WEBVTT - Getting Some Head: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:15.760 Motherfucking mini year soul, motherfuckingnear so Yep, yep, yep, there 0:00:15.880 --> 0:00:19.239 it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:24.320 another phenomenal episode. And my mama told me the podcast 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:27.720 broke me dive deep, deep into the pockets of black 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:31.640 conspiracy theories, and we finally worked to prove the theories 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:36.680 that you the listeners have at home. This is it, 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:41.559 This is Us Thursdays on ABC. I don't know if 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:44.080 that's the day that they come on. Frankly, I've never 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:47.480 watched the show. I looked at the premise of three 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:51.360 very unlike people, one of which were Sterling Brown, a 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:54.760 black man, having to call these people family, and I said, nope, 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:57.640 no thanks, this isn't gonna turn out the way I 0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:00.240 wanted to. What I would have loved is Sterling came 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:03.720 Brown commits a massacre against the white devil that traps 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:06.760 him in his home, and then they tell that story. 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.199 But no, ABC wanted to tell a family drama about 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:13.760 a man who was burned in a fire spoiler alert. 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:18.399 And also, somehow, despite having a healthy upbringing, Sterley Came 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:21.360 Brown still has a crackhead daddy. I don't know. Seems 0:01:21.400 --> 0:01:24.080 problematic to me. But that's neither here nor there. I 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:27.240 haven't even introduced myself. I'm your host, Lengths and Kerman 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:30.920 as always, I'm coming in hot. I'm talking about crackheads 0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:34.280 and house fires. This is the way the podcast was 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:38.560 always meant to be. And I am excited because today 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:42.120 I'm gonna be digging into a conspiracy that was sent 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:45.200 to me by a person named Bree. Breeze sent me 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:48.400 a conspiracy that that I loved right from the beginning. 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:52.560 She sent me an email. In the subject line she said, 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:57.640 rubbing niggas heads for luck to question marks, rubbing niggas 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:00.680 hads for luck. I had to do it again just 0:02:00.720 --> 0:02:03.440 to make sure I could. I could include that second 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:06.160 question mark in the way that I pronounced it, rubbin 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:10.160 nikkas heads for luck. Breeth was confused right from the subject, 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:12.320 but she says high legs and love the show. You're 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:15.960 funniest fuck. Well, thank you, Bree, et cetera. I was 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:18.520 gonna send a voice note, but I'm high right now 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:21.360 and it would take me entirely too long to figure 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:24.799 out how to send this email from my phone. Well, Bree, 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:27.640 you shouldn't be that high. It's uh it's pretty basic. 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.200 You just open the app and you talk into your phone. 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:33.400 But if you're struggling, I respect your choice. Something my 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:36.240 mama r I p Queen Pam would tell me and 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:39.880 my brother when we were younger, while effectively giving us noogies, 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:45.120 was rubbing nigga's head get good luck. I also remember 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:49.400 my light skin, asked grandfather, saying that too. Obviously it's racist, 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:52.120 but where the funk did this come from? Is that 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:54.440 why white people want to touch my hair all the time. 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:58.480 Open your third eye and enlighten us. Please, thanks, and 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:01.560 don't forget to tip your infoil hat at a forty 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:05.520 five degree angle. Bree, thank you so much for this 0:03:05.600 --> 0:03:08.960 lovely note. Brie, and uh and I appreciate the drugs 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:13.760 you were doing prompting this very strange conspiracy theory that 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:16.800 I don't think I had ever heard necessarily, I don't 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:20.600 think specifically rubbing the nigga's head for good luck. It's 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:23.320 the thing that I I've heard over and over again. 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.959 I've heard rubb a bald head man said, you know 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:28.400 what I mean, if they bald, you could slap that skin, 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:30.639 and that's fun. That's what we used to do. My 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:33.240 friend Carl. He taught me about this thing that they 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:36.080 did when they were growing up called cheese neck where 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:39.360 and it's it's not it's not a complicated game. But 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:41.920 if that neck was exposed, you slap it and you 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:44.280 say cheese neck. And that was the game. And that 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:46.960 was pretty fun in college. But yeah, you rub a 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:49.080 bald head and maybe you kiss it a little bit. 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:52.080 That's that's a good old time. You o't go kiss 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:55.120 that bald head. But rubbing for good luck I had 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:58.920 not heard, and so I decided to do as requested 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:01.520 by Bree, a little little bit of research, and as 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:05.520 it turns out, breathe, this isn't some completely made up 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:08.880 theory from your your mom and your grandfather. In fact, 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:13.320 rubbing a black person's head for good luck actually traces 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:16.560 all the way back to slavery. It's weird. It's like 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:20.280 a lot of our history is traced back to slavery. Hmmm. 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:24.440 I wonder what that was. I wonder what happened to 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:26.440 us that made us have to come up with a 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:33.160 bunch of traditions and weird, uh weird ways of creating 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:37.200 culture as a means of survival during that period. It's 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.680 almost as if somebody was being real fucked up to 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:44.559 us anyway, I digress. White slave masters used to rub 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:48.960 their slaves heads, not just as a method of asserting dominance. Obviously, 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:53.440 they viewed their slaves as as cattle is, as fucking 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:56.800 just animals, and so they would do it as a 0:04:57.120 --> 0:05:00.760 way of saying, I'm the master, you are are owned. 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:03.760 But also they would do it as a way, I guess, 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:08.080 of making themselves extra lucky at beating and raping later 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:09.720 that day. You know what I mean, I don't know 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:14.080 what kind of special luck of slave master needs, Like, oh, 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:16.039 I hope I could cut his foot off in one 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:18.440 chap this time, you know what I mean? Like, I 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:20.960 don't know why you need luck. You beat the game. 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:25.679 You fucking own people in land in a place where 0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:28.160 both of those things are are pretty much the only 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:31.320 things to own. So like, what luck did you need 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:35.880 that day? Jebbediah. But either way, the fact that they 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:38.839 used to rub these black heads apparently is a very 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:42.960 real thing. Now. Obviously, slaves at the time didn't have 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:47.600 the option to reject this unwanted touching, and so it's 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:50.960 highly likely that these slave masters were in fact able 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.480 to at least continue having a pleasant day. Despite physically 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:57.960 assaulting a person mere moments before that, you could just 0:05:58.160 --> 0:06:01.159 rub ahead and go about your business. Nobody could do 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:03.120 anything about it, you know what I mean. That's just 0:06:03.200 --> 0:06:05.920 the way it was back then. Now, the question that 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:09.320 popped in my head when this all came in because 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:11.599 it did remind me of those bald heads that we 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:14.560 used to rub and kiss back in my youth, and 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:18.680 it got me asking whether or not bald heads were 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:22.920 somehow serviced or if they service better. Look, you know 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:24.960 what I mean, Like, if you rub a a big 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:27.840 old fluffy head, yeah that's okay. But if you rub 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:30.000 a bald head, god damn it, you just hit the 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:32.160 lot o, you know what I mean. So it's letting 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:35.960 hit that line of thinking. And maybe I'm high right now, Bree. 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:38.440 I haven't had any drugs, but a goddamn it, I'm 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:43.640 high on life and I'm high on skepticism. One of 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:46.040 the things that it got me asking is why so 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:49.320 many African people, certainly in their depictions in the media. 0:06:49.360 --> 0:06:51.279 And I haven't spent a lot of time in Africa. 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:54.159 I went to South Africa one time, and uh, it 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:57.880 was pretty cool and super problematic. What you see is 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.200 the remnants of apartheid in a way that they do 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:03.840 not tell you about. They say that apartheid happened, and 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:07.640 everybody's free now and and now they're equals, and white 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:10.320 people apologize, But what they don't mention is that in 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:14.240 Cape Town specifically, about eighty to ninety percent of the 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:17.760 land is still predominantly owned by white people, and all 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:20.040 the black people are sort of pushing into these small 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:24.760 pockets and it's all very unfair. And the land specifically 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:27.960 is uh. They have these beautiful wine country areas and 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:30.040 you asked the driver as and he takes you out there, 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.679 how many of these vineyards are owned by black people? 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:35.200 And he's like, huh what Uh, I don't know what 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:38.520 you're talking about. And it's just very clear that the 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:42.960 redistribution of wealth never really happened in this country, despite 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:46.760 them making these very public apologies. But again, that's not 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:50.120 what we're focused on here. My question was why do 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:54.800 so many people in some African countries have bald heads? 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:57.520 And so the question, or at least some of the 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:00.480 information that I found is number one, many places on 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:03.440 the continent, as it turns out, are very very hot. 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:07.680 So it's just easier for comfort and cleanliness, and also 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:10.280 resources to shave your head or at least cut it 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:13.640 down very low, and that would explain why these lucky 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:16.400 ass bald heads are walking around all the time. The 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:19.760 other thing that I found in asking that question is that, apparently, 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:22.480 and this is something that that got written up for me, 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:24.880 I didn't write this part of it, but I'll make 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:27.760 sense of the whole thing. The hair, apparently is the 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:31.120 most elevated part of the body and was therefore, back 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:35.000 in the day, considered a portal for spirits to pass 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:38.280 through the soul. Pass through to the soul. Excuse me, 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:41.720 so like spirits could like, uh, you know how like 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:45.680 in break dancing, when you pass that electricity from one 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.560 arm to the other, and you gotta pass it because 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:50.480 if you let that build up inside of you, that's 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:54.040 how you get diabetes. But you gotta pass that electricity 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:57.040 from one arm to the other. And so apparently that's 0:08:57.080 --> 0:09:00.440 how like a spirituality sort of works, is that it's 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:03.840 passing through your hair into your soul. And because of 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:07.760 the cultural and spiritual importance of hair for Africans, the 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:13.120 practice of having their heads involuntarily shaved before being sold 0:09:13.160 --> 0:09:17.440 as slaves was in itself a dehumanizing act. So these 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:21.160 slave masters weren't just shaving their heads because they thought 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:24.200 it looked cool. They wanted to get, you know, feel lucky. 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:28.280 It was truly an act of dehumanizing them. It was 0:09:28.520 --> 0:09:31.600 an effort to make them feel less than and lose 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:34.280 even more of the control in their life. The little 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:36.800 bit of thing that made them feel like they had 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:40.280 a connection to their spirituality, or their beauty or their comfort, 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:44.080 they snatched that away too. They seem like otherwise pretty 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:48.120 good guys. I think historically we should just keep celebrating 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:51.480 Thomas Jefferson and George Washington and all those other fellas. 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:55.760 They seem like perfectly reasonable people, except for the fact 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:59.760 that they literally stole everything from generation after generation of 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:04.120 p pol. That's said, it is very similar. This act 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:07.440 of of dehumanizing is very similar in my mind to 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:12.760 how white people will sometimes introduce themselves to dogs before 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:16.280 they even greet the people who are walking those dogs. 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:19.560 You have you ever experienced this, you the listener at home. 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:21.480 I don't know why I'm framing this as a question. 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:24.160 Have you ever had that thing where like you're walking 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:26.240 a dog and then somebody walks up and they're like, 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:29.400 oh my god, you're beautiful. You aren't you a cutie part? 0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:33.600 It's like, bitch, I speak English. He can't. He don't 0:10:33.640 --> 0:10:36.320 even speak English. He doesn't even wipe up his own ship. 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:39.760 Say hello to me, and then I may or may 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:43.080 not tell you why I named my dog something stupid 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:47.200 like Buckley or send your marshmallow. You don't get to 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:51.000 just creet my dog without my consent. You greet me, bitch, 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:53.480 you greet you look me in the eyes, and you 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:57.240 say hello, sir. I would like to find out if 0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:00.240 your dog is a girl or a boy, even though 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:04.600 that information has no applicable meaning. In my world, it's 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:08.439 probably spade or neutered, So truthfully, it's it's been removed 0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:12.120 of that dignity. Also, should we talk about how owning 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:15.640 dogs has a a taste of slavery in it? Probably not. 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:19.600 That's why what this episode is about. Anyway, it does 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:24.480 appear to your question, Bree about about the touching of 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:27.520 black hair. It does appear in some ways that touching 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:32.199 black hair maybe an evolution worn from this weird white 0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:37.080 devil superstition of rubbing heads for good luck. However, I 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:39.400 actually think the issue of touching black hair is a 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:41.719 little more basic than that. I don't think it's as 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:45.880 evolved as as we would like it to be. I think, truthfully, 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:48.040 if I'm being honest, the act of touching the hair, 0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:51.319 it's more because the hair, just for the whites just 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:56.000 seems foreign or odd compared to their own, shall we say, 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:58.960 berrilla spaghetti hair? Do you know what I mean? Just 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:03.839 a bi Yeah. I used to love those Burrea commercials, 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:05.760 and but some of it maybe it was just me 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:08.320 loving white hair. I just see I saw it them like, 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:11.760 look at that gorgeous white hair. Looks scrumptious. M m. 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:17.920 The point is our hair seems foreign, and the choice 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:21.079 to simply reach out and touch it is no different 0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:25.240 than the instinct, the exact instinct they have with animals 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:29.360 on the street. And they see black people as so 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.560 lacking in their own agency and their own sort of 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:36.079 like self worth, that they presume any kindness, say show, 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:41.439 including a pat on the head, would be welcomed. We'd 0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:45.080 like it. Them reaching their hand out must be sweet 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:48.480 to them because of their history of slavery and abuse. 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:51.040 They're like, well, I'm not hitting you in the face, 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:53.960 so you probably are just a fan that I even 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:58.079 noticed your existence black man or woman, and so I'm 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:00.760 gonna touch your hair and you'll be great full, much 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:03.000 in the way that a pug would be if I 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.400 reached out impetted his or her head. It's a gross 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:11.679 instinct and it it probably does have a historical context 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:14.760 or of people believing in good luck, but I don't 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:17.120 think it offers much good luck now, you know what 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:19.960 I mean. I've watched enough YouTube videos of black ladies 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:22.800 flipping out at Walmart because some white lady gets bold 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:25.720 and touches their hair to know that. Yeah, and ain't 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:28.040 that ain't the move no more? You know what I mean. 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.480 I don't think it ends uh. I think that's how 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:35.360 you get fired from your your weird uh financial services job, 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:37.960 is you get caught touching a black lady's hair and 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:41.080 then she tweets about it afterwards. So, in a long 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:43.520 story short, it used to be good luck. I guess 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.200 if you are a slave owner and you you wanted 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:50.520 to to to effectively shoot a slave in the kneecapsule later, 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:54.080 But nowadays it seems like it's pretty bad luck. Although 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:57.800 I don't know that white people have fully realized that yet. Anyway, 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:01.200 if there's any other physical abuse that you wanted to 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:04.280 pitch to me, the listener at home, that you think 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:07.400 might be good or bad, look I talk about it you. 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:10.199 All you gotta do is send it to me, send me, 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:13.160 send me a note, send me a voice memo. Don't 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:16.679 get high like Breee. She's a drug addict. She's Oh 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:19.480 my god, we gotta get her into a clinic and 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:21.800 and get some help for her. But you, the listener 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:25.640 at home, sober effective living your life. You could send 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:28.520 me a message at my mama Pott at gmail dot com. 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:30.320 And I listened to it, and some of them I 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:32.960 respond to. Some of them are fucking nuts, and you 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:36.040 guys should be ashamed of yourselves. You should shoot yourself 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.800 in the foot. But the others that are more reasonable, 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.040 I listened to them, and I'll respond to him here 0:14:41.040 --> 0:14:43.720 on the podcast. And as always, you can follow me 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:47.200 at length steink Herman, and most importantly, please follow and 0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:51.400 subscribe to the podcast and write beautiful notes and reviews. 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:54.920 We'd love to hear from you. Okay, Well that's all 0:14:54.960 --> 0:15:02.080 I needed to talk to you about. By motherfucking miny years, 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:12.440 so many years, so motherfucking miny years so, motherfucking mini 0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:22.200 your so many years, so, motherfucking miniyears. So h.