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Speaker 1: In many ways. I'd like to try to make the

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Speaker 1: road a better place. That's what this podcast is about.

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Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. It just sounds nice, but you know

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Speaker 1: the whole premise. Bank's dad, it's manners, it's polite. How

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Speaker 1: can we be better to one another? How can we

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Speaker 1: feel more connected? Here's how I would like to abolish handshakes.

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Speaker 1: I think we need to abolish them. Expeditiously. Shit, expeditiously, No,

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Speaker 1: keep that in I'm imperfect. Expeditiously immediately, abolish handshakes. I

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Speaker 1: can't speak. Abolish handshakes immediately. Yeah, you know, I'm getting

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Speaker 1: some cheers, quiet cheers on the side of the sides

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Speaker 1: of the room. You can't see they're happy about it.

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Speaker 1: I'm getting some snaps. I'm getting some quiet the ease

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Speaker 1: because yeah, why are we still shaking hands post COVID.

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Speaker 1: I had no issue with them before COVID handshakes. I

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, go for it, But now I'm like,

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Speaker 1: why are we doing this? Yes, because now I'm hyper

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Speaker 1: aware of germs potentially, which is a problem and I

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Speaker 1: should get over it. I know. But we don't have

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Speaker 1: to touch. We could also just make intense eye contact

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Speaker 1: upon meeting and go, hello, James, it's nice to meet you,

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Speaker 1: It really really is. My name is Ago. Yeah, nice

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Speaker 1: to meet you. Why do I have to touch your

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Speaker 1: hand to my hand for us to feel connected? Mind you,

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Speaker 1: I'm a big hugger. Love a hug. I love a hug.

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Speaker 1: I do go for hug. So I think the handshake

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Speaker 1: thing maybe isn't totally about germs. It just feels like

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Speaker 1: I feel like a handshake is potentially grosser than a

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Speaker 1: hug is. Now, if it's a weird hug, that's a

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Speaker 1: different conversation. Those are the kinds of hugs I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about today, Okay, the where my hug crew at abolish

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Speaker 1: them as well, all right, go send them to jail,

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Speaker 1: but societal jail, which is just jail, right anyway. I

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Speaker 1: don't think we need to be shaking hands, and I'm

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Speaker 1: really sorry. And I love meeting new people. I try

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Speaker 1: to be warm when I meet new people. But there's

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Speaker 1: when it happens. Now I'm kind of like, why are

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Speaker 1: we doing this? Why is my hand in your hand?

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Speaker 1: Why is why am I feeling the sweat of your hand?

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Speaker 1: I don't know how frequently you wash your hands. I

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Speaker 1: wash mine? Actually, a good amount, A good amount, a

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Speaker 1: really good amount. I'm talking maybe too much, but I

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Speaker 1: also carry lotion on me. Guysink. For the people who

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Speaker 1: don't like lotion, you should really start lotioning. I can't

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Speaker 1: recommend it enough, and there's various kinds. I'm kind of

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Speaker 1: going off on a tangent here, but it's all connected.

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Speaker 1: You see everyone's following. They're not in the room, but

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Speaker 1: I know you at home. Oh you're following, all right. Handshakes,

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Speaker 1: do away with them? Twenty twenty six? What if we

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Speaker 1: laid them to rest? I see no need eye contact.

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Speaker 1: Someone recommended about love it air, kisses, hugs. I still

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Speaker 1: like hugs, but we don't have to shake hands anyway.

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Speaker 1: Today I'm talking to pod Malakshmi. It's gonna be really good,

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Speaker 1: I believe, I hope, I pray well shake her hand

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Speaker 1: when she gets in here. No, I won't, and that's

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Speaker 1: partially because I know Padma already. But take a listen.

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Speaker 2: I bet this is gonna be a good one. Did

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Speaker 2: you stay long at that cardiac interview? I, Padma?

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Speaker 1: I tucked away, okay, very quietly into the night.

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Speaker 2: I understand, I thought, I said some weekday.

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Speaker 1: Here's our chance. Let's get out of here. I love

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Speaker 1: to leave a place. I was like, invite me if

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Speaker 1: I come. Chances are I'm plotting my escape prematurely. But

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Speaker 1: how was it at the end?

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Speaker 2: It's fine? We stayed until dessert was served. But you know,

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Speaker 2: I was sitting between some really nice people, some Cardia people. Okay,

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Speaker 2: and so I stayed. Also, I had They had just

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Speaker 2: featured me in the magazine, so I could. You had

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Speaker 2: to have to stay. But it was nice. That room

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Speaker 2: was beautiful. But then I just dipped out, like I

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Speaker 2: wanted to get home for krish Now. So it was

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Speaker 2: a week night. Yeah, so right when they took the

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Speaker 2: plates away and got dessert out as a kchow.

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Speaker 1: Okay, did you have dessert?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: No, you skipped it. Do you generally skip dessert as

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Speaker 1: a lifestyle, Yes you do? Yes, I love dessert. Do

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Speaker 1: you not have a sweet tooth? I don't really. I

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Speaker 1: am fascinated by people who don't have a sweet tooth.

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Speaker 1: Someone told me it's because your sweet tooth, or the

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Speaker 1: absence of it, is a function of whether your mom

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Speaker 1: had a lot of sugar while she was pregnant with you.

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Speaker 1: But everyone loves to blame everything on the women's true. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I think it's just an illness that I like sugar

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Speaker 1: as much as I do.

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Speaker 2: I think I just grew up, you know, in an

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Speaker 2: Indian home, and we don't serve something sweet after every meal,

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Speaker 2: so I don't have the practice of it, and so

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Speaker 2: it saved me. Right, I do plenty of other stuff, but.

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Speaker 1: Well, you're like other things that I didn't grow up with. Also,

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Speaker 1: me eating out as much as I do is not

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Speaker 1: very Nigerian of me. My mom was very much a

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Speaker 1: there's food at home, right, there's food here and all,

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Speaker 1: so at home, you know what we're putting in it, exactly.

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Speaker 1: She's so right, But I still eat out all the time.

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Speaker 2: Well, if you're single and you don't have kids, it's

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Speaker 2: I'm single. Oh are you just kidding?

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Speaker 1: I'll never tell.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well, but if you live just you know, if

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Speaker 2: you live alone, then it's sometimes not even worth the dishes.

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Speaker 2: Like when I yes lived alone, I would just make

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Speaker 2: one thing, but I would make a lot of it.

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Speaker 2: I would eat off that for four or five days

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Speaker 2: and then I would kind of cook something again.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I stopped cooking for myself as frequently

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Speaker 1: because it's just so much effort for one person, like

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Speaker 1: you're saying, when you live alone, it's like, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: do all of this, make all this mess just to eat.

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Speaker 1: I have to clean it up. So all the prep

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Speaker 1: and all the cleanup took more time than my actual

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Speaker 1: enjoyment of the meal. And so I try, but I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to I'm trying to eat more at home.

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Speaker 2: Now, Well, do what I I was doing, Like, try

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Speaker 2: to cook one dish that you really love, like some

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Speaker 2: kind of nice stew that your mom is going to

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Speaker 2: give you a rest before from your childhood that you

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Speaker 2: really love. And then you know, stews actually get better

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Speaker 2: the next time. I know.

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Speaker 1: Well, you know what my go to especially during COVID

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Speaker 1: was jeelaf rice. And I make a big part of

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Speaker 1: jela rice, and I make a good jelaf rice. And

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Speaker 1: I want to be very clear distinctly because you know

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Speaker 1: there's a little beef not in the rice. You could

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Speaker 1: put beef in the rice, but I mean there is

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Speaker 1: some beef between the Ghandians and the Nigerians, oh I

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Speaker 1: know and Senegalese as to who has the best ja

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Speaker 1: laf rice, and it is the Nigerians. Sorry, I got

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Speaker 1: a Ghandian tell me, and that one Ghandian speaks for

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Speaker 1: all Gandians when she says Nigerians have the best jilaf rice.

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Speaker 2: Oh good, Well, Nigerians have the party jallav too, right,

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Speaker 2: they have the char on the bottom. I learned how

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Speaker 2: to make that with some Nigerians who taught me very well.

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Speaker 2: But the recipe for jalla rice in this new cookbook

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Speaker 2: is actually from my friend Precious.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: Precious is an artist here in New York and they

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Speaker 2: grew up in no They grew up in Ohio, and

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Speaker 2: they put things like sun dried tomatoes and a little

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Speaker 2: bit of dashi okay. And I was like, that doesn't

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Speaker 2: sound very Nigeria crazy, because no they aren't. But you

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Speaker 2: know we do in my neck of the wood.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: So I was like, fine, you're taking the heat for that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Yes, and you put put precious on blast. That's

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Speaker 1: what the precious thing, not a bad thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's delicious. I make it all the time.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'll have to try. My problem is that when

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Speaker 1: I make jil off rice, and I was doing it

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Speaker 1: during COVID and I told my mom this on Sunday,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I just can't have one serving. I

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Speaker 1: can't have just to you. Can I keep eating because

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Speaker 1: I'm like the whole. So have you ever had a

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Speaker 1: meal you love so much where you're like you want

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Speaker 1: more of that when you make it at home? There's

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Speaker 1: so much more of it at your disposal, and my

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Speaker 1: ass will go right for it. I can be full

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Speaker 1: and be like, but it's right there, and that was.

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Speaker 2: Delicious, like a Friday egg on top.

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Speaker 1: Oh, we'll see. Here's my thing about Frida egg.

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Speaker 2: You don't like it.

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Speaker 1: I like it, but it needs to be overheard.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: I do not want to run a yoke.

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Speaker 2: At all, not even a jammy one.

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Speaker 1: Not even a jammy I just got into a Jammy egg. Wait, Podma,

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Speaker 1: we have to pick this up in thirty seconds because

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Speaker 1: I need to do your intro. Oh yeah, okay, go ahead,

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Speaker 1: and I'm giving Kevin hell or maybe that was a

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Speaker 1: cold open. I don't know. Okay, Okay, I'm gonna read

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Speaker 1: your intro because your resume is resume.

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Speaker 2: Oh thank you, it is, what.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't Padma do? Okay, my next guest, I was just

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Speaker 1: gonna make a joke about how UR been talking to

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Speaker 1: you this whole time, My Next Guest is an Emmy

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Speaker 1: nominated food expert, television producer, and New York Times best

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Speaker 1: selling author. She's the creator of the critically acclaimed Hulu

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Speaker 1: series Tastes the Nation and served as host and executive

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Speaker 1: producer of Bravo's Top Chef. As though we haven't been

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Speaker 1: deep in converse, I know, but I don't know how

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Speaker 1: to do portions. I don't have portion control, is my main.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, neither do I, which is what we were talking about.

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Speaker 2: I don't either. That's why I try to keep good

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Speaker 2: food near me, and as soon as my daughter leaves

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Speaker 2: for college, I'm getting rid of all the trash in

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Speaker 2: our pantry, all the processed foods, all the you know,

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Speaker 2: cookies and cheese possible that yeah, going away.

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Speaker 1: Did you ever try to make her eat healthy like

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Speaker 1: I used to maybe sit kids who were straight organic.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I you know, I also live in

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Speaker 2: the real world.

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Speaker 1: But okay, okay, welcome to those other parents.

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Speaker 2: But no, she would eat anything I gave her. She

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Speaker 2: was a great eater until she started going to preschool,

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Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden she started asking for

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Speaker 2: chicken nuggets, and I was like, chicken, what idea?

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Speaker 1: That.

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Speaker 2: No, but she used to eat oonie when she was two.

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Speaker 2: She loves steamfish. She would eat anything, of course. The

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Speaker 2: only thing she still loves is cavea goki.

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Speaker 1: Yes she does.

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Speaker 2: I mean she said, pretty pretty good eater. And she

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Speaker 2: likes to cook. She's very sophisticated. You know, she grew

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Speaker 2: up on the set of Top Chef. She's traveled all

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Speaker 2: over She's going to Paris every spring break with me

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Speaker 2: for like six years in a row. She had the

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Speaker 2: audacity to say, Mom, I'm sick of Paris. I shut

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Speaker 2: your mouth.

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Speaker 1: What her life? Tell her? Don't say that to anyway.

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Speaker 2: I told her, I'm like, shut your mouth right now.

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Speaker 1: Can we put her on blast here? How old does

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Speaker 1: she know?

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Speaker 2: She's gonna be sixteen very soon?

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. And I remember her on Instagram as

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Speaker 1: little hands. I'm still like, I still in my mind,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, she's little hands. Yeah, she she is, but

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Speaker 1: she's grown.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's not that little anymore. She's little hands with

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Speaker 2: big claws because now she's into those fake nails with

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Speaker 2: all the stuff hanging off. Okay, Like, how do you

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Speaker 2: do your homeworks? Like I just managed?

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Speaker 1: Yeah okay, or I don't yeah, I don't.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my nails though, Yeah, yeah, aren't they cool?

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Speaker 1: Oh man, that's amazing. So she the caviar on nuggets.

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Speaker 1: I have to say taste because I love the caviar

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Speaker 1: nuggets at Coca Dot. How she had those?

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Speaker 2: We've been to Coco Dot. Yeah, not impressed. I mean

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Speaker 2: it's ca chicken like.

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Speaker 1: Okay. Someone sent me a DM that I a hair

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Speaker 1: stylist that I know, in response to my posting the

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Speaker 1: nuggets with caviar on them. He was like, those McDonald

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Speaker 1: McNuggets with caviar. What you said McDonald McNuggets dressed in caviar?

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Speaker 1: And I thought that is accurate.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love baby, but.

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Speaker 1: They're so good. I find them to be so good.

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Speaker 1: But I know it's maybe obnoxious to some people.

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Speaker 2: It's not obnoxious to me, but I mean I prefer

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Speaker 2: like I prefer potato chips with sour cream okay, and caviar,

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Speaker 2: because then you get the creaminess and you get a

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Speaker 2: little crunch and then you get the pop. I also

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Speaker 2: like with sabi caviar, which is delicious. You can get

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Speaker 2: it at Rest and Daughters downtown. Okay, it's really good

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Speaker 2: and it's beautiful, just put on like some sushi or

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Speaker 2: fish or whatever.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm adding it to my shopping list when I

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Speaker 1: finally go the girl.

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Speaker 2: Yeah exactly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but before we get further down the line on

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Speaker 1: our food speak, yes, because I feel like you and

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Speaker 1: I could go forever talk hours. But you're the actual expert.

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Speaker 1: My whole thing is that I'm just I'm out here

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Speaker 1: eating people's cooking. That's fine. What are you? What do

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Speaker 1: you want to say thank you to? Who?

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Speaker 3: What?

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Speaker 2: I would like to say thank you to my grandparents?

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Speaker 1: Okay?

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Speaker 2: My mom divorced my biological dad, who I never knew,

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Speaker 2: and she came to America when I was two. I

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Speaker 2: didn't see either of my parents from the ages. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I didn't see either of my parents from age two

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Speaker 2: to four, and I joined her when I was four

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Speaker 2: here in New York, but I was still sent to

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Speaker 2: India every summer for three months and I studied third

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Speaker 2: grade and fourth grade there. And my grandparents were huge

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Speaker 2: influences on my life. My grandfather loved books. He was

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Speaker 2: one of the most well read people I've ever met

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Speaker 2: in my life. And my grandmother loved cooking, and she

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Speaker 2: was a great cook. She wasn't a cudly grandma. She

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Speaker 2: was a very practical grandma, but she taught me how

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Speaker 2: to cook, and she taught me about life food cooking,

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Speaker 2: and so no, it's no surprise now looking back at

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Speaker 2: my life what I do for a living because I

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Speaker 2: write cook books, which I am a direct product of

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Speaker 2: both my grandparents love and influence.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so thanks to your grandparents. Yeah, that is incredible.

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Speaker 1: Which one did you lean into more initially? Were you

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Speaker 1: like fascinated by food or reading more when you were younger?

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Speaker 2: Reading reading? But I became a really good cook even

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Speaker 2: in high school, and I would cook for my high

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Speaker 2: school friends. But I really never understood that there was

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Speaker 2: the career as a food writer. You know. I did

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Speaker 2: see cookbooks, and in college I started buying cookbooks and stuff,

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Speaker 2: but I didn't I didn't grow up going to restaurants,

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Speaker 2: you know. My mom my parents were like yours, like

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Speaker 2: why you gotta go out? We went out once a

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Speaker 2: month to pizza and then once a month to maybe

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Speaker 2: like tire Chinese, and that was it. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 2: so I didn't know that there was this career, you know,

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Speaker 2: in food, like being a chef. I mean I saw

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Speaker 2: the Swedish chef on sesame Street, but I did not

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Speaker 2: look you know, I didn't want to aspire to that.

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Speaker 2: But so I kind of fell into uh food as

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Speaker 2: a profession. But I was and I'm a slow reader.

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Speaker 2: I'm a very slow reader, but I do love to read.

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Speaker 2: And I was also an American lit and theater major

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Speaker 2: in college, so there's a lot of reading, you know.

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Speaker 2: So I was always better at literature than chemistry.

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Speaker 1: Right, I mean me too. And I was a biology major.

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Speaker 1: I was a science major, and it was I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know how because I ended up in

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Speaker 1: that major. It's because they wanted you to have a skill, doctor,

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Speaker 1: and you have a skill, right, But I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is my maybe worst subject in high school. So

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Speaker 1: how is this now my major? And who let me

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Speaker 1: do this on the academic side? But I love hearing

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Speaker 1: just you say that you were big in reading and

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Speaker 1: didn't quite understand that there was a career in food

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Speaker 1: or writing cookbooks? What how did you what did you

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Speaker 1: want to be? Initially an actor?

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Speaker 2: An actor? And I, you know, after college, I modeled

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Speaker 2: to pay off my college loans, and you know, I

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Speaker 2: was auditioning for parts. I was still doing the occasional

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Speaker 2: modeling job, and I wrote my first article for Vogue

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Speaker 2: about my scar, and then I was asked to write

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Speaker 2: another column for Vogue, and then I had a style

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Speaker 2: column in Harper's Bazaar, and then I had a syndicated

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Speaker 2: column in The New York Times about food and fashion

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Speaker 2: and film. And so I was getting all this writing work,

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Speaker 2: and I was piecing together living by acting, by writing,

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Speaker 2: by doing you know, still again the occasional modeling gigs.

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Speaker 2: So like none of none of one of those things

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Speaker 2: were enough to make a living for me. So I

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Speaker 2: had to do all. I was hustling, and I didn't

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Speaker 2: know which one would take off, you know, And then

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Speaker 2: it ended up being being the food. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Did that feel exciting to you or in any way

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Speaker 1: like a disappointment?

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Speaker 2: You know? I always saw the food stuff, like, whether

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Speaker 2: it was cookbook writing or hosting, you know. I hosted

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Speaker 2: a documentary called Planet Food before Top Chef, and I

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Speaker 2: had a show called Pudma's Passport on the Food Network

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Speaker 2: also before then, and I liked it and it was fine,

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Speaker 2: And I think the reason I was good at it

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Speaker 2: is because I didn't care so much. Yeah, yeah, you know,

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Speaker 2: And so that was like my version of waitressing while

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Speaker 2: waiting for the big acting gig, and then I just

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Speaker 2: became really successful at it. And so you know, sometimes

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Speaker 2: you got to push through the open door.

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Speaker 1: Right, and life presents you things that are not what

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Speaker 1: you expect but end up being the very thing that

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Speaker 1: leads you to what you're meant to do.

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Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah, I mean, and it's weird now because I

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Speaker 2: haven't acted in probably twenty years. Last year, if you

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Speaker 2: were on snl oh, yes, yes, yes, that's that's true,

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Speaker 2: and I have been doing prov and stuff. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: but you know, I really haven't been on film or

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Speaker 2: anythink in twenty years. But like recently, there have been

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Speaker 2: three different projects that people have offered me, you know,

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Speaker 2: independent film or whatever, to act and to start and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, are you sure you know, I mean, don't

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Speaker 2: get in your own way. No, I'm not going to.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to, but you know, it's just shocking.

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Speaker 2: So opportunities are coming to me now that I would

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Speaker 2: have killed for twenty years ago. And if it works out,

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Speaker 2: I would still love to do it. You know, how

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Speaker 2: great would that be to finally scratch an itch after

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Speaker 2: so many years. But I'm also really thankful for the

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Speaker 2: career I do have. I know, I've been very fortunate,

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Speaker 2: and you know, I get to sit around. I get

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Speaker 2: to sit around and talk about food all day long,

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Speaker 2: so I'm uniquely qualified from my Job's.

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Speaker 1: Kind of dreaming. But it is crazy how after you

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Speaker 1: have gone down the path, you've gone down the thing

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Speaker 1: you wanted is like sort of zing itself in a

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Speaker 1: different way all these years. Yeah, that's also remarkable and

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Speaker 1: feels like a gift.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it just shows you like you never know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true. Now, you said you were modeling also

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Speaker 1: to pay your student loans. Did how did you feel

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Speaker 1: about modeling? And I asked this because I have a

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Speaker 1: friend who was a model because she was scouted and

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Speaker 1: she's actually very much an academic, and not to say

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Speaker 1: that two don't go hand in hand, because I feel

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Speaker 1: like I know so many models who are intellects and academics.

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Speaker 1: How did you feel about modeling when you were doing it?

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Speaker 1: Was it like, sort of, I roll, this is just

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Speaker 1: to pay the bills or did you recognize like this

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Speaker 1: is kind of huge because some people would kill to

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Speaker 1: be a model.

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Speaker 2: I think it was both. Okay, you know, I started

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Speaker 2: modeling my last semester of college in Spain because I

380
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Speaker 2: was studying abroad. I was bored with college and I

381
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Speaker 2: just most people go to study abroad in their junior year.

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Speaker 2: I went last semester of seating.

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Speaker 1: Okay, right, so walk, did you walk for graduation?

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Speaker 2: Yes? I came back okay, and I did walk for gradua.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: So I started modeling there and at first I was like,

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Speaker 2: I don't want a model. I don't want to ruin

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Speaker 2: my GPA. And then they were like, you can make

389
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Speaker 2: this much money. I'm like, that's more money than I

390
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 2: think in a month. So yes, I will do that.

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Speaker 2: And you know, I only went to school from nine

392
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Speaker 2: to one, and I would do call you know, like

393
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Speaker 2: what do you call it? Callbacks or you know, auditions

394
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 2: or ghosties after and I had a friend of mine

395
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Speaker 2: who would graduated the previous year, who was Spanish, and

396
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Speaker 2: he encouraged me to do it because he just wanted

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Speaker 2: meet other models. And so you know, Santiago was like, no,

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Speaker 2: you must go, I'll drive you come, well, I'll squort

399
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Speaker 2: you in. And I was literally, you know, sitting in

400
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Speaker 2: some bar with Santiago when a friend of his who

401
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,639
Speaker 2: was a booker at a modeling agent saw me and

402
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 2: then I said, you know, but I have this big

403
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,359
Speaker 2: giant scar on my arm, and they're like so. And

404
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 2: it was the first time that somebody didn't care. And

405
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 2: I modeled in Swain came back and walked had this

406
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 2: useless piece of paper that said I had to do

407
00:19:56,680 --> 00:20:01,159
Speaker 2: a bachelor's degree in theater and American qualify me to

408
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Speaker 2: do exactly nothing thing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, where is your diploma right now? Do you know?

410
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,439
Speaker 2: I don't know where mine is? Legitimately, I legitimately don't know.

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00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,800
Speaker 1: It's so expensive, but we just like grow it somewhere.

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00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,679
Speaker 2: Sure, my mom has it somewhere very I don't think so,

413
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,360
Speaker 2: but she has. You know, that was very costly piece

414
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:20,680
Speaker 2: of paper.

415
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: You're right, it's so expensive and we don't know where

416
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 1: we keep them, I know, unless you have an office

417
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Speaker 1: space and you frame it and put it on the wall.

418
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Speaker 1: I like, legit, don't know where my diploma is and

419
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Speaker 1: it was so expensive.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I hear you. I mean I had

421
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Speaker 2: my old university recently called me and asked you for

422
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 2: a donation. I'm like, excuse me, you own me money? Yeah,

423
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,400
Speaker 2: you know, I do not get enough of an education

424
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Speaker 2: for you to be calling me right now.

425
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Speaker 1: But they know that name and they're like, oh, Padma,

426
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Speaker 1: she's got a little extra to give me.

427
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, I'm going to give it to somebody else.

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Speaker 1: It is crazy because when they do call and ask

429
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Speaker 1: for money from your college, because you're like, I gave you.

430
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Speaker 1: I already gave you money. I gave you money before,

431
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,240
Speaker 1: and it was really expensive, and I also had student loans,

432
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 1: so I'm like, I had to go in debt to

433
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 1: give you money. Exactly. Now you're asking me for more

434
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,440
Speaker 1: money just because it's great. I do think that's crazy.

435
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 2: I don't, you know, I don't understand exactly why education

436
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 2: is so expensive, but I think it has to do

437
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,719
Speaker 2: mostly as a reflection of we don't care about our

438
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:24,359
Speaker 2: children in society. Yeah, I care about our own, but

439
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,640
Speaker 2: we don't care about other people's children as our own.

440
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 2: And in the end, they're all our children, you know,

441
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 2: and that's really demoralizing. But I mean other countries you don't.

442
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 2: You do have free education.

443
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,120
Speaker 1: It's just this country, right, And health care we take

444
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 1: care of, you know, we take care. Speaking of taking

445
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,920
Speaker 1: care and other people's children really being all of our responsibility.

446
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 1: Did you know for yourself that you wanted to have

447
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:57,359
Speaker 1: a child.

448
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,640
Speaker 2: I knew I wanted to be a mother, but I

449
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,199
Speaker 2: never knew it would be so fun. Okay, you know,

450
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 2: I really didn't. And I think it's been interesting to

451
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 2: relive the world and my impression of it through her eyes.

452
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 2: And it's also interesting to raise a child that doesn't

453
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 2: have the same skin color as you. You know, I

454
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 2: talk about this a lot in stand up. It's funny because, like,

455
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:26,120
Speaker 2: you know, basically, I gave birth to a white girl.

456
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 2: Like you know, I mean, if you if you look

457
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 2: at her and you look at me and we're standing

458
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 2: next to each other, you can tell that we're related.

459
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 2: She's just a white version of me. But you know,

460
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,359
Speaker 2: when she was little and I would take her to

461
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 2: the playscape all the for the nanny totally, which was

462
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 2: fine because they had the better jokes. They had, you know,

463
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,479
Speaker 2: they had the better snacks, certainly, so I was okay

464
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,160
Speaker 2: with that. But then you realize, like she's gonna have

465
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 2: different issues and problems. You know, she's very privileged in

466
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 2: a way that I wasn't even besides her skin color,

467
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,360
Speaker 2: but she's brown on the inside. You can tell she's

468
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 2: brown when she dances. Yeah, it come to the valley.

469
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 2: You know that? So she shakes your butt's that's an

470
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 2: Indian girl?

471
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but give away. That's why you start asking people,

472
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: can I see your dance real fast?

473
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 2: Yeah? Exactly, excuse me.

474
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 1: And that's how we tell. Now, you said you didn't

475
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,399
Speaker 1: grow up as privilege as she is not at all,

476
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 1: And I imagine then that lent itself for you to

477
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:30,440
Speaker 1: some life lessons and for specific values to be instilled

478
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 1: in you as a child. How do you go about

479
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 1: instilling those values in your daughter now, given the context

480
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 1: of her upbringing is totally different.

481
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 2: It's very difficult. I imagine it's really really hard because

482
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 2: I mean it's also a different time in general. You know,

483
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 2: I didn't grow up with the phone. We didn't have

484
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:53,159
Speaker 2: the internet. I can still barely use the internet, just

485
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:57,360
Speaker 2: ask anyone around me. But also, like you know, she

486
00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 2: she's growing up in her society, which is now my society.

487
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 2: I had way more freedom than she did. My mother

488
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:07,240
Speaker 2: did not know where I was really from eight am

489
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,639
Speaker 2: to seven pm. She didn't because she was at work

490
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 2: and I could have been at school, and I could

491
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 2: have been somewhere else where were you? I was mostly

492
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 2: in school, But then you know, I would go to

493
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 2: the park after school. There was no you know, I

494
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 2: had incredible freedom. But my mom was a seventies parent.

495
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 2: You know, we didn't have that many rules. And I

496
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 2: came out okay, but I think, okay, but you know,

497
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 2: she I have I have her location at all times

498
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,200
Speaker 2: on my phone because she's always on her phone. Yeah,

499
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 2: and it's just different. But like I want her to

500
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:44,120
Speaker 2: take the subway, but she takes Uber. You know, her

501
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:47,919
Speaker 2: father has loaded Ubertine on her phone, and I'm like,

502
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 2: she's a New York City kid, she needs to do that.

503
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,959
Speaker 2: Then he's like, you don't want her on the subway.

504
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, I do, like the bus. Yeah, So

505
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,400
Speaker 2: that's a struggle. That kind of stuff is a struggle.

506
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 2: And the food is hard too, because now that she

507
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 2: has ubers, she can also get Uber eats and that

508
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 2: is the thing that pisses me off the most. Oh

509
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 2: why because I take the time to cook her at dinner.

510
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 2: You know, I make sundubu because she's likes this Korean

511
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 2: dish and I'm like, okay, we're having that for dinner.

512
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 2: And she's like, it's okay, mom, I just ordered taco

513
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 2: bell and it infuriates me.

514
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 1: What is she doing?

515
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 2: I don't know, there's no accounting for taste, but you

516
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 2: know she But I also want her to be a

517
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 2: normal teenager. I don't want to restrict her food. I

518
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 2: want her body to learn how to process all kinds

519
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 2: of things. Like I don't need a lot of meat

520
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: because I didn't grow up with it, so I really

521
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 2: can't process that very well. But you know she can

522
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,119
Speaker 2: because she she has steak with her dad or whatever.

523
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 2: So I want her to eat normally, eat a lot

524
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 2: of different foods. We open to them, but I just

525
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 2: the fast food really pisses me off because it's not

526
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,919
Speaker 2: good for her, you know. And she just wants to

527
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 2: like her friends, right. You know, this didn't happen until

528
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 2: she went to school, Like I said. But she's a

529
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 2: good kid. I mean, she's very well behaved and she's

530
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 2: very ambitious. I'm lucky. You know. She wants to do

531
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 2: well for herself. I think she does feel the pressure

532
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 2: of being my daughter, and so she does not want

533
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 2: just to be known as my daughter. She wants to

534
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,879
Speaker 2: make her own way. She you know, she goes to

535
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:28,679
Speaker 2: a specialized high school, which she fought her way into.

536
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 2: She had to get in, she had to do a

537
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,440
Speaker 2: whole bunch of stuff and audition and go go to callbacks.

538
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 2: And she did that by herself. I mean I helped

539
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 2: to coached her. But she's doing great and she loves

540
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 2: her school and she really has big plans for herself.

541
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 2: So you know, is she gonna clean up her room? No?

542
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 2: Until I say it the eighteenth time.

543
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 1: But that's very normal team, That's what they tell me.

544
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 2: That's normal for American team. That is normal for American children.

545
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: You know, my mom was working so much that I

546
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,640
Speaker 1: could she would have to tell me several times. And

547
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,160
Speaker 1: if anyone, I mean I was just if anyone told

548
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: me to clean my room and I was going to

549
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 1: do it, I'd be like, oh see, I was gonna

550
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,200
Speaker 1: do it. And then you said, now that you said

551
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 1: I can't do it today, I gotta do it tomorrow.

552
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:21,679
Speaker 1: You guys are to get today. But how you just

553
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 1: said something's going to have to do it tomorrow?

554
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 2: But did you have I have a question, did you

555
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 2: have code switching going on? Like was your mom like

556
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 2: a Nigeria like a niger mom?

557
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: Or was like, okay, could you ask articulate this a

558
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 1: different way for me? Because I'm like, yeah, how would

559
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:38,439
Speaker 1: you ask this difference?

560
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,199
Speaker 2: Did she not let you do things that your peers

561
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 2: parents would let them do, like sleepovers?

562
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 1: So she would let me have us go. We never

563
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 1: hosted a sleepover, I don't think. I think maybe some

564
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 1: of my sister's friends slept over. But she would let

565
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: me go to sleepovers. But I will say that at

566
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 1: the door, she'd like, drop me off and then see

567
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,639
Speaker 1: what's happening in this family's home, And she'd saved me

568
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: once I came home. You're never going over there? Yeah,

569
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: And but I know that it was. She was never

570
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: excited about me going to sleep over, except for with

571
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 1: white like one best friend who lived two houses down

572
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 1: the street from us. But like so, she wasn't as strict.

573
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 1: I think partially because she was working so much and

574
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 1: then she wanted to try to be a little lax.

575
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: There's so much on her plate. But there were moments

576
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 1: where it's like, yeah, we're not you're not really sleeping

577
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:30,360
Speaker 1: over at kids' houses. Were you allowed to sleep over? Uh?

578
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 2: No? Yeah no, And Krishna wasn't either. My daughter wasn't

579
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 2: allowed to sleep over. Now she is with very few

580
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 2: select people where I know the parents and stuff. But

581
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 2: my attitude was, like, if you want to sleep away

582
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,360
Speaker 2: from home, you should get into college.

583
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: You know that.

584
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 2: Brown folk.

585
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 1: I don't know that.

586
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,479
Speaker 2: Now she spends half her time there because she's older,

587
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 2: but I mean, you know, I don't. I'm not into

588
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 2: it at all, and I think I've just you know,

589
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 2: I'm afraid of what happened, what can happen, what happens

590
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 2: to me, and like, so it's tough, you know, but

591
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I have to equip

592
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 2: her with the ability to think critically and avoid those

593
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 2: situations or know how, give her the weapons and the

594
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 2: language to handle those situations early on, like people. You know,

595
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 2: when I first sent her to preschool in an age

596
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 2: appropriate way, I did say to her, if anybody touches

597
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 2: you or makes you touch them, I don't care if

598
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 2: it's a principal, a doctor of policeman, somebody who's related

599
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 2: to us, somebody who's a friend, anybody. You have the

600
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 2: right to your own body. Nobody should touch you, and

601
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,479
Speaker 2: nobody should make you do something. You just yell, yell,

602
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 2: run and tell. And so I gave her that language

603
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 2: because so many times when it happens to you you're

604
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 2: just a deer in the headlights. You're just so shocked

605
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 2: you don't know what to do. So just giving that

606
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 2: child a game plan, you know, look like, this is

607
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 2: a plan. If I feel uncomfortable, if somebody makes me

608
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 2: touch their privates, somebody gets too close to me, touches

609
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 2: my privates, I say no, really loud, and I run,

610
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 2: and then I tell somebody I trust or no who.

611
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: Say yeah, it's I mean, that's brilliant, because you, like

612
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 1: you said, you can only protect them to a certain point.

613
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 1: And the thing I think you're supposed to do, though

614
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 1: I'm not a parent, as a parent, is to give

615
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 1: them the tools and equip them to be able to

616
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: navigate the world on their own. Because you're they're not

617
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: gonna be under your watch twenty four to seven, simply won't.

618
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: So if you give them the tools to navigate situations

619
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: like that, navigate other situations that life might present them.

620
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 1: I think that is a huge part of the job there,

621
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 1: because as much as you want to be protective, it's

622
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 1: important that they know how to be on their own.

623
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 1: That's the nice part about college, I will say, especially

624
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: if you get to go away or live on campus,

625
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: is like sorting out how to be on your own

626
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 1: and with Yeah.

627
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 2: It's a nice middle ground between adulthood and living with

628
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 2: your folks.

629
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. I mean I went to college three thousand

630
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 1: miles away, and I knew I wasn't going to be homesick.

631
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: But it was interesting because I still because I was

632
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 1: a pretty independent young person, but I still found myself

633
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: homesick because it was like culture shock Baltimore to La Yeah.

634
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, wait, what is this?

635
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,479
Speaker 1: What is who are these people? What's happening? How does

636
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: it work this way? Why does everybody have a bens?

637
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 1: You're eighteen? No, I know.

638
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, now it happened to me too. I mean I

639
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 2: went from La Poente in California to Massachusetts and I

640
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 2: saw all these people with cardiers and rolexes in my

641
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 2: you know, in my women's studies class, and I was like, oh, yeah, okay, yeah, friend, yeah, friend.

642
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,719
Speaker 1: You also said that your daughter wants to make it

643
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,080
Speaker 1: on her own, and you know, is aware that she

644
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 1: is your daughter and people know her as such. At

645
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: what point, because I often wonder this with people who

646
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: are well known, are famous, at what point do you

647
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 1: did your daughter become aware that, like oh, mommy famous.

648
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 2: She did, because they would follow us when I walked

649
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 2: her to school. How old, When she was like five

650
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 2: or four, I used to walk, you know. She used

651
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 2: to go to a school that was just four or

652
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 2: five blocks from our house. She went to Little Red

653
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 2: you know, in the village, and I live in that area,

654
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:22,479
Speaker 2: and I would walk with her and they would paparazzi us,

655
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 2: and it got bad enough that I had a key,

656
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 2: like the teachers had to a side entrance of the

657
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 2: school that we would enter because they would be waiting

658
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 2: outside her school. I mean, it's not as bad now,

659
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 2: but in the days when it was bad, you know,

660
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 2: that's what they did. And so she knew. And then

661
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 2: she also knew like we would be you know, like

662
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 2: an open air market or something or flea market, you know,

663
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 2: and people would come up and ask for pictures and

664
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 2: she would say, no.

665
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: Oh, your little protector.

666
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 2: She would just irritated, like pictures of me. And then

667
00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,959
Speaker 2: I never put her in the pictures that were like

668
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 2: you can do a basic Google search of her name,

669
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 2: and they're like thousands of pictures that come up, and

670
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 2: you can see her. You can see her as a

671
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:08,719
Speaker 2: four year old. You can see her as a six

672
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 2: year old. You know, you can see it, and now

673
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 2: she's more comfortable with it, and also she feels good also,

674
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 2: like you know, she now understands because she also wants

675
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 2: to be a performer that is part of the gig.

676
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 2: But when she was young, she was really irritated by it,

677
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 2: and understandably so. But now she gets it and she's

678
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 2: she's like, let me just take the picture because then

679
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 2: it's fast and that's it. She gets a phone back

680
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 2: of her dues. But it really irritated her.

681
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 3: Yea.

682
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 2: And sometimes she like, I'll feel like taking a walk

683
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 2: around the neighborhood, and she'll say no because she doesn't

684
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 2: want to walk with me. Yeah, because then it means

685
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 2: she has to worry about what she looks like. And

686
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:52,959
Speaker 2: she's a teenage girl, and you know she doesn't want

687
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 2: to always. I get it. I don't always want to.

688
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 1: Worry about it. Let me tell you about walking in

689
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 1: my neighborhood. Someone followed me the other day and I

690
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: was like, that's crazy because you're following me and we're

691
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 1: not having a pleasant interaction. I know you're following me.

692
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 1: You now know. I know you're following me, And how

693
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: do you think this interaction ends. I stopped for a

694
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 1: picture with you, like you caught me. Let's get a picture.

695
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,279
Speaker 2: I mean my mother can take a faster picture than that.

696
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 2: It's like we're taking you so long, yeah, the picture leaving?

697
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. And I find that not to be like

698
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 1: woe is me? But I'm always like, how do you

699
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: think this interaction is gonna end? This is not pleasant

700
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: because there are times like I just want to walk

701
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 1: my dog, and you know, a therapist will tell you

702
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 1: go on a walk, get some air, and I'm like,

703
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 1: it's not that simple.

704
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I always i'm in a hoodie when

705
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 2: I I know how to try to.

706
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 1: Be you know, how do you do it? Can you

707
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:43,360
Speaker 1: tell me? Please?

708
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 4: I walk like a little bit like lunchoking down okay, okay,

709
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 4: I put my hood up okay, and I walk.

710
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,800
Speaker 2: Like I don't have time to stop. I'm not looking around.

711
00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 1: I've had people stop me in my tracks when I'm

712
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 1: walking maybe eighty miles per hour and could barrel right

713
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,919
Speaker 1: through them and stop me. Somebody touched me two weeks

714
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 1: ago and soho, and I was like, well, I'm being touched.

715
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 2: I know, don't touch me.

716
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: I'm being touched.

717
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 2: Well, you, you know. I mean SNL is such a prominent

718
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 2: show and it's on Network, and then you see all

719
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,359
Speaker 2: the clips and stuff, so you are out there in

720
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 2: a way that I don't think I have been, you know,

721
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 2: so it's different for you.

722
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 1: Ye may I think so? Maybe because I do comedy,

723
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, but she's silly and she's always

724
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,359
Speaker 1: gonna want to she's fun. And I'm like sometimes I'm

725
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 1: like crying, crying in my hoodie. Yeah, walking in my neighborhood,

726
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,280
Speaker 1: just trying to get some air, to feel any other emotion.

727
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: And it's like, oh, the girl from Yeah, okay, but

728
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hunt shoulders hood up. Are we going sunglasses

729
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:45,880
Speaker 1: or no?

730
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 2: Yeah? Sunglasses, sunglasses, sunglasses, do all the things, baseball cap sunglasses, okay,

731
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,239
Speaker 2: and just walk and tell you like, walk like you're

732
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 2: angry and look down, look down down, and like you're

733
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 2: looking for something, like you're kind of crazy.

734
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,280
Speaker 1: Oh maybe it's that I need to be given crazy.

735
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,800
Speaker 2: Just like look around, mutter to yourself.

736
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 1: I should have at a metal detector too, Yeah, sure,

737
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: persince fucking nuts. Yeah, a metal detector on a New

738
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,280
Speaker 1: York sidewalk. I think that's gonna be the Vibe twenty

739
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: twenty six. There you see me like that out here?

740
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,760
Speaker 1: No you didn't. That's the whole point, okay.

741
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 2: But also I know how to be invisible, Like I

742
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 2: just go out without makeup, Okay, I mean people will

743
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 2: still recognize me, you know, when I go to the

744
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 2: grocery store, stop by whatever. But you know, people are

745
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 2: usually cash they want to I never say no to

746
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 2: young women when they want a picture. And I you know,

747
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 2: I live near NYU, so it's hard. But I I

748
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 2: don't always want to stop because I always I don't

749
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 2: want to be seen.

750
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't want to be perceived. That's what I

751
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 1: say about my walk. Sometimes sometimes I literally just want

752
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 1: to be like an invisible number. Yeah, like a visible number,

753
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 1: just getting air right now.

754
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,280
Speaker 2: But these are high class problems to have.

755
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: A thousand percent. Sometimes I think about renaming this podcast

756
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 1: first world Problems. What do you think.

757
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 2: I'm sure you could do it.

758
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe someone else already has that. I'm sure someone

759
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 1: else has already. Probably, But also all of the problems

760
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 1: are not first world in that most of the people

761
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 1: in the podcast, I feel like I have had interesting upbringings,

762
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 1: which is why I have the podcast. Because it's fun

763
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 1: to hear from people about what their upbringings were, Like, yeah,

764
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: what of your parents? Besides the values you're trying to

765
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 1: instill in your daughter, now do you emulate in terms

766
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 1: of how you raise her? So like not no sleepovers?

767
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 1: I do.

768
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 2: I think the most Indian part of me is my parenting. Okay,

769
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 2: Like I'm pretty Americanized, you know, I've gone to school

770
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,439
Speaker 2: my whole life mostly here, and I'm you know, I'm

771
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 2: just as American, or feel just as American as any

772
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 2: other kid. But because I was raised by Indian people

773
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 2: in a certain way. Like Krishna will never step on

774
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,240
Speaker 2: a book. If she steps on a book, she stops,

775
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 2: she touches the book with her hand, and then she

776
00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 2: touches her eyes with that same hand to hey, respect

777
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 2: to the book.

778
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 1: I don't know about this.

779
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:06,400
Speaker 2: That's very Indian, you know, because we think of books

780
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 2: and literature something sacred. So if she'd been studying on

781
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,800
Speaker 2: the floor, I was lying, you know, with a pillow

782
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,800
Speaker 2: and reading and she having a step on it by mistake,

783
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 2: she will do that, Like I've seen her do that

784
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,280
Speaker 2: without me telling her, because she knows now. She will

785
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 2: not go into our house with shoes on really unless

786
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 2: she's like really in a rush and I'm not looking,

787
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,399
Speaker 2: but she, you know, she respects that.

788
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: Which is something I just adopted when I moved to

789
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: New York City.

790
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, my dog's.

791
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 1: Paws are also getting wiped, because.

792
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:43,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we have we have doggy wet wives. Like

793
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 2: right right at the right there, come and you put

794
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 2: your keys on that, you take the leash off, and

795
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 2: you get the thing and you sit and you wipe

796
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,440
Speaker 2: all her paws.

797
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: She knows the drill. He doesn't even try to walk

798
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,359
Speaker 1: past the entry because he's like, I got to get

799
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: my paws wiped. And it's like, yes, you do. But

800
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: it wasn't till New York I startarted honoring the shoes

801
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,879
Speaker 1: off thing. I would honor it in someone else's home,

802
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:04,680
Speaker 1: but in my house, I'd be like, yeah, I'm in

803
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:06,879
Speaker 1: my car. I lived in LA for so long. Oh yeah,

804
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, but still even in La or anywhere else,

805
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, actually, it's a good look to do anywhere.

806
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:18,359
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, So things like that calling your elder's auntie,

807
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 2: like you know, her father's friends they're like Bob and Jane,

808
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 2: you know, But my friends it would be like aunt praimie.

809
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,839
Speaker 2: You know uncle Vitchu marry Nigerian. Yeah, yeah, not call

810
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 2: an elder brother first name, no, sir.

811
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. If you had a sibling in Indian culture who's

812
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 1: like twenty years older than you, for someone let's say

813
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 1: like fifteen years older than you, would you call that

814
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,280
Speaker 1: sibling by their name or would they also become auntie?

815
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,919
Speaker 2: No, they wouldn't be aunti your uncle. But they have

816
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,360
Speaker 2: a name. In Tamil, like you, there's a name for

817
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 2: older sister and a name for younger sister, older brother

818
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 2: and younger brothers. So our our names for relatives are

819
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 2: super specific except her auntie and uncle that seems to

820
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:05,840
Speaker 2: be thrown around. Yes, but like you can tell, like

821
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,719
Speaker 2: even when you're saying an actual uncle in Tamil, at

822
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:13,479
Speaker 2: least the sister of my father has a different name

823
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 2: than the sister of my mother. And if the sister

824
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,360
Speaker 2: of my mother is older than her, she's a petty ma.

825
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,439
Speaker 2: Petti means big and mas ma, so it's like big mother.

826
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 2: And if the sister of my mother is younger, then

827
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 2: it's a chitty. Like you heard Kamala Harra say to

828
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 2: all my chitties out there, because she had a lot

829
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,879
Speaker 2: of aunts that were younger to her mom, so that

830
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 2: part is really specific, and that's very Indian. You know,

831
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:44,360
Speaker 2: Christian just knows like to have certain respect for people.

832
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 2: She will pray when she's scared. You knowsial light intents.

833
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 2: She got a big exam, or she wants a part

834
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 2: she's auditioning for in the school play, stuff like that.

835
00:40:56,080 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 2: And you know, she had six years of Sanskrit singing,

836
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 2: so it was like, you know, carnotic vocal training and stuff.

837
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:05,840
Speaker 2: Now she doesn't do it, but she still does music.

838
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 2: So she's She's Indian when she wants to be. She's

839
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,359
Speaker 2: most Indian when she stamps her foot about wanting what

840
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,759
Speaker 2: she wants. At the Valley, yeah, as you know, the

841
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 2: valley is a big, big deal at our house.

842
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:21,799
Speaker 1: I've been to Padma's the Valley. It's a vibe. We went.

843
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 1: It was me, Punky Heidi after an SNL episode.

844
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 2: I know you guys were.

845
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: Looking rough everyone in all of your guests, you your

846
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 1: daughter looking dressed to the nines. Put together.

847
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:39,760
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I was just happy done. I know that schedule, yeah,

848
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:43,280
Speaker 2: and it's brutal. So the fact that you even showed

849
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 2: up on a Sunday was a win.

850
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 1: We really wanted to be there and I'm so glad

851
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 1: we were there. But I just that's that is a

852
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 1: special memory for me, and the fact that we did

853
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 1: all roll up and we're like, we are tired, but

854
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 1: we're here.

855
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you all my older relatives do the same thing.

856
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 2: They just sit around and so yes.

857
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:04,359
Speaker 1: I actually think I was sitting with one of your

858
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 1: older relatives for the majority of the time against the wall.

859
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

860
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, problem conversation. Yeah, it was very nice. Thank you

861
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 1: for having us. Now, what is there about American parenting

862
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 1: style versus Indian parenting styles that made you want to

863
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 1: emulate Indian parenting styles? Given you're like, I'm very American otherwise,

864
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:26,560
Speaker 1: what made you want to cling to Indian parenting as

865
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:26,960
Speaker 1: a style.

866
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:32,359
Speaker 2: Well, it's mostly about the respect issue, you know, which

867
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,839
Speaker 2: is a battle I'm losing every day. But you know,

868
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 2: it was that it was like sometimes you just have

869
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 2: to do it. It's also, you know, we are much

870
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 2: more focused on keeping a very close connection with our

871
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 2: extended family, and sometimes she's like, I'm bored, I don't

872
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:52,080
Speaker 2: want to go, and I'm like, sorry, it's not negotiable.

873
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,839
Speaker 2: I'm not asking you. You don't get to decide no,

874
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 2: we're not going to this or yes you're just coming.

875
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 2: Yeah you know, Yeah, I'm sorry. These are your family.

876
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 2: You're stuck with us. Yeah, you know, just like a

877
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:08,479
Speaker 2: club foot, we ain't going nowhere. So that's that's one thing.

878
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 2: But also like I am lax about things that American

879
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 2: parents are very strict about. For instance, I don't really

880
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 2: have a bedtime for her.

881
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, say more because my friend's sister and I

882
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 1: don't want to put her on Blessed. But if she listens,

883
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: she'll know I'm talking. Her eight year old is on

884
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 1: like a Tuesday night, awake at midnight, and that's crazy

885
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: to me. I don't have kids. And then one time

886
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 1: I was over their house on a Sunday. I was

887
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 1: about to give specifics, say the city I will, but

888
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 1: I was at their house on a Sunday and at

889
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:43,719
Speaker 1: that time, the eight year old was six, and it

890
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 1: was Sunday at ten pm, and I was like, I

891
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 1: would have had to be in bed at this time,

892
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,240
Speaker 1: and they were like kind of just chilling right before

893
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 1: school night, and I was like, what's happening? Why are

894
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 1: they awake?

895
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I figured she'll get tired eventually and go

896
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 2: to sleep, and she will learn this lesson on her own.

897
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:01,280
Speaker 2: I mean, sometimes she's up because she does have homework.

898
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 2: They give a lot of homework. Now, I really wish saying.

899
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,359
Speaker 1: My mom my mom was like the homework. Back then,

900
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 1: my mom used to be like, why do they give

901
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:09,920
Speaker 1: you homework when you're in school all day? I know

902
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:11,439
Speaker 1: they're gonna come home and do more suf.

903
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 2: I mean she and I would both rather she just

904
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:17,520
Speaker 2: stay at school another ninety minutes or two hours of whatever,

905
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 2: come home at six, but be done. Yes, yeah, So

906
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:23,800
Speaker 2: you know, I try to cut her off at like eleven,

907
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 2: like ten thirty. She should be washing her face, she

908
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 2: should be in her pajamas. If I have to take

909
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 2: her phone off, but take it away from her. But

910
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:35,399
Speaker 2: you know, she sometimes will stay up late, and I'm

911
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,479
Speaker 2: the night owl, and I think she insw's her father,

912
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,719
Speaker 2: so she thinks she inherited it from us. But I'm

913
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:44,759
Speaker 2: not policing her because at a certain point, like you

914
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 2: have to give them autonomy, and if they get tired enough,

915
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 2: then they do. And then there's been times when she's

916
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 2: been exhausted and she's come home and then she's taken

917
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:55,560
Speaker 2: a nap because she's so tired, and then she gets

918
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:56,759
Speaker 2: up and now she really can't come to.

919
00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 1: So it's eleven forty five.

920
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 2: She's a vicious cycle. But you know, like there's just

921
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:06,279
Speaker 2: there's just things like that, Okay, you know, like she

922
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 2: can't put the dog on the counter. She can't.

923
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,439
Speaker 1: I mean the dog shouldn't go on the counter even

924
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 1: but you know, even the cats.

925
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 2: We don't have cats because she's allergic. But she's my

926
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 2: dog is seven pounds yea. And sometimes people will just

927
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,239
Speaker 2: put her on the counter because they're holding her. And

928
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 2: I'm very not into that.

929
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:24,799
Speaker 1: She was on the street, that's the thing.

930
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:26,799
Speaker 2: Well, no, but we we wipe her, I.

931
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:28,800
Speaker 1: Know, but she was still on the street, like rubbing

932
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:30,759
Speaker 1: against the side of a But here's the thing. I

933
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 1: have a dog. Probably shouldn't have a dog.

934
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:33,879
Speaker 2: Because I'm how big is you done?

935
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:37,879
Speaker 1: He's fifteen pounds maybe like seventeen? Now the vet called

936
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 1: him what did she call him? Overconditioned? Her way of

937
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:42,759
Speaker 1: saying he's overweight? Can you believe that?

938
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 2: Oh? Is that the youth of this?

939
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 1: And she's Australian so it's kind of lovely how she

940
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: said it. She's like, he's a bit overconditioned. And I'd

941
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: be like, can you tell me in Layman's terms like fat,

942
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,319
Speaker 1: and I'm like, damn, my poor baby. And I feel

943
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: like he heard it because his whole demeanor. I feel like,

944
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,280
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I do feel like heard that. Yeah.

945
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,799
Speaker 2: No, Divina is not a glutton, like I have to

946
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:07,640
Speaker 2: really be like it's time to eat now, please, and

947
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 2: she she doesn't. She likes taking walks, but she's an

948
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 2: indoor dog. She's very big cat energy. She just wants

949
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 2: to sit on your lap. Yes, you know, she doesn't care.

950
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 2: She's scared of everything. She you know, she was traumatized.

951
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:24,280
Speaker 2: I rescued her, and before we got her at the shelter,

952
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 2: she was in a hoarding situation. So she doesn't like

953
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 2: other dogs. She's not out to like, you know, discover

954
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 2: and conquer the world. She just wants to be near Mommy.

955
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:38,120
Speaker 1: Your daughter petition you for the dogs.

956
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:42,439
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yes, she made a big poster and

957
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 2: she was petitioning and lobbying for years and years and years.

958
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:48,440
Speaker 2: And I am not a dog person at all. Indians

959
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:53,400
Speaker 2: don't like, yeah, yeah, we're not in the house. Animals

960
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:54,240
Speaker 2: in the house.

961
00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:57,800
Speaker 1: I Weirdly, my mom would rescue cats and in those moments,

962
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is not a Nigerian woman growing up,

963
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:03,239
Speaker 1: Like there was a cat outside on the street. So

964
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 1: she just had this soft spot for animals that felt

965
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:10,800
Speaker 1: Nigeria in that way where it was like, I'm gonna

966
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: go bring a stray cat into our home. But yeah,

967
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:16,439
Speaker 1: also didn't grow up with beyond like eight years old.

968
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 1: We didn't have any pets.

969
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know, in COVID, she's an only child

970
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,640
Speaker 2: and she didn't see another child for several months, and

971
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:25,680
Speaker 2: so I really felt for her, and so I brought

972
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 2: home this little puppy. She's not a puppy. She was

973
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:31,399
Speaker 2: grown when I brought her, and I carried her home

974
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,440
Speaker 2: from the shelter and I gave her to my daughter,

975
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 2: and then my daughter went crazy and then loved, loved it,

976
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,800
Speaker 2: but then didn't walk the dog, didn't feed the dog,

977
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:45,400
Speaker 2: and lunged at the dog. And this dog was terrified

978
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 2: of my kid, and so like retreated deeper and deeper

979
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,120
Speaker 2: into my lap and arms. So now they have a

980
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 2: weird sibling rivalry. It's really odd.

981
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 1: And you love your daughter more though, of course, oh

982
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:02,880
Speaker 1: just funny, I do.

983
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:06,879
Speaker 2: I love my daughter way more than my dogs of life.

984
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 2: My dog better.

985
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair.

986
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my dog does not talk back.

987
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: Okay, fair, that's real. The dog is not like, give

988
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 1: me these snacks. Does the dog like unie?

989
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 2: Uh No, I don't want to give her any seafood

990
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 2: because her breath is bad enough. She just had four

991
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 2: teeth extracted.

992
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:24,359
Speaker 1: Because because their teeth are messed up.

993
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:27,960
Speaker 2: Well, I mean she's older, and yeah, I'm told small

994
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,480
Speaker 2: dogs have this problem. And I try to brush your teeth,

995
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 2: but it's hard to get the toothed hair. Yeah. No,

996
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 2: But I mean, my dog doesn't steal my clothes and

997
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 2: my shoes without asking. They don't take my eyeliner and

998
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 2: give it to their friends, okay, and don't put it

999
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:44,439
Speaker 2: back in my makeup bag.

1000
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:46,360
Speaker 1: Okay. So shout out to all the dog moms. I

1001
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:48,919
Speaker 1: might have it better. They might have it better. Right now,

1002
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 1: that's all I am for now. And I'm like, this

1003
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 1: is a lot of work, though, taking care of a dog,

1004
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:56,440
Speaker 1: and people don't talk about it enough. Yeah, it's actually

1005
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 1: a lot of work and effort. But now I've done

1006
00:48:58,480 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 1: it for two and a half years, I'm like, I

1007
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:03,359
Speaker 1: don't my friend likes to say he doesn't remember what

1008
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 1: life was like before he had his dog. I'm like,

1009
00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 1: I do remember it being easier.

1010
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:10,719
Speaker 2: But you don't have to come home. You don't have

1011
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:12,960
Speaker 2: to think about, oh, my dog is sitting alone for

1012
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 2: six hours.

1013
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, you know.

1014
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 2: I'm going to Oxford at the end of this month,

1015
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 2: and I don't really know what I'm gonna do with

1016
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 2: my dog, and I don't want to take her to England. Yes,

1017
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,240
Speaker 2: England is hard enough.

1018
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:29,719
Speaker 1: Right enough. My I'm going to Paris in a few days.

1019
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:31,239
Speaker 1: And I was like, what am I going to do

1020
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:33,879
Speaker 1: with my dog? And it became this whole thing where

1021
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, what a gift I get to go to Paris?

1022
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 1: Unlike your daughter, I'm not sick of it. Yeah, it yet,

1023
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what a gift, But oh my goodness,

1024
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:43,520
Speaker 1: I need to figure out the dog. I have to

1025
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 1: figure out.

1026
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 2: And Paris is very dog friendly, I know, But.

1027
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:49,240
Speaker 1: You know what, it's the flight and like, he's so

1028
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 1: social that if a flight attendant walks by, sees him

1029
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:55,880
Speaker 1: and even makes a second of eye contact with him,

1030
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 1: it's over. And he's like I want to engage with

1031
00:49:58,000 --> 00:49:59,600
Speaker 1: that friend. I want them to talk to me, and

1032
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be yappy until we have our moment. So

1033
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 1: it's this thing where I'm like, he is beautiful, but

1034
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:07,360
Speaker 1: I need to keep him away from people, otherwise he

1035
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:11,240
Speaker 1: will be at TVD. Yeah, okay, give him a little bit.

1036
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,439
Speaker 2: Of Yeah, they have doggy I've had.

1037
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 1: I gave it to him when I first got him

1038
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 1: and we were flying and he did so well. I

1039
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:22,719
Speaker 1: have this crazy story though. My dog had diarrhea on

1040
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:23,240
Speaker 1: a plane.

1041
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 2: Oh no, it's night.

1042
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:29,280
Speaker 1: It was really, really, really crazy. But I think Fast

1043
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,319
Speaker 1: really felt like a mom in that moment because I

1044
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, gonna wipe it up from the comfort

1045
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 1: of my seat with this thing. We're gonna put this

1046
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:39,880
Speaker 1: in a bag, tie it up. It was crazy. But

1047
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 1: because they can't talk, I didn't. He kept trying to

1048
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 1: jump out of his crate and I'm like, you love

1049
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 1: this thing. What's going on? And it's because he had

1050
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 1: to shit. I know, poor baby was trying to tell

1051
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 1: me that's the thing. The dog's not gonna steal your

1052
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:56,160
Speaker 1: clothes or your jewelry or they can't talk. They can't.

1053
00:50:56,520 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 2: I wish I'm dying to know what Divina thinks sometimes.

1054
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:04,960
Speaker 2: Really yeah, yeah, there's a different there's a definite hierarchy,

1055
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 2: like if I'm not there, then she'll go to my assistant.

1056
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,640
Speaker 2: If he's not there, then she'll go to my nanny.

1057
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:13,279
Speaker 2: If my nanny's not there, then she's like, Okay, I

1058
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 2: guess I can go hang out with Krishna. But they

1059
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 2: really like Krishna will come up to me in bed

1060
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:21,279
Speaker 2: or she'll cud up with me and the dog could

1061
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:23,239
Speaker 2: be at the foot of my bed, but immediately she'll

1062
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,480
Speaker 2: jump up and try to wedge her body between me

1063
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 2: and Krishna. It's really they're really and I will snuggle

1064
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 2: with the dog and the dog won't say anything, and

1065
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 2: Krishna will do the same and she'll like.

1066
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 1: Around.

1067
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 2: It's really hysterical.

1068
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:39,399
Speaker 1: That is a wild that they pick up on that

1069
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 1: the energy like that.

1070
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 2: The sibling rivalry, it truly is.

1071
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 1: So you wanted to like instill some of the respect

1072
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 1: that you learned in your culture into your.

1073
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 2: Dogs and also the tie to our family, Like family

1074
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 2: is really big for good and bad, you know, so

1075
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 2: I wanted to make sure I feel like in American culture,

1076
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:02,799
Speaker 2: it's your idiot family and maybe your cousins if they

1077
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 2: live close by. But in Indian culture, like everyone is

1078
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:11,719
Speaker 2: your immediate family. You know, your parents' cousin is your

1079
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 2: uncle or aunt, and you know you got to treat

1080
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 2: their children like your siblings. And it's all very hierarchical,

1081
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:24,319
Speaker 2: but it's all really tight knit and really really important.

1082
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 2: You know, my aunt has the Valey We always coordinate

1083
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:30,280
Speaker 2: are de Valeys, and I have to hike my butt

1084
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:33,279
Speaker 2: like two hours to Connecticut just to sit around and

1085
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:34,960
Speaker 2: talk to all these old Indian people. I have no

1086
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,359
Speaker 2: interest in talking to you because they're not related. They're

1087
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,120
Speaker 2: like her colleagues from the hospital or you know, all

1088
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 2: these other doctors are psychiatrists, and I'm like, yes, hi, Auntie,

1089
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 2: it's nice to see you. But I do it. You know,

1090
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 2: I drive four hours to be there two hours so

1091
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 2: because I have no choice in the matter. That's just

1092
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:53,840
Speaker 2: how it is. And so if I have to suffer,

1093
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 2: she has to suffer.

1094
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,160
Speaker 1: And you're like, you're going to suffer with me. That's

1095
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 1: what we have to do.

1096
00:52:56,719 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 2: She has to learn that this is part of life,

1097
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 2: this is just your right and.

1098
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 1: That's all there is to it as a member of

1099
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:08,319
Speaker 1: a family. And now she is an only child accurate.

1100
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 2: Other than divin, Yeah, how do you do you have.

1101
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 1: Any concern about her being an only child, just given

1102
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:16,480
Speaker 1: I know you are.

1103
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 2: I'm an only child far.

1104
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 1: Too okay, but then you're very connected to I feel

1105
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 1: like then that makes perfect sense, Like I'm an only child,

1106
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 1: but I have this huge extended family. Yes, and my

1107
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 1: cousins are like my siblings, as are my second cousins.

1108
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:32,280
Speaker 2: And also all my mother's siblings always left their children

1109
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 2: with our grandparents too, so we did grow up like siblings.

1110
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 2: Like my cousin Reginie lives in Connecticut, but she functions

1111
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:42,400
Speaker 2: as my sister, sure, you know. And so her two boys,

1112
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 2: who are close in age to my daughter, are the

1113
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:48,239
Speaker 2: closest thing I have to sons, And so if they misbehave,

1114
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 2: I will be disciplining them on the spot like they

1115
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:53,239
Speaker 2: are my child, and they'll listen. Yeah, well they'll have

1116
00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 2: You're not my mom, No, No, I'm your petty mom.

1117
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:01,320
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1118
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:03,880
Speaker 2: So you know that's why that name is like that,

1119
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:09,319
Speaker 2: you know. So that's the difference. Yeah, you know, but

1120
00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:11,720
Speaker 2: you know she fights against it, but then she also

1121
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:14,080
Speaker 2: likes things that you know, likes things about it, like

1122
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:17,240
Speaker 2: she will say, like you always know where you stand

1123
00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 2: with my family and they are fiercely close, you know.

1124
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:26,000
Speaker 2: So she appreciates the warmth, she appreciates the love and

1125
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:29,600
Speaker 2: the closeness and all of that. So I think, you know,

1126
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 2: she is Indian in the way that counts. But whenever

1127
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 2: she goes to India, she just goes from house to

1128
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:36,880
Speaker 2: house and sees old people. I have to take her

1129
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:39,880
Speaker 2: to the taj Mahal, I have to take her to Rajasthan.

1130
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 2: You know, I've just taken her to the inside all

1131
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,880
Speaker 2: these old people's houses. So far, she's been to India

1132
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,239
Speaker 2: a lot. She's been to India like six times. But

1133
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:51,799
Speaker 2: it's hard. It's hard raising a biracial child because the

1134
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 2: atmosphere at my house is completely different than the atmosphere

1135
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:57,240
Speaker 2: in her dad's house.

1136
00:54:57,520 --> 00:54:59,680
Speaker 1: Right, you know, does she does? She seem to have

1137
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:00,879
Speaker 1: a presser friends from one or the other.

1138
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,240
Speaker 2: Well, her dad lets her get away with more stuff,

1139
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:07,239
Speaker 2: so you know, he's not totally permissive with her. Like

1140
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:09,439
Speaker 2: he'll get mad at her certain times when she does

1141
00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 2: bad stuff too, but you know he's much more even keeled.

1142
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:15,759
Speaker 2: I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I'm mad,

1143
00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 2: you'll know. I don't even have to open my mouth.

1144
00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:21,239
Speaker 2: You'll know by my body language. But he's very he's

1145
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:24,399
Speaker 2: able to roll with the punches of her adolescence more.

1146
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:27,600
Speaker 2: But he also doesn't have it as hard as I do. Sure,

1147
00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 2: but you know, so she she gets away with more

1148
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:35,799
Speaker 2: over there, like you know, Dad is more what she says.

1149
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 2: She said, Mom, you're very impulsive.

1150
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:38,720
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

1151
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:42,879
Speaker 2: And I said that is really rich here, you know,

1152
00:55:43,320 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 2: And so I said, yeah, I don't even argue with

1153
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 2: her anymore. I'm like, yeah, okay, fine, I'm impulsive, but

1154
00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 2: I am your mom. So yeah, and what you don't

1155
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 2: do about it.

1156
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 1: With me half the time?

1157
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1158
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:57,360
Speaker 1: Are you concerned with being friends with her? Do you

1159
00:55:57,360 --> 00:55:58,799
Speaker 1: want her to see you as a friend? Does that

1160
00:55:58,880 --> 00:55:59,920
Speaker 1: at all concern you?

1161
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:02,880
Speaker 2: Or I have to remind her that she's not my

1162
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 2: equal and she's not my friend, and that I'm her mother,

1163
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:10,440
Speaker 2: you know, And I will try to be more like

1164
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 2: an older sister. I understand. I was fifteen once, you know,

1165
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 2: I was pushing my limits and boundaries, and I you

1166
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:21,400
Speaker 2: know know what that's like. So I can't pretend that,

1167
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:24,400
Speaker 2: you know, I can't clutch my pearls that you know.

1168
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 2: I know, And I'd rather my daughter talk to me.

1169
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:30,360
Speaker 2: I'd rather she tell me and me listen and try

1170
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:32,920
Speaker 2: not to jump down her throat, which I do. Have

1171
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:35,319
Speaker 2: to sit on my hands so I don't choke her sometimes.

1172
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:39,479
Speaker 2: But because I live in America, right, yes, and I cannot, Yeah,

1173
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:42,240
Speaker 2: I cannot do that. But you know, for the most part,

1174
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,880
Speaker 2: I think she has a good head on her shoulders.

1175
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 2: And if I haven't taught her to have boundaries by now,

1176
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 2: you know, she's almost sixteen, it's too late, you know.

1177
00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:56,759
Speaker 2: So she's a good girl at her core. But she,

1178
00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 2: you know, like all teenagers, really pushes her boundaries.

1179
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 1: Right, right, and just does she talks about dating, crushes anything,

1180
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,239
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, okay, great. Were you able to talk

1181
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:08,520
Speaker 1: to anybody in your family when you had crushes besides

1182
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:12,320
Speaker 1: the sibling like sibling like figures in your life?

1183
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:13,560
Speaker 2: Mom?

1184
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:14,399
Speaker 1: You did a lot.

1185
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:17,920
Speaker 2: But you know, then my mom stopped talking to me

1186
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:22,080
Speaker 2: when I started dating a Muslim boy in college, and

1187
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 2: so I stopped talking to her because I thought it

1188
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 2: was hypocritical, and then she got over it, and then

1189
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 2: I broke up with him anyway, because.

1190
00:57:30,560 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 1: It tends to go you also, you want to be

1191
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 1: able to make your own choices at a certain point,

1192
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 1: So parents getting in the way of that, I feel

1193
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 1: like you do not necessarily rebellious.

1194
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 2: And I did one better. I married and Muslim atheist's

1195
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 2: so she was like, oh, okay.

1196
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 1: I really can't control this person. Well that's great. There's

1197
00:57:50,280 --> 00:57:52,200
Speaker 1: now time for a segment called that's nice. But what

1198
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 1: about me?

1199
00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:55,600
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay.

1200
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 1: So some people have told me I should write a book,

1201
00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:01,720
Speaker 1: which I think is not crazy, but so many people

1202
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:04,080
Speaker 1: write books, and I go, does everyone have to write

1203
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 1: a book? And you understand that literature is sacred? And

1204
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:09,160
Speaker 1: I kind of see it the same way.

1205
00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 2: And as we're here talking about my eight but it's.

1206
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: Your eighth book, and obviously you grew up with a

1207
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:17,720
Speaker 1: love for literature, so I think it's different. And you

1208
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:21,200
Speaker 1: have recipes to share with us, yes, and stories to tell,

1209
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:23,680
Speaker 1: so that is exciting. I don't have recipes.

1210
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:24,360
Speaker 2: Okay.

1211
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 1: What is the thing that you think one should have

1212
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 1: internally going on to sort of justify writing a book,

1213
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:33,320
Speaker 1: if you will.

1214
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:39,440
Speaker 2: I think in order to do any piece of creative art,

1215
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 2: whether it's writing or filmmaking or you know, composing a

1216
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:48,480
Speaker 2: song or painting, any of those things that are self

1217
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:52,960
Speaker 2: generated that come from the thin air of your psyche.

1218
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:56,480
Speaker 2: You need to have a you need to have a

1219
00:58:56,520 --> 00:59:01,280
Speaker 2: fully formed opinion about said thing, and you also need

1220
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 2: to have a unique perspective like that. You know, when

1221
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 2: I hear about people wanting to get into writing, even

1222
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:12,760
Speaker 2: you know, cookbook for example, and I say, well, what

1223
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:16,360
Speaker 2: is your take on that? You know, but it can

1224
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:19,000
Speaker 2: be anything. It can be. You know, a lot of

1225
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:22,480
Speaker 2: books that start out as one thing wind up being another.

1226
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,280
Speaker 2: Like my memoir didn't start out as a memoir, started out,

1227
00:59:25,320 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 2: believe it or not, as a healthy eating book, and

1228
00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:30,480
Speaker 2: it turned into that because that's where my writing wanted

1229
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 2: to go. And So if there's something that you really

1230
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:38,000
Speaker 2: care about enough, whether you're an expert or not, that

1231
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:41,920
Speaker 2: will carry you through the writing of it. Because if

1232
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:45,160
Speaker 2: you're not interested in it, neither will we be, you know,

1233
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 2: And so that that is really it. You have to

1234
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 2: feel really strongly about something, even if it's something you're

1235
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,960
Speaker 2: searching for, like you know, knock growing up with a father,

1236
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:58,120
Speaker 2: or what that's like, or what that means and how

1237
00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:01,680
Speaker 2: it's affected your life, because I am convinced that it's

1238
01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 2: certainly affected my life, and I'm not sure even at

1239
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:07,800
Speaker 2: the ripe old age of you know, fifty five. I'm

1240
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:12,400
Speaker 2: not sure what how deeply and all the ways it

1241
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:15,360
Speaker 2: has affected me, but I know it has, and I'm

1242
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 2: trying to discover that that's enough to go on the journey. Now.

1243
01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:22,800
Speaker 2: Not everyone can write a book. Not everyone should publish

1244
01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:23,680
Speaker 2: a book, you.

1245
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:26,560
Speaker 1: Know, that's right, Yeah, that's yourself.

1246
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:30,120
Speaker 2: Well maybe maybe not, but you really don't know until

1247
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:33,520
Speaker 2: you do it. And so that would be my advice

1248
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:36,960
Speaker 2: to you. If you're thinking about writing a book. You know,

1249
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 2: you're a well known person, so somebody's going to give

1250
01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:43,400
Speaker 2: you easily, give you a publishing contract. That's not the issue.

1251
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:47,040
Speaker 2: But what should you should you write that book and

1252
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:50,120
Speaker 2: what is it about? Like, make sure whatever you're writing

1253
01:00:50,520 --> 01:00:54,720
Speaker 2: has meaning to you first and foremost, but that it's

1254
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:58,640
Speaker 2: resonant and it has some perspective on it. You know,

1255
01:00:58,680 --> 01:01:02,440
Speaker 2: because even a cookbook, right, you can on your phone

1256
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:05,600
Speaker 2: google any recipe that you want. You don't need to

1257
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:09,760
Speaker 2: buy another cookbook advert but you know what you're getting

1258
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 2: from me in this cookbook is my point of view

1259
01:01:14,240 --> 01:01:17,200
Speaker 2: of cooking. So I'm just not trying to teach you

1260
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 2: how to make jalla frice or assume or you know,

1261
01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:25,080
Speaker 2: a tuna larb or whatever I'm trying to teach you

1262
01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:28,120
Speaker 2: the principles of good cooking while I'm doing that, and

1263
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:31,600
Speaker 2: every recipe is filtered through my way of writing recipes

1264
01:01:31,680 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 2: and my point culinary point of view of the world.

1265
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:39,480
Speaker 2: So you know, you've done comedy for x amount of years,

1266
01:01:40,080 --> 01:01:43,240
Speaker 2: and you know, I'm sure you have very fully formed

1267
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:46,560
Speaker 2: thoughts about that and what your process and what makes

1268
01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:49,600
Speaker 2: that funny, and how you approach your character and why

1269
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:52,240
Speaker 2: some things don't work for you, and and you know,

1270
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 2: even when people tell you to go left, you know

1271
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:57,000
Speaker 2: that for you you need to go right for that character.

1272
01:01:57,520 --> 01:02:00,200
Speaker 2: And how you do that and navigate that with your

1273
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:04,240
Speaker 2: director or whoever. All that is super interesting. You have

1274
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:08,440
Speaker 2: the experience and the knowledge, firsthand knowledge, to have a

1275
01:02:08,480 --> 01:02:11,880
Speaker 2: distinct point of view that may or not you know,

1276
01:02:12,400 --> 01:02:15,320
Speaker 2: there's things that are subjective. So what works for you

1277
01:02:15,360 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 2: as an actor may not work for Heidi or may

1278
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 2: not work for someone else, but it's valid because you

1279
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:26,160
Speaker 2: have the experience in the track record to opine about that.

1280
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:31,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is so so helpful. That's such a helpful

1281
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:34,040
Speaker 1: metric because you'd be like I could, sure, I could

1282
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:36,440
Speaker 1: write about something, but it's nice to be like, well,

1283
01:02:36,440 --> 01:02:37,920
Speaker 1: what do you care about and what do you actually

1284
01:02:37,960 --> 01:02:40,000
Speaker 1: want to say and starting at that place as opposed

1285
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:41,800
Speaker 1: to being like there, I bet people want to know

1286
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 1: about this thing. And if that's not a thing that

1287
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:46,959
Speaker 1: I'm feeling passionate about sharing, then it's not a book

1288
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:48,520
Speaker 1: that I should write.

1289
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:52,560
Speaker 2: Which is why my healthy eating book turned into a memoir. Yeah,

1290
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:56,960
Speaker 2: a healthy I do I need to write? You know,

1291
01:02:57,080 --> 01:02:59,320
Speaker 2: like I could tell you that in four sentences. Yeah,

1292
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 2: it doesn't tree and that would have been a much

1293
01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:04,480
Speaker 2: more commercial book than my memoir. But you know, books

1294
01:03:04,560 --> 01:03:06,959
Speaker 2: last on the shelf a long time, whether they sell

1295
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:09,960
Speaker 2: ten copies or ten million. You have to be proud

1296
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:11,960
Speaker 2: of that book in twenty years.

1297
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:15,120
Speaker 1: Yeah that is you know, that's real and that is

1298
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:18,560
Speaker 1: a tall order. Okay, Padima, It's not just about me,

1299
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 1: It's not just about you. It's also about our guests.

1300
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:23,680
Speaker 1: We have to give someone advice. In this next segment,

1301
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:25,840
Speaker 1: we're going to hear from them. Kevin, We're ready.

1302
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:29,040
Speaker 3: Hi, I Goo. My name is Matt. I'm a big

1303
01:03:29,040 --> 01:03:31,800
Speaker 3: fan of yours. I enjoyed following your career and I

1304
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:34,800
Speaker 3: really think you're awesome. As for advice, I think it's

1305
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:37,600
Speaker 3: really cool that you're doing. And so what I'd like

1306
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:40,400
Speaker 3: to ask you is, as a single man in his

1307
01:03:40,480 --> 01:03:44,520
Speaker 3: upper thirties, my most previous long term relationship ended back

1308
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:49,240
Speaker 3: in January, how would you, miss Eggie suggest going about

1309
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:52,040
Speaker 3: getting back out there on the dating scene and continuing

1310
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:56,040
Speaker 3: my search for a new strong connection with a woman.

1311
01:03:57,120 --> 01:03:59,840
Speaker 3: I'd really be interested to hear your thoughts and input

1312
01:03:59,880 --> 01:04:03,560
Speaker 3: on such an interesting topic. And uh, I can't wait

1313
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:04,560
Speaker 3: for your best news?

1314
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:10,880
Speaker 1: Is he asking? It felt like miss Eggie, Eggie, if

1315
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,920
Speaker 1: you're nasty. But I also like how he said as

1316
01:04:13,960 --> 01:04:16,640
Speaker 1: a man in his upper thirties as opposed to late thirties,

1317
01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:20,120
Speaker 1: late thing seems like old late thirties seems like you're

1318
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:25,040
Speaker 1: running behind, but upper thirties and upper class, upper class

1319
01:04:25,560 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 1: saying I'm gonna steal that upper thirties.

1320
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:30,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, in my upper I think he's asking you out.

1321
01:04:31,480 --> 01:04:34,720
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's just gonna send pictures. Well I can't

1322
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:38,240
Speaker 1: go out. I can't go out, no shade. But because

1323
01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:39,920
Speaker 1: also we took up, it was a turn. As I've

1324
01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:42,400
Speaker 1: been following your career, I'm like, God, bless, that's amazing.

1325
01:04:42,440 --> 01:04:44,600
Speaker 1: He's a fan. And then it was ship. He just

1326
01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:47,000
Speaker 1: got to have relationship and he's looking not for me.

1327
01:04:47,360 --> 01:04:50,960
Speaker 1: He's not looking for me. But Padma, what would you

1328
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:56,959
Speaker 1: tell this young man how to put himself out there?

1329
01:04:57,480 --> 01:04:58,560
Speaker 1: What was that? What was that?

1330
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:00,040
Speaker 3: No?

1331
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:03,840
Speaker 2: Because if I knew, I would not be single. It's

1332
01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:07,840
Speaker 2: the truth. I mean, I hate apps, they are out there.

1333
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:10,880
Speaker 2: But I think you need to know what your interests are,

1334
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:15,840
Speaker 2: and you know, write those down and then look for women.

1335
01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:19,480
Speaker 2: Like if you love birdwatching, make a bird like join

1336
01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:22,240
Speaker 2: a birdwatching club. I don't know, just don't walk around

1337
01:05:22,240 --> 01:05:26,440
Speaker 2: some apartment. But like, if you you know, love cooking,

1338
01:05:26,520 --> 01:05:30,920
Speaker 2: to join a cooking class or a cookbook club. You know,

1339
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:34,400
Speaker 2: someone in my office they go salsa dancing because they

1340
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:37,040
Speaker 2: really love it, and so they have their whole like

1341
01:05:37,080 --> 01:05:40,200
Speaker 2: little community there. And I think anything you can do

1342
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:45,560
Speaker 2: in real life is really important because it's hard to

1343
01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:48,120
Speaker 2: meet people. You know, before there were bars you would

1344
01:05:48,120 --> 01:05:50,240
Speaker 2: go to with your friends and people would see if

1345
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:53,000
Speaker 2: there was a vibe, and then you would feel it.

1346
01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 2: You would have a drink, maybe you would dance, or

1347
01:05:55,280 --> 01:05:57,040
Speaker 2: you would just talk to them for an hour and

1348
01:05:57,120 --> 01:05:59,520
Speaker 2: you would know enough. Now you have to make a

1349
01:05:59,600 --> 01:06:02,040
Speaker 2: date before you even know if this guy smells.

1350
01:06:01,760 --> 01:06:05,000
Speaker 1: I know their breath smells. What's going on, you know?

1351
01:06:05,040 --> 01:06:07,240
Speaker 1: And the people lie on the apps. The pictures are

1352
01:06:07,320 --> 01:06:10,400
Speaker 1: old pictures. You arrive and go. You kind of look

1353
01:06:10,560 --> 01:06:14,720
Speaker 1: like derivative of the picture I saw on the dating app.

1354
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:18,680
Speaker 1: I don't enjoy the dating apps either. I don't I

1355
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:21,840
Speaker 1: would not prescribe them to this individual. I similar to you,

1356
01:06:21,880 --> 01:06:25,080
Speaker 1: am like, go live your life, know what your interests are,

1357
01:06:25,120 --> 01:06:28,040
Speaker 1: engage in those interests, try to become the best version

1358
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:31,439
Speaker 1: of yourself. Try to live a full, rich life if

1359
01:06:31,480 --> 01:06:34,320
Speaker 1: you will, and then trust that the person is coming,

1360
01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:36,960
Speaker 1: because yeah, on the dating apps, I'm like, people are

1361
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:40,880
Speaker 1: on here, I think because you know, you don't want

1362
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:42,920
Speaker 1: to face rejection in real life. They got too scared

1363
01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:45,200
Speaker 1: of getting rejected at the bar or a restaurant.

1364
01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:47,680
Speaker 2: But I would rather be rejected at the bar after

1365
01:06:47,760 --> 01:06:50,080
Speaker 2: a drink than have to get dressed up and go

1366
01:06:50,200 --> 01:06:52,840
Speaker 2: somewhere and meet them and then be rejected.

1367
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,280
Speaker 1: Immediately be like this isn't it? And then after have

1368
01:06:55,320 --> 01:06:57,360
Speaker 1: you ever sat on a date longer than you should?

1369
01:06:57,400 --> 01:06:59,600
Speaker 2: Like just oh hell yes, But now there have been

1370
01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:02,120
Speaker 2: dates that you know. I was on Riot for a while,

1371
01:07:02,200 --> 01:07:04,959
Speaker 2: which was really dumb, and I went on three days

1372
01:07:04,960 --> 01:07:06,959
Speaker 2: and they were all nice men. So if you're listening

1373
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:08,360
Speaker 2: to this and you went on a date with me

1374
01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:10,919
Speaker 2: last year, they were all nice men.

1375
01:07:11,240 --> 01:07:13,680
Speaker 1: You know, I Loki in insult, but like.

1376
01:07:13,920 --> 01:07:16,080
Speaker 2: There was just no chemistry, and I was bored and

1377
01:07:16,160 --> 01:07:20,640
Speaker 2: I knew. I ordered one glass of prosecco and before

1378
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:23,440
Speaker 2: that glass was half empty. And I do say half empty,

1379
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:24,080
Speaker 2: not half full.

1380
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:26,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, he was.

1381
01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:29,360
Speaker 2: Three quarters of the way done, and she came, she goes,

1382
01:07:29,360 --> 01:07:31,600
Speaker 2: would you like another drink? And he goes yeah, and

1383
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:33,720
Speaker 2: he goes and she said, okay, I refresh your drink

1384
01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:36,760
Speaker 2: to I said, no, I gotta go oh because I

1385
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:37,960
Speaker 2: don't want to waste some time.

1386
01:07:38,160 --> 01:07:40,120
Speaker 1: So then so then they know right down. Did you

1387
01:07:40,120 --> 01:07:43,400
Speaker 1: get a text afterwards by chance being like I enjoyed

1388
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:45,040
Speaker 1: my time with you? Or did they? Did they know?

1389
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:48,280
Speaker 2: No, I don't give them my phone number until like

1390
01:07:48,520 --> 01:07:49,560
Speaker 2: after the first day.

1391
01:07:49,640 --> 01:07:52,120
Speaker 1: Had people ask prematurely on the dating apps, because I

1392
01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:54,240
Speaker 1: used to have people asking prematurely and I just.

1393
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:57,360
Speaker 2: Say, I'm sorry, I'm I'm a known person and I've

1394
01:07:57,360 --> 01:07:59,120
Speaker 2: only had one cell phone my whole life, and I

1395
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:00,880
Speaker 2: would like to keep it that it has something to

1396
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:03,600
Speaker 2: do with you. It's not personal. You know, I can

1397
01:08:03,680 --> 01:08:06,280
Speaker 2: give you my email. I checked that just as often.

1398
01:08:06,320 --> 01:08:09,400
Speaker 2: It's on my phone too if they have a problem

1399
01:08:09,480 --> 01:08:11,760
Speaker 2: with it. But you know what, there was one guy

1400
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:14,400
Speaker 2: that I would eat. We would eat that happened. He

1401
01:08:14,480 --> 01:08:17,200
Speaker 2: was offended for a little bit. He was an Italian.

1402
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 2: He is an Italian, yeah, hopefully living in Tokyo. And

1403
01:08:23,280 --> 01:08:27,200
Speaker 2: we had an email correspondence for four months and it

1404
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:30,439
Speaker 2: was so beautiful because we would write these long, old

1405
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:32,439
Speaker 2: fashioned letters. It was like I was living in the

1406
01:08:32,479 --> 01:08:37,439
Speaker 2: eighteen hundreds. And then like he would respond a week later.

1407
01:08:37,960 --> 01:08:39,840
Speaker 2: So I would Sometimes I'd be in the middle of

1408
01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:42,320
Speaker 2: my day because also he lived in Tokyo, and I'd

1409
01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:44,960
Speaker 2: be coming back, you know, seeing my phone after the gym,

1410
01:08:44,960 --> 01:08:46,920
Speaker 2: and I'd see I had an email, and I would

1411
01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:50,240
Speaker 2: purposely not open it because I wanted to savor it,

1412
01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:53,439
Speaker 2: wait till the whole day was over. Then I would

1413
01:08:53,520 --> 01:08:56,120
Speaker 2: lie on the couch with my dog and light a

1414
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:58,160
Speaker 2: fire and make a cup of tea, and then I

1415
01:08:58,200 --> 01:09:00,439
Speaker 2: would open my computer. I like to read it on

1416
01:09:00,439 --> 01:09:02,519
Speaker 2: my computer and not even on my phone. I would

1417
01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:04,840
Speaker 2: just read it and he would tell me about the

1418
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:08,000
Speaker 2: week and how he went to the mountains and blah,

1419
01:09:08,040 --> 01:09:11,439
Speaker 2: blah blah, and I did the same thing, and we

1420
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:14,160
Speaker 2: never facetimed. I don't know why. We never even left

1421
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:15,479
Speaker 2: each other audio messages.

1422
01:09:15,640 --> 01:09:16,080
Speaker 1: Wow.

1423
01:09:16,800 --> 01:09:19,400
Speaker 2: And then finally he said, you know, let's just meet

1424
01:09:19,439 --> 01:09:21,840
Speaker 2: somewhere neutral, like let me know when your next trip

1425
01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:23,439
Speaker 2: is and I'll meet you there. And if you could

1426
01:09:23,479 --> 01:09:26,240
Speaker 2: just put like an extra day and your schedule or something,

1427
01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:29,000
Speaker 2: let's do that. And then I said, hey, I got

1428
01:09:29,040 --> 01:09:31,720
Speaker 2: a car commercial in Tokyo, Okay. And I went to

1429
01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:35,040
Speaker 2: Tokyo and we even in spite of having to shoot

1430
01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:37,120
Speaker 2: all day every day I was there, I was there

1431
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:38,840
Speaker 2: for like five days. I saw him four out of

1432
01:09:38,880 --> 01:09:40,400
Speaker 2: the five days I was there at night, and he

1433
01:09:40,800 --> 01:09:42,760
Speaker 2: gave me a beautiful tour of Tokyo and it was

1434
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:46,559
Speaker 2: really nice and we already had old people energy together. Yeah,

1435
01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:50,320
Speaker 2: but like nothing happened because I mean we held hands

1436
01:09:50,320 --> 01:09:53,400
Speaker 2: a little bit, but it's like it's not worth it,

1437
01:09:53,479 --> 01:09:55,920
Speaker 2: Like I'm still going to live in New York. You're

1438
01:09:56,040 --> 01:09:57,280
Speaker 2: still living in Tokyo.

1439
01:09:57,520 --> 01:09:59,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he couldn't move, Huh.

1440
01:09:59,520 --> 01:10:01,880
Speaker 2: I don't think you move based on four days, you

1441
01:10:01,920 --> 01:10:02,439
Speaker 2: know what I mean?

1442
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:07,720
Speaker 1: The way the movie I was writing, and yes, I know,

1443
01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:10,519
Speaker 1: I'm like the way that movie goes is say he

1444
01:10:10,680 --> 01:10:14,559
Speaker 1: does move, and it is I know, because you enjoyed

1445
01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:16,639
Speaker 1: your time. I'm such a reliant though.

1446
01:10:16,840 --> 01:10:20,400
Speaker 2: It's very romantic. And once a year he texts me

1447
01:10:20,439 --> 01:10:22,800
Speaker 2: and says, Hi, it's my yearly check in. How are

1448
01:10:22,840 --> 01:10:25,519
Speaker 2: you doing? And I say I'm doing great. How are

1449
01:10:25,520 --> 01:10:28,600
Speaker 2: you doing? And he was very elegant and went to

1450
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:31,120
Speaker 2: his apartment and I saw it. You know, I think

1451
01:10:31,200 --> 01:10:33,479
Speaker 2: he was too scared to like really make a move

1452
01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:36,439
Speaker 2: me because he wanted to be respectful, and I was

1453
01:10:36,479 --> 01:10:38,000
Speaker 2: too lazy to really make a movie.

1454
01:10:38,200 --> 01:10:40,800
Speaker 1: So we were really just tired. So we're really pen pals.

1455
01:10:40,840 --> 01:10:43,280
Speaker 1: So people complain about being pen pals, but like I

1456
01:10:43,880 --> 01:10:45,800
Speaker 1: actually pen pals. And then did meet up, but it

1457
01:10:45,880 --> 01:10:48,960
Speaker 1: was like, let's keep it relatively platonic. I guess we'll

1458
01:10:48,960 --> 01:10:49,360
Speaker 1: hold him.

1459
01:10:49,400 --> 01:10:52,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because I'm not a one night standard. It's

1460
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:55,280
Speaker 2: just not I need to feel really comfortable with you

1461
01:10:55,320 --> 01:10:58,200
Speaker 2: in order to let you in that intimately.

1462
01:10:58,600 --> 01:11:02,559
Speaker 1: Yeah, it literally is yes, yeah, I understand.

1463
01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:06,639
Speaker 2: I'm very shy and I don't feel comfortable right away,

1464
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:09,200
Speaker 2: so I can just be like yeah, OK. So then

1465
01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:11,440
Speaker 2: in my mind I was trying to make that calculation.

1466
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:15,559
Speaker 2: I was like, you know you're gonna leave and like

1467
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:18,800
Speaker 2: then you'll just have done this thing with this guy.

1468
01:11:19,040 --> 01:11:20,200
Speaker 1: Yes, I don't know why.

1469
01:11:20,280 --> 01:11:25,000
Speaker 2: For whatever reason, it just I guess there was not

1470
01:11:25,439 --> 01:11:30,040
Speaker 2: enough like a passion. Yeah, but there was genuinely like

1471
01:11:30,120 --> 01:11:34,240
Speaker 2: a real fondness and coziness between us. So like, if

1472
01:11:34,240 --> 01:11:36,800
Speaker 2: you moved to New York for some independent reason, we

1473
01:11:36,880 --> 01:11:40,439
Speaker 2: would probably be at least friends and maybe, you know,

1474
01:11:40,600 --> 01:11:42,840
Speaker 2: maybe we would go out and I feel like we

1475
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:44,920
Speaker 2: would just turn into an old couple in two months,

1476
01:11:45,000 --> 01:11:45,160
Speaker 2: you know.

1477
01:11:45,280 --> 01:11:47,280
Speaker 1: Like that was so maybe this is someone for down

1478
01:11:47,360 --> 01:11:50,360
Speaker 1: the road. Yes, maybe like down the road and you're like, yeah,

1479
01:11:50,360 --> 01:11:51,000
Speaker 1: I'm retired.

1480
01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:54,880
Speaker 2: I didn't get the like I didn't get the butterflies.

1481
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:57,720
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I think I think you need the butterflies.

1482
01:11:58,400 --> 01:12:00,360
Speaker 1: Some people would not agree with that, but I'm like,

1483
01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:02,800
Speaker 1: give me the butterflies, give me a spark. I need

1484
01:12:02,840 --> 01:12:03,880
Speaker 1: to feel for sure.

1485
01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:06,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, I loved the early stages of a romance.

1486
01:12:06,680 --> 01:12:09,280
Speaker 1: Isn't having a crush the best thing? It's the best

1487
01:12:09,280 --> 01:12:11,720
Speaker 1: My favorite that can that's like been my favorite thing

1488
01:12:11,840 --> 01:12:14,360
Speaker 1: historically is just having a crush. I'm like a crush.

1489
01:12:14,520 --> 01:12:19,639
Speaker 2: What's the longest relationship you've ever had eighteen months. Wow,

1490
01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:21,800
Speaker 2: year and a half. A year and a half, and

1491
01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:22,280
Speaker 2: that was.

1492
01:12:22,280 --> 01:12:23,439
Speaker 1: Longer than I needed to be.

1493
01:12:23,880 --> 01:12:27,439
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, what's your longest Well, I was with

1494
01:12:27,479 --> 01:12:31,280
Speaker 2: my ex husband for eight years, okay, and that was

1495
01:12:31,320 --> 01:12:32,680
Speaker 2: my longest relationship.

1496
01:12:32,880 --> 01:12:33,320
Speaker 1: Okay.

1497
01:12:34,439 --> 01:12:38,760
Speaker 2: Otherwise I was with another boyfriend for six years. I

1498
01:12:38,800 --> 01:12:43,160
Speaker 2: was with another person who passed away for four years.

1499
01:12:43,760 --> 01:12:48,519
Speaker 2: You know, with Christian's father, it was very complicated and

1500
01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:52,519
Speaker 2: you know, we've we were never living together, but there

1501
01:12:52,520 --> 01:12:56,200
Speaker 2: were periods when we were together. But I mean, that

1502
01:12:56,240 --> 01:12:59,960
Speaker 2: guy isn't going anywhere because he's my baby. Daddy's for him.

1503
01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:03,759
Speaker 2: Ok I mean, he's a good dad, so that's fine.

1504
01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:07,040
Speaker 2: You know, we're really close and we're good friends and stuff.

1505
01:13:07,080 --> 01:13:11,000
Speaker 2: So in a way, it doesn't really matter who you marry.

1506
01:13:11,160 --> 01:13:14,400
Speaker 2: It matters who you re you know, reproduce.

1507
01:13:13,960 --> 01:13:15,760
Speaker 1: With, right right. Also, I just loved you got a

1508
01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:18,080
Speaker 1: couple of these like men on the hook for a

1509
01:13:18,120 --> 01:13:21,040
Speaker 1: long term. We've got our pen pound in Tokyo. Christiana's dad,

1510
01:13:21,360 --> 01:13:25,280
Speaker 1: come on roster about Thank you so much for being

1511
01:13:25,360 --> 01:13:31,920
Speaker 1: on the podcast. I learned a lot today, so I

1512
01:13:31,960 --> 01:13:34,080
Speaker 1: really appreciate you. Get Padma's book.

1513
01:13:34,880 --> 01:13:38,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, one thing I want to say about advice

1514
01:13:38,080 --> 01:13:40,759
Speaker 2: to that guy. Yes, you should put the feelers out.

1515
01:13:41,080 --> 01:13:43,760
Speaker 2: You should tell all of your friends and colleagues if

1516
01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:47,800
Speaker 2: they know anybody that would be someone they think you'd

1517
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:51,519
Speaker 2: click with. That's a good way I find a great friend.

1518
01:13:51,640 --> 01:13:53,719
Speaker 1: I do agree that's worked out for some of my friends,

1519
01:13:53,760 --> 01:13:55,200
Speaker 1: so I'm not mad at that. That's a great piece

1520
01:13:55,240 --> 01:13:58,080
Speaker 1: of advice. Also, okay, you heard it. You know what

1521
01:13:58,120 --> 01:14:00,840
Speaker 1: to do now? Yeah, I bet this person ends up

1522
01:14:00,840 --> 01:14:03,720
Speaker 1: in a loving relationship and no time. I think we

1523
01:14:03,760 --> 01:14:05,479
Speaker 1: gave all the tools we possibly could.

1524
01:14:05,600 --> 01:14:08,680
Speaker 2: I hope it just doesn't show up at iHeartRadio.

1525
01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:13,599
Speaker 1: There's security on side, right, there's security, right. Okay, my god,

1526
01:14:21,160 --> 01:14:24,439
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. How amazing is Padma? I really I

1527
01:14:25,040 --> 01:14:27,960
Speaker 1: enjoyed my conversation with her so much, and so much

1528
01:14:27,960 --> 01:14:32,560
Speaker 1: of that I could relate to, and hopefully you could too. Sleepovers.

1529
01:14:32,840 --> 01:14:35,000
Speaker 1: I didn't get to tell her that I don't like

1530
01:14:35,320 --> 01:14:37,519
Speaker 1: sleepovers as an adult. So the irony is like as

1531
01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:39,519
Speaker 1: a kid being like, mom, let me sleep over, And

1532
01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:41,400
Speaker 1: now I'm like, I need to wake up in my

1533
01:14:41,439 --> 01:14:43,680
Speaker 1: own bed. I don't care how late it is that

1534
01:14:43,720 --> 01:14:45,880
Speaker 1: I'm leaving your home. I need to wake up in

1535
01:14:45,920 --> 01:14:47,519
Speaker 1: my own bed, because if I don't wake up in

1536
01:14:47,560 --> 01:14:50,080
Speaker 1: my own bed and I'm not at a hotel, we're

1537
01:14:50,120 --> 01:14:52,040
Speaker 1: not talking vacation. If I don't wake up in my

1538
01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:55,439
Speaker 1: own bed, my whole day is messed up. Just having

1539
01:14:55,520 --> 01:14:57,720
Speaker 1: to reset in my own space and get to my

1540
01:14:57,760 --> 01:15:01,720
Speaker 1: own space and reset. So I I'm not gonna be

1541
01:15:01,760 --> 01:15:04,800
Speaker 1: this aggressive. Tempted to say abolish sleepovers as well, but

1542
01:15:05,360 --> 01:15:07,720
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that. That's I'm not there yet.

1543
01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:11,879
Speaker 1: I'm not there just yet. Anyway. Padma's book, Padma's All American,

1544
01:15:12,600 --> 01:15:15,240
Speaker 1: a cookbook. I think you guys need to get it.

1545
01:15:15,439 --> 01:15:18,040
Speaker 1: I'm very excited. I've been told to try the suya

1546
01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:22,559
Speaker 1: recipe in here, and so I'm so excited. And guys,

1547
01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:24,920
Speaker 1: make something and tell me what you make from it.

1548
01:15:24,960 --> 01:15:29,880
Speaker 1: Maybe we could do a podcast listener cook together zoom.

1549
01:15:30,240 --> 01:15:32,800
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm making that up. I'm making that up,

1550
01:15:32,840 --> 01:15:35,400
Speaker 1: but it could happen. Anyway, I get this book. Padma's

1551
01:15:35,400 --> 01:15:38,439
Speaker 1: an amazing chef. I've had her food. It's really good

1552
01:15:38,880 --> 01:15:41,240
Speaker 1: and I cannot wait to get into this book. Hey,

1553
01:15:41,360 --> 01:15:44,680
Speaker 1: if you want some advice from me and my next guess,

1554
01:15:45,479 --> 01:15:47,840
Speaker 1: you can call me and leave a voice message. In fact,

1555
01:15:47,880 --> 01:15:52,080
Speaker 1: I encourage you to do so and enunciate for me, daddy.

1556
01:15:53,040 --> 01:15:56,200
Speaker 1: Thanks Dad. No, okay, the number is five O two

1557
01:15:56,720 --> 01:15:59,360
Speaker 1: eight four nine three two three seven five O two

1558
01:15:59,479 --> 01:16:02,320
Speaker 1: eight four nine three two three seven. That's five O

1559
01:16:02,439 --> 01:16:05,680
Speaker 1: two thanks t chex Dad's and you can leave me

1560
01:16:05,720 --> 01:16:08,320
Speaker 1: a voice message asking me for advice. I don't know

1561
01:16:08,360 --> 01:16:10,840
Speaker 1: what I'm doing on this planet, but honey, I will

1562
01:16:10,880 --> 01:16:15,360
Speaker 1: try my best to offer you a nugget of something. Hi.

1563
01:16:16,120 --> 01:16:18,439
Speaker 1: Thanks Dad. Is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money

1564
01:16:18,439 --> 01:16:22,160
Speaker 1: Players and iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host Aego wodem Our

1565
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:25,720
Speaker 1: producer is Kevin Bartelt and our executive producer is Matt

1566
01:16:25,760 --> 01:16:26,320
Speaker 1: Appadaka