WEBVTT - Aaron | Betrayal Weekly 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.720 Hey everyone, just a note before we begin. This episode 0:00:03.800 --> 0:00:12.560 discusses suicidal ideation. Please take care when listening. Betrayal Weekly 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:16.840 is officially back. This is season three, episode one. Each 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:20.560 episode tells a unique story of deception and broken trust, 0:00:20.960 --> 0:00:24.680 and each storyteller has found their own path forward. Whether 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:27.000 you've been with us from the beginning or you're just 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:32.360 tuning in, welcome, We are starting this season with Aaron's story. 0:00:35.680 --> 0:00:39.400 I'm at work, just plugging away, and I get an 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:45.160 email notification on my smartphone. I look down and it's 0:00:45.440 --> 0:00:49.320 from the FBI ari information about Sabrina Taylor. 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:05.440 I'm Andrea Gunning in This is Betrayal, a show about 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:08.959 the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:09.920 change everything. 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:19.960 My name is Aaron Ward. I'm a software engineer working 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:20.880 in video games. 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:25.160 Aaron spent his whole career working on popular video games. 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:30.040 I worked on Halo Infinite, I worked on Minecraft. I've 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:34.039 worked on a bunch of little projects for Nintendo. One 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:36.000 of my minor claims to fame is I had the 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:38.959 number one played game on nick dot com in two 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:42.880 thousand and eight, which was SpongeBob SquarePants Refrumble. 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:46.760 Aarin's a third generation computer nerd. He grew up in 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:50.280 rural Ohio with his siblings and parents who worked in 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:51.280 computer science. 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:55.080 My parents were what I would call upper middle class, 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:58.040 both white collar, working professionals. 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:01.760 Aaron's parents made enough money for their families to live comfortably, 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:05.240 but a lot of people in their community struggled to 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:08.760 make ends meet. His parents tried to give back wherever 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:09.280 they could. 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:14.760 My parents always volunteered a lot. They were very generous, 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:18.960 and they also helped lead a lot of local fundraisers. 0:02:19.800 --> 0:02:22.560 His parents taught him to be generous with his money 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:23.480 and his time. 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:27.840 My parents were a lot about honesty and a lot 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:32.040 about trying to help people that needed it. 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:37.320 Aaron spent most of his free time playing video games 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:38.560 or reading about them. 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:41.960 I was a really big Nintendo fan, and I had 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:43.600 a subscription to Nintendo Power. 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.639 Nintendo Power was a magazine all about Nintendo games. It 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:52.400 had comics, game reviews, and articles. Aaron read every issue, 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.200 and when he was in fifth grade, he read an 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:57.399 article that sparked his interest. 0:02:57.680 --> 0:03:00.800 They mentioned the opening of the digit Campus. 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:06.280 Digitpen is a college near Seattle that specializes in video 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:09.880 game design. Even though Erin was only in fifth grade, 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:11.000 I knew. 0:03:10.840 --> 0:03:13.000 Very early on. That's really what I wanted to do 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:13.680 with my life. 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:17.280 Getting into DigiPen became Aaron's life goal. 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:19.720 One of our freshman year activities when I was in 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:22.960 high school was writing three things that you wanted to 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:26.080 try to accomplish in your life. My three things were 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:30.399 working on a triple A video game title, graduating from DigiPen, 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:33.000 and being a Jeopardy Champion. 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:37.960 As of this recording, Aaron is not a Jeopardy Champion yet, 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:41.840 but he's accomplished his other two goals. His senior year 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:45.480 in high school, he was accepted into DigiPen. He left 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:49.320 the farms and factories of rural Ohio and jumped headfirst 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:53.640 into a world of video games. It was exciting and 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:58.240 Aaron learned a lot, but DigiPen had one big shortcoming. 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:03.240 DigiPen has a ninety five to five male to female ratio, 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:10.480 so DigiPen was four years of having almost no female socialization. 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:13.520 As someone who had mostly female friends in high school, 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:15.400 that was a big change for me. 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:19.919 Aaron noticed how being in a male dominated environment was 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:23.080 impacting the people around him, and he didn't like what 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:23.520 he saw. 0:04:24.240 --> 0:04:27.440 I had seen a lot of my peers at DigiPen 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:34.440 starting to go down that path of misogyny because they 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:38.120 weren't being around women in their day to day lives, 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:42.280 so the only women they were exposed to were actresses 0:04:42.760 --> 0:04:44.200 or people in the media. 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.359 Aaron didn't want to go down that path, so he 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:50.440 read books and worked with his therapist to learn what 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:52.840 healthy relationships really looked like. 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:55.400 One thing I learned is to try to not be 0:04:55.520 --> 0:05:00.160 transactional in relationships. It's not about I do this for you, 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:02.880 do this thing for me. Relationships need to be about 0:05:03.200 --> 0:05:07.559 the broader scope of caring for each other and being 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:09.479 there for each other when stuff is hard. 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:14.840 After graduating from college, Aaron and some friends moved into 0:05:14.880 --> 0:05:17.960 an apartment together. He was working as a video game 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:21.960 programmer and loved the life he'd built. He felt ready 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:25.320 to meet someone and decided to give dating in Seattle 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:25.799 a try. 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:30.839 I was not super outgoing. I was not a go 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:33.160 out to the bars and meet someone kind of person, 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:39.200 and that's when I turned to internet dating. At the 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:42.560 time two thousand and seven, the iPhone is barely a thing. 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:46.839 There is no tender, so what I'm left with option 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:48.680 wise are Craiglist personals. 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:52.760 Craigslist personals was a subsection of Craigslist for people who 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:57.000 were looking for relationships, romantic connections, or friendships. You could 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:59.640 post an ad about yourself and what you were looking for. 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:03.159 I had noticed there was a glut of men looking 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:07.120 for women ads, so I mostly focused on responding to 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:09.560 the few women that had posted their ads up. 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:14.000 One day, while scrolling through Craigslist, Aaron saw an ad 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:15.160 that caught his attention. 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:19.720 The headline of it was about how white guys are 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:23.360 scared to date black women, and it intrigued me enough 0:06:23.400 --> 0:06:26.359 to at least read it. In the ad, she talked 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:30.640 about how she was a nerdy black woman who grew 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:35.280 up in a largely white Midwestern area, and how the 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:38.400 white men of the Seattle area had never seemed to 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:41.760 approach her or approached her in very poor ways. 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:46.440 Aaron responded to the ad, apologizing on behalf of the 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:50.159 white nerdy men of Seattle. The author of the post 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:52.760 thought his response was funny and wrote him back. 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:56.680 I found out her name was Sabrina. We exchanged pictures 0:06:56.720 --> 0:07:00.440 over email and had a couple of email back and 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:04.200 forth before we decided to go out on a date 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.400 to the local off leash dog. 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:10.160 Park on the day of their date, Aaron headed to 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:12.720 the dog park feeling nervous but excited. 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:16.680 She showed up looking just like her pictures with her 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:22.040 pet Dalmatian Satchel, who was very sweet, and we ended 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:25.840 up taking a nice long hour plus walk where we 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:28.480 both went through our lives and the things we have 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:31.600 in common. She grew up in Iowa, I grew up 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:34.240 in Ohio, so we both grew up in the Midwest. 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:37.840 Aaron immediately felt relaxed around Sabrina. 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:41.120 We also talked about all of our different nerdy interests, 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:46.720 video games, anime, television shows. We were both big Sailor 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:51.560 Moon fans. We had both played basically every Nintendo game 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:55.800 that had ever been made, Mario's, Zelda's Final Fantasies. 0:07:56.800 --> 0:08:00.320 After their first date, Aaron couldn't wait to see Sabrina again. 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.360 He invited her to hang out with him and his 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:05.760 friends at a pub they liked on the east side 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:09.880 of Seattle. He was a little nervous with Sabrina click 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:12.880 with his friends, but as soon as she showed up, 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:14.320 his nerves melted away. 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:20.080 She got along with basically everybody. She is magnetic and 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:23.360 draws a lot of people around her to listen to 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:27.120 her talk about whatever she's talking about. She's definitely the 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:30.040 kind of person that can make friends very easily in 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:30.600 a crowd. 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:34.800 Aaron loved hanging out with his friends with Sabrina by 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:36.079 his side. 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:39.760 The fact that she was so charismatic was excreefly attractive 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.920 to me. It really helped fill in some of my 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:47.840 gaps of getting conversations started and breaking the ice socially 0:08:48.000 --> 0:08:48.960 with new people. 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:53.000 After that night at the pub, Aaron and Sabrina had 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:54.120 their first kiss. 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:59.480 We had great physical chemistry as well as having a 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:02.960 lot of things in common, so that really felt like 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:05.320 it was kind of a meant to be situation. 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:12.760 They started spending more and more time together. Soon they 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:17.640 were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. They had long conversations about 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:19.720 their backgrounds and dreams for the future. 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:23.000 She was an intern for the Bill and Melinda Gates 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:28.400 Foundation and she was finishing up her double bachelors in 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:32.040 public health and women's studies, with her end goal being 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:35.280 becoming a doctor. She had big plans for her life 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:38.600 going forward. That was something that was attractive to me. 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.559 In a possibly forever partner. 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:44.440 With Sabrina, the world felt big. 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:48.240 We went on a couple of little trips to the 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:51.720 coast and being with her just really got me out 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:55.280 of my shell and got me out of my apartment 0:09:55.320 --> 0:09:58.680 with my roommates and out doing things, even if it 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:02.800 was just shopping or wandering around Pipe Place Market. 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:06.560 And of course they loved playing video games together. 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:09.440 She would have a game that she really liked the 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:14.079 story of wasn't quite dexterous enough to beat, and so 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:17.280 she'd get us started and I would do the later 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:19.520 harder levels for her so we could both see the 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:20.160 ending of the game. 0:10:21.040 --> 0:10:22.880 They were on the same team. 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:26.960 Sabrina really made me feel seen and appreciated in a 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:29.800 way that I hadn't been for a while. She always 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:33.760 made me feel like I was a priority in her life, 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:35.240 and I tried to do the same. 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.720 They began to talk about their long term goals. 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:43.240 I wanted the stereotypical white picket fence wife, two and 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:49.720 a half kids, et cetera. She was looking toward medical school, 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:54.600 so kids and getting married and stuff that was down 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:58.000 the road a bit, and I was okay with that. 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:01.719 At this point, we're still early to mid twenties, so 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:02.800 we've got some time. 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:06.720 Aaron and his friends moved into a new house together 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:08.920 in Seattle's Capitol Hill neighborhood. 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:12.920 A month after me and my roommates had moved into 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:16.480 the house, Sabrina comes to me and says that her 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:20.520 apartment is going condo. Obviously, she can't afford to buy it, 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:24.240 and she's not making a lot of money as an 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:26.680 intern at the Gates Foundation, and she's still trying to 0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:30.400 finish up that last month or two of school. She 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:32.000 basically doesn't have anywhere to go. 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:34.880 So Sabrina moved in with them. 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:38.880 I was excited to move in with my girlfriend, even 0:11:38.920 --> 0:11:42.320 if it was on a slightly faster schedule than I 0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:45.960 was planning on in my head. I was happy to 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:47.760 have her with me every day, waking up with me, 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:49.880 going to bed with me, just beg here out all 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:50.280 the time. 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:54.840 In true Sabrina fashion, she made the transition easy. She 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:57.040 brought a lot of laughter and funded the house. 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:00.440 She got along really well with my roommates. She integrated 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:02.600 very quickly into the friend group. It was just a 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:04.680 lot of fun to have everybody living together. You know, 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.440 we all played rock band together, and we could kind 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:09.160 of be loud and crazy because we weren't sharing a 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:10.800 wall with anybody, but. 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:14.000 Living in the same house also meant seeing each other's 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:18.400 daily struggles up close. Sabrina had been dealing with chronic 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:22.000 back pain. Aaron saw just how much of a toll 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:23.079 it was taking on her. 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:26.360 It had gotten bad enough that she had to call 0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:29.080 out of work a couple of days for it. So 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.840 I encouraged her to go to the doctor and, you know, 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:33.920 kind of get this checked out. 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:38.760 Sabrina agreed. The day of her appointment arrived, and when 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:41.720 Aaron came home from work, he was anxious to hear 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:42.360 how it went. 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:48.559 I come home and she's seated on the couch, looking 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:52.400 very defeated. So I sit down and I hold her hand, 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:57.480 and that's when she tells me her doctor had diagnosed 0:12:57.520 --> 0:12:59.319 her as having multiple sclerosis. 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:24.720 When Aarin and his girlfriend, Sabrina moved in together, Aaron 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.880 realized how much her chronic back pain was impacting her 0:13:27.960 --> 0:13:30.720 day to day life. He encouraged her to go to 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:33.959 the doctor's and she did. When she came back from 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:37.640 her appointment, Erin could tell right away that something was wrong. 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:40.520 So I sit down and I hold her hand and 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:45.520 I asked her what happened that day, and that's when 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:48.559 she tells me that her doctor had diagnosed her as 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:50.000 having multiple sclerosis. 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:54.240 Aaron held her close as Sabrina began to cry. 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:58.040 She started talking about all the things that she might 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.319 not be able to do, and I tried to come 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:01.440 for her the best I could. 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:06.760 Aaron was in shock. His grandfather, Harlan, had died of 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:11.400 multiple sclerosis, so Aaron knew how difficult MS could be. 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:15.960 I heard the horror stories from my dad about how 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:21.000 bad it was for Harlan. I had known a couple 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:24.400 of friends that had an MS and had their lives 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:27.640 cut pretty short. I had a thumb in the air 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:30.280 guess of her life expectancy being somewhere in the fifties, 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:35.160 maybe if she was already diagnosed before we had turned thirty. 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:36.840 I was just devastated. 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:42.200 Their shared dreams for the future, house kids, growing old 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:44.880 together crumbled in front of his eyes. 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:49.840 I didn't know what to do besides just hold her 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:53.040 and tell her. I promised to help her through whatever 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:55.800 came up. I was going to do whatever it took. 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:03.440 Though it only been dating a year, Aaron was committed 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:06.600 to staying by her side whatever their future held. 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:10.600 I never had the thought of not committing to it. 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:12.840 It didn't scare me off. I was in for the 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:15.080 long haul at this point. I wanted to be there 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:19.000 for her. This is the reality now, so let's figure 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:20.440 it out. Let's do what we can. 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:25.560 Sabrina had an undergraduate degree in public health, so I. 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:27.800 Kind of let her take the driver's seat as far 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:31.640 as learning about the disease and letting me know what 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:34.479 she needed from me to assist. 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:39.480 Sabrina's first symptom was back pain, but over time she 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:42.120 started experiencing other symptoms as. 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:48.360 Well, generalized soreness and limb pain, and casual exercise from 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:51.080 like walking the dog was starting to bother her. So 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:54.160 walking the dog became entirely by responsibility. 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:58.640 Then standing at all became a challenge. 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:01.640 So I took over a larger share of the housework 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:05.360 and basically all the cooking. It was a little exhausting. 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:08.520 Quite frankly, it's kind of just lucky I was still 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:10.280 in my late twenties and I kind of still had 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:13.000 the energy to do all of that. A lot of caffeine, 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:14.080 a lot of sugar. 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:19.400 Aarin did everything he could to make Sabrina as happy 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:22.400 as possible during this incredibly challenging time. 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:26.080 I was paying for a lot of makeup a lot 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:31.320 of clothes. She had very particular tastes. As my dad 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:34.120 liked to say, she has champagne taste in a beer pocketbook. 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:38.560 Sabrina was working at a nonprofit, but her symptoms quickly 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:40.520 began interfering with her job. 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:43.400 She's been calling out of work a couple times a 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:46.920 month at this point. One day she calls me up 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:49.280 and says, well, I got fired. 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:53.320 Aaron was immediately defensive of Sabrina. 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:56.000 What the hell happened? They can't just fire you if 0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:56.480 you're sick. 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:01.240 Sabrina explained that she had called out of work because 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:04.439 she was having a high pain day, but then she 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:08.000 had to run an errand that couldn't wait, and while 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:11.240 she was out, she ran into her boss. 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:16.080 Her boss had seen her out shopping on a day 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:18.480 when she was supposedly in so much pain she couldn't 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:19.080 get out of bed. 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:21.480 Aarin was frustrated. 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:23.359 If you're calling out, you need to stay home. 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:26.400 He told her to just let him handle the errand 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:27.320 next time. 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:31.800 After she's fired from her job, she's basically stuck at home. 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:36.840 She talks about going back to medical school. I'm very 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:39.960 encouraging of this because she needs to have a job. 0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:44.680 For us to function as a unit. I don't make 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:47.280 enough money to support us both forever. 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:53.159 Sabrina still needed a few more college credits before she 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:56.639 could apply to medical school, so she enrolled in community 0:17:56.680 --> 0:18:00.880 college classes. Arin was now the sole per for both 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:05.680 of them, but Sabrina's spending habits didn't slow down. Aaron 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:07.840 was left scrambling to cover the costs. 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:13.200 I end up getting paiday loans and spending a good 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:16.359 chunk of every payday going to each payday loan place 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:18.919 to pay the loan off, and then immediately loan the 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:19.560 money again. 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:23.679 He watched his credit card bills stack up. Sabrina was 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:27.000 still spending money on luxury items like make up and 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:30.600 clothes while they were struggling to make ends meet. It 0:18:30.680 --> 0:18:36.000 was unsustainable and stressful. Aaron confronted Sabrina about her spending 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:37.520 habits a few times. 0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:43.000 It usually broke down into a lot of tears and 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:47.240 promising to do better and saying I should be able 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:48.760 to live comfortably. 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:55.320 Sabrina's symptoms were progressing, and she wanted to make the 0:18:55.359 --> 0:18:57.679 most of the years where her quality of life was 0:18:57.720 --> 0:19:01.840 still relatively good. I want to experience the world and 0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:05.200 fill her days with things that brought her joy. Aaron 0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:09.200 wanted that too, but the financial pressure on him was mounting. 0:19:09.760 --> 0:19:13.119 He was also paying for all of Sabrina's medications. 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:18.639 After losing her job with the nonprofit, Sabrina struggled to 0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:22.720 maintain insurance. She would tell me that, oh, I've got 0:19:22.760 --> 0:19:24.800 my insurance set up. It's fine, you can go in. 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:26.080 It won't cost that much. 0:19:26.800 --> 0:19:29.200 But when Aaron went to the pharmacy and they ran 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:32.280 Sabrina's insurance, it often didn't go through. 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:37.359 So it goes from twenty thirty bucks to three hundred 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:41.399 four hundred bucks. That was several hundred dollars that I 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:44.800 usually didn't have every month. But I have to have 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:48.280 the medication today because we're out. Medication is not something 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:49.080 you can live without. 0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:52.680 So Aaron did whatever had to be done to make 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:55.359 sure Sabrina got her medications on time. 0:19:56.040 --> 0:20:00.280 It often came down to borrowing money from people, or 0:20:01.080 --> 0:20:04.520 paying bills late, or the internet get shut off for 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:07.520 a few days, having the rent check bounce, just to 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:09.760 make sure that the medications were filled on the day 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:10.760 they needed to be filled. 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:17.359 As the months went on, Sabrina's MS symptoms worsened. She 0:20:17.480 --> 0:20:21.240 began using a cane for walking assistance. It was harder 0:20:21.280 --> 0:20:24.800 for her to keep her balance, and she began fainting frequently. 0:20:25.480 --> 0:20:28.400 Her soreness and limb pain became more severe. 0:20:29.160 --> 0:20:30.800 Because of all the pain, she was having a lot 0:20:30.800 --> 0:20:33.960 of trouble keeping her energy level up. Seeing her struggles 0:20:34.040 --> 0:20:37.840 with the illness was definitely a major challenge for me. 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:41.520 I didn't want to see her in pain. I wanted 0:20:41.520 --> 0:20:43.840 to try and make her life as easy as possible, 0:20:44.080 --> 0:20:47.480 because I knew that this was going to be a 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:48.640 pretty rough ride for her. 0:20:49.920 --> 0:20:52.960 He offered to support her by coming to doctor's appointments 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:57.000 with her, but the scheduling never worked out. In the 0:20:57.040 --> 0:21:00.719 middle of a very challenging time, there was a bright spot. 0:21:01.400 --> 0:21:03.240 Aaron got his dream job. 0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:07.400 I got a job as a software engineer at Nintendo. 0:21:08.240 --> 0:21:10.840 This is my dream company. I got business cards that 0:21:10.920 --> 0:21:13.879 say Nintendo and my name. It's a huge deal to me. 0:21:14.880 --> 0:21:17.199 Aaron and Sabrina had moved out of the house with 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:20.439 his friends and into an apartment of their own. On 0:21:20.520 --> 0:21:24.000 top of starting his new job, Aarin was spending hours 0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:27.600 each day taking care of Sabrina. It was difficult. 0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:32.200 By this point, We're much less romantic partners and much 0:21:32.240 --> 0:21:36.879 more caregiver and receiver. I did all the dishes, I 0:21:36.920 --> 0:21:41.000 did all the cooking. We don't really have that romantical 0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:45.199 relationship anymore. We're always broke. We're not going out on dates. 0:21:46.320 --> 0:21:50.000 Aarin was caring for Sabrina financially and handling their household 0:21:50.080 --> 0:21:54.480 tours because her MS symptoms made physical labor painful. But 0:21:54.520 --> 0:21:57.199 Sabrina's quality of life was still good enough for her 0:21:57.240 --> 0:22:00.720 to spend time with friends and have independents, and so 0:22:01.200 --> 0:22:03.120 her personal spending never slowed. 0:22:04.040 --> 0:22:07.600 She was going out with friends and often spending money 0:22:07.600 --> 0:22:10.639 we didn't have. She's buying new clothes all the time, 0:22:11.040 --> 0:22:13.880 spending one hundred plus bucks a month at the map 0:22:13.960 --> 0:22:18.520 counter and Sephora packages from different delivery companies somehow magically 0:22:18.560 --> 0:22:21.640 getting paid for. And this is on top of all 0:22:21.680 --> 0:22:22.480 the medications. 0:22:25.520 --> 0:22:29.680 Aaron felt powerless to stop Sabrina's spending. As her MS 0:22:29.720 --> 0:22:34.320 symptoms worsened, so did her mental health. She began struggling 0:22:34.400 --> 0:22:35.760 with suicidal ideation. 0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:39.679 At first, it was, well, if we can't refill my 0:22:39.720 --> 0:22:41.560 meds on time and I have to go without a 0:22:41.560 --> 0:22:43.720 couple of days, maybe I should just kill myself so 0:22:43.720 --> 0:22:46.680 I don't have to experience the pain for that week 0:22:46.880 --> 0:22:48.240 until a paycheck shows up. 0:22:49.160 --> 0:22:52.840 It felt like all of Sabrina's safety and stability rested 0:22:52.880 --> 0:22:55.879 on Aarin. He worked hard to cover all of her 0:22:55.920 --> 0:22:59.680 medication costs, but his paychecks weren't enough and he was 0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:04.679 going into debt to afford everything. Then, Sabrina began calling 0:23:04.720 --> 0:23:08.159 Aaron while he was at work. Usually there was something 0:23:08.200 --> 0:23:09.479 specific that she needed. 0:23:10.200 --> 0:23:14.160 Often it was medication related, but it started to expand 0:23:14.200 --> 0:23:19.080 beyond that. There was an occasion where suicide was threatened 0:23:19.160 --> 0:23:22.000 if I couldn't come up with five hundred dollars to 0:23:22.080 --> 0:23:26.240 buy a custom cosplay outfit for convention. 0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:30.880 Sabrina's calls began taking up more and more of his workday. 0:23:31.440 --> 0:23:34.639 She was in such a delicate mental state he felt 0:23:34.640 --> 0:23:37.560 like it was unsafe to leave her alone. 0:23:38.080 --> 0:23:40.440