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Speaker 1: Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but

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Speaker 1: before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive. I caught my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend talking harshly to my cat, so I told him

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Speaker 1: to leave.

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Speaker 2: Get out of here yet for context, my twenty four

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Speaker 2: female boyfriend thirty mail and I recently moved in together.

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Speaker 2: It's something we've been talking about and when his lease ended,

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Speaker 2: he moved into my apartment.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user cat Woes Throwaway and.

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Speaker 2: If you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 2: the r slash Okay Storytime subredit. I have a cat, Millie,

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Speaker 2: who is my baby girl that I've had since she

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Speaker 2: was a kit. Back when my boyfriend and I first

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Speaker 2: started dating. He made the joke that if we were

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Speaker 2: ever going to live together, he'd have to get rid

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Speaker 2: of that cat, which I dismissed at the time. When

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Speaker 2: he would come over, he would ignore Milly, making jokes

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Speaker 2: about how cats are stuck up how much he's a

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Speaker 2: dog person. Again, I dismissed this because he never acted

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Speaker 2: a hostile towards her. I figured it was just a preference.

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Speaker 2: When we started to get serious about moving in, he

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Speaker 2: asked if I would consider giving her because he didn't

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Speaker 2: like the idea of living with a cat. I almost

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Speaker 2: laughed ah before realizing he was serious. I told him

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Speaker 2: that under no circumstances would I get rid of my cat.

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Speaker 2: I felt guilty about being unwilling to compromise, but he

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Speaker 2: actually took it well and reassured me that if she

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Speaker 2: was this important to me, he'd get over it. Fast

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Speaker 2: forward to last night. I don't think he realized. I

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Speaker 2: was in the kitchen when he came home. Milly was

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Speaker 2: on the couch, and I heard him go into the

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Speaker 2: room and give this sigh. Before I could call out,

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Speaker 2: I heard him say, you're so effing worthless. It terrified

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Speaker 2: me because I've never ever heard him speak with such malice.

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Speaker 3: He sounded like a different person.

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Speaker 2: It was just so cold and hostile that I panicked

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Speaker 2: and rushed out there to see him looking at Milly.

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Speaker 2: Here's where I might be the a hole. I completely

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Speaker 2: freaked out. I was yelling, asking what he thought he

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Speaker 2: was doing talking to her like that. He jumped and

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Speaker 2: I scooped Milly up and told him to leave my apartment.

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Speaker 3: Right now.

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Speaker 2: He looked so stunned and started to argue, asking where

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Speaker 2: he was supposed to go. I told him I don't care.

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Speaker 3: He just needs to leave.

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Speaker 2: He was pissed and said he was going for a

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Speaker 2: drive and slammed the door behind him. I immediately started

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Speaker 2: and holding Milly. I was shaking, and she could tell

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Speaker 2: I was upset and kept cuddling me. She called me down,

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Speaker 2: and later when he texted asking if he could come back,

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Speaker 2: I said, yes, put Millie in the bedroom so we

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Speaker 2: could talk. We were both a lot calmer, and I

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Speaker 2: felt awful. After he explained his side. I'll often call

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Speaker 2: Milly little names, and he said he was just trying

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Speaker 2: to be playfully mean too, and misjudged his tone, which

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Speaker 2: that's a lie.

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Speaker 4: That's so wow, that's such a bit.

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Speaker 5: He's like, no, like when you say, like, oh, come here,

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Speaker 5: little kitty, I was saying, oh, stay away from me,

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Speaker 5: a little berth, this little like little piece of crap,

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Speaker 5: you know, lovingly.

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Speaker 4: That's the most insane lie I've ever heard.

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Speaker 3: I think both people.

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Speaker 2: He came back and you talked, which is fine, yeah,

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Speaker 2: but like like blowing up and kick him out of

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Speaker 2: the apartment pretty and not not the right.

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Speaker 3: I'm a cat person.

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Speaker 2: That's that was way way overblown, and he might now

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Speaker 2: be lying because he's like.

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Speaker 3: Do I have to come up with a lie for this?

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Speaker 2: Because if I tell her I just don't like her cat,

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Speaker 2: is she gonna, yeah, like obliterate me.

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Speaker 3: Like what's going on?

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Speaker 4: Testing out little pet names?

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Speaker 2: And it's like, look, I know people who are dog

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Speaker 2: people who are like I love dogs. They're useful, you

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Speaker 2: could train them. They do this cats It's like, you

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Speaker 2: have to be subservient to the cat. I hate it,

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Speaker 2: and it's true, you do. The cat doesn't do anything

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Speaker 2: for you. But he said it felt awful that I

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Speaker 2: chose a cat over him, and that I called it

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Speaker 2: my apartment when it's supposed to be our place.

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Speaker 3: Is your name on the least, buddy?

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Speaker 2: He told me he was constantly feeling second best to Millie,

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Speaker 2: who I wouldn't even consider rehoming, and I had thrown

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Speaker 2: him out over an animal when he's a person.

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Speaker 3: This is the d was one of the dumbest things

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Speaker 3: I've ever read.

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Speaker 2: I explained to him how much he means to me

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Speaker 2: and apologized forever, making him feel like this wasn't his home.

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Speaker 2: I think I might have overreacted, but I just don't know.

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Speaker 2: He's my boyfriend, and she's something I keep refusing to

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Speaker 2: compromise on. She's an animal that you love love.

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Speaker 5: I don't even understand what the There is no compromise.

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Speaker 5: There is no compromise here because you want the cat

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Speaker 5: here and it's your place. He wants the cat gone.

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Speaker 5: There's no middle ground. What is it gonna go away

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Speaker 5: on weekends? No that there's no middle ground. He wants

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Speaker 5: the cat gone. He doesn't want you to compromise. He

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Speaker 5: wants you to do what he wants.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend, and she's something I keep refusing to compromise on.

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Speaker 2: But I also don't believe that he just misjudged his tone.

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Speaker 2: So am I the a hole? No, you're not an

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Speaker 2: a hole.

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Speaker 3: You're not at all any hole.

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Speaker 4: And I've already told you all of my comments, so

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Speaker 4: I have no more. He's a liar.

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Speaker 2: But I would be also stunned if someone reacted like

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Speaker 2: I'm surprised he came back. I'd be like, you know what,

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Speaker 2: actually this is way too much for me. So it'd

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Speaker 2: be different if you walked in He's I don't know,

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Speaker 2: he just was like.

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Speaker 1: You useless freaking thing.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's and you're like, it's like like your okay,

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Speaker 5: reaction was way too intense. But also he's lying to

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Speaker 5: you and right, and he wants to get He's probably

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Speaker 5: just gonna try and get rid of your cat.

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Speaker 3: Right, That's that's the thing I'd be worried about.

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Speaker 2: It's like, yes, it's probably not gonna stop until he

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Speaker 2: gives what he wants. Comment number one info You are

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Speaker 2: aware that kats can't understand English, right, they understand tone though,

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Speaker 2: and it freaked me out, says op. Comment to considering

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Speaker 2: how deeply you buried the lead about you talking to

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Speaker 2: her like that too, I don't buy your claim about tone.

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Speaker 4: Oh he wasn't talking about you've.

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Speaker 2: Not shown yourself to be a reliable narrator. What is

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Speaker 2: that comment even on?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 2: He says, I don't speak to her like that comment

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Speaker 2: Or three he says, not the a hole. You had

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Speaker 2: every right to be upset and ask him to leave.

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Speaker 2: Do you have any indication that he will be nicer

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Speaker 2: going forward? OHP says after our talk he said he

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Speaker 2: wouldn't ever speak to her like that again, and that

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Speaker 2: he'd start calling her MILLI instead of just the cat.

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Speaker 2: Comment four info Does he have a reason to hate

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Speaker 2: the cat? Is Milly interrupting his sleep? Is she hostile

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Speaker 2: towards him without reason? Is she peeing somewhere else in

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Speaker 2: her litter box? People should be able to coexist with

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Speaker 2: harmless cats, even if they are not a cat person.

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Speaker 1: Nop.

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Speaker 2: He says, there's nothing going on like that. She's very

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Speaker 2: social and stays near me, so sometimes she gets underfoot.

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Speaker 3: Comment five says, not the a hole. Listen to your instincts.

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Speaker 2: Your gut reaction was to protect Milli and make him

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Speaker 2: leave the cold voice. That wasn't him playing. That was

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Speaker 2: him dropping the mask he usually wears around you. If

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Speaker 2: you stay together, he's going to hurt million remover from

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Speaker 2: your life.

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Speaker 3: You are at the first scene of what.

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Speaker 2: Will either turn into a horror movie or just a

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Speaker 2: small but normal breakup drama. This is very extra I

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Speaker 2: don't necessarily know if this guy has.

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Speaker 3: The combility to the capability to hurt your animals. I

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Speaker 3: just think he might get.

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Speaker 4: Rid of the cat.

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Speaker 2: I think you, okay, you should just have a very

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Speaker 2: frank discussion that's what's going on with this cat, or

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Speaker 2: know that's it? Tell me why this is an absolutely

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Speaker 2: not thing for you.

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Speaker 3: Please choose the safety of yourself and your pet.

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Speaker 5: I mean, I think that you cannot live without the cat.

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Speaker 5: You know that because you reacted insanely. You know that

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Speaker 5: you can't live without this cat. You love this cat.

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Speaker 5: And if he wants to live without the cat, then it.

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Speaker 3: He can live anywhere else on the whole planet.

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Speaker 2: So there's an update every about His comments were extremely

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Speaker 2: eye opening. I felt sick to my stomach reading about

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Speaker 2: people afraid from Milly, and it had already crossed my mind.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, making that post.

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Speaker 2: Validated all the fears that I had kept dismissing as dramatic,

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Speaker 2: and it was almost relieved to be encouraged by strangers

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Speaker 2: to do something I had previously.

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Speaker 3: Been too afraid to do. We broke up.

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Speaker 2: It's my apartment, he wasn't on the lease yet, and

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Speaker 2: he's going to go stay with his brother. Had to

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Speaker 2: read around about gaslighting, and my sisters would agree with

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Speaker 2: all of you about that one. Yeah, you were being

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Speaker 2: gas lit. It was hard to lose somebody I trusted

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Speaker 2: and thought I knew well, but based on his reaction,

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Speaker 2: I knew I made the right call. He essentially told

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Speaker 2: me that if I couldn't learn to put other humans

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Speaker 2: before my cat, I'd be alone for a very long time,

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Speaker 2: and that he'd be waiting for me to reach out.

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Speaker 2: Millie doesn't deserve to just be tolerated. She deserves to

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Speaker 2: be safe and treated like the little princess she is

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Speaker 2: by anybody I live with. She's seen me through so

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Speaker 2: much and I'd rather be alone than her wandering around

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Speaker 2: the side of the road somewhere. And I am absolutely

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Speaker 2: terrified of her ever being hurt. It isn't worth the risk.

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Speaker 2: I'm okay with it being just her and I for now.

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Speaker 2: Thanks everybody for the advice. Also, he is the baby

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Speaker 2: my girlfriend can't stop overspending. Now I'm rethinking marriage, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Because you get married to a big hole in your pocket.

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Speaker 1: How do you deal with a partner that seems absolutely

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Speaker 1: allergic to money? Opie says she tries to take her

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Speaker 1: son out every day, by him things that he likes

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Speaker 1: and treat him. I have no problem with the occasional treat,

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Speaker 1: but twenty to thirty toys in a day, plus the

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Speaker 1: expenses of doing activities, play aary, et cetera has eaten

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Speaker 1: us in TWI fight the angel nightmare By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from a responsible coil, and if you want

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Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slasha

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Speaker 1: Okay storytime subreddit. So I got paid two days ago.

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Speaker 1: Fifteen hundred bucks. Bills and et cetera took a chunk,

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Speaker 1: but there's still enough to survive and do fun stuff,

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Speaker 1: roughly six to seven hundred once everything's gone out. I

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Speaker 1: checked today, there's about two hundred to survive the entire month.

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Speaker 1: Every time I bring it up, I'm either being stingy,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to pay off debts accrued from not paying

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Speaker 1: bills while unemployed, some of which are hers and save

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Speaker 1: for a wedding, or I'm being horrible because she wants

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Speaker 1: to get him what he wants.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 1: I'm admittedly a bit softer on this because it's not

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Speaker 1: like she's spending everything on shoes for herself. But given

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Speaker 1: this habit keeps landing us in financial hot water. I

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Speaker 1: can't keep asking relatives for help. And she spent two

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Speaker 1: hundred dollars on groceries yesterday, a chunk of which she

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Speaker 1: did for a stranger, A nice act, but not once

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Speaker 1: she ran by me before doing it or checked the accounts,

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Speaker 1: which has dropped us in it, not to mention it again,

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Speaker 1: came with twenty dollars in toys, thirty dollars in chocolates,

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Speaker 1: with barely any actual food beyond some expense of steaks

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Speaker 1: that she's fond of, and then food for the kids.

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Speaker 1: So now she sees what little we have left, and

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Speaker 1: she's panicking, demanding I come up with a solution, which

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Speaker 1: is likely going to mean eating into the wedding fund,

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Speaker 1: something I'm going to have to console her about, and honestly,

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Speaker 1: part of me wants to flatly explain that she has

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Speaker 1: caused this because she not only has very little money sense,

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Speaker 1: but she's incapable of saying no. I'm not annoyed I

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Speaker 1: have to work to provide for everyone. I'm annoyed that

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Speaker 1: a mess has been created that I now have to

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Speaker 1: stort out because she has no financial sense. If I

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Speaker 1: start setting limits, I'm being controlling. If I don't, I

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Speaker 1: allow her to drive us into a financial disaster, I

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Speaker 1: walk away. I'm punishing her, her sons, and my daughter.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea what to do anymore. I can't

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Speaker 1: pick up more shifts because that's not the kind of

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Speaker 1: job I have. I've already sold most of what I

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Speaker 1: personally own, and I can't keep taking the hit because

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Speaker 1: of her poor impulse control. Quick edit. The daughter is

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Speaker 1: six months old, so it's not really possible for her

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Speaker 1: to say she wants new toys and fancy stuff. Right.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy, toddler, that's crazy. It's not even a talking

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, it's a freaking bean.

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Speaker 1: Twenty a day on toys means twenty dollars, not twenty

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Speaker 1: toys a day. Sorry if I wasn't clear, Okay, that

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Speaker 1: is that helps. And yes, they get broken slash lost

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Speaker 1: within a couple of weeks, so I often see the

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Speaker 1: cash thrown in the bin. We have an update, I

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Speaker 1: have the conversation. I think she realized she messed up

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Speaker 1: when I told her we have no choice but to

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Speaker 1: use some of the wedding funds. While she's not happy

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Speaker 1: about it, she's fully aware that she has caused a

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Speaker 1: problem and agrees that out of the two of us,

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Speaker 1: I am far more financially responsible or stingy, depending on

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Speaker 1: the day, and telling her that she cannot have her

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Speaker 1: cake and eat it, no matter how nice it would be,

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Speaker 1: has really opened her eyes that I'm being serious and

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Speaker 1: if we have to cancel the wedding, it would be

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Speaker 1: on her for not curbing this spending. As a consequence

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Speaker 1: of this, I am taking control of the finances. All

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Speaker 1: bills are funneling through me, and I've set up three

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Speaker 1: accounts Bills, Home and fun Fund as well as my

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Speaker 1: savings account that I am using to track wedding saving

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Speaker 1: and spending. Doing a full breakdown with her, showing her

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Speaker 1: how much we have to play with once bill slash

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Speaker 1: debts are covered, going through how much she spends a

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Speaker 1: day out and what a weekly grocery bill should come to.

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Speaker 1: Then I'm breaking down the remainder, what needs to go

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Speaker 1: away for the wedding to come to fruition and what

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Speaker 1: we can afford to have left over for fun days out,

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Speaker 1: toys and the like. We both took her son out

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Speaker 1: today as he needed new shoes since he wore his

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Speaker 1: old ones out, as well as our daughter, who I

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Speaker 1: need to say is six months old. This is not

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Speaker 1: favoritism and part of why I want to stop this

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Speaker 1: overspending is to prevent her from being spoiled. Once we

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Speaker 1: got them, he wanted a toy. I said no, he

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Speaker 1: didn't like that, but my partner backed me up. And

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Speaker 1: stayed firm, which I actually appreciate a lot because she

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Speaker 1: often folds and we have a second update. We spoke.

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Speaker 1: She understood that if she wants a wedding, then money

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Speaker 1: needs to be controlled, and even without a wedding to

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Speaker 1: plan for, we need to not spend like crazy in

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Speaker 1: order to not end every month on the verge of

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Speaker 1: having nothing. We made spreadsheets, broke down finances, showed that

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Speaker 1: we owe debt and monthly payments versus our current wage.

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Speaker 1: After a couple of days past, she tells me she

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Speaker 1: wants to scrap ninety percent of the planes for the wedding,

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Speaker 1: telling me she thinks it's just best to tie the

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Speaker 1: knot in a registry office and leave the reception for.

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Speaker 1: Reasoning for this is that her son getting fed up

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Speaker 1: about not having much to do over the summer holidays

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Speaker 1: because he wants to go on trips to the beach with.

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Speaker 3: All the trimmings.

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Speaker 1: We're talking bowling, play areas, due toys all the time,

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00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,839
Speaker 1: et cetera, et cetera, and it's hard to do that,

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Speaker 1: save for a wedding and pay the debts. Honestly, given,

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Speaker 1: I said this to her when she mentioned we should

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Speaker 1: do this, I can't help but laugh. She's worried, he

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00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,760
Speaker 1: feels jealous of his brother, who's currently at his father's house,

307
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,880
Speaker 1: different dads by the way, and doing fun stuff with

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Speaker 1: him like fishing, which I can sympathize with. Then it

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Speaker 1: started to tie raid into how hard she has it,

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Speaker 1: how she feels like she wasted her time planning the

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Speaker 1: wedding when it's not going to happen, basically acting like

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Speaker 1: I canceled it. Blamed her taking him out every day

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Speaker 1: on me because I work from home, and that she

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Speaker 1: is keeping him out of my hair, and how exhausted

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Speaker 1: she is, and how she feels like I don't appreciate

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Speaker 1: what she does. I do. I tell her every time

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Speaker 1: I appreciate it, but she doesn't need to do it.

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Speaker 1: I know it's exhausting. I've told her don't take him

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Speaker 1: out all the time. I offered to go work at

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Speaker 1: the office if she felt bad that he was being

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Speaker 1: loud while I was at work. But no matter what,

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Speaker 1: I am in the wrong according to her, I can't

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Speaker 1: just say I appreciate her. I have to show that

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Speaker 1: appreciation with affection and spending time with her. While I

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00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,839
Speaker 1: appreciate this, Rennett, we normally start getting out of bed

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Speaker 1: around eight, take the dog out that she wanted to

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Speaker 1: go to the toilets. I start work at nine, so

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Speaker 1: I work eight hours a day at my abin job

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Speaker 1: to pay for all the extravagance she wants without appreciation

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Speaker 1: in the slightest. Once I finish at five, I immediately

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Speaker 1: wash up and start cooking dinner because she hates cooking,

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Speaker 1: and I'm the one who stays in her son's room

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Speaker 1: until he falls asleep so he both feels safe and

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00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,920
Speaker 1: doesn't start playing instead of going to bed. She claims

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Speaker 1: her back hurt's sitting on the floor too. Long before

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Speaker 1: I had this job, I was also the one walking

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Speaker 1: her son to school and back every day, something she

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00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,200
Speaker 1: now does and also through in my face. The only

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00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,360
Speaker 1: time we get to cuddle and hang out is about

340
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,120
Speaker 1: an hour a night after nine, when her son falls asleep,

341
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,920
Speaker 1: which I often try to cuddle or suggest watching a movie,

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00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,599
Speaker 1: and instead she just sits there walking her phone or

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00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,959
Speaker 1: scrolling Facebook. I just feel like, what's the point and

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00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,319
Speaker 1: do something else, which turns to an argument because I'm

345
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,280
Speaker 1: not spending quality time with her. I'm helping as much

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00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,480
Speaker 1: as I can. If I stop doing any of these tasks,

347
00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,960
Speaker 1: you would complain I'm putting too much work on her shoulders.

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00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,120
Speaker 1: She does look after our daughters and entertain our sons,

349
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,520
Speaker 1: which I not only appreciate. I understand it's a big

350
00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:18,959
Speaker 1: task some days, and I'm as supportous as I can

351
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,120
Speaker 1: be for that. But I'm not just exactly sitting on

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00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,720
Speaker 1: the sofa playing video games myself. The conversation ended up

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00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,920
Speaker 1: fizzling out, and we both went to bed annoyed. She

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00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,680
Speaker 1: didn't take him out today and has been in a

355
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,680
Speaker 1: mood with me, acting like I appreciate nothing she does.

356
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,760
Speaker 1: At this point, I don't even want to get married. Heck,

357
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,600
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I want to stay together.

358
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,640
Speaker 1: She doesn't respect my boundaries. She basically guilted me into

359
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:42,200
Speaker 1: failing my MSc in the final year because she wanted

360
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:46,160
Speaker 1: me home bore. Her impulsiveness causes problem after problem. She

361
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,400
Speaker 1: asks for something, I tell her no because it'll affect

362
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,720
Speaker 1: other things. She begs me and says it won't affect

363
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,360
Speaker 1: other things. Then the big problem happens and I'm left

364
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,680
Speaker 1: to pick up the pieces. And on top of everything else,

365
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,280
Speaker 1: she keeps throwing ultimatums in my face whenever I say

366
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,680
Speaker 1: no to something. Despite this, I love her, and I

367
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,240
Speaker 1: fear I'd be making a mistake leaving her. Why heck,

368
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,000
Speaker 1: if I know, love is dumb. I guess does anyone

369
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,320
Speaker 1: think I might be wrong for feeling this way? Or

370
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,400
Speaker 1: is this a sign of some sort of mental illness.

371
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,080
Speaker 1: I'm having a conversation tonight, and whatever comes of it

372
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,080
Speaker 1: is whatever comes of it. But I'm open to the

373
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:19,560
Speaker 1: idea I'm wrong and my pride and ego are binding me. Well,

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00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,320
Speaker 1: let's just just to close it out. Let's give a

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Speaker 1: good old. Maybe we pull also, yeah, we haven't done

376
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,520
Speaker 1: or nah, Dakota, your take while we get that up.

377
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:32,560
Speaker 2: I don't know if that will ever stop fully, even

378
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,680
Speaker 2: after you get married. Maybe you guys go to therapy.

379
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,080
Speaker 2: It's just gonna be like, oh now I can do this.

380
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,560
Speaker 2: Now I can do that. Maybe you're making more money

381
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,560
Speaker 2: in the future. Oh now I can do this. Yeah,

382
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,280
Speaker 2: now I can spend the money however I want.

383
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,320
Speaker 3: Now I can. So I don't know. Yeah, I would

384
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,760
Speaker 3: be fortunate for money ever to get in the middle

385
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:48,280
Speaker 3: of all this.

386
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,960
Speaker 1: And there's just there's just a limit, like the amount

387
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 1: of times you can sit down and say it's serious

388
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,320
Speaker 1: and then like half and not even just this specific scenario,

389
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,800
Speaker 1: but it sounds like it started like revealing like oh,

390
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,720
Speaker 1: there's all these different areas. Op's doing a lot of stuff,

391
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,120
Speaker 1: you know, he's it's a lot for him. And she's like, hey,

392
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,320
Speaker 1: you never appreciating what I do and whatever. He's like, well,

393
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,240
Speaker 1: I do appreciate what you do, and what about what

394
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:08,520
Speaker 1: i'd do?

395
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:08,920
Speaker 2: You know?

396
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,880
Speaker 6: So is she one of those people where you're gonna

397
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,560
Speaker 6: have to learn the hard way? Unfortunately, you don't want

398
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,720
Speaker 6: to go down with that ship she's taking I mean,

399
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,400
Speaker 6: she's kind of you're the ship and she's taking you down.

400
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 6: Like she's like, oh, let's open this, let's open that,

401
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,480
Speaker 6: Let's spend more money, Let's spend more money. It seems

402
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,320
Speaker 6: like Opie's at their wits end and like I'm yeah,

403
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:26,080
Speaker 6: I'm a divorce.

404
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,120
Speaker 2: How many times you sit down and have the same

405
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,680
Speaker 2: serious talk before you're like we should just stop.

406
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,480
Speaker 3: We can try.

407
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,560
Speaker 1: Try, try like counseling or something to yeah, okay, spend

408
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,240
Speaker 1: there money.

409
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:35,880
Speaker 3: Is there just.

410
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:40,480
Speaker 1: Something being lost in the conversation transfer the way we communicate,

411
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,560
Speaker 1: that's like not resonating. Do we need to do? We

412
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,360
Speaker 1: need a referee to help, like, actually see this through

413
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,320
Speaker 1: and maybe that's what it is. But I would guess

414
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,120
Speaker 1: here it seems like it's all kind of all areas

415
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,640
Speaker 1: of life. And if it's at that point and it's that.

416
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, let's do simple math right in front of you.

417
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,400
Speaker 6: You see what happens here. It's not going up, it's

418
00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,920
Speaker 6: going down.

419
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,720
Speaker 2: My partner that he needed to find a job, but

420
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,520
Speaker 2: he kept refusing get a job. Myself thirty one female,

421
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,600
Speaker 2: and my boyfriend Sean thirty mail not his real name,

422
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,639
Speaker 2: just celebrated our four year anniversary this month.

423
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,560
Speaker 3: In January, we welcomed our first child, a little baby boy.

424
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,160
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user striking history through

425
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,520
Speaker 2: three seven and if you want to submit your own stories,

426
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,639
Speaker 2: go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. So

427
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,560
Speaker 2: we met through a mutual friend on Facebook, talking and

428
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 2: texting for hours, and then eventually two or three months

429
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,800
Speaker 2: after being introduced, we met in person and started dating

430
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 2: not long after. Growing up, my parents always stressed I

431
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,240
Speaker 2: needed to date and marry someone who could take care

432
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,439
Speaker 2: of me. This became even more pressing when I became

433
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,720
Speaker 2: sick in twenty seventeen.

434
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,160
Speaker 3: With systemic loopus.

435
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:50,600
Speaker 2: My loopus attacks my joints and even causes me to

436
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 2: have low blood platelets, which makes me a walking accident

437
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,000
Speaker 2: waiting to happen. Recently, we found out my loopus is

438
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,760
Speaker 2: attacking my kidneys. And for people with lupus, it is

439
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,560
Speaker 2: hard to find a life partner because not everyone wants

440
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,400
Speaker 2: to stick around with someone who is sick and help

441
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,680
Speaker 2: take care of them. I was terrified to tell Sean

442
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,919
Speaker 2: I was sick, but when I did, he reassured me

443
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 2: that no matter what, my illness will not ruin our relationship.

444
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,879
Speaker 2: He's been great with everything, from doctor's appointments, surgeries, reminded

445
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,720
Speaker 2: me to take my medications, and helping me shower when

446
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 2: my body is just too sore to move on its own.

447
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,359
Speaker 2: When Shawn and I started dating, he wasn't working. It

448
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 2: wasn't unusual at the time because it was twenty twenty

449
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,040
Speaker 2: one and we were in the middle of the pandemic

450
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,760
Speaker 2: and our state was still locked down. Even though he

451
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,720
Speaker 2: wasn't working, I didn't mind paying for small things like

452
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,879
Speaker 2: a quick bite to eat or a small gift.

453
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:40,440
Speaker 3: Here or there. My love language is a gift giving.

454
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,760
Speaker 2: At the time, I worked for local law enforcement as

455
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:46,600
Speaker 2: it as an administrative clerk and I made decent money.

456
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,239
Speaker 2: Not long after we started dating, I was let go

457
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,119
Speaker 2: from my job and job hopped for a couple of

458
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 2: years before landing my current job as a veterinary assistant.

459
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 3: I have been at this job for a year and

460
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 3: a half and I love it.

461
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:02,159
Speaker 2: Throughout those few years, my boyfriend held two jobs, but

462
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,399
Speaker 2: they didn't last long. The first job lasted six months

463
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,000
Speaker 2: and the second only three months. When he would get

464
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,280
Speaker 2: a job, he would complain that his brother in law

465
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,920
Speaker 2: Tom didn't have to work because he was getting SSI

466
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 2: for his autism and that it wasn't fair. I told

467
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,879
Speaker 2: Sean that living on SSI is very, very hard and

468
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 2: that it's not a comfortable way to live. I have

469
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,359
Speaker 2: friends who are on SSI for physical disabilities and they

470
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,600
Speaker 2: struggle every single month. But when Shawn doesn't work, he

471
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,840
Speaker 2: complains that he wants to work, and I tell him

472
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 2: he can't have it both ways. Shawn was diagnosed with

473
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 2: ADHD and major depressive disorder, and his doctor said he

474
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:41,239
Speaker 2: could technically file for permanent disability. I asked him if

475
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,359
Speaker 2: that's what he wanted, and he said he wasn't sure

476
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 2: because he likes working. Backstory on Shawn's family. When I

477
00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 2: met Sean, there were six people living in their three

478
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 2: bedroom house, Shawn's parents, his youngest sister Nicole, middle sister Rose,

479
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 2: and her husband Tom, and then Sewn himself. The only

480
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,640
Speaker 2: person working at the time was Shawn's dad. Growing up,

481
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:04,040
Speaker 2: Shawn and his sisters were never encouraged to work, get

482
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:07,160
Speaker 2: a driver's license, or go to school, so his sisters

483
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,640
Speaker 2: have only ever had one job, which they had quit

484
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 2: after only a couple of days. Shawn worked for his

485
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 2: grandfather's landscaping company and learned how to drive, but he

486
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,359
Speaker 2: dropped out of high school and his mom told him

487
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 2: it wasn't important to finish anyways, and he never ended

488
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,960
Speaker 2: up testing for his license. Shawn's mom had jobs in

489
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,960
Speaker 2: the past, but always happened to get sick after a

490
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 2: couple of weeks of working and would just never go

491
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,360
Speaker 2: back when she got better. I felt bad for Shawn's

492
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 2: dad and Tom because they were taking care of a

493
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,800
Speaker 2: bunch of adult babies. But even when Shawn wanted to work,

494
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,200
Speaker 2: his mom would talk him out of it and even

495
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 2: convinced him to quit his first job. When he told

496
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,240
Speaker 2: me he quit, I was very disappointed in him, but

497
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 2: told him he should go back to school for his GED,

498
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 2: and that is what he did. Maybe this is a

499
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,399
Speaker 2: good place to pause anyway and say, what the heck's

500
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 2: going on with the parent values here.

501
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 6: There's a lot going on, especially for Sean, Like can

502
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 6: you imagine with everything going on in his life and

503
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 6: then also with ope tied to it, I feel like

504
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:01,640
Speaker 6: Sean's gonna crash out.

505
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 2: Shawn's like, my wife has lupis. We just had a kid.

506
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 3: I'm taking care of adult babies.

507
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 2: I've been programmed to want to be on social support

508
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,919
Speaker 2: my whole life. I need to go back to school

509
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 2: and finish my GED. Is it from both sides, I'm

510
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,959
Speaker 2: so confused. So the dad works, but it's also like

511
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,480
Speaker 2: you should definitely want to get on disability.

512
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 3: It's so good. Stuff's great. He's like, what, so.

513
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 2: Dad's just like I wish I was on disability. Yeah,

514
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 2: I gotta work for all you guys. Why don't you

515
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 2: guys get on disability? This this is crazy. So when

516
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,199
Speaker 2: Shawn got job number two, it was a love and

517
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 2: hate relationship. In three months in he had to take

518
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 2: a family emergency call and he was let go because

519
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:43,920
Speaker 2: he wasn't supposed to be on the phone.

520
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 3: It was what it was, and we made things work.

521
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,439
Speaker 2: At this time, I was still living with my parents

522
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 2: and he with his crap hit the fan when I

523
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,359
Speaker 2: caught my dad cheating on my mom. Yeah, the cheating

524
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,359
Speaker 2: on my mom knows the story for another post. My

525
00:21:56,480 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 2: mom exiled him, but eventually let him come back home.

526
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 2: My dad made my life very difficult, and I ended

527
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,439
Speaker 2: up moving out into my boyfriend's already cramped house. The

528
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 2: agreement was I paid the water bill three hundred and

529
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 2: fifty bucks every month and that would be considered my rent,

530
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 2: but I had to give the money to Sewan's mom,

531
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 2: my mother in law. By this time, Nicole had one

532
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 2: baby and was pregnant with baby number two. Her boyfriend

533
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 2: also started living in the house and paid exactly zero

534
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 2: dollars in rent or bills. He had a great job,

535
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 2: making twenty seven dollars an hour, and Shawn's parents saw

536
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 2: no help from him.

537
00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:31,360
Speaker 3: Every time Sean wanted to.

538
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 2: Go test for his license or get a job, his

539
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,479
Speaker 2: parents would talk him out of it and tell him

540
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 2: to focus on our relationship. But I was confused because

541
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 2: there was nothing wrong with our relationship.

542
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 3: Here and there.

543
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 2: I would help Sean where I could, as far as

544
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 2: looking for jobs and fixing up his resume. At the time,

545
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:49,679
Speaker 2: I was finishing school for my associates in veterinary Technology.

546
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,120
Speaker 2: This was my third degree, as I have my AA

547
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 2: and BA in English. Then in August of last year,

548
00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,919
Speaker 2: I found out I was pregnant. We were so happy

549
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,639
Speaker 2: and told his mom. Nicole was happy for us, but

550
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,359
Speaker 2: Rose went off on a tangent on how I was

551
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 2: a horrible person and that it was her that should

552
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,919
Speaker 2: be pregnant. It really hurt, but Sean reassured me it

553
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 2: would be okay. I stressed to him that we needed

554
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,919
Speaker 2: to get our own plays, especially with a baby on

555
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 2: the way, and he hit the pavement looking for a job.

556
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 2: In November of that year, Sean Land did a job

557
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 2: making twenty nine dollars an hour, full time with benefits.

558
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 2: Not long after, in December, I was admitted to the

559
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,879
Speaker 2: hospital with pregnancy complications. Around this time, Sean was let

560
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 2: go from his job because he didn't have a driver's license.

561
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 3: Even though his job didn't require him to drive.

562
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 2: Higher ups required all of their employees to have a

563
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,920
Speaker 2: driver's license, so Sean was let go because he was

564
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,800
Speaker 2: hired on what they called a technicality because time was

565
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 2: ticking with the baby coming soon, a doctor's wanted me

566
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 2: to have the baby early. Sean made the necessary steps

567
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 2: to get his permit and then his driver's license. This

568
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 2: included him getting glasses, which was a pain in the

569
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 2: butt because he had a hard time passing the vision

570
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,679
Speaker 2: test without his glasses. Held his permit until he got

571
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 2: a doctor's clearance. Woo, California DMV I was hospitalized an

572
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,199
Speaker 2: hour away from home because of how young my baby

573
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:10,439
Speaker 2: was going to be when he was born and he

574
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 2: needed to be at a Level three NICU hospital. This

575
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,119
Speaker 2: made visiting from Sewn very hard because he couldn't legally

576
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,439
Speaker 2: drive and his parents had to drive him to see me.

577
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 2: When he would come visit, his parents would leave him

578
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 2: there for a few days at a time until my

579
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 2: parents could drive him back to their house and Shawn's

580
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 2: parents would come get him from there. Most of the time,

581
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: his parents would say no to bringing him and tell

582
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 2: him to ask my parents to take him, which was

583
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 2: already embarrassing. My parents couldn't always bring him because of

584
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,680
Speaker 2: how far he lived from my parents, and it would

585
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 2: make them backtrack and make the trip thirty to.

586
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,200
Speaker 3: Forty five minutes longer.

587
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 2: Then in January twenty twenty five, I developed severe pre eclampsia.

588
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,960
Speaker 2: I was in disbelief and frustrated about it, especially when

589
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 2: the nurses were giving me a bunch of medications but

590
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 2: not telling me why. I refused more medications until someone

591
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 2: explained me what was going on, and one nurse threatened

592
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,160
Speaker 2: to have my baby go out and take it from

593
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 2: me like a cesareans? What the they got? The mean

594
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 2: gruff nurses at the hospital?

595
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:07,879
Speaker 3: What is going into?

596
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 6: What is going on if you don't take this medicine? Also,

597
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 6: I'm taking that baby Sean's parents. Can we just talk

598
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 6: about them for just like one hot second? And I'm

599
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 6: trying to decipher what is up with those people. There

600
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 6: is something like you need to focus on your relationship,

601
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,640
Speaker 6: but you need to like do work, but you don't need.

602
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:23,920
Speaker 1: To do that.

603
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 6: They're so wishy washy on all over the place. I'm

604
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,959
Speaker 6: kind of confused on what they actually want. And at

605
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 6: this point, I'm like, what do you want from me?

606
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,199
Speaker 6: If I were Shawn and op like together, because this

607
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 6: is very confusing from the their standpoint of I don't know.

608
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 2: I don't know if this is what Belton in the

609
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 2: chat commented illegal, and I don't know if that is

610
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 2: in reference to something else or if that's maybe they

611
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 2: could from a nurse of their like their citizenship. I

612
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 2: was very confused that maybe the parents or like their

613
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 2: immigration status could be because a lot of time, if

614
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 2: families are like they have something like that, they're like,

615
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,639
Speaker 2: don't don't. We don't want anyone. We don't want to

616
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 2: bring any attention to this area. So it's like, yeah,

617
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 2: you don't have a driver's license, we don't want you

618
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 2: to get one. So they're gonna say, oh, what, who's

619
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 2: your family members? Who's taking care of you? Your mom

620
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 2: or your dad? They have driver's license?

621
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 3: Who are they?

622
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 6: I just feel like OP cannot catch a single break,

623
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 6: like the nurses, like everyone is.

624
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 2: Just that's weird, this is nursing. That that's crazy that

625
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 2: that person should not be a nurse. Yeah, oh, Belton

626
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,679
Speaker 2: was referencing to the nurses' activities. However, I've also I

627
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 2: posited an interesting theory then all by myself, like let's

628
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 2: get back into this store. So she threatened me like

629
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 2: I was uneducated, and ignored me for hours. I was

630
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 2: in such a panic that I didn't sleep. I called

631
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 2: my mom hysterical, and she called the hospital's patient liaison,

632
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 2: who spoke with me about what was going on. I

633
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 2: told her everything, and those nurses were removed from taking

634
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 2: care of me. My mom and Sean drove up to

635
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 2: see me and make sure I was okay. On January fifteenth,

636
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 2: five days later, my doctor told me to make my

637
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,920
Speaker 2: phone calls because I was going to have an emergency

638
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 2: see section, and the first person.

639
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 3: I called was Sewn.

640
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 2: I told him the baby was coming and I needed

641
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 2: him to come to the hospital. Sean told his parents

642
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 2: about what was going on, and they flat out told

643
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 2: him they weren't going to take him to me. I

644
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 2: asked if they could take him to my parents' house

645
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 2: so my mom could take him, and they said no.

646
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,960
Speaker 2: I was heartbroken and scared was having major surgery and

647
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 2: my son's father was not going to be there. I

648
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 2: called my parents and let them know what was going on,

649
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 2: and they left work in an instant and tried to

650
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 2: work something out with Sean's parents about how to get

651
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 2: him to the hospital. But they wouldn't budge. Sean was

652
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 2: not going to be there. Why why why can't Sean go?

653
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 2: Hey don't care if you don't want me their parents.

654
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,720
Speaker 2: I'm walking out of the door at this point.

655
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, why doesn't sewn just like call Opie's parents and

656
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,120
Speaker 6: like hey, pick me up on the corner.

657
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 3: Let's go. It's go time.

658
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 6: Anything like there's they cannot stop you from leaving the house.

659
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 6: Sean opened the door. Free will, don't miss the birth

660
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,359
Speaker 6: of your child. He even wants to go. You can

661
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,360
Speaker 6: tell you he's like wants to go. But what Yeah,

662
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 6: someone said, Uber, we're.

663
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 2: Talking about ages, and it's I think that the age

664
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 2: at the beginning where like thirty ages at the top

665
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 2: were there. And sometimes, you know, we have stories, the

666
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 2: details aren't always exactly true.

667
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,359
Speaker 3: So don't listen to your parents.

668
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 6: If my child is being born and my partner says,

669
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 6: I need you here right now, I am moving everything

670
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 6: and anything to be there.

671
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 3: Now, But my mommy said no.

672
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 2: Because of my loopus, I had to be completely sedated

673
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,400
Speaker 2: for my operation in case there needed to be life

674
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 2: saving measures done. That meant I could not have a

675
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 2: support person in the room, not even my mom. Baby

676
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,880
Speaker 2: was born with no issues and I had no complications.

677
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,640
Speaker 3: Baby spent four weeks.

678
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 2: In the NICU and finally came home because I had

679
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,479
Speaker 2: major surgery. I stayed with my parents while I healed.

680
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 2: I postpartum depression was rough, but we made it through.

681
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 6: I'm scratching my head at everything Sean and his family

682
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 6: are doing right now. Why didn't Sean get any means

683
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 6: of transportation to help with the baby, help op go

684
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 6: against his parents' demands? What are the parents doing? I

685
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 6: need answers. There's there's so many questions. There's more questions

686
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 6: than answers right now, and I need I need something

687
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,479
Speaker 6: that's gonna help me because it seems like there's no

688
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 6: they have no reasoning.

689
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:12,959
Speaker 3: I'm confused.

690
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 2: There's truly nothing that could justify other than like maybe

691
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 2: that like if they are if they're no, if they're no,

692
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 2: Well it's just I'm not a part of a like,

693
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 2: you know, a community. I'm not tapped into the illegal

694
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 2: immigrant experience. Well there's undocumented, right, because I'm pro immigration.

695
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 3: I don't I don't know about that.

696
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 2: Sometimes when people like when they're like they just don't

697
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 2: want the scrutiny, they're afraid of the scrutiny.

698
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 6: I don't think that's what's happening. Sean's happening. Sean is

699
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:46,719
Speaker 6: a grown, grown man. And I get it. You live

700
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 6: under your parents roof and you live by their rules.

701
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 6: But this is one of those things where like, I

702
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 6: don't care anything you say. I don't care. I'm I'm

703
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 6: walking out that door, and whatever whatever you want to

704
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 6: do with punishments or repercussions. What I'm walking out that door.

705
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, what could stop?

706
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 6: That's what I least I need to know. I really

707
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 6: need to know what he pushed the parents to be like,

708
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 6: uh uh, you can't go. Well, hopefully we get there

709
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 6: at the end of this story.

710
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 3: Fast forward to today. This is the end of this story.

711
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 2: I'm back working, and while I work, Sean is the

712
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 2: primary parent to our son. I work ten hour days,

713
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 2: but commute one hour two and from work. When I

714
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 2: get home from work, I give the bait, I give

715
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 2: the baby a bath, a cuddle, and put him to sleep.

716
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 2: I take him to all of his doctor's appointments and

717
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 2: therapist visits. It's been a struggle because I had to

718
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 2: get another car due to my old car breaking down.

719
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 2: I've been asking Sean to look for work, but he

720
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 2: waves me off. We have childcare, so that's not an issue.

721
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 2: I told him, I'm drowning in bills and need the help,

722
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 2: and he tells me I'll figure it out. I don't

723
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 2: know what else to do. I've contemplated on giving him

724
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 2: an ultimatum. If he doesn't get a job in the

725
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 2: next couple of months, we might need to rethink our relationship.

726
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 2: I feel like I be an a hole, but I

727
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 2: also feel like my feelings are valid thoughts.

728
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story.

729
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 6: Uh wow, So it just got worse and worse for

730
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 6: hope we have won.

731
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 3: We got worse for us too.

732
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 6: We didn't find out a single reasoning why Shawn's parents

733
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 6: said you can't go now.

734
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 3: We have baby.

735
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, we have baby great, we have baby healthy, baby great.

736
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 3: But now Sean doesn't want to do anything. We're gonna

737
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 3: have to go to couple's therapy at the very least.

738
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 3: We also need to get out of his house. Yeah,

739
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 3: get out of this house first.

740
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 2: Handing living with the parents, Uh yeah, we're gonna have to.

741
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 2: And why why that's going on, and how much that

742
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 2: his family dynamic is sort of leaking into your family

743
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 2: because it's wrong, it's not right.

744
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam og Host. We're gonna get back to

745
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 1: these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads from

746
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: our sponsors to help support the show.

747
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 6: My girlfriend moved her friend into our home and it's

748
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 6: ruining our relationship.

749
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 3: Why don't you just make a relationship with her friend?

750
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 6: I NB twenty six, non binary have been with my

751
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 6: girlfriend for about a year and a half now. We

752
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 6: met through my ex female twenty eight, and I was

753
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 6: going through a really bad divorce. She helped me through that.

754
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 6: I won't get into that as it's not relevant, but

755
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 6: she and her then boyfriend male twenty five let me

756
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 6: sleep on their couch for a while and help me

757
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 6: get back on my feet. By the way, this comes

758
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 6: from user specific Rodent thirteen oh six, and if you

759
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 6: want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

760
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 6: Okay storytime subburtate. So just her added context, Me and

761
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 6: my girlfriend are polyamorous, and her ex ended up not

762
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 6: being polly. They broke up after I moved out, and

763
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 6: that was a whole messy thing that led us to

764
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 6: having to get the cops involved. That only just got

765
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 6: finished recently, nearly two years later. We're going to call

766
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 6: my girlfriend Willow for this. Sometime after I moved out,

767
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 6: Willow ended up losing her job because of a discrimination

768
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 6: and retaliation. Ever since then, she has been struggling to

769
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 6: find employment and selling magic to gathering cards to scrape by.

770
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 6: I was helping them out as a thank you. We

771
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 6: ed up becoming a couple. After some time, they broke

772
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 6: up and she moved in with me. To make a

773
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 6: long messy story short, me and Willow worked at the

774
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 6: same job prior to being fired. She actually helped me

775
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 6: get the job in the first place, and in October

776
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 6: of last year, I was then also discriminated and retaliated

777
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 6: against and ultimately fired. I was unemployed for six months

778
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 6: and recently got a job thanks to my sister. Willow

779
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 6: had won for a short while, but because of a

780
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 6: manager that hated her guts and ongoing her and stalking

781
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 6: from her ex, she was also fired there too, so

782
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 6: financially we have been struggling horribly. Sometime after us getting

783
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 6: together officially as a couple, and before I got fired,

784
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 6: we met her friend and I'll call her Sophie h.

785
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 6: She is chronically ill, and the three of us ended

786
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 6: up growing pretty close. She hasn't had many friends and

787
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 6: started crossing some boundaries. One important thing I should note

788
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 6: is that Willow has what some people would call a

789
00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 6: savior complex. I find that to be kind of a

790
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 6: rude way to put it. But she cares very deeply

791
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 6: and tries to help others as she can. Unfortunately, people

792
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 6: have a bad tendency to sometimes take advantage of it.

793
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,880
Speaker 6: And just to make it clear, I'm not saying Sophia

794
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,359
Speaker 6: is one of those cases. I don't think we had

795
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 6: a serious talk with her and set boundaries of us

796
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 6: not wanting to cross the lines between friends and caretakers

797
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:20,439
Speaker 6: and stuff of that sort.

798
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 3: I don't want to talk too much about that, as

799
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 3: this is long enough and not relevant.

800
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 1: Maybe.

801
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 6: However, Sophia has, within the time we've known her, been

802
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 6: in and out of the hospital multiple times, with the

803
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 6: becoming more frequent of these past six months. We found

804
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:38,400
Speaker 6: her on one occasion on a life threatening situation after

805
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,879
Speaker 6: not hearing from her a few days after Valentine's Day.

806
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,799
Speaker 6: After that, we ended up helping her by having her

807
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,880
Speaker 6: dogs day with us because she couldn't care for it

808
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,919
Speaker 6: with her health. All right, So Sophia again, you said,

809
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 6: Sofia has chronic illness and it's getting to caretaker mode. Now, Yeah,

810
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 6: you're no longer like a friend. It's more like I

811
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 6: have to worry about.

812
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 2: You going to pay me to be okay taker to

813
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 2: full time position it is.

814
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 6: Anyway, sometime after I got a job back in March

815
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 6: and things were looking better, I was still struggling with

816
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 6: my mental health, but I was trying my best. Willow

817
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 6: ended up meeting someone and befriending her. Her name will

818
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,919
Speaker 6: be Sally, and Sally was homeless and needing help. One

819
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 6: thing I didn't want to include in this, but I

820
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 6: guess it's going to end up needing to be said

821
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,360
Speaker 6: everyone mentioned so far as artender, and I will state

822
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 6: if not for the future, if needed. Anyways, Sally was

823
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 6: needing help, and Willow being Willow called me after I

824
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 6: got off work one morning asking if Sally could stay

825
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 6: a few nights to help her out and get her

826
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,760
Speaker 6: some resources to get help. I was in a pretty

827
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 6: good mood at the time, and I worked specifically with

828
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 6: homeless folk and getting them help, as had Willow, so

829
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 6: I said sure. That ended up being a mistake. Sally

830
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 6: is an extremely toxic person to be around and takes

831
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 6: a lot of her own internalized transa and in a

832
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 6: way self projects it in a very vile way. As

833
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 6: insults against others. Willow has always been, or at least

834
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 6: tried to be a very confident person and let that

835
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 6: stuff get to her. However, she had recently started medically transitioning,

836
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,319
Speaker 6: and a lot of what Sally, who passes very well

837
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 6: as being on HRT for over a decade and as

838
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:15,320
Speaker 6: a small white girl, says, started to get to Willow.

839
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, So to summarize this, We've got a

840
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 2: lot of big energy in the house.

841
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 3: It feels like it's lots of big energy. It's interesting characters.

842
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's giving full house, but everywhere you look, but

843
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 6: it's it's like going the wrong way, like Willow's has

844
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:41,760
Speaker 6: a savior complex. Sally is just vile with comments. Op

845
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 6: is just trying to stand on their own two legs. Yeah,

846
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:49,760
Speaker 6: and Sophia is chronically ill and needs to be watched

847
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,879
Speaker 6: over and taken care of. Twenty four for a dull

848
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 6: moment in this house. Yeah, that's not the only thing

849
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 6: that had been hurting Willow. People every day are like

850
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 6: that to her, just because that's how life is for

851
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:03,240
Speaker 6: non passing, non white transfems. But Sally really said a lot,

852
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 6: even it wasn't directed at Willow, of really harmful things.

853
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,319
Speaker 6: I know it's very fast that Sally held a lot

854
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 6: of trans medicalist and sometimes discriminatory things. I talked to

855
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 6: Willow about it, and she wanted to try to teach

856
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,399
Speaker 6: her what she was saying was wrong, because she wants

857
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 6: to think the best of people. I started isolating more

858
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 6: just because of the fact that we live in a

859
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 6: studio apartment with all these people, and I'm really not

860
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 6: as extroverted as Willow. Sally ended up staying longer than

861
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 6: a few nights, and after a huge thing between her

862
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 6: and Willow and her emotionally manipulating Willow, we finally had

863
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:37,399
Speaker 6: enough and punted her out.

864
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:39,360
Speaker 3: In that same week, I also.

865
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,880
Speaker 6: Had to put down my childhood cat and deal with

866
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:45,360
Speaker 6: the illegal stuff involving her ex A week later, Willow

867
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:48,439
Speaker 6: went to a protest and got arrested. No, she didn't

868
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 6: do anything wrong, Yes, her charges were dropped.

869
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 1: Good.

870
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 6: However, during her weekend in jail, she met up with

871
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 6: someone she had been talking to prior, and they both

872
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,760
Speaker 6: got arrested at the same time. We'll call her Sarah

873
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 6: female around twenty seven. They ended up rushing into it

874
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:04,919
Speaker 6: while they were in the cells next to each other.

875
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,839
Speaker 6: And call each other each other girlfriends.

876
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 3: Wow, it's a whirlwind romance.

877
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 2: When you meet in jail actor being arrested at the

878
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 2: same protest, it's a lot going on.

879
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 6: It's a classic American love story. Yeah, I was unaware

880
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 6: of this at the time. I had previously talked to

881
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 6: a little about my boundaries with bringing others into our

882
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 6: relationship and said that I'd like to be informed first

883
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 6: of who people are, meet them, know you're thinking about

884
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,800
Speaker 6: potentially starting a relationship with them, and YadA, YadA, YadA.

885
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 3: You get the gist. This was not the case for this.

886
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 6: I waited outside the jail waiting twelve hours for her

887
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,439
Speaker 6: to be released, and when she came out, she told

888
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 6: me this information. I took that extremely hard after all

889
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 6: the stress of worrying about her and everything else, but

890
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,480
Speaker 6: ultimately ended up forgiving her as we both weren't in

891
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 6: the right headspace. I hadn't slept in two days at

892
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 6: that point, and both Sarah and I met me. Sarah

893
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 6: and Willow ended up messing around. Communication was not the best,

894
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 6: and their relationship was quickly lived. Quickly lived is a

895
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 6: great way to say that things that didn't work out.

896
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, quickly lived.

897
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,360
Speaker 2: Is a beautiful way to say, and it violently imploded

898
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 2: upon itself.

899
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 3: I don't know, wait, maybe maybe not. I don't know

900
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:14,839
Speaker 3: who's to say.

901
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

902
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 6: We however, are all on good terms and still friends.

903
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,360
Speaker 6: Now was just not a good time as all. Anyways,

904
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,720
Speaker 6: Now on to the most recent thing. Our friend Sofia again,

905
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 6: this is the one who is chronically ill, just got

906
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 6: just again got out of the hospital the day Willow

907
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,359
Speaker 6: got out of jail, and while I was out work

908
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,760
Speaker 6: one night, broke down to Willow and said, she doesn't

909
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,480
Speaker 6: think she's going to live for much longer.

910
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 3: Oh wow.

911
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,360
Speaker 6: I don't know exactly what happened that night, but it

912
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 6: was decided that Willow was going to cross the line

913
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 6: into the caregiver and move her in with us. I

914
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 6: didn't have a say in this. Sofia was being evicted anyways,

915
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 6: and she would just not survive being homeless. Sofia was

916
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 6: moved in the day of my birthday earlier this month.

917
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 6: This has been causing a lot of strain on us

918
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 6: emotionally and in our relationship. I'm afraid of being evicted ourselves.

919
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 6: Willow isn't and he's supposed to be here, and I

920
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 6: recently just got a vaguely threatening email from my landlord

921
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 6: of them letting me know what they are aware Willow

922
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 6: is here. We've also already had Sophia have an emergency

923
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 6: and go to the hospital again, and the paramedics had

924
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:16,919
Speaker 6: trouble getting her out. I worry what would happen if

925
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 6: something worse happened. A week ago, Willow met someone that

926
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 6: I'll name Ashley. We don't know the age, but is

927
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:23,839
Speaker 6: female who currently does van life.

928
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 2: This is a van I don't know. She either does

929
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 2: van life or her life takes place in a van

930
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 2: where she lives. I don't know which one it is.

931
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 6: I don't know her much at all. She said she

932
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 6: was going to go run an errand and Ashley was

933
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 6: giving her a ride. We had a fight and I

934
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 6: was pretty mean. I was upset with how little time

935
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 6: we've had one on one together right before she had

936
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 6: to go, and she promised she would be back before

937
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 6: I had to go to work that night. One more

938
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 6: thing to note, Willow doesn't currently have phone service due

939
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 6: to our financial situation, so she relies on hotspots and

940
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 6: Wi Fi. She never returned that night and stop responding

941
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 6: a few hours before I had to leave and I

942
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 6: started to panic, thinking the worst.

943
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:01,880
Speaker 3: I didn't know where she was.

944
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 6: I didn't know this person, and I had no contact

945
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 6: information about her, and all options of locating her weren't

946
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,720
Speaker 6: an option. I asked Sophia to log into her computer

947
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:13,400
Speaker 6: and try maybe used to find my device feature, and

948
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 6: she ended up pinging her phone three miles away at

949
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,799
Speaker 6: a park some hours prior. I was extremely distraught that

950
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 6: whole night, as she's never done something like this before.

951
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,320
Speaker 6: She sometimes isn't able to be contacted for a few hours,

952
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 6: but she always had made sure to contact me somehow

953
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 6: to update me. After I got off and still no response,

954
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 6: I made my way home and ended up renting a

955
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 6: car to go where she was where she was last

956
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,400
Speaker 6: ping dat. As I was pulling up, Sophia called to

957
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:38,959
Speaker 6: tell me that she had made it home.

958
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 1: Okay, dude, you went like.

959
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 3: Full Batman detective mode.

960
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 2: And then the moment she got the batmobile because they

961
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,840
Speaker 2: were looking Wait, were they looking for Sophia or Willow?

962
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,440
Speaker 3: Willow? Okay, so never mind, they did. Sophia did. Now Okay,

963
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 3: so you still never mind? We needed a whiteboard for this.

964
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

965
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's there's so many names that keep coming in

966
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 6: and out of the story.

967
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 2: I don't know who uh the commentor was, but someone

968
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 2: said will is just out here picking up people like

969
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 2: they're straight puppies.

970
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:04,919
Speaker 3: It's like true.

971
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, let's let's talk about Willow. What are we

972
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 6: doing Willow again? This was said in the beginning of

973
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 6: the story that she is a savior complex girl. You

974
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 6: need to save yourself first before you can save anybody else. Exact,

975
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 6: you don't have the need the means for communicating with Op.

976
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 6: I think Op needs to maybe also take that advice.

977
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:24,399
Speaker 3: Op.

978
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 2: I don't know if you feel some sort of like

979
00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 2: responsibility or like like a burden to like take care

980
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 2: of this group of people you found yourself in. But

981
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 2: it's like, you can take care of yourself first and

982
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 2: it'll actually help all the people around you because then

983
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 2: you'll be able to actually take better care.

984
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,319
Speaker 6: Yeah, you're it seems like what what it like? The

985
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 6: description is Op is standing on one leg balancing Willow

986
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 6: balancing now Sophia on top of Willow, and then Willow

987
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:52,720
Speaker 6: is balancing actually.

988
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 3: On like it just like what am I doing here?

989
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 1: Yeah?

990
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 3: We can't. We can't be spinning plates.

991
00:42:57,719 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 2: Okay, first we got to learn how to summersault and

992
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 2: we can work up to spinning play. First, we need

993
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,360
Speaker 2: to stay it on two legs, honestly, exactly how it

994
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:05,240
Speaker 2: works being a baby.

995
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 6: Willa wasn't mad at me as I thought she could

996
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:09,959
Speaker 6: have been. She and I ended up bawling our eyes

997
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 6: out when we saw each other. She thought I was

998
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 6: furious at her and she couldn't handle it and broke

999
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 6: down to Ashley that night and said she couldn't come

1000
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:20,440
Speaker 6: home and needed space. I told her that I wasn't

1001
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 6: and I was just hurt and extremely scared for her safety,

1002
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,919
Speaker 6: and she said she was extremely sorry and she'd never

1003
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 6: do it again. She then told me she needs more

1004
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 6: space frequently, and that she and Ashley would be going

1005
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 6: to do a road trip on the twenty ninth together

1006
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:36,120
Speaker 6: for a few days. This really broke me. I've been

1007
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 6: wanting a break and help for a long time now,

1008
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 6: with stuff like chores and having so much stress in

1009
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 6: our lives, And just a weekish ago prior, she was

1010
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 6: telling me how we would go on a road trip

1011
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 6: together and maybe go camping soon, and we haven't had

1012
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,839
Speaker 6: a little vacation just her and I and I've been

1013
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 6: saying for longer than I've known her, that I missed

1014
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 6: my home state and I haven't been there in over

1015
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 6: a decade and would love to go back sometime. So

1016
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 6: to learn she was going there hurt extra bad. I

1017
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:05,279
Speaker 6: was also scared about Sophia. What was I going to

1018
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 6: do all alone with her?

1019
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:08,920
Speaker 3: Again? Willow is the one that took Sophia in as

1020
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 3: a caretake.

1021
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,840
Speaker 2: Look, if Sophia is literally ill to the point where

1022
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:15,239
Speaker 2: she cannot take care of herself, that's like, you know,

1023
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:17,359
Speaker 2: you got to sign up for federal assistance. You got

1024
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 2: to sign up for state assistants. No, you're disabled, so

1025
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 2: you know, and there's nothing like wrong with that. There

1026
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:28,280
Speaker 2: are systems in place in the country that are built

1027
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 2: to take care of people.

1028
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 3: In those situations. You got to do the legwork for it.

1029
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 6: I was gonna say, Willow has a savior complex, but

1030
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 6: the the savior here is really op because it's Ope's

1031
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 6: up like a studio.

1032
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1033
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 3: No, I think one PC has that complex as well,

1034
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 3: or they would not be doing this.

1035
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 6: What if Sofia had a medical emergency while I was

1036
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 6: away at work? She then thought she could maybe take

1037
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 6: her with them. They apparently had a conversation about it,

1038
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:56,400
Speaker 6: and that was the plan, but I was really struggling

1039
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 6: with it all, as I had told her very recently

1040
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 6: that I've been extremely lonely, and while yes, I say

1041
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:04,360
Speaker 6: I just want to be alone, I don't mean without her.

1042
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 6: When I say that, I mean I just want some

1043
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 6: time with her in our apartment without people. Two nights ago,

1044
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 6: I ended up becoming very short and irritable and snapping

1045
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 6: at both Sophia and Willow. I didn't mean to, and

1046
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:18,960
Speaker 6: I hate how me and I get when I get

1047
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 6: this stressed out. When me and Willow went out for

1048
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 6: a smoke, I broke down crying, telling her again I

1049
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:26,359
Speaker 6: am really scared about her leaving on the twenty ninth.

1050
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 6: How I'm so stressed out with Sophia staying here and

1051
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,879
Speaker 6: crying about the whole situation. I feel terrible for it.

1052
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 6: But later on they talked and had a plan to

1053
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 6: rearrange the room for more privacy and had Sophia go

1054
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:39,400
Speaker 6: to the library for a few hours so we can

1055
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 6: have some time together.

1056
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:44,720
Speaker 3: It was so nice. I thought things were maybe getting better.

1057
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,239
Speaker 6: I don't even remember exactly what started it, but after

1058
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 6: Cepha I got home, Willa went with Sophia to her

1059
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 6: apartment to pack up some more of things and bring

1060
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 6: it back with the help of Ashley with her car.

1061
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 6: I had a few hours to myself, which was nice

1062
00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:00,080
Speaker 6: and I appreciated it. But something that I genuinely I

1063
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 6: can't remember right now caused us to talk again about

1064
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,400
Speaker 6: the trip she was planning and how hurt I was

1065
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,799
Speaker 6: by it, and how she ended up crying again and

1066
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 6: saying she couldn't take it and needed space again tonight

1067
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:12,840
Speaker 6: and left with Ashley.

1068
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's van lifing with Ashley.

1069
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 3: Sorry.

1070
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 2: Look, man, I don't know what's going on here, but

1071
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,239
Speaker 2: I know that if you weren't in a polycule, it

1072
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 2: would be a lot less complicated.

1073
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:28,320
Speaker 3: That's all I'm saying.

1074
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:30,800
Speaker 2: Clearly, the people you are trying to have a group

1075
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 2: relationship with are not viable candidates.

1076
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 6: Willow promised me she would be back to talk before

1077
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 6: noon today and said she would have her location on

1078
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:42,839
Speaker 6: via hotspot from Ashley. It's three pm now where I'm at,

1079
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 6: and she's not home. She had her location offline for

1080
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:48,920
Speaker 6: three hours now. I never got actually's contact information and

1081
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:51,320
Speaker 6: none of my messages are even being delivered to her phone.

1082
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 6: She swore she would have had her location on and

1083
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:57,719
Speaker 6: come home before noon. I'm so afraid of losing her,

1084
00:46:57,960 --> 00:46:59,800
Speaker 6: and I'm trying my best to be the best partner

1085
00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 6: I can for her. She keeps telling me that she's

1086
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:05,239
Speaker 6: tired of making huge choices for everyone, and how that

1087
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,920
Speaker 6: she's been hurting for months now and I haven't listened

1088
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 6: to her. I thought I had been, and while I

1089
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 6: know I'm not perfect at all, I've been trying to

1090
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 6: be there for her the best I can. She's She's

1091
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,360
Speaker 6: also been asking me to go to therapy and is

1092
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 6: upset with me for not doing so yet, and I've

1093
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 6: also asked for the both of us to go to

1094
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 6: couple's therapy now, but we haven't gone to that yet.

1095
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 6: I bought her flowers, her favorite candies, favorite drinks, and

1096
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:34,720
Speaker 6: a pack of SIGs for when she returns as a sorry,

1097
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 6: and I'm scared that might be too much, but I

1098
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 6: don't know what else to do. I am genuinely so

1099
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 6: in love with this woman and I want to marry

1100
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 6: her one day and I can't imagine life without her.

1101
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:48,320
Speaker 6: I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. Please,

1102
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 6: if anyone has any advice, please tell me. I'm so

1103
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:54,319
Speaker 6: lost and desperately need help. I don't know what to

1104
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:57,319
Speaker 6: do without her, and I'm sick with worry about her.

1105
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 2: And we have an update, it looks like you're gonna

1106
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 2: have to live life without her because she I don't

1107
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:06,280
Speaker 2: think she's feeling the same way you're feeling about her. Honestly,

1108
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 2: I think I think she's way more in the collecting

1109
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:15,840
Speaker 2: sort of new friends era, not the I'm so wildly

1110
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 2: in love with you op that I want to marry

1111
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:18,399
Speaker 2: you one day.

1112
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,800
Speaker 6: I don't think she's Yeah, it just seems like Willa

1113
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 6: wants to do whatever she wants. She's like, that seems fun, op,

1114
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 6: Like I love you, but like that's the fun, that's

1115
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:29,839
Speaker 6: the fun side over there.

1116
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go do that, like I hear you. I

1117
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:34,719
Speaker 3: hear you. I want to do that.

1118
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 6: But that's more fun and less stress free because I'm

1119
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 6: stressed out because you're stressing me out.

1120
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 3: What's crazy is there.

1121
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:45,760
Speaker 2: Is something too, like when people become used to living

1122
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 2: their life in a certain way mm hmm, that even

1123
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:51,799
Speaker 2: if they would make like positive, beneficial changes, it's like

1124
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:55,399
Speaker 2: the perception is that it would actually be worse because

1125
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 2: it's taking away from the lifestyle you're familiar with and

1126
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 2: that you've grown accustomed to, and like, h yeah, maybe

1127
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 2: Willow is just used to this like high octane craziness lifestyle.

1128
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 2: I met my new girlfriend in jail and I found

1129
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:11,240
Speaker 2: a you know, my next lover on the street.

1130
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:12,160
Speaker 3: I'm going to help her out.

1131
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 2: And it's like, yeah, I don't know, I don't know

1132
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 2: she's willing to settle down off of that.

1133
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 6: Also, what op he's doing right now is coddling her,

1134
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 6: and that's the last thing you need to be doing.

1135
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 3: She pointed the finger at you.

1136
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 6: It's like, you haven't been doing anything right and I've

1137
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 6: been like helping everyone out. I've been going out with Ashley.

1138
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:32,440
Speaker 6: I haven't been doing what you need. Yeah, we have

1139
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:34,919
Speaker 6: an update. She came home around APM yesterday and after

1140
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 6: actually randomly texted Sophia apparently she had our contact info

1141
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,840
Speaker 6: with the whole time, something random and completely unrelated to Willow.

1142
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:45,960
Speaker 6: Sophia called her and started explaining how she's unable to

1143
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,600
Speaker 6: help with her request, and then following it up asking

1144
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 6: where the heck Willow is. Ashley was apparently fully aware.

1145
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 6: She said she would be back before noon. It's just

1146
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 6: that they fell asleep. Understandable I get that, but why

1147
00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 6: doesn't she bother to text me or wake Willow up

1148
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 6: at all?

1149
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 3: Nothing?

1150
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 6: And when Willow returned, Ashley didn't speak to me at all.

1151
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:08,880
Speaker 6: I'm unsure if I just read her wrong, but she

1152
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 6: looked mad at me. I don't know her, and I

1153
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:14,200
Speaker 6: don't know what Willo said to her, But I'm really

1154
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:17,719
Speaker 6: unsure about Ashley. Willow barely wanted to touch me and

1155
00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:20,400
Speaker 6: didn't kiss me until this morning. I asked if we

1156
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 6: could finally talk, but she asked to speak tomorrow today now. Instead,

1157
00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:28,800
Speaker 6: we just went straight to bed again. Now onto this morning,

1158
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 6: she's a lot happier.

1159
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: We went onto a.

1160
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:33,319
Speaker 6: Dog walk with Sophia and split away for a bit

1161
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 6: from Sophia to finally talk, and then she dropped the

1162
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 6: bomb on me. She plans to leave for six months.

1163
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:43,600
Speaker 6: Am I unreasonable to be incredibly hurt by this and

1164
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 6: not have a little freak out about it? To just

1165
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:49,360
Speaker 6: go for six months, apparently taking Sofia with her and

1166
00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:52,279
Speaker 6: just leaving me behind. She says, I don't listen to her,

1167
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 6: but I do. I know she wants to get out

1168
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 6: there and see the world. I do too, though, and

1169
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 6: to just leave me with some random person she just met.

1170
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 6: I asked her that, and she said she would have

1171
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:06,359
Speaker 6: gone with anyone once they came around. I know she

1172
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:08,319
Speaker 6: wants to go out. I know she wants to go

1173
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:11,400
Speaker 6: see where her ancestral homelands are, but just leave me.

1174
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:14,239
Speaker 6: I never wanted to do long distance ever.

1175
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:14,680
Speaker 1: Again.

1176
00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:17,239
Speaker 6: I asked her all about all the financial issues we

1177
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 6: are having. She just decided she's going to sell off

1178
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 6: the rest of her magic the gathering cards, and make

1179
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:24,640
Speaker 6: sure the rent's paid off, and then go and somehow

1180
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 6: she'll find money out there to send back somehow.

1181
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 3: Um.

1182
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 2: No, No, this person is leaving your is exiting your life,

1183
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 2: and it should be a big positive event.

1184
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,240
Speaker 6: It sounds like Will hasn't been able to find employment

1185
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:41,759
Speaker 6: this whole time. I'm not exactly sure why she suddenly

1186
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:44,399
Speaker 6: why she suddenly believes she'll find it that easy. Now

1187
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:46,520
Speaker 6: she says she's going to plan all of this for

1188
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:49,320
Speaker 6: the next four months and then leave for six. Honestly,

1189
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 6: I feel completely numb at this point. I don't know

1190
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 6: what to do, and I don't trust Ashley at this point. Op,

1191
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 6: you're kind of getting the answer straight to your face

1192
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:01,560
Speaker 6: with the director's answer.

1193
00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 3: You are single. You're single, dude.

1194
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:08,360
Speaker 6: She's Willow is leaving you for Ashley. It's plain and simple.

1195
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:11,239
Speaker 6: She she again what I said earlier. She found something

1196
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 6: that She's like that seems fun. You're kind of lame

1197
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 6: and this is depressing. I want to do that. You

1198
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 6: wanted to do that too. That sucks you didn't. You

1199
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,399
Speaker 6: didn't do it, so but she's doing it. So I'm

1200
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:22,320
Speaker 6: gonna do it with Ashley.

1201
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 2: To just clear this up, Willow is going with Sophia

1202
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 2: the chronically ill one and Ashley the van life one,

1203
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 2: leaving op behind with Sarah her jail girlfriend.

1204
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:36,319
Speaker 3: Who what?

1205
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1206
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:38,360
Speaker 3: What this is?

1207
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 2: You need to completely remove these people and like the

1208
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:43,919
Speaker 2: order of like what do I need to be thinking

1209
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 2: about right now to like for my life? They're all

1210
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,279
Speaker 2: the way at the bottom now, and you finding a

1211
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:51,359
Speaker 2: new place to live in a new situation is at

1212
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 2: the top. Yeah, don't think about Sarah. Sarah will find

1213
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:58,719
Speaker 2: her own way to make her own list. Sophia, No, Sarah, Oh, Sarah, Oh,

1214
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:02,439
Speaker 2: exactly exactly, whiteboard, exactly what's going on here?

1215
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 3: What's going on?

1216
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:08,799
Speaker 6: Yeah, Opie, it's I know you care, but again, you're

1217
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:11,839
Speaker 6: putting in one hundred percent of the result. The relationship.

1218
00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:16,280
Speaker 6: You're getting not even a percent back from Willow. Sorry,

1219
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 6: and if you're afraid to lose her, you probably need to. Yeah,

1220
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:23,040
Speaker 6: best things in life. On the opposite side of what fear,

1221
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:26,000
Speaker 6: there's a little bit left. Let's go and finish this

1222
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:28,279
Speaker 6: off and see what happens. I forgot to mention, but

1223
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:30,920
Speaker 6: one morning, when I came home prior to her leaving

1224
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 6: the first time, I just got en off work. I

1225
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 6: was aware they were hanging out. But when I came

1226
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 6: outside to have a smoke with her, as I was

1227
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 6: turning the corner, I saw actually all around Willow acting

1228
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 6: all funny and laughing hard. Apparently she was just super high.

1229
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 6: I asked Willow about it and told her it made

1230
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 6: me feel a bit uncomfortable. I had only just briefly

1231
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,919
Speaker 6: met her the night prior, right before I went to work,

1232
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:57,359
Speaker 6: and the excuse was she's just really high right now,

1233
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:59,239
Speaker 6: and we're both flirty people.

1234
00:53:58,960 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 1: You know.

1235
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 3: I don't know if she had good intentions. I don't

1236
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:05,799
Speaker 3: know about any of this. Honestly, Hey, it's John here.

1237
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 3: We're gonna get back to this episode. But a quick

1238
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:09,320
Speaker 3: three minute break with Asramur.

1239
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 5: Sponsors my boyfriend's family looks down on me because I

1240
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 5: didn't come from money.

1241
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 3: Get rich and prove them all wrong.

1242
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 5: I am twenty eight female Hispanic American who met my

1243
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:22,799
Speaker 5: boyfriend let's call him Brian, thirty two male, five years

1244
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 5: ago on a backpacking trip in South America. We did

1245
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 5: the long distance thing and it worked out well because

1246
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 5: I was finishing up my studies and he was looking

1247
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:32,880
Speaker 5: for a job. By the way, this comes from the

1248
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 5: Throwaway Girl in NL and if you want to submit

1249
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:37,720
Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

1250
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:41,680
Speaker 5: Separate it. So his parents have always had reservations against me,

1251
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 5: especially his mom. She comes from a blue blood family

1252
00:54:45,239 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 5: and wanted her son to marry into money. I don't

1253
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,840
Speaker 5: come from money. My parents came from a Caribbean country

1254
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:54,120
Speaker 5: to New York and worked hard for what they have.

1255
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:57,760
Speaker 5: It's not much, but we have our essentials. Vaughn, realizing

1256
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 5: our relationship was serious and we wanted to live in

1257
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 5: the same cus, I decided to move to the Netherlands.

1258
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 5: For him to live in New York, we'd have to

1259
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 5: be married, and we don't want to rush into marriage

1260
00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 5: when we're not as financially stable as we like to be.

1261
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 5: This was two years ago and we wanted to live

1262
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:14,600
Speaker 5: together first. It was easier for me to move to

1263
00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:18,040
Speaker 5: the Netherlands because there is a relationship visa that only

1264
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:21,720
Speaker 5: requires him to have a stable job, no marriage needed.

1265
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:25,319
Speaker 5: We planned this move for two years, upon which in

1266
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 5: that time Brian lost his job and I couldn't move,

1267
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:31,479
Speaker 5: so we had to wait another year. In that last year,

1268
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,640
Speaker 5: my dad had an aggressive battle with care and passed

1269
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:38,360
Speaker 5: away a few months ago. Words cannot express the amount

1270
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 5: of pain, stress and depression in these last few years.

1271
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 5: Because of this, I actually moved last December to the

1272
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 5: Netherlands due to regulations and a lot of crat with

1273
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 5: visa stuff. Long story, I had to move despite me

1274
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,759
Speaker 5: wanting to stay because of my dad's declining health. I

1275
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 5: visited a few times and made it back the day

1276
00:55:57,080 --> 00:55:58,400
Speaker 5: before he passed away.

1277
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 4: Thankfully, I made it work.

1278
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 5: Though. I enrolled in university to go for my master's.

1279
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:06,920
Speaker 5: I am starting Dutch lessons, started seeing a psych slowly

1280
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 5: but surely. I'm trying to make a good life here.

1281
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:13,120
Speaker 5: His parents are still very harsh towards me. They thought

1282
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:16,040
Speaker 5: this would be a typical vacation romance. His mother is

1283
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:18,399
Speaker 5: nice to me in person, but whiches to Brian about

1284
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:21,239
Speaker 5: how different I am, how our cultures clash, how he

1285
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:23,280
Speaker 5: needs to be careful that I'm not out for money.

1286
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 5: She calmed down about this lately, but it is resurfacing

1287
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 5: now that I live here. It's like I need to

1288
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:31,279
Speaker 5: rush to be a typical Dutch person. I need to

1289
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 5: have a job, know the language. They frown upon me

1290
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:36,880
Speaker 5: and constantly worry Brian that I'm not doing what I

1291
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 5: need to do. Brian feels stuck in the middle, constantly

1292
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 5: defending me, but seeing where his mom comes from. This

1293
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 5: past weekend, his father, sixty five mail, was in a

1294
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 5: terrible bike accident. As someone who just lost her dad,

1295
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 5: I am there for my boyfriend who was struggling as

1296
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 5: his life hangs by a thread. My heart breaks for him,

1297
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 5: and I can see and understand what Brian is going through.

1298
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:01,759
Speaker 5: His father lives in a city, so every day we've

1299
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 5: been commuting to visit him. Wow, his mother tells me

1300
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:06,839
Speaker 5: not to visit anymore because his father has.

1301
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 4: Too many guests.

1302
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:09,640
Speaker 5: The house is too busy for her to entertain us

1303
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,480
Speaker 5: when they're not in the hospital, et cetera. I understand

1304
00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 5: that and respect that, but then I find out that

1305
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 5: my Brian's younger brother, Joey's thirty male girlfriend let's call

1306
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:21,840
Speaker 5: her Mary Anne twenty seven female, is not only allowed

1307
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 5: to visit, but she even stayed over at their home.

1308
00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 5: She is Dutch, and his mom constantly showers her with

1309
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 5: compliments and tells the family what a perfect example of

1310
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,520
Speaker 5: a Dutch girl she is because she comes from a

1311
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 5: good family, has a good job, and is perfect.

1312
00:57:35,840 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 7: Are really sure that this is because you make less

1313
00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 7: money and not just because you're not Dutch?

1314
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:40,680
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1315
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 5: I think she's we got a little bit of xenophobia

1316
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:45,920
Speaker 5: going on every year. Is it crazy for me to

1317
00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 5: think I'm being treated differently?

1318
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 3: Girls?

1319
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:52,240
Speaker 5: Oh, you are being treated differently, very blatantly.

1320
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 4: So I don't think she's trying to hide that, and

1321
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 4: she's not hiding it right now.

1322
00:57:56,360 --> 00:57:58,280
Speaker 5: I want to be there for Brian, but I feel

1323
00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 5: like his family pushes me away and doesn't want me

1324
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 5: to the way they treat me hurts a lot, and

1325
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 5: I feel like I haven't done anything wrong to rub

1326
00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 5: them the right way. Brian and I have a good

1327
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 5: relationship with a few turbulent problems. Granted, I am the

1328
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:14,720
Speaker 5: first girl he's been serious with, lived with while I

1329
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:17,800
Speaker 5: have had plenty of experience in those departments, but I

1330
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 5: moved here for a reason. I want to make a

1331
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 5: life with him, and I'm willing to work on her problems.

1332
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:24,920
Speaker 5: But it seems like his family just doesn't want to

1333
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,520
Speaker 5: accept me. I don't really know what to do. I

1334
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:31,040
Speaker 5: feel paralyzed in my emotions. Sometimes I wonder if I

1335
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,720
Speaker 5: should just go back to New York right now. I can't.

1336
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 5: I'm in the middle of my master's program, so I'm

1337
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:36,920
Speaker 5: at least here.

1338
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 4: For the year.

1339
00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:40,360
Speaker 5: The last few years have been so hard, especially with

1340
00:58:40,400 --> 00:58:43,360
Speaker 5: the death of my father, feeling lonely and alone here

1341
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:46,520
Speaker 5: in a country that is so culturally different. I'm trying

1342
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:49,320
Speaker 5: hard to make it work here, but sometimes I feel doubtful.

1343
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:53,040
Speaker 5: Just so everyone knows. I understand and respect that his

1344
00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:55,640
Speaker 5: family is all over the place because of his dad's condition.

1345
00:58:56,280 --> 00:58:59,960
Speaker 5: I've felt like this even beforehand. It's just aggravated now,

1346
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:02,640
Speaker 5: especially that I would think that they'd be open and

1347
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 5: understanding that I want to be there for my guy

1348
00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:08,280
Speaker 5: in such a hard time. Another thing to note, things

1349
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 5: recently got stirred up, starting with his older brother's birthday.

1350
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:14,680
Speaker 5: Let's call him Harry, thirty five mail. A few weeks ago,

1351
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 5: I had this terrible bronchitis that flared up, and though

1352
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 5: I had RSVP to attend, I canceled at the last

1353
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:24,040
Speaker 5: minute because I didn't feel well and I wanted to

1354
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 5: use my energy to finish a final exam essay I

1355
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 5: had to do in two days. This was just a

1356
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 5: family dinner at home. It wasn't some huge lavish event.

1357
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 5: I felt okay canceling, but his parents and his brother

1358
00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:38,400
Speaker 5: found me offensive to cancel last minute for something that

1359
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:40,640
Speaker 5: wasn't that big of a deal in their eyes.

1360
00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:43,040
Speaker 7: They probably would have had a problem if you went too.

1361
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:47,040
Speaker 5: You were you had bronchitis, and they were like why

1362
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:47,640
Speaker 5: didn't you come?

1363
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 7: Yeah, And if you went, they would have been like,

1364
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:50,320
Speaker 7: you came letitis.

1365
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:55,600
Speaker 5: You can't win, You can't win. Dutchess Cassanis has learned

1366
00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:57,360
Speaker 5: Dutch and secret she wasn't.

1367
00:59:57,240 --> 01:00:00,960
Speaker 7: She was learning it twoice yeah, yeah, like wow, no

1368
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 7: they don't.

1369
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:06,000
Speaker 5: They just being super xenophobic towards Ope. I felt okay canceling,

1370
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:09,320
Speaker 5: but his brother and his parents found me offensive to

1371
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:11,600
Speaker 5: cancel last minute for something that wasn't that big of

1372
01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 5: a deal in their eyes. I had to email them

1373
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:17,480
Speaker 5: this long apology because they were upset at me and

1374
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:21,360
Speaker 5: were yelling at Brian about it for so many days. Now, Today,

1375
01:00:21,400 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 5: for Easter, my boyfriend and I had plans for an

1376
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:26,720
Speaker 5: at home dinner. Easter is very meaningful to my family,

1377
01:00:27,160 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 5: and this is the first Easter I am away from

1378
01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 5: home and that my dad isn't around. The plan was

1379
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 5: that tomorrow we go to his family for the Easter

1380
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:37,440
Speaker 5: Monday dinner at their home. They celebrate Easter Monday here

1381
01:00:37,480 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 5: in the Netherlands. Now, his dad's condition got worse last

1382
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:43,960
Speaker 5: night and Harry drove him and my Brian to his

1383
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:47,600
Speaker 5: mom's house in case something happened. I was told again

1384
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:51,640
Speaker 5: not to come yet Mary Anne came along, stayed over

1385
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:54,040
Speaker 5: and is there to support Joey. I mean, I think

1386
01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:56,400
Speaker 5: at this point, like your partner really needs.

1387
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 4: To, yeah, needs to put a stop to this. Something mean,

1388
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 4: there needs to be.

1389
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 7: That very out there like hey, what are you doing

1390
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 7: and like I am with this person and stop.

1391
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 5: Like please, like we we live together, We're serious. Yeah,

1392
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 5: she's not just gonna go away. You can't keep treating

1393
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:14,919
Speaker 5: her like.

1394
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:18,680
Speaker 7: This and to now miss the Easter that like means

1395
01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:19,480
Speaker 7: so much to you.

1396
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, this.

1397
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:25,560
Speaker 7: Is I don't like, it's not necessarily like like it's

1398
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:27,600
Speaker 7: not like a breakup, like things are going great in

1399
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:28,400
Speaker 7: your relationship.

1400
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:29,880
Speaker 4: It's just like it's a conversation.

1401
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:32,680
Speaker 7: Yeah, and he needs to have this fine to go

1402
01:01:32,760 --> 01:01:33,760
Speaker 7: back to his family. Yeah.

1403
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:36,480
Speaker 5: Like I think it's tricky right now because it is

1404
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:39,200
Speaker 5: like obviously the dad is in the hospital and stuff.

1405
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:43,880
Speaker 7: But like, say, well, hey, mary Anne's here, why couldn't

1406
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:44,760
Speaker 7: my girlfriend come.

1407
01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, on a holiday that I was supposed to celebrate.

1408
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:48,920
Speaker 4: On a holiday that I.

1409
01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:52,240
Speaker 7: Was supposed to celebrate with her, Yeah, because she just

1410
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:53,040
Speaker 7: lost her father.

1411
01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:56,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, and red Bull Rana says, what is xenophobic? Uh,

1412
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:59,240
Speaker 5: Xenophobia is when you have prejudice towards a person from

1413
01:01:59,280 --> 01:02:02,920
Speaker 5: a different country. We're gonna get into more of the story. Then,

1414
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:05,520
Speaker 5: Harry said the plan was that they would see their

1415
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:08,400
Speaker 5: dad in the afternoon for Easter today, and that he

1416
01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:11,520
Speaker 5: drive Brian over so we could spend time together since

1417
01:02:11,560 --> 01:02:15,640
Speaker 5: I was alone. Brian calls me thirty minutes later to

1418
01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:18,560
Speaker 5: say Harry changed his mind and since the whole family

1419
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:21,000
Speaker 5: is together anyway, that they will have dinner at their

1420
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:23,160
Speaker 5: mom's house and that Brian would come home late, so

1421
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:25,600
Speaker 5: even though I prepared something. And this coming from the

1422
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:29,200
Speaker 5: guy who says canceling last minute is wrong, does it

1423
01:02:29,240 --> 01:02:32,840
Speaker 5: to me and doesn't see anything wrong in it. They

1424
01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:34,880
Speaker 5: keep saying, don't come And just now they say, if

1425
01:02:34,920 --> 01:02:36,520
Speaker 5: I want to go home to take a two.

1426
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:37,360
Speaker 4: Hour train ride over.

1427
01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:40,200
Speaker 5: Meanwhile, Marianne is being picked up to be taken there

1428
01:02:40,240 --> 01:02:41,920
Speaker 5: and I have to spend a crapload of money to

1429
01:02:41,920 --> 01:02:45,440
Speaker 5: get out there. And he says the whole family is together, Yeah,

1430
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:48,880
Speaker 5: except me. I don't feel that is very nice at all.

1431
01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:51,600
Speaker 5: And that is what motivated me to write this post.

1432
01:02:52,160 --> 01:02:54,320
Speaker 5: What do you guys think? And update?

1433
01:02:54,720 --> 01:02:57,320
Speaker 4: There is an update, folks. What do you think? What

1434
01:02:57,360 --> 01:02:57,960
Speaker 4: does hope you do?

1435
01:02:58,720 --> 01:02:59,040
Speaker 6: Oh?

1436
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:03,880
Speaker 7: It comes back act to like your partner, my husband,

1437
01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:07,000
Speaker 7: Your partner needs to be like, hey, she is coming

1438
01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:10,480
Speaker 7: to these things, like like I am with her long term,

1439
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 7: we are planning, we are living together, Like this is serious.

1440
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:16,640
Speaker 7: And if if the mom doesn't or if any of

1441
01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 7: the family doesn't get that, like I don't even know,

1442
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:22,040
Speaker 7: if you go like low contact with them or because

1443
01:03:22,080 --> 01:03:24,360
Speaker 7: that's also the only people you know in that country.

1444
01:03:24,840 --> 01:03:26,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, what would you do?

1445
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:28,240
Speaker 7: Yeah?

1446
01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:30,440
Speaker 5: I think you just have that conversation with your partner

1447
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:33,840
Speaker 5: ands you say like this, I'm alone here. Yeah, I

1448
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:35,520
Speaker 5: need you to stop up for me because no one

1449
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:37,480
Speaker 5: else is gonna do that. Yeah, and I'm trying to.

1450
01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:40,240
Speaker 7: But if you're actually trying, and you're actually trying to

1451
01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:42,840
Speaker 7: learn Dutch, you're actually trying to get a job, like

1452
01:03:42,880 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 7: you're putting in the work, and they're just they don't care.

1453
01:03:45,680 --> 01:03:48,439
Speaker 5: But there is an updates. Someone made a point about

1454
01:03:48,480 --> 01:03:50,840
Speaker 5: how Brian's mom may see me this way because it

1455
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 5: seems like I'm mooching off her son. I can understand

1456
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:56,520
Speaker 5: why you may think this. I foolishly forgot to mention

1457
01:03:56,640 --> 01:04:00,040
Speaker 5: my job situation. Prior to moving to the Netherlands the

1458
01:04:00,120 --> 01:04:03,600
Speaker 5: first time, I saved a lot of cash bartending, waitressing

1459
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:07,959
Speaker 5: and writing. Whilst finishing my undergrad I had four long

1460
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:11,360
Speaker 5: term freelance writing jobs that dwindled down to one as

1461
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:15,080
Speaker 5: of January twenty fifteen. Yes, my guy handles the main bills,

1462
01:04:15,160 --> 01:04:18,960
Speaker 5: but I contribute for groceries, dates, my personal things, school,

1463
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:22,000
Speaker 5: et cetera. However, after my dad passed away, I took

1464
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:24,080
Speaker 5: a leave of absence from work and I'm still on

1465
01:04:24,120 --> 01:04:27,600
Speaker 5: the sleeve. Considering how unbelievably time consuming my thesis is

1466
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:30,880
Speaker 5: about the situation with my boyfriend and his mom. I

1467
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:33,800
Speaker 5: mentioned that I made an anonymous post to my boyfriend

1468
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:36,560
Speaker 5: and if he had wanted to read the advice. He

1469
01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:40,120
Speaker 5: said he absolutely wants to, but that right now isn't

1470
01:04:40,160 --> 01:04:42,520
Speaker 5: the right time to discuss how to handle his mother.

1471
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:45,080
Speaker 5: All of our energy needs to go to his dad,

1472
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:47,520
Speaker 5: and I understand that. I told him I support him

1473
01:04:47,560 --> 01:04:49,680
Speaker 5: mentally and that I know what he's going through.

1474
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:52,640
Speaker 7: I see a lot of people in the chat saying

1475
01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:55,800
Speaker 7: that she needs to be the one to go in

1476
01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:58,600
Speaker 7: and like say like, hey, this is what's going on.

1477
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 7: Do you like I think to her she they're saying

1478
01:05:01,880 --> 01:05:04,400
Speaker 7: to the family, Oh, like if you're not you're not

1479
01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:06,400
Speaker 7: seeing me as family and that's not fair and like

1480
01:05:06,440 --> 01:05:07,360
Speaker 7: all that kind of stuff.

1481
01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:09,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, what's your thought?

1482
01:05:09,840 --> 01:05:11,760
Speaker 7: Like, I'm kind of torn on that because it's like, yeah,

1483
01:05:11,760 --> 01:05:13,960
Speaker 7: she needs to make her mind known to them, but

1484
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:15,360
Speaker 7: is it her place.

1485
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:18,000
Speaker 4: I don't know if that would be effective.

1486
01:05:18,640 --> 01:05:22,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean, especially right now while they're dealing

1487
01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:25,280
Speaker 5: with the dad in the hospital and stuff. I feel

1488
01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:28,720
Speaker 5: like if you did that right now, they'd be like, wow, look, yeah,

1489
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:31,480
Speaker 5: you know the American who doesn't know when to.

1490
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 4: Like, yeah, you know, it's such a tough place in

1491
01:05:35,360 --> 01:05:38,760
Speaker 4: the hospital. Yeah, I think that they would not react.

1492
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:42,160
Speaker 7: Yeah, okay to some people, Amuln said, Nope, his family

1493
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:43,080
Speaker 7: his responsibility.

1494
01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, I agree, I agree, but there is a little

1495
01:05:47,680 --> 01:05:50,200
Speaker 5: bit left to this story. He understands that what his

1496
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:52,920
Speaker 5: mother said and the way she behaved was insulting towards

1497
01:05:53,000 --> 01:05:56,120
Speaker 5: me and already mentioned something to her. She apologized to

1498
01:05:56,120 --> 01:05:58,200
Speaker 5: me and said she doesn't want me to feel this way,

1499
01:05:58,480 --> 01:06:00,280
Speaker 5: and that right now we're all folks.

1500
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:00,920
Speaker 4: Fusing on his dad.

1501
01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:03,440
Speaker 5: I still agree that there needs to be a deeper

1502
01:06:03,480 --> 01:06:06,320
Speaker 5: discussion about how she has acted, especially in the past

1503
01:06:06,360 --> 01:06:09,120
Speaker 5: about pressing me to be Dutch. But I do see

1504
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:11,920
Speaker 5: that now is not the right time. Over the past

1505
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:15,000
Speaker 5: few days, his dad got worse, may have had a stroke.

1506
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:18,280
Speaker 5: They are looking into it, doing a lot of routine tests,

1507
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 5: and for now he is stable and doing well. It

1508
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:23,840
Speaker 5: was a terrible accident and the doctor said he is

1509
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:28,360
Speaker 5: extremely lucky to be alive and we are all thankful

1510
01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:31,000
Speaker 5: for that. And that is the end of that story.

1511
01:06:31,040 --> 01:06:31,400
Speaker 4: Folks,