WEBVTT - The Karol Markowicz Show: Finding Strength and Facing Uncomfortable Truths with Kira Davis 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:07.960 Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. 0:00:08.240 --> 0:00:11.879 Melissa Kearney is an economist at the University of Maryland 0:00:12.000 --> 0:00:15.400 and she has a new book called The Two Parent Privilege, 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:19.680 How Americans stopped getting married and started falling behind. I've 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.880 read a number of interviews with Kearnie because the topic 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:25.680 is obviously in my wheelhouse, and I plan to read 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:28.440 the book, but I haven't yet. But last weekend Barry 0:00:28.440 --> 0:00:31.760 Weiss interviewed Kearnie at Free Press and one thing she 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:34.959 said really stuck out to me. Kearney said, and this 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:38.080 is a quote that in survey evidence, you don't see 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:42.240 widespread rejection of marriage as an institution. You don't see 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:44.880 in the US that there's been a widespread move away 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:48.159 from the desire to get married. Rather, it feels like 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:51.000 achieving a stable married home is a bit of a 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:54.520 luxury good. It's something that's harder for people without higher 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:57.720 levels of education and income to achieve. So for that reason, 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:01.400 we should not be okay with that advantageous institution being 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:04.600 something that's increasingly out of reach for those who aren't 0:01:04.600 --> 0:01:07.400 in the highest education income classes in our society. 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:08.280 End quote. 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:12.880 Kearney's solutions to this are largely government orientated, spending more 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:17.320 money on the promotion of strengthening families. Now, obviously I'm 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:20.520 all for strengthening families, but I don't think a government 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:21.320 role works. 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:22.720 The George W. 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:26.280 Bush administration spent three hundred million dollars a year on 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:30.640 the Healthy Marriage Initiative that did very little beyond line 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:34.800 the pockets of organizations that hold quote relationship education classes. 0:01:34.959 --> 0:01:38.399 The Obama administration kept that program going with a small 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:41.720 shift and focus into fatherhood. One study found that it 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:44.319 did very little to help sustain the marriages of the 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:47.120 people in the program, and it did not translate into 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:51.880 significant impacts on marital stability, nor into substantial impacts on 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:54.560 co parenting, parenting. 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:55.640 Or outcomes for children. 0:01:55.920 --> 0:01:59.480 None of it worked, and as Kearney says, people still 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:02.920 respect the institution of marriage, they just don't participate in it. 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.720 They don't think it's for them, and that's very odd. 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:08.240 I think it has a lot to do with marriage 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:11.880 being portrayed as uncool in our world. In her book 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:14.920 The Power of Glamour, Virginia Pastrell notes that in the 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:18.920 films of the nineteen thirties, divorce was depicted as glamorous 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:22.800 marriage was at times a loveless prison, while divorce was 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.920 a kin to wearing evening gowns and making cocktails and 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:30.120 silver shakers as a habit of the fictional rich. But 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:33.600 now divorce is commonplace and the reality isn't so much 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:37.240 cocktails and gowns as lonely apartments and having the kids 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:41.040 every other weekend. And while marriage may not be glamorous either, 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:45.000 government seminars on the importance of tying the knot definitely 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:48.840 won't change that singlehood is now portrayed as glamorous. But 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:51.919 I think most young adults know that's not true. Hence 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:54.720 they continue to have a high opinion of marriage. Like 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:57.080 a lot of things, I think what works here is 0:02:57.120 --> 0:03:00.120 telling the truth that marriage is good and fine and 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:02.919 makes you feel secure and loved and all that other 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:07.280 good stuff. I hear the naysayers saying, oh, not every marriage, okay, 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:10.160 and not every singlehood. Life is one of Martini's in 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:13.200 fast cars, and telling the truth is actually not as 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:14.320 easy as it sounds. 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:16.280 Kearney told Weis. 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:18.840 That she was dissuaded from writing this book by her peers, 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:23.280 who nevertheless agreed with her perspective. Kearney said. The University 0:03:23.280 --> 0:03:25.840 of Chicago Press published her book, and it wasn't an 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:29.320 easy process. She got four reviews, one of which said, 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:31.919 you should not be publishing a book in twenty twenty 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:36.000 three that calls for a return to marriage. So maybe 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:38.400 that's the place to start. The people who are pushing 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:41.840 an anti marriage agenda and harming so many poor people, 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.920 I can guarantee you that most of those people are 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:47.920 themselves married. People have been lied to, and we have 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:50.840 to start telling the truth, even if it's uncomfortable or 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:54.840 sounds hokey. Coming up next and interview with Kira Davis. 0:03:55.000 --> 0:04:00.160 Join us after the break. Hi, and welcome back the 0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:05.160 Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. My guest today is Kira Davis, 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:09.400 host of Just Listen to Yourself and author of Drawing Lines. 0:04:10.320 --> 0:04:11.960 Hi, Kira, so nice to have you. 0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:13.800 Hi, Carol. It's good to be here. 0:04:14.240 --> 0:04:15.800 And I think of your show. I think of it 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:17.840 in that tone like just listen to yourself? 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:21.279 Is that back in the tone that it is meant 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:25.000 to be said in? And you know, one day I 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:28.200 was just like, I'm going to do a podcast or 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:33.520 just tell people, like listen what you just said, a 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:37.160 podcast about thinking through the things that you actually say. 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:40.960 Right, Like do you even hear yourself right? So you're 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:42.080 in California. 0:04:42.760 --> 0:04:47.440 I've interviewed a few people who have left California, Dave Rubin, Bridgard, Fetesie, 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:49.360 and they've left for Texas. 0:04:49.839 --> 0:04:51.400 You're still there. 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:54.480 Do you think about leaving? Do you consider it. 0:04:54.560 --> 0:05:00.960 The single day I think about leaving? For us, though, 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:03.440 for my family, that's just not a thing that's going 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.280 to happen. We live in California. That's that My husband's 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:10.599 job is here. It's a job that supports our family, 0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:13.960 and it won't be forever we but we are making 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:17.039 plans to leave when the time comes. I also have 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:20.159 a daughter who's almost finished with high school, so we 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:23.440 certainly don't want to pull her out. I mean, I 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:26.039 always say this because I get this. I get asked 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:28.719 this question a lot by conservatives, like why are you 0:05:28.839 --> 0:05:31.279 still there? When are you going to leave? And look, 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:33.400 I'll leave when God says it's time to get up 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:37.719 and go. I definitely believe that, you know, everything happens 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:40.960 for a reason, and for now, for whatever reason, we're 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:43.560 in California. And I've always said I think it is 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:47.719 more dangerous to be some more comfortable outside of God's 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:50.960 will than to be some are uncomfortable inside of God's will. 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:55.400 This is where we are. So now that being said, 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:57.120 it's not like I'm loving it. 0:05:58.640 --> 0:05:59.640 No, I get that. 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:02.640 I feel like when we were considering leaving, and I 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:05.000 was getting all of these like just move, just move? 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:06.599 Why do you keep complaining about New York? 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:07.080 Just move? 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:09.120 I think people don't get that. 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:12.080 It's not an easy decision, especially if you have kids, 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:14.159 and it's not like I could just pick up and go. 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:18.560 So where would you go? Like, what's the what's the 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:21.960 thinking if you were someday to maybe leave California? 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:23.960 What's what's on your radar? 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:29.120 Not sure I can do winter again? That is it? 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:31.840 I hear you. It's seventy degrees. I'm in a sweater. 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:33.880 It's like, what is this time? 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:41.200 Yeah, it's seventy here California. And the older I get to, 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:44.080 the more I'm like, oh, slip and fall on ice. 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.599 Not sure if I want to, yeah, go back to that. 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:50.200 But you know, we don't know, We don't We don't 0:06:50.240 --> 0:06:52.480 really know. A lot's going to depend on where our 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:55.520 kids land. Ultimately, we have a son in college and 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:58.560 we'll want to be close to them, and it just 0:06:58.560 --> 0:07:02.000 depends on where things take us. I just at the moment, 0:07:02.560 --> 0:07:05.280 at this point in my life, I can't imagine ending 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:12.120 my life in California to be somewhere, but somewhere in 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:14.360 the South. I don't want to go to Texas, Carol. 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:15.880 Why why I know Texas? 0:07:15.920 --> 0:07:18.040 I mean, I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan, so I feel 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:22.080 like that's my natural second choice. 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:25.160 Some of my best friends are in Texas, and as 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:29.680 you well know, just about everybody in California is left. Yeah, Texas, 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:31.800 but it's just never been my cup of tea as 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:34.040 far as oh, I think this is a place I 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:38.160 want to live. I don't have anything against Texas, you know, 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:40.880 It's not like I'm like ew Texas. I just I 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:42.640 don't think it's a place I want to land. 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:46.760 I feel like you'd look great in like a cowboy hat, 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:47.920 cal girl hat. 0:07:48.280 --> 0:07:54.280 I can rock a cowboy hat for yuh and uh. 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:57.800 I love I love the I love how everyone everything's 0:07:57.840 --> 0:07:59.280 just so American in Texas. 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.440 And I love the giant flags. Like my kids every 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:04.520 time we're there, they're like, that's an even bigger flag 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:05.400 than the last flag. 0:08:05.440 --> 0:08:09.000 It's like, you know, a square block. Yeah, it's amazing. 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:11.960 I you know, there's a lot, a lot obviously going 0:08:12.000 --> 0:08:15.000 for it. But again, it's tough to pick up your 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:17.280 family and move. It's tough to imagine yourself in a 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:20.160 new place. It's there's a lot of considerations. And I 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:23.440 fully understand you. That's why, you know, I'm not pressuring you. 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:27.000 I'm just wondering, just thinking, thinking out loud, where Kira ends. 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:28.360 I mean, you know, I took the. 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:32.200 Journey with you, Carol, all through no when you were 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:35.640 you know, I was with you on that journey and knowing, 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:38.760 I mean, I feel like I knew exactly what you 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:41.160 were feeling because I think my kids are a little 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:44.199 older than yours, but same type of situation, high cost 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:48.880 of living, crazy COVID restrictions. Suddenly you're looking at what's 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:53.360 gonna how I gonna develop you? And yeah, I mean 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:58.480 I I felt it when you decided to move, like 0:08:58.559 --> 0:09:01.720 people didn't understand what a big deal that waits for you. 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:03.520 That was not an easy decision. 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:06.360 No, it wasn't. It was you know, again, life changes. 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:07.120 What are you going to do? 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:11.480 So you recently posted that you've been sober for one 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:13.720 hundred days. I think it's like one hundred and few 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:17.240 days now. But you also noted that you're not an 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:20.080 alcoholic and you just needed a break. So how's it been. 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:26.319 It's been good. So I got to a point recently 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:30.760 where I felt like, oh, I'm drinking a lot, Like 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.200 there's not a day really that goes by where I 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:34.720 don't have a drink at least at the end of 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:39.240 the day. And I I've been going through some life changes. 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:44.320 I lost my father last spring, and obviously that triggers 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:48.239 some things. And I just thought, you know what, I'm 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:52.240 not feeling things. I think I'm drinking and not feeling. 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:58.280 So I decided to challenge myself. Took a sober month 0:09:58.400 --> 0:10:01.120 and just white knuckled it for a month, kind of 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:05.080 like I did that by just not going anywhere or 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:08.640 doing anything. And yeah, but I realized, this is no 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.480 way to live. And if I'm only doing this to 0:10:11.520 --> 0:10:14.880 look forward to the next drink, perhaps that's a problem. 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:20.080 And so I challenged myself to do it through the holidays, 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:23.480 because I thought, if he can do it through the holidays, right, 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:27.080 all right, And Carol, I got to three months, which 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:31.160 is recent, and my whole brain has changed. My whole 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:34.600 way of thinking. The change they say after three months 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.640 of sobriety or brain changes again at six and again 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:41.000 at twelve. Bridget Betasy will tell you two years was 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:48.360 a big thing for her, and ironically it was her 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:51.960 that really made me take this step. Years ago, I 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:54.480 was on her podcast when she was still in LA 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:57.360 We met up personally for the first time. I joined 0:10:57.360 --> 0:11:00.960 a podcast. We're talking about stress and she in recovery. 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:05.280 She's recovering alcoholic and addict. And she said, I said, 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:07.760 how do you deal with stress? Because when I have stress, 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:09.640 I go have a drink. I have a glass of wine. 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:13.120 And she said, well, sobriety is really about learning to 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:17.520 sit in your discomfort and feel those things. And it 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:21.280 always sat with me, you know, I never forgot it. 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:22.480 That's very interesting. 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:25.480 Yeah, And so what I figured out at three months 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:30.960 is that I'm sitting in my discomfort and that's absolutely 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:37.239 necessary to like feel all these things that are very uncomfortable, 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:40.760 Like I'm not feeling comfortable even right now, like today, 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:42.960 I'm like, oh, I've got all kinds of things going 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:45.520 through my brain. But these are issues that I have 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:49.120 just sort of pushed to the side for ten twenty years. 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:52.000 Maybe my whole life right and now for the first time, 0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:56.760 I'm like facing them so interesting abiety has done for 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:57.360 me so far. 0:11:58.240 --> 0:11:58.480 Well. 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:00.760 So I had Bridgard on the show and she talked 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:03.080 about how, you know, I mean, she went through like 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:06.160 the one day at a time where you know, she 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:09.240 couldn't imagine one day of being sober, and then she 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:11.559 couldn't imagine a week of being sober and so on, 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:13.360 and now it's been you know, I think over a 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:17.000 decade for her. So do you feel like you have, 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:19.840 you know, a date that you want to hit now 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.280 now that it's been over one hundred days or is 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:24.280 it just one day at a time and we'll see 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:25.120 where this goes. 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:27.800 I don't think I'm at one day at a time anymore. 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:31.000 I think for the first little while I was, and 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:33.439 now that I'm at three months, I had already committed 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:37.520 through the new year. But I heard people say how 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:41.840 your brain changes, but actually experiencing it, it's been interesting. 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:43.240 So I want to see what happens at a year. 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:46.360 So I'm going to push for a year. And like 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:48.520 I said, I'm not an alcoholic, and that is one 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:52.000 thing also that concerned me, maybe that I was becoming one, 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:55.440 or that I could become one. Yeah, and now that 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:59.160 I'm sober, I understand now that I wasn't. But that 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:03.959 doesn't mean that variety, you know, isn't something that's good 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:07.640 and healthy and to strive right and can help you. 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:09.920 So I'm looking forward to a year. Two hundred and 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:13.400 sixty five is more days to go. Maybe I'll pop 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:15.439 in and let you know if my brains anymore. 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:17.200 I love that. 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.839 So you're very well known, you had a hip book, 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:25.160 you have a show. I mean, you're on TV a lot, 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:26.240 you have a great family. 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:27.839 Do you feel like you've made it? 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:31.400 No, has anyone ever answered that question? 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:31.640 Yes? 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:32.760 Yeah, some people have. 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:36.640 I as, yeah, well, I ask everybody, and he answered that, yes, 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:38.000 a lot of. 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:39.000 People have answered yes. 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:42.880 And it's like Mary Catherine Ham answered yes, some other 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:45.839 people Yeah, people definitely answer yes. You know, it really 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:48.920 just depends. Like one of the first interviews I did 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:51.720 was with Klay Travis and he, you know, had famously 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:55.040 sold his company for you know, X millions of dollars, 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:56.440 and I asked him if he had made it, if 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:57.920 he felt like he made it, and he was like, no, 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:01.760 absolutely not. So it's a different definition for everybody. Is 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:02.800 the point there. 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:04.520 So you don't think you've made it? 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:07.439 No, I don't even I'm not sure what it is. 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:10.280 I mean, this is even my first career. This isn't 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:14.280 even my second career. This is like my fourth career. 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:16.480 Well, okay, you're rocking it though. 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:20.120 So I heard of the jack of all trades, and 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:23.200 this is a career I took because I'm a trained actress. 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.840 That's actually what I do. What I did before I 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.520 got married and before I had kids, And then when 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:32.800 I had kids, I decided I wanted to stay home 0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:35.520 and raise those kids and acting as a hustle, right, 0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:39.120 And so I gave I hate to say I gave 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:41.560 that up and makes it sound like a sacrifice. 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:42.160 I changed. 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:48.040 Yeah, And but I needed a little bit more than 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.280 only being home, So I took up writing. And I'm 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:52.040 very opinionated. So that more for you. 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:53.880 Really, I know. 0:14:56.120 --> 0:15:00.000 Here I am. So have I made it? No, Im, 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:02.040 I don't think I'll ever feel like I've made it. 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:03.560 I don't know that I'm that person. 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:06.520 Do you Can you see yourself ever going back to acting? 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:09.360 Yeah? And I do a little now, you know, I've 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.480 sort of started dipping my toes back in as you know, Carol, 0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:15.880 I work with the Babylon b a lot. I also 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:18.560 have some of my own projects. I'm a producer here 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:22.920 at California in my own right. And I a few 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:27.320 years ago I did my first short film was a 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:33.400 reimagining of Harriet Tubman as an action hero. It's called Tucase. 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:36.160 Minty was her what she was really called. Her real 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:39.320 name is Ara Minta, and so her friends and family 0:15:39.320 --> 0:15:42.320 called her Minty, and that Harriet was her mother's name 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:43.960 that she took on later on in life. So I 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:50.280 did that and that's still on YouTube. You conbined it, okay, Minty? Yes? So? 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:53.480 Uh yeah. And my daughter and I are currently working 0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:57.520 on a on a short independent horror film that we're 0:15:57.520 --> 0:15:58.960 filming on our iPhones right now. 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:00.000 What is it about? 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:05.280 Uh, it's just a little comedy film about what happens 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:08.160 when that scary serial killer, our monster is behind you, 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:10.560 but you are too busy in your phone to it. 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:17.120 I don't know where you got that idea. Is it 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:19.480 just like looking around and seeing a bunch of zombies 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:21.160 on their phones? 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:23.480 Well, I can't wait to see that. 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:26.360 Where are you thinking about releasing it? Or how are you? 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.040 How are you gonna, you know, handle kind. 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:32.480 Of We're going contribution to our favorite film festival, the 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.240 Telly Ride Horror Show, which is say October and Tell 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:37.600 You Ride Colorado. We go every year as a family. 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:40.600 My daughter and I are big horror fans especially, and 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:42.880 then we drag the guys with us. So we're going 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:43.400 to submit it. 0:16:44.000 --> 0:16:46.240 I love it. It's really amazing. 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:49.600 I love that you do something super creative while also, 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:51.280 you know, kind of fighting the good fight. 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:52.200 We're going to take a. 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:55.000 Quick break and be right back on the Carol Marcowitch Show. 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:03.440 What would you say is our largest societal or cultural 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:04.520 problem in America? 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:05.760 And do you think it's solvable? 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:10.399 The breakdown of the nuclear family without a doubt, And 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:13.240 if you were asking me this as a black woman, 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:17.240 as a Black American, I would say more even more specifically, 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:21.400 the absence of fathers in Western society, but American society 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:23.760 in particular. I've always said it's one of the reasons 0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:26.560 why I got into politics, because I have a heart 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:30.040 for my community in the black community, one of my communities, 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:34.320 I guess I have many, and I have always believed, 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.239 you know, we're the canary and the coal mine. And 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:39.359 what happens in our community will eventually spread to the 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:42.880 larger American society. And we've seen that with the breakdown 0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:45.520 of the family. How the government really has interrupted the 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:50.200 family structure and process, and it's like chaos and crime 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:56.200 and declining education numbers. And I think even empirically, if 0:17:56.240 --> 0:18:02.000 you just look around, you're going to see the the consequences, 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:07.800 right looking at kids from broken homes, which I'm one, 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:11.520 or looking at kids from nuclear homes. And we know 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:14.040 the statistics, because this is our job, is what we do. 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:17.760 I know what the statistics say. And if you're married 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:21.720 and you have married parents, you know you're almost guaranteed 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:24.600 to not live in poverty. You have those two things. 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:28.359 So I really feel strongly about the nuclear family and 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:36.040 the importance of is it solvable. Well, that's a larger issue. Yeah, 0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:38.560 it's it's solvable if more people get married, I guess, yeah, 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:43.119 it's solvable. How do we make marriage great again? 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:46.320 Well, that's the age question, right. 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:50.240 So my monologue for this episode was actually about Melissa 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:53.840 Kearney's new book, The Two Parent Privilege, how Americans stopped 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:55.760 getting married and started falling behind. 0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:56.920 And one of the. 0:18:56.800 --> 0:18:59.159 Things that she says, which is really interesting to me 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:04.600 is that marriage still people still aspire to marriage, Like 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:08.760 marriage still gets high marks in studies and surveys like 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:11.240 do you want to get married? Yes, everybody says yes, 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:13.240 but then nobody does or not nobody, but you know, 0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:14.879 a low number. 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:17.040 So how to turn that around? 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:20.760 And you know, some of her solutions that I mentioned 0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:24.000 this my monologue are government related, you know, put more 0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:27.399 money into marriage, you know, classes or whatever. And I 0:19:27.440 --> 0:19:29.440 don't think any of that works. And I think part 0:19:29.440 --> 0:19:33.000 of it is because, you know, government's not cool, Like 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:37.760 there's nothing cool like sexy about government programs about like 0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:39.560 how to get married or how to be in love. 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:41.520 I think it's going to be. 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:43.680 A wider cultural solution. 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:45.720 I just don't know where to begin with that. 0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:48.760 Well, let me push back a little. Yeah, I hear 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:51.800 this point a lot, particularly from conservatives, because I'm like you, 0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:54.480 government is not cool, and the less of it in 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:57.920 my life the better. That being said, I do understand 0:19:57.920 --> 0:19:59.440 the power of incentives. I think this is why it 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:03.080 can't be a littletarian. I do understand the power of incentive. 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:06.400 Sure, and it's not the solution. 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:09.879 There are whole solutions. I believe you're I agree with 0:20:09.920 --> 0:20:13.040 you that it is cultural and we've got it, you know, 0:20:13.320 --> 0:20:16.840 addressed it on a cultural level also. But government can 0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:19.879 incentivize things that are good for government, and marriage is 0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:25.439 good for government absolutely, so tax breaks. You know, in 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:29.600 Canada you even get I'm Canadian, as your listeners may 0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:34.520 or may not know, I'm an American. Now, everybody calm down. 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:41.000 But in Canada you still to this day you get 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:44.040 a check for every kid you have every month, yes, 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:47.560 until they're eighteen, And that is to encourage you to 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:51.160 have children, because having children help support the huge tax 0:20:51.200 --> 0:20:56.600 space that they need to support their socialism. Makes some 0:20:56.680 --> 0:21:00.280 kind of sense. Yes, I do believe that. That's why 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:03.480 I was against, even though I have no problem with 0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:08.440 with gay couples forming relationships and calling it whatever they want. 0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:11.520 And uh, that is why I really was against the 0:21:11.560 --> 0:21:15.440 redefining of marriage as well. Keeping marriage as a man 0:21:15.480 --> 0:21:18.359 and a woman has an incentive for government. It makes 0:21:18.400 --> 0:21:22.520