Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. I am in Estoya and Majorca.
Speaker 1: I've just spent five days alone. Five days alone, and Carla,
Speaker 1: my assistant, is here as well. But my first guests
Speaker 1: didn't arrive until the second so I had five days
Speaker 1: of no drinking, utter seclusion, exercising, eating healthy. The thing
Speaker 1: about being on vacation isn't possible to get on any
Speaker 1: sort of program, so I got my shit together. I
Speaker 1: didn't do anything. I did Glennon Doyle's podcast, Glennon and
Speaker 1: Abbey's podcast. I recorded that, so look for that. That's
Speaker 1: coming out shortly. We were trying to figure out a
Speaker 1: time this summer and I'm like, you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: alone for five days. I think that's the best time
Speaker 1: for me to do a podcast. Since I'm all podcasted out.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have my own fucking podcast to deal with.
Speaker 1: But yeah, so I have a full house of comedians,
Speaker 1: So yeah, you can follow me on Instagram for all
Speaker 1: the sorts of shenanigans. And then at the end of
Speaker 1: this month, I go back on tour. I start my
Speaker 1: little big which I'm really excited about. I've gotten so
Speaker 1: much rest and relaxation and aggravation and I need a
Speaker 1: vacation for my vacation, But what else is fucking new?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Now do you restore your energy alone or with other people?
Speaker 1: I restore my energy mostly by myself. But I go
Speaker 1: to bed listen. When I was in London, I stayed
Speaker 1: in London for a month, in like the month of July.
Speaker 1: I think I was pretty much in London. I had
Speaker 1: a blast. I went to bed probably between two and
Speaker 1: five am every single night. All I did was go
Speaker 1: out and party. And it was so nice because I
Speaker 1: was in a hotel and I could just I had
Speaker 1: so many friends in London that I could just join
Speaker 1: other people's action, you know, like whatever my friends were
Speaker 1: up to, I'd be like, Okay, I'm going with them.
Speaker 1: I'm going with them. I'm doing this.
Speaker 4: You can float.
Speaker 1: So that was perfect because I wasn't in charge of
Speaker 1: the entertainment, you know what I mean. In my Orca,
Speaker 1: it's my house. I'm in charge of the entertainment. But
Speaker 1: I have a new policy I'm putting in place, like
Speaker 1: everybody has a free day throughout the week. Go do
Speaker 1: whatever you want to do. There's no organized plans. We
Speaker 1: all will have dinner together, obviously, but breakfast and dinner
Speaker 1: and then anything in between. Get your own fucking party started.
Speaker 1: You can hang out, you can leave, but don't rely
Speaker 1: on me.
Speaker 4: Yeah no, that's smart.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's that plan. And then yeah, so that's
Speaker 1: what I'm in. I'm in. I have three different weeks
Speaker 1: of guests coming, so we'll see, we'll see what happens.
Speaker 1: I'm working hard on my book. I got a lot
Speaker 1: of writing done. I have this great title for my
Speaker 1: new book, which I can't wait to share with people,
Speaker 1: but it'll be a few months before I can do that.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm feeling very productive.
Speaker 3: That's so good. Are you able to share any themes
Speaker 3: of the book, like kind of the angles you're working
Speaker 3: or keeping that under wraps for now?
Speaker 1: I think it's just about female independence and freedom, nice freedom,
Speaker 1: child free freedom.
Speaker 3: I feel like that is absolutely something that people who
Speaker 3: love you respond to.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think it's definitely underrepresented, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, We have so many people that are just
Speaker 1: not the reason why it gets such a big reaction
Speaker 1: is because there are plenty of people talking about it now,
Speaker 1: more so than there were. But you know, it's not enough,
Speaker 1: and it'll never be enough. That women have choices and
Speaker 1: that we can choose to do whatever we want and
Speaker 1: become whatever we want as long as we get all
Speaker 1: of this nonsense out of our heads and stop listening
Speaker 1: to what people are telling us.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it kind It makes me think about what
Speaker 3: Alice Lonan had said about, you know, the whole, not
Speaker 3: just our culture, but.
Speaker 1: Like the energy of the universe basically is like.
Speaker 3: Swinging more feminine for the next Yes, who knows how long,
Speaker 3: but it's just it feels like it's coming to pass.
Speaker 4: And I like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, great, Okay. So our guest today is she's
Speaker 1: a real piece of work. She's an actress, a comedian,
Speaker 1: and author of Bamboozled by Jesus. How God tricked me
Speaker 1: into the life of my dreams. Please welcome vn Orgy.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, baby, hello, Oh yeah, look at you. Cutey, petuity,
Speaker 1: fresh and fruity.
Speaker 4: And he takes one to know one.
Speaker 1: I was excited. I thought I was seeing you in
Speaker 1: today and I was gonna do a little dry hump
Speaker 1: and say hello. I was gonna jump on you. And
Speaker 1: then she said you're virtually no, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: what a bummer. But that's okay. We're happy to have you.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty bummed about it too. That was like, okay,
Speaker 4: we can do a body.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 4: I've been a huge fan of yours.
Speaker 2: Literally when people asked me, I was like about like
Speaker 2: they were comedians. They were showing them like Chelsea Lately.
Speaker 2: You not seen Chelsea lately. I'm like, every night I
Speaker 2: tuned in BEFO I to move to LA. It was,
Speaker 2: you know, fantastic, Thank you, honey. Well, likewise, right back
Speaker 2: at you.
Speaker 1: You're fantastic, And I'm so excited to have you on
Speaker 1: and to be talking to you because we don't have
Speaker 1: a lot of religious people on this podcast. We have
Speaker 1: a lot of spiritual people. But as I was reading
Speaker 1: your book, I realized that it's kind of one and
Speaker 1: the same. It is it's a belief system, and I
Speaker 1: love that it's like modern religion what you're talking about
Speaker 1: in your book, and I want to talk to you
Speaker 1: about that first and foremost. I want to talk to
Speaker 1: you about your belief in God and all of the
Speaker 1: signs that you I guess maybe early on the signs
Speaker 1: that you got that made you believe in God, not
Speaker 1: just that was instilled from your parents, but from your
Speaker 1: own young adulthood.
Speaker 5: I guess.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really I like to say, it's really more
Speaker 2: like a relationship. So with my book it was my faith,
Speaker 2: it is very much more fate relationship.
Speaker 4: Board.
Speaker 2: I think when you have a relationship with somebody, it
Speaker 2: makes it more personal. Like if your mom tells you,
Speaker 2: like come home, and you know she loves you, and
Speaker 2: you love her back, You're like, you know what, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna come home even though I want to stay out,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna come home, Versus like if it's somebody you
Speaker 2: don't have a relationship with, like that aunt, that's always
Speaker 2: your business that it's like you should come home.
Speaker 4: You're like to the hotel not you know, you're just
Speaker 4: you're not really out that life.
Speaker 2: And so I think when people try to use religion
Speaker 2: to like force people to do stuff and like there's
Speaker 2: no understanding or no relationship behind it, it doesn't stick
Speaker 2: and it doesn't also feel good, like what the heck?
Speaker 4: Like why why would why would do we eat this?
Speaker 2: So that's just kind of like where my center of
Speaker 2: faith lies.
Speaker 4: This is why I've been able to be a wish
Speaker 4: for as well as I have.
Speaker 2: But yeah, no, I got saved when I was seventeen,
Speaker 2: Like I was not playing on going to anybody's blah
Speaker 2: bla study.
Speaker 1: I grew up Catholic, but from Nigeria. Well your parents
Speaker 1: are Nigerian and were you you were born in Nigeria, right?
Speaker 4: I sure was. I was born in Nigeria.
Speaker 2: We immigrated to America when I was six and my
Speaker 2: mom was a nurse at had.
Speaker 4: With University hospital. And you know, back then they liked
Speaker 4: the immigrants and so they gave us green cards. Naha.
Speaker 4: Now they're like you can go. You're like, well, wait,
Speaker 4: like you you told us to come in.
Speaker 1: I love switching the rules. It's like yes, yes, we'll
Speaker 1: take the tire the poor, and now we're like no, no,
Speaker 1: actually we take it all back. We didn't mean that.
Speaker 4: For sure, like nobody one of them.
Speaker 2: There was a nursing shortage, so like that's why every
Speaker 2: time you go to the hospital, there's gonna be a
Speaker 2: Filipido or an African nurse. This is why when you
Speaker 2: see hospital shows, you're like, no, this is not represented it.
Speaker 2: There's got to be a madame orbs.
Speaker 4: Like what are you talking about? Like that?
Speaker 2: If there's not a Filipino nurse or niger nisse, I
Speaker 2: would trust this hospital. So anyway, so that's how we
Speaker 2: got to America, and you know, we again we were
Speaker 2: Roman Catholic.
Speaker 4: But I remember just going to church war.
Speaker 2: As like a ritual, you know, like and after you
Speaker 2: going up, you're just like, it's gonna be a fifty
Speaker 2: five minute service, sixty if the priest is really feeling it.
Speaker 2: But you know, I just love God and I'm also
Speaker 2: afraid of my parents, so I'm gonna go to church.
Speaker 2: But then I got to college and I was I
Speaker 2: was like, let me tell you right now, we want
Speaker 2: to go all the way wild.
Speaker 1: We are in DC.
Speaker 4: I am a grown woman. Let's go.
Speaker 2: And I was on my way to the club and
Speaker 2: my friend was like, why don't we go to this
Speaker 2: Bible study before we hit the club?
Speaker 4: And I was like, I mean, I mean, I guess
Speaker 4: that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Sure, It's like it was like, you know, I'm not
Speaker 2: in a Bible study attire. I was probably supposed to
Speaker 2: be a hole in my heart, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: Like I feel like in Jesus hadn't gotten me as
Speaker 2: early as.
Speaker 4: He would have. It made a different story.
Speaker 2: So anyway, we go to the Bible study and the
Speaker 2: woman preaching, she was just so in lovely God in
Speaker 2: the way way that like being a Catholic, I'd never
Speaker 2: seen someone want who like understood the Bible, new Scripture, whatever,
Speaker 2: and I was just so drawn to it. I mean,
Speaker 2: before I knew it, I was over there giving my
Speaker 2: life to Jesus. I was like, we were supposed to
Speaker 2: be on a poll tonight. Why am I now like
Speaker 2: in tears, like I do love you Lord, I surrender.
Speaker 4: So she got me.
Speaker 1: So it was in that moment, what you decided to
Speaker 1: commit to your relationship with God.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I like that's how I already got bambooed
Speaker 4: by teeth.
Speaker 2: Like I was prepared to lose my virginity at eighteen,
Speaker 2: I knew I was. I knew I wanted to lose
Speaker 2: my virginity at eighteen because not because of that necessarily
Speaker 2: religious purposes, but because I was like, if I get pregnant,
Speaker 2: I just won't be able to make decisions as an
Speaker 2: adult because if anybody calls my mama, I'm gonna be dead.
Speaker 1: So I mean, can you imagine your parents working, probably
Speaker 1: sacrificing everything to come to America and then their daughter
Speaker 1: has a teenage pregnancy.
Speaker 2: What a fuck you? I was like, I get I
Speaker 2: don't want my mom to go and deal with thirty
Speaker 2: five to life. I don't want that to be her esimoity.
Speaker 2: So I just was like at eighteen, like I don't
Speaker 2: even know what decisions I would make, but I just
Speaker 2: both feel more of an adult to do them right.
Speaker 2: And so I remembered when I was sixteen, I went
Speaker 2: to see my my primary care physician and she had
Speaker 2: to call the mother of a sixty year old to
Speaker 2: tell her that her daughter was pregnant. I remember that
Speaker 2: a just sketch in my mind, like, oh, nobody will
Speaker 2: ever meet that call. So that's why I had the
Speaker 2: eighteen And God was like, ooohol, I'm gonna let her
Speaker 2: have this like timeline because I got a surprise with her.
Speaker 4: I'm not saying when I was seventeen and a half.
Speaker 1: So he got me, we're gonna take a quick break
Speaker 1: and we're gonna be right back and we're back. Are
Speaker 1: you still a virgin? I am, Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: love this. This is the most original guest we've ever
Speaker 1: had on and you what are you? Thirty nine? I am,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that damn is gonna break one day, baby,
Speaker 1: and maybe.
Speaker 2: Let the thing right now, I like people were like, oh,
Speaker 2: you know. Even I was like, pray for him, whoever
Speaker 2: he is. Why you've got a lot of pets up energy.
Speaker 1: Up and here.
Speaker 4: Okay, oh my god.
Speaker 1: And you're gonna hit your sexual peak when you start
Speaker 1: having sex. So yeah, you're gonna need a couple of men.
Speaker 1: Probably you all went from.
Speaker 2: Being universits of poly ellaly, Like that would be a
Speaker 2: very interesting to events. That's I don't think that's the destimy,
Speaker 2: but I will say, like, hurry up, if you know
Speaker 2: any good men to the attend of my way.
Speaker 4: Please please.
Speaker 1: I you know what, it's funny. I know this Nigerian man,
Speaker 1: he's married to my girlfriend. But I have so much
Speaker 1: experience with their family and Nigerians, and I know how
Speaker 1: dedicated Nigerians are to education and becoming a doctor, which
Speaker 1: you cover in your book as well, And it's just
Speaker 1: couldn't be more true. Like it's very serious. You know,
Speaker 1: you have to be loyal and you have to like
Speaker 1: it's almost like being in a family can also feel
Speaker 1: like work for somebody who's like me, who gets to
Speaker 1: do whatever they want. And all the time you're like, oh, oh,
Speaker 1: this is a serious situation.
Speaker 4: There's always like an outlier. I'm the outlier by family.
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, I feel like I'm met for
Speaker 2: more than just what everyone else is doing. And so yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 2: and also as a Nijoria's supposed to be married at
Speaker 2: twenty three, also an outlier.
Speaker 4: But no, I'm actually really happy.
Speaker 2: I feel like I don't think I could have ever
Speaker 2: gotten married before this moment, Like honestly, maybe like thirty five,
Speaker 2: I thought I was ready, but actually I think I
Speaker 2: feel the most ready to be in the committed relationship now,
Speaker 2: like that will actually last.
Speaker 4: Everybody there get married.
Speaker 1: At twenty three, they probably not together anymore. Yeah, how
Speaker 1: did Nigerians feel about divorce?
Speaker 4: I mean, it's happening more and more now, so it's like,
Speaker 4: maybe don't tell your daughters to get married and just
Speaker 4: find it could and I didn't, I, you know, before
Speaker 4: they know themselves.
Speaker 1: And how many siblings do you have?
Speaker 4: I have three older brothers, okay, And are.
Speaker 1: They in the States. They're all in the States.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they very like I have one brother who lives
Speaker 2: in Nigeria, go back and forth.
Speaker 4: I have two brothers who are in the States. So yeah,
Speaker 4: we're we're all over the place.
Speaker 1: And you're the baby.
Speaker 4: The baby.
Speaker 1: Isn't that kind of the best place to be in
Speaker 1: a family.
Speaker 2: You know what?
Speaker 4: I like if they listened to me more, I would
Speaker 4: really appreciate this position.
Speaker 1: I think with more the more success you have, the
Speaker 1: more they will listen. That's my experience with my family.
Speaker 1: For sure, they respect me way more than they did
Speaker 1: when I really thought I had some smart ideas. So
Speaker 1: talk a little bit. I like some of the stories
Speaker 1: about your faith and belief being reinforced right signs of faith,
Speaker 1: taking risks and knowing that God shows up for you.
Speaker 1: So can you talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: When I was getting my master's in public health, there
Speaker 2: was a pageant called the Misbagerian American Pageant, and my
Speaker 2: like my friends were like, want you to enjoy, and
Speaker 2: so I did. And I just thought I was like,
Speaker 2: you know what, I can wear a dress. I feel like,
Speaker 2: you know body colleges is I'm fine. And in two
Speaker 2: weeks before the pageant, they were like, well, what's your talent?
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, I don't. I'm a job of immigrants.
Speaker 4: I don't have one.
Speaker 2: Like, we're not raised they have hotties and talents. And
Speaker 2: they were like, well, everyone who performs, needs to have one.
Speaker 2: So it's two weeks people have bought tickets for my
Speaker 2: mom and my like cousins are comed hey, and so
Speaker 2: I'm just like, well, what the hell. I can't like,
Speaker 2: I can't mess up because again the Nigerian it means
Speaker 2: like we gotta be excellent.
Speaker 4: And I prayed.
Speaker 2: By this time, you know, I had a relationship with
Speaker 2: God now for like five or six years. I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: God really needs a solid It's me dollan fast, it's
Speaker 2: stat And God was like, do comedy, Like I've heard
Speaker 2: the voice of all these favorite sayings.
Speaker 4: Do comedy.
Speaker 1: And when you say you hear the voice of God,
Speaker 1: what do you hear? How does that present itself?
Speaker 2: You know, it's it's one of those things where I'll
Speaker 2: say out of body, but it's almost kind of like
Speaker 2: a almost like a closing in because I know it's
Speaker 2: not me, Like that was not an idea that I
Speaker 2: could ever come up with on my own, and it
Speaker 2: just sounds very clear, do comedy.
Speaker 4: It wasn't really, it wasn't James Earl Jerald. It was
Speaker 4: just you comedy. And I was like what And.
Speaker 2: I remember being like, that's that's not what I would
Speaker 2: ever do. So I was like, nah, I'm good. And
Speaker 2: then I was like god, no, for like it's me Evon,
Speaker 2: like like give me something I can actually work with.
Speaker 4: And he said, either you're going to larger trust me,
Speaker 4: or you're not.
Speaker 2: And then the book spun away like it was like
Speaker 2: I was just like whoa, you guys just dropped.
Speaker 4: I was like to leave, what the hell? But it
Speaker 4: was just so clear and I was so scared.
Speaker 2: That's also how I know that it's him when he
Speaker 2: asked me to do something that completely takes me out
Speaker 2: of like the realm of logic, out of the realm
Speaker 2: of something that I feel like I can do. I
Speaker 2: know this nothing but God, because I wouldn't normally come
Speaker 2: up with that.
Speaker 4: That's stupid. Why would I? Why would I put my stuff?
Speaker 2: Because Lenduria is like Americs are actually nice, like just
Speaker 2: you know you have white friends and like when you
Speaker 2: started doing comedy, they were like.
Speaker 4: Honey, that was good.
Speaker 2: You know they'll support, they'll clap, they'll support whether it's
Speaker 2: good or bad.
Speaker 4: When you bomb there like you'll get.
Speaker 2: Them next size and you're like, oh, thank you. When
Speaker 2: you know front of durious they do not care about
Speaker 2: your feelings. Okay, if I were to bomb, they.
Speaker 4: Would be like who's this?
Speaker 5: Why?
Speaker 4: And these are the parents? Okay?
Speaker 2: And so I definitely was like, hey, okay, I'm very nervous,
Speaker 2: I'm very scared. I also know that I don't want
Speaker 2: a regular life like I just once I got said that,
Speaker 2: I started like really representing the Bible.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, I.
Speaker 2: Think I'm destined for more because for me, I think
Speaker 2: when when you don't have friends and when you were
Speaker 2: bullied and you feel like, oh man, all I wanted
Speaker 2: to do was be long, and then you read the
Speaker 2: Bible and it's like a blueprint to like belonging. It's
Speaker 2: a blueprint to like finding a discovery yourself and your purpose.
Speaker 2: I just I think I clung to it in such
Speaker 2: a way that like I needed it. And so I
Speaker 2: was like, well, maybe God knows something about me that
Speaker 2: I don't know about myself and excars me so much.
Speaker 4: But I would I would hate you know.
Speaker 2: Even in the book, there's a chapter called Fears two
Speaker 2: Boys and but regret as her bees, And for me,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I would hate to like regret my life
Speaker 2: because I just didn't do what God said because it
Speaker 2: scared me so much, and so I spent the next
Speaker 2: two weeks writing down what I thought was funny with
Speaker 2: the dual identity of being that you're an American and
Speaker 2: people who have and I almost I was so scared
Speaker 2: of forgetting my lines, so I didn't do it. Like
Speaker 2: like you know, when you get familiar with comedy, you're
Speaker 2: able to improv, You're able to go with the jokes
Speaker 2: to a crowd. Work that was not my case. I
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, can y'all please start laughing? Y'all go
Speaker 2: rest me up. And that was the first time that
Speaker 2: I was like, Wow, I really really trusted God to
Speaker 2: do something out of like the norm for me and
Speaker 2: it worked out.
Speaker 4: But I was so scared.
Speaker 2: So I was like, hey, God, I want to do
Speaker 2: this again, but if I know, I'm good if it's
Speaker 2: not an audience of Nigerians with the same material.
Speaker 4: And so that I did DC's Funniest College Student Competition.
Speaker 2: I ended up winning for GW and part of winning
Speaker 2: means you perform at the DC improv and so I
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, I think I can do comedy,
Speaker 2: but it still scared me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that story. I talk about the story
Speaker 1: when you moved to New York though, what happened with
Speaker 1: that when you had no money or you.
Speaker 4: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: So that was like, well, those were like one of
Speaker 2: the first moments. And then of course, like you keep
Speaker 2: going and then.
Speaker 1: And this voice becomes more familiar to you as you hear.
Speaker 2: It absolutely, Like I know, like anytime I take a bath,
Speaker 2: I always just bring my notepad and a pen because
Speaker 2: when I'm still and I'm like set, like God, I
Speaker 2: need to hear from you, that's when I'm like so
Speaker 2: tapped in and so tuned in.
Speaker 4: Inevitably I'll come out and I'll write something that I know.
Speaker 2: All this is like waiting to download with me on
Speaker 2: because he's always talking. And sometimes it's just kind of
Speaker 2: like a feeling like I should go there, or I
Speaker 2: should go do that, and sometimes it's like audible direction.
Speaker 2: So when I was trying to avoid going to med
Speaker 2: school by going to live in Liberia, which is just
Speaker 2: finishial war because it's easier to like go to war
Speaker 2: torn countries than to dismantle your parents' hopes and dreams.
Speaker 4: And so the.
Speaker 2: Last weekend I was there, I met this woman named Jackie,
Speaker 2: and it was at a wedding it was literally I
Speaker 2: met her one day. She was from New York. She's like,
Speaker 2: you have me give my daughter, and that was it.
Speaker 2: We went our separate ways. A couple months later, I
Speaker 2: was like, I want to move to New York. If
Speaker 2: I'm really going to do this comedy thing, I gotta
Speaker 2: try it. So I just have enough to like buy
Speaker 2: a bus ticket. Right, I'm like, I don't know where
Speaker 2: I'm wanna stay. All I know is like, I gotta
Speaker 2: get out of Maryland. So I get on a bus.
Speaker 2: It's four hours. I'm texting everybody I know, like, hey.
Speaker 4: Are you in New York?
Speaker 2: Can I jump on your couch for a little bit.
Speaker 2: Then I just post on Facebook. I was like, coming
Speaker 2: to New York, need a place to stay, and that
Speaker 2: was it. Two hours into my ride, I get a
Speaker 2: message from Jackie that says call me.
Speaker 4: She gets your.
Speaker 2: Number and she goes, are you on your way to
Speaker 2: New York. I'm like yeah, She's like, you can stay
Speaker 2: in our basement apartment. My daughter is away of college,
Speaker 2: so it's yours. I lived with this woman that I
Speaker 2: had met once before I left war torn Liberia for
Speaker 2: six months renfree. Those are the things where I'm like
Speaker 2: you don't have all the answers before you go. I
Speaker 2: was on a bus heading somewhere and I had no
Speaker 2: idea where I was gonna stay and lay my head.
Speaker 2: And as I went, without all the information, without every
Speaker 2: tea cross and every I dotted, my answer came. So
Speaker 2: that's where like my faith really, like definitely like I
Speaker 2: don't extend those I've seen too much, Like I can't
Speaker 2: back down, Like it's just it's just wild to because
Speaker 2: the way I know how he works, I know how
Speaker 2: he operates. And even now, like even bringing on the
Speaker 2: relationship whereeople, like you think you're ever gonna meet someone
Speaker 2: like Bro, I'm a immigrants who's living up our Wallace
Speaker 2: dreams in Allywood.
Speaker 4: There's eight billion people on Earth.
Speaker 2: I feel like finding me one man is the easiest
Speaker 2: thing I could do. It doesn't even cost in my
Speaker 2: mind that it won't happen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the right attitude to have. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people would describe that. Also, not to say
Speaker 1: that you're not, you know, have a relationship with God.
Speaker 1: You obviously do, but a lot of people would say, oh,
Speaker 1: that's instinct or the knowing, like your intuition when you
Speaker 1: can sit still and really hear yourself and hear your desires,
Speaker 1: whether it's someone telling you or whether it's an innate
Speaker 1: feeling or an instinctual intuition, whatever. I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people can relate to that. I love though. I
Speaker 1: love the way you're talking about it. I love the
Speaker 1: way that you believe in it, because I think when
Speaker 1: we believe in things, it becomes true. A lot of
Speaker 1: people are like, I don't believe in that. I don't
Speaker 1: believe in that. I don't believe It's like, you don't
Speaker 1: know what the fuck is going on. Nobody knows what
Speaker 1: is going on in this world. When somebody's like, there's
Speaker 1: no UFOs, I'm like, you don't know that. What are
Speaker 1: you talking about. There's plenty of evidence to suggest otherwise.
Speaker 1: You have this belief and it's closed and shut, and
Speaker 1: that's the end of the case. You know, like your
Speaker 1: opinion is valid because it's yours.
Speaker 2: I feel like the one thing that is certain in
Speaker 2: life is you live at the level to.
Speaker 4: What you believe. Right, if you believe, you know what,
Speaker 4: they're good people in this world.
Speaker 2: And I've just I choose to be optimistic and yes,
Speaker 2: even in the face of like bad things happening and
Speaker 2: bad people coming to you, you're still like, yeah, no,
Speaker 2: I really hope and they find joined their live, but
Speaker 2: I'm gonna still choose to believe that there are better
Speaker 2: people out there are good people.
Speaker 4: So you just live at the level to what you believe.
Speaker 4: And some people, for.
Speaker 2: All a young age, have been like stunded to like
Speaker 2: be like the world is stress, everything's sass.
Speaker 1: To have to have limited belief systems, you know that
Speaker 1: sum that aren't always growing, always expanding, like the idea.
Speaker 1: The key to I think true awareness and enlightenment is
Speaker 1: to have your opinion changed constantly to start believing. And
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about QAnon. I'm talking about like learning
Speaker 1: as you grow, like oh, I actually I'm open to
Speaker 1: this or and I accept this, and yes that might
Speaker 1: be a possibility. Just because it hasn't happened to you
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it can. But I love the attitude. I
Speaker 1: love all of it, like I can totally relate because
Speaker 1: when you have high vibes, you get high vibe things.
Speaker 1: You know, things come your way, for sure.
Speaker 2: I love what you said about feasible because it's like
Speaker 2: none of us are are the thing, Like I'm not
Speaker 2: the thing as I was while I was seventy, Like
Speaker 2: there's some character traits that are like these are the
Speaker 2: things that make me. But like when new information, when
Speaker 2: you read new books, when you when you go to therapy,
Speaker 2: when you have different conversations, your world enlarger than expands
Speaker 2: and you're able to be like, oh, you know what,
Speaker 2: I didn't like doing that, Like now I like doing this.
Speaker 2: I just wasn't ready to bring that into my life
Speaker 2: at that point when you first asked me. But like
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean like, oh, you're a flip flopper. It's like, no,
Speaker 2: I just have new information now, Like I just enjoy
Speaker 2: growing and learning. And then some things I used to do,
Speaker 2: I don't do it anymore. Like God really got me
Speaker 2: to a place, especially the pandemic. He was like, I
Speaker 2: need you to trust you as much as you trust me.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to be a little bit more quiet.
Speaker 2: And you have to know that because I love you
Speaker 2: and you love me, and I'm in you, that the
Speaker 2: decisions you will make will be from a place that
Speaker 2: make me proud as opposed to be like God, is
Speaker 2: this what you want? God?
Speaker 4: Is this what you want?
Speaker 2: And so it's just like whoa that was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: you're not all the choriny reels anymore, like you have
Speaker 2: the bicycle go. And I think sometimes people just like
Speaker 2: are chained even to like, well, this is what our
Speaker 2: relationship was like, and God, like, why would you leave me?
Speaker 4: I need you?
Speaker 2: It's like I'm not a good parent if like you're
Speaker 2: connected to my hip all the time. You have to
Speaker 2: trust and know my voice and my love is in you,
Speaker 2: so move accordingly.
Speaker 1: What was the last book that you read? Oh, my goodness,
Speaker 1: you mentioned books. I'm a big book a reader. We'd
Speaker 1: like to talk a lot about books on this podcast.
Speaker 1: Your last favorite.
Speaker 2: Book, Uh yah, yas the tresenta Kingdom was a really
Speaker 2: good one, and then Seven Days in June was a
Speaker 2: really good one.
Speaker 1: Like, what's that I haven't heard of seven Days in June.
Speaker 1: The last time I checked, there were thirty Reilly.
Speaker 4: I'd dealt with you.
Speaker 2: It's by Tea Williams. It's a love story by these
Speaker 2: two authors who spent seven days in June when they
Speaker 2: were younger, and it was just like a whirlwind and
Speaker 2: then like they separated. But then all of your books
Speaker 2: are like low key about this intense love that they had.
Speaker 4: And then they reunite.
Speaker 1: Oh I like that. That sounds cute.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: Then summer I like to dip into a lot of fiction.
Speaker 4: What about you give me some recommendations.
Speaker 1: I'm reading Covenant of Water right now. I'm reading Andrea
Speaker 1: Augusty's autobiography. Oh, I have a good book for you,
Speaker 1: Lucky Girl. That's a good book. It's about these four
Speaker 1: queer women while some are non binary, and these four
Speaker 1: queer friends that live together and they work at like
Speaker 1: a magazine that's about to get canceled, not canceled, but
Speaker 1: they have no money, you know, so they're about to
Speaker 1: get shut down. And then these new people come in
Speaker 1: and there's kind of a lot of affairs and they're
Speaker 1: all good friends. So it's fun and it's fiction, so
Speaker 1: it's nice and light. And then there's another one that
Speaker 1: I read that was really good. Wait, that's Lucky You.
Speaker 1: Lucky You is a great book.
Speaker 4: It's that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's about a girl that grows up in Kenya,
Speaker 1: moves to America and she has a really overbearing mother
Speaker 1: and then she's kind of confronting the racism in America
Speaker 1: compared to where she grew up in Kenya, where she
Speaker 1: doesn't feel that kind of she doesn't feel American racism.
Speaker 1: She's like, when you grew up in Kenya, you're surrounded
Speaker 1: by all black people, so shut up and stop complaining.
Speaker 1: It's kind of what the vibe she comes in with.
Speaker 1: And then the transformation after spending so many years in
Speaker 1: America and how different it is here when it's not
Speaker 1: all black people, you know, and what you're up against.
Speaker 1: So that was a really good book. I learned a
Speaker 1: lot from that. It's fiction, but it's beautiful.
Speaker 4: I can relate. I can't wait to get into that.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we're gonna
Speaker 1: be right back, and we're back. It happens so fast.
Speaker 3: Are you ready to give some advice?
Speaker 1: Are you ready to give some adviceive on, you won't
Speaker 1: be what this podcast is. We have people that write
Speaker 1: and call in and we give advice. So get your
Speaker 1: shit together, girl.
Speaker 3: Okay, Katie Wrights, Dear Chelsea, I have two questions, really, First,
Speaker 3: does Chelsea have any advice for someone who has public
Speaker 3: speaking anxiety but wants to try stand up? My anxiety
Speaker 3: surrounding public speaking is pretty intense. I typically physically shake
Speaker 3: and my voice gets stuck and garbled. I love to write, however,
Speaker 3: and I've been working on some jokes, but the thought
Speaker 3: of speaking in public and being in front of anyone
Speaker 3: terrifies me. Does this mean that maybe trying this just
Speaker 3: isn't in the cards for me? Eventually, I'd like to
Speaker 3: submit a writing packet for a show or comedian, which
Speaker 3: would be a dream come true, especially due to the
Speaker 3: slim chance that anything would come from trying stand up,
Speaker 3: which I know isn't logical or very realistic, given that
Speaker 3: the dream outcome would be to get a comedy writing position.
Speaker 3: Should I start there instead? This idea actually makes me
Speaker 3: a lot happier to even contemplate. So maybe it's the
Speaker 3: road I should try first, even knowing that it's an
Speaker 3: extremely competitive field and I know nothing would probably come
Speaker 3: of it. At least I wouldn't regret not trying. I'd
Speaker 3: be so grateful for any sort of direction or advice.
Speaker 1: Let me start from a medical standpoint. You can talk
Speaker 1: to your doctor about beta blockers. You will not shake.
Speaker 1: I've used beta blockers, my sister. Everyone I know has
Speaker 1: used a beta blocker at some point in their lives
Speaker 1: when they're too nervous, So that kind of cuts off
Speaker 1: that signal that your brain sends to your body that
Speaker 1: makes you shake or where you get dry mouth, or
Speaker 1: it solves a lot of problems. If you're comfortable doing that,
Speaker 1: I would highly recommend it because beta blockers work and
Speaker 1: you don't have to take them forever. They kind of
Speaker 1: rewire your brain to stop getting so nervous. I would
Speaker 1: also recommend that, I mean, to any person that really
Speaker 1: wants to face their fears, doing stand up comedy is
Speaker 1: a great way to face your fears. You're always going
Speaker 1: to be happy that you did it, regardless of what happens.
Speaker 1: You're going to be happy that you took the step
Speaker 1: towards making that happen. But if writing is also like
Speaker 1: something that appeals to you, I think there's a much
Speaker 1: better chance of success with writing than there is with
Speaker 1: being in front of the camera. I feel like the
Speaker 1: odds are slightly lower for being in front of the
Speaker 1: camera than they are being a writer. And you know,
Speaker 1: with writing, you can do that and that doesn't make
Speaker 1: you nervous and it doesn't make you scared, and so
Speaker 1: there's a lot of benefits that come with that too.
Speaker 1: Following your path and it sounds like that kind of
Speaker 1: feels like it is your path, but I would still
Speaker 1: try stand up just to try it because it's so
Speaker 1: exhilarating to do that. And I too have experienced shakiness
Speaker 1: on stage and stuff, and that's how I found out
Speaker 1: about beta blockers. I don't use them now because I
Speaker 1: don't need them now, but I did have a period
Speaker 1: of time where I did need them, and so they
Speaker 1: can help in them. Yvon, what do you think.
Speaker 4: A couple of things? So I would say, if you're
Speaker 4: really interested to get.
Speaker 2: Into the root of your social anxiety and you're able to,
Speaker 2: I would try emd R therapy because that actually like
Speaker 2: gets right into like where did this fear come from?
Speaker 2: Like what is it rooted in that makes you feel
Speaker 2: like whenever you get in front of people, like it's
Speaker 2: so present that it blocks you. So if you're able to,
Speaker 2: I would try that because I think that's not just
Speaker 2: showing up in public speaking, that's showing up in other
Speaker 2: areas of your.
Speaker 1: Life, and that's getting to the root of the matter
Speaker 1: rather than putting a band aid on it, which is
Speaker 1: what it beta blocker propenolol would do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, I mean, because that's just like for life,
Speaker 2: that you're gonna you're gonna be around people for as
Speaker 2: long as your life, right, So whether you just want
Speaker 2: to figure out, like why why do I feel like this?
Speaker 4: And is there ever is there any freedom from this?
Speaker 4: That's what I would say.
Speaker 2: First two, I would be more mindful and cognizant when
Speaker 2: you say things like when you just read even though
Speaker 2: I know nothing will ever come of it, you have
Speaker 2: what you believe.
Speaker 4: So words are so important for me.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm huge on whatever you say is like
Speaker 2: an arrow. So if you're like I just believe that
Speaker 2: something could come of it, even if you're not sure
Speaker 2: what it is. If you're starting a set to this
Speaker 2: would be like I I know that you know nothing
Speaker 2: will ever have it, It's like, well, nothing will ever happen,
Speaker 2: You're right, So it's like a self fulfilling privacy.
Speaker 4: So that's that just on the just in general terms.
Speaker 2: But then I would also say, like, just also to
Speaker 2: listen to our body, like the things that make us
Speaker 2: feel better.
Speaker 4: I do that, Like I think like so with somehow
Speaker 4: society has been like push faster, your fears go to
Speaker 4: the end.
Speaker 2: It's just like, but what I do want to do this,
Speaker 2: Like I don't like it, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: Like I I have a fear of blood, and I
Speaker 2: was still like majoring in freaking biology, thinking I was
Speaker 2: gonna be a doctor, like I don't like blood, like
Speaker 2: so there's no verse, Like I.
Speaker 4: Was gonna be an obgyn. The hell was like Dickie,
Speaker 4: So like that didn't bring me joy.
Speaker 2: I loved talking to people, so I got my master's
Speaker 2: in public health.
Speaker 4: I love traveling. I got my masters in global public health.
Speaker 2: So it was just like those things actually made sense
Speaker 2: and they brought me joy, and I was good at
Speaker 2: them because they made me feel good. So it's like, yes,
Speaker 2: you can push faster fears, and there's sometimes where fears
Speaker 2: are quippling because it's stopping from doing the thing that
Speaker 2: you're supposed to do. But then's sometimes I think people
Speaker 2: like just do the hard thing because it's hard, and
Speaker 2: someone told them that they have to do the art.
Speaker 4: It's like, biggy girl.
Speaker 2: From what I'm hearing, I feel like you're gonna be
Speaker 2: a really good comedy writer. Get a comedic friend, and
Speaker 2: like write jokes for them, so then you kind of
Speaker 2: get the best of both worlds of being on tour
Speaker 2: having your jokes be centered, but then you being behind
Speaker 2: the scenes and then maybe enough breaths of that in
Speaker 2: a new season you get you see that it's not
Speaker 2: so bad, and then you're able to come to the forefront.
Speaker 2: It's finny, like everything doesn't have to happen all at once.
Speaker 2: There can be stages to your life and to your dreams.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think too, you know, stand up doesn't
Speaker 3: necessarily have to be like, oh, that's her end goal,
Speaker 3: Like she wants to be a writer, but if she
Speaker 3: were to take a class or do a couple open
Speaker 3: mic nights, get her jokes out there, she would be
Speaker 3: able to see like what's working, what doesn't like, what
Speaker 3: does it actually sound like, you know, when it's up
Speaker 3: on stage, And it'll help her refine her jokes a
Speaker 3: little bit as well.
Speaker 2: But I also love what like I think it was
Speaker 2: like Tina Say and Amy Poehler. I love how they
Speaker 2: were very much like, yeah, we couldn't be stand ups,
Speaker 2: but we can be sketch artists. So like they're still
Speaker 2: very front incenting, you know them as comedic women, but
Speaker 2: they're not stand ups, right, and they are very vocal
Speaker 2: about like no, that's a different beast. And I love
Speaker 2: that because I think it shows that there's different ways
Speaker 2: to be comedic and to be front and center would
Speaker 2: not necessarily be like so the other day I was
Speaker 2: walking down the street, you know, like it's just like
Speaker 2: there's a different there's different chy points for everybody.
Speaker 1: If you're really itching for that experience, go and do it.
Speaker 1: You know, try it a couple times if you really
Speaker 1: want to overcome that. But again, you don't have to.
Speaker 1: But if it's gonna make you feel good, it's gonna
Speaker 1: make you feel a little bit brave, and it will
Speaker 1: only lend itself to your writing as well, because so
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a big appreciation for it after you
Speaker 1: try to do it.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: One of my girlfriends just tried to stand up for
Speaker 3: the first time, and she was like newly out as queer.
Speaker 3: She was like really scared to sort of like get
Speaker 3: up in front of a random room. So she took
Speaker 3: a class that was all women. It was super supportive
Speaker 3: and like even if Katie just took a class, you know,
Speaker 3: even if she told herself, like I'm not going to
Speaker 3: do the final thing where I get up in front
Speaker 3: of people, but just even like getting in a class
Speaker 3: and like seeing how that feels.
Speaker 2: And then also thinking the brush it off, like make
Speaker 2: your goal to just be to have fun, because I
Speaker 2: think sometimes like what the intention you set, like if
Speaker 2: you're like, I want to do them five minutes, set
Speaker 2: just this is new for me and this is scary
Speaker 2: and I'm actually being vulnerable, and so really a win
Speaker 2: at the end of this class would just be to
Speaker 2: be able to talk to you guys for two minutes
Speaker 2: without feeling a little to fear that's okay. Just set
Speaker 2: that as the goal, even if somebody else in the
Speaker 2: classes like, yeah, I'm going to open up maddage to
Speaker 2: square guard and at the end of.
Speaker 4: This class, I cool, God bless you.
Speaker 1: Amazing.
Speaker 3: Well Katie, let us on how it goes. Our next
Speaker 3: question comes from Sarah. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, I need
Speaker 3: some advice with dating. Full disclosure, I'm a thirty four
Speaker 3: year old straight female and a virgin. I haven't had
Speaker 3: a boyfriend since college. I have no idea how to date,
Speaker 3: and to be honest, it terrifies me, like heart racing,
Speaker 3: literally being scared to go on a date. I recently
Speaker 3: got back on a dating app hinge and I was
Speaker 3: asked out on a date. I immediately started panicking and
Speaker 3: told my friend, I can't do this. I'm too scared.
Speaker 3: Oh what the hell is wrong with me? Chelsea? And
Speaker 3: what advice do you have for me to get past
Speaker 3: this fear? Please help Sarah?
Speaker 1: Oh geez, that's terrible. Well she needs to go to
Speaker 1: therapy too and figure out why she's so scared of
Speaker 1: a date. It should and I listen, the only thing
Speaker 1: you can do to diminish fear is to attack it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm a perfect example of being scared of
Speaker 1: so many things and just go going after it and
Speaker 1: then the fear diminishes. Like for dating, I've definitely been
Speaker 1: nervous to go on dates, and you know, I've definitely
Speaker 1: had too much to drink because I was too nervous
Speaker 1: to go on a date. And then I realized, who
Speaker 1: the fuck gives a shit? Like you're putting too much
Speaker 1: pressure on the actual date. You should. The more dates
Speaker 1: you have, the less anxious you're going to be about it.
Speaker 1: So you I would beg you to figure out a
Speaker 1: way to go on five dates in a week so
Speaker 1: that you can just get over this hump of fear
Speaker 1: and understand that it's not the end of the world,
Speaker 1: Like nothing is that important to be that scared about,
Speaker 1: and I mean other than somebody being sick or dying,
Speaker 1: Like it's supposed to be fun. And I don't know
Speaker 1: why you would, you know, be so so scared unless
Speaker 1: there was a real deep issue that you would have
Speaker 1: to work out again with a therapist. But in lieu
Speaker 1: of that, I would say to practice it as often
Speaker 1: as you can, even if you want to just say, hey,
Speaker 1: we're going out as friends on the first date, I
Speaker 1: just want you to know that, you know, if you
Speaker 1: want to take the pressure off of the situation, I
Speaker 1: just want to meet somebody and get to know somebody first.
Speaker 1: I don't want any expectations to take some of the
Speaker 1: pressure out of it so it doesn't feel so intimidating. Yvane,
Speaker 1: what do you think?
Speaker 2: I agree one thousand percent, like there there should definitely
Speaker 2: be some therapy to get to the root of what's
Speaker 2: happening too. I'm curious to know what happened in college
Speaker 2: in terms of why she hasn't been on a date
Speaker 2: since college, because like, from eighteen to thirty five, it's
Speaker 2: a long time to not have gone out with somebody,
Speaker 2: even it's just friends. So it's just like there's a
Speaker 2: web and bite, Let's go get some pizza, let's go bowling.
Speaker 4: That's something.
Speaker 2: And then I think what happens with a lot of
Speaker 2: women who are waiting, especially a lot of women who
Speaker 2: are virgins, because you know, you have the folks who
Speaker 2: like celibate or you know whatever, want to get virgins.
Speaker 2: They feel like it's the scarlet let. They feel like,
Speaker 2: you know, what if he wants to have sex with me,
Speaker 2: or what do I say? And then what if he
Speaker 2: doesn't like me?
Speaker 4: What I tell him? I'm a virgin? And it's just
Speaker 4: like what the hell? It's so much pressure.
Speaker 2: And it's also like I remember I learned this a
Speaker 2: long time ago, Like it's actually very rude to the
Speaker 2: man to believe that all he wants from you is sex.
Speaker 4: He could just be like, I just want to stay,
Speaker 4: have a good time. I just want to get to
Speaker 4: know your name.
Speaker 2: And also see if like we vibe before we even
Speaker 2: get to sex. Right, I've had long term relationships and
Speaker 2: sets was not on the table, and we have had
Speaker 2: a fantastic time. And so I think too, it's it's
Speaker 2: this is more almost a reflection of like does she
Speaker 2: think that she is worthy? Does she think that she
Speaker 2: is a good time? Because I know, like there were
Speaker 2: seasons where I didn't think I was beautiful. I wanted
Speaker 2: to beat in a relationship, but because I didn't like really
Speaker 2: fully see myself as that chick, that girl, it was
Speaker 2: almost kind of like, okay, you know, I mean I
Speaker 2: used to say the stupidest things. I'm like, I like, God,
Speaker 2: do like me bad?
Speaker 6: As?
Speaker 4: Did I have no choice in this? You know, like
Speaker 4: what if I don't like them?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 4: Who the hell? Who's said that I didn't have a choice?
Speaker 2: And so it's like once I got my bad girl
Speaker 2: ish up, it was like, oh baby, I'm a king builder.
Speaker 2: I know we not have a sex, but like you
Speaker 2: can have sex with everybody else, but what you can't
Speaker 2: have is what I bring to the table.
Speaker 4: And maybe it's a lot.
Speaker 2: So you can still decide to not rop And that's
Speaker 2: fine because I'm not for everybody in that way, but
Speaker 2: I know that they're the people that I haven't been
Speaker 2: for bit fire, and so it's just now finding that
Speaker 2: bit So for her, I would just say, one, get
Speaker 2: to the root of what this is, to ask yourself,
Speaker 2: for real, do you love you? Do you feel like
Speaker 2: you're beautiful. Do you feel like you're a worthy date?
Speaker 2: Like a guy is going to enjoy the heck out
Speaker 2: of getting to know you. Have you gotten to know you.
Speaker 1: And write those things down, that you are worthy, that
Speaker 1: you're a queen, that you're a boss, that you're confident
Speaker 1: enough to go on dates and and actually decide if
Speaker 1: you like that person, because it's not about what they
Speaker 1: think about you. Just like you, John said, we get
Speaker 1: hung up on that we want people to like us
Speaker 1: when we're too stupid, and then we realize, wait, I
Speaker 1: don't even like you. So you got to say to yourself,
Speaker 1: you got to write down some positive affirmations for yourself,
Speaker 1: because I think you're in your head. I mean, I
Speaker 1: know you're in your head if you're feeling this nervous
Speaker 1: about it. It's normal to be nervous about things like this.
Speaker 1: That's totally okay, but it shouldn't hinder you from actually
Speaker 1: following through on the actual date and set yourself up
Speaker 1: for success. Go to a place where you're gonna be
Speaker 1: the most comfortable that you can possibly be. And I'm
Speaker 1: not joking when I say do it as many times
Speaker 1: in a row as you can do it to get
Speaker 1: the nerves out of your system and extinguish that that
Speaker 1: insecurity that you're feeling. And clearly it's a bigger issue.
Speaker 1: But like all these steps that you take to sort
Speaker 1: of self heal, they all start to build up together
Speaker 1: and then things become much easier because you're being proactive
Speaker 1: about your own well being when you actually are like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this because it's gonna be good for me,
Speaker 1: rather than fall into your nervous side and say no, no,
Speaker 1: forget it, I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna stay home.
Speaker 4: And also find your sexy too, And that means so
Speaker 4: many different things for so many different people, right, but
Speaker 4: like finding that sexy like whatever it is for you,
Speaker 4: I don't know on a houshold you or how short
Speaker 4: you are on being I'll split like that has nothing
Speaker 4: to do with the sexiness of the continents because if
Speaker 4: you if you know, like you'll want to walk on
Speaker 4: a role I'm the bed a stick in here, like
Speaker 4: and that's not just something you say like, that's something
Speaker 4: like you're going to eat actually have to believe because
Speaker 4: especially I mean tells you though being in Alleywood, you
Speaker 4: walk in the room and like that's a line of
Speaker 4: bounds up in here, my god. But then you're just
Speaker 4: like that's cool. I'm also in here, so that I'm
Speaker 4: also beautiful.
Speaker 2: I'm also that chick and also trust and know that, like,
Speaker 2: there are going to be some guys who are not
Speaker 2: gonna rock with you because you were virgin, and that's fine.
Speaker 2: They're lost. You're not for everybody. I would always say like,
Speaker 2: I'm not looking for our.
Speaker 4: Thousand guys, so like that's also a lot of pressure.
Speaker 1: I need one good dude, like that's it.
Speaker 2: And I used to friend zone myself a lot because
Speaker 2: I did have that thing of like I would just
Speaker 2: crack jokes and I'd be the funny girl and it's like, damn,
Speaker 2: well a lot have been on the dating two years
Speaker 2: because everyone's your friend.
Speaker 4: And so it's like when I talk about finding your sexy,
Speaker 4: it's that thing of being able to like look at
Speaker 4: some dude and just be like, Okay.
Speaker 2: I used to do the stupidest thing, Josey, And when
Speaker 2: guys asking my number, I'm be like, you have my
Speaker 2: email address?
Speaker 1: That is so stupid. I love that. It's like what
Speaker 1: does that mean? Also, five bad dates are going to
Speaker 1: lead a good one. Like the sooner you get through
Speaker 1: the bad dates, the sooner you're gonna find the good one.
Speaker 1: And it's a trial and error, that's what online dating is.
Speaker 1: So you took the first right step with Hinge, and
Speaker 1: now we need you to go on some dates and
Speaker 1: fuck your nervousness. Do whatever it. Take an edible, have
Speaker 1: a drink, whatever you want, don't don't get wasted, but
Speaker 1: have something to take the edge off. Beta blockers, Yeah,
Speaker 1: take a beta blocker.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Go to your doctor and get propana all. That's a
Speaker 1: beta blocker that'll help your Yeah, don't get row hipnawl.
Speaker 1: Don't confuse row hipnol with a beta blocker.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I think a couple of just practical things that
Speaker 3: she can do on hinge is set the expectation right
Speaker 3: up front, like looking for friends and maybe more so
Speaker 3: like you're not committing anybody who hits you up. You're
Speaker 3: not committing to anything more than like, we're just seeing
Speaker 3: what this turns into.
Speaker 1: I went on a date the other night and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm a forty eight year old woman, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I hope he doesn't think what
Speaker 1: if I don't like him? And I was like, if
Speaker 1: you don't like him, you're leaving, And that's exactly what
Speaker 1: I did. I had a drink and then I was like, sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm going to dinner with my sisters. I'm leaving now, right,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 4: And that was it.
Speaker 1: It wasn't happening, it wasn't on. There were no expectations.
Speaker 1: And you're in charge. You're a woman, you get to
Speaker 1: decide what's going to happen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we have choice, supposedly, that's like, that's like, that's
Speaker 2: a away right there.
Speaker 3: This exact scenario happened to Actually, the same friend who
Speaker 3: just came out of queer turned out she wasn't into
Speaker 3: guys and that's why she was always panicking on dates.
Speaker 3: So you know, maybe expand our search.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, yeah, expand your search, really expand it.
Speaker 3: Okay, Sarah, let us know how it goes, and we
Speaker 3: have our collor color just came so. Felix says, I'm
Speaker 3: a queer person, gay, demisexual, says gender man, which means
Speaker 3: I'm a boy who likes boys, but not very often.
Speaker 3: I was raised in a very religious home. In fact,
Speaker 3: my father is a pastor of a megachurch in my
Speaker 3: home state in the South. My parents love me very much,
Speaker 3: but my sexuality has always been the rainbow elephant in
Speaker 3: the room. I was outed by some youth group members
Speaker 3: when I was in college, and it nearly cost my
Speaker 3: father his job. When it happened, I went back in
Speaker 3: the closet, But after college, I moved out of state
Speaker 3: and have pretty much been living as an openly queer
Speaker 3: person ever since. In fact, I'm a qualified contestant for
Speaker 3: Mister Gay America this year pretty fucking gay, so I'm
Speaker 3: pretty much out, not so on social media. Whenever I
Speaker 3: post anything queer related, I have a setting that hides
Speaker 3: it from my friends and family and my church. I
Speaker 3: want to be proud of my accomplishments as the state
Speaker 3: title holder which qualified me for Mister Gay America, and
Speaker 3: when I eventually meet someone special, I want my family
Speaker 3: to be happy for me and come to my wedding.
Speaker 3: I love my parents very much, and they make a
Speaker 3: point to tell me they love me and pray for
Speaker 3: me daily. But they're convinced I'm on a horrible path
Speaker 3: and living out my truth as a queer person will
Speaker 3: lead to ruin. I have an incredibly supportive sister and
Speaker 3: brother in law who are both licensed therapists and run
Speaker 3: a lot of interference, so that's helped a lot. But
Speaker 3: we've been putting off this conversation as a family for
Speaker 3: a long time. Not being able to fully receive love
Speaker 3: from my parents because it's predicated on me being something
Speaker 3: I'm not has taken its toll over the years, and
Speaker 3: it's finally bubbling to the surface. My question is this,
Speaker 3: how do I convince my parents that they raised a
Speaker 3: good kid? Or I guess, how do I exist as
Speaker 3: a queer person without breaking my parents' hearts? And beyond that,
Speaker 3: how do I handle the backlash that I know is
Speaker 3: going to come for my old church love? Felix, Hi, Felix.
Speaker 5: Hi, how you doing?
Speaker 2: Hi?
Speaker 1: Felix. Our special guest today is Yvonne Orgie.
Speaker 4: I'd be lex, Oh.
Speaker 5: My god, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 4: I I'm good. Are you about the board of flight?
Speaker 5: No, actually just deplaned from one.
Speaker 1: So good eye, von good eye.
Speaker 4: I was like, feelings, do you work?
Speaker 6: Or I'm actually traveling for a pageant in Atlanta for
Speaker 6: Mister Gay America?
Speaker 1: Or is this a different pageant?
Speaker 6: Yeah, so this is a prelim to Mister Gay America.
Speaker 6: So we'll be competing for mister Gay Southern.
Speaker 3: Well, this is we have two pageant queens here.
Speaker 1: Well I wasn't quite the queen, but I was. I
Speaker 1: was on my way, and then I decided to re route.
Speaker 4: She was top fifteen out of fifty, so.
Speaker 5: Excellent.
Speaker 1: I was tough fifteen out of sixteen.
Speaker 5: There you go.
Speaker 1: Anyway. I feel like, so your family southern and religious.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, pretty pretty stereotypical Southern Baptist religious, very anti gay,
Speaker 6: anti trans all that good stuff.
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, and they know you're gay.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's kind of like the rainbow elephant in the room.
Speaker 6: We don't talk about it. They never asked me who
Speaker 6: I'm dating or things like that. It's just something that
Speaker 6: we don't really talk about.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think that's probably why you don't have
Speaker 1: sex a lot, or you don't want to have sex
Speaker 1: a lot, because you've probably feel so much shame because
Speaker 1: of the way that you were raised and everything you
Speaker 1: know around your family, which is very common actually. But
Speaker 1: I would say to you, this is the life that
Speaker 1: we're given, you know what I mean, This is the
Speaker 1: chance that we get. If you're living your life for
Speaker 1: your family, then you're not living your life for yourself
Speaker 1: and you have to really dig deep and figure out
Speaker 1: what's more important. Is it the approval of your family,
Speaker 1: is it the approval of your church, or is it
Speaker 1: your own growth and your own happiness and joy?
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not fair for you to have to
Speaker 1: take on their opinions and their judgments and prohibit you
Speaker 1: from blooming, you know what I mean, and to the
Speaker 1: person that you're supposed to be. And it sounds like
Speaker 1: that's exactly what you're allowing them to do.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I've definitely allowed them to do it for
Speaker 6: a long time. I mean, I think for me, it's
Speaker 6: just the you know me coming out, you know again
Speaker 6: to them and being like this and this is me,
Speaker 6: this is my truth and they would just take it,
Speaker 6: you know so personally and which just cause a big
Speaker 6: group to the family.
Speaker 5: And I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle up.
Speaker 1: But you are strong enough. You are. We're all strong enough.
Speaker 1: It's we all have a reservoir of strength that we
Speaker 1: don't even know about until we have to get in
Speaker 1: touch with it. So you are strong enough. It's a
Speaker 1: matter of choice if you're ready to do it, and
Speaker 1: I would are you in therapy I am.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm also a person living with schizophrenic Yes, that's
Speaker 6: a whole other topic, but therapy is more towards like
Speaker 6: helping strategies and things like that.
Speaker 1: Do you have schizophrenia?
Speaker 6: I do schizo effective disorder, which is schizophrenia plus a
Speaker 6: mood disorder which is really fun.
Speaker 1: Okay, and you're medicated for that.
Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, medication definitely helps. So maybe they'll lead you know,
Speaker 6: pretty pretty normal life thankfully.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Avon, what are your thoughts on this subject matter?
Speaker 4: When we were hearing your story, there was something you said,
Speaker 4: you said, how do I get my parents to or
Speaker 4: how do I the reality? Like you can't make anyone
Speaker 4: do anything. You could desire things to the people, but like.
Speaker 2: There's no version that you can make anyone to you
Speaker 2: as you want to be seen, love you like you
Speaker 2: want to be like that.
Speaker 4: Like so I think there is a there's going to
Speaker 4: have to be a a.
Speaker 2: Separation of desire and expectation in order for you to
Speaker 2: like fully get beat and joy. And this is not
Speaker 2: at all comparing my situation to your situation to very
Speaker 2: different things. But I remember when I was when I
Speaker 2: she saw my parents that wouldn't do comedy mind you.
Speaker 2: I had been the good Nigerian girl. I had gotten
Speaker 2: the masters. I was in church, do all the things.
Speaker 2: They I told them I was gonna move to New York.
Speaker 2: Our relationship was straying.
Speaker 4: For eight years.
Speaker 2: I would call and like, havevych other's day. I got it,
Speaker 2: be gotty get by back. Today I'm like, well, what
Speaker 2: the hell sick?
Speaker 4: You died it? What's going on? Right?
Speaker 2: And so it can't be my well right now for
Speaker 2: joy or understanding because they don't understand. So I had
Speaker 2: to find my tribe. I had to find the people
Speaker 2: that I knew cared for me, loved me, champion b
Speaker 2: celebrated me, all those things, because like, you need all
Speaker 2: of that when you're doing something that's different than what
Speaker 2: they considered to be norm right, and so what I
Speaker 2: also had to learn after base. In my mind, I
Speaker 2: was like, once I do this, then they will love
Speaker 2: me again. Then then we'll receive me again, then they
Speaker 2: will accept me, and then everything will be great. And
Speaker 2: then I did the thing and it was like, but
Speaker 2: your brother had a baby. I'm like, what the hell.
Speaker 2: So it's just like all these things that I was
Speaker 2: still combating, and I had to get in my mind,
Speaker 2: I just love them for where they are, for as
Speaker 2: much as they can understand about me and what they
Speaker 2: can love about me. Everything else, I would be doing
Speaker 2: myself with the service by trying to force my desire
Speaker 2: for how I want to be seen and loved on them.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it was sad because you're just like, damn, how
Speaker 2: come they still can't see all the things that I've
Speaker 2: been through.
Speaker 4: I wrote the book, you know, it was it wasn't like, Wow,
Speaker 4: you really struggled. I'm so glad you made it. It was like, so,
Speaker 4: why are you talking about us? And I was like,
Speaker 4: that's what you got from.
Speaker 6: It, that's a thousand percent my family. Like if I
Speaker 6: told them what I was struggling with, or you know,
Speaker 6: if they found ot I was doing this, they would,
Speaker 6: you know, be like, well, why are we talking about
Speaker 6: our family? You know, like why you know, we're very
Speaker 6: much like a type of family which I need to
Speaker 6: break away from. And like, you know, my sister is
Speaker 6: a is a counselor, and so is her husband, so
Speaker 6: like we're a very therapy adjacent family.
Speaker 5: But it's just we seem to not want to take
Speaker 5: our own advice.
Speaker 1: And and is there anyone in your family that is
Speaker 1: on your side, so to speak, Like with regard to
Speaker 1: you being gay and out as your sister, is that
Speaker 1: someone that you have as an ally in your family.
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's really the only one that I can talk
Speaker 6: to about anything related to, you know, being gay or
Speaker 6: anything like that.
Speaker 1: And what about your friend community. Do you have some
Speaker 1: friends that are close to you?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've got a fairly strong support network.
Speaker 6: I mean it's rank over the past few years, like
Speaker 6: dealing with some of my mental health stuff, but I
Speaker 6: do have a core few people that I can rely on.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, I think you should really lean into that,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I don't think you should
Speaker 1: hide who you are. I really don't. It's so important
Speaker 1: for each of us to really embrace everything about ourselves,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and really live out loud.
Speaker 1: And I know I don't mean that in like you
Speaker 1: have to wave it in their faces, but you can't
Speaker 1: diminish who you are out of fear for their reaction.
Speaker 1: They need to get on board with the fact that
Speaker 1: they love you and it's not a choice. This is
Speaker 1: your life, this is how you were born, this is
Speaker 1: who you are. And the more that you can lean
Speaker 1: into that. I know it could be years, but eventually
Speaker 1: most families come around. Yvonne's relationship with her family eight
Speaker 1: years later after that strain, isn't you know, isn't as strained.
Speaker 1: They did come around to the fact that she wasn't
Speaker 1: following through with what they wanted her to follow through with.
Speaker 1: And I know it seems like a huge mountain to climb,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure it is going to be. But the
Speaker 1: strength that you are going to gather from that climbing
Speaker 1: that mountain, and the self esteem that you're going to
Speaker 1: give yourself, and the way that it will affect and
Speaker 1: impact the rest of your life, and the way that
Speaker 1: it will impact the rest of your lovers and friends
Speaker 1: and relationships, whether they're romantic or not romantic, is paramount
Speaker 1: to how your family feels about what you're doing. You
Speaker 1: can tell them you love them, but you can't be
Speaker 1: living in a dishonest way.
Speaker 3: And I think there's a misconception about boundaries being something
Speaker 3: that we get to other people, but really we can
Speaker 3: only set boundaries with ourselves. And I think it would
Speaker 3: be good for you to remind yourself, like on a
Speaker 3: daily basis, like I'm only responsible for myself, and when
Speaker 3: you really believe that you understand this backlash from your church,
Speaker 3: that you're foreseeing anything that anybody else does and says
Speaker 3: you are not responsible for that. You're only responsible for
Speaker 3: what you're doing. And when you can live your truth,
Speaker 3: that's the best way that you can represent yourself. Anything
Speaker 3: else that happens is not up to you. It's not
Speaker 3: your fault. You didn't cause it by coming out, even
Speaker 3: though they already know you know you were outed before.
Speaker 3: This might be the time to take your power back
Speaker 3: and tell your truth yourself.
Speaker 2: I will say, I know it is not an easy
Speaker 2: thing because I mean obviously being in the church, like
Speaker 2: it is beyond a community.
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's like it's.
Speaker 2: So entrenched, and especially with your father being the head
Speaker 2: of the church, there are so many ripple effects that
Speaker 2: you know, even the three of us on this call
Speaker 2: can't fully know. And it is that thing of your
Speaker 2: mind goes into like will I be in Thanksgiving?
Speaker 4: And like what if my dad loses his job?
Speaker 2: And it just feels like all the compounding things fall
Speaker 2: on you. So I would say it's easy or for
Speaker 2: us to be like this and this, it's like no, no, no,
Speaker 2: it's very hard to be in your position right now.
Speaker 2: So I just want to affirm and acknowledge that because
Speaker 2: it is their card to also like dismantle all of
Speaker 2: the things that are connected to your one decision. So
Speaker 2: do know that, And so it might be a process,
Speaker 2: a three step process. And at the same time, when
Speaker 2: you make decisions for you, understand that it will not
Speaker 2: be the best decision for other people.
Speaker 4: And you cannot control what they say about you, what
Speaker 4: they do to you.
Speaker 2: And just know that, like two things can be true
Speaker 2: at the same time, this decision may affect them in
Speaker 2: a way. And then you know, you hope, you desire,
Speaker 2: you pray that they can be able to stand and say, listen,
Speaker 2: even if we don't agree with this, because it's still
Speaker 2: our son, we love him, and so I hope you
Speaker 2: can understand our position in loving and protecting ourselves. That's
Speaker 2: what you would want them to say. I don't know
Speaker 2: if that's what they are prepared to say, and we
Speaker 2: cannot control that. We cannot know that, right. And I
Speaker 2: know how frustrating that made me for you as a
Speaker 2: child who loves their parents, because there were times where
Speaker 2: I wanted that protection right and not in the same
Speaker 2: way obviously, but like you want that protection and sometimes
Speaker 2: when you don't get it, it feels so sad because
Speaker 2: it's like, why don't they just know me? Why can't
Speaker 2: they just see me and receive me? But we can't
Speaker 2: ask those questions. We're not them because we don't know
Speaker 2: what is in them. That's preventing that. We only know
Speaker 2: where we are in the seat that we sit at.
Speaker 2: So I hope you have your tribe. I am so
Speaker 2: grateful that you have your sister and her husband in
Speaker 2: your life that can affirm you because you really just
Speaker 2: need one good ally. You really just do need one
Speaker 2: good ally who can, like you said, cushion the blow
Speaker 2: for you. But it is a lot. I would definitely
Speaker 2: be prayed for you, and I know you pray for
Speaker 2: yourself as well, and maybe let the grays of God
Speaker 2: things changed. But we're not holding our breadth of that moment.
Speaker 5: Yeah, now that's hugely affirming.
Speaker 6: Thank you, just because it really is not just coming out,
Speaker 6: it's like basically saying to that entire community, I'm choosing
Speaker 6: a quote unquote to live this way and be outspoken
Speaker 6: about it and just thinking about a life where everyone
Speaker 6: knows is just I don't know, a little mind bending
Speaker 6: for me.
Speaker 5: I can't really crap my arms around it.
Speaker 1: Is there a scenario where you can be revealing about
Speaker 1: everything that's happening on Facebook or whatever. Is there a
Speaker 1: scenario where you can just take a little bit of
Speaker 1: a break from them so that everybody has time to
Speaker 1: kind of absorb the information and that you're not subjecting
Speaker 1: yourself to their criticism or their rejection or any of that,
Speaker 1: and you lean into your friend circle that you said
Speaker 1: you have.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that, like
Speaker 6: make a big, long post and then go dark for
Speaker 6: a little bit and just focus on being around my people.
Speaker 1: You don't have to go dark, But I'm saying if
Speaker 1: there was spons is going to be, if it's going
Speaker 1: to hurt you, and it's going to be hurtful, then
Speaker 1: you have every reason in the world to say, listen,
Speaker 1: this is my life. I have to live it. I
Speaker 1: want my family support. But if you guys don't want
Speaker 1: to support me, then I mean I have to take
Speaker 1: a break from you, you know, to kind of reinstill
Speaker 1: some confidence. You want to be loud and proud about it.
Speaker 1: You should be. Everyone else is.
Speaker 4: And also, I guess my question to you.
Speaker 2: Do you A couple buys is do you still live
Speaker 2: back at home in that community?
Speaker 4: Like do you still live down south?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 6: I live about three hours away, so it's close enough,
Speaker 6: but just far o the way exactly.
Speaker 2: Is there a version where you can get on the
Speaker 2: other side of America or another country? Like is there
Speaker 2: anything really keeping you so close to the community?
Speaker 4: Is there anything really keeping you in this country? Because
Speaker 4: there's versions where you can.
Speaker 2: Time and space and this is are are blessing. Those
Speaker 2: are also boundaries as well, and also no one's saying
Speaker 2: that you have to post anything about it. I'd feel
Speaker 2: like there's a version where you can just keep moving
Speaker 2: a wedding and like, again, that's still going to be hard,
Speaker 2: but it's a decision to protect your mind space and
Speaker 2: your heart space. I was like New York wasn't bart up.
Speaker 2: I had to move to LA because I know anyway
Speaker 2: get on the flight. But that was parted up the
Speaker 2: space and the distance, and then also choosing to not
Speaker 2: engage in certain conversations just like hey, I hear where
Speaker 2: you are. I understand your point of view. I also
Speaker 2: have shared my point of view. It doesn't feel like
Speaker 2: it's being understood. And I understand why, but also I
Speaker 2: choose nothing engaged in this conversation because there's no there's
Speaker 2: no answer or in an impast and so let's just
Speaker 2: not at the conversation.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I think there's definitely times where it's considered moving.
Speaker 6: But you know, I do have two little nephews and
Speaker 6: a baby knees within driving distance, so maybe when they
Speaker 6: get a little older, think about maybe, but in some distance.
Speaker 2: I will say, as much as I know you love
Speaker 2: your niece and your nephew, that is still you putting
Speaker 2: other people in.
Speaker 4: Front of you. Know, I'm not at the I can't
Speaker 4: tell you anyhing about that, like you're not, but.
Speaker 2: It ends that you know that's still like, Hey, I
Speaker 2: love middies and nephews, like we love that you love them.
Speaker 2: And at the same time they can still know that
Speaker 2: you love them. Mightighty's and nephew live one hundred bizillion
Speaker 2: thousand miles away. Every time I see them, I FaceTime them.
Speaker 2: I you know whatever, but I'm not going to put
Speaker 2: myself in proximity to a bad family situation. But it's
Speaker 2: like they still know that I love them. But at
Speaker 2: the same time I'm able to live what PRIs me joy.
Speaker 1: So consider that, consider that impact that you're having also
Speaker 1: watching you know, your niece's a nephew or nephews and
Speaker 1: niece are watching you. They're going to grow up watching you.
Speaker 1: And do you want them to grow up watching you
Speaker 1: live your life fully or do you want them to
Speaker 1: see you being a fraction of yourself because of your
Speaker 1: family's judgment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that a lot too, And Felix, as you well know,
Speaker 3: planes exist, so like you can visit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it would be empowering for you to
Speaker 1: get some space and time away from your family so
Speaker 1: that you can actually find out what your own thoughts
Speaker 1: are and what your own feelings are and kind of
Speaker 1: diminish the shame and work with a therapist, definitely, because
Speaker 1: this is so common among gay men, you know, whose
Speaker 1: families reject them and don't understand. But please keep in
Speaker 1: touch with us and let us know what transpires and
Speaker 1: give us updates because you should be empowered, and I
Speaker 1: hope you do feel empowered after us. Talking with you.
Speaker 2: Away also doesn't mean forever, as long as you get
Speaker 2: to whatever point you feel and you can stay, I'm
Speaker 2: okay with it. That's a very different thing than be
Speaker 2: like I'm not okay with it and I wish So
Speaker 2: it's like you can still decide that what works best
Speaker 2: for you is to be this version of yourself as
Speaker 2: long as you're okay with you.
Speaker 1: And you're not okay with it because you're calling in right.
Speaker 5: No, this this has been I appreciate.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, we love you and we support you and
Speaker 1: we are your allies. So you know, if you ever
Speaker 1: need us again, call us back.
Speaker 5: We'll do. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Okay, you love all the planet.
Speaker 4: Yeah that's fun.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we'll do.
Speaker 1: Okay, bye, thank you, Thank you guys, sending you off.
Speaker 1: Do you know how many people call in with that?
Speaker 1: How you could be a mother or a parent and
Speaker 1: say no to your child? Oh my god, I couldn't.
Speaker 2: You know what tells me it's one of those things
Speaker 2: where like everyone has a different POV right for Nigeria.
Speaker 2: Sometimes we think like how about our parents do s
Speaker 2: Y and Z? And I had to remember they saw
Speaker 2: a war where people were like killed in front of them,
Speaker 2: so some of their decisions and there was no like
Speaker 2: oh e MD or therapy available for them, you know,
Speaker 2: or like the even they're like what they just tried
Speaker 2: to survive to the next day. So it's not like
Speaker 2: we're making excuses, but it's like sometimes to understand I
Speaker 2: would totally do some things differently than like my parents were,
Speaker 2: Like I have the privilege of being in America and
Speaker 2: like knowing that I have another home, Like my dad
Speaker 2: almost died in the war and like had to like
Speaker 2: put on plane clothes and like walk three days till
Speaker 2: like my grandfather's village to survive. It's like, yeah, maybe
Speaker 2: there's a reason why he does X, Y and Z right,
Speaker 2: or maybe there's a reason why like shame and embarrassed
Speaker 2: her are so big in this community. We don't know
Speaker 2: all the factors. And then especially when you add in
Speaker 2: like deep rooted religion and this is the word, and
Speaker 2: the word is you know, sharper than need two edged sword,
Speaker 2: and it doesn't lie.
Speaker 4: It's like all the things that come with that. It's
Speaker 4: just like it's hard.
Speaker 2: To see, just like love, because again Jesus was still
Speaker 2: the same person. When the woman who had all the
Speaker 2: husbands came to him at the well, he was like
Speaker 2: a girl, get some water, and I know the man
Speaker 2: at home is at your book and it's just like wait,
Speaker 2: what And then she was able to be like, come
Speaker 2: and see a man who has shold me everything about
Speaker 2: my life because he didn't like judge her, he didn't
Speaker 2: shame her.
Speaker 4: He just was like, I know what's up you, dursty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like that's just not what we as humans
Speaker 2: who are all the way flawed, know how to do.
Speaker 2: So it is difficult and convoluted and a lot of
Speaker 2: times not right, but like who's to say what's right
Speaker 2: and wrong other than just like how and compassion for humanity.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right
Speaker 1: back to wrap things up, and we're back Avon Orgie.
Speaker 1: What an ironic last name for you? Really?
Speaker 4: I have questions with Jesus what I mean him of?
Speaker 2: Like I think we live in on my walldle laugh
Speaker 2: ning dreams here. I wait until I get married.
Speaker 1: I love you. You're so vibrant and filled with good,
Speaker 1: good stuff. I'm gonna DM you. I'll DM you my
Speaker 1: phone number so we can hang out and have a
Speaker 1: night together. Perfect, And thank you for being on the podcast.
Speaker 4: Thank you for having me, Thank you.
Speaker 6: Bye.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, we have added more shows to My Little
Speaker 1: Big Bitch Tour. I added another second show in Toronto,
Speaker 1: So I have two shows in Toronto now to December seventh,
Speaker 1: December eighth, December ninth, I'm in Ottawa, and two new
Speaker 1: shows at December fifteenth. On a Friday, We're doing a
Speaker 1: seven thirty and ten pm show with Kevin Hart and
Speaker 1: Friends that's in Thackerville, Oklahoma. And all my other shows
Speaker 1: that you can buy tickets for at Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 1: I'm starting my tour backup on September twenty ninth in
Speaker 1: New York City at the Beacon, which is sold out,
Speaker 1: but the next night there are tickets available September thirtieth
Speaker 1: at the Beacon. So for all fall dates you can
Speaker 1: go to Chelseahandler dot com for tickets and you'll see me.
Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 3: com