WEBVTT - Letting Lose with Lisa Rinna! 0:00:05.680 --> 0:00:09.320 Still the Place with Laura Layton, Courtney Thorn Smith. 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:12.400 And Daphne's Aniga and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:18.880 Okay, we are super excited today. Welcome to Still the 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:25.840 Place with a very special guest star, Lisa Rana. My god, 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:28.800 I said guest star. I should have said guest, but 0:00:28.800 --> 0:00:30.760 I got all excited and I got all flustered. It 0:00:30.840 --> 0:00:33.120 is so good to see we chatted way too. I'm 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:35.199 always saying save it for the save it for the show, 0:00:35.240 --> 0:00:36.680 save it for the show. But I saw you in 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:39.159 the lobby, and then we've already chatted so much. 0:00:39.120 --> 0:00:39.560 So fun. 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:41.560 We go way back. I mean we go not only 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:43.560 on the show, but in our personal lives. 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:47.680 Yeah, you know, we were neighbors in the fancy Malibu colony. 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:48.240 Hello. 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:54.080 I listened to Lisa and Harry's podcast, which is adorable, 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:56.120 And the reason I had to cost you in the 0:00:56.160 --> 0:01:00.319 lobby is because so we were neighbors when you were 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:02.920 pregnant with and had given birth to Delilah. Yes, it 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:06.160 was a very special time. Yes, And when I was 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:09.120 listening to the podcast, I had this sense memory of 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:12.840 being with you and Harry in that time and remembering 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:16.440 how sweet you guys are together. And how loving you 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:19.000 are to each other, how what good friends you are 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:23.840 and romantic and the podcast really shows that. Just to 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:26.680 sit there and get to hang out with such a loving, connected, 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:29.119 supportive couple, it brought me right back. 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:29.600 I love that. 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:31.240 It was sweet to go back to that time. 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:33.160 I love that that makes me feel good. 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:34.199 No, it's true. 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:35.200 Yeah, even when you. 0:01:35.160 --> 0:01:37.480 Guys are talking about how opposite you are, yeah, like 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:40.679 you did recently, you always talk about how the differences are. Yes, 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:43.880 And the one I heard recently was, well, how does 0:01:43.920 --> 0:01:44.240 that work? 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:46.520 What are the things that are similar? You know about 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:46.920 each other? 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:48.840 But I think it's just when you meet someone, it 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:50.200 just feels like you've met a soulmate. 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:52.360 I think it is. I mean people ask us all 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:54.560 the time, you know, as you know, when you've been 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:57.400 married for twenty seven twenty eight years, They're like, what's 0:01:57.400 --> 0:01:59.880 the secret, And you know, I've thought about it a lot. 0:01:59.880 --> 0:02:02.280 I don't think there's a secret. I think it's luck. 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:05.360 I really do. I just think it's luck. I think 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:10.240 we came together, it works for whatever reason, and we're 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:10.800 just lucky. 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:13.560 Like, well, you guys enjoy each other, Like that's what 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:15.520 comes through in the podcast, like and you were talking 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:17.440 and you said you haven't had any guests yet because 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:18.440 you guys like chatting with you. 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:20.720 It's true, we have not had one yest so. 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:26.040 Much fun like hello, I know, I keep saying we're 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.760 gonna have a guest on and then we go and 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:31.359 I learn more about him than I mean, you think 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:34.560 at this point, thirty two years together, you'd know everything 0:02:34.600 --> 0:02:36.120 about the person that you're married to. 0:02:36.680 --> 0:02:39.200 I don't, And all of a sudden, it's just I 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:42.160 stay so curious, and I think that's what makes it 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:44.840 interesting because stories come out of him. I mean, he 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:47.920 is a storyteller through and through, and he's lived, you know, 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.680 many different lives, so I find it so interesting when 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:53.560 we start to talk about different topics. It's just really 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:54.080 been fun. 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:56.840 So what have you recently learned about him that surprised you. 0:02:57.560 --> 0:03:00.640 I did not know that he got a prescription subscription 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:02.160 to Playboy at eleven? 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:06.800 Yeah, his poor a prescription for Playboy. 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:11.680 He was prescribed Playboy by the parents at age eleven, 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:17.000 and not for him under the Christmas tree a subscription 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:20.960 to Playboy. Yes, well, the brother who's two years older 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:22.760 did not get that. And I said, what they thought 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:24.280 you were gay? Right, they were afraid you were going 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:28.360 to be gay, and he says that probably he didn't 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:31.200 know for sure because at the time you're just like wow. 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:34.320 He was like, wow, I got a Playboy. 0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:37.240 So he thought it was the coolest thing the early seventies, 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:38.920 probably sixties. 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:43.600 Okay, So because Harry Hamlin got a subscription to Playboy 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:46.880 from his parents from his parents at eleven, Yes, is 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:49.720 that what inspired you to do Playboy? 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:52.960 No, because I didn't really know about it, which is 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:55.520 I think it's interesting that I ended up doing it 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:57.920 when he has this subscription it. 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:00.880 Yeah, for those of you who don't remember, Lisa for Playboy, 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:05.840 pregnant insanely gorgeous and really we're an icon for people saying, 0:04:05.840 --> 0:04:07.880 oh my god, I get to be beautiful, yeah and 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:09.240 sexy when I'm pregnant. 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:11.839 And I did that while I was on Melrose. Yes, 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:15.600 and the story goes I had said I want to 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:18.159 do this, and we reached out and they said, well, 0:04:18.800 --> 0:04:23.520 hef needs to see he needs to see polaroids. Remember 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:26.440 at the time, there's my cell phones, said hef needs 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:30.719 to see polaroids of me pregnant, and I thought, okay, 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:32.799 So I had the makeup girl one of the makeup artists, 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:34.720 I can't remember her name. Come to my trailer. I 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:38.440 remember we had the paneling, Yeah, round paneling, a trailers, 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:41.600 all trailers round paneling, round paneling, which, by the way, 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.440 is good lighting and it's kind of nice. So she 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:46.840 came in and I said. It was right before Valentine's Day, 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:48.200 and I said, I'm want to take these pictures for 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:51.080 Harry for Valentine's Day of me naked, and she was 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:55.360 like okay, and she just took them and we literally 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:57.600 put them in an envelope and sent them off, and 0:04:57.680 --> 0:04:59.640 I guess he thought they were good enough for me 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:00.400 to host me. 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:04.720 That's the funny. Only in Hollywood did you say to 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:06.320 someone you come take naked pictures of me. 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:14.080 They're like sure, yeah, during lunch hour, you know I 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:14.760 was working. 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:16.400 That's hilarious. 0:05:16.720 --> 0:05:19.359 Sure, that feels right. Yeah, it felt really right. She 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:21.320 had no problem with it. She shot off like four 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:25.919 or five polaroids and that was That's. 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:27.080 What I think Calvin Klein stole that for his member, 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:32.000 Calvin Klein's campaign for for Calvin Klein when the jeans 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:35.200 and they were against all of this wood paneling and 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:38.279 they're like nothing naked jeans, and I'm like, that's right, 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:41.480 yours got they leaked them the original. 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:43.120 There's still somewhere in that house you set the bar. 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:43.400 Lease. 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:45.799 Oh you do you still still have them somewhere. 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:46.680 Oh that's fantastic. 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:47.200 Yeah. 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:49.200 So did you get a lot of positive feedback from 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:50.240 women for doing that? 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:52.400 You know, at the time, there was no social media, 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:57.120 There was no feedback you could really tangibly get, so, 0:05:57.920 --> 0:06:00.960 you know, I probably had everything, but that was the 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:03.080 bliss of not knowing back in the day. 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:04.520 That's so true. Think about it. 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:06.400 I had no idea. Yeah, it didn't matter. 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:07.080 Yeah. 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:09.719 If I did it today, I'm sure there would be 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:12.000 many people with a lot to say. 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:14.600 Yeah, that was the all ends of the spectrum, you'd hear. 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:16.719 Yeah, yeah, we're naive. We had no idea. 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:18.560 That was the beauty back then, wasn't it. 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:22.160 You can just do you learn as you went, you know, 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:25.160 redo something if you didn't like how it felt doing it. 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:27.599 But it wasn't like you do something and the world 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:31.359 has an opinion instantly instantly. So that leads to my 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:33.599 question list. I've wanted to know this for a while. 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.200 You know, when we knew you, I had never worked 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:38.359 with you. On Melrose because I left before you came on, 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:43.080 but I knew you through other ways somehow. Yeah, but 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:44.800 you were an actress and before that you did the 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:48.359 soap and you had been acting. So then you choose 0:06:48.400 --> 0:06:52.440 to do the housewives, and you choose to there's nothing 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:55.040 to hide behind. It's not only you, but it's exposing 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:56.919 all of you. Yeah, what was that like for you 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:00.440 to go and let everyone in and be you without 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:00.960 a script? 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:07.200 It's very It's challenging, but also not because again you're 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:11.840 still on camera. You're still interacting with other women, so 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:16.920 you know, again it's reality. But yet you guys are 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:19.920 still we're filming, you know, we're doing a television show. 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:24.520 So the part about it that I think was difficult is, 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:28.480 you know, once it aired, the fan reaction to you 0:07:28.520 --> 0:07:32.120 being yourself in that environment, and of course you can't 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:35.120 be your full self because you're still like in an 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:39.320 environment where they want conflict with women, which I'm not 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:41.800 used to. I mean, we do it on camera as 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.960 an actor, no problem. That was the hard part is 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:49.520 having conflict with other women because I'm a girls girl. Yeah, 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:54.440 and so again though I'm an actor who takes really 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:58.160 good direction, right, we take really good direction. Somebody tells 0:07:58.240 --> 0:08:01.520 us to do something, you go, Okay, I know it 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:04.160 needs to be done. So I was very good at 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:06.520 doing that, and I was very good at bringing you know, 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:11.560 good television to television. But it's it's real to you 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:13.800 and you can't just drop it at the end of 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.840 the day. You take it home. You take it personally. 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:19.360 And I found that very difficult, and. 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.320 You can't do a take two, like maybe I should 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.960 have said that that sounded too snarky, or it's. 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.920 There, it's done, and it lives forever, as you know. 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:30.840 One of the interesting things that you and Harry talked 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:33.280 about on the podcast was, well, there were two things 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:35.840 I thought were super interesting. Number one, you said that 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:41.040 each each cast member has to pay for her own parties. 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:44.640 And your own hair and makeup and wardrobe. WHOA, so 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:48.800 imagine that that's the part that's the hardest because. 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:51.960 They did it. 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:52.319 Guys. 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:56.559 Imagine, oh my god, all your own parties, hair and 0:08:56.600 --> 0:08:59.240 makeup because they want your real life, they want it 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:01.360 to be I still don't buy it. I think that 0:09:02.240 --> 0:09:05.160 they're just cheap and hair and makeup should be covered, obviously, 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:07.600 I really do. That was the hardest thing. 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:09.920 For me, because you're in a world that they want 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:11.400 you to be in. Like at home, you don't do 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:13.720 your hair and makeup every single day, but you're in 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:16.840 their world, so they should pay for how they want 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:18.960 you to look in their world, how they demand you look. 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:21.880 And then well that's the thing. Their take on it 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:24.600 is you should look how you look because this is 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:29.920 your life, and so they want that. But I didn't 0:09:29.960 --> 0:09:32.040 love that part of it because I spend all my 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:35.440 money on hair and makeup and wardrobe, you know what 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:36.839 I mean, It just you spend it all. 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:47.720 So this is giving me such insight. Some point was offered. 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:51.560 Of course you were, I'm sure, and I wasn't interested 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.880 in doing it, but like, this is such a revelation 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:56.120 because I was always like, yeah, no, I'm you know, 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:59.480 I'm not glamorous and I'm not a Beverly Hills housewife. 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:02.840 I don't self identify like I feel like I would 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:05.320 fit that would not fit me. And now I see, 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:09.920 oh my god, it definitely I can't imagine if I 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:12.840 was like my own clothes and imagine I mean. 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:16.840 It's a lot of work. Yeah, address yourself, even just 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:20.960 every time you have a dinner, a lunch, travel. I 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:22.319 mean it's a lot I. 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:25.959 Don't think people know. And you look so fabulous all 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:27.160 the time and you did that. 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.160 Thank you. It just you know. On our show, what 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:33.120 happened was Erica Jane came on season whatever it was, 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:37.200 and she came on at the level that was this high, right, 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:41.600 So at that point we weren't really like dressing crazy 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:46.160 and doing a lot of you know, fashion. She came 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:48.079 on and we were like, oh, we got to step 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:50.560 our game up and we all felt it. So everybody 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:54.000 like rose up to that. So it's interesting how it 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:57.240 ebbs and flows with who's on the show and. 0:10:57.200 --> 0:10:58.200 What season was that. 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:03.000 I came on season five for that show too, so 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:07.480 I come on shows season and she probably came on 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:11.200 seven I think, or she came on right after me. 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:11.800 Yeah. 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:13.040 So one of the things that came up in the 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:15.520 podcast that was again such a sweet moment between you 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:17.280 and Harry is someone had asked if you were going 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:19.320 to go back, and he said, I don't think I 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:20.760 would let you because it was so hard on you. 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:24.079 Yeah, oh sweet, such a sweet yeah him. 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:27.040 Yeah, really seeing how hard it was for you and 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:30.440 really caring and caring about you, which he so obviously does. 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:34.679 And so my question is did it feel worth it? 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:37.440 Like obviously it was hard emotionally, and as you were 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.360 talking about those events, it would feel like, you know, 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:42.560 once a year I have to go to a lunch 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:44.920 or a dinner that I dread where I don't feel comfortable. 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:46.160 It feels like you had to do that every. 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:47.920 Day, every day, Wow, every day. 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:49.400 I can even imagine. 0:11:49.559 --> 0:11:53.400 At the time that it came around, I needed a 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:55.559 change in my life. I needed to shake it up, 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:59.640 and I knew it. And when I I had gone 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:03.760 into the very first auditions they had so five years earlier, 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:06.800 I had gone in and didn't end up getting it 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:09.000 because at the point at that point, Andy didn't want 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:11.880 any actresses. He didn't want anybody who had a name, 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.600 and so you know, move along, you know, just keep 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:17.840 doing my thing. And then five years later when they came, 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:21.600 I thought, you know what, Bravo is such good real 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:23.920 estate right now. And that's the way I looked at it. 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:27.160 Like business wise, I had just started on QVC and 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:29.800 I saw, you know what Beth Andy Frankel had done 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:32.840 with her businesses on the show, and I thought, you know, 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:37.360 this might be a good thing. Eight years later. I 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:39.400 don't think I would have I would change it because 0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:41.680 I think everything that I've done, as you know, it 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:44.800 always leads to our next moment and it's meant to be. 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:47.640 But I also think I left at the right time. 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:49.360 Yeah, I mean you got some good things. 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:52.679 You got great I mean you have a great personality, 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:54.959 you know, like someone well, thank you you do when 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:57.240 you don't have the script. You have this like natural 0:12:57.280 --> 0:13:00.800 personality to be out there and engaging and engage with people. 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:02.800 And I think it's a great thing for you. And 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:04.000 I'm glad you left then. 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:08.079 Yeah, and you did it did get you a chance 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:10.480 to do other things as well. I don't know if 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:11.960 that you said the QVC came first. 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:16.040 QVC came first. I had businesses while I did the show. 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:18.720 I mean it was a super good thing while I 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:19.120 did it. 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:22.640 Well, it's also good like you're so honest and so 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:23.880 willing to be able. And one of the things you 0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:25.319 talked about on the podcast was. 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:27.319 To my detriment on that kind of. 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:30.520 Show though you know, I understand in the moment it 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:32.600 feels like to your detriment, But I think it's really 0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:35.960 important to have authentic, honest, open hearted people out there, 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:39.040 I think even though, yes, their consequences being open and honest, 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:41.240 but it's still worth it to live your authentic life. 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:41.520 Yeah. 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:46.280 And you talked about experiencing postpartum in this really open, 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:50.360 honest way, and at the time you didn't have any references, 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:52.760 so you are that reference for people like this can 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:55.640 happen FYI. And you said in the podcast, you know, 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:57.480 call your doctrines, say I don't know what it is, 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:01.040 but I feel crazy because the time you went through it, 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:04.040 you had no frame of reference, none, and it lasted 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:04.960 fifteen months. 0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:05.600 Wow. 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:10.280 And imagine you know, just silently suffering, really and thinking 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:13.480 that I really was just crazy and you know, didn't 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:15.600 know how to be a mother, and you know, on 0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:18.400 and on and on and on, failure and horrible, I 0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:19.680 mean really devastating. 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:24.080 The doctor not diagnosed or well not. 0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:27.240 At the time, because I didn't really share it with him. 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:28.440 Because he felt so shameful. 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:30.760 It's all about the shame of it, you know. I 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:33.000 felt so shameful in front of Harry and my mom, 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:35.840 and my mom had come and really helped out. And 0:14:36.280 --> 0:14:38.280 you know, Harry thought I was crazy. He thought I 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:41.880 had literally lost my mind. And so there was so 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:45.160 much shame around it. It took fifteen months for me 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:47.720 to finally say, you know what, I have to call 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.200 my doctor because I am there, I am not right. 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:54.040 And so once I did, and Harry even saw me 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.600 at one point and said, you need to call Howie 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:58.200 my doctor right away. 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:06.600 Our doctor, our doctor, right he's seen my lady. 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:15.720 Different house. Also not Howie Mandel. 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:20.800 I'm feeling crazy, Howie. I called Howie and Howie was like, 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:22.880 we were in Canada. We were at our place in Canada, 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:24.680 and he said, Okay, I'm going to put you on 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:27.520 an antidepressant. It's going to take three weeks to really 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:30.400 kick in. I have to fedexit to you. So I 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:32.520 was just like holding on by a thread until I 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:35.320 got it in my body. And I will say that 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:41.120 it reset my clock, my whatever was going on within 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.560 the three weeks. And then I only ended up being 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:47.000 on it for like four months and then I was 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:50.240 able to ty trate off of it. It saved my life. Wow, 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:51.040 saved my life. 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.000 So it was just was it more? Was it every 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:55.640 day depression? You couldn't get out of bed? Was it swinging? 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:56.680 Hopelessness? 0:15:56.920 --> 0:15:57.600 Hopelessness? 0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:00.400 It was hopelessness. And I even said on the podcast 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:04.000 with Harry. I was having these visions, and a lot 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:06.680 of people that have postpartum can relate to this. I 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:09.520 didn't necessarily have visions of like killing Harry, but I 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:11.800 had visions of knives. We had to get all the 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:14.920 knives out of the house. I had visions of myself 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:18.640 and I've heard Brookshields speak of this, taking my car, 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.560 driving my car just with me in it and hitting 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:24.640 a brick wall, like smashing into a brick wall, Like 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:28.600 why why are we having Why was I having those visiones? 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:32.160 Crazy hormones They dropped from like how we said three 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:36.040 thousand to zero. Yeah, like once I stopped breastfeeding because 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:36.800 I had some trouble. 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.840 Maybe your body experiences out as a death and manifested 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:42.920 in that other way, because it's what a drop, right. 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:45.040 It was brutal. It was really brutal. 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:46.360 But I remember having this. 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:48.360 I've never been pregnant or I've never had and I've 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:53.120 never but I during perimenopause, yeah, or the first moment 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:57.200 you just your hormones drop and change. I had visions, 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.600 did you? Yes? And I was just starting to date 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:02.760 my husband and this poor guy was like yeah, and 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:05.000 I what if I not if I run him over. 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:05.520 But I. 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:09.639 Just kept going and pretend I didn't know him and 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:11.000 I never have to see him again. 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:16.000 Oh my god. Something about hormones and women and husbands. Yeah, 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:16.920 that's the weirdest thing. 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:19.880 Yeah, my I didn't have I had a different postpartum, 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:24.719 which is it manifested. As I was super attached. I 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:27.119 was afraid to leave my baby. I was afraid to 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:29.359 leave him, and I would have like I was protecting 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:31.600 him and me from the world. So I put in 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:33.920 like a security door and I put in an alarm, 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:37.639 and at night I would just go over emergency like 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:41.359 disaster plans, disaster plans, disaster plans. I was thinking like 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:43.320 there would be a tidal wave, so I kind of 0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:46.600 projected it out against us. But as I'm talking to him, going, 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:49.520 oh that's very similar, it's slightly different. But I thought 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:51.480 it was coming from the outside, like I would have 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:54.159 visions that I literally just think about this of like 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:56.439 Ninja's coming in, like I have to protect myself from 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:59.080 the ninjas. Yeah, so it's probably the same thing, just 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:02.960 protect project differently. It's just do you have that every 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:07.360 scenario scenario terrifying scenario. 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:10.600 I wonder if that's our fight or flight, Like it 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:14.000 goes back to you know, caveman age. I don't know, 0:18:14.200 --> 0:18:18.280 but it feels like something that we don't necessarily need 0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:20.560 right now, but maybe they needed it back in the day. 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:23.439 I don't know. It's insane. 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:28.440 Yeah, you have this incredibly vulnerable, helpless thing, like we're 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:30.920 the only animal where babies come out and they can't 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:34.000 do anything. It just it's not like a you know, 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:35.919 a horse who gets up and runs away. It's like 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:40.400 they're just this completely vulnerable blob for a solid couple 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:43.960 of years. I think that is terrifying because it was like, 0:18:44.040 --> 0:18:45.520 how do I get to him there's an earthquake? How 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:47.040 do I get to him and cover him? And it 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:49.600 was like I ended up like at a certain point 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:52.720 sleeping in his crib because I was so like, so 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:55.959 that's how yours manifested, That's how I manifested. Yeah, so 0:18:56.000 --> 0:18:57.720 it can be that's part of it too. I think 0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:00.760 that's confusing for people. It can be so many different things. 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:03.280 So important to get to the other side of the 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:06.520 shame and just share whatever it is, say, just to 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:09.320 share it with friends, your doctor, just say I'm having 0:19:09.359 --> 0:19:11.840