forties and fifties, 1:12:09.680 --> 1:12:12.280 and then some of my original songs that I've made 1:12:12.840 --> 1:12:15.200 and I've been working with, like Diane Warren writing some 1:12:15.439 --> 1:12:19.240 really dope songs to like empower women, empower people anyways, 1:12:19.320 --> 1:12:22.000 and then like a really cool breakup song it's like 1:12:22.120 --> 1:12:25.519 my favorite I want you bet, I want you God, 1:12:26.680 --> 1:12:29.840 I need you bet, I need you out of my life. 1:12:31.320 --> 1:12:35.680 I fuck, I love it so good. Then then like 1:12:35.840 --> 1:12:37.800 all the movies I want to make, right, So like 1:12:38.479 --> 1:12:40.000 somebody's that just like you said you want to make 1:12:40.040 --> 1:12:41.800 eighty movies by the time you're fifty, you got a 1:12:41.840 --> 1:12:43.640 long way to go. And I'm like, I didn't say 1:12:43.680 --> 1:12:45.720 I want to beat in all those movies. I want 1:12:45.760 --> 1:12:49.200 to create an opportunity for other people to tell their stories, 1:12:49.240 --> 1:12:51.040 and I'm just producing on it. I'm being a part 1:12:51.120 --> 1:12:53.920 of the creation process, Like we still on the shot 1:12:53.960 --> 1:12:55.920 the flow Jow movie. Gotta get that script right, like 1:12:56.000 --> 1:12:57.960 and I could just imagine how dope that's going to be. 1:12:58.000 --> 1:13:01.080 The nails, the hair, me running on fast my body, 1:13:01.200 --> 1:13:04.320 like you know, and hey, if I'm too old, okay, 1:13:04.360 --> 1:13:08.240 I'm too old, give someone else opportunity or AI is 1:13:08.400 --> 1:13:13.799 coming in real good. But tell that love story between 1:13:13.880 --> 1:13:18.920 her and her husband. And then I want to do 1:13:19.400 --> 1:13:24.320 I want to see the Edda James story. I want 1:13:24.360 --> 1:13:27.040 to see that, like because she grew up in foster 1:13:27.160 --> 1:13:29.960 care like me, she been through the ringer, had to 1:13:30.040 --> 1:13:32.560 perform as a kid, and all the different homes she 1:13:32.680 --> 1:13:35.120 was in, Like, I want to see that story. Also, 1:13:35.280 --> 1:13:37.520 I want to do some kind of like a documentary 1:13:37.680 --> 1:13:40.320 or something about like all these successful women. I have 1:13:40.479 --> 1:13:45.200 never met one successful woman that has not been through shit. 1:13:46.360 --> 1:13:48.880 Like any woman that I have ever met or heard 1:13:48.920 --> 1:13:53.600 of that successful has like been beat up in some 1:13:53.880 --> 1:13:58.120 kind of way physically, emotionally, mentally something been beat up 1:13:58.160 --> 1:14:00.960 some kind of and bounce back in like stood strong 1:14:01.120 --> 1:14:03.040 ten toes down. I'm gonna make this happen, and it 1:14:03.200 --> 1:14:06.760 happens right, And I want to do something about that 1:14:06.840 --> 1:14:09.200 because I think right now too, like there's so many 1:14:09.240 --> 1:14:11.479 young girls that like that I've talked to that seem 1:14:11.560 --> 1:14:14.840 to feel hopeless, feel like you know, what's the point? 1:14:15.280 --> 1:14:18.040 Like no, like nobody cares about me. And it's like 1:14:18.760 --> 1:14:21.040 there are people that care about you, you just can't 1:14:21.080 --> 1:14:24.360 see them right now. You haven't met them yet, or 1:14:24.479 --> 1:14:26.280 you have met them, you just don't know how to 1:14:26.439 --> 1:14:31.479 identify what care is. So something about that I wanted 1:14:31.520 --> 1:14:35.519 to do Who Framed Roger Rabbit two? I feel like, oh, 1:14:35.600 --> 1:14:37.080 that would be so good and I want to be 1:14:37.160 --> 1:14:42.639 the detective and just correct it. Maybe I'll be Rebecca Rabbit, 1:14:42.800 --> 1:14:47.680 just consister who marries Roger's breth. I don't know, but 1:14:48.160 --> 1:14:50.200 like I want to see that because that was a 1:14:50.280 --> 1:14:52.240 really good movie that was based off of some true 1:14:52.240 --> 1:14:54.360 stuff that happened in Los Angeles. That's why we have 1:14:54.479 --> 1:14:57.760 Freeways now because of that judge that was in that movie. 1:14:57.800 --> 1:14:59.880 That's a real judge. So I would love to like 1:15:00.280 --> 1:15:03.400 do something with that. I have so many ideas. I 1:15:03.479 --> 1:15:07.719 love it animation. I want to open this grocery store. 1:15:07.840 --> 1:15:10.160 I could see it in my minds eyes, like I'm 1:15:10.360 --> 1:15:12.680 shopping in it every day. I know that's going to 1:15:12.760 --> 1:15:17.080 happen and create some like really awesome human beings. 1:15:17.479 --> 1:15:20.200 I love how there's no limits their creativity. And I 1:15:20.240 --> 1:15:22.479 think we I think we're now living in a time 1:15:22.520 --> 1:15:25.040 in the world where people can be multi hyphenets. And 1:15:25.160 --> 1:15:27.040 what you just said, it's I think a lot of 1:15:27.080 --> 1:15:29.120 the time we've been like, oh, you have to be talented, 1:15:29.200 --> 1:15:30.680 you have to be this, And what we realize is 1:15:30.800 --> 1:15:34.280 who can make people feel something in any sort of way, 1:15:34.320 --> 1:15:36.280 and we resonate with that, we all connect with it. 1:15:36.320 --> 1:15:38.400 And I think if anyone who's listening and watching and 1:15:38.479 --> 1:15:40.760 wants to do something things, I wish I started ten 1:15:40.840 --> 1:15:42.920 years ago. I wish I started when I was younger. 1:15:43.000 --> 1:15:44.760 Oh I didn't get that, you know, I didn't have 1:15:44.840 --> 1:15:47.120 parents who was supporting it. It's almost like it doesn't matter. 1:15:47.320 --> 1:15:50.200 It doesn't matter the KFC does started. It was sixty 1:15:50.240 --> 1:15:53.960 five seven years old. Yeah, he was out and that 1:15:54.040 --> 1:15:56.400 thing is all over the world. KFC is all over 1:15:56.479 --> 1:15:59.400 the world. Kentucky Fried Chicken every single country. 1:16:00.320 --> 1:16:02.760 They had enough competition too. Let McDonald and. 1:16:03.680 --> 1:16:06.080 What competition is all over the world. Now, he might 1:16:06.120 --> 1:16:07.680 not have lived long enough to see it be all 1:16:07.720 --> 1:16:10.599 over the world. But hey, he started something. He's a visionary, 1:16:11.040 --> 1:16:13.360 and I feel like that's that's what I am at 1:16:13.400 --> 1:16:15.360 the end of the day. I'm a visionary and I'm 1:16:15.400 --> 1:16:19.000 an administrator of joy. That's all I am. And some 1:16:19.160 --> 1:16:21.760 people hate that, and that's okay. That's because you don't 1:16:21.800 --> 1:16:23.880 know how to process joy. You don't. You got a 1:16:23.920 --> 1:16:26.200 lot of hurt in your heart, got a lot of hurt. 1:16:26.640 --> 1:16:28.400 You need to figure out how to process that. And 1:16:28.560 --> 1:16:30.760 if you want to learn, I'm down to show you 1:16:30.840 --> 1:16:32.759 a little bit. I can't, you know. I'm still processing 1:16:32.800 --> 1:16:34.800 my heart. But if you get this book and your joy, 1:16:34.920 --> 1:16:36.800 I curse you with joy my healthy son and my 1:16:36.920 --> 1:16:39.040 healthy son, and maybe your breath on stank so bad. 1:16:39.120 --> 1:16:40.479 I think people with a lot of hate and they 1:16:40.600 --> 1:16:41.639 art got bad breath. 1:16:41.920 --> 1:16:45.320 Oh that's an interesting hypothesis. Wow, that's that's interesting. I'm 1:16:45.320 --> 1:16:46.679 going to start testing that out. 1:16:48.320 --> 1:16:51.920 My research. I mean, I don't it's funny like people 1:16:51.960 --> 1:16:55.680 that talk really poorly and negative about other people, they 1:16:55.760 --> 1:16:56.800 breath usually stank. 1:16:57.200 --> 1:16:58.559 That's fascinating if you. 1:16:58.600 --> 1:17:00.240 Think about it. I mean, do you ever sit around 1:17:00.240 --> 1:17:03.360 people that just talk negative of all the time? You don't, 1:17:03.760 --> 1:17:05.280 like you could be at a party or something, and 1:17:05.320 --> 1:17:07.600 they just liked, you know, a bitch did this? Like 1:17:08.560 --> 1:17:13.200 breath is horrible. They are dying on the inside. Or 1:17:13.200 --> 1:17:15.000 you ever been in a car with somebody and they 1:17:15.080 --> 1:17:17.639 don't stop talking in the whole car smell like their breath. 1:17:17.680 --> 1:17:21.519 It's just atrocious. And then everything when you start to 1:17:21.600 --> 1:17:25.000 realize everything they're saying is negative. It's not even anything positive. 1:17:25.560 --> 1:17:27.479 It's a lot of hating their heart. Or they need 1:17:27.560 --> 1:17:31.600 a dentist because that tooth is dead. There's that that 1:17:31.800 --> 1:17:34.280 tooth is hating, hating the rest of their body, and 1:17:34.320 --> 1:17:36.000 when they can end up having a heart attack from that. 1:17:36.360 --> 1:17:38.320 Did you know most heart attacks come from bad teeth? 1:17:38.640 --> 1:17:40.360 I did not. That's not Is that true? 1:17:40.479 --> 1:17:43.360 No, that's not. I think So that's what I think. 1:17:44.960 --> 1:17:49.720 Resett the Dentist Association loves me for this. But just 1:17:49.800 --> 1:17:51.720 think about this. Just think about this. Think about this. 1:17:51.840 --> 1:17:54.880 Every person that you know that has had a heart attack, Okay, 1:17:56.160 --> 1:17:57.280 did was it teeth nice? 1:18:00.120 --> 1:18:01.559 I'd have to look into it. I have to look 1:18:01.600 --> 1:18:01.840 into it. 1:18:02.160 --> 1:18:05.800 Think about it. Bad teeth, bad heart. 1:18:07.439 --> 1:18:12.040 Tiffany, tell me what little Tiffany, Little t if little 1:18:12.120 --> 1:18:15.120 t look to you now, what would you be proud. 1:18:14.920 --> 1:18:18.879 Of Little Ta be proud that we own so many homes. 1:18:19.240 --> 1:18:21.599 Little T would be proud that we housing so many 1:18:21.720 --> 1:18:25.040 foster kids. Little T would be proud that we lived 1:18:25.080 --> 1:18:29.960 out our dreams of being like on our Senior Hall Show. 1:18:30.520 --> 1:18:33.639 And although we didn't get pregnant by our senior or anything, 1:18:33.920 --> 1:18:35.960 still happy that that's a friend that we could call 1:18:36.080 --> 1:18:40.120 on for advice. Little Tea would be really happy. Little 1:18:40.160 --> 1:18:44.560 T would be so happy about the car that we 1:18:44.720 --> 1:18:47.080 have now, even though it's so hoopie right now cause 1:18:47.120 --> 1:18:50.439 somebody hear my other car. Little TA is happy that 1:18:50.600 --> 1:18:53.040 I got that car because looking it's like a transformer 1:18:53.240 --> 1:18:56.400 when a hood go down. Even though it's old and raggedy, 1:18:56.520 --> 1:18:59.679 she loves that car. Little T would be super happy 1:19:00.080 --> 1:19:02.080 about the fact that we have enough money that we 1:19:02.240 --> 1:19:05.240 never have to be hungry again, never hungry, and never 1:19:05.479 --> 1:19:08.800 homeless again, never, no matter what may. Little T be 1:19:08.800 --> 1:19:11.320 happy that we made enough friends that if something was 1:19:11.400 --> 1:19:14.679 to happen, it would be okay. It would be okay 1:19:14.760 --> 1:19:17.040 that we wouldn't we might not have our own home, 1:19:17.080 --> 1:19:20.960 but we would have a place to stay. And Little 1:19:21.000 --> 1:19:23.120 T would be very proud that we didn't go to prison. 1:19:24.640 --> 1:19:26.639 But Little T is confident that if we went to prison, 1:19:26.680 --> 1:19:32.760 we would be like doing just finding there, because we 1:19:32.880 --> 1:19:35.080 was definitely thinking of ways to that could have ended 1:19:35.160 --> 1:19:38.000 us up in prison, thinking of some really crazy stuff. 1:19:38.400 --> 1:19:43.080 And she would be proud that like that we can 1:19:43.200 --> 1:19:46.400 give jobs that like I'm capable of creating jobs, and 1:19:46.439 --> 1:19:48.240 that every time I say yes to a job, that's 1:19:48.280 --> 1:19:50.440 two or three hundred people that get to work immediately 1:19:51.240 --> 1:19:54.240 and thousands that get to work once it comes out, 1:19:54.720 --> 1:19:58.360 you know, and Little Tea would be like even she 1:19:58.479 --> 1:20:01.679 would be disappointed that, you know, we got a duy, 1:20:01.800 --> 1:20:04.639 but even more proud that if you google black women 1:20:04.720 --> 1:20:12.679 with a duy, only I pop up Gloreala. What would 1:20:12.760 --> 1:20:16.799 Little T and Josephine Baker reent first? Before Gloreala got hers? 1:20:17.640 --> 1:20:21.679 It was just me and Josephine Baker. Wow, Google famous 1:20:21.720 --> 1:20:24.000 Black women with a d uy? See what come up? Wow? 1:20:25.320 --> 1:20:29.280 What would Little T look at you now and feel like? 1:20:30.520 --> 1:20:34.519 She'd be like, you are international? We international. They talked 1:20:34.520 --> 1:20:38.360 about it on the Korean news, the News of Africa. 1:20:39.320 --> 1:20:45.719 It's international. You are well famous. Suld be so proud. 1:20:46.080 --> 1:20:48.120 What would you wish that you did? What would you 1:20:48.240 --> 1:20:51.760 wish if there was anything that she was like, I 1:20:51.840 --> 1:20:53.400 wish we could get back to that. Wish we could 1:20:53.400 --> 1:20:55.080 do more of that. I wish I wish there was. 1:20:56.600 --> 1:21:01.280 I wish we still did that gymnastics cool and the 1:21:01.400 --> 1:21:06.560 rhythmic dance cool. She wishes that I will. I know 1:21:06.720 --> 1:21:08.440 she does wish we could have went to the Olympics 1:21:09.240 --> 1:21:13.040 and been a rhythmic dancer and stuck to that. She's 1:21:13.160 --> 1:21:15.760 disappointed in me that my splits are not all the 1:21:15.800 --> 1:21:16.879 way to the ground anymore. 1:21:17.320 --> 1:21:17.840 There used to be. 1:21:18.160 --> 1:21:19.360 They used to be to the ground, used to be 1:21:19.400 --> 1:21:23.599 coochie to the floor. Not no more. She's very disappointed. 1:21:24.400 --> 1:21:29.599 It's possible, it's possible, with proper training, discipline, this can 1:21:29.680 --> 1:21:32.840 be done. But she is disappointed also that we didn't 1:21:32.840 --> 1:21:35.719 become a hula dancers. It's supposed to be a hula dancer. 1:21:37.000 --> 1:21:40.720 She's disappointed in that too. But other than that, man, 1:21:40.800 --> 1:21:43.000 that's possible. I took I took a few classes. I 1:21:43.080 --> 1:21:44.879 know how to work them hips. I'm just not a professional. 1:21:45.600 --> 1:21:48.320 Just we can create a movie where I end up 1:21:48.320 --> 1:21:50.920 being a hula dancer. Everything is spossible. Also, she's a 1:21:50.920 --> 1:21:53.080 little disappointed that we're not working in a snicker factory 1:21:53.240 --> 1:21:56.240 or know how to make pantyhouse from scratch. I suplos 1:21:56.280 --> 1:21:58.320 to know how to make pantyhouse by now, but I don't. 1:21:59.040 --> 1:22:01.400 I love it, but I could, but I don't know 1:22:01.479 --> 1:22:04.880 how to, like, you know, weave them and fix a run. 1:22:05.000 --> 1:22:07.280 I'm supposed to know how to fix a run and 1:22:07.360 --> 1:22:08.960 it's stocking. I know how to put the nail policy 1:22:09.000 --> 1:22:11.000 on there and stop the hit it with the hair 1:22:11.040 --> 1:22:12.880 spray stopped the run. But I'm supposed to know how 1:22:12.920 --> 1:22:17.599 to weave nyh line and stop it. That's what I'm 1:22:17.600 --> 1:22:19.080 supposed to know how to do. It's not too late 1:22:19.120 --> 1:22:21.000 to lunch, I keep telling them, little t it ain't 1:22:21.000 --> 1:22:23.360 too late. We never know. But she is proud that 1:22:23.439 --> 1:22:25.280 I did make my own beef turkey, even though we're 1:22:25.280 --> 1:22:27.439 supposed to work in a beef turkey factory. But I 1:22:27.520 --> 1:22:30.919 know I know how to make beef turkey, So she's 1:22:30.960 --> 1:22:35.040 proud of that. We got a food dehydrator, and I 1:22:35.120 --> 1:22:38.960 talk about we isn't me and little Tea. She's still alive, 1:22:39.160 --> 1:22:45.120 of course, and she still be talking. Mess. Who's up 1:22:45.160 --> 1:22:50.520 on the did you google? It comes up legendary? 1:22:51.000 --> 1:22:52.879 You hear that we just checked it verified. 1:22:53.040 --> 1:22:54.760 I'm just saying that some people will be like, that's you. 1:22:54.840 --> 1:22:56.280 You should be ashamed of that. But I know a 1:22:56.360 --> 1:23:00.160 lot of other famous black women who have duys, but 1:23:00.320 --> 1:23:05.920 nobody knows. Just because nobody cares, they care about me. 1:23:07.080 --> 1:23:08.600 That's how I look at it. Man, that might be 1:23:08.680 --> 1:23:11.920 a horrible thing. It might be horrible. It might be 1:23:11.960 --> 1:23:13.599 horrible for me to think that way. But I did 1:23:13.680 --> 1:23:15.880 my community service and I'm helping out in all these 1:23:15.880 --> 1:23:18.439 different places, and I've made new friends because of it, 1:23:19.000 --> 1:23:21.000 and I might be going on dinner dates with this 1:23:21.120 --> 1:23:29.120 police now. Because everything happens for a reason. Everything happens 1:23:29.200 --> 1:23:32.320 for a reason. Every if I get married in Beverly Hills, 1:23:32.360 --> 1:23:37.880 you know why. Everything happens for a reason. But that 1:23:38.200 --> 1:23:41.160 allowed me to know that, like little tears, like yo, 1:23:42.640 --> 1:23:45.320 it's a lot of people that care about us. Because 1:23:45.360 --> 1:23:47.560 if didn't nobody care about you, nobody would write about it. 1:23:47.600 --> 1:23:49.360 They wouldn't make videos about it. They wouldn't be like, 1:23:49.400 --> 1:23:52.400 oh gosh, she's having a breakdown whatever. Like they wouldn't 1:23:52.400 --> 1:23:58.120 be talking about it like I'm like, I'm white girl famous. 1:23:58.800 --> 1:24:02.360 They talking about it in Africa, all over Africa. They're 1:24:02.360 --> 1:24:05.160 talking about in Asia. I don't even know I was 1:24:05.240 --> 1:24:10.840 popping like that in age, like in Korean news. These 1:24:10.840 --> 1:24:13.760 studios can now not say she's not international. 1:24:14.720 --> 1:24:15.920 You can't say this is proof. 1:24:16.320 --> 1:24:21.080 This is the proof international. BBC talked about it seeing 1:24:23.680 --> 1:24:27.000 Duy and I blew a point oh three. I was 1:24:27.080 --> 1:24:30.760 sleep pulled over. Now, maybe I was parked wrong. It 1:24:30.800 --> 1:24:32.160 should have been a bad parking ticket. That's what it 1:24:32.200 --> 1:24:35.120 should have been. But you know what it is, what 1:24:35.240 --> 1:24:38.800 it is. Some things need to happen for came. No 1:24:38.880 --> 1:24:43.280 studio says she's not international. That proves it right there, 1:24:45.240 --> 1:24:46.880 right there. It might not be the best way to 1:24:46.920 --> 1:24:49.160 prove it, but god damn it. That proofs that people care. 1:24:49.840 --> 1:24:53.400 Tiffney. You are a treat. And I enjoyed this pantomica. 1:24:53.479 --> 1:24:55.599 I don't think I've ever loved this much on the show. 1:24:55.800 --> 1:24:57.479 He doesn't even laughing, he was just giggling. 1:25:00.479 --> 1:25:03.439 Honestly, I'm so so happy that you put this book 1:25:03.439 --> 1:25:05.160 to them. I'm so grateful that I got to hang 1:25:05.200 --> 1:25:07.000 out with you and do this with you. Yeah, we're 1:25:07.040 --> 1:25:10.479 talking for nearly two hours and it's flown by. We 1:25:10.680 --> 1:25:13.120 end every episode with of on purpose with a fast 1:25:13.200 --> 1:25:15.639 five or final five. Every question has to be answered 1:25:15.680 --> 1:25:21.280 in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay, Tiffany, your 1:25:21.360 --> 1:25:23.160 final five. Now, these are rules. 1:25:23.439 --> 1:25:25.519 Okay, these are rules to follow rules. Hear that? 1:25:27.760 --> 1:25:31.400 So question one, okay, Tiffany, what is the best advice 1:25:31.479 --> 1:25:32.679 you've ever heard or received? 1:25:34.000 --> 1:25:36.160 Don't let nobody in your house. They don't hand one 1:25:36.200 --> 1:25:36.559 to lose. 1:25:37.200 --> 1:25:38.960 I like that that. We never had that love that. 1:25:39.479 --> 1:25:41.720 Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever 1:25:41.800 --> 1:25:42.559 heard or received? 1:25:46.600 --> 1:25:49.639 I'm just thinking of stupid sa stupid stuff. I've heard 1:25:49.680 --> 1:25:54.800 me say to me that I know no, because that's 1:25:54.840 --> 1:25:56.840 a statement that's not necessarily advice. 1:25:57.160 --> 1:26:00.360 That makes sense. They'll go and say it's coming to 1:26:00.400 --> 1:26:02.360 your mind. I when to hear look on your face 1:26:02.760 --> 1:26:03.920 means we have to hear it. 1:26:06.040 --> 1:26:07.880 Good long ago. Putting no condom on you know I 1:26:08.000 --> 1:26:10.519 love you. That do not mean a man love you. 1:26:11.560 --> 1:26:13.240 It do not mean he love you. 1:26:13.520 --> 1:26:14.160 That's brilliant. 1:26:14.720 --> 1:26:15.840 That is not love. 1:26:17.360 --> 1:26:18.000 That's brilliant. 1:26:18.680 --> 1:26:21.439 That is not love. Every woman out there, just because 1:26:21.479 --> 1:26:23.360 he don't want to put a condom on does not 1:26:23.560 --> 1:26:25.479 mean he love you. He is just trying to get 1:26:25.520 --> 1:26:28.120 wet spit on it. 1:26:28.520 --> 1:26:34.680 I'm glad you shared that. Sorry, I'm glad you shaid it. 1:26:34.760 --> 1:26:40.280 That's the question Number three, What is your most repeated 1:26:40.439 --> 1:26:41.799 thought on a daily basis? 1:26:44.200 --> 1:26:47.960 Clean your room, clean room, Clean your room. I gotta 1:26:47.960 --> 1:26:49.519 clean my room. I'm gonna make some time to clean 1:26:49.600 --> 1:26:52.800 his room. That's okay, you can't keep working on that 1:26:52.880 --> 1:26:54.000 one project cleaning room. 1:26:54.439 --> 1:26:58.439 That's great. Question him before, What's something that you used 1:26:58.479 --> 1:27:01.479 to value that you don't value anymore? Mmm. 1:27:02.320 --> 1:27:06.320 Something that I used to value that I don't value anymore. 1:27:07.400 --> 1:27:12.680 Saving checks. I used to save checks. Okay, checks that 1:27:12.760 --> 1:27:14.759 people are writing, I put them in a photo album. 1:27:15.640 --> 1:27:18.439 I don't do that no more because too many checks 1:27:18.760 --> 1:27:25.040 there's direct deposits. But but yeah, but if someone hands 1:27:25.080 --> 1:27:27.280 me a check today, I will take a picture of it. 1:27:27.960 --> 1:27:29.759 But I don't put it in a photo album anymore. 1:27:29.800 --> 1:27:31.200 It's in a photo though, in my phone. 1:27:31.280 --> 1:27:32.120 But it's beautiful. 1:27:32.400 --> 1:27:34.680 But I used to like because I thought it was 1:27:34.760 --> 1:27:38.320 so awesome. If somebody handwrite me a check, they sign it, 1:27:38.600 --> 1:27:40.640 even if it's a company, they seem they mailed it 1:27:40.760 --> 1:27:43.120 to me and it's money. And then when you could 1:27:43.120 --> 1:27:46.040 take a picture of it, deposit. I have two photo 1:27:46.080 --> 1:27:47.759 albums full of checks. 1:27:47.840 --> 1:27:51.360 I love that. Fifth and final question, Tiffany. We asked 1:27:51.400 --> 1:27:53.639 just every guest who's ever been on the show. If 1:27:53.680 --> 1:27:56.360 you could create one law that everyone in the world 1:27:56.479 --> 1:27:58.000 had to follow, what would it be. 1:27:58.680 --> 1:28:01.160 Well, you have to hug someone every Oh, I love 1:28:01.240 --> 1:28:04.840 that one. A hug a hug, even if you don't 1:28:04.880 --> 1:28:06.240 like being a hug, you got a hug. Like, if 1:28:06.240 --> 1:28:08.719 you don't get at least one hug in you gotta 1:28:08.720 --> 1:28:13.720 get a hug or make someone else laugh every day. Yeah, 1:28:13.800 --> 1:28:14.840 that would make the world better. 1:28:14.920 --> 1:28:15.519 It's good, Lork. 1:28:15.600 --> 1:28:17.160 A lot of people are angry because they don't get 1:28:17.240 --> 1:28:21.920 no hugs. Nobody touches them and they need a hug. Yeah, 1:28:22.040 --> 1:28:24.200 but don't be just her. People be randomly just hugging me. 1:28:24.439 --> 1:28:26.200 Yesterday was in the airport. This lady just came up 1:28:26.240 --> 1:28:28.360 to me crying full tears, and she said just thank 1:28:28.439 --> 1:28:32.519 you so much, thank you so much, and I start crying. 1:28:32.520 --> 1:28:35.040 I was like, what are we thinking? It's going up? 1:28:35.120 --> 1:28:37.400 And she just hugged me. And then I was like 1:28:37.600 --> 1:28:39.200 happy that she hugged me. But then at the same 1:28:39.240 --> 1:28:40.760 time I was mad because she had on tears and 1:28:40.800 --> 1:28:41.759 it was all on my shoulder. 1:28:42.120 --> 1:28:45.400 You set the Lord. She just falling the Lord. 1:28:45.680 --> 1:28:47.639 She was falling the lot. And I appreciated the hug, 1:28:47.720 --> 1:28:49.200 but I did not like the tears on my shoulder. 1:28:49.240 --> 1:28:50.880 But I really wanted to know why she was crying. 1:28:51.520 --> 1:28:53.000 And I do not know why she was crying. I 1:28:53.040 --> 1:28:55.240 had to get on the plane. I still don't know 1:28:55.320 --> 1:28:58.760 exactly why. I think she was happy. Either she was 1:28:58.800 --> 1:29:00.640 happy that I cut off my hair off because all 1:29:00.680 --> 1:29:02.840 her airs cut off, or she was happy that I 1:29:02.920 --> 1:29:05.240 went to Israel because I did see it start David 1:29:05.240 --> 1:29:06.800 on her. So I'm gonna go with this because I 1:29:06.840 --> 1:29:10.800 went to Israel even though because we all had it. Yeah, 1:29:10.800 --> 1:29:13.599 I went in February for Black History when I went 1:29:13.760 --> 1:29:14.679 to find all the black. 1:29:14.479 --> 1:29:16.400 People and I did what was that experience? Like? 1:29:16.640 --> 1:29:19.840 That was amazing. It's just like California, bro. It felt 1:29:19.880 --> 1:29:22.760 like I was in America, but they speak Hebrew. It's 1:29:22.880 --> 1:29:23.360 very interesting. 1:29:23.360 --> 1:29:24.800 It's your first time, first time? 1:29:26.000 --> 1:29:26.360 First time? 1:29:26.520 --> 1:29:28.840 Is that quite a powerful experience? In terms? 1:29:29.000 --> 1:29:31.880 It was very powerful because you know, every religion is there, 1:29:32.000 --> 1:29:37.320 everybody's there, everybody's there. Yeah, I'm not. You went in 1:29:37.360 --> 1:29:42.000 twenty seventeen and when I went to Jerusalem, maybe because 1:29:42.040 --> 1:29:44.519 there's a war going on, there was barely anybody in 1:29:44.680 --> 1:29:47.160 Jerusalem like that, so I didn't have to wait in 1:29:47.200 --> 1:29:50.400 no long lines. I could do all the activities, got 1:29:50.439 --> 1:29:53.360 the shop freely. Nobody's like bumping into me, nobody's yelling 1:29:53.400 --> 1:29:55.840 at me. So it was kind of beautiful because I 1:29:55.920 --> 1:29:57.960 had been doing my researching and seeing like, oh, you 1:29:58.040 --> 1:29:59.160 might have to wait in line to go in here, 1:29:59.200 --> 1:30:01.040 you have the waiting line, go wait for this. I 1:30:01.080 --> 1:30:02.479 didn't have to wait to go in anything. I went 1:30:02.520 --> 1:30:05.640 into all the churches. I did not get to go 1:30:05.720 --> 1:30:08.800 into the mosque, probably because they knew who I was 1:30:08.960 --> 1:30:11.439 or whatever and that I'm Jewish. So but I looked. 1:30:11.520 --> 1:30:13.640 I was like I was over here like this, what 1:30:13.760 --> 1:30:15.400 made you want to go right now? Well, I was 1:30:15.400 --> 1:30:18.280 supposed to go, like four years ago. I was supposed 1:30:18.280 --> 1:30:20.280 to go. I already was planning on going. I already 1:30:20.360 --> 1:30:23.880 had a ticket like trying to go. You know, it's 1:30:23.920 --> 1:30:26.080 funny because every people saying they paid you to go there, 1:30:26.120 --> 1:30:27.519 and I'm like that check I would have took a 1:30:27.520 --> 1:30:31.360 picture of and posted, Okay, nobody paid me to be anywhere. 1:30:31.760 --> 1:30:35.240 This was me wanting to, like, I'm super thirsty for knowledge. 1:30:35.640 --> 1:30:38.160 I read about these places and the Bible and the 1:30:38.280 --> 1:30:40.920 Torah in the Koran, I read about like I went 1:30:40.960 --> 1:30:43.240 to the Church of Scientology. They talked about it was 1:30:43.360 --> 1:30:45.640 like everybody talks about this place, like I need to 1:30:45.680 --> 1:30:47.920 see this, and this is like where Jesus was, where 1:30:47.960 --> 1:30:51.160 this person was, Abraham, all the all the major players 1:30:51.720 --> 1:30:54.360 was in that area, So let me go see this. 1:30:55.200 --> 1:30:57.479 And I went, and it was I got to go 1:30:57.560 --> 1:31:00.720 in that tunnel, right, the underground tunnel, and that where 1:31:00.720 --> 1:31:03.920 the Micvah is, and like learn about that. That's where 1:31:03.960 --> 1:31:06.240 baptism came from, from the Micvah and all that stuff, 1:31:06.280 --> 1:31:08.280 and people getting cleaned up coming from all the other 1:31:08.439 --> 1:31:10.760 nations to come visit the the end of that's the 1:31:11.240 --> 1:31:13.800 that's the trail that Jesus walked every year, and then 1:31:13.840 --> 1:31:17.440 he walked at that one particular year and got assassinated 1:31:17.520 --> 1:31:19.160 at the top of it, right, and they built the 1:31:19.240 --> 1:31:21.760 church around where they have, you know, killed them and 1:31:22.600 --> 1:31:27.400 around where they say he was buried. And it's something there. 1:31:27.800 --> 1:31:31.120 I don't know if it's aliens underneath the rock or 1:31:31.160 --> 1:31:33.439 if the rock is from Mars and they got some 1:31:33.560 --> 1:31:38.240 kind of energy. It's some kind of energetic like reboost reset, 1:31:39.080 --> 1:31:42.160 like on the soul. I felt like I was surrounded 1:31:42.640 --> 1:31:45.760 like I felt like I was surrounded by like my ancestors. 1:31:45.840 --> 1:31:48.000 I could feel like here whispers. I was like looking 1:31:48.040 --> 1:31:50.479 around to see did they put some speakers in here 1:31:50.600 --> 1:31:53.040 or something like. I was hearing like like, hey, this 1:31:53.160 --> 1:31:54.320 is what you need to do now, this is what 1:31:54.400 --> 1:31:57.280 you need like like guidance, Like this is where you 1:31:57.360 --> 1:31:59.680 go for guidance. I prayed at the wall, put a 1:31:59.720 --> 1:32:02.280 little prayers in there, prayed in the church. I was like, 1:32:02.720 --> 1:32:05.840 pray everywhere. If God is here, if God is all 1:32:05.880 --> 1:32:08.200 throughout this, well, then geez, let me give something. Let 1:32:08.240 --> 1:32:12.160 me pray everywhere. You know. That's how I felt about it. 1:32:12.240 --> 1:32:14.120 I feel like I feel like we all praying to 1:32:14.200 --> 1:32:16.080 the same person. We're just doing it in different ways 1:32:16.120 --> 1:32:18.600 because we come from different cultures because of Babylon. But 1:32:18.640 --> 1:32:22.320 it's a Babylone where everybody got the different languages and stuff. 1:32:22.920 --> 1:32:26.479 We're in the Bible where, say, uh, where everybody was 1:32:26.479 --> 1:32:29.640 speaking one language at first, and then Babbel Babbel when 1:32:29.680 --> 1:32:31.599 it was building a tower of Babble and Babylon, right, 1:32:31.640 --> 1:32:35.400 and then everybody started battling because everybody's speaking different languages 1:32:35.439 --> 1:32:39.559 and they start separating into different tribes, different whatever because 1:32:39.880 --> 1:32:42.880 they didn't speak the same languages anymore. Right, is that 1:32:43.000 --> 1:32:46.760 int Come on, you a monk, You're supposed to know 1:32:46.800 --> 1:32:50.360 all these different things tradition. Okay, so what so what 1:32:50.479 --> 1:32:52.559 did the monks say? How did different languages come about? 1:32:52.960 --> 1:32:54.840 We never really talked about that. That wasn't part of 1:32:54.920 --> 1:32:55.920 the education, so. 1:32:56.000 --> 1:32:58.639 It didn't care about why people speak different languages. 1:32:58.920 --> 1:33:02.240 I care about that. But you don't know why. 1:33:02.160 --> 1:33:05.919 People speak different languages. Let's ask our researcher over there, researcher, 1:33:06.000 --> 1:33:09.280 can you tell me? Because I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty 1:33:09.280 --> 1:33:15.360 sure it's Babylon Battle? Where where where people started when 1:33:15.600 --> 1:33:19.840 God made people start speaking different languages because he was like, oh, 1:33:19.880 --> 1:33:21.720 they keep talking to mustters, so they're doing too much 1:33:22.640 --> 1:33:25.320 over God caused some confusion. That's like my number one 1:33:25.439 --> 1:33:27.479 thing I hate is confusion. But my room looks like 1:33:27.520 --> 1:33:29.040 it's confused. But I know where everything at. But I 1:33:29.120 --> 1:33:37.880 hate confusion. That the Tower of Battle, I didn't want 1:33:37.880 --> 1:33:40.519 to say anything. I didn't know, so so I say 1:33:40.560 --> 1:33:42.640 all that to say, I don't know if it's aliens 1:33:42.760 --> 1:33:44.519 under the rock. I don't know if the rock is 1:33:44.600 --> 1:33:46.840 from Mars. I don't know if that's actually God is 1:33:46.920 --> 1:33:48.479 in the rock. I don't know if God is hanging 1:33:48.520 --> 1:33:51.160 out in the mosque, in the Temple. I don't know. 1:33:51.280 --> 1:33:53.680 I don't know, But what I do know about Jerusalem 1:33:53.920 --> 1:33:58.280 is it is a very powerful place. There's definitely something 1:33:58.400 --> 1:34:00.840 spiritual going on. It taps into the spirit. I don't know, 1:34:00.840 --> 1:34:03.800 if it's like heightened energy where all your chakras open 1:34:03.920 --> 1:34:06.360 up and you could get like messages coming through or whatever. 1:34:06.720 --> 1:34:10.080 Something's going on there. And it's all the different races 1:34:10.240 --> 1:34:14.160 and religions are there in all throughout the country like 1:34:14.360 --> 1:34:15.920 and they're and they're dealing with a lot of the 1:34:15.960 --> 1:34:19.160 same crap that we're dealing with amongst themselves. I was 1:34:19.200 --> 1:34:22.360 talking to the Black Juice that there's a very large 1:34:22.360 --> 1:34:26.559 African American diaspora of black Hebrew juice up in Demona. 1:34:26.640 --> 1:34:30.360 And they say the Moona is where the nuclear weapons are, 1:34:31.560 --> 1:34:33.759 but I think the nuclear weapons is the Black African 1:34:33.800 --> 1:34:36.559 Americans rother down jaspora there. They could they go off 1:34:36.600 --> 1:34:38.920 the chain, but I could be wrong. I don't know, 1:34:39.000 --> 1:34:40.439 but I was hanging out with a lot of them, 1:34:40.560 --> 1:34:42.320 and I was learning a lot. And I went to 1:34:43.160 --> 1:34:47.000 Masada and that was like absolutely gorgeous. I went to 1:34:47.120 --> 1:34:50.040 the Dead Sea. Do not pee when you're in the 1:34:50.160 --> 1:34:55.200 dead Sea. They gonna heal. H they gonna hear, and 1:34:55.280 --> 1:34:57.320 they say and they say they're gonna burn. Well, just's 1:34:57.320 --> 1:35:00.200 gonna heal. It's gonna be disaffected, they said. They say 1:35:00.240 --> 1:35:02.439 that nothing grows in the dead Sea. But I beg 1:35:02.600 --> 1:35:05.360 to different because I seen them salt spikes growing on 1:35:05.439 --> 1:35:08.160 the poles over there. I think the salt girls. 1:35:08.520 --> 1:35:09.000 And then. 1:35:10.400 --> 1:35:13.000 And what else, Hana, I got so much say oh, 1:35:13.000 --> 1:35:15.640 And I went to this other place called Sakhna, and 1:35:15.680 --> 1:35:18.720 it's like natural springs and it's like the whole thing 1:35:18.880 --> 1:35:21.479 of three hundred or whatever, the spartans of three hundred. 1:35:21.479 --> 1:35:23.519 It was like, now it's too far away from where 1:35:23.640 --> 1:35:25.800 Soakna is, and there's this natural experience and I was 1:35:25.840 --> 1:35:27.840 all in there. It felt like I was getting younger 1:35:27.920 --> 1:35:29.680 or something. There was fish coming up eating the dead 1:35:29.720 --> 1:35:32.360 skin off my feet. So I was experiencing a lot 1:35:32.479 --> 1:35:36.080 of the nature and the actual people. And I was 1:35:36.240 --> 1:35:38.280 like talking with the Beda Wins and talking with like 1:35:38.400 --> 1:35:41.400 I talked with everybody. And there was Palestinians there too, 1:35:41.439 --> 1:35:43.280 and I'm talking with them, and I got to go 1:35:43.439 --> 1:35:45.800 to keep it and I got to see I could 1:35:45.840 --> 1:35:52.040 see Gayza from there, and it was horrible, is absolutely horrible. 1:35:52.160 --> 1:35:55.479 I don't know why humans do this to each other. 1:35:55.560 --> 1:35:58.439 Maybe because they don't get enough hugs. I don't know why, 1:35:59.000 --> 1:36:05.280 like understand how like anybody would want to eradicate any 1:36:05.320 --> 1:36:09.439 group of people, any kind of like that part. I 1:36:09.640 --> 1:36:11.560 just I don't know. I don't have that in me. 1:36:11.720 --> 1:36:13.680 I can't understand it. I don't even want to make 1:36:13.760 --> 1:36:16.160 myself understand it. I just would like that to stop. 1:36:17.439 --> 1:36:21.920 I want peace. Everybody should have peace. Everybody deserves joy. 1:36:22.520 --> 1:36:24.439 So I curse the world with joy. 1:36:26.439 --> 1:36:29.639 The book is called A Curse You would Joy, Tiffany Haddish. 1:36:29.840 --> 1:36:35.360 It's available right now. This conversation, I'm sure it's inspired 1:36:35.360 --> 1:36:36.760 you to go and grab a copy of the book. 1:36:36.840 --> 1:36:39.200 Dive deep into it. You are gonna laugh, you're gonna learn, 1:36:39.240 --> 1:36:42.400 you're gonna cry, you're gonna feel it all. Tiffany, thank 1:36:42.439 --> 1:36:46.680 you for being extraordinary. Genuinely, you're extraordinary. Thank you. I 1:36:46.760 --> 1:36:47.720 can't think of another word. 1:36:48.080 --> 1:36:50.320 Thank I thought you said I was extraordinary, and I 1:36:50.400 --> 1:36:52.880 got really excited, because that's all you know. I want 1:36:52.920 --> 1:36:55.000 to be ordinary, but I know that I'm not. I'm extraordinary. 1:36:55.120 --> 1:37:01.920 Your your presence is infectious, your energy is magnetic. I 1:37:02.040 --> 1:37:05.360 mean it's honestly, just being around you is is joy 1:37:05.800 --> 1:37:07.760 good and I want to thank you for sharing that 1:37:07.840 --> 1:37:09.800 with us and my own purpose community to do. 1:37:09.920 --> 1:37:11.600 I got some of that rock in my pocket. 1:37:11.439 --> 1:37:11.680 Love it. 1:37:14.680 --> 1:37:17.240 But I did still some dirt from the the from 1:37:17.280 --> 1:37:20.679 that tunnel and two rocks from I want to become 1:37:20.720 --> 1:37:23.680 an archaeologist. That's gonna be my next thing. There you go, 1:37:23.720 --> 1:37:25.479 I'm gonna go over there and do archaeology for like 1:37:25.560 --> 1:37:27.880 three days. I love it, and go dig out some 1:37:27.960 --> 1:37:30.719 more stuff, maybe open a dress shop in that tunnel. 1:37:30.760 --> 1:37:31.559 It felt like a mall. 1:37:32.160 --> 1:37:37.400 Yeah, like a mall. Well, they're most probably copied that someone. 1:37:37.520 --> 1:37:39.880 Someone got the idea from there. Probably that's that's how 1:37:39.920 --> 1:37:43.280 they got it. You're right, that's how they got you. 1:37:43.479 --> 1:37:46.519 Right, See, Jake, when I hang out with you, I 1:37:46.680 --> 1:37:47.200 learned stuff. 1:37:47.400 --> 1:37:49.400 No, I just know nothing at all. 1:37:49.560 --> 1:37:51.720 I think our intentions were met here today. 1:37:51.800 --> 1:37:54.439 Without a doubt. And I want to tell everyone who's 1:37:54.439 --> 1:37:57.519 listening and watching, make sure you share what you learned 1:37:57.600 --> 1:38:01.960 from Tiffany. Tag both of us on on Instagram, on TikTok. 1:38:02.080 --> 1:38:04.479 Let us know what stayed with you or resonated with you, 1:38:04.600 --> 1:38:07.040 go connected with you in the YouTube comments let us 1:38:07.080 --> 1:38:09.720 know because I love to see what Tiffany shared that's 1:38:09.760 --> 1:38:13.200 helping you become happier, healthier, and healed. Thanks so much, 1:38:13.600 --> 1:38:17.759 thank you, thank you, You're amazing. If you love this episode, 1:38:17.840 --> 1:38:22.200 you'll enjoy my conversation with Megan Trainer on breaking generational 1:38:22.320 --> 1:38:25.760 trauma and how to be confident from the inside out. 1:38:25.920 --> 1:38:28.560 My therapist told me stand in the mirror naked for 1:38:28.760 --> 1:38:30.599 five minutes. It was already tough for me to love 1:38:30.640 --> 1:38:33.320 my body, but after the C section scar with all 1:38:33.439 --> 1:38:35.680 the stretch marks, now I'm looking at myself like I've 1:38:35.720 --> 1:38:36.280 been hacked. 1:38:36.439 --> 1:38:38.519 But day three, when I did it, I was like 1:38:38.680 --> 1:38:40.000 You know what, her thighs are cute