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Speaker 1: Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebina, a space where no

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Speaker 1: question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views

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Speaker 1: shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower,

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Speaker 1: from the laughs to the lessons. Just remember, tough times

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Speaker 1: don't last, but professional homegirls do enjoy the show.

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Speaker 2: What's up, y'all? Eshagar or Ebine here? And I hope

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Speaker 2: all is cute? Now you can probably hear it in

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Speaker 2: my voice. I am battling the cold, but we are

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Speaker 2: about to throw it back to an oldie but goodie. Okay,

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Speaker 2: So today I can re visiting my conversation from four

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Speaker 2: years ago with none other than Alexis k Tyler. Y'all

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Speaker 2: remember her, y'all, She was going viral before viral was

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Speaker 2: even making a thing, and she is still making waves

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Speaker 2: online and shaping conversations around women's empowerment. Alexis is a

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Speaker 2: renowned sex therapist, author, motivational speaker, and television hosts best

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Speaker 2: known for her talks on vagina power. In this episode,

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Speaker 2: we dive into her journey, the lessons she learned, the

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Speaker 2: rise of vagaina power, and some of the behind the

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Speaker 2: scenes stories. Plus we get into the bowl unapologetic wisdom

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Speaker 2: that has kept her relevant for over two decades. So

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Speaker 2: get ready, y'all, because my conversation with Alexis K Tyler

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Speaker 2: starts now.

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Speaker 3: I'm honored to still be yourlive and be in Atlanta, Georgia.

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Speaker 3: And when you said twenty years, you know, I think

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Speaker 3: about that and I can't believe twenty years have gone

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Speaker 3: by and people still talk about me, and they love me,

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Speaker 3: and they miss me, and they keep me viral and

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Speaker 3: they're here for the second part of my life, my

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Speaker 3: own transition into vagina power and awakening. I'm honored.

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Speaker 2: Yes, No, I am honored. I've been watching you this

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Speaker 2: whole weekend. I remember when I first saw your video

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Speaker 2: by letting the Nigga hit the bottom of your pussy,

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Speaker 2: I was like, I was like, yo, who is this lady?

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Speaker 2: So thank you so much. But as a pioneer, do

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Speaker 2: you feel like you get the credit that you deserve?

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Speaker 3: No? I think because of me talking about sex and

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Speaker 3: spirituality in a community of color that's dealt with slavery

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Speaker 3: and oppression and a false Messiah and a Jesus wrapped

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Speaker 3: into religion and telling you what you can and cannot do,

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Speaker 3: and what the woman has no power in church. The

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Speaker 3: woman really doesn't have power in the community, is dominated

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Speaker 3: by men in a dead nation within a nation. I

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Speaker 3: and then my mother's a preacher and coming from religious

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Speaker 3: background and told your sining I heard ir, vagina has

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Speaker 3: no power. And if you have power and you like

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Speaker 3: sex and you're confident with your sexuality, you're a whore.

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Speaker 3: Me saying it's okay to speak up about that. The pain,

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Speaker 3: the oppression, the lies. Women tell how they mislead their daughters,

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Speaker 3: set them up to be used and abusing and exploited

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Speaker 3: by men and the preachers, and then say it's the

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Speaker 3: little girl's fault because you have a vagina. You're the

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Speaker 3: Eve in the Book of Genesis. It was bad because

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Speaker 3: I was pioneering something that you're told It was mostly

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Speaker 3: women telling me to shut up. You shut up, You're

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Speaker 3: not supposed to talk about this. We're going to destroy you.

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Speaker 3: We'll get your show off the air. It was awful.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't even imagine everything that you've been through

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Speaker 2: that we don't know about, so hopefully you can shed

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Speaker 2: some that it.

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Speaker 3: Is in public. When I was at Public Access, I

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Speaker 3: had women from Spelman, I had professors from there, teachers

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Speaker 3: from their students from there, who said, we agree with

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Speaker 3: what you're saying, but it's the way you're saying, and

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Speaker 3: you're so vulgar, and you're putting all our information out,

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Speaker 3: and you're talking about the download men. You're talking about

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Speaker 3: the women that are professionally educated but undercover, sleeping around,

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Speaker 3: having abortions, using men and are just as bad as

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Speaker 3: men and spreading diseases. You are not supposed to do this,

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Speaker 3: and we're gonna do it. We can't to get you

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Speaker 3: off the air. Oh. Yes, there were public campaigns against me.

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Speaker 3: When I hit the internet and I became viral. There

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Speaker 3: were many debates and discussions about what I said, and

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Speaker 3: I got a lot of YouTube pages taken down. I

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Speaker 3: got a lot of death threats. I was insulted all

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Speaker 3: the time. I was called crazy. Oh, she's just saying

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Speaker 3: this because men didn't want her, because men heard her

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Speaker 3: and broke her heart. That's true, but that's not why

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Speaker 3: I was saying it. I realized and at the time

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Speaker 3: I started, even twenty years ago, there was a really

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Speaker 3: bad HIV and download man epidemic in Atlanta and in

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Speaker 3: the black community, and it's still is really bad. And

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Speaker 3: now it's more open now we talk about it, but

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Speaker 3: it's still a taboo subject. And I had a lot

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Speaker 3: of gay men loving me and embracing me and telling

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Speaker 3: me this. They're saying, I can't say it. I'm transgender,

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Speaker 3: but most of my clients are married men. I service

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Speaker 3: married men, and most of the gay men were involved

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Speaker 3: with bisexual married men. But everybody knew they were bisexual

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Speaker 3: and gay with their wives and their children and their family.

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Speaker 3: And a lot of this was going on in the churches.

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Speaker 3: So I was exposing this and people publicly wanted to

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Speaker 3: crucify me and destroy me.

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Speaker 2: So how did that make you feel when this is

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Speaker 2: coming from people that look like you? Because I feel

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Speaker 2: like now people are saying the things that you're saying

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Speaker 2: and the delivery that you was delivering in So how

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Speaker 2: does that make you feel?

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Speaker 3: They still get beat up and criticized too, And I

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Speaker 3: saw that. To be honest with you, I think a

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Speaker 3: lot of women copied me because they wanted to be

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Speaker 3: me and they wanted to get the attention and recognition. Yes,

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Speaker 3: it's become now not so taboo. It's coming place because

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Speaker 3: everybody's doing what I did. Everybody's tried to grab my

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Speaker 3: rape and everybody's talking like I talk, but I have

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Speaker 3: a deeper component and a spiritual component. I teach spiritual sexuality,

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Speaker 3: vagina power and penis powers. Firm power is first spiritual.

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Speaker 3: Because I'm a medical intuitive and also a psychic and

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Speaker 3: a medium, I get the spiritual aspects of sex and

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Speaker 3: the downloads. Nobody has been able to copy that on

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Speaker 3: the way that I do my show and how I

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Speaker 3: tie in the hood, the bonyx and the spiritual aspect

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Speaker 3: of it and twisted with a little comedy. Nobody's exactly

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Speaker 3: like me, and I know that they're trying to copy me,

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Speaker 3: so although they're saying it, they're still not coming from

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Speaker 3: the same place. And intention is to me help to

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Speaker 3: move you from the first chakra, which is a sexual chakra,

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Speaker 3: and realize that sex is mental, emotional, and spiritual, and

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Speaker 3: teach you how to stand a vagina power from a

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Speaker 3: first place of spirituality, because sex is first spiritual, and

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Speaker 3: then it trickles down into the body when you're in

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Speaker 3: the womb of your mother and it becomes physical. But

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Speaker 3: it's also tied to the etheric, the spiritual anatomy, which

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Speaker 3: is then tied to the etheric anatomy of the body

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Speaker 3: and the glands and the hormones, and then the cells

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Speaker 3: start to divide. Is that baby is turning from an

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Speaker 3: egg or a single cell and multiplying. See I go there,

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Speaker 3: And I haven't seen anybody be able to do me

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Speaker 3: like I do me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely haven't been able to see anybody that

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Speaker 2: done you the way that you have been doing it

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Speaker 2: for so long. But I definitely have seen replicas of

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Speaker 2: people trying to do you with your mannerism, the way

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Speaker 2: you put the medicine on candy, the way you present yourself.

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Speaker 2: Like when I was watching you this whole weekend, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, this is what so and so is

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Speaker 2: doing girl.

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Speaker 3: And I was told people were copying me, and I

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Speaker 3: don't want to believe it. So I'm plads. You saw

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Speaker 3: it too, right, right?

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Speaker 2: Do you believe that spirituality and the sexuality, the whole

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Speaker 2: talks in the movement. Do you think it became too trendy?

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Speaker 3: I guess because it makes money and there's so many

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Speaker 3: young people that want to know. They want to be spiritual,

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Speaker 3: they want to be educated, they feel lost, they're looking

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Speaker 3: for answers. They feel like the church and all these places,

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Speaker 3: and their mothers have betrayed them, and they get stuck

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Speaker 3: in these relationships with men and they get hurt and

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Speaker 3: they think, because I have a vagina, because I'm young,

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Speaker 3: because it's hot, because I'm sexy, this is all I need,

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Speaker 3: and to fuck like a porn star, this is all

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Speaker 3: I need. And then they might have a man keep

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Speaker 3: come back for sex, but he's not in love. He's like,

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Speaker 3: you're pushing. Like A said the other night, he like it,

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Speaker 3: puts in it. Don't like you. He likes experience, but

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Speaker 3: he doesn't like you because there's no spiritual connection to

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Speaker 3: the sexual aspect. You have detached the spiritual connection and

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Speaker 3: the spiritual bond with yourself, falling in love with yourself

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Speaker 3: and the connection. So it's trendy, it sounds good, like

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Speaker 3: you said. They bite off of me, they buy off

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Speaker 3: of other people. They market it and package it all

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Speaker 3: new and shiny, and these young women are in it,

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Speaker 3: and a lot of times they've been taught by older

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Speaker 3: women that don't even have men that love them. They're

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Speaker 3: using it as a market and get me to take

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Speaker 3: the money of these young women who still cannot because

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Speaker 3: what I teach, and they try to blackbob me and

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Speaker 3: get rid of me. It is first knowing who you are,

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Speaker 3: what you are, and why you're here. And sex is

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Speaker 3: not physical first. Sex is mental, emotional, spiritual, and psychic

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Speaker 3: and social and moves into every aspect. Three hundred and

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Speaker 3: sixty degrees of your life is what I teach about

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Speaker 3: Vagina power and even the alchemy of it, the magic

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Speaker 3: of it, literal magic, learning the history of who you are,

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Speaker 3: history of who your people are. Just because you're grouped

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Speaker 3: into a black as called black person, all of you

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Speaker 3: are not the same. All of your ethnic groups are

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Speaker 3: not the same, all your bloodlines and your mixtures are

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Speaker 3: not the same. And we're not taught to embrace who

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Speaker 3: your identity is, what your identity is. It's like you

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Speaker 3: see me having my spirit alter here and you've seen

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Speaker 3: them when I do my readings, and we people physically

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Speaker 3: did come to speak to me that are yet still alive.

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Speaker 3: You must know who you are. You must stand in

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Speaker 3: the power of your ancestors and the knowledge of who

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Speaker 3: you are and be able to manifest through the alchemy

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Speaker 3: of your mind and your spirits. To study the magic

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Speaker 3: and to have your ancestor authors and tap into that

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Speaker 3: as well as develop your education, getting your degrees, whatever

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Speaker 3: your error of study, that you feel like you're drawn

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Speaker 3: through the manifest to help mankind and to help your community.

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Speaker 3: That's also a part of what I teach. That's a

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Speaker 3: part of vagina power, penis power, sperm power, not just

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Speaker 3: the sex act and being a master dick sucker. That's

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Speaker 3: never what all it has been to me. That is

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Speaker 3: the physical manifestation when you're with your man or you

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Speaker 3: doing you and you're putting your swag on that world,

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Speaker 3: this world, but you also first went into the spiritual

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Speaker 3: world and you found out what archetypes you brought in

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Speaker 3: to manifest to be the best you can be, to

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Speaker 3: shine as well as to help everybody around you shine

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Speaker 3: and get that message to the world before you physically transition.

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Speaker 3: That's always what it's been about for me. Spirituality sexuality

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Speaker 3: always has a first a spiritual foundation for vagina power.

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Speaker 3: And people couldn't get that. I think I did it

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Speaker 3: wrong because I knew the audience I was trying to

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Speaker 3: get in the Inner City. I thought that they needed

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Speaker 3: what I needed because I didn't get what I needed

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Speaker 3: and being abandoned by my mother and not getting to

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Speaker 3: know my father, the legendary Jack Wilson, on purpose with

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Speaker 3: my mother, the jealousy and the competition with my mother.

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Speaker 3: There were a lot of deficits in me, and it

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Speaker 3: was justified. The religion was wrapped in it too, hide

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Speaker 3: all the pain and the abuse. So I thought they

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Speaker 3: needed what I wanted and what I needed, and I

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Speaker 3: knew they weren't going to listen to it from somebody

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Speaker 3: coming from a professional, uppity place. So I mixed a

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Speaker 3: little bit ebonics what people called it, ed you edutainment

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Speaker 3: education and then entertaining and tristed with the comedy. I

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Speaker 3: now have people coming back to me saying I listened

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Speaker 3: to you twenty years ago. I was in elementary school,

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Speaker 3: I had to sneaker, I was in high school, I

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Speaker 3: was in college, and I thought you were funny until

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Speaker 3: I got out in life, and even with my degrees,

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Speaker 3: I experienced this. I experienced that I found you again.

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Speaker 3: You were right, and I just thought it was funny.

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Speaker 3: So I get upset about that a lot of times

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Speaker 3: because I'm like, so, y'all wouldn't donate to me, y'all

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Speaker 3: wouldn't sponsor me, y'all didn't want to touch me. Because

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Speaker 3: it's this crazy lady that just makes us giggle and

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Speaker 3: everything's a joke. So maybe if I hadn't have done

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Speaker 3: it that way, I would have been taken more seriously.

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Speaker 3: And then while I was so hot and viral, And

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Speaker 3: that's what I'm learning now, the business side of it.

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Speaker 3: I just wanted to give. I wanted to share, and

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Speaker 3: I realized that wasn't a smart thing to do, and

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Speaker 3: to do it in a way that made them listen

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Speaker 3: and made it fun and educational and funny, it seemed

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Speaker 3: like it wasn't really taken seriously. You know.

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Speaker 2: I was just about to ask you because I feel like, like,

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Speaker 2: do you regret having the dumb it down? Because I've

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Speaker 2: seen you talk on other platforms, and I've seen you

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Speaker 2: talking from the larger groups and allment and how we're

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Speaker 2: going to right even at the us UCLA, and I've

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Speaker 2: seen you like have a conversation where for smart people

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Speaker 2: to follow you, but when people don't seem to understand,

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Speaker 2: I feel like you had the dumb it down so

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Speaker 2: they could get it. But I feel like you not

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Speaker 2: regret it, And I hate that people are looking at

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Speaker 2: you as a like a joke of funny because I

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Speaker 2: feel like to me. It made it relatable, especially to

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Speaker 2: girls from the hood, because everything you was saying is

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Speaker 2: a fact, you know what.

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Speaker 3: And I'm still realizing that now and that's why I'm

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Speaker 3: showing different parts of myself. And I'm glad you got

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Speaker 3: to see. People thought I was just one sided and

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Speaker 3: they felt like because they were educated and they had degrees.

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Speaker 3: You know, I would have secret meetings with people that

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Speaker 3: were medical doctors and that were lawyers, and they felt

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Speaker 3: because they were more they were smarter than me as

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Speaker 3: far as all the universities and the colleges have the degrees.

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Speaker 3: They would say things to me in private, like I

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Speaker 3: have all these degrees, but you have more followers than me,

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Speaker 3: You have more abuse than me, You got more viral

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Speaker 3: than me. And it's not right because I'm smarter than

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Speaker 3: you and I have education, but they look at you

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Speaker 3: and because of my oath as a lawyer or doctor,

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Speaker 3: there are things you say and do I can't say

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Speaker 3: and do, but you get more attention than me. What

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Speaker 3: can you tell me what? And I was just like,

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Speaker 3: I don't even want to talk to you because you

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Speaker 3: just said that I was less than you. I clearly

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Speaker 3: have more common sense than you. And I have more

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Speaker 3: swag than you, and I have more appeal than you.

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Speaker 3: Very I just don't have put the degree and school.

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Speaker 3: But they thought they were better than me because they

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Speaker 3: had a degree, but they couldn't make their magic happen.

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Speaker 3: And a lot of them couldn't make the money because

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Speaker 3: they couldn't get the audience that I had to pay

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Speaker 3: attention to them, but yet they didn't want to pay

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Speaker 3: re sponsor me for me to interview them. I met

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Speaker 3: a lot of black people that thought they were better

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Speaker 3: than me. That was also the painful thing. It made

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Speaker 3: me regret doing it the way that I did, But

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Speaker 3: you know what, they were secret fans. They just went

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Speaker 3: towards me in public.

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Speaker 2: And I also feel like, I mean, I could be wrong,

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Speaker 2: but I feel like you was the first to do

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Speaker 2: this of this magnetic twenty years ago, and there wasn't

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Speaker 2: a woman, a Black woman, that was speaking the way

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Speaker 2: you were speaking, giving out information, talking about spirituality and

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Speaker 2: helping people the way that you was doing this. I

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Speaker 2: really hate that you and I.

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Speaker 3: Got millions abuse millions following you. But you know what

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Speaker 3: would happen when I would have private meetings with executives

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Speaker 3: who were flying to Atlanta who wanted That's the thing

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Speaker 3: that was a sad thing. White people got it and

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Speaker 3: respected it because I would talk to executive with white

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Speaker 3: television companies who wanted me right off the bat, and

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Speaker 3: they were like, you're very special. But then when they

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Speaker 3: would talk to me, or when I would talk to

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Speaker 3: black people that also had major production companies that wanted

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Speaker 3: to sign me, what disappointed me and the reason I

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Speaker 3: would not deal with any of these people. It's because,

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Speaker 3: like when me and you're talking right now, I'm not

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Speaker 3: using heavyer bonyx in a Southern draw. I have several personalities.

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Speaker 3: I have no problem with people saying multiple personalities. And

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Speaker 3: I know how to have a serious conversation. I know

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Speaker 3: how to have a serious and funny conversation, and I

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Speaker 3: know how to have a funny one. And when they

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Speaker 3: talk to me at dinner and we were talking the

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Speaker 3: phone or be on like a conference call, they would

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Speaker 3: get shocked and say, wow, you really are intelligent. And

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Speaker 3: I said, you thought I wasn't intelligent because I spoke

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Speaker 3: ebonics and I'm from the South, and people actually would

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Speaker 3: judge you, like some people will say, oh, I love

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Speaker 3: a British accent because it sounds so intelligent, and that

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Speaker 3: person could be a fucking con artist. But because I'm

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Speaker 3: talking with the Southern drawl, I'm an idiot and it

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Speaker 3: doesn't mean that at all. People would judge you, or

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Speaker 3: taught to judge you by the way you speak or

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Speaker 3: how well you speak English, and that's what would disappoint me.

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Speaker 3: When I would talk with the executives, they.

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Speaker 4: Would get pleasingly overwhelmed and refreshed, or they would get

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Speaker 4: upset and say, ooh damn, I'm not gonna be able

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Speaker 4: to get her to sign a contract a three six

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Speaker 4: year to get her to side off her rights way

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Speaker 4: because she's not a dumb country bitch like I thought.

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Speaker 3: I would get either one or two of those responses,

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Speaker 3: and that would bother me deeply because they really couldn't

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Speaker 3: see me. And then, like you said, how you see

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Speaker 3: I make I'm a medical intuitive. I don't know you

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Speaker 3: know what that is. I can see your face, I

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Speaker 3: can hear your voice, I can see your name, not

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Speaker 3: know anything about you, and I have my spirit GUIDs

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Speaker 3: and your spirit guys tell me if there's anything wrong

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Speaker 3: with you and where in the body it is. That's

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00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,280
Speaker 3: how I do my readings as a psychomedium. I also

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Speaker 3: see diagnosed diseases on a spiritual level. I'll pinpoint it

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Speaker 3: and I do the medical terms. I read the medical books,

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Speaker 3: even though people wouldn't think I was brainy like that

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Speaker 3: because of the way I act and the way I talk.

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Speaker 3: I'll keep it very simple. And people have actually gone

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Speaker 3: to a doctor and said can you please or people

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Speaker 3: that some doctors are very spiritual. They're open to the

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Speaker 3: spiritual aspect of medicine or their holistic practitioners, so they

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Speaker 3: have that in theirical practice. They have separate sites of it.

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Speaker 3: And they'll say, hey, I went to a medical intuitive.

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Speaker 3: This lady's name is Alexis. I had actually had a

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Speaker 3: medical doctor about a year ago refer one of her

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Speaker 3: patients to me because she didn't know what was wrong

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Speaker 3: with her head, and she paid me to do the reading.

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Speaker 3: Actually was a white lady. I've had people with different

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Speaker 3: races be more open to come to me with this.

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Speaker 3: With this now a lot of people of color, so

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Speaker 3: called black people are open to it. Thank God. I

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Speaker 3: told her she had a tumor in the brain, and

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Speaker 3: I knew it was here, and I looked. I looked

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Speaker 3: at the diagram the medical diagram the legal medical terminology.

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Speaker 3: I used tell her a little here, and it's why

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Speaker 3: hear this gland. The doctor ordered an mri I and

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Speaker 3: she found a tumor of the size of a green pea.

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Speaker 3: I do those things and when people, but I feel

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Speaker 3: like I had to play it down because I knew

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Speaker 3: that audience wasn't ready. So all these aspects of me

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00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,080
Speaker 3: they see, and then I make Once I talk to someone,

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Speaker 3: they say they have a crust on their head, they're itching.

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Speaker 3: They don't know why they itching, they don't why have

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Speaker 3: clas so hair missing. I can look at their picture,

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Speaker 3: I can look at their name, and everybody has guardian

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00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 3: angels and guides. They'll tell me it's because this particular

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00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 3: medicine or this particular sex partner, and this is what

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Speaker 3: needs to be changed, and this is what needs to

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Speaker 3: be removed from the diet, and this one needs to

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Speaker 3: be incorporated, and she needs to see this doctor and

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00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,239
Speaker 3: tell them this day. That's also the things that I

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Speaker 3: do naturally without a college degree, because there's other than

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Speaker 3: becoming a medical doctor or maybe holistic doctor. There's nobody

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Speaker 3: that can help me develop that or give me a

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Speaker 3: degree to also cover and validate on paper what I

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Speaker 3: naturally am. So people weren't ready for that twenty years ago,

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Speaker 3: even though white communities, other communities of people were doing

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Speaker 3: this and know that that's what we are and who

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00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:54,040
Speaker 3: we are now twenty years later, fortunately I have a

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Speaker 3: whole new group of young people, millennials, who love every

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Speaker 3: bit of me and who want every to me. And

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00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 3: at this point I'm tired and I want to retire.

387
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 3: I want to do something else because I've been abused

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00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,919
Speaker 3: so much and kicked around. But luckily it makes me

389
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,399
Speaker 3: feel good that the younger people say, hey, fuck them,

390
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 3: we want it. I want you, we want everything about you,

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00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 3: and we want you to teach us. But Jina Parwer,

392
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 3: who want you to teach us how to develop our

393
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 3: spiritual builty, who want to teach teach us how to

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00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 3: bond with the right man, how to use our pussy?

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Speaker 3: I love it.

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Speaker 2: I am definitely a student of yours. You have definitely

397
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 2: taught me a lot about not being a common bitch,

398
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:36,640
Speaker 2: not here using all of my pam. So I, however,

399
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,560
Speaker 2: I can support you. I told you this in private,

400
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,199
Speaker 2: and I am told this platform that I am going

401
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 2: to support you in everywhere way because I feel like

402
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 2: you are needed, and I feel like you are definitely

403
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 2: a part of our culture and you are appreciated. What's up, y'all,

404
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 2: It's shagirl eb and A here, and be sure to

405
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,960
Speaker 2: follow me on Instagram and TikTok at pretty private podcasts,

406
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 2: and don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel at

407
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 2: the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back to the show.

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Speaker 2: Whether you receive your flowers or not, I am giving

409
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,199
Speaker 2: it to you because you are so you are vital,

410
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 2: like you are so necessary, and I think that you

411
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,480
Speaker 2: have helped a lot of women and men, including myself,

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00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 2: on how to navigate through this world because I can

413
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,879
Speaker 2: only imagine the amount of pain that you endure on

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Speaker 2: your journey.

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Speaker 3: I love that the men when I do the election,

416
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 3: I'm talking about sex and how to please women and

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Speaker 3: women how to please themselves. I love it that it's

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Speaker 3: the men. They're vocal, they're there. Because I'm not a

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Speaker 3: what do they call it a feminist, I don't feel

420
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 3: that my audience is open. I hate that I don't

421
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 3: have a lot of lesbians and bisexual women that love me.

422
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 3: It's more than gay boys and the transder that talk

423
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,239
Speaker 3: and they love me because I talk to everybody, and

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00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 3: sex is vital to everybody, so I don't discriminate. But

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00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 3: I love it that the men are present and they

426
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 3: want to know, and so I include them in the conversations.

427
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 3: But I know that now because all those things I

428
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 3: talked about. When I was talking about that and the

429
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 3: pain of that and being using abuse, I was also

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00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,920
Speaker 3: talking about myself. But then that also started when I said,

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Speaker 3: with Joina power, you have to deal with the wounded

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00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 3: little girl and the wounded little boy, because I came

433
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,080
Speaker 3: from a very wounded place of being abandoned and abuse

434
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,439
Speaker 3: is a very little baby by my mother. And you

435
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,719
Speaker 3: could be one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

436
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,159
Speaker 3: You could be one of the most sexually diverse and

437
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 3: one of the best sex stars, pouring star, fuck like one,

438
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 3: suck like one in the world. But you realize a

439
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,679
Speaker 3: lot of beautiful women are alone, and a lot of

440
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,879
Speaker 3: men are scared to talk to them because they feel like,

441
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 3: you're so beautiful, your body's incredible, You've got to be married,

442
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:50,360
Speaker 3: you got to be taken, And a lot of those

443
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:53,400
Speaker 3: women are suffering in silence alone because they come from

444
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 3: a place like I did, being very wounded little girls

445
00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:00,120
Speaker 3: and beautiful bodies and a beautiful person. But many times

446
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 3: men can't see you, they can't see how beautiful you

447
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 3: are as a person, because many times your wounds are

448
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 3: blocking the view through the subconscious mind. And that's what

449
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 3: I also deal with the laws of attraction, the laws

450
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 3: of the subconscious mind, and that rules every aspect of

451
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 3: the body. So you could be wanting love and be

452
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 3: the best loving person in the world and want to

453
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:25,400
Speaker 3: be a wife like I did, and have a family

454
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 3: and children and the picket fens and a little doggie,

455
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 3: but you will always get the opposite when you've come

456
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:33,439
Speaker 3: from a place like that, with the mother doing that

457
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,320
Speaker 3: to you and teaching you how to be a whore,

458
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 3: and abandon of being called that because I was called

459
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 3: that at five years old by my mother. And I

460
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:41,719
Speaker 3: don't know I have a vagina, I don't know what

461
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 3: a horror is. I don't know what the prostitute is,

462
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 3: I don't know what sex means. But that's what she

463
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 3: told me. I would be a sex worker and a whore.

464
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 3: And people don't realize that you're connected to your mother's womb.

465
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 3: You're connected to her a biblical card, her mind her

466
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 3: heart and her soul and everything she feels. It doesn't

467
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 3: feel about herself. She's your besting in that the uniout

468
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,159
Speaker 3: of fluids. Then when you get out of her and

469
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 3: she is preaching this stuff to you because she doesn't

470
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 3: want you greater than her and she wants you to fail,

471
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 3: you don't realize subliminately you're this dynamic woman, You're this

472
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 3: intelligent woman inside and outside. You don't know it and

473
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,159
Speaker 3: you can't see it, and your subconscious is pulling to

474
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 3: you everything, everything that you don't want, because it's manifesting

475
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 3: on the laws of attraction in the subconscious mind of

476
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 3: the dark side of vagina power. And that's why to me, numerology, astronomy, astrology,

477
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 3: all of these things tie into vagina power. You must

478
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,119
Speaker 3: know who you are, what you are, what's you're capable of,

479
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,399
Speaker 3: and not be defined by a race or a color.

480
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 3: Now be defined you're a black person, you're a black woman.

481
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 3: You should never that thing limits you in so many

482
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 3: ways because nobody else has to live with the limits,

483
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,679
Speaker 3: and you don't let people define you by that. You

484
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 3: find out everything you are. Astro theology, neurology, as well

485
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 3: as the education you get here the spirituality. It very

486
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 3: vast and very deep what I teach, and back then

487
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,359
Speaker 3: I could not promote that and package that because people

488
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,439
Speaker 3: weren't ready. And the higher ups that were watching me

489
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 3: secretly or secretly tell me, you cannot say that, you

490
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 3: cannot teach that, we will shut you down and we

491
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 3: will destroy you. And that's exactly what they did. They

492
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 3: shut me down because people they have degrees and all

493
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 3: the teachers that you see, the philosophers and the preachers,

494
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,159
Speaker 3: those graduate from the Masonic schools that are that are

495
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 3: controlled by this system. Most police are Masons. Most preachers

496
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 3: that are over that come they come from more House

497
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 3: because they come from the secret societies. They're Masons. Judges

498
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 3: are Masons. Even gang members and the ones that control

499
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 3: them are controlled by Masons, like Blue and Reds and

500
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:53,360
Speaker 3: the political institutions, the Black and Reds, those are Masons,

501
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 3: so they have their secret oaths they take and under

502
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 3: Albert Pike, see there's so many places I can go to.

503
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 3: People don't know and they don't want to respect. Think

504
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:04,200
Speaker 3: I was dumb. I had to dumb these things down

505
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,920
Speaker 3: because I knew I would have been distract faster. And

506
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 3: when I was talking about on these shows, dropping the

507
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 3: science and they cracking a joke. People up top knew

508
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 3: what I was. I thought I was hiding it. That's

509
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 3: why I tried to be funny and silly in Country

510
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 3: and they started having private me. It's like, you're gonna

511
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 3: shut that down. Now. We will give you this opportunity

512
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 3: to give you the show, but you're not gonna talk

513
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 3: about this, and you're not to talk about that, and

514
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 3: we're gonna keep it dumb down and fun and silly.

515
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 3: And I said no. And when I did that, I

516
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 3: didn't get anywhere. They want the people to stay just

517
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 3: like they are.

518
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I noticed it was another interview you did and

519
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 2: you kept mentioning how like you weren't able to go

520
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,640
Speaker 2: on NBC and all these other platforms because they kept

521
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 2: telling you how they wanted you to speak and change.

522
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I'll just lean she. I would feel

523
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,199
Speaker 2: like you would know that you're not finna get on

524
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 2: the show.

525
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 3: And they did and put the apple that network, just

526
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 3: like I didn't do it on Mary, and they gave

527
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 3: me the whole und Now you can. We talked to

528
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 3: our lawyers. You couldnot say dick, And I was like,

529
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 3: come on, you really think I'm stupid, Like wow, so me.

530
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 3: And when I got hold with Mary, I had a ball.

531
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,159
Speaker 2: First of all, I feel like MA was trying to

532
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 2: hit on you.

533
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 3: I wish he would have because he was to me.

534
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 3: He was nicer to me than anybody there. He was

535
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 3: such a gentleman, and he treated me like I was

536
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 3: one of the most special people in the room. And

537
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 3: when I came in the room, that was a real audience.

538
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 3: It wasn't a canned audience. When I came in. I

539
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 3: was so nervous because it was people packed in. And

540
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,920
Speaker 3: when I came in, Day said, they went crazy. After

541
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,720
Speaker 3: the way he painted me and promoted me. Everybody paid

542
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:50,640
Speaker 3: a mile. He painted the picture for you. Mary was infatuated, Okay,

543
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 3: they said that. He said his friend told him about me.

544
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 3: He's like, I can't believe I having heard about doing

545
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 3: all these years. I loved him. That was the best

546
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 3: interview and the one that gave me a lie more airplay.

547
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 3: And that was very fun to touch point oh. I

548
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 3: did touch point oh. And we did all the skits

549
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 3: to the doctor's office. You know what, That's what makes

550
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 3: me feel bad is when I went to the white

551
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 3: arenas I was treated better by them than black people.

552
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 3: That always bothered me.

553
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:20,919
Speaker 2: But I also would feel a way if I was you,

554
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 2: if somebody's telling you how you should act, like you

555
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:26,399
Speaker 2: don't know like why, I can see where the resentment

556
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,679
Speaker 2: comes in, because it's like I just really feel like

557
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 2: they just they firstly was threatened by you, and second

558
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:32,640
Speaker 2: of all, they really thought.

559
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 3: You was dumb. I think in a way, I guess

560
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 3: I understand because a lot of people do get on

561
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 3: there and mess up opportunities for us and show their

562
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 3: ass and it's like, did you just say that on

563
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 3: live television in front of millions of people. I think

564
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 3: a lot of people don't know, and they do mess up,

565
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 3: and they assume that all of us, so called black

566
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 3: people are dumb, and I, like you said, I dumbed

567
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 3: it down on purposes. So I understand because they didn't

568
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 3: know me. And a lot of times people misjudge and

569
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 3: underestimate you by what they've seen before you that somebody's

570
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 3: supposed to be just like you because supposed to theyre

571
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 3: part of the same races that look like you. And

572
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 3: then I I dealt with, like I said, unfortunately, a

573
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 3: lot of rage and attext from black women, so called

574
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 3: black women, because well, I mean, we don't have to

575
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 3: get into that, we don't have to get into that deeply,

576
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 3: but based on a certain look that you have and

577
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 3: a presentation that you have, and then you deal with

578
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 3: the color issue and the colorism issue, and people don't

579
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 3: take you serious of black women don't want to take

580
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 3: you seriously or say, well, you got picked because your

581
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 3: skin is lighter, because you look like this and that

582
00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 3: and that was that's also very painful because they want

583
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 3: to call me dumb too black women and didn't want

584
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 3: to take me seriously. But you just, you know, did

585
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 3: they just let you over there because you look like this?

586
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,800
Speaker 3: So you your body's like that and you're that color

587
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 3: and do the most painful things. We already know racism.

588
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 3: I'm from the South. I expect that, and in certain

589
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 3: places I still don't go and at Georgia, and you know,

590
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 3: when you're dealing with corporate America, I understood when they

591
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 3: came up the contracts and say you can't say this,

592
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 3: you can't say that. We just want to let you know.

593
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 3: I'm like, I already know. I guess kind that's a

594
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 3: gift and I know they're protecting them selves. But when

595
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 3: you deal with it with black people and black women

596
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 3: knowing that you're right, but they don't like the way

597
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 3: you look, and they want to misjudge you on that

598
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 3: or attack you for that. Either you're too too dark

599
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 3: and your hair's too nappy, or you're in between, or

600
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 3: you're too light illustraighter and you think you're this and

601
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 3: you think you're that, or we don't want you here,

602
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,280
Speaker 3: or that's why you can say that, and you get

603
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 3: that kind of shit goes on in the black community.

604
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 3: Twenty years later, I'm still saying it goes on in

605
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 3: the black community, and they'll hold you down. Black women

606
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 3: that I could have dealt with, they had money, power, education, influence,

607
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 3: would not fuck with me, blocked me, and because of

608
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 3: their own personal issues that had nothing to do with

609
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 3: me that I found out later that were not professional issues. Anything. Professionally,

610
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 3: you can learn. If you got a degree, I can

611
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 3: get one. You got a sponsor, I can get one.

612
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 3: You got some money, I could get one. But these

613
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 3: women have their little groups and their secret societies and

614
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 3: their organizations, and if you don't let them control you,

615
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 3: and if they don't like your look, they don't. They

616
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 3: don't it's something about you that's intimidating. You could be

617
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 3: as smart and as them, or smarter without a degree.

618
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 3: You just naturally into it to gifted in a way.

619
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 3: You can't buy a degree and get it. You can't

620
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 3: get that in a class, and they'll still decide I

621
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 3: don't like this, bitch. I'm a black bodist. Bitch this bitch,

622
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 3: I'll get nowhere. Unfortunately, I had a lot of that

623
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 3: from black women.

624
00:31:56,240 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 2: Right. So going back to here with your mom, what

625
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 2: does that relationship look like now? Because I remember.

626
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 3: There's no relationship. I'm not going to let anybody don't

627
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 3: care who it is. Once I see that what you

628
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 3: are is the way you're always going to be. And

629
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 3: to me, anybody that disrespects their child, they gave birth

630
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 3: to it. The child is only here because of coming

631
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 3: through your body, and they could not exist without coming

632
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 3: through your body. And you degrade them, you humiliate them,

633
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 3: you abandon them, you put them everywhere, you disrespect them,

634
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 3: you beat them in front of people. That's happened to me.

635
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 3: You give other permission to beat your children and degrade

636
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 3: them in front of other people. And as time goes on,

637
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 3: like I had it on my show, you apologize, and

638
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 3: then you apologize to get close enough to try to

639
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:48,040
Speaker 3: ruin me and blackball me and lie on me. There

640
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 3: is no relationship. I don't care what anybody thinks about it.

641
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 3: I don't care how anybody feels about it. You're not

642
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 3: gonna use Jesus on me no more. You're not gonna

643
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 3: use church. You're not gonna use the Bible on me.

644
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 3: When all these grown when people saw me as a

645
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:04,400
Speaker 3: vulnerable little child be abused, and y'all entertained it, and

646
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 3: you took up for my mother. A lot of families,

647
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 3: there is a bond within the mothers of these children,

648
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 3: with the birth mother, the grandmother, the sisters, the cousins

649
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 3: and uncles. They will co sign the parent abusing and

650
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 3: violating the child because they don't have a bond with

651
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 3: the child. They consider the child an outcast because the

652
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 3: all mother they gave birth to it saying I don't

653
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 3: beg this child, I don't love this child. And they

654
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 3: will all team up and help them abuse a helpless

655
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 3: little child. Once I see that with me or anyone else,

656
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 3: and then they'll tell me forgive or let her come back.

657
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 3: She stabs again, you all sit back and co sign

658
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 3: the stabbing, and you tell me I'm wrong because I

659
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 3: don't forgive and I'll let Jesus fix it. There's nothing

660
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 3: for this Jesus to fix. When all the abuse went on,

661
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 3: and my prayers to God and Jesus will never answered.

662
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 3: And my mother's a preacher, and all these people are holy,

663
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:58,400
Speaker 3: and call this God that continue to let this pummeling,

664
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 3: this disrespect of my life my energy contend you. I

665
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 3: will not let anybody do that to me. I don't

666
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 3: care who it is.

667
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 2: But was there a time where you were trying to

668
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 2: work things up with your mother because she was on

669
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 2: your show.

670
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 3: I just said that. I said every time I would

671
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 3: let her come back and I would forgive her, she

672
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 3: would get close enough to stab again, to lie on me,

673
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 3: to destroy my character, to turn people against me. She

674
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 3: was even the white lady that ran people TV that

675
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 3: didn't like me and want to get rid of me.

676
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 3: She was secretly talking to this lady and telling this

677
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 3: lady to get rid of me. I know because we

678
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,800
Speaker 3: were doing a production one day and the lady tells

679
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 3: this other black lady to come in and cut the

680
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 3: lights off and shut my camera down in the studio down,

681
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 3: and I had paid for it and rented it. I

682
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 3: looked at my mother like, are you gonna help me

683
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:48,399
Speaker 3: fight this lady? You know I didn't do anything wrong.

684
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,919
Speaker 3: I rented this time. My mother sits there and becomes hysterical.

685
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 3: She starts to laugh when this white lady tell this

686
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:56,360
Speaker 3: other black lady to shut me down and cut my

687
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 3: lights off out of the blue. And my mother had

688
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 3: done things to me like that before, telling family members

689
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 3: and other people and turning men against me, my son's

690
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 3: father against me, and then will laugh when it happens

691
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 3: and act like I can't do anything. But you find

692
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 3: it amusing to watch somebody destroy your daughter, imiliate and

693
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,320
Speaker 3: degrade them, and you won't say anything. Bit you gotta

694
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 3: be a part of the shit, because I would never

695
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 3: let anybody do that to a child of mind. Then

696
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,399
Speaker 3: I found out later your mother said you want shit.

697
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 3: Your mother said I couldn't trust you, and I kept

698
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 3: forgiving her and letting her be on the show and

699
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 3: turning all my men against me, and they would believe it.

700
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 3: People will believe shit like that because somebody gave birth

701
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 3: to you. But she wasn't even around. She didn't even

702
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 3: raise me, but just because you're my mother. People like

703
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 3: shit and you don't even have to prove it. It's

704
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 3: just somebody that seems credible or speaks in the way

705
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 3: that's credible. That goes back to what you said when

706
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 3: you said, you know, people want to just discredit me

707
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 3: and call me dumb, and people bit my style and

708
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 3: copyed me. But I'm saying whom maybe duplicated, but never

709
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:59,319
Speaker 3: imitate it. You can't be mean because it's too much

710
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 3: about me. It's all natural and it's all in my

711
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 3: head and it's download intuitive. Like you said, Yeah, they

712
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 3: might talk shit, but can they read like me? Are

713
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 3: they medical intuitives like me? Are they psychond mediums like me? No?

714
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 3: I'm all of it, and I'm finally accepting everybody's you

715
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:19,439
Speaker 3: got gifts, I don't. Everybody's unique in their own way,

716
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 3: so you like, I see it, But I'm like, do

717
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 3: you really see it though? Are they really exactly like me?

718
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 3: Now that you know the other talents I have that

719
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 3: you didn't know I have? And my mother was also

720
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 3: that type of talented person. But then they're copying and

721
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 3: biting off of my style, and people like and think

722
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:38,399
Speaker 3: somebody smarter because they don't curse like me, and they

723
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 3: don't speak slang. And my mother was a preacher and

724
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 3: she was very perceptive and knew how to spend it.

725
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 3: I don't know if you've met mothers that trash their daughters, well,

726
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 3: they be so convincing.

727
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 2: Well that's one thing I have in common with you,

728
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 2: because I don't have a relationship with my mother, and

729
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 2: some of the things that you're expressing definitely happened to me.

730
00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 2: And I used to get frustrated with people because people

731
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 2: don't believe the child. They believe the mother or the

732
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 2: parent because they gave birth. And I'm just like, why

733
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 2: would I lie about the things that I endured because

734
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 2: she's the parent.

735
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, she's an older woman and she gave birth

736
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,400
Speaker 3: to you. And they know how to you know, they

737
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 3: giving birth to children, so they feel what we feel.

738
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,279
Speaker 3: And they're convincing. Probably persuasive women, your mom probably saying

739
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,960
Speaker 3: perspussive women and attractive and has like a seductiveness or

740
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 3: sex appeal. They know how to spend it in a

741
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 3: way that's not sexual. But they put that energy in

742
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 3: the way they talk. Girl. They they inflections and they talk.

743
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 3: By the time they finish fucking you with their words

744
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 3: and they energy them. People want to kill your ass

745
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 3: and don't want to fuck with you no more. Right now,

746
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 3: if I want to do that to my son and

747
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 3: people be like what your son did, be straight.

748
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 2: Up lying, yeah, and believe you.

749
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 3: They know they background. They don't know our mothers and

750
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 3: the mother's coming to them in the way she's speaking

751
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 3: and twisting it. And you know what, I've seen my

752
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 3: mother do that to me and laugh. My grandmother did

753
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,480
Speaker 3: it to her, and my grandmother would think it was funny.

754
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 3: And my grandmother never had any remorse by doing that

755
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 3: to my mother, and I've heard her do it to me.

756
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 3: And my grandmother was also very intuitive and very convincing

757
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,320
Speaker 3: and doing shit like that. And women and a family,

758
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 3: and you know what I don't like about women, especially

759
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 3: so called black women. I do this, and you probably

760
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 3: do this, but a lot of women do not. I

761
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 3: would say, let's talk to both of you. Can you

762
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 3: prove to me that your daughter did that? Or your

763
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 3: daughter's a dick sucker and she fuck anybody she sees.

764
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 3: Can you prove that your daughter did this or that

765
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 3: to you? Can I speak to her and speak to you.

766
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 3: Usually when they don't want to do that shit. You

767
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 3: already know the mother has an agenda to astray, destroy

768
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 3: her daughter or her son. And most people, most black

769
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:55,799
Speaker 3: women don't want to hear. They don't want to talk

770
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 3: to both sides. They don't want to weigh it out

771
00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,720
Speaker 3: because a lot of black women be so fucked up inside.

772
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 3: Even women with education and money, they like drama like

773
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 3: that that I see how they do it on YouTube.

774
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 3: I always have a lot of psychics of women wanted

775
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 3: to come and lie on me, wanted to start arguments

776
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,440
Speaker 3: and conflicts with me, and then I have to respond.

777
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 3: But people say that I'm a legend, so you don't

778
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,759
Speaker 3: have to respond. You don't have to step down to

779
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 3: the spot and see in the past, I never really responded.

780
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,319
Speaker 3: I never I was always afraid of using my voice.

781
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 3: I feel like I didn't have one or taught you

782
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 3: know your Southern and that's manners. But now I realize

783
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 3: people don't respect that.

784
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 2: Sure you love from the South. They don't respect when

785
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,320
Speaker 2: you quiet. They keep running all over you and stuff

786
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 2: and taking advantage.

787
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,399
Speaker 3: And was told I was supposed to respect my mother

788
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 3: even when she kept disrespecting me. And all of the

789
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:48,799
Speaker 3: women in my family are disgusting. They like drama, they

790
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 3: like gossip. Whatever my mother says, like right now, they

791
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 3: would team up. And I'm like, well, do you have

792
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 3: any proof that what she said about me is true?

793
00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,960
Speaker 3: They don't even care. They don't want the proof because

794
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 3: a lot of women are miserable as fuck, even with

795
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 3: their money, even with their looks, even with their house,

796
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 3: even with their cars. A lot of women still secretly

797
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 3: are hiding behind a lot of unhealed pain and wounds.

798
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 3: They couldn't really make their dreams come true with love

799
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 3: or maybe another relationship with children and a husband, and

800
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 3: a lot of these women or they want to be

801
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 3: on top, and they don't want you to have anything,

802
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 3: and they will watch you dog another woman, even a

803
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 3: family member, and participate in the crucification of another female

804
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:33,719
Speaker 3: and love it.

805
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 2: And I feel like another thing that we have in

806
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 2: common is our mothers kept us away from our fathers

807
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 2: because I never met my father.

808
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 3: And you know who he is.

809
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 2: I do know who he is, So make a long story. Sure,

810
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:52,280
Speaker 2: I used to have dreams about a ball headed man

811
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 2: and I thought that that was going to be my boyfriend,

812
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 2: because at the time I really wanted a boyfriend, and

813
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,680
Speaker 2: it used to be this really tall, dark skin ball

814
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 2: hid in me. I used to always have these dreams

815
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,720
Speaker 2: about And fast forward to a couple of years later,

816
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:11,919
Speaker 2: one of his girlfriends found me on Facebook. Whow yes.

817
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 2: So right now we are in a weird space because

818
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,480
Speaker 2: I don't know what it feels like to be wanted

819
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 2: by a parent. The only person I can say that

820
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 2: gave me unconditional love was my grandmother, and she's no

821
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 2: longer here, so all I have is myself. But I

822
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 2: would like to have some type of relationship with a parent,

823
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 2: and I do feel like it would be with him

824
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 2: because he has been accountable and to.

825
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:37,400
Speaker 3: Talk to him. Please go to him, because my father's

826
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 3: not physically here. And I remember when I first lived

827
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:41,840
Speaker 3: with my mother at twelve, and it was on the

828
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:44,800
Speaker 3: radio and she said that my father was still alive,

829
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,399
Speaker 3: but he was in the nursing home. And I would

830
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 3: beg her because she would always say she should have

831
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 3: avoided me and she didn't want me. And I said,

832
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 3: can I see my father? You said I look like him,

833
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 3: and my boy sounds like him, and her and her husband.

834
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 3: She was saying no, And I couldn't under it, because

835
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 3: you say you don't want me. And in a few

836
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 3: years ago, when I still talked to my mother, she

837
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 3: admitted she said, when I saw you come out of me,

838
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 3: you had your father's face, and I knew that he

839
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 3: would love you more than me and have you riding

840
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 3: around in the car and you would get more attention

841
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 3: than me. And I wasn't gonna let that happen. And

842
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 3: I said, you have like for two grown women screwing

843
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:24,480
Speaker 3: and competing. I'm this little girl. I can't do that.

844
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 3: And she said, but he would have loved you over me,

845
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 3: and he used to beg her, just just bring me

846
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 3: the picture if you won't bring me her because he

847
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:33,439
Speaker 3: was living in Atlanta. She wouldn't do it, she said,

848
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 3: because he would want you over me. That I couldn't

849
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 3: believe she admitted it. But my mother is a type

850
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 3: of person, very vicious, very narcissistic, extremely insecure. But women

851
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:49,960
Speaker 3: like that you can't tell because they're so domineering and

852
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 3: territorial and narcissistic. If you don't know any better, you

853
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,760
Speaker 3: think this woman is very strong and just all about

854
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 3: having her man and having things her away and being

855
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 3: dump n When she said that, I couldn't believe that

856
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 3: she actually said she was jealous of her own daughter

857
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 3: and my whole life. She showed the jealousy. There was

858
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 3: no education, There was no teaching about my body, the

859
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 3: power of the body, how to wash myself, how to

860
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:17,720
Speaker 3: cleanse myself, about my period development and intellect and books.

861
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:21,799
Speaker 3: She literally treated us like some of the people that

862
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 3: you hear about that are locked in the house, are

863
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:28,800
Speaker 3: locked in the basement. You know, I'm talking about beating, insulted,

864
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,280
Speaker 3: and degraded in front of people, in front of her husband,

865
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:36,720
Speaker 3: and locked where the telephone and the keys are taken

866
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 3: when they leave the house to go to church. So

867
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 3: we couldn't call the police, and we couldn't call anybody

868
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 3: to tell them what was going on. And when we

869
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 3: would tell people that was going on, and they were

870
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 3: reported to deefects back then in the eighties in the

871
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 3: early nineties, if a welfare worker or caseburger comes to

872
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 3: your house and they asked, I was told your daughter

873
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 3: was beat up and she's got scars all over and

874
00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:59,440
Speaker 3: that's why she's not going to school. Can't we examine

875
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 3: her body? I could say no, and nobody would go

876
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 3: to the police and get a warrant or do deeper investigation.

877
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:07,879
Speaker 3: That's how they would get away with this, and then

878
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,400
Speaker 3: she would quote scripture to justify beating us and locking

879
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 3: us in the house, and all our family members let

880
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:14,319
Speaker 3: that go on.

881
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:23,400
Speaker 2: What happened to me, I was definitely physically abused, and

882
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 2: I remember going to school with busted lips and black eyes.

883
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 3: And when I think.

884
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 2: About certain things, because I can look at kids and

885
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 2: I can see if something's going on, be that spirit

886
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:35,359
Speaker 2: on them exactly, and I looked, I remember certain things

887
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 2: that happened to me, and I'm just like nobody saw this,

888
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,239
Speaker 2: Like you don't see the bruises on me, or like

889
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 2: me going to school with a busted lip, like.

890
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 3: They see it. But it's like I don't want to

891
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,319
Speaker 3: get involved and they know that she is wrong. Or

892
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 3: if if I get her techn out of house, am

893
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 3: I gonna put her somewhere worse? If a family member

894
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 3: doesn't want her and I know that I don't want

895
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 3: to get involved and I don't want to take her,

896
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:00,879
Speaker 3: That's what we had to to deal with too. It's

897
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 3: like family members saying I don't My grandmother was like,

898
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 3: I've taken care of children all my life and then

899
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:08,319
Speaker 3: I saw her physically die last year and still taking

900
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,359
Speaker 3: care of my half sister children, letting her to rob

901
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 3: her and take her money and her food stuff from her.

902
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:14,799
Speaker 3: But then she was like, you shouldn't have went. It's

903
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:16,399
Speaker 3: your fault that you want to go with your mother,

904
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 3: So it's your fault you're getting abused. And I'm just like,

905
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 3: how is it my fault at twelve years old that

906
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,640
Speaker 3: I want to know my mother and I never knew her,

907
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:27,399
Speaker 3: and you keep pointing her out when she comes around

908
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:28,880
Speaker 3: to eat and take advantage of you and get your

909
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 3: drugs that because she was a prescription drug addict as

910
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 3: well as cokeid and drunk all these things. I saw

911
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 3: this gruing up, and my grandmother actually said that it's

912
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,080
Speaker 3: my fault because I want to know this woman that

913
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 3: I don't know that you, says my mother. And we're

914
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,239
Speaker 3: getting beat up and pushed around like you said and

915
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 3: hid in the face and black eyes and shit, and

916
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 3: the grown people actually said it was our fault, right,

917
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 3: but you were Christians, you're Christians. And she's like, you

918
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,279
Speaker 3: can't come back over here. I want to live my life.

919
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,280
Speaker 3: I want to date man, I want to sleep with men,

920
00:45:56,480 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 3: and so basically sacrificed us, So I think they it's

921
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:03,359
Speaker 3: not that they didn't see it. Either they didn't give

922
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 3: a fuck, or they didn't care enough to fight for

923
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 3: you or even be willing to get you a safe

924
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 3: place or take care of you. Right, that's how That's

925
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 3: how I see it. So what you talk to your.

926
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:19,360
Speaker 2: Mother, I mean I forgave her because I think that

927
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 2: would you.

928
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:22,360
Speaker 3: Make her be accountable and ask her about what she

929
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 3: did and why she did it?

930
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 2: Because I did, I would, I would like to have

931
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 2: her because I hadn't spoken to my mother and I

932
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 2: don't know how long, Like I don't even to be honest,

933
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:31,280
Speaker 2: I don't even acknowledge her as my mother and my grandmother.

934
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 2: My grandmother was my mother because she took care of You.

935
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,440
Speaker 3: Want to, it's up to you. I can't speak for you.

936
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 3: But it's like I wanted her to tell me. And

937
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,359
Speaker 3: that's when when you said, you know, where is it at?

938
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 3: Because I would ask her to tell me and she

939
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 3: would say, I don't want to talk about that, and

940
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:47,840
Speaker 3: I don't feel well or my head hurts or whatever,

941
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 3: and then she kindly acknowledged it, and then she just

942
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 3: starts saying, I don't I don't give a fuck like

943
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 3: I never wanted you anyway, And excuse me. People wanted

944
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 3: me to forgive that and keep letting her come around,

945
00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 3: and every time she come around, she try to destroy

946
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 3: any happiness that I had. When people wanted me to

947
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:06,800
Speaker 3: keep letting that that go on, I said it was

948
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 3: something wrong with me because I got tired of being

949
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:13,000
Speaker 3: a victim. So just because somebody gives birth to you,

950
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,240
Speaker 3: you have the right to beat them up and destroy

951
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 3: their life that you gave to them. And that's how

952
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 3: I feel about it, and as well my son, I've

953
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 3: had to learn when I went through the pain and

954
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 3: dealing with him being in and out of prison and

955
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:26,319
Speaker 3: not listening to me, and I always thought it was

956
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 3: my fault. And I realized my mother might have sisters.

957
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 3: All the people getting drunk with him, getting high with him,

958
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:36,960
Speaker 3: and he was disrespectful and basically had a skewed opinion

959
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 3: of me. And he never saw me la with a man.

960
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 3: He never saw me get drunk, he never saw me

961
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 3: get high. But yet I'm not the one you like.

962
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 3: You like my mother and might have sisters that get

963
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 3: you high and drink, and you think that's cool. And

964
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 3: that's when I said, it's painful. But if my family

965
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:55,319
Speaker 3: doesn't love me, and you only say it's okay for

966
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 3: me to be around to let y'all abuse me, I'd

967
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 3: rather be alone. And because you better ruined my son

968
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 3: and you turn my son against me, and it's okay

969
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 3: if you go too. I finally got to that point,

970
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:09,719
Speaker 3: like if you don't want me to be your mom,

971
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 3: I really believe in karma, and I really believe we

972
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,560
Speaker 3: all bring in certain archetypes, and certain archetypes we can

973
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:17,800
Speaker 3: get rid of. We don't have to keep them. We

974
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 3: don't have to be the victim. We don't have to

975
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 3: be the martyr. And in Christianity down South, you're taught

976
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 3: to be the martyr. You taught to be like Jesus.

977
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 3: Then you'll get your blessings. No, you don't get your

978
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:27,359
Speaker 3: blessings unless you think you're gonna get them when you

979
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:29,759
Speaker 3: die and walk off the streets of gold. I'm not

980
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 3: interested in that anymore. I'm getting I'm ready to get

981
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,280
Speaker 3: my pie in the sky while i'm here, like everybody

982
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 3: else does. And if it means that I have to

983
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:37,480
Speaker 3: accept the fact that I'm never going to have a

984
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:39,919
Speaker 3: love from a family, which I finally accept it that's

985
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 3: okay if I in order for you to be around,

986
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:42,759
Speaker 3: I gotta let you kick me.

987
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 2: No, I definitely agree with you, and I definitely came

988
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 2: to terms with if I'm not going to get the

989
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,840
Speaker 2: love that I feel I deserve for my family, that

990
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:53,080
Speaker 2: I'm okay with that. But I will say that if

991
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 2: I was to have a conversation with my mother, it

992
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:58,600
Speaker 2: has to be an honest conversation because I do feel

993
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 2: like that she has her ideas of things that transpired

994
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 2: that are not true and that I.

995
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 3: Can't deal with. That is a narcissist, right, She's wanted

996
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 3: to have that idea and she knows she's lying. Because

997
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 3: she doesn't she doesn't want to face how she didn't

998
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 3: treat you and what she was wanting. They will block

999
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 3: us out. You become the the black sheep. You know,

1000
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 3: if you're dealing with narcissism, if you know anything about it,

1001
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 3: they'll have the golden child, and then they'll have the

1002
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 3: black sheep, and everything you say, they're going to deny

1003
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:31,320
Speaker 3: and think that, no, that didn't happen and you're remembering

1004
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 3: it wrong. I even have my mother said I'm like, no,

1005
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:35,719
Speaker 3: if you my brother, that's what my brother's did because

1006
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:38,240
Speaker 3: of you. And she's like, no, that's not what happened.

1007
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:40,440
Speaker 3: This is what happened. I said it. You can't fucking

1008
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:43,839
Speaker 3: tell me what happened because I was there and I

1009
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:45,960
Speaker 3: saw you. And then they want to rewrite the history.

1010
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 3: That's what narcisists do and want to gaslight you. And

1011
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 3: I had to learn and it was so painful. I

1012
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,279
Speaker 3: was like, I'm never going to have a mom. I

1013
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 3: have a biological mom, but she's never and I saw

1014
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 3: and I unders because I saw my grandmother do it

1015
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 3: to my mother. A lot of that stuff is generational,

1016
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 3: but what I said was I wasn't gonna do it

1017
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 3: to my child.

1018
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 2: Now, your father is Jackie Wilson, who was a prominent

1019
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:18,760
Speaker 2: figure in sole R and B in rock and roll history.

1020
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 2: So when you hear stories about him, how does that

1021
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:21,680
Speaker 2: make you feel?

1022
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 3: No, I mean it's it makes me feel good because

1023
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,440
Speaker 3: I've talked to his children. I've talked to some children

1024
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 3: that were biological children or that were children because he

1025
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 3: was in a relationship and kind of adopted. He loved

1026
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:33,800
Speaker 3: all of his children and whenever he would go to

1027
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 3: a particular city, he couldn't be with the mothers of

1028
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 3: all the time he was traveling, he would go to

1029
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 3: where the children and I'd give them money and look

1030
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,480
Speaker 3: out for them. So he was never the type of

1031
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:45,279
Speaker 3: person that would deny children. So I knew that she

1032
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 3: at least told the truth about that. He loved his

1033
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 3: children wherever he went, and he would have included me.

1034
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:51,160
Speaker 3: He took some of his children on tour with him.

1035
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:53,520
Speaker 3: He was a good person, but he was a wounded

1036
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 3: person and they had gotten in the industry addicted to drugs.

1037
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 3: That started healing from him. And unfortunately he was a

1038
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 3: little bit gullible, and which I say, I must have

1039
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:05,800
Speaker 3: got that from him, and I had to learn to

1040
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 3: change it in business, because when you give your word,

1041
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 3: that's your word. And he thought when people were giving

1042
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 3: him a word and stealing from him in the industry,

1043
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:12,960
Speaker 3: they were going to keep their word, and they were

1044
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 3: really robbing him because it was a good person, and

1045
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 3: then turned them into a drug addat because like a

1046
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 3: lot of men, his vices a pussy money weed, puts

1047
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 3: money drugs and they catch him up with that. So

1048
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: it's like I hear those stories. I hear that he

1049
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 3: was a boxer, He was a fighter, but he would

1050
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 3: give you the shirt off his back until you piss

1051
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 3: them off, and then you see a whole other side

1052
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 3: another person. And that reminded me of myself. And when

1053
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:37,759
Speaker 3: I learned his story and how he's basically set up

1054
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 3: and murdered and his money was stolen from him in

1055
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 3: multi million dollar insurance policies what we see openly going

1056
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:46,880
Speaker 3: on now with the rappers. I learned a lot from that,

1057
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:49,879
Speaker 3: and I said, you know, that's what people have tried

1058
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:51,840
Speaker 3: to do to me, and then you get this glass

1059
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:53,799
Speaker 3: ceiling if you don't want to play that game. So

1060
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 3: it taught me definitely pull away from the family and

1061
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 3: abuse of my mother as well as recognized the predators

1062
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:02,360
Speaker 3: and every other person in a narcissist that try to

1063
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:05,560
Speaker 3: come in. And it helped me to be tougher. And

1064
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 3: I bond with him now on a spiritual side, and

1065
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 3: I hear him telling me things to do and things

1066
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:13,400
Speaker 3: not to do, and he definitely doesn't want me in

1067
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 3: that industry. I want to be like him. I want

1068
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:16,880
Speaker 3: to be in that industry, and he didn't want me

1069
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 3: to go in that industry. I actually had people that

1070
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:22,359
Speaker 3: read me and they said, your daddy actually blocked you.

1071
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 3: You thought this should have happened. That Dad didn't want

1072
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:26,400
Speaker 3: you to go in there because you know what they

1073
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 3: would have done to you. He wants you to do

1074
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 3: these on your own, not to not do it, but

1075
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 3: do it on your.

1076
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 2: Own, your own terms, right, I won't have.

1077
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 3: Your own companies and be independent on what you do,

1078
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:38,240
Speaker 3: and don't be like me, and don't let don't sign contract,

1079
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 3: don't let people fuck over you and take advantage of you.

1080
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 3: That's in occult industry, and it's a death industry, blood

1081
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 3: in and blood out, and you basically have to give

1082
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 3: your soul and sell your soul. They like people that

1083
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,799
Speaker 3: are very talented but also wounded and weak, like from

1084
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 3: my background. But even though I've been through so much

1085
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:56,120
Speaker 3: pain and so much dirty shit from people as a

1086
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,360
Speaker 3: child and as an adult, one thing that I have

1087
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,359
Speaker 3: not lolled is my soul and my integrity. There are

1088
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:05,880
Speaker 3: things I will not to if that causes me to

1089
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 3: lose my integrity. There are some things I'll go without.

1090
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 3: There's some people I will go without and learn how

1091
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:13,520
Speaker 3: to build it on my own before I give up

1092
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:17,000
Speaker 3: my integrity and my honor, death before dishonor. And that's

1093
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 3: really what I believe and that's how my father was right.

1094
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:23,400
Speaker 2: I agree. One of the things that I love that

1095
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:27,240
Speaker 2: you used to say is that you got a PhD.

1096
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:30,520
Speaker 3: In life being played, uh huh and getting played.

1097
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 2: And I also feel like with vagina power, I feel

1098
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 2: like it really stemmed from using your pain to find

1099
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 2: your purpose and passion. So tell us about what vagina

1100
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 2: power power means to you.

1101
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:44,760
Speaker 3: Well, like I said, it's three hundred and sixty degrees

1102
00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 3: of developing every level of yourself that people don't even

1103
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:50,320
Speaker 3: tell you to develop. And it came from being abused,

1104
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:53,399
Speaker 3: being abandoned, being hurt, constantly told you or nothing by

1105
00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:55,239
Speaker 3: a mother that I thought was the most beautiful woman

1106
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:57,440
Speaker 3: in the world that I wanted to emulate and I

1107
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:58,799
Speaker 3: want to be like and I want to look like.

1108
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:03,320
Speaker 3: And I saw her overcome from coming from the projects

1109
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 3: and poverty and welfare and be very successful in her

1110
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:11,440
Speaker 3: businesses and make a lot of money even though she

1111
00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 3: sacrificed herself. And she didn't have the issues that my

1112
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,560
Speaker 3: grandmother had and that I had, because she dumped her

1113
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 3: kids on her grandmother, and I mean on my grandmother,

1114
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 3: which is her mother, and I never dumped my child

1115
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:27,840
Speaker 3: on anybody. She was willing to sacrifice her honor and

1116
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:31,879
Speaker 3: integrity that and then have all this money and its

1117
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:36,680
Speaker 3: beauty and its power, but then constantly tell her children

1118
00:54:36,719 --> 00:54:39,479
Speaker 3: they were nothing. I'll always be better than you, I'll

1119
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 3: always look better than you, I'll always be smarter than you,

1120
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:44,360
Speaker 3: I'll always have more money than you. And you know,

1121
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:46,279
Speaker 3: I actually believed it because I feel like that this

1122
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 3: own mother gives birth to me, and she brings me

1123
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:53,360
Speaker 3: into this world and I'm a reflection of her womb

1124
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:57,239
Speaker 3: and taken from a fragment of her soul. And she

1125
00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 3: says that your life is not good and I don't

1126
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 3: value you, and you're not good enough as a child,

1127
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:05,319
Speaker 3: and I wish I could take you back because I

1128
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:08,600
Speaker 3: see other people's daughters that are better than you, and

1129
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:12,360
Speaker 3: I'd rather have them than you. That's something pretty devastating

1130
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 3: to tell a little girl. I mean, I was a

1131
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 3: little kid, and she told me this throughout my whole life,

1132
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 3: and then meeting people that said the same thing, and

1133
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 3: men always saying some other woman's better than you, smarter

1134
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:27,360
Speaker 3: than you, got my money than you, prettier than you,

1135
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 3: all this stuff, and I believed it because I was

1136
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 3: treated that way, and I feel like, if I'm treated

1137
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 3: this way, I'm treated this way and I don't have

1138
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:39,839
Speaker 3: value to anybody else, it must be true. And I'm

1139
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:42,840
Speaker 3: realizing that doesn't mean it's true. It's true because you

1140
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:44,800
Speaker 3: say it is, and because that's all you have, and

1141
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:47,280
Speaker 3: your subconscious and your subconscious, like the law of attraction,

1142
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:50,399
Speaker 3: only manifests more of that. And when I finally got

1143
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:53,479
Speaker 3: tired of it, when a part of me I felt

1144
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 3: like I didn't deserve it, but then a part of

1145
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 3: me felt like, well, you must, because it keeps happening

1146
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,000
Speaker 3: to you, and everybody around you is co signing that

1147
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:06,440
Speaker 3: message and laughing at you and watching you suffer. I

1148
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:08,439
Speaker 3: finally got tired of that, and I had to face

1149
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 3: the most painful thing, being alone with all the damage

1150
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 3: she had done to me and everybody else had done

1151
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:18,200
Speaker 3: to me. Once they fucked you over, they're not responsible

1152
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 3: for healing you. You then have to sit with all

1153
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,960
Speaker 3: that garbage that you didn't put there and clean up

1154
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:27,360
Speaker 3: that mess. And that's when I started to speak so

1155
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 3: boldly because I never had a voice, and she helped

1156
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:36,880
Speaker 3: me stand up for myself when I she kept begging

1157
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:39,480
Speaker 3: me to be on the show, and after when I

1158
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:41,720
Speaker 3: started the show. She wasn't speaking to me and said

1159
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:43,880
Speaker 3: that I was wasting sperm sales to her, and I

1160
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:45,600
Speaker 3: was nothing and nobody to her because I changed my

1161
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:48,760
Speaker 3: name to when I was a judge, because I didn't want

1162
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:52,640
Speaker 3: a name that she could call me, because it was

1163
00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 3: a way of controlling me. And whenever she would beat

1164
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:57,319
Speaker 3: me or slap me in a face or punch me,

1165
00:56:57,800 --> 00:57:01,279
Speaker 3: you call me that name, like your property or I'm

1166
00:57:01,280 --> 00:57:04,360
Speaker 3: a slave. And I wanted to take every bit of

1167
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,200
Speaker 3: power that she had. And she called me names and

1168
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:11,800
Speaker 3: a wasted sperm cells and you should have been aborted.

1169
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 3: You're nothing to me, You're a stupid bitch because you

1170
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 3: changed your name. I remember those words, and instead of

1171
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 3: believing her and being down, I said, I'm going to

1172
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 3: be everything she said I wasn't and I'm going to

1173
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 3: be everything that she could never be. And so that's

1174
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:28,800
Speaker 3: when I went and started to show. People loved it.

1175
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:31,440
Speaker 3: Millions of people were watching me. People from CNN and

1176
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 3: all around the United States were first of starting Atlanta,

1177
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:37,080
Speaker 3: all around Atlanta. You know, Atlanta has millions of people.

1178
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 3: And I didn't know they were watching me with a

1179
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:42,880
Speaker 3: ghetto set and I didn't have a budget, but I

1180
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 3: gave all of me and they loved me and could

1181
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 3: look over the raggedy ass set and I didn't even

1182
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:51,040
Speaker 3: have people that would It's like other producers. They wouldn't

1183
00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 3: even help me. They wouldn't even hold my camera. They

1184
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:55,040
Speaker 3: wouldn't even move the camera to get good shots. So

1185
00:57:55,040 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 3: I had to lock the camera place and like, okay,

1186
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 3: I gotta sit still because the camera's locked in place

1187
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:01,200
Speaker 3: and nobody's gonna move it. And I taught, and I

1188
00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:03,920
Speaker 3: gave them all of me and they loved it. And

1189
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 3: that's the first time I felt valuable. When she saw it,

1190
00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 3: she wanted to get on the show. M did me

1191
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 3: get on the show? I'm like, you just said I

1192
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:13,120
Speaker 3: was dead and I was a boy to baby, I'm sorry,

1193
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 3: let me come. When she got on there, I said

1194
00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 3: indirectly to her and in front of her what I

1195
00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:25,720
Speaker 3: wanted to say and how I stood up for myself

1196
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:28,280
Speaker 3: because I was always afraid of her, and even when

1197
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:31,400
Speaker 3: I did that show, I was afraid of her. But

1198
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 3: I knew when I thought about it, because I was

1199
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:35,880
Speaker 3: feeling like that little girl that she would always punch

1200
00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 3: and then saw and you know, she was big. She

1201
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:41,120
Speaker 3: was not tall but fat and big, and she would

1202
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 3: hit us. And it's different when somebody hits you your

1203
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 3: mother and they tell you can't hit your mother back,

1204
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 3: you can't run, you can't tell anybody, so they literally

1205
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:51,760
Speaker 3: you're the punching bag. I don't know if you ever

1206
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,720
Speaker 3: felt like that. And you can't defend yourself because you

1207
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:57,439
Speaker 3: know that, like I brought you here, I'll take you out.

1208
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 3: And you know if they do something to you and

1209
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:02,040
Speaker 3: you die, everybody's going to co sign it and defend it.

1210
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:04,120
Speaker 3: So I'm looking at her and she's sitting there. That's

1211
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:06,800
Speaker 3: the first time I spoke. That's why I was so

1212
00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:11,880
Speaker 3: in your face and it was so raw because that's

1213
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 3: the first time I had a voice. And she couldn't

1214
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 3: punch me, and she couldn't tell me to shut up

1215
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:21,440
Speaker 3: because it wasn't her show. It was my name and

1216
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 3: my game, and it was nothing that she could do.

1217
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 3: That's one reason why I did have her there, because

1218
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 3: she kept want to be there, and then so I

1219
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:31,960
Speaker 3: could stand up to her. And we're on live television.

1220
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:34,240
Speaker 3: You're actually gonna insult me on live television. You're actually

1221
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 3: gonna tell people you beat your daughter up, you disrespect

1222
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:38,400
Speaker 3: your daughter, You don't watch your child. You blought me

1223
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 3: from my father, you said I was nothing. It's like

1224
00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:42,880
Speaker 3: she couldn't. She then played the role like I'm such

1225
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 3: a good mom, and oh my god, how could you

1226
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,600
Speaker 3: say that? And oh, I didn't know you talked like that,

1227
00:59:47,640 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 3: And even she had been talking to us like that

1228
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 3: and abusing us for years. So in the way, I

1229
00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 3: disarmed her, and I started to empower myself with the

1230
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 3: pain and get over the fear of of her, and

1231
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 3: I started to hear the little girl and become a

1232
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:05,240
Speaker 3: woman in the inside.

1233
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:07,560
Speaker 2: You know, that makes a lot of sense now because

1234
01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about certain videos that I'll watched over the weekend,

1235
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:12,480
Speaker 2: and I can see that dynamic because there would be

1236
01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 2: times where you would just be like, you're talking, You're

1237
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:17,560
Speaker 2: just expressing yourself, and she would just be sitting there

1238
01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 2: just watching you, and it seems like she want to

1239
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 2: say something but she can't.

1240
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, she didn't like it. She didn't like it, but

1241
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:25,040
Speaker 3: she would never say it out loud that she didn't

1242
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 3: like it. And did you notice I wouldn't let her

1243
01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:31,840
Speaker 3: talk much. Yeah, yeah, because I wouldn't let her take

1244
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 3: over my show. She wanted to talk and take over,

1245
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:35,560
Speaker 3: and she wanted to make me shut up? How could

1246
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:37,200
Speaker 3: you say that? And we would get in the argument

1247
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:39,240
Speaker 3: and sometimes before we got on the show and she

1248
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:41,480
Speaker 3: would put me down. She would have to have that

1249
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 3: Stay album before the cameras on and said she was

1250
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:49,800
Speaker 3: better than me, and I had to say, oh, you.

1251
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:51,960
Speaker 2: Can also see the difference of yourself when you did

1252
01:00:51,960 --> 01:00:54,600
Speaker 2: the show by yourself compared to where she on the

1253
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:57,600
Speaker 2: shows that she was with you. Now, what did you

1254
01:00:57,760 --> 01:01:02,280
Speaker 2: notice when she wasn't there and when she was there?

1255
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:02,720
Speaker 3: What did you do?

1256
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:05,160
Speaker 2: I feel like when you was when I think that

1257
01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 2: you were always who you are as far as like

1258
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 2: the Shoulderman ship and you speaking yourself this and that,

1259
01:01:10,320 --> 01:01:13,040
Speaker 2: but I also feel like, I don't know something, it

1260
01:01:13,080 --> 01:01:16,520
Speaker 2: was just something different, like you can just see your

1261
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 2: your mannerism. And maybe I'm just thinking about it because

1262
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:22,080
Speaker 2: of her presence, because she didn't speak much at all,

1263
01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 2: and when she did speak, it was very like a

1264
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:27,240
Speaker 2: couple of sentences.

1265
01:01:26,800 --> 01:01:29,480
Speaker 3: Here and there. But I'll cut her off right.

1266
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:31,920
Speaker 2: But I feel like when you was there by yourself,

1267
01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:33,760
Speaker 2: I don't know, maybe there was like a calmness to

1268
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 2: you or something or like because you would still be yourself,

1269
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:38,920
Speaker 2: but I feel like it was a difference.

1270
01:01:39,840 --> 01:01:41,720
Speaker 3: But girl, I had to hold back the pain because,

1271
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 3: like I said, with y'all didn't know. We're sitting there

1272
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:49,760
Speaker 3: and I'm smiling. I'm like, welcome the power show. But

1273
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:53,840
Speaker 3: she had just insulted me, and I had to sit

1274
01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:57,800
Speaker 3: there and smile and make it laugh and act like

1275
01:01:57,920 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 3: she had not just insulted me.

1276
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:03,080
Speaker 2: Right. But I also feel like with the platform and

1277
01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:05,360
Speaker 2: hearing you share your story and having a conversation with

1278
01:02:05,400 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 2: you right now, I feel like you was the mother

1279
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:09,800
Speaker 2: to a lot of women that you wanted your mother

1280
01:02:09,840 --> 01:02:10,280
Speaker 2: to be to you.

1281
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 3: That's what got me taken advantage of because I was

1282
01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:16,840
Speaker 3: so wounded and I'm like, well, I'm going to give

1283
01:02:16,880 --> 01:02:19,080
Speaker 3: this because I wanted and I didn't get it, and

1284
01:02:19,160 --> 01:02:23,160
Speaker 3: I didn't set up boundaries, and women took advantage of me.

1285
01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:25,960
Speaker 3: People took advantage of me because I didn't want to

1286
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:29,480
Speaker 3: set a dollar sign or a value. And then you know,

1287
01:02:29,560 --> 01:02:35,600
Speaker 3: I actually had a young lady tell me she was

1288
01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:39,040
Speaker 3: dealing with one of the other motivational speakers who was

1289
01:02:39,120 --> 01:02:42,440
Speaker 3: I found out was stealing from me. How do I know?

1290
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:48,000
Speaker 3: Because the lady that had her homework and her assignments.

1291
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:50,560
Speaker 3: They knew that she had taken them Frova Jinna Power

1292
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:52,600
Speaker 3: and what they bought from her, they sent it to me.

1293
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:55,200
Speaker 3: It was exactly my stuff that she stole. But they

1294
01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:59,560
Speaker 3: liked her. Why because she was very articulate. She had

1295
01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:03,880
Speaker 3: a staff that would do her website, her marketing, and

1296
01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:07,040
Speaker 3: her management. She actually has stolen the book from the

1297
01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:11,240
Speaker 3: lady Costilettos in the kitchen. I ain't gonna say no name,

1298
01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:12,400
Speaker 3: but if you look it up, you know who I'm

1299
01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:14,840
Speaker 3: talking about. She stole from that lady, and that lady

1300
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 3: had to sue her, and she said it was her book,

1301
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:19,520
Speaker 3: and she plagiarized it and lied like she was plagiarizing

1302
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:22,720
Speaker 3: for me and a lot of other women who were

1303
01:03:22,960 --> 01:03:26,320
Speaker 3: naturally gifted and charismatic and came up with their own

1304
01:03:26,320 --> 01:03:29,040
Speaker 3: philosophies and concepts. They were biting. That's what most of

1305
01:03:29,040 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 3: these people on top through. They bite, and they have

1306
01:03:30,600 --> 01:03:33,600
Speaker 3: a management of marketing team and sponsors, and they repackage

1307
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 3: it like it's theirs.

1308
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:40,120
Speaker 5: And the lady told me, we like her and we

1309
01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:43,600
Speaker 5: pay her, and we will not pay you because your

1310
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:47,040
Speaker 5: videos are all over the place for free and you're

1311
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:49,600
Speaker 5: on the phone talking to me for free, and I

1312
01:03:49,720 --> 01:03:52,080
Speaker 5: have to pay her two hundred dollars an hour just

1313
01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:53,720
Speaker 5: to get on the telephone.

1314
01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:57,720
Speaker 3: So we have more value for her because she makes

1315
01:03:57,800 --> 01:04:00,880
Speaker 3: us pay her. We have to pay for her, class says,

1316
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:06,720
Speaker 3: and you don't, and actually felt like that was okay

1317
01:04:07,360 --> 01:04:09,320
Speaker 3: to tell me you're giving all this stuff out of

1318
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:11,160
Speaker 3: love and you just want to share it. We're taking

1319
01:04:11,160 --> 01:04:12,920
Speaker 3: it and we're listening to it, but we don't have

1320
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:14,240
Speaker 3: any value for you. And you know what, that lady

1321
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:18,680
Speaker 3: did fuck them over as sole their money and they

1322
01:04:18,720 --> 01:04:20,560
Speaker 3: didn't get better because they found out she was stealing

1323
01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 3: from me and everybody else. And she really didn't tell

1324
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:26,600
Speaker 3: them anything to transform them. She took their money and

1325
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:29,240
Speaker 3: it sounded good. And to be honest with you, that's

1326
01:04:29,440 --> 01:04:31,480
Speaker 3: why this why I don't feel sorry for people when

1327
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:33,240
Speaker 3: you want to get mad at a mega preacher and

1328
01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:35,600
Speaker 3: he got ten women pregnant, and he also fucking your

1329
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:38,600
Speaker 3: little boy because he has a megachurch, he has the

1330
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:40,720
Speaker 3: band least. And that's what this lady was doing, saying,

1331
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:42,560
Speaker 3: I got this house because I'm so prosperous. I teach

1332
01:04:42,600 --> 01:04:45,520
Speaker 3: you the love attraction, but you ran down Airbnb. I

1333
01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:47,920
Speaker 3: see fifteen years ago. We didn't know that was possible.

1334
01:04:47,960 --> 01:04:49,200
Speaker 3: You rent in our house and you said that yours,

1335
01:04:49,240 --> 01:04:50,560
Speaker 3: and I can teach you how to track this. And

1336
01:04:50,560 --> 01:04:51,960
Speaker 3: you send me your money and you pay it for

1337
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:53,480
Speaker 3: the class and you pay and you have to talk

1338
01:04:53,520 --> 01:04:59,480
Speaker 3: to me. I understand why that would seem more valuable

1339
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:03,320
Speaker 3: to somebody don't have nothing, and they admire the show,

1340
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,840
Speaker 3: the glitz and the glamour, and that's why mega preachers

1341
01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:09,360
Speaker 3: and people that are bragging and Reverend Ike days on

1342
01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:12,040
Speaker 3: the human Reverend Ike and that works. And you send

1343
01:05:12,080 --> 01:05:15,240
Speaker 3: the money in Tammy and Fae, Tammy Fay, the preachers

1344
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:19,320
Speaker 3: and Jim, Tammy and Jim, and you see the match,

1345
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:22,040
Speaker 3: You see the studio, you see the Cardmost stuff is

1346
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:24,840
Speaker 3: Lisa rented and it's not belonging to them, but people

1347
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 3: like that you being an honest person and a sincere

1348
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:30,479
Speaker 3: person and I'm giving all this knowledge from my heart

1349
01:05:30,720 --> 01:05:35,200
Speaker 3: and this energy me, just me, and they're just vampering

1350
01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:37,800
Speaker 3: off of it, eating off of it. And then said,

1351
01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:41,280
Speaker 3: we're not gonna pay you because you don't have any value.

1352
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:43,240
Speaker 3: You won't even charge you want to structure your business,

1353
01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:46,760
Speaker 3: and she does and she gives less information than you,

1354
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:49,160
Speaker 3: and she charges more and you just give me hours

1355
01:05:49,160 --> 01:05:51,520
Speaker 3: of this stuff. I can't believe this black bitch told

1356
01:05:51,520 --> 01:05:57,960
Speaker 3: me that. Black women told me we have no value

1357
01:05:57,960 --> 01:06:01,840
Speaker 3: for you because you give from your heart and you

1358
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:05,080
Speaker 3: give it away and you will not cut it down market.

1359
01:06:05,120 --> 01:06:08,439
Speaker 3: It give us less and make us pay. I never

1360
01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 3: forgot that, and they watched me start, then watched me suffering,

1361
01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:16,840
Speaker 3: and then I was going through abusive relationship with a

1362
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:19,040
Speaker 3: dirty ass nigga that I was living with that I

1363
01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:23,400
Speaker 3: did just this year, just got rid of, got away from. Sure. Yeah,

1364
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:26,400
Speaker 3: like I said, I can't blame white people. Black women

1365
01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:30,880
Speaker 3: showed me that they don't have value for themselves and

1366
01:06:30,880 --> 01:06:33,000
Speaker 3: they didn't have value from me. When you're giving it

1367
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:35,440
Speaker 3: from a place of love, they feel like that's not power.

1368
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:37,600
Speaker 3: The only thing a lot of these women really admire

1369
01:06:37,640 --> 01:06:39,959
Speaker 3: that come from nothing and have nothing like I did,

1370
01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:44,560
Speaker 3: was you will excuse me still do Somebody getting up

1371
01:06:44,560 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 3: there with a shoeshine show, talking eloquently, not speaking of bonyx,

1372
01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:54,360
Speaker 3: a good package with a con on it, but charging

1373
01:06:54,400 --> 01:07:00,640
Speaker 3: you high dollars. That's how our people are. People ask me,

1374
01:07:00,720 --> 01:07:02,480
Speaker 3: you're gonna go back to that one? You won't get

1375
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:05,520
Speaker 3: that from me again. It's on YouTube, it's everywhere else.

1376
01:07:06,120 --> 01:07:07,800
Speaker 3: That was a real me, my heart and soul. But

1377
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:09,600
Speaker 3: you know what, I was a wounded healer and I

1378
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:11,760
Speaker 3: moved from a place of wounds, and I felt like

1379
01:07:11,800 --> 01:07:14,200
Speaker 3: you shouldn't have to sell everything. I'm just giving this

1380
01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:16,080
Speaker 3: as a gift of love. Am I hurting my pain?

1381
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:18,080
Speaker 3: And I how I flipped it and set by myself

1382
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:20,480
Speaker 3: and learned black women didn't respect it.

1383
01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:28,000
Speaker 2: How do you feel about black women now? Because I can,

1384
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:29,280
Speaker 2: I can, I can feel I can.

1385
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:32,360
Speaker 3: I can when I'm just saying that in this like

1386
01:07:32,480 --> 01:07:34,240
Speaker 3: they just like me. I'm just telling you how they

1387
01:07:34,240 --> 01:07:36,320
Speaker 3: did me. I didn't do anything to them that they

1388
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:38,760
Speaker 3: didn't like me, and they really and black women fight

1389
01:07:38,800 --> 01:07:41,240
Speaker 3: each other and they're each other's worst enemy. And I

1390
01:07:41,280 --> 01:07:42,920
Speaker 3: hope you I know you're not trying to say that's

1391
01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:44,959
Speaker 3: just me, because I know you see what I see.

1392
01:07:45,280 --> 01:07:47,640
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I know, but I can, I can feel you.

1393
01:07:47,720 --> 01:07:51,240
Speaker 2: I can since the hurt like it's it's not I.

1394
01:07:52,320 --> 01:07:56,360
Speaker 3: I fight them back because unfortunately I'm still dealing with this,

1395
01:07:56,440 --> 01:07:58,800
Speaker 3: and I see I can't trust them, only a few

1396
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:00,520
Speaker 3: of them. I'm good to them that are good to me,

1397
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:05,400
Speaker 3: but now I am open to everybody around the world,

1398
01:08:05,560 --> 01:08:10,200
Speaker 3: because you will be hungry and you will die if

1399
01:08:10,240 --> 01:08:12,760
Speaker 3: you're trying to be on some pro black all black

1400
01:08:12,920 --> 01:08:16,519
Speaker 3: hate whitey type of shit. When that conscious community would

1401
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:19,600
Speaker 3: not accept me and would not allow a lot of

1402
01:08:19,600 --> 01:08:22,640
Speaker 3: people in, you will start trying to be on that

1403
01:08:22,760 --> 01:08:25,280
Speaker 3: pro black shit. And you love all black women because

1404
01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:26,960
Speaker 3: you know what, all of them are gonna love you,

1405
01:08:27,680 --> 01:08:30,400
Speaker 3: and they're all not gonna support you, and they're buried,

1406
01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:32,960
Speaker 3: not all of them. They're groups of them like you

1407
01:08:33,000 --> 01:08:34,760
Speaker 3: and me. But you have to find them. You have

1408
01:08:34,800 --> 01:08:38,920
Speaker 3: to find your sisters and test them and make sure

1409
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:40,400
Speaker 3: that they love you like you love them, and they

1410
01:08:40,479 --> 01:08:42,000
Speaker 3: down for you like you're down for them. And I

1411
01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:43,920
Speaker 3: say it doesn't exist. But a lot of black women

1412
01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:47,200
Speaker 3: as a whole, we are taught to attack and fight

1413
01:08:47,640 --> 01:08:51,240
Speaker 3: each other and compete with each other. So if they

1414
01:08:51,280 --> 01:08:53,160
Speaker 3: can't compete in another arena and they look up to

1415
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:54,760
Speaker 3: someone else and feel they know they're not gonna let

1416
01:08:54,760 --> 01:08:56,880
Speaker 3: you in and another race they're not gonna let you

1417
01:08:56,920 --> 01:08:59,880
Speaker 3: in there, and they'll go a fuck about you. They'll

1418
01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:02,920
Speaker 3: then to feel better and be superior with their money

1419
01:09:02,920 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 3: in the houses, clothes, and things, will attack other black

1420
01:09:05,520 --> 01:09:08,479
Speaker 3: women and have a narcissistic relationship with you and make

1421
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:11,160
Speaker 3: you grobble or kiss their ass for certain trinkets and

1422
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:14,920
Speaker 3: benefits when they know that you could be naturally more

1423
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:18,840
Speaker 3: gifted and more talent, but you don't have the access,

1424
01:09:19,320 --> 01:09:23,360
Speaker 3: you don't have the connection. I see it. It's not

1425
01:09:23,439 --> 01:09:25,479
Speaker 3: just mean. So no, when I said that, I'm not

1426
01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:27,320
Speaker 3: saying from a place and anger. I don't hate all

1427
01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:30,439
Speaker 3: women of color. I don't. I'm just telling you what

1428
01:09:30,560 --> 01:09:33,519
Speaker 3: I learned. I'm telling you what they told me and

1429
01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:37,000
Speaker 3: how they would justify the mistreatment of me and the

1430
01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:41,000
Speaker 3: rejection of my message and the way that I gave it.

1431
01:09:41,040 --> 01:09:44,479
Speaker 3: And I, you know what, I agree with what she said.

1432
01:09:46,520 --> 01:09:50,080
Speaker 3: Because I didn't know business, I didn't know marketing. I

1433
01:09:50,240 --> 01:09:54,080
Speaker 3: couldn't get managers. I couldn't get people that would sit

1434
01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:58,200
Speaker 3: down and structure me. I didn't have the education. I

1435
01:09:58,240 --> 01:10:00,240
Speaker 3: was a wounded person and just wanted to you have

1436
01:10:00,240 --> 01:10:02,360
Speaker 3: the knowledge. I'll put it out there and just at

1437
01:10:02,360 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 3: that time, think about it. I understand it. I had

1438
01:10:05,280 --> 01:10:07,760
Speaker 3: all these people eating out upon in my hand, and

1439
01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:10,400
Speaker 3: I was viral millions of views on YouTube before they

1440
01:10:10,400 --> 01:10:13,320
Speaker 3: start censoring me taking my channels down, and did not

1441
01:10:13,479 --> 01:10:16,000
Speaker 3: know how to take that to the bank, and did

1442
01:10:16,040 --> 01:10:18,639
Speaker 3: not have people to say, girl, oh my god, you're

1443
01:10:18,640 --> 01:10:21,559
Speaker 3: a gold mine. Let me teach you how to structure

1444
01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:25,000
Speaker 3: this and get your money, because everybody wants you. Instead,

1445
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:27,320
Speaker 3: I got people to come to me and say, Wow,

1446
01:10:27,640 --> 01:10:32,920
Speaker 3: you're a gold mine, and I want to sign a

1447
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:36,120
Speaker 3: contract with you and take your rights and put you

1448
01:10:36,160 --> 01:10:38,400
Speaker 3: as a host on the show. And I owned the

1449
01:10:38,439 --> 01:10:44,880
Speaker 3: show and you own nothing. Black people wanted to do

1450
01:10:44,960 --> 01:10:47,200
Speaker 3: that to me. I know what you have, and I

1451
01:10:47,240 --> 01:10:48,760
Speaker 3: know what to do with it. You don't know what

1452
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:50,519
Speaker 3: you have and you don't know what to do with it.

1453
01:10:50,560 --> 01:10:52,400
Speaker 3: So in staid, let me teaching you and structuring you.

1454
01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:54,879
Speaker 3: I would have been given a percentage as a partner.

1455
01:10:55,439 --> 01:10:58,920
Speaker 3: They wanted me to have no rights because you're too

1456
01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:01,519
Speaker 3: stupid to see what you have. And it wasn't that

1457
01:11:01,560 --> 01:11:03,760
Speaker 3: I was stupid to not know what I had. I

1458
01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:06,000
Speaker 3: just didn't have the right people in my corner to

1459
01:11:06,080 --> 01:11:08,120
Speaker 3: teach me how to market it. I didn't have the sponsors,

1460
01:11:08,160 --> 01:11:12,800
Speaker 3: the backing. No, it's not just like you don't know.

1461
01:11:12,880 --> 01:11:15,920
Speaker 3: I knew I needed the marketing in the structure, but

1462
01:11:16,040 --> 01:11:19,960
Speaker 3: I didn't have the money to do it myself, and

1463
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:21,519
Speaker 3: when I was trying to look for people to help

1464
01:11:21,560 --> 01:11:24,080
Speaker 3: me structured it, they wanted to charge me a lot

1465
01:11:24,120 --> 01:11:27,120
Speaker 3: of money and they wanted to take my rights. That's

1466
01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:29,759
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I knew that needed to be done,

1467
01:11:30,200 --> 01:11:33,880
Speaker 3: but I didn't have the access to the media, the agents,

1468
01:11:34,040 --> 01:11:36,840
Speaker 3: the managers, the marketers, all the people I was trying

1469
01:11:36,880 --> 01:11:40,120
Speaker 3: to tap into. They acted like they didn't want to

1470
01:11:40,120 --> 01:11:42,479
Speaker 3: touch me. And when they would talk to me, I

1471
01:11:42,479 --> 01:11:44,360
Speaker 3: see my talents, say like, we don't know what to

1472
01:11:44,479 --> 01:11:48,800
Speaker 3: do with you because it's either box A or box B.

1473
01:11:49,280 --> 01:11:51,720
Speaker 3: And now we're talking to you and we see how

1474
01:11:51,800 --> 01:11:57,439
Speaker 3: multifaceted you are in your mind is we can't box you.

1475
01:11:57,680 --> 01:12:00,360
Speaker 3: We don't know what to do with you. That was

1476
01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:04,880
Speaker 3: also the problem. So when people ask me to go

1477
01:12:04,880 --> 01:12:07,160
Speaker 3: back there, I'm like, I'm not going back there. I

1478
01:12:07,200 --> 01:12:09,760
Speaker 3: am finally learning now what I am, who I am

1479
01:12:09,920 --> 01:12:12,960
Speaker 3: and what I have from all that pain and creating

1480
01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:16,960
Speaker 3: the power from the pain, learning to stand on my own,

1481
01:12:17,479 --> 01:12:20,080
Speaker 3: learning to and I've actually had people say, but I

1482
01:12:20,080 --> 01:12:22,519
Speaker 3: don't care about your your abilities. I don't care about

1483
01:12:22,520 --> 01:12:24,400
Speaker 3: your new abilities you're showing I don't care about your

1484
01:12:24,439 --> 01:12:27,519
Speaker 3: new businesses. I just want to laugh off the Vagina park.

1485
01:12:27,800 --> 01:12:29,400
Speaker 3: I like when you talk shit and you crack jokes.

1486
01:12:29,439 --> 01:12:31,759
Speaker 3: I said, you don't give a fuck about me, right,

1487
01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:33,960
Speaker 3: because if you're telling me to go back to something

1488
01:12:33,960 --> 01:12:37,080
Speaker 3: that that I can't eat off of because I don't

1489
01:12:37,080 --> 01:12:38,840
Speaker 3: have sponsors even if I did. Let's say if I

1490
01:12:38,840 --> 01:12:41,679
Speaker 3: did that now on a website, because you two won't

1491
01:12:41,680 --> 01:12:43,800
Speaker 3: pay me, that won't monetize my channel. They say I

1492
01:12:43,880 --> 01:12:45,880
Speaker 3: talk nasty and people talk naster than me, and they

1493
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:48,920
Speaker 3: have sponsors and they monetize them, or they have the chats,

1494
01:12:49,240 --> 01:12:52,439
Speaker 3: the super chats. I don't even have that option. So

1495
01:12:52,479 --> 01:12:53,760
Speaker 3: I have to extra donations. I have to get my

1496
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:55,599
Speaker 3: money in other ways. I have to work with my readings,

1497
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:58,000
Speaker 3: my products, and my services. But if I were to

1498
01:12:58,120 --> 01:13:01,160
Speaker 3: do that on my website or somewhere else, I wouldn't

1499
01:13:01,240 --> 01:13:07,160
Speaker 3: do that without sponsors because unfortunately I eat from doing

1500
01:13:07,400 --> 01:13:11,160
Speaker 3: my readings and making my products. I never ate off

1501
01:13:11,200 --> 01:13:14,880
Speaker 3: a Vagina power. So I'm not going I've learned now.

1502
01:13:15,040 --> 01:13:22,280
Speaker 3: I'm not going back to anything that doesn't make me money. Damn.

1503
01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:23,439
Speaker 2: I feel like I don't want to ask you no

1504
01:13:23,479 --> 01:13:26,719
Speaker 2: more about vagina power. Now, No, it's fine.

1505
01:13:26,760 --> 01:13:28,920
Speaker 3: I talk about it in a different way now that

1506
01:13:29,040 --> 01:13:33,519
Speaker 3: benefits me, and I do private confrontations, and I tie

1507
01:13:33,520 --> 01:13:36,080
Speaker 3: it into the work I do and with the spirituality

1508
01:13:36,120 --> 01:13:38,519
Speaker 3: and the sexuality which to me, being in vagina power

1509
01:13:38,560 --> 01:13:40,439
Speaker 3: is to honor my own self and under my gifts

1510
01:13:40,479 --> 01:13:43,120
Speaker 3: and don't shrink for nobody or be in shamed and

1511
01:13:43,200 --> 01:13:46,639
Speaker 3: embarrassed and hide my gifts for nobody. You either love

1512
01:13:46,680 --> 01:13:48,760
Speaker 3: it or you don't like I. Just like I said

1513
01:13:48,800 --> 01:13:50,680
Speaker 3: to you when we were talking, you know, a while ago,

1514
01:13:51,400 --> 01:13:53,080
Speaker 3: I will do that, but I will do that in

1515
01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:54,559
Speaker 3: a way that I can chop and screw it and

1516
01:13:54,640 --> 01:13:58,040
Speaker 3: package it to make my money. Even if I bring

1517
01:13:58,160 --> 01:14:00,400
Speaker 3: that back and I chop it up and I put

1518
01:14:00,400 --> 01:14:06,000
Speaker 3: it in a new downloads or new videos, let me

1519
01:14:06,120 --> 01:14:07,920
Speaker 3: go to my site and pay to download what I've

1520
01:14:07,960 --> 01:14:10,800
Speaker 3: done or my lectures. But basically, I don't even know

1521
01:14:10,800 --> 01:14:12,840
Speaker 3: why people would want me to do it over because

1522
01:14:12,840 --> 01:14:15,439
Speaker 3: I'm basically saying the same thing I said twenty years ago. Yeah,

1523
01:14:15,479 --> 01:14:17,599
Speaker 3: they still want me to hear me say the same

1524
01:14:17,640 --> 01:14:20,040
Speaker 3: thing I said twenty years ago in a new video.

1525
01:14:20,400 --> 01:14:23,360
Speaker 3: Well you're gonna pay me for it? I realized now

1526
01:14:23,880 --> 01:14:26,439
Speaker 3: even though people said that I said it twenty years ago,

1527
01:14:26,479 --> 01:14:28,360
Speaker 3: and the younger people are listening to it and relistening

1528
01:14:28,360 --> 01:14:31,439
Speaker 3: to it, they still want me now. They want me

1529
01:14:31,479 --> 01:14:33,960
Speaker 3: to teach that now. So now you're gonna pay.

1530
01:14:33,760 --> 01:14:37,639
Speaker 2: Me, right, and you have all of your content from

1531
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:39,479
Speaker 2: the show, so can you sell it?

1532
01:14:40,920 --> 01:14:44,360
Speaker 3: Of course I own it. I own my trademarks, and

1533
01:14:44,400 --> 01:14:49,800
Speaker 3: I own my copyrights. Nobody owns it for me, so

1534
01:14:49,880 --> 01:14:51,600
Speaker 3: lit the word. I would need an editor until I

1535
01:14:51,680 --> 01:14:53,960
Speaker 3: learned how to edit this stuff, which I think at

1536
01:14:53,960 --> 01:14:55,720
Speaker 3: this point, because I've even been fucked like they were

1537
01:14:55,800 --> 01:14:57,559
Speaker 3: editors and people trying to steal my content once I

1538
01:14:57,560 --> 01:14:59,040
Speaker 3: give to them to do this with it, that with it,

1539
01:14:59,280 --> 01:15:01,840
Speaker 3: and my docum about my life, I think at this

1540
01:15:01,920 --> 01:15:03,599
Speaker 3: point I need to learn like a lot of other

1541
01:15:03,600 --> 01:15:05,880
Speaker 3: people like you do. I need to learn how to

1542
01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:08,280
Speaker 3: do the technical side that way that whatever happened to me,

1543
01:15:10,120 --> 01:15:12,519
Speaker 3: that excuse me, that's what that has taught me. And

1544
01:15:12,560 --> 01:15:14,320
Speaker 3: where black women have told me we don't value we

1545
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:16,280
Speaker 3: value her and this person ain't shit and you can't

1546
01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:18,840
Speaker 3: see it until she fucks you over, and they don't

1547
01:15:18,840 --> 01:15:20,400
Speaker 3: want to value me being a good person. A lot

1548
01:15:20,400 --> 01:15:22,479
Speaker 3: of times people de value you when you're a good

1549
01:15:22,479 --> 01:15:24,320
Speaker 3: person that consider you weak, you see what I'm saying,

1550
01:15:24,400 --> 01:15:26,240
Speaker 3: And when when you don't charge them for everything, you're

1551
01:15:26,280 --> 01:15:29,360
Speaker 3: weak and you're stupid. Subliminately, that's how people treat each other.

1552
01:15:30,040 --> 01:15:33,080
Speaker 3: They will buy something the same product you got. They

1553
01:15:33,120 --> 01:15:36,000
Speaker 3: will buy from that shirt you got you're giving it

1554
01:15:36,080 --> 01:15:41,120
Speaker 3: away or you're selling it for one hundred dollars. They'll

1555
01:15:41,120 --> 01:15:43,559
Speaker 3: go buy from another con artist bitch that was selling

1556
01:15:43,600 --> 01:15:47,479
Speaker 3: for three hundred and fifty dollars the same thing, because

1557
01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:49,559
Speaker 3: we're taught that the more you pay for something, the

1558
01:15:49,600 --> 01:15:52,719
Speaker 3: more valuable that it is. When you know, most wealthy people,

1559
01:15:52,760 --> 01:15:55,240
Speaker 3: they walk around especially with the white folks, they walk

1560
01:15:55,280 --> 01:15:57,360
Speaker 3: around with some old tennis shoes on, the blue jeans,

1561
01:15:57,439 --> 01:15:59,559
Speaker 3: might drive a raggedy car, and then they go out

1562
01:15:59,560 --> 01:16:01,919
Speaker 3: with a friend out in the suburbs, up in the mountains.

1563
01:16:02,040 --> 01:16:05,000
Speaker 3: They got all types of trucks and hammers and Bentley's

1564
01:16:05,040 --> 01:16:09,320
Speaker 3: and Errari's, and you don't even know, right because they

1565
01:16:09,320 --> 01:16:12,040
Speaker 3: teach us to be to consume and to sell your

1566
01:16:12,080 --> 01:16:15,640
Speaker 3: soul through your pocketbook, your booty haul and everywhere else,

1567
01:16:15,640 --> 01:16:17,559
Speaker 3: to give your value away, when on the other hand,

1568
01:16:17,560 --> 01:16:20,759
Speaker 3: they take it and they keep their value right, and

1569
01:16:20,960 --> 01:16:23,479
Speaker 3: they invest because they have extra money to invest while

1570
01:16:23,479 --> 01:16:25,240
Speaker 3: you're trying to press people and you give yours away.

1571
01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:27,720
Speaker 3: So I realized the psychology and the sickness and a

1572
01:16:27,760 --> 01:16:32,479
Speaker 3: lot of our people. So no, I'm not gonna say

1573
01:16:32,520 --> 01:16:34,280
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna do it. It doesn't turn me out. But

1574
01:16:34,400 --> 01:16:38,080
Speaker 3: the way I did it, and being a martyr, people

1575
01:16:38,160 --> 01:16:42,799
Speaker 3: Black people don't respect martyrs. They'll eat you and they'll

1576
01:16:42,800 --> 01:16:45,559
Speaker 3: pick you to the bone, and then you're broken, you're hungry,

1577
01:16:45,720 --> 01:16:48,519
Speaker 3: and then they'll say, well, you're a dumb bitch because

1578
01:16:48,760 --> 01:16:50,320
Speaker 3: you let us eat off you. And we know you

1579
01:16:50,360 --> 01:16:52,439
Speaker 3: weren't charging, but we ate it anyway. And now we

1580
01:16:52,439 --> 01:16:54,320
Speaker 3: don't respect you because you broke. So why are you broke?

1581
01:16:54,360 --> 01:16:56,479
Speaker 3: So why are you hungry? Why didn't you charge? Why

1582
01:16:56,479 --> 01:16:58,400
Speaker 3: didn't you structure your business like such and such? Who

1583
01:16:58,439 --> 01:17:00,000
Speaker 3: we give our money to, who will give us nothing?

1584
01:17:00,080 --> 01:17:02,320
Speaker 3: Fuck over us in exchange. We fuck over you because

1585
01:17:02,320 --> 01:17:04,000
Speaker 3: we feel like you're too dumb and weak because you

1586
01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:07,600
Speaker 3: gave it to us from love. Love is considered weakness.

1587
01:17:09,840 --> 01:17:13,720
Speaker 3: So now my whole attitude, I realized I didn't think

1588
01:17:13,760 --> 01:17:15,880
Speaker 3: I was worthy of being paid because I was with

1589
01:17:15,960 --> 01:17:17,559
Speaker 3: a man and I was with the mother, and I

1590
01:17:17,600 --> 01:17:19,559
Speaker 3: was around people who said I didn't deserve to be paid,

1591
01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:23,160
Speaker 3: and what I said was stupid and had no value.

1592
01:17:23,680 --> 01:17:25,920
Speaker 3: That's another reason when you said where the relationship is,

1593
01:17:26,560 --> 01:17:29,880
Speaker 3: it's where it needs to be for me to form

1594
01:17:29,880 --> 01:17:32,120
Speaker 3: a good relationship with me and heal my wounded little girl.

1595
01:17:32,200 --> 01:17:35,200
Speaker 3: Because I realized everybody deserves to be paid for what

1596
01:17:35,240 --> 01:17:38,880
Speaker 3: they do. Everybody deserves to be paid for the services

1597
01:17:38,880 --> 01:17:41,120
Speaker 3: and the gifts that they offer. They don't want to

1598
01:17:41,120 --> 01:17:43,000
Speaker 3: get paid and they want to give it out. That's

1599
01:17:43,040 --> 01:17:45,479
Speaker 3: something they got to work out within themselves. For what

1600
01:17:45,560 --> 01:17:48,000
Speaker 3: I realized, I'm Jesus Christ and I'm not Mother Teresa,

1601
01:17:48,160 --> 01:17:51,759
Speaker 3: and I was living that way and that's what got

1602
01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:55,519
Speaker 3: me so disrespected. And like you said, other people copying

1603
01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:57,799
Speaker 3: me and trying to act like me, and they're getting

1604
01:17:57,840 --> 01:18:00,800
Speaker 3: paid for what they bid off me and probably you

1605
01:18:01,160 --> 01:18:04,920
Speaker 3: and everyone else. But it's not too late for me

1606
01:18:05,080 --> 01:18:08,400
Speaker 3: because you cannot copy me. I am an original and

1607
01:18:08,439 --> 01:18:10,960
Speaker 3: there are so many abilities and talents they cannot copy

1608
01:18:11,040 --> 01:18:13,639
Speaker 3: because those things are born in you. There innate either

1609
01:18:13,680 --> 01:18:15,280
Speaker 3: you have them. That's why I don't really worry about

1610
01:18:15,280 --> 01:18:18,160
Speaker 3: anybody copying me. I don't worry about anybody saying, Oh,

1611
01:18:18,160 --> 01:18:20,000
Speaker 3: she's just like you, she talked like you and walk.

1612
01:18:20,240 --> 01:18:23,880
Speaker 3: No she doesn't. You don't do everything that I do.

1613
01:18:24,760 --> 01:18:28,640
Speaker 3: You don't have the abilities that I have. I know

1614
01:18:28,680 --> 01:18:30,760
Speaker 3: that for a fact, and I would never try to

1615
01:18:30,800 --> 01:18:33,960
Speaker 3: be like anyone else. Everybody is uniquely them, and it's

1616
01:18:34,080 --> 01:18:36,160
Speaker 3: certain things in me. Like you said, I'm a psychomedium,

1617
01:18:36,160 --> 01:18:38,559
Speaker 3: I'm a medical intuitive. I have the authors for the people.

1618
01:18:38,600 --> 01:18:40,719
Speaker 3: I cook for the people that are physically passed, because

1619
01:18:40,720 --> 01:18:42,760
Speaker 3: those are ancestral alters, and I'm not the first one

1620
01:18:42,760 --> 01:18:44,800
Speaker 3: that's done that. That's a matter of respect to someone

1621
01:18:44,800 --> 01:18:47,800
Speaker 3: that has physically died, especially when they want to be heard,

1622
01:18:48,040 --> 01:18:51,439
Speaker 3: they want to speak, they want to see. Nobody does

1623
01:18:51,640 --> 01:18:55,280
Speaker 3: that but me. You can't tell me you see any

1624
01:18:55,320 --> 01:18:58,320
Speaker 3: reader that's a psychic medium that does readings, that cook

1625
01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:02,280
Speaker 3: for the dead, set their altars up and honor and

1626
01:19:02,280 --> 01:19:05,800
Speaker 3: respect them, and pass their messages, and dress up and

1627
01:19:05,800 --> 01:19:08,120
Speaker 3: sing to them and make their incense. I have an

1628
01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:13,720
Speaker 3: insent here if you saw it that I make. This

1629
01:19:13,800 --> 01:19:18,679
Speaker 3: is a twenty four k gold sage stick. Nobody makes

1630
01:19:18,720 --> 01:19:24,040
Speaker 3: that but me. Nobody likes that with me, and every

1631
01:19:24,080 --> 01:19:26,880
Speaker 3: spirit that comes in here somebody who's physically killed, they

1632
01:19:26,920 --> 01:19:30,960
Speaker 3: have one for them, uniquely for them, candles for them,

1633
01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:36,360
Speaker 3: foods for them, prayers for them. You can't tell me

1634
01:19:36,400 --> 01:19:38,880
Speaker 3: say anybody do that. You get little parts of me

1635
01:19:38,960 --> 01:19:40,880
Speaker 3: to talk and nasty. Anybody can talk like that because

1636
01:19:40,880 --> 01:19:43,760
Speaker 3: everybody got a pussy, everybody got a dick. But the

1637
01:19:43,840 --> 01:19:47,120
Speaker 3: other aspects of me will never be imitated or duplicated

1638
01:19:47,560 --> 01:19:50,120
Speaker 3: because I'm the one to do what I do. But

1639
01:19:50,200 --> 01:19:54,880
Speaker 3: Jina Park, just like only you can do you.

1640
01:19:54,880 --> 01:19:57,639
Speaker 2: You also spoke about being seliban for a very long time,

1641
01:19:57,720 --> 01:19:58,280
Speaker 2: and I've been.

1642
01:20:00,439 --> 01:20:00,679
Speaker 3: Still.

1643
01:20:02,120 --> 01:20:05,040
Speaker 2: How has celibacy improved your life?

1644
01:20:06,040 --> 01:20:09,360
Speaker 3: Again? My mother told me I was a whore when

1645
01:20:09,360 --> 01:20:11,200
Speaker 3: I didn't know what that was. It's four and five

1646
01:20:11,280 --> 01:20:13,679
Speaker 3: years old, and trashed me and beat me and left

1647
01:20:13,680 --> 01:20:15,400
Speaker 3: me places for people to molest me, grown people that

1648
01:20:15,400 --> 01:20:20,080
Speaker 3: have sex with me. I never had a healthy view

1649
01:20:20,240 --> 01:20:23,240
Speaker 3: of my body and my vagina and my sexuality. But

1650
01:20:23,320 --> 01:20:25,559
Speaker 3: yet she was fucking sucking you on every man she

1651
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:28,160
Speaker 3: was with, and people out of and respected that. And

1652
01:20:28,200 --> 01:20:31,240
Speaker 3: she was very comfortable in her sexuality sucking anybody and everybody,

1653
01:20:31,840 --> 01:20:34,559
Speaker 3: but then did that to her daughters. So as a

1654
01:20:34,560 --> 01:20:37,599
Speaker 3: result of that, I always had very fat relationships, as

1655
01:20:37,640 --> 01:20:40,360
Speaker 3: I said, through a law of attraction and the subconscious mind,

1656
01:20:40,439 --> 01:20:42,800
Speaker 3: that were very destructive to me and abusive. Then men

1657
01:20:42,840 --> 01:20:44,640
Speaker 3: want to lock me in a cage and put a

1658
01:20:44,640 --> 01:20:47,040
Speaker 3: doll on a shelf and degrade. Men tell me nobody

1659
01:20:47,080 --> 01:20:49,240
Speaker 3: else would want me, and that nobody else would be better.

1660
01:20:49,320 --> 01:20:50,519
Speaker 3: And I knew that was a lot. They knew I

1661
01:20:50,560 --> 01:20:52,320
Speaker 3: was sick in ahead and I was a wounded little

1662
01:20:52,360 --> 01:20:57,120
Speaker 3: girl with a fully functioned grown woman's vagina. So I

1663
01:20:57,200 --> 01:21:01,439
Speaker 3: wasn't going to keep on getting relationships. But I was

1664
01:21:01,439 --> 01:21:04,160
Speaker 3: always the loser, and I was always the victim. And

1665
01:21:04,200 --> 01:21:05,920
Speaker 3: a man tells you he loves you and he's crazy

1666
01:21:05,920 --> 01:21:07,720
Speaker 3: about you, and now when he gets you and sex

1667
01:21:07,760 --> 01:21:09,160
Speaker 3: with you, he treats you like she didn't tell you

1668
01:21:09,200 --> 01:21:12,360
Speaker 3: that you're nothing. I couldn't heal and really send in

1669
01:21:12,439 --> 01:21:14,120
Speaker 3: my power and heal that want of a little girl

1670
01:21:14,120 --> 01:21:16,880
Speaker 3: who is mo lessed and violated by my mother and

1671
01:21:17,000 --> 01:21:20,320
Speaker 3: letting men do this, and then saying, at seven eight,

1672
01:21:20,479 --> 01:21:23,000
Speaker 3: this guy try to rape me my two cousins, and

1673
01:21:23,040 --> 01:21:25,080
Speaker 3: she says, you liked it, and you wanted it, and

1674
01:21:25,120 --> 01:21:26,640
Speaker 3: you're gonna be a whole you grow up anyway. So

1675
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:31,920
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna confront them, You're no good. I felt

1676
01:21:32,400 --> 01:21:35,160
Speaker 3: that I needed to heal myself and stop letting men

1677
01:21:35,320 --> 01:21:38,599
Speaker 3: go up in me that ejaculates in me. Even if

1678
01:21:38,640 --> 01:21:41,439
Speaker 3: it was a condom on, they're still eaculating energy in you,

1679
01:21:41,840 --> 01:21:45,040
Speaker 3: and men to control you and dominate you and tell

1680
01:21:45,080 --> 01:21:48,840
Speaker 3: you that you're nothing, and they're spreading that energy through

1681
01:21:48,880 --> 01:21:52,800
Speaker 3: your etheric anatomy, your chakras, and your org feel and

1682
01:21:52,840 --> 01:21:57,320
Speaker 3: you're walking and talking and giving that information out. I'd

1683
01:21:57,400 --> 01:22:01,599
Speaker 3: rather be by myself and heal and clear that destructive, negative,

1684
01:22:01,760 --> 01:22:05,040
Speaker 3: lying energy out of me so that can stand in

1685
01:22:05,080 --> 01:22:12,439
Speaker 3: my power, crystallize pure gold energy and power without all

1686
01:22:12,479 --> 01:22:16,360
Speaker 3: of that shit on me and all that negative calm

1687
01:22:16,439 --> 01:22:19,080
Speaker 3: on me, so I can really see me and know

1688
01:22:19,280 --> 01:22:22,240
Speaker 3: me and control my own life and my own world

1689
01:22:22,320 --> 01:22:24,320
Speaker 3: and attract the type of men that I knew I deserved,

1690
01:22:24,360 --> 01:22:26,400
Speaker 3: because I didn't feel like I deserved better, because I

1691
01:22:26,439 --> 01:22:28,240
Speaker 3: was always told to her my mother, I was nothing,

1692
01:22:28,280 --> 01:22:31,519
Speaker 3: and everybody was just gonna calm on you and use

1693
01:22:31,560 --> 01:22:33,920
Speaker 3: you for arm candy, and then they're gonna have sex

1694
01:22:34,000 --> 01:22:35,760
Speaker 3: with you and come on you. I throw you in

1695
01:22:35,800 --> 01:22:37,479
Speaker 3: a trash candle, leave you. My mother was saying that

1696
01:22:37,520 --> 01:22:40,200
Speaker 3: to me and my sister. We were like twelve thirteen

1697
01:22:40,280 --> 01:22:42,280
Speaker 3: years old. That's all you're gonna get, and that's all

1698
01:22:42,320 --> 01:22:42,960
Speaker 3: I was getting.

1699
01:22:45,040 --> 01:22:47,360
Speaker 2: So why do you think people have struggles with standing

1700
01:22:47,439 --> 01:22:49,120
Speaker 2: in their vagina and penis? Power?

1701
01:22:50,560 --> 01:22:53,759
Speaker 3: For all the things that we mentioned where you come from,

1702
01:22:54,040 --> 01:22:57,320
Speaker 3: what your childhood is like, what you experienced, what you

1703
01:22:57,360 --> 01:23:03,439
Speaker 3: didn't experience, and your issues in your pain, it's many reasons. Beca.

1704
01:23:03,439 --> 01:23:05,360
Speaker 3: It's all of the things we've always talked about. I

1705
01:23:05,360 --> 01:23:07,599
Speaker 3: already talked about dealing with your mother and your father,

1706
01:23:08,040 --> 01:23:10,519
Speaker 3: or the lack of one, and the archetypes you came

1707
01:23:10,600 --> 01:23:12,920
Speaker 3: into mamphest Or to work through, and he'll and rise

1708
01:23:12,920 --> 01:23:15,920
Speaker 3: a book. And I just made up my mind it's

1709
01:23:15,920 --> 01:23:18,400
Speaker 3: not gonna happen to me anymore because I learned how

1710
01:23:18,439 --> 01:23:21,280
Speaker 3: to set boundaries and in my life, you would come

1711
01:23:21,320 --> 01:23:24,439
Speaker 3: in my life on my terms, or you will exit

1712
01:23:24,960 --> 01:23:27,960
Speaker 3: as fast as you came in, because I realized it's

1713
01:23:28,000 --> 01:23:31,599
Speaker 3: my world, it's my life, and I never felt I

1714
01:23:31,640 --> 01:23:33,479
Speaker 3: had power to do that. Some I always felt like

1715
01:23:33,520 --> 01:23:35,360
Speaker 3: some man was doing me a favor to talk to me,

1716
01:23:35,760 --> 01:23:38,880
Speaker 3: to sleep with me, to take me out like I

1717
01:23:39,120 --> 01:23:43,000
Speaker 3: was less than or some orphan or something, and I

1718
01:23:43,040 --> 01:23:46,920
Speaker 3: was always treated that way. That's that's all I know.

1719
01:23:47,680 --> 01:23:51,280
Speaker 3: That's that's all my history. And then you know what,

1720
01:23:51,439 --> 01:23:53,439
Speaker 3: when I would meet men that would want to put

1721
01:23:53,439 --> 01:23:56,840
Speaker 3: me on a pedestal, I thought they were stupid. I

1722
01:23:56,880 --> 01:23:59,559
Speaker 3: didn't want them, I didn't like them. It was always

1723
01:23:59,560 --> 01:24:01,559
Speaker 3: the bad boy that I couldn't catch, that I had

1724
01:24:01,560 --> 01:24:07,000
Speaker 3: to chase, that was stronger, aster and better. He was stronger,

1725
01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:08,960
Speaker 3: but he because he could leave, and the other man

1726
01:24:09,000 --> 01:24:11,840
Speaker 3: was weaker because he could stay. And many times we're

1727
01:24:11,880 --> 01:24:13,880
Speaker 3: twisted and our thinking like that. We had those types

1728
01:24:13,920 --> 01:24:16,120
Speaker 3: of childhoods. Well, now I don't like that at all.

1729
01:24:16,200 --> 01:24:19,280
Speaker 3: I like the bad boy, but I like the gangster

1730
01:24:19,400 --> 01:24:22,000
Speaker 3: and the gentleman and the one that realized what you

1731
01:24:22,120 --> 01:24:25,640
Speaker 3: have in me. I show compassion and love to me

1732
01:24:26,600 --> 01:24:29,479
Speaker 3: when I need it, and strength when I need it.

1733
01:24:29,520 --> 01:24:31,400
Speaker 3: And someone doesn't come in and out of my life

1734
01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:34,240
Speaker 3: and runs away and walks away, I know that's not strength,

1735
01:24:34,280 --> 01:24:37,800
Speaker 3: that's weakness. Because anybody that loves you, they submit and

1736
01:24:37,840 --> 01:24:40,840
Speaker 3: they stay and they fight through the heartbreak, the hurt

1737
01:24:40,920 --> 01:24:43,320
Speaker 3: and the pain, and they call up your wounded little

1738
01:24:43,360 --> 01:24:45,519
Speaker 3: girl and they let her know she's safe with them.

1739
01:24:45,720 --> 01:24:47,519
Speaker 3: And they're not going to give her candy and kidnap

1740
01:24:47,560 --> 01:24:49,280
Speaker 3: her and raper and they find her in the woods,

1741
01:24:49,720 --> 01:24:51,720
Speaker 3: They're going to embrace that little girl in you. They're

1742
01:24:51,760 --> 01:24:53,760
Speaker 3: gonna heal her, they're gonna love her, they're gonna stay

1743
01:24:53,760 --> 01:24:56,559
Speaker 3: present with her, and they're not gonna let her go.

1744
01:24:57,160 --> 01:25:00,680
Speaker 3: They will cherish her. And I understand that now. I

1745
01:25:00,880 --> 01:25:05,120
Speaker 3: understand that now. And if you can't give me that,

1746
01:25:05,400 --> 01:25:08,080
Speaker 3: I will give it to myself and I will stay

1747
01:25:08,439 --> 01:25:10,599
Speaker 3: cellar right same.

1748
01:25:10,680 --> 01:25:12,400
Speaker 2: I've been settling it for over a year. It's one

1749
01:25:12,400 --> 01:25:18,240
Speaker 2: of the best decisions I made so far. After the

1750
01:25:18,400 --> 01:25:21,040
Speaker 2: ending of your show, it seemed like you disappeared, But

1751
01:25:21,240 --> 01:25:23,840
Speaker 2: you also mentioned to me before I was.

1752
01:25:23,840 --> 01:25:27,560
Speaker 3: Sick, I was toys by someone that I trusted, not

1753
01:25:27,840 --> 01:25:30,360
Speaker 3: just community, that dealt with herbs. And I took the

1754
01:25:30,439 --> 01:25:32,680
Speaker 3: herbs and they tanted the earths, and I got very

1755
01:25:32,720 --> 01:25:35,360
Speaker 3: ill and almost died, and all my glands and my

1756
01:25:35,439 --> 01:25:38,920
Speaker 3: limbs stroll up all over my body. I'm still dealing

1757
01:25:38,960 --> 01:25:41,240
Speaker 3: with it. And then I didn't know until lately. The

1758
01:25:41,320 --> 01:25:44,240
Speaker 3: house was filled with mold because my ex would not

1759
01:25:44,400 --> 01:25:47,519
Speaker 3: repair the house. It was his house, and it was

1760
01:25:47,520 --> 01:25:49,680
Speaker 3: a lot of flooding off and on in here, and

1761
01:25:49,720 --> 01:25:53,040
Speaker 3: he wouldn't fix things, and I realized that he wanted

1762
01:25:53,040 --> 01:25:56,559
Speaker 3: me to be sick. He would not ever test it

1763
01:25:56,600 --> 01:25:59,280
Speaker 3: for mole. Luckily, I finally tested it for mo and

1764
01:25:59,320 --> 01:26:01,120
Speaker 3: it was confirmed the black mold that's been in here

1765
01:26:01,120 --> 01:26:03,519
Speaker 3: for years. And I didn't know what was making me sick.

1766
01:26:03,560 --> 01:26:06,160
Speaker 3: The doctors could not diagnose me with anything because I

1767
01:26:06,200 --> 01:26:08,280
Speaker 3: didn't know to tell him to test me for a mold.

1768
01:26:08,600 --> 01:26:10,320
Speaker 3: And this man knew that was going on, and he

1769
01:26:10,560 --> 01:26:14,680
Speaker 3: literally tried to destroy me. So I kept that secret.

1770
01:26:14,880 --> 01:26:18,600
Speaker 3: And now I'm very open about it. I'm very honest

1771
01:26:20,000 --> 01:26:23,120
Speaker 3: about where I come from because I'm not in that

1772
01:26:23,200 --> 01:26:25,960
Speaker 3: relationship with him anymore. And I stopped having sex with

1773
01:26:26,040 --> 01:26:28,479
Speaker 3: him a long time ago, once I realized he was

1774
01:26:28,479 --> 01:26:32,200
Speaker 3: having sex with me with lies and ejaculating lies, and

1775
01:26:32,240 --> 01:26:34,080
Speaker 3: he wanted me to hate myself, and he wanted me

1776
01:26:35,800 --> 01:26:37,960
Speaker 3: to feel like he was better than me and less

1777
01:26:38,000 --> 01:26:41,679
Speaker 3: than and he controlled me through money. I trusted this man,

1778
01:26:42,040 --> 01:26:45,760
Speaker 3: and he basically he controlled all of my money. I

1779
01:26:45,800 --> 01:26:47,680
Speaker 3: looked at him as my best friend because he was

1780
01:26:47,720 --> 01:26:51,080
Speaker 3: older and very successful, and I wanted him to be

1781
01:26:51,120 --> 01:26:53,720
Speaker 3: my teacher, my lover, and my friend. He promised to

1782
01:26:53,800 --> 01:26:56,160
Speaker 3: be that, but you know what, the closer we got,

1783
01:26:56,280 --> 01:27:02,040
Speaker 3: the more controlling and more narciss and he stole for me,

1784
01:27:02,920 --> 01:27:05,200
Speaker 3: and then he would try to destroy my self esteem

1785
01:27:05,600 --> 01:27:07,600
Speaker 3: when I noticed it and confront of me and like

1786
01:27:07,680 --> 01:27:12,120
Speaker 3: to call me dumb and crazy, just like my mother did.

1787
01:27:13,920 --> 01:27:18,320
Speaker 3: So now I'm not embarrassed. I mean kind of embarrassed

1788
01:27:18,320 --> 01:27:21,720
Speaker 3: and kind of hurt, but I'm not so embarrassed and

1789
01:27:21,760 --> 01:27:25,200
Speaker 3: a shame that I can't share it. I've never shared it.

1790
01:27:25,200 --> 01:27:27,519
Speaker 3: In his abuse towards me and financial abuse and like

1791
01:27:28,479 --> 01:27:32,880
Speaker 3: holding me hostage financially because I trusted him so much

1792
01:27:33,400 --> 01:27:35,719
Speaker 3: and he handled my money and I got my money

1793
01:27:35,720 --> 01:27:40,720
Speaker 3: from him, and he used that to literally destroy me

1794
01:27:41,040 --> 01:27:43,920
Speaker 3: and all my opportunities and every business opportunity he was

1795
01:27:43,960 --> 01:27:46,240
Speaker 3: in it and he knew and I would wonder after

1796
01:27:46,280 --> 01:27:48,400
Speaker 3: I introduced myself to someone, or he would sit down

1797
01:27:48,400 --> 01:27:51,640
Speaker 3: with a business meeting, all of my options were destroyed

1798
01:27:52,360 --> 01:27:56,320
Speaker 3: because he was telling them behind my back, Oh she's

1799
01:27:56,320 --> 01:27:58,960
Speaker 3: a dumb bitch, Oh she's crazy. Done the best in her,

1800
01:27:59,000 --> 01:28:01,639
Speaker 3: don't help her because he was afraid. And he literally

1801
01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:04,080
Speaker 3: told me he was afraid. One day, You're so talented,

1802
01:28:04,080 --> 01:28:06,720
Speaker 3: they're gonna pick you up and then you'll leave me

1803
01:28:06,960 --> 01:28:09,600
Speaker 3: for a younger man. He was so and he was like,

1804
01:28:09,640 --> 01:28:12,120
Speaker 3: all my friends say, so, all my friends say you're

1805
01:28:12,120 --> 01:28:14,439
Speaker 3: no good and all my friends say, you just want money.

1806
01:28:14,479 --> 01:28:16,320
Speaker 3: And like I told you earlier that you didn't know.

1807
01:28:16,680 --> 01:28:19,240
Speaker 3: I was doing that show for years for free, just

1808
01:28:19,280 --> 01:28:21,320
Speaker 3: to prove I was a good person. I was hard working.

1809
01:28:21,840 --> 01:28:24,800
Speaker 3: I had nothing, and yet he said, oh, that's all

1810
01:28:24,800 --> 01:28:28,120
Speaker 3: you want. And I could have easily left and slept

1811
01:28:28,120 --> 01:28:30,920
Speaker 3: with people that had more to a younger, better looking

1812
01:28:31,160 --> 01:28:33,880
Speaker 3: I didn't. It reminded me of Tina Turner. What she

1813
01:28:33,920 --> 01:28:36,040
Speaker 3: said was, I will say, y'all always leave me. He's

1814
01:28:36,080 --> 01:28:38,800
Speaker 3: beating them in the face, he's fucking over them, he's

1815
01:28:38,800 --> 01:28:40,760
Speaker 3: taking their money. You're gonna leave. You're gonna leave, and

1816
01:28:40,800 --> 01:28:43,320
Speaker 3: you you should someone doing that. But she staid, to

1817
01:28:43,320 --> 01:28:45,600
Speaker 3: try to prove to him, she wasn't like that. I

1818
01:28:45,680 --> 01:28:47,519
Speaker 3: used to be a dummy and try to prove this man.

1819
01:28:47,920 --> 01:28:51,000
Speaker 3: I wasn't like that. And he literally do what he

1820
01:28:51,000 --> 01:28:54,360
Speaker 3: could destroy my whole life. Watched me go through bankruptcy

1821
01:28:54,439 --> 01:28:57,400
Speaker 3: to my money because he controlled it and I had nothing,

1822
01:28:57,840 --> 01:29:01,200
Speaker 3: and I trusted him to handle everything. It was help

1823
01:29:01,479 --> 01:29:04,320
Speaker 3: and I literally had to get out of the relationship

1824
01:29:04,360 --> 01:29:08,559
Speaker 3: with nothing. I'm literally right now later in life. I'm

1825
01:29:08,560 --> 01:29:10,439
Speaker 3: just trying to beat myself up and feel bad about it,

1826
01:29:10,920 --> 01:29:15,200
Speaker 3: having to start over with nothing right because of the

1827
01:29:15,240 --> 01:29:18,719
Speaker 3: way I did not I did and did not handle

1828
01:29:19,120 --> 01:29:22,240
Speaker 3: my business and trusted this man who was lying to

1829
01:29:22,320 --> 01:29:28,720
Speaker 3: me for twenty years. You have any regrets, I just

1830
01:29:28,760 --> 01:29:34,559
Speaker 3: told you everything, and that's why I'm sharing it now,

1831
01:29:34,600 --> 01:29:36,519
Speaker 3: and I just it's nothing I can do about it

1832
01:29:36,880 --> 01:29:40,080
Speaker 3: but learn and get over it, because I can't go back.

1833
01:29:40,360 --> 01:29:43,360
Speaker 3: I regret everything about my life, like I told you,

1834
01:29:43,720 --> 01:29:45,800
Speaker 3: I regret the way I did vagina power and all

1835
01:29:45,880 --> 01:29:48,680
Speaker 3: that and let people or they were playing on my

1836
01:29:48,760 --> 01:29:50,479
Speaker 3: pain because I had so much pain and I just

1837
01:29:50,479 --> 01:29:53,400
Speaker 3: wanted to give and to help. That's not what you

1838
01:29:53,479 --> 01:29:56,599
Speaker 3: do right. You can give and help, but first them

1839
01:29:56,760 --> 01:29:58,360
Speaker 3: you got to look out for yourself. And I was

1840
01:29:58,600 --> 01:30:01,719
Speaker 3: never taught to do that. Who're taught to sacrifice yourself

1841
01:30:01,720 --> 01:30:04,200
Speaker 3: because that's what Jesus would do, and you'd be a

1842
01:30:04,200 --> 01:30:06,479
Speaker 3: good Samaritan. And you give service and you don't expect

1843
01:30:06,479 --> 01:30:09,080
Speaker 3: anything return. You give everything out like women are taught

1844
01:30:09,120 --> 01:30:11,120
Speaker 3: to do, and you don't ask you anything back. That's

1845
01:30:11,160 --> 01:30:13,800
Speaker 3: why women get breast cancer because everybody's sucking your breast,

1846
01:30:13,800 --> 01:30:16,280
Speaker 3: and your children are sucking your breast, and everybody's fucking you.

1847
01:30:16,320 --> 01:30:19,559
Speaker 3: Your man is fucking you. And they have obarian and

1848
01:30:19,680 --> 01:30:22,559
Speaker 3: uterin cancer because they're giving away and they're afraid to

1849
01:30:22,600 --> 01:30:26,200
Speaker 3: say no. And everybody just tached from them and they

1850
01:30:26,200 --> 01:30:29,040
Speaker 3: say no and don't give anything. They only come around

1851
01:30:29,080 --> 01:30:31,720
Speaker 3: and they're gonna take right.

1852
01:30:35,760 --> 01:30:37,559
Speaker 2: Well, if there's one thing that you would like people

1853
01:30:37,560 --> 01:30:39,280
Speaker 2: to take away from your journey, what would that be?

1854
01:30:40,920 --> 01:30:44,720
Speaker 3: Like I said, don't be like me. You know, you

1855
01:30:44,760 --> 01:30:48,120
Speaker 3: have to heal your issues and your wounds, and you

1856
01:30:48,160 --> 01:30:51,800
Speaker 3: cannot heal yourself by giving yourself away because people teach

1857
01:30:51,840 --> 01:30:54,559
Speaker 3: you to give yourself away. You have to realize who

1858
01:30:54,600 --> 01:30:57,320
Speaker 3: you are and you're only gonna do that by getting

1859
01:30:57,360 --> 01:31:00,920
Speaker 3: a loan and finding out where there source of those

1860
01:31:00,960 --> 01:31:05,559
Speaker 3: wounds come from. And it hurts so bad and it's

1861
01:31:05,560 --> 01:31:08,120
Speaker 3: so difficult to do, but you really have to spend

1862
01:31:08,160 --> 01:31:10,679
Speaker 3: time and they're not going to tell you. But everybody

1863
01:31:10,680 --> 01:31:13,800
Speaker 3: knows where it comes from. I don't know, and I

1864
01:31:13,800 --> 01:31:15,280
Speaker 3: don't know why I let people do this, and that

1865
01:31:15,320 --> 01:31:17,000
Speaker 3: you know, you just don't want to tell us that

1866
01:31:17,080 --> 01:31:19,200
Speaker 3: you know because you're embarrassed and you're ashamed about it.

1867
01:31:19,360 --> 01:31:22,640
Speaker 3: But everybody knows what their problem is. And when you

1868
01:31:22,640 --> 01:31:26,559
Speaker 3: see somebody constantly giving themselves away, that's usually childhood wounds

1869
01:31:26,560 --> 01:31:29,080
Speaker 3: an issue. And then you keep it so deep because

1870
01:31:29,240 --> 01:31:31,320
Speaker 3: everybody comes to your life, fucks you over and walks

1871
01:31:31,360 --> 01:31:33,519
Speaker 3: over you like that, and then you wonder, you see,

1872
01:31:33,560 --> 01:31:35,200
Speaker 3: they just don't see how good I am. They don't

1873
01:31:35,320 --> 01:31:37,439
Speaker 3: value me and apreacher because they know you're a stupid bitch.

1874
01:31:37,479 --> 01:31:41,320
Speaker 3: Because you won't stand in your power. You won't realize

1875
01:31:41,360 --> 01:31:43,719
Speaker 3: you're a powerful person. You believe your mother and everybody

1876
01:31:43,720 --> 01:31:46,040
Speaker 3: else who said you had no power, and that's the

1877
01:31:46,080 --> 01:31:48,360
Speaker 3: only way that's going to change. No counsel is going

1878
01:31:48,439 --> 01:31:49,800
Speaker 3: to fix it. They can help you see it, but

1879
01:31:49,840 --> 01:31:52,960
Speaker 3: nobody's going to fix you but you. And unfortunately, you

1880
01:31:53,080 --> 01:31:55,920
Speaker 3: usually get like me because I keep having people around

1881
01:31:55,920 --> 01:31:59,080
Speaker 3: me and my mother and my family saying God, it's

1882
01:31:59,120 --> 01:32:01,160
Speaker 3: going to fix this, and you're a good person, and

1883
01:32:01,200 --> 01:32:06,040
Speaker 3: God is gonna reward you. No, God isn't. It doesn't happen.

1884
01:32:06,920 --> 01:32:09,200
Speaker 3: I don't know anybody that happens. To keep being a

1885
01:32:09,200 --> 01:32:12,680
Speaker 3: doormat and God, watch you be a doormat and you

1886
01:32:12,720 --> 01:32:14,479
Speaker 3: pray to God, and God doesn't stop you from being

1887
01:32:14,560 --> 01:32:16,280
Speaker 3: a doormat and getting your ass kicked to get your

1888
01:32:16,280 --> 01:32:19,600
Speaker 3: fucking bank brains blowed out. Oh how God's gonna help you,

1889
01:32:19,640 --> 01:32:23,040
Speaker 3: not take you to heaven? Why let your brains get

1890
01:32:23,080 --> 01:32:25,280
Speaker 3: blowed out? You're chosen the wrong God, and you're not

1891
01:32:25,320 --> 01:32:27,200
Speaker 3: trusting to God within you because you feel like it's

1892
01:32:27,200 --> 01:32:30,639
Speaker 3: not there and you're not healing your own shit. That's

1893
01:32:30,640 --> 01:32:32,720
Speaker 3: all I can say is I have nothing elaborate or

1894
01:32:32,760 --> 01:32:36,120
Speaker 3: philosophical deep to say about that, because that's the only

1895
01:32:36,120 --> 01:32:39,760
Speaker 3: way it's going to change, when you face you and

1896
01:32:39,800 --> 01:32:41,240
Speaker 3: you stand in your power and you learn how to

1897
01:32:41,240 --> 01:32:44,160
Speaker 3: heal it, because nobody's gonna come save you. No God,

1898
01:32:44,360 --> 01:32:48,800
Speaker 3: nobody is gonna come save you long term. Eventually, if

1899
01:32:48,840 --> 01:32:50,760
Speaker 3: you really want to stand in your power, you're going

1900
01:32:50,800 --> 01:32:53,360
Speaker 3: to have to look at that person that always looks

1901
01:32:53,400 --> 01:32:55,320
Speaker 3: back at you, because this person's always with you. So

1902
01:32:55,439 --> 01:32:58,320
Speaker 3: this person's always with you, and you keep attracting different people,

1903
01:32:58,360 --> 01:33:02,200
Speaker 3: but you're always right there. You're the fucking problem. And

1904
01:33:02,240 --> 01:33:04,280
Speaker 3: even not standing in your power and taking it back

1905
01:33:04,280 --> 01:33:09,240
Speaker 3: and fighting back, you are the problem. That's just how

1906
01:33:09,280 --> 01:33:12,719
Speaker 3: I live now. That's why I like being alone, because

1907
01:33:12,760 --> 01:33:17,360
Speaker 3: now I can be comfortable being with me. I don't

1908
01:33:17,360 --> 01:33:20,080
Speaker 3: need no lover here. I'll need no friends here, I

1909
01:33:20,160 --> 01:33:22,880
Speaker 3: need no dranks here, I need no drugs here. No.

1910
01:33:23,200 --> 01:33:27,479
Speaker 3: I need to really face my shit and be all

1911
01:33:27,720 --> 01:33:30,719
Speaker 3: I can be, even though this isn't the last part

1912
01:33:30,720 --> 01:33:34,479
Speaker 3: of my life, and contribute whatever I'm supposed to contribute

1913
01:33:34,479 --> 01:33:37,120
Speaker 3: to everybody. But I can't contribute to everything to everybody

1914
01:33:38,920 --> 01:33:41,160
Speaker 3: unless I'm doing what I'm doing now, which I've been

1915
01:33:41,200 --> 01:33:44,600
Speaker 3: a better place now because I'm first giving me what

1916
01:33:44,960 --> 01:33:48,599
Speaker 3: I need and I'm not ashamed to say what I need.

1917
01:33:48,840 --> 01:33:51,040
Speaker 3: And if you don't respect that, I will cut you

1918
01:33:51,120 --> 01:33:55,000
Speaker 3: the fuck off because that tells me you're not what

1919
01:33:55,120 --> 01:33:57,479
Speaker 3: I need. And I need to see that and get

1920
01:33:57,479 --> 01:34:00,640
Speaker 3: the fuck away from you. And it's been all the

1921
01:34:00,640 --> 01:34:04,519
Speaker 3: people around me have been predators my whole life, and

1922
01:34:04,560 --> 01:34:07,280
Speaker 3: so and I had to recognize that, and I had

1923
01:34:07,280 --> 01:34:10,760
Speaker 3: to do what you're taught not to do. You're taught

1924
01:34:10,840 --> 01:34:14,280
Speaker 3: to look outside of yourself for something, to somebody and

1925
01:34:14,320 --> 01:34:17,439
Speaker 3: give your power away. They don't teach you, at least

1926
01:34:17,439 --> 01:34:19,720
Speaker 3: women of color don't teach you. That would teach you

1927
01:34:19,800 --> 01:34:22,600
Speaker 3: this God or something outside of you en up in

1928
01:34:22,600 --> 01:34:28,760
Speaker 3: the sky. I don't believe that anymore because you're giving

1929
01:34:28,800 --> 01:34:29,479
Speaker 3: away power.

1930
01:34:33,040 --> 01:34:38,240
Speaker 2: But I really do hope. I really want you to

1931
01:34:38,280 --> 01:34:40,840
Speaker 2: succeed and win in life, and I really do hope

1932
01:34:40,840 --> 01:34:44,400
Speaker 2: that you get everything that you deserve because you are

1933
01:34:44,600 --> 01:34:47,120
Speaker 2: iconic and you are legendary, and I really hate that

1934
01:34:47,560 --> 01:34:50,080
Speaker 2: people took advantage of you the way that they did.

1935
01:34:52,400 --> 01:34:54,479
Speaker 2: So however I can help.

1936
01:34:55,479 --> 01:34:58,880
Speaker 3: I feel that now that I have to start over,

1937
01:34:58,920 --> 01:35:02,679
Speaker 3: and I'll get it now because I'm doing what I

1938
01:35:02,720 --> 01:35:05,599
Speaker 3: wasn't taught to do. And if I had a little

1939
01:35:05,600 --> 01:35:07,960
Speaker 3: girl or had children, I think that's the first thing

1940
01:35:07,960 --> 01:35:10,280
Speaker 3: you should teach her daughter to do, is that she's powerful,

1941
01:35:10,600 --> 01:35:13,240
Speaker 3: and do everything you can to develop her natural abilities

1942
01:35:13,560 --> 01:35:16,800
Speaker 3: and have her resonate and stand in her power when

1943
01:35:16,880 --> 01:35:20,040
Speaker 3: she's a baby. If she does, there's nothing that can

1944
01:35:20,040 --> 01:35:22,559
Speaker 3: stop her. When I see women do that and teach

1945
01:35:22,640 --> 01:35:27,040
Speaker 3: their children, those yours and those little girls become very unstoppable.

1946
01:35:27,880 --> 01:35:31,880
Speaker 3: So I think it's still better late than never, because

1947
01:35:31,960 --> 01:35:37,000
Speaker 3: all my little girl things I do now, and I

1948
01:35:37,000 --> 01:35:39,439
Speaker 3: have my little girl toys and all the things I

1949
01:35:39,479 --> 01:35:41,400
Speaker 3: want to do, just like when I don't know if

1950
01:35:41,400 --> 01:35:43,760
Speaker 3: you saw them like my new outfits that I wear.

1951
01:35:43,840 --> 01:35:47,680
Speaker 3: That's my little girl's outfits, but I never had the

1952
01:35:47,720 --> 01:35:52,240
Speaker 3: courage to wear I'm bonding with her. I enjoyed it

1953
01:35:53,320 --> 01:35:54,439
Speaker 3: that good hard.

1954
01:35:55,160 --> 01:35:57,439
Speaker 2: I tell myself and I tell people when I'm a

1955
01:35:57,479 --> 01:35:59,320
Speaker 2: guest on their show that I just want to honor

1956
01:35:59,360 --> 01:36:00,320
Speaker 2: the little girl me.

1957
01:36:01,840 --> 01:36:03,840
Speaker 3: I do it. I'm like, you like that, and I'm

1958
01:36:03,880 --> 01:36:06,360
Speaker 3: just like, oh my god, you're too old. You cannot

1959
01:36:06,360 --> 01:36:09,240
Speaker 3: put that outfit on. They're gonna laugh, and and I'm like,

1960
01:36:09,400 --> 01:36:11,680
Speaker 3: fuck it. I mean, it's like my little girl. She

1961
01:36:11,720 --> 01:36:15,439
Speaker 3: always wanted to do it. And I always pushed her

1962
01:36:15,439 --> 01:36:18,240
Speaker 3: little girls down and never said they were beautiful, but

1963
01:36:18,320 --> 01:36:21,839
Speaker 3: she would dress very voluptuously. And it makes me giggle

1964
01:36:22,400 --> 01:36:25,680
Speaker 3: when I get on the show, like I did a

1965
01:36:25,680 --> 01:36:30,559
Speaker 3: couple of nights ago with the gold crystal bra and

1966
01:36:30,680 --> 01:36:34,200
Speaker 3: it's just chains on it, and the twenty and thirty

1967
01:36:34,280 --> 01:36:37,559
Speaker 3: year olds are going crazy, and I'm like, y'all, don't

1968
01:36:37,560 --> 01:36:39,800
Speaker 3: this don't look bad? Y'all don't They said, we love

1969
01:36:39,920 --> 01:36:45,519
Speaker 3: it and actually have a younger women and me and going, hey,

1970
01:36:45,680 --> 01:36:48,840
Speaker 3: go and Mike. I was talking to a young lady

1971
01:36:48,880 --> 01:36:51,960
Speaker 3: and she said her husband was doing and she's like,

1972
01:36:52,000 --> 01:36:54,599
Speaker 3: what you keep staring at that screen for he looks good.

1973
01:36:55,000 --> 01:36:57,200
Speaker 3: And I said, thank you. I said, you didn't get mad.

1974
01:36:57,280 --> 01:37:01,679
Speaker 3: She said, no, we liked it. And she's what I need.

1975
01:37:01,720 --> 01:37:04,960
Speaker 3: You just in her thirties and she's happily married. And

1976
01:37:05,000 --> 01:37:08,400
Speaker 3: I'm like, you know what that makes me think I

1977
01:37:08,439 --> 01:37:13,000
Speaker 3: still got a chance to find something. Yeah, because they

1978
01:37:13,080 --> 01:37:13,639
Speaker 3: look good.

1979
01:37:14,320 --> 01:37:17,720
Speaker 2: I told you that you still look good. Can you know?

1980
01:37:17,800 --> 01:37:20,120
Speaker 3: I never took my clothes off, and I was always

1981
01:37:20,120 --> 01:37:22,680
Speaker 3: I had all these hang ups around, my issues and

1982
01:37:22,720 --> 01:37:25,840
Speaker 3: stretch marks and scars, and my breasts were covered in

1983
01:37:25,880 --> 01:37:28,880
Speaker 3: the middle with chocolate covered. It looked like bare cloths.

1984
01:37:29,479 --> 01:37:31,400
Speaker 3: And now you see and I can show the breast

1985
01:37:31,400 --> 01:37:34,280
Speaker 3: and it's nothing there. Well, how I got there Because

1986
01:37:34,680 --> 01:37:37,680
Speaker 3: of the pain. I learned how to make skin care

1987
01:37:37,760 --> 01:37:40,519
Speaker 3: products to exfoliate and take all the dead skin off.

1988
01:37:42,160 --> 01:37:45,200
Speaker 3: And you know what is the best revenge? I know

1989
01:37:45,240 --> 01:37:47,880
Speaker 3: what I'm gonna say. You probably never went through this. Yeah,

1990
01:37:47,960 --> 01:37:50,640
Speaker 3: no children, but even with some children, women that's never

1991
01:37:50,680 --> 01:37:53,479
Speaker 3: get scarved. I did. And I felt like I had

1992
01:37:53,479 --> 01:37:58,160
Speaker 3: to learn how to make something good out of the

1993
01:37:58,200 --> 01:38:04,439
Speaker 3: bad stuff I created. You know my ex mm hmm,

1994
01:38:05,439 --> 01:38:07,880
Speaker 3: he would laugh and put me put my body down

1995
01:38:09,040 --> 01:38:11,920
Speaker 3: when I had the church marks literally like dark bear

1996
01:38:11,960 --> 01:38:14,120
Speaker 3: claws in the middle of my cleavage right there, and

1997
01:38:14,160 --> 01:38:15,640
Speaker 3: I had them on my stomach, I had them on

1998
01:38:15,680 --> 01:38:21,800
Speaker 3: my butt. I couldn't I couldn't show anything, and when

1999
01:38:21,800 --> 01:38:24,840
Speaker 3: I started off, and I want to show you can

2000
01:38:24,920 --> 01:38:27,280
Speaker 3: be powerful without taking your clothes off. So that was

2001
01:38:27,280 --> 01:38:29,120
Speaker 3: another reason why I covered everything, because I had started

2002
01:38:29,120 --> 01:38:30,599
Speaker 3: to make the formers and work on it back then,

2003
01:38:30,720 --> 01:38:34,960
Speaker 3: but they were still there. I felt, and what I'm

2004
01:38:35,000 --> 01:38:36,600
Speaker 3: gonna say, I don't know if you would understand what

2005
01:38:36,640 --> 01:38:39,599
Speaker 3: I'm cana to say and what other women get ready

2006
01:38:39,600 --> 01:38:42,400
Speaker 3: to say. He came over here last year and it

2007
01:38:42,439 --> 01:38:44,280
Speaker 3: came up earlier this year and he was fixing something

2008
01:38:44,479 --> 01:38:47,080
Speaker 3: and I had one of my seat through jumpsuit saw

2009
01:38:47,160 --> 01:38:48,680
Speaker 3: that I've never ever worn in my life that I

2010
01:38:48,720 --> 01:38:50,080
Speaker 3: always wanted to wear when I was a little girl,

2011
01:38:50,080 --> 01:38:52,040
Speaker 3: and I loved share. You know, Turner, And I don't

2012
01:38:52,080 --> 01:38:54,400
Speaker 3: know if you remember or heard of Lola Plana, but

2013
01:38:54,560 --> 01:38:56,600
Speaker 3: all those were some beautiful women and I love it.

2014
01:38:56,880 --> 01:38:59,040
Speaker 3: Lola Plana, I think for Playboy, she posted Maaked on

2015
01:38:59,080 --> 01:39:01,240
Speaker 3: the Horse and she was in Vegas, and I was like,

2016
01:39:01,360 --> 01:39:02,960
Speaker 3: when I grow up, I want to look like that

2017
01:39:03,000 --> 01:39:05,040
Speaker 3: and have a body like that and like Sharan Teina

2018
01:39:05,120 --> 01:39:07,839
Speaker 3: Turner right, And that happened to me. I got pregnant

2019
01:39:07,840 --> 01:39:10,240
Speaker 3: and just ate from depression and being put down and

2020
01:39:10,280 --> 01:39:12,680
Speaker 3: humilated my whole pregnancy. I'm like, Okay, that's over. That's

2021
01:39:12,720 --> 01:39:14,560
Speaker 3: never gonna happen. And I started looking for ways and

2022
01:39:14,600 --> 01:39:18,560
Speaker 3: talking skincare, especially estheticians, and learned how to create this

2023
01:39:18,680 --> 01:39:21,080
Speaker 3: formulas and what would exfoliated and peel down the skin.

2024
01:39:21,760 --> 01:39:26,080
Speaker 3: And he saw me with the outfit on. He called

2025
01:39:26,080 --> 01:39:29,240
Speaker 3: me in the other room and he said, why do

2026
01:39:29,560 --> 01:39:32,880
Speaker 3: you have on that sea through jumpsuit? Do you realize

2027
01:39:32,920 --> 01:39:34,920
Speaker 3: this man in here doing maintenance? And I said, it's

2028
01:39:34,960 --> 01:39:37,280
Speaker 3: my house and what do they have to do with me?

2029
01:39:37,760 --> 01:39:39,720
Speaker 3: I don't know that they're coming to perform maintenance and leave.

2030
01:39:40,320 --> 01:39:43,479
Speaker 3: And I said, do you see my chest now? And

2031
01:39:43,560 --> 01:39:46,040
Speaker 3: how I can do see through and there's no scars.

2032
01:39:46,280 --> 01:39:49,240
Speaker 3: And I said, remember how you would laugh, how you

2033
01:39:49,240 --> 01:39:52,160
Speaker 3: would point and say, oh, there's a stretch parn right there.

2034
01:39:52,320 --> 01:39:54,400
Speaker 3: Ooh and ha ha, there's a stretch man right there.

2035
01:39:54,560 --> 01:39:58,040
Speaker 3: And who's gonna want you? Who's gonna want to see

2036
01:39:58,080 --> 01:40:02,360
Speaker 3: you naked? With that on you? And that a ha haha.

2037
01:40:02,640 --> 01:40:07,320
Speaker 3: Girl that detroyed my self esteemed. And you know what,

2038
01:40:07,479 --> 01:40:10,720
Speaker 3: I already have self esteem. But if somebody does that

2039
01:40:10,840 --> 01:40:13,800
Speaker 3: to a woman, you know why he's doing that so

2040
01:40:13,880 --> 01:40:17,880
Speaker 3: she won't leave because she believes she's not beautiful, and

2041
01:40:17,920 --> 01:40:21,160
Speaker 3: who's gonna want to see her? You know that? And

2042
01:40:21,240 --> 01:40:23,439
Speaker 3: you know and I know they're women that are big,

2043
01:40:23,560 --> 01:40:26,519
Speaker 3: got stretch marks everywhere, that are skinny, and men love

2044
01:40:26,520 --> 01:40:28,760
Speaker 3: a dirty drawls and a kid your bottom, so you

2045
01:40:28,800 --> 01:40:31,960
Speaker 3: don't have be flawless for man to want you. But

2046
01:40:32,320 --> 01:40:36,559
Speaker 3: he knew that hurt me and he liked me like that,

2047
01:40:36,720 --> 01:40:38,800
Speaker 3: and so he then I would say, well, can you

2048
01:40:38,840 --> 01:40:40,479
Speaker 3: take me to a doctor or can you take me

2049
01:40:40,520 --> 01:40:42,639
Speaker 3: to a spa? Oh? I don't have the money for that.

2050
01:40:42,880 --> 01:40:45,040
Speaker 3: It's like you you don't want to get me out

2051
01:40:45,040 --> 01:40:47,680
Speaker 3: of that prison, but you want to make fun of

2052
01:40:47,680 --> 01:40:50,400
Speaker 3: me that I'm there, and say, well, who would want you?

2053
01:40:51,280 --> 01:40:53,679
Speaker 3: They would want to see that girl? He would actually say,

2054
01:40:53,680 --> 01:40:57,040
Speaker 3: And he's older than me and not cute, not fine, nothing,

2055
01:40:57,080 --> 01:41:00,200
Speaker 3: he's like in his fucking seventies, not a good looking guy.

2056
01:41:00,400 --> 01:41:02,320
Speaker 3: But he liked to tear me up because you know

2057
01:41:02,360 --> 01:41:04,840
Speaker 3: how any woman that would hurt her for her own

2058
01:41:04,920 --> 01:41:06,800
Speaker 3: man is to make fun of her naked and say

2059
01:41:06,840 --> 01:41:11,240
Speaker 3: that my other girlfriend looked better than you. Right, my

2060
01:41:11,320 --> 01:41:15,200
Speaker 3: other girlfriend has no scars. And so I said that

2061
01:41:15,280 --> 01:41:17,880
Speaker 3: to say, don't you think this is the best revenge

2062
01:41:18,360 --> 01:41:22,040
Speaker 3: that even though it's later in my life, we're not

2063
01:41:22,160 --> 01:41:26,000
Speaker 3: together and I don't want him touching me. Why because

2064
01:41:26,040 --> 01:41:29,240
Speaker 3: you said I was nothing and you said nobody wants me,

2065
01:41:29,880 --> 01:41:33,559
Speaker 3: and you laughed at my scars, and he didn't know,

2066
01:41:33,920 --> 01:41:35,680
Speaker 3: like you didn't know what you're telling you now. When

2067
01:41:35,720 --> 01:41:40,360
Speaker 3: I was covering, I was working on formulas to tests

2068
01:41:40,400 --> 01:41:42,479
Speaker 3: to help to eat up the scars because it's painful,

2069
01:41:44,000 --> 01:41:45,360
Speaker 3: or even going to the doctor or going in to

2070
01:41:45,360 --> 01:41:47,559
Speaker 3: the bathroom looking at yourself and you see that and

2071
01:41:47,640 --> 01:41:50,439
Speaker 3: it's like, no, and nobody wanted me. I didn't have

2072
01:41:50,479 --> 01:41:52,160
Speaker 3: anybody that want me. You know, some men, when they

2073
01:41:52,200 --> 01:41:54,200
Speaker 3: don't love you, you think they love you, and you

2074
01:41:54,240 --> 01:41:56,360
Speaker 3: take off your clothes and they see that because they

2075
01:41:56,400 --> 01:41:58,240
Speaker 3: don't really love you, and then they make fun of

2076
01:41:58,240 --> 01:42:00,280
Speaker 3: you or they go tell someone about it. And that

2077
01:42:00,400 --> 01:42:02,800
Speaker 3: was my experience in the past. And he knew I

2078
01:42:02,880 --> 01:42:04,800
Speaker 3: was a young woman, but I felt old with those

2079
01:42:04,840 --> 01:42:07,320
Speaker 3: scars there, and so I didn't tell him, and he

2080
01:42:07,360 --> 01:42:09,040
Speaker 3: wouldn't help me go to a doctor to fix it.

2081
01:42:09,200 --> 01:42:13,360
Speaker 3: So I learned how to create chemistry shit on my

2082
01:42:13,479 --> 01:42:16,920
Speaker 3: own and read and research and when he saw it,

2083
01:42:16,960 --> 01:42:19,840
Speaker 3: I said, remember how you would make fun of me?

2084
01:42:19,920 --> 01:42:22,200
Speaker 3: And I was like wow, I took it off. I

2085
01:42:22,240 --> 01:42:25,320
Speaker 3: was like, do you see anything now? You know? He

2086
01:42:25,400 --> 01:42:31,200
Speaker 3: got angry because it was yes, and he did what

2087
01:42:31,280 --> 01:42:33,720
Speaker 3: he could to destroy me. And that's why when I

2088
01:42:33,720 --> 01:42:35,439
Speaker 3: see it now, I like being alone. Like you said,

2089
01:42:35,600 --> 01:42:37,519
Speaker 3: how do you feel about selling being alone? Because it's

2090
01:42:37,520 --> 01:42:41,760
Speaker 3: a healing for me because I feel like this, if

2091
01:42:41,800 --> 01:42:45,920
Speaker 3: a man tortures you and puts you down when something

2092
01:42:46,080 --> 01:42:48,519
Speaker 3: is wrong with you, and they know it hurts you,

2093
01:42:48,760 --> 01:42:51,519
Speaker 3: and it makes you extremely insecure and afraid to be naked,

2094
01:42:51,800 --> 01:42:54,960
Speaker 3: and it makes you scared to be vulnerable with them

2095
01:42:55,520 --> 01:42:57,519
Speaker 3: because when they're having sex with you, they're like, ha,

2096
01:42:57,840 --> 01:43:00,439
Speaker 3: look at this and look at that. But I and

2097
01:43:00,479 --> 01:43:02,360
Speaker 3: I don't want you to go nowhere else and nobody

2098
01:43:02,439 --> 01:43:04,439
Speaker 3: else is gonna want you, And I'm not gonna help

2099
01:43:04,439 --> 01:43:05,360
Speaker 3: you get rid of it either.

2100
01:43:06,000 --> 01:43:06,280
Speaker 1: Girl.

2101
01:43:06,360 --> 01:43:09,880
Speaker 3: Why should you let them fuck you when you have

2102
01:43:09,960 --> 01:43:14,080
Speaker 3: to struggle to get rid of that stuff yourself? Facts

2103
01:43:14,120 --> 01:43:18,160
Speaker 3: and everyone he could never touch me. And it's the

2104
01:43:18,200 --> 01:43:20,479
Speaker 3: best advantage. I might be older in life, but I

2105
01:43:20,479 --> 01:43:22,719
Speaker 3: feel like I'm better in life because when that happened

2106
01:43:22,720 --> 01:43:24,400
Speaker 3: to me, and I had my baby at twenty and

2107
01:43:24,439 --> 01:43:26,720
Speaker 3: my body was torn up and then I was surgically

2108
01:43:26,880 --> 01:43:31,720
Speaker 3: botched and my c section instead of going straight girt.

2109
01:43:31,760 --> 01:43:36,360
Speaker 3: It was like this, oh wow, he saw that too,

2110
01:43:37,680 --> 01:43:41,640
Speaker 3: and he made fun of me. And I found the

2111
01:43:41,720 --> 01:43:44,840
Speaker 3: right surgeon to fix it. And my I also had

2112
01:43:44,840 --> 01:43:47,280
Speaker 3: hernias in the inside because I got so big, and

2113
01:43:47,320 --> 01:43:50,960
Speaker 3: when they cut my son out of me, it was like,

2114
01:43:51,040 --> 01:43:53,600
Speaker 3: you know, the public hospital, and they botched me. And

2115
01:43:53,640 --> 01:43:55,559
Speaker 3: I walked around for like twelve years of my stomach

2116
01:43:56,439 --> 01:43:59,680
Speaker 3: asymmetrical and these lumps, but I didn't know what they

2117
01:43:59,720 --> 01:44:01,120
Speaker 3: were to rend on my body. I didn't know they

2118
01:44:01,160 --> 01:44:05,760
Speaker 3: were pieces of gut. I had to get, yeah, and

2119
01:44:05,840 --> 01:44:09,600
Speaker 3: he made fun of it. So it was like so

2120
01:44:09,880 --> 01:44:12,760
Speaker 3: much pain. I don't mind sharing it with you in

2121
01:44:12,760 --> 01:44:14,280
Speaker 3: case you share with someone that may here and may

2122
01:44:14,360 --> 01:44:17,559
Speaker 3: relate to it. And so being alone and just working

2123
01:44:17,560 --> 01:44:19,679
Speaker 3: on me, and I had to look in the mirror

2124
01:44:19,880 --> 01:44:23,519
Speaker 3: and I looked at me naked, and it was so disfiggering,

2125
01:44:23,520 --> 01:44:24,920
Speaker 3: and I thought I could never come back from it.

2126
01:44:26,080 --> 01:44:28,240
Speaker 3: I feel like nobody was gonna want me. I started

2127
01:44:28,439 --> 01:44:34,040
Speaker 3: hugging the stretch marks, hugging the scar, hugging the breast

2128
01:44:34,120 --> 01:44:36,840
Speaker 3: and say that I'm enough right now, I'm good enough

2129
01:44:36,960 --> 01:44:42,120
Speaker 3: right now. I love myself right now. I trust myself

2130
01:44:42,200 --> 01:44:45,320
Speaker 3: right now. I'm enough right now. And the more idead that,

2131
01:44:45,360 --> 01:44:48,400
Speaker 3: and I started to embrace myself and I just knew

2132
01:44:48,760 --> 01:44:50,479
Speaker 3: I don't know when and where, but I knew somebody's

2133
01:44:50,479 --> 01:44:52,479
Speaker 3: gonna meet the right doctor, somebody help me fix it.

2134
01:44:52,920 --> 01:44:55,599
Speaker 3: As well as creating the formulas, and that goes back

2135
01:44:55,640 --> 01:44:56,840
Speaker 3: with what I was saying to you about the science

2136
01:44:56,880 --> 01:45:00,320
Speaker 3: of the mind and the law of attraction, think and

2137
01:45:00,320 --> 01:45:02,920
Speaker 3: grow rich. I actually started almost like a vision board,

2138
01:45:02,920 --> 01:45:05,120
Speaker 3: but it was a vision board in my head where

2139
01:45:05,160 --> 01:45:07,920
Speaker 3: I started like going into magazines and I started getting

2140
01:45:07,920 --> 01:45:10,519
Speaker 3: pictures of the body I wanted to look like and

2141
01:45:10,600 --> 01:45:12,559
Speaker 3: flawless and the bikini, and I actually put my face

2142
01:45:12,600 --> 01:45:14,800
Speaker 3: on it and created like a vision board of it.

2143
01:45:14,960 --> 01:45:17,120
Speaker 3: Every day that's all I saw. And when I looked

2144
01:45:17,160 --> 01:45:19,040
Speaker 3: in the mirror to see what I didn't want to see,

2145
01:45:19,160 --> 01:45:20,920
Speaker 3: I would always bless it and I love it, and

2146
01:45:20,960 --> 01:45:26,920
Speaker 3: I knew the divine solution, the right solution would come,

2147
01:45:27,280 --> 01:45:30,200
Speaker 3: and it took a while. So I said all that

2148
01:45:30,280 --> 01:45:33,719
Speaker 3: to say, when I wear those bras, now you see

2149
01:45:33,720 --> 01:45:37,759
Speaker 3: they mean something deeper to me. I show my tummy,

2150
01:45:38,320 --> 01:45:40,160
Speaker 3: I can show my stomach now and it's not all

2151
01:45:40,160 --> 01:45:43,360
Speaker 3: these chocolates, Treaschmartsy all over it. And it was so

2152
01:45:43,360 --> 01:45:45,600
Speaker 3: so hurtful for somebody to say they love me and

2153
01:45:45,600 --> 01:45:48,439
Speaker 3: you're having sex with me, and you're like a kid

2154
01:45:48,600 --> 01:45:51,120
Speaker 3: pointing it was this. It was that oh ha ha

2155
01:45:51,479 --> 01:45:54,880
Speaker 3: yes Gardre yes gardair, or your your your breasts are

2156
01:45:55,720 --> 01:45:58,800
Speaker 3: full the stretch, ha ha. Who's gonna want to see that? Girl?

2157
01:46:00,000 --> 01:46:02,600
Speaker 3: It's awful to have a man to sleep with you

2158
01:46:02,720 --> 01:46:05,480
Speaker 3: and do that, to do that to you.

2159
01:46:05,479 --> 01:46:07,960
Speaker 2: You know, I'm really thankful that you're sharing your story

2160
01:46:08,000 --> 01:46:09,760
Speaker 2: because I always feel like you never know what people

2161
01:46:09,760 --> 01:46:12,479
Speaker 2: are going through behind closed, closed doors, and I feel

2162
01:46:12,520 --> 01:46:15,720
Speaker 2: like you went through a lot, and I feel like

2163
01:46:15,720 --> 01:46:17,920
Speaker 2: when people look at you and they see you, they

2164
01:46:17,960 --> 01:46:20,800
Speaker 2: don't see the things that you share with us. I

2165
01:46:20,840 --> 01:46:23,080
Speaker 2: really appreciate you doing that because I'm pretty sure it's

2166
01:46:23,120 --> 01:46:23,960
Speaker 2: gonna help somebody.

2167
01:46:24,880 --> 01:46:27,559
Speaker 3: I don't think do you really want them to see that? Though?

2168
01:46:28,400 --> 01:46:30,320
Speaker 3: I don't think because the people that did it to you,

2169
01:46:30,640 --> 01:46:33,839
Speaker 3: it would give them satisfaction, like, yeah, we're not together anymore.

2170
01:46:34,000 --> 01:46:36,040
Speaker 3: But look at the Shane shit, don't nobody want her.

2171
01:46:36,200 --> 01:46:38,759
Speaker 3: She's an alcoholic, she's a drug addict, she looks a mess.

2172
01:46:38,960 --> 01:46:41,639
Speaker 3: You were really give of another human being the power

2173
01:46:42,040 --> 01:46:44,360
Speaker 3: to say that and to enjoy that. Now she's not

2174
01:46:44,439 --> 01:46:46,479
Speaker 3: with me, but she won't go nowhere either because nobody

2175
01:46:46,479 --> 01:46:49,400
Speaker 3: wants her. She's all fucked up. I wasn't gonna leave

2176
01:46:49,439 --> 01:46:52,160
Speaker 3: this relationship like that, and he had to see it

2177
01:46:52,640 --> 01:46:54,880
Speaker 3: because it hurts so bad. I'm a woman, and you know,

2178
01:46:54,960 --> 01:46:56,760
Speaker 3: I was such a good person and I was so

2179
01:46:56,880 --> 01:46:59,120
Speaker 3: vulnerable and I loved you, and all you could do,

2180
01:46:59,160 --> 01:47:02,920
Speaker 3: because you're so insects, is to serve me that and

2181
01:47:02,960 --> 01:47:05,600
Speaker 3: then you won't help me come up with the solution.

2182
01:47:06,240 --> 01:47:08,120
Speaker 3: Because I really wanted a husband. I didn't want to

2183
01:47:08,160 --> 01:47:10,040
Speaker 3: slip around. I wanted to be with him. But girl,

2184
01:47:10,040 --> 01:47:11,840
Speaker 3: he was so messed up in the head that he

2185
01:47:11,840 --> 01:47:14,960
Speaker 3: could never see. He didn't have to be the finest

2186
01:47:15,000 --> 01:47:16,719
Speaker 3: nigga to me. He didn't have to have the pretty

2187
01:47:16,720 --> 01:47:18,559
Speaker 3: face of the pretty body, none of that. I just

2188
01:47:18,600 --> 01:47:20,320
Speaker 3: wanted to be loved, and you know, what I think

2189
01:47:20,360 --> 01:47:25,000
Speaker 3: that was my problem because I didn't set a standard.

2190
01:47:25,000 --> 01:47:26,880
Speaker 3: I just felt like, if I'm loving you and I'm

2191
01:47:26,880 --> 01:47:28,960
Speaker 3: good to you, I was told to come back and

2192
01:47:29,000 --> 01:47:32,120
Speaker 3: read with you. So girl, you don't when you don't

2193
01:47:32,120 --> 01:47:35,479
Speaker 3: have any boundaries and you're true not focusing on the

2194
01:47:35,520 --> 01:47:39,400
Speaker 3: mental science of the law of attraction and in your mind,

2195
01:47:39,520 --> 01:47:44,320
Speaker 3: you're really not focusing on Okay, like this and now

2196
01:47:44,320 --> 01:47:44,719
Speaker 3: I'll make.

2197
01:47:44,640 --> 01:47:50,120
Speaker 4: It sure when you say that you want someone to

2198
01:47:50,200 --> 01:47:53,280
Speaker 4: love you and be good to you, but you always

2199
01:47:53,280 --> 01:47:55,080
Speaker 4: got what I just described.

2200
01:47:56,240 --> 01:47:59,679
Speaker 3: A part of you, your emotions and your total attention

2201
01:47:59,800 --> 01:48:04,479
Speaker 3: and passion, You're feelings not only focusing on what you want,

2202
01:48:04,960 --> 01:48:07,400
Speaker 3: it's focused to know what you don't want and the

2203
01:48:07,439 --> 01:48:10,280
Speaker 3: pain that you haven't dealt with from the trauma. So

2204
01:48:10,320 --> 01:48:12,280
Speaker 3: that's all you're seeing your feeling, and then you keep

2205
01:48:12,320 --> 01:48:16,559
Speaker 3: getting more of what your passion and what your pain

2206
01:48:16,680 --> 01:48:20,479
Speaker 3: and what your intention is focusing on. And then you

2207
01:48:20,520 --> 01:48:23,839
Speaker 3: wonder why it's always mismatched, why what shows up physically

2208
01:48:23,880 --> 01:48:27,439
Speaker 3: is mismatched. It's really not mismatched. It's focusing on what's

2209
01:48:27,439 --> 01:48:30,400
Speaker 3: in your subconscious mind that you're not telling everybody and

2210
01:48:30,479 --> 01:48:33,280
Speaker 3: that you're not clearing it's on. That's why I tell people.

2211
01:48:33,280 --> 01:48:35,400
Speaker 3: And I had to learn, don't write a list and

2212
01:48:35,439 --> 01:48:37,640
Speaker 3: save the pros and cons what I want and I

2213
01:48:37,680 --> 01:48:39,840
Speaker 3: don't want this, and he can't do that, and then

2214
01:48:39,840 --> 01:48:41,160
Speaker 3: you keep getting what you said you don't want. You

2215
01:48:41,160 --> 01:48:43,200
Speaker 3: don't folks, so why because that's why all your feelings are,

2216
01:48:43,800 --> 01:48:48,439
Speaker 3: That's why you are right. I had to be alone

2217
01:48:48,479 --> 01:48:50,720
Speaker 3: and clear and that really hurt me and girl and

2218
01:48:50,760 --> 01:48:53,639
Speaker 3: I showed it to him and the bras and the breadth.

2219
01:48:53,640 --> 01:48:55,160
Speaker 3: I'm like, look at the stomach, now, look at the breast.

2220
01:48:55,360 --> 01:49:00,160
Speaker 3: He couldn't take it, and then started to insult me. Oh,

2221
01:49:00,200 --> 01:49:02,479
Speaker 3: you're showing the men that. Oh they're doing maintenance, and

2222
01:49:02,560 --> 01:49:04,920
Speaker 3: maintenance men have to look at that. And I'm like,

2223
01:49:04,960 --> 01:49:06,719
Speaker 3: they're not even looking at me. They're around the corner

2224
01:49:06,760 --> 01:49:13,959
Speaker 3: and we're in here. But you made fun of the image,

2225
01:49:14,160 --> 01:49:16,160
Speaker 3: and I was like, just snatch it back. I said,

2226
01:49:16,160 --> 01:49:19,040
Speaker 3: that's not funny anymore. You don't want to laugh anymore.

2227
01:49:19,240 --> 01:49:22,040
Speaker 2: But I'm just curious. Ain't no celebrities or ain't no

2228
01:49:22,240 --> 01:49:25,160
Speaker 2: like basketball players. Ain't nobody trying to.

2229
01:49:25,080 --> 01:49:29,400
Speaker 3: Holler at you? No? And I think too, I don't

2230
01:49:29,439 --> 01:49:32,880
Speaker 3: go out. I'm not social and girl, I'm scared of them.

2231
01:49:34,320 --> 01:49:38,760
Speaker 3: I'm scared of them, and they're probably scared of me, well,

2232
01:49:38,800 --> 01:49:41,599
Speaker 3: probably because I'm not like a lot of men is like, Ooh,

2233
01:49:41,680 --> 01:49:45,440
Speaker 3: you're intimidating. You're so strong, your voice is so aggressive,

2234
01:49:45,479 --> 01:49:48,280
Speaker 3: and I don't know. You seem like you're mean and

2235
01:49:48,920 --> 01:49:51,200
Speaker 3: you're vicious, and I'm like, no, I'm not. But girl,

2236
01:49:51,280 --> 01:49:53,120
Speaker 3: I'm scared of them. And when I see men with

2237
01:49:53,200 --> 01:49:55,880
Speaker 3: money and I see them hanging all socials, I get

2238
01:49:55,960 --> 01:49:59,280
Speaker 3: scared of them, so I don't reach out. Or if

2239
01:49:59,280 --> 01:50:01,439
Speaker 3: men try to hit on me now, I'm like thank you,

2240
01:50:01,840 --> 01:50:03,960
Speaker 3: and I'll say something email thank you and hurping close

2241
01:50:04,040 --> 01:50:08,040
Speaker 3: it because I feel that men that are high profile

2242
01:50:08,160 --> 01:50:11,040
Speaker 3: like that. You know, it's different now. I think that

2243
01:50:11,120 --> 01:50:12,640
Speaker 3: if they take you out or you tell me if

2244
01:50:12,640 --> 01:50:15,439
Speaker 3: I'm wrong, if they take you out and they start

2245
01:50:15,479 --> 01:50:19,280
Speaker 3: spending money or they want to screw yeah, and I'm

2246
01:50:19,280 --> 01:50:23,200
Speaker 3: not ready. I'm so afraid. I'm admitting that to you.

2247
01:50:23,280 --> 01:50:28,680
Speaker 3: A girl, I'm so afraid to open my body up

2248
01:50:29,200 --> 01:50:35,599
Speaker 3: because that's the place I always got hurt, giving your

2249
01:50:35,720 --> 01:50:40,679
Speaker 3: body and always having that associated with pain and never

2250
01:50:40,920 --> 01:50:44,719
Speaker 3: meeting men to love me and then loving know myself

2251
01:50:45,000 --> 01:50:47,240
Speaker 3: I attracted all Like I just told you, girl, I

2252
01:50:47,240 --> 01:50:50,720
Speaker 3: attracted all the wrong men, so I would like that.

2253
01:50:51,000 --> 01:50:54,000
Speaker 3: Of course, like you said, a man is a successful

2254
01:50:54,080 --> 01:50:56,439
Speaker 3: and beautiful But then girl, look at what we hear

2255
01:50:56,479 --> 01:51:00,400
Speaker 3: about them. All those athletes and celebrity fuck around every

2256
01:51:00,400 --> 01:51:02,639
Speaker 3: woman they get with this beautiful, strong and beat they

2257
01:51:02,680 --> 01:51:04,680
Speaker 3: ass and lead them with babies and then had to

2258
01:51:04,680 --> 01:51:08,679
Speaker 3: deal with child support and cheat. It's like, that's that's

2259
01:51:08,760 --> 01:51:12,000
Speaker 3: all I see. So I see the beauty of them.

2260
01:51:12,400 --> 01:51:15,880
Speaker 3: But could they scare me? I can really honestly say

2261
01:51:15,920 --> 01:51:17,840
Speaker 3: they're scared. Their dick scared me.

2262
01:51:18,800 --> 01:51:20,880
Speaker 2: Would you would you ever go back to dating women?

2263
01:51:22,200 --> 01:51:26,280
Speaker 3: No, I don't want that. I love men because I

2264
01:51:26,280 --> 01:51:29,240
Speaker 3: don't know how to deal with them right and I

2265
01:51:29,320 --> 01:51:33,439
Speaker 3: never attracted the right one. Girl. I love men. When

2266
01:51:33,479 --> 01:51:35,120
Speaker 3: Nipsey came to me and started reading me, girl, I

2267
01:51:35,120 --> 01:51:37,840
Speaker 3: fell in love with him. I was like, why can't

2268
01:51:37,840 --> 01:51:41,080
Speaker 3: meet somebody like that? That's so charming and so sexy

2269
01:51:41,400 --> 01:51:45,400
Speaker 3: and so beautiful and so intelligent. I know, ladies, man

2270
01:51:45,479 --> 01:51:48,360
Speaker 3: at the time, I think at some point everybody might

2271
01:51:48,439 --> 01:51:52,000
Speaker 3: find someone. Every man, well, they might cheat on women,

2272
01:51:52,200 --> 01:51:54,000
Speaker 3: but I don't think they cheat on every woman. Where

2273
01:51:54,000 --> 01:51:57,120
Speaker 3: there's a spiritual bond with them, and so now I'm open.

2274
01:51:57,400 --> 01:52:01,240
Speaker 3: But girl, I have to be honest about my right.

2275
01:52:02,320 --> 01:52:06,200
Speaker 3: So if I meet a man, I would rather be

2276
01:52:06,240 --> 01:52:10,200
Speaker 3: friends first, and if it doesn't go anywhere, it's okay,

2277
01:52:10,520 --> 01:52:13,200
Speaker 3: we can still be friends. But I really have trust

2278
01:52:13,680 --> 01:52:17,240
Speaker 3: especially in Atlanta. Got all these rich men are download

2279
01:52:17,360 --> 01:52:19,840
Speaker 3: and shit and and like to fuck a lot of

2280
01:52:19,840 --> 01:52:21,760
Speaker 3: a whole bunch of women because it's a shortage of men.

2281
01:52:22,600 --> 01:52:25,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of my guests, especially when it comes

2282
01:52:25,240 --> 01:52:28,840
Speaker 2: to like HIV and other STV episodes, a lot of

2283
01:52:28,840 --> 01:52:30,840
Speaker 2: them are from Atlanta, and a lot of them they

2284
01:52:30,840 --> 01:52:33,200
Speaker 2: share their stories of being with men that are there

2285
01:52:33,200 --> 01:52:35,719
Speaker 2: are on the down low. It's crazy.

2286
01:52:37,000 --> 01:52:39,120
Speaker 3: I don't know what I'm gonna do. So that's why

2287
01:52:39,160 --> 01:52:42,679
Speaker 3: I said, let me learn, girl. Like I told you earlier,

2288
01:52:42,680 --> 01:52:46,360
Speaker 3: I'm enjoying that, little girl, but I do like it. Girl.

2289
01:52:46,400 --> 01:52:54,200
Speaker 3: When they look still and ye good, it's still fun.

2290
01:52:56,720 --> 01:52:58,960
Speaker 3: They still look for a girl. I'm just now getting

2291
01:52:59,120 --> 01:53:03,320
Speaker 3: comfortable with my vagina and with my body. When you

2292
01:53:03,360 --> 01:53:05,000
Speaker 3: have a mother, I don't know if your mother did it,

2293
01:53:05,439 --> 01:53:08,120
Speaker 3: but I always said that you're nothing. Your two daughters

2294
01:53:08,120 --> 01:53:11,720
Speaker 3: are nothing, but you are everything. And now I look

2295
01:53:11,760 --> 01:53:16,800
Speaker 3: at her, and she's not beautiful anymore. And she was

2296
01:53:16,840 --> 01:53:18,639
Speaker 3: such a rotten person in the inside. And I don't

2297
01:53:18,680 --> 01:53:21,920
Speaker 3: think she knew she was beautiful on the outside. But

2298
01:53:22,000 --> 01:53:25,679
Speaker 3: she was very vain and very narcissistic. And you see,

2299
01:53:26,120 --> 01:53:29,160
Speaker 3: if you don't take care of yourself, that does come

2300
01:53:29,200 --> 01:53:33,080
Speaker 3: to an end. And she tormented her daughters. And so

2301
01:53:33,280 --> 01:53:35,640
Speaker 3: now I'm finally to a place in life it's like,

2302
01:53:36,280 --> 01:53:38,720
Speaker 3: that's fine. You don't like me, that's fine. You're not

2303
01:53:38,800 --> 01:53:41,040
Speaker 3: attracted to me, that's fine, you don't want to be

2304
01:53:41,080 --> 01:53:45,559
Speaker 3: my friend. But finally I love me. I'm okay with me.

2305
01:53:46,439 --> 01:53:49,639
Speaker 3: I'm okay with sitting in front of the camera eating

2306
01:53:49,680 --> 01:53:52,880
Speaker 3: donuts with shit in my teeth, you know, And I

2307
01:53:52,920 --> 01:53:55,680
Speaker 3: mean and saying, hey, you like it, not fit? You

2308
01:53:55,680 --> 01:53:57,479
Speaker 3: don't like it? Oh fuck you? I'm aware. Do I

2309
01:53:57,560 --> 01:54:01,680
Speaker 3: like it? Y'all like it? Put I've never It's like,

2310
01:54:01,760 --> 01:54:08,000
Speaker 3: it's the freedom, even though I'm not sexual. That's the

2311
01:54:08,040 --> 01:54:11,960
Speaker 3: little girl, that's the stuff she always wanted to do. No,

2312
01:54:12,120 --> 01:54:13,160
Speaker 3: I definitely feel you.

2313
01:54:13,240 --> 01:54:15,320
Speaker 2: I feel like being celibate has been one of the

2314
01:54:15,360 --> 01:54:19,240
Speaker 2: best decisions and it has definitely had its rewards. I

2315
01:54:19,280 --> 01:54:22,080
Speaker 2: feel I'm in a great space, and I think that

2316
01:54:22,160 --> 01:54:23,759
Speaker 2: has a lot to do with me being selibant.

2317
01:54:25,280 --> 01:54:27,639
Speaker 3: And I think because you're so like a beautiful person,

2318
01:54:27,680 --> 01:54:31,400
Speaker 3: beautiful pace, beautiful smile. I think when you're ready, you

2319
01:54:31,560 --> 01:54:35,440
Speaker 3: know who you are and where you are and what

2320
01:54:35,480 --> 01:54:38,680
Speaker 3: you want and when you want it, it'll come when

2321
01:54:38,720 --> 01:54:42,040
Speaker 3: you say that I'm ready to have this experience and

2322
01:54:42,600 --> 01:54:44,520
Speaker 3: that experience. But I can't believe I said that to you,

2323
01:54:44,840 --> 01:54:49,280
Speaker 3: Like wow, I admitted I'm scared. Mh. I'm really scared

2324
01:54:49,280 --> 01:54:51,920
Speaker 3: of men because I don't know. And the good ones

2325
01:54:51,960 --> 01:54:55,440
Speaker 3: I met, they was with a woman they loved and

2326
01:54:56,240 --> 01:54:58,720
Speaker 3: it's like they're already taken. And I'm like, I want

2327
01:54:58,760 --> 01:55:03,200
Speaker 3: to know what that feels like. I hope I get to.

2328
01:55:03,200 --> 01:55:04,240
Speaker 2: Know me too.

2329
01:55:05,720 --> 01:55:09,160
Speaker 3: And that's why i'm you're more advanced than me. I

2330
01:55:09,160 --> 01:55:10,560
Speaker 3: think you already know it be easy for you to

2331
01:55:10,560 --> 01:55:13,080
Speaker 3: attract it. You probably don't have the hang ups I

2332
01:55:13,160 --> 01:55:17,000
Speaker 3: have and have to overcome the stuff. And you know what,

2333
01:55:17,120 --> 01:55:20,200
Speaker 3: when I when I told I wanted to tell like

2334
01:55:20,280 --> 01:55:23,040
Speaker 3: I'm telling you when I could show him, and I'm like,

2335
01:55:23,080 --> 01:55:25,760
Speaker 3: you can't touch it anymore because you didn't want it

2336
01:55:25,920 --> 01:55:27,560
Speaker 3: when it was tainting and you wouldn't help me. If

2337
01:55:27,600 --> 01:55:29,600
Speaker 3: you loved me, you would help me fix all this

2338
01:55:29,600 --> 01:55:32,720
Speaker 3: stuff and say look what I got. Instead, okay, to

2339
01:55:32,720 --> 01:55:34,280
Speaker 3: beat me up like a lot of people do with

2340
01:55:34,320 --> 01:55:41,840
Speaker 3: their mate. I know, excuse me. I really want. I

2341
01:55:41,880 --> 01:55:45,680
Speaker 3: never knew, and I want to know what it feels

2342
01:55:45,680 --> 01:55:48,400
Speaker 3: like to be worshiped. Like when you see some men, girl,

2343
01:55:48,440 --> 01:55:50,440
Speaker 3: they just love the ground. They want to walk home,

2344
01:55:52,120 --> 01:55:55,520
Speaker 3: she want. I want to know, But that's just happened

2345
01:55:55,520 --> 01:55:55,920
Speaker 3: for you.

2346
01:55:57,040 --> 01:55:59,680
Speaker 2: But you got to go outside though, you know without

2347
01:55:59,680 --> 01:56:02,960
Speaker 2: thee yeah, without the sex, it can happen for you.

2348
01:56:03,320 --> 01:56:05,960
Speaker 3: I want to know what it likes, what it feels

2349
01:56:06,000 --> 01:56:09,200
Speaker 3: like to be worshiped without having to get in bed

2350
01:56:09,240 --> 01:56:13,600
Speaker 3: with someone first, just like an energy an energy relationship,

2351
01:56:13,800 --> 01:56:17,640
Speaker 3: a spiritual relationship, a verbal relationship, because I think those

2352
01:56:17,680 --> 01:56:21,440
Speaker 3: are rare where a man would actually be willing to

2353
01:56:21,480 --> 01:56:24,520
Speaker 3: go there with you, where you would have a mind,

2354
01:56:24,800 --> 01:56:29,320
Speaker 3: a body, a spirit connection and you get to know

2355
01:56:29,360 --> 01:56:33,120
Speaker 3: the internal parts of the person and practice tantric sex

2356
01:56:33,680 --> 01:56:38,320
Speaker 3: whenout become physical. Because that way, girl, when you that

2357
01:56:38,360 --> 01:56:41,000
Speaker 3: doesn't happen with everybody. But when you bond with a

2358
01:56:41,040 --> 01:56:44,600
Speaker 3: man like that, girl, you have him and the physical

2359
01:56:44,640 --> 01:56:46,960
Speaker 3: sex is going to be explosive. It doesn't matter how

2360
01:56:47,040 --> 01:56:50,800
Speaker 3: much pretty another woman is, how fatter ass is, how

2361
01:56:50,840 --> 01:56:55,080
Speaker 3: well she can subject. Those type of energetic agreements and

2362
01:56:55,200 --> 01:56:59,400
Speaker 3: bonds don't happen with everybody because you're good at sex

2363
01:56:59,600 --> 01:57:03,200
Speaker 3: or because the person's attractive. That is like a cosmic

2364
01:57:03,560 --> 01:57:07,800
Speaker 3: and a karmic. So make like a twin flame and

2365
01:57:07,840 --> 01:57:11,560
Speaker 3: everything else starts connecting and bonding before it becomes physical.

2366
01:57:11,960 --> 01:57:14,240
Speaker 3: That way, nobody can come in between it. I want

2367
01:57:14,240 --> 01:57:16,160
Speaker 3: to know what that feels like me too.

2368
01:57:16,240 --> 01:57:16,720
Speaker 2: That's what I.

2369
01:57:16,720 --> 01:57:20,640
Speaker 3: Want your twin flame. So when you start working on

2370
01:57:20,680 --> 01:57:24,760
Speaker 3: your manifestation, tell your ancestors and tell the universe you

2371
01:57:24,800 --> 01:57:28,000
Speaker 3: want the twin flame because nobody can take them from you,

2372
01:57:28,160 --> 01:57:31,840
Speaker 3: nobody can interfere, and it's not physical. First, and if

2373
01:57:31,840 --> 01:57:35,400
Speaker 3: you haven't already started studying the tantric sex. What I

2374
01:57:35,480 --> 01:57:38,240
Speaker 3: was telling one lady today, I said, you need to

2375
01:57:38,280 --> 01:57:39,800
Speaker 3: do this at a certain time every day, and you can

2376
01:57:39,880 --> 01:57:43,160
Speaker 3: do this many times as you want. When you're practicing

2377
01:57:43,240 --> 01:57:45,840
Speaker 3: tantric sex with your man, you first want to know

2378
01:57:45,880 --> 01:57:48,360
Speaker 3: that you are one. And I heard deepach trop persons

2379
01:57:48,360 --> 01:57:50,400
Speaker 3: a long time ago. He said, when somebody dies in

2380
01:57:50,440 --> 01:57:52,480
Speaker 3: one country or another part of the world and they

2381
01:57:52,480 --> 01:57:57,040
Speaker 3: become just energy and breath or their body disintegrates. You

2382
01:57:57,080 --> 01:57:59,920
Speaker 3: actually that that breath moves all around the earth, and

2383
01:58:00,120 --> 01:58:02,640
Speaker 3: you inhale their breath and exhaling everybody. In heals and

2384
01:58:02,680 --> 01:58:07,960
Speaker 3: exhales everybody. I told her to start working on inhaling

2385
01:58:08,040 --> 01:58:11,400
Speaker 3: and exhaling the breath of her lover, so they become

2386
01:58:11,480 --> 01:58:14,720
Speaker 3: one and they're bonded with their rhythm, their breath, their heartbeat,

2387
01:58:15,200 --> 01:58:22,000
Speaker 3: their pulse, and their fluids, their salava, their tongues, their thoughts,

2388
01:58:22,120 --> 01:58:26,720
Speaker 3: their energy, their hands, the secretions from the vagina and

2389
01:58:26,760 --> 01:58:29,560
Speaker 3: the penis cau Do you realize how many people are

2390
01:58:29,560 --> 01:58:32,600
Speaker 3: walking around here having sex with someone and they're not

2391
01:58:32,720 --> 01:58:34,160
Speaker 3: in sync with the person to the point you can

2392
01:58:34,200 --> 01:58:36,880
Speaker 3: fear their pulse and their heartbeat and getting all riddle

2393
01:58:36,960 --> 01:58:40,960
Speaker 3: with yours and their breath. I think that everybody should

2394
01:58:41,000 --> 01:58:43,360
Speaker 3: be that way, but people get together for the wrong

2395
01:58:43,360 --> 01:58:45,640
Speaker 3: reasons or they're not balanced, and it's not going to

2396
01:58:45,720 --> 01:58:50,080
Speaker 3: happen with everybody with money or fame or connections or

2397
01:58:50,120 --> 01:58:54,919
Speaker 3: prestige or arranged marriages. But they have an energy marriage.

2398
01:58:55,880 --> 01:58:58,120
Speaker 3: Nobody can take them away from you. When you have

2399
01:58:58,360 --> 01:59:02,240
Speaker 3: a twin flame and a karmic marriage that's based on

2400
01:59:03,040 --> 01:59:05,760
Speaker 3: just the pulse of the universe that moves through your

2401
01:59:05,840 --> 01:59:10,400
Speaker 3: heartbeat and moves through your breath. Mm hmm. She's gonna

2402
01:59:10,440 --> 01:59:12,920
Speaker 3: let me know she liked the idea. I'm gonna see

2403
01:59:14,320 --> 01:59:16,440
Speaker 3: when she tried to, because you don't think that's erotic.

2404
01:59:16,480 --> 01:59:19,600
Speaker 3: You're breathing your person's breath. Your man's laying on you,

2405
01:59:19,600 --> 01:59:22,720
Speaker 3: you land on him, You're feeling his heartbeat, your heart beat.

2406
01:59:22,760 --> 01:59:24,920
Speaker 3: You line your heart beat up with his, your post

2407
01:59:24,960 --> 01:59:27,720
Speaker 3: with his. You're breathing with his to the point that

2408
01:59:27,840 --> 01:59:30,360
Speaker 3: everything about you all and the spirit inside of him

2409
01:59:30,560 --> 01:59:32,760
Speaker 3: and the soul side of him aligns with the one

2410
01:59:32,760 --> 01:59:36,320
Speaker 3: and you and you all become one energetically function at

2411
01:59:36,360 --> 01:59:40,600
Speaker 3: the same time, an't We don't have much of that?

2412
01:59:41,320 --> 01:59:44,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I want. I want to have it.

2413
01:59:44,840 --> 01:59:47,120
Speaker 2: I want to find my person. I want my person

2414
01:59:47,160 --> 01:59:48,960
Speaker 2: to find me. And I feel like I'm getting closer

2415
01:59:49,000 --> 01:59:52,839
Speaker 2: because I see him in my dreams and he's.

2416
01:59:52,680 --> 01:59:56,080
Speaker 3: Already hitting you because you have the vagina power and

2417
01:59:56,120 --> 02:00:00,440
Speaker 3: you are the creator, You're divine, matriarch and major of

2418
02:00:00,520 --> 02:00:03,520
Speaker 3: all life. So if he's if you're feeling this postset

2419
02:00:03,520 --> 02:00:06,000
Speaker 3: in your body, you're saying it in your dreams. Kurty

2420
02:00:06,200 --> 02:00:11,640
Speaker 3: already exists. You just have to pull him to you, right,

2421
02:00:12,000 --> 02:00:15,560
Speaker 3: You one that has power, not him. We're the creators.

2422
02:00:15,560 --> 02:00:19,920
Speaker 3: We say what goes on and what doesn't right right.

2423
02:00:21,400 --> 02:00:23,720
Speaker 2: Well, I appreciate you. I think that this was an

2424
02:00:23,760 --> 02:00:27,760
Speaker 2: amazing conversation. I really do look forward to us building

2425
02:00:27,800 --> 02:00:30,360
Speaker 2: our relationship and how I can, however I can help you,

2426
02:00:31,040 --> 02:00:34,040
Speaker 2: and I've okay shat you. I think that this was amazing.

2427
02:00:34,280 --> 02:00:37,280
Speaker 2: I definitely learned a lot about you, and I'm just

2428
02:00:37,320 --> 02:00:38,880
Speaker 2: so honored to be speaking to you.

2429
02:00:40,920 --> 02:00:44,960
Speaker 3: I love the younger women talking about I respect y'all.

2430
02:00:45,080 --> 02:00:49,720
Speaker 3: I listen, I learned. I love it. I'm still a student.

2431
02:00:49,920 --> 02:00:52,160
Speaker 3: I feel like it's so much I don't know. So

2432
02:00:52,240 --> 02:00:54,240
Speaker 3: when you want to talk to me and you share

2433
02:00:54,320 --> 02:00:57,800
Speaker 3: with me, I listen and I learned, and I thank

2434
02:00:57,840 --> 02:01:01,320
Speaker 3: you for that. Let me your space. I love it.

2435
02:01:01,800 --> 02:01:04,120
Speaker 2: Thank you, and hopefully we can get this book out,

2436
02:01:04,240 --> 02:01:08,160
Speaker 2: get this documentary out, because you have definitely put a

2437
02:01:08,240 --> 02:01:10,400
Speaker 2: stamp in our culture, and I think people need to

2438
02:01:10,400 --> 02:01:12,280
Speaker 2: know more about you and the things that you went

2439
02:01:12,320 --> 02:01:14,839
Speaker 2: through and how you overcame a lot of things.

2440
02:01:16,480 --> 02:01:19,800
Speaker 3: Thank you. I look forward to talking to you again.

2441
02:01:19,960 --> 02:01:22,760
Speaker 3: I'm so honored by you letting me into your space. No,

2442
02:01:23,120 --> 02:01:24,480
Speaker 3: me feel better. I feel better today.

2443
02:01:24,920 --> 02:01:27,240
Speaker 2: No, I'm helping you feel better because y'all. At first,

2444
02:01:27,280 --> 02:01:27,840
Speaker 2: I don't.

2445
02:01:27,880 --> 02:01:28,320
Speaker 3: She didn't.

2446
02:01:28,360 --> 02:01:30,320
Speaker 2: She didn't want to do the episode because of.

2447
02:01:30,320 --> 02:01:34,520
Speaker 3: My I too, I did. I just wanted us to

2448
02:01:34,560 --> 02:01:36,840
Speaker 3: be like when I'm telling you all this whole time

2449
02:01:36,880 --> 02:01:40,440
Speaker 3: about boundaries and making sure like, I'm like, I don't

2450
02:01:40,440 --> 02:01:42,280
Speaker 3: care what you do with it. I don't. I don't

2451
02:01:42,320 --> 02:01:44,200
Speaker 3: care if you make money, I have no problem with that.

2452
02:01:44,680 --> 02:01:46,680
Speaker 3: Just let me make some too. And once you said

2453
02:01:46,680 --> 02:01:48,080
Speaker 3: I'll do that, I'm like, let's go.

2454
02:01:48,360 --> 02:01:50,520
Speaker 2: Let's class and I would. I prayed over it, and

2455
02:01:50,520 --> 02:01:52,480
Speaker 2: I'm like, come on, God, I really want her to

2456
02:01:52,480 --> 02:01:54,440
Speaker 2: be a part of this because I really respect you

2457
02:01:54,520 --> 02:01:56,360
Speaker 2: and I looked up to you, and you.

2458
02:01:56,280 --> 02:01:57,560
Speaker 3: Are definitely a pioneer.

2459
02:01:57,760 --> 02:02:00,040
Speaker 2: So I'm so happy that we were able to do this.

2460
02:02:01,400 --> 02:02:06,000
Speaker 2: Thank you, baby, you welcome me, welcome, and until next time.

2461
02:02:06,120 --> 02:02:20,360
Speaker 2: Everyone later you're not gonna say bye bye, baby bye.

2462
02:02:21,320 --> 02:02:24,800
Speaker 2: Pretty Private is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.

2463
02:02:25,040 --> 02:02:30,080
Speaker 2: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,

2464
02:02:30,520 --> 02:02:33,680
Speaker 2: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, don't forget

2465
02:02:33,720 --> 02:02:37,120
Speaker 2: to subscribe and rate the show, And you can connect

2466
02:02:37,120 --> 02:02:40,160
Speaker 2: with me on social media at pretty private podcasts