1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 2: All of a sudden, everything started changing, Like I'm just 4 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,520 Speaker 2: sitting there and the doctor's like, are you nervous? Why 5 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,560 Speaker 2: is your heart rate so high? And I was like 6 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,520 Speaker 2: I don't know, Like I'm about to I'm about to 7 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:23,160 Speaker 2: like to be awake, and like my doctor was like, 8 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 2: cardiology needs to get down here, like right now. And 9 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 2: they were like on speakerphone and she was like, I 10 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 2: cannot do the surgery if there's not like a crash cart. 11 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 2: I need cardiology. And I was like, huge Chonderland fan. 12 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,520 Speaker 2: I have watched, yeah, every episode. 13 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: Of and I was like they're calling it a crack. 14 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 3: I was like a crash card Like what And I'm 15 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 3: like there. 16 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. My guest today 17 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,279 Speaker 1: is a longtime friend and someone I very much look 18 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,680 Speaker 1: up to. We are talking on today's episode about having 19 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,920 Speaker 1: a baby on your own. One of the most wild 20 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 1: birth experiences I've ever heard. And I've heard a lot 21 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,319 Speaker 1: and we've all heard a lot on Katie's Grip, but 22 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: this one may go down is the wildest because this 23 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 1: birth experience included Perry Pardam cardiomyopathy and a trial fibrillation 24 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,679 Speaker 1: during pregnancy, all of which I had never heard of before. 25 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: This awesome person has been a friend of mine for 26 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 1: a long time, and I'll love her and she's an 27 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 1: incredible mama, And I am talking about Jordana Molik, who 28 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: is Semi Formal's co founder and the president of Development 29 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: in production. She comes from a background in theater, film, television, 30 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: digital media, and literary management. Some of Jordana's credits include 31 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 1: producing Susanna Fogel's first film, Life Partners, as well as Hello, 32 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 1: My Name Is Doris, for which she won the Producer's 33 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: Award of the Independent Spirit Awards. She produced Netflix's The 34 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: love Birds, which released in May of twenty twenty. Most recently, 35 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 1: Geordie executive produced Who Lose Emmy Award winning mini series 36 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: The Dropout which I Love and spoiler alert, a film 37 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: I also Loved and Sobbed my Eyes Out, which was 38 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: a film for Focus Features starring Jim Parsons and Sally Field. 39 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: Her upcoming work is titled The Idea of You, and 40 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: Amazon Studio's feature starring Anne Hathaway and Jordana has one 41 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 1: incredible daughter who my kids love, whose name is Celia 42 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:34,200 Speaker 1: blu Mollis. Welcome, Jordana. I'm so grateful that you are 43 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 1: making the time because I know you are busy. You 44 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:39,359 Speaker 1: have a daughter, you have a full fucking time job 45 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 1: that is very full and a very full life. It 46 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 1: just seems like you're doing a lot of stuff. And 47 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: I had to have you on to tell us your 48 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,959 Speaker 1: journey also because I was saying in your intro, I 49 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: don't think I've ever heard a birth story like yours 50 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 1: or an experience like that ever, let alone. You are 51 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: a single mom and you were doing it with out 52 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 1: a partner. Thankfully you have an incredible support system. But 53 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: we're going to get into all of this. Okay, this 54 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: is Jordana. 55 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 2: I'm so happy to be here. I'm a big fan. 56 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 1: How did we first meet? 57 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:18,519 Speaker 2: I think feel like, okay, I've known your husband for 58 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,079 Speaker 2: a while. I don't even know how, maybe even through 59 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 2: Leslie Headland, like years of yeah, probably years ago, and 60 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:31,080 Speaker 2: then I don't know. We were in our Rebecca group together, 61 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 2: but I knew who you were. 62 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: Yes, that's where I got like felt such a strong 63 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:39,839 Speaker 1: personal connection. But I remember you were producing like one 64 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 1: act festivals in LA where all the money was going 65 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 1: to charity. I was never good enough to get in one, 66 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 1: but I went and supported and saw them you. 67 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 3: Were good enough to get in them. 68 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 2: And it was also literally like a bunch of us 69 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 2: casting any actor that knew us and being like, do you. 70 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: Want to be at a play unscreened? That's right screen 71 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 1: But that's where I first became aware of like whoa, 72 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: this girl's like you're just like very of self made producer, 73 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 1: which is like incredible. When did it occur to you? 74 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 1: Like I also would like to be a mom, and 75 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 1: how did it all of a sudden get realistic. 76 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 2: I always knew i'd be a mom later, Like I 77 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,599 Speaker 2: always knew it was going to be like career was 78 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 2: really important to me, and that I'd be a working mom, 79 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 2: and it was probably by the time I was in 80 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:35,280 Speaker 2: my early thirties. I also had decided it would be 81 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 2: something I was willing to do on my own when 82 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 2: the timing was right, because at that point i'd like 83 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 2: dated so much. I was not at all interested in 84 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 2: dating like dad material. You know, I just probably should 85 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 2: have dated many nice guys instead, but I didn't, And 86 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 2: so I feel like I knew that it might not 87 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 2: happen in that order for me, and it was something 88 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,040 Speaker 2: I was willing to do. And when I was in 89 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 2: my mid thirties is when like egg freezing became a thing. 90 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 2: It was like an experimental procedure, and then around when 91 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:16,479 Speaker 2: I was like thirty four, it became something that people 92 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 2: started doing. So I did it, and I didn't do 93 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,640 Speaker 2: it with the intention of having a kid right away, 94 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,039 Speaker 2: but I just did it knowing I wanted that option. 95 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:27,840 Speaker 2: And then after I did that, I was in a 96 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 2: relationship with someone for a few years who already had 97 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 2: a child and didn't want more kids, And so eventually 98 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 2: this was. 99 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:43,840 Speaker 1: Like something opposite went different ways. Yeah, so you have 100 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: these eggies on ice? Yeah, are you feeling the pressure 101 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 1: of like, not only do I want to be a mom, 102 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,040 Speaker 1: I really would like to carry myself like personally, like 103 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,920 Speaker 1: I want to be pregnant, I want to go through 104 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 1: childbirth where those huge life experience things that were big 105 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:03,640 Speaker 1: to you. 106 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 3: Yeah. 107 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 2: I mean I think like when I first made the 108 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 2: decision to freeze eggs, I went into it being like, 109 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 2: I know I want to be a mom. I know 110 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 2: I don't know what this will look like for me, 111 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,160 Speaker 2: I'm going to get information about my body and my 112 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 2: fertility and all that stuff. I didn't have any fertility issues, 113 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 2: so I didn't use the eggs that I froze when 114 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 2: I was thirty five. I then lived my life and 115 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 2: had this knowledge which kind of helped me keep moving forward. 116 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 2: And then when I was approaching forty, I was like, 117 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 2: I'm ready to do this on my own, like lots 118 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,919 Speaker 2: of dating, lots of therapy, lots of like things to 119 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 2: make the decision, because I think the when is really 120 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 2: hard and career mm hm. 121 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 1: You were in a really like good place where you 122 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:01,280 Speaker 1: felt like you were a steady expected getting great work. 123 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 1: Had me your own come like you're a producer. 124 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 3: Totals is good. Yeah, yeah, I think it was that too. Yeah. 125 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 1: So you make the decision and then what happens. 126 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 3: I mean, it's really weird because I made the decision 127 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 3: that and I. 128 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 2: Talked to my fertility doctor and my decision was to 129 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 2: start in March twenty twenty with IUIS, which is tricky 130 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 2: based or method like not doing IVF. I picked up 131 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 2: my sperm a few months before. 132 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,000 Speaker 1: Tell me how the sperm donor process was for you. 133 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 1: Was it like getting a catalog and being like eyes, color, type, age, 134 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 1: what are you thinking about? 135 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 3: Really? 136 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 2: Like now, it's amazing because it doesn't even matter. But 137 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 2: it was such a tough thing for me. I started 138 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 2: a process thinking, my daughter has nine godfathers. Should I 139 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 2: do this with a friend because I cared so it 140 00:07:56,240 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 2: was really hard to accept my story was gonna be 141 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 2: what I knew. My parents are still married, my brother 142 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 2: and sister are married, Like there was a path that 143 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 2: I understood, and this was very, very different from that path. 144 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: It's so impressive to me. I just think it's so 145 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 1: fucking brave. 146 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 2: Thank you. 147 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 1: When you're a little girl and you're looking at your parents' 148 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: marriage or your brother's and sister's marriage, and it's very traditional, 149 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: and everything was in the sort of lineup that we 150 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: know it to be, and you're brave enough that you 151 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: want something bad enough and believe in your own ability 152 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: to do it on your own, and you take this 153 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:35,719 Speaker 1: left turn to rewrite like the whole way in which 154 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,680 Speaker 1: your daughter came into your life. I don't think I 155 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 1: would have been that brave. 156 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,080 Speaker 2: Now I look back and him like, I'm brave, Like 157 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 2: I understand it, but it didn't. I'm lucky to have options, like, 158 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 2: I'm lucky to be in a place in my career 159 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 2: where I could do this. It's really I know there's 160 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:54,199 Speaker 2: people that do it that have very little financial stability 161 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 2: and familial support and community, and I have all those 162 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 2: things you do, and I'm really lucky. But it's definitely 163 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 2: like putting one foot in front of the other. And 164 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 2: so in March twenty twenty, I was going to start 165 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:14,839 Speaker 2: doing IUIS, but the pandemic hit and they banned doing 166 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,440 Speaker 2: IUIS because it was like an elective procedure and no 167 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,720 Speaker 2: one knew the result this would have on pregnant women 168 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:24,560 Speaker 2: and fetuses and all the things. So I talked to 169 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 2: my doctor. I was like, Okay, I'm going to chill 170 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,560 Speaker 2: approaching forty, I'll wait another month. And then in April 171 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 2: they still weren't doing iuis. And then in May, at 172 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 2: the end of May, I was going to turn forty 173 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,920 Speaker 2: and they still weren't doing IUIS, and I started freaking out, 174 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,080 Speaker 2: like I was just like, this is crazy. I can't 175 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,959 Speaker 2: even go to a bar and get knocked up by 176 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 2: a stranger. I'm locked in my house, like, and I 177 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 2: want to have a baby and I'm ready, and I 178 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,559 Speaker 2: can't so I called my doctor and I was like, 179 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,679 Speaker 2: what do you think should I try a home insemination? 180 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 2: And she was like, that's not going to tell you 181 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,439 Speaker 2: anything about your fertility and you're quality because there's such 182 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,440 Speaker 2: a high probability of just doing it wrong and time, 183 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 2: you know all that stuff. 184 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 3: Sure, yeah, it's hard to get pregnant. 185 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like down to the hours that you're like 186 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 1: perfectly ovulating. And I'm sure they can really see if 187 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 1: they have the ultrasound machines and all that shit. 188 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 2: Yes, So she recommended. She was like, I think that 189 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 2: you should make embryos and you have eggs, but you 190 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 2: could also do a fresh round of IVF if you 191 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 2: don't want to use those eggs, and we'll get an 192 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:34,680 Speaker 2: indication of your fertility that way. And I was very 193 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 2: big wanting all my options. I'd always like to have 194 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 2: lots of options, so I wanted to save those eggs 195 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,199 Speaker 2: in case I wanted a second child with a partner 196 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 2: when it was actually too late, because I was like 197 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 2: in this approaching forty and knew that I had a 198 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 2: lot of eggs, but I didn't know the quality of them. 199 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 2: It was also like what else am I doing? Like 200 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 2: I'm locked in my house at the beginning of this pandemic. 201 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,880 Speaker 2: Might as well go to the vigility clinic every day 202 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,560 Speaker 2: and talk to a person at least. 203 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like, this is my social life exactly. 204 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 2: So I basically took the last batch of eggs in 205 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 2: my thirties, took them out like the week of my 206 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 2: fortieth birthday, and made Celia. 207 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: You must have been like the end of my decade. 208 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 1: My thirty decades is being wrapped up in a bow 209 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,680 Speaker 1: with another round of IVF and getting these last thirty 210 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: something eggs out of my body. Picking the sperm donor, 211 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 1: we very quickly got a touch on that. What was 212 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 1: the hardest decision of the sperm donor was a like age? 213 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 1: Was it mental shit? Like what? I wouldn't even know. 214 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,560 Speaker 2: I was really lucky because I used California Crowdbank and 215 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 2: I had a sundance lab mentee years ago who's now 216 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 2: wife stepmother, was the president of the California Crawbank, and 217 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 2: she put me in touch with her and she talked 218 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 2: me through it a little bit in a real way 219 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 2: of life. That helped me get over myself. We call 220 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 2: it an unknown donor. We don't call it like anonymous 221 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 2: anymore because obviously there's twenty three in me and you 222 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 2: can everybody can figure everything else out. But she was like, 223 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 2: just think of some qualities that are important to you. 224 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,679 Speaker 2: If I was having a child with a partner, I 225 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 2: wouldn't be like, I am not gonna have a child 226 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,119 Speaker 2: with you because your great grandfather was an alcoholic. 227 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,920 Speaker 1: It's like, of course I love my husband. I wanted 228 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 1: to have babies with him, and also depression runs into 229 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:28,679 Speaker 1: his family. 230 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 2: Right, and you're not gonna be like, sorry, I cannot 231 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 2: do this with no way because I would have picked 232 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 2: someone two inches taller you just I do joke and 233 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 2: call her my designer baby, but like you are like 234 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,360 Speaker 2: doing that a little and I was like, don't do 235 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 2: this stuff. Find somebody that looks like not that different 236 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 2: from you. 237 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:55,679 Speaker 1: Celia is your twin, exactly like you, and she's gorgeous. 238 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:59,320 Speaker 1: So you were like, someone who's like me, looks like me. 239 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 2: At the time, I was like, I want someone that 240 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 2: also looks a little bit like the people that I date, 241 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 2: And at that point my brain is different. But I'm like, 242 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,240 Speaker 2: what if I meet someone and like they want to 243 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 2: adopt my child? And that's changed so much since having 244 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 2: a child, but at the time that was a little 245 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 2: bit in my brain. And I had a bunch of 246 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 2: friends over and we like drank a bottle of wine 247 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,800 Speaker 2: and smoked a joint and we were just like, let's 248 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 2: make this fun. And I like curated the friends because 249 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,480 Speaker 2: I was like, these are the people that know the 250 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 2: type of. 251 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,680 Speaker 1: People they love this party. 252 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, it was fun. 253 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,959 Speaker 2: So it was just kind of keep me from getting 254 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,680 Speaker 2: heady and overthinking it. 255 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 1: Too bogged down, and like, really, I think in your case, 256 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: it's like finding the joy in this process was probably 257 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 1: very important. Okay, so you get you do it's fucking COVID. Yeah, 258 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 1: you get another round, Thank God for you. Fertility was 259 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 1: on an issue. You had a lot of eggs, embryo 260 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: is getting mixed in peatrie dishes. Obviously they take the 261 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: best one, yes, And the only people you're seeing are 262 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 1: these doctors. 263 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 2: I know, the only people I'm seeing are these doctors. 264 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 2: And like, I think it was a popular time because 265 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 2: even from having a baby. Also in this time, like 266 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,840 Speaker 2: a bunch of friends of mine were on this secret 267 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 2: pregnancy chain that's now like a mom group of hundreds 268 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 2: of people. But we were like there were so many 269 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 2: people I think that work a lot that are like 270 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 2: women that are directors or producers or actors that were like, 271 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 2: this is like the world giving me a moment to 272 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,520 Speaker 2: like have a baby. 273 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: So I did make it my priority right now? Yeah, yeah, 274 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,520 Speaker 1: how did you find out that it worked? So did 275 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,560 Speaker 1: it work the first time? 276 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 3: It did? 277 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 2: So I took like the next month, like my body 278 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 2: off from having done IVYP and then the next month 279 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 2: they transferred the best embryo, which I knew I had 280 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 2: tested for any chromosomal abnormality. So I also knew that 281 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 2: she was a girl, which was something that I felt 282 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 2: weird about because I didn't really want to pick. But 283 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 2: I also was like very scared of like penis. 284 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 3: Like I was just like I'm a girl alone, Like what, yeah, 285 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:20,480 Speaker 3: you like you know, yes, but yeah. 286 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 2: And then I they implanted, and then you have that 287 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 2: two week wait that everybody has when they're trying and 288 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:31,240 Speaker 2: know what's going on. And I went to Joshua Tree 289 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 2: with my friend and her ten year old at the 290 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:39,120 Speaker 2: time daughter and tried to be then about it. You 291 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,000 Speaker 2: have to like shoot yourself up when you do IVF 292 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,560 Speaker 2: for like the whole first trimester. And then I found 293 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,320 Speaker 2: out it stuck and then the journey began. 294 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 1: Now I want to hear about your pregnancy and then 295 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,840 Speaker 1: the craziest birth thing I've ever heard in my life. 296 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 1: How did it feel being pregnant? Was it what you thought? 297 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 1: What would you have done differently? What would you have 298 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 1: done the same? 299 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 2: At no part of my pregnancy was I like this 300 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 2: is amazing. And I also didn't feel like super connected 301 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 2: to my pregnancy, so I was like freaked out, like 302 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 2: this thing I wanted so badly. I never really felt 303 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 2: kicking that much. I was constantly like googling trying to 304 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,320 Speaker 2: get like information. I was really nauseous in the first trimester. 305 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:39,320 Speaker 2: My parents, who I'm very close with, bought an RV 306 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 2: and they drove from cross to see me. Yeah, they 307 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 2: drove like all around the country to see all of 308 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 2: their children and my grandma who recently passed but she 309 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 2: was a hundred. 310 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, They're like, you can't. 311 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,520 Speaker 1: Keep up the wild all of them. That's awesome. You 312 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,120 Speaker 1: felt like shit, and I like hearing that, Like you 313 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: were like this thing you had obviously fought very hard 314 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,320 Speaker 1: for and not just bang whoop god pregnant drunkenly one 315 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 1: night like you this was a this was expensive, this 316 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: was a priority, this was something you fought for. And 317 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 1: then you're like, wait, I'm not feeling all like Earth, mother, 318 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:21,080 Speaker 1: goddess of the planet right pregnancy. I there are some 319 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,959 Speaker 1: women that really have that. I did not either. I 320 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,000 Speaker 1: was scared the whole time. 321 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 2: I was trying to feel good. I'm doing everything I could. 322 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 2: I didn't gain like a ton of weight in my 323 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 2: pregnancy like I thought that I would, and I did 324 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 2: look how I had hoped in my head I would look, 325 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 2: but no one was seeing nice one to my stomach, 326 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 2: Like I was like totally fucking oh crazy. And I 327 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 2: had all these fantasies that now have come true, but 328 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,719 Speaker 2: felt impossible when I was pregnant, which was like I 329 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,159 Speaker 2: had built this community that was going to help me 330 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,320 Speaker 2: raise my child, and I was like, had all this 331 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 2: stuff and everything was closed and everything was taken away 332 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 2: and I felt so just isolated. 333 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:06,920 Speaker 1: And that's how I felt too. 334 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,160 Speaker 3: It was a tough time. 335 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:12,359 Speaker 1: So when you went into labor, tell talk to me 336 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 1: about the end. Did you make decisions of who was 337 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,320 Speaker 1: going to be in the room with you? Was that 338 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:17,440 Speaker 1: like really important. 339 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:19,720 Speaker 2: I always knew that I was going to have to 340 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 2: have a sea section because I had fibroid. 341 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 3: Removed like a few years before. 342 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,440 Speaker 2: That I needed to do in order to be able 343 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,120 Speaker 2: to get pregnant, and the doctor was like, we recommend 344 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 2: a sea section because your uterus was stitched and we 345 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 2: don't want a rupture or something. So I had already 346 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,200 Speaker 2: come to terms with that. So much of like pregnancy 347 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 2: and like early motherhood is like coming to terms with 348 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,960 Speaker 2: things not looking like what you think. So for me, 349 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,639 Speaker 2: there were like lots of steps of that. So I 350 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,200 Speaker 2: had a planned sea section that turned into an emergency 351 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,400 Speaker 2: see section, but I knew I was. 352 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:53,920 Speaker 3: Going to have that. 353 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:58,680 Speaker 2: At the end of my pregnancy. In my early third trimester, 354 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:02,199 Speaker 2: I patted with some friends in o Hi, which was 355 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 2: like the last good days, Like I hyped every single day. 356 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 2: I was like this mythical creature that was like walking 357 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,040 Speaker 2: around in a floral dress, pregnant, like on the hilltops. 358 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 1: Fuck yeah, in o High which for all of you 359 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 1: listening who don't know, oh Hai is an hour away 360 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,679 Speaker 1: from la and it's like mountains and streams and orange groves. 361 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 1: I love it there. It's like my favorite LA close place. 362 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:25,960 Speaker 3: Yeah. 363 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:31,200 Speaker 2: So that was like month seven and then I came 364 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,199 Speaker 2: back I had this cough and it was just like 365 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 2: really bad. I'd bring it up to doctors, I'd bring 366 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,840 Speaker 2: it up to my acupar, like bring it up to everybody, 367 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 2: and people are like, it's a post nasal drip, it's whatever. 368 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:50,560 Speaker 2: And then I also was feeling like I couldn't sleep 369 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 2: at all, and I was like short of breath. But 370 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 2: everybody was like, I know the third trimester, like everything 371 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,360 Speaker 2: gets smushed and you get really tied and you uncomfortable 372 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,240 Speaker 2: and you can't sleep, and all of these things that 373 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,760 Speaker 2: were happening to me were like signs of a really 374 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 2: bad third trimester. But for me, I'd never been pregnant before. 375 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 2: I didn't know any different. But I was just starting 376 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:20,160 Speaker 2: to feel like more and more helpless. I was shooting 377 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 2: a pilot for this show I love that for you. 378 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 2: Every single day I'd get in the car to go 379 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 2: to set and I would turn back around because I'd 380 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,679 Speaker 2: just like cough until I threw up, and I feel 381 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:38,399 Speaker 2: so miserable. My friend's a DP and she was like 382 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,159 Speaker 2: operating a camera at nine months pregnant. I was so like, 383 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,439 Speaker 2: why can't I do this? What's wrong with me? 384 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,560 Speaker 1: Some people literally have a cold their entire pregnancy. In 385 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,639 Speaker 1: your case, it was all signs to something really fucking serious. 386 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 2: Yes, So then my parents were flying in. That was 387 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,399 Speaker 2: the initial plan, was my parents were gonna fly like 388 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 2: a couple weeks before the plan C section, my sister 389 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 2: was gonna come in. It was still pandemic, so you 390 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 2: couldn't have more than one person in the room, and 391 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 2: I had decided that was going to be Rebecca Urdula 392 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 2: and then she'd switch spots in the recovery room with 393 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:21,440 Speaker 2: my mom. But I just didn't because it was a surgery. 394 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 2: I was like, let's let the professional people in the 395 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:28,199 Speaker 2: room and then yeah, once I moved, I'll have that. 396 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:28,720 Speaker 3: Yeah. 397 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:37,320 Speaker 2: So I was thirty two weeks or so, thirty three 398 00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 2: weeks was when like at those appointments, the baby was 399 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 2: always great, healthy. Towards the end, I gained like twenty 400 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,879 Speaker 2: pounds in a week and I wasn't eating any food. 401 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,439 Speaker 2: I'd maybe gained twenty pounds like the whole pregnancy, and 402 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, it was like twenty pounds 403 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 2: in a week and then like fifteen pounds in the 404 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:04,159 Speaker 2: next week, and I finally thank God for honestly, pre clamsia. 405 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 2: My blood pressure started getting a little high, but it 406 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:11,320 Speaker 2: was like a weird kind of high. So my doctor 407 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 2: was like, get a blood pressure monitor. Let's monitor your 408 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 2: blood pressure. I do think we're going to try to 409 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,479 Speaker 2: get you to thirty seven weeks, but I think this 410 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:23,680 Speaker 2: baby's going to be like before forty weeks. I called 411 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,840 Speaker 2: my parents and I was like, I think you guys 412 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 2: should make your tickets next week. This is going to 413 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,919 Speaker 2: be happening sooner. And at this point, I was so happy. 414 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,040 Speaker 2: All I wanted was this baby out of me, Like 415 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:34,720 Speaker 2: I felt. 416 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so nervous at this point. Yeah, so you 417 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:37,400 Speaker 1: feel like. 418 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,800 Speaker 3: I'm like, thank you, take it out. Take it out. Yeah. 419 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,639 Speaker 2: I bought the blood pressure thing. I called my doctor 420 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 2: because there were a couple times that it was high. 421 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,160 Speaker 2: She was like, let's have you go to the hospital. 422 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 2: We'll give you these like steroid shots for the baby's 423 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,040 Speaker 2: lungs and like all this stuff. So I go to 424 00:22:55,080 --> 00:23:00,200 Speaker 2: the hospital, they test me for the pre clamsia, they 425 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 2: send me home. But there were little things that were weird, 426 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,840 Speaker 2: like the heart rate thing would like keep beeping in 427 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 2: weird ways. They thought it was because I was coughing, 428 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 2: so they turned it off. There were a lot of 429 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:16,120 Speaker 2: little things that were odd, but that at this point 430 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,200 Speaker 2: I just was like so used to all of it. 431 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 2: So then I went home and then the next day 432 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 2: it was also like a little bit high, and my 433 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:28,720 Speaker 2: doctor was like, all right, we're gonna have you go 434 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 2: back this time. I would say, maybe pack a bag, 435 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:36,280 Speaker 2: you might be having this baby. My friend Nathan took 436 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 2: me to the hospital and then they're like, you have 437 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,760 Speaker 2: like severe preclamsia, so we're going to take this baby 438 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:43,880 Speaker 2: out like in the next hour. 439 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,639 Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god, like I'm psyched, 440 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,479 Speaker 3: though I definitely. 441 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,720 Speaker 2: Like was like, oh wait, like my family's not here yet. 442 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:57,240 Speaker 2: I had had a night like a postpartum doula, Like. 443 00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,160 Speaker 1: You're a producer, you like, I already produced this, I've 444 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,399 Speaker 1: planned everything, the cast is set. This is not my 445 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,040 Speaker 1: fucking plan. 446 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,520 Speaker 3: What the fuck exactly? 447 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,880 Speaker 2: I called are the doula and she was like, Okay, 448 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,320 Speaker 2: I have to go get a COVID test. She literally 449 00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 2: ran into the operating room like just in the. 450 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,600 Speaker 1: Next jet out of here. This is Rebecca Beninati, who 451 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 1: you all know and love if you're Katie's criblist, So 452 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:20,600 Speaker 1: she was my duela as well, and It's how I 453 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 1: really got closer with Jordana because we were in the 454 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 1: same Mommy me class. Once Celia was here. 455 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,720 Speaker 2: Yes, And I also was like starting to get a 456 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,960 Speaker 2: sense that things were wrong because like my doctor was 457 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 2: very big on only one person in the room pandemic, 458 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,679 Speaker 2: and I when I said it was going to be 459 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,560 Speaker 2: my doula, she was a little bit like, you're having 460 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,720 Speaker 2: a c section. I don't know if you need a 461 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,560 Speaker 2: duel in the room. The nurses are going to be there. 462 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 2: Maybe you should have a beer, mom. And all of 463 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 2: a sudden, my friend Nathan could have been in the 464 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 2: room if I like she was like allowing there were 465 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,640 Speaker 2: things that started to feel weird. They're about to give 466 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:59,000 Speaker 2: me the anesthesia, and the anesthesiologist is like, her heart 467 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 2: rate is one eight. Something's going on. That's when, like 468 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,919 Speaker 2: all of a sudden, everything started changing, Like I'm just 469 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 2: sitting there and the doctor's like, are you nervous? Why 470 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 2: is your heart rate so high? And I was like, 471 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 2: I don't know, Like I'm about to I'm about to 472 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 2: like surgery and be awake, and like I I guess 473 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,840 Speaker 2: I'm nervous. I've been out of breath for a long time. 474 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,160 Speaker 2: So I just didn't know what was going on. And 475 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, it was like everyone in 476 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:30,840 Speaker 2: nice voices. 477 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 3: We just talked to your mom. 478 00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 2: She's on a plane, she's coming tonight, she'll be here 479 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:35,919 Speaker 2: by eight in the morning. 480 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,919 Speaker 1: Who the fuck have you found out? Are people calling people? 481 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 3: Yeah? 482 00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,400 Speaker 2: So then all of a sudden, like more and more 483 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:46,879 Speaker 2: people started like gathering outside, and my friend Nathan, he 484 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 2: was going to be communicating with people, but then my 485 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 2: doctor was like, cardiology needs to get down here, like 486 00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:58,440 Speaker 2: right now. And they were like on speakerphone and she 487 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 2: was like, I cannot do the search if there's not 488 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,919 Speaker 2: like a crash cart I need cardiology. And I was 489 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 2: like huge chondralin fan. I have watched h every episode 490 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,320 Speaker 2: of episode. 491 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,639 Speaker 1: And I was like, they're calling it a crash. It 492 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,040 Speaker 1: was like a crash. 493 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,640 Speaker 3: Card like what And I'm like there. 494 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,120 Speaker 2: And then cardiology came down and while they were taking 495 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:22,199 Speaker 2: the baby out, they're like doing an echo cardiogram and 496 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 2: they're like saying out loud, there's damage on the left side, 497 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,120 Speaker 2: there's damage on the right side. Her heart is functioning 498 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:32,280 Speaker 2: at twenty percent capacity. And Rebecca's like rubbing my temples, 499 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:37,800 Speaker 2: taking deep breath taking pictures. It was crazy. And then 500 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 2: they took the baby out and she was beautiful and healthy, 501 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,159 Speaker 2: and they're like, okay, we need to take the baby 502 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:44,560 Speaker 2: to the nic. 503 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 3: You because it was almost thirty six years early. 504 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean not that early, but thank god, not 505 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:51,560 Speaker 1: that thank God. 506 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 2: And they're like, we need to take Jerdiyana to cardiac. 507 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 3: I see you. 508 00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:00,000 Speaker 2: Rebecca asked them to give meat while they were prepped 509 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,399 Speaker 2: the room, so like can she said, can you just 510 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,520 Speaker 2: put the baby on her for twenty minutes? I know 511 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,119 Speaker 2: I'm gonna cry to God, but so and I didn't 512 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 2: even like occur to me what was going on, and 513 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 2: the baby was just like gone. She was like taken away. 514 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,440 Speaker 1: Sorry, No, don't be sorry. I love you. No, I 515 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 1: know you from a crime, but I don't like like 516 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:26,280 Speaker 1: I remember. I mean, I remember being in Mommy and 517 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,120 Speaker 1: Me class over a zoom with you, and you you're 518 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 1: such a doer and you've handled your whole life and 519 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 1: you take your life in your own hands and you 520 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:37,879 Speaker 1: make shit happen for yourself, for your projects, for your motherhood, 521 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 1: for all of this and now because you had Perry 522 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:51,280 Speaker 1: Pardam cardiomyopathy and atrial fibrillation. You were rendered completely helpless 523 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:55,680 Speaker 1: and literally everyone around you had to do everything. 524 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,720 Speaker 2: It didn't occur to me that we were going to 525 00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,920 Speaker 2: be like separated, that I was in such a diet 526 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 2: place like that. Basically they like took me away and 527 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,520 Speaker 2: took her away. And then I woke up in the 528 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:12,520 Speaker 2: morning in the ICU and I felt so much better, 529 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,280 Speaker 2: and a doctor came in and was like said a 530 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:21,240 Speaker 2: bunch of things what I had took away from it 531 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:25,800 Speaker 2: was like, You're gonna be okay. I heard aphib and 532 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,560 Speaker 2: my dad had APHIB and I heard like pieces, but 533 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:32,720 Speaker 2: I didn't have anyone there. My dad's a retired doctor, 534 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:36,160 Speaker 2: and so I'm so used to having like a translator 535 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 2: when it comes to this stuff from him. 536 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,120 Speaker 1: Oh, I can't imagine doing that on your own. 537 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, So I just like turn it all and it 538 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:44,720 Speaker 2: was like, I'm gonna be okay. My mom came a 539 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 2: few hours later, and that's when I like learned They 540 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 2: gave me the name of what I had, and I 541 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 2: was texting like my pregnancy chain mom group giving people information. 542 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:02,520 Speaker 2: People's reactions were like terrifying, and I just don't think 543 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 2: I realized like the extent of it no one knew 544 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:10,479 Speaker 2: until like months later, if I was gonna be a 545 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,560 Speaker 2: survivor or not. It's the leading form of death postpartum. 546 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 2: It's oftentimes not uncompletely missed. Yeah, it's completely missed. 547 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 1: Why does it happen? 548 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:21,240 Speaker 3: They don't know. 549 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,560 Speaker 1: It's when a pregnant woman's heart becomes weakened and enlarged. 550 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:31,440 Speaker 1: It is the most common type of treated heart arrhythmia, right, 551 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 1: and an arrhythmia just for Layman's terms, your dad is 552 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,920 Speaker 1: not here right now. But an arrhythmia is when the 553 00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 1: heart beats too slowly, too fast, or in any sort 554 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,960 Speaker 1: of irregular way. So that's not heart was operating. 555 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,239 Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's like I mean, it is connected. I 556 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:50,320 Speaker 2: went into a trio fibrillation because my heart. 557 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,040 Speaker 1: Was because of the Perry partam cardiomyopsis. 558 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 2: Yes, two different things that I was dealing with from this, 559 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 2: the heart feel piece, the Prairie part of cardiomyopathy is 560 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 2: basically just that my pregnancy attacked my heart and no 561 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 2: one knows why. They don't know if it's genetic, they 562 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:13,440 Speaker 2: don't know, if it's like hormonal, like, they don't know why. 563 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:14,840 Speaker 3: You have to have never had. 564 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,280 Speaker 2: A heart condition to be diagnosed with this form of 565 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:22,200 Speaker 2: heart failure, but it just happened. There's so much still 566 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 2: that's a mystery, Like I'm not allowed there's like a 567 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,360 Speaker 2: ninety five percent chance that it would happen again if 568 00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 2: I got pregnant again. My heart is completely healed, which 569 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:32,240 Speaker 2: is amazing. 570 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:32,960 Speaker 3: It took a. 571 00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:35,280 Speaker 2: Year for it to completely heal, and my eight fifth 572 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,440 Speaker 2: just had an oblation a few months ago to try 573 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:41,600 Speaker 2: to get rid of that and it's seeming like it's working. 574 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:45,240 Speaker 2: But yeah, so it's like one of the only forms 575 00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:49,040 Speaker 2: of heart failure that people really do just can completely 576 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:52,480 Speaker 2: recover from. And they don't know if that's just because 577 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,840 Speaker 2: my heart was really strong before. It wasn't like this 578 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 2: long period of time that I was in this condition. 579 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 2: It's just all so unheard of. I also went on 580 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:07,000 Speaker 2: a lot of medications that I'm now like on some 581 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,600 Speaker 2: for the rest of my life, mainly just because they 582 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,080 Speaker 2: won't know if I would have just healed on my own, 583 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,560 Speaker 2: if the medications helped me to heal. It just was 584 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,760 Speaker 2: such a weird, mysterious. 585 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 3: Thing, and so I saw no one stopped coming. 586 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,800 Speaker 1: When did you finally get Celia loud to the room. 587 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 3: For almost a week. 588 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,440 Speaker 1: And they were like, you can't hold her, right, No. 589 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,280 Speaker 2: I couldn't see her. I had to be so heavily 590 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:48,440 Speaker 2: monitored and hooked up to things that they couldn't take 591 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,120 Speaker 2: me there to the nick you to see her. Even 592 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:55,080 Speaker 2: though I felt totally fine. They were like would take me, 593 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 2: like started taking me on like walks, and I was 594 00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,760 Speaker 2: like trying to talk the whole time so they wouldn't 595 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,320 Speaker 2: think I was head all out of breath and like, 596 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,800 Speaker 2: just let me see my child. So what ended up 597 00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:08,160 Speaker 2: happening is they released Celia. She got released from the 598 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:11,400 Speaker 2: hospital before me. They released her to my mom, and 599 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:15,160 Speaker 2: they let my mom sleep in the last night I 600 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,960 Speaker 2: was in the hospital room with me and the baby. 601 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,280 Speaker 2: I could hold her, but I couldn't like leave the 602 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,880 Speaker 2: hospital room with her. The problem was that I was 603 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,120 Speaker 2: hooked up to these heart monitors that like went up 604 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:31,360 Speaker 2: that beaped anytime your heart rate went above it might 605 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 2: have even been one hundred or one twenty or something, 606 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 2: and because I was an APHIV, it was constantly beeping. 607 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:40,120 Speaker 2: I would move and it would beat, and nurses would 608 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,360 Speaker 2: run in and I would pick her up and it 609 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,360 Speaker 2: would beat, and nurses would run in and take her 610 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 2: away from me. 611 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:49,520 Speaker 3: So it was like a very horrible time. 612 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,120 Speaker 2: And when I came back from the hospital, I wasn't 613 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:56,440 Speaker 2: allowed to get my heart rate over a hundred. I 614 00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:01,120 Speaker 2: wasn't allowed to drink more than two like two big 615 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 2: water bottles of water. I was on an extreme low 616 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 2: sodium diet. It was really hard. 617 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:10,720 Speaker 1: And who was your support system? Who did you have? 618 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,120 Speaker 1: Who was around you to help with Celia? Also like 619 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,680 Speaker 1: did your milk come in? And you like, yeah, that's 620 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:18,640 Speaker 1: a part of it, right, because you're on so many medicines, 621 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:19,760 Speaker 1: Like there's no way. 622 00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:24,400 Speaker 2: When I was in the hospital, the lactation consultants would 623 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 2: come and showed me how to pump, and there was 624 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,720 Speaker 2: plenty of milk, Like I would try to pump because 625 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,560 Speaker 2: it's like the only thing that made me feel closer 626 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 2: to this baby that I was separated from. They brought 627 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:41,040 Speaker 2: the milk to her, I think maybe one time, and 628 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 2: then my obe was like what are you doing. They 629 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,800 Speaker 2: put me on a lot of different medicines and they 630 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,520 Speaker 2: were all technically safe to breastfeed on, but I was 631 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:56,959 Speaker 2: on a water restriction. I like wasn't being given much food. 632 00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:58,760 Speaker 2: She was like, I don't think you should do this. 633 00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,400 Speaker 2: Obviously as to your chow. And I hadn't made a 634 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:05,760 Speaker 2: decision yet until I had gotten home from the hospital 635 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,640 Speaker 2: and I went to the pharmacist and I was on 636 00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,239 Speaker 2: cumidin which you're allowed to breastfeed on, which is a 637 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,480 Speaker 2: blood thinner, but it's a tough blood thinner to be on. 638 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:18,880 Speaker 2: You can't eat leafy greens. You have to constantly be 639 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:24,000 Speaker 2: monitored and adjusted. And the pharmacist was like, can I 640 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,520 Speaker 2: ask you, if you don't breastfeed, you could just take 641 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:32,360 Speaker 2: this pills or alto, which I'm on still once a 642 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,440 Speaker 2: day and you don't have to worry about how much leafy. 643 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,400 Speaker 1: Greens do you greens and all this stuff, but it's. 644 00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:38,400 Speaker 3: Not safe for breastfeeding. 645 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,799 Speaker 2: And that day, like I went home and I was like, 646 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,399 Speaker 2: I'm just not go I hadn't breastfed yet, and I 647 00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,799 Speaker 2: was like, like, it was a very hard decision, but 648 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,399 Speaker 2: I made the decision to not do it because of 649 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 2: the medicines and because I couldn't I was never going 650 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,000 Speaker 2: to be able to do it without supplementing formula because 651 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,840 Speaker 2: I couldn't drink enough water to even. 652 00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 1: Make the milk. Like this is great, Like what did 653 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:02,400 Speaker 1: the after experience look? Like, who was your support system? 654 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,320 Speaker 1: I know you have she is nine godfathers. Your parents 655 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,480 Speaker 1: are super involved. I know you're close with your siblings, 656 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,720 Speaker 1: but like, how did that look? 657 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:13,360 Speaker 2: My parents were here, my sister came a few days later, 658 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:18,839 Speaker 2: my friend Nathan, he was there. I mean I had 659 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:23,520 Speaker 2: like meal trained beyond meal train of like so much food. 660 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:26,799 Speaker 2: I had the night nurse, and she called another night 661 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,239 Speaker 2: nurse so that they could shift because I needed more 662 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 2: than like the package I initially got. I hadn't figured 663 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,960 Speaker 2: out the nanny situation versus like takecare and like what 664 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 2: I was gonna do yet, because this was also a 665 00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:43,720 Speaker 2: month early, and so I ended up having hiring a nanny, 666 00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,120 Speaker 2: and like one of my friends who was pregnant but 667 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,880 Speaker 2: had art like with her second she like interviewed people 668 00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:53,239 Speaker 2: for me and found my nanny. And I didn't know 669 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 2: I was like such a hot commodity for a nanny 670 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,759 Speaker 2: because I was like a single mom. I don't have 671 00:35:58,800 --> 00:35:59,800 Speaker 2: to deal with the partner. 672 00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:00,960 Speaker 3: It was a. 673 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:05,480 Speaker 2: Newborn baby girl, so we like lucked out. We have 674 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:09,960 Speaker 2: the best nanny in the world, and like eventually things 675 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,120 Speaker 2: started looking up and it felt like it was like years, 676 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 2: but it was probably like within the first three months, 677 00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:20,759 Speaker 2: I was like cleared to exercise again. My heart was 678 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:25,319 Speaker 2: getting it wasn't yet healed, but it was like, I guess, 679 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,279 Speaker 2: if it starts to show improvement, it means you are 680 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:29,760 Speaker 2: likely to fully recover. 681 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,480 Speaker 3: So the aphib took a lot longer. 682 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,600 Speaker 2: That's been like a couple of years of just figuring 683 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,640 Speaker 2: it out because I was in it persistently and then. 684 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 1: And that's what I remember so well in that Mommy 685 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,920 Speaker 1: and Me class, you were like to have to ask 686 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:47,080 Speaker 1: for help all day and all night for myself and 687 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:51,799 Speaker 1: for my daughter a month's on end, I'm sure was 688 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:56,719 Speaker 1: just such an experience for you that was humbling and 689 00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:01,440 Speaker 1: also in gratitude and complete surrender to experience and just 690 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,200 Speaker 1: I mean, I. 691 00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:07,319 Speaker 2: Still work on that with like therapists, asking for help 692 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:10,239 Speaker 2: is like not my thing, and it's never been my thing. 693 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,839 Speaker 1: Not in your dea, and I love to help. Thank 694 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:18,280 Speaker 1: Heaven's your heart starts to go in a positive direction, Celia, 695 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,960 Speaker 1: Thank God is thriving totally. When I look at your 696 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:27,000 Speaker 1: Instagram and you're flying all around the country alone, solo 697 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:30,160 Speaker 1: with your baby girl who's now a toddler, but her 698 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,480 Speaker 1: whole life she's been flying around with you. She's on set, 699 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,319 Speaker 1: she's got godfathers and uncles and all this shit who 700 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 1: are like huge parts of her lives and taking her 701 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,600 Speaker 1: to brunch and all this stuff. I mean, she's like 702 00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:44,360 Speaker 1: so magical to me. How is it going? How do 703 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,920 Speaker 1: you feel about motherhood? Is it what you thought? What 704 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,640 Speaker 1: are you good at? What are you bad at? Tell me? 705 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:55,359 Speaker 2: I love it. I love being a I really love it. 706 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,640 Speaker 2: And I love being a solo parent. I just think 707 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,279 Speaker 2: being a new parent is hard. So it's like we're 708 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:03,120 Speaker 2: all in the same boat, and you learn how to 709 00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,000 Speaker 2: do it however you do it. So I feel like 710 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:08,840 Speaker 2: I have friends that partners go away and they're like, 711 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,560 Speaker 2: I don't know how you do this. My partner is 712 00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:14,080 Speaker 2: going away for a month or like going on tour. 713 00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 2: For me, it was very much like I figured out 714 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,759 Speaker 2: right away because I had to. Like I always think 715 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:25,600 Speaker 2: about when I used to cocktail waitress and in New York, 716 00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:28,480 Speaker 2: like in my early twenties, and how you have all 717 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:32,880 Speaker 2: of the drinks balanced on the tray, and if someone 718 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,239 Speaker 2: came along and took a drink off the tray to 719 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:39,399 Speaker 2: try to help you, it would all crumble. That's how 720 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:41,799 Speaker 2: solo parenting is like you've got it figured out, and 721 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:45,359 Speaker 2: it's hard to let people help you because you're like. 722 00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:46,040 Speaker 3: No, no, no, no no. 723 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,680 Speaker 2: If you take the stroller like out of my arm, 724 00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:50,040 Speaker 2: then I'm gonna drop the. 725 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:55,120 Speaker 1: Baby like my weight is not. Yeah, sure, sure, sure, And. 726 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:56,960 Speaker 2: You figure out how to have people. 727 00:38:56,719 --> 00:38:57,280 Speaker 3: Help you. 728 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:00,400 Speaker 1: Quick things. I want to ask you. I don't want 729 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,880 Speaker 1: to take too much of your time. What is something 730 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,600 Speaker 1: you're really good at in parenthood that surprised you. 731 00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:12,000 Speaker 2: I think I'm good at being present, which I like 732 00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:16,000 Speaker 2: never thought I would be because I work all the time. 733 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,239 Speaker 2: I always say that I would love to be a 734 00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 2: full time mom and I'd love to be a full 735 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:26,040 Speaker 2: time producer. And I feel like I'm weirdly succeeding at 736 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,120 Speaker 2: doing both with that, and I'm tired. It's not like 737 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,680 Speaker 2: I don't feel burnt out, but like I do feed 738 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,960 Speaker 2: off of both things. So I think I am when 739 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,000 Speaker 2: I'm with my daughter. I mean, it's not like I 740 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:42,440 Speaker 2: don't like sneak sneak some peaks at my emails and 741 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:43,919 Speaker 2: text messages as they come in back. 742 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:45,839 Speaker 1: But you're good at life. I'm going to be with her. 743 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:47,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to be with her right now. 744 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:47,640 Speaker 3: Exactly. 745 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:50,440 Speaker 1: I love that what's something in parenting that you need 746 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:50,920 Speaker 1: to work on? 747 00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:53,520 Speaker 2: There's so much that I need to work on. What's 748 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:59,200 Speaker 2: the What's one thing I wanted to learn like ry 749 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,680 Speaker 2: and do the right technique? And I didn't. It's like 750 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,399 Speaker 2: against my nature. But because I tried to do it, 751 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,880 Speaker 2: I was like aware of how much I like praise 752 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:10,640 Speaker 2: my daughter for like pooping. 753 00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:12,279 Speaker 1: Yeah, and they're like not into that. 754 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:13,200 Speaker 3: Yeah. 755 00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:16,040 Speaker 2: So I feel like, even though I don't need to 756 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:19,120 Speaker 2: go all Rye, there's certain things that I don't want 757 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,479 Speaker 2: to put weight in that, like I find really hard 758 00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:23,719 Speaker 2: to not do because I look at her and I'm like, 759 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:24,719 Speaker 2: I love you too much. 760 00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you're perf You're fucking adorable and gorgeous, and 761 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,800 Speaker 1: I love what you're wearing. I know, Rye. For people 762 00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:34,560 Speaker 1: listening like Rye sometimes has like too much praise is 763 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,439 Speaker 1: a bad thing. I think Ray would even say any 764 00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:40,120 Speaker 1: praise is a bad thing. But the fact that you're 765 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:41,720 Speaker 1: even aware, right. 766 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:43,239 Speaker 3: I feel like that's all I can do is just 767 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:44,759 Speaker 3: be aware. Yeah, that's all I could. 768 00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,560 Speaker 1: Yes, my daughter took a peep in the pod yesterday 769 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,839 Speaker 1: and I was running around the fucking house like it 770 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:54,680 Speaker 1: was like New Year's Eve, and I was like, oh god, whatever, 771 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:59,360 Speaker 1: we're all doing our fucking best. Okay, it sounds like 772 00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:03,560 Speaker 1: Celia's really into ballet these days. Is she into it? 773 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:04,399 Speaker 3: She is? 774 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,440 Speaker 2: I mean this is where I'm like, am I a 775 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:10,520 Speaker 2: tiger mom? Like I just the earliest you could put 776 00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:11,360 Speaker 2: them in. 777 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,399 Speaker 1: Ballet with the last ballet. 778 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,480 Speaker 2: Months and I like, eighteen months to the day, I'm like, 779 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,000 Speaker 2: we're doing ballet. She had just started walking. 780 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:22,000 Speaker 1: To me, Were you a ballet kid? Okay, yeah, sure, sure. 781 00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:25,239 Speaker 2: But I like I was Also I got tall, and 782 00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,680 Speaker 2: I got boobs. My career ended before it started, and 783 00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:30,640 Speaker 2: I was fine with it because I wanted to like 784 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,120 Speaker 2: do things with my friends. And eventually you're like not 785 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,040 Speaker 2: going to go to ballet four times a week. I 786 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:39,120 Speaker 2: just think it's so funny, like watching her, like she's 787 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:43,400 Speaker 2: constantly twirling and she doesn't really know what she's doing, 788 00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:46,040 Speaker 2: but she It just is so funny to me. So 789 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,200 Speaker 2: it's really just my own satisfaction. 790 00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,239 Speaker 1: But why, I mean, this is the only time you 791 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:54,280 Speaker 1: can do because I'm certain age she's going to refuse exactly. 792 00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,080 Speaker 1: I have a feeling you're not going to force her, 793 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,279 Speaker 1: so like, no, this is the only time that you 794 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,640 Speaker 1: can do it. I' missucker for it too. I mean 795 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:06,960 Speaker 1: Vera's in fucking ballet and music. It's more for the two, 796 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,640 Speaker 1: Like the outfit that I the one video I made 797 00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:12,480 Speaker 1: for my mother that I'll have till the end of time. Yes, 798 00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:16,000 Speaker 1: what's the one registry item you couldn't have lived without. 799 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:20,560 Speaker 2: There's this thing for moms that are bottle feeding or 800 00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:24,160 Speaker 2: combo feeding or whatever called the baby Breza, which is 801 00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:28,880 Speaker 2: like a krig machine for formula, And that was like 802 00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,680 Speaker 2: I didn't register for it, but I got it after 803 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:36,200 Speaker 2: formula became a thing. It was truly a lifesaver because 804 00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,200 Speaker 2: you just like press a button and like it mixes 805 00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:42,160 Speaker 2: perfectly and it's whatever temperature you want it to be. 806 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:43,520 Speaker 2: Real life saver. 807 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:48,239 Speaker 1: Love it baby Breza. Oh, I want to question, how 808 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:50,640 Speaker 1: did the Nine Godfathers make the cut? 809 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:51,360 Speaker 3: Okay? 810 00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,759 Speaker 2: So basically for me, it was like, I I have 811 00:42:55,840 --> 00:43:00,680 Speaker 2: a great dad and brother, and I I I'm from 812 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:05,480 Speaker 2: a like a heteronormative, like traditional family, and there was 813 00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,200 Speaker 2: something for me that was really hard to think about 814 00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:13,600 Speaker 2: not having a male figure in her life daily. And 815 00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:15,800 Speaker 2: I also don't even know what that looks like because 816 00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:19,480 Speaker 2: I'm not with my person. So I just knew that 817 00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,319 Speaker 2: I had all these great men in my life, and 818 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:25,360 Speaker 2: also many of them don't have kids of their own. 819 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:29,320 Speaker 2: It's amazing to have other parent friends and mom friends. 820 00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:33,440 Speaker 2: But I have found that my friends without kids have 821 00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:37,680 Speaker 2: been the most detrimental to me and Celia's life because 822 00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:40,359 Speaker 2: they're the only people that love your kid more than 823 00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:43,839 Speaker 2: anything else in the world. But the Nine Godfathers were 824 00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:48,280 Speaker 2: like my best friend Nathan and my old business partners 825 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:52,640 Speaker 2: when I had a company called Haven and Show Walter, 826 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:56,440 Speaker 2: who's my partner now, and people that like, I'm like, 827 00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,799 Speaker 2: you can do different things with her and she'll get 828 00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:03,600 Speaker 2: to see what a man is through my eyes. 829 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:07,080 Speaker 1: Who are love like over a little healthy male role 830 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:10,479 Speaker 1: model influence energy is in her life. 831 00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:11,960 Speaker 3: Yes exactly. 832 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,520 Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for your time and for your like 833 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:18,400 Speaker 1: your story and sharing it with all of us Katie's 834 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:22,040 Speaker 1: crib listeners. I just think it's so inspiring and epic. 835 00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:25,480 Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that your heart is on a very 836 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:30,239 Speaker 1: great road recovery, and that Celia Lou is the best 837 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:34,439 Speaker 1: and she's so stinking cute, it's insane. Oh my god, 838 00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:43,640 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, guys. So much for listening to 839 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:49,200 Speaker 1: today's episode. I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns. 840 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,120 Speaker 1: Let me know. You can always find me at Katie'scrib 841 00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:57,759 Speaker 1: at shondaland dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of 842 00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:01,440 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeart Radio. For more podcasts 843 00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,719 Speaker 1: from shondala And Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 844 00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:10,919 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.