Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin
Speaker 1: de gra and I Hear Radio podcast. Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like,
Speaker 1: and we have no Gavin DeGraw today, we have no Rick,
Speaker 1: we have no Dmitri, but we have the one and
Speaker 1: only the legendary Mr Ryan O'Dell with that's Ryding's shotgun.
Speaker 1: What's up, Brian? Ah, it's it's so refreshing to trim
Speaker 1: the fat and just have the two of us right here,
Speaker 1: to eliminate the dead weight and allow the cream to
Speaker 1: rise to the top. And here we are. Brooks You're
Speaker 1: in Idaho, I believe. Is that correct? I don't know,
Speaker 1: I agreat cryptic. Yes, yeah, I'm I'm an Idaho. You
Speaker 1: are in l A. That is correct. You have quite
Speaker 1: the growth on your face right now, so have you?
Speaker 1: Judging by the looks of you, you've completely given up
Speaker 1: on life and they don't care how you look to
Speaker 1: the outside world. Is that accurate? I'm social distancing, my friend.
Speaker 1: It does not matter what I look like to the
Speaker 1: outside world right now. Um. But honestly, dude, up in Idaho,
Speaker 1: this would be like a junior beard. This would be
Speaker 1: like a starter kit beard up here. The boys up
Speaker 1: here runs some long beards, like they're like four or
Speaker 1: five years deep on these things, So I'm way behind.
Speaker 1: Have you grown that out longer than that during the
Speaker 1: NHL like playoff days? No, this is the longest. There
Speaker 1: is the longest I've ever had my beard. I'm keeping
Speaker 1: it just to see where it goes. Who knows. I've
Speaker 1: trimmed it a couple of times, like, trimmed it up
Speaker 1: because it was getting wiry and bushy, um and just
Speaker 1: like just ridiculous looking. But I trimmed it up a
Speaker 1: couple of times. But I don't know if I've ever
Speaker 1: seen you with the beard. You have to be clean
Speaker 1: shaven for work, No, I don't. I just don't want
Speaker 1: to ever look like you choose to um try to
Speaker 1: portray an image of about himself and not someone who's
Speaker 1: given up on life. And I mean it's quite the look.
Speaker 1: You look like the UNI bomber in many ways, which
Speaker 1: is interesting. I don't even know what he looks like.
Speaker 1: Your hair is very wafty right now, though, I hope,
Speaker 1: I hope Danielle took a picture for our Instagram. Oh
Speaker 1: I did. Don't you worry to put you could put
Speaker 1: him up and put a side by side with Jim
Speaker 1: Carey from ace Ventura because he's got that part with
Speaker 1: the big waft going to the other side. It's very um,
Speaker 1: it's uh, it's a problem. Look, look, this is I
Speaker 1: am a casualty of the quarantine and the COVID stay
Speaker 1: at home lockdown where you can't get haircuts. So we're
Speaker 1: just we're growing it out and this is what it is.
Speaker 1: You know. I like it. I dig it. D um.
Speaker 1: By the way, are you so right now Ryan and
Speaker 1: I are doing this phone call on zoom. Are you
Speaker 1: standing at a stand up desk? Because I see you wiggling.
Speaker 1: It doesn't look like you are in a chair. I
Speaker 1: am anna stand up desk. You are in a chair,
Speaker 1: as to be expected. That is a beta. Move on,
Speaker 1: your behalf. I'm an alpha, of course, who chooses to
Speaker 1: be in a dominant position as you and the beta's
Speaker 1: sit down behind the desk. I stand, uh and yes
Speaker 1: here I am at a stand up desk. I bought
Speaker 1: this when we were all sent home for the quarantine,
Speaker 1: and I yeah, that's fine. So I love you man,
Speaker 1: You're You're hilarious to me. And here's the thing. About
Speaker 1: alpha's is alpha's never have to tell people their alpha's.
Speaker 1: Everybody can sense that the alpha is the alpha. But
Speaker 1: when when somebody starts talking that they're the alpha, it
Speaker 1: means they are trying to prove something in Alpha's don't
Speaker 1: have to prove something, Brooks. Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1: A wolf does not concern himself with the opinion of sheep. Okay,
Speaker 1: I know you put that on my post the other
Speaker 1: day when I said some some wolves lead sheep and
Speaker 1: other wolves lead wolves. Um, but it's good to see
Speaker 1: your face, man, haven't seen for a long time. UM.
Speaker 1: And today's discussion we're gonna get into sex and quarantine,
Speaker 1: sex and whether or not people are feeling sexual during
Speaker 1: this time or feeling not sexual during this time. We
Speaker 1: have a special guest coming on with us as well. UM.
Speaker 1: But I want to leave it up to you, brother.
Speaker 1: The topic of this is kind of you wanted to
Speaker 1: share your story with what I'm in Idaho, so I
Speaker 1: don't have much to say about this. My wife's back
Speaker 1: in l A. I mean, not much of that going
Speaker 1: on right here, UM, but I want to leave it
Speaker 1: up to you and share your story with how it's
Speaker 1: going for you. You wanted to open up and um
Speaker 1: discuss what your personal relationship was like during this time,
Speaker 1: because I know for a lot of people it's been
Speaker 1: very difficult. Yeah, and by the way, I will share
Speaker 1: where I am. But just because you are in isolation
Speaker 1: in Idaho and Julianna's in isolation in l A doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you're off the hook. I have questions for you
Speaker 1: as well, so I will begin. Look, it's it's more
Speaker 1: of the same for me in the sense of, like
Speaker 1: what I've always said, the struggle is um is making
Speaker 1: time for one another. And there's no no greater challenge
Speaker 1: than now when you have no childcare so you don't
Speaker 1: have school. They're all closed, our child care, our nanny
Speaker 1: who was part time, uh she has three kids of
Speaker 1: her own, and we've all tried to do the socially
Speaker 1: responsible thing, which is to stay home and keep the
Speaker 1: circle closed. And and I'm also trying to work a
Speaker 1: full time, full time job remotely. Uh so really we're
Speaker 1: we're in survival mode. It's it's almost as if we're
Speaker 1: in the same position we were when we had our
Speaker 1: second child, which is like, unfortunately your sexual desires are
Speaker 1: kind of put on the back burner in many ways
Speaker 1: to just trying to navigate the rigors of a daily routine.
Speaker 1: And that that begins for us at four fifteen in
Speaker 1: the morning. One of us is getting up because our
Speaker 1: our six month old is has been waking up at
Speaker 1: like four thirty five, so we have to get up
Speaker 1: heat the bottle. Uh. And then it it continues on
Speaker 1: until we put them down around six five at night.
Speaker 1: So you're on for about fourteen hours and we're trying
Speaker 1: to trade off, and I'm trying to carve out time
Speaker 1: during the day to give my wife a little bit
Speaker 1: of a break. And um, all that is to say
Speaker 1: that unless the two kids miraculously are taking their naps
Speaker 1: in a similar time frame and there's some sort of overlap,
Speaker 1: there's really no option to two to have sex with
Speaker 1: one another. And and I know I'm gonna get crucified
Speaker 1: saying you have to make time. What about at the
Speaker 1: end of the day. Yes, I will tell you, Brooks,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, You're absolutely right, when
Speaker 1: we finally put the kids down, that is the time
Speaker 1: that technically we could be intimate with one another. But
Speaker 1: reality is this, we are so fried by the end
Speaker 1: of the day. Once we finally put the kids down.
Speaker 1: We literally every day high five one another and hug
Speaker 1: each other and we're like, oh my god, we did it.
Speaker 1: And then we have a cocktail, we have our dinner,
Speaker 1: we watched Tiger King, and by the end of that
Speaker 1: we're ready to go to bed because we got to
Speaker 1: get up at four fifteen the next morning. So it's
Speaker 1: really like, um, it's it's easier said than done. It's
Speaker 1: not to say that we haven't had opportunities and capitalize
Speaker 1: on them, but it's it's not It's not easy. Yeah, dude,
Speaker 1: I wanna first off, I want to commend you for sharing,
Speaker 1: because that's real talk. Like that's what we want to
Speaker 1: do on this on this podcast, is have real discussions
Speaker 1: that that don't tiptoe around issues and we actually dive
Speaker 1: right into them. And so I want to command you
Speaker 1: for sharing that, and anybody who out there would be
Speaker 1: wanting to crucify you for saying that. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: it's real life, like it's And another thing that you
Speaker 1: said in there is like, if they do more accuracy,
Speaker 1: take a nap. At the same time, you're still working
Speaker 1: a full time job right now, so are you in
Speaker 1: the meeting can you get away? Are you on a
Speaker 1: zoom call? Are you doing this podcast? Are you busy?
Speaker 1: Are you distracted? Are you working on something for all
Speaker 1: of those stars to align to have a little brief
Speaker 1: period like that? I mean, you might as well buy
Speaker 1: a lottery ticket almost. Um, so I don't I I
Speaker 1: empathize with you, man, kids like I just have a dog,
Speaker 1: and a dog is a lot um. I can't imagine
Speaker 1: for people that don't haven't listened to the show or
Speaker 1: new to the show, you have a six month old
Speaker 1: and a two and a half year old, right, that's right? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so being at home working a full time job,
Speaker 1: trying to help your wife out. Your wife is looking
Speaker 1: after the kids all day long. You're trying to help
Speaker 1: her out. I can imagine you guys are just exhausted
Speaker 1: by six o'clock and you you can't take the kids
Speaker 1: anywhere too. There there's nowhere you can go. So you're
Speaker 1: really confined to your home. And you know Amy has
Speaker 1: said to me, and Amy's perfect world, she said, well,
Speaker 1: why what about when you put the kids down? Like
Speaker 1: you can't have sex? Then it's like, yeah, okay, I
Speaker 1: mean I guess you're right, Like technically, because as I
Speaker 1: said to you, like go through in one of our
Speaker 1: days of fourteen hours being on on on, dealing with
Speaker 1: all that, and like you just get to the point
Speaker 1: where you're you're now you're hungry. You haven't had to
Speaker 1: have a meal, get a meal all day where you
Speaker 1: sat down without a kid hanging on you or responsibilities
Speaker 1: that you were trying to like adhere to in the
Speaker 1: middle of your meal. So there's something refreshing about just
Speaker 1: sitting next to each other on the couch and turning
Speaker 1: on an episode of something, uh, and and just relaxing.
Speaker 1: So okay, buddy, Well for you, my friend, to help
Speaker 1: with this issue and help everybody out there, everybody else
Speaker 1: out there with this issue. Um, we have a special
Speaker 1: guest for you, Oh excited, special guests gonna solve all
Speaker 1: of your problems. Brother. I would like to welcome to
Speaker 1: the show, miss Stephanie wolf Stephanie, are you there? Hi? Guys,
Speaker 1: I did your show a couple of months ago, remember
Speaker 1: in the overs Hotel. Yeah, but it's good to see
Speaker 1: your face. So we have Dusty and Stephanie Wolfe with
Speaker 1: us today. Um, and Dustin's step It got you step
Speaker 1: But Dustin was on talking about the rocket. If you
Speaker 1: guys listened about the Rocket a couple of months ago
Speaker 1: we aired that show, um, which Ryan, you weren't there
Speaker 1: for that one, So I'd love for you to like, uh,
Speaker 1: probably listened to it, but like stephaniely your Steph could
Speaker 1: talk about it more. But the rocket to give you
Speaker 1: more stronger libido. Um. But Steph, we would like to
Speaker 1: get your insight. You are well known in dealing with UM,
Speaker 1: correcting sexual hell issues and hormonal imbalances. Um, you're the
Speaker 1: CEO of Nova's Anti aging Center. But really we're having
Speaker 1: a discussion about why people in general and Ryan just
Speaker 1: opened up and shared his story. Why people in general
Speaker 1: and why Ryan, why we may be struggling with lack
Speaker 1: of sexuality sexual drive um, during this really wild and
Speaker 1: chaotic time. So I'd love to get your expertise on
Speaker 1: what's going on with us, what's going on in the world.
Speaker 1: Are we we now have more proximity to our partners
Speaker 1: than ever and why is that actually leading to a
Speaker 1: lack of sexual drive? Well, you know it's funny because
Speaker 1: I'm seeing both sides of the story right now in
Speaker 1: my clinic. I mean, we are still open a couple
Speaker 1: of days of a week, and you know, one of
Speaker 1: it is this is very stressful. This is the most
Speaker 1: stressful event that will probably ever go through in our lives,
Speaker 1: like in our lifetime if you actually think of at it.
Speaker 1: So you know, people are losing their jobs, right, and
Speaker 1: they're not making any money. They can't pay their rent
Speaker 1: or their mortgage. They don't know how they're going to
Speaker 1: make ends meet, and so a lot of that stress
Speaker 1: is going to be placed on a relationship, right. And
Speaker 1: so when you have that kind of stress on a relationship,
Speaker 1: sex is the last thing you're thinking about for some men,
Speaker 1: whereas in other men they actually they have a higher libido,
Speaker 1: higher sex strife there, you know, more horny is what
Speaker 1: I'm hearing when they are under a lot of stress.
Speaker 1: So it's interesting because you do see both sides. And
Speaker 1: that's really for anything, if you think about it. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's we're all human here. But um, you know, all
Speaker 1: the stress besides all the stress and trying to figure
Speaker 1: out what what's coming up next. As far as you know,
Speaker 1: nobody knows when we're going back to work. We can
Speaker 1: all speculate and you know, no but he knows what
Speaker 1: the economy is going to look like when we come
Speaker 1: back to work. Of course we speculate and just overall
Speaker 1: health and wellness. Right, so this is the time where
Speaker 1: you know, people can actually start cooking at home and
Speaker 1: enjoying each other and playing games, you know, actual board games,
Speaker 1: remember those like back in the day board games. I
Speaker 1: just get a new one the other night by yourself, Brooks.
Speaker 1: Thank god. Um question for you, So Ryan, let me
Speaker 1: ask you this. So I would say that I am
Speaker 1: looking at that question. I would say that I probably
Speaker 1: would lose my sex drive when stress ramps up, Yeah,
Speaker 1: goes up, I would say, I probably my sex drive
Speaker 1: would go down. Yeah. Um, that's just what I feel
Speaker 1: right now. In the instance of this conversation, Ryan, what
Speaker 1: do you think you would be and if stress goes up,
Speaker 1: would your sex drive go down or up? I'm surprised
Speaker 1: that you say that, Brooks, because you look very horny
Speaker 1: right now, so you could have us I don't have
Speaker 1: a lot of stress right now. It's hilarious. I would
Speaker 1: say when stress goes up, yeah, the labido like that
Speaker 1: all goes down because it's it's the last thing on
Speaker 1: your mind. You're in, as I said, you're in survival
Speaker 1: mode and when you're in survival mode. That's that has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with survival. It's about like keeping your
Speaker 1: family afloat, which is more important than your sex draw.
Speaker 1: But it's interesting that you say that, because if you
Speaker 1: think about survival mode, right, survival mode is about planting
Speaker 1: your seed. Yeah. Right, So that's why some guys actually
Speaker 1: have that higher sex strive. It's like their natural release
Speaker 1: of kind of getting out, you know, their engst nous
Speaker 1: from it. But what would you say the percentage of
Speaker 1: guys who's whose libido goes up during stressful times and
Speaker 1: what percentage goes down during stressful times. I have to
Speaker 1: imagine that more there's a higher percentage of men whose
Speaker 1: libido goes down when there's high stress in their life.
Speaker 1: I would probably say, quite honestly, probably of the men
Speaker 1: their libido goes down. Yeah. Yeah. And if you kind
Speaker 1: of if you think about it, right, you know everything
Speaker 1: is your testosterone. Let's let's kind of talk about sex
Speaker 1: drive for a second. So sex drive actually comes from
Speaker 1: testosterone production, right your brain. Your brain is actually responsible
Speaker 1: for triggering this cascade of events to tell your body
Speaker 1: to make testosterone. So you know, one thing I'll tell
Speaker 1: guys is if you start affecting the way that the
Speaker 1: brain works, like for instance, taking antidepressants, anti anxiety, antialeptics,
Speaker 1: all those things are disrupting that communication in the brain.
Speaker 1: So if you disrupt the communication, you're no longer triggering
Speaker 1: that cascade of events to make testosterone. And you know,
Speaker 1: there's two ways that we make testosterone. One is through
Speaker 1: the adrenal glands, which adrenal glands are responsible for secreting cortisol.
Speaker 1: Cortisols are stress hormone m The second way is through
Speaker 1: the testicles. You know, if you think about where testosterone
Speaker 1: is being made, right, it all comes from the brain,
Speaker 1: and from the brain it's going to go to the
Speaker 1: adrenal glands as one side, and then it's going to
Speaker 1: go to the testicles for the other side. That's how
Speaker 1: you guys make testosterone. So if you think about the
Speaker 1: brain first, right, you've got to have that cascade of
Speaker 1: events that actually trigger all of this. And so if
Speaker 1: you're stressed, what's going to happen to your serotonin levels,
Speaker 1: your dopamine or pephrin, right, all the feel good kind
Speaker 1: of hormones, and then the adrenal glands are responsible for
Speaker 1: making cortisol, and cortisol is your stress hormone. So you know,
Speaker 1: if you're stressed and your adrenals are, you know, working
Speaker 1: in overdress life, they're going to plummet. That court is
Speaker 1: all level and then you're no longer making that testosterone
Speaker 1: from that side too, So it's all kind of connected
Speaker 1: if you think about it. So here's a question for you. UM.
Speaker 1: I believe in men, our testosterone levels dropped during the
Speaker 1: course of the day, correct, And that's why as athletes
Speaker 1: we generally train earlier in the morning. Our testosterone levels
Speaker 1: are higher. You have more energy, more more power output,
Speaker 1: you get a better result from the energy you put
Speaker 1: into your training. Yes, and that wanes over the course
Speaker 1: of the day. That's why most almost all professional sports
Speaker 1: train early in the morning. UM, testosterone levels are highest. Now,
Speaker 1: is it would it be advisable with that to try
Speaker 1: and prioritize sexual connection to have sex romance earlier in
Speaker 1: the day rather than waiting till eight or nine o'clock
Speaker 1: when our teston just by nature, by science, our testosterone
Speaker 1: levels are lower. Yes. In fact, what I tell my
Speaker 1: guys is that you're making all your test stosterone while
Speaker 1: you're sleeping at night. So number one, if you're not
Speaker 1: sleeping correctly because of stress or you know, whatever the
Speaker 1: case may be, then you're not accumulating that testosterone. So yes,
Speaker 1: your testosterone peaks first thing in the morning. This is
Speaker 1: going to sound really crazy, but I live by it
Speaker 1: and I swear by it. We had little kids who
Speaker 1: are now grown, you know, they're adults, but when they
Speaker 1: were little, we would actually set an alarm and we
Speaker 1: would wake up an hour early in the morning so
Speaker 1: that we had time for us in the morning, because
Speaker 1: that's when we're well rested. Number One, you're not thinking
Speaker 1: about anything, and his testosterone is the highest. Don't forget
Speaker 1: about us too though. I mean we make testosterone as well.
Speaker 1: We're sleeping. So is that the same or females are
Speaker 1: they the same as men's or coincide that yours is
Speaker 1: as high in the Yes? Exactly, Yeah, so kind of
Speaker 1: same idea. I have a question for Brooks and Steph you.
Speaker 1: I'm curious if you can help him or help a
Speaker 1: weigh in on this, which is Brooks to recap is
Speaker 1: in isolation and quarantine himself in his property in Idaho.
Speaker 1: Julian and his wife is in l A. So Brooks.
Speaker 1: How have you been managing being a part? How are
Speaker 1: you remaining connected? Are you are you zooming? Are you
Speaker 1: having phone sex? Are you just helping yourself to yourself?
Speaker 1: And Rosie palms like, what are we? What are we?
Speaker 1: So to be honest, my day, I wake up at
Speaker 1: probably five thirty. Um, my dog is up. I'm up
Speaker 1: at five thirty, I'm and I have a quick bowl
Speaker 1: of cereal or eat breakfast something whatever. And then I've
Speaker 1: been out in the yard at like six thirty seven
Speaker 1: o'clock every morning. And I've been working on my property
Speaker 1: for the last three weeks. And I work from about
Speaker 1: seven am until about five thirty six pm. And just
Speaker 1: like I have ten and a half acres up here.
Speaker 1: It's Idaho bush, and I am just like cleaning this
Speaker 1: place and giving it love that it's never had in
Speaker 1: the six years that I've owned it, and just like
Speaker 1: making it, like building rock walls, cutting down trees, clearing brush,
Speaker 1: all kinds of stuff. And by the time I get
Speaker 1: in from that, I am and then I cook supper
Speaker 1: because I'm here by myself, so I'll cook supper. And
Speaker 1: then at like eight o'clock I put a fire on
Speaker 1: and I'm exhausted man, Like it's it's probably the same
Speaker 1: as what you're feeling Ryan, when the day is done,
Speaker 1: I am freaking exhausted, and at that point, like I
Speaker 1: do not have a lot of sexual charge. Like truthfully,
Speaker 1: I just like I'm exhausted, I'm toast. All I'm thinking about,
Speaker 1: Like let me just mindlessly watch something for thirty minutes
Speaker 1: and go to bed and wake up and do it again.
Speaker 1: So we wake up. Though, when your test saucer and
Speaker 1: is at the highest, you you immediately get outside into
Speaker 1: the idahoe bush and that's how you rocking and rolling. Yeah,
Speaker 1: to be honest, I would in this time, during this
Speaker 1: quarantine time. I mean it's different because I'm not I
Speaker 1: don't have proximity to my wife right now. I'm not
Speaker 1: right in the same room with her. But I would
Speaker 1: say that while it's also just a focus of like
Speaker 1: what I'm doing here, what I have going on in
Speaker 1: my life, that my sex drive right now wouldn't be
Speaker 1: at its peak. Yeah, you know, so it's it's but
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about this, like why do going back to
Speaker 1: what we spoke about earlier, Steph, Like when stress comes,
Speaker 1: why is like Ryan was talking about you try and
Speaker 1: make sure your family is a float, try and like,
Speaker 1: it's such a primal thing, sexual energy. Why is it
Speaker 1: something that we so easily cast aside? Because our states
Speaker 1: and our moods after having sex and having a connection
Speaker 1: like that are probably as pure and as beautiful and
Speaker 1: energetic as ever in our lives. So if we live
Speaker 1: in that state all the time, you think that life
Speaker 1: would be better. But why do we cast aside that?
Speaker 1: Like just kind of like this once stress or anxiety
Speaker 1: or or things come even like a yard work project
Speaker 1: where I'm like, why do I not prioritize that? And
Speaker 1: why is it so easy for men to just kind
Speaker 1: of push to the backward? Quite honestly, I believe that
Speaker 1: this is kind of like a society thing. I don't
Speaker 1: know why, because, like you said, when we do have
Speaker 1: intimate relations and you know, we're able to release, we
Speaker 1: get this like euphoria sense, right, We got all these
Speaker 1: hormones that are going this like antidepressant anti anxiety helps
Speaker 1: with our sleep, helps with our mood. So I feel
Speaker 1: like if we could just be reminded of that, and
Speaker 1: you know, I try to talk to my patients like that,
Speaker 1: I want you to remember how you feel when you
Speaker 1: have that connection with your significant other, your partner or whatever,
Speaker 1: and remember how good it actually feels. And so it's
Speaker 1: almost like you're going to have to combat yourself and
Speaker 1: what you know, society or what your brain is saying.
Speaker 1: Because we're constantly in this like we gotta move, move, move,
Speaker 1: we gotta do do do right. We have this like
Speaker 1: laundry list of things that always are going to prevail
Speaker 1: over sex, and so I think that we need to
Speaker 1: take a step back and just remember that sex is
Speaker 1: very important for a relationship. Not only that, but it's
Speaker 1: very important for your mental health. It's very important for
Speaker 1: all your good hormones. So you almost have to like
Speaker 1: every day put it in front of it, you know,
Speaker 1: and say, okay, we need to do this first, Like
Speaker 1: this has to be done first. It's like prioritizing really right.
Speaker 1: So it's it's like going to the gym. So you
Speaker 1: know that you want to go to the gym because
Speaker 1: it makes you feel good, and you feel good, you
Speaker 1: look good, you perform better, so you prioritize that, right,
Speaker 1: there's a time slot that you go to the gym
Speaker 1: every day because that's your routine. You have to make
Speaker 1: sex a routine. You have to prioritize it, you have
Speaker 1: to put it in front of something. Yeah, how do
Speaker 1: we go about doing that? So for people that are
Speaker 1: core teamed at home right now together, couples that are together,
Speaker 1: like you said you and your you said you and
Speaker 1: Dustin used to set an alarm and wake up? Like,
Speaker 1: what are some examples other than that or more along
Speaker 1: that lines that you are aware of that maybe some
Speaker 1: of your clients, people you know, are currently implementing in
Speaker 1: their lives and actually having better sex or better connection
Speaker 1: with their partner than ever before. Yeah. Well, and you
Speaker 1: have to remember too, I understand people have the kids
Speaker 1: at home right now right like the kids never leave,
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of people that are having that
Speaker 1: restriction of I don't know what to do. So you
Speaker 1: do have to set your alarm because the kids aren't
Speaker 1: They aren't going to leave. We're in quarantine right now.
Speaker 1: What about like Ryan shared, he wakes up with him
Speaker 1: and his wife wake up. We didn't hear. So, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's all great in theory, and everyone can
Speaker 1: crucify me for being the negative naysayer guy. Fine, I'll
Speaker 1: own that. I think I'm the most real of anyone. Uh,
Speaker 1: and by that I like, we have a six month
Speaker 1: old and two and a half year old. The six
Speaker 1: month old has been waking up at like four thirty,
Speaker 1: so we my wife and I've been alternating like four
Speaker 1: fifteen getting up to heat the bottle too, then go
Speaker 1: get him because if we let him cry longer long
Speaker 1: after he wakes up, then his given how close his
Speaker 1: room is to my two and a half year olds
Speaker 1: to wake him up, which will mean our entire day
Speaker 1: with the two and a half year old is complete nightmare.
Speaker 1: So we're waking up at four fifteen and just do
Speaker 1: the math on like well, but but there's also a
Speaker 1: science that says if you should try to get eight
Speaker 1: hours of sleep, because if you get seven or six
Speaker 1: or less than that, then your day is less impactful
Speaker 1: than it could be. So there's all these things that
Speaker 1: you're juggling, and my point is, like, what are we
Speaker 1: gonna set our alarms for three thirty am? Is that
Speaker 1: going to be something that we're gonna like wake up
Speaker 1: thrilled to do? No, it's absolutely not. So has the
Speaker 1: thought cross my mind of like when our two and
Speaker 1: a half year olds taking a nap, having the six
Speaker 1: month old, like in a baby Bjorn chair, things in
Speaker 1: the room, but facing the corner and us having sex
Speaker 1: with him with ear mops on looking at the corner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think I could live with myself if I
Speaker 1: do that, the emotional storring, I think eventually, But that's
Speaker 1: the only solution I've come up with. Yeah, and sometimes
Speaker 1: you have to get creative like that to be honest
Speaker 1: with you. You know. It's like I even have patients
Speaker 1: who they locked themselves in their closet, you know, for
Speaker 1: like the ten minutes that they need. But that's something
Speaker 1: that you know, we have to do this. We have
Speaker 1: to have this connection. So we got to just figure
Speaker 1: out how to make it happen. And you know, nobody's
Speaker 1: looking for marathon sex, right Like this is just a
Speaker 1: part connection. We're just looking for that connection so that
Speaker 1: we stay together and so that during this quarantine time,
Speaker 1: because that was one thing I was thinking, is Okay,
Speaker 1: quarantine is going to make or break a lot of relationships,
Speaker 1: right because now we're stuck at home with someone that
Speaker 1: you didn't like in the beginning, and there's no getting
Speaker 1: away from it. Versus I am madly in love with
Speaker 1: this person and now we're stuck together with the kids
Speaker 1: in the house. How do I keep that connection so
Speaker 1: that we don't get, you know, drive each other crazy?
Speaker 1: And so I really think that the sex is important.
Speaker 1: You have to make it a priority. So, you know,
Speaker 1: if if your thought processes turning the baby around and
Speaker 1: staring at the wall for ten minutes, then so be it.
Speaker 1: The baby is not going to know what's going on,
Speaker 1: you know. So you guys just have to prioritize. You
Speaker 1: never heard it's called quiet sex question for you stuff?
Speaker 1: How many times do you recommend that couples be having
Speaker 1: sex per week while in quarantine? Like, um, how many
Speaker 1: times do you think most people in most relationships are
Speaker 1: and how many times would you recommend that people make
Speaker 1: this time. I love that you asked that question because
Speaker 1: that is like the number one question for everybody. How
Speaker 1: much is too much? How much just too little? What's
Speaker 1: the norm? And there really isn't a norm, right, So
Speaker 1: you have to remember that whatever because you might be
Speaker 1: highly sexual, but your wife may not be, you know,
Speaker 1: so for her having sex once a week or twice
Speaker 1: the week, but for you it's four times a week.
Speaker 1: You guys have to negotiate a good number together. You know,
Speaker 1: everything is a negotiation, so you have to please her,
Speaker 1: she has to please you. I honestly think three times
Speaker 1: a week is normal. That's average, That's about typical. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you, like in Brooks's case, if you had to
Speaker 1: have sex with someone who looked like Brooks, like a
Speaker 1: complete neanderthal right now, would that three number maybe go
Speaker 1: down closer to one as it would be unbearable to
Speaker 1: lay on top or beneath and that looked like that.
Speaker 1: You are so sens a possibility. You know what though,
Speaker 1: That's why I have blindfold just blindfold me. What's funny? Ryan?
Speaker 1: Half of like, I'm getting all these messages. A bunch
Speaker 1: of people are like, shave that effing beard, and then
Speaker 1: a bunch of people are messaging, I love the beard,
Speaker 1: keep it going. It's kind of split. Um, maybe two
Speaker 1: trolls in their basement have complimented you, everybody. Um, let's
Speaker 1: talk about a little a topic that I don't know
Speaker 1: if we've we've I don't know if we've used the
Speaker 1: term staff on this show ever, but um, we talked
Speaker 1: about it quite a bit. The term is sexual wellness. Yes,
Speaker 1: we've never used the term sexual wellness. To my knowledge
Speaker 1: on this show, but we've talked about sexuality a lot
Speaker 1: and how being sexual isn't just the act of having sex,
Speaker 1: much more into sexual energy than the physical coming together
Speaker 1: an action of sex. Um, what would be your definition
Speaker 1: of sexual wellness and how can people practice sexual wellness
Speaker 1: that might then kickstart or lead to actual more connection
Speaker 1: and more starts. You know, I think number one I
Speaker 1: heard this actually from a patient today. UM. I asked
Speaker 1: what her goals were and she said, I just want
Speaker 1: to feel sexy. And I think that's a that's a
Speaker 1: big statement from a lot of women out there. If
Speaker 1: I'm speaking specifically to women, I want to feel sexy, right. Well,
Speaker 1: what does that mean? Okay, yeah, what what do you
Speaker 1: do to feel sexy? Well? First of all, you have
Speaker 1: to look good, right. So a lot of women just
Speaker 1: kind of feel frumpy like their moms, and you know,
Speaker 1: they're a little bit overweight, and you know, maybe they're
Speaker 1: just they don't feel confident enough, they don't have that
Speaker 1: self esteem. So what does that look like to you?
Speaker 1: Is that, you know, taking care of yourself, going to
Speaker 1: the gym, it's eating right, you know, limiting your alcohol,
Speaker 1: all these things that kind of give you the self
Speaker 1: esteem part of it. That's number one. And that goes
Speaker 1: to say for men to write, because I have men
Speaker 1: that come in here that feel the same way. They
Speaker 1: don't feel attractive, and that's like, that's the number one
Speaker 1: thing I always hear is like, I just don't feel attractive.
Speaker 1: I don't feel sexy. Well why not? Well, I don't exercise,
Speaker 1: I don't eat right, I smoke, you know, I drink
Speaker 1: alcohol at night. Well, let's start working on that first.
Speaker 1: That's part of sexual wellness, you know. And then the
Speaker 1: second part is, well, let's take care of you and
Speaker 1: your hormones. So I can't tell you how many women
Speaker 1: that I see, and this is now again women where
Speaker 1: they'll come in and you know they're going through menopause
Speaker 1: or they're having menopausal symptoms and you know they're having
Speaker 1: like a dry vagina, or you know, they just their
Speaker 1: their moody, whatever the case may be. That's all hormone related.
Speaker 1: Just like the men. Same thing. Men will come in
Speaker 1: here and they'll say things like, you know, I can't
Speaker 1: get a morning erection anymore, or you know, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: losing my erection during intercourse. That's all hormone type related.
Speaker 1: So it's there's so many little aspects to sexual wellness.
Speaker 1: It's like, let's start from the beginning and work our
Speaker 1: way down, right, So it's always going to be your hormones,
Speaker 1: it's going to be blood flowing, and it's going to
Speaker 1: be your brain. Start working on yourself self esteem. Well,
Speaker 1: you know what's interesting real quickly Brooks about that is like,
Speaker 1: I think that is all really helpful information. But what
Speaker 1: makes it um it's interesting to me is that we're
Speaker 1: in a situation now with the quarantine of it all,
Speaker 1: where so many of those things are unable to be satisfied.
Speaker 1: It's a conversation with my wife and I had a
Speaker 1: few days ago which is like, yes, you, and she
Speaker 1: was saying like she wants to feel good, and like
Speaker 1: part of connecting with one another and having sex is
Speaker 1: like wanting to feel good. And and when you're in
Speaker 1: a position where you're she's like, I haven't showered, like
Speaker 1: I showered yesterday. I think, like I you know, we're
Speaker 1: trying to keep these two kids alive, and like you're
Speaker 1: losing your mind in many ways, And she's like, I
Speaker 1: don't all like sexy right now. I'm like trying to
Speaker 1: get a five minute shower, just like with one of
Speaker 1: our kids, like or two and a half. You're pounding
Speaker 1: on the glass like it's not relaxing, and you're not
Speaker 1: getting dressed because why why would you get dressed because
Speaker 1: you're not going out of the house and you can't
Speaker 1: go to a gym because the gyms are closed and
Speaker 1: there's all these things that like you can't and she
Speaker 1: her point was like, she's like, I haven't gotten my
Speaker 1: haircut since we had the baby in October. Let alone colored.
Speaker 1: And she's like, my look at my roots, Like I
Speaker 1: don't feel like myself in so many ways. And then
Speaker 1: you've got the COVID fifteen, which is the fifteen pounds
Speaker 1: you're all gaining because you can't leave the freaking house
Speaker 1: and we're all losing our mind. Stuff. Okay, I love
Speaker 1: of it. First of all. Now I'm gonna burst your bubble.
Speaker 1: All excuses, those are all excuses. Gosh darn it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: take a shower. First of all, I don't have any
Speaker 1: hands helped her, so she can take a shower. That's
Speaker 1: number one. To take a shower every day. Get ready
Speaker 1: as if you're doing something every day, right, don't lays
Speaker 1: around in your you know, pajamas or whatever. And that
Speaker 1: even goes to stay with like someone with little kids.
Speaker 1: Trust me, I've had little kids, so I understand. You
Speaker 1: know what that means. You have to kind of like
Speaker 1: do your normal routine, get into a normal routine. No,
Speaker 1: you can't leave the house, doesn't mean you can't do
Speaker 1: something at the house. You know. You can always do
Speaker 1: like a jump rope, or you can do push ups,
Speaker 1: sit up. There's exercise you can do around the house,
Speaker 1: you know. And it's just kind of I think for
Speaker 1: you specifically, just telling her how beautiful she is, you don't,
Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't matter what her roots look like,
Speaker 1: and doesn't matter that she's got the fifteen pounds, like
Speaker 1: that's not you know, it's what's inside that's attracting you
Speaker 1: to her. And I think it's just that's how you
Speaker 1: guys are going to stay connected. Is it that kind
Speaker 1: of loving relationship or you just you tell her how
Speaker 1: much she means to you and how amazing she is
Speaker 1: to you, and she's beautiful and you know you want
Speaker 1: to be with her. So I think if you start,
Speaker 1: you know, um, kind of making sex important between the
Speaker 1: two of you, she's going to feel sexy because of that,
Speaker 1: because she feels wanted. Yeah, and for the record, she
Speaker 1: has not gained the cod is more diligent than ever
Speaker 1: and like eating healthy and you know all that I
Speaker 1: have said as a loving husband, I am gaining the
Speaker 1: fifteen so as to look exponentially worse, which will therefore
Speaker 1: make her look exponentially better as compared to me, which
Speaker 1: is me being selfless. Yes, yes, I like that. I
Speaker 1: really like that works. What about this stuff? What I
Speaker 1: want to ask you this question. Do you think that
Speaker 1: the the over proximity is leading to less sex drive?
Speaker 1: Like when you think about a partner, when you meet
Speaker 1: this person, you can't see this person enough, right, Like
Speaker 1: you just want to spend every second with them. You're
Speaker 1: just absorbed, consumed by them when you meet this person.
Speaker 1: So now, why why in this time, Like, does being
Speaker 1: around a significant other actually turn like with that the proximity,
Speaker 1: being around somebody so much actually turn you off sexually
Speaker 1: to that person. Yeah, it could because you think about it.
Speaker 1: You know, they're they're all up in your business twenty
Speaker 1: four hours a day, and you know you're you kind
Speaker 1: of start getting a little annoyed with them. You know,
Speaker 1: they get on your nerves. They're little, their quirkiness comes
Speaker 1: out right, and then you kind of start thinking, like
Speaker 1: I knew they had that quirkiness, but it wasn't accentuated.
Speaker 1: And we're sitting on top of each other. So I
Speaker 1: think it's just remembering and reminding yourself why you fell
Speaker 1: in love in the first place, right, and that Yeah,
Speaker 1: I actually I was attracted to the quirkiness, So that
Speaker 1: quirkiness is okay, it's just in situated because we're all
Speaker 1: just sitting here. And yeah, you look a little dirty
Speaker 1: because maybe you haven't powered in a couple of days.
Speaker 1: But I still brooks when she said you look dirty,
Speaker 1: and she was looking directly at him, This was all, yeah,
Speaker 1: I have to go back and look at an old photo.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Like I believe, like my wife and I
Speaker 1: both travel a lot for work. We're here there, especially
Speaker 1: when I was playing hockey, so that when you miss somebody,
Speaker 1: that really ramps up the sexual desire in the craving
Speaker 1: and then like lust for somebody. Yes, So like Ryan,
Speaker 1: you and your wife are both at home right now. Um,
Speaker 1: do you ever go like more than five hours without
Speaker 1: seeing each other? Two hours? Like, do you ever just
Speaker 1: say I'm gonna be like working from here and I
Speaker 1: don't want to see you or to try and create
Speaker 1: that attraction again of missing each other, Like is that
Speaker 1: a possible thing that couples could do. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: like I don't practice that to answer your question, because
Speaker 1: the ability to lend a helping hand like is more
Speaker 1: valuable than saying I'm gonna piece out for five hours.
Speaker 1: But this is for us, trust me, don't do that,
Speaker 1: not with a newborn. I just trying to think of
Speaker 1: any ways to help our community, to help people that
Speaker 1: are going through this. Um Ryan, remember we had Leela
Speaker 1: to Pull on our podcast one time, Yes sex Expert
Speaker 1: um Sexologists just she was very helpful. She now hosts
Speaker 1: a podcast UM for I heard called Intimate Knowledge, and
Speaker 1: she ran a poll on her with her community the
Speaker 1: other day on Instagram, and seven out of ten people
Speaker 1: said they felt less sexual during this time. It's it's
Speaker 1: just it's crazy. It blew me away when I saw it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, like people are actually really struggling sexual
Speaker 1: connection at the time and trying to dig to the
Speaker 1: root of that, Like, really, what is that? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's it's all the things that you're kind of
Speaker 1: talking about. It's you know, basically all being on top
Speaker 1: of each other right in this house twenty four hours
Speaker 1: a day. But kind of like what you said, Ryan
Speaker 1: is you know, this is the time that we come
Speaker 1: together and we're best friends. Right, So it's like I'm
Speaker 1: here to help you, You're here to help me, Like,
Speaker 1: let's do this together. Especially with the parents. You know,
Speaker 1: with kids, it's you know, you don't want the parents
Speaker 1: that's like I can't take this, I'm piecing out. You
Speaker 1: need the parent to kind of like step up to
Speaker 1: the plate. Like we came to this together. We're going
Speaker 1: to be best friends. Like we're going to get through
Speaker 1: this together. It's like knowing that you have that person,
Speaker 1: you know that you're rock that you're um counting on,
Speaker 1: you know, I think that's going to help these relationships.
Speaker 1: So um So for people that haven't one more question
Speaker 1: for you want to take up all your time stuff,
Speaker 1: but I appreciate your insight. For people that are rocket
Speaker 1: and rolling or people that aren't, can you and people
Speaker 1: that haven't listened to our episode about the rocket, can
Speaker 1: you care how this magical device that you can purchase
Speaker 1: and having the comfort of your own home can actually
Speaker 1: lead to better sex? Can you talk a little bit
Speaker 1: about the rocket again. Can I just tell you real
Speaker 1: quick that we just got our first hundred delivered literally
Speaker 1: an hour ago. Yes, we guys. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you can. Can you see as I open it? I
Speaker 1: wish our community could see that. Can you pull it out?
Speaker 1: And because has been able to see it, it's like Christmas.
Speaker 1: I literally feel like Christmas right now? Okay, so true spaceships?
Speaker 1: What like tenans? It's a spaceship, yes, um. So basically
Speaker 1: this is using um sound wave. So for those who
Speaker 1: don't know, it's called shockwave therapy, and chock wave therapy
Speaker 1: has been around for over twenty years and they use
Speaker 1: it on muscular skeletal injuries, so knee, shoulder, achilles, tendonitis,
Speaker 1: plant or fasciitis. That's how it all started. And the
Speaker 1: idea is it's not a shock, it's a sound wave,
Speaker 1: and the sound wave is creating micro trauma, you know,
Speaker 1: a little damage underneath the skin layer, the cellular layer,
Speaker 1: and it tells your body to create new tissue. So
Speaker 1: it's repairing old tissue, giving new tissue, and forming new
Speaker 1: blood vessels. So they are now using this for the
Speaker 1: treatment of erectile dysfunction as well sexual performance and pay ronies.
Speaker 1: And it's been on the market probably for the last
Speaker 1: ten years as shock wave therapy in medical clinics, but
Speaker 1: you would have to go to a medical clinic to
Speaker 1: get this treatment done. So Dustin and I a couple
Speaker 1: of years ago, you know, we were just we felt
Speaker 1: really sad because nine out of ten guys that would
Speaker 1: call our clinic number one couldn't afford to come in
Speaker 1: and get it treated, and they lived too far or
Speaker 1: they were just embarrassed, you know, they didn't want me
Speaker 1: to treat them. So we thought we had to do
Speaker 1: something where we can give these guys this treatment in
Speaker 1: the comfort of their own home and get rid of
Speaker 1: all those factors. And so that's when we designed the Rocket.
Speaker 1: So we are in our we were in our prototype
Speaker 1: and we did clinical studies in the office and um
Speaker 1: we're now we're at market. So yeah, super exciting. UM.
Speaker 1: I know it looks kind of crazy, but I did
Speaker 1: a video. Everybody gets um these little like it kind
Speaker 1: of tells you. There's a website where I demonstrate how
Speaker 1: to use it. It's very simple. Um, but again, it's
Speaker 1: all about creating new blood vessel formation, which feeds the tissue,
Speaker 1: which helps regrow the tissue and just again sexual wellness.
Speaker 1: It's taking care of yourself right on. There you go,
Speaker 1: the Ryan, break out that credit card. I know you
Speaker 1: have a ton of money order right now and overnight
Speaker 1: that to your house. Yeah. So while you're quarantined and
Speaker 1: you can't do anything, let me help you out perfect time.
Speaker 1: I want to thank you so much, thank you for
Speaker 1: what you've given our community. I hope people struggling with
Speaker 1: with sexual health issues right now got some value from this. UM.
Speaker 1: And where can people connect with you? Where do you
Speaker 1: hang out the most? Um if people want to get
Speaker 1: in touch with you a about the work that you
Speaker 1: do or be about the Rocket. Yeah so, UM my
Speaker 1: clinic is the Nova Center. We're in Studio City, California. UM.
Speaker 1: More than happy to help anyone. You just can email
Speaker 1: call any one of those. UM. As far as the Rocket,
Speaker 1: it's get my rocket dot com. And that gives you
Speaker 1: all the information that you need to know. There you go, Ryan,
Speaker 1: Just make you guys, make time for each other, be
Speaker 1: nice to each other, love each other, and remember why
Speaker 1: you fell in love. Yeah, thank you so much, Steph. Yes,
Speaker 1: you're welcome. Thank you. Hi So there you go, Ryan,
Speaker 1: all your problems are fixed. Man. Steph is great. She
Speaker 1: was great. Uh yeah, you're gonna get a rocket? Should
Speaker 1: I get a rocket? Should I? Okay? Um, I'm really
Speaker 1: interested in It's actually a really interesting device and it's
Speaker 1: backed by science, so it's and it only costs for
Speaker 1: listeners that haven't listened to the previous episode we did
Speaker 1: about is I think about seven bucks? So maybe tell
Speaker 1: your wife a little Christmas gift line up for you,
Speaker 1: a little birthday gift coming up? All right, guys, this
Speaker 1: is a producer Danielle John thing in. Um one, I
Speaker 1: have a comment, Brooks keep the beard women. Sorry, Ryan,
Speaker 1: you definitely are losing on this one. I will do
Speaker 1: a poll on the helmet think Instagram to see if
Speaker 1: they like Brooks with the beard or without the beard. Um.
Speaker 1: But I wanted to bring up a topic with you
Speaker 1: guys because I've been discussing this a lot with some
Speaker 1: girlfriends and I brought it up with my husband just
Speaker 1: to get like the male perspective, and he was, well, oh,
Speaker 1: save his response. But I have I've had a couple
Speaker 1: of my girlfriends that have reached out to me and
Speaker 1: they're like, so, um, these years are these like this
Speaker 1: year and next year we're supposed to be the years
Speaker 1: that I'm traveling with my husband before having babies. But
Speaker 1: now that we can't do that, I think we're gonna
Speaker 1: just go for it and have a baby, like or
Speaker 1: at least try to have one, because what else will
Speaker 1: you do right now, Like we're all in quarantine, let's
Speaker 1: just have sex and have a baby. And my initial
Speaker 1: reaction was, what the hell? So I think I have
Speaker 1: a I have a remedy for them to cure them.
Speaker 1: I put them on a FaceTime call with Brian and
Speaker 1: they will be shut down. Their sexual libido will go
Speaker 1: to the floor. Such a good idea. I am a
Speaker 1: poster child and the poster voice of yes, okay. So
Speaker 1: then here's my question. If if the women in your
Speaker 1: life came to you right now, we're like, all right,
Speaker 1: let's let's try for a baby, since there's something else
Speaker 1: we can do, are you guys in or are you
Speaker 1: like I think we might need to wait till we're
Speaker 1: done with this COVID nineteen not in for that reason.
Speaker 1: That reason is so bad, because who knows it could
Speaker 1: lift in a month, it could lift in two weeks,
Speaker 1: just because you have nothing else to do right now,
Speaker 1: that's not a reason to bring a life into the world.
Speaker 1: You can still have sex without having to create a baby.
Speaker 1: Like the world is going to come back, the economy
Speaker 1: is going to open up, travel will open up again.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's a couple of months, maybe it's six months.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but like I don't it's not like I
Speaker 1: don't first see us being on lockdown for the next
Speaker 1: four years, where it's like we've got nothing else to do,
Speaker 1: we might as well have a baby for four years.
Speaker 1: Like as soon as these people, if they try and
Speaker 1: have a baby right now, as soon as they're actually
Speaker 1: having the baby, everything's gonna be wide open and open
Speaker 1: up again. And now they're gonna be pissed because they're
Speaker 1: not able to travel because like we're about to have
Speaker 1: a baby. My wife's eight months pregnant. Would have loved
Speaker 1: to go to Turks and cake pose, but can't now
Speaker 1: because we can't flop. Yeah, I mean that's the hope, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, I would say a couple of things. The
Speaker 1: first thing, which is Brooks touched upon it. It's like
Speaker 1: we've we're board, what else do we have to do?
Speaker 1: We might as well have a baby. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: you can still have sex. You don't need to pull
Speaker 1: the goalie. Just have sex and don't right, Like, that's
Speaker 1: that's point A, point B from a male perspective in
Speaker 1: terms of how men think, how I always thought prior
Speaker 1: to finally committing to saying like, yes, I think it's
Speaker 1: time and I'm ready to have a baby. I wanted
Speaker 1: to know I was secure in my job and like
Speaker 1: financially secure to bring another life that was gonna that
Speaker 1: I was gonna be responsible for. And it in today's economy,
Speaker 1: when we're about to enter a recession and people are
Speaker 1: losing their jobs and everything's uncertain, I as a man,
Speaker 1: would not feel comfortable committing to bringing another life and
Speaker 1: that I am going to be financially responsible for when
Speaker 1: I could lose my job tomorrow. That's a big, big consideration.
Speaker 1: And the last thing I will say is a conversation
Speaker 1: with my wife and I had the other week was
Speaker 1: like so week on the opposite way, it's not. We
Speaker 1: were like, so do we should we try to have
Speaker 1: a girl, And we both looked each other like we
Speaker 1: should get you a vasectomy, Like I am already looking
Speaker 1: into getting a vasectomy because this has created a world
Speaker 1: in which I cannot add them a third child. I
Speaker 1: am gonna lose it. So this is this is quite
Speaker 1: equals a set to me. Do you know that there's
Speaker 1: a National Vasectomy Day? It's when March Madness begins, typically
Speaker 1: because every all the guys stay home to watch the
Speaker 1: n C Double A tournament. Yeah, the first round. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like radio stations in d C when I was playing there,
Speaker 1: they used to give away a free vasectomy heading up
Speaker 1: to that so that the guy could get it and
Speaker 1: then you could just sit on the couch for the
Speaker 1: next two days with an ice pack on this growing
Speaker 1: and just watch college basketball. I'm targeting next March. What
Speaker 1: would you target right now? And like what would you target?
Speaker 1: I mean, I think like this. I'm not even exaggerating
Speaker 1: when I say this has led us to the conclusion,
Speaker 1: like the sect to me is the way to go.
Speaker 1: We can't have a kid. This is too much. Really,
Speaker 1: you don't think like this might when you go back
Speaker 1: to work when like the kids are you know, you
Speaker 1: don't have a six month old, you have a two
Speaker 1: and a four year old. You might be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd like to try for a girl. No, I'm already
Speaker 1: giving away everything we have as soon as they've reached
Speaker 1: that milestone and surpass it. Now you want the crib,
Speaker 1: you want this walker, take it. We're done. I'm done. Okay, Okay.
Speaker 1: Well you've got a beautiful, healthy family, so you're very
Speaker 1: well lucky. Yeah. Sounds like we should do a podcast
Speaker 1: when Ryan gets his vasectomy, a live podcast so we
Speaker 1: could get the play by play absolutely. Um, Danielle, can
Speaker 1: we ask Ryan about the Instagram comment that's got Ryan
Speaker 1: fired up? I mean I think he should just take
Speaker 1: it away. He has a lot to say. Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: read this comment Ryan and then you can rebut what
Speaker 1: this was said? Um, this was written on our How
Speaker 1: Many Think podcast Instagram? Should I say the list of
Speaker 1: the person that wrote it, Danielle, Let's keep him anonymous. Okay,
Speaker 1: here's the question. Why it is Ryan not listen to anyone?
Speaker 1: He is so negative. Having kids as hard, but it
Speaker 1: seems you make it so much more difficult than it
Speaker 1: needs to be. You can find helps, you can go
Speaker 1: away for a weekend, look outside the box. I used
Speaker 1: to work in a daycare where the room I was
Speaker 1: in charge of had twelve babies three months to sixteen
Speaker 1: months and there were three of us. That's one adult
Speaker 1: for every four infants, and I never had so much
Speaker 1: fun dot dot dot Ryan. Unfortunately, we are a podcast,
Speaker 1: so this listener who commented in that way cannot see
Speaker 1: my eyes rolling into the back of my freaking skull
Speaker 1: as I hear that comment, because it is the most
Speaker 1: absurd thing I've ever heard. And I will say thank
Speaker 1: you to all those listeners who have come out Buckley
Speaker 1: in support of me, uh and my openness and my honesty. Uh.
Speaker 1: There are many of you, the Ryan supporters and loyalists.
Speaker 1: Thank you to this one single solitary contrarian out there
Speaker 1: who came at me in this way, I would say,
Speaker 1: sit on your thumb and rotate, because I have news
Speaker 1: for you. You may work at your daycare, but at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, you go home to relax,
Speaker 1: and this is seven and you with a couple other
Speaker 1: daycare employees watching these kids like I'm sure it was
Speaker 1: a lot of fun, but then you went home to
Speaker 1: your more normal, balanced life, I'm sure, I think so.
Speaker 1: I don't buy it. I think it's like it's all
Speaker 1: fine when there's an end in sight and you can
Speaker 1: go back to your your less than chaotic life. But
Speaker 1: this is all day, every day. What if she has kids,
Speaker 1: Let's say she had two kids at home, then what
Speaker 1: would you say? I would say, also, I I think
Speaker 1: your kids act differently for you and are more prone
Speaker 1: to having temper tantrums and things when they're familiar with you,
Speaker 1: as opposed to teachers or people that are looking after
Speaker 1: them at a daycare. They're much more respectful and they're
Speaker 1: much less likely to far less likely to act out
Speaker 1: when your own kids have temper tantrums because they're familiar
Speaker 1: with you. So I don't think she's considered that either.
Speaker 1: But these these kids were three months to sixteen months.
Speaker 1: I don't think they have that ability to decipher, Oh,
Speaker 1: dad's not in the room, I'm going to act out.
Speaker 1: Their dad's in the room. I'm gonna act out. Okay,
Speaker 1: So there are three months so they're laying on their
Speaker 1: back and sleeping half the day. Congratulations, How difficult was
Speaker 1: that for you? You didn't have a two and a
Speaker 1: half year old to counterbalance the three months old three
Speaker 1: month old to lay on their back all day and
Speaker 1: sleep like that's the point. I'm dealing with the two
Speaker 1: and a half year old too, who wants to run around,
Speaker 1: who wants to hit the six month old in the head,
Speaker 1: who wants to go outside. She's dealing with a bunch
Speaker 1: of three year old to sleep seventy the day and
Speaker 1: the other take a bottle. Congratulations, Brian. I have a
Speaker 1: question for you. Does your wife ever say, like, try
Speaker 1: giving birth to our kids? Like, does she ever like
Speaker 1: say you need to be quiet? No, she We're in
Speaker 1: this together. She's like, this is chaos, and that's why
Speaker 1: we live. Legitimately, high five at the end of the
Speaker 1: day and hug when we've put both of them down
Speaker 1: at the same time because we finally conquered the day
Speaker 1: and we're She doesn't look at me like I'm some extremists,
Speaker 1: like she feels much the same way that this is
Speaker 1: an exhausting time for us. And we will, of course
Speaker 1: whether it will come out the other end and we'll laugh,
Speaker 1: But in the moment, it's it's tough. I think at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, everybody has their own experience.
Speaker 1: I've had many friends who thought like labor was a
Speaker 1: piece of cake, and I've had other friends who were
Speaker 1: like that was the most traumatic experience of my life,
Speaker 1: and it's the hardest thing. I think it's all relative
Speaker 1: to how you deal with it. I don't know. Everyone
Speaker 1: has their own experience. Yeah, And and also like we
Speaker 1: have friends to have girls, and and from our experienced,
Speaker 1: girls are much more um, calm and like We'll look
Speaker 1: at some of our our friends kids that are girls
Speaker 1: and they'll just like sit there and look around like
Speaker 1: a little wall flower and like smile and like to
Speaker 1: our boys are just like flailing, needing to be held,
Speaker 1: wanting to be entertained. Like it's there's no just like
Speaker 1: sitting around chilling. Okay, right, you have the toughest life
Speaker 1: in the world. I'm not implying that. And again, I
Speaker 1: don't want to come off as polarizing to the many
Speaker 1: Ryan loyalists that are out there. I don't want to
Speaker 1: alienate myself. I am just as I said, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to be real and not sugarcoat anything and tell you
Speaker 1: how I honestly feel. So if that's the other people
Speaker 1: and they think I'm out of line, so be it.
Speaker 1: I do appreciate that, right, I do appreciate that I'm
Speaker 1: on a work We'll shower later. He needs to shower. See,
Speaker 1: we need to shower now for you because he needs
Speaker 1: to shower. Well, shout, we shower together, and I can't
Speaker 1: even shower alone anymore. Well, buddy, I'm sending you a
Speaker 1: big hug, sending you love. Man. I hope I don't
Speaker 1: hug men that look as uncompt as you, but I'll
Speaker 1: take it. Why is it all about looks Ryan? Why
Speaker 1: isn't it about my heart? Your heart is hollow and
Speaker 1: black and hardened. Huh No it's not. But thanks buddy. Honestly, Ryan,
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of people out there that
Speaker 1: are really struggling, UM, homeschooling, UM, distress and anxiety level.
Speaker 1: You know, are people what the economic conditions people are
Speaker 1: business owners or their job? Are they gonna keep it?
Speaker 1: Are they gonna lose it? Um? Just a lot of
Speaker 1: going and then also the health concerns. Concerned about your family,
Speaker 1: maybe your parents. You know, my parents are in there
Speaker 1: and my dad's in his late sixties. Just a concern
Speaker 1: they're UM. So a lot going on in the world
Speaker 1: and just all of our listeners, we want to send
Speaker 1: you guys love and support and hope. If you're in
Speaker 1: a time of despair, just sending you guys hope. Same
Speaker 1: to you, buddy. You will make it through this. Thank
Speaker 1: you and Brooks. I think what I took from the
Speaker 1: interview with stuff is that tomorrow morning, when you wake
Speaker 1: up and your horny, help yourself to yourself. But for you,
Speaker 1: just just take care of yourself. Okay, right, put me
Speaker 1: number one, Put me number one. UM, anybody else that Daniel,
Speaker 1: you have anything else you want to say on this one?
Speaker 1: And we wrap this. UM. I think we're I think
Speaker 1: Ryan needs to give his son a shower or bath. Um,
Speaker 1: So let's wrap this up. But I do want to
Speaker 1: tease that next week we have UM, we're planning something fun.
Speaker 1: We're doing a fun test that um or um experiment
Speaker 1: I guess is a better word. UM that involves a
Speaker 1: zoom call. So stay tuned, guys. So we haven't even
Speaker 1: told Ryan about this. He doesn't even know what this is.
Speaker 1: Actually I do know, so I'm always in the now. Brooks.
Speaker 1: We you're lucky we even told you. I see why
Speaker 1: this person said you are so negative um on the
Speaker 1: on Instagram. Yeah, I'm I'm team Instagram hater like right here,
Speaker 1: meaning you support her your AUNTI Ryan? Okay, good to
Speaker 1: know it's Ryan versus the world. Man, everybody in this
Speaker 1: world has extending you in all of branches. It's just
Speaker 1: continually Ryan versus the world. I'm happy to take that
Speaker 1: on you don't see. But that's it for this week.
Speaker 1: Thanks Danielle, Thanks Tory uh. Thanks. Ryan appreciates you sharing
Speaker 1: and hopefully that helps our community. And thank you Steph
Speaker 1: for coming on. So everybody that listen, thank you so much,
Speaker 1: sending you love and sending you hope. I hope your
Speaker 1: family and yourself if you're keep it well, staying safe,
Speaker 1: staying active. Until next week, Ryan, take care of one another,
Speaker 1: love one another, and we'll see you back here. Another
Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think