Speaker 1: My colleagues, We'll stop commenting on everything I get. My
Speaker 1: assistant rolls his eyes at people and meeting. Why does
Speaker 1: my coworker keep taking credit for all my ideas? Have
Speaker 1: any wisdom for me? Hi? I'm Alison Green. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Aska Manager Podcast. Right answer questions from listeners about
Speaker 1: life at work, everything from what to say if you're
Speaker 1: allergic to your coworkers perfume to what to do if
Speaker 1: you drink too much at the company party. Let's get started, Hi,
Speaker 1: and welcome to the show. Today. I'm going to answer
Speaker 1: a bunch of shorter questions from people. The first question
Speaker 1: today is from someone with a terrible coworker. Hi. There
Speaker 1: so a little bit of back story. My coworker has
Speaker 1: a family member who is a pretty big deal in
Speaker 1: the company. Said relative has since retired, but her legacy
Speaker 1: sort of lives on. UM. My co worker seems to
Speaker 1: get away with everything. She treats her superiors with no respect,
Speaker 1: does whatever she wants, never has any consequences. Have literally
Speaker 1: heard her say to our manager, no, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to do that and then just walks away. She's constantly
Speaker 1: complaining about how busy she is. I think in hopes
Speaker 1: that no one will assign her more work, but she
Speaker 1: never even does the work because she's assigned to her,
Speaker 1: and I end up getting stuck with it. I'm constantly
Speaker 1: seeing her on a computer looking at real estate, shopping,
Speaker 1: just browsing the internet. Stop doing that, She's socializing with
Speaker 1: other people. She just never does any work, and it
Speaker 1: all falls on me. I'm getting sick of it. Whenever
Speaker 1: I try to go to my manager, I get I
Speaker 1: can't do anything about it. My hands are tied. If
Speaker 1: I try to go to above my manager, I get
Speaker 1: scolded saying that she's not your problem, stay in your
Speaker 1: lane and do your own work. You know, I'm just
Speaker 1: looking for what I can do to I don't have
Speaker 1: to pick up her slack. Getting a little fed up
Speaker 1: with it. Signed at a loss and drowning and someone
Speaker 1: else's work. Okay. One of the biggest things to realize
Speaker 1: in a situation like this is that while your co
Speaker 1: worker is terrible, your manager is the problem too. Because
Speaker 1: your manager is not managing, she's not doing her own job,
Speaker 1: which is too deal with a situation like this now,
Speaker 1: maybe it's not your manager herself who's the problem. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's someone above her who's made it clear that this
Speaker 1: co worker is untouchable, but someone somewhere in the management
Speaker 1: above you is just as much of a problem as
Speaker 1: this co worker is, if not more, because they're being
Speaker 1: negligent about the situation when they are the person who
Speaker 1: is charged with dealing with it. Usually, when that happens,
Speaker 1: it's because the manager in question is a whimp and
Speaker 1: isn't willing to deal with the hassle and the awkwardness
Speaker 1: of addressing this kind of situation and going through the
Speaker 1: process of firing someone. I'm assuming firing would be the
Speaker 1: solution here because she sounds so far gone that it
Speaker 1: doesn't sound salvageable, although who knows. Maybe if someone in
Speaker 1: authority were willing to address the situation head on, maybe
Speaker 1: she'd shape up. But for our purposes here, it doesn't
Speaker 1: really matter. What you need to know is that A
Speaker 1: people above you are aware of the situation, and b
Speaker 1: they've told you pretty clearly that nothing is going to
Speaker 1: change now. If you were asking me, how do I
Speaker 1: be okay with this? That would be a different conversation,
Speaker 1: one about how to find a way to be comfortable
Speaker 1: with such an obvious double standard for you and your
Speaker 1: coworker but I don't think that's your question. I think
Speaker 1: you're asking about how to not get stuck with her work.
Speaker 1: There are some things that you can try that might
Speaker 1: work beautifully, or you might try them and discover that
Speaker 1: they don't work at all. But either way, if you
Speaker 1: do give them a shot, at the end of this process,
Speaker 1: you're going to have better data about your situation than
Speaker 1: you do right now, and you'll be able to make
Speaker 1: better decisions about where to go from there. So here's
Speaker 1: what I would recommend. You. Presumably have a full time
Speaker 1: workload of your own, so when your boss asks you
Speaker 1: to take on your coworkers work, don't look for a
Speaker 1: way to cram it all in, especially if that would
Speaker 1: lead to you being overworked or stressed or pushing back
Speaker 1: other deadlines. Instead, when that happens, what you want to
Speaker 1: say is something like, I've got my hands full with X, Y,
Speaker 1: and Z right now, so I need to take some
Speaker 1: of that off my plate to make room for this.
Speaker 1: In other words, don't be endlessly accommodating. Spell out for
Speaker 1: your manager all of the work that's keeping you busy.
Speaker 1: Be clear when you don't have room for more, be
Speaker 1: clear about what the trade offs are that you and
Speaker 1: she would have to make if she wants you to
Speaker 1: take it on and put that problem squarely back on
Speaker 1: her plate, which is where it belongs. Does she want
Speaker 1: you to do less of something else to make room
Speaker 1: for this, or does she want to find some other solution,
Speaker 1: such as perhaps managing your coworker or bringing in other help,
Speaker 1: or whatever it might be that she decides to do.
Speaker 1: You're conveying here the solution to this problem is not
Speaker 1: going to be you. Now. Once you do that, you
Speaker 1: may get told that you just need to do it all,
Speaker 1: which would be tremendously unfair if your coworker is doing nothing,
Speaker 1: but it could happen. If that happens, then at that
Speaker 1: point you need to accept, Okay, this is the situation.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to do all of my coworkers work
Speaker 1: plus my own, And then you can decide if you're
Speaker 1: interested in staying in the job. Knowing that those are
Speaker 1: the conditions that you've pretty much tried what you can
Speaker 1: try to determine that those are indeed the conditions, and
Speaker 1: then you can decide if you'd rather go elsewhere or not.
Speaker 1: Now there's one exception to this that can complicate things.
Speaker 1: A little bit if you actually do have plenty of
Speaker 1: room on your plate to do your coworker stuff in
Speaker 1: addition to your own. In some ways that makes this harder,
Speaker 1: and in some ways it makes it easier. It makes
Speaker 1: it easier and that you can actually physically do the
Speaker 1: work without hardships, so you're not stuck trying to figure
Speaker 1: out how to cram it all in or taking on
Speaker 1: a bunch of additional stress. But it makes it harder,
Speaker 1: and that it's harder to push back on your boss.
Speaker 1: You can't really say, well, if you want me to
Speaker 1: do X, then I can't do why when it's really
Speaker 1: clear to both of you that you actually could easily
Speaker 1: do both. So if that's the case, this is less
Speaker 1: about workload problem and more about just the fundamental unfairness
Speaker 1: of the situation, And that would mean that you've got
Speaker 1: to decide can you find a way to be okay
Speaker 1: with that? Or maybe you can't. Sometimes it's doable, I
Speaker 1: mean sometimes you can sort of internally roll your eyes
Speaker 1: your coworker and at your management and know that it's
Speaker 1: ridiculous and unfair, but also no, okay, this is part
Speaker 1: of the package of working here. And maybe you decide
Speaker 1: that as frustrating as this is, it's worth it to
Speaker 1: you to stay there for other reasons. You know, you
Speaker 1: have a great commute or a good salary, or you
Speaker 1: love the work, or whatever it might be. And in
Speaker 1: that case, maybe you focus on the fact that you're
Speaker 1: building yourself a great reputation while you're terrible. Coworker is
Speaker 1: building herself a pretty bad one, and that's going to
Speaker 1: limit her options if she ever wants to work somewhere else,
Speaker 1: or if her management at your company ever changes and
Speaker 1: someone more competent comes in to manage her, she's going
Speaker 1: to be in a very bad position. So you might
Speaker 1: find that just by focusing on that you can be
Speaker 1: okay enough with the situation. Or you might decide that, no,
Speaker 1: this is too frustrating and you don't want to deal
Speaker 1: with it long term, and so you're going to look
Speaker 1: somewhere else. Either of those is a legitimate way to go.
Speaker 1: It's really just about getting really clear in your own
Speaker 1: mind on what will and won't change about the situation,
Speaker 1: making sure you test those assumptions by doing the sort
Speaker 1: of conversation that I described to your boss, and then
Speaker 1: making decisions accordingly. But do try pushing back on the
Speaker 1: extra work first and seeing what happens, because if up
Speaker 1: until now you've just been taking it on with no pushback,
Speaker 1: that might be the element here that you can play with.
Speaker 1: Let's take a quick break here and then we'll come
Speaker 1: back with another question. This next question is from someone
Speaker 1: who's coworker might be leaving and she's interested in her job,
Speaker 1: but nothing is public yet. Here's the question. I book
Speaker 1: co worker who is generally pretty nosy and shares a
Speaker 1: lot of gossip around the office, and she mentioned that
Speaker 1: one of my co workers who was in a position
Speaker 1: that I've been wanting is talking about leaving. My supervisor
Speaker 1: doesn't know this yet, and my coworker keeps calling me
Speaker 1: into her office to advise me on dropping somethings to
Speaker 1: my supervisor, so that when the time comes from this
Speaker 1: person says that she's going to leave, that I'll already
Speaker 1: be talking to him about wanting to physician. I feel
Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable about this. It's not really my style
Speaker 1: and it doesn't really fit UM in general the conversations
Speaker 1: that me and my supervisor have UM, so I would
Speaker 1: really love some help. My first reaction here is that
Speaker 1: your coworker seems weirdly invested in this, not the one
Speaker 1: who's leaving, of course, the one who's to shing you
Speaker 1: about this. It's one thing to mention to you that
Speaker 1: your other coworker might be leaving and that you could
Speaker 1: speak up since maybe be interested in moving into her job.
Speaker 1: That's fine for her to suggest once, but the fact
Speaker 1: that she keeps pulling you into her office to push
Speaker 1: about this is strange, and it makes me wonder what
Speaker 1: her agenda is. Maybe she's just a busy body. There's
Speaker 1: certainly lots of people who are just busy bodies. But
Speaker 1: I'm put off by how pushy she's being, and that's
Speaker 1: something that is really none of her business. And I
Speaker 1: also wonder if you're other coworker, the one who might
Speaker 1: be leaving, even knows that this is happening, you know,
Speaker 1: if she talked to your pushy coworker and confidence. It's
Speaker 1: really not cool for your pushy coworker to be sharing
Speaker 1: that news with other people. That's just speculation, though, since
Speaker 1: I don't know all of those details. But those are
Speaker 1: the first two things that I was thinking about when
Speaker 1: I heard your question. As for what to do, I
Speaker 1: do think it's fine to mention to your manager that
Speaker 1: you're really interested in moving into a position like your coworkers.
Speaker 1: Don't mention that you heard she might be leaving. That's
Speaker 1: not years to share. And I know that it doesn't
Speaker 1: sound like that's something you're contemplating doing anyway, but I
Speaker 1: just want to emphasize that. But you could say something like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm really interested in moving into a role
Speaker 1: like jeans. If that kind of position ever opens up here,
Speaker 1: I'd love to talk to you about it. That's it,
Speaker 1: just that. Don't keep bringing it up or anything like that.
Speaker 1: But now you'll have planted the seed in your boss's mind,
Speaker 1: and if you are really interested in moving into that
Speaker 1: type of job. It's a good thing to mention anyway,
Speaker 1: regardless of what might or might not be going on
Speaker 1: with your coworker, because you never know. I mean, they
Speaker 1: could plan to add a new slot and hire someone
Speaker 1: for it without every realizing that you would have been interested.
Speaker 1: So it's good to mention regardless. And it's not at
Speaker 1: all weird to say something like that to your boss.
Speaker 1: But do tell your pushy coworker that you appreciate the
Speaker 1: heads up, but you respect your other co workers privacy
Speaker 1: and you don't really want to keep talking about it
Speaker 1: until she's made a public announcement that she's actually leaving.
Speaker 1: And then if she doesn't really listen to that, and
Speaker 1: she still keeps ling you into her office and kind
Speaker 1: of hounding you about this, it's okay to just say,
Speaker 1: you know, I've got this. Thanks for giving me the
Speaker 1: heads up, but I'm on it. Let's do another question,
Speaker 1: and also, if you would like to record your own
Speaker 1: question for the show, you can call eight by five
Speaker 1: four T six work. That's T six nine six seven five,
Speaker 1: and you can leave a voicemail for me to play
Speaker 1: on the show. Okay, here is the next listener question.
Speaker 1: This one is about food at work. Hey, Alison, this
Speaker 1: is Kelly um my question. So every day I take
Speaker 1: my breakfast to work. I definitely bring my lunch, and
Speaker 1: I usually have a snack in the late afternoon, um
Speaker 1: the exercise after work, and usually don't eat dinner until
Speaker 1: pretty late. Lately, I've been running into an issue with
Speaker 1: one of our HR managers. She commented about a month
Speaker 1: ago that she feels like she's used me eating all
Speaker 1: the time and wonders where it all goes, and she's
Speaker 1: taken to making a comment every time she sees me
Speaker 1: with food, if any kind, even if it's at a
Speaker 1: normal time like lunch. These comments make me super uncomfortable. First,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's anyone's business but mine when, what,
Speaker 1: or how much I eat, and I don't think I
Speaker 1: should have to justify anything any of my habits. Second,
Speaker 1: I have kind of a rocky relationship with food, and
Speaker 1: I used to struggle with disordered eating. So when she
Speaker 1: makes these kinds of comments, I just want to scream.
Speaker 1: When I used to not ear anything. Um. She makes
Speaker 1: them directly to me and around other people too. Shout
Speaker 1: back with things like it's lunchtime, but it doesn't seem
Speaker 1: to stop the comments. I get into a point where
Speaker 1: I don't want to eat or even carry my food
Speaker 1: where she can see me because I know she'll make
Speaker 1: a comment. But she sits near me, near the kitchen
Speaker 1: and has even stopped by my desk to make these
Speaker 1: kinds of jokes and comments I didn't notice. Seems like
Speaker 1: such a petty issue, but for someone who hasn't does
Speaker 1: struggle with their relationship with food, comments like this kind
Speaker 1: of get to you. Um, how do I shut this
Speaker 1: down without screaming? Crying or completely losing it. You know,
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like a petty issue at all, I mean,
Speaker 1: particularly in your case because of the history of an
Speaker 1: eating disorder. But it's crazy how many questions I get
Speaker 1: that are some version of coworkers being inappropriate about food,
Speaker 1: commenting on other people's food, pushing food on them that
Speaker 1: they don't want, making judge comments about what they're eating,
Speaker 1: saying that they eat too much, saying that they eat
Speaker 1: too little. It's like a weird national pastime. And I
Speaker 1: think this question that you're asking is especially important because
Speaker 1: it's a reminder that these comments, as annoying as they are,
Speaker 1: they can be more than annoying too. If someone is
Speaker 1: dealing with disordered eating or has a needing disorder in
Speaker 1: their past, that kind of comment can go beyond annoying
Speaker 1: and actually be really harmful. And frankly, I mean, I'd
Speaker 1: argue that they're harmful no matter what, because as a
Speaker 1: society we're just so incredibly weird about food and diets
Speaker 1: and bodies and it's not helpful to play into that.
Speaker 1: But that's a separated plus. Let's take a moment to
Speaker 1: note that the person doing this to you is in HR,
Speaker 1: not that HR people all get training in this kind
Speaker 1: of thing, because loads of them don't. In fact, most
Speaker 1: of them, I think don't. But it would be nice
Speaker 1: if people in HR did hold themselves to a higher
Speaker 1: level of accountability about this sort of thing. But tons
Speaker 1: of them don't, even in big companies where they should
Speaker 1: know better. It's very strange. Anyway. If you want to
Speaker 1: get this to stop, you've got two basic options, and
Speaker 1: they both revolve around being more direct. So the first
Speaker 1: one is to just be direct in the moment, and
Speaker 1: the next time she comments on your food or you're eating,
Speaker 1: you could say, really directly, could you please stop commenting
Speaker 1: on my food? It's gotten uncomfortable. Or you could say, hey,
Speaker 1: please stop commenting on my eating and just leave it there. Now.
Speaker 1: This is going to feel awkward and uncomfortable. If you're
Speaker 1: sitting here listening to this thinking, oh my god, that
Speaker 1: sounds so rude, I would never be comfortable saying that.
Speaker 1: I want to say, the fact that something feels awkward
Speaker 1: is not in itself a sign that you shouldn't be
Speaker 1: saying it. Sometimes things are just awkward and that is
Speaker 1: just how they're going to go. And in this case,
Speaker 1: she is actually the one making things awkward, not you.
Speaker 1: You've tried nicely hinting for her to stop, and she's
Speaker 1: refusing to pick up on what you're saying. So you've
Speaker 1: tried giving her the benefit of the doubt. You've tried
Speaker 1: being kind. It's not working, and at this point, if
Speaker 1: you want to get through to her, you're going to
Speaker 1: have to be more blunt. And I know that lots
Speaker 1: of people really really don't like doing that because it
Speaker 1: feels rude. So I want to emphasize you are not
Speaker 1: the one being rude here. She's forcing you to be
Speaker 1: more direct than you would normally want to be by
Speaker 1: being rude herself. The Captain Awkward Advice blog has a
Speaker 1: great phrase for this. She calls it returning awkwardness to sender.
Speaker 1: And that's what you'd be doing here. You'd be putting
Speaker 1: the awkwardness backhere it originated from, which is with your colleague.
Speaker 1: And really there's nothing wrong with a very simple hey,
Speaker 1: this bothers me? Can you stop it? So that is
Speaker 1: option one. You would have like a minute or two
Speaker 1: of feeling awkward and uncomfortable, but it would probably get
Speaker 1: her to stop. The second option is something that you
Speaker 1: may or may not be up for, and that would
Speaker 1: be stopping by her office and addressing this in a
Speaker 1: slightly more serious way. This might feel like making a
Speaker 1: bigger deal out of it than you want to, and
Speaker 1: that's a completely fine reason to decide not to do it.
Speaker 1: But there is some value in this approach if you
Speaker 1: want to do it, because it would allow you to
Speaker 1: have a more meaningful, potentially more meaningful conversation with her.
Speaker 1: So you could stop by and you could say something like, Hey,
Speaker 1: I wanted to make a request of you. I've noticed
Speaker 1: that you really frequently comment on my food and other
Speaker 1: people's food, like saying that you don't know where I
Speaker 1: put it all or so forth. I'm sure you're just
Speaker 1: making conversation and you mean well, but I want to
Speaker 1: ask you to stop making those comments, at least to me.
Speaker 1: You probably haven't thought of this, but a lot of
Speaker 1: people have disordered eating in their pasts or are struggling
Speaker 1: with it currently, and those kinds of comments can land
Speaker 1: much differently than you intend them. Now, that language isn't
Speaker 1: revealing anything about yourself specifically, although she may read between
Speaker 1: the lines and realize that it's likely that you might
Speaker 1: be talking about yourself, and that might be more than
Speaker 1: you want to do, And if you don't want to
Speaker 1: that's totally fine. You still have option number one. But
Speaker 1: if you're willing to take on the conversation, it might
Speaker 1: be a real service both to her because she's unknowingly
Speaker 1: walking around alienating people and making them feel uncomfortable, and
Speaker 1: also to other people who are bothered by those comments too.
Speaker 1: And you know, if she is a kind person, she
Speaker 1: might feel a little stung in the moment, but she
Speaker 1: will appreciate the feedback and she should come to realize
Speaker 1: that you're pointing out something that's important and that she
Speaker 1: hadn't thought about. And if she's not a kind person,
Speaker 1: there's not much that can be done about that, no
Speaker 1: matter what you say to her. But it's worth starting
Speaker 1: from the assumption that she is kind or at least
Speaker 1: reasonable and seeing what happens. Let's take our last break
Speaker 1: here and then i'll be back with another question from
Speaker 1: a listener. Here's our next question. Dear Alison, I'm a
Speaker 1: librarian and I've always wanted to be one. Now I've
Speaker 1: been one professionally for more than twenty years, and I
Speaker 1: am so unhappy. Current job has been rough in the
Speaker 1: past four years in this toxic I'm excellent at what
Speaker 1: I do, get good annual reviews, and want to do more,
Speaker 1: but the opportunities for internal advancements have dried up. In fact,
Speaker 1: I've heard more than once you've been here too long.
Speaker 1: It's not unusual for academics to stay in a job
Speaker 1: due to location. But it's getting to me, especially when
Speaker 1: I'm being passed over. The stress has gotten to be
Speaker 1: too much and often shows up as any which I
Speaker 1: don't show it work, but bleeds all over my personal life.
Speaker 1: And yes, I'm seeking help. I've been on the job
Speaker 1: market for nearly three years, both locally and nationally. While
Speaker 1: I had several really good interviews, none of that worked out,
Speaker 1: and now my husband has achieved the equivalent of tenure.
Speaker 1: So moving would have to make it the perfect job,
Speaker 1: not just the next job. So I'm looking at leaving
Speaker 1: librarianship my vocation and identity. For twenty years, you've wrote
Speaker 1: often on figuring out how to stay in a toxic
Speaker 1: or bad or limited job if you need to. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure I can do that, which has turned into
Speaker 1: a real soul searching issue. With the exception of ubiquitous
Speaker 1: teenage jobs. I've never worked anywhere but a library. I
Speaker 1: have a fantastic skill set that would hold me a
Speaker 1: good stead outside of academia. But how do I come
Speaker 1: to terms with going from a vocation to a job? Oh?
Speaker 1: This is so hard. It's terrible to feel like you
Speaker 1: found work at fulfills you and then realize that you
Speaker 1: can't do it anymore for whatever reason. For the purpose
Speaker 1: of answering this question, I'm going to take it as
Speaker 1: a given that you really do need to leave librarianship.
Speaker 1: I don't have enough details to question your conclusion there,
Speaker 1: and you know your situation far better than I do,
Speaker 1: so we will assume that you do, indeed need to
Speaker 1: move into another field. I would not assume that you
Speaker 1: will be going from a vocation, something that feels like
Speaker 1: a calling, to something that's just a job. Maybe you
Speaker 1: will be, but it's very possible that you'll end up
Speaker 1: doing something else that also does bring you some fulfillment.
Speaker 1: Maybe not in exactly the same ways or the same quantities,
Speaker 1: but I suspect there's more than one type of work
Speaker 1: out there that you can find happiness in. I think
Speaker 1: it can be really hard to see that when you've
Speaker 1: been doing something for a long time, and your identity
Speaker 1: is wrapped up in it. In some ways, it's like
Speaker 1: ending a long marriage. But I want to urge you
Speaker 1: not to look at it as I was doing this
Speaker 1: thing that I loved and now I'll just be working
Speaker 1: for a paycheck and nothing else, Because it's very likely
Speaker 1: that there are other things out there that you will
Speaker 1: find satisfaction in. But let's do worst case scenario here
Speaker 1: and talk about what if you don't. I actually kind
Speaker 1: of love figuring out worst case scenarios for myself. I
Speaker 1: know that sounds weird, but for me at least, there's
Speaker 1: something very comforting about figuring out what's the worst thing
Speaker 1: that could happen here, and then Okay, how would I
Speaker 1: deal with that if it does happen for me? If
Speaker 1: I don't do that, and then I just have this
Speaker 1: free floating worry in my head and it just makes
Speaker 1: me feel worried and anxious. But if I have a
Speaker 1: plan and I know what I would do if the
Speaker 1: worst happens, that's pretty reassuring. In most cases, I end
Speaker 1: up realizing that I would be fine. You know, things
Speaker 1: might not be ideal, but they'd be survivable. So in
Speaker 1: your case. The worst case scenario I think that you're
Speaker 1: worried about is that you never find satisfying work again,
Speaker 1: and you end up going to work every day just
Speaker 1: for the paycheck, and you have to figure out an
Speaker 1: identity that makes you happy that's totally separate from your
Speaker 1: professional life. That actually isn't too bad. You would be
Speaker 1: joining the tens of millions of other people who have
Speaker 1: jobs like that. It's very, very normal to be invested
Speaker 1: in your job primarily for the money and not be
Speaker 1: super into it beyond that. That's actually most people in
Speaker 1: the world. I think that when you're in a field
Speaker 1: that a lot of people go into because of passion
Speaker 1: for the work, like librarianship, it can be easy to
Speaker 1: forget that because you're surrounded by people who are also
Speaker 1: very wrapped up in what they do. But there really
Speaker 1: isn't anything wrong with just working for the money, and
Speaker 1: there are still ways to find satisfaction from your job
Speaker 1: even when that's the case. Sometimes it's like the satisfaction
Speaker 1: of just making something work well or solving a problem,
Speaker 1: or you know, being the really competent go to person
Speaker 1: on your team who gets a lot of respect from
Speaker 1: your colleagues. There's a lot of ways to feel good
Speaker 1: about your work, even when it doesn't feel like a calling.
Speaker 1: I think we do people in our culture or this
Speaker 1: tremendous disservice by teaching them that they're supposed to find
Speaker 1: work that they're passionate about, because I mean, it's amazing
Speaker 1: when that does happen. That's a wonderful thing, but it's
Speaker 1: sort of like winning the professional lottery. It doesn't happen
Speaker 1: for the majority of the world's population, and we need
Speaker 1: to do a better job of letting people know that
Speaker 1: they haven't failed if it doesn't happen for them. I
Speaker 1: think that by telling people that they should expect to
Speaker 1: be able to follow their dreams professionally, we set them
Speaker 1: up for a lot of angst and despair when that's
Speaker 1: hard to do or in a situation like yours. We'd
Speaker 1: all be so much better off as a culture if
Speaker 1: we had a different model for work, a model that
Speaker 1: says it's okay for work to just be the thing
Speaker 1: that supports the rest of your life, and it's okay
Speaker 1: to find your fulfillment from friends or family, your hobbies
Speaker 1: or pets, or whatever it might be. It doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be like this professional bliss that we've been told
Speaker 1: we're supposed to be striving for. So if that is
Speaker 1: how it turns out for you, that's okay, And there
Speaker 1: can even be something that's very liberating about realizing that
Speaker 1: it can take some of the pressure off. But also
Speaker 1: and not to undermine that message. I also think it's
Speaker 1: very likely that coming from a field like librarianship, where
Speaker 1: you have a lot of skills that are going to
Speaker 1: be very valuable and transferable, like research, you have a
Speaker 1: pretty good chance at finding work that does bring you
Speaker 1: some measure of fulfillment. Maybe it won't be your identity
Speaker 1: the way that librarianship was, but maybe that's not such
Speaker 1: a terrible thing. Maybe you'll find that there's a different
Speaker 1: type of fulfillment, maybe even a better type, from building
Speaker 1: your identity separately from what you do for money. I
Speaker 1: think it's worth going into it being open to it
Speaker 1: playing out that way, or at least not devastated by
Speaker 1: a belief that it won't, and then just see what happens.
Speaker 1: That's our show for today. Before we wrap up, I
Speaker 1: wanted to note you may have noticed that all of
Speaker 1: these colors were women. I get way more ca calls
Speaker 1: and letters from women than for men, both here on
Speaker 1: the podcast and also on my website. I think to
Speaker 1: some extent that is just how it tends to be
Speaker 1: with advice columns. But I want to make sure that
Speaker 1: any men listening know that the show is for you
Speaker 1: to so call it in with your questions as well.
Speaker 1: You can record a question for the show by calling
Speaker 1: eight five five two six work. That's eight five five
Speaker 1: two six nine six seven five, And you can leave
Speaker 1: a voicemail for me to play on the show. Or
Speaker 1: if you have a longer question, a question where you
Speaker 1: want to actually come on the show and talk with me,
Speaker 1: email it to you podcast at ask a manager dot org.
Speaker 1: That's it for today. I'll be back next time with
Speaker 1: more questions. M