1
00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:06,120
Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. I am in Estoya and Majorca.

2
00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:12,160
Speaker 1: I've just spent five days alone. Five days alone, and Carla,

3
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,880
Speaker 1: my assistant, is here as well. But my first guests

4
00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:19,520
Speaker 1: didn't arrive until the second so I had five days

5
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:25,960
Speaker 1: of no drinking, utter seclusion, exercising, eating healthy. The thing

6
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,760
Speaker 1: about being on vacation isn't possible to get on any

7
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,040
Speaker 1: sort of program, so I got my shit together. I

8
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,040
Speaker 1: didn't do anything. I did Glennon Doyle's podcast, Glennon and

9
00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:38,040
Speaker 1: Abbey's podcast. I recorded that, so look for that. That's

10
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,559
Speaker 1: coming out shortly. We were trying to figure out a

11
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:41,879
Speaker 1: time this summer and I'm like, you know what, I'm

12
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,440
Speaker 1: alone for five days. I think that's the best time

13
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,200
Speaker 1: for me to do a podcast. Since I'm all podcasted out.

14
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,360
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have my own fucking podcast to deal with.

15
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,720
Speaker 1: But yeah, so I have a full house of comedians,

16
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,279
Speaker 1: So yeah, you can follow me on Instagram for all

17
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,160
Speaker 1: the sorts of shenanigans. And then at the end of

18
00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,040
Speaker 1: this month, I go back on tour. I start my

19
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,520
Speaker 1: little big which I'm really excited about. I've gotten so

20
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:06,800
Speaker 1: much rest and relaxation and aggravation and I need a

21
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,119
Speaker 1: vacation for my vacation, But what else is fucking new?

22
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:09,479
Speaker 2: Yeah?

23
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:13,440
Speaker 3: Now do you restore your energy alone or with other people?

24
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,679
Speaker 1: I restore my energy mostly by myself. But I go

25
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,000
Speaker 1: to bed listen. When I was in London, I stayed

26
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:20,880
Speaker 1: in London for a month, in like the month of July.

27
00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,200
Speaker 1: I think I was pretty much in London. I had

28
00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:26,959
Speaker 1: a blast. I went to bed probably between two and

29
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,600
Speaker 1: five am every single night. All I did was go

30
00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:32,040
Speaker 1: out and party. And it was so nice because I

31
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,840
Speaker 1: was in a hotel and I could just I had

32
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:35,720
Speaker 1: so many friends in London that I could just join

33
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,319
Speaker 1: other people's action, you know, like whatever my friends were

34
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,800
Speaker 1: up to, I'd be like, Okay, I'm going with them.

35
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:40,960
Speaker 1: I'm going with them. I'm doing this.

36
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:41,880
Speaker 4: You can float.

37
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,560
Speaker 1: So that was perfect because I wasn't in charge of

38
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,600
Speaker 1: the entertainment, you know what I mean. In my Orca,

39
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,080
Speaker 1: it's my house. I'm in charge of the entertainment. But

40
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,400
Speaker 1: I have a new policy I'm putting in place, like

41
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,560
Speaker 1: everybody has a free day throughout the week. Go do

42
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,640
Speaker 1: whatever you want to do. There's no organized plans. We

43
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,720
Speaker 1: all will have dinner together, obviously, but breakfast and dinner

44
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,960
Speaker 1: and then anything in between. Get your own fucking party started.

45
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,960
Speaker 1: You can hang out, you can leave, but don't rely

46
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:09,320
Speaker 1: on me.

47
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,520
Speaker 4: Yeah no, that's smart.

48
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's that plan. And then yeah, so that's

49
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,800
Speaker 1: what I'm in. I'm in. I have three different weeks

50
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,160
Speaker 1: of guests coming, so we'll see, we'll see what happens.

51
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,880
Speaker 1: I'm working hard on my book. I got a lot

52
00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:24,360
Speaker 1: of writing done. I have this great title for my

53
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,560
Speaker 1: new book, which I can't wait to share with people,

54
00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:28,440
Speaker 1: but it'll be a few months before I can do that.

55
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,720
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm feeling very productive.

56
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,480
Speaker 3: That's so good. Are you able to share any themes

57
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,120
Speaker 3: of the book, like kind of the angles you're working

58
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,119
Speaker 3: or keeping that under wraps for now?

59
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:44,079
Speaker 1: I think it's just about female independence and freedom, nice freedom,

60
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,160
Speaker 1: child free freedom.

61
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,680
Speaker 3: I feel like that is absolutely something that people who

62
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:50,640
Speaker 3: love you respond to.

63
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,720
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think it's definitely underrepresented, you know what

64
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,680
Speaker 1: I mean, We have so many people that are just

65
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,560
Speaker 1: not the reason why it gets such a big reaction

66
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,720
Speaker 1: is because there are plenty of people talking about it now,

67
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,120
Speaker 1: more so than there were. But you know, it's not enough,

68
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,960
Speaker 1: and it'll never be enough. That women have choices and

69
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,960
Speaker 1: that we can choose to do whatever we want and

70
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,440
Speaker 1: become whatever we want as long as we get all

71
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,799
Speaker 1: of this nonsense out of our heads and stop listening

72
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,000
Speaker 1: to what people are telling us.

73
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,840
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it kind It makes me think about what

74
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,520
Speaker 3: Alice Lonan had said about, you know, the whole, not

75
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,160
Speaker 3: just our culture, but.

76
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,520
Speaker 1: Like the energy of the universe basically is like.

77
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,919
Speaker 3: Swinging more feminine for the next Yes, who knows how long,

78
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:32,079
Speaker 3: but it's just it feels like it's coming to pass.

79
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:32,680
Speaker 4: And I like that.

80
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, great, Okay. So our guest today is she's

81
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,200
Speaker 1: a real piece of work. She's an actress, a comedian,

82
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,960
Speaker 1: and author of Bamboozled by Jesus. How God tricked me

83
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 1: into the life of my dreams. Please welcome vn Orgy.

84
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:54,320
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, baby, hello, Oh yeah, look at you. Cutey, petuity,

85
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,320
Speaker 1: fresh and fruity.

86
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,600
Speaker 4: And he takes one to know one.

87
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,840
Speaker 1: I was excited. I thought I was seeing you in

88
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,640
Speaker 1: today and I was gonna do a little dry hump

89
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,280
Speaker 1: and say hello. I was gonna jump on you. And

90
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,520
Speaker 1: then she said you're virtually no, and I was like, oh,

91
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,080
Speaker 1: what a bummer. But that's okay. We're happy to have you.

92
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,160
Speaker 4: I'm pretty bummed about it too. That was like, okay,

93
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:12,760
Speaker 4: we can do a body.

94
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:13,000
Speaker 2: Well.

95
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,760
Speaker 4: I've been a huge fan of yours.

96
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,440
Speaker 2: Literally when people asked me, I was like about like

97
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,760
Speaker 2: they were comedians. They were showing them like Chelsea Lately.

98
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,680
Speaker 2: You not seen Chelsea lately. I'm like, every night I

99
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,400
Speaker 2: tuned in BEFO I to move to LA. It was,

100
00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:28,880
Speaker 2: you know, fantastic, Thank you, honey. Well, likewise, right back

101
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:29,400
Speaker 2: at you.

102
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,839
Speaker 1: You're fantastic, And I'm so excited to have you on

103
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,560
Speaker 1: and to be talking to you because we don't have

104
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,000
Speaker 1: a lot of religious people on this podcast. We have

105
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,719
Speaker 1: a lot of spiritual people. But as I was reading

106
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,080
Speaker 1: your book, I realized that it's kind of one and

107
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,120
Speaker 1: the same. It is it's a belief system, and I

108
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,200
Speaker 1: love that it's like modern religion what you're talking about

109
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,600
Speaker 1: in your book, and I want to talk to you

110
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,039
Speaker 1: about that first and foremost. I want to talk to

111
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:57,520
Speaker 1: you about your belief in God and all of the

112
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,560
Speaker 1: signs that you I guess maybe early on the signs

113
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,640
Speaker 1: that you got that made you believe in God, not

114
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,200
Speaker 1: just that was instilled from your parents, but from your

115
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:09,560
Speaker 1: own young adulthood.

116
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:09,960
Speaker 5: I guess.

117
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really I like to say, it's really more

118
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,120
Speaker 2: like a relationship. So with my book it was my faith,

119
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:20,160
Speaker 2: it is very much more fate relationship.

120
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:20,520
Speaker 4: Board.

121
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,680
Speaker 2: I think when you have a relationship with somebody, it

122
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,960
Speaker 2: makes it more personal. Like if your mom tells you,

123
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,760
Speaker 2: like come home, and you know she loves you, and

124
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,200
Speaker 2: you love her back, You're like, you know what, I'm

125
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,640
Speaker 2: gonna come home even though I want to stay out,

126
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,919
Speaker 2: I'm gonna come home, Versus like if it's somebody you

127
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,120
Speaker 2: don't have a relationship with, like that aunt, that's always

128
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,600
Speaker 2: your business that it's like you should come home.

129
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,560
Speaker 4: You're like to the hotel not you know, you're just

130
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,280
Speaker 4: you're not really out that life.

131
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,640
Speaker 2: And so I think when people try to use religion

132
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,479
Speaker 2: to like force people to do stuff and like there's

133
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,680
Speaker 2: no understanding or no relationship behind it, it doesn't stick

134
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,400
Speaker 2: and it doesn't also feel good, like what the heck?

135
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,359
Speaker 4: Like why why would why would do we eat this?

136
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:56,919
Speaker 2: So that's just kind of like where my center of

137
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,039
Speaker 2: faith lies.

138
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,200
Speaker 4: This is why I've been able to be a wish

139
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,039
Speaker 4: for as well as I have.

140
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,400
Speaker 2: But yeah, no, I got saved when I was seventeen,

141
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,880
Speaker 2: Like I was not playing on going to anybody's blah

142
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:07,360
Speaker 2: bla study.

143
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,480
Speaker 1: I grew up Catholic, but from Nigeria. Well your parents

144
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,200
Speaker 1: are Nigerian and were you you were born in Nigeria, right?

145
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,240
Speaker 4: I sure was. I was born in Nigeria.

146
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,200
Speaker 2: We immigrated to America when I was six and my

147
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,480
Speaker 2: mom was a nurse at had.

148
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,120
Speaker 4: With University hospital. And you know, back then they liked

149
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,800
Speaker 4: the immigrants and so they gave us green cards. Naha.

150
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,599
Speaker 4: Now they're like you can go. You're like, well, wait,

151
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,200
Speaker 4: like you you told us to come in.

152
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,600
Speaker 1: I love switching the rules. It's like yes, yes, we'll

153
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,280
Speaker 1: take the tire the poor, and now we're like no, no,

154
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,960
Speaker 1: actually we take it all back. We didn't mean that.

155
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,360
Speaker 4: For sure, like nobody one of them.

156
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,800
Speaker 2: There was a nursing shortage, so like that's why every

157
00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:42,279
Speaker 2: time you go to the hospital, there's gonna be a

158
00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:45,000
Speaker 2: Filipido or an African nurse. This is why when you

159
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,000
Speaker 2: see hospital shows, you're like, no, this is not represented it.

160
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:56,600
Speaker 2: There's got to be a madame orbs.

161
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,840
Speaker 4: Like what are you talking about? Like that?

162
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,160
Speaker 2: If there's not a Filipino nurse or niger nisse, I

163
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,880
Speaker 2: would trust this hospital. So anyway, so that's how we

164
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,919
Speaker 2: got to America, and you know, we again we were

165
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:05,680
Speaker 2: Roman Catholic.

166
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,159
Speaker 4: But I remember just going to church war.

167
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,760
Speaker 2: As like a ritual, you know, like and after you

168
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,520
Speaker 2: going up, you're just like, it's gonna be a fifty

169
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,720
Speaker 2: five minute service, sixty if the priest is really feeling it.

170
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,600
Speaker 2: But you know, I just love God and I'm also

171
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,400
Speaker 2: afraid of my parents, so I'm gonna go to church.

172
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,840
Speaker 2: But then I got to college and I was I

173
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,480
Speaker 2: was like, let me tell you right now, we want

174
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,080
Speaker 2: to go all the way wild.

175
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,160
Speaker 1: We are in DC.

176
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,600
Speaker 4: I am a grown woman. Let's go.

177
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,080
Speaker 2: And I was on my way to the club and

178
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,520
Speaker 2: my friend was like, why don't we go to this

179
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,360
Speaker 2: Bible study before we hit the club?

180
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,320
Speaker 4: And I was like, I mean, I mean, I guess

181
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,160
Speaker 4: that makes sense.

182
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,400
Speaker 2: Sure, It's like it was like, you know, I'm not

183
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,240
Speaker 2: in a Bible study attire. I was probably supposed to

184
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,400
Speaker 2: be a hole in my heart, you know what I mean,

185
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,880
Speaker 2: Like I feel like in Jesus hadn't gotten me as

186
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:52,520
Speaker 2: early as.

187
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,920
Speaker 4: He would have. It made a different story.

188
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,640
Speaker 2: So anyway, we go to the Bible study and the

189
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,760
Speaker 2: woman preaching, she was just so in lovely God in

190
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,520
Speaker 2: the way way that like being a Catholic, I'd never

191
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,160
Speaker 2: seen someone want who like understood the Bible, new Scripture, whatever,

192
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,280
Speaker 2: and I was just so drawn to it. I mean,

193
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,040
Speaker 2: before I knew it, I was over there giving my

194
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,880
Speaker 2: life to Jesus. I was like, we were supposed to

195
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,800
Speaker 2: be on a poll tonight. Why am I now like

196
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,280
Speaker 2: in tears, like I do love you Lord, I surrender.

197
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,080
Speaker 4: So she got me.

198
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,240
Speaker 1: So it was in that moment, what you decided to

199
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:23,960
Speaker 1: commit to your relationship with God.

200
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I like that's how I already got bambooed

201
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:26,640
Speaker 4: by teeth.

202
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:29,760
Speaker 2: Like I was prepared to lose my virginity at eighteen,

203
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,400
Speaker 2: I knew I was. I knew I wanted to lose

204
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,920
Speaker 2: my virginity at eighteen because not because of that necessarily

205
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,440
Speaker 2: religious purposes, but because I was like, if I get pregnant,

206
00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:39,240
Speaker 2: I just won't be able to make decisions as an

207
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,040
Speaker 2: adult because if anybody calls my mama, I'm gonna be dead.

208
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,040
Speaker 1: So I mean, can you imagine your parents working, probably

209
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,160
Speaker 1: sacrificing everything to come to America and then their daughter

210
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,400
Speaker 1: has a teenage pregnancy.

211
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,079
Speaker 2: What a fuck you? I was like, I get I

212
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,600
Speaker 2: don't want my mom to go and deal with thirty

213
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,079
Speaker 2: five to life. I don't want that to be her esimoity.

214
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,680
Speaker 2: So I just was like at eighteen, like I don't

215
00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,480
Speaker 2: even know what decisions I would make, but I just

216
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,000
Speaker 2: both feel more of an adult to do them right.

217
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,839
Speaker 2: And so I remembered when I was sixteen, I went

218
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,880
Speaker 2: to see my my primary care physician and she had

219
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,800
Speaker 2: to call the mother of a sixty year old to

220
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,680
Speaker 2: tell her that her daughter was pregnant. I remember that

221
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,800
Speaker 2: a just sketch in my mind, like, oh, nobody will

222
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,959
Speaker 2: ever meet that call. So that's why I had the

223
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,720
Speaker 2: eighteen And God was like, ooohol, I'm gonna let her

224
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,760
Speaker 2: have this like timeline because I got a surprise with her.

225
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,120
Speaker 4: I'm not saying when I was seventeen and a half.

226
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,200
Speaker 1: So he got me, we're gonna take a quick break

227
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:37,600
Speaker 1: and we're gonna be right back and we're back. Are

228
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:41,240
Speaker 1: you still a virgin? I am, Oh my god, I

229
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:45,000
Speaker 1: love this. This is the most original guest we've ever

230
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,680
Speaker 1: had on and you what are you? Thirty nine? I am,

231
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,960
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that damn is gonna break one day, baby,

232
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:53,559
Speaker 1: and maybe.

233
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,080
Speaker 2: Let the thing right now, I like people were like, oh,

234
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,720
Speaker 2: you know. Even I was like, pray for him, whoever

235
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,880
Speaker 2: he is. Why you've got a lot of pets up energy.

236
00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:03,079
Speaker 1: Up and here.

237
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,240
Speaker 4: Okay, oh my god.

238
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,760
Speaker 1: And you're gonna hit your sexual peak when you start

239
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,480
Speaker 1: having sex. So yeah, you're gonna need a couple of men.

240
00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:14,360
Speaker 1: Probably you all went from.

241
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,640
Speaker 2: Being universits of poly ellaly, Like that would be a

242
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,640
Speaker 2: very interesting to events. That's I don't think that's the destimy,

243
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,680
Speaker 2: but I will say, like, hurry up, if you know

244
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,680
Speaker 2: any good men to the attend of my way.

245
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:24,400
Speaker 4: Please please.

246
00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:27,199
Speaker 1: I you know what, it's funny. I know this Nigerian man,

247
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,720
Speaker 1: he's married to my girlfriend. But I have so much

248
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:34,280
Speaker 1: experience with their family and Nigerians, and I know how

249
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,400
Speaker 1: dedicated Nigerians are to education and becoming a doctor, which

250
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,560
Speaker 1: you cover in your book as well, And it's just

251
00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:43,440
Speaker 1: couldn't be more true. Like it's very serious. You know,

252
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,560
Speaker 1: you have to be loyal and you have to like

253
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,520
Speaker 1: it's almost like being in a family can also feel

254
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,960
Speaker 1: like work for somebody who's like me, who gets to

255
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,080
Speaker 1: do whatever they want. And all the time you're like, oh, oh,

256
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,400
Speaker 1: this is a serious situation.

257
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,680
Speaker 4: There's always like an outlier. I'm the outlier by family.

258
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,160
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, I feel like I'm met for

259
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:05,320
Speaker 2: more than just what everyone else is doing. And so yeah, yeah, no,

260
00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,679
Speaker 2: and also as a Nijoria's supposed to be married at

261
00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:10,000
Speaker 2: twenty three, also an outlier.

262
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,040
Speaker 4: But no, I'm actually really happy.

263
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,520
Speaker 2: I feel like I don't think I could have ever

264
00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:17,679
Speaker 2: gotten married before this moment, Like honestly, maybe like thirty five,

265
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,880
Speaker 2: I thought I was ready, but actually I think I

266
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,600
Speaker 2: feel the most ready to be in the committed relationship now,

267
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:24,959
Speaker 2: like that will actually last.

268
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,240
Speaker 4: Everybody there get married.

269
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:30,160
Speaker 1: At twenty three, they probably not together anymore. Yeah, how

270
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,720
Speaker 1: did Nigerians feel about divorce?

271
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,520
Speaker 4: I mean, it's happening more and more now, so it's like,

272
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,400
Speaker 4: maybe don't tell your daughters to get married and just

273
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,600
Speaker 4: find it could and I didn't, I, you know, before

274
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:41,559
Speaker 4: they know themselves.

275
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,319
Speaker 1: And how many siblings do you have?

276
00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:45,800
Speaker 4: I have three older brothers, okay, And are.

277
00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,120
Speaker 1: They in the States. They're all in the States.

278
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, they very like I have one brother who lives

279
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,160
Speaker 2: in Nigeria, go back and forth.

280
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,040
Speaker 4: I have two brothers who are in the States. So yeah,

281
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,600
Speaker 4: we're we're all over the place.

282
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:55,480
Speaker 1: And you're the baby.

283
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:56,360
Speaker 4: The baby.

284
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,160
Speaker 1: Isn't that kind of the best place to be in

285
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:58,720
Speaker 1: a family.

286
00:11:59,240 --> 00:11:59,679
Speaker 2: You know what?

287
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,760
Speaker 4: I like if they listened to me more, I would

288
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,120
Speaker 4: really appreciate this position.

289
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,520
Speaker 1: I think with more the more success you have, the

290
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,079
Speaker 1: more they will listen. That's my experience with my family.

291
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,840
Speaker 1: For sure, they respect me way more than they did

292
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,440
Speaker 1: when I really thought I had some smart ideas. So

293
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,120
Speaker 1: talk a little bit. I like some of the stories

294
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:21,880
Speaker 1: about your faith and belief being reinforced right signs of faith,

295
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,640
Speaker 1: taking risks and knowing that God shows up for you.

296
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,679
Speaker 1: So can you talk a little bit about that.

297
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:27,640
Speaker 4: Yeah.

298
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:31,000
Speaker 2: When I was getting my master's in public health, there

299
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:35,720
Speaker 2: was a pageant called the Misbagerian American Pageant, and my

300
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,880
Speaker 2: like my friends were like, want you to enjoy, and

301
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,720
Speaker 2: so I did. And I just thought I was like,

302
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,600
Speaker 2: you know what, I can wear a dress. I feel like,

303
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,120
Speaker 2: you know body colleges is I'm fine. And in two

304
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,880
Speaker 2: weeks before the pageant, they were like, well, what's your talent?

305
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,280
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, I don't. I'm a job of immigrants.

306
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:51,040
Speaker 4: I don't have one.

307
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,360
Speaker 2: Like, we're not raised they have hotties and talents. And

308
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,000
Speaker 2: they were like, well, everyone who performs, needs to have one.

309
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,760
Speaker 2: So it's two weeks people have bought tickets for my

310
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,000
Speaker 2: mom and my like cousins are comed hey, and so

311
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,280
Speaker 2: I'm just like, well, what the hell. I can't like,

312
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:07,040
Speaker 2: I can't mess up because again the Nigerian it means

313
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,080
Speaker 2: like we gotta be excellent.

314
00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:09,480
Speaker 4: And I prayed.

315
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,560
Speaker 2: By this time, you know, I had a relationship with

316
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,880
Speaker 2: God now for like five or six years. I was like, hey,

317
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:19,079
Speaker 2: God really needs a solid It's me dollan fast, it's

318
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,800
Speaker 2: stat And God was like, do comedy, Like I've heard

319
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,120
Speaker 2: the voice of all these favorite sayings.

320
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:24,840
Speaker 4: Do comedy.

321
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,320
Speaker 1: And when you say you hear the voice of God,

322
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,720
Speaker 1: what do you hear? How does that present itself?

323
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,240
Speaker 2: You know, it's it's one of those things where I'll

324
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,360
Speaker 2: say out of body, but it's almost kind of like

325
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,439
Speaker 2: a almost like a closing in because I know it's

326
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,720
Speaker 2: not me, Like that was not an idea that I

327
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:44,040
Speaker 2: could ever come up with on my own, and it

328
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:46,920
Speaker 2: just sounds very clear, do comedy.

329
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,600
Speaker 4: It wasn't really, it wasn't James Earl Jerald. It was

330
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,440
Speaker 4: just you comedy. And I was like what And.

331
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,040
Speaker 2: I remember being like, that's that's not what I would

332
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,440
Speaker 2: ever do. So I was like, nah, I'm good. And

333
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,160
Speaker 2: then I was like god, no, for like it's me Evon,

334
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,080
Speaker 2: like like give me something I can actually work with.

335
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,079
Speaker 4: And he said, either you're going to larger trust me,

336
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:06,800
Speaker 4: or you're not.

337
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,400
Speaker 2: And then the book spun away like it was like

338
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,240
Speaker 2: I was just like whoa, you guys just dropped.

339
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,360
Speaker 4: I was like to leave, what the hell? But it

340
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:16,600
Speaker 4: was just so clear and I was so scared.

341
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,560
Speaker 2: That's also how I know that it's him when he

342
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,960
Speaker 2: asked me to do something that completely takes me out

343
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,000
Speaker 2: of like the realm of logic, out of the realm

344
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,080
Speaker 2: of something that I feel like I can do. I

345
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,120
Speaker 2: know this nothing but God, because I wouldn't normally come

346
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:30,480
Speaker 2: up with that.

347
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,960
Speaker 4: That's stupid. Why would I? Why would I put my stuff?

348
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,920
Speaker 2: Because Lenduria is like Americs are actually nice, like just

349
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,040
Speaker 2: you know you have white friends and like when you

350
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,440
Speaker 2: started doing comedy, they were like.

351
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,680
Speaker 4: Honey, that was good.

352
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,200
Speaker 2: You know they'll support, they'll clap, they'll support whether it's

353
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:43,840
Speaker 2: good or bad.

354
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,440
Speaker 4: When you bomb there like you'll get.

355
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,600
Speaker 2: Them next size and you're like, oh, thank you. When

356
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,360
Speaker 2: you know front of durious they do not care about

357
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,680
Speaker 2: your feelings. Okay, if I were to bomb, they.

358
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,280
Speaker 4: Would be like who's this?

359
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:54,920
Speaker 5: Why?

360
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,520
Speaker 4: And these are the parents? Okay?

361
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,880
Speaker 2: And so I definitely was like, hey, okay, I'm very nervous,

362
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:08,600
Speaker 2: I'm very scared. I also know that I don't want

363
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,800
Speaker 2: a regular life like I just once I got said that,

364
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,400
Speaker 2: I started like really representing the Bible.

365
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:13,320
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, I.

366
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,320
Speaker 2: Think I'm destined for more because for me, I think

367
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,920
Speaker 2: when when you don't have friends and when you were

368
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,800
Speaker 2: bullied and you feel like, oh man, all I wanted

369
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,920
Speaker 2: to do was be long, and then you read the

370
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,080
Speaker 2: Bible and it's like a blueprint to like belonging. It's

371
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,920
Speaker 2: a blueprint to like finding a discovery yourself and your purpose.

372
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:29,960
Speaker 2: I just I think I clung to it in such

373
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,520
Speaker 2: a way that like I needed it. And so I

374
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,080
Speaker 2: was like, well, maybe God knows something about me that

375
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,680
Speaker 2: I don't know about myself and excars me so much.

376
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,880
Speaker 4: But I would I would hate you know.

377
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,480
Speaker 2: Even in the book, there's a chapter called Fears two

378
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:44,640
Speaker 2: Boys and but regret as her bees, And for me,

379
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,840
Speaker 2: I'm like, I would hate to like regret my life

380
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,720
Speaker 2: because I just didn't do what God said because it

381
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,720
Speaker 2: scared me so much, and so I spent the next

382
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,760
Speaker 2: two weeks writing down what I thought was funny with

383
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,000
Speaker 2: the dual identity of being that you're an American and

384
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:02,040
Speaker 2: people who have and I almost I was so scared

385
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,920
Speaker 2: of forgetting my lines, so I didn't do it. Like

386
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,400
Speaker 2: like you know, when you get familiar with comedy, you're

387
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,640
Speaker 2: able to improv, You're able to go with the jokes

388
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,360
Speaker 2: to a crowd. Work that was not my case. I

389
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,160
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, can y'all please start laughing? Y'all go

390
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,360
Speaker 2: rest me up. And that was the first time that

391
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,760
Speaker 2: I was like, Wow, I really really trusted God to

392
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,200
Speaker 2: do something out of like the norm for me and

393
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:24,960
Speaker 2: it worked out.

394
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,280
Speaker 4: But I was so scared.

395
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,280
Speaker 2: So I was like, hey, God, I want to do

396
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,320
Speaker 2: this again, but if I know, I'm good if it's

397
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,880
Speaker 2: not an audience of Nigerians with the same material.

398
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,520
Speaker 4: And so that I did DC's Funniest College Student Competition.

399
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:42,120
Speaker 2: I ended up winning for GW and part of winning

400
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,200
Speaker 2: means you perform at the DC improv and so I

401
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,200
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, I think I can do comedy,

402
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:48,560
Speaker 2: but it still scared me.

403
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that story. I talk about the story

404
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,560
Speaker 1: when you moved to New York though, what happened with

405
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,360
Speaker 1: that when you had no money or you.

406
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:56,040
Speaker 4: Oh my god?

407
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,800
Speaker 2: So that was like, well, those were like one of

408
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,360
Speaker 2: the first moments. And then of course, like you keep

409
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 2: going and then.

410
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,600
Speaker 1: And this voice becomes more familiar to you as you hear.

411
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,520
Speaker 2: It absolutely, Like I know, like anytime I take a bath,

412
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:11,320
Speaker 2: I always just bring my notepad and a pen because

413
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,320
Speaker 2: when I'm still and I'm like set, like God, I

414
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:15,520
Speaker 2: need to hear from you, that's when I'm like so

415
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,120
Speaker 2: tapped in and so tuned in.

416
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,639
Speaker 4: Inevitably I'll come out and I'll write something that I know.

417
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,480
Speaker 2: All this is like waiting to download with me on

418
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,399
Speaker 2: because he's always talking. And sometimes it's just kind of

419
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,960
Speaker 2: like a feeling like I should go there, or I

420
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,120
Speaker 2: should go do that, and sometimes it's like audible direction.

421
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,719
Speaker 2: So when I was trying to avoid going to med

422
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,560
Speaker 2: school by going to live in Liberia, which is just

423
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,800
Speaker 2: finishial war because it's easier to like go to war

424
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:44,639
Speaker 2: torn countries than to dismantle your parents' hopes and dreams.

425
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,240
Speaker 4: And so the.

426
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,040
Speaker 2: Last weekend I was there, I met this woman named Jackie,

427
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,520
Speaker 2: and it was at a wedding it was literally I

428
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,399
Speaker 2: met her one day. She was from New York. She's like,

429
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,400
Speaker 2: you have me give my daughter, and that was it.

430
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,760
Speaker 2: We went our separate ways. A couple months later, I

431
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,159
Speaker 2: was like, I want to move to New York. If

432
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,680
Speaker 2: I'm really going to do this comedy thing, I gotta

433
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:05,080
Speaker 2: try it. So I just have enough to like buy

434
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:06,920
Speaker 2: a bus ticket. Right, I'm like, I don't know where

435
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,840
Speaker 2: I'm wanna stay. All I know is like, I gotta

436
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,760
Speaker 2: get out of Maryland. So I get on a bus.

437
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 2: It's four hours. I'm texting everybody I know, like, hey.

438
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,120
Speaker 4: Are you in New York?

439
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,000
Speaker 2: Can I jump on your couch for a little bit.

440
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,960
Speaker 2: Then I just post on Facebook. I was like, coming

441
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,000
Speaker 2: to New York, need a place to stay, and that

442
00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,439
Speaker 2: was it. Two hours into my ride, I get a

443
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,760
Speaker 2: message from Jackie that says call me.

444
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,040
Speaker 4: She gets your.

445
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,240
Speaker 2: Number and she goes, are you on your way to

446
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 2: New York. I'm like yeah, She's like, you can stay

447
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,600
Speaker 2: in our basement apartment. My daughter is away of college,

448
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,879
Speaker 2: so it's yours. I lived with this woman that I

449
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,439
Speaker 2: had met once before I left war torn Liberia for

450
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,040
Speaker 2: six months renfree. Those are the things where I'm like

451
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,479
Speaker 2: you don't have all the answers before you go. I

452
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,760
Speaker 2: was on a bus heading somewhere and I had no

453
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,879
Speaker 2: idea where I was gonna stay and lay my head.

454
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,560
Speaker 2: And as I went, without all the information, without every

455
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:03,119
Speaker 2: tea cross and every I dotted, my answer came. So

456
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,359
Speaker 2: that's where like my faith really, like definitely like I

457
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:10,480
Speaker 2: don't extend those I've seen too much, Like I can't

458
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,359
Speaker 2: back down, Like it's just it's just wild to because

459
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:15,000
Speaker 2: the way I know how he works, I know how

460
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 2: he operates. And even now, like even bringing on the

461
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,400
Speaker 2: relationship whereeople, like you think you're ever gonna meet someone

462
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,760
Speaker 2: like Bro, I'm a immigrants who's living up our Wallace

463
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 2: dreams in Allywood.

464
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,200
Speaker 4: There's eight billion people on Earth.

465
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,959
Speaker 2: I feel like finding me one man is the easiest

466
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,080
Speaker 2: thing I could do. It doesn't even cost in my

467
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 2: mind that it won't happen.

468
00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:36,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the right attitude to have. I think a

469
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 1: lot of people would describe that. Also, not to say

470
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,280
Speaker 1: that you're not, you know, have a relationship with God.

471
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 1: You obviously do, but a lot of people would say, oh,

472
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,960
Speaker 1: that's instinct or the knowing, like your intuition when you

473
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 1: can sit still and really hear yourself and hear your desires,

474
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 1: whether it's someone telling you or whether it's an innate

475
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:57,479
Speaker 1: feeling or an instinctual intuition, whatever. I think a lot

476
00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:00,040
Speaker 1: of people can relate to that. I love though. I

477
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 1: love the way you're talking about it. I love the

478
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,680
Speaker 1: way that you believe in it, because I think when

479
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 1: we believe in things, it becomes true. A lot of

480
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,560
Speaker 1: people are like, I don't believe in that. I don't

481
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 1: believe in that. I don't believe It's like, you don't

482
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,120
Speaker 1: know what the fuck is going on. Nobody knows what

483
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,680
Speaker 1: is going on in this world. When somebody's like, there's

484
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,439
Speaker 1: no UFOs, I'm like, you don't know that. What are

485
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,000
Speaker 1: you talking about. There's plenty of evidence to suggest otherwise.

486
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,560
Speaker 1: You have this belief and it's closed and shut, and

487
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 1: that's the end of the case. You know, like your

488
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 1: opinion is valid because it's yours.

489
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,920
Speaker 2: I feel like the one thing that is certain in

490
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 2: life is you live at the level to.

491
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 4: What you believe. Right, if you believe, you know what,

492
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,960
Speaker 4: they're good people in this world.

493
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 2: And I've just I choose to be optimistic and yes,

494
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 2: even in the face of like bad things happening and

495
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,880
Speaker 2: bad people coming to you, you're still like, yeah, no,

496
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 2: I really hope and they find joined their live, but

497
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,200
Speaker 2: I'm gonna still choose to believe that there are better

498
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:53,440
Speaker 2: people out there are good people.

499
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 4: So you just live at the level to what you believe.

500
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 4: And some people, for.

501
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 2: All a young age, have been like stunded to like

502
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,800
Speaker 2: be like the world is stress, everything's sass.

503
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 1: To have to have limited belief systems, you know that

504
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 1: sum that aren't always growing, always expanding, like the idea.

505
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 1: The key to I think true awareness and enlightenment is

506
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,879
Speaker 1: to have your opinion changed constantly to start believing. And

507
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:20,400
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about QAnon. I'm talking about like learning

508
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,919
Speaker 1: as you grow, like oh, I actually I'm open to

509
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 1: this or and I accept this, and yes that might

510
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 1: be a possibility. Just because it hasn't happened to you

511
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it can. But I love the attitude. I

512
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 1: love all of it, like I can totally relate because

513
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 1: when you have high vibes, you get high vibe things.

514
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 1: You know, things come your way, for sure.

515
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 2: I love what you said about feasible because it's like

516
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,679
Speaker 2: none of us are are the thing, Like I'm not

517
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,919
Speaker 2: the thing as I was while I was seventy, Like

518
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,199
Speaker 2: there's some character traits that are like these are the

519
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 2: things that make me. But like when new information, when

520
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 2: you read new books, when you when you go to therapy,

521
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 2: when you have different conversations, your world enlarger than expands

522
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 2: and you're able to be like, oh, you know what,

523
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,440
Speaker 2: I didn't like doing that, Like now I like doing this.

524
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 2: I just wasn't ready to bring that into my life

525
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,719
Speaker 2: at that point when you first asked me. But like

526
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,840
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean like, oh, you're a flip flopper. It's like, no,

527
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 2: I just have new information now, Like I just enjoy

528
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,639
Speaker 2: growing and learning. And then some things I used to do,

529
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 2: I don't do it anymore. Like God really got me

530
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 2: to a place, especially the pandemic. He was like, I

531
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 2: need you to trust you as much as you trust me.

532
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:25,879
Speaker 2: So I'm going to be a little bit more quiet.

533
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 2: And you have to know that because I love you

534
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,439
Speaker 2: and you love me, and I'm in you, that the

535
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 2: decisions you will make will be from a place that

536
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,199
Speaker 2: make me proud as opposed to be like God, is

537
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 2: this what you want? God?

538
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:36,680
Speaker 4: Is this what you want?

539
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,639
Speaker 2: And so it's just like whoa that was like, Okay,

540
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 2: you're not all the choriny reels anymore, like you have

541
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,919
Speaker 2: the bicycle go. And I think sometimes people just like

542
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 2: are chained even to like, well, this is what our

543
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 2: relationship was like, and God, like, why would you leave me?

544
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:50,359
Speaker 4: I need you?

545
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 2: It's like I'm not a good parent if like you're

546
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 2: connected to my hip all the time. You have to

547
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 2: trust and know my voice and my love is in you,

548
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 2: so move accordingly.

549
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 1: What was the last book that you read? Oh, my goodness,

550
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 1: you mentioned books. I'm a big book a reader. We'd

551
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: like to talk a lot about books on this podcast.

552
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 1: Your last favorite.

553
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 2: Book, Uh yah, yas the tresenta Kingdom was a really

554
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:18,159
Speaker 2: good one, and then Seven Days in June was a

555
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 2: really good one.

556
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 1: Like, what's that I haven't heard of seven Days in June.

557
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:25,000
Speaker 1: The last time I checked, there were thirty Reilly.

558
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:26,120
Speaker 4: I'd dealt with you.

559
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 2: It's by Tea Williams. It's a love story by these

560
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,479
Speaker 2: two authors who spent seven days in June when they

561
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 2: were younger, and it was just like a whirlwind and

562
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 2: then like they separated. But then all of your books

563
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,120
Speaker 2: are like low key about this intense love that they had.

564
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 4: And then they reunite.

565
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,679
Speaker 1: Oh I like that. That sounds cute.

566
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 4: Uh huh.

567
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 1: Then summer I like to dip into a lot of fiction.

568
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 4: What about you give me some recommendations.

569
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 1: I'm reading Covenant of Water right now. I'm reading Andrea

570
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,719
Speaker 1: Augusty's autobiography. Oh, I have a good book for you,

571
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 1: Lucky Girl. That's a good book. It's about these four

572
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: queer women while some are non binary, and these four

573
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: queer friends that live together and they work at like

574
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,199
Speaker 1: a magazine that's about to get canceled, not canceled, but

575
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 1: they have no money, you know, so they're about to

576
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,360
Speaker 1: get shut down. And then these new people come in

577
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 1: and there's kind of a lot of affairs and they're

578
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 1: all good friends. So it's fun and it's fiction, so

579
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,919
Speaker 1: it's nice and light. And then there's another one that

580
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: I read that was really good. Wait, that's Lucky You.

581
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 1: Lucky You is a great book.

582
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:29,720
Speaker 4: It's that.

583
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's about a girl that grows up in Kenya,

584
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 1: moves to America and she has a really overbearing mother

585
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 1: and then she's kind of confronting the racism in America

586
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 1: compared to where she grew up in Kenya, where she

587
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 1: doesn't feel that kind of she doesn't feel American racism.

588
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 1: She's like, when you grew up in Kenya, you're surrounded

589
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,880
Speaker 1: by all black people, so shut up and stop complaining.

590
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 1: It's kind of what the vibe she comes in with.

591
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 1: And then the transformation after spending so many years in

592
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 1: America and how different it is here when it's not

593
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,959
Speaker 1: all black people, you know, and what you're up against.

594
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,680
Speaker 1: So that was a really good book. I learned a

595
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 1: lot from that. It's fiction, but it's beautiful.

596
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,959
Speaker 4: I can relate. I can't wait to get into that.

597
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we're gonna

598
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 1: be right back, and we're back. It happens so fast.

599
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 3: Are you ready to give some advice?

600
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,160
Speaker 1: Are you ready to give some adviceive on, you won't

601
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 1: be what this podcast is. We have people that write

602
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: and call in and we give advice. So get your

603
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:27,120
Speaker 1: shit together, girl.

604
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 3: Okay, Katie Wrights, Dear Chelsea, I have two questions, really, First,

605
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,199
Speaker 3: does Chelsea have any advice for someone who has public

606
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 3: speaking anxiety but wants to try stand up? My anxiety

607
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 3: surrounding public speaking is pretty intense. I typically physically shake

608
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 3: and my voice gets stuck and garbled. I love to write, however,

609
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:48,920
Speaker 3: and I've been working on some jokes, but the thought

610
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 3: of speaking in public and being in front of anyone

611
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 3: terrifies me. Does this mean that maybe trying this just

612
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 3: isn't in the cards for me? Eventually, I'd like to

613
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 3: submit a writing packet for a show or comedian, which

614
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 3: would be a dream come true, especially due to the

615
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,680
Speaker 3: slim chance that anything would come from trying stand up,

616
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 3: which I know isn't logical or very realistic, given that

617
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 3: the dream outcome would be to get a comedy writing position.

618
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 3: Should I start there instead? This idea actually makes me

619
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 3: a lot happier to even contemplate. So maybe it's the

620
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,159
Speaker 3: road I should try first, even knowing that it's an

621
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 3: extremely competitive field and I know nothing would probably come

622
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 3: of it. At least I wouldn't regret not trying. I'd

623
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 3: be so grateful for any sort of direction or advice.

624
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 1: Let me start from a medical standpoint. You can talk

625
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 1: to your doctor about beta blockers. You will not shake.

626
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 1: I've used beta blockers, my sister. Everyone I know has

627
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 1: used a beta blocker at some point in their lives

628
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,920
Speaker 1: when they're too nervous, So that kind of cuts off

629
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 1: that signal that your brain sends to your body that

630
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,959
Speaker 1: makes you shake or where you get dry mouth, or

631
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 1: it solves a lot of problems. If you're comfortable doing that,

632
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 1: I would highly recommend it because beta blockers work and

633
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 1: you don't have to take them forever. They kind of

634
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,640
Speaker 1: rewire your brain to stop getting so nervous. I would

635
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 1: also recommend that, I mean, to any person that really

636
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 1: wants to face their fears, doing stand up comedy is

637
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,479
Speaker 1: a great way to face your fears. You're always going

638
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 1: to be happy that you did it, regardless of what happens.

639
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 1: You're going to be happy that you took the step

640
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: towards making that happen. But if writing is also like

641
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 1: something that appeals to you, I think there's a much

642
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 1: better chance of success with writing than there is with

643
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: being in front of the camera. I feel like the

644
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,199
Speaker 1: odds are slightly lower for being in front of the

645
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,879
Speaker 1: camera than they are being a writer. And you know,

646
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 1: with writing, you can do that and that doesn't make

647
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 1: you nervous and it doesn't make you scared, and so

648
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,640
Speaker 1: there's a lot of benefits that come with that too.

649
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,159
Speaker 1: Following your path and it sounds like that kind of

650
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 1: feels like it is your path, but I would still

651
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 1: try stand up just to try it because it's so

652
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: exhilarating to do that. And I too have experienced shakiness

653
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: on stage and stuff, and that's how I found out

654
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: about beta blockers. I don't use them now because I

655
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 1: don't need them now, but I did have a period

656
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,360
Speaker 1: of time where I did need them, and so they

657
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:02,360
Speaker 1: can help in them. Yvon, what do you think.

658
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,120
Speaker 4: A couple of things? So I would say, if you're

659
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 4: really interested to get.

660
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 2: Into the root of your social anxiety and you're able to,

661
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 2: I would try emd R therapy because that actually like

662
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 2: gets right into like where did this fear come from?

663
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 2: Like what is it rooted in that makes you feel

664
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 2: like whenever you get in front of people, like it's

665
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,119
Speaker 2: so present that it blocks you. So if you're able to,

666
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 2: I would try that because I think that's not just

667
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,440
Speaker 2: showing up in public speaking, that's showing up in other

668
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 2: areas of your.

669
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: Life, and that's getting to the root of the matter

670
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 1: rather than putting a band aid on it, which is

671
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 1: what it beta blocker propenolol would do.

672
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, I mean, because that's just like for life,

673
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 2: that you're gonna you're gonna be around people for as

674
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,680
Speaker 2: long as your life, right, So whether you just want

675
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 2: to figure out, like why why do I feel like this?

676
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 4: And is there ever is there any freedom from this?

677
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 4: That's what I would say.

678
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 2: First two, I would be more mindful and cognizant when

679
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 2: you say things like when you just read even though

680
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 2: I know nothing will ever come of it, you have

681
00:28:59,000 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 2: what you believe.

682
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 4: So words are so important for me.

683
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm huge on whatever you say is like

684
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 2: an arrow. So if you're like I just believe that

685
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 2: something could come of it, even if you're not sure

686
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 2: what it is. If you're starting a set to this

687
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 2: would be like I I know that you know nothing

688
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 2: will ever have it, It's like, well, nothing will ever happen,

689
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 2: You're right, So it's like a self fulfilling privacy.

690
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 4: So that's that just on the just in general terms.

691
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 2: But then I would also say, like, just also to

692
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 2: listen to our body, like the things that make us

693
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 2: feel better.

694
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 4: I do that, Like I think like so with somehow

695
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 4: society has been like push faster, your fears go to

696
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 4: the end.

697
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 2: It's just like, but what I do want to do this,

698
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 2: Like I don't like it, you know what I mean,

699
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 2: Like I I have a fear of blood, and I

700
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 2: was still like majoring in freaking biology, thinking I was

701
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 2: gonna be a doctor, like I don't like blood, like

702
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 2: so there's no verse, Like I.

703
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 4: Was gonna be an obgyn. The hell was like Dickie,

704
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 4: So like that didn't bring me joy.

705
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 2: I loved talking to people, so I got my master's

706
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 2: in public health.

707
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 4: I love traveling. I got my masters in global public health.

708
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 2: So it was just like those things actually made sense

709
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 2: and they brought me joy, and I was good at

710
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 2: them because they made me feel good. So it's like, yes,

711
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 2: you can push faster fears, and there's sometimes where fears

712
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 2: are quippling because it's stopping from doing the thing that

713
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 2: you're supposed to do. But then's sometimes I think people

714
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 2: like just do the hard thing because it's hard, and

715
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 2: someone told them that they have to do the art.

716
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 4: It's like, biggy girl.

717
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 2: From what I'm hearing, I feel like you're gonna be

718
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 2: a really good comedy writer. Get a comedic friend, and

719
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 2: like write jokes for them, so then you kind of

720
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 2: get the best of both worlds of being on tour

721
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 2: having your jokes be centered, but then you being behind

722
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 2: the scenes and then maybe enough breaths of that in

723
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 2: a new season you get you see that it's not

724
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,840
Speaker 2: so bad, and then you're able to come to the forefront.

725
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 2: It's finny, like everything doesn't have to happen all at once.

726
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 2: There can be stages to your life and to your dreams.

727
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think too, you know, stand up doesn't

728
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 3: necessarily have to be like, oh, that's her end goal,

729
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 3: Like she wants to be a writer, but if she

730
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 3: were to take a class or do a couple open

731
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 3: mic nights, get her jokes out there, she would be

732
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 3: able to see like what's working, what doesn't like, what

733
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 3: does it actually sound like, you know, when it's up

734
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 3: on stage, And it'll help her refine her jokes a

735
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 3: little bit as well.

736
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 2: But I also love what like I think it was

737
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 2: like Tina Say and Amy Poehler. I love how they

738
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 2: were very much like, yeah, we couldn't be stand ups,

739
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 2: but we can be sketch artists. So like they're still

740
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 2: very front incenting, you know them as comedic women, but

741
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 2: they're not stand ups, right, and they are very vocal

742
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 2: about like no, that's a different beast. And I love

743
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 2: that because I think it shows that there's different ways

744
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 2: to be comedic and to be front and center would

745
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 2: not necessarily be like so the other day I was

746
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 2: walking down the street, you know, like it's just like

747
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 2: there's a different there's different chy points for everybody.

748
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 1: If you're really itching for that experience, go and do it.

749
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 1: You know, try it a couple times if you really

750
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: want to overcome that. But again, you don't have to.

751
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: But if it's gonna make you feel good, it's gonna

752
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 1: make you feel a little bit brave, and it will

753
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 1: only lend itself to your writing as well, because so

754
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a big appreciation for it after you

755
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:05,239
Speaker 1: try to do it.

756
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 5: Yeah.

757
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 4: Yeah.

758
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 3: One of my girlfriends just tried to stand up for

759
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 3: the first time, and she was like newly out as queer.

760
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 3: She was like really scared to sort of like get

761
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 3: up in front of a random room. So she took

762
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 3: a class that was all women. It was super supportive

763
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 3: and like even if Katie just took a class, you know,

764
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 3: even if she told herself, like I'm not going to

765
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 3: do the final thing where I get up in front

766
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 3: of people, but just even like getting in a class

767
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 3: and like seeing how that feels.

768
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 2: And then also thinking the brush it off, like make

769
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 2: your goal to just be to have fun, because I

770
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 2: think sometimes like what the intention you set, like if

771
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 2: you're like, I want to do them five minutes, set

772
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 2: just this is new for me and this is scary

773
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 2: and I'm actually being vulnerable, and so really a win

774
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 2: at the end of this class would just be to

775
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 2: be able to talk to you guys for two minutes

776
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 2: without feeling a little to fear that's okay. Just set

777
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 2: that as the goal, even if somebody else in the

778
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 2: classes like, yeah, I'm going to open up maddage to

779
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 2: square guard and at the end of.

780
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 4: This class, I cool, God bless you.

781
00:32:58,800 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 1: Amazing.

782
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 3: Well Katie, let us on how it goes. Our next

783
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 3: question comes from Sarah. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, I need

784
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 3: some advice with dating. Full disclosure, I'm a thirty four

785
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 3: year old straight female and a virgin. I haven't had

786
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 3: a boyfriend since college. I have no idea how to date,

787
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 3: and to be honest, it terrifies me, like heart racing,

788
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 3: literally being scared to go on a date. I recently

789
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 3: got back on a dating app hinge and I was

790
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 3: asked out on a date. I immediately started panicking and

791
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 3: told my friend, I can't do this. I'm too scared.

792
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 3: Oh what the hell is wrong with me? Chelsea? And

793
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 3: what advice do you have for me to get past

794
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 3: this fear? Please help Sarah?

795
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: Oh geez, that's terrible. Well she needs to go to

796
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 1: therapy too and figure out why she's so scared of

797
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: a date. It should and I listen, the only thing

798
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 1: you can do to diminish fear is to attack it.

799
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm a perfect example of being scared of

800
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 1: so many things and just go going after it and

801
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 1: then the fear diminishes. Like for dating, I've definitely been

802
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 1: nervous to go on dates, and you know, I've definitely

803
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 1: had too much to drink because I was too nervous

804
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 1: to go on a date. And then I realized, who

805
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: the fuck gives a shit? Like you're putting too much

806
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,760
Speaker 1: pressure on the actual date. You should. The more dates

807
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 1: you have, the less anxious you're going to be about it.

808
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 1: So you I would beg you to figure out a

809
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,880
Speaker 1: way to go on five dates in a week so

810
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 1: that you can just get over this hump of fear

811
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 1: and understand that it's not the end of the world,

812
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: Like nothing is that important to be that scared about,

813
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 1: and I mean other than somebody being sick or dying,

814
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: Like it's supposed to be fun. And I don't know

815
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 1: why you would, you know, be so so scared unless

816
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 1: there was a real deep issue that you would have

817
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,280
Speaker 1: to work out again with a therapist. But in lieu

818
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 1: of that, I would say to practice it as often

819
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 1: as you can, even if you want to just say, hey,

820
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: we're going out as friends on the first date, I

821
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,360
Speaker 1: just want you to know that, you know, if you

822
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 1: want to take the pressure off of the situation, I

823
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,319
Speaker 1: just want to meet somebody and get to know somebody first.

824
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 1: I don't want any expectations to take some of the

825
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: pressure out of it so it doesn't feel so intimidating. Yvane,

826
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: what do you think?

827
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 2: I agree one thousand percent, like there there should definitely

828
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 2: be some therapy to get to the root of what's

829
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 2: happening too. I'm curious to know what happened in college

830
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 2: in terms of why she hasn't been on a date

831
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 2: since college, because like, from eighteen to thirty five, it's

832
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 2: a long time to not have gone out with somebody,

833
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 2: even it's just friends. So it's just like there's a

834
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 2: web and bite, Let's go get some pizza, let's go bowling.

835
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 4: That's something.

836
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 2: And then I think what happens with a lot of

837
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 2: women who are waiting, especially a lot of women who

838
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:37,839
Speaker 2: are virgins, because you know, you have the folks who

839
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 2: like celibate or you know whatever, want to get virgins.

840
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 2: They feel like it's the scarlet let. They feel like,

841
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 2: you know, what if he wants to have sex with me,

842
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 2: or what do I say? And then what if he

843
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 2: doesn't like me?

844
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 4: What I tell him? I'm a virgin? And it's just

845
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 4: like what the hell? It's so much pressure.

846
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,800
Speaker 2: And it's also like I remember I learned this a

847
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 2: long time ago, Like it's actually very rude to the

848
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:59,479
Speaker 2: man to believe that all he wants from you is sex.

849
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:01,439
Speaker 4: He could just be like, I just want to stay,

850
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 4: have a good time. I just want to get to

851
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:03,240
Speaker 4: know your name.

852
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 2: And also see if like we vibe before we even

853
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 2: get to sex. Right, I've had long term relationships and

854
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 2: sets was not on the table, and we have had

855
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 2: a fantastic time. And so I think too, it's it's

856
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,360
Speaker 2: this is more almost a reflection of like does she

857
00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 2: think that she is worthy? Does she think that she

858
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 2: is a good time? Because I know, like there were

859
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,360
Speaker 2: seasons where I didn't think I was beautiful. I wanted

860
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 2: to beat in a relationship, but because I didn't like really

861
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,799
Speaker 2: fully see myself as that chick, that girl, it was

862
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 2: almost kind of like, okay, you know, I mean I

863
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:37,359
Speaker 2: used to say the stupidest things. I'm like, I like, God,

864
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 2: do like me bad?

865
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:38,239
Speaker 6: As?

866
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 4: Did I have no choice in this? You know, like

867
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 4: what if I don't like them?

868
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 2: Like?

869
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,399
Speaker 4: Who the hell? Who's said that I didn't have a choice?

870
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,720
Speaker 2: And so it's like once I got my bad girl

871
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,760
Speaker 2: ish up, it was like, oh baby, I'm a king builder.

872
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 2: I know we not have a sex, but like you

873
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:55,240
Speaker 2: can have sex with everybody else, but what you can't

874
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:56,800
Speaker 2: have is what I bring to the table.

875
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 4: And maybe it's a lot.

876
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:00,760
Speaker 2: So you can still decide to not rop And that's

877
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 2: fine because I'm not for everybody in that way, but

878
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,359
Speaker 2: I know that they're the people that I haven't been

879
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 2: for bit fire, and so it's just now finding that

880
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: bit So for her, I would just say, one, get

881
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 2: to the root of what this is, to ask yourself,

882
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 2: for real, do you love you? Do you feel like

883
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 2: you're beautiful. Do you feel like you're a worthy date?

884
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 2: Like a guy is going to enjoy the heck out

885
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 2: of getting to know you. Have you gotten to know you.

886
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 1: And write those things down, that you are worthy, that

887
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 1: you're a queen, that you're a boss, that you're confident

888
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 1: enough to go on dates and and actually decide if

889
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:36,880
Speaker 1: you like that person, because it's not about what they

890
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:38,879
Speaker 1: think about you. Just like you, John said, we get

891
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: hung up on that we want people to like us

892
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: when we're too stupid, and then we realize, wait, I

893
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,320
Speaker 1: don't even like you. So you got to say to yourself,

894
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: you got to write down some positive affirmations for yourself,

895
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,719
Speaker 1: because I think you're in your head. I mean, I

896
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 1: know you're in your head if you're feeling this nervous

897
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 1: about it. It's normal to be nervous about things like this.

898
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 1: That's totally okay, but it shouldn't hinder you from actually

899
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: following through on the actual date and set yourself up

900
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 1: for success. Go to a place where you're gonna be

901
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 1: the most comfortable that you can possibly be. And I'm

902
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:12,439
Speaker 1: not joking when I say do it as many times

903
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 1: in a row as you can do it to get

904
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:17,359
Speaker 1: the nerves out of your system and extinguish that that

905
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: insecurity that you're feeling. And clearly it's a bigger issue.

906
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 1: But like all these steps that you take to sort

907
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:26,280
Speaker 1: of self heal, they all start to build up together

908
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:29,799
Speaker 1: and then things become much easier because you're being proactive

909
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: about your own well being when you actually are like, no,

910
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this because it's gonna be good for me,

911
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: rather than fall into your nervous side and say no, no,

912
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:39,879
Speaker 1: forget it, I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna stay home.

913
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 4: And also find your sexy too, And that means so

914
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 4: many different things for so many different people, right, but

915
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 4: like finding that sexy like whatever it is for you,

916
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 4: I don't know on a houshold you or how short

917
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 4: you are on being I'll split like that has nothing

918
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 4: to do with the sexiness of the continents because if

919
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,800
Speaker 4: you if you know, like you'll want to walk on

920
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 4: a role I'm the bed a stick in here, like

921
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 4: and that's not just something you say like, that's something

922
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 4: like you're going to eat actually have to believe because

923
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 4: especially I mean tells you though being in Alleywood, you

924
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 4: walk in the room and like that's a line of

925
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 4: bounds up in here, my god. But then you're just

926
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,799
Speaker 4: like that's cool. I'm also in here, so that I'm

927
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 4: also beautiful.

928
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 2: I'm also that chick and also trust and know that, like,

929
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 2: there are going to be some guys who are not

930
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:21,320
Speaker 2: gonna rock with you because you were virgin, and that's fine.

931
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 2: They're lost. You're not for everybody. I would always say like,

932
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:26,399
Speaker 2: I'm not looking for our.

933
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 4: Thousand guys, so like that's also a lot of pressure.

934
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 1: I need one good dude, like that's it.

935
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,240
Speaker 2: And I used to friend zone myself a lot because

936
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 2: I did have that thing of like I would just

937
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 2: crack jokes and I'd be the funny girl and it's like, damn,

938
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,319
Speaker 2: well a lot have been on the dating two years

939
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: because everyone's your friend.

940
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,800
Speaker 4: And so it's like when I talk about finding your sexy,

941
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 4: it's that thing of being able to like look at

942
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 4: some dude and just be like, Okay.

943
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 2: I used to do the stupidest thing, Josey, And when

944
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 2: guys asking my number, I'm be like, you have my

945
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 2: email address?

946
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 1: That is so stupid. I love that. It's like what

947
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 1: does that mean? Also, five bad dates are going to

948
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 1: lead a good one. Like the sooner you get through

949
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 1: the bad dates, the sooner you're gonna find the good one.

950
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 1: And it's a trial and error, that's what online dating is.

951
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 1: So you took the first right step with Hinge, and

952
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 1: now we need you to go on some dates and

953
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 1: fuck your nervousness. Do whatever it. Take an edible, have

954
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 1: a drink, whatever you want, don't don't get wasted, but

955
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 1: have something to take the edge off. Beta blockers, Yeah,

956
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:20,720
Speaker 1: take a beta blocker.

957
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 2: Yeah.

958
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: Go to your doctor and get propana all. That's a

959
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: beta blocker that'll help your Yeah, don't get row hipnawl.

960
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 1: Don't confuse row hipnol with a beta blocker.

961
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

962
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 3: And I think a couple of just practical things that

963
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 3: she can do on hinge is set the expectation right

964
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 3: up front, like looking for friends and maybe more so

965
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 3: like you're not committing anybody who hits you up. You're

966
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,440
Speaker 3: not committing to anything more than like, we're just seeing

967
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:43,440
Speaker 3: what this turns into.

968
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 1: I went on a date the other night and I

969
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 1: was like, I'm a forty eight year old woman, and

970
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I hope he doesn't think what

971
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 1: if I don't like him? And I was like, if

972
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:53,880
Speaker 1: you don't like him, you're leaving, And that's exactly what

973
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 1: I did. I had a drink and then I was like, sorry,

974
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,399
Speaker 1: I'm going to dinner with my sisters. I'm leaving now, right,

975
00:40:58,560 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 1: you know.

976
00:40:58,920 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 4: And that was it.

977
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 1: It wasn't happening, it wasn't on. There were no expectations.

978
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 1: And you're in charge. You're a woman, you get to

979
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 1: decide what's going to happen.

980
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, we have choice, supposedly, that's like, that's like, that's

981
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 2: a away right there.

982
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 3: This exact scenario happened to Actually, the same friend who

983
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,359
Speaker 3: just came out of queer turned out she wasn't into

984
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 3: guys and that's why she was always panicking on dates.

985
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 3: So you know, maybe expand our search.

986
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, yeah, expand your search, really expand it.

987
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 3: Okay, Sarah, let us know how it goes, and we

988
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:36,879
Speaker 3: have our collor color just came so. Felix says, I'm

989
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 3: a queer person, gay, demisexual, says gender man, which means

990
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,280
Speaker 3: I'm a boy who likes boys, but not very often.

991
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 3: I was raised in a very religious home. In fact,

992
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 3: my father is a pastor of a megachurch in my

993
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 3: home state in the South. My parents love me very much,

994
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 3: but my sexuality has always been the rainbow elephant in

995
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 3: the room. I was outed by some youth group members

996
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 3: when I was in college, and it nearly cost my

997
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 3: father his job. When it happened, I went back in

998
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:04,240
Speaker 3: the closet, But after college, I moved out of state

999
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 3: and have pretty much been living as an openly queer

1000
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 3: person ever since. In fact, I'm a qualified contestant for

1001
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 3: Mister Gay America this year pretty fucking gay, so I'm

1002
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 3: pretty much out, not so on social media. Whenever I

1003
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:19,239
Speaker 3: post anything queer related, I have a setting that hides

1004
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,319
Speaker 3: it from my friends and family and my church. I

1005
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 3: want to be proud of my accomplishments as the state

1006
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 3: title holder which qualified me for Mister Gay America, and

1007
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 3: when I eventually meet someone special, I want my family

1008
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 3: to be happy for me and come to my wedding.

1009
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,719
Speaker 3: I love my parents very much, and they make a

1010
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 3: point to tell me they love me and pray for

1011
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 3: me daily. But they're convinced I'm on a horrible path

1012
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 3: and living out my truth as a queer person will

1013
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 3: lead to ruin. I have an incredibly supportive sister and

1014
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 3: brother in law who are both licensed therapists and run

1015
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 3: a lot of interference, so that's helped a lot. But

1016
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 3: we've been putting off this conversation as a family for

1017
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,879
Speaker 3: a long time. Not being able to fully receive love

1018
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 3: from my parents because it's predicated on me being something

1019
00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 3: I'm not has taken its toll over the years, and

1020
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 3: it's finally bubbling to the surface. My question is this,

1021
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 3: how do I convince my parents that they raised a

1022
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 3: good kid? Or I guess, how do I exist as

1023
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 3: a queer person without breaking my parents' hearts? And beyond that,

1024
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 3: how do I handle the backlash that I know is

1025
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 3: going to come for my old church love? Felix, Hi, Felix.

1026
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:20,279
Speaker 5: Hi, how you doing?

1027
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:20,879
Speaker 2: Hi?

1028
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: Felix. Our special guest today is Yvonne Orgie.

1029
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:24,879
Speaker 4: I'd be lex, Oh.

1030
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,399
Speaker 5: My god, Hi, how are you?

1031
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 4: I I'm good. Are you about the board of flight?

1032
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:31,399
Speaker 5: No, actually just deplaned from one.

1033
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:35,360
Speaker 1: So good eye, von good eye.

1034
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:37,399
Speaker 4: I was like, feelings, do you work?

1035
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 6: Or I'm actually traveling for a pageant in Atlanta for

1036
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 6: Mister Gay America?

1037
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 1: Or is this a different pageant?

1038
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, so this is a prelim to Mister Gay America.

1039
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:49,680
Speaker 6: So we'll be competing for mister Gay Southern.

1040
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 3: Well, this is we have two pageant queens here.

1041
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 1: Well I wasn't quite the queen, but I was. I

1042
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,400
Speaker 1: was on my way, and then I decided to re route.

1043
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,759
Speaker 4: She was top fifteen out of fifty, so.

1044
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 5: Excellent.

1045
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 1: I was tough fifteen out of sixteen.

1046
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 5: There you go.

1047
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,920
Speaker 1: Anyway. I feel like, so your family southern and religious.

1048
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, pretty pretty stereotypical Southern Baptist religious, very anti gay,

1049
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,280
Speaker 6: anti trans all that good stuff.

1050
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, and they know you're gay.

1051
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:23,919
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's kind of like the rainbow elephant in the room.

1052
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 6: We don't talk about it. They never asked me who

1053
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 6: I'm dating or things like that. It's just something that

1054
00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:30,760
Speaker 6: we don't really talk about.

1055
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think that's probably why you don't have

1056
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 1: sex a lot, or you don't want to have sex

1057
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:38,440
Speaker 1: a lot, because you've probably feel so much shame because

1058
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 1: of the way that you were raised and everything you

1059
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:44,960
Speaker 1: know around your family, which is very common actually. But

1060
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 1: I would say to you, this is the life that

1061
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 1: we're given, you know what I mean, This is the

1062
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: chance that we get. If you're living your life for

1063
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,800
Speaker 1: your family, then you're not living your life for yourself

1064
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: and you have to really dig deep and figure out

1065
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,800
Speaker 1: what's more important. Is it the approval of your family,

1066
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:03,759
Speaker 1: is it the approval of your church, or is it

1067
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:07,840
Speaker 1: your own growth and your own happiness and joy?

1068
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 2: You know.

1069
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not fair for you to have to

1070
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 1: take on their opinions and their judgments and prohibit you

1071
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 1: from blooming, you know what I mean, and to the

1072
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 1: person that you're supposed to be. And it sounds like

1073
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,319
Speaker 1: that's exactly what you're allowing them to do.

1074
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:26,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I've definitely allowed them to do it for

1075
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,399
Speaker 6: a long time. I mean, I think for me, it's

1076
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 6: just the you know me coming out, you know again

1077
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 6: to them and being like this and this is me,

1078
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 6: this is my truth and they would just take it,

1079
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 6: you know so personally and which just cause a big

1080
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:39,760
Speaker 6: group to the family.

1081
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 5: And I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle up.

1082
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:45,359
Speaker 1: But you are strong enough. You are. We're all strong enough.

1083
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,719
Speaker 1: It's we all have a reservoir of strength that we

1084
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 1: don't even know about until we have to get in

1085
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 1: touch with it. So you are strong enough. It's a

1086
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 1: matter of choice if you're ready to do it, and

1087
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,520
Speaker 1: I would are you in therapy I am.

1088
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:00,359
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm also a person living with schizophrenic Yes, that's

1089
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 6: a whole other topic, but therapy is more towards like

1090
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:05,399
Speaker 6: helping strategies and things like that.

1091
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 1: Do you have schizophrenia?

1092
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 6: I do schizo effective disorder, which is schizophrenia plus a

1093
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 6: mood disorder which is really fun.

1094
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 1: Okay, and you're medicated for that.

1095
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, medication definitely helps. So maybe they'll lead you know,

1096
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 6: pretty pretty normal life thankfully.

1097
00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:22,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, Avon, what are your thoughts on this subject matter?

1098
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 4: When we were hearing your story, there was something you said,

1099
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 4: you said, how do I get my parents to or

1100
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:33,399
Speaker 4: how do I the reality? Like you can't make anyone

1101
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 4: do anything. You could desire things to the people, but like.

1102
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 2: There's no version that you can make anyone to you

1103
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 2: as you want to be seen, love you like you

1104
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:42,640
Speaker 2: want to be like that.

1105
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:45,319
Speaker 4: Like so I think there is a there's going to

1106
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,359
Speaker 4: have to be a a.

1107
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:50,759
Speaker 2: Separation of desire and expectation in order for you to

1108
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 2: like fully get beat and joy. And this is not

1109
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 2: at all comparing my situation to your situation to very

1110
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 2: different things. But I remember when I was when I

1111
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:02,759
Speaker 2: she saw my parents that wouldn't do comedy mind you.

1112
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:05,280
Speaker 2: I had been the good Nigerian girl. I had gotten

1113
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 2: the masters. I was in church, do all the things.

1114
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 2: They I told them I was gonna move to New York.

1115
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 2: Our relationship was straying.

1116
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 4: For eight years.

1117
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 2: I would call and like, havevych other's day. I got it,

1118
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 2: be gotty get by back. Today I'm like, well, what

1119
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:20,760
Speaker 2: the hell sick?

1120
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 4: You died it? What's going on? Right?

1121
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 2: And so it can't be my well right now for

1122
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,359
Speaker 2: joy or understanding because they don't understand. So I had

1123
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 2: to find my tribe. I had to find the people

1124
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 2: that I knew cared for me, loved me, champion b

1125
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 2: celebrated me, all those things, because like, you need all

1126
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 2: of that when you're doing something that's different than what

1127
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 2: they considered to be norm right, and so what I

1128
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 2: also had to learn after base. In my mind, I

1129
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:48,319
Speaker 2: was like, once I do this, then they will love

1130
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:50,920
Speaker 2: me again. Then then we'll receive me again, then they

1131
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 2: will accept me, and then everything will be great. And

1132
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:55,719
Speaker 2: then I did the thing and it was like, but

1133
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 2: your brother had a baby. I'm like, what the hell.

1134
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,840
Speaker 2: So it's just like all these things that I was

1135
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 2: still combating, and I had to get in my mind,

1136
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 2: I just love them for where they are, for as

1137
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 2: much as they can understand about me and what they

1138
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 2: can love about me. Everything else, I would be doing

1139
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 2: myself with the service by trying to force my desire

1140
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 2: for how I want to be seen and loved on them.

1141
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:22,319
Speaker 2: Sometimes it was sad because you're just like, damn, how

1142
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,359
Speaker 2: come they still can't see all the things that I've

1143
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 2: been through.

1144
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 4: I wrote the book, you know, it was it wasn't like, Wow,

1145
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 4: you really struggled. I'm so glad you made it. It was like, so,

1146
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 4: why are you talking about us? And I was like,

1147
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 4: that's what you got from.

1148
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:36,360
Speaker 6: It, that's a thousand percent my family. Like if I

1149
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 6: told them what I was struggling with, or you know,

1150
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 6: if they found ot I was doing this, they would,

1151
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 6: you know, be like, well, why are we talking about

1152
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 6: our family? You know, like why you know, we're very

1153
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 6: much like a type of family which I need to

1154
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:50,440
Speaker 6: break away from. And like, you know, my sister is

1155
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 6: a is a counselor, and so is her husband, so

1156
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:55,880
Speaker 6: like we're a very therapy adjacent family.

1157
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 5: But it's just we seem to not want to take

1158
00:48:58,320 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 5: our own advice.

1159
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 1: And and is there anyone in your family that is

1160
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 1: on your side, so to speak, Like with regard to

1161
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 1: you being gay and out as your sister, is that

1162
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:09,839
Speaker 1: someone that you have as an ally in your family.

1163
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's really the only one that I can talk

1164
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 6: to about anything related to, you know, being gay or

1165
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:16,399
Speaker 6: anything like that.

1166
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 1: And what about your friend community. Do you have some

1167
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 1: friends that are close to you?

1168
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've got a fairly strong support network.

1169
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:26,840
Speaker 6: I mean it's rank over the past few years, like

1170
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 6: dealing with some of my mental health stuff, but I

1171
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 6: do have a core few people that I can rely on.

1172
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:34,920
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, I think you should really lean into that,

1173
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I don't think you should

1174
00:49:36,719 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: hide who you are. I really don't. It's so important

1175
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 1: for each of us to really embrace everything about ourselves,

1176
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and really live out loud.

1177
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 1: And I know I don't mean that in like you

1178
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,760
Speaker 1: have to wave it in their faces, but you can't

1179
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:54,320
Speaker 1: diminish who you are out of fear for their reaction.

1180
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 1: They need to get on board with the fact that

1181
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,319
Speaker 1: they love you and it's not a choice. This is

1182
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 1: your life, this is how you were born, this is

1183
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 1: who you are. And the more that you can lean

1184
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:09,359
Speaker 1: into that. I know it could be years, but eventually

1185
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:13,879
Speaker 1: most families come around. Yvonne's relationship with her family eight

1186
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:17,920
Speaker 1: years later after that strain, isn't you know, isn't as strained.

1187
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 1: They did come around to the fact that she wasn't

1188
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:23,080
Speaker 1: following through with what they wanted her to follow through with.

1189
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 1: And I know it seems like a huge mountain to climb,

1190
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 1: and I'm sure it is going to be. But the

1191
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 1: strength that you are going to gather from that climbing

1192
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:35,279
Speaker 1: that mountain, and the self esteem that you're going to

1193
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:37,759
Speaker 1: give yourself, and the way that it will affect and

1194
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: impact the rest of your life, and the way that

1195
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:43,680
Speaker 1: it will impact the rest of your lovers and friends

1196
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 1: and relationships, whether they're romantic or not romantic, is paramount

1197
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 1: to how your family feels about what you're doing. You

1198
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 1: can tell them you love them, but you can't be

1199
00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:55,240
Speaker 1: living in a dishonest way.

1200
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 3: And I think there's a misconception about boundaries being something

1201
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:02,200
Speaker 3: that we get to other people, but really we can

1202
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 3: only set boundaries with ourselves. And I think it would

1203
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:07,719
Speaker 3: be good for you to remind yourself, like on a

1204
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:12,279
Speaker 3: daily basis, like I'm only responsible for myself, and when

1205
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 3: you really believe that you understand this backlash from your church,

1206
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:20,400
Speaker 3: that you're foreseeing anything that anybody else does and says

1207
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 3: you are not responsible for that. You're only responsible for

1208
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 3: what you're doing. And when you can live your truth,

1209
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 3: that's the best way that you can represent yourself. Anything

1210
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 3: else that happens is not up to you. It's not

1211
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 3: your fault. You didn't cause it by coming out, even

1212
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,240
Speaker 3: though they already know you know you were outed before.

1213
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:41,919
Speaker 3: This might be the time to take your power back

1214
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 3: and tell your truth yourself.

1215
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:47,280
Speaker 2: I will say, I know it is not an easy

1216
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 2: thing because I mean obviously being in the church, like

1217
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:50,880
Speaker 2: it is beyond a community.

1218
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:52,360
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's like it's.

1219
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:55,839
Speaker 2: So entrenched, and especially with your father being the head

1220
00:51:55,840 --> 00:51:58,839
Speaker 2: of the church, there are so many ripple effects that

1221
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:00,960
Speaker 2: you know, even the three of us on this call

1222
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 2: can't fully know. And it is that thing of your

1223
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:07,320
Speaker 2: mind goes into like will I be in Thanksgiving?

1224
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:08,919
Speaker 4: And like what if my dad loses his job?

1225
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:12,399
Speaker 2: And it just feels like all the compounding things fall

1226
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 2: on you. So I would say it's easy or for

1227
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 2: us to be like this and this, it's like no, no, no,

1228
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,400
Speaker 2: it's very hard to be in your position right now.

1229
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 2: So I just want to affirm and acknowledge that because

1230
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,880
Speaker 2: it is their card to also like dismantle all of

1231
00:52:25,880 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 2: the things that are connected to your one decision. So

1232
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:32,480
Speaker 2: do know that, And so it might be a process,

1233
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 2: a three step process. And at the same time, when

1234
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 2: you make decisions for you, understand that it will not

1235
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 2: be the best decision for other people.

1236
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,799
Speaker 4: And you cannot control what they say about you, what

1237
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 4: they do to you.

1238
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 2: And just know that, like two things can be true

1239
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 2: at the same time, this decision may affect them in

1240
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 2: a way. And then you know, you hope, you desire,

1241
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 2: you pray that they can be able to stand and say, listen,

1242
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:01,919
Speaker 2: even if we don't agree with this, because it's still

1243
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,799
Speaker 2: our son, we love him, and so I hope you

1244
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 2: can understand our position in loving and protecting ourselves. That's

1245
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:11,200
Speaker 2: what you would want them to say. I don't know

1246
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 2: if that's what they are prepared to say, and we

1247
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 2: cannot control that. We cannot know that, right. And I

1248
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:18,360
Speaker 2: know how frustrating that made me for you as a

1249
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:21,640
Speaker 2: child who loves their parents, because there were times where

1250
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:24,279
Speaker 2: I wanted that protection right and not in the same

1251
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:27,240
Speaker 2: way obviously, but like you want that protection and sometimes

1252
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:29,759
Speaker 2: when you don't get it, it feels so sad because

1253
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:31,480
Speaker 2: it's like, why don't they just know me? Why can't

1254
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 2: they just see me and receive me? But we can't

1255
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 2: ask those questions. We're not them because we don't know

1256
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:39,719
Speaker 2: what is in them. That's preventing that. We only know

1257
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 2: where we are in the seat that we sit at.

1258
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 2: So I hope you have your tribe. I am so

1259
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 2: grateful that you have your sister and her husband in

1260
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,239
Speaker 2: your life that can affirm you because you really just

1261
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 2: need one good ally. You really just do need one

1262
00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:57,399
Speaker 2: good ally who can, like you said, cushion the blow

1263
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 2: for you. But it is a lot. I would definitely

1264
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 2: be prayed for you, and I know you pray for

1265
00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:04,279
Speaker 2: yourself as well, and maybe let the grays of God

1266
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 2: things changed. But we're not holding our breadth of that moment.

1267
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, now that's hugely affirming.

1268
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 6: Thank you, just because it really is not just coming out,

1269
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 6: it's like basically saying to that entire community, I'm choosing

1270
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:19,719
Speaker 6: a quote unquote to live this way and be outspoken

1271
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:22,920
Speaker 6: about it and just thinking about a life where everyone

1272
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,600
Speaker 6: knows is just I don't know, a little mind bending

1273
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 6: for me.

1274
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 5: I can't really crap my arms around it.

1275
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:31,120
Speaker 1: Is there a scenario where you can be revealing about

1276
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:34,799
Speaker 1: everything that's happening on Facebook or whatever. Is there a

1277
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,200
Speaker 1: scenario where you can just take a little bit of

1278
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 1: a break from them so that everybody has time to

1279
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 1: kind of absorb the information and that you're not subjecting

1280
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:46,880
Speaker 1: yourself to their criticism or their rejection or any of that,

1281
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:49,439
Speaker 1: and you lean into your friend circle that you said

1282
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 1: you have.

1283
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that, like

1284
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,400
Speaker 6: make a big, long post and then go dark for

1285
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 6: a little bit and just focus on being around my people.

1286
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 1: You don't have to go dark, But I'm saying if

1287
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:02,319
Speaker 1: there was spons is going to be, if it's going

1288
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:04,879
Speaker 1: to hurt you, and it's going to be hurtful, then

1289
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:06,959
Speaker 1: you have every reason in the world to say, listen,

1290
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:08,759
Speaker 1: this is my life. I have to live it. I

1291
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 1: want my family support. But if you guys don't want

1292
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:13,239
Speaker 1: to support me, then I mean I have to take

1293
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 1: a break from you, you know, to kind of reinstill

1294
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:19,359
Speaker 1: some confidence. You want to be loud and proud about it.

1295
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:21,880
Speaker 1: You should be. Everyone else is.

1296
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:24,319
Speaker 4: And also, I guess my question to you.

1297
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:26,319
Speaker 2: Do you A couple buys is do you still live

1298
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 2: back at home in that community?

1299
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 4: Like do you still live down south?

1300
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 5: No?

1301
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:33,439
Speaker 6: I live about three hours away, so it's close enough,

1302
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:35,480
Speaker 6: but just far o the way exactly.

1303
00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:37,000
Speaker 2: Is there a version where you can get on the

1304
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,920
Speaker 2: other side of America or another country? Like is there

1305
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:42,520
Speaker 2: anything really keeping you so close to the community?

1306
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:45,439
Speaker 4: Is there anything really keeping you in this country? Because

1307
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 4: there's versions where you can.

1308
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:49,919
Speaker 2: Time and space and this is are are blessing. Those

1309
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 2: are also boundaries as well, and also no one's saying

1310
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:56,719
Speaker 2: that you have to post anything about it. I'd feel

1311
00:55:56,760 --> 00:55:59,320
Speaker 2: like there's a version where you can just keep moving

1312
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 2: a wedding and like, again, that's still going to be hard,

1313
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:05,319
Speaker 2: but it's a decision to protect your mind space and

1314
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:07,880
Speaker 2: your heart space. I was like New York wasn't bart up.

1315
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:09,920
Speaker 2: I had to move to LA because I know anyway

1316
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:12,880
Speaker 2: get on the flight. But that was parted up the

1317
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 2: space and the distance, and then also choosing to not

1318
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:20,359
Speaker 2: engage in certain conversations just like hey, I hear where

1319
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,920
Speaker 2: you are. I understand your point of view. I also

1320
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:25,800
Speaker 2: have shared my point of view. It doesn't feel like

1321
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 2: it's being understood. And I understand why, but also I

1322
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:31,279
Speaker 2: choose nothing engaged in this conversation because there's no there's

1323
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:34,560
Speaker 2: no answer or in an impast and so let's just

1324
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:35,640
Speaker 2: not at the conversation.

1325
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I think there's definitely times where it's considered moving.

1326
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:41,520
Speaker 6: But you know, I do have two little nephews and

1327
00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:45,120
Speaker 6: a baby knees within driving distance, so maybe when they

1328
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:47,959
Speaker 6: get a little older, think about maybe, but in some distance.

1329
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:49,359
Speaker 2: I will say, as much as I know you love

1330
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,320
Speaker 2: your niece and your nephew, that is still you putting

1331
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 2: other people in.

1332
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 4: Front of you. Know, I'm not at the I can't

1333
00:56:57,600 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 4: tell you anyhing about that, like you're not, but.

1334
00:57:02,239 --> 00:57:04,960
Speaker 2: It ends that you know that's still like, Hey, I

1335
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:08,040
Speaker 2: love middies and nephews, like we love that you love them.

1336
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:10,200
Speaker 2: And at the same time they can still know that

1337
00:57:10,239 --> 00:57:13,600
Speaker 2: you love them. Mightighty's and nephew live one hundred bizillion

1338
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 2: thousand miles away. Every time I see them, I FaceTime them.

1339
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 2: I you know whatever, but I'm not going to put

1340
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 2: myself in proximity to a bad family situation. But it's

1341
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:26,960
Speaker 2: like they still know that I love them. But at

1342
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 2: the same time I'm able to live what PRIs me joy.

1343
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 1: So consider that, consider that impact that you're having also

1344
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:37,360
Speaker 1: watching you know, your niece's a nephew or nephews and

1345
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 1: niece are watching you. They're going to grow up watching you.

1346
00:57:40,520 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 1: And do you want them to grow up watching you

1347
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 1: live your life fully or do you want them to

1348
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:46,960
Speaker 1: see you being a fraction of yourself because of your

1349
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 1: family's judgment.

1350
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, that a lot too, And Felix, as you well know,

1351
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 3: planes exist, so like you can visit.

1352
00:57:54,080 --> 00:57:55,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it would be empowering for you to

1353
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 1: get some space and time away from your family so

1354
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 1: that you can actually find out what your own thoughts

1355
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 1: are and what your own feelings are and kind of

1356
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:06,480
Speaker 1: diminish the shame and work with a therapist, definitely, because

1357
00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 1: this is so common among gay men, you know, whose

1358
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:12,680
Speaker 1: families reject them and don't understand. But please keep in

1359
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 1: touch with us and let us know what transpires and

1360
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:18,400
Speaker 1: give us updates because you should be empowered, and I

1361
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,920
Speaker 1: hope you do feel empowered after us. Talking with you.

1362
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 2: Away also doesn't mean forever, as long as you get

1363
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:27,919
Speaker 2: to whatever point you feel and you can stay, I'm

1364
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:30,600
Speaker 2: okay with it. That's a very different thing than be

1365
00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 2: like I'm not okay with it and I wish So

1366
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 2: it's like you can still decide that what works best

1367
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 2: for you is to be this version of yourself as

1368
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:41,360
Speaker 2: long as you're okay with you.

1369
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,880
Speaker 1: And you're not okay with it because you're calling in right.

1370
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 5: No, this this has been I appreciate.

1371
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:51,120
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, we love you and we support you and

1372
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:53,520
Speaker 1: we are your allies. So you know, if you ever

1373
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:55,120
Speaker 1: need us again, call us back.

1374
00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:56,640
Speaker 5: We'll do. Thank you so much.

1375
00:58:56,840 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 1: Okay, you love all the planet.

1376
00:58:58,640 --> 00:58:59,479
Speaker 4: Yeah that's fun.

1377
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:00,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, we'll do.

1378
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 1: Okay, bye, thank you, Thank you guys, sending you off.

1379
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:08,760
Speaker 1: Do you know how many people call in with that?

1380
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 1: How you could be a mother or a parent and

1381
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 1: say no to your child? Oh my god, I couldn't.

1382
00:59:14,680 --> 00:59:16,480
Speaker 2: You know what tells me it's one of those things

1383
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:20,560
Speaker 2: where like everyone has a different POV right for Nigeria.

1384
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:22,320
Speaker 2: Sometimes we think like how about our parents do s

1385
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 2: Y and Z? And I had to remember they saw

1386
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:27,959
Speaker 2: a war where people were like killed in front of them,

1387
00:59:28,240 --> 00:59:31,200
Speaker 2: so some of their decisions and there was no like

1388
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:34,400
Speaker 2: oh e MD or therapy available for them, you know,

1389
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:38,560
Speaker 2: or like the even they're like what they just tried

1390
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:40,400
Speaker 2: to survive to the next day. So it's not like

1391
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,600
Speaker 2: we're making excuses, but it's like sometimes to understand I

1392
00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:47,000
Speaker 2: would totally do some things differently than like my parents were,

1393
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,320
Speaker 2: Like I have the privilege of being in America and

1394
00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:52,960
Speaker 2: like knowing that I have another home, Like my dad

1395
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 2: almost died in the war and like had to like

1396
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:58,040
Speaker 2: put on plane clothes and like walk three days till

1397
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:01,080
Speaker 2: like my grandfather's village to survive. It's like, yeah, maybe

1398
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:03,880
Speaker 2: there's a reason why he does X, Y and Z right,

1399
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,760
Speaker 2: or maybe there's a reason why like shame and embarrassed

1400
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:09,120
Speaker 2: her are so big in this community. We don't know

1401
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:12,480
Speaker 2: all the factors. And then especially when you add in

1402
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 2: like deep rooted religion and this is the word, and

1403
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 2: the word is you know, sharper than need two edged sword,

1404
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:19,200
Speaker 2: and it doesn't lie.

1405
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:22,040
Speaker 4: It's like all the things that come with that. It's

1406
01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 4: just like it's hard.

1407
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:26,680
Speaker 2: To see, just like love, because again Jesus was still

1408
01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:29,400
Speaker 2: the same person. When the woman who had all the

1409
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:31,360
Speaker 2: husbands came to him at the well, he was like

1410
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 2: a girl, get some water, and I know the man

1411
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:35,880
Speaker 2: at home is at your book and it's just like wait,

1412
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:37,640
Speaker 2: what And then she was able to be like, come

1413
01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:39,520
Speaker 2: and see a man who has shold me everything about

1414
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 2: my life because he didn't like judge her, he didn't

1415
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:42,320
Speaker 2: shame her.

1416
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 4: He just was like, I know what's up you, dursty.

1417
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:48,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like that's just not what we as humans

1418
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,720
Speaker 2: who are all the way flawed, know how to do.

1419
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:55,280
Speaker 2: So it is difficult and convoluted and a lot of

1420
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,960
Speaker 2: times not right, but like who's to say what's right

1421
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:01,320
Speaker 2: and wrong other than just like how and compassion for humanity.

1422
01:01:01,680 --> 01:01:03,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right

1423
01:01:03,840 --> 01:01:10,960
Speaker 1: back to wrap things up, and we're back Avon Orgie.

1424
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:13,360
Speaker 1: What an ironic last name for you? Really?

1425
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:15,160
Speaker 4: I have questions with Jesus what I mean him of?

1426
01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:16,960
Speaker 2: Like I think we live in on my walldle laugh

1427
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 2: ning dreams here. I wait until I get married.

1428
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:24,360
Speaker 1: I love you. You're so vibrant and filled with good,

1429
01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:27,400
Speaker 1: good stuff. I'm gonna DM you. I'll DM you my

1430
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:29,280
Speaker 1: phone number so we can hang out and have a

1431
01:01:29,400 --> 01:01:32,440
Speaker 1: night together. Perfect, And thank you for being on the podcast.

1432
01:01:32,720 --> 01:01:34,320
Speaker 4: Thank you for having me, Thank you.

1433
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:34,640
Speaker 6: Bye.

1434
01:01:35,560 --> 01:01:38,080
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, we have added more shows to My Little

1435
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:41,120
Speaker 1: Big Bitch Tour. I added another second show in Toronto,

1436
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:43,800
Speaker 1: So I have two shows in Toronto now to December seventh,

1437
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:48,200
Speaker 1: December eighth, December ninth, I'm in Ottawa, and two new

1438
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:51,640
Speaker 1: shows at December fifteenth. On a Friday, We're doing a

1439
01:01:51,680 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 1: seven thirty and ten pm show with Kevin Hart and

1440
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:59,080
Speaker 1: Friends that's in Thackerville, Oklahoma. And all my other shows

1441
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:01,360
Speaker 1: that you can buy tickets for at Chelseahandler dot com.

1442
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 1: I'm starting my tour backup on September twenty ninth in

1443
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:08,040
Speaker 1: New York City at the Beacon, which is sold out,

1444
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 1: but the next night there are tickets available September thirtieth

1445
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 1: at the Beacon. So for all fall dates you can

1446
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 1: go to Chelseahandler dot com for tickets and you'll see me.

1447
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:18,600
Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1448
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1449
01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:24,760
Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1450
01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:28,440
Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

1451
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:30,919
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1452
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:33,760
Speaker 3: com